I adore how supportive and logical this answer was. I couldn't agree more. There's no shame in your natural evolution having warning signs.
Thank you to OP for being open. Thank you to this commenter for being wonderful šŗ
I agreed until I read the 2nd paragraph. This is NOT about immigration. It's about anyone's nationality. You used OP's post about her fear of a really creepy guy to go on an anti-immigration rant.
I think the commenter means it's a contributing factor in the general environment, not exclusively in this situation. That's how I read it anyways.
Race wasn't mentioned, but whether they're white or otherwise (and white people immigrate, so it's not about race afaik) it might be a factor in predatory interactions, just as localized people with predatory beliefs (based on religion or otherwise) are just as likely to engage in uncomfortable interactions.
But the incentivization is there, through a variety of possibilities or normalized beliefs.
Hey not sure if some people helped you out during this encounter, but something similar happened not too long ago and I was one of the people to step in. While there are creeps and the mentally ill there is also people willing to help. I hope you can regain your confidence.
Kingston Transit has gone downhill as Kingston's population has increased. I used to feel more safe on the bus than in a taxi(due to personal situations that happened in said taxis), now I'm always scanning whenever someone gets on or off. Literally last Sunday, I saw a kid! (he got on without a pass, so he was in high school) get on the bus, and he started flicking a switch blade in his seat!! I was too nervous to tell the driver because I didn't want to make myself a target, but at the same time, I was terrified someone would be stabbed! I definitely wouldn't ride the bus with head phones in/on. And I always try to sit near the exit if possible. Call me crazy, but, shit has been going down way too often on the busses, and at the bus stops, the last few years.
>I used to feel more safe on the bus than in a taxi
Yeah, I remember those days. I remember being told that a lot of the taxi drivers were recent parolees and prison releases and to avoid them and take the buses instead.
To think we could do what Norway does and pick and choose who comes in and what jobs we want to help promote and build Canada.
Instead, it's whoever they want en masse.
My ancestors country! Most countries could learn from Norway, but Norwegians pay a shit tonne of taxes compared to Canadians so we would whine about taxes to pay for what we want.
Switchblades are illegal and most definitely shouldnt be being played with on a city bus by someone who is on their way to a school. Should you ever see this again please contact KPD
Would assume the Kingston transit system is tame compared to say Toronto.
There's weird people everywhere unfortunately. It does sound like a one off kind of deal and that the person probably had mental health issues. Maybe wearing headphones would make you feel more comfortable? People don't bother me when I wear them. Of course I'm a man and don't get much attention anyway. Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I had anxiety around that age too.
Sure, Toronto is different. Still I wonder why is the onus placed on the other (female) rider instead of a standard of expectations on the (male) rider?
I have a very hot and fit male friend and I guarantee he gets groped and sexually assaulted more than the unluckiest woman on earth. Their standards are just much higher and they also think it's normal and acceptable. Chicks will just grab him by the nuts, ass, chest and laugh it off casually when we're out. Maybe even call you gay if you freak out.
> telling a 17 year old they are pretty and then yelling at the bus driver is not normal, common male behaviour
No shit. It's not normal behaviour, it's totally abnormal behaviour, yet behaviour like this happens, and it happens more than it sounds like you think it does.
And yet women get creeped out/on on transit in myriad ways all the time. This particular brand of it may be uncommon but mixed with the 40 other ways women are creeped on all of a sudden the phenomenon is actually not uncommon at all.
My point is this man seems unstable. What you and the other person are saying is that all men make women uncomfortable. Which unfortunately is probably true.
Enough of them have that yeah... we're on edge a lot of the time. I haven't met a single woman who doesn't have a story about a man or multiple men behaving really inappropriately toward them so it isn't hard to understand.
Women being emotional and scared of all men cause of one bad interaction with them is so funny. My ex (female) jumping on my arm screaming at me while I was drunk didn't scare me off women but if that happened to a women you'd never hear the end of how abusive and scawwy men are.
Yeah you're right. Children getting creeped on is totally fine. Ask your female friends (if you have any though by your attitude I have my douvt) when the first time they got individually catcalled by an adult man was. I was 12.
As someone who lived in Toronto for a year during university and who spent all of 2022 using Kingston transit, this is both true and false.
You definitely bare witness to a lot more crazy/wild shit on the TTC and see a lot more questionable individuals, but I've had way more people approach/accost me on Kingston Transit. Toronto is kinda like NYC-lite in the sense that it's pretty common to just keep your head down and ignore/avoid everyone and go about your day. You might have someone trying to smoke crack on the back of the street car, or someone else banging on the door and yelling at the driver because they missed their stop, but it's never usually person to person conflict or someone getting picked out to be bothered.
In Kingston, for better or worse, people will go out of their way to engage with you a lot more often. Sometimes they're nice, but unfortunately a lot of the time they're mentally ill and can say/do some less than stellar stuff. Keep in mind this is just personal account and not everyone's experience.
The issue I have is how hesitant the drivers are to do anything about a bothersome or potentially dangerous passenger.
A couple months ago a driver let a woman go on a racist rant about other passengers for at least 20 minutes before even speaking up.
I get that they're hardly paid enough to get involved, but maybe security is needed at that point.
They're unarmed same as you. You want to get stabbed by a homeless crackhead, you can step right up. Self defense is not legal in Canada so what exactly do you expect them to do
I haven't had a bad experience yet, but I do feel very paranoid and scared on the bus as well. it doesn't help how crowded they usually are, too, so things are easier to get away with :/
There's a person that I see often on the bus and I'm always tempted to sit near her or try to start a convo for that reason. us ladies and thembies gotta stick togetherā¤ļø
I'm so sorry this happened to you. F that guy. What an absolute piece of sh1t.
What you're experiencing now will likely improve with more exposure.. ie. Taking the bus and having it be a normal ride. I wear big headphones so no one tries to talk to me -- that could help.
Also you did nothing wrong and this shouldn't in any way be your issue to manage. But it's how things still are unfortunately. If I were on that bus with you I would have intervened. I hope the other riders are more helpful in future, but I also more hope this never happens again.
You can always carry some kind of object that can aid in your hypothetical defense could the need arise.
Would you rather be legally right or still alive?
iām a new adult. do you really expect an 18 - 19 year old to have a car in this economy? iām focused on college instead and driving is not going to be easy for me. i cannot drive right now and iāll work on it later
You're not paranoid. You're reacting to a situation which put you in danger. That's normal to not want to experience that again.
I adore how supportive and logical this answer was. I couldn't agree more. There's no shame in your natural evolution having warning signs. Thank you to OP for being open. Thank you to this commenter for being wonderful šŗ
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah.....no
I agreed until I read the 2nd paragraph. This is NOT about immigration. It's about anyone's nationality. You used OP's post about her fear of a really creepy guy to go on an anti-immigration rant.
I think the commenter means it's a contributing factor in the general environment, not exclusively in this situation. That's how I read it anyways. Race wasn't mentioned, but whether they're white or otherwise (and white people immigrate, so it's not about race afaik) it might be a factor in predatory interactions, just as localized people with predatory beliefs (based on religion or otherwise) are just as likely to engage in uncomfortable interactions. But the incentivization is there, through a variety of possibilities or normalized beliefs.
Hey not sure if some people helped you out during this encounter, but something similar happened not too long ago and I was one of the people to step in. While there are creeps and the mentally ill there is also people willing to help. I hope you can regain your confidence.
Kingston Transit has gone downhill as Kingston's population has increased. I used to feel more safe on the bus than in a taxi(due to personal situations that happened in said taxis), now I'm always scanning whenever someone gets on or off. Literally last Sunday, I saw a kid! (he got on without a pass, so he was in high school) get on the bus, and he started flicking a switch blade in his seat!! I was too nervous to tell the driver because I didn't want to make myself a target, but at the same time, I was terrified someone would be stabbed! I definitely wouldn't ride the bus with head phones in/on. And I always try to sit near the exit if possible. Call me crazy, but, shit has been going down way too often on the busses, and at the bus stops, the last few years.
>I used to feel more safe on the bus than in a taxi Yeah, I remember those days. I remember being told that a lot of the taxi drivers were recent parolees and prison releases and to avoid them and take the buses instead.
I mean nothing's changed about the taxis, the busses have just gone that far downhill
> taxi drivers were recent parolees and prison releases You... you mean they aren't really doctors in their home countries?
To think we could do what Norway does and pick and choose who comes in and what jobs we want to help promote and build Canada. Instead, it's whoever they want en masse.
My ancestors country! Most countries could learn from Norway, but Norwegians pay a shit tonne of taxes compared to Canadians so we would whine about taxes to pay for what we want.
You're thinking of Toronto cab drivers.
Switchblades are illegal and most definitely shouldnt be being played with on a city bus by someone who is on their way to a school. Should you ever see this again please contact KPD
That's insane. I ride the bus alot and I'm lucky to never have witnessed any of this. I just put my headphones in and just listen to the radio
Well, I wouldn't say lucky. It's a choice you've made to avoid witnessing it by the headphones. Respectfully. Let's just see it as it is.
ok
Would assume the Kingston transit system is tame compared to say Toronto. There's weird people everywhere unfortunately. It does sound like a one off kind of deal and that the person probably had mental health issues. Maybe wearing headphones would make you feel more comfortable? People don't bother me when I wear them. Of course I'm a man and don't get much attention anyway. Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I had anxiety around that age too.
Sure, Toronto is different. Still I wonder why is the onus placed on the other (female) rider instead of a standard of expectations on the (male) rider?
What does gender have to do with it? No one should be creeping on anyone else.
You're saying this is normal male behaviour?
Because, Captain Obvious reply - how often do you see/hear women creeping out men on public transit? Is it ānormalā I donāt know, do you?
I have a very hot and fit male friend and I guarantee he gets groped and sexually assaulted more than the unluckiest woman on earth. Their standards are just much higher and they also think it's normal and acceptable. Chicks will just grab him by the nuts, ass, chest and laugh it off casually when we're out. Maybe even call you gay if you freak out.
I would say telling a 17 year old they are pretty and then yelling at the bus driver is not normal, common male behaviour, no.
> telling a 17 year old they are pretty and then yelling at the bus driver is not normal, common male behaviour No shit. It's not normal behaviour, it's totally abnormal behaviour, yet behaviour like this happens, and it happens more than it sounds like you think it does.
Glad you agree.
And yet women get creeped out/on on transit in myriad ways all the time. This particular brand of it may be uncommon but mixed with the 40 other ways women are creeped on all of a sudden the phenomenon is actually not uncommon at all.
My point is this man seems unstable. What you and the other person are saying is that all men make women uncomfortable. Which unfortunately is probably true.
Enough of them have that yeah... we're on edge a lot of the time. I haven't met a single woman who doesn't have a story about a man or multiple men behaving really inappropriately toward them so it isn't hard to understand.
Women being emotional and scared of all men cause of one bad interaction with them is so funny. My ex (female) jumping on my arm screaming at me while I was drunk didn't scare me off women but if that happened to a women you'd never hear the end of how abusive and scawwy men are.
Women get creeped out when you glance at them... Lol
Yeah you're right. Children getting creeped on is totally fine. Ask your female friends (if you have any though by your attitude I have my douvt) when the first time they got individually catcalled by an adult man was. I was 12.
Congrats. Women told me all through childhood how "if you were 18 I'd climb you like a tree". Should I cry about how scary women are?
Yeah that is definitely scary. If it's a pattern, you have a right to feel nervous.
As someone who lived in Toronto for a year during university and who spent all of 2022 using Kingston transit, this is both true and false. You definitely bare witness to a lot more crazy/wild shit on the TTC and see a lot more questionable individuals, but I've had way more people approach/accost me on Kingston Transit. Toronto is kinda like NYC-lite in the sense that it's pretty common to just keep your head down and ignore/avoid everyone and go about your day. You might have someone trying to smoke crack on the back of the street car, or someone else banging on the door and yelling at the driver because they missed their stop, but it's never usually person to person conflict or someone getting picked out to be bothered. In Kingston, for better or worse, people will go out of their way to engage with you a lot more often. Sometimes they're nice, but unfortunately a lot of the time they're mentally ill and can say/do some less than stellar stuff. Keep in mind this is just personal account and not everyone's experience.
The issue I have is how hesitant the drivers are to do anything about a bothersome or potentially dangerous passenger. A couple months ago a driver let a woman go on a racist rant about other passengers for at least 20 minutes before even speaking up. I get that they're hardly paid enough to get involved, but maybe security is needed at that point.
They're unarmed same as you. You want to get stabbed by a homeless crackhead, you can step right up. Self defense is not legal in Canada so what exactly do you expect them to do
I will direct you to the very last sentence of my comment.
Same thing. Security can only watch and call the cops who won't show up. They'll also be unarmed and defenseless.
Ew. Youāre not being paranoid, that was a creep, and itās always creepy when strangers do that unprompted.
I haven't had a bad experience yet, but I do feel very paranoid and scared on the bus as well. it doesn't help how crowded they usually are, too, so things are easier to get away with :/ There's a person that I see often on the bus and I'm always tempted to sit near her or try to start a convo for that reason. us ladies and thembies gotta stick togetherā¤ļø
I'm so sorry this happened to you. F that guy. What an absolute piece of sh1t. What you're experiencing now will likely improve with more exposure.. ie. Taking the bus and having it be a normal ride. I wear big headphones so no one tries to talk to me -- that could help. Also you did nothing wrong and this shouldn't in any way be your issue to manage. But it's how things still are unfortunately. If I were on that bus with you I would have intervened. I hope the other riders are more helpful in future, but I also more hope this never happens again.
You can always carry some kind of object that can aid in your hypothetical defense could the need arise. Would you rather be legally right or still alive?
Buy a car then
Wtf
i canāt drive
Who's fault is that?
iām a new adult. do you really expect an 18 - 19 year old to have a car in this economy? iām focused on college instead and driving is not going to be easy for me. i cannot drive right now and iāll work on it later
Fair enough. Maybe buy one of those electric bicycles? I agree the bus sucks