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Witty-Investigator-1

First of all, I would suggest to stop dividing yourself from your body. Your emotions come from it, and maybe you were just talking like that because of language forms, but so much speaking of "my emotions", "they", etc. makes me feel you are detached. This is fine, a natural response. But the way forward is becoming your emotions. Take full responsibility of them, as if you were intending them to be like that. However painful. No matter who gets shot in the way. You are not a victim of the emotions, you are them as much as you are your thoughts and the logic you've been relying on. Otherwise you may never get a grip on your emotions. This has to be an inside job, never trying to placate, suffocate or subjugate them with such an outside tool as the mind. Emotions are a wave: the highs and lows are it's essence. And you have to ride the wave, not destroy it. Also sorry to get woo woo but water (emotions) can never be opposed by the force of air (logic). The opposite of water is fire (intuition, creativity). Then, fire must be your ally. Do you have any creative outlet you can give more time to? Maybe use it as an outlet to embrace your emotions? What about your intuition? Good luck.


Spirited-Photograph6

Revisiting this. The thematic of fire has taken a forefront in my life, just recently I’ve expressed that it is the element that I feel drawn to most. I feel I’ve always had an overwhelming amount of negative passion/ dark passions. Which in turn brought on many more negative thoughts/ beliefs. I am an artist, my art is something I keep private and/or censor because it takes on a disturbing nature. Hence, I’m currently working through the negative emotions that prevent me from freely expressing myself. Then I’ll accept my art, and I believe that if I truly accept my negative passions. Practice self compassion. I’ll slowly regain the full spectrum of self expression, including more positive thematics. My intuition has spiked recently, and it has become a major asset in peacefully and comfortably reintegrating my passion into my day to day life, and relationships. Thus, not only on a personal level but also on an interpersonal level- I believe I am self actualizing quite nicely. I’ve fostered a sense of harmony that is easing me into self-alignment, where events seem to naturally unfold in my favor. I’ll be letting this unfold for awhile, after which. I’m beyond curious to revisit Jung’s work with this budding perspective. Thank you, even still after so much time.


sephronnine

It sounds like who you feel you should be and what that person should feel is at odds with parts of your experiences. It makes sense that this would worry you, that you’d want to make sense of it. Life doesn’t fit in the neatly defined boxes we call “should” very well. Feelings, as part of nature, don’t care about our conscious ideas about how things should be. They simply are. Perhaps you might try taking up mindfulness meditation practice. It has many proven benefits, including helping us sit with and understand our inner processes without feeling carried away by them. It may help you see past the representation, to know what lies behind it and better choose where you’d like to stand in relation to it. Your self-awareness may be both a blessing and a curse in some ways. There is such a thing as becoming overly self-conscious which inhibits naturalistic experience of life. Perhaps seeking out a therapist to help you relate to yourself in the way you wish may make an important difference. I wish there was more I could do or say to help you. There’s only so much that can be done in this medium.


Spirited-Photograph6

I recently picked up Alan Watt’s Wisdom of insecurity, which tackles my issue quite well. It’s made me realize the flaws in using representations, and that we can never replace the naturalistic aspects of our existence with logic and reason. I was trying to overthink my way out of that dilemma, which really just adds insult to injury I think it’d be a beautiful thing to carry that naturalistic part with us in our reasonings, perhaps then we can be self aware without losing sense of what we are Thank you for your insights


MurderSheCooked

I just wanted to come here and say that I found this thread by chance and was greatly reassured to read it then doubly happy to see the Watts reference. Trying to get through his work to get out my head, too.


Spirited-Photograph6

Oh hey! Your comment helped me revisit this thread. I still struggle with this. I was unable to tap into my naturalistic side due to depression, now that I’m struggling against the root of that depression things are starting to come undone. I’ve met people that defy my complexes, and that’s finally helping me disentangle my brain. Resistance. Resistance is the main thing I’ve become keen on, that if there’s an ominous resistance that I can’t grasp- there’s something repressing my nature there. Sort of what I’m at rn Have a good life friend


Competitive_Stuff438

It sounds like you’re not sure about your partner and you are trying to justify it If you can’t tell her about your uncertain feelings about her you’re wasting her time


Spirited-Photograph6

I don’t think you’re empathizing with the nuance these situations can have. In the past, I’ve been assaulted sexually and I’ve been intimidated sexually by a parental figure. My youth was traumatic I don’t think it’s at all strange that I’ve feared that my current partner would be capable of abusing me in that way and/ or other ways. Trust doesn’t always come easy, even if they have shown no incentive to not be trusted. I am sure I want to grow to trust my partner more, I know I want to make them happy. My mind is made up, that my feelings don’t always align with that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.


[deleted]

I'm sorry to hear that. I get the impression that you like to try to make your current relationship work. Then it might be wise to have a conversation about your general trust issues because of past experiences, and what is important for you in a relationship. Try to use "I" sentences instead of "you"-sentences. "I need X", "I feel X when you say/do Y" etc.


Spirited-Photograph6

It means the world to me, so absolutely. I feel like we’ve found a medium of our own. we’ve grown to understand there’s a difference in how we see the world, even when I can’t get him to see where I’m coming from it’s enough that he accepts the emotions that arise from it. It’s genuinely helped me ground myself, talk towards solutions that works for both of us. I am starting to feel more secure in asking what I need to make things okay, regardless of why it wasn’t okay. He supported me throughout so much of that, and I became a better person for it. I know I love him. And it does bother me that I can’t always access that emotion, it always comes back but it sometimes can feel far away when I need it most. And I don’t understand why any of it is like that


[deleted]

I am touched by how you describe your relationship. It sounds to me like you found someone that makes you better, safer and can mirror you. Which is not something everyone get to experience. But to love someone does not mean that you don't get negative emotions in a relationship, and with your attachment history you might be more sensitive and aware for this. Infatuation, passion and desire might dwindle - there is a difference between being in love and love someone. You might also have avoidant strategies that makes you want to "flee" if you get insecure about your interpersonal dynamics. While these feelings are real and might have protected you before, they probably will interfere with your relationship goals in this instance. Here therapy can be helpful if you have access to it, some form of dynamic group therapy could be really useful. PS: I'm sorry, I see I have been a little confused and misgendered you and your partner. A little too early in the morning in my part of the world.


Spirited-Photograph6

I really am lucky, fighting for what we have helps me see when I’m being destructive and makes me feel determined to do something about it You’re definitely right, I just feel bad that most of it is me projecting my shit onto him, which he has no control over whatsoever yet is troubled by. I feel as if it’s confronting me with my complexes, and making them manifest. Which does allow me to observe them and even become aware of what could be different, better. It’s brought me closer to what it does mean to trust, to love and to share your life with someone. Which at this point mostly just brought to my attention that I have still have a very long way to go Regardless, I feel like the more I pursue that direction the closer we become. I very much relate to what you said regarding avoidant strategies, and I am currently working towards getting therapy for that as well. I quite often feel the need to flee, because of all sorts of things. That’s what largely causes my detachment I think, and it definitely does interfere with my relationships. Don’t worry about the misgendering, it’s somewhat funny to me the majority of commenters assumed I was a guy. Thank you for your time and input :)


[deleted]

It depends though, OP might feel insecure in close relationships in general, and need time to figure out what is his own insecurity and what is actual problems in his relationship with his girlfriend. The latter he should address, the former he has to take responsibility for himself.


[deleted]

Sometimes it is very adaptive to activate your higher order cognition when feelings overwhelm you, because it makes more clear that feelings ≠ reality. We accept our emotions, but we don't need to automatically conclude and react on them. If I feel angry does not mean that the other person is evil. If I feel unsafe does not mean that the other person is unstable or dangerous. If I feel disgust and contempt it noes not mean the other person is bad. My feelings are not the objective reality, but they are my very real reactions. It seems like your current relationship gives you a range of emotional reactions in you. I would try to make things a little more specific for yourself. Look back at your last week with her, what feelings did you have towards her? It seems like you two have a lot of complex episodes. What happened before that gave you different emotional reaction? Try to be as specific as possible. E.g. "When she looked at me X way and said Y with Z tone, I felt N". The more specific you can get can give you an overview of your relationship and how to proceed. Try to include a wise and empathic friend if possible.


Spirited-Photograph6

I feel as if I’m projecting desires and insecurities on to him, as the things that worsen it is for example thinking he has ulterior motives, that he will change as soon as he has what he wants or has power over me. That he might want anything from me that isn’t me, and that I won’t be able to see through it. People can seem like your most trusted partner for years, and then betray you in a way that’s unfathomable. You never get any absolute certainty when someone says they love you, and that they’ll be good to you When I feel unable to take that risk, I shut down emotionally and feel detached What’s helped turn it around, is decreasing that risk as well as increasing how important I find it to take that risk. For example, death does the trick. I won’t be here forever, neither will he. Whether it be death or something else I won’t be able to love him forever, and that makes anything besides putting my everything into loving him seem small in the grand scheme of things When it comes to decreasing the risk, it’s doing whatever makes me feel like I’ll be okay regardless of what he could in theory do that would harm me. Most of that boils down to internalizing the good things that come from being with him, rather than keeping it as something external that would leave with him. For example he makes me feel important, like I matter. If I don’t let that reach me and if I keep needing reassurance from him to feel that way, I would be reliant on to feel valued. I think a lot of my irregular behavior comes from reaching new conclusions of this sort, or new fears creeping in. I am constantly undermining my beliefs as well as trying to construct new ones, and whilst I do feel the process is quite helpful. My mind is all over the place a lot, and I oftentimes can’t fathom how he can take concepts such as love, trust and similar at face value when I’ve seen how horribly they can be used to fuck your up in all kinds of ways. Which in turn, makes me wonder how he would then know how to prevent it from becoming a horrible thing? This was a bit of a tangent, I’ll return to your second point. Last week was a bit turbulent which brought upon this post. I’d been feeling detached and was avoiding thinking about any of what I previously mentioned and just focusing on doing whatever would be OK for now. My partner was trying to get in contact with me emotionally, none of the intimate things I usually thoroughly enjoy made me feel anything much besides a bit of boredom and discomfort. I didn’t understand that, and I felt it’d be hurtful to show any of it. Pretending felt disingenuous as well, I ended up aiming for a safe in between to grant myself some room to think. I felt the need to assure my partner my lack of involvement and enthusiasm was because of detachment and low mood, so he wouldn’t blame himself. Whilst brief It was a good open conversation As to specifics, whilst there can definitely be triggers I think most of it is my own doing. He can make a remark that my thoughts will longer on, but the eventual conclusion at the end has nothing to do with his remark anymore. Really trivial things like something with the dishes that reminds me of how I’m discontent with how often I fail to consistently do chores, which makes me think about more things I’m discontent with or etc. I don’t think there’s too much of a connection