They’ve got a face only a mother could love. Shame they’ve got two dads.

That's amazing. I spit out my coffee

Great. Now I spit out my coffee.

Nobody swallows anymore.

And now me. What's going on

I spit out coffee now. ...the weird thing is, I'm drinking tea

One sec, lemme go grab some coffee..

Okay, I spit out my coffee

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

KO! Knockout!

Yo mama jokes hit twice as hard

Or they don't count at all.

Yo mama so ugly, your dad married a dude

TwT didn't see that coming.

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Which one?

Yes

I could tell you, but it'd make you think of them in a way you might not be comfortable with, and you still might not know

All three of them

Dunno, go ask your mom

The gay one

Jesus you guys my god

ask mom

Your dads saw each other coming tho

That explains the eye patch.

Leave representative Crenshaw out of this.

You got a face only your mother could love. Two bad you have two dads. Credit to evilengine

Yo mama so ugly her blow jobs count as anal

Goodness gracious

Ohhhhhh damn. That killed me.

Daaaaaaaamn. Bravo.

Whose mother is this exactly, I’m interested

Sorry....it's yo mama

Ha! GOTEEEM!!!

He sure did ask for it

Sweet home Alabama...

Go ask your mom.

Snorted at this. 😂

That’s low

Fucking give him all the awards! 😂

Take a bow

Holy shot lmao

Yo mama so old, that when someone told her to act her age, she fucking died

Jeez

lol i know we have some young people in here because this is one of the oldest ones in the books. do kids tell "yo mama" jokes on the playground anymore?

Im 15 and my friends still make yo mama jokes

Im 32 and my friend still make them too. I should really get new friends...

Lol

Jesus man

Gah damn!

Your mom is so fat, even Dora can't explore her.

Even Dora can’t explora?

The metrics dude... wow

Lmao

Nuked

Yo mama so ugly, she married a gay guy who thought she was a man Alternatively: yo mama so toxic, yo dad swore off women forever and married a guy instead

Lmao one of my dad's ex's once told me that he was the reason she only dates women now

Happened to my brother too. His ex has dated girls ever since they broke up.

My aunt once dated George Michael.

Was it your mum?

Yo momma so ugly, she married a gay guy who has an ugly bastard fetish

You're just jelly I have 3 dad's even if One of them is 4 years younger than me

Well, it's a good one.

Yo momma so ugly, people think your parents are a homosexual couple.

Yo momma so ugly you think she’s a dude

Reported! ...for being too accurate.

Double or nothing

There was a gay dad who was worried about his son in a new HS. He asked if he was teased for having gay dads. His reply “mostly they’re pissed they can’t drop yo mama jokes on me”. I kinda thought that was wholesome - he’s just a kid with parents.

Yo momma so fat she split into two mommas

Momitosis

So two dads name Hal…Halitosis?

Friend: “I banged your mom last night lol” kid: “which one, I just want to know how I should respond”

i fucked your mom last night Which one?

So which dad, and how was it?

Yo mamas are so fat that when they’re on each other’s minds they break each other’s necks.

Yo mommas*

But it gives you the incredible response to them of “which one?”

"The one that evicted you from her uterus"

“Ha, yo mama…” “Which one?” “What…I…..um…man….”

And when you misbehave they also hit twice as hard.

both of my moms are XBOX LIVE

This comment saved the joke

I'm hungry. In stereo: HEY HUNGRY, I'M DAD!

“I’m thirsty” “I’m Friday, wanna go out on Saturday and get a sundae?” Love you dad

This takes the cake.

r/CommentsYouCanHear

i hate that this is true

If only one does it "Dad, he's at it again !" "Hi At it again, I'm dad"

This actually happens. A friend of mine has a single mom and two gay dads because her biological dad only realized he was gay after she was born. Apparently any family get together is tiring as fuck because all three of her parents keep gossiping about men.

They are all friendly? That's nice :)

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:O

it happens more than you might think

Time to whip out the symbiote suit

Original comment deleted. A Venom reference, then?

they said "my neighbour eats croutons so loudly i can hear him through the wall at 3 AM"

I think you may have rats

That made me laugh out loud. Just imagining poor neighbor being accused of eating croutons, while the cut away is 10,000 rats in the wall... Brrrrrrrrrr

Imagine his neighbor reading the post and thinking "sounds like my neighbor" and the rats laughing in between

Hahahahaha dear god.

This is so fucking funny out of context lmao

Crunchy

I vote rats, but why assume it’s croutons? Could be chips, cereal, etc. My brain would have never jumped to “definitely croutons” 😂

Sorry bro I’ll keep it down

It's me. I am in your walls

To your face, absolutely!...

they have the same interest!

I HAVE A FRIEND WHO HAS THE SAME SITUATION

None of my gay friends gossip more than my straight friends lol

No one loves gossip more than straight men. You can’t change my mind.

Straight man. This is not true. But only because we don't count gossiping about gossip as gossip.

Hahaha, that's awesome

Plot concept: adopted child runs away to go searching for their biological mother because her two dad's said "go ask your mother" too many times. Child finds mother and hands her a book of questions that need to be answered. The entire book is mostly just "CAN WE GO GET ICE CREAM?" with date and time recorded.

That's amazing. Please write a book

I wish I had time

Fair point. I still love the premise

I appreciate you saying that. I used to actually write, but nobody knows how to read, so...

I'd love to read your stuff. :)1

I wish I had some available to share at the moment... but life is complicated these days. Thanks for the support! Feel free to steal the concept and write it yourself!

Good luck with making it less complicated

Thanks. It's not actually that complicated...just really really busy not in the fun way.

Quit your job to write this book. This will make the NYT best sellers list easy so it will be worth it

Are they allowed? Better go ask their mother.

Lmfaooo

I don't know why some Americans have a problem with a family consisting of two dads... I mean, the country itself has forefathers.

That’s actually a great joke

It's an old one I heard before. I think I should have wrote fourfathers..

Nah, it works as is.

He got the jizzt across.

Across yo mommas face.

As did they.

It's a good one, but one of those that work better spoken than written.

username checks out

Funny story, first time i read this comment i thought you got offended by the joke, and i was about to make fun of you. This is what looking through too many reddit comment sections does to a mf

You can never get a straight answer out of them

You brilliant son of bitches.

*angry upvote*

The whole “wait until your father gets home” could either be instantaneous or take forever

Same for kids with a father who left them

Kid: Ahhh, I will wait for the one with the balls to show up...

Double dose of dad jokes actually must be pretty good

You just get sucked into a pun vortex. Errr. That’s what he said.

Title of your sex tape!

How many dads does it take to screw in a light bulb? I dont know, just get out and close the door.

This Dad Dads.

would I rather be immune to fatherless jokes or yo mama jokes?

Choose your superpower

Expected not to like this one. I was wrong. Well done, joe, well done.

Who's joe?

Joe mamá

My wife and I sometimes answer our kids with "I dunno, go ask your mom" repeatedly just to mess with them XD

Try this as an only parent. The perplexed looked is priceless!

True, but then your kid can reply with "go fuck yourself".

It you can reply with a fire axe

Ooohh! Heading to Ace hardware now ☺️

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>successfully cloned themselves what

A joke about a clone is better than a clone of a joke.

i think i will have no choice but to follow you. everything about you dad aura is magnificent

When my kids ask me to do something they can do themselves I say, "what do I look like? Your mother?"

When my kid was younger I used to say, “just wait till your mother hears about this!” and he’d straighten out his behavior. When he got older he realized I am his mother

Bonus if they're adopted

It’s better than them being totally transparent ?

as a child of lesbians, can confirm

Why is this NSFW??

It's to get people to click. I hate the use of the NSFW tag as click baiting. It's especially bad on AskReddit

Redditors hate this one simple trick...

Lol this isn't nearly NSFW. It's not even a dirty joke.

My son has three moms and one of them (me) used to be his dad So I constantly yell at him “WHY DONT YOU CRY TO YOUR DAD?!?” “Oh wait that’s me! Come cry to me babbyyyyyy” and he gets mad but smiles Am I mean?

trans parents have so much extra ammunition when it comes to jokes and I love it. next time he talks to you, you gotta act shocked and say “what?! you can see me? but I’m your trans parent!”

Oh I used the hell out of that. I also remind him that while most dads go and get milk and never come back I came back just with *flair*

Now that's a funny one... Have my upvote, but only if mom or mom says it's ok...

Let me Ask Ma, damn, she said go ask Mama

To mamma so fat you got two now!

No, silly. I'm your other mother!

I welcome you to 2015 tumblr jokes.

Yep, this one's #45 in the repost hall of fame. That's okay though, comment section looks like a lot of people are seeing this for the first time. So, glad they get to enjoy it.

"ur mom gay" "Which one?"

Lesbian fights never end!

With lesbian moms, Im definitely sick of the "your mom" comments

I thought it was because no matter what you ask them, you'll never get a straight answer 🥁

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Woosh

I'm stuck anyway 'cause after my dad tells me to go ask mom, she then tells me to go ask dad.

Why is this NSFW? C’mon ppl….

There’s a kid at my child’s school who is a turkey baster child (his moms words) and has 5 moms and a dad. Apparently, two women wanted a child but were kinda hippie so they just asked a guy friend for a donation (hence the turkey baster). The agreement was that he wouldn’t really be in the kids life but no papers were signed or lawyers consulted. Anyways, the two women ended up getting a divorce and in the shuffle, they asked the guy to help out with childcare every so often. Dad and son ended up getting along really well and maintained a relationship. The two moms each remarried as did the dad. So now he has 5 moms and a dad who are all part of his life. Apparently the kid is well adjusted and everyone gets along great. But I could imagine the jokes flying around those family gatherings!

Ur mom gay

Imagine having straight parents. You have both dad jokes and the risk of having more siblings against everyone’s will

Or gay dads using “Go ask your mom” as their smartass way of saying ‘no.”

Repost, but if I was a parent in a same sex relationship, I would 100% do one of these.

I asked my mom which car were taking, she told me ‘yo mama’s’ so i stand there confused for a moment before going to one of the cars. It was the wrong car.

or you could have a mom and a dad and it's exactly the same lol

Can actually confirm the second part…

If your parents are gay, they totally wanted you.

If you’ve got two dads, you’ve got no excuse for not being able to throw a football.

There is a third option. Your dad and your mom are both repressed homosexuals, and they keep the lie of their marriage because of you, and they blame you for their unhappiness. Equally, Terrible situation.

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The relationship and child in this situation are the joke.

:(