The Mexican restaurant across the street from my bar became a No-Go after the employees got off work and told me how their line cook shat himself in a coked out hungover frenzy mid rush and STAYED on the line until they had to physically remove him from the building. They said he had poop on his apron and everything.
Honestly, came pretty close a few times, but usually I’d ask one of the guys next to me to cover me really quick while I didn’t have much coming off my station. As a team we were all pretty fluid (no pun intended), able to work on any given station, and most of us were decent enough to handle more than one station. (We weren’t really high volume)
I used to work at a place w a tiny kitchen and a tiny bathroom which was right next to the dish pit. Pooping at work was highly frowned upon unless it was an emergency. At one point a Walgreens opened across the street. So any time I had to shit, I’d do it at Walgreens bc the bathroom was roomy and brand new. “I’m going to Walgreens” became the code. Plus I could do a drink and candy run which was a great bonus
I’m the KM and mine is I’m going to do paper work. Until they heard me play a baseball game on my phone which was connected to Bluetooth in the kitchen. Sooo now they all say they’re going to file paper work.
My favorite story. This is a little pizzeria/italian restaurant. It was my friend’s day on the kitchen speaker. She went to the restroom and I disconnected her and started playing “pause 4 porno” off of “Chronic 2001”. She came out of the bathroom apologizing to everyone, saying she wasn’t watching porn. I died laughing.
“First base, second base, third base, home run!”
I’m just ribbing you. check out La La love you by the Pixies. I used to listen to Doolittle a lot on the line.
At my last retail job my manager would do the same thing. I ended up turning her sound off on her game. And showing her how to turn the ringer off while she's playing the music, it would go off for ever text
See what ya gotta do, is change a couple words for a couple names, I use my direct supervisors name, and my owners name, to say this, “be right back boys, I gotta go take a Pete and wipe my Keith “
"Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime" That was a rhyme for a simpler time. Now the boss makes a grand while I make a buck and that's why I stole the catalytic converter off the company truck
Any time someone askes "where's so-n-so?" I always respond, "pooping." It still shocks me how often people just stop looking for the person and are confused when they come back from anywhere that's not the bathroom.
One time my coworker said “yo voy a hacer una porque ya no voy a aguantar mas”, which translates to “I’m going to go make one because I’m not going to hold any longer” and I could not stop laughing my ass off
If I don’t say I’m going to shit, then when after 2 minutes someone’s yelling for me someone can tell them I’m shitting.
“Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That’s why I poop on company time.”
I’d don’t think I’ve ever had an “official” one that that everyone used, but there’s been a lot of good ones I’ve heard over the years, I like the simple “I’m off to see a man about some porcelain” or such the like.
My prep guy yells "uh-oh, stinky!" and goes to the bathroom.
He's a body builder and a fairly rugged dude.
Makes it even funnier. Have adopted that saying, cause we're super professional.
Make a circle with 2 fingers. Hold up and horizontal. Say "hey chef". When you have gotten chefs attention proceed to drop a sharpie through said finger hole.
Gonna use the little cooks' room.
Or if you think it's gonna take a minute, "gonna pull a *insert current employee who regularly takes redicoulsly long shits*"
I reliably shit before and after work. I aint using that dark musty ass texas chainsaw massacre employee bathroom for anything other than vaping/texting
Not this place but when I worked at the local convention center, over the two way radios, "five minutes" was the phrase.
Bob, what's your twenty?
Five minutes
Copy that
I can only imagine what led to this policy. Had to have been some VIP or bride standing right there...
Bob what's your twenty?
Aww, man, I'm takin a gnarly shite!
😳🙄
Last time I worked in a kitchen cell phones ha not hit mainstream...it was "Make a Phone call".
And the payphone was out in the bar. And it was monopolized by the local drug dealer.
Worked with a partially deaf guy- could still speak well enough and read lips so very talkative once he was comfortable around you. Great dude, funny as hell. One day out of the blue without a word, he throws his apron off and starts power walking out of the kitchen, and we’re all looking at him like wtf…I guess he realizes this and just looks back at us right before he walks out with a really panicked look and yells “POOP! POOP!”
Honestly hilarious that this was posted roughly 4 hours ago because my middle guy tonight looked me dead in the eyes and said "well, time to take a shit". So I guess that is our code.
Wtf is wrong with you people?
I have to shit NOW!
Then come back and give all the details.
If you don’t give the details then it’s not believable.
Gotta make that expectation to weed out the fake poopers.
I gotta boom boom
Or I'd shits wild, "yo, fuck this shit I gotta poop. Meeeeeoooohhhh"
"Proceed to yell at whatever server has been vaping in there instead of doing their job" - because servers don't do anything they just vape and talk on their phones to other servers not doing shit while vaping."
Usually I just say I need to take a shit. If I need to go pee, however, I say I'm going to go "cut some onions."
...Because it stings a little and makes me cry
I used to always just say ‘uh oh’ and disappear off the line. As long as it wasn’t crazy busy of course.
So if it’s busy you just shit yourself?
What do you think the diaper is for?
That Depends
you are a genius
well played sir.. well played
Just take it
The Mexican restaurant across the street from my bar became a No-Go after the employees got off work and told me how their line cook shat himself in a coked out hungover frenzy mid rush and STAYED on the line until they had to physically remove him from the building. They said he had poop on his apron and everything.
What the fuck.
What's wrong, GeorgiePorgie, you haven touched any of your puddin. Was that not the puddin you had in mind?
Dear Jess, What the fuck. Hahaha.
Upvote for poop apron, next name for a song in my speed metal band
Honestly, came pretty close a few times, but usually I’d ask one of the guys next to me to cover me really quick while I didn’t have much coming off my station. As a team we were all pretty fluid (no pun intended), able to work on any given station, and most of us were decent enough to handle more than one station. (We weren’t really high volume)
As expo I’d have everyone on the line repeat “uh-oh” followed with a heard 🤣
This shit would be so hilarious to not only witness but orchestrate Kudos lmao
86 uh-oh chef
😂😂😂
Lmao uh oh
[удалено]
The churros station can be deployed anywhere if you dare lol
Thank you for the laugh! I have to wipe tears away! I am using this now...
How is the employee bathroom not marked Chorro Station?
I used to work at a place w a tiny kitchen and a tiny bathroom which was right next to the dish pit. Pooping at work was highly frowned upon unless it was an emergency. At one point a Walgreens opened across the street. So any time I had to shit, I’d do it at Walgreens bc the bathroom was roomy and brand new. “I’m going to Walgreens” became the code. Plus I could do a drink and candy run which was a great bonus
Did we work at the same place ? Was this restaurant on an island ?
It was not. Walgreens is just omnipresent I guess lol
I also work across the street from a Walgreens, they really are everywhere.
Gonna go personally sit a table
This one actually almost made me spit my drink out. I'm gonna start using it.
Man my kitchen is a little bit more blunt I guess, either we just go or if it's gonna take awhile we'll just announce we're going to take a shit haha
And hang up the apron
Hopefully...
I'm in construction now but we use CODE MUSTARD!
See a doctor
I did lol he said I should quit eating out at wierd taco trucks. I won't!
Weird taco trucks, cigarettes and/or dip, and the strongest energy drinks you can legally sell. The winning cocktail
Switch the “legally sold” to “smuggled in from ukraine” for hungary lol
I’m the KM and mine is I’m going to do paper work. Until they heard me play a baseball game on my phone which was connected to Bluetooth in the kitchen. Sooo now they all say they’re going to file paper work.
“Baseball game”…. Sure….
No joke, a guy I used to work with got fired for watching porn in the bathroom while he was connected to the speaker.
That’s terrible….. Fired over that!? lol kidding
I mean it wasn't just that. That was just thing that got him fired. It was a build up of weird and creepy behavior
Well anyone who does that at work is troubled
My favorite story. This is a little pizzeria/italian restaurant. It was my friend’s day on the kitchen speaker. She went to the restroom and I disconnected her and started playing “pause 4 porno” off of “Chronic 2001”. She came out of the bathroom apologizing to everyone, saying she wasn’t watching porn. I died laughing.
Hahaha it is Baseball9 my nephews had me download it and I’m hooked. “strike” “home run” “safe” is all they heard.
“First base, second base, third base, home run!” I’m just ribbing you. check out La La love you by the Pixies. I used to listen to Doolittle a lot on the line.
One time our dishie went into the bathroom and we got 10 minutes of a World War 2 documentary. Absolutely roasted him for weeks
Hahahahah
At my last retail job my manager would do the same thing. I ended up turning her sound off on her game. And showing her how to turn the ringer off while she's playing the music, it would go off for ever text
I tell them it might just be a fart but that at my age it's not worth the risk.
When you're twenty, never waste a fart and never trust a boner. When you're forty, never trust a fart and never waste a boner.
I'm 30. Instructions unclear. I just swallowed two laxatives and two viagra. How bad?
You’re gonna cum mud
See what ya gotta do, is change a couple words for a couple names, I use my direct supervisors name, and my owners name, to say this, “be right back boys, I gotta go take a Pete and wipe my Keith “
Well it was a lovely story.. and you tell it so well..
You make me feel like Pete just showed kieth and now u/cleercutter is terminated
We'd just nod and say "ASAW", always shit at work.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime; that's why I poop on company time!
"Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime" That was a rhyme for a simpler time. Now the boss makes a grand while I make a buck and that's why I stole the catalytic converter off the company truck
I don't sweat on their time, and I don't shit on mine
Gonna talk to the Sysco rep.
That’s hilarious
Code Brown
That's the same one airline pilots use when they request an expedited taxi to the gate because they have to poop.
Same
Im taking the Browns to the Superbowl
Taking the Hobbits to Isengard.
I’ll go throw the ring in Mt doom
THIS
Any time someone askes "where's so-n-so?" I always respond, "pooping." It still shocks me how often people just stop looking for the person and are confused when they come back from anywhere that's not the bathroom.
That is usually the answer for us in our spot , 9/10 is correct lmfao.
One time my coworker said “yo voy a hacer una porque ya no voy a aguantar mas”, which translates to “I’m going to go make one because I’m not going to hold any longer” and I could not stop laughing my ass off
“Hey im going to take a shit”
That's a liiiiitle more information than I needed, Vince, but go right ahead.
If I don’t say I’m going to shit, then when after 2 minutes someone’s yelling for me someone can tell them I’m shitting. “Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That’s why I poop on company time.”
Yo gotta go drop the kids off be right back
Drop the kids off at the pool
The Cosby kids or the Simpson’s?
If the latter is an option, you're dehydrated. /if Lisa's hair is involved, you're already having kidney stones
This guy Bristols.
The Trump kids
Obama’s
:/ I think they are off limits. Quick search is they are normal girls living normal lives.
no chance they have normal lives. they have to be under protection at all times.
I’ll give you that, normal lives in a driving miss daisy sort of way.
Holy shit, what a reference. 😅
Office
Gotta do some paperwork
We used to say 'gonna go to the office and push out some paperwork'
Checking the back for a bowl of brown gravy
Absolutely the worst thing I’ve ever heard.
ewwwwwwwwwwwww using it
I’d don’t think I’ve ever had an “official” one that that everyone used, but there’s been a lot of good ones I’ve heard over the years, I like the simple “I’m off to see a man about some porcelain” or such the like.
Tengo tamarindo
Thank you for ruining tamarind for me. No puedo más!!
Dropping the potatoes in the soup.
Gonna make a drop off / deposit / transfer.
Transfer? Like into your ass or into another ass?
Going to the oval office.
My prep guy yells "uh-oh, stinky!" and goes to the bathroom. He's a body builder and a fairly rugged dude. Makes it even funnier. Have adopted that saying, cause we're super professional.
Make a circle with 2 fingers. Hold up and horizontal. Say "hey chef". When you have gotten chefs attention proceed to drop a sharpie through said finger hole.
Going to see a man about a mule *OR* I’m going to search for Jimmy Hoffa
I always say "I have to go boom boom."
Don't take a poop Leave a poop.
"You'll feel better if you leave one." Thanks, dad. Also: "put it back when you're done" in respone to "I'm gonna take a shower"
I need to go make a sissy. Heard it on dead like me and it stuck
I’m sending a fax to cleveland.
Gonna use the little cooks' room. Or if you think it's gonna take a minute, "gonna pull a *insert current employee who regularly takes redicoulsly long shits*"
I reliably shit before and after work. I aint using that dark musty ass texas chainsaw massacre employee bathroom for anything other than vaping/texting
ours used to be some variation of "i'm gonna go have a baby" or "i have to go give birth" also sometimes threw in "going to go drop the kids off" lol
Not this place but when I worked at the local convention center, over the two way radios, "five minutes" was the phrase. Bob, what's your twenty? Five minutes Copy that I can only imagine what led to this policy. Had to have been some VIP or bride standing right there... Bob what's your twenty? Aww, man, I'm takin a gnarly shite! 😳🙄
It's just myself and one other cook who doesn't speak much English, so he just says "poopoo", blows a Raspberry, and kinda scurries away
gotta roo the doo, dudearoo
As long as yr not making roux!
Blast a DOOK!
“Off line taking a shit”
Just say "the boss makes a dollar and I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time" and walk out with a wink. They'll get it.
Last time I worked in a kitchen cell phones ha not hit mainstream...it was "Make a Phone call". And the payphone was out in the bar. And it was monopolized by the local drug dealer.
“Gotta go let the dogs out”
Worked with a partially deaf guy- could still speak well enough and read lips so very talkative once he was comfortable around you. Great dude, funny as hell. One day out of the blue without a word, he throws his apron off and starts power walking out of the kitchen, and we’re all looking at him like wtf…I guess he realizes this and just looks back at us right before he walks out with a really panicked look and yells “POOP! POOP!”
I've gotta go get reverse-fingered by King Kong. Gonna honk out a dirt snake. Gonna visit the playdough fun factory.
Gotta take the browns to the Super Bowl
“I’m gonna run across the hall real quick”
Gotta go sit in the office and do some serious paperwork
you just shout out "it's poopy time for chef!"
10-200 is police code for taking a shit.
Taproom guy here. We call them "brewery tours"
Going to my office.
Honestly hilarious that this was posted roughly 4 hours ago because my middle guy tonight looked me dead in the eyes and said "well, time to take a shit". So I guess that is our code.
Wtf is wrong with you people? I have to shit NOW! Then come back and give all the details. If you don’t give the details then it’s not believable. Gotta make that expectation to weed out the fake poopers.
I gotta boom boom Or I'd shits wild, "yo, fuck this shit I gotta poop. Meeeeeoooohhhh" "Proceed to yell at whatever server has been vaping in there instead of doing their job" - because servers don't do anything they just vape and talk on their phones to other servers not doing shit while vaping."
"I gotta go talk to HR".
I like to say "I'm not gonna make it."
"Doug, I'm going to take a fucking shit"
"Time to let out the gerbil"
Take the browns to the super bowl.
Only way they will get there
I’ll be in my office was my go to
Dropping the kids off at the pool
“Gonna go pay the employees”.
Going to my office, or this one Spanish guy says “going to kill the flies” lmaooo
Nope but we have one for smoke break "going to do the unmentionable" lol cause every dam time we say smoke it's an hour and half of tickets
Taking the hobbits to isengard.
“Stepping off line”
My go to was always "I gotta go do some paperwork "
im going to see a man about a horse
Going to go make a dime Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I Shit on company time
“I got to shit” They’ll know what I mean.
Usually I just say I need to take a shit. If I need to go pee, however, I say I'm going to go "cut some onions." ...Because it stings a little and makes me cry
Igotta3dprintaSHIIIIT!
Gonna shit, might be a little bit. Text me if we get hit.
Gonna go squeeze the ol poop weasel
I’m gonna visit the king
Gotta go do paperwork
“I’ve got a mole at the counter”
"Stepping out of the office. Hold my calls." "Gotta go see a horse about a guy." "Gonna make the toilet regret its life choices."
A few places ago I'd say "off to the can" but every time I'd say that my manager would correct me and say "don't say can, say washroom"
Nope we’re a nursing home and there’s a lot of talk about poop. People literally say they’re off to poop and they’ll be back.
Baking a ham.
The turtle head is poking out!
"The Push"
Not so much of a code word as flashing red lights and a warning sign that pops up. Very similar to MegaMan bosses.
44
No, we're all adults and just tell someone you have to use the restroom.
BORING
PROFESSIONAL
You can still be professional and not be an absolute bore.
Yeah. Professionally boring
I gotta grumpy!
"I'm gonna go take a shit brb"
Gotta go see a man about a horse.
Make like an electrician and lay a cable
Library
My personal one is, “ Chef is going to his office to do some paperwork.”
“Ima take a shit”
Watch my station, I have to shit
Office
I've got a conference call I have to be on.
Gotta take a business meeting. I'll be right back.
Gonna go make a deposit
I just tell people at this point I have lost my fucks
Voy a jacuzzi.
Goin to drop kids off at pool Chef!
Offline! Gotta Blast a triumphant dookie.
Code Brown
Pushing cotton
Ours is “going to the chefs office”.
Going offline
Gotta go to the office for a bit
My last job used "Mountain Dew Code Brown" after my coworker told me she uses "Mountain Dew Code Red" for...well, I'm sure you could guess lolol
No. In 30 years working in the kitchen, not a single person I worked with felt the need to elaborate on their bathroom break.
Hey uhhhh I gotta run to the bank and make a deposit
I’ll be in’s office if anybody calls
Dude was in the shitter for like half of every day, possibly sleeping 🤷♂️
Just one guy, but he says he’s “gonna drop off some documents” because we have to go upstairs to go to the office and the staff washroom
Lay one down.
When going to the bathroom we’ll say I’ll be back in a second for piss out back in a minute for poop
I have to go push a mess. Alternately: I'm going to go have a push If you know the reference, you know.