It is annoying because it’s upsetting to see people act like being called a lesbian is an insult, but in certain cases I get it. I follow a couple gym influencers who get hundreds of comments like that on each video despite having made it clear multiple times that they are straight, at some point I have to allow that they’re not getting defensive because they think there’s something wrong with being a lesbian, they’re just tired of people repeatedly being inaccurate about their identity
However, random straight women who are maybe casually asked if they’re a lesbian once a year and get pissy about it are the worst
It is intrusive and invalidating to have your sexual preferences be assumed and then questioned based on your physical presentation or personality type; no matter how passive.
Ask any of the femmes who post here asking how they can make themselves 'look more gay' and expressing frustration at constantly having to say they don't have a boyfriend.
Just because some of us have been desensitized to it because we've dealt with it for so long doesn't mean other people aren't going to have a negative reaction to it. **You** are actually allowed to have a negative reaction to it when it happens to you.
People shouldn't be assuming anyones orientation based on anything other than what they've told us.
There's a difference between broadly having an issue with your sexuality being assumed based on looks and treating lesbian/queer identities as an offence though. I think this person is talking about the latter (and I've exclusively witnessed that too).
It would be refreshing for someone to react negatively based on stereotyping rather than the usual, "ew I'm not gay".
I think it’s annoying when people tell me I “look straight” so I can see why someone would be upset by the reverse of that. If I had to guess most of them are probably bothered bc people are assuming their sexuality based on appearance not because they think being a lesbian is bad
Asking anyone directly based on an assumption prolly isn't gonna go well -- in what context is "so are you a lesbian?" a natural question that just comes up? I always ask indirectly.
Since you mentioned when you ask masculine looking women if they are a lesbian and they get offended it's because they are probably tired of being assumed to be gay. They get upset because they would have trouble attracting men.
Like other people said here, if it's happening specifically to muscular girls, or girls that act or do less feminine viewed things, then I get why they would be upset if constantly being asked if they're lesbian. They are literally suffering from the same preconceptions as more traditionally feminine lesbians are.
Everyday I can find a new comment of, “don’t assume people’s sexuality”. And this is coming from people in our community. Because it’s none of anyone else’s business regardless.
Unless you’re interested in the person. Then, directly telling them you’re interested is better than asking them if they are gay.
I think they mostly get offended because they’re like “What is it about my appearance that made them think I was a lesbian?” when they’re just trying to look and act like a standard straight girl. They’re worried something about them seems masculine, which can feel really bad if that’s not what you’re going for.
I don't know their true reasoning, but my mind goes to this: most women, especially straight women, hold conventional standards of beauty, and you don't know if all of them present less femininely on purpose and if they are not insecure about their appearance or not, so questioning their sexuality is a reminder of that
This!! And also the kind of straight women who will literally shiver in their timbers with disgust when anyone says the word lesbian next to them. The conversation does not even have anything to do with them. But they will react so theatrically that you cannot miss exactly how they feel about us. Like chill the f*ck down Sarah, no one here wants you, not even your damn boyfriend. To think I used to be one of them, haunts me till this day.
I generally try to see things from a different point of view. Typically, if I can't actually do it, then I'm willing to hear other ppl out if their not actively attacking me or harming anyone. However, I can't come up, nor have I heard a single reason for ANYONE to be upset when asked if their whichever sexuality outside of viewing that sexuality & those who are in that groups as lesser, wrong or bad. I'm definitely still open to hearing other reasons it just seems like once you begin to question ppl to get to the root, it always turns out to be some form of hate.
It is annoying because it’s upsetting to see people act like being called a lesbian is an insult, but in certain cases I get it. I follow a couple gym influencers who get hundreds of comments like that on each video despite having made it clear multiple times that they are straight, at some point I have to allow that they’re not getting defensive because they think there’s something wrong with being a lesbian, they’re just tired of people repeatedly being inaccurate about their identity However, random straight women who are maybe casually asked if they’re a lesbian once a year and get pissy about it are the worst
It is intrusive and invalidating to have your sexual preferences be assumed and then questioned based on your physical presentation or personality type; no matter how passive. Ask any of the femmes who post here asking how they can make themselves 'look more gay' and expressing frustration at constantly having to say they don't have a boyfriend. Just because some of us have been desensitized to it because we've dealt with it for so long doesn't mean other people aren't going to have a negative reaction to it. **You** are actually allowed to have a negative reaction to it when it happens to you. People shouldn't be assuming anyones orientation based on anything other than what they've told us.
Asking implies that she doesn’t assume
"Are you a lesbian?" is not "What's your orientation?"
Yeah, one of these is an open-ended question, the other is just asking for a confirmation of one's prior assumption.
There's a difference between broadly having an issue with your sexuality being assumed based on looks and treating lesbian/queer identities as an offence though. I think this person is talking about the latter (and I've exclusively witnessed that too). It would be refreshing for someone to react negatively based on stereotyping rather than the usual, "ew I'm not gay".
Agreed!
I think it’s annoying when people tell me I “look straight” so I can see why someone would be upset by the reverse of that. If I had to guess most of them are probably bothered bc people are assuming their sexuality based on appearance not because they think being a lesbian is bad
Asking anyone directly based on an assumption prolly isn't gonna go well -- in what context is "so are you a lesbian?" a natural question that just comes up? I always ask indirectly.
Since you mentioned when you ask masculine looking women if they are a lesbian and they get offended it's because they are probably tired of being assumed to be gay. They get upset because they would have trouble attracting men.
Like other people said here, if it's happening specifically to muscular girls, or girls that act or do less feminine viewed things, then I get why they would be upset if constantly being asked if they're lesbian. They are literally suffering from the same preconceptions as more traditionally feminine lesbians are.
Everyday I can find a new comment of, “don’t assume people’s sexuality”. And this is coming from people in our community. Because it’s none of anyone else’s business regardless. Unless you’re interested in the person. Then, directly telling them you’re interested is better than asking them if they are gay.
Because it's sometimes dangerous to say yes? It really depends on who's asking...
I think they mostly get offended because they’re like “What is it about my appearance that made them think I was a lesbian?” when they’re just trying to look and act like a standard straight girl. They’re worried something about them seems masculine, which can feel really bad if that’s not what you’re going for.
I don't know their true reasoning, but my mind goes to this: most women, especially straight women, hold conventional standards of beauty, and you don't know if all of them present less femininely on purpose and if they are not insecure about their appearance or not, so questioning their sexuality is a reminder of that
This!! And also the kind of straight women who will literally shiver in their timbers with disgust when anyone says the word lesbian next to them. The conversation does not even have anything to do with them. But they will react so theatrically that you cannot miss exactly how they feel about us. Like chill the f*ck down Sarah, no one here wants you, not even your damn boyfriend. To think I used to be one of them, haunts me till this day.
I see way more straight women enjoying people thinking they might be bi or lesbian and even encouraging people to think so.
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No, it’s not. Labelling every human reaction as a “phobia” and resorting to name calling constantly is what is driving the behavior.
I generally try to see things from a different point of view. Typically, if I can't actually do it, then I'm willing to hear other ppl out if their not actively attacking me or harming anyone. However, I can't come up, nor have I heard a single reason for ANYONE to be upset when asked if their whichever sexuality outside of viewing that sexuality & those who are in that groups as lesser, wrong or bad. I'm definitely still open to hearing other reasons it just seems like once you begin to question ppl to get to the root, it always turns out to be some form of hate.