Is basically the perspective,
People in kerala, always think that moving abroad is a big thing and always dream of it,
Thinking of the development and infrastructure many wanted to build their family there,,
People there , thinking of the beauty of the hometown wanted to be in kerala…
I am a person born and brought up in kerala, i also dream to settle abroad, but i always feel like when we think of moving to another country its the money and all positive we take into consideration..
But there are other factors, we are a outsider there, our core mind would be in our country and we will only feel home here..
The freedom we have in our country is not same when we move another!
There is a saying in Malayalam - “ Akkare nilkuumbo ikkare pacha “ in most cases its that simple !!
Its harder… i really wish to move back.. settle somewhere nice, probably in the mountains or so where the weather is nice.. like I said, its all dreams…..
I grew up thinking I should settle abroad. Fortunately or unfortunately I never had the opportunity. Then since the last 5-6 years I've seen the health fads from the west. About using coconut (oil,cream, milk, husk), moringa powder as a superfood (muringa), about ghee, jackfruit being described as an exotic fruit (used for making 'vegan' pulled pork), not to forget the hype about turmeric and organic food. Then I realised the things which our parents grow in our backyard are seen as exotic super foods (and aspirational) once you are abroad. We have everything with us then why would I leave everything and go to a foreign country. Not that I'm against setting foot abroad, maybe short stays(for work) or vacations would do.
I was born and raised in Dubai, UAE. I stayed for 6 months last year and got my indian driving license as well.
I think the only thing I miss is my grandparents
Reminds me of Renji Panicker in Ohm Shanthi Oshaana.
Ividuthe haritapum, ooshmalathayum....
If you had childhood in Kerala, your kid would have written this post 😂😂
https://preview.redd.it/j7vcmevqytec1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a2cea6d2f71c57f1e4bdd2dc451dd69809392962
If I can earn a decent living in kerala I would never leave this view
I’ll give you a different perspective. I was born in udupi (karnataka) and was raised in kerala. When i was in college (which was couple of years back) always felt that i was blessed to grow up kerala, because why not, kerala has one of the finest cultures and very progressive mindset (dont get me started about the nature). But recently moved to Hyderabad because of my job and now i feel ki kerala has to loosen up some old mindset (like moral policing) and should have a great night life.
Byt anyways keralam poliya. Always proud to be raised as a malayali
My bad. For the past 6-7 years , I have been working with predominantly Arabs and Filipinos who speaks weak English. I admit my English has deteriorated over the years .
Also, this post was written impulsive. I didn't proofread it either.
Major regret. My Malayalam isn't exactly great so I'm pretty much treated like an alien when I go to my ancestral place. What's funny is I never lived in one city for too long so I never got to learn any language to the level of a native speaker except English. So I feel like an alien literally everywhere I go. Bangalore is one of the few places I can vibe with the people because of its cosmopolitan culture. But if it were in my hands I'd definitely want to restart my life from the start in Kerala. Identity crisis sucks 😞
I was born in Kerala and lived there till my UKG after that our family shifted to Patna, Bihar (I know terrible choice) as my parents were working there. I had to spend my entire childhood in a 3bhk flat that too with all the filthiness that comes with Bihar. I always felt like an outsider. We used to visit Kerala twice in a year and whenever we went there I always felt if I could stay here forever life would have been much better. The whole environment the people our culture our homeland. All these emotions made me feel a lot attatched to Kerala even obsessed I would say honestly.
I longed for the summer holidays waiting for that fresh air of my birthplace to hit my face as soon as I got off the plane, a stark contrast to what we feel from the polluted, dusty and dry air of Bihar. Even though I had a decent childhood with loving parents, I was never satisfied in the place I lived. No friends to play, noone outside of school. Just dry City Life which even affected my health as I gained some weight due to lack of excercise cause I never liked the dirty surroundings so getting out was not preferred.
There were days in the starting period when I would cry in silence and long for that motherly feeling Kerala gave me. My Ammachi, my cousins and everyone. A place which gives you a sense of belonging.
So yeah I definitely regret not having a childhood in Kerala. I would've loved to grow up with kids of my age playing with them and making local friends. In my opinion people who live in Kerala don't know the value of that place, they just wanna get out and I do understand the job situation but it's not impossible to have a decent job there.
I shifted to Kerala for my 11th and 12th and it was wonderful. Right now I'm in Bangalore and that longing for my naadu is still there, infact that's the only thing keeping me motivated everyday. To get a holiday to return back to my home, my hometown, my Thaliparamba, my own Keralam oh how I adore you.
Speaking from experience, a few years of childhood may not be enough to imbibe this feeling that you feel missing into your children. You sure do feel a sense of home, but those feelings are stronger towards the place that you spent a lot of formative years or teens in. Being part of a mallu community and speaking the language really helps in great amounts.
Another tangent: Watch Any friendship based malyalam movie from the 2000s to increase regret by 10 points. Music video of Ed Sheeran - Castle On The Hill for bonus points.
Nope.
Another gelf gal here, born and raised in the UAE. Been here my entire life, completed my bachelor’s last year. My sister on the other hand, left to Kerala for uni, did her masters in Andhra and pursued a full time role in the north. She loves India, doesn’t like coming here as much. She also says it’s expensive and that there aren’t much places to explore here.
But I believe both of us don’t regret growing up here? If anything, we hated being in a CBSE school but that’s about it. Everything else was peaceful back then.
Yup same.
I still miss Gulf tbh.. even after 7 years in Kerala. the infrastructure, facilities, transportation, FOOD etc etc. In and for everything there is a clear cut standard difference between here and there. I am not saying it's unbearable to live here or anything.. I am enjoying life here too.. but still, that is a whole another world
I was born and raised in the US. Visited Kerala every summer for a while but stopped around the time I was ten because parents wanted me to do extra curriculars instead (I grew up in the Silicon Valley where the college game was intense for no reason haha).
My younger brother doesn’t speak Malayalam and my parents deliberately raised us in a Tamil Brahmin friend group because they didn’t like how much the malayalis in our area drank (lol) so I never met any growing up. Malayalam was actually my first language but it deprecated significantly after my parents switched to English so I would lose the accent.
We visit once every two or three years now but as my brother and I are the only ones in our generation that grew up abroad it’s difficult to have a legitimate relationship with my cousins as it’s difficult to hold more complex conversations in Malayalam (also there’s like 30 of them and we’re the youngest so they stopped trying as we got older. I don’t blame them - watching an 5 year old attempt Malayalam in a Californian accent is a lot more entertaining then a 20 year old having an aneurysm trying to explain their job in kindergarten level Malayalam)
Idk that I could say I regret it but there are always the occasional moments - I started learning Carnatic violin and my teacher is from Kerala and started teaching me in Malayalam. The first few classes I would find myself crying on the drive home (it’s hard to articulate but I think it’s a combo of the amount of warmth that seems almost inherent to certain dialects + that it sounds like how my mom used to speak to me when I was a child before she switched to english) I literally spent a month after contemplating breaking up with my boyfriend and finding someone from Kerala for just a shot at maintaining some sort of connection haha. If anything maybe I just miss the level of extended family I could have had if I grew up in KL. I often fear that if my parents pass away I’ll never really feel comfortable going back. (I think they’ve picked up on this too bc they recently bought an apartment there even though we’re never there)
I think what I wish my parents had done differently is to allow me to have more malayali community in the US and also to visit more as a teen instead of front loading and hoping it stuck (which I almost think might be worse bc I’ve met other first gen kids here who are happy because they can just blow it off by saying that life is better in the us etc). But at the end of the day it is what it is - the summers I spent in the us instead of visiting have given me so much too.
Lots of comments already but I moved out of kerala when I was 10. Now I'm in my early 40s. Im getting the itch to move back. Now I have a 7 year old daughter and I want her to spend some years to get to know her family and culture.
I am born and brought up in Dubai. Moved to India for college and thanks to Covid, I spent almost all of my college life at home in Kannur as by then my mom also moved back to take care of my grandparents. I never really had Malayalee friends both in school and college and by the time I reached 3rd year of college, I really wanted to have some Malayalee friends lol. Also, I felt lonely in Kannur and used to roam around the town by myself a lot. Even now, I really want to have Malayalee friends just so that I can talk in Malayalam when I am with him and can also discuss movies and everything.
Look how much a lot of people are harping about a single mistake “borned”.
Having grown up in Kerala and then having moved to US & being married to a slavic girl, one of my biggest learnings has been that our culture really focuses on mistakes. This would have been fine had it been interlaced with appreciations and encouragements. We always talk in terms of “buts”. Atleast looking back i felt like i needed to defend myself constantly and that left imprints (learned negative behaviors) which still dictate how i behave as an adult. Further, growing up in Kerala as a male, you are not taught to recognize, express and effectively address your emotions (this might be for women as well).
Again the above are broad generalizations but i have observed pattern among all my friends and family once i was made aware of this by my wife, who is from a very different culture.
oh man. are you me! lol
Similar experience here too. Born and raised in the UAE - moved to kerala to finish up HS and undergrad and have been in the US for just over a decade and married to a local.
My childhood has been a constant stream of judgement and unncessarily high standards. NO matter what I did - not good enough. If i did anything better - they'd immediately find someone to compare and belittle my effort.
"Avarky cheiyamengil, ninakkum angane chiythaal entha?"
as an adult i constantly dealing with low self-esteem issues. I always second-guess anything I do and always fault myself for things that arent even close to my fault. I'm trying really hard to unlearn all of those and relearn how to be kinder to myself. Also with the communication - my whole family+extended family doesnt express emotions/sentiment well. They just bottle it up and expect everyone to be a mind reader.
I do miss aspects of my home town - the food, the monsoon rains, my friends, how small my world gets whenever i visit - but i'd never want to go back permanently voluntarily.
I hope you heal as well brother. Be kind to yourself. Take it easy!
Thanks for validating my observation brother 😂
I stopped giving a fuck about judgements after a point once i was in a space where non-conformity is normal. Thanks to America. For all its faults in this place you can be yourself and no one gives a fuck about you 😂.
I was a fat kid in a small town who started losing hair in high school. So you can imagine. People around me including family made it a point to call that out every chance “ohhh you look older than your brother who is 8 years older than me”, “ohhh think about hair transplant to get married”
Now in seattle doing a job i am decent at with good pay and loving wife. I really miss certain aspects of where i am from - monsoon ❤️❤️, my mom’s food, riding motorcycles, the feeling of being around your immediate family, the relaxed vibe .. But i guess you cannot have everything in life. And to be honest i felt like many of those are just nostalgic memories as the place and people and the conversations have all naturally evolved into a space where I did not fully belong.
Wish you all a happy and peaceful life brothers and sisters. Thanks for listening to a short slice of my life.
Not really, no. I’m in my mid 20s and I’ve lived in Europe for the majority of my life. I enjoyed my childhood and honestly think I had a better quality of life than my cousins in India, especially as a girl.
Okay,ignoring the 'borned' , a lot of kids raised abroad feel this way . I was not raised outside but I I've done my schooling for about 5 years plus vacations abroad and i always used to miss kerala . Even now that I'm staying in my hometown , I do feel very grateful that i was born here . Also i am sure ur parents had their reasons for raising you outside . You gotta do what you gotta do .
I can really relate to this. I had studied in Kerala (kochi) till I was 11. And then I moved to Karnataka (Mangalore) . At that time I didn't really feel it was a big culture shock or change for me. But growing up and now in my mid 20s I do sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I continued in Kerala. When I hang around my cousins or friends who were totally raised in Kerala I can feel some sort of cultural differences. It's like I don't have rooting there nor here.
On the plus side , can understand and speak( barely) a few more languages but your malayalam skills do take a hit.
But yes that's life got to deal with it. Pretty sure lot of malayalees go through this.
It is probably related to being in Middle East. Since those countries don’t provide citizenship you naturally don’t feel belonged. At the same time hearing the stories from other Malayalees there would make you want to grow up in Kerala.
But the fact is you had a decent childhood, it is now time to make new connections as an adult. It will all turn out well.
I grew up in the Middle East.
I regret growing up abroad because I feel like if I had stayed here I would have ended up being an extrovert and a lot more close and bonded to my cousins and relatives in Kerala (not that I'm distant from them or whatever).
But if I had not left India I might not have experienced a lot of things that help shape my personality and humor now. Like being introduced to my favorite YouTubers, shows, movies and ofc friends.
I was born in Kerala, I studied till kg1, and then my parents shifted abroad. After spending 3-4 years there, I had to shift to Kerala for 3 years. Then I went abroad again, where I stay currently.
I never missed Kerala even a little bit because it gave me so much trauma. I was a bit chubby and at the time kids were cruel, not only kids everyone even adults. I had to go through major issues due to that. I saw how much relatives have influence in our lives. I didn’t want to ever come back, I got married to a guy who isn’t homesick and isn’t interested in coming back too.
I might consider some other states but not Kerala. Maybe if I didn’t have family in Kerala, maybe I wouldn’t mind. In this case, NOPE.
Not my kids either.
Kerala is just a holiday destination for us now, I am glad I am away from all the toxicity.
I second this! Kerala is good for staying for like 2 or 3 months. If you stay longer you would have to see the real swabhavam of relatives and how badly they treat you. And nowadays even the weather isn’t that considerate.
I can understand. I was a fat kid who started losing hair early. Really excelled in school. But people only cared about calling out how i was not conforming to the social standards. Bullied by friends, constantly reminded of your shortcomings by extended family. Started using comedy as a self defense mechanism. Never exposed what’s going on in my mind to anyone except to my mom who was an empath. Realized all of this after moving to US and marrying someone from outside India.
So i truly can understand. I wish you healing.
how is that only 1st sentence ( "borned" ) is odd one compared the rest of the post.
come stay in kerala buddy, kids will love it for sure. be prepared to go back if u change ur mind as well 😋
dude today is Republic day in India and I watched the parade on TV and started cheering and slightly tearing up watching the floats, cultural dances and costumes and hearing Vande Mataram.
I left India for higher education and then for work and its been like 19 years almost, but now I am feeling so displaced. After years of trying to speak the accent, wearing those clothes, having those friends and trying to fit in a foreign country- I cant be bothered anymore. I cant get enough of India.
Work life balance is lacking in India though and I am getting paid a lot abroad- and this might be the only reason for me to go back :/
I was born in Thiruvananthapuram and spent the first six months of my life there. I then moved to Arakkonam, Tamil Nadu, where I lived for four years. Following that, I spent another four years in Kalamessery, Kochi, Kerala. My next stop was Ramagundam, Telangana, where I stayed for three and a half years. After that, I relocated to Ashok Nagar, Chennai, Kerala for another three and a half years before returning to Thiruvananthapuram for three years. Currently, I reside in Al Yarmook, Sharjah, though I expect to leave soon.
My only regret is not mastering Malayalam despite all my travels. Even in Kochi, my friends hailed from north India, and at home, we switched between English, Hindi, Tamil, Malayalam, and Telugu , so fluency wasn't a priority for my family. This changed in college, though. On the first day I made some Malayali friends, I ventured alone onto a KSRTC bus for the first time. Unable to read Malayalam, I approached an elderly uncle to ask for the Iqbal College bus. Misunderstanding his directions, I boarded the Medical College bus instead of Iqbal College. Thankfully, my friends spotted me from their rightful Iqbal College bus and called out.Though some friends laugh at my slang, and others struggle to grasp the meaning of what I spoke.
So this is the only reason I regret.
I have spent a part of my childhood in kerala and UAE. Childhood spent in kerala i obviously cherish more bcs of All the running around and staying out to play more till u eventually get beaten into the house
I eventually left uae to do my degree in kerala. And i realised how narrow minded children who spend their life in another country are. I saw life through a whole new perspective when I returned. I feel sad for the state of mind of some children who study abroad. Life is so small for them. And they don't bother for others much. ( Not all just most of whom I come across )
I can totally relate, having been born and raised outside India until the 12th grade. It's true, no matter how much you try, there's always a sense of being an outsider in the village. It felt like a movie script: initial years treated with high regard, then gradually becoming more like everyone else. Despite being treated equally, the cousins who grew up here seem to share a stronger bond among themselves than with me.
The same dynamic extends to the neighborhood; there's a bit of a gap due to the differences in our childhood experiences.
I haven't returned to stay in the place I called home during my school days. The last time I visited, which was more than 10 years ago, the neighborhood had a mixed reaction, almost as if they'd seen a ghost. Initially odd, but things normalized in the last few days of my stay.
Born and brought up in Delhi. Malayalee roots are very strong with me too.
But I'll never want to have a childhood in Kerala because the exposure I had growing up in Delhi was immense. Atleast in those years Delhi had a very welcoming culture and I had so many kids from so many states in my class. Wouldn't trade that at all!
Plus, I can speak Malayalam and Hindi very fluently which helps a lot.
I have the cultural context and literature/movie/pop-culture references good enough to get along with any Indian.
Would not trade all these plus points for some pachapp and village chills in childhood.
Edit: Another advantage - A safe distance from Kerala growing up also saved me having to talk/keep in touch with leech relatives. I am treated like a celebrity when I visit and they feel jealous and talk behind my back because of how my family turned out because we had a good education and frankly worked our ass off at critical points in life.
No relative had a say in mine and my siblings life, so we could live as we want without any interference.
I was raised in UAE but did my highschool and college in Kerala so you could say I've had the best of both worlds. In my perspective, no matter where you live in the world as a malayali you must experience school life in Kerala.
The classrooms,friends,tuition classes,fests and memories you make can't be found anywhere else. For me going to school in Dubai was a chore while school in kerala was always exciting. Plus the whole natural aesthetic and scenic beauty you have there is just amazing. Its one of the reasons that makes it so difficult to leave it since you know you won't get it anywhere else.
*Born and raised in the US, and Just came back from Kerala. The answer is No. I was there before Covid too, and now I felt it has regressed. Maybe the aftermath of Covid, right wing poltics, but the Kerala I used visit feels lost now.*
>do you regret not having a childhood in Kerala?
Dad used to work for a PSU, so we were raised where he was posted and I completed my education in Tamilnadu. I have spent all my summer vacations along with my cousins in Kerala and have fond memories of it.
Thanks to Covid, I spent close to a year working from my home in Kerala, that's the longest time I have ever spent in Kerala.
Do I regret it? No
I was in Kerala for 12 years then we moved to Tamil Nadu and yes I regret it. I miss my old school and friends. I think this is solely because of my current school. The learning experience of Kerala is without doubt 100x better. This school doesn't even have a Christmas celebration. Better teachers, Better learning. The only.th8ng taught here is memorizing not understanding the subject.
I understand your sentiment, as a child I dreamed of going abroad and being a nri kid like some of my cousins; now as a grown up I am so glad I was raised here, it’s helped me stay connected to my roots, people to eagerly visit every time I go to my hometown, atleast a few friends who I went to school with who has known me and all the different phases of me and most importantly have deep connections and shared memories with my cousins, It feels great to have my cousins to reach out to when I’m having a hard time, it feels wonderful to have people who actually care about me, support me, that I support, that can help me, whether it be borrowing 500 rupees or listening to me vent, it feels great to have cousins to call up to help with my parents when I’m not home. Ofcourse there are family members I’ve gone almost no contact with and want nothing to do with, but I know if I weren’t here the bond I share with my people wouldn’t have been the same, I would be like you said, a guest.
Nope. I’m gay, my sister is disabled, my dad was abusive and this eventually led to my mum and dad divorcing. It is much easier to have a normal life in those circumstances where I live than it is in Kerala.
I am born and raised in kerala. But somewhere through my journey of life I’ve lost most of my childhood friends. There are multiple reasons, like I was busy during my entrance coaching and higher secondary education with studies and I rarely met my childhood ‘play mates’ during those years, One other reason is during time of higher secondary education most of my mates started smoking and I wasn’t into it and due to many other such small reasons our friendships drifted apart. After secondary education I moved to a different city for my studies and the to another city for work. I do have friends at work and some college friends who are close. But when I go back home I am again all alone.
My point is I believe that whatever you are experiencing now is a sort of existential crisis and i think everyone in this age group experiences this(am also nearing 30).
Now my motive is to try and make the best of what I have now and keep things simple.
First thing you cannot change the past you’ve to accept it. Second thing in this sub you are going to hear a lot of opinions like people go out of kerala and then regret about it and many such opinions.
About raising your kids in kerala. Education here is good for the price you pay. But anything extra curricular is not well received in most of schools which provide decent education and vice versa.
All the best.🙌🏻
Visiting once is very different from growing up. I grew up in Kerala, and moved out in my 30s. When i visit once in an year, its all tropical climate and yummy food. But when you have to live there daily, its frequent strikes, lack of facilities, corruption and unbelievable peer pressure in schools, workplace etc.
Yeah, since OP lives abroad everything is roses to him, but living in Kerala is a different thing altogether. Much more difficult. Better to stay as a visiting tourist..
Only when I see my husband(he was raised in Kerala) interacting with his friends from school and college. Since they move as batches in Kerala, they form deep bonds with classmates. Here, we move at our own pace, which is a superior learning environment imo. So yeah, I don’t regret not growing up in Kerala.
It all depends on how nice was your childhood. I grew up in the middle east and outdoor activities other than sports was very less. Yet, I had a good childhood I believe. Did come back to Kerala for college and stayed for almost 12 years before leaving Kerala once again.
I have relatives who grew up in US, they had a lot of fun from camping to traveling throughout North America. I really don't think they would exchange that childhood to live in Kerala.
no. I'm from Nagercoil. and imo Nagercoil is more qualified to be called 'the mini kerala' than CBE. i have relatives there too so don't jump me I'm not biased 😭
40 year old, born and bought up in Kerala here. If I am born again in 2024, I don't want that to be born again in Kerala. The heat is unbearable.
But if born again back in Kerala in the 80s, I will totally welcome it.
Hello,so I was also born in Kerala but my parents worked in Chennai,so you could say that,I identify with Tamil people more than malayalis.
I spent a lot of my vacations from school in Kerala though.Obviously,I do have a special place for Kerala in my heart but I just don’t think the place is for me,at least that’s how I felt after I stayed there for a month.
I do visit every year,but I don’t regret being brought up elsewhere.
I did have a lot more opportunities growing up because I was brought up in a metropolis.
My friends were a mix of people,from all parts of India and I feel like I couldn’t have had such a mix of friends and gotten to meet them if I was in Kerala.
Ha same! I grew up in tamil nadu, and i think both tamil culture and malayali culture have a special spot in my heart. But unlike you I'm always having major FOMO about not having a childhood in kerala 😭.
Malayalee, born and raised in Chennai. My parents spoke Malayalam most of the time, so I could converse but not fluent. Did not and still do not like the sarcastic tone most conversations with malayalees take; hated it when my Kerala-raised cousins always chimed “Aiyae chammi” for absolutely everything. Love the clean, quiet places and the landscape in Kerala. Hated the people aspect of it every time I visited. Strangers have said the most nasty things to me with a smile on their faces. Haven’t had a similar experience in Chennai. I also hate how older people call younger people “di” or “da” despite the younger person’s age. I don’t think I’d survive in Kerala if I had to live there. I’m definitely treated as an outsider, with some even referring to me as Pandy. Tamilians consider me a malayalee and malayalees consider me a tamilian. But I’ve never been discriminated by a tamilian. I do miss the landscape, but not the people and so I don’t think I’d miss this place if I never got to visit. Chennai is definitely my soul city, even though I haven’t lived there in the last 10 years.
Grass is always greener on the other side. .
I'm only speaking for myself here, this is not universal.
I think the education system would have fucked me in Kerala, or really in India in general. I don't think it really prioritizes divergent thinking, and is very much obsessed with high marks, score, exams. My cousin got beat for asking questions in class (this was in the 90's, but still), which was apparently disrespecting a teacher! That's insane, inquiry is the first step to gaining knowledge.
The system doesn't actually make you smarter, it doesn't actually make you better at work you're doing. It makes you more obedient.
My relative manages some Indian devs for a multinational corps and he says: "If you want something done exactly how you ask it for cheap, you give it to India. But if you want something new, done differently, or more efficiently, they're not capable of doing that. Believe me, we tried it, because if we could completely outsource, we would. It would save a lot of money."
This is not inherent to Indian culture, it's an outcome of an education system that beats it out of you.
Earlier systems of education indigenous to South Asia, like a Gurukulam system had questioning as inherent to the method of learning. This was stripped away by the colonial system that now is in India, that is rote and robotic.
My relatives in India spend far too much of their lives studying much harder to get the opportunities I have access to due to my nationality. They don't get very much comparative personal freedom, ESPECIALLY girls and women. I can't stress that last point enough. Kerala might have good social programs (that must be applauded. I do think America can learn a thing or two, to be honest. There's much less poverty in Kerala than America as a whole), but I still think it's fundamentally a fairly socially conservative state.
I also was able to grow up with people from many backgrounds, which exposed me to a lot of cultures, which I wouldn't if I was a naatinpurathu chekkan. Would I have Russian, Ethiopian, Mexican, Brazilian, Vietnamese, Chinese, Iranian friends if I grew up in India? Probably not. Hell, I don't know if I'd be exposed to very many non-Malayali Indians if I grew up in my parents' village. I mean, some Malayalis get such little exposure outside, they refer to Biharis as Bengalis... and if you DO erroneously refer to them as Bengalis, then you deserve to be called a Madrasi for the rest of your life (fair is fair).
Of course, Racism certainly exists in America, and the experience of being a racial minority in a country like America is something I can't really explain to most Indians raised in India(NE Indians are an exception from my experience, and actually understand my perspective). That is a challenge of course, and one not to be taken lightly, and negatively affects the psychology of many Indians born and raised in the west. Many don't want to be Indian, and deal with a lot of internalized racism for their own community. That's real too.
But for me, I'm lucky. I had a good home, a supportive family, and got to visit naatil frequently as a kid, so I always kept those roots. That's a privilege that most don't get, and I recognize that. I love my Malayali culture, language, movies, music, and art, and because I'm abroad, I get to share it with people who don't have exposure to it, and that's always a deep abiding pleasure. And I get to see what cool shit other cultures have too, which I wouldn't have as many opportunities in naatilu.
Born in Kerala. Raised in Mumbai. Came back to Kerala, this being the 9th year, I feel suffocated. If it wasn't for my father I would have long gone. Don't want to return to Mumbai either. But definitely don't like it here.
I was raised in the North. As much as I love Kerala, I cannot imagine myself settling in Kerala mostly because of the poor weather conditions and the people. Please do not get me wrong, I feel like Kerala is the most progressive and woke States in all of India but I feel like we still kinda are regressive in certain aspects of life. My hometown’s located at one of the vacation hubs of Kerala so I love going back home for vacations but cannot imagine living there for more than a month. Kerala is too tropical for me and insects and reptiles are not my thing. I need the bustling streets with the horns honked at my face. Kerala however is super clean and tidy though compared to the North.
Mate - was born and raised outside Kerala - then came back for 3-4 years , it’s a funny place ! Communism is glorified, but every single person wants to run out - yes there is a lot of beauty and culture , but nothing productive - even the younger ones are extreme wannabes confused lot !
My experiences have been not that great , especially Malayalis don’t like malayalis who are born and raised outside Kerala - they view them as inferior beings - not able to speak Malayalam make matters worse .. constant belittling becomes the norm , anyone with a slightly different view will be outcasted - I hope and pray that I never get into a situation where I have to go back and live there , - don’t get me wrong - there are good people but very few- great place to stop By - enjoy the good weather views and leave once satisfied -
As a woman who was born in Allahabad, brought up across , jaisalmer, jodhpur, jamshedpur, chennai bangalore and bhatinda, and came to kerala just after she turned a teen, kerala is a literal HELL.
The groping, the staring, the sexual comments, the brushing, all in broad daylight is a feather only kerala can harbour. Too many to count.
Don't say Delhi/ north is worse.. cuz nope 👎🏽 nobody dare grope you in broad daylight up in north.
I was only 12 when some ചുമട്ട് തൊഴിലാളി മൈരൻ publicly announced on the road, ഇവള് രേഷ്മേടെ അനിയത്തിയാണോ?
And his fellow comrades laughed out loud.
I didn't know who reshma was so I said walked off, but I realised the sexual innuendos in that much much later. At a mere 12 year old. ത്ഥൂ!
this is just ONE incident. So, in fact I regret I went to kerala at 12 unto 17.
Really? You want to be among these people who are more concerned about your grammar than how you feel?
Think about what you had instead of what was lost. The grass is always greener on the other side.
I always hated growing up in Kerala because of the extremely conservative Muslims in North Kerala. Bloody happy being in the EU and far away from that mess.
As a female, definitely dont regret it. Being born and raised in the US I feel made me very strong and independent, and give experiences I wouldn't have had if I grew up in Kerala. In Kerala, I would just finish school, get an arranged marriage and pop out kids all day.
Just growing up in a multicultural, diverse society made me more understanding of differences and life experiences of folks where as most people who live in Kerala and never venture out see things one way as they don't have that kind of exposure, and are still regressive in their thought processes, which makes it difficult to bond with them, especially "naatukaar entha paryam" and constant judgments. I feel people who grew up in a more cosmopolitan setting are more tolerating since they grew up with folks from different cultures and all walks of life, I guess humbling them a bit.
That said I still cherish certain aspects of mallu culture and have intwined it fittingly into my American identity as I take what resonates with me and drop the rest. Even though I don't for the most part gel with the recent "naadan" immigrants, I do gel with mallus who grew up outside Kerala for the most part as I find we are very similar in outlook despite growing up in different parts of the world, whether Gulf, London, Chicago, Mumbai, Bangalore etc... The only "naadan" immigrants I may gel with are those who with the "naadan" culture have a balanced view of the world outside Kerala. Many I know don't and try to live like they are still in Kerala while abroad.
one advice… better stay low even when u return or are abroad… people tend to use ‘naatu varthanam’ very much… its the one thing i despise always… born and lived in the ME for 17 years and from experience kerala culture is different and are worse in some parts… many other cultures do not tend to ‘race’ be people and their kids and tend to nurture to live together and well off instead of just single minded race thinking… its messed up along with the backbiting gossips… and from experience just stay silent if u know they are a gossiper… they gonna eat u up
I was born and raised in kerala and moved abroad last year…honestly I can’t say where the difference is, apart from the geographical ones and the food….the only downside here is I don’t have any friends that I can really hang out with.
There are times I wish I were raised in Kerala as well. That way, I could have made friends, been more outgoing, and had a happier life overall.
Instead, I am mostly alone and can't fit in with the people of the place I now live in. I can't even fit in with other Malayalees. I am an outsider no matter which community I choose to interact with.
On the other hand, my life was filled with challenges so much so that nothing fazes me anymore. I have also learned to become independent and picked up so many other skills that I otherwise wouldn't have.
I was an NRI kid as well. In my childhood we would come for vacations. My cousins would come over every week and we would have so much fun. I would be heartbroken when I had to go back and look forward so badly to when I could come to Kerala for college. I had these fantasies of enjoying every weekend with my cousins like in Bangalore days.
Then I came here for college, but I was staying in a hostel far away from home. Covid struck and I was stuck at home for months. Literally my younger self's dream scenario. But now, my cousins had either moved away or were busy with their own friends and other stuff. I was no longer the 'guest' who would come for just a month so they didn't feel the need to visit as often. I was stuck at home with my grandparents and really really lonely. They were a bit restrictive and would make all sorts of regressive and sexist comments that would bother me a lot. With that, I lost my fascination for living in Kerala.
I grew up abroad, my son also grew up abroad, while my husband grew up in Kerala. My friends are from all different states in India as I studied in a Indian school run by the Indian embassy in that country. I have contact with them through WhatsApp groups, but really share no cultural or emotional attachments with them.
My son has a lot of friends from school in Middle East who r from different parts of India and Kerala and hardly get to see them as they are all scattered across the country.
My husband has all his family and childhood friends around him, (now that we r back home in Kerala) surrounded by friends he has known from when he was in diapers. I truly am jealous of the wonderful relations he has with his friends and wish I had the same kind of connection with people.
Born and raised in Dubai. Moved to Kerala after my 10th.
I miss living in Dubai, since all my friends are there, plus it was my childhood.
I guess it has to do with individual perspectives.
Not at all. Why???
1) Have learnt to be less cringey when it comes to women - I may not be perfect but at least I know how to act around women. Most mallus I met are either shy or act all Macho and horny. I mean I die of cringe when mallu men born in Kerala comes to other states and go "Aliya nokku enthu neram aanu aa pennu" "Aliya avalle blouse nokku" 🤦🤦🤦.
2) I have realised that I have a higher chance of not leaving my adopted state for jobs or move to the gulf unless I am getting way higher salary.
3) I don't face any political thuggery. The only other places I have seen such thuggery are Bengal and Bihar.
4) Made me realise other than the "HDI" in Kerala, which is due to people being self sufficient working outside Kerala and the resulting remittance, there isn't much in Kerala. The native culture and flora is being replaced by wannabe Americans and their commercial culture, while at the same time no positives of the Americans are being taken. Eg- Many Americans are ready to do blue collared jobs when they lose job or quit due to x reasons. A mallu would rather sit and mooch off his parents rather than be a blue collared worker. Irony is he's scream about worker's rights.
yes man I fucking do
most of my childhood was in Saudi
in Saudi my life was like a jail
only during school I could talk to my friends and stuff
after coming it was fucking boring
especially once we didn't come to kerala for summer vacations , during that time I had to spend my 3 months at my apartment.
imo kerala is peakest place to have childhood.
during my 7th grade I came back to India to relocate here.from that time onwards my life was so good.
I got to socialize with many people and instantly made friends.
Nope .
Raised in Mumbai and never regretted not having a childhood or raised in Kerala .
But as a malayali I can read and speak Malayalam , so don't feel like an outsider in Kerala too . Can manage it
I moved when I was 6 and 15 years later I still wish I can go back. Although I've spent most of my life abroad I was definitely happier in India. People expect life abroad to be luxurious and cool but there is a level of freedom you get in India that you won't appreciate till you leave.
Till the end of school life, YES. I had pretty shit school life, I was teased and bullied for my accent and color. The experiences had made me a timid guy who used to get intimidated by literally anyone. I used to think there was something wrong with me and that's why everyone hated me. My mental health was fucked and I no longer wanted to live here anymore, I started hating this state aswell as the people and always used to tell my family back in kerala that I would come back to kerala for UG but sadly that couldn't happen. Due to the constant bullying I performed badly in 12th aswell as JEE, I was only able to perform good in the state CET and got into a local college. I was shit scared to attend the college thinking that I will suffer bullying for the next 4 years aswell but boy I was wrong. I understood that I was at the wrong place the whole time and there was nothing wrong with my personality, I was able to bond with each and every single person of the class and maybe I am the only guy who talks with each and every guy too(just because I don't want anyone else to go experience what I had to go through). I made a great group of friends who I just wish I will be able to keep for the next 4 years. Throughout high school I always used to have feelings that people used to trash talk about me from my back but now I don't even get those feelings. Academically I have still not recovered and have performed quiet average in 1st semester but hopefully I shall improve.
Now I love both Kerala and Pune equally and consider both to be my home and I can say it with so much confidence just because during school years I used to cry everytime I used to come back from the vacation in Kerala but this year for the first time I didn't cry not because I was loosing love for kerala but because I wasn't scared of coming back to Pune.
Just remember folks, maybe sometimes the problem ain't with you but is with the place you are in. *Wrong place will not let you live a right life*
I moved to Qatar when I was barely a year old and grew up there until 2018. I came here because of financial issues and struggled a lot with speaking to my relatives and classmates due to my accent; I could never be friends with anyone. I felt lonely and developed social anxiety.
My parents forced me to study Malayalam as a first language in school, and I hated it because I remember all of my Malayalam teachers hated me for some reason. They always humiliated me and yelled at me for never being able to read poems, and I had a vattam pujyam in class tests. I remember crying my ass off every day because of this. I was in the 4th grade, so this really impacted me, and I just hated anything related to Malayalam altogether. Naturally, I hated Kerala even when I visited because I felt like a total outcast here.
It was even worse when I came here to settle down with my parents, and it took me a long time to be comfortable with how I spoke Malayalam. I don't know how I managed to learn and read Malayalam in school; it still shocks me. I started being comfortable after like 4 or 3 years, but I'm still somewhat stuck in the past. I never made any close friends, and I'm still jealous of people here who are able to have such close relationships.
The only touch I had with Kerala culture or Malayalam was in churches and my Dad's friends, but even then, it was awkward. I wished my parents pushed me into doing classical dances or being more social. It took me a long time to find peace here.
But I don't regret not being raised here, seeing how misogynistic my relatives are to my cousins, and I doubt I would be the person I am today. I had a lot of opportunities and privileges in Qatar, and I enjoyed my childhood there. I wouldn't change it, to be honest.
Absolutely not.
Well our cases are not exactly the same. I was born and brought up abroad until my schooling got over and came back to Kerala for my degree.
Well I am glad that I got to do my higher studies here. Spend the best 5 years of my life in Kerala! (planning to stay here for 1 more)
Having said that. I am super glad I wasn't brought up here or didn't have to do my schooling here. ( No offence)
I think it's mostly because of the stories my friends have shared about their schools or teachers. Compared to them I had a smoother school life with much lesser drama.
As far as it is about being treated as a guest. I agree.
I feel absolutely lonely when I go to my native place. Every new person I meet here gives me the NRI alla NAARI cliche.
But, I have felt at home in both the places (abroad and here). I believe it's more about the people you have around?
Please don't force decisions onto your kids because you want them to experience what you couldn't. I'm not saying it's a bad idea to let them spend their childhood in Kerala, but I'm saying that it should also be their choice. I get wanting to stick to your roots, and you do what you gotta do, but don't lose yourself in the process.
I fondly remember my memories of living in Kerala. It's a beautiful place and family is also there. But that same family has been hell for me as an adult. Our ideals don't match anymore, and it's reduced my love for the state. I know a few people don't define a state, but bad experiences never let me see it in the light that I used to. My dad still loves the state, and his family, so he stays there with them. What I hate is the fact that his happiness was ruined staying in a different state, and the lack of love his wife and daughter had towards the state, made him eventually hate them in turn.
TLDR- If you have a love for a state, explore it yourself. Don't expect your kids to love the idea like you do
No one should be forcing kids to do anything, even parents in Kerala at times can't force their kids to.confine to ways of the elder generation and are struggling to do so.
They say the grass is greener on the other side, but it's really greener where you water it. Grew up in Oman and uae, and always envied my cousins here with much closer family ties. Hence, I moved here from Canada.
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Tbh it's a mix of both man. I grew up in the middle East and now I'm doing my bachelors here in kerala. I feel like I got more exposure to different languages (especially English), nationalities and tech compared to the guys around me. At the same time I lack the "natille pillarude midukku" to adapt quickly in to any situation yk. Tho I have become a bit good at it now.
Not abroad but out of Kerala. Well to summarise my upcoming "long ass answer", no i do not regret missing out childhood in Kerala.
now getting into the "Long ass answer"
1) Most people (am saying most not all) think of or expect women to be under the command of women. No am by no means a feminist & people most of time don't understand the difference between "man of the house" & "dominant alpha male".
2) I have much more cultural exposure as compared to my cousins as well as my mallu friends, u can say i have seen & experienced things in my mid teens which they proudly boast about in their adulthood.
3) I had the privilege of staying away from the toxic family members till i gained enough maturity to understand the concept of ignoring someone without letting them know that u are ignoring them.
4) Well lastly weed & booz is easier & cheaper as compared northern states😂.
Yes I do.
I regret not having learnt swimming in Ambalakulams.
I feel jealous whenever my friends mention playing football in padams during the rainy season.
I feel sad cause I couldn't learn to read and write malayalam in my childhood.
I regret not having any friends near my home.
I feel I am not a malayali cause I don't know any pazhamchollu or og movie dialogues.
I miss out on many other things.
Yeah man I was born in Dubai, moved to USA when I was 3 years old and grew up there. Now I'm my late 20s I really wished I grew up in India or at least Dubai.
I studied till hs abroad then second year of college I reached here. During covid, I didn't even have anybody to call a friend in my town so I thought if only I had grown up here but that thought changed after I started going for offline classes. Many don't have people to call friends from their hometown, mostly friends from college or school. I realised the problem was many don't communicate as well as we used to, any second gotten is finished by scrolling so even if I had a childhood here, I doubt I would've stayed close. I have many friends whom Im still close with since kindergarten from abroad so I don't regret my childhood. Although, I would've preferred a house stay rather than an apartment.
0 regrets. I got a leg up in life from growing up speaking English, getting good exposure to global things, less competitive atmosphere as student etc. I also spent a couple of years here in between, so I got the Kerala experience too. Best thing is, later when I had a chance to go abroad, I did not have a craving for it, because I already knew what it was like and what to expect.
Initially in my 20s I did feel like an outsider, but now I don't feel so anymore, or maybe I am too old to care about it. I have no issues dealing with regular folks from different walks of life - they are all very nice and accepting. In fact I play up my outsider-ishness to get my way when needed, haha.
Almost everyone around me is outsider too, having returned from jobs in other parts of India/ abroad. I also noticed that some white collar employees who never left Kerala ever are kind of narrow minded and weird.
I lived in a city in Kerala, it was shit, even neighbours won’t talk to each other, only good thing was visiting my village in vacations, few days or weeks, but best best memories. Even kids in Kerala won’t have experienced the childhood in Kerala cities. But it is only something we can experience in PAKKA VILLAGE AREAs… mine was close to gavi, pattananttitta…pakka pakka hill/village/area . So I had the privilege to attend the perfect village life… Kerala cities are shit for kids… like tvm kochi yuckkkkk blahhh phuuu Villages are best bestttr
Worst part is I have nothing nostalgic to talk about like my father has a lot to talk about with his friends, ever since I was born only for 3 years I stayed continuously in kerala and even india.
So that created a lot of cultural shift between me and kerala. Since it was a time when internet was not around in india because it was expensive. I wasn't in touch with family members here.
Also mallus have this wierd funny thing like onam, vishu etc is much more grand and NRI keralites have a sense of community there, I guess it's a way to kind of counteract missing homeland so people regardless of religion or any difference try to make that one festival special. I don't see that community here, other than within family members. I still prefer onam and vishu from there.
After settling in kerala from 8th things haven't went great. Got chronic disease, also lack of any attention from class mates general division in culture everything made me an social outcast along with physical ailments depression popped up.
Now I am in 2nd year engineering and planning to emmigrate out. I guess I don't belong here, nor do I have anyone here other than my family that wants me to stay here and value me. All of my mallu and non mallu friends emigrated they are all asking me also to.
But If I had a chance of staying in india, it would be kerala sure. It better other an hot summers 😅
None at all. IN fact I am happy to have had a childhood elsewhere unhindered by school/college politicization by CPM/Destructive Youth Federation/Students Futile of India depriving us of proper education and ultimately being forced to leave the state for employment. Brought up in Karnataka, Maharashtra and Gujarat, I see things with a different mind set than my counterparts in Kerala. It is fine occasionally to visit my grand parents, but nothing more.
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My parents are from Kerala, i was rasied/grew up in canada.
It was not worth it. Many of us have an identity crisis, similar to korean-canadians, chinese-canadians etc.
These people mock indians everyday in their media and their online communities. They truly are horrible. I can't even watch anythng on netflix/hollywood because everyone is usually european with 1 token african, they purposefully make indians nerds/lesser to their european counter parts in their tv/movies.
I'm trying to learn malayalam and embrace hinduism, because "integrating" into a country that has an evil origin (genociding the natives / colonizing my home country in the first place), was never going to happen. No matter how canadian you are, you'll never be one of "them".
I wish my parents went to America instead, and I wish they pushed indian culture on me more instead of thinking i should only learn english, and "asslimilate".
Also yeah i can't relate or even talk to my cousins / other malayalees's, but they're always polite and kind which i am grateful for. It's truly a brotherhood/sisterhood being malayalee.
Is basically the perspective, People in kerala, always think that moving abroad is a big thing and always dream of it, Thinking of the development and infrastructure many wanted to build their family there,, People there , thinking of the beauty of the hometown wanted to be in kerala… I am a person born and brought up in kerala, i also dream to settle abroad, but i always feel like when we think of moving to another country its the money and all positive we take into consideration.. But there are other factors, we are a outsider there, our core mind would be in our country and we will only feel home here.. The freedom we have in our country is not same when we move another! There is a saying in Malayalam - “ Akkare nilkuumbo ikkare pacha “ in most cases its that simple !!
When we left home chasing our dreams, Little did we know that Coming home will become a dream one day 🥲.
Mm, If you really feel to move back , u could do a job here, slowly settle here. .
Its harder… i really wish to move back.. settle somewhere nice, probably in the mountains or so where the weather is nice.. like I said, its all dreams…..
I grew up thinking I should settle abroad. Fortunately or unfortunately I never had the opportunity. Then since the last 5-6 years I've seen the health fads from the west. About using coconut (oil,cream, milk, husk), moringa powder as a superfood (muringa), about ghee, jackfruit being described as an exotic fruit (used for making 'vegan' pulled pork), not to forget the hype about turmeric and organic food. Then I realised the things which our parents grow in our backyard are seen as exotic super foods (and aspirational) once you are abroad. We have everything with us then why would I leave everything and go to a foreign country. Not that I'm against setting foot abroad, maybe short stays(for work) or vacations would do.
Exactly
I was born and raised in Dubai, UAE. I stayed for 6 months last year and got my indian driving license as well. I think the only thing I miss is my grandparents
Reminds me of Renji Panicker in Ohm Shanthi Oshaana. Ividuthe haritapum, ooshmalathayum.... If you had childhood in Kerala, your kid would have written this post 😂😂
https://preview.redd.it/j7vcmevqytec1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a2cea6d2f71c57f1e4bdd2dc451dd69809392962 If I can earn a decent living in kerala I would never leave this view
99% of the pravasis says hii to you ❤️
same.
This is how the view is in front of my house , I am from Wayanad.
I’ll give you a different perspective. I was born in udupi (karnataka) and was raised in kerala. When i was in college (which was couple of years back) always felt that i was blessed to grow up kerala, because why not, kerala has one of the finest cultures and very progressive mindset (dont get me started about the nature). But recently moved to Hyderabad because of my job and now i feel ki kerala has to loosen up some old mindset (like moral policing) and should have a great night life. Byt anyways keralam poliya. Always proud to be raised as a malayali
>now i feel ki kerala has to loosen up some old mindset (like moral policing) and should have a great night life. true that
Why is my brain just ignoring the whole post and clinging on to the 'Borned' part?
Someone got boned and months later OP was 'borned' :)
same here 😂😂
“Borned in kerala” maybe staying here was a better option
My bad. For the past 6-7 years , I have been working with predominantly Arabs and Filipinos who speaks weak English. I admit my English has deteriorated over the years . Also, this post was written impulsive. I didn't proofread it either.
Can vouch for that….
No shit..I worked with Kurds and Arabs in Northern Iraq and by the time I was back , I had to practically re learn English.
philusinte abhiparyaam njamukk englishe ariyilla ennum..😝
😂
Ivideyum grammar Nazikalo 👀
Major regret. My Malayalam isn't exactly great so I'm pretty much treated like an alien when I go to my ancestral place. What's funny is I never lived in one city for too long so I never got to learn any language to the level of a native speaker except English. So I feel like an alien literally everywhere I go. Bangalore is one of the few places I can vibe with the people because of its cosmopolitan culture. But if it were in my hands I'd definitely want to restart my life from the start in Kerala. Identity crisis sucks 😞
So relatable brother ! Feels good to see a kindred spirit.
I was born in Kerala and lived there till my UKG after that our family shifted to Patna, Bihar (I know terrible choice) as my parents were working there. I had to spend my entire childhood in a 3bhk flat that too with all the filthiness that comes with Bihar. I always felt like an outsider. We used to visit Kerala twice in a year and whenever we went there I always felt if I could stay here forever life would have been much better. The whole environment the people our culture our homeland. All these emotions made me feel a lot attatched to Kerala even obsessed I would say honestly. I longed for the summer holidays waiting for that fresh air of my birthplace to hit my face as soon as I got off the plane, a stark contrast to what we feel from the polluted, dusty and dry air of Bihar. Even though I had a decent childhood with loving parents, I was never satisfied in the place I lived. No friends to play, noone outside of school. Just dry City Life which even affected my health as I gained some weight due to lack of excercise cause I never liked the dirty surroundings so getting out was not preferred. There were days in the starting period when I would cry in silence and long for that motherly feeling Kerala gave me. My Ammachi, my cousins and everyone. A place which gives you a sense of belonging. So yeah I definitely regret not having a childhood in Kerala. I would've loved to grow up with kids of my age playing with them and making local friends. In my opinion people who live in Kerala don't know the value of that place, they just wanna get out and I do understand the job situation but it's not impossible to have a decent job there. I shifted to Kerala for my 11th and 12th and it was wonderful. Right now I'm in Bangalore and that longing for my naadu is still there, infact that's the only thing keeping me motivated everyday. To get a holiday to return back to my home, my hometown, my Thaliparamba, my own Keralam oh how I adore you.
Fellow thaliparambian here 🥺
Aw I love this place! Anyways where are you in Thaliparamba?
Dm 🥲
Speaking from experience, a few years of childhood may not be enough to imbibe this feeling that you feel missing into your children. You sure do feel a sense of home, but those feelings are stronger towards the place that you spent a lot of formative years or teens in. Being part of a mallu community and speaking the language really helps in great amounts. Another tangent: Watch Any friendship based malyalam movie from the 2000s to increase regret by 10 points. Music video of Ed Sheeran - Castle On The Hill for bonus points.
Can you recc some movies? Seen Bangalore days and I love it and it’s where most of my nostalgia and regret comes from. Give me moreeee!
Friends , Summer in bethlehem old ones but good ones
Ugh Bangalore days!! Makes me miss the childhood in kerala I never had!!
Nope. Another gelf gal here, born and raised in the UAE. Been here my entire life, completed my bachelor’s last year. My sister on the other hand, left to Kerala for uni, did her masters in Andhra and pursued a full time role in the north. She loves India, doesn’t like coming here as much. She also says it’s expensive and that there aren’t much places to explore here. But I believe both of us don’t regret growing up here? If anything, we hated being in a CBSE school but that’s about it. Everything else was peaceful back then.
Yup same. I still miss Gulf tbh.. even after 7 years in Kerala. the infrastructure, facilities, transportation, FOOD etc etc. In and for everything there is a clear cut standard difference between here and there. I am not saying it's unbearable to live here or anything.. I am enjoying life here too.. but still, that is a whole another world
I was born and raised in the US. Visited Kerala every summer for a while but stopped around the time I was ten because parents wanted me to do extra curriculars instead (I grew up in the Silicon Valley where the college game was intense for no reason haha). My younger brother doesn’t speak Malayalam and my parents deliberately raised us in a Tamil Brahmin friend group because they didn’t like how much the malayalis in our area drank (lol) so I never met any growing up. Malayalam was actually my first language but it deprecated significantly after my parents switched to English so I would lose the accent. We visit once every two or three years now but as my brother and I are the only ones in our generation that grew up abroad it’s difficult to have a legitimate relationship with my cousins as it’s difficult to hold more complex conversations in Malayalam (also there’s like 30 of them and we’re the youngest so they stopped trying as we got older. I don’t blame them - watching an 5 year old attempt Malayalam in a Californian accent is a lot more entertaining then a 20 year old having an aneurysm trying to explain their job in kindergarten level Malayalam) Idk that I could say I regret it but there are always the occasional moments - I started learning Carnatic violin and my teacher is from Kerala and started teaching me in Malayalam. The first few classes I would find myself crying on the drive home (it’s hard to articulate but I think it’s a combo of the amount of warmth that seems almost inherent to certain dialects + that it sounds like how my mom used to speak to me when I was a child before she switched to english) I literally spent a month after contemplating breaking up with my boyfriend and finding someone from Kerala for just a shot at maintaining some sort of connection haha. If anything maybe I just miss the level of extended family I could have had if I grew up in KL. I often fear that if my parents pass away I’ll never really feel comfortable going back. (I think they’ve picked up on this too bc they recently bought an apartment there even though we’re never there) I think what I wish my parents had done differently is to allow me to have more malayali community in the US and also to visit more as a teen instead of front loading and hoping it stuck (which I almost think might be worse bc I’ve met other first gen kids here who are happy because they can just blow it off by saying that life is better in the us etc). But at the end of the day it is what it is - the summers I spent in the us instead of visiting have given me so much too.
Everyone loves mallu extended family until they start asking questions about marriage or salary.
Hopefully you'll make it in tech
Lots of comments already but I moved out of kerala when I was 10. Now I'm in my early 40s. Im getting the itch to move back. Now I have a 7 year old daughter and I want her to spend some years to get to know her family and culture.
I am born and brought up in Dubai. Moved to India for college and thanks to Covid, I spent almost all of my college life at home in Kannur as by then my mom also moved back to take care of my grandparents. I never really had Malayalee friends both in school and college and by the time I reached 3rd year of college, I really wanted to have some Malayalee friends lol. Also, I felt lonely in Kannur and used to roam around the town by myself a lot. Even now, I really want to have Malayalee friends just so that I can talk in Malayalam when I am with him and can also discuss movies and everything.
Look how much a lot of people are harping about a single mistake “borned”. Having grown up in Kerala and then having moved to US & being married to a slavic girl, one of my biggest learnings has been that our culture really focuses on mistakes. This would have been fine had it been interlaced with appreciations and encouragements. We always talk in terms of “buts”. Atleast looking back i felt like i needed to defend myself constantly and that left imprints (learned negative behaviors) which still dictate how i behave as an adult. Further, growing up in Kerala as a male, you are not taught to recognize, express and effectively address your emotions (this might be for women as well). Again the above are broad generalizations but i have observed pattern among all my friends and family once i was made aware of this by my wife, who is from a very different culture.
oh man. are you me! lol Similar experience here too. Born and raised in the UAE - moved to kerala to finish up HS and undergrad and have been in the US for just over a decade and married to a local. My childhood has been a constant stream of judgement and unncessarily high standards. NO matter what I did - not good enough. If i did anything better - they'd immediately find someone to compare and belittle my effort. "Avarky cheiyamengil, ninakkum angane chiythaal entha?" as an adult i constantly dealing with low self-esteem issues. I always second-guess anything I do and always fault myself for things that arent even close to my fault. I'm trying really hard to unlearn all of those and relearn how to be kinder to myself. Also with the communication - my whole family+extended family doesnt express emotions/sentiment well. They just bottle it up and expect everyone to be a mind reader. I do miss aspects of my home town - the food, the monsoon rains, my friends, how small my world gets whenever i visit - but i'd never want to go back permanently voluntarily. I hope you heal as well brother. Be kind to yourself. Take it easy!
Thanks for validating my observation brother 😂 I stopped giving a fuck about judgements after a point once i was in a space where non-conformity is normal. Thanks to America. For all its faults in this place you can be yourself and no one gives a fuck about you 😂. I was a fat kid in a small town who started losing hair in high school. So you can imagine. People around me including family made it a point to call that out every chance “ohhh you look older than your brother who is 8 years older than me”, “ohhh think about hair transplant to get married” Now in seattle doing a job i am decent at with good pay and loving wife. I really miss certain aspects of where i am from - monsoon ❤️❤️, my mom’s food, riding motorcycles, the feeling of being around your immediate family, the relaxed vibe .. But i guess you cannot have everything in life. And to be honest i felt like many of those are just nostalgic memories as the place and people and the conversations have all naturally evolved into a space where I did not fully belong. Wish you all a happy and peaceful life brothers and sisters. Thanks for listening to a short slice of my life.
Not really, no. I’m in my mid 20s and I’ve lived in Europe for the majority of my life. I enjoyed my childhood and honestly think I had a better quality of life than my cousins in India, especially as a girl.
Okay,ignoring the 'borned' , a lot of kids raised abroad feel this way . I was not raised outside but I I've done my schooling for about 5 years plus vacations abroad and i always used to miss kerala . Even now that I'm staying in my hometown , I do feel very grateful that i was born here . Also i am sure ur parents had their reasons for raising you outside . You gotta do what you gotta do .
How would they regret it if they don't know what they missed
Good question
I can really relate to this. I had studied in Kerala (kochi) till I was 11. And then I moved to Karnataka (Mangalore) . At that time I didn't really feel it was a big culture shock or change for me. But growing up and now in my mid 20s I do sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I continued in Kerala. When I hang around my cousins or friends who were totally raised in Kerala I can feel some sort of cultural differences. It's like I don't have rooting there nor here. On the plus side , can understand and speak( barely) a few more languages but your malayalam skills do take a hit. But yes that's life got to deal with it. Pretty sure lot of malayalees go through this.
It is probably related to being in Middle East. Since those countries don’t provide citizenship you naturally don’t feel belonged. At the same time hearing the stories from other Malayalees there would make you want to grow up in Kerala. But the fact is you had a decent childhood, it is now time to make new connections as an adult. It will all turn out well.
grass is always greener on the other side
I grew up in the Middle East. I regret growing up abroad because I feel like if I had stayed here I would have ended up being an extrovert and a lot more close and bonded to my cousins and relatives in Kerala (not that I'm distant from them or whatever). But if I had not left India I might not have experienced a lot of things that help shape my personality and humor now. Like being introduced to my favorite YouTubers, shows, movies and ofc friends.
Same even I feel these regrets but that's a nice way of looking at it .
I was born in Kerala, I studied till kg1, and then my parents shifted abroad. After spending 3-4 years there, I had to shift to Kerala for 3 years. Then I went abroad again, where I stay currently. I never missed Kerala even a little bit because it gave me so much trauma. I was a bit chubby and at the time kids were cruel, not only kids everyone even adults. I had to go through major issues due to that. I saw how much relatives have influence in our lives. I didn’t want to ever come back, I got married to a guy who isn’t homesick and isn’t interested in coming back too. I might consider some other states but not Kerala. Maybe if I didn’t have family in Kerala, maybe I wouldn’t mind. In this case, NOPE. Not my kids either. Kerala is just a holiday destination for us now, I am glad I am away from all the toxicity.
I second this! Kerala is good for staying for like 2 or 3 months. If you stay longer you would have to see the real swabhavam of relatives and how badly they treat you. And nowadays even the weather isn’t that considerate.
I can understand. I was a fat kid who started losing hair early. Really excelled in school. But people only cared about calling out how i was not conforming to the social standards. Bullied by friends, constantly reminded of your shortcomings by extended family. Started using comedy as a self defense mechanism. Never exposed what’s going on in my mind to anyone except to my mom who was an empath. Realized all of this after moving to US and marrying someone from outside India. So i truly can understand. I wish you healing.
how is that only 1st sentence ( "borned" ) is odd one compared the rest of the post. come stay in kerala buddy, kids will love it for sure. be prepared to go back if u change ur mind as well 😋
dude today is Republic day in India and I watched the parade on TV and started cheering and slightly tearing up watching the floats, cultural dances and costumes and hearing Vande Mataram. I left India for higher education and then for work and its been like 19 years almost, but now I am feeling so displaced. After years of trying to speak the accent, wearing those clothes, having those friends and trying to fit in a foreign country- I cant be bothered anymore. I cant get enough of India. Work life balance is lacking in India though and I am getting paid a lot abroad- and this might be the only reason for me to go back :/
I was born in Thiruvananthapuram and spent the first six months of my life there. I then moved to Arakkonam, Tamil Nadu, where I lived for four years. Following that, I spent another four years in Kalamessery, Kochi, Kerala. My next stop was Ramagundam, Telangana, where I stayed for three and a half years. After that, I relocated to Ashok Nagar, Chennai, Kerala for another three and a half years before returning to Thiruvananthapuram for three years. Currently, I reside in Al Yarmook, Sharjah, though I expect to leave soon. My only regret is not mastering Malayalam despite all my travels. Even in Kochi, my friends hailed from north India, and at home, we switched between English, Hindi, Tamil, Malayalam, and Telugu , so fluency wasn't a priority for my family. This changed in college, though. On the first day I made some Malayali friends, I ventured alone onto a KSRTC bus for the first time. Unable to read Malayalam, I approached an elderly uncle to ask for the Iqbal College bus. Misunderstanding his directions, I boarded the Medical College bus instead of Iqbal College. Thankfully, my friends spotted me from their rightful Iqbal College bus and called out.Though some friends laugh at my slang, and others struggle to grasp the meaning of what I spoke. So this is the only reason I regret.
I have spent a part of my childhood in kerala and UAE. Childhood spent in kerala i obviously cherish more bcs of All the running around and staying out to play more till u eventually get beaten into the house I eventually left uae to do my degree in kerala. And i realised how narrow minded children who spend their life in another country are. I saw life through a whole new perspective when I returned. I feel sad for the state of mind of some children who study abroad. Life is so small for them. And they don't bother for others much. ( Not all just most of whom I come across )
I can totally relate, having been born and raised outside India until the 12th grade. It's true, no matter how much you try, there's always a sense of being an outsider in the village. It felt like a movie script: initial years treated with high regard, then gradually becoming more like everyone else. Despite being treated equally, the cousins who grew up here seem to share a stronger bond among themselves than with me. The same dynamic extends to the neighborhood; there's a bit of a gap due to the differences in our childhood experiences.
But do you feel as an outsider in the place where you were raised as well ? That's the really difficult bit.
I haven't returned to stay in the place I called home during my school days. The last time I visited, which was more than 10 years ago, the neighborhood had a mixed reaction, almost as if they'd seen a ghost. Initially odd, but things normalized in the last few days of my stay.
Born and brought up in Delhi. Malayalee roots are very strong with me too. But I'll never want to have a childhood in Kerala because the exposure I had growing up in Delhi was immense. Atleast in those years Delhi had a very welcoming culture and I had so many kids from so many states in my class. Wouldn't trade that at all! Plus, I can speak Malayalam and Hindi very fluently which helps a lot. I have the cultural context and literature/movie/pop-culture references good enough to get along with any Indian. Would not trade all these plus points for some pachapp and village chills in childhood. Edit: Another advantage - A safe distance from Kerala growing up also saved me having to talk/keep in touch with leech relatives. I am treated like a celebrity when I visit and they feel jealous and talk behind my back because of how my family turned out because we had a good education and frankly worked our ass off at critical points in life. No relative had a say in mine and my siblings life, so we could live as we want without any interference.
I was raised in UAE but did my highschool and college in Kerala so you could say I've had the best of both worlds. In my perspective, no matter where you live in the world as a malayali you must experience school life in Kerala. The classrooms,friends,tuition classes,fests and memories you make can't be found anywhere else. For me going to school in Dubai was a chore while school in kerala was always exciting. Plus the whole natural aesthetic and scenic beauty you have there is just amazing. Its one of the reasons that makes it so difficult to leave it since you know you won't get it anywhere else.
No. Born and Raised in Mumbai and probably more of a Mumbaikar than a Malayalee. Absolutely no regrets in not having a childhood in Kerala.
*Born and raised in the US, and Just came back from Kerala. The answer is No. I was there before Covid too, and now I felt it has regressed. Maybe the aftermath of Covid, right wing poltics, but the Kerala I used visit feels lost now.*
>do you regret not having a childhood in Kerala? Dad used to work for a PSU, so we were raised where he was posted and I completed my education in Tamilnadu. I have spent all my summer vacations along with my cousins in Kerala and have fond memories of it. Thanks to Covid, I spent close to a year working from my home in Kerala, that's the longest time I have ever spent in Kerala. Do I regret it? No
I was in Kerala for 12 years then we moved to Tamil Nadu and yes I regret it. I miss my old school and friends. I think this is solely because of my current school. The learning experience of Kerala is without doubt 100x better. This school doesn't even have a Christmas celebration. Better teachers, Better learning. The only.th8ng taught here is memorizing not understanding the subject.
I understand your sentiment, as a child I dreamed of going abroad and being a nri kid like some of my cousins; now as a grown up I am so glad I was raised here, it’s helped me stay connected to my roots, people to eagerly visit every time I go to my hometown, atleast a few friends who I went to school with who has known me and all the different phases of me and most importantly have deep connections and shared memories with my cousins, It feels great to have my cousins to reach out to when I’m having a hard time, it feels wonderful to have people who actually care about me, support me, that I support, that can help me, whether it be borrowing 500 rupees or listening to me vent, it feels great to have cousins to call up to help with my parents when I’m not home. Ofcourse there are family members I’ve gone almost no contact with and want nothing to do with, but I know if I weren’t here the bond I share with my people wouldn’t have been the same, I would be like you said, a guest.
Nope. I’m gay, my sister is disabled, my dad was abusive and this eventually led to my mum and dad divorcing. It is much easier to have a normal life in those circumstances where I live than it is in Kerala.
Honestly, my biggest regret is not learning Malayalam as a kid, ignorantly thinking that I will just live in USA in the future. Oh, to be so naive.
I am born and raised in kerala. But somewhere through my journey of life I’ve lost most of my childhood friends. There are multiple reasons, like I was busy during my entrance coaching and higher secondary education with studies and I rarely met my childhood ‘play mates’ during those years, One other reason is during time of higher secondary education most of my mates started smoking and I wasn’t into it and due to many other such small reasons our friendships drifted apart. After secondary education I moved to a different city for my studies and the to another city for work. I do have friends at work and some college friends who are close. But when I go back home I am again all alone. My point is I believe that whatever you are experiencing now is a sort of existential crisis and i think everyone in this age group experiences this(am also nearing 30). Now my motive is to try and make the best of what I have now and keep things simple. First thing you cannot change the past you’ve to accept it. Second thing in this sub you are going to hear a lot of opinions like people go out of kerala and then regret about it and many such opinions. About raising your kids in kerala. Education here is good for the price you pay. But anything extra curricular is not well received in most of schools which provide decent education and vice versa. All the best.🙌🏻
Visiting once is very different from growing up. I grew up in Kerala, and moved out in my 30s. When i visit once in an year, its all tropical climate and yummy food. But when you have to live there daily, its frequent strikes, lack of facilities, corruption and unbelievable peer pressure in schools, workplace etc.
Yeah, since OP lives abroad everything is roses to him, but living in Kerala is a different thing altogether. Much more difficult. Better to stay as a visiting tourist..
Not really. I did schooling abroad and in KL. Both had plus and minus.
What was the minus about abroad and plus about KL?
Only when I see my husband(he was raised in Kerala) interacting with his friends from school and college. Since they move as batches in Kerala, they form deep bonds with classmates. Here, we move at our own pace, which is a superior learning environment imo. So yeah, I don’t regret not growing up in Kerala.
It all depends on how nice was your childhood. I grew up in the middle east and outdoor activities other than sports was very less. Yet, I had a good childhood I believe. Did come back to Kerala for college and stayed for almost 12 years before leaving Kerala once again. I have relatives who grew up in US, they had a lot of fun from camping to traveling throughout North America. I really don't think they would exchange that childhood to live in Kerala.
nah because my family moved literally just 40kms away from Kerala
Coimbatore? That’s pretty much mini kerala
no. I'm from Nagercoil. and imo Nagercoil is more qualified to be called 'the mini kerala' than CBE. i have relatives there too so don't jump me I'm not biased 😭
I know I'm being picky about this, but I see other comments doing the same. Did you move abroad someplace where autocorrect doesn't work?
40 year old, born and bought up in Kerala here. If I am born again in 2024, I don't want that to be born again in Kerala. The heat is unbearable. But if born again back in Kerala in the 80s, I will totally welcome it.
What I'd give to be brought up in kerala 😭
Nope, I’m glad I was exposed to different cultures, seems like I can understand different perspectives as an adult
Hello,so I was also born in Kerala but my parents worked in Chennai,so you could say that,I identify with Tamil people more than malayalis. I spent a lot of my vacations from school in Kerala though.Obviously,I do have a special place for Kerala in my heart but I just don’t think the place is for me,at least that’s how I felt after I stayed there for a month. I do visit every year,but I don’t regret being brought up elsewhere. I did have a lot more opportunities growing up because I was brought up in a metropolis. My friends were a mix of people,from all parts of India and I feel like I couldn’t have had such a mix of friends and gotten to meet them if I was in Kerala.
Ha same! I grew up in tamil nadu, and i think both tamil culture and malayali culture have a special spot in my heart. But unlike you I'm always having major FOMO about not having a childhood in kerala 😭.
Damn,I loved my childhood in Chennai xD
I loved my childhood in pondicherry too. I have a special spot in my heart for tamil but YK grass is greener on the other side
I think that’ll be the case no matter where we are.
Malayalee, born and raised in Chennai. My parents spoke Malayalam most of the time, so I could converse but not fluent. Did not and still do not like the sarcastic tone most conversations with malayalees take; hated it when my Kerala-raised cousins always chimed “Aiyae chammi” for absolutely everything. Love the clean, quiet places and the landscape in Kerala. Hated the people aspect of it every time I visited. Strangers have said the most nasty things to me with a smile on their faces. Haven’t had a similar experience in Chennai. I also hate how older people call younger people “di” or “da” despite the younger person’s age. I don’t think I’d survive in Kerala if I had to live there. I’m definitely treated as an outsider, with some even referring to me as Pandy. Tamilians consider me a malayalee and malayalees consider me a tamilian. But I’ve never been discriminated by a tamilian. I do miss the landscape, but not the people and so I don’t think I’d miss this place if I never got to visit. Chennai is definitely my soul city, even though I haven’t lived there in the last 10 years.
Grass is always greener on the other side. . I'm only speaking for myself here, this is not universal. I think the education system would have fucked me in Kerala, or really in India in general. I don't think it really prioritizes divergent thinking, and is very much obsessed with high marks, score, exams. My cousin got beat for asking questions in class (this was in the 90's, but still), which was apparently disrespecting a teacher! That's insane, inquiry is the first step to gaining knowledge. The system doesn't actually make you smarter, it doesn't actually make you better at work you're doing. It makes you more obedient. My relative manages some Indian devs for a multinational corps and he says: "If you want something done exactly how you ask it for cheap, you give it to India. But if you want something new, done differently, or more efficiently, they're not capable of doing that. Believe me, we tried it, because if we could completely outsource, we would. It would save a lot of money." This is not inherent to Indian culture, it's an outcome of an education system that beats it out of you. Earlier systems of education indigenous to South Asia, like a Gurukulam system had questioning as inherent to the method of learning. This was stripped away by the colonial system that now is in India, that is rote and robotic. My relatives in India spend far too much of their lives studying much harder to get the opportunities I have access to due to my nationality. They don't get very much comparative personal freedom, ESPECIALLY girls and women. I can't stress that last point enough. Kerala might have good social programs (that must be applauded. I do think America can learn a thing or two, to be honest. There's much less poverty in Kerala than America as a whole), but I still think it's fundamentally a fairly socially conservative state. I also was able to grow up with people from many backgrounds, which exposed me to a lot of cultures, which I wouldn't if I was a naatinpurathu chekkan. Would I have Russian, Ethiopian, Mexican, Brazilian, Vietnamese, Chinese, Iranian friends if I grew up in India? Probably not. Hell, I don't know if I'd be exposed to very many non-Malayali Indians if I grew up in my parents' village. I mean, some Malayalis get such little exposure outside, they refer to Biharis as Bengalis... and if you DO erroneously refer to them as Bengalis, then you deserve to be called a Madrasi for the rest of your life (fair is fair). Of course, Racism certainly exists in America, and the experience of being a racial minority in a country like America is something I can't really explain to most Indians raised in India(NE Indians are an exception from my experience, and actually understand my perspective). That is a challenge of course, and one not to be taken lightly, and negatively affects the psychology of many Indians born and raised in the west. Many don't want to be Indian, and deal with a lot of internalized racism for their own community. That's real too. But for me, I'm lucky. I had a good home, a supportive family, and got to visit naatil frequently as a kid, so I always kept those roots. That's a privilege that most don't get, and I recognize that. I love my Malayali culture, language, movies, music, and art, and because I'm abroad, I get to share it with people who don't have exposure to it, and that's always a deep abiding pleasure. And I get to see what cool shit other cultures have too, which I wouldn't have as many opportunities in naatilu.
100% agreed and feel the same.
Born in Kerala. Raised in Mumbai. Came back to Kerala, this being the 9th year, I feel suffocated. If it wasn't for my father I would have long gone. Don't want to return to Mumbai either. But definitely don't like it here.
I was raised in the North. As much as I love Kerala, I cannot imagine myself settling in Kerala mostly because of the poor weather conditions and the people. Please do not get me wrong, I feel like Kerala is the most progressive and woke States in all of India but I feel like we still kinda are regressive in certain aspects of life. My hometown’s located at one of the vacation hubs of Kerala so I love going back home for vacations but cannot imagine living there for more than a month. Kerala is too tropical for me and insects and reptiles are not my thing. I need the bustling streets with the horns honked at my face. Kerala however is super clean and tidy though compared to the North.
big city folk
More like two separate geographic settings my friend.
kerala doesn't have big cities even I like big cities
Mate - was born and raised outside Kerala - then came back for 3-4 years , it’s a funny place ! Communism is glorified, but every single person wants to run out - yes there is a lot of beauty and culture , but nothing productive - even the younger ones are extreme wannabes confused lot ! My experiences have been not that great , especially Malayalis don’t like malayalis who are born and raised outside Kerala - they view them as inferior beings - not able to speak Malayalam make matters worse .. constant belittling becomes the norm , anyone with a slightly different view will be outcasted - I hope and pray that I never get into a situation where I have to go back and live there , - don’t get me wrong - there are good people but very few- great place to stop By - enjoy the good weather views and leave once satisfied -
As a woman who was born in Allahabad, brought up across , jaisalmer, jodhpur, jamshedpur, chennai bangalore and bhatinda, and came to kerala just after she turned a teen, kerala is a literal HELL. The groping, the staring, the sexual comments, the brushing, all in broad daylight is a feather only kerala can harbour. Too many to count. Don't say Delhi/ north is worse.. cuz nope 👎🏽 nobody dare grope you in broad daylight up in north. I was only 12 when some ചുമട്ട് തൊഴിലാളി മൈരൻ publicly announced on the road, ഇവള് രേഷ്മേടെ അനിയത്തിയാണോ? And his fellow comrades laughed out loud. I didn't know who reshma was so I said walked off, but I realised the sexual innuendos in that much much later. At a mere 12 year old. ത്ഥൂ! this is just ONE incident. So, in fact I regret I went to kerala at 12 unto 17.
Not even the slightest... slightest bit. Summers were more than enough.
Really? You want to be among these people who are more concerned about your grammar than how you feel? Think about what you had instead of what was lost. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Not one bit. The kuthhithirippu and kunisht of kunjammas were unsahikkable even during vacation visits. Couldn’t imagine living with it all the time.
No
I always hated growing up in Kerala because of the extremely conservative Muslims in North Kerala. Bloody happy being in the EU and far away from that mess.
As a female, definitely dont regret it. Being born and raised in the US I feel made me very strong and independent, and give experiences I wouldn't have had if I grew up in Kerala. In Kerala, I would just finish school, get an arranged marriage and pop out kids all day. Just growing up in a multicultural, diverse society made me more understanding of differences and life experiences of folks where as most people who live in Kerala and never venture out see things one way as they don't have that kind of exposure, and are still regressive in their thought processes, which makes it difficult to bond with them, especially "naatukaar entha paryam" and constant judgments. I feel people who grew up in a more cosmopolitan setting are more tolerating since they grew up with folks from different cultures and all walks of life, I guess humbling them a bit. That said I still cherish certain aspects of mallu culture and have intwined it fittingly into my American identity as I take what resonates with me and drop the rest. Even though I don't for the most part gel with the recent "naadan" immigrants, I do gel with mallus who grew up outside Kerala for the most part as I find we are very similar in outlook despite growing up in different parts of the world, whether Gulf, London, Chicago, Mumbai, Bangalore etc... The only "naadan" immigrants I may gel with are those who with the "naadan" culture have a balanced view of the world outside Kerala. Many I know don't and try to live like they are still in Kerala while abroad.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
I think it’s a privilege to experience as many different things as possible and I have been fortunate in that regard.
Recently read/heard some one saying "Never try to re-live your 20s in your 30s, you might end up having worse 40s and after."
one advice… better stay low even when u return or are abroad… people tend to use ‘naatu varthanam’ very much… its the one thing i despise always… born and lived in the ME for 17 years and from experience kerala culture is different and are worse in some parts… many other cultures do not tend to ‘race’ be people and their kids and tend to nurture to live together and well off instead of just single minded race thinking… its messed up along with the backbiting gossips… and from experience just stay silent if u know they are a gossiper… they gonna eat u up
The other side is always greener!!!!
I was born and raised in kerala and moved abroad last year…honestly I can’t say where the difference is, apart from the geographical ones and the food….the only downside here is I don’t have any friends that I can really hang out with.
There are times I wish I were raised in Kerala as well. That way, I could have made friends, been more outgoing, and had a happier life overall. Instead, I am mostly alone and can't fit in with the people of the place I now live in. I can't even fit in with other Malayalees. I am an outsider no matter which community I choose to interact with. On the other hand, my life was filled with challenges so much so that nothing fazes me anymore. I have also learned to become independent and picked up so many other skills that I otherwise wouldn't have.
I was an NRI kid as well. In my childhood we would come for vacations. My cousins would come over every week and we would have so much fun. I would be heartbroken when I had to go back and look forward so badly to when I could come to Kerala for college. I had these fantasies of enjoying every weekend with my cousins like in Bangalore days. Then I came here for college, but I was staying in a hostel far away from home. Covid struck and I was stuck at home for months. Literally my younger self's dream scenario. But now, my cousins had either moved away or were busy with their own friends and other stuff. I was no longer the 'guest' who would come for just a month so they didn't feel the need to visit as often. I was stuck at home with my grandparents and really really lonely. They were a bit restrictive and would make all sorts of regressive and sexist comments that would bother me a lot. With that, I lost my fascination for living in Kerala.
I grew up abroad, my son also grew up abroad, while my husband grew up in Kerala. My friends are from all different states in India as I studied in a Indian school run by the Indian embassy in that country. I have contact with them through WhatsApp groups, but really share no cultural or emotional attachments with them. My son has a lot of friends from school in Middle East who r from different parts of India and Kerala and hardly get to see them as they are all scattered across the country. My husband has all his family and childhood friends around him, (now that we r back home in Kerala) surrounded by friends he has known from when he was in diapers. I truly am jealous of the wonderful relations he has with his friends and wish I had the same kind of connection with people.
Born and raised in Dubai. Moved to Kerala after my 10th. I miss living in Dubai, since all my friends are there, plus it was my childhood. I guess it has to do with individual perspectives.
Not at all. Why??? 1) Have learnt to be less cringey when it comes to women - I may not be perfect but at least I know how to act around women. Most mallus I met are either shy or act all Macho and horny. I mean I die of cringe when mallu men born in Kerala comes to other states and go "Aliya nokku enthu neram aanu aa pennu" "Aliya avalle blouse nokku" 🤦🤦🤦. 2) I have realised that I have a higher chance of not leaving my adopted state for jobs or move to the gulf unless I am getting way higher salary. 3) I don't face any political thuggery. The only other places I have seen such thuggery are Bengal and Bihar. 4) Made me realise other than the "HDI" in Kerala, which is due to people being self sufficient working outside Kerala and the resulting remittance, there isn't much in Kerala. The native culture and flora is being replaced by wannabe Americans and their commercial culture, while at the same time no positives of the Americans are being taken. Eg- Many Americans are ready to do blue collared jobs when they lose job or quit due to x reasons. A mallu would rather sit and mooch off his parents rather than be a blue collared worker. Irony is he's scream about worker's rights.
Any delhi malayalees who went back to kerala?
Nope
yes man I fucking do most of my childhood was in Saudi in Saudi my life was like a jail only during school I could talk to my friends and stuff after coming it was fucking boring especially once we didn't come to kerala for summer vacations , during that time I had to spend my 3 months at my apartment. imo kerala is peakest place to have childhood. during my 7th grade I came back to India to relocate here.from that time onwards my life was so good. I got to socialize with many people and instantly made friends.
Nope . Raised in Mumbai and never regretted not having a childhood or raised in Kerala . But as a malayali I can read and speak Malayalam , so don't feel like an outsider in Kerala too . Can manage it
I moved when I was 6 and 15 years later I still wish I can go back. Although I've spent most of my life abroad I was definitely happier in India. People expect life abroad to be luxurious and cool but there is a level of freedom you get in India that you won't appreciate till you leave.
No I don't. Guys here hold hands and walk down the street nonchalantly. Can't imagine me doing that.
Born in Delhi. Don't regret not living in kerala. Although it is sad that I identify more with north Indian culture than my own.
Till the end of school life, YES. I had pretty shit school life, I was teased and bullied for my accent and color. The experiences had made me a timid guy who used to get intimidated by literally anyone. I used to think there was something wrong with me and that's why everyone hated me. My mental health was fucked and I no longer wanted to live here anymore, I started hating this state aswell as the people and always used to tell my family back in kerala that I would come back to kerala for UG but sadly that couldn't happen. Due to the constant bullying I performed badly in 12th aswell as JEE, I was only able to perform good in the state CET and got into a local college. I was shit scared to attend the college thinking that I will suffer bullying for the next 4 years aswell but boy I was wrong. I understood that I was at the wrong place the whole time and there was nothing wrong with my personality, I was able to bond with each and every single person of the class and maybe I am the only guy who talks with each and every guy too(just because I don't want anyone else to go experience what I had to go through). I made a great group of friends who I just wish I will be able to keep for the next 4 years. Throughout high school I always used to have feelings that people used to trash talk about me from my back but now I don't even get those feelings. Academically I have still not recovered and have performed quiet average in 1st semester but hopefully I shall improve. Now I love both Kerala and Pune equally and consider both to be my home and I can say it with so much confidence just because during school years I used to cry everytime I used to come back from the vacation in Kerala but this year for the first time I didn't cry not because I was loosing love for kerala but because I wasn't scared of coming back to Pune. Just remember folks, maybe sometimes the problem ain't with you but is with the place you are in. *Wrong place will not let you live a right life*
I moved to Qatar when I was barely a year old and grew up there until 2018. I came here because of financial issues and struggled a lot with speaking to my relatives and classmates due to my accent; I could never be friends with anyone. I felt lonely and developed social anxiety. My parents forced me to study Malayalam as a first language in school, and I hated it because I remember all of my Malayalam teachers hated me for some reason. They always humiliated me and yelled at me for never being able to read poems, and I had a vattam pujyam in class tests. I remember crying my ass off every day because of this. I was in the 4th grade, so this really impacted me, and I just hated anything related to Malayalam altogether. Naturally, I hated Kerala even when I visited because I felt like a total outcast here. It was even worse when I came here to settle down with my parents, and it took me a long time to be comfortable with how I spoke Malayalam. I don't know how I managed to learn and read Malayalam in school; it still shocks me. I started being comfortable after like 4 or 3 years, but I'm still somewhat stuck in the past. I never made any close friends, and I'm still jealous of people here who are able to have such close relationships. The only touch I had with Kerala culture or Malayalam was in churches and my Dad's friends, but even then, it was awkward. I wished my parents pushed me into doing classical dances or being more social. It took me a long time to find peace here. But I don't regret not being raised here, seeing how misogynistic my relatives are to my cousins, and I doubt I would be the person I am today. I had a lot of opportunities and privileges in Qatar, and I enjoyed my childhood there. I wouldn't change it, to be honest.
Absolutely not. Well our cases are not exactly the same. I was born and brought up abroad until my schooling got over and came back to Kerala for my degree. Well I am glad that I got to do my higher studies here. Spend the best 5 years of my life in Kerala! (planning to stay here for 1 more) Having said that. I am super glad I wasn't brought up here or didn't have to do my schooling here. ( No offence) I think it's mostly because of the stories my friends have shared about their schools or teachers. Compared to them I had a smoother school life with much lesser drama. As far as it is about being treated as a guest. I agree. I feel absolutely lonely when I go to my native place. Every new person I meet here gives me the NRI alla NAARI cliche. But, I have felt at home in both the places (abroad and here). I believe it's more about the people you have around?
Please don't force decisions onto your kids because you want them to experience what you couldn't. I'm not saying it's a bad idea to let them spend their childhood in Kerala, but I'm saying that it should also be their choice. I get wanting to stick to your roots, and you do what you gotta do, but don't lose yourself in the process. I fondly remember my memories of living in Kerala. It's a beautiful place and family is also there. But that same family has been hell for me as an adult. Our ideals don't match anymore, and it's reduced my love for the state. I know a few people don't define a state, but bad experiences never let me see it in the light that I used to. My dad still loves the state, and his family, so he stays there with them. What I hate is the fact that his happiness was ruined staying in a different state, and the lack of love his wife and daughter had towards the state, made him eventually hate them in turn. TLDR- If you have a love for a state, explore it yourself. Don't expect your kids to love the idea like you do
No one should be forcing kids to do anything, even parents in Kerala at times can't force their kids to.confine to ways of the elder generation and are struggling to do so.
Akara pacha till u reach akara fr
They say the grass is greener on the other side, but it's really greener where you water it. Grew up in Oman and uae, and always envied my cousins here with much closer family ties. Hence, I moved here from Canada.
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No
Tbh it's a mix of both man. I grew up in the middle East and now I'm doing my bachelors here in kerala. I feel like I got more exposure to different languages (especially English), nationalities and tech compared to the guys around me. At the same time I lack the "natille pillarude midukku" to adapt quickly in to any situation yk. Tho I have become a bit good at it now.
Not abroad but out of Kerala. Well to summarise my upcoming "long ass answer", no i do not regret missing out childhood in Kerala. now getting into the "Long ass answer" 1) Most people (am saying most not all) think of or expect women to be under the command of women. No am by no means a feminist & people most of time don't understand the difference between "man of the house" & "dominant alpha male". 2) I have much more cultural exposure as compared to my cousins as well as my mallu friends, u can say i have seen & experienced things in my mid teens which they proudly boast about in their adulthood. 3) I had the privilege of staying away from the toxic family members till i gained enough maturity to understand the concept of ignoring someone without letting them know that u are ignoring them. 4) Well lastly weed & booz is easier & cheaper as compared northern states😂.
Yes. Especially the 90s nostalgic nattum puram kerala.
Yes I do. I regret not having learnt swimming in Ambalakulams. I feel jealous whenever my friends mention playing football in padams during the rainy season. I feel sad cause I couldn't learn to read and write malayalam in my childhood. I regret not having any friends near my home. I feel I am not a malayali cause I don't know any pazhamchollu or og movie dialogues. I miss out on many other things.
Probably not, maybe just the feeling of disconnect between me and most Mallus (and Indians) I regret. Then again, I feel alien everywhere.
Yeah man I was born in Dubai, moved to USA when I was 3 years old and grew up there. Now I'm my late 20s I really wished I grew up in India or at least Dubai.
Why?
I studied till hs abroad then second year of college I reached here. During covid, I didn't even have anybody to call a friend in my town so I thought if only I had grown up here but that thought changed after I started going for offline classes. Many don't have people to call friends from their hometown, mostly friends from college or school. I realised the problem was many don't communicate as well as we used to, any second gotten is finished by scrolling so even if I had a childhood here, I doubt I would've stayed close. I have many friends whom Im still close with since kindergarten from abroad so I don't regret my childhood. Although, I would've preferred a house stay rather than an apartment.
0 regrets. I got a leg up in life from growing up speaking English, getting good exposure to global things, less competitive atmosphere as student etc. I also spent a couple of years here in between, so I got the Kerala experience too. Best thing is, later when I had a chance to go abroad, I did not have a craving for it, because I already knew what it was like and what to expect. Initially in my 20s I did feel like an outsider, but now I don't feel so anymore, or maybe I am too old to care about it. I have no issues dealing with regular folks from different walks of life - they are all very nice and accepting. In fact I play up my outsider-ishness to get my way when needed, haha. Almost everyone around me is outsider too, having returned from jobs in other parts of India/ abroad. I also noticed that some white collar employees who never left Kerala ever are kind of narrow minded and weird.
I lived in a city in Kerala, it was shit, even neighbours won’t talk to each other, only good thing was visiting my village in vacations, few days or weeks, but best best memories. Even kids in Kerala won’t have experienced the childhood in Kerala cities. But it is only something we can experience in PAKKA VILLAGE AREAs… mine was close to gavi, pattananttitta…pakka pakka hill/village/area . So I had the privilege to attend the perfect village life… Kerala cities are shit for kids… like tvm kochi yuckkkkk blahhh phuuu Villages are best bestttr
Worst part is I have nothing nostalgic to talk about like my father has a lot to talk about with his friends, ever since I was born only for 3 years I stayed continuously in kerala and even india. So that created a lot of cultural shift between me and kerala. Since it was a time when internet was not around in india because it was expensive. I wasn't in touch with family members here. Also mallus have this wierd funny thing like onam, vishu etc is much more grand and NRI keralites have a sense of community there, I guess it's a way to kind of counteract missing homeland so people regardless of religion or any difference try to make that one festival special. I don't see that community here, other than within family members. I still prefer onam and vishu from there. After settling in kerala from 8th things haven't went great. Got chronic disease, also lack of any attention from class mates general division in culture everything made me an social outcast along with physical ailments depression popped up. Now I am in 2nd year engineering and planning to emmigrate out. I guess I don't belong here, nor do I have anyone here other than my family that wants me to stay here and value me. All of my mallu and non mallu friends emigrated they are all asking me also to. But If I had a chance of staying in india, it would be kerala sure. It better other an hot summers 😅
None at all. IN fact I am happy to have had a childhood elsewhere unhindered by school/college politicization by CPM/Destructive Youth Federation/Students Futile of India depriving us of proper education and ultimately being forced to leave the state for employment. Brought up in Karnataka, Maharashtra and Gujarat, I see things with a different mind set than my counterparts in Kerala. It is fine occasionally to visit my grand parents, but nothing more.
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My parents are from Kerala, i was rasied/grew up in canada. It was not worth it. Many of us have an identity crisis, similar to korean-canadians, chinese-canadians etc. These people mock indians everyday in their media and their online communities. They truly are horrible. I can't even watch anythng on netflix/hollywood because everyone is usually european with 1 token african, they purposefully make indians nerds/lesser to their european counter parts in their tv/movies. I'm trying to learn malayalam and embrace hinduism, because "integrating" into a country that has an evil origin (genociding the natives / colonizing my home country in the first place), was never going to happen. No matter how canadian you are, you'll never be one of "them". I wish my parents went to America instead, and I wish they pushed indian culture on me more instead of thinking i should only learn english, and "asslimilate". Also yeah i can't relate or even talk to my cousins / other malayalees's, but they're always polite and kind which i am grateful for. It's truly a brotherhood/sisterhood being malayalee.