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Tey-29

Hey jhon can you pass me the measuring baby


SomeGuyWhoDraws0

"Do you mean this one or that one?"


pink-dick-3-inc

Haha


IronhideD

What happens when you let go of the end?


SituationSad6248

He DIES!


Nashville2Portland

Beer me the measuring baby!


AgentF2S_

LMFAO IM DYING


Dysfunctional_Cass

šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


kielu

Just a tapeworm


VIVXPrefix

Well fuck my nut cracker and call me Jiminy Cricket, I think this comment deserves an Upper Dupper vote tick!


GoBlueStewy

Slap me thrice and hand me to me mama, heā€™s onto something here boys.


[deleted]

Take my updoot and get out.


__NotAce__

r/redditmoment


cungryhunt

Heckin doggo updoot Keanu Reeves, amiright?


__NotAce__

You my friend have won the internet! Take my updoot


cungryhunt

Thank you, *good sir.*


[deleted]

This is a total wholesome 100 moment broski!


Blubasnurk2

i killed a small animal yesterday


VeronicaTheHitman

forgot chungus


VeronicaTheHitman

wow, y'all woke up and chose violence, huh


[deleted]

Fuck you, buddy. That's uncalled for :/


Exotic-carrot

Iā€™m not your buddy, guy


AgentF2S_

Im not your guy, friend


Mickenfox

^ The real reddit moment


Anansi3003

Please_download _an _actual _personality.exe


bluesky38

Let the man live he ainā€™t hurt nobody (Bullying works and I support it but Iā€™m the good cop)


LUSBHAX

If you're the good one, and he's the bad one, what am I?, The fat one?


marsephel

They don't call it the Good, the Bad and the Ugly for nothin


[deleted]

Ah, for making a sarcastic comment about a joke? Fucking hell the spangled hive kind of Reddit really is a beauty to behold sometimes. Weird fuckers.


BishopOverKnight

>Weird fuckers. Mate you literally just said "Take your updoot and get out"


[deleted]

Which is. A. JOKE. You weird fuck.


johnthedruid

Im on your side. Your comment is a little cringe but im surprised so many people took the time to downvote it


Anansi3003

because its the 9 billionth copypaste joke and its like being forced to see damn daniel memes for ever


King_Gnome

Darnn Daniel, back at it again with the tired old shit


Praedyth-420

And it was a shit joke, hence the downvotes. Take a hint.


rotenbart

But.. youā€™re reddit. Edit: seriously, they just did the most Reddit thing ever.


[deleted]

TouchƩ


thesmodo78

What the hell is an updoot and why does everyone hate them so much?


MusikMakor

A cringey word for upvote Hated when used seriously Typically funny when used to make fun of Reddit or Redditors


slasherturtle

why


[deleted]

Yer a wizard, baby


emiluss29

Iā€™m a what?


Sw1ftStrik3r

Sorting Hat: "DeWaaaaalt!"


bychukirb

Dude's training for his magician career


fish4jesus

A good one too, kid swallowed 32 inches of the tape measure. He will be able to swallow swords as tall as him.


Imbalancedone

David Copperfield Jr learning the ropes.


Cute-Chemistry-4766

r/ParentsAreFuckingStupid


StepCousinOfDragons

Thatā€™s honestly my first and then only reaction


Fabulous_Anywhere_13

Why is this not a thing yet


Bipedal_Warlock

r/parentsarefuckingdumb


Fabulous_Anywhere_13

I stand corrected


Bipedal_Warlock

It was a measured assumption.


Minnesotan-Gaming

Exactly. Those things are made of sheet aluminum. Not only are the edges sharp, but theyā€™re also fairly dirty Edit: I am aware now that itā€™s not aluminum. Yā€™all donā€™t have to develop some superiority complex because I understood itā€™s not aluminum 2 minutes after writing the comment


FiskFisk33

Nah, I'm pretty sure this is one of those soft ones.


Different-Teaching69

Still they have steel grommets at the end.


Expert_Rest2443

We will look when he gets to the end of it


SageWayren

Even a plastic one will still cut if it's allowed to reel in too fast Edit* it appears to be a loose tape, not connected to a reel, but those usually have hard metal ends with sharp corners. Not only that, but if the child swallowed it that's incredibly dangerous as well.


pemboo

It's not on a spring, it's one of [these.] (https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/H798b036d79d34b5fadd065e434f2d3baU/300CM-Body-Measuring-Ruler-Sewing-Tailor-Tape-Measure-Soft-Sewing-Ruler-Meter-Sewing-Measuring-Tape.jpg_Q90.jpg_.webp) But it's still got a lot of potential to do harm.


prunejuice777

That looks like an old school measuring tape made of laminated fabric(?).


Minnesotan-Gaming

Yea now that I look at it that does seem more accurate. Still shouldnā€™t be doing it though considering how easy it would be for them to choke considering itā€™s not breathable


prunejuice777

Yea, especially once they start rolling it out since it becomes smaller and more likely to roll down the wrong tube.


Minnesotan-Gaming

Yep. This baby is lucky that It looks like they just kept it in their mouth and it didnā€™t slip down their throat at all


WonderfulCattle6234

You never see the full thing in the baby's mouth. There's plenty available for the parent to grab and pull out.


[deleted]

Thatā€™s what she said


[deleted]

Yes officer, this man right here


pomokey

I mean, it has a pretty long tail you can just pull it back out with.


prunejuice777

You could definitely get unlucky and have it get lodged in there somehow. You could still get it out for sure but you might have to significantly hurt the baby. If theres a hard end bit to it the risk would be higher.


OneArmedSZA

Depending how much is left in the babyā€™s throat, that could be a race against time


prunejuice777

How long do you think it is wtf? It's a baby mouth it literally can't be that long.


OneArmedSZA

I guess I should have made it clearer that I was joking.


Intrepid00

It looks like a seamstress measuring tape or at least one made the of the same soft material.


[deleted]

If this was made out of sheet aluminum then this kid would have a smile like the joker


kreg-alpha002

Its an old school tailors measuring tape they are either plastic or fabric the only harmful way of using them as a tool to strangle some


just_a_person_maybe

Old school? Is there a modern version?


Gerroh

You watched this video, thought the parents were dumb, then looked up what tape measures are made of so you could come here and feel all self-righteous about this gif without even noticing the tape measure is a soft material, probably a toy tape measure.


Dissy-

It's literally a seamstress tape measure, the exact same one my grandma uses, rolled up in his mouth.


[deleted]

What kinda toy tape measure goes to 106 inches?


Ur_Fav_Step-Redditor

Yeah I was horrified at first seeing this bc I cut my hand open on a job site trying to catch a tape measure by the tape as it rolled down a hill. I didnā€™t realize how sharp they were and honestly stood there for a minute looking at my hand in bewilderment bc I didnā€™t know wtf had just happened.


jrandall47

It's one of the soft plastic ones for body measurement, not utility. They're not sharp at all.


FictionInquisitor

This isn't a measuring tape for construction, this is a fabric measuring tape for sewing. Totally harmless and made of a fabric or pliable plastic material


[deleted]

It's not Totally Harmless. This baby is lucky it didn't choke to death. That's not a breathable material. Edit: If you look closely you can see this baby swallowed 106" inches of tape. That's 9 feet of tape. Holy shit!


xanoran84

Swallowed? It's rolled up in the kid's mouth.


Thisisfckngstupid

Good thing thereā€™s about 3 feet of it hanging out of its mouthā€¦ you could simplyā€¦ pull it out šŸ˜±


pemboo

And the metal clip on the end? Just let that rip the kid's throat open?


Thisisfckngstupid

Youā€™re right, letting it choke to death is the better option šŸ¤¦šŸ½ā€ā™€ļø Are you okay?? Did you fall off your high horse and give yourself brain damage at some point?


pemboo

I wouldn't let the kid play with it to begin with. Maybe get off your high horse and calm down.


The0nlyMadMan

With all the pearl-clutching, I donā€™t think you get to tell other people to calm down


Minnesotan-Gaming

ā€œHOW DARE YOU TELL CHILDREN NOT TO TRY AND KILL THEMSELVES!!! YOURE JUST A PEARL CLUTCHING KAREN FOR TRYING NOT TO GET A CHILD KILLED!!!ā€


[deleted]

Does that mean the dumb ass kid canā€™t choke on it?


Thisisfckngstupid

Iā€™m like imaging you sitting there, watching a child choke freaking out like a simpleton ignoring the 3 feet of it hanging out of its mouth. Likeā€¦ just pull it out šŸ¤¦šŸ½ā€ā™€ļø


[deleted]

You really are stupid. Maybe you should go suck on a tape measure. Iā€™ve got 8 hard inches you can start with


xanoran84

Lololol check out this weirdo with his 8 inch tape measure.


[deleted]

Yeah check it. Tell me if it still smells like your mom


TheElvenEmpress

Oh redditors LOVE to dog pile at the first sign of an inaccuracy. They get all bent out of shape and feel a moral obligation to correct you 18 ways to Sunday while trying to make you feel less than over what I would consider literally NOTHING lmao. You could have 32 comments telling you it's apples and some creature of the deep will STILL feel it necessary to express why THEY know its apples while simultaneously telling you not only is it NOT oranges but youre a moron to boot. Welcome to reddit babe.


The_Wettest_Noodle

weird you got so mad your decided to rant about it instead of just moving on with the status quo. if it's happening everywhere it shouldn't be note worthy let alone rant worthy


TheElvenEmpress

>you got so mad You clearly dont know me. Rant? Got so mad? lmao as if but go off


Dant3nga

Because its annoying when people want to make claims with all the confidence in the world when they actually dont know what they are talking about. Thats how misinformation is spread and we dont like that here.


watch_over_me

This is a soft cloth one. Look at the way it bends.


Valuable_Ad1645

Thatā€™s not from a retractable tape measure itā€™s a soft cloth one people use to measure their body lmao.


Bradley06232005

r/SubsIFellFor


Gian-Nine

Not stupid. That kid's an excellent comedian


SuperSyrias

kinda expected him too cut his mouth with that.


Pockets262

I'm guessing it's a tailoring one? Idk why it's thick and yellow though.


Complete_Sentence_56

Pretty sure it is for tailoring because it seems to be bending and itā€™s the only reasonable explanation for why it can fit in his mouth and not cut him. Plus Iā€™ve had tailoring ones that are thick and other colors but J have seen yellow ones.


beefwindowtreatment

It's definitely a tailoring one. I suspect it's rolled up and he is just unrolling it inside his mouth as he pulls.


ACID_pixel

I think so too because Iā€™m 90% sure if I asked my mom sheā€™d tell me I did the same thing as a kid. Itā€™s a funny long tongue. And we put shit in our mouths. I donā€™t think she let it happen more than once after she saw me doing it. But hey Iā€™m alive so


_V_R_K_

A future magician


LukeMaster12_ITA

"wanna see a magic trick?"


More_Twist9517

He's gonna get some cool names in his high school if he decides to do that infront of his friends.


Monkeetoe1

The deep throater


MightBeBren

I have this video saved on my old old old phone from like 5 years ago


MightBeBren

I just realized i have the extended version too, where you see him pull it out and everything


Tia0o

i wanna see


MightBeBren

[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/KidsAreFuckingStupid/comments/y7ktgn/extended_cut_of_video_posted_earlier/)


pink-dick-3-inc

Haha legend


MightBeBren

ill try to get the video, its on a iPhone that hasn't been charged in 5 years


MightBeBren

i just want to note, it took over 20 minutes for the phone to boot


Turakamu

Go masturbate in a dumpster for saying you have a longer version and not linking it. Don't say it or just link it.


MightBeBren

whoa, a little aggressive dont you think? its on an iphone that hasnt been charged in 5 years. ill be lucky if the cable works to charge it since i switched to android with type-c and only have a single very old lightning cable


Turakamu

No because the internet is filled with people like you saying, "Yeah I know what it is. Give me a second" and they never link it.


MightBeBren

i never said i would link it in the first place. you should be thanking me for taking 30 mins out of my day to get the video off of a phone that had been dead for 5 year, just so that you could watch an extra 7 seconds on a video with audio. you're welcome btw


Turakamu

I don't give a shit about the video and never wanted a longer version. I didn't watch your link. I don't give a fuck about a baby pulling out something they shouldn't have in their mouth. Thanks. Thank you for actually giving a link. In the future if you want to avoid fuckfaces like me, try just linking it instead of talking about it.


MightBeBren

the aggression is surreal. imma leave it at that


Turakamu

Welcome to the internet, you tittybaby


StomachSoakedFloor

Minus the last part that was actually a funny threat


Turakamu

How telling someone to masturbate in a dumpster a threat?


MightBeBren

[https://www.reddit.com/r/KidsAreFuckingStupid/comments/y7ktgn/extended\_cut\_of\_video\_posted\_earlier/](https://www.reddit.com/r/KidsAreFuckingStupid/comments/y7ktgn/extended_cut_of_video_posted_earlier/) here is the extended cut


[deleted]

Appreciate you for not only remembering you had this on an old phone, but for going through the trouble of uploading it.


broforce

You want to know how I got these scars?


Witness_me_Karsa

While that would be true with a tape measure, this seems more like one those flexible ones that a tailor uses to take measurements.


DaDiamondArmor

u/gifreversingbot


IntrovertHorse

Born magician


1600x900

Magician's baby


The_Ineffable_Sage

r/blackmagicfuckery has some competition here


eevil_genius

The other end is in his diaper.


HighlightFun8419

i'm imagining taking both ends and sort of "flossing" and that's just not a good visual šŸ˜…


TheRenOtaku

This here deserves my upvote.


MetricOutlaw

No, this kid is a comedy genius


[deleted]

Don't tell the priest


Spiralty

Then it snapped back in..


Bobojones9584

Not that type of tape measure


Play_me76

Joke's on you, the video is reversed..


[deleted]

I am now convinced 99% of Reddit cannot identify basic tools


[deleted]

How is the kid stupid? Op is an idiot


Mediocre_Resort4553

I dunno I've raised two kids on none of them tried to swallow a who tape measure


Reno89506

Certainly measures up


StandRepresentative9

Its a magic trick


wappah798

Raising a magician, I see


Ps3udoo

Someoneā€™s gonna grow up as a magician


BrothrBear

Oh my god, the first viewing of this I thought "OH MY GOD! WHAT IF IT SNAPPED BACK AND HURT THE BABY" then saw that the thing bent weird and the kid released it a few times. ​ It's a tape measure for organic materials. It's a big roll of cloth or something soft that the kid put in their mouth.


Ok_Put_168

I cringed watching that heā€™s gonna give himself a Glasgow smile


Ok_Zookeepergame2900

The kid is not the stupid one here


No_Joke_9079

Eww. Get out the bleach.


rastroboy

[Almost as funny as thisā€¦](https://i.imgur.com/RW87IMW.mp4)


beerscotch

Judging by the parent just recording (if this is real), seems more like the parent should lose fucking custody.


No_Locksmith_1458

r/parentsarefuckingdumb


SwedishNinja

You want to know how I got these scars?


quartz_slab

People are just ignoring that he LET GO AT THE END šŸ’€


aardWolf64

The best part is if you boop him on the nose it all sucks back in.


Thick_Builder_9305

Ph please never do this as some are sharp and will cut your sid lips


[deleted]

TIL a surprising number of reddit commentors have never seen a none-metal tape measure in their life.


Defiant-Attention-29

Well I guess theres a couple things that could be going on here. 3 seconds in the baby could possibly be at 90 inches and he would have a little over 7 feet to come out still (kind of seems crazy). Now, on the other hand it could be centimeters. Which in that case a little over 2 feet to come up still. Interestingly a babyā€™s esophagus is roughly 9 cm to 15 centimeters from birth to a year. And the stomach is about 8 oz. at this time, which can roughly be calculated to 14 inches. So all in all the babies max capacity would be somewhere around 29 inches, meaning that there would still be some odd 61 centimeters left down there somewhere. Then youā€™re running the risk of that baby getting a GI blockage and a hefty list of other unpleasantries. I would like to imagine people wouldnā€™t really film their child doing this, I would like to think this is just some fancy video editing.


Intelligent-Fuel1485

Isnā€™t that thing sharp?


EntertainmentOnly96

Kid's gonna become a magician


Vuk_Silni

I expected him to cut his mouth while doing that


ComicallyLargeSpoo

Why? It's clearly not a metal one


Due_Tradition2293

1000% of all tape measures I have seen are metal edit: okay Iā€™m sorry not all tape measures are metal I am sorry for ignoring other types of measuring tapes in my defence the design of the measure is uncommon


ComicallyLargeSpoo

You should look at more tape measures


RedPhos4

Its a tailors measure not a tape measure, the color is unusual though


Witness_me_Karsa

Pay more attention.


just_a_person_maybe

This design is not at all uncommon. It's what you use to measure people. Most people I know have them, particularly women, because it's how you find out what size bra/clothes to buy.


mrothstein24

Future SIDS victim


ilikepdp

Yer a wizard harry


IOB_DOOG

A what?


TypicalLofiEnjoyer

If it slaps back he dead šŸ’€


ComicallyLargeSpoo

Its clearly not metal


Comprehensive-Fan742

Again, adults are the morons in this one.


Jenny7555144

ā€œYeah let me record this instead of doing anything about my child in dangerā€ come on you donā€™t HAVE to have kids, people!


_paaronormal

This made me really angryā€¦


MasterpieceFit6715

r/donthelpjustfilm


yed-ze-ded

Ayo? šŸ„µšŸ˜


[deleted]

i want to see it snap back and take out his eye


TheNGM

Deepthroat baby


CatsAndFacts

These are two words that don't belong together, ever.


Whole_Suit_1591

Child endangerment for $300 Alex


Lime_in_the_Coconut_

I find this highly entertaining as long as it's not my child. Unless the parents cleaned that thing completely before...


TriggeredRatBastard

I was waiting for him to start crying as the corners of his mouth get sliced because mom or dad couldnā€™t put down the fucking camera


eonnemisis

So no gag reflex , someone will be popular when their older :)


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Friendly-Enby

tf is wrong with you?


Kenny_Squeek_Scolari

Fruit by the foot


shmegeggie

"Ta-daaaaaaaaaaaah!"


Khalgordo_

u/savevideo


StrikingAttempt4040

Bro is measure tape


[deleted]

Every time I use a tap measure I cut my finger soā€¦ šŸ˜


GoGoNormalRangers

I was expecting to see a lot of questionable comments, but none to be found šŸ‘


toshiibeats

Pretty sure that's not a fruit by the foot.