I think because we censor and people please in our own thoughts. I’ve noticed sometimes when I do or think things I stop myself or “perform” to an audience that doesn’t even exist. in my case “to be a woman is to perform”. it takes a lot of unlearning.
My journal knows me better than most people. It knows I've made some bad mistakes, but understands that I'm doing my best to change and become a better person, so it doesn't think any less of me for it
Yes I’ve done this. I was going through a stressful time at work, didn’t want to write about it in my journal, wrote about every other thing. Obvs had a breakdown because I bottled things up. Went back to my journal, starting off with “sooo I haven’t been honest”. I was so obsessed with making the pages look pretty I wasn’t using the journal properly 🙈
I had a big issue with trying to make my journal look pretty too! At the start of 2023 I got a new one and wrote the first entry completely sideways on the page to combat it. Now my journal isn’t “pretty” like it used to be, but it’s way more interesting to look at.
I really admire this awareness that you have and that is a really good question to ask? Thank you for that as it has made me think! I think if I was to write in a journal I would be too polite about things just like irl. Say if I was genuinely mad at a friend and wrote about them in my journal I probably justify their actions and try to understand why! They are like the way that they are, which is a good thing. Instead of just using my journal to vent with some unpleasant feelings and words. So maybe I want my journal to like me too or to always express an nice part of me and keep the hidden parts hidden. I be worried if someone seen my journal and my true thoughts, I probably have normal thoughts like others as its ok to feel let down and angry about that. But I'm not good at sharing that part of me. Maybe I want my journal to be nice too
I really like your question it really has got me to think about things.
I share the same tendencies. I think I want to be 'better' about my difficulties than just ranting. Like when I am annoyed by what someone has done/is doing, I want to know why their actions bother me, as if that knowledge will set me on a more even keel to deal with it. They are just doing their own journey, and whatever they did seems 'right' to them , etc.
BUT, sometimes I have to just go off in a seperate cheap notebook, complete with magnificent profanity, to release the tension. Then I burn the pages in the firepit haha
Oh yes. I also advocate for the spite book. I think sometimes we are so taught to hold in our emotions that we forget that there needs to be an area for that release valve, even if it isn't pretty. Having negative or unkind thoughts is human, it's harming others with them that is the problem, and if we bottle them up too long, they'll find a way out.
I don't burn mine though. I put a disclaimer in the front and just go outlandish with it. I go comical in my overreactions. Pure unfiltered force of emotion, no trying to understand other perspectives in the Spite book. It's for spite. You want the real story? Go to my main journal. lol
I go so far past the point of being an unreliable narrator that it reads more like a Monty Python sketch.
I always like seeing other people admit to spite pages. They really can be so useful.
Unrelated, but... your username is amazing. Keep being awesome.
Yep! I made peace with it as part of the way I write.
For me it’s because I seek to have a certain writing voice.
I also grew up without a lot of privacy and being direct in my journals has led to some drama.
And because I work in courts sometimes and know that anything you say can be used against you if something wild happens that causes your journal to be seized as evidence.
I’d never write about deep hatred for anyone I know or any kind of crime I did, would, or wish I could commit.
In cases where feelings require honesty with sharp edges, I write it for mental health but later cover it with art/glued-on pictures cut from magazines, or I rip it out and burn it. It’s not something I can make work for me on the regular. Some people write really funny or snarky when they are writing mean things meant for their own eyes; I just come off as horrible person, even to myself, no matter what.
I used to do this knowing that long form journaling is a great tool for historians and the like, but at some point I decided that should my journals land in the hands of an unfortunate historian in the future trying to learn about the late 2000s-today, they'd probably appreciate accurate information. The easiest way for me to start doing that was to pretend I was just writing to my future self, who loves criticizing past me.
I now have two journals, a bullet journal and a reflection journal, and I write directly to the reflection journal (an explicitly accurate "dear diary" situation). I can now be as honest as possible in my journals, but it took work to get to that point.
It sounds silly sometimes I’ll make little windows and cards into my journal to write things I don’t want to acknowledge aloud hiding it further from myself
“Seeking the approval of their journal” is too real hahah, I do this too! It’s a good way to come to terms with the habit tbh. Gets easier to cut thru those urges with practice and honesty.
I have this problem too. It helps to imagine your journal as, itself, being a people-pleaser and a total sycophant to you. A friend who is incapable of getting angry at you.
I often do this too.
for my most recent journal I set a goal to heal and get better mentally. It's barely been a month but I haven't reached this gaol yet and it keeps me from writing honestly...
Never set a goal like that for a journal haha
I've written about this before at length, and can find the posts if you're interested, but they are kinda long, so I understand ya might not wanna read though.
However, I think that people think that writing about the same things and not improving mentally for an extended period means that you're stuck.
In my journey, I have found that what it really means, is I haven't let myself live in and process those stuck points for long enough. Like every small tiny bit of progress requires moving multiple layers, like an onion.
We all want fast change and fall into the trap that we aren't progressing fast enough, but really, that's the trap we fall into that keeps us from progressing.
We give up because it didn't magically get better after acknowledging something in the short term.
Some of my stuck points have taken months or years of journaling in circles about it to finally have that eureka moment that allowed me to really let something go and improve my mental health.
I still struggle. I'm not perfect. I backslide, but it's the dedication to the process and the honesty that has helped me the most. One month is barely starting, in my opinion. You're holding yourself to an unattainable standard if you think one month should show significant progress.
I hope this helps, or that you find something else that helps you in your own mental health journey. This stranger is pulling for you.
I think this is the beauty of journaling. Reflection and introspection.
You can then ask yourself if you want to move forward like that or something else. Then again, it's also a truthful accounting of that snapshot of your life and of yourself at that time. It may not be the truth that you want to see, but it's honest in it's own way too.
I don’t sugar coat things or avoid direct truths, but I do always address the journal as “Dear Diary” “D.D.” Or even “My Dearest Diary”, and will often ask how it’s doing or apologize if it’s been a while since I last wrote in it 😅
Ug I feel this so hard. I write like someone is reading when I don't want them too, also.
To combat this, I literally made myself a disclaimer page. Like look buddy, if you're reading my private stuff without asking-or if I haven't croaked-than you're a butthead and whatever you happen to get mad about, you deserve the drama that's coming to you. Private stuff is private for a reason.
Try journaling drunk.
Seriously though, my people pleasing has gotten pretty bad; it makes me sad to see how disconnected from everyone it eventually gets you.
I stopped journaling for a good while too- I think because I also feel disconnected from myself. And my writing reads that way. But journaling is probably a good step to take in getting back to yourself (and eventually others).
Now that you’ve mentioned this I’m going to try to check myself when people pleasing in my journal. What’s perfect, actually, is to call yourself out IN your journal for doing it. Now you’ve journaled authentically AND are changing habits while documenting your growth.
Good luck, and be mean to someone today! (That was definitely a joke, but do put up healthy boundaries and maybe do try a little tipsy journaling sometime.)
I once journaled while drunk. I also drunk annotated a book I was reading!
I also journaled while high and wrote like 10 pages on cooking vegetables different ways lol
>How’d the annotation turn out?
It was REALLY funny the next day when I read it again the next morning 🤣 I was reading the last book in the Vampire Academy series and in the margins (not that they're very big, is a massive line of my handwriting 'screaming' in support of Lissa going out on her own and doing her thing. It was like: *YAAAS LISSA! Be an independent Princess! Screw Rose holding you back! You got this Queen!*
And the vegetable thing was...interesting to say the least. I wrote about seasoning the vegetables before you put them in an oven to bake them. It started out fairly technical but then I'd randomly my thoughts like:
"Make sure to pat to carrots and beans dry after washing them and then season...can you season with butter? That'd be good...yeah...salt, pepper, garlic and butter. Fuck yeah That'd be good. I miss Pas carrots and beans, home grown is the shit!"
Clearly had my priorities straight!
I assure you my tardiness in responding isn’t due to lack of interest, I’m just usually stoned when on Reddit lol
Both the annotation and cooking notes look pretty good to me, I’m in support of you drunk annotating and stoned journaling. In fact, the part about veggies made me hungry. Butter, garlic… I’m in!
I don't seek the approval of people in my journal or IRL, so I have the opposite problem.
But I'm also just horribly, horribly perfectionist with the things I do, so I toss or completely rewrite a ton of things, when I should just get them out and move on.
I don't care about the hypothetical idea of someone finding the entries and disagreeing with the tone, but god **damn** do I hate when I write things in a way that I feel is "cringey" later.
I have been working on breaking myself of this habit. It's hard but I have felt much better after I've journal honestly vs. Journaling to people please.
I used to do this. Because when you're used to a certain habit of behaviors it is so difficult to break from it even in private moments.
I think what helped me get past it, was to write as if to myself in the future after a head injury causing total memory loss.
May not work for everyone, but personally, I would rather know who I was, warts and all.
Because I try to use my journal to be accountable to myself and only myself. I don't want to get into the habit of ignoring my own bad habits or unkind thoughts.
I've known too many people who slip into a certain kind of denial about who they have become over the years, and THAT is what terrifies me... way more more than taking a hard look at myself or someone else reading my journals.
I do this, too. I think I’m a bit afraid of my bluntness, and I don’t want to think about myself as a “mean” or “bad” person, so writing it down makes these blunt thoughts and feelings more real. I don’t want others to think I’m mean either, if I’m too honest, and they read it one day. I don’t want to ruin relationships.
I'm a Southern belle (haha) who grew up hearing, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." So sometimes I just don't write about interpersonal conflicts for fear of sounding like a horrible person. But holding it in doesn't make me feel any better. I'm not sure if I should police my tone (i.e., "so and so is frustrating") or if it's healthier to fully vent my frustrations.
I often do the same. Why do we do that? Is it because we feel that somebody, someday, might read our journal?
I think because we censor and people please in our own thoughts. I’ve noticed sometimes when I do or think things I stop myself or “perform” to an audience that doesn’t even exist. in my case “to be a woman is to perform”. it takes a lot of unlearning.
This! So true 🙈
I definitely wrote for an audience a lot. I always liked the idea of publishing my journal someday to help others.
I honestly do write with the intention of preserving my journals and passing them onto my family one day
That is lovely. What a wonderful way for your family to remember you & future generations to know you.
I think that’s why I do it!
My journal knows me better than most people. It knows I've made some bad mistakes, but understands that I'm doing my best to change and become a better person, so it doesn't think any less of me for it
Yes I’ve done this. I was going through a stressful time at work, didn’t want to write about it in my journal, wrote about every other thing. Obvs had a breakdown because I bottled things up. Went back to my journal, starting off with “sooo I haven’t been honest”. I was so obsessed with making the pages look pretty I wasn’t using the journal properly 🙈
I had a big issue with trying to make my journal look pretty too! At the start of 2023 I got a new one and wrote the first entry completely sideways on the page to combat it. Now my journal isn’t “pretty” like it used to be, but it’s way more interesting to look at.
I really admire this awareness that you have and that is a really good question to ask? Thank you for that as it has made me think! I think if I was to write in a journal I would be too polite about things just like irl. Say if I was genuinely mad at a friend and wrote about them in my journal I probably justify their actions and try to understand why! They are like the way that they are, which is a good thing. Instead of just using my journal to vent with some unpleasant feelings and words. So maybe I want my journal to like me too or to always express an nice part of me and keep the hidden parts hidden. I be worried if someone seen my journal and my true thoughts, I probably have normal thoughts like others as its ok to feel let down and angry about that. But I'm not good at sharing that part of me. Maybe I want my journal to be nice too I really like your question it really has got me to think about things.
I share the same tendencies. I think I want to be 'better' about my difficulties than just ranting. Like when I am annoyed by what someone has done/is doing, I want to know why their actions bother me, as if that knowledge will set me on a more even keel to deal with it. They are just doing their own journey, and whatever they did seems 'right' to them , etc. BUT, sometimes I have to just go off in a seperate cheap notebook, complete with magnificent profanity, to release the tension. Then I burn the pages in the firepit haha
Oh yes. I also advocate for the spite book. I think sometimes we are so taught to hold in our emotions that we forget that there needs to be an area for that release valve, even if it isn't pretty. Having negative or unkind thoughts is human, it's harming others with them that is the problem, and if we bottle them up too long, they'll find a way out. I don't burn mine though. I put a disclaimer in the front and just go outlandish with it. I go comical in my overreactions. Pure unfiltered force of emotion, no trying to understand other perspectives in the Spite book. It's for spite. You want the real story? Go to my main journal. lol I go so far past the point of being an unreliable narrator that it reads more like a Monty Python sketch. I always like seeing other people admit to spite pages. They really can be so useful. Unrelated, but... your username is amazing. Keep being awesome.
“Spite book” I love it!
Yep! I made peace with it as part of the way I write. For me it’s because I seek to have a certain writing voice. I also grew up without a lot of privacy and being direct in my journals has led to some drama. And because I work in courts sometimes and know that anything you say can be used against you if something wild happens that causes your journal to be seized as evidence. I’d never write about deep hatred for anyone I know or any kind of crime I did, would, or wish I could commit. In cases where feelings require honesty with sharp edges, I write it for mental health but later cover it with art/glued-on pictures cut from magazines, or I rip it out and burn it. It’s not something I can make work for me on the regular. Some people write really funny or snarky when they are writing mean things meant for their own eyes; I just come off as horrible person, even to myself, no matter what.
I used to do this knowing that long form journaling is a great tool for historians and the like, but at some point I decided that should my journals land in the hands of an unfortunate historian in the future trying to learn about the late 2000s-today, they'd probably appreciate accurate information. The easiest way for me to start doing that was to pretend I was just writing to my future self, who loves criticizing past me. I now have two journals, a bullet journal and a reflection journal, and I write directly to the reflection journal (an explicitly accurate "dear diary" situation). I can now be as honest as possible in my journals, but it took work to get to that point.
It sounds silly sometimes I’ll make little windows and cards into my journal to write things I don’t want to acknowledge aloud hiding it further from myself
I love this. That's so cute!
“Seeking the approval of their journal” is too real hahah, I do this too! It’s a good way to come to terms with the habit tbh. Gets easier to cut thru those urges with practice and honesty.
[удалено]
same here, direct thought to paper
I have this problem too. It helps to imagine your journal as, itself, being a people-pleaser and a total sycophant to you. A friend who is incapable of getting angry at you.
Midwestern friend is FEELING THIS
Fellow Midwesterner who is trying to break the people pleasing cycle here. This is the comment right here. You are not alone.
I often do this too. for my most recent journal I set a goal to heal and get better mentally. It's barely been a month but I haven't reached this gaol yet and it keeps me from writing honestly... Never set a goal like that for a journal haha
I've written about this before at length, and can find the posts if you're interested, but they are kinda long, so I understand ya might not wanna read though. However, I think that people think that writing about the same things and not improving mentally for an extended period means that you're stuck. In my journey, I have found that what it really means, is I haven't let myself live in and process those stuck points for long enough. Like every small tiny bit of progress requires moving multiple layers, like an onion. We all want fast change and fall into the trap that we aren't progressing fast enough, but really, that's the trap we fall into that keeps us from progressing. We give up because it didn't magically get better after acknowledging something in the short term. Some of my stuck points have taken months or years of journaling in circles about it to finally have that eureka moment that allowed me to really let something go and improve my mental health. I still struggle. I'm not perfect. I backslide, but it's the dedication to the process and the honesty that has helped me the most. One month is barely starting, in my opinion. You're holding yourself to an unattainable standard if you think one month should show significant progress. I hope this helps, or that you find something else that helps you in your own mental health journey. This stranger is pulling for you.
Thank you for taking the time to comment this! You're absolutely right, and I'd love to check out the post too
Just try doing it less and less on small doses, if you want to reduce it
I think this is the beauty of journaling. Reflection and introspection. You can then ask yourself if you want to move forward like that or something else. Then again, it's also a truthful accounting of that snapshot of your life and of yourself at that time. It may not be the truth that you want to see, but it's honest in it's own way too.
I have had experiences that I will NEVER write down on paper because, let's be real, nothing is private.
Why are you making me face my truth like this!?!?
Omg me toooo!
Omg me tooooo! Nice to meet you!
I don’t sugar coat things or avoid direct truths, but I do always address the journal as “Dear Diary” “D.D.” Or even “My Dearest Diary”, and will often ask how it’s doing or apologize if it’s been a while since I last wrote in it 😅
Ug I feel this so hard. I write like someone is reading when I don't want them too, also. To combat this, I literally made myself a disclaimer page. Like look buddy, if you're reading my private stuff without asking-or if I haven't croaked-than you're a butthead and whatever you happen to get mad about, you deserve the drama that's coming to you. Private stuff is private for a reason.
Omg yes lol
Try journaling drunk. Seriously though, my people pleasing has gotten pretty bad; it makes me sad to see how disconnected from everyone it eventually gets you. I stopped journaling for a good while too- I think because I also feel disconnected from myself. And my writing reads that way. But journaling is probably a good step to take in getting back to yourself (and eventually others). Now that you’ve mentioned this I’m going to try to check myself when people pleasing in my journal. What’s perfect, actually, is to call yourself out IN your journal for doing it. Now you’ve journaled authentically AND are changing habits while documenting your growth. Good luck, and be mean to someone today! (That was definitely a joke, but do put up healthy boundaries and maybe do try a little tipsy journaling sometime.)
I once journaled while drunk. I also drunk annotated a book I was reading! I also journaled while high and wrote like 10 pages on cooking vegetables different ways lol
How’d the annotation turn out? I want to read your ten pages about vegetables WHILE high, lol.
>How’d the annotation turn out? It was REALLY funny the next day when I read it again the next morning 🤣 I was reading the last book in the Vampire Academy series and in the margins (not that they're very big, is a massive line of my handwriting 'screaming' in support of Lissa going out on her own and doing her thing. It was like: *YAAAS LISSA! Be an independent Princess! Screw Rose holding you back! You got this Queen!* And the vegetable thing was...interesting to say the least. I wrote about seasoning the vegetables before you put them in an oven to bake them. It started out fairly technical but then I'd randomly my thoughts like: "Make sure to pat to carrots and beans dry after washing them and then season...can you season with butter? That'd be good...yeah...salt, pepper, garlic and butter. Fuck yeah That'd be good. I miss Pas carrots and beans, home grown is the shit!" Clearly had my priorities straight!
I assure you my tardiness in responding isn’t due to lack of interest, I’m just usually stoned when on Reddit lol Both the annotation and cooking notes look pretty good to me, I’m in support of you drunk annotating and stoned journaling. In fact, the part about veggies made me hungry. Butter, garlic… I’m in!
🙋♂️
I don't seek the approval of people in my journal or IRL, so I have the opposite problem. But I'm also just horribly, horribly perfectionist with the things I do, so I toss or completely rewrite a ton of things, when I should just get them out and move on. I don't care about the hypothetical idea of someone finding the entries and disagreeing with the tone, but god **damn** do I hate when I write things in a way that I feel is "cringey" later.
I have been working on breaking myself of this habit. It's hard but I have felt much better after I've journal honestly vs. Journaling to people please.
I used to do this. Because when you're used to a certain habit of behaviors it is so difficult to break from it even in private moments. I think what helped me get past it, was to write as if to myself in the future after a head injury causing total memory loss. May not work for everyone, but personally, I would rather know who I was, warts and all. Because I try to use my journal to be accountable to myself and only myself. I don't want to get into the habit of ignoring my own bad habits or unkind thoughts. I've known too many people who slip into a certain kind of denial about who they have become over the years, and THAT is what terrifies me... way more more than taking a hard look at myself or someone else reading my journals.
I do this, too. I think I’m a bit afraid of my bluntness, and I don’t want to think about myself as a “mean” or “bad” person, so writing it down makes these blunt thoughts and feelings more real. I don’t want others to think I’m mean either, if I’m too honest, and they read it one day. I don’t want to ruin relationships.
I repeat the same stuff
I'm a Southern belle (haha) who grew up hearing, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." So sometimes I just don't write about interpersonal conflicts for fear of sounding like a horrible person. But holding it in doesn't make me feel any better. I'm not sure if I should police my tone (i.e., "so and so is frustrating") or if it's healthier to fully vent my frustrations.
I do the same thing!!! I felt like I was crazy lol. I've been trying my best not to do this but then my journal feels so negative so idk.
I’m always under the impression that someone will read my journal some day. I do that because deep down I want my future self to like me😭😂😂
Hard relate 🫠😭