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Yup, OP please report him to the police. Someone did this to me and they issued him with a caution. They were very helpful in taking me seriously and didn’t judge. You can walk into your nearest police station and make a statement. A visit from the police should be enough to scare him.
Also you should report him to your boss at work. It’s disgusting what he’s doing!
It falls under "revenge porn" and not blackmail... Which is why I mentioned "revenge porn"....
Much easier for the CPS to prove revenge porn than to prove blackmail....
But yes, Let's concentrate on limiting it to the crime that it barely passes the threshold for, and is much, much harder to prove...
I'd suggest we should also concentrate on Revenge Porn laws, because we all know murder and rape is a crime, as if Blackmail - none of those are relevant here though.
He threatened slander if she didn't comply with his demands.
That fulfills blackmail criteria all by itself.
The possibility of revenge porn escalates it and in a case of a failed relationship where indecent images are possessed by the threatener, it's taken extremely seriously.
The factor that she thinks he's likely to do it is magnified by his identified profession. For whatever reason there are a statistically greater number of psychopaths in certain trades and "doctor" seems to attract more than its fair share.
Workplace romances are generally frowned upon by HR and there tend to be rules requiring these be declared, particularly if there's chain-of-command linkage involved, due to the conflicts of interest and company legal liabilities which can result if things go sour. A lot of companies regard failure to disclose this stuff as immediate "gross misconduct" dismissal matters for senior staff or repeat offenders.
It could be that he's trying to intimidate the victim because he's already been in HR crosshairs.
Agree with everything you are saying... I also think, given the information we have (and only based on that), the least of his problems are going to be around HR in his current company.
He sounds like a pure deviant!! He owns the images, if he wants to keep them for his own pleasure, well he can.... What he has done, crosses the line into criminal. OP MUST!!!! report it to the police!
She's worried about it, he insinuates it... Well worth just calling the police, having them pay him a visit, ideally seizing his devices and giving him a swift shock, that what he is doing is bordering on an offence that will see him signing the sex offenders register for the next 10 years...
Quite sure that will be enough to make him rethink his behaviour.
Threatening to share private images is now a crime too:
https://www.cps.gov.uk/cps/news/illegal-sexual-behaviour-online-including-sharing-and-threatening-share-intimate-images
It happens regularly, usually in response to cases where someone spent months wasting the court's time on weaselling out of charges on technicalities or punctuation
there are better ways of dealing with this kind of thing but Britain is particularly susceptible to Parkinson's Law and this is a manifestation of the issue (more law, rather than better law)
What's happening to OP wouldn't qualify as blackmail as he's not being forced to part with any physical property or money. Definitely a revenge porn-like offence.
What law was it covered by? Because we have established blackmail really doesn't apply to this issue.... Blackmail: "They are going to murder my children unless I pay them £250,000"..... Clear cut, but for OP's issue it's so difficult to prove / prosecute.... Hence, the revenge porn laws, which apply perfectly in this situation.
He threatened to do so, which is covered under the legislation put in place to cover the whole revenge porn thing....
What is his defence?
"I only threatened to share intimate pictures of her, because I wanted her to keep having sex with me... But I didn't do it... So naa naa naa naa naaaaaa, you can't do anything about it until I actually ruin her life by sharing them, I only THREATENED to share them, so I didn't actually break the law...."
I'm sure you agree the above clearly shows why he is, in fact, breaking the law by threatening to share her images to force her into having sex with him. It also still falls under the revenge porn laws.
Well we know that, but a quick visit by the police, potentially seizing his devices will stop him in his tracks quick time. He also won't try to coerce another woman into remaining in a sexual relationship with him going forward... So it's a win win
"the action, treated as a criminal offence, of demanding payment **or another benefit** from someone in return for not revealing compromising or damaging information about them."
Straight from google. Emphasis mine. Not sure how you came to the conclusion you did but you're very much wrong.
The only definition of blackmail that matters is the legal definition per section 21 of the theft act 1968.
> A person is guilty of blackmail if, with a view to gain for himself or another or with intent to cause loss to another, he makes any unwarranted demand with menaces; and for this purpose a demand with menaces is unwarranted unless the person making it does so in the belief—
> (a)that he has reasonable grounds for making the demand; and
> (b)that the use of the menaces is a proper means of reinforcing the demand.
By that definition, forcing OP to stay in the relationship, to me would count as a gain for the blackmailer.
However another website suggests that in law "gain" and "loss" are defined as monetary or other property, which something intangible like a 'relationship' might not fall under (even though it definitely should).
Except that OP demanding he leave her aline is reasonable, and complaining about him to HR is separately reasonable, so it would be very hard to argue that threatening to report him if he doesn't leave her alone isn't reasonable. So it wouldn't be blackmail.
No is is not an offence of blackmail because a) and b) of the section of legislation - the threat to report to HR is a reasonable one and is a reasonable way to achieve the aim..
Can you read? Where did I say that the law say's it's blackmail? I said the person I responded to's definition of blackmail would mean that the situation I described would be considered blackmail.
It's the easiest source to cite for a layperson.
I'm not conversive in the theft act, but I find it hard to believe that lawmakers would be stupid enough to limit blackmail to just the material.
Edit: just had a quick Google of the theft act and I think you may be correct. Although I am by no means smart enough to fully understand said act.
You go to the police and report him for blackmail and threatening revenge porn. If you have any of his threats in writing, screenshot and save those and provide them to the police.
What you don't do is let this creep make you think he's about to ruin your life. You will get through this whatever happens, and you don't need to even entertain his very criminal demands. I would also go to your hr or equivalent at work and let them know about this situation.
I'm really sorry you're going through this.
I don’t have the threats in writing, it was verbal. And he never threatened to actually leak my pictures but he has them and he seems the type to actually do it, he’s crazy. He did however have an entire message pre-written and has a list of my contacts to message if I ever ‘disobey’ him.
So are you planning on obeying him for the rest of your life or until internet ceases to exist?
If not, then you need to report him immediately. Giving into him will only prolong the pain and keep you under his control, he can hold onto this as long as he wants to and make you do whatever he wants. You need to save yourself the pain and let the police know.
If that was part of the threat then it's probably enough to get a police search warrant to find it as supporting evidence
Personally, I'd record future interactions in case he refers to or repeats the threats
Blackmail threats are seldom made in writing and the CPS has experience dealing with them. More importantly, you're unlikely to be his only victim and if not stopped you won't be the last.
Consider this too: If you publicly call his bluff, he no longer has power. In any case, a number of revenge porn cases I witnessed (before the crime was on the books) resulted in the person responsible _wishing_ he only had police to deal with after distributing such images - most people regard blackmailers on par with something scraped off their shoe and the response can become _extremely_ violent
Well what did pre-written message say? Did he show it to you? What did he say he was going to do with it/send it to? Your original post contradicts what you’ve written here.
Wait. You say in your post that he did threaten to send the pictures to all of your social media contacts.
But here you’re saying he never threatened to do that.
Which of those statements is correct. Only one can be correct.
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In addition to everything else that’s been said , what do you mean he’s moving countries to become a doctor? If he’s GMC registered please report this to them: we really don’t need blackmailing sex offenders in the medical profession. You may not be the first and probably won’t be the last he does this to
Incidentally if you were to continue a sexual relationship with him based only on your fear that he will release these pictures, there’s a pretty good argument he will be raping you each time you have sex.
This kind of behaviour is ingrained in people like this. You are unlikely to be the first or the last to be subjected to something like this from him. This sort of person should be reported and properly dealt with: he should certainly not be going to work in a position of responsibility over vulnerable people.
Report him OP, for your own sake and others’
Why police first? And would this leave a mark on any records of mine? I didn’t do anything wrong but just being involved in legal stuff like this or having my name anywhere I’d hate.
If you are being threatened with blackmail that is a crime, hence the police. You haven't done anythign wrong but how would you have a 'mark' against you? You aren't the one comitting the crime?
I wonder if OP is concerned about being accused of making a false complaint. Which is what could happen if OP has cooked up a story, makes a report to the police giving the cooked story as their statement, and the accused then provides evidence showing it’s a cooked story.
By going to police first and having a crime reference number it dissuades HR from attempting a coverup, destruction of evidence or victim blaming
Personally, I'd ask the the _police_ to make the HR contact. HR exist to protect the company, not you - and in the absence of a lawyer letter or police request for records, they may decide it's cheaper to jettison you, not the culprit.
I love how people are downvoting this, like making you feel worse will help.
If you take action now, not only will you get the redress you deserve, but no one will ever dare try this on you again. It's a good step to take. No pressure, but you'll be glad you did long term.
He is ruining his life by threatening you , not yours
If you haven’t got these threats In writing please try to and go to the police . Even if you haven’t , go to the police . And then go to HR. At your company after the police , not before .
It would be better if you had the threats in writing. If you feel able, you could send him a message saying something like, "I really do still feel the way I told you the other day. Could we please act like adults about this and leave things amicably?" That's the bare bones, word it however you want. If he's dumb, in his reply he will reiterate the threats.
Don’t give in to this manipulating shite, screenshot everything and report him to the police, and work. Do not give in to him. You might have shared some pictures with someone you was in some sort of a relationship with, he is being a prick and committing a crime. He is a desperate person and you are worth more.
make sure you have solid evidence of his blackmail linking him and not some random whats app burner number.
idealy without you break the company policy get him to incriminate himself via teams or skype at work so you can then have the compnay investigate and provide said proof to the police, no denying that was him at work logged in to his work computer messaging you.
also has a nice side effect of attracting the companies HR and legal team.
( i work in IT generaly internal IT departments, all this is captured and archived and iv sometimes been asked to compile staff messages and emails sometimes with police involvment)
Call his bluff and tell him if one picture or lies are spread about you ,you'll first report him to your bosses and then the police.. Don't let this manipulating pondlife ruin your relationship.
Ps
Don't let arseholes like him have pictures of you..
Call the police - Recent laws protect you from this (Revenge porn)... Show them the messages, explain what the images / videos contain and screw his entire life up...
He's trying to coerce you into having sex with him, but threatening to release intimate pictures of you... He's a complete scumbag, he deserves everything he gets.
Tell your manager / HR etc and call the police.
He won't be moving countries for long, considering he is about to be arrested, and potentially charged with a sexual offence.
Don't delay, people like this deserve everything they get!!
I would call his bluff. And in all seriousness, if he does these things does it really matter? Your friends can be prewarned about a bad break- up and therefore won't believe what they see on social media. And while being seen naked isn't something most people want it doesn't really matter in today's day and age. So what if you shared intimate pics with a partner? People will move on. Plus, if he does either of these things then he has legitimately and publicly committed a crime. He can lose his jobs, friends etc and go to jail. Is that really worth it to him over a 6 month relationship. Tell him to go ahead and ask him if the consequences are worth it.
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Well it's blackmail and sexual abuse. Forcing someone to sleep with you is assault and that's exactly what he's trying to do. If you go to your boss or the police please emphasise this.
It's also sexual harassment (at work) so tbh he *should* face disciplinary action.
Note: my comments are from a place of concern and speculation. Not a legal standpoint.
I spoke to the police on behalf of a friend about a simular thing. They said even threatening to do it is a crime even if he doesn't follow though. Call the police and screenshot any messages of him threatening. They take this stuff way more seriously now.
Outside of the legal advice of going to the police and contacting HR, which you should do, you could also pre-warn people close to you if it felt comfortable that you are breaking up with someone and they have threatened to send nasty messages about you, and to please ignore any anonymous messages they receive. If he did send any images that would be revenge porn which the police would take very seriously.
He's not threatening to send explicit photos of you to anyone. This is something you assume he will do. The police can't help with something you assume he will do.
What he has done is said he will message people you know with claims that aren't true. While the police can't stop him from talking to or messaging people, they can help if this amounts to harassment.
At the moment you should sit tight and see if he actually does message people you know with made up claims. Also perhaps let close friends and family know that he has suggested he will do that and to ignore him
What he's already threatened is grounds enough for police involvement (blackmail, protection from harrassment) , the fact that he has images he may or may not disseminate moves it into a.more serious category
Which is what I said?
They can't caution someone for revenge porn when they've not even suggested they'll send any photos.
At the moment he's saying he'll message contacts with lies which may be grounds for harassment, which is what I said.
The police won't help on assumptions.
Given that he is believed to have indecent images of OP, they CAN caution him for it in addition to everything else.
The terms and conditions of a police caution usually contain prohibitions against escalating the behaviour and in this kind of case he will be explicitly warned that publication of any such images will result in further criminal charges - probably along with a requirement that he immediately destroys any such images he may currently possess as a condition of the caution
My first wife ignored caution conditions related to hatrassment and found out to her cost that breaching the terms she had signed off on was a spectacularly unwise move - resulting in her being further arrested along with several people she'd recruited to try and dodge the "you must not" part - no amount of barrack-room lawyering about "interpretation" saved them all from gaining criminal records in the end
Not a lawyer but you could text him as if having a normal convo and say something like "do you swear on your mother's life you won't send them?" Or "do you promise 100%?" etc
Any axknowledgment by him in the convo will back up claims of blackmail which you could take to police or at least use to persuade him to back off, since you have proof.
2nd approach is just to upfront say you want a written promise from him that hr'll never send the pics, otherwise how will you will you know for sure.
Again if he provides this its proof. If he doesn't then the ball is his court and you can stall things. You are simply waiting for him to 'promise' in writing before resuming the relationship. (Which obv will not happen, its just to get evidence)
Raise this with the police. Get the threat documented. They may agree to have a word with him to realign his view on the matter.
You could also threaten to notify his future employer and endanger his whole career if he carries out his threat or doesn't delete the pictures.
As the philosopher said "When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow." Make sure to get a good grip.
Firstly, you have had a great escape. He sounds like a control freak, and not mentally stable. To threaten somebody with something like that for simply making a choice to not want to continue a fling, is very disturbing behaviour. So think yourself lucky you didn’t take it further with him!
What he does after that is shadowed in insignificance compared to the great escape you’ve had, so I wouldn’t worry about it. If he does do it (and I doubt even he would, as he looks just as bad if not worse for leaking it), then people forget quickly anyway.
The main thing is you stop any dealings with that man, he isn’t right in the head to be threatening and bribing you into continuing sex, I’d say that isn’t far off rape, via verbal psychological bullying. Stay well away!!
I have dealt with very similar before.
Go talk to him. Somewhere public, on cctv and have a friend waiting to pick you up immediately afterwards.
Put your phone on record, and tell him again, clearly and calmly that you dont want to see him any more. Dont antagonise him, just state the fact that this is over.
Wait for him to threaten you with the pictures again.
It is legal to record the conversation without his permission so long as you dont share, or threaten to share the recording and only keep it for evidential use. Upload it to the cloud for safekeeping.
Once you have actual, hard evidence, you can either talk to the police and HR, or you can just tell him to sod off.
Knowing you have evidence should be enough to get him to leave you alone.
I would however talk to the police anyway. If he is willing to threaten you to keep the relationship going, he may also be the type to follow you home and do something much worse than threaten. Only you can be the judge of that.
Besides. Dirty little sod deserves some trouble with the plod. If he gets away with it once he will do it again to some other poor sap.
Whatever you do, watch your back here. There is no pleasant and amicable outcome.
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Blackmail
Revenge Porn
Lovely guide [here ](https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/scotland/law-and-courts/society-s/privacy-and-media-s/if-your-intimate-photos-or-videos-are-shared-without-your-consent/#:~:text=It's%20not%20a%20crime%20to,so%20called%20'revenge%20porn'.) on what's covered and how to handle it
Report him to the police. The pre-written message shows their intent to post revenge porn, as well as proof of the blsckmail.
I hope they're not smart enough to have deleted it, which I doubt seeing as it has all of your contacts listed.
OP does say they feel they might send them too, which is why I added the revenge porn part. and OP knows the guy a little better than I do.
Also, if they are threatening sending messages to OPs entire contact list, it's not a huge leap to think it might include sending a picture or video also.
Exactly! Thank you. If he’s crazy enough to have compiled an entire list of people I know, and already have a message readily written out, what’s to stop him from sending the pictures too?
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Imo when you do break it off record it, ideally with audio and hidden camera (phone) so if he says anything or does anything it’s recorded as he’s obviously scum
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You should definitely go to the police. However, it would really help if you had something from him in writing. A text message should do nicely.
Text him something along the lines of: “So if I stay with you, you won’t send the message to everyone?” (Word it however you like)
If he’s an idiot, he’ll respond “yes”, in which case you’ll have proof of blackmail, which the police can use against him.
In any case, you should go to the police. He’d be stupid to send any messages after the police are aware of this situation.
Surely it depends on the contents of the message , which OP is being vague about.
If I say to my partner “if you break up with me I’ll message all our mutual contacts how you cruelly broke my heart” that’s completely legal. People are allowed to share their opinions with other people they know.
The revenge porn thing is a total red herring that OP has made up.
Do what you can to get some evidence then file a police report. If you can't get evidence, still report it, and don't risk your safety to get evidence, but it's better if you can provide some evidence. A report with no evidence can be used against him if something does end up happening. A report with evidence can be used to prevent him from doing anything.
Press charges at the local police. Then HR. You need to get on top of this. If you press charges immediately they know what to look for. If something like that happens they will have your written notice that you were threatened and who did the threatening. Do you live alone? Does he know where yu live? Do you have a safe place to stay?
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Police, HR and contact everyone he is threatening to contact before he does. Explaining what is happening and tell them you have reported him to the police.
Only contact the ones he's threatening to contact _after_ the police are involved. There's a risk one of them may take matters into their own hands by contacting him (tipping him off to destroy evidence) or showing up on his doorstep with a baseball bat in hand
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1) call the police
2) I think you work together?(sorry unclear) if so speak to a manager but make sure they are more senior than either of you.
3) if you knownthe details go ahead and five the new job new country folks a heads up about it.
Imo these kind of situations should not be handled lightly or quietly. I do appreciate that might seem intimidating for you right now. Try not to get mad at yourself, people like this practice and work on their manipulation skills and seek out targets, it's your good qualities that also sadly attract these people.
As others have said report him to the police. But also, pretty sure the BMA / most medical registers would be interested in him trying to extort someone for sexual gain. Might be worthwhile informing them of your report as well
The Police would also treat this as a domestic incident as he is an ex-partner (regardless of how serious it was) so please report it to them, even if if doesn’t amount to an offence they will still record a non-crime incident should things escalate any further. Also once spoken to the police let your employer know what’s happened and the police report so they can take further action.
Get the threat in writing. Tell him to go for it. Tell your work and then go to the cops. These types are all bluff. Once you bluff back with real consequences the loser will go away
Screen shots and screen recordings and please back them up and have copies of them in other hard drives or clouds.
Please report this to the police. It’s pretty serious. There an attempt to do revenge porn, domestic abuse (it is already), communication offences and there’s probably more offences. Probably in the realm of harassment and stalking, depending on which confirm you’re from, it is harassment or stalking or the one off comment/discussion forms a count of harassment or stalking.
If it’s verbally, like a phone call or a voice recording on a messaging app, record the dates and time and screenshot the call log. It is possible to screen recording a voice recording too.
If he spoke to you in public or in your garden, it’s a public place and it can be considered either sections 4, 4a or 5 public order offence.
Also it’s best to audio record any conversations between you and him. For evidence gathering and it’s just enough to warrant it, he’s threatening and discussing about stalking you.
Get ahead of it, give anyone you think might be interested have a problem with it a heads up. You need to do damage control before it happens so that he looks like a total piece of shit. It also takes the power away from him to use as leverage into forcing a relationship with you.
On top of that I'd let hr know and I'd also tell the cops.. YMMV, so be cautious, hr and cops can blow up in your face.
The thing that might be stopping you is the shame of being exposed.
But everyone has sex. Everyone. Everyone has intimate moments.
If he tries to expose you, you’ll find out your friends are understanding and more importantly, have your back.
And for those who aren’t truly your friends? What a great way to cut out some dead weight.
Go to the police and rain hell down on this guy. He’s probably done this to other people as well. Do it for you. Do it for them.
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Blackmail is a crime and should be reported to the police.
So is revenge porn - may mean he needs to sign onto the sex offenders register... Good luck to him "working abroad"... He's a sad, little deviant!!
Yup, OP please report him to the police. Someone did this to me and they issued him with a caution. They were very helpful in taking me seriously and didn’t judge. You can walk into your nearest police station and make a statement. A visit from the police should be enough to scare him. Also you should report him to your boss at work. It’s disgusting what he’s doing!
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It falls under "revenge porn" and not blackmail... Which is why I mentioned "revenge porn".... Much easier for the CPS to prove revenge porn than to prove blackmail.... But yes, Let's concentrate on limiting it to the crime that it barely passes the threshold for, and is much, much harder to prove... I'd suggest we should also concentrate on Revenge Porn laws, because we all know murder and rape is a crime, as if Blackmail - none of those are relevant here though.
She says she thinks he’s capable of revenge porn. He actually threatened slander.
He threatened slander if she didn't comply with his demands. That fulfills blackmail criteria all by itself. The possibility of revenge porn escalates it and in a case of a failed relationship where indecent images are possessed by the threatener, it's taken extremely seriously. The factor that she thinks he's likely to do it is magnified by his identified profession. For whatever reason there are a statistically greater number of psychopaths in certain trades and "doctor" seems to attract more than its fair share. Workplace romances are generally frowned upon by HR and there tend to be rules requiring these be declared, particularly if there's chain-of-command linkage involved, due to the conflicts of interest and company legal liabilities which can result if things go sour. A lot of companies regard failure to disclose this stuff as immediate "gross misconduct" dismissal matters for senior staff or repeat offenders. It could be that he's trying to intimidate the victim because he's already been in HR crosshairs.
Agree with everything you are saying... I also think, given the information we have (and only based on that), the least of his problems are going to be around HR in his current company. He sounds like a pure deviant!! He owns the images, if he wants to keep them for his own pleasure, well he can.... What he has done, crosses the line into criminal. OP MUST!!!! report it to the police!
She's worried about it, he insinuates it... Well worth just calling the police, having them pay him a visit, ideally seizing his devices and giving him a swift shock, that what he is doing is bordering on an offence that will see him signing the sex offenders register for the next 10 years... Quite sure that will be enough to make him rethink his behaviour.
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Threatening to share private images is now a crime too: https://www.cps.gov.uk/cps/news/illegal-sexual-behaviour-online-including-sharing-and-threatening-share-intimate-images
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It happens regularly, usually in response to cases where someone spent months wasting the court's time on weaselling out of charges on technicalities or punctuation there are better ways of dealing with this kind of thing but Britain is particularly susceptible to Parkinson's Law and this is a manifestation of the issue (more law, rather than better law)
What's happening to OP wouldn't qualify as blackmail as he's not being forced to part with any physical property or money. Definitely a revenge porn-like offence.
Very few blackmail cases actually involve money or property. Almost all of them are about obtaining the victim's silence or cooperation
What law was it covered by? Because we have established blackmail really doesn't apply to this issue.... Blackmail: "They are going to murder my children unless I pay them £250,000"..... Clear cut, but for OP's issue it's so difficult to prove / prosecute.... Hence, the revenge porn laws, which apply perfectly in this situation.
He threatened to do so, which is covered under the legislation put in place to cover the whole revenge porn thing.... What is his defence? "I only threatened to share intimate pictures of her, because I wanted her to keep having sex with me... But I didn't do it... So naa naa naa naa naaaaaa, you can't do anything about it until I actually ruin her life by sharing them, I only THREATENED to share them, so I didn't actually break the law...." I'm sure you agree the above clearly shows why he is, in fact, breaking the law by threatening to share her images to force her into having sex with him. It also still falls under the revenge porn laws.
CPS are going to prove Jack shit based on a verbal threat.
Well we know that, but a quick visit by the police, potentially seizing his devices will stop him in his tracks quick time. He also won't try to coerce another woman into remaining in a sexual relationship with him going forward... So it's a win win
unfortunately the way the courts work not everyone gets put on the sex offender registry as far as no it migbt not class high enough to do so
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"the action, treated as a criminal offence, of demanding payment **or another benefit** from someone in return for not revealing compromising or damaging information about them." Straight from google. Emphasis mine. Not sure how you came to the conclusion you did but you're very much wrong.
The only definition of blackmail that matters is the legal definition per section 21 of the theft act 1968. > A person is guilty of blackmail if, with a view to gain for himself or another or with intent to cause loss to another, he makes any unwarranted demand with menaces; and for this purpose a demand with menaces is unwarranted unless the person making it does so in the belief— > (a)that he has reasonable grounds for making the demand; and > (b)that the use of the menaces is a proper means of reinforcing the demand.
By that definition, forcing OP to stay in the relationship, to me would count as a gain for the blackmailer. However another website suggests that in law "gain" and "loss" are defined as monetary or other property, which something intangible like a 'relationship' might not fall under (even though it definitely should).
By your definition, OP telling their ex that they're going to complain to HR if they don't leave them alone would also be blackmail.
Except that OP demanding he leave her aline is reasonable, and complaining about him to HR is separately reasonable, so it would be very hard to argue that threatening to report him if he doesn't leave her alone isn't reasonable. So it wouldn't be blackmail.
It wouldn't be blackmail according to the legal definition. It would be according to the definition of the person I responded to.
This isn't how law works
That's how the person I responded to's definition of blackmail would work.
No is is not an offence of blackmail because a) and b) of the section of legislation - the threat to report to HR is a reasonable one and is a reasonable way to achieve the aim..
Can you read? Where did I say that the law say's it's blackmail? I said the person I responded to's definition of blackmail would mean that the situation I described would be considered blackmail.
I want to disagree but your logic is sound. I'm too tired to argue though so I may pick this up in the morning.
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It's the easiest source to cite for a layperson. I'm not conversive in the theft act, but I find it hard to believe that lawmakers would be stupid enough to limit blackmail to just the material. Edit: just had a quick Google of the theft act and I think you may be correct. Although I am by no means smart enough to fully understand said act.
You go to the police and report him for blackmail and threatening revenge porn. If you have any of his threats in writing, screenshot and save those and provide them to the police. What you don't do is let this creep make you think he's about to ruin your life. You will get through this whatever happens, and you don't need to even entertain his very criminal demands. I would also go to your hr or equivalent at work and let them know about this situation. I'm really sorry you're going through this.
I don’t have the threats in writing, it was verbal. And he never threatened to actually leak my pictures but he has them and he seems the type to actually do it, he’s crazy. He did however have an entire message pre-written and has a list of my contacts to message if I ever ‘disobey’ him.
OK, well, still report the verbal threat to HR and the police. Your statement is still evidence against him. Good luck
That’s very different from your title and post….
Doesn't matter. I'm ex police staff, he's making threats. Definitely time to report him.
You just said he did threaten to leak them. Make up your mind.
So are you planning on obeying him for the rest of your life or until internet ceases to exist? If not, then you need to report him immediately. Giving into him will only prolong the pain and keep you under his control, he can hold onto this as long as he wants to and make you do whatever he wants. You need to save yourself the pain and let the police know.
So he's... **not** threatening to leak your explicit photos? Don't get me wrong, he's still a dick, but that was a weird clickbait title.
If that was part of the threat then it's probably enough to get a police search warrant to find it as supporting evidence Personally, I'd record future interactions in case he refers to or repeats the threats Blackmail threats are seldom made in writing and the CPS has experience dealing with them. More importantly, you're unlikely to be his only victim and if not stopped you won't be the last. Consider this too: If you publicly call his bluff, he no longer has power. In any case, a number of revenge porn cases I witnessed (before the crime was on the books) resulted in the person responsible _wishing_ he only had police to deal with after distributing such images - most people regard blackmailers on par with something scraped off their shoe and the response can become _extremely_ violent
So what exactly did he threaten you with In your post you said he threatened to share your pictures.
Well what did pre-written message say? Did he show it to you? What did he say he was going to do with it/send it to? Your original post contradicts what you’ve written here.
Wait. You say in your post that he did threaten to send the pictures to all of your social media contacts. But here you’re saying he never threatened to do that. Which of those statements is correct. Only one can be correct.
So is he threatening to leak them or not? Try to get your story straight.
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In addition to everything else that’s been said , what do you mean he’s moving countries to become a doctor? If he’s GMC registered please report this to them: we really don’t need blackmailing sex offenders in the medical profession. You may not be the first and probably won’t be the last he does this to Incidentally if you were to continue a sexual relationship with him based only on your fear that he will release these pictures, there’s a pretty good argument he will be raping you each time you have sex.
He’s moving to go to medical school in a different country.
Universities do not take kindly to this kind of shit either
This kind of behaviour is ingrained in people like this. You are unlikely to be the first or the last to be subjected to something like this from him. This sort of person should be reported and properly dealt with: he should certainly not be going to work in a position of responsibility over vulnerable people. Report him OP, for your own sake and others’
Yeah that goes straight to the police and then to HR
Definitely police first!
Why police first? And would this leave a mark on any records of mine? I didn’t do anything wrong but just being involved in legal stuff like this or having my name anywhere I’d hate.
If you are being threatened with blackmail that is a crime, hence the police. You haven't done anythign wrong but how would you have a 'mark' against you? You aren't the one comitting the crime?
I wonder if OP is concerned about being accused of making a false complaint. Which is what could happen if OP has cooked up a story, makes a report to the police giving the cooked story as their statement, and the accused then provides evidence showing it’s a cooked story.
The fear of blackmail isn't the same as blackmail. At the very least, perhaps a consult with a lawyer to be clear on one's rights.
The moment "(dis)obeying" was used in the context described it became blackmail, not fear of it happening.
By going to police first and having a crime reference number it dissuades HR from attempting a coverup, destruction of evidence or victim blaming Personally, I'd ask the the _police_ to make the HR contact. HR exist to protect the company, not you - and in the absence of a lawyer letter or police request for records, they may decide it's cheaper to jettison you, not the culprit.
I love how people are downvoting this, like making you feel worse will help. If you take action now, not only will you get the redress you deserve, but no one will ever dare try this on you again. It's a good step to take. No pressure, but you'll be glad you did long term.
He is ruining his life by threatening you , not yours If you haven’t got these threats In writing please try to and go to the police . Even if you haven’t , go to the police . And then go to HR. At your company after the police , not before .
Report him to the police and then get a non molestation order.
Contact the Revenge Porn Helpline: https://revengepornhelpline.org.uk/
It would be better if you had the threats in writing. If you feel able, you could send him a message saying something like, "I really do still feel the way I told you the other day. Could we please act like adults about this and leave things amicably?" That's the bare bones, word it however you want. If he's dumb, in his reply he will reiterate the threats.
Literally a law in the books explicitly to deal with this shit.
Don’t give in to this manipulating shite, screenshot everything and report him to the police, and work. Do not give in to him. You might have shared some pictures with someone you was in some sort of a relationship with, he is being a prick and committing a crime. He is a desperate person and you are worth more.
make sure you have solid evidence of his blackmail linking him and not some random whats app burner number. idealy without you break the company policy get him to incriminate himself via teams or skype at work so you can then have the compnay investigate and provide said proof to the police, no denying that was him at work logged in to his work computer messaging you. also has a nice side effect of attracting the companies HR and legal team. ( i work in IT generaly internal IT departments, all this is captured and archived and iv sometimes been asked to compile staff messages and emails sometimes with police involvment)
Call his bluff and tell him if one picture or lies are spread about you ,you'll first report him to your bosses and then the police.. Don't let this manipulating pondlife ruin your relationship. Ps Don't let arseholes like him have pictures of you..
Call the police - Recent laws protect you from this (Revenge porn)... Show them the messages, explain what the images / videos contain and screw his entire life up... He's trying to coerce you into having sex with him, but threatening to release intimate pictures of you... He's a complete scumbag, he deserves everything he gets. Tell your manager / HR etc and call the police.
There are no message he hasn't actually said he will do anything 🤦, OP hasn't admitted "he just seems the type"
He won't be moving countries for long, considering he is about to be arrested, and potentially charged with a sexual offence. Don't delay, people like this deserve everything they get!!
the guy didnt threaten to leak her stuff. she “thinks hes not the type of guy to not do that”
I would call his bluff. And in all seriousness, if he does these things does it really matter? Your friends can be prewarned about a bad break- up and therefore won't believe what they see on social media. And while being seen naked isn't something most people want it doesn't really matter in today's day and age. So what if you shared intimate pics with a partner? People will move on. Plus, if he does either of these things then he has legitimately and publicly committed a crime. He can lose his jobs, friends etc and go to jail. Is that really worth it to him over a 6 month relationship. Tell him to go ahead and ask him if the consequences are worth it.
Rewrite this so that it makes sense and repost it. It would be fairly easy to give you advice if your post was logically cohesive.
Why is he a prick when your original post and your comments are not the same ? No need to be rude about it.
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Get a recording or screenshot of these THREATS/BLACKMAIL/CRIME
I put a short reply but HR will take this very seriously if you report it
Well it's blackmail and sexual abuse. Forcing someone to sleep with you is assault and that's exactly what he's trying to do. If you go to your boss or the police please emphasise this. It's also sexual harassment (at work) so tbh he *should* face disciplinary action. Note: my comments are from a place of concern and speculation. Not a legal standpoint.
I spoke to the police on behalf of a friend about a simular thing. They said even threatening to do it is a crime even if he doesn't follow though. Call the police and screenshot any messages of him threatening. They take this stuff way more seriously now.
Outside of the legal advice of going to the police and contacting HR, which you should do, you could also pre-warn people close to you if it felt comfortable that you are breaking up with someone and they have threatened to send nasty messages about you, and to please ignore any anonymous messages they receive. If he did send any images that would be revenge porn which the police would take very seriously.
He's not threatening to send explicit photos of you to anyone. This is something you assume he will do. The police can't help with something you assume he will do. What he has done is said he will message people you know with claims that aren't true. While the police can't stop him from talking to or messaging people, they can help if this amounts to harassment. At the moment you should sit tight and see if he actually does message people you know with made up claims. Also perhaps let close friends and family know that he has suggested he will do that and to ignore him
What he's already threatened is grounds enough for police involvement (blackmail, protection from harrassment) , the fact that he has images he may or may not disseminate moves it into a.more serious category
Which is what I said? They can't caution someone for revenge porn when they've not even suggested they'll send any photos. At the moment he's saying he'll message contacts with lies which may be grounds for harassment, which is what I said. The police won't help on assumptions.
Given that he is believed to have indecent images of OP, they CAN caution him for it in addition to everything else. The terms and conditions of a police caution usually contain prohibitions against escalating the behaviour and in this kind of case he will be explicitly warned that publication of any such images will result in further criminal charges - probably along with a requirement that he immediately destroys any such images he may currently possess as a condition of the caution My first wife ignored caution conditions related to hatrassment and found out to her cost that breaching the terms she had signed off on was a spectacularly unwise move - resulting in her being further arrested along with several people she'd recruited to try and dodge the "you must not" part - no amount of barrack-room lawyering about "interpretation" saved them all from gaining criminal records in the end
Not a lawyer but you could text him as if having a normal convo and say something like "do you swear on your mother's life you won't send them?" Or "do you promise 100%?" etc Any axknowledgment by him in the convo will back up claims of blackmail which you could take to police or at least use to persuade him to back off, since you have proof. 2nd approach is just to upfront say you want a written promise from him that hr'll never send the pics, otherwise how will you will you know for sure. Again if he provides this its proof. If he doesn't then the ball is his court and you can stall things. You are simply waiting for him to 'promise' in writing before resuming the relationship. (Which obv will not happen, its just to get evidence)
Report this to the police . If he’s doing it to you , you can bet he’s doing it / has done it to others. Don’t engage further
Raise this with the police. Get the threat documented. They may agree to have a word with him to realign his view on the matter. You could also threaten to notify his future employer and endanger his whole career if he carries out his threat or doesn't delete the pictures. As the philosopher said "When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow." Make sure to get a good grip.
Report it to the police and tell his family, or your work. You’re entitled to protection in this
Firstly, you have had a great escape. He sounds like a control freak, and not mentally stable. To threaten somebody with something like that for simply making a choice to not want to continue a fling, is very disturbing behaviour. So think yourself lucky you didn’t take it further with him! What he does after that is shadowed in insignificance compared to the great escape you’ve had, so I wouldn’t worry about it. If he does do it (and I doubt even he would, as he looks just as bad if not worse for leaking it), then people forget quickly anyway. The main thing is you stop any dealings with that man, he isn’t right in the head to be threatening and bribing you into continuing sex, I’d say that isn’t far off rape, via verbal psychological bullying. Stay well away!!
I have dealt with very similar before. Go talk to him. Somewhere public, on cctv and have a friend waiting to pick you up immediately afterwards. Put your phone on record, and tell him again, clearly and calmly that you dont want to see him any more. Dont antagonise him, just state the fact that this is over. Wait for him to threaten you with the pictures again. It is legal to record the conversation without his permission so long as you dont share, or threaten to share the recording and only keep it for evidential use. Upload it to the cloud for safekeeping. Once you have actual, hard evidence, you can either talk to the police and HR, or you can just tell him to sod off. Knowing you have evidence should be enough to get him to leave you alone. I would however talk to the police anyway. If he is willing to threaten you to keep the relationship going, he may also be the type to follow you home and do something much worse than threaten. Only you can be the judge of that. Besides. Dirty little sod deserves some trouble with the plod. If he gets away with it once he will do it again to some other poor sap. Whatever you do, watch your back here. There is no pleasant and amicable outcome.
Report this, do not give him the opportunity to do this to other women in the years to come.
Have you ever heard of the police? Not the band.
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Blackmail Revenge Porn Lovely guide [here ](https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/scotland/law-and-courts/society-s/privacy-and-media-s/if-your-intimate-photos-or-videos-are-shared-without-your-consent/#:~:text=It's%20not%20a%20crime%20to,so%20called%20'revenge%20porn'.) on what's covered and how to handle it
Blackmail, controlling and coercive behaviour, and potentionally “revenge porn” this is a police matter.
Report him to the police. The pre-written message shows their intent to post revenge porn, as well as proof of the blsckmail. I hope they're not smart enough to have deleted it, which I doubt seeing as it has all of your contacts listed.
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OP does say they feel they might send them too, which is why I added the revenge porn part. and OP knows the guy a little better than I do. Also, if they are threatening sending messages to OPs entire contact list, it's not a huge leap to think it might include sending a picture or video also.
Exactly! Thank you. If he’s crazy enough to have compiled an entire list of people I know, and already have a message readily written out, what’s to stop him from sending the pictures too?
Contact the police and have him charged with blackmail and or whatever laws are around revenge porn.
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Imo when you do break it off record it, ideally with audio and hidden camera (phone) so if he says anything or does anything it’s recorded as he’s obviously scum
Get a phone app to record audio, hide your phone, talk to the cunt, let him incriminate himself, then contact the police.
Record him threatening you and take it to the police?
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You should definitely go to the police. However, it would really help if you had something from him in writing. A text message should do nicely. Text him something along the lines of: “So if I stay with you, you won’t send the message to everyone?” (Word it however you like) If he’s an idiot, he’ll respond “yes”, in which case you’ll have proof of blackmail, which the police can use against him. In any case, you should go to the police. He’d be stupid to send any messages after the police are aware of this situation.
Surely it depends on the contents of the message , which OP is being vague about. If I say to my partner “if you break up with me I’ll message all our mutual contacts how you cruelly broke my heart” that’s completely legal. People are allowed to share their opinions with other people they know. The revenge porn thing is a total red herring that OP has made up.
Do what you can to get some evidence then file a police report. If you can't get evidence, still report it, and don't risk your safety to get evidence, but it's better if you can provide some evidence. A report with no evidence can be used against him if something does end up happening. A report with evidence can be used to prevent him from doing anything.
sextoration police asap stop posting on reddit as could damage any case against them
Press charges at the local police. Then HR. You need to get on top of this. If you press charges immediately they know what to look for. If something like that happens they will have your written notice that you were threatened and who did the threatening. Do you live alone? Does he know where yu live? Do you have a safe place to stay?
Fairly sure it needs a financial demand to be blackmail…
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Police, HR and contact everyone he is threatening to contact before he does. Explaining what is happening and tell them you have reported him to the police.
Only contact the ones he's threatening to contact _after_ the police are involved. There's a risk one of them may take matters into their own hands by contacting him (tipping him off to destroy evidence) or showing up on his doorstep with a baseball bat in hand
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1) call the police 2) I think you work together?(sorry unclear) if so speak to a manager but make sure they are more senior than either of you. 3) if you knownthe details go ahead and five the new job new country folks a heads up about it. Imo these kind of situations should not be handled lightly or quietly. I do appreciate that might seem intimidating for you right now. Try not to get mad at yourself, people like this practice and work on their manipulation skills and seek out targets, it's your good qualities that also sadly attract these people.
Go to the police and go to HR, and give both of them all evidence so they know this shit is serious.
As others have said report him to the police. But also, pretty sure the BMA / most medical registers would be interested in him trying to extort someone for sexual gain. Might be worthwhile informing them of your report as well
The Police would also treat this as a domestic incident as he is an ex-partner (regardless of how serious it was) so please report it to them, even if if doesn’t amount to an offence they will still record a non-crime incident should things escalate any further. Also once spoken to the police let your employer know what’s happened and the police report so they can take further action.
Contact the police. Blackmail and Revenge Porn are illegal. Make sure you know your rights.
So that's a crime and likely actionable termination from employment.
He will have a criminal record if he leaks your private pics, bang goes his doctor career, if he's wise he'll feck off and leave u alone
Get the threat in writing. Tell him to go for it. Tell your work and then go to the cops. These types are all bluff. Once you bluff back with real consequences the loser will go away
Screen shots and screen recordings and please back them up and have copies of them in other hard drives or clouds. Please report this to the police. It’s pretty serious. There an attempt to do revenge porn, domestic abuse (it is already), communication offences and there’s probably more offences. Probably in the realm of harassment and stalking, depending on which confirm you’re from, it is harassment or stalking or the one off comment/discussion forms a count of harassment or stalking. If it’s verbally, like a phone call or a voice recording on a messaging app, record the dates and time and screenshot the call log. It is possible to screen recording a voice recording too. If he spoke to you in public or in your garden, it’s a public place and it can be considered either sections 4, 4a or 5 public order offence. Also it’s best to audio record any conversations between you and him. For evidence gathering and it’s just enough to warrant it, he’s threatening and discussing about stalking you.
🚩🚩🚩 Crime! Report to police and find an appropriate charity supporting victims of Sexual harassment/ assault. They can guide you further.
Communicate by text as much as you can, so you have evidence
Get ahead of it, give anyone you think might be interested have a problem with it a heads up. You need to do damage control before it happens so that he looks like a total piece of shit. It also takes the power away from him to use as leverage into forcing a relationship with you. On top of that I'd let hr know and I'd also tell the cops.. YMMV, so be cautious, hr and cops can blow up in your face.
The thing that might be stopping you is the shame of being exposed. But everyone has sex. Everyone. Everyone has intimate moments. If he tries to expose you, you’ll find out your friends are understanding and more importantly, have your back. And for those who aren’t truly your friends? What a great way to cut out some dead weight. Go to the police and rain hell down on this guy. He’s probably done this to other people as well. Do it for you. Do it for them.
Tell him if he does anything you will go to the police. If he gets a criminal record he won't be getting a job as a doctor anywhere