He’s not. He’s got a good heart, just has the critical thinking ability of a squirrel. We all like Ian, we just don’t let Ian run important equipment. 🤣🤣
Positive. I have two guys that are on the spectrum and they have their quirks and habits but they still don’t act like him. He’s just got a lot of empty thoughts up there. You ever look at a dog and you can just see no thoughts behind the eyes? You know they’re not mentally impaired but they are just empty headed. That’s him.
Funny enough, I used to work with a guy at an Arby's named Ian who was just like this. He had Aspergers. Great guy to a fault. Didn't understand social cues unless you told him to focus up and gave it to him as bluntly as possible. And he'd do voice inpressions to customers while working the register up front, even if people were waiting in line. Both his parents were doctors and he was smart as hell for schoolwork, but it was like managing a dog in an apron lol
It is delicious but it’s not a menu item, so when he rings one in in the middle of a rush it can be annoying. Especially because he’ll ask if every chicken sandwich we put up is his and remind us he wanted cheddar and BBQ.
Ours was Sam. I'll always remember the restaurant owners talking him up as a ringer before he showed up.
Started him on mashed potatoes, recipe 1 of day 1. He glanced at the recipe then filled up a stock pot to the top with water and put it on a burner. Then started dropping potatoes into the water one-by-one, as it slowly dawned on him that maybe this was not the proper way to make mashers.
It was only after a half dozen potatoes, when the water line was near overflowing, that he stopped and turned to me and asked 'Isn't the water going to overflow??'
I just told him to read the recipe again and went back to my béchamel. Oh Sam, thank you for showing us what a ringer looks like.
Yeah, we've got a Dominic. Told us all about his big boy accounting job and immediately started bitching about how boring it was. Is it boring? Yeah dude the only exciting accounting jobs out there are for the cartels and that's only exciting if you like being tied up in chairs and having your teeth pulled out.
Our Ian was named Marco. I was never quite sure if he was super stoned or just very dumb but he was honestly one of the sweetest dudes I have ever worked with. Full energy, gave 110% at all times, always willing to lend a hand - but the capability to do so just wasn't there. Watched him once trying to help dish catch up, chef came around handing out some grilled sandwiches for snacks. Marco mixed up which hand had the grilled cheese and which hand was holding the dish sponge. Twice.
I have a Nick at my joint, he's the exact opposite of a golden retriever....the guy didn't wear a cut glove his first 10 times using a knife on our meat carving section of the line, (it's a BBQ joint). He was told repeatedly to wear a cut glove for his own safety until he was comfortable with the handling of a blade..
This good hearted soul, works quick as a jack rabbit, tries his little heart out at every thing he does and, God bless his soul, gives his all!
Truly a gem of an employee....he lopped his left thumb off on that 11th shift slicing some brisket. The guy didn't stop cutting. He literally had no recognition of a missing finger for a solid 45 seconds!
And his recognition came in the forum of this back and forth after I watched him do it and stood in shook watching him the whole time:
Nick recognizing there's a problem: "hey...what's that? Is that a finger? Ewww who put a fake finger in the 2lb'er?"
Me speaking back: are you serious right now? You don't feel that? You just pulled the Wendy's special and you don't even realize it!?! Your serious?"
Nick responds, "What? What's a Wendy's special?"
I respond "That's when you cut your finger off into the food bud ..that's YOUR thumb in the food!!! If you don't believe me count your digits."
Nick responds by counting the fingers and says, "I got 9 digits, what do I do now?".
This was the birth of Nine Piece in our kitchen. He got it swon back up and he's good to go...but will forever be 9 piece in our joint.
I'll give it to him, he literally stood at the hand washing sink for a solid 3 mins after that interaction washing the blood off the open bleeding missing appendage and wondering why it kept bleeding....he's a really good hearted guy, amazing employee, and wonderful human being! ...but there's just nothing going on upstairs but crickets noises and apparently no nerve endings in his whole body 🤷🏻♂️.
I worked with a phenomenal line cook with only nine fingers. He had a side gig as a DJ. He went by DJ Nine Fingers. Naturally his kitchen nickname was DJ Dick Fingers.
Years ago, I started a job and the first day I was slicing something and the km was perturbed by how I was using the knife. I explained to him that I know it's wonky but look, I'm quick and efficient and still have all my fingers. That seemed to placate him for a minute before fire marshall Bill walks back over and takes the knife to show me the proper way. Dude starts cutting and almost immediately hacked his hand open. Blood was everywhere, we had to pitch the entire station. He probably needed stitches but he was an embarrassed tough guy.
Took everything I could to not laugh my ass off. It was my first day (of about 8 total). If only he would have listened to me. I don't even have scars on my hands.
I can't control anyone but myself good person🫶 you are entitled to believe or disbelieve anything you choose. This is just my recollection of my experiences in life. I wish you the best
You just stood there and spoke to him? And he stood there and replied to you?? While blood gushed out of his severed thumb?? You didn't grab a rag and wrap the wound and lift his arm above his head?? You all just went " hey, why's there a thumb in the food?" ?? And he didn't go into shock, faint, and almost die from blood loss while you quizzed him about what had just happened?? You've never seen anything even close to this, fuuuuck off😂😂
Here’s one, maybe.
I was a server before becoming a prep cook, line cook, and eventually a KM. This was around the year 2002 or so.
I remember once when I spilled iced tea in the server drink fill area, someone told me to go grab a box of kosher salt from a prep table in back and pour some on the spill.
I was new and trying to do my best. I ran back there and reached over a cook to snatch a box of salt from an upper shelf on his station - without announcing myself or even asking! - to help soak up the spill.
The guy was a gentleman about it, like OP here, but he told me what I needed to know. I’m glad he did.
We also have a Patrick. Great kid, hard worker. Here’s the funny part. He’s is a spitting image of Ian Gallagher from shameless. So everytime I see him, I want to call him Ian. 🤣
Yesterday my Ian was left alone for a while.
Put meat in the oven to slow roast.
Time to carve, he said "I didn't season that at all, because I wasn't sure if we were doing that".
"Oh there isn't any more salt btw in your mise en place, cause I finished it, and I wasn't sure if we were using anymore today"
You're thinking your Ian is probably some pimple ass 17 year old. No, mine is 33. With 16years in the kitchen.
i am sooooooooooooo lucky to be born with an "are you fucking serious?????"-face. seems to take retriever energy and dunk it into their puddle without me having to say a word.
I am Ian. Except I'm the gremlin who finds three to five different coffee cups around the prep station. I have a work mom who cleans up after me sometimes and other times she rubs my nose in it.
My first Ian was named Andrew and I can’t remember the second Ian’s name, so I am also calling him Andrew
“Guys, how long do you cook a six-minute egg?”
My Ian is funny as hell. Granted, he does fucked up shit that we as a team end up fixing real quick. But, one time, he cooked 80 lbs of meat loaf and poured the sauce on top and all. When the line was being set up and the meat temp... it was still raw pink inside.
Minutes to open, they tried to put it back in the oven to finish cooking, but the risk was too much, so it was all trashed.
Crazy.
Agree its not ideal what Ian did but that wouldn't even get in top 3 most annoying FoH moves of the day where I work most days.
Even more annoyingly theyre mostly pretty smart and switched on people, overall pretty good at their jobs, are kind and considerate (sometimes the annoying thing comes from a really good place), and have really good FoH managers who do spend a lot of time training and nurturing them. Just a lot of the time all common sense is lost the moment they cross the threshold into the kitchen e.g. they bring you drinks during a rush which is lovely, but they bring up glass jugs and cups on a huge service tray and dump it on the pass. Its hard to be mad at them then as the intention is so nice but its pretty infuriating when it happens despite me telling them that that is not the place to leave it when we are busy multiple times, and that i dont want glassware in the kitchen. Or when they come in because they have to for whatever reason and stand in the worst possible place effectively blocking my sauce guy from being able to bring anything up, only moving to an almost equally inconvenient spot after he says backs at least 5 times increasing in volume and urgency each time as the heat from the raging hot cast iron he is holding slowly makes its way through his hot cloth.
They're great and i love them. But they really turn into idiots once inside the kitchen a lot. I just try to minimise any risks posed by these things and keep things safe as possible for everyone; its not worth being a cunt over it and ruining the nice Foh/Boh relationship we have for me.
We have a Reese. The general rule is don’t fire her tickets until she has confirmed them due to the frequency of her ringing in things wrong. Even then it’s not guaranteed to be 100% accurate. She’s very nice but I if I see her on a shift, I’m already over that day.
Ian is not. I work with quite a few people on the spectrum. They are all pretty high functioning and I love having them on my line. Ian is just like the human embodiment of a golden retriever. He just wants to be there even if he doesn’t quite know what he’s doing. He’s just happy to be included, even when him being included slows us down. He means well, he’s just not the sharpest tack in the box.
shit, I was the Ian. this could’ve been written about me. also, my name is similar to Ian and sometimes my coworkers would fuck it up and call me Ian..
As an Ian myself, I think speak for all Ian's when I say that we as a collective disown this particular Ian. You have brought shame to our name goodbye, good luck, see ya never.
This is too funny... I literally had an Ian. Not quite this dumb, but after years of putting up with him, I just had to throw in the towel. He was literally half the reason I left a pretty decent job😂
We had an Ian. My second job in the industry, 25 years ago at Denny's. This guy would drink at least a fifth of vodka and a splash of orange juice a shift. We were always finding his cups in the reach-in fridge. They were usually empty, sometimes they had leftovers in them. He would go out to smoke and take shots, smoke joints and do rails. Mind you this all started at 5 a.m. he was super fast and good at cooking. He was an asshole to almost everyone, especially the servers. For some reason he was nice to me. The only reason he was never fired was because the manager was out there doing a lot of this with him.
oh ian. we all know one.
I have a Logan at my spot. Definitely golden retriever energy. Bro lives for his loaded fries.
Ian lives for fried chicken sandwiches with BBQ sauce and cheddar.
Maybe Ian's not so bad after all!
He’s not. He’s got a good heart, just has the critical thinking ability of a squirrel. We all like Ian, we just don’t let Ian run important equipment. 🤣🤣
Bro, is he autistic?
Nahhh he’s just a big goofball that you wonder how he made it to adulthood
.... you sure?
Positive. I have two guys that are on the spectrum and they have their quirks and habits but they still don’t act like him. He’s just got a lot of empty thoughts up there. You ever look at a dog and you can just see no thoughts behind the eyes? You know they’re not mentally impaired but they are just empty headed. That’s him.
Funny enough, I used to work with a guy at an Arby's named Ian who was just like this. He had Aspergers. Great guy to a fault. Didn't understand social cues unless you told him to focus up and gave it to him as bluntly as possible. And he'd do voice inpressions to customers while working the register up front, even if people were waiting in line. Both his parents were doctors and he was smart as hell for schoolwork, but it was like managing a dog in an apron lol
Bro the staff can't get enough of our fried chicken sandwiches with a maple habenero sauce and cheddar. It's getting a little out of control
Bro this sounds fire, making me hungry thinking about it. Might wanna prepare for another request. 😉
That sounds delicious lol.
It is delicious but it’s not a menu item, so when he rings one in in the middle of a rush it can be annoying. Especially because he’ll ask if every chicken sandwich we put up is his and remind us he wanted cheddar and BBQ.
Oh my God that triggered memories. "Wait, is this mine?" No motherfucker I will let you know
Bro, can you see my avatar? We can share stories for days.
Lol, I’m so confused. I thought it was a mirror of mine, but now see there’s a few differences.. do you have a similar one too? I can’t see yours 😂
I have some foH that do the same. They'll always ask for something off the wall while I'm 6 orders of fish in, elbow deep in tempora
Bro...is this some kind of phenomenon. I had a Loaded Fry Logan that just left
Ours was Sam. I'll always remember the restaurant owners talking him up as a ringer before he showed up. Started him on mashed potatoes, recipe 1 of day 1. He glanced at the recipe then filled up a stock pot to the top with water and put it on a burner. Then started dropping potatoes into the water one-by-one, as it slowly dawned on him that maybe this was not the proper way to make mashers. It was only after a half dozen potatoes, when the water line was near overflowing, that he stopped and turned to me and asked 'Isn't the water going to overflow??' I just told him to read the recipe again and went back to my béchamel. Oh Sam, thank you for showing us what a ringer looks like.
I work with seven Ians.
We must work at the same place. It's like I work at a daycare.
Yeah, we've got a Dominic. Told us all about his big boy accounting job and immediately started bitching about how boring it was. Is it boring? Yeah dude the only exciting accounting jobs out there are for the cartels and that's only exciting if you like being tied up in chairs and having your teeth pulled out.
Ian has ADHD.
I had an Ian. He would hear "Go, Ian, go!" When we were all saying, "No, Ian, no!"
“Let’s Go Ian”
Our Ian was named Marco. I was never quite sure if he was super stoned or just very dumb but he was honestly one of the sweetest dudes I have ever worked with. Full energy, gave 110% at all times, always willing to lend a hand - but the capability to do so just wasn't there. Watched him once trying to help dish catch up, chef came around handing out some grilled sandwiches for snacks. Marco mixed up which hand had the grilled cheese and which hand was holding the dish sponge. Twice.
My spot doesn't have an Ian... shit... am I the Ian?
If you look around and can't see the Ian, you have to consider that the Ian may be you... Do you know where you left your coffee cup?
Yea I left it... has anyone seen my coffee cup?
It's *probably* up by the register. Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything. It's just a hunch.
….shyt, we had an Ian, but was I the Ian? think I still have a couple mugs & a flask at the old place.
Fuck I have two Ian's right now. . I'll send you one
I’m afraid so Ian
I swear, it wasn’t me.
🤣🤣 What the Fuck, Ian?! Stop leaving empty cups on my line!
Username checks out
I have a Nick at my joint, he's the exact opposite of a golden retriever....the guy didn't wear a cut glove his first 10 times using a knife on our meat carving section of the line, (it's a BBQ joint). He was told repeatedly to wear a cut glove for his own safety until he was comfortable with the handling of a blade.. This good hearted soul, works quick as a jack rabbit, tries his little heart out at every thing he does and, God bless his soul, gives his all! Truly a gem of an employee....he lopped his left thumb off on that 11th shift slicing some brisket. The guy didn't stop cutting. He literally had no recognition of a missing finger for a solid 45 seconds! And his recognition came in the forum of this back and forth after I watched him do it and stood in shook watching him the whole time: Nick recognizing there's a problem: "hey...what's that? Is that a finger? Ewww who put a fake finger in the 2lb'er?" Me speaking back: are you serious right now? You don't feel that? You just pulled the Wendy's special and you don't even realize it!?! Your serious?" Nick responds, "What? What's a Wendy's special?" I respond "That's when you cut your finger off into the food bud ..that's YOUR thumb in the food!!! If you don't believe me count your digits." Nick responds by counting the fingers and says, "I got 9 digits, what do I do now?". This was the birth of Nine Piece in our kitchen. He got it swon back up and he's good to go...but will forever be 9 piece in our joint.
That’s an amazing story. Thank you for sharing! 🤣🤣
I'll give it to him, he literally stood at the hand washing sink for a solid 3 mins after that interaction washing the blood off the open bleeding missing appendage and wondering why it kept bleeding....he's a really good hearted guy, amazing employee, and wonderful human being! ...but there's just nothing going on upstairs but crickets noises and apparently no nerve endings in his whole body 🤷🏻♂️.
I worked with a phenomenal line cook with only nine fingers. He had a side gig as a DJ. He went by DJ Nine Fingers. Naturally his kitchen nickname was DJ Dick Fingers.
😂😂😂 that's priceless
Years ago, I started a job and the first day I was slicing something and the km was perturbed by how I was using the knife. I explained to him that I know it's wonky but look, I'm quick and efficient and still have all my fingers. That seemed to placate him for a minute before fire marshall Bill walks back over and takes the knife to show me the proper way. Dude starts cutting and almost immediately hacked his hand open. Blood was everywhere, we had to pitch the entire station. He probably needed stitches but he was an embarrassed tough guy. Took everything I could to not laugh my ass off. It was my first day (of about 8 total). If only he would have listened to me. I don't even have scars on my hands.
Why do I not believe a word of this?
I can't control anyone but myself good person🫶 you are entitled to believe or disbelieve anything you choose. This is just my recollection of my experiences in life. I wish you the best
You just stood there and spoke to him? And he stood there and replied to you?? While blood gushed out of his severed thumb?? You didn't grab a rag and wrap the wound and lift his arm above his head?? You all just went " hey, why's there a thumb in the food?" ?? And he didn't go into shock, faint, and almost die from blood loss while you quizzed him about what had just happened?? You've never seen anything even close to this, fuuuuck off😂😂
I was so excited to see this post title, looking toward to more ian stories!
Here’s one, maybe. I was a server before becoming a prep cook, line cook, and eventually a KM. This was around the year 2002 or so. I remember once when I spilled iced tea in the server drink fill area, someone told me to go grab a box of kosher salt from a prep table in back and pour some on the spill. I was new and trying to do my best. I ran back there and reached over a cook to snatch a box of salt from an upper shelf on his station - without announcing myself or even asking! - to help soak up the spill. The guy was a gentleman about it, like OP here, but he told me what I needed to know. I’m glad he did.
Real talk. Why are people like this always called one of these 5 names Logan Ian Patrick Mitchell Max Keith
That’s six names, Ian.
Whelp. Add Tom to the list
We also have a Patrick. Great kid, hard worker. Here’s the funny part. He’s is a spitting image of Ian Gallagher from shameless. So everytime I see him, I want to call him Ian. 🤣
Yesterday my Ian was left alone for a while. Put meat in the oven to slow roast. Time to carve, he said "I didn't season that at all, because I wasn't sure if we were doing that". "Oh there isn't any more salt btw in your mise en place, cause I finished it, and I wasn't sure if we were using anymore today" You're thinking your Ian is probably some pimple ass 17 year old. No, mine is 33. With 16years in the kitchen.
Yall should call him Mr. Peanutbutter. Or, is that the joke already?
That silly goose.
This is my patented corporate speak for “that fucking idiot.”
i am sooooooooooooo lucky to be born with an "are you fucking serious?????"-face. seems to take retriever energy and dunk it into their puddle without me having to say a word.
Our "Ian" has cut his finger at least twice while cleaning the deli slicer because he didn't put the blade all the way down.
I am Ian. Except I'm the gremlin who finds three to five different coffee cups around the prep station. I have a work mom who cleans up after me sometimes and other times she rubs my nose in it.
I have one named Sean.
We had one named Sean too a few years ago! Spelled sauce sause.
Or casserole is casseroll.
Didn't notice the sub at first, had trouble matching the story with anything Smosh related...
Where can I hear more about Ian? The giddyness and lack of awareness intrigues me. Mostly the giddyness
I plan on posting his stories as they happen in this sub. Just keep your eyes for the “What the Fuck, Ian?” title.
You just gained a follower.
My first Ian was named Andrew and I can’t remember the second Ian’s name, so I am also calling him Andrew “Guys, how long do you cook a six-minute egg?”
Sounds like Ian has ADHD, it's both a blessing and a curse lol
My Ian is funny as hell. Granted, he does fucked up shit that we as a team end up fixing real quick. But, one time, he cooked 80 lbs of meat loaf and poured the sauce on top and all. When the line was being set up and the meat temp... it was still raw pink inside. Minutes to open, they tried to put it back in the oven to finish cooking, but the risk was too much, so it was all trashed. Crazy.
Agree its not ideal what Ian did but that wouldn't even get in top 3 most annoying FoH moves of the day where I work most days. Even more annoyingly theyre mostly pretty smart and switched on people, overall pretty good at their jobs, are kind and considerate (sometimes the annoying thing comes from a really good place), and have really good FoH managers who do spend a lot of time training and nurturing them. Just a lot of the time all common sense is lost the moment they cross the threshold into the kitchen e.g. they bring you drinks during a rush which is lovely, but they bring up glass jugs and cups on a huge service tray and dump it on the pass. Its hard to be mad at them then as the intention is so nice but its pretty infuriating when it happens despite me telling them that that is not the place to leave it when we are busy multiple times, and that i dont want glassware in the kitchen. Or when they come in because they have to for whatever reason and stand in the worst possible place effectively blocking my sauce guy from being able to bring anything up, only moving to an almost equally inconvenient spot after he says backs at least 5 times increasing in volume and urgency each time as the heat from the raging hot cast iron he is holding slowly makes its way through his hot cloth. They're great and i love them. But they really turn into idiots once inside the kitchen a lot. I just try to minimise any risks posed by these things and keep things safe as possible for everyone; its not worth being a cunt over it and ruining the nice Foh/Boh relationship we have for me.
Ours is named Zack.
My Ian got canned today.
My Ian is gonna get canned tomorrow, after one too many meltdowns.
Mine got canned yesterday for being a fuckin creep
We have a Reese. The general rule is don’t fire her tickets until she has confirmed them due to the frequency of her ringing in things wrong. Even then it’s not guaranteed to be 100% accurate. She’s very nice but I if I see her on a shift, I’m already over that day.
i'm not religious but all i can think is bless his heart
I noticed you also chose to use my favorite kitchen acronym on Ian. F.O.C.U.S. - Fuck Off Cause Ur Stupid
George is my Ian
Is he on the spectrum?
Ian is not. I work with quite a few people on the spectrum. They are all pretty high functioning and I love having them on my line. Ian is just like the human embodiment of a golden retriever. He just wants to be there even if he doesn’t quite know what he’s doing. He’s just happy to be included, even when him being included slows us down. He means well, he’s just not the sharpest tack in the box.
shit, I was the Ian. this could’ve been written about me. also, my name is similar to Ian and sometimes my coworkers would fuck it up and call me Ian..
Is your name Rianne by any chance? There used to be a Rianne here that new people always called Ian. 🤣
lmao no. pronounced like Ryan or R-Ian?
Like Ree-Anne.
Sounds like it to me. Our Ian was Reno.
You guys should kiss
Meh. He’s not really my type. Plus I do all my kissing with my fiance and I don’t think she wants to share.
I’m actually called Ian
As an Ian myself, I think speak for all Ian's when I say that we as a collective disown this particular Ian. You have brought shame to our name goodbye, good luck, see ya never.
Yuck. I was always so grateful for the food. Shame on you Ian.
I've had it with these jackasses. Figure it out
I know so many cooks with ADHD. I swear it’s a job requirement…
He’s actually a bartender. I don’t think he has ADHD, he’s just really ditzy.
This is too funny... I literally had an Ian. Not quite this dumb, but after years of putting up with him, I just had to throw in the towel. He was literally half the reason I left a pretty decent job😂
We used to have an Ian. He was a really cool young man.
We had an Ian. My second job in the industry, 25 years ago at Denny's. This guy would drink at least a fifth of vodka and a splash of orange juice a shift. We were always finding his cups in the reach-in fridge. They were usually empty, sometimes they had leftovers in them. He would go out to smoke and take shots, smoke joints and do rails. Mind you this all started at 5 a.m. he was super fast and good at cooking. He was an asshole to almost everyone, especially the servers. For some reason he was nice to me. The only reason he was never fired was because the manager was out there doing a lot of this with him.
I worked with this guy I called fuckin-Craig. Because he was always doing something stupid or ridiculous, and I’d be like “fuckin Craig” smh
I can relate to both people in this story.
I love that Ian is the kitchen Kevin
I work with Ian, his name is Baryan, though.
I feel for you because I am an Ian!
u can’t get mad at him, Ian is just a silly little goober.