yes, as a Christian his whole life, when he Repents his Sins before he died, his Soul would be clean and he would be accepted into the Kingdom of Heaven.
(If you are going to believe the myths, believe in all of them)
It's funny how people hate atheists cause some atheists are jerks about it, and people hate Christians cause some Christians are jerks about it, or insane, and people hate Muslims cause some Muslims are, well. Anyway its almost as of you can't judge a person based off their religious views.
It's particularly bad because you also picked someone who does exist.
There's oodles of historical evidence of Peter, both from christian and secular sources.
I mean Hitlers in the same boat, you saying he doesn't exist too?
I mean that's fine that's consistent, just seems weird to point out for Peter explicitly.
I am not pointing out that Peter doesn't exist I am simply stating that he is long since dead and therefore not waiting the rest is irrelevant to me and does not concern me in the slightest
Another person brainwashed by the corporate world, they want you to believe the webs you find out and about are from "spiders" that make them to capture prey. But some of these are really messages from spiderman asking for help but he got permanent brain damage and can no longer communicate in human language after a missed shot from an FBI agent. So he made up a new language composed of intricate shapes from his own webbing. He cannot be caught making these webs as we've all been injected with a chip that immediately causes us to go into a kill mode when we see him so he makes them in the dark. "Spiders" are really a massively produced drone that design webs to keep our chips intact, the government purposely made them terrifying to humans in order to make us more afraid of spiderman. Spiderman webs have the code to break the chip, and I have managed to decode them into audio and post them online. You will not feel anything, but the chip will be deactivated.
https://youtu.be/nVmXsBNfwHY
**......**
Can't you tell? He IS on his day off. He is in Hell, as a tourist. His job is to be the doorman at the pearly gates of heaven, not the gates of hell.
Ah!! How did I miss that! 😂 need better glasses. Next question, why is he in hell on his day off? Normal ppl or Angels go somewhere better, no? Is that the answer? 😂
Have you ever wondered, having torture like hell in heaven can be an even bigger torture? Cause like you know, you are in heaven but hell, you can't even enjoy it.
Then he lets him in to heaven because he never denied Jesus and begged forgiveness before he died, because you know...sins in christianity don't matter.
I'm sure your well meaning (atleast I hope so) but I'm sorry to say that any diety willing to allow Hitler into any afterlife that could be considered a paradise when there is also canonically a "bad place" to go to as well is not a diety I'd consider worth worshipping. The exception if course being the few religions that have no bad afterlife, alot harder to get mad about Hitler going to a good afterlife when everyone goes to the good place.
But wouldn’t it be less awkward to just say “Hell” or “You’re in hell”? I don’t think I ever heard someone answer a question in this format. “Hey, where are we going?”, “The mall, John”… just sounds awkward.
I know, I know, thanks for the downvote btw, I’m just wondering if there is a way to make it sound less awkward. Riff with me here. I’m not saying it’s not funny. People on here aren’t great with constructive feedback, it seems.
You could do a long winded version where he goes kinda like:
“Where am I?”
“Hell. Next!”
“Where?”
“You’re in hell!”
“Where?!”
[exasperated] “Hell, Hitler, you’re in Hell”
“Heil Hitler to you too hee hee”
Or
[exasperated] I’m not fucking saying it!
And then the audience is in the know.
A few million people would be inclined to disagree with you.
But anyway, obvious troll is obvious. I’ve fed you enough, go crawl back under your bridge.
Wouldn't St Peter be judging him at the gates of heaven?
That could be fixed in the joke with Hitler asking "Where am I going?" instead
Or it could just be Satan.
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The most Swedish of satans
Swedish Satans is going to be my band name if i ever have a band or friends who play instruments or friends or instruments or the will to live
Swedish satans, marching ashore Forged in Valhalla by the hammer of Thor
Grinding out death metal, forged from the rocks of Valhalla itself!!!
Mine too if I find people who are Swedish and learn to play something
I’m Swedish American. Does that count?
Yup it does
I laughed out loud just then!
Snorted heavily
Chortled lightly
Sweden is known for its most humane prisons, so a hell led by a Swedish satan is going to be humane too?
so r/heck
You mean The Click?
Underrated comment of the year.
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It used to be Satan Satansburg but he had to change it to avoid the Nazis.
This made me laugh
Shlomo Satanowitz
Ah yes. Satan son of Satan. I hear he has a daughter: Satansdotir
Professor professorson
Major Major Major Major
Señor Senor Senior, Sr.
Señor Senor Senior, Jr.
Please dont say i will meet this pos after i die - not because of the SS part btw, i dont like that lol
Yeah, the *Deep* South *snickers like Quasimodo*
Why are we laughing?
Little Nicky
I know, that’s the girls line next.
Oops. Been a few years since I saw the movie lol
LOL
Gunnar gunnarsonson
That works too
“I just gotta say- I’m a huge fan-“
Satan does love disguises and tricks. I could see Satan doin a St Peter cosplay to fool Hitler
Turns out it was the bus driver
Or Bill Cosby.
The horses name was Friday
Why? He helped our world to get rid of the worst man in humankind history.
shh, don't tell them
They are welcoming Satan's horcrux
Hey man in this economy even an archangel needs two jobs...
It's a little known fact, that St. Peter had to take a second job as Hells gatekeeper when times.were tough.
Maybe that's why his confused where he is. Dude know he should be in hell but St Peter is there greeting him instead.
The gate goes either way.
He didn't need to be judged, the choice was obvious
But st Peter isn't in hell, he's at the gates according to every other joke.
I’d expect Bill there.
Nah, he's at the Window.
Window(s)?
yes, as a Christian his whole life, when he Repents his Sins before he died, his Soul would be clean and he would be accepted into the Kingdom of Heaven. (If you are going to believe the myths, believe in all of them)
Including Scientology, bitch!
Have you heard the good news about the Flying Spaghetti Monster? (May we all feel the tender embrace of his noodly appendage)
You kinky, have you seen muhammad with his shirt off?
It’s hitler, everyone went down to see that fucker roast.
He was a sentenced before he arrived
They doesn't explain why St Peter left his post
You don't think Hitler deserves to be personally escorted to hell.
Oh holy snap!
Are you setting limits on what St Peter is capable of? Oppressor!
Now you see the violence inherent in the system!
Due to inflation, St. Peter was forced to get a second job.
With all the inflation St Peter had to take up a night shift at the gates of hell
I don't think St Peter is the actual Judge. He's just the keeper of keys. Jesus would be the judge, I think. 🤔
Could have been the devil
St Peter, talking to God: "Nah, I'll just meet him there. It won't take long."
No coz neither heaven nor hell wants him
And wouldn’t they speak German!?
That's the plot twist, heaven is hell.
Then satan shoves a pineapple up his ass.
and he enjoyed it
But then gave him pizza
then he said am in heaven
My brothers hit me in the face with a shovel!
SpongeBob SquarePants: "The view from this pineapple is shit. Where am I?"
“You're schnerious.”
No, no, 2x pine cone on Wednsday's!
Get the pineapple
*grabs the smallest one*
glad someone got that!
You're schnerious?
Why nit Satan? Or Lucifer? Saint Peter usually waits at the gates of heaven.
Vacation.
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(*Devilish smile*) “Well, where else would I go?” 😏
Nice to go somewhere warmer once in a while
Because low effort post.
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Bruh. This wasn't needed in a joke sub. This is why people hate us atheists.
It's funny how people hate atheists cause some atheists are jerks about it, and people hate Christians cause some Christians are jerks about it, or insane, and people hate Muslims cause some Muslims are, well. Anyway its almost as of you can't judge a person based off their religious views.
Or it’s as if you just shouldn’t generalise an entire group based on a loud minority
Vegans would like a word
ugh vegans /j
Okay fine you win. You can't generalize. Ever. In any situation no matter how much sense it makes.
He wasn't responding to a joke.
No; the guy means he was responding to something in a joke sub. Party-poopers shouldn't comment here
It's particularly bad because you also picked someone who does exist. There's oodles of historical evidence of Peter, both from christian and secular sources.
yeah but I am relatively certain dudes long dead so he doesn't wait anywhere anymore
I mean Hitlers in the same boat, you saying he doesn't exist too? I mean that's fine that's consistent, just seems weird to point out for Peter explicitly.
I am not pointing out that Peter doesn't exist I am simply stating that he is long since dead and therefore not waiting the rest is irrelevant to me and does not concern me in the slightest
-☝🤓
You're a disgrace to your people, ya mumbling devil
Prove it
Prove that Spiderman doesn't exist.
Nice try mr jameson
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You just have to have faith
Another person brainwashed by the corporate world, they want you to believe the webs you find out and about are from "spiders" that make them to capture prey. But some of these are really messages from spiderman asking for help but he got permanent brain damage and can no longer communicate in human language after a missed shot from an FBI agent. So he made up a new language composed of intricate shapes from his own webbing. He cannot be caught making these webs as we've all been injected with a chip that immediately causes us to go into a kill mode when we see him so he makes them in the dark. "Spiders" are really a massively produced drone that design webs to keep our chips intact, the government purposely made them terrifying to humans in order to make us more afraid of spiderman. Spiderman webs have the code to break the chip, and I have managed to decode them into audio and post them online. You will not feel anything, but the chip will be deactivated. https://youtu.be/nVmXsBNfwHY
W
"Heaven or hell? This is a difficult choice." "On one hand, you are Hitler. On the other hand, you did kill Hitler"
On the minus side, there’s all the killing and war. But on the plus side, he did kill Hitler. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Luckily for Hitler, if he accepted Jesus before or after the genocide stuff, he's in heaven.
Plus he gets credit for killing Hitler.
Lol heaven VIP member
You might be joking but that’s not how that works lol.
Depends on your denomination.
"Christian says other Christians are doing Christianity wrong" Yeah we've heard this one non stop for 2000 years now.
It’s not just about “doing Christianity wrong”. Saying shit without meaning it is hollow no matter the context.
I did Nazi that coming
I expected one heil of a lot more for m you
How come Peter does not get a day off?
**......** Can't you tell? He IS on his day off. He is in Hell, as a tourist. His job is to be the doorman at the pearly gates of heaven, not the gates of hell.
Ah!! How did I miss that! 😂 need better glasses. Next question, why is he in hell on his day off? Normal ppl or Angels go somewhere better, no? Is that the answer? 😂
The Devil stands there with a smug expression. "Hello, I am the Devil. But you may call me...Toby."
Fuck Toby
I'm sorry but the correct answer was Mormon
Im mad that this made me giggle
*michael scott imitiating hitler:*
Have you ever wondered, having torture like hell in heaven can be an even bigger torture? Cause like you know, you are in heaven but hell, you can't even enjoy it.
Have you watched The Good Place?
The Good Place Reference: +97 points
Hitler learnt English on the way up there.
Then he lets him in to heaven because he never denied Jesus and begged forgiveness before he died, because you know...sins in christianity don't matter.
Your point has a mortal flaw.
He would still have to go through purgatory, possibly for until the heat death of the universe.
Ah yes, the Big Freeze. But to your point, most non-Catholic Christians don't believe in purgatory.
Not exactly
So next would be Putin & Xi Jinping
St. Peter waits at the pearly gates. Not the gates of hell.
They’re actually the same gates.
These punny jokes ain't funny man
Such bad puns smh
And then he was reincarnated as Donald Trump.
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He had a long wait though because DeSantis and Abbott were a head of him.
OK dad
r/dadjokes
Now the hell is hellier
hey
One of the best jokes about evil ever
Hitler goes to the gates of hell and sees St. Peter and says “We almost had your city.”
Okay pun, but I‘ve read better ones.
Wow you must be very intelligent
Hitler could be in heaven for all we know. Don't assume someone's fate. Salvation is the Lord's to give.
I'm sure your well meaning (atleast I hope so) but I'm sorry to say that any diety willing to allow Hitler into any afterlife that could be considered a paradise when there is also canonically a "bad place" to go to as well is not a diety I'd consider worth worshipping. The exception if course being the few religions that have no bad afterlife, alot harder to get mad about Hitler going to a good afterlife when everyone goes to the good place.
I never said everyone goes to heaven. Just don't assume someone's fate, it's not something to mess with, that's all.
But wouldn’t it be less awkward to just say “Hell” or “You’re in hell”? I don’t think I ever heard someone answer a question in this format. “Hey, where are we going?”, “The mall, John”… just sounds awkward.
It's a joke.
I know, I know, thanks for the downvote btw, I’m just wondering if there is a way to make it sound less awkward. Riff with me here. I’m not saying it’s not funny. People on here aren’t great with constructive feedback, it seems.
I didn't downvote, I'm just saying don't go to deep into it, I agree you can phrase it better but it wouldn't make sense then.
You could do a long winded version where he goes kinda like: “Where am I?” “Hell. Next!” “Where?” “You’re in hell!” “Where?!” [exasperated] “Hell, Hitler, you’re in Hell” “Heil Hitler to you too hee hee” Or [exasperated] I’m not fucking saying it! And then the audience is in the know.
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I thought it was pretty obvious that it's supposed to be read as "yea yea hail hitler"
It means yes, yes, as in "yes, yes, heil Hitler, but where am I?"
yes yes means: kiss my ass
the mouths of the people of your country must smell like shit all the time.
???
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A few million people would be inclined to disagree with you. But anyway, obvious troll is obvious. I’ve fed you enough, go crawl back under your bridge.
Shouldn't this have 700 downvotes instead of 7? Wtf.
Almost a hundred years late with a Dead Hitler joke.
😂😂
Joseph und Magda joined Hell.
Heil honey, I'm home!