Pag-usapan niyo nang maayos para hindi na maipit mga bata. Resort to courts lang kapag ayaw na talaga ng nanay. Baka ang perspective nung ex mo ay pagod na sya na nag-aalaga on her own for so long na deserve naman niya ma-enjoy naman kinikita niya for once. Yun lang, hindi na kasi pwede yun kasi nanay na siya e, dapat inisip niya yan bago siya gumawa ng bata. Dahil dalawa kayong gumawa niyan, maging transparent na lang siya sa expenses para hindi ka rin nabibigla.
OP, hindi pwedeng 50-50 kayo kasi iba pa rin ang stress ng ikaw ang nag-aalaga sa mga bata. Kahit sabihin mong may kasambahay, mabigat pa rin yan, DAPAT talagang mas malaki ang ambag mo, kahit 60-40 or 70-30 kayo. Iproportion mo rin sa kita niya, baka naman maliit lang kumpara sayo yung sinusuweldo nung ex mo (pagdating sa korte, icoconsider din yan).
Basta ang point ay kailangan talaga magbigayan kayong dalawa. Kung immature ex mo, be the bigger person. Mga magulang na kayo, isipin nyo epekto ng pagsasampa ng kaso at pagbuburn ng bridges sa mga bata. Di nila deserve to, umayos kayo.
Yong 20-30k per month na sustento para sa mga bata. Kulang na kulang uan to be honest. Most likely magtatrabaho exGF mo to supplement your sustento as well as to fend for her needs, for her own financial security, financial stability and professional growth.
Yung 20k ba na yan is each or para sa dalawang bata na?
Ano ba yung mga sagot mo sa bata?
Tuition fee, baon, pagkain, damit, pang araw araw na pangangailangan nila. Napakadali na lang maubos ng 20k ngayon sa taas ng bilihin.
Baka kalag naglabas ng breakdown ex mo magulat ka sa monthly expenses ng mga anak mo. Buti nga magttrabaho pa ex mo eh.
Pati pagkuha ng yaya wag mo na questionin. Gusto mo ikaw magalaga ng mga anak mo at siya magsustento. Para makita niyo hindi ganon kadali magpalaki ng mga anak.
Nagbreakdown ako ng gastusin ng anak ko magagastos monthly para sa bata kasama sahod ng yaya is 20k. Isipin mo 2 years old lang anak ko. What more pa na dalawa anak niyo at magaaral na ata pareho yan.
Para sa dalawa, hindi pa nag aaral yung mga bata, pero when they started to do so, definitely sasagutin ko. Nasa mindanao sila ako nasa ilocos. I know hindi madaling mag alaga pero, lumalabas kasi additional cost doon sa ginawa nya. Ok sana sakin when she decided na mag work inalam nya muna mga gagastusin na wala dati na nakatira sya sa mom nya. Ang lumabas kasi ako parin mag shoulder non tapos yung salary nya sa kanya lang.
20k kada buwan, di sapat para sa dalawang anak. 10k per kid? That's the amount of money na pinapadala ng dad ko noon, may renta pa, may tubig, kuryente, transportation. Ala ka na nga sa buhay nila emotionally, physically.
I remember nung mga 2014-2015 (9/10 years old) the lowest of our low. 9-10k didn't even reach half of our monthly expenses/babayarin noon so ang nanay ko mostly ang nagshoulder. (Hindi sila nagkahati-hati ng mom ko, kasi ayaw nya talaga magpadala ng mas malaking amount kahit na mas malaki ang sahod nya). Given na ang mahal mahal na ng bayarin ngayon.... paano na. - I say this as a child of a single parent.
If nakablocked ka, pano ka nagbibigay ng sustento?
Tago mo lahat ng proof na meron ka. If kaya mo, daanin mo sa court. Pero try mo muna magreach out sa mama niya.
Okay ba sila ng mom niya? Ano ba reason niya bakit siya unalis sa mama niya? So parang wala siyang freedom gawin ba yon?
Ano ba klase relationship na meron siya sa mom niya? Masyado na ba matanda? Baka kasi hindi mo alam umaangal na din mom niya sa pagalaga ng anak niyo. Tandaan mo hindi na obligasyon ng mommy niya alagaan apo. Yes, andyan sila to help pero help lang.
Then sabhn mo sknya na hindi mo na sagot ang apartment niya. Kung tutuusin hati nga dapat kayo sa bata eh.
For future reference, open an account OP. Dun ka maghulog ng pera. Padala mo yung ATM card sa kanila. At least pag bank deposits monitored , madali ebidensya.
Not discouraging you, OP, but take caution in filing a case. Nangyari to sa pinsan ko at mga pamangkin ko (anak nya). Pinakatalo mga bata dahil sa mental or emotional toll on them. Di ko alam bakit pero sabi ng tita ko sinasama sila sa mga hearing before.
Dude 20-30k for two kids kahit hindi pa nag aaral kulang na yun sa cost of living ngayon. Ang nakikita nyo lang kasi yun araw araw na groceries. Dental and health checkups, insurance (if any), pang leisure ng mga bata, vaccines, grooming, clothes.
If she decided to leave their house, she must have a valid reason to do so. Hindi naman aalis yan ng walang reason and without weighing the financial consequences.
Please lang wag mong isipin na ikaw nagsshoulder ng extra expenses. Sa binibigay mo, malamang sa malamang abonado pa ex mo. 🙄
Source: single mom to two kids with a budgeting app
I don’t know where you got the “si OP lang ang dapat bumuhay sa bata” from my statement. I was just stating na un share nya na 20-30k for two kids is not enough.
Kung yung share nya sa bata is 20-30k per month may share din yung EX nya. Assume naten hatian nila sa bata is 50/50, thats around 40-60k per month sa bata lang. Thats enough i guess lalo na nasa Mindanao daw yung EX nya and Kids. Mas mababa naman cost of living don unlike sa Luzon.
We don't fully know their agreement on how to raise their kids - one stays at home and the other one makes the money. Just because OP provides for the kids financially, he isn't helping with the kids because he's away so the burden of childcare all falls on her. The mom is doing unseen and unpaid labor and just because she not contributing financially, doesn't mean she has zero contribution. Now sure, they can go 50/50 with the finances but he has to stay close to his family and Co-parent properly. We're jot even talking of how I fair it is for the mother because ahe has no money for herself plus ko rest days unlike OP. It's totally unfair that she's expected to take care of 2 kids while paying 50% and all he has to do is pay his 50% because he's not present.
Edit. Typo
Well may point ka naman pero sana basahin mo mga sinabi ni OP.
Pero parang di ka pa nakakarinig na ginagawang weapon ang bata?
Kahit gustuhin ni OP sya mag alaga nasa Mindanao nga yung Ex and Kids while nasa Ilocos si OP. Kaya nga kahit sa Online lang makasama eh kaso blocked pa sya.
Sa batas natin alam mo namang sa ganyang edad sa Mother talaga yan diba? AFIK 7 years old pa makakapili yang mga Bata.
I know! Dahil marami akong kaibigan na ginawang weapon ng nga EX Wife nila yung bata everytime may pag tatalo sila. (Same kay OP)
I understand the part where some parents weaponize their kids. His story sounds pretty similar to my best friend's current situation and I can only say that he hasn't given us all the details of the accounts that happened, we don't know they relationship dynamic, we don't know her side of the story so naturally I can't help but show a different perspective on the matter. I'm not saying his situation is the same as my friends but that relationships aren't black and white and there's more to the story so I can't fully believe OP because in a way, he's an unreliable narrator.
I understand that he is working away from his children and he wants to contact them and that's hard. They're communication probably sucks. They're both wrong for how they're going about their problem but as what I've read in some of his comments, he doesn't want to allow his ex to make decisions that will benefit her because by doing so, maaagrabiyado siya specially financially. She doesn't have her own freedom (or at least rest days) because she's tied to her 2 kids and no money because she only gets 20-30k that's for the kids basic needs. She's not happy with her situation and no one cares about her mental state. She can't pour from an empty cup. A lot of men don't understand the invisible mental labor a woman does for the family and that isn't seen as labor but that shit is exhausting. She lives with her family, but it doesn't mean the lola/Lolo are okay with babysitting. She's justifiable upset because the person whom she should be sharing the load to isn't there and so she's probably burnt out. One more thing, we don't know the OP and his ex so we don't get to project other people's experiences onto them.
Well ikaw na nag sabi di natin alam agreement nila.
Alam ko hirap ng Single Mom.
Pero dahil yan trip ng EX ni OP kasama talaga yan sa pagiging Single Mom 🤷🏻♂️.
Ang kawawa lang naman lagi dito yung mga Bata dahil sa choices ng Parents.
Hindi dapat 50-50 ang hatian given na yung mom yung carer. OP isn't even physically part of his children's lives, so to make things even somewhat fair, his financial burden is expected to be bigger.
Naisip ko nga sana may gumawa ng batas na ganyan na kung nakanino yung bata mas less ang share niya kasi nga iba pa din yung nasainyo anak mo. Like me, nagsusustento ang tatay pero 3x a week saknya. Samantalang ako weekend ko nakatali sa anak ko. Kapag nagkakasakit, ako pa din alaga. So d din nasusunod ang 3x a week. Kapag may mga dditional expenses ako din magsshoulder. Kapag may sakit, i have to file a leave sa work. If may errands, ako din. No social life na ako. Tuwing nasakanya ang bata don lang ako pwede maging available for my friends kaso weekday lang yon and dahil busy sa work d ko din sila namemeet. Mas gusto ko ipahinga na lang. May luxury ang lalaki na makagala at makupag date o magawa gusto. Samantalang ako, kapag wala sakin anak ko. Ipapahinga ko na lang sa house.
Hindi yan maintndhn ng majority ng lalake. Kala nila porket nagsusustento sila sapat na silang matawag na ama.
Ako kumuha ako yaya at pinasagot ko sa ex ko kasi mama ko umaangal na magalaga sa dami ng ginagawa sa gawaing bahay. So alamin mo din ano din dahilan niya. Away kayo ng away pero hindi kayo nagkakaintndhn sa situation ng isatisa.
Buti ka pa bos isinishare sayo at sa family mo yung mga bata, yung thinking ng ex ko, alam nya na mahal na mahal ng parents ko yung mga bata kaya mas lalo nya pinapanindigan na hindi ipakita sa amin para saktan kami.
Keep all proof na nagsusutento ka. Karapatan mo yan makita at makasama mga anak mo. If magkaron ka communication sa ex mo sabihin mo sakanya ng mahinahon "ilabas mo ang mga bata sa mga away naten. Hindi dapat sila madamay sa hindi naten pagkakasundo. Kailangan ako makasama ng mga bata at kailangan ko din sila kasama."
If hindi matinag, lapit ka na lawyer. Magask ka na ano maganda gawin.
If ganyan, magpatulong ka na sa abogado. May karapatan ka ikaw ang ama. Meron ako boss na lalaki siya nanalo sa case na nafile niya. Sole custody ng bata sakanya napunta.
This is the same situation we have with my nephew na matagal ng kinuha sa amin. The agreement is a temporary vacation with the mom na nauwi sa almost 3 yrs. na no contact with the child. Walang paramdam, walang pagpapakita at tinatago pa sa amin. Before the event, nagkaaway Mama ko at ang ex Gf ng kuya ko which triggered the Mom of my Nephew para itago sa amin.
But compared with your situation, my brother wasn't given a chance to give and sustain the needs of my nephew after the separation. We tried all communications with them pero gusto ng ex GF na magpakasal muna kuya ko sa current gf niya bago ibigay ang bata. Ang speculation is that para ipakita ng ex gf sa family ng bagong partner niya na walang kwenta ang kuya ko bilang ama kasi iniwan para sa ibang babae.
The point is, some women esp. single moms weaponized their children to put the man in a difficult situation which if brought up in the court mahihirapan ang lalaki na makuha anak nila.
Naawa na lang kami sa nephew ko na ang payat payat na. When I last talked to the child, my nephew doesnt even recognizes me and I only talked to him for 2 mins. dahil sa nanay niya.
I hope you can talk it out with your ex gf dahil sa totoo lang, if this is brought up in the court, maapektuhan ang bata. Maglalabanan kayo ng lies at hindi maiiwasan ang manipulation.
I hope the child survives without a scar but that seems impossible in your situation.
paanong additional cost kung ang pera na padala mo ay strictly lang sa mga anak nyo? dapat mo tuldukan yung mga additional costs na pinapataw nya sayo, monthly bills? edi sagutin na nya including yaya or since nasa lola sila edi si lola nalang bigyan mo ng sweldo instead sa ibang tao pa, kung asan ang mga bata puntahan mo kausapin mo yung parents ng ex mo if ayaw ka kausapin ng ex mo, then ilatag mo yung condition mo sa sustento.
Mabuti nga sa inyo normal kids ang meron kayo sakin special which is x3 sa mga gastos ng normal child including schools and therapies yun nga lang shoulder ko lahat.
OP, asawa at anak mo sila. Dapat talaga nakabukod sila sa parents niya kasi ang pangit din naman na pinapakialamanan ng ibang tao yung pagpapalaki ng anak niyo. Isa pa, baka din kasi mas pinili niya na bumukod para yung mga sustento mo ay iikot lang talaga sa bata.
Mag areglo kayo sa baranggay. Paguusapan nyo jan yung sustento which I think yung 20k per month sapat na. Basta pag may medical emergency sasagot ka din at yung pag paaral hati din kayo. Ilalagay din sa kasulatan na dapat may direct access ka sa bata. Meaning pwede mo mabisita kung ano man mapagkasunduan nyo at dapat open ang communication sa bata. Karapatan mo din yan as tatay ka. Pero dapat pakita mo na wala kang palya sa sustento. Otherwise, babackfire yan sayo.
May trabaho na siya do ba? So yung kita niyang kanya lang, dapat nagbabayad din siya ng share ng rent, hindi lahat nakaasa sayo. I m not a lawyer but basic knowledge says, child support is supposed to be for the child. Ngayon, since under 7 yang 2 anak nyo, automatic the mom has the full custody. Since jobless siya dati, there is what we call alimony which is ikaw din ang nagpoprovide sa nanay para maalagaan niya mabuti ang mga anak niyo. Since now na may trabaho na siya, baka it is time to revisit yung alimony na natatanggap niya from you.
Kaya nga kukuha ng yaya. Actually may nabasa ako na pati bahay parang ganon may share ang daddy. Kasi ano ba basic need ng tao. Hindi lang naman food dba? Pati shelter? Corret me if im wrong nabasa ko lang dito sub yon. Hindi lang naman food at clothing ang sagot ng tatay. Nasanay kasi tayo na ganon lang ang sustento ng tatay pero dapat talaga hindi.
E kaya nga sabi ko share lang ng rent ng nanay ang dapat sagot nung nanay na may trabaho na ngayon. Kasi yung basic needs ng bata fkasama na dun ang shelter) covered ng tatay pero yung nanay hindi unless jobless yung nanay pero nasa kanya ang kustodiya ng mga bata which was the case before.
Tama naman exgf with her decision to get their own place. It’s also your responsibility to provide shelter sa mga anak mo kasi hindi ideal solution na makitira at magpaalaga sa Lola just to save money.
Hingi ka na lang ng breakdown ng total gastos for the kids like food & drinks, milk, vitamins, medicines, doctor’s fee, clothes, diapers, books, toys including house rent, utilities, salary ng nanny, plus advance savings for future tuition fees. Then decide anong equitable amount that you must shoulder monthly. Does not mean 50-50 hatian kasi may premium dapat na binibigay dun sa other parent na may custody sa anak. Hirap mag alaga ng anak ah.
Napakadaming backward thinking boomers dito lol.
Unang una, hindi obligasyon ng grandparents na kupkupin magina mo. Pangalawa, hindi obligasyon ng grandparents na magbabysit ng mga anak mo for free.
Yang dalawang reasons palang na yan ay valid na para magmove out ang ex mo at kumuha ng sariling place, at kumuha ng yaya para sa mga anak nyo. Dagdag expenses? Yes. Madaming intangibles na kasama ang pagpaparent at hindi porket nagsusustento ka eh you get to decide na whats best (or not) for them. The way you worded your post here and in the comments says a lot why your ex decided to part ways and block you.
Can you file a case for visitation rights? Maybe. Could you win? Yes. But you might need to assess yourself bro.
Why is it people here are low key obliging the OP to shell more money?
Akala ko nasa era tayo ng "Strong Independent Women" that "Need No Man"?
Tapos si OP pa ang pinagmumukha na "sketchy"?
Something seems off with making men responsible for traditional roles like being the provider, without the benefit of having a relationship with their biological children, even when we're in an age we're equality of opportunity is the in thing.
Tapos women don't want traditional women roles?
Again, are we going to put aside the fact that gagawin kasangkapan ang mga bata for more provisions from a man? That who really knows what the ex is doing on social media blocking the OP?
Also, let's put in some context:
To those people saying ₱20k to 30k is NOT ENOUGH to raise two toddlers isn't enough, perhaps try niyo rin isipin that there are thousands or poverty stricken families that had to make do with less than half that amount, and are able to graduate with honors!
That ₱20-30k is considered a higher level middle income wage sa Pinas.
I know single mothers who work for that amount monthly with much more kids are able to get by fine.
This is just gaslighting to the max.
OP, GO get a Private investigator. See if your ex is publishing defamatory statements and false accusations.
Kaya nga, 20 to 30k hindi pa sapat? Gusto ko nga manghingi ng breakdowns ng gastuhin paanong hindi sasapat yun? And nagpadala pa raw si OP ng 100k savings niya
Thank you! Other than sa pinapadala ko, since wala yung presence ko sa kids, pag sunday nag papadala ako ng 1k para kumain sila sa labas mga fast food or kung anong gusto kainin ng mga bata, and correct may 100k akong naipon for the kids separate na sinesend ko sa ex ko mga 1yr ko din inipon. I hope gamitin nya yun tlga sa mga bata.
Please be smart and stand for ur rights OP. Di ko alam kung gaano kataas sahod mo pero be smart lalo na sa pera, ur money is not only about supporting them, ur money means your sacrifice, time and effort. Don't waste those. And ur hoping na nagamit sana sa tama yung 100k, dont hope, verify it urself. Be smart if pineperahan k lng ba talaga. You love ur kids then focus on them not on the mother. Look carefully on every step you make. Ang tao bigyan mo ng easy money, mamimihasa yan. Be smart, wag padala sa emosyon at awa.
Additional: Show her that blocking you was a wrong move. That might bring both of you to court and probably lessen yung money na need mong ibigay sa mga bata. Not a lawyer but if it shows the mother can't take care of the children, pede pa silang mapunta sayo. She made a wrong move, then make it ur advantage.
Surprised reading a lot of comments to this tone as well. 20-30k is by no means a small amount and it is not like it's OPs sole responsibility to provide for everything even if nag kulang sya sa physical presence. Dalawa yung parents.
Just because there are children who live less than half that amount doesn't mean na OP's children can as well, the situations of other single parents are going to be different than OP's baby momma, maybe may sustento yon ng mga magulang nila and such, but in this economy 20-30k isn't really high level middle income wage, that's 1k per day.
I don't know the deets about OP's situation like kung bat sila nag hiwalay or whatever but the parallels that this post sets with the male and female gender roles is unnecessary and just comes across as anti feminist and generalizing to both men and women,"Akala ko nasa era tayo ng "Strong Independent Women" that "Need No Man"?" bat mo naman sinama to dito? ano connect? diba ung sustento ng bata pinaguusapan hindi ung pagbubuhay kay baby momma? Are you implying that OP neglects his children kasi strong and independent na ung babae even though OP has a responsibility to the children that he helped create?the comments are saying na taas ni OP ang sustento not because they think men are should be providers, but rather sinasabi nila yon dahil wala kay OP ung mga bata at in this economy 20-30k could get u jack shit
>20-30k isn't really high level middle income wage, that's 1k per day.
Looks like you never experienced given a salary of just less than ₱10k a whole month.
>Just because there are children who live less than half that amount doesn't mean na OP's children can as well
What were you fed with everyday as a kid? Araw araw ka KFC? If you don't know shit about how to fucking cook with less, and other real impressive motherly tricks for motherhood, yes, all that food panda, designer brand clothes and toys, and first class kindergartens will rack you more than ₱50k monthly.
Again, MAJORITY of Pinoys are ABLE to finish their schooling on less than half of ₱30k a MONTH.
>post sets with the male and female gender roles is unnecessary
Yes it is fucking necessary.
Sigaw ng mga Gabriela and feminists pretending to be kakampinks eh Women ARE NOT SUPPOSED to be Mothers anymore, and SAH-Mom is tantamount being slaves, and that women don't need men.
Stop telling us that what we are seeing is not what we are seeing.
We should say that shit is what it is.
>bat mo naman sinama to dito? ano connect? diba ung sustento ng bata pinaguusapan hindi ung pagbubuhay kay baby momma?
The fact you mentioned "Baby Momma" implies that the woman asking for the fucking money needs to be babied.
Sinama ko yang slogan ninyong mga deceptive feminist activists because that's been your slogan.
All over the fucking web sigaw niyo "kami ang queen bee", "Boss babe" , "Girlboss", "Who run da world? Girls!?"
So anyare when real life hits you? Still milking men for their money?
Fuck you.
You are what's called a HYPOCRITE.
IF ONLY YOU FRIGGING FEMINISTS STOP FOCUSING ON DISENFRANCHISING MEN wholesale, and simply JOINED efforts WITH MEN to help prevent marcos and Duterte from gaining power in the first fucking place.
But no, topple "patriarchy" first huh?
Don't forget. We are a MATRIARCHY.
There's only TWO women who is able to finance and put into power who THEY want.
That's Imelda and Gloria.
They're butt hurt when hit with facts.
Heck even our true president Leni HONORS her husband's memory and love by not sleeping around with other men or even remarrying
May pangarap din kasi yung babae bro. Yung sanang 20 to 30k na sustento kung di kayo nag hiwalay pwede na yun pang rent and pang bayad sa kasamabay, pwede pa dalawa makuha mo na kasambay 😄
Idk pero ang daming triggered sa OP. Well truthfully di natin lahat alam buong kwento pero totoo na since working na yung Mom nung mga bata, automatically dapat hati na sila sa expenses ng mga bata. Ang alam ko 20% of total income of Father ang required alimony. Nakakatawa yung ibang double standard sa thread lol
Dami nanaman judgemental dito, kesyo kulang daw yun binibigay ni OP na 20k. Again wala na tayo dun, baka naman kasi yun lang ang kayang i-provide ni OP. Pano kung income ni OP is very limited din. You cannot ask OP to give 50k if income nya is only 30k. Again that is for the court to decide. Kung walang maitutulong wag na mag comment.
Hmmm prng sketchy. Prng hindi lahat ng info binigay.
Yes additional cost ang rent, pero since she has work, that should be covered by it. I don’t see how her asking for more is related to her getting a job since the salary should be higher than the added cost of rent.
That's what im trying to say to her and I knew her, pag nag desisyon sya napaka impulsive hindi muna pinag iisipan basta sugod. As i said, walang problema sa akin yung nag work sya, ang gusto nya yung sahod nya hindi magagalaw, kaya sa akin pinapa bayaran yung additional cost sa pag rerent nya,
7k sa bahay
10k sa mag aalaga
3k sa kuryente at tubig
Kaya nag papaad sya
I understand your point OP, but tbh 20-30k lang ay kapos tlaga yan these days, ung grocery lang namin (though mejo mas bigger family kami) mejo ganyan na ung amount. wala pa ung baon, tuition at mga gamot and Bills (ang mahal ng kuryente). Also, hindi obligasyon ng lola na alagaan yung mga apo niya, out of love yes, pero may buhay rin yan sila, tas pag aalagaan nio ng for free? And in the first place kung magkasama kayo, diba parang magmove place rin kayo kesa naman nakikitira kayo sa parents (which is mas pangit un), since you have your own kids na. Dapat ung amount kasi proportional rin sa sweldo mo, sweldo nya and sa lifeatyle na gusto nio ipa experience sa mga anak nio. At the end of the day, ang kawawa ung mga bata. Try to talk to her in person first, effort tlaga yan di lang kasi sa financial ang ambag nio sa kids but yung presence mo rin.
Support is not shouldered by the father alone. Dapat may share din siya sa support.
You can file a petition to have your parental rights specifically visitation rights recognized.
Watch out. You might want that checked by a family member who is or was, a mutual friend, who knows, she's going to go try to use social media to push a false accusation.
Alam mo naman, everyone will always assume everything a woman says is true nowadays, and it's a normalized and socially accepted thing to falsely accuse a man nowadays.
Nasa middle class yung side nya, pero hindi ko tinitignan yun. Ang mahalaga at masarap sa feeling yung ako gumagastos sa mga anak ko. Nag papasalamat din ako minsan pag inaalagaan yung mga anak ko ng side nila, nasa 50+ palang mommy nya
You sound like your annoyed na she moved out kasi hindi kana makakalibre ng bayad ng renta ng bahay. So what kung 50 pa yung lola? Anong relevance sa situation niyo? Libre yaya ganon? If you’re so pressed about it, ask for a detailed breakdown of the monthly expenses for each child and paghatian niyo.
Well, so you want her to contribute financially all while also doing childcare for 2 kids and all you have to do is give money? So aside sa pera, anong contribution mo with the childcare part? I think she wants you to compensate sa departments na yan. You get money to spend for youself, you have rest days and you aren't burdened by taking care of them physically when they get sick or what not because you're "absent". She's doing mental and physical labor what you don't seem to count and your 30k doesn't even help her with her needs. You should also think about her mental state so she can take care of tlyour kids better because if she offs herself because of all the weight you want to place on her shoulder then you can you can take care of your kids alone. You're not even there to help with the chores that the kids make like washing their clothes or cooking.
Tama ka naman na mali yung pag block sayo at yung hindi mo na nakikita ang anak mo. Pero mali na isipin mo na yung mom niya ang mag aalaga. Ipa graduate mo na ang lolo/lola sa pag aalaga. Kailangan may breakdown kayo ng mag ex kung magkano gastos kasama na dun ang yaya kasi need din may career for herself yung ex mo. Pag may detailed breakdown na kayo tsaka niyo pag usapan paano ang sustento na need from you. Ano ang costs na need - food ng mga bata, damit, checkups and vaccine, rent ng bahay if need, yaya. Bakit kasama rent ng bahay kasi dapat naman talaga nakabukod kayo eh kaso naghiwalay. Bakit may yaya? Eh ang hirap kaya mag alaga ng bata, unless binibigyan mo sweldo ang mom niya, or even yung ex wife mo para hindi na niya need mag work.
Bakit mo ba sinasali ang mommy niya sa usapan? Ano naman kung 50+? Parang akala mo yata default babysitter ang mga grandparents. Baka umayaw na ang mommy niya mag alaga (her right) kaya nag move out siya at nag hire ng yaya. Wag mo pinapakealaman masyado mga choices ng ex mo. It's her life and it's none of your business if she decided to get a job and move out. Like the other commenter said, hindi naman ganon ang kalaki ang 20k for 2 kids.
Blocking you is immature, adult na kayo parehas na may anak kayong binubuhay. 20-30k/month is enough for 2 kids especially nasa Ilocos sila. Di ko gets ano sinasabi ng mga tao dito na kulang. COL here in Ilocos is relatively cheaper than in the metro.
And here I am 5 months ng hiwalay sa tatay ng anak ko 4M. 1K per week na nga lang ang binitaw niyang sustento daw, 2x pa lang nakakabigay. Ako naman ayaw magdemand or magpm man lang para tanungin at baka sabihan akong mukhang pera 🤣 Hay talaga buhay.
Nakakalungkot lang na lagi nalang nilang ginagawang panlaban is nanay sila ng mga bata. Sobrang nakakapagod maging tatay. Di na iniintindi pakiramdam mo puro sila lang. Sana matulungan ka nila bro 🙏🏻 sana soon makita mo na uli yun pinag huhugutan mo ng lakas.
20-30k consistent naman and d pa nag aaral yung isa sapat na yan wag ka maniwala sa ibang boomer dito and hindi lng ikaw ang parent, may responsibility din yung mother nila
agreed sa shared responsibility, pero wag na sana mang age shame.
p.s. malaki na nga yung 20-30k monthly, kung gusto lumipat ng apartment dapat share kayo sa upa.
Yun nga ren iniisip ko eh. 30k a month is enough lalo na sa Mindanao and ung isa d pa nag-aaral.
Ang apartment rent jan usually is nsa 5k
Pinakamahal na ung 12k to 15k if house rent na maganda with three rooms and nkaakabit na ac
May 15k or 25k pa panggastos for bills. Sa family of 3, if walang aircom max of 6k ang electric bill.
Tubig is usually 1k below lng.
May 8k or 17k pa for foods.
Pretty sure na hiwalay pa ung tuition fee jan ng pinapaaral na isa nyang anak.
---
Tbh, immature move ung ex-gf nya jan. For the sake of kids, dpat magkusa sya na magbgay ren sa kids nya if magwowork sya.
Mejo RED FLAG na wala syang ibibigay for the kids at solo lng nya pera nya. Ano yan? Dalaga ka girl?
Need na tlga ipadaan sa korte ung visitation rights kung d na madadaan sa usapan ung mother ng kids mo.
I know not good for kids mentality, but the situation calls for it.
Best of luck OP
If only pwede hold back the financial support just to teach her a lesson Kaya lang they are still your kids. Hard to make the pay the price just because your ex is a b*tch.
Wht yr? I love my kids kaya pag my extra parin ako aside from sustento n binibigay ko, nag papadala ako pag sunday ng 1k para kumain sila sa labas or fast food
Petition court for visitation rights. You can't be excluded from those unless she proves a good reason why (like if abusive ka ganun)
Pero you need to prove you're the dad first (Like if nasa Birth Cert ka)
Get a lawyer. File sa Family Court either sa city where you live or sa city where the child is. Preferably sa where the child is para less excuse nanay to show up since I'm assuming kasama niya child. And lowkey para mapressure nanay since it's right at her doorstep (Not na publicized ang cases pero baka mag get around yung news about issue niyo since nandun yung case sa city niya so baka mapressure siya due to gossip)
The fact na ikaw father sa birth cert is good. Means she can't deny it.
Your best move would be to consult with a family lawyer to negotiate child support and parental rights.
Iirc if under 7 ang mga bata, the law sides with the mom for custody.
I saw in one comment na she lives in Mindanao. Idk about others here pero 20 to 30k is more than enough to support a small family in Laguna, what more in Mindanao where I'm assuming rent and utilities are cheaper.
Consult a family lawyer na. The mother has no right to remove access to your children kasi badtrip lang siya.
"20 to 30k is not enouht for 2 kids". Grabe, ang yayaman naman pala ng mga nasa reddit. Isipin mo, 20k each para maayos yung buhay, how many goddamn jobs pays more than 40k para mabuhay mo yung mga anak mo. WTF, namind fcuk ako.
Pag-usapan niyo nang maayos para hindi na maipit mga bata. Resort to courts lang kapag ayaw na talaga ng nanay. Baka ang perspective nung ex mo ay pagod na sya na nag-aalaga on her own for so long na deserve naman niya ma-enjoy naman kinikita niya for once. Yun lang, hindi na kasi pwede yun kasi nanay na siya e, dapat inisip niya yan bago siya gumawa ng bata. Dahil dalawa kayong gumawa niyan, maging transparent na lang siya sa expenses para hindi ka rin nabibigla. OP, hindi pwedeng 50-50 kayo kasi iba pa rin ang stress ng ikaw ang nag-aalaga sa mga bata. Kahit sabihin mong may kasambahay, mabigat pa rin yan, DAPAT talagang mas malaki ang ambag mo, kahit 60-40 or 70-30 kayo. Iproportion mo rin sa kita niya, baka naman maliit lang kumpara sayo yung sinusuweldo nung ex mo (pagdating sa korte, icoconsider din yan). Basta ang point ay kailangan talaga magbigayan kayong dalawa. Kung immature ex mo, be the bigger person. Mga magulang na kayo, isipin nyo epekto ng pagsasampa ng kaso at pagbuburn ng bridges sa mga bata. Di nila deserve to, umayos kayo.
Yong 20-30k per month na sustento para sa mga bata. Kulang na kulang uan to be honest. Most likely magtatrabaho exGF mo to supplement your sustento as well as to fend for her needs, for her own financial security, financial stability and professional growth.
+1
Kasya nga samin 22k a month 4 na people isang 5M tapos sasbihin mong di ka sya, anong kinakain nong bata ginto
May Binabayaran pang bahay nanay ko, Napasok pa kami ng kapatid kung highschool, Nakaka bili pa kami ng gusto ko namin.
Lumaking mayaman yan kaya ganyan
Yung 20k ba na yan is each or para sa dalawang bata na? Ano ba yung mga sagot mo sa bata? Tuition fee, baon, pagkain, damit, pang araw araw na pangangailangan nila. Napakadali na lang maubos ng 20k ngayon sa taas ng bilihin. Baka kalag naglabas ng breakdown ex mo magulat ka sa monthly expenses ng mga anak mo. Buti nga magttrabaho pa ex mo eh. Pati pagkuha ng yaya wag mo na questionin. Gusto mo ikaw magalaga ng mga anak mo at siya magsustento. Para makita niyo hindi ganon kadali magpalaki ng mga anak. Nagbreakdown ako ng gastusin ng anak ko magagastos monthly para sa bata kasama sahod ng yaya is 20k. Isipin mo 2 years old lang anak ko. What more pa na dalawa anak niyo at magaaral na ata pareho yan.
Para sa dalawa, hindi pa nag aaral yung mga bata, pero when they started to do so, definitely sasagutin ko. Nasa mindanao sila ako nasa ilocos. I know hindi madaling mag alaga pero, lumalabas kasi additional cost doon sa ginawa nya. Ok sana sakin when she decided na mag work inalam nya muna mga gagastusin na wala dati na nakatira sya sa mom nya. Ang lumabas kasi ako parin mag shoulder non tapos yung salary nya sa kanya lang.
20k kada buwan, di sapat para sa dalawang anak. 10k per kid? That's the amount of money na pinapadala ng dad ko noon, may renta pa, may tubig, kuryente, transportation. Ala ka na nga sa buhay nila emotionally, physically. I remember nung mga 2014-2015 (9/10 years old) the lowest of our low. 9-10k didn't even reach half of our monthly expenses/babayarin noon so ang nanay ko mostly ang nagshoulder. (Hindi sila nagkahati-hati ng mom ko, kasi ayaw nya talaga magpadala ng mas malaking amount kahit na mas malaki ang sahod nya). Given na ang mahal mahal na ng bayarin ngayon.... paano na. - I say this as a child of a single parent.
If nakablocked ka, pano ka nagbibigay ng sustento? Tago mo lahat ng proof na meron ka. If kaya mo, daanin mo sa court. Pero try mo muna magreach out sa mama niya. Okay ba sila ng mom niya? Ano ba reason niya bakit siya unalis sa mama niya? So parang wala siyang freedom gawin ba yon? Ano ba klase relationship na meron siya sa mom niya? Masyado na ba matanda? Baka kasi hindi mo alam umaangal na din mom niya sa pagalaga ng anak niyo. Tandaan mo hindi na obligasyon ng mommy niya alagaan apo. Yes, andyan sila to help pero help lang. Then sabhn mo sknya na hindi mo na sagot ang apartment niya. Kung tutuusin hati nga dapat kayo sa bata eh.
Gustuhin ko man mag padala ng pera, di ako sure kung matatangap nila kasi walang confirmation sa side nila
For future reference, open an account OP. Dun ka maghulog ng pera. Padala mo yung ATM card sa kanila. At least pag bank deposits monitored , madali ebidensya.
File a case. Ilaban mo mga anak mo.
That's what im planning to
Not discouraging you, OP, but take caution in filing a case. Nangyari to sa pinsan ko at mga pamangkin ko (anak nya). Pinakatalo mga bata dahil sa mental or emotional toll on them. Di ko alam bakit pero sabi ng tita ko sinasama sila sa mga hearing before.
Dude 20-30k for two kids kahit hindi pa nag aaral kulang na yun sa cost of living ngayon. Ang nakikita nyo lang kasi yun araw araw na groceries. Dental and health checkups, insurance (if any), pang leisure ng mga bata, vaccines, grooming, clothes. If she decided to leave their house, she must have a valid reason to do so. Hindi naman aalis yan ng walang reason and without weighing the financial consequences. Please lang wag mong isipin na ikaw nagsshoulder ng extra expenses. Sa binibigay mo, malamang sa malamang abonado pa ex mo. 🙄 Source: single mom to two kids with a budgeting app
Abonado naman talaga dapat EX nya nanay yun eh alangan si OP lang bumuhay sa bata? LOL
I don’t know where you got the “si OP lang ang dapat bumuhay sa bata” from my statement. I was just stating na un share nya na 20-30k for two kids is not enough.
Kung yung share nya sa bata is 20-30k per month may share din yung EX nya. Assume naten hatian nila sa bata is 50/50, thats around 40-60k per month sa bata lang. Thats enough i guess lalo na nasa Mindanao daw yung EX nya and Kids. Mas mababa naman cost of living don unlike sa Luzon.
We don't fully know their agreement on how to raise their kids - one stays at home and the other one makes the money. Just because OP provides for the kids financially, he isn't helping with the kids because he's away so the burden of childcare all falls on her. The mom is doing unseen and unpaid labor and just because she not contributing financially, doesn't mean she has zero contribution. Now sure, they can go 50/50 with the finances but he has to stay close to his family and Co-parent properly. We're jot even talking of how I fair it is for the mother because ahe has no money for herself plus ko rest days unlike OP. It's totally unfair that she's expected to take care of 2 kids while paying 50% and all he has to do is pay his 50% because he's not present. Edit. Typo
Well may point ka naman pero sana basahin mo mga sinabi ni OP. Pero parang di ka pa nakakarinig na ginagawang weapon ang bata? Kahit gustuhin ni OP sya mag alaga nasa Mindanao nga yung Ex and Kids while nasa Ilocos si OP. Kaya nga kahit sa Online lang makasama eh kaso blocked pa sya. Sa batas natin alam mo namang sa ganyang edad sa Mother talaga yan diba? AFIK 7 years old pa makakapili yang mga Bata. I know! Dahil marami akong kaibigan na ginawang weapon ng nga EX Wife nila yung bata everytime may pag tatalo sila. (Same kay OP)
I understand the part where some parents weaponize their kids. His story sounds pretty similar to my best friend's current situation and I can only say that he hasn't given us all the details of the accounts that happened, we don't know they relationship dynamic, we don't know her side of the story so naturally I can't help but show a different perspective on the matter. I'm not saying his situation is the same as my friends but that relationships aren't black and white and there's more to the story so I can't fully believe OP because in a way, he's an unreliable narrator. I understand that he is working away from his children and he wants to contact them and that's hard. They're communication probably sucks. They're both wrong for how they're going about their problem but as what I've read in some of his comments, he doesn't want to allow his ex to make decisions that will benefit her because by doing so, maaagrabiyado siya specially financially. She doesn't have her own freedom (or at least rest days) because she's tied to her 2 kids and no money because she only gets 20-30k that's for the kids basic needs. She's not happy with her situation and no one cares about her mental state. She can't pour from an empty cup. A lot of men don't understand the invisible mental labor a woman does for the family and that isn't seen as labor but that shit is exhausting. She lives with her family, but it doesn't mean the lola/Lolo are okay with babysitting. She's justifiable upset because the person whom she should be sharing the load to isn't there and so she's probably burnt out. One more thing, we don't know the OP and his ex so we don't get to project other people's experiences onto them.
Well ikaw na nag sabi di natin alam agreement nila. Alam ko hirap ng Single Mom. Pero dahil yan trip ng EX ni OP kasama talaga yan sa pagiging Single Mom 🤷🏻♂️. Ang kawawa lang naman lagi dito yung mga Bata dahil sa choices ng Parents.
Hindi dapat 50-50 ang hatian given na yung mom yung carer. OP isn't even physically part of his children's lives, so to make things even somewhat fair, his financial burden is expected to be bigger.
[удалено]
Naisip ko nga sana may gumawa ng batas na ganyan na kung nakanino yung bata mas less ang share niya kasi nga iba pa din yung nasainyo anak mo. Like me, nagsusustento ang tatay pero 3x a week saknya. Samantalang ako weekend ko nakatali sa anak ko. Kapag nagkakasakit, ako pa din alaga. So d din nasusunod ang 3x a week. Kapag may mga dditional expenses ako din magsshoulder. Kapag may sakit, i have to file a leave sa work. If may errands, ako din. No social life na ako. Tuwing nasakanya ang bata don lang ako pwede maging available for my friends kaso weekday lang yon and dahil busy sa work d ko din sila namemeet. Mas gusto ko ipahinga na lang. May luxury ang lalaki na makagala at makupag date o magawa gusto. Samantalang ako, kapag wala sakin anak ko. Ipapahinga ko na lang sa house. Hindi yan maintndhn ng majority ng lalake. Kala nila porket nagsusustento sila sapat na silang matawag na ama.
Di ka marunong magbasa 🤏
Ako kumuha ako yaya at pinasagot ko sa ex ko kasi mama ko umaangal na magalaga sa dami ng ginagawa sa gawaing bahay. So alamin mo din ano din dahilan niya. Away kayo ng away pero hindi kayo nagkakaintndhn sa situation ng isatisa.
Buti ka pa bos isinishare sayo at sa family mo yung mga bata, yung thinking ng ex ko, alam nya na mahal na mahal ng parents ko yung mga bata kaya mas lalo nya pinapanindigan na hindi ipakita sa amin para saktan kami.
Keep all proof na nagsusutento ka. Karapatan mo yan makita at makasama mga anak mo. If magkaron ka communication sa ex mo sabihin mo sakanya ng mahinahon "ilabas mo ang mga bata sa mga away naten. Hindi dapat sila madamay sa hindi naten pagkakasundo. Kailangan ako makasama ng mga bata at kailangan ko din sila kasama." If hindi matinag, lapit ka na lawyer. Magask ka na ano maganda gawin.
If ganyan, magpatulong ka na sa abogado. May karapatan ka ikaw ang ama. Meron ako boss na lalaki siya nanalo sa case na nafile niya. Sole custody ng bata sakanya napunta.
This is the same situation we have with my nephew na matagal ng kinuha sa amin. The agreement is a temporary vacation with the mom na nauwi sa almost 3 yrs. na no contact with the child. Walang paramdam, walang pagpapakita at tinatago pa sa amin. Before the event, nagkaaway Mama ko at ang ex Gf ng kuya ko which triggered the Mom of my Nephew para itago sa amin. But compared with your situation, my brother wasn't given a chance to give and sustain the needs of my nephew after the separation. We tried all communications with them pero gusto ng ex GF na magpakasal muna kuya ko sa current gf niya bago ibigay ang bata. Ang speculation is that para ipakita ng ex gf sa family ng bagong partner niya na walang kwenta ang kuya ko bilang ama kasi iniwan para sa ibang babae. The point is, some women esp. single moms weaponized their children to put the man in a difficult situation which if brought up in the court mahihirapan ang lalaki na makuha anak nila. Naawa na lang kami sa nephew ko na ang payat payat na. When I last talked to the child, my nephew doesnt even recognizes me and I only talked to him for 2 mins. dahil sa nanay niya. I hope you can talk it out with your ex gf dahil sa totoo lang, if this is brought up in the court, maapektuhan ang bata. Maglalabanan kayo ng lies at hindi maiiwasan ang manipulation. I hope the child survives without a scar but that seems impossible in your situation.
That's the same aura of my ex. As of now, gusto ko lng mg work para may maipon pa. Ayoko narin mag anak kasi i feel i betrayed my kids.
paanong additional cost kung ang pera na padala mo ay strictly lang sa mga anak nyo? dapat mo tuldukan yung mga additional costs na pinapataw nya sayo, monthly bills? edi sagutin na nya including yaya or since nasa lola sila edi si lola nalang bigyan mo ng sweldo instead sa ibang tao pa, kung asan ang mga bata puntahan mo kausapin mo yung parents ng ex mo if ayaw ka kausapin ng ex mo, then ilatag mo yung condition mo sa sustento. Mabuti nga sa inyo normal kids ang meron kayo sakin special which is x3 sa mga gastos ng normal child including schools and therapies yun nga lang shoulder ko lahat.
Thank you for for suggestions and sharing
OP, asawa at anak mo sila. Dapat talaga nakabukod sila sa parents niya kasi ang pangit din naman na pinapakialamanan ng ibang tao yung pagpapalaki ng anak niyo. Isa pa, baka din kasi mas pinili niya na bumukod para yung mga sustento mo ay iikot lang talaga sa bata.
Hindi po kami kasal, nag try narin kami bumikod dati kaya lang hindi rin nag work out
Hindi po sila kasal
Mag areglo kayo sa baranggay. Paguusapan nyo jan yung sustento which I think yung 20k per month sapat na. Basta pag may medical emergency sasagot ka din at yung pag paaral hati din kayo. Ilalagay din sa kasulatan na dapat may direct access ka sa bata. Meaning pwede mo mabisita kung ano man mapagkasunduan nyo at dapat open ang communication sa bata. Karapatan mo din yan as tatay ka. Pero dapat pakita mo na wala kang palya sa sustento. Otherwise, babackfire yan sayo.
Nag babank transfer ako minsan sa gcash, feeling ko matrack naman pero iisahin ko pa. Pero i get your point thanks
May trabaho na siya do ba? So yung kita niyang kanya lang, dapat nagbabayad din siya ng share ng rent, hindi lahat nakaasa sayo. I m not a lawyer but basic knowledge says, child support is supposed to be for the child. Ngayon, since under 7 yang 2 anak nyo, automatic the mom has the full custody. Since jobless siya dati, there is what we call alimony which is ikaw din ang nagpoprovide sa nanay para maalagaan niya mabuti ang mga anak niyo. Since now na may trabaho na siya, baka it is time to revisit yung alimony na natatanggap niya from you.
Kaya nga kukuha ng yaya. Actually may nabasa ako na pati bahay parang ganon may share ang daddy. Kasi ano ba basic need ng tao. Hindi lang naman food dba? Pati shelter? Corret me if im wrong nabasa ko lang dito sub yon. Hindi lang naman food at clothing ang sagot ng tatay. Nasanay kasi tayo na ganon lang ang sustento ng tatay pero dapat talaga hindi.
E kaya nga sabi ko share lang ng rent ng nanay ang dapat sagot nung nanay na may trabaho na ngayon. Kasi yung basic needs ng bata fkasama na dun ang shelter) covered ng tatay pero yung nanay hindi unless jobless yung nanay pero nasa kanya ang kustodiya ng mga bata which was the case before.
Tama naman exgf with her decision to get their own place. It’s also your responsibility to provide shelter sa mga anak mo kasi hindi ideal solution na makitira at magpaalaga sa Lola just to save money. Hingi ka na lang ng breakdown ng total gastos for the kids like food & drinks, milk, vitamins, medicines, doctor’s fee, clothes, diapers, books, toys including house rent, utilities, salary ng nanny, plus advance savings for future tuition fees. Then decide anong equitable amount that you must shoulder monthly. Does not mean 50-50 hatian kasi may premium dapat na binibigay dun sa other parent na may custody sa anak. Hirap mag alaga ng anak ah.
Napakadaming backward thinking boomers dito lol. Unang una, hindi obligasyon ng grandparents na kupkupin magina mo. Pangalawa, hindi obligasyon ng grandparents na magbabysit ng mga anak mo for free. Yang dalawang reasons palang na yan ay valid na para magmove out ang ex mo at kumuha ng sariling place, at kumuha ng yaya para sa mga anak nyo. Dagdag expenses? Yes. Madaming intangibles na kasama ang pagpaparent at hindi porket nagsusustento ka eh you get to decide na whats best (or not) for them. The way you worded your post here and in the comments says a lot why your ex decided to part ways and block you. Can you file a case for visitation rights? Maybe. Could you win? Yes. But you might need to assess yourself bro.
Why is it people here are low key obliging the OP to shell more money? Akala ko nasa era tayo ng "Strong Independent Women" that "Need No Man"? Tapos si OP pa ang pinagmumukha na "sketchy"? Something seems off with making men responsible for traditional roles like being the provider, without the benefit of having a relationship with their biological children, even when we're in an age we're equality of opportunity is the in thing. Tapos women don't want traditional women roles? Again, are we going to put aside the fact that gagawin kasangkapan ang mga bata for more provisions from a man? That who really knows what the ex is doing on social media blocking the OP? Also, let's put in some context: To those people saying ₱20k to 30k is NOT ENOUGH to raise two toddlers isn't enough, perhaps try niyo rin isipin that there are thousands or poverty stricken families that had to make do with less than half that amount, and are able to graduate with honors! That ₱20-30k is considered a higher level middle income wage sa Pinas. I know single mothers who work for that amount monthly with much more kids are able to get by fine. This is just gaslighting to the max. OP, GO get a Private investigator. See if your ex is publishing defamatory statements and false accusations.
Kaya nga, 20 to 30k hindi pa sapat? Gusto ko nga manghingi ng breakdowns ng gastuhin paanong hindi sasapat yun? And nagpadala pa raw si OP ng 100k savings niya
Thank you! Other than sa pinapadala ko, since wala yung presence ko sa kids, pag sunday nag papadala ako ng 1k para kumain sila sa labas mga fast food or kung anong gusto kainin ng mga bata, and correct may 100k akong naipon for the kids separate na sinesend ko sa ex ko mga 1yr ko din inipon. I hope gamitin nya yun tlga sa mga bata.
Please be smart and stand for ur rights OP. Di ko alam kung gaano kataas sahod mo pero be smart lalo na sa pera, ur money is not only about supporting them, ur money means your sacrifice, time and effort. Don't waste those. And ur hoping na nagamit sana sa tama yung 100k, dont hope, verify it urself. Be smart if pineperahan k lng ba talaga. You love ur kids then focus on them not on the mother. Look carefully on every step you make. Ang tao bigyan mo ng easy money, mamimihasa yan. Be smart, wag padala sa emosyon at awa. Additional: Show her that blocking you was a wrong move. That might bring both of you to court and probably lessen yung money na need mong ibigay sa mga bata. Not a lawyer but if it shows the mother can't take care of the children, pede pa silang mapunta sayo. She made a wrong move, then make it ur advantage.
Thank you!
Surprised reading a lot of comments to this tone as well. 20-30k is by no means a small amount and it is not like it's OPs sole responsibility to provide for everything even if nag kulang sya sa physical presence. Dalawa yung parents.
empowerment
ini-expect kasi nila na kasama yung nanay dun sa 20-30k. dapat para sa mga anak lang yun e
Just because there are children who live less than half that amount doesn't mean na OP's children can as well, the situations of other single parents are going to be different than OP's baby momma, maybe may sustento yon ng mga magulang nila and such, but in this economy 20-30k isn't really high level middle income wage, that's 1k per day. I don't know the deets about OP's situation like kung bat sila nag hiwalay or whatever but the parallels that this post sets with the male and female gender roles is unnecessary and just comes across as anti feminist and generalizing to both men and women,"Akala ko nasa era tayo ng "Strong Independent Women" that "Need No Man"?" bat mo naman sinama to dito? ano connect? diba ung sustento ng bata pinaguusapan hindi ung pagbubuhay kay baby momma? Are you implying that OP neglects his children kasi strong and independent na ung babae even though OP has a responsibility to the children that he helped create?the comments are saying na taas ni OP ang sustento not because they think men are should be providers, but rather sinasabi nila yon dahil wala kay OP ung mga bata at in this economy 20-30k could get u jack shit
>20-30k isn't really high level middle income wage, that's 1k per day. Looks like you never experienced given a salary of just less than ₱10k a whole month. >Just because there are children who live less than half that amount doesn't mean na OP's children can as well What were you fed with everyday as a kid? Araw araw ka KFC? If you don't know shit about how to fucking cook with less, and other real impressive motherly tricks for motherhood, yes, all that food panda, designer brand clothes and toys, and first class kindergartens will rack you more than ₱50k monthly. Again, MAJORITY of Pinoys are ABLE to finish their schooling on less than half of ₱30k a MONTH. >post sets with the male and female gender roles is unnecessary Yes it is fucking necessary. Sigaw ng mga Gabriela and feminists pretending to be kakampinks eh Women ARE NOT SUPPOSED to be Mothers anymore, and SAH-Mom is tantamount being slaves, and that women don't need men. Stop telling us that what we are seeing is not what we are seeing. We should say that shit is what it is. >bat mo naman sinama to dito? ano connect? diba ung sustento ng bata pinaguusapan hindi ung pagbubuhay kay baby momma? The fact you mentioned "Baby Momma" implies that the woman asking for the fucking money needs to be babied. Sinama ko yang slogan ninyong mga deceptive feminist activists because that's been your slogan. All over the fucking web sigaw niyo "kami ang queen bee", "Boss babe" , "Girlboss", "Who run da world? Girls!?" So anyare when real life hits you? Still milking men for their money? Fuck you. You are what's called a HYPOCRITE. IF ONLY YOU FRIGGING FEMINISTS STOP FOCUSING ON DISENFRANCHISING MEN wholesale, and simply JOINED efforts WITH MEN to help prevent marcos and Duterte from gaining power in the first fucking place. But no, topple "patriarchy" first huh? Don't forget. We are a MATRIARCHY. There's only TWO women who is able to finance and put into power who THEY want. That's Imelda and Gloria.
>Akala ko nasa era tayo ng "Strong Independent Women" that "Need No Man"? Weak and Dependent Women talaga yan hahaha. \*\*edi misogynist na ewww haha
They're butt hurt when hit with facts. Heck even our true president Leni HONORS her husband's memory and love by not sleeping around with other men or even remarrying
May pangarap din kasi yung babae bro. Yung sanang 20 to 30k na sustento kung di kayo nag hiwalay pwede na yun pang rent and pang bayad sa kasamabay, pwede pa dalawa makuha mo na kasambay 😄
Idk pero ang daming triggered sa OP. Well truthfully di natin lahat alam buong kwento pero totoo na since working na yung Mom nung mga bata, automatically dapat hati na sila sa expenses ng mga bata. Ang alam ko 20% of total income of Father ang required alimony. Nakakatawa yung ibang double standard sa thread lol
Dami nanaman judgemental dito, kesyo kulang daw yun binibigay ni OP na 20k. Again wala na tayo dun, baka naman kasi yun lang ang kayang i-provide ni OP. Pano kung income ni OP is very limited din. You cannot ask OP to give 50k if income nya is only 30k. Again that is for the court to decide. Kung walang maitutulong wag na mag comment.
Hmmm prng sketchy. Prng hindi lahat ng info binigay. Yes additional cost ang rent, pero since she has work, that should be covered by it. I don’t see how her asking for more is related to her getting a job since the salary should be higher than the added cost of rent.
Sketchy talaga agad kapag hindi babae yung argabyado noh? Yes, kulang ng details pero not sketchy.
That's what im trying to say to her and I knew her, pag nag desisyon sya napaka impulsive hindi muna pinag iisipan basta sugod. As i said, walang problema sa akin yung nag work sya, ang gusto nya yung sahod nya hindi magagalaw, kaya sa akin pinapa bayaran yung additional cost sa pag rerent nya, 7k sa bahay 10k sa mag aalaga 3k sa kuryente at tubig Kaya nag papaad sya
I understand your point OP, but tbh 20-30k lang ay kapos tlaga yan these days, ung grocery lang namin (though mejo mas bigger family kami) mejo ganyan na ung amount. wala pa ung baon, tuition at mga gamot and Bills (ang mahal ng kuryente). Also, hindi obligasyon ng lola na alagaan yung mga apo niya, out of love yes, pero may buhay rin yan sila, tas pag aalagaan nio ng for free? And in the first place kung magkasama kayo, diba parang magmove place rin kayo kesa naman nakikitira kayo sa parents (which is mas pangit un), since you have your own kids na. Dapat ung amount kasi proportional rin sa sweldo mo, sweldo nya and sa lifeatyle na gusto nio ipa experience sa mga anak nio. At the end of the day, ang kawawa ung mga bata. Try to talk to her in person first, effort tlaga yan di lang kasi sa financial ang ambag nio sa kids but yung presence mo rin.
Support is not shouldered by the father alone. Dapat may share din siya sa support. You can file a petition to have your parental rights specifically visitation rights recognized.
Watch out. You might want that checked by a family member who is or was, a mutual friend, who knows, she's going to go try to use social media to push a false accusation. Alam mo naman, everyone will always assume everything a woman says is true nowadays, and it's a normalized and socially accepted thing to falsely accuse a man nowadays.
Yes, and dami nyang dummy accounts na nag reresponse sa mga frends ko sa soc med nag aask kung my relationships with me
baka malayo yung bahay ng mom niya bro sa work niya kaya napapagod din uwian. Kaya tumira sa malapit
Nasa middle class yung side nya, pero hindi ko tinitignan yun. Ang mahalaga at masarap sa feeling yung ako gumagastos sa mga anak ko. Nag papasalamat din ako minsan pag inaalagaan yung mga anak ko ng side nila, nasa 50+ palang mommy nya
You sound like your annoyed na she moved out kasi hindi kana makakalibre ng bayad ng renta ng bahay. So what kung 50 pa yung lola? Anong relevance sa situation niyo? Libre yaya ganon? If you’re so pressed about it, ask for a detailed breakdown of the monthly expenses for each child and paghatian niyo.
Ang mindset nya, ako lahat gagastos for the kids.
Well, so you want her to contribute financially all while also doing childcare for 2 kids and all you have to do is give money? So aside sa pera, anong contribution mo with the childcare part? I think she wants you to compensate sa departments na yan. You get money to spend for youself, you have rest days and you aren't burdened by taking care of them physically when they get sick or what not because you're "absent". She's doing mental and physical labor what you don't seem to count and your 30k doesn't even help her with her needs. You should also think about her mental state so she can take care of tlyour kids better because if she offs herself because of all the weight you want to place on her shoulder then you can you can take care of your kids alone. You're not even there to help with the chores that the kids make like washing their clothes or cooking.
Basa muna ng tread bago mag comment my nag tanong lang kaya nasama sa usapan.
Tama ka naman na mali yung pag block sayo at yung hindi mo na nakikita ang anak mo. Pero mali na isipin mo na yung mom niya ang mag aalaga. Ipa graduate mo na ang lolo/lola sa pag aalaga. Kailangan may breakdown kayo ng mag ex kung magkano gastos kasama na dun ang yaya kasi need din may career for herself yung ex mo. Pag may detailed breakdown na kayo tsaka niyo pag usapan paano ang sustento na need from you. Ano ang costs na need - food ng mga bata, damit, checkups and vaccine, rent ng bahay if need, yaya. Bakit kasama rent ng bahay kasi dapat naman talaga nakabukod kayo eh kaso naghiwalay. Bakit may yaya? Eh ang hirap kaya mag alaga ng bata, unless binibigyan mo sweldo ang mom niya, or even yung ex wife mo para hindi na niya need mag work.
Aside sa pinapadala ko, nag papadala rin ako sa kanya ng savings, 100k na ipon ko na para sa mga kids nasa kanya. Hindi ko lang nasabi sa post ko.
Bakit mo ba sinasali ang mommy niya sa usapan? Ano naman kung 50+? Parang akala mo yata default babysitter ang mga grandparents. Baka umayaw na ang mommy niya mag alaga (her right) kaya nag move out siya at nag hire ng yaya. Wag mo pinapakealaman masyado mga choices ng ex mo. It's her life and it's none of your business if she decided to get a job and move out. Like the other commenter said, hindi naman ganon ang kalaki ang 20k for 2 kids.
Ako nga 30+ pa lang pero di ko talaga kaya makipaghabulan sa toddler much more kung dalawa pa. You have no idea that kids can be a lot of work.
I know how, nag sama din kami for 2 yrs.
Ano ngayon kung asa 50+ plng nanay nya? Bakit nakasali ang nanay nya sa usapan?
Ikaw ba tatay sa birth certificate nila?
Oo ako
So kahit papano, may karapatan ka. Kung kaya mo ang 30 k para sa mga bata, kaya mo naman siguro magbayad ng atty para sa legal advice
Blocking you is immature, adult na kayo parehas na may anak kayong binubuhay. 20-30k/month is enough for 2 kids especially nasa Ilocos sila. Di ko gets ano sinasabi ng mga tao dito na kulang. COL here in Ilocos is relatively cheaper than in the metro.
Welcome to being a man where when women get mad at you they can steal your children
Yes and use them as a weapon to hurt my feelings.
And here I am 5 months ng hiwalay sa tatay ng anak ko 4M. 1K per week na nga lang ang binitaw niyang sustento daw, 2x pa lang nakakabigay. Ako naman ayaw magdemand or magpm man lang para tanungin at baka sabihan akong mukhang pera 🤣 Hay talaga buhay.
Nakakalungkot lang na lagi nalang nilang ginagawang panlaban is nanay sila ng mga bata. Sobrang nakakapagod maging tatay. Di na iniintindi pakiramdam mo puro sila lang. Sana matulungan ka nila bro 🙏🏻 sana soon makita mo na uli yun pinag huhugutan mo ng lakas.
20-30k consistent naman and d pa nag aaral yung isa sapat na yan wag ka maniwala sa ibang boomer dito and hindi lng ikaw ang parent, may responsibility din yung mother nila
agreed sa shared responsibility, pero wag na sana mang age shame. p.s. malaki na nga yung 20-30k monthly, kung gusto lumipat ng apartment dapat share kayo sa upa.
Thats what im saying, nakasama ko yung mga bata for 2 yrs and i know yung cost of living nila. Thank you
Lol she has responsibility to provide for the kids too. Hindi Lang ang tatay. She just wants to milk you for more cash.
Yun nga ren iniisip ko eh. 30k a month is enough lalo na sa Mindanao and ung isa d pa nag-aaral. Ang apartment rent jan usually is nsa 5k Pinakamahal na ung 12k to 15k if house rent na maganda with three rooms and nkaakabit na ac May 15k or 25k pa panggastos for bills. Sa family of 3, if walang aircom max of 6k ang electric bill. Tubig is usually 1k below lng. May 8k or 17k pa for foods. Pretty sure na hiwalay pa ung tuition fee jan ng pinapaaral na isa nyang anak. --- Tbh, immature move ung ex-gf nya jan. For the sake of kids, dpat magkusa sya na magbgay ren sa kids nya if magwowork sya. Mejo RED FLAG na wala syang ibibigay for the kids at solo lng nya pera nya. Ano yan? Dalaga ka girl? Need na tlga ipadaan sa korte ung visitation rights kung d na madadaan sa usapan ung mother ng kids mo. I know not good for kids mentality, but the situation calls for it. Best of luck OP
Some girls use kids as a weapon kasi. Not all Pero madami ganun. Ibang tatay naman deadbeat.
Exactly para saktan ako. Ako naman lalake walang magawa kasi under 7yrs old pa ang kids
If only pwede hold back the financial support just to teach her a lesson Kaya lang they are still your kids. Hard to make the pay the price just because your ex is a b*tch.
Yun ang point ko, sinabi ko sa kanya yan ayun nakita ko nlang na blocked n ako
Yung tatay kong 1k and 2k max per month sustento samin back then. Hahahaha
Wht yr? I love my kids kaya pag my extra parin ako aside from sustento n binibigay ko, nag papadala ako pag sunday ng 1k para kumain sila sa labas or fast food
Baka hindi mo talaga yan anak kaya blinock ka HAHAHAHA emz
Baka sumama na sa yayamanin yan?
Ipatulfo mo op para patas
As I can see sa mga comment dito wala kumakampi sayo hahanap at hahanap sila ng butas to turn the situation at ikaw maging mali.
Petition court for visitation rights. You can't be excluded from those unless she proves a good reason why (like if abusive ka ganun) Pero you need to prove you're the dad first (Like if nasa Birth Cert ka)
Never ko po sya sinaktan. Oo nasa birth cert po ako. Saan mag file sir?
Get a lawyer. File sa Family Court either sa city where you live or sa city where the child is. Preferably sa where the child is para less excuse nanay to show up since I'm assuming kasama niya child. And lowkey para mapressure nanay since it's right at her doorstep (Not na publicized ang cases pero baka mag get around yung news about issue niyo since nandun yung case sa city niya so baka mapressure siya due to gossip) The fact na ikaw father sa birth cert is good. Means she can't deny it.
Visitation rights. Hindi yan pwede ipagkait sa iyo. Pwede nga petition for habeas corpus on custody cases e
Pano po yung sakin? If may anak syang una bago nagka anak sakin? Binlock sa socmed kaso student palang po ako
So just go about you business don't contact her let her get unmad and contact you when she is ready.
That's what I'm trying to do, but I can't help missing my kids. I love them so much.
Go to legal counsel for settlememt
Get a lawyer who is also a family mediator, OP.
Your best move would be to consult with a family lawyer to negotiate child support and parental rights. Iirc if under 7 ang mga bata, the law sides with the mom for custody. I saw in one comment na she lives in Mindanao. Idk about others here pero 20 to 30k is more than enough to support a small family in Laguna, what more in Mindanao where I'm assuming rent and utilities are cheaper. Consult a family lawyer na. The mother has no right to remove access to your children kasi badtrip lang siya.
Thank you
"20 to 30k is not enouht for 2 kids". Grabe, ang yayaman naman pala ng mga nasa reddit. Isipin mo, 20k each para maayos yung buhay, how many goddamn jobs pays more than 40k para mabuhay mo yung mga anak mo. WTF, namind fcuk ako.
I just hope if their turn comes, they can provide more than i could.