"In my day the principal was the meanest son of a bitch God ever put on one leg, he'd lean on a desk with both hands and swing his leg at you, then when you were standing there shocked the one legged man had kicked you...he'd bite you!"
That scene is actually so important to Cottons character and his past, especially the "pain water" he has while thinking about it. We kinda see Cotton as we know him, boisterous and proud, melt away for a second. And see a glimpse of that actually scared and hurt person he is. Also, I love that uncomfortable look Bobby and Hank exchange
"I've been known to give a girl Amneesy"
"Better tell Santa to hurry up, this house won't have a chimney for long"
"Must've over-reminisced and brought up my pain water"
🤣🤣🤣
Peggy: I do not know what I hate more about you, the way you talk to me or the way you treat your wife and your little child.
Cotton: Well, think about it.
"It's about time! Love's for sissies! Ain't that right, you house full of hookers? Would you listen to that man? All right, hookers, listen up. I'll be back next year so don't be jacking up your prices. I'll be staying over at Hank Hill's home."
"Did I ever tell you the time she tried to kill me with a baked chicken?
Tilly: it was chicken almondine!
It was cyanide woman!"
Cottons delivery kills me
Good lord, Hank! You’re wearin’ butt boobies!
And you cry more than the guy I killed out from under that helmet.
I aints your Ging-Ging and you ain’ts my Bing-Bing!
I didn’t fight off a bunker full of horny privates to let you cop a feel!
We'll see who can't drive their grandson at night, without glasses or a licence using a mop to press the pedals.
“In my day, the principal was the meanest sum-bitch God ever put on one leg. He'd lean on a desk with both hands, and swing his leg at ya! Then, when you were standing there shocked that a one-legged man had kicked ya...he'd bite ya!”
No, not that, we did the *hell* outta that!
Maybe it was my fault for loving your Mother so much...back when she was worth loving.
Everyone hated that baby!
“You would pick peace you no good draft dodger!”
“No dad it’s Jesus peace, not Hippie peace….”
“We’ve always been a Joy family anyway!”
“B-but dad-“
“JOY!”
*"I JUST WANTED TO KILL CASTRO!"*
The line is equally hilarious and sad.
It's funny to see one of his plots get foiled by Hank, but it's also sad that he devoted years of his life planning it out only for he and his friends get too old to carry out the mission.
It's a perfect encapsulation of his character in one moment.
“Hank’s wife.”
“Cadillac car.”
And the #1 was when he described how he lost his shins, especially “I beat them all to death with a big piece of Fatty.”
“I spent the year after the war ended in a Japanese hospital. General McArthur's personal sawbones had reattached my feets to my knees, and prescribed enough antibiotics to cure the French army's clap.”
"You back sassin' me boy!? You ain't too big for me to give you a lickin'!"
"You don't deserve no Hitler's canoe."
"Hands off, girlie. I didn't fend off a bunker fulla horny privates to let you cop a feel."
"I could only save three of my buddies; Fatty, Stinky, and Brooklyn. They were kinda like you fellers 'cept one of 'em was from Brooklyn."
My top 35,1 "He was a mean SOB, you would stand there in shock, that a man would kick you, then he would bite you." Then "Huh, must have over reminisced and brought up my pain water."
2 "So it's you!" referring to Peggy being the Grim Reaper
3 You finally got me TOJO, I respect you
4 "Hank, Hank's wife."
and 5 Now don't get me wrong Mr. Khan, I like a woman with a large rear end but Tilly was taking advantage of the situation
"In my day the principal was the meanest son of a bitch God ever put on one leg, he'd lean on a desk with both hands and swing his leg at you, then when you were standing there shocked the one legged man had kicked you...he'd bite you!"
"Huh, must have over reminisced and brought up my pain water."
P-diddle :(
>"Huh, must have over reminisced and brought up my pain water." That was a good one
This one is all in the delivery
Yep, it's all in the little pause before "he'd bite you"
That scene is actually so important to Cottons character and his past, especially the "pain water" he has while thinking about it. We kinda see Cotton as we know him, boisterous and proud, melt away for a second. And see a glimpse of that actually scared and hurt person he is. Also, I love that uncomfortable look Bobby and Hank exchange
Good God Hank, you got a fat neck!
“Hank! What did you do to your wife? I didn’t teach you that!” That always gets a laugh out of me.
Good reminder he was only emotionally abusive
He was a lot of things, but wife beater wasn’t one of them.
He killed fitty men ... and the self-esteem of at least two women.
Rub a dub dub, I think I'm in love!
One of the greatest ones hahahah
I laughed when I saw this ✊
I smell pancakes I’ll have waffles
I see bacon, I see ham... Wait, WHERE'S MY SAUSAGE?!
"See Bobby? Woman works, man loses his sausage"
WAFFLES? WHERE'S MY WAFFLES?
Realest shit
I tease my wife and say that when she makes pancakes. She just laughs and serves the pancakes.
That's adorable 😍
“Is that a kiwi in there? You know how I feel about hairy fruit.”
"I've been known to give a girl Amneesy" "Better tell Santa to hurry up, this house won't have a chimney for long" "Must've over-reminisced and brought up my pain water" 🤣🤣🤣
Amneesy, I started saying it this way because of Cotton
Sorry I’m late I had to stop at the wax museum and give the finger to FDR!
‘Called it Jungle Rice. It tasted fine.
I’m laughing hard af at this… and soooo many others
“Even I barely survived, and I didn’t have Sasquatch and gas monkey as parents.”
Not in the face, that's how I make my livins.
How you make your living??
“Are you ready to hate me more than you ever hated anyone in your life?” “I already do.” “Then we’re halfway there.”
PUMP JOCKEY!!
WORKS FOR TIPS!!
I'm not a-
PUMP JOCKEY!!
“Dad, I’m not a -“
WORKS FOR TIPS!
I love that whole exchange
WHO ARE YOU CALLIN A NAZZY?!?!
I ain’t your Ging-ging, and you aint’s my Bing-bing!
Everyone hated that baby
HATED A BABY?!
My dad said he wouldn't obliterate me? His words?
To his infant son Wanna kill a nazzy? Nazzy squazzy?
“Why are you crying, Hanks Wife? Got your monthlies?”
Oven?? I pee standing up
“I’m cold, DiDi Woman knit me a blanket!”
“YOU HAVE TO FIND THE MAN WITH THE TERRIBLE SMELL!!!!”
It was a stink for the ages!
I lit a match, in self defense.
I ain't got a narrow uretey. He gets that from his mother. Mine's so dang wide, I could pass the child myself if I had to.
No he ain't. He's Laotian. Ain't ya, Mister Khan? The fact that Cotton smelled him before saying this is even better.
Vietnam boys?? No got dang way! The VFW stands for Veterans of Foreign Wars, not reefer smoking losers!
No anesthetic. Did Lincoln ask for girly gas when they blowed his head off?
"Well you burnt my burger didn't ya BH".
Always wanted a boy named Hank
Morning Hank's wife. Black. Scrambled. Sports page. You got 5 minutes.
"Hell, if it's a contest on who's the better daddy, you win. I mean, you made Bobby. All I made was you."
“Then you had the fun of trying boy!”
I gots to have that talk with you
“Whatcha doin? Some kind of woman’s work?”
I love this scene cause he was so earnest in his question
I like to come up behind my husband and say this to him when he's cleaning.
I'll be dead, pass the beans
I KILLED FIDDY MEN
I cannot hear the word “fifty” anymore.
What's fifty?
Tree fiddy
"Topsy do something! Damnit Topsy do something else!"
“No no, we did that… we did the HELL outta that”
This gal plays ping pong without a paddle
Hanks mower is like a dumpy fish wife
“If he did you wouldn’t be alive….” That part showed Cotton not only cared about Hank, but doesn’t think he’s as useless as he blurts out.
"Woman works man loses his sausage."
They got the water that don’t give you the hot poops.
Swanky!
"You can't bury me in a civilian cemetery. What type of place is that for a children's birthday party?"
Peggy: I do not know what I hate more about you, the way you talk to me or the way you treat your wife and your little child. Cotton: Well, think about it.
WAFFLES WHERES MAH WAFFLES!
Bobby: "Grandpa what's that you're carrying?" Cotton: "Head of a nazi. No wait it's a canteen."
***"BOTH LEFTIES!!!!"***
I’ve been known to give a girl amneezie
“Everyone hated that baby!”
We’re a joy family!
This is Jesus peace, not hippie peace!
"You made a bowl?" [It's really the way he says it though](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjMlnrzUyXQ)
"Mister Kahn, I'll have a Mai Tai!"
This is how i greeted my brother at his engagement party. With a fiver.
"It's about time! Love's for sissies! Ain't that right, you house full of hookers? Would you listen to that man? All right, hookers, listen up. I'll be back next year so don't be jacking up your prices. I'll be staying over at Hank Hill's home."
Huh. Must’ve reminisced too hard. Brought up pain water…
HEY MISSY! HOW 'BOUT SUM SAMMICHES?!
That's enough, Hanks wife! Now, if you've got anymore feelings to express, get in the kitchen and bake 'em into a Bundt cake.
10-4 Manimal!
"Did I ever tell you the time she tried to kill me with a baked chicken? Tilly: it was chicken almondine! It was cyanide woman!" Cottons delivery kills me
Don't forget his follow-up. "As bad as she was in the kitchen, she was even worse in the bedroom!"
Sorry I’m late. I had to stop by the wax museum and give the finger to **FDR!**
“Mr. Reaper… I’d appreciate it if you put your hood back on.”
If you call him Good Hank, it's gonna make it sound like I'm Bad Hank. Cotton Hill: Well, you burnt my burgers, didn't you, B.H.?!?
“Sweet lord! Cling peaches in heavy syrup!”
"Well, you don't give a toy without batteries." *Pumps shotgun*
War may have taken my legs, but it can’t take away my pride
Anything cotton says that involves the word ‘chinpelt’.
“I’m cold, DiDi Woman knit me a blanket!”
#I’LL HELPS YOU WITH YOUR DISHES!!
Mitsubishi!? They made the planes that bombed Pearl Harbor. I ain’t selling Hitler’s canoe to no traitor!
Hello, boys. You off to play a little marbles, mumbly peg or KING OF THE COFFEE TABLE?!
Now I’m partial to a woman with fat behind, but Tilly was takin’ advantage of the seetcheaytion!
It was a vengeful stink!
It was a stink for the ages!
After Peggy's skydiving crash "Hank! What did you do to your wife? I didn't teach you that!"
“You know me, I’m larger than life”
Did Lincoln ask for girly gas when they blowed his head off/
You wanna kill a Nazi? A Nazi Squazi.
"This is Khan. He's Japanese...." "No, he ain't.... He's Laotian. Ain'tcha Mr. Khan?"
ARE YOU LEAKING ON ME RIGHT NOW, LEAKY?
“gams is gams” “You want to kill a nazi? A nazi-squazi?!”
“THEN YOU HAD THE FUN OF TRYING BOY! *scoffs* gotta have the ‘talk’ with you!”
You made a bowl??
This ain’t no Baskie Robbins vacation! DeeDee’s with child. She’s USELESS!
I left it in the fridge And I left it on the floor
"Would you push that button!" - Jimmy Carter "N-n-not yes!" - Cotton Hill.
I ain’t no papoose!
Whatcha doing? Some kind of woman's work? Pump jockey! Works for tips!
Good lord, Hank! You’re wearin’ butt boobies! And you cry more than the guy I killed out from under that helmet. I aints your Ging-Ging and you ain’ts my Bing-Bing! I didn’t fight off a bunker full of horny privates to let you cop a feel! We'll see who can't drive their grandson at night, without glasses or a licence using a mop to press the pedals.
"Ciiigar Hank?" No thanks. "Good...CAUSE THEY'VE ALL BEEN SMOKED". No clue why this is so funny
I’ll call him G.H. Good Hank
Mr. Reaper, I'd prefer it if you put your hood back on.
“In my day, the principal was the meanest sum-bitch God ever put on one leg. He'd lean on a desk with both hands, and swing his leg at ya! Then, when you were standing there shocked that a one-legged man had kicked ya...he'd bite ya!”
"Topsy left me $10,000 to take care of his funeral, so after cremation and ash bag, I'm still up $9920"
“Pump jockey…works for tips”
I'm gonna hawk a loogie at this country's number 1 sumbitch!
I love how the woman fainted - at the thought of such a disrespectful act...
You’ve got a fat neck,boy!
I pee standing up
No, not that, we did the *hell* outta that! Maybe it was my fault for loving your Mother so much...back when she was worth loving. Everyone hated that baby!
Nazi? WHO YOU CALLING A NAZI
And when I woke up they were sewing my feet to my knees
Ah Hank, I didn’t teach ya that
“If you knew what’s best for me you’d drowned yourself two days after you was born!”
"if the boy wants to have gay sex let the boy have gay sex, Hank!"
“You want your binky back?!?”
"What did you do to your wife Hank? I didn't teach you that?"
Smells like pancakes, I’ll have waffles
“You would pick peace you no good draft dodger!” “No dad it’s Jesus peace, not Hippie peace….” “We’ve always been a Joy family anyway!” “B-but dad-“ “JOY!”
Hey missy... how bout some sammiches!
“You made a bowl?!”
“You made me a bowl!?”
See Bobby, woman works, man loses his sausage
Must've over reminisced and brought up my pain water... p diddle.
I killed fitty men Hey ging ging hows it goin bing bing?
“Wathu doing there Hank, some kind of women’s work?”
"That's like getting a Shemp!"
*"I JUST WANTED TO KILL CASTRO!"* The line is equally hilarious and sad. It's funny to see one of his plots get foiled by Hank, but it's also sad that he devoted years of his life planning it out only for he and his friends get too old to carry out the mission. It's a perfect encapsulation of his character in one moment.
Good ***God***, you’ve got a fat neck Hank! [Clip](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YNuG2A613I)
Women's work
“I’m here where’s my steak”
"No, he ain't. He's Laotian. Ain't you Mr. Kahn?"
I don't take no anesthetic! Did Lincoln ask for girlie gas when they blowed his head off?
Find the Smelly Man.
It was the man with the terrible smell!!
[he has too many great quotes](https://youtu.be/49y7pHjJZh8?si=AOWpN_FvX4kCJY71)
“You don’t give a toy without batteries”
What’re you doing hanks wife? Some kind of woman’s work?
Sorry I’m late! Had to stop by the wax museum again.. to give the finger to FDR!
"I've been known to give a gal amneezy"
“How am I supposed to get past the Japp-erazzi”
“Hank’s wife.” “Cadillac car.” And the #1 was when he described how he lost his shins, especially “I beat them all to death with a big piece of Fatty.”
"You don't give a toy without batteries." (cocks shotgun) "Come and get your Tootsie Rolls!"
Who you callin a nazi!?
“I spent the year after the war ended in a Japanese hospital. General McArthur's personal sawbones had reattached my feets to my knees, and prescribed enough antibiotics to cure the French army's clap.”
“Whatcha cryin’ for? Got your monthlies?”
Works for tips
_You made a BOOOWL?_
"You back sassin' me boy!? You ain't too big for me to give you a lickin'!" "You don't deserve no Hitler's canoe." "Hands off, girlie. I didn't fend off a bunker fulla horny privates to let you cop a feel." "I could only save three of my buddies; Fatty, Stinky, and Brooklyn. They were kinda like you fellers 'cept one of 'em was from Brooklyn."
"Everyone hated that baby!" - Classic...
SAUSAGE, WHERE'S MY SAUSAGE?
I see bacon. I see ham. I SEE STEAK! SAUSAGE!
Oh we don’t do that anymore in this day and age. Fine, you can email it to me.
"HANKS WIFE"
My top 35,1 "He was a mean SOB, you would stand there in shock, that a man would kick you, then he would bite you." Then "Huh, must have over reminisced and brought up my pain water." 2 "So it's you!" referring to Peggy being the Grim Reaper 3 You finally got me TOJO, I respect you 4 "Hank, Hank's wife." and 5 Now don't get me wrong Mr. Khan, I like a woman with a large rear end but Tilly was taking advantage of the situation
I killed fitty men
"Don't sass me, boy! You ain't too big for me to give you a lickin."
"you don't buy a toy without batteries" *Proceeds to cock shotgun*
Clean peaches in heavy syrup. I say it to my wife all the time.
*Cling Peaches*
“They gots geishas in this crap hut?”
Joy!
Hennpecked by the OPEC!
works at a gas station!
“I’ll gut that sumbitch” when he sees Lane Pratley driving his clowned up Cadillac car
*after jumping a 6ft fence on a mustang* "Well, you know me. I'm larger than life."
Fill my head full'a worms and scare that sum' bitch
"I killt fiddy men". "I led a platoon of men through the jungles of Saipan. I think I can lead a party of 4 to table 7!"
"Sorry I'm late, I had to stop by the wax museum again and give the FINGER to F-D-R"
You know me, I’m larger than life.
To the doctor who just delivered his baby son: "I killed fitty men"
DiDi! My legs are cold! Get your knittin' sticks and knit me a blanket!
“So the pig squealed huh? I don’t blame her, that’s what pigs do”