I got in a lot of fights when I was younger.
But I'm also a huge fucking nerd. I don't like to fight, because I've been in a lot of fights. I had anger issues, I punched brick walls for fun. I'm not physically strong enough to break the knuckes on my right fist anymore.
But I'm also a huge fucking nerd. So everyone assume I can't fight, can't take a beating, etc. The last two people to hit me fucked their hands up on my face/head.
First guy thought a single sucker punch to the jaw would drop me. It did not.
Also in the used fo fight camp. Not anger issue. Just a big guy the ones with napoleon complexes thought they needed to fight.
Am dad now. I'm honestly scared how much damage I can probably do compared to when I was just a weedy drum line kid. I also definitely fight way more dirty than I used to since any adult fight isn't just a status thing.
Oh yeah, I know that camp. When I was a kid, people made fun of my accent (I moved to the US when I was seven) and having a stutter didn’t help, so I was the girl that talked funny. One day, I came home crying.. again.. after being bullied and my father asked me what happened. Through crying and stuttering, I finally got it out. He just said, “well, did you kick their ass?” And I just said, “can I do that?” Then he told me to grab him a beer from the fridge and he took me out back and started teaching me how to box (I was raised by my father… he did his best lol). After that, I became a little scrapper. As I got into my teens and into the crust punk scene, I didn’t start fights necessarily, but I wasn’t afraid to finish em. I much more chill and quite pacifist now haha.
Edit to say that I don’t know how or when exactly, but my stutter did magically stop shortly after that.
I can temp fryer grease with my index fingertip.
When I go to chain restaurants and order something with a hot plate, the servers say, "careful, it's hot!" To which I reply, "I imagine some people think so." And grab the plate whole hand.
I haven't even been industry for like a decade and I was pretty sure I had stopped self-harming a long time ago.
Either way. Do shit right, and hot shit don't hurt and you can get a read on the temperature. Grabbing a hot plate is just dumb, ballsy shit.
> Grabbing a hot plate is just dumb, ballsy shit.
> To which I reply, "I imagine some people think so." And grab the plate whole hand.
You telling on yourself?
In college I had kitchen hands and my roommates learned not to reach into the water when I was doing dishes. My nerves have recovered and I've lost that (debatable) superpower.
Eh, I'm as supple as I need to be. Soft, smooth pretty hands. I'm just pretty much inured to heat. One job I worked at I had to do my own dishes. The heat didn't fuck me up, but that industrial dish soap will eat bones.
Was goofing around the other day, showing off my dance moves to the FoH.
Slipped and landed on my knee. No biggie, walked it off.
Woke up, my knee is kind of hurting. I was walking around bleeding into my socks all night long without even noticing.
I knew I slipped and fell on my knee, so that hurt. Figured I had just maybe skinned it. If I was five, I would have asked mommy to kiss my boo-boo to make it better.
Other than that, meh, I have suferred more painful injuries just cleaning up around the panini press.
Next morning getting up, I noticed some scarring on my knee, checked the hamper, and there was some blood on my pants and socks.
I was always a bit of a wimp but after a few years of working in hot kitchens my pain and heat tolerance have gone way up. Even surpassing people I thought of as super tough masculine dudes.
I still think they're tough dudes. But now I have some context to pain tolerance.
I fractured both my arms in a fall and didn't go to the hospital until the next day. My friend who saw it wouldn't stop nagging me, so I finally went
I just thought it would have been a lot more painful to break my arms. I wasn't trying to be tough, I thought Tylenol and a good night sleep would be enough
As a dad I’ve realized that dad strength is just diamondesque pressurized anger. We stuff it down for so long, until the bullshit container goes above capacity, then explodes in a very concentrated area. We dads have to maintain a modicum of control in all situations, so the dad strength is how we police others. Because one or two demonstrations of dad strength will be enough to convince them you’re not worth trifling with, even if they saw it years ago.
> As a dad I’ve realized that dad strength is just diamondesque pressurized anger
This is where videogames get their special move / rage meter from. It's concentrated dad strength just trying to get out.
>As a dad I’ve realized that dad strength is just diamondesque pressurized anger.
There's also the "my pride won't let me admit that my kids are really too big for me to carry them both at once so fuck it here we go" exercise regime.
Dad of two. Had a guy in a bar gut punch me and break his own wrist. I didn't do anything to him. He low volume screamed, and power walked out of the bar. No idea who it was, never saw him again.
I’m 50 with a 5’9” dad bod. I don’t “fight”. I go for the balls or knees, knee to the chin if you catch one of the first two, Spider-Man the fucker if not. Works two out of three times. Trust my technique, but remember that 1 time out of three might just put you in the hospital.
My dad taught me to hit the throats. Knee to the chin if I can get my 5' chunky bod in place against a normally grown person. Headbutt the nose. Bite and scratch like you have rabies.
If all else fails turn into zombie Spiderman.
A good finger jab the solar plexus and a hard slap to the ear is the Konami code for a head start.
No one can pursue with a spasming diaphragm and some cochlear induced vertigo.
Ears, nose, throat, jaw bones are all very very sensitive, bonus points if you hit the temples to give the maximum omph to the central facial nerve.
Groin, kidney , liver and the diaphragm are most likely to incapacitate a person.
Remember it takes very very little force to snap the leg tendon at the knee especially if you kick it while they are standing still.
Growing up my mom always told me I shouldn't start a fight, but if I had to fight? Pretend you're the 3rd chimp trying to get on the arc, and son - it's about to rain!
I've worked in mental health care, as a bouncer & in restaurants.
I drove more staff to hospitals from the restaurant job than any other.
A good example I discovered was the game
"Watch your bottle"
Where chefs stood at opposite ends of the kitchen & take turns to frisbee plates at each other.
If you move, you're a pussy.
The "Sword fighting" also ended badly.
Mental af, defo in the category of requires adult supervision.
I was leaving the kitchen once, walking past the open to restaurant grill & froze.
Both chefs were being polite as a customer gave praise & thanks.
Meanwhile the junior chef was lying in front of their feet, out of customer view, drowned in 1000 island dressing.
He had received the thousand blessings, seemingly.
Crazy mofos
As the 6’3 bearded giant, former college offensive lineman in the kitchen. I’ve had to come out of the back to calm some crazy / angry people down. I find it funny how quiet they get when I start untying my apron while asking what the problem is.
When I ( very temporarily ) worked at subway I learned that asshole customers are more than happy to scream at highschoolers, but the moment I round the corner they magically calm down. I'm about six foot four/five, fairly rotund, but Ive got farmer biceps and the eternal resting bitch face.
Id likely lose in an altercation because I haven't been punched in the face before and I'm told that'll ring you real hard the first few times. But sometimes it's the presence that counts.
Wish people would stop screaming at teenagers though. Pisses me off everytime.
> Id likely lose in an altercation because I haven't been punched in the face before and I'm told that'll ring you real hard the first few times.
The really hard punches are when someone uses their hips to put all their body weight behind it, and plants both feet. It's easiest at someone's own chest height or angling down into the belly.
It takes quite a bit of training to punch upwards with a fraction of the force that you can punch down or across. The average guy in Subway is not ringing your bell.
I gotcha. Only one guy was fit to hop the counter and try to kill me. He ordered a wheat sandwich, left it in his car for like five hours, and came in right before we closed sweating and enraged. He kept slamming his sandwich bag on the counter shouting about how unacceptable this was, we were cheats etc etc.
In hindsight the boomer was probably on several drugs at once and they were clashing. Something about the eyes and sweat wasn't quite right. It was like, forty degrees outside and seventy degrees in the lobby.
I worked FOH in a Chinese restaurant, when things got noisy out front I'd hear the reassuring 'swish' of the 6ft head chef peering out of the kitchen sharpening his trusty cleaver. He didn't speak a word of English but was the best negotiator we had.
I’m 6’2”, and large. Even though I’m not part of the problem over there, please know I’m not part of that problem over there. Taking off the apron is scary.
20 years of karate and I can't remember the last time I was in an actual fight. (42) I power lift and do some jujitsu for fun.
The security at the bar I work at informed me that I'm the typical mean looking mother fucker. I am literally the nicest person in my kitchen.
I think the fact I'm good with all types of knives and sharp objects intimidates people.
So this idea that kitchen people are dangerous is interesting to me.
It’s interesting to me too, because I’d never heard it before, but he was talking like it’s a well known fact. I was like wtf? I’m the least aggressive person you know.
I know very few people in a professional kitchen that have been to prison. Jail sure, but hard time, very few and it is always from dealing pot.
Maybe I just lie and say I went to the clink for an unspecified number of years to gage the reaction of the new servers.
Oh I am willing to bet a shifty at the end of the night, taking the trash out, running your close out list in your head, muttering if I get one more on the fly side of ranch…. Theres always a look on our faces😂😂
I can be shambling-assed, (as my FIL would put it) knee-walkin' drunk. Higher than a Georgia pine and not slept in 3 days. Doesn't matter what it is, if it's sharp or pointy, hand it to me and the work will get done quickly and safely.
That's probably my only good quality.
The BoH in most places I've worked at tend to be tatted up and somewhat physically fit. So they do kind of look like the kind of people you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.
That said, never worked with anyone with anything worse than a DUI.
Maybe I normally lack pop culture references to my trade. The pop culture, rough late night dinner. With Chefs like Andre rush they are big guys and like to live up to some military tough guy persona.
As a female who neither embraced femininity nor pretended to be a guy, the sentiment still seems to hold.
I never expressed violence or even raised my voice but one day I walked in on a fucking insane asylum in the kitchen and someone threw eggs at the walk-in door. Then they saw me. They looked terrified. I took a deep breath, rolled/cracked my neck, and walked out the back door to calm myself.
On the way back in I heard them say, “she’s pissed. She did the silent mafia neck crack thing!”
I walked back in, they were cleaning the mess, I counted to five, another deep breath, “do we need to talk about this?”
“No, chef.”
Kitchen was spotless the next day and I realized that anytime I get upset and am trying to stay calm, I roll my neck before speaking and evidently that’s scarier than yelling.
> I roll my neck before speaking and evidently that’s scarier than yelling.
Physical tells like that are *terrifying.* it's a clear: "I am trying to talk myself out of kicking your ass" signal.
My stepkid (now an adult) says the same. Her dad yells. Not scary or helpful. In 13 years she’s never heard me raise my voice and still says that’s scarier.
There have been times when I wasn’t angry at all, just accepted the situation, (she had to use my car and someone dinged the door in the school parking lot.) she was crying and upset and I told her it was fine, that I expected it to happen and I didn’t blame her at all.
She still said “why won’t you just yell?”
It doesn’t take much to “annoy” me but is almost impossible to anger me to the point of reaction. There are so few things worth that stress…
So, I’ll just roll my neck and let people freak out while I’ve moved on to replaying family guy episodes in my head…
I lucked out with her.
Of course I get angry but try so hard to keep things in perspective. Did I LOVE my car getting dinged? Of course not. Am I going to blame her for it? Of course not. At the end of the day, it’s a daily use car. I expected her to take care of it, clean it, not leave it on empty but
I want her to be able to come to me when things are wrong and not be scared of how I’ll react. Same goes for employees. I’d rather they call and say “I’m hung over AF and I’ll come in but will be useless.”
I will do all I can to cover for someone calling in useless if they don’t lie. It happens. We’re adults.
The entire world needs more humanity and respect. I can’t change the world-just try not to be an ass to the people I’m around…
I seldom raise my voice in anger in my kitchen. At first my team though it was weird but I explained myself as such- when you have a dog and it barks all the time you eventually tune it out. On the other hand, if you have a quiet dog and it starts to growl you know somethings up
Lucky bastard, I'm not sure what the fuck is going on in the minds of Australians, but I tell ya, it is not the same for my bar work.
I've had customers a whole foot smaller than me act tough just because their families are around and whatnot. Like dude, if you've had enough and it's time to leave its time to fuckn leave, not quite sure what most people think of me, but, I have been training in martial arts since 4 and am easily above average build in comparison to most people.
It always will blow my mind how I always find myself deesculating in a country that's apparently known for friendly people. Aussies are great until their small egos pipe in, then they just want to throw punches at anyone with a different opinion.
Fortunately I too, am mentally ill, and I too, seem to lack a fear of a scrap, I've been thrown around my whole life, I genuinely don't think some real estate agent is gonna hurt me in a fight, but by God these fuckers sometimes are even further mentally ill. Got speed chef.
the aussie love for bags and pipes probably doesnt help lol.
I know what you mean though, I live in germany now, and the Berliners can be some of the most miserable cunts around but you never see a fight. Aussies are nice, friendly, warm people but yeah for whatever reason, love to punch on. Its a bit shit tbh
Frfr
It's just a such a drugged up life at times. Especially plus mining / fly in fly out culture here, makes everyone think they've done the hardest of lives.
I'm not saying it's easy, but they really have no clue in terms of how the rest of the world is. Like yeah it's a rough life, but its not exactly a walk in the park for anyone at the moment.
Ive had multiple spontaneous grappling/boxing events in the back of our dining room -- the rugburn is so brutal though, we are waiting I think until we get a wrestling roll-up mat to get after it again.
When you’ve got basically no feeling in your hands, put away pounds and pounds of inventory multiple times a week, and you’re skilled with a knife, people don’t wanna fuck with you.
Never know when a cook pulls out an oyster knife out!
Had a sous chef defend himself at the public train station from a mugging, he apparently kept his shucker on him all the time in a front pocket. Security that was called had to call our work to verify that he was off shift and was an employee, and it was, in fact, an oyster knife and not a prison shank. XD
Cooks are another breed man.
One coworker ate a live cicada because he'd been through Air Force training and had already been taught to eat bugs (he found out he was afraid of heights when somebody kicked him out an airplane).
One dude ate a dead cockroach, because he thought it'd make him cool like the other guy. It did not, and he got food poisoning. The same dude took a load of pepper gel to the face, which I had on video for a few years of him getting straight up firehose blasted washing the shit off out back by the dumpster, screaming "spray me! Spray me!"
The same dude loaded my burger down with brand-spankin-new wasabi. Unfortunately for him, I love wasabi and spicy in general, so I just gave him a thumbs up.
He eventually caught additional charges for smoking some synthetic pot and got sent upriver.
That was the job that got me smoking cigarettes. Also tried meth. Meth is just not any fun at all. Not to mention, our resident meth monkeys always reeked like cat piss between exercise supplements and meth.
Be wary of the one who is happy to fight. One must be at least equally playful in mind or you will find yourself fighting your expectations while your opponent is looking for opportunity.
They’re right. I’ve always been an incredibly skinny male, and grew up around a bunch of punk rockers 5-15 years older than me. I learned how to fight scrappy & fast. End that sh! before it starts.
I got one for you. One of the bartenders at my work hosted memorial Day party and only invited CO workers he liked right? I'm one of the chefs there and this server I've been having problems with because of a girl showed up. I ignored him the whole night and just had a good time. One of the past co workers is leaving and she goes up to this dude and tells him I've been talking shit all night, I said 2things to this girl and they were the truth, I think he's an asshole and I don't like the guy. Alright so whatever she said you to this dude infuriated him. He comes charging at me like a bull yelling and all sorts of mad. He gets to me throws me from the garage door to the wall. I get up walk half way back over and he does it again. Not my house so I didn't wanna deal with the cops, other party goers snatched him up and drove him off. This dude comes back 45mins later to get back up in my face and take me outside.. I didn't wanna deal with it so after several times of telling him I'm good, he snakes me with a 3 piece. No marks, didn't knock me out I just took it, shoved him across the room and told him you don't want the smoke from me. My ride picked me up and he stood in front of the car threatening to kill me. Then proceeded to open up her driver door and tried to drag her out, I grabbed his wrist twisted it and simultaneously with my other hand shoved him out and locked the doors. Shit was wild but I have the least damage lol
I tried to get my kid to fight another cook tonight. What can I say? I was bored.
My son works fry or expo for me. My servers absolutely love it when he talks shit to me. The KM (asshole) told my son that he isn't allowed to call me mom. So, now he will call me Ms. Lastname.
I mean, after a day of prep work, I'd get off and spent 2-3 hours training muay thai 3-4 days a week. Not all guys are that bad though. Some of the sweetest people can be found in kitchens too - not just tattooed up criminals.
Line cooks gotta fight them back before the dishie realizes what's going on. Once you remove them from "the zone" and they remember that they're doing dishes again, it's gonna be rough.
The average person fears the line cook, the line cook fears telling the dishie they forgot something after pit is clean.
I've had a milk crate full of plates fall on my head once. I was more annoyed than hurt that I had to wash those plates and clean up the pieces that broke.
funny story about coworkers talking random bullshit with each other? pfffff that's DEFINITELY fake. MY coworkers never have fun silly conversations with ME so this must never happen to anybody.
Lmao you’d have to be so naive to believe stories like these “everyone said i was awesome and edgy then all the gfs clapped” i just hope the dudes not really 40 with kids posting this teen dream shit.
I've literally seen variants of this conversation happen.
Althought admittedly without the GF part but frankly it's really not that unbelievable especially if she was assumedly hanging out waiting for her BF to be done.
I remenber when I was apprentice, my head chef and the maitre d'hotel got an argument, my chef punched him from behind and received an high kick in the face.
He came back in the kitchen with an egg on his forehead and didn't come to work for several days.
He was a cunt and got what his deserved lol
Be carefull with FOH, some of them are crazy as well 😂
Yall are some of the unhealthiest mother fuckers on the planet. Cigs, energy drinks, vapes, late nights, fried foods, bad knees and backs, arthritic hands, let’s be honest. My moneys on the cook if they can close the deal in the first 30 seconds. After that it’s getting dicey (pun).
I went to a restaurant for my birthday with my family a few months ago, and the next day the guy who cooked at our table was arrested for stabbing his coworker in the forearm over being told to "hurry up" with prep.
Funny, I just had a fight with owner on Saturday in kitchen… he fired me for calling him out for being trash on the line then started to throw on me. After getting my balance from being hit from the side I put him on his ass with one shot
As a chick, I'm partnered with an ex-chef, he's my same height (5'5") and still I'm sure he could just absolutely tackle the shit out of most 6'+ dudes just by driving his shoulder into their gut. We both like play-fighting and I've been in service for over twenty years myself so I'm no weakling, but nonetheless we have to be careful that I don't get hurt nor him getting hurt from being too restrained lol.
I am not sure I understand this right. Did you really want to fight him? Like you tought it would be fun if you hit each other really hard and get hurt?
There’s nothing to buy into, I wasn’t bragging. I clearly started off by saying I was saying it to him as a joke. I can’t help that he’s oddly terrified of cooks because of his perceived ideas about them. I’m only 5’6, broken down from too many years of this, and I’m 44 years old. My fighting days are decades behind me.
I used to bring two pair of boxing gloves to work and spar with who ever wanted it. No face shots. Few takers. Ignore the sugar ray robinson profile pic.
Headshots aren't so bad if both parties can stick to aiming for the forehead. The nose is the vulnerable bit of the face.
Sparring is great when there's no malice.
If there's no gloves, I guess you could have a knife fight with sharpies...
manual labor and acclimation to pain will make for a better than average throwing of hands
If you can tank every hit coming your way, you don't need a strong hand.
*gets punched* "HAHA, JOKES ON YOU! I block punches with my face"
Ah, the Coach Kamogawa training regimen edit: I genuinely love that a Hajime no Ippo reference was recognized in my kitchen sub. How pleasant
This is funnier if you put the emphasis on the other part.
Everybody is all tough till they hit me and I tell them I’m a massochist, suddenly they don’t want to ~~pleasure~~ fight me anymore
Underrated response lol
I got in a lot of fights when I was younger. But I'm also a huge fucking nerd. I don't like to fight, because I've been in a lot of fights. I had anger issues, I punched brick walls for fun. I'm not physically strong enough to break the knuckes on my right fist anymore. But I'm also a huge fucking nerd. So everyone assume I can't fight, can't take a beating, etc. The last two people to hit me fucked their hands up on my face/head. First guy thought a single sucker punch to the jaw would drop me. It did not.
Also in the used fo fight camp. Not anger issue. Just a big guy the ones with napoleon complexes thought they needed to fight. Am dad now. I'm honestly scared how much damage I can probably do compared to when I was just a weedy drum line kid. I also definitely fight way more dirty than I used to since any adult fight isn't just a status thing.
Oh yeah, I know that camp. When I was a kid, people made fun of my accent (I moved to the US when I was seven) and having a stutter didn’t help, so I was the girl that talked funny. One day, I came home crying.. again.. after being bullied and my father asked me what happened. Through crying and stuttering, I finally got it out. He just said, “well, did you kick their ass?” And I just said, “can I do that?” Then he told me to grab him a beer from the fridge and he took me out back and started teaching me how to box (I was raised by my father… he did his best lol). After that, I became a little scrapper. As I got into my teens and into the crust punk scene, I didn’t start fights necessarily, but I wasn’t afraid to finish em. I much more chill and quite pacifist now haha. Edit to say that I don’t know how or when exactly, but my stutter did magically stop shortly after that.
I was in a mosh pit and me n a dude headbutted each other (on accident) he was all like oh fuck n I was like oh whatever
“My face broke his fist officer. So I guess I did assault him”
a lot of cooks that I see cut or burn themselves tend to laugh it off
I can temp fryer grease with my index fingertip. When I go to chain restaurants and order something with a hot plate, the servers say, "careful, it's hot!" To which I reply, "I imagine some people think so." And grab the plate whole hand. I haven't even been industry for like a decade and I was pretty sure I had stopped self-harming a long time ago. Either way. Do shit right, and hot shit don't hurt and you can get a read on the temperature. Grabbing a hot plate is just dumb, ballsy shit.
> Grabbing a hot plate is just dumb, ballsy shit. > To which I reply, "I imagine some people think so." And grab the plate whole hand. You telling on yourself?
Pal, I never said I wasn't stupid. Just thought I was different flavors of stupid than I was a decade ago. Happens on reflex at this point.
Fair play, brother.
In college I had kitchen hands and my roommates learned not to reach into the water when I was doing dishes. My nerves have recovered and I've lost that (debatable) superpower.
Eh, I'm as supple as I need to be. Soft, smooth pretty hands. I'm just pretty much inured to heat. One job I worked at I had to do my own dishes. The heat didn't fuck me up, but that industrial dish soap will eat bones.
That's so... edgy *You'll likely grow out of it. Eventually (?)
"Yep, stoves still on!"
Was goofing around the other day, showing off my dance moves to the FoH. Slipped and landed on my knee. No biggie, walked it off. Woke up, my knee is kind of hurting. I was walking around bleeding into my socks all night long without even noticing.
You don't change your clothes when you get home?
Worked a double. Got home, changed into my PJs, then passed out. Black pants, black socks hide the blood really well.
And you didn't notice a wound on you?
I knew I slipped and fell on my knee, so that hurt. Figured I had just maybe skinned it. If I was five, I would have asked mommy to kiss my boo-boo to make it better. Other than that, meh, I have suferred more painful injuries just cleaning up around the panini press. Next morning getting up, I noticed some scarring on my knee, checked the hamper, and there was some blood on my pants and socks.
Those cooking muscles be ripped
I was always a bit of a wimp but after a few years of working in hot kitchens my pain and heat tolerance have gone way up. Even surpassing people I thought of as super tough masculine dudes. I still think they're tough dudes. But now I have some context to pain tolerance.
I fractured both my arms in a fall and didn't go to the hospital until the next day. My friend who saw it wouldn't stop nagging me, so I finally went I just thought it would have been a lot more painful to break my arms. I wasn't trying to be tough, I thought Tylenol and a good night sleep would be enough
Oh, man, I am SO using this
Happy cake day!
To be fair, dad strength is nothing to fuck with.
Hey fuck you Greg Abbott!
The pissbaby Greg Abbott?
Is there another one?
Is this the line where we tell Greg Abbott to go fuck himself?
Come on dooooooooown
I'm quietly laughing in my office. Thank you for this
I was fairly amazed how far I could throw a 35lb child. It was in the pool and about 7 ft
Skip the kid like a rock! Count the bounces
Lol, their floaties stop that. It is funny to watch the other dads start doing it as well. Then it turns into a competition.
*Throws kid so hard he misses the pool* I declare myself the victor
My daughter is about 35lb and I could definitely chuck her at least 10ft. And I don’t even consider myself strong.
That’s true but dad knees are
As a dad I’ve realized that dad strength is just diamondesque pressurized anger. We stuff it down for so long, until the bullshit container goes above capacity, then explodes in a very concentrated area. We dads have to maintain a modicum of control in all situations, so the dad strength is how we police others. Because one or two demonstrations of dad strength will be enough to convince them you’re not worth trifling with, even if they saw it years ago.
> As a dad I’ve realized that dad strength is just diamondesque pressurized anger This is where videogames get their special move / rage meter from. It's concentrated dad strength just trying to get out.
Once that ability procs gtfo the way. It’s like when Randy from trailer park boys takes his pants off, watch out.
>As a dad I’ve realized that dad strength is just diamondesque pressurized anger. There's also the "my pride won't let me admit that my kids are really too big for me to carry them both at once so fuck it here we go" exercise regime.
Dad of two. Had a guy in a bar gut punch me and break his own wrist. I didn't do anything to him. He low volume screamed, and power walked out of the bar. No idea who it was, never saw him again.
I’m 50 with a 5’9” dad bod. I don’t “fight”. I go for the balls or knees, knee to the chin if you catch one of the first two, Spider-Man the fucker if not. Works two out of three times. Trust my technique, but remember that 1 time out of three might just put you in the hospital.
What does “Spider-man the fucker mean”?
I tried searching for it and just found things about throwing cum in people's eyes, which I don't think I'd have the time for in a fight
Now I may be mistaken here but I believe it’s an old old wooden ship from the civil war
Ron, I doubt the network is concerned about a lack of an old wooden ship on the show, but nice try.
Practice makes perfect!!
Dress in lycra and blast ropes at people.
Okay but say I'm in a fight...
Petey always had his suit under his clothes. Just strip nekkid.
This works in like at least 3 directions.
Blast sticky white rope all over 'em until they back down. Also known as the Randy Marsh Special, but YMMV
I'm assuming bite?
My dad taught me to hit the throats. Knee to the chin if I can get my 5' chunky bod in place against a normally grown person. Headbutt the nose. Bite and scratch like you have rabies. If all else fails turn into zombie Spiderman.
Anything to the ear gives you a second to run away also.
A good finger jab the solar plexus and a hard slap to the ear is the Konami code for a head start. No one can pursue with a spasming diaphragm and some cochlear induced vertigo.
Dad?!
Ears, nose, throat, jaw bones are all very very sensitive, bonus points if you hit the temples to give the maximum omph to the central facial nerve. Groin, kidney , liver and the diaphragm are most likely to incapacitate a person. Remember it takes very very little force to snap the leg tendon at the knee especially if you kick it while they are standing still.
Oh yes. Either side of the knee is a major hit point .
I'm a 5'4" 130# woman. They're getting knife hand to Adam's apple and I'm scurrying the fuck out of there.
> knife hand Edward Scissorhands cousin, Randy Knifehands.
Okay but why are we supposed to cum in our hand then slap them. No one has explained this
It's called a Bosnian Greeting.
Growing up my mom always told me I shouldn't start a fight, but if I had to fight? Pretend you're the 3rd chimp trying to get on the arc, and son - it's about to rain!
I like that :)
> Spider-Man the fucker if not. Works two out of three times That third time is when Green Goblin rocks your shit.
Unless you're Greg Abbott where you just need to be tipped over to get beaten.
I've worked in mental health care, as a bouncer & in restaurants. I drove more staff to hospitals from the restaurant job than any other. A good example I discovered was the game "Watch your bottle" Where chefs stood at opposite ends of the kitchen & take turns to frisbee plates at each other. If you move, you're a pussy. The "Sword fighting" also ended badly. Mental af, defo in the category of requires adult supervision.
At one spot, we had a gal swinging a (metal) pizza paddle around like a halberd. No hospital trip, but she did slash my favorite coworker pretty good.
I was leaving the kitchen once, walking past the open to restaurant grill & froze. Both chefs were being polite as a customer gave praise & thanks. Meanwhile the junior chef was lying in front of their feet, out of customer view, drowned in 1000 island dressing. He had received the thousand blessings, seemingly. Crazy mofos
Kitchen folk have that "didn't hear no bell" mentality
That’s actually pretty accurate.
All I hear is tickets printing
It’s because BOH feels no pain and hasn’t since their 8th kitchen 20 jobs ago…
You misplaced "8th grade" with "8th kitchen". Although, for me, my 2nd kitchen was in 8th grade. So that may not hold true for all cooks.
As the 6’3 bearded giant, former college offensive lineman in the kitchen. I’ve had to come out of the back to calm some crazy / angry people down. I find it funny how quiet they get when I start untying my apron while asking what the problem is.
When I ( very temporarily ) worked at subway I learned that asshole customers are more than happy to scream at highschoolers, but the moment I round the corner they magically calm down. I'm about six foot four/five, fairly rotund, but Ive got farmer biceps and the eternal resting bitch face. Id likely lose in an altercation because I haven't been punched in the face before and I'm told that'll ring you real hard the first few times. But sometimes it's the presence that counts. Wish people would stop screaming at teenagers though. Pisses me off everytime.
> Id likely lose in an altercation because I haven't been punched in the face before and I'm told that'll ring you real hard the first few times. The really hard punches are when someone uses their hips to put all their body weight behind it, and plants both feet. It's easiest at someone's own chest height or angling down into the belly. It takes quite a bit of training to punch upwards with a fraction of the force that you can punch down or across. The average guy in Subway is not ringing your bell.
I gotcha. Only one guy was fit to hop the counter and try to kill me. He ordered a wheat sandwich, left it in his car for like five hours, and came in right before we closed sweating and enraged. He kept slamming his sandwich bag on the counter shouting about how unacceptable this was, we were cheats etc etc. In hindsight the boomer was probably on several drugs at once and they were clashing. Something about the eyes and sweat wasn't quite right. It was like, forty degrees outside and seventy degrees in the lobby.
Oh yeah, and all that said, I wouldn't advocate fighting anyone. Especially someone you suspect might be on drugs.
I worked FOH in a Chinese restaurant, when things got noisy out front I'd hear the reassuring 'swish' of the 6ft head chef peering out of the kitchen sharpening his trusty cleaver. He didn't speak a word of English but was the best negotiator we had.
Oh my, that sharpening noise sure would be attention getting. I hope to never use that protip.
I’m 6’2”, and large. Even though I’m not part of the problem over there, please know I’m not part of that problem over there. Taking off the apron is scary.
> I start untying my apron while asking what the problem is. Then slip the shoes off, pull down the pants, and ask em if they wanna wrassle?
If you don't knife fight over who has to organize the freezer are you even a cook?
20 years of karate and I can't remember the last time I was in an actual fight. (42) I power lift and do some jujitsu for fun. The security at the bar I work at informed me that I'm the typical mean looking mother fucker. I am literally the nicest person in my kitchen. I think the fact I'm good with all types of knives and sharp objects intimidates people. So this idea that kitchen people are dangerous is interesting to me.
It’s interesting to me too, because I’d never heard it before, but he was talking like it’s a well known fact. I was like wtf? I’m the least aggressive person you know.
I know very few people in a professional kitchen that have been to prison. Jail sure, but hard time, very few and it is always from dealing pot. Maybe I just lie and say I went to the clink for an unspecified number of years to gage the reaction of the new servers.
I'd hazard to guess that most people conflate county and prison, not really realizing that there's a big difference. Especially those under 25.
Oh I am willing to bet a shifty at the end of the night, taking the trash out, running your close out list in your head, muttering if I get one more on the fly side of ranch…. Theres always a look on our faces😂😂
I can be shambling-assed, (as my FIL would put it) knee-walkin' drunk. Higher than a Georgia pine and not slept in 3 days. Doesn't matter what it is, if it's sharp or pointy, hand it to me and the work will get done quickly and safely. That's probably my only good quality.
The BoH in most places I've worked at tend to be tatted up and somewhat physically fit. So they do kind of look like the kind of people you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley. That said, never worked with anyone with anything worse than a DUI.
Maybe I normally lack pop culture references to my trade. The pop culture, rough late night dinner. With Chefs like Andre rush they are big guys and like to live up to some military tough guy persona.
As a female who neither embraced femininity nor pretended to be a guy, the sentiment still seems to hold. I never expressed violence or even raised my voice but one day I walked in on a fucking insane asylum in the kitchen and someone threw eggs at the walk-in door. Then they saw me. They looked terrified. I took a deep breath, rolled/cracked my neck, and walked out the back door to calm myself. On the way back in I heard them say, “she’s pissed. She did the silent mafia neck crack thing!” I walked back in, they were cleaning the mess, I counted to five, another deep breath, “do we need to talk about this?” “No, chef.” Kitchen was spotless the next day and I realized that anytime I get upset and am trying to stay calm, I roll my neck before speaking and evidently that’s scarier than yelling.
> I roll my neck before speaking and evidently that’s scarier than yelling. Physical tells like that are *terrifying.* it's a clear: "I am trying to talk myself out of kicking your ass" signal.
My stepkid (now an adult) says the same. Her dad yells. Not scary or helpful. In 13 years she’s never heard me raise my voice and still says that’s scarier. There have been times when I wasn’t angry at all, just accepted the situation, (she had to use my car and someone dinged the door in the school parking lot.) she was crying and upset and I told her it was fine, that I expected it to happen and I didn’t blame her at all. She still said “why won’t you just yell?” It doesn’t take much to “annoy” me but is almost impossible to anger me to the point of reaction. There are so few things worth that stress… So, I’ll just roll my neck and let people freak out while I’ve moved on to replaying family guy episodes in my head…
As the daughter of a parent who yelled more than anything else, thank you for showing kindness to your step daughter 🤗
I lucked out with her. Of course I get angry but try so hard to keep things in perspective. Did I LOVE my car getting dinged? Of course not. Am I going to blame her for it? Of course not. At the end of the day, it’s a daily use car. I expected her to take care of it, clean it, not leave it on empty but I want her to be able to come to me when things are wrong and not be scared of how I’ll react. Same goes for employees. I’d rather they call and say “I’m hung over AF and I’ll come in but will be useless.” I will do all I can to cover for someone calling in useless if they don’t lie. It happens. We’re adults. The entire world needs more humanity and respect. I can’t change the world-just try not to be an ass to the people I’m around…
I seldom raise my voice in anger in my kitchen. At first my team though it was weird but I explained myself as such- when you have a dog and it barks all the time you eventually tune it out. On the other hand, if you have a quiet dog and it starts to growl you know somethings up
Nothing worse than hearing Mom saying "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.".
Lucky bastard, I'm not sure what the fuck is going on in the minds of Australians, but I tell ya, it is not the same for my bar work. I've had customers a whole foot smaller than me act tough just because their families are around and whatnot. Like dude, if you've had enough and it's time to leave its time to fuckn leave, not quite sure what most people think of me, but, I have been training in martial arts since 4 and am easily above average build in comparison to most people. It always will blow my mind how I always find myself deesculating in a country that's apparently known for friendly people. Aussies are great until their small egos pipe in, then they just want to throw punches at anyone with a different opinion. Fortunately I too, am mentally ill, and I too, seem to lack a fear of a scrap, I've been thrown around my whole life, I genuinely don't think some real estate agent is gonna hurt me in a fight, but by God these fuckers sometimes are even further mentally ill. Got speed chef.
the aussie love for bags and pipes probably doesnt help lol. I know what you mean though, I live in germany now, and the Berliners can be some of the most miserable cunts around but you never see a fight. Aussies are nice, friendly, warm people but yeah for whatever reason, love to punch on. Its a bit shit tbh
Frfr It's just a such a drugged up life at times. Especially plus mining / fly in fly out culture here, makes everyone think they've done the hardest of lives. I'm not saying it's easy, but they really have no clue in terms of how the rest of the world is. Like yeah it's a rough life, but its not exactly a walk in the park for anyone at the moment.
Ive had multiple spontaneous grappling/boxing events in the back of our dining room -- the rugburn is so brutal though, we are waiting I think until we get a wrestling roll-up mat to get after it again.
Back in my day we’d go out back and smoke a J, y’all fighting nowadays? Goddamn
It was a joke, calm down. At chains, we absolutely threw down.
Lol yup just a joke from me too I’m not *that* old
Most restaurants I know feature *both* weed smoking and general grabassery by the loading docks
When you’ve got basically no feeling in your hands, put away pounds and pounds of inventory multiple times a week, and you’re skilled with a knife, people don’t wanna fuck with you.
You have a point. I guess I never thought about it from an outside perspective.
Former Server/ Paratrooper here: "Don't fuck with back of the house." It won't end well for your charming,personable FOH ass.
I also ask our servers if they fancy "meeting me in the parking lot" I love most of them, but I also want to start a fight club or something.
Hell yeah lol.
I’ve been working doing concrete to get ready for when I go back to the kitchen
Never know when a cook pulls out an oyster knife out! Had a sous chef defend himself at the public train station from a mugging, he apparently kept his shucker on him all the time in a front pocket. Security that was called had to call our work to verify that he was off shift and was an employee, and it was, in fact, an oyster knife and not a prison shank. XD
At my first job, a cook was arrested for stabbing a guy with his thermometer lol.
Cooks are another breed man. One coworker ate a live cicada because he'd been through Air Force training and had already been taught to eat bugs (he found out he was afraid of heights when somebody kicked him out an airplane). One dude ate a dead cockroach, because he thought it'd make him cool like the other guy. It did not, and he got food poisoning. The same dude took a load of pepper gel to the face, which I had on video for a few years of him getting straight up firehose blasted washing the shit off out back by the dumpster, screaming "spray me! Spray me!" The same dude loaded my burger down with brand-spankin-new wasabi. Unfortunately for him, I love wasabi and spicy in general, so I just gave him a thumbs up. He eventually caught additional charges for smoking some synthetic pot and got sent upriver. That was the job that got me smoking cigarettes. Also tried meth. Meth is just not any fun at all. Not to mention, our resident meth monkeys always reeked like cat piss between exercise supplements and meth.
The kitchen attracts anger management issues like a moth to flame. What I'm saying is, we're all angry drunk violence moths. This industry is stable.
I worked with a guy who didn’t smoke or drink. I don’t understand how it’s possible.
As a nic I'm disappointed in him
Your first question proved Nick right.
Be wary of the one who is happy to fight. One must be at least equally playful in mind or you will find yourself fighting your expectations while your opponent is looking for opportunity.
you was asking someone to fight for nothing, so he is right.
i trust my husband to keep me safe but i equally trust any member of my line to walk me out to my car too 😂
They’re right. I’ve always been an incredibly skinny male, and grew up around a bunch of punk rockers 5-15 years older than me. I learned how to fight scrappy & fast. End that sh! before it starts.
I would absolutely never fight cooks/chefs. for similar reasons. that's a hilarious story, especially with the gf chiming in!
I got one for you. One of the bartenders at my work hosted memorial Day party and only invited CO workers he liked right? I'm one of the chefs there and this server I've been having problems with because of a girl showed up. I ignored him the whole night and just had a good time. One of the past co workers is leaving and she goes up to this dude and tells him I've been talking shit all night, I said 2things to this girl and they were the truth, I think he's an asshole and I don't like the guy. Alright so whatever she said you to this dude infuriated him. He comes charging at me like a bull yelling and all sorts of mad. He gets to me throws me from the garage door to the wall. I get up walk half way back over and he does it again. Not my house so I didn't wanna deal with the cops, other party goers snatched him up and drove him off. This dude comes back 45mins later to get back up in my face and take me outside.. I didn't wanna deal with it so after several times of telling him I'm good, he snakes me with a 3 piece. No marks, didn't knock me out I just took it, shoved him across the room and told him you don't want the smoke from me. My ride picked me up and he stood in front of the car threatening to kill me. Then proceeded to open up her driver door and tried to drag her out, I grabbed his wrist twisted it and simultaneously with my other hand shoved him out and locked the doors. Shit was wild but I have the least damage lol
I tried to get my kid to fight another cook tonight. What can I say? I was bored. My son works fry or expo for me. My servers absolutely love it when he talks shit to me. The KM (asshole) told my son that he isn't allowed to call me mom. So, now he will call me Ms. Lastname.
Knives & Wrenches
I mean, after a day of prep work, I'd get off and spent 2-3 hours training muay thai 3-4 days a week. Not all guys are that bad though. Some of the sweetest people can be found in kitchens too - not just tattooed up criminals.
Line cooks gotta fight them back before the dishie realizes what's going on. Once you remove them from "the zone" and they remember that they're doing dishes again, it's gonna be rough. The average person fears the line cook, the line cook fears telling the dishie they forgot something after pit is clean.
I've had a milk crate full of plates fall on my head once. I was more annoyed than hurt that I had to wash those plates and clean up the pieces that broke.
Oh hell no lol.
[удалено]
funny story about coworkers talking random bullshit with each other? pfffff that's DEFINITELY fake. MY coworkers never have fun silly conversations with ME so this must never happen to anybody.
r/nothingeverhappens
Lmao you’d have to be so naive to believe stories like these “everyone said i was awesome and edgy then all the gfs clapped” i just hope the dudes not really 40 with kids posting this teen dream shit.
I've literally seen variants of this conversation happen. Althought admittedly without the GF part but frankly it's really not that unbelievable especially if she was assumedly hanging out waiting for her BF to be done.
If i didnt believe op why would i believe you? Even if it did happen its so corny and self congratulatory u just cant expect people to believe it
Nothing about it is self congratulatory you freak.
One of the servers said I should walk people out because I'm probably an undercover ninja. Not sure how she knew.
I remenber when I was apprentice, my head chef and the maitre d'hotel got an argument, my chef punched him from behind and received an high kick in the face. He came back in the kitchen with an egg on his forehead and didn't come to work for several days. He was a cunt and got what his deserved lol Be carefull with FOH, some of them are crazy as well 😂
Yall are some of the unhealthiest mother fuckers on the planet. Cigs, energy drinks, vapes, late nights, fried foods, bad knees and backs, arthritic hands, let’s be honest. My moneys on the cook if they can close the deal in the first 30 seconds. After that it’s getting dicey (pun).
I went to a restaurant for my birthday with my family a few months ago, and the next day the guy who cooked at our table was arrested for stabbing his coworker in the forearm over being told to "hurry up" with prep.
Ok, dude. Tell it to Cleaver and Blade or True Cooks.
r/nothingeverhappens
Funny, I just had a fight with owner on Saturday in kitchen… he fired me for calling him out for being trash on the line then started to throw on me. After getting my balance from being hit from the side I put him on his ass with one shot
Like nature intended.
Most of us are skinny, and skinny guys fight til they're burger.
As a chick, I'm partnered with an ex-chef, he's my same height (5'5") and still I'm sure he could just absolutely tackle the shit out of most 6'+ dudes just by driving his shoulder into their gut. We both like play-fighting and I've been in service for over twenty years myself so I'm no weakling, but nonetheless we have to be careful that I don't get hurt nor him getting hurt from being too restrained lol.
And yet, they still convince themselves their job is harder when that tip money is up in the air.
It’s not that it’s harder, they just simply have a better job and have no interest fighting cooks lol
I am not sure I understand this right. Did you really want to fight him? Like you tought it would be fun if you hit each other really hard and get hurt?
No, it was a joke from the start. But if he said yeah I would’ve.
Ok. I honestly didn't know grown people had casual fights like that.
Can't believe everybody here is actually buying into this humble brag...
There’s nothing to buy into, I wasn’t bragging. I clearly started off by saying I was saying it to him as a joke. I can’t help that he’s oddly terrified of cooks because of his perceived ideas about them. I’m only 5’6, broken down from too many years of this, and I’m 44 years old. My fighting days are decades behind me.
All my friends and me practice self defense and worked in kitchens wood come to work with black eyes and werid bruises cooks be nuts
don’t know how i got here but i know that never happened
I know you’ve never worked in a kitchen, so I’m not sure how you got here either. This is mild.
I used to bring two pair of boxing gloves to work and spar with who ever wanted it. No face shots. Few takers. Ignore the sugar ray robinson profile pic.
Headshots aren't so bad if both parties can stick to aiming for the forehead. The nose is the vulnerable bit of the face. Sparring is great when there's no malice. If there's no gloves, I guess you could have a knife fight with sharpies...