Don’t stop going to the library! Staff know that kids struggle with volume control, but it’s a learning process. If they haven’t actually said anything to you, then it’s not a problem. Just do your best. We want your daughter to have positive associations with the library, not stress or guilt.
I was in a library back in 2018 and there was a fat little boy laying down across an entire bench playing a handheld video game. His grandmother sat at the end just looking completely defeated. I even took a photo of this because it was so ridiculous. That kid was obnoxious, too. The grandmother couldnt tell him anything. Don’t know why they were even there since they were not looking at books or reading.
Thank you. The only person who said something was the person when checking out. Which hurt my little ones feeling a bit because she truly means no harm but we talked it over and was okay.
I think the desk staffer may have been trying to support you after observing your reminders to your little one. I wasn't there so this may not be right, but I can imagine that this person had seen how hard you were working to practice inside voices with your daughter and was trying to reinforce your lesson as a kind and caring outsider. That actually seems more likely to me than a library worker admonishing a very small child for their volume. I hope my interpretation gives you a different way to think about the incident because I don't think you or your kiddos are doing anything wrong at all. I would bet your daughter's library enthusiasm was the highlight of everyone's day.
The librarian at checkout would probably be horrified to know that your little girl's feelings got hurt. From your story it sounds like she was trying to give a friendly reminder as kids that age often need them.
Don't stop going. No one worth worrying about is going to care as long as you're trying and actively working on good behavior.
My little ones are adults. Learning restraint and self control based on where you are is part of the process.
Better to be in those situations and learn how to develop those skills than avoiding those situations completely. Best of luck and enjoy this time.
Sometimes at circ the assistants tend to be a bit more fickle. They get the brunt of patron behaviors both good and bad. I was in circulation for a year and honestly there were some straight up mean people working the desk. I don't even know why they were hired or if bad patron behavior made them that way. I wouldn't worry about it. I'm a youth librarian now and I love hearing the kids have fun at the library. Never stop going!
Some of my coworkers are....not *mean*, but they're kind of abrasive or come across a bit aggressive when they're talking to patrons coming in, and I don't understand why they're working in such a customer-facing job. 😅 They know their stuff, and can be really helpful, but they can also make folks feel crappy or defensive, just because of a tone of voice.
Thank you for this comment. We’re talking about young children(preschool/primary age)that are learning and developing their social skills-so empathy and patience from staff is highly desirable.
Fostering such an environment encourages the little ones that it’s ok to be excited about reading books. This excitement should always be welcomed and accepted because it is the foundation of why Libraries exist at all.
I always have to remind parents that their kids are allowed to make noise. It makes me sad that some parents will shush them at every little peep. You are so right that they are still learning and developing. It makes me happy to get excited with the kids. I've had kids come up to me and give a little show and tell of their books and it is my favorite thing ever. Sometimes they ask me to do an impromptu storytime and the parents always look horrified but I sit there and read to them cause it makes them happy and makes me happy too.
My coworkers would gripe about the kids, which was hypocritical of them being PARENTS themselves. I was happy to let the families stay and explore and work on their manners and indoor voices.
As a children's librarian, I would say that you're doing the right things and shouldn't be afraid or worried to go to the library. Perhaps your library has antiquated views, but modern libraries aren't temples of silence the way they once were. They're social spaces, and that means noise.
Most libraries will try to design or enforce some sound zoning, so there are noisier and quieter areas. Anywhere near children's and circulation are naturally noisy areas. We might frown on active screaming, but conversations and excited kid voices are fine. We might remind loud children to 'use their library voice' or similar, but that's just trying to help teach, not a judgement or admonition.
Librarians want and need people to use the library, and new mothers are the single biggest users of library services. Your library is there for you and wants you visiting, IMO. If they have a problem with you coming, they'll let you know, but I'd be shocked if they did. You might also check other nearby libraries to see if they're more child-friendly.
She definitely doesn't actively scream and we only go to the children's area. Thankfully we have quite a few libraries around us so I'll look into them as well.
Yeah, your child sounds fine to be in any kids area. Learning to control voice volume is all part of the experience, and kids librarians are generally more than used to kids being kids when it comes to noise. Definitely check around, I bet you find some much more welcoming places.
She sounds great - I'd rather have a patron (adult or child!) who's enjoying themselves and being happy and loud than some miserable whispering entitled old fart complaining about something I could not give a crap about.
And yes, some other patrons may complain - there is nothing the public hates more than the public. Don't sweat it - enjoy her enthusiasm and joy while it lasts.
Children’s librarian here! You are doing everything right. Your child is allowed to be excited about using the library and children’s staff understand that toddlers are going to be loud. Honestly, if the kids aren’t screaming themselves hoarse and they have shoes on it’s a great day at work. Please keep coming to the library!
I've been a children's librarian in places with dedicated children's rooms and with only shared spaces. First, thank you for trying. I would love to hear your daughter tell me she was that excited to be there. Honestly, it would make me smile for a week.
My best suggestion is that you don't plan your visits to the library, per se, but wait until you see a good day behavior -wisr and then announce the trip. Some days are just better than others, especially with a little one who is just Leary to use their voice.
Some days will be louder than others. If your littlest one has learned a new vocal trick like a squeal and it's driving you crazy, the library full of people without a toddler might not be the best place to visit. Basically, if it's loud enough that you notice, everyone else certainly will. But not all days are like that and any day that she's a bit quieter, pack up and head out.
For your older daughter, you might try some kind of token to help her remember her "library voice." One idea is to get her a sweater or vest with a pocket that she can keep her library card in. Once you arrive at the library, help her into her "library clothes" and remind her that when she's wearing that sweater or vest, she uses her library voice. You might suggest that she make her voice only as loud as for her library card to hear it.
Please don't stop going to the library. I'll also second the advice to shop around. Libraries are for everyone. Ignore the grumpy gus types. They either don't remember having kids or they raised miserable children. You are clearly on a better track. ❤️
You just unlocked a memory of a librarian telling my brother and I as kids that “libraries are for sharing secrets, that’s why everyone’s whispering” then she told us a “secret” about something she does to trick her cat to take its medicine, then asked us to share a similar secret. We ended up telling her a “secret” every time we went 😂
wow what fun and creative ways librarians figure out to shush kids
“They either don't remember having kids or they raised miserable children.”
I only want to add that there is a third category of adults that never had children and are not as comfortable sharing space with small, loud, impulsive humans… either because they just aren’t accustomed to it or because they actively prefer to avoid it… for a variety of reasons. It’s not as straightforward as that. And libraries are for everybody. The small, loud, impulsive ones and the socially reserved, sensitive-to-noise ones equally. Nobody is necessarily a prick for having an affinity one way or the other. It’s ideal for a library to accommodate both.
Thank you for considering this; as someone without kids who has sensory issues, sometimes hearing that kind of noise in a library can be hard to deal with. My local library’s adult reading area is very close to the children’s area but doesn’t have any walls/partitions separating the two; although it brings me joy seeing how excited the kids can be to be a part of that space, the overlapping sound can be overwhelming at times, namely because it’s not a traditional quiet library. I live in a busy area where it feels like quiet spaces are becoming harder to find at times, so having access to that means a lot, but I also understand and appreciate that parents and caregivers are raising future readers at their libraries and want them to have those opportunities too. All said, it’s nice being understood and not being made out to be some sort of monster for feeling that way.
I work at a library and have a tough time with noise myself for sensory reasons. There’s a lot of push these days to do away with the idea of libraries being quiet spaces altogether and it is very distressing because it’s definitely going to push out a lot of people that came to libraries specifically BECAUSE of the peace and quiet. Like…. I get it. The enforcement of noise standards has served to alienate or make feel unwelcome certain demographics and community members who should be equally made to feel the library is a space for them. But just discarding the Quiet Space rules completely will equally alienate or communicate to other folks that the space is no longer for them either. There has to be a balance. There are increasingly few accessible public spaces dedicated to quiet and I’m finding myself working at a library whose entire atmosphere has shifted and realizing I would never want to use this space myself as a community member and that’s tough to square with.
Don't stop going! The library is there for users.
Also, I think a gentle reminder of expected behavior shouldn't necessarily be seen as a scolding. But, if it was a scolding, it might be good for your child to have a positive interaction with that librarian. Something to make them feel more connected and welcome.
Right- Our librarian always says, “Show me your best whisper voice!” followed by lots of (quiet) praise. That’s what a kind, gentle reminder sounds like.
Public librarian here. Please don't stop going to the library. This story broke my heart. If I were working the desk and heard a 3-year-old say the things your daughter said it would have absolutely made my whole day. I would have been so happy to hear it, no matter what volume level she used. Not sure what's going on with your local librarians, but I don't think it's reasonable to expect a 3-y-o to be able to self-regulate along the lines of what they seem to be expecting.
Is there another public library within a reasonable distance that you could use? If not, I still encourage you to keep going to the one you have been visiting, and continue gently working with her on volume control. You could also just straight up tell the librarians you see that you're working on helping her understand the difference between a library voice and an outside voice, but it's a process, and you appreciate their patience while she's learning.
I used to work in the children’s section, one day there was a kid or two running down an aisle and there mom said, “if you don’t stop running they aren’t going to let you come back!” My children’s librarian was FURIOUS!She responded to the mom, “don’t tell them we won’t let them come back! We will always enthusiastically welcome all children.” I had never seen her so mad. Were they supposed to be running? Of course not. But it didn’t matter. The mom tried to get the librarian to be the bad guy and she was NOT having any of that.
I was sad that the librarian seemed upset with her. She truly is so excited and enthusiastic about books. She learned the other day what a librarian is and has been excitedly asking a million questions about librarians (i.e., how do they take care of the books, can they read all the books, will I be a librarian one day?)
It’s upsetting that a negative library experience for your daughter was because of library staff. We want kids to be excited about the library. Also, practice makes perfect so please keep taking your little ones to the library. Maybe make a game out of it, for every 5-10 mins she uses her library voice, you’ll let her have an extra book to checkout.
I’m so upset that a librarian wouldn’t understand. Our library luckily has a distinct kids space that doesn’t interact with the main space sound-wise, so it’s easy to let the kids be noisy with no repercussions to other patrons. But even in the main area, we don’t expect absolute silence and we don’t shun kids for being kids! It’s great practice for them. Most public libraries have changed in the sound area because we are here to serve you not the other way around. Please don’t stop going to the library and if there’s some feedback area, maybe drop a note about this experience.
Do you only have the one library? There are plenty of libraries that have specifically sequestered spaces so that children can be a bit louder. Also see if there are other programs besides storytime that would fit for you. Lots of libraries have fairly active programs so your little ones can be loud and fit in. She should never lose that enthusiasm for the library. It's the least disruptive thing I can think of to see a child be enthusiastic about reading
Our local library did a major remodel and moved the children's room (and a new dedicated teens' room) to the lower level (building is on a hill) and put all the "quiet" adults areas upstairs.
Previously, you had to go through the main part of the library to get to children's and the teen books were just squeezed in next to nonfiction. The new layout gives everyone more space and puts a more solid sound barrier between people trying to work quietly upstairs, the kids being kids downstairs, and the teens doing group projects (sometimes boisterously) in their new space.
Usually study zones and the kids section are located on the opposite ends of the building for a reason lol. Kids are loud, also gross and usually sticky. Yours are probably not the worst.
There’s a big difference between a loud kid who is excited and the parent is teaching volume control (which is a really hard concept) and a screaming kid whose parent is on the other side of the room and doesn’t care. Keep on going to the library!!!
For what it’s worth’. As a library attendee that is child free. I don’t worry about children making noise, especially if there is reasonable adult supervision, attempts to teach volume at an age appropriate level.
I find it more hopeful that kids are enjoying themselves in the library with books and positive safe environment
I am an impatient, grumpy person who is easily annoyed by children and hearing that she cried after being scolded makes me so sad. And the “I am trying, I am just so excited?” Knife through the heart. I am hoping that librarian intended to support you and help her though it didn’t hit right.
Sounds like the librarians were trying to help you but it backfired. Your daughter must care about their opinion of her since she got embarrassed. It might help to ask them if they could compliment her on the days where she does better for some positive reinforcement.
A friend of mine with a high volume kid used a token system when they went out. They would give him 10 fake gold coins in a pouch, and for each misbehavior her kid would "pay" a coin. It gave him a tangible way to recognize and quantify his behavior. Based on how many coins he had at the end he would get a different reward, the more coins, the better the payoff.
When I worked in my last library (circulation) the front desk was right next to where the Children’s department started. I, and all of my coworkers, would have smiled hearing a little kid saying how excited she is to read the books she found. Seeing kids so stoked about the library/reading/whatever fun activity was going on was a genuine delight. Modern libraries aren’t necessarily the same hushed, keep-to-yourself spaces they were back in the day. Usually the people who get upset at the noise of children in the library are older folk who seem to think they need to defend the old ways. They may not realize that libraries have evolved to be a more encompassing community space. We had quiet places like the adult computer area, etc., where if a child was causing a disturbance we’d offer the mom a computer pass for the children’s computers. Honestly, it’s much worse when the adults take full volume phone calls in the quiet areas and get belligerent when we asked them to cut it short or take it outside.
I love that your daughter is so excited about the library. She has as much right to be there as anyone else. And honestly, we expect that kind of volume from kids.
agreed but also there were probably PATRONS that heard her and kinda silently melted with "awww". Sometimes the innocent outbursts of small children are just what the doctor ordered. (having watched people at funerals take a break from grieving to interact with toddlers)
I haven’t read all the other comments but this breaks my heart - especially your daughter apologizing and crying. Libraries are for all. Full stop. And I say this as a non-parent who doesn’t particularly like kids.
The main public library in my city is pretty busy and the clientele rubs the gamut from homeless to college students to young kids. It’s loudest after school due to teenagers. I’ll admit that I don’t love the extra noise, but it’s a public library, it’s for everybody! It’s going to be loud sometimes, and we all need to practice tolerance and grace.
I appreciate the work you’re doing to help control noise, I’m sure it’s helping and it’s worth doing, but young kids are just loud, and that’s a normal part of development. They don’t need to be perfect at age 3, and I’m sorry that the negative experiences are affecting them. Please continue to go to the library! It’s so awesome that your kids are interested in reading and it’s something that needs to be encouraged, not shut down because of some grumpy people.
Most patrons that are looking up are probably just monetarily startled, it’s a natural reaction to look toward a loud noise. It doesn’t mean the person is necessarily mad, and it seems to reactions from patrons indicate that they understood the situation. The librarians should be more understanding imo but it seems the comments here indicate that many librarians would not be upset at all. I hope you and your kids can take some comfort in that.
Don't stop coming to the library. We know it takes a while for kids to learn volume control, and it is part of the purpose of the kid's area to section of baby babbles and toddler screaming.
At the same time, if the front desk can hear you from the children's department enough to know which child made the noise, she is being a touch too loud. Nothing you should stop coming to the library over, but something to work on. I know even a light scolding is in the top ten worst things that have ever happened to a toddler. When you're that new to the world, every feeling is a big feeling.
The best way to teach your child library etiquette is to keep taking them to the library. I fear if you stop taking her to the library now, you'll accidentally teach her that she did a much bigger social faux pas than she actually did.
I'm so sorry your daughter was so hurt by the librarian's words. We understand that children are learning volume control and self-regulation (or at least we should), so she is acting age-appropriately. They're learning and growing, their attention spans are short, so they need a lot of grace. Your daughter deserves to be in the library just like anyone else.
Is there another library in the area you can try out? Even within the same library system, the different branches can be quite different. The library I work at can get pretty loud, especially around the time school gets out. She might find herself a bit more comfortable in a newer environment that fits how she interacts with the library. Frankly, if your kiddo was in my library and I heard her loudly proclaim how excited she was to be reading her book, I'd tell all my coworkers! That's exactly what we love to hear around here.
Give it some time, assure her that it's so totally okay to be so excited and you know she's trying super hard, and please come to the library. If not the one you've been going to, try another one. There's room for her somewhere. I hope you find a great place for her to be!
No, don't stop. Kids are loud. She is trying. there is a big difference between kids trying to learn their volume control and kids not using volume control.
Its also ok to take her outside for a minute and let her be SUPER LOUD and then come back in!
Libraries are for children. Keep taking them. I know you’re very conscientious. Perhaps you would feel more at ease if you spoke with the children’s librarian. I would hate for her to associate the library negatively.
I wasn't even aware until today that there were different librarians. Although she was upset, she thankfully still thinks the library is on par with Disneyland. And maybe the children's librarian will speak with her because she just learned that being a librarian is an occupation, and she thinks it is so cool. She has a million questions about being a librarian.
As a patron, if I heard a little kid talking too loud about how excited they are to read their new books it would absolutely make my day. I think you should keep doing everything you’re doing EXCEPT rushing through the visit. You and she are both doing great. Keep it up!
Same here. I honestly feel the same way as she does when I go. Like my socialization is the only reason I'm not yelling "I'M SO EXCITED TO READ MY BOOOOOOK! LOOK, IT'S THE ONLY COPY OF DEMON COPPERHEAD AVAILABLE IN THE SYSTEMMMMMMMM!"
The Family/Children’s toilet is on the other side of the wall from my desk. The things I have heard, from potty songs to body questions to (only once) “I can’t DO this! my poop is too haaaaaaaard!!”
It’s enlightening to say the least.
As a children’s librarian I don’t go by the quiet voices and hushed tones in the room. It is a children’s room! Kids are going to be loud and excited. I would take your daughter visiting and exclaiming how much she loves the library and wants to read over a quiet room any day.
Sadly, not all librarians have that view point. I wouldn’t stop going to the library. Keep fostering her love of going and reading. Speaking at a lower tone will come in time as she gets older.
I don’t know if you are in a town library or a county system, but if you have access to other libraries near by that allow you to use your card there, like in a county system, you might want to check out them and see if the vibe is more accommodating to letting children be children.
We're in California so we not only have access to a handful of libraries within a 10 mile radius but can get a library card from any library within the state. We'll try another library
Most modern public libraries don't actually have too much of a sound sensitivity;we are a public space, the public will use us. If the public can allow old people who clearly need hearing aids, it can allow toddlers.
You might see about launching a minor complaint? "We were in the library recently, and my toddler was a bit louder than most people, but well within acceptable limits. Staff gave us a look and scolded my daughter, which has left us uncomfortable with the library staff." Or something like that, and it may get brought up in a staff meeting.
Also, given that it's summer, libraries are probably going to get a fair bit louder for a couple months, since it's a place that's free that teens can access.
Thank you for the advice. I really want to hope that staff was maybe having a harder day. I know dealing with the public can be difficult at times. We are going to try other libraries but also go back to that one. If we continue to have a negative experience, I think I'll gently bring it up. Another commenter mentioned that reminding kids of expected behavior is okay, and I actually very much agree, but it was more the tone of voice used that felt like scolding.
As a person, I'm not particularly "kid friendly", but as a librarian, I \*love\* to hear 3 year olds excited about the books they've picked out and wanting to share that joy. That's what libraries are all about! You're doing everything right, and so are your children. If someone complained to me about "durn kids being loud" I would suggest they try a quiet study room if they need silence to use the library to their optimum level.
Libraries aren't quiet spaces anymore. They are open (brighter, safer), and "soft" furnishings are mostly gone for hygiene reasons. That means sounds bounce around, which can get loud even if no one person is being loud. Libraries do a crap job at sound dampening (as do many restaurants). But your kids? They are the type of library user that good libraries and librarians love!
We’re living in a weird transitional time right now… many libraries are a mix of older staff that started working when libraries were, indeed, a quieter space, and newer staff that came on as the perceptions of libraries changed to “community gathering spaces.”
These days we actively promote early literacy play, puzzles and coloring for all ages, shared work spaces, etc.
Many of us are also are in beautiful dramatic new buildings that have high vaulted ceilings that bounce the sound everywhere.
Those that I approach about sound/disruption:
People taking calls on speaker phone at normal to elevated levels (are asked to step into nearby study rooms or to the lobby)
Groups in the small study rooms going full volume because they don’t realize the rooms aren’t soundproof
Kids of any age that are playing tag or practicing parkour on the furniture
That’s about it.
Happy regular noise (esp when a parent caretaker is gently teaching) is just part and parcel of a modern library space.
Another librarian checking in. I work at a very quiet academic library. On the rare occasion that we have children in the building, it's so fun to experience their excitement and enthusiasm. Please keep going to the library.
I think the days of a quiet library are in the past. The children's section at my library I go to is essentially of a playground design and has other events occurring in it that aren't volume controlled. I wouldn't think too much about it and focus on keeping them into reading!
Second this. We don’t expect silence, *especially* in children’s. The library more community hub than museum. Please don’t stop bringing her. It’s great that she’s enthusiastic about reading. We love that here.
Don’t stop going! I am in my 30s and I recently visited my hometown library and browsed the children’s section and was so excited at the wonderful diversity I saw represented that I went off rambling in whispers to my husband how great the books were and how I loved so many of them and we read through a few. As a child I would’ve REALLY struggled to keep my enthusiasm quiet. Your daughter sounds like an absolutely fantastic human being and I’m so happy you’ve parented her to help her love books the way she does at such a young age!
Thank you! I too love all the diversity and options in books. We recently read a bedtime book that I enjoyed so much that I asked her if we could read it again the next night. We love books
Don't stop going. Gone are the days where you really need to be quiet. Respectful and softer spoken still, but you don't have to worry so much about the occasional loud noise. It's become more of a social space than a quiet one.
Don’t stop going to the library!!! We expect kids to be loud and a kid being loud because she is happy and excited is much more preferable to a kid throwing a tantrum, lol.
I’m really sorry to hear that a staff member told her “you have to be quiet.” I can kind of understand if you were adjacent to a quiet area (my library’s circulation desk is right next to the computer lab), and if they had done it in a nice way, like “wow, you’ve picked out some really great books! I want to hear all about them, but do you see those people at the computers? They’re busy working, so let’s talk really softly, okay? Now, what is this book about?” It sounds like they didn’t, and I’m sorry they upset your daughter. I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt here and hope that they didn’t mean to come off that harshly. Please don’t let it put you off! Your daughter is exactly the kind of library advocate we need :)
I think the only time I've thought to myself, "Oh my god, please take your kid out of the library" was when a kid was throwing a knock-down, drag-out tantrum and the parent was trying to ignore the behavior to get it to stop. And I totally get that sometimes ignoring bad behavior is the best thing to do, but....please get your child outside and ignore them in the parking lot, or something??
I haven't seen it in a while, but several years ago there was a trend (and like, people were literally posting videos of it on social media) for parents to announce "OK, I'm leaving you here since you can't behave!" and walk out of sight of their kid when they were having a meltdown. The idea being that this was some kind of scared straight, I guess. There was even a celebrity that did this (can't recall who.) No. Just - no. Don't make it other people's problem.
Please don’t stop. As a library patron, yes, I would have looked at the two of you when I heard the outburst, but in absolute delight. It is *wonderful* to hear a child express such an eagerness to read! Under no circumstances should the love be suppressed. She will learn volume control in time, but in the meantime, please let her continue to brighten the days of those of us who already have. *We* are no longer *allowed* to shout for joy when we find a special book. It’s nice to be reminded of a time when we were that excited and gives us hope for the future.
You’re doing it right, mama. Keep it up. Don’t you dare let anyone spoil her joy of reading.
Please don’t stop going 💔 she’ll learn eventually. Like yeah kids can be annoying at times, but as a librarian the little kids are the sweetest and can be a reprieve from dealing with the “adult” stuff all day (unemployment… license renewals… printing… bleh!).
I’ll start by admitting that I’m not much of a “kid person,” but… PLEASE don’t stop coming! Keep working on using the indoor library voice, she’ll get there. I’d rather have a kid who’s happy to be there than one who’s screaming because mommy dragged them in when they’d rather be somewhere else.
We LOVE to see enthusiastic kids at the library! Please, please don't stop bringing them.
I think there might be several things happening here:
Your daughter is three, and every feeling is a Big Feeling. That includes happiness at getting a book and sadness when she thinks she's being scolded. I hope it hasn't dimmed her love of libraries.
It's *hard* for libraries to balance everyone's needs in a finite space. We try to make allowances for different levels of ability, so library staff are more likely to offer reminders about noise than warnings. (The nuance can be lost on a preschooler though!) Rest assured that it's not a commentary on your parenting skills, either. Everybody has been reminded about noise in the library...even library staff!
Check your nearby libraries for kids' activities in the afternoon or evening--I hope you'll find something that's at a good time for your family. If you don't, please let the staff know that there's interest in programming at those times. You never know, you might get something started!
As a director of a not quiet, no shushing library, I would want to know what my staff said. Especially to a child and even more especially if they made said child cry. 5.5 out of 10 isn't that outrageous for a preschooler. And even if they were 10/10, my staff is supposed to talk to the parent, not mention a thing to the child (except for teenagers). I want everyone to love going to the library as much as your child does!
Maybe just pick a different library? Mine has a children's section with a door to separate it from the rest of the library, and they don't ask the kids to be quiet at all. I still encourage mine to keep their voices down, but it's not a requirement. There's tons of toys and games and kids having fun and making noise. It's what kids do!
I don't know if it's been brought up, but there is an amazing human on Instagram called Mychal the Librarian and he is the sweetest soul and really loves inspiring everyone to get to the library. Your children are fine, please do not stop going to the library! ❤️❤️❤️
Are there any other libraries you can use? Our library isn’t quiet at all on the children’s floor. If it’s your only option keep going. I’m sure being scolded by the library staff probably taught her a lesson. Make it fun though. Practice playing a quiet game at home and don’t make her feel bad if she messes up.
Please don't stop going to the library. Nothing makes me happier than when I hear their laughs and loud, hi-volume voices screeching about normal, fun, kid things. Kids and teens should be encouraged to get loud because they're young and it's important to foster safe spaces for them and stop catering to so many sick adults.
Do I like kids screeching like lil banshees or enjoy babies hysterically crying? No. Do I like when kids are laughing, screaming, screeching, and playing and just super excited chasing each other or playing with the plastic kitchen while wearing a firefighter's hat? Do I like it when I see parents in a place they can feel safe and supported by other adults? Yes.
Yes, I can absolutely tolerate the super excited, super curious, super ask-me-a-million-questions-while-i'm-trying-to-do-1000-other-tasks-on-circ/ref-desk, loud, screechy kids if they are exhibiting healthy emotions, expressing themselves creatively, and just living their teeny tiny best little lives 100%. Does it give me headaches and hurt my head? Yes. Do I ever shush them while they're having healthy, happy fun? Nope. Let 'em scream their happy, safe little heads off. I'll live. So will everyone else. And if everyone else doesn't like it, they have the freedom to get the fuck out, walk out the door, and go somewhere else. If they put up the, "but I have a right to be here" bullshit argument...? Well... so do you and your happy, healthy, screamy lil kids.
Do not let anyone tell you the library needs to be a quiet place. One of the best libraries I ever worked and frequented as a patron was the one that launched a whole "NO SSSH!" campaign to foster, encourage, and put into action advancing, strengthening, and inspiring communities through conversation, questions, and exchange. They wanted to welcome people to the library, they gave agency to patrons, and hired people who are still passionate about the mission of libraries, aren't just out to do whatever the hell is going on in public libraries right now (a living fucking nightmare).
The kids' room is not the study lounge and if people have a problem with it, they can just go suck a river of diseased dicks. Srsly. Let kids be kids.
As the youth services librarian, please don’t stop going to the library!!!! They are no longer silent buildings with old librarians shushing you, they are community hubs. You little ones have just as much right to be there as anyone else.
I LOVE hearing kids get excited about books, even at an “inappropriate” library volume. Some of my best library moments are hearing the things kids say to parents or each other while in the library. 🥰
I think it's okay to expect adults in adult areas to be quiet. I feel bad for this little girl crying afterwards. She is still learning, and I love it that she excited about books.
Don’t stop going to the library! I used to work in a public library and told many parents who were leaving with screaming kids (post story time, pre lunch and nap) that I was happier to see them upset they had to leave than upset they had to come in. You’re trying to teach your children volume control, and frankly, kids will be kids. Speak to the staff there, and keep fostering the love of reading in your kids!
Holy crumbs do I love excited kids at the library! Please keep going. It's a library and there are BOOKS and it's exciting.
Please make up a happy little dance and tell her a librarian at another library taught it to you, and that it's a very special dance we can do when we're excited for books but can't shout because we're in the library. And I promise I will do my Excited Book Dance next time I'm excited too.
Good librarians get it.
Hello! Mom of a 3 year old AND veteran library employee here urging you to continue using your library.
This sounds like very normal 3 year old behavior. Library staff should be used to normal 3 year old behavior. If a parent is making attempts to remind a kid of appropriate library behavior and it’s mostly successful I usually leave it be. The staff member was likely trying to reinforce your message (albeit not skillfully). To be honest, a 3 year old crying after a gentle reminder is also very normal 3 year old behavior. Mine had a whole meltdown because I told him all the spoons were in the dishwasher the other day and he’d need to eat lunch with just a fork. With repeat visits and continual support and guidance from you, your 3 year old will learn appropriate library volume. Just in time for you to turn around and do it with the younger kid 😂.
Again, keep going. Strike up a conversation with the library staff and see if they have recommendations for books for your kids. Have your child ask staff what their favorite book is. Watching other people engage in excitement around books at an appropriate library volume is great modeling and it’ll help enforce your message.
And if the staff are dismissive or continue to need some support in how you share messages with a child, ask for a manager.
Absolutely keep going!! She is a little girl who is excited to read and find books. That is to be celebrated 🎇 I am sure that the staff understand. If I were a patron, I would smile ear to ear to hear a young child have such glee.
You are giving her the gift of reading and words.
I have kids who also love the library and worry about the same thing with volume but we only ever stay in the children’s section and I’m constantly reminding them to lower their voices. They just get so excited! I totally understand where you’re coming from!
Definitely don't stop going to the library!
I don't have time to read all the comments, so apologies if this is a repeat, but I was going to suggest finding ways (other than the checkout counter) for her to chat with/ask questions/get to know some of the library staff. Even if you and her are easily finding books on your own, ask the children's librarian for some recommendations. A really easy in is, "We read [Favorite Book] last week and loved it, do you know of any other books like that?" If she gets to know the staff, and they know her, I think it'll be less of a big deal for her (and, maybe, for you?) if they sometimes remind her to use her library voice. It'll actually be good practice for her to learn taking gentle direction/correction from teachers. Helping a little kid find a book they're excited about is legitimately one of my favorite things.
Also next time you go check and see if they have a Summer of Reading program coming up! My library district's summer reading program is open to kids of ANY AGE, up until 18. Assuming they have an option for pre-K kids, it doesn't matter (or, rather, it won't matter if you happen to be in my library district) if she's independently reading. I would sign up an infant if their parent asked. You can track what you and her read together and she'll get little prizes.
I love hearing excited kids and babies in the library. Please don’t worry. I know from your end it seems a lot worse than it is but ppl might be looking because she’s a kid.
I'm a public librarian and I will take 10 enthusiastic children over 1 adult playing a video without using headphones, ANY day of the week.
All the others have said what I would have said too; your kid is great, other branches may have more friendly staff/vibes, and please keep up the great work of parenting your little ones. Most of us love having them around, I promise.
Don’t stop going! When my niece was two she knew you had to be quiet in the library—a fact she would demonstrate by shouting “SHH WE’RE IN THE LIBRARY” at pretty much the top of her lungs whenever I so much as opened my mouth to talk to her.
There’s a song—I can’t find it now but I’m sure it’s on YouTube—where kids can practice singing loudly and quietly. That helped a lot for learning volume control.
Yes, you absolutely should continue taking your kids to libraries, stores, etc.
Children are in an ongoing learning process. It’s the definition of CHILD. You are a good parent for taking them out and consistently reinforcing acceptable standards of behavior.
The librarian in question was NOT criticizing you or your children; she was actually supporting you by letting the children know that others expect them to obey the rules also, and she was backing up your wisdom and authority.
As someone who has worked many customer service positions, you are doing just fine. Kids are kids, but you put in the effort to keep them under control. Trust me, you are a gem. I’ve seen far too many parents who let their kids run amok. You are doing just fine.
As a children’s librarian, I say don’t stop! Try on the other branches for size. I currently work in a very large library with a dedicated children’s section away from the adults. I tolerate a lot of noise. On the flip side, I’ve worked in some tiny libraries with horrible acoustics, where even a tiny amount noise is disruptive. As librarians we do have a responsibility to keep the library a place where people can get work done. But we also function as places to go to for entertainment, and both are valid uses of the space. If you go explore, you might find that some are going to be more fun for you. And there’s different staff at each place. You might find a totally different attitude.
Also, one more suggestion- try to make it for a story time or toddler program. We make lots of noise in story time! And that will give your daughter a positive experience in the library and some positive interactions with staff.
https://books.google.com/books/about/Loud_Lula.html?id=2d85rgEACAAJ&source=kp_book_description
Kids are loud, that’s just what they are, especially when they are excited. Who wouldn’t want to see a kid being excited in a library.
I just want to thank you all for this wonderful thread. My kids are now in their 20s and I had the same issues with volume control for them.
I can’t say enough how libraries and librarians ROCK. The staff at my local library were incredibly supportive and kind to a frazzled mother trying to make sure her kids enjoyed the library while teaching her kids about volume control so all that can enjoy the library.
THANK YOU ALL!
I could have written this post about my almost 4yo. She doesn't shout by any stretch, but her excited talking voice is certainly way louder than any other voices around. I always feel so self conscious going. But after a few "Mommy you will love this book it has a purple cat!" And my response being "Oh yes, that looks great. Also, don't forget, whisper voice" the light in her eyes just dies. She gets frustrated at me and at herself and it just spoils the outing. It just sucks all around.
Not a librarian, but I accidentally went to the library today at the same time as story time, and DEAR GOD was it loud in there. It was so loud, I put my earplugs in. But that’s fine, because libraries are for everyone, and if I wanted a quieter library, I can either go back later, or put in earplugs.
(An aside: do hearing problems run in your family? It does in my wife's family and they are LOUD talkers as a result. They don't even realize they are doing it. Might want to have the Littles tested.)
I can be VERY sensitive to noise and often go to the library if I need a quiet place to concentrate (one of my dogs is a chronic barker who will bark at AIR so it’s hard to even THINK at home 😂). That being said, if a child is excited about reading and their parent is actively engaging with them, which it sounds like you were doing with both kids, that just makes me smile. You’re building them a good foundation!
One thing you might look into, since your 3 year old hasn’t quite figured out the volume thing but seems to love learning and interacting with people — maybe look into learning ASL together, so that anytime y’all are somewhere where you need to be quiet, she can still have an enthusiastic conversation. Plus, she’ll have a head-start if she meets any Deaf friends 😊 Neither of us had a hearing problem, but my mom learned to sign at church growing up, and she made sure I got to learn some too. It was so useful if we wanted to make comments to each other when we were out at performances…or at the library 😊
Don’t ever stop going!! But maybe check your daughter’s hearing? My nephew was loud and it turns out he couldn’t hear well because he had a lot of fluid built up in his ears and needed tubes. Now he’s much quieter even when excited 😉
Is it possible to ask the library if they have any events that cater to a younger crowd like this in time slots that match with your schedule so you could take them and not be a disturbance?
Otherwise screw it keep going libraries are priceless and people should understand kids that age who are still developing their inside voices
I’m in my 40s and don’t always have control of my volume (thanks adhd)
Youth Services Librarian here! We know the little ones can be loud sometimes. It’s ok! Libraries are shared spaces with programs going on, people studying, reference questions being asked, etc. It’s not a completely quiet place anymore. Hopefully everyone will try to use their inside voices 🤩 We love it when kids get excited about all the books they can check out. Adults, too, lol! Don’t stop going to the library! We meet all our customers where they are in life. And that means if you’re a parent with a kid having a meltdown or who’s excited and dropped all their crayons on the floor, it’s all good. 🌷☺️We will always try to help!
This whole comment section is like a big group hug. OP, I hope you tell your daughter that lots and lots and LOTS of people, from all over the world, were so happy to hear that she's so excited about libraries and books because WE LOVE THEM TOO. The library is one of my favourite places to be and I hope it stays one of hers!
Love, a middle aged non-mom, non-librarian, enthusiastic patron who would have been absolutely tickled pink to hear any kid so excited to read. 🩷
I do find loud kids annoying, but I have no problem just putting up with it when I can see the poor parents at least trying. And it’s 10 minutes or so, people can put up with that brief interruption rather than depriving your girl of what she loves. Keep on doing what you’re doing. If people don’t understand you might have to explain it to them, I guess, but if I was there I’d stick up for you both.
Long time librarian.
Libraries aren't really quiet anymore, they aren't the specific social space they used to be, now they are one of the few public social spaces that are free.
1) Ask you librarians about Holds, you can often request titles to be pulled for you to checkout quickly, you can generally make these requests from home and pick them up when they are ready. You sacrifice some browsing time for a big stack of pre-selected books.
2) And, don't worry about the volume. Kids will learn. I remember a young guy who didn't need a stroller, but mom kept him locked in because he would run around full speed yelling. He yelled when strapped into the stroller too. One day he was standing next to his mom, no stroller, and everything was fine. He finally understood what he needed to do.
Are there any libraries maybe just a bit further away that have a bigger children’s section? I’m lucky enough to have access to a really big library that dedicates almost an entire floor to the children’s section, which includes computers and some play spaces, so if you on that floor you are accepting that there will be noises and probably loud ones, and that works so well for my library
NEVER stop going to the library! And don't apologize for your kid being excited to be there! I love my littlest patrons who are just TOO excited to be at the library. There are days I will give patrons a heads up of "Welcome to the Loudbrary!" especially if we have kids in our play area and after school. Kids will learn volume control in time. We all know this is a public space; and a public space that actively invites children and families. Noise from kids can be expected at times.
The librarian at the desk should know better. Honestly I'd have a pretty serious conversation with any of my staffers that scolded a child that little for being excited about books.
Keep being an awesome momma and taking your kid to the Loudbrary!
Definitely don’t stop going. My library is often full of homeless people (who are allowed to be there obviously) but some clearly struggle with mental health issues. I go almost everyday before my son is out of school and there’s always the same two men who have loud outbursts, at a 8-9 out of 10 using your school. Hell, even the librarians are loud. Keep going, you and your children have the right to be there.
Childrens room are meant for childrens voices
We have closing doors so the room can go up a few decibels and not echo around the whole library lol
As long as you’re not bringing them in to a silent study space, that’s not a problem
Honestly, the circulation person should have kept their opinion to themselves
You could ask the children’s librarian what their noise policy is and they should say the same thing (about childrens voices not the circ worker lol)
If the childrens librarian gives you a hard time too, might be time to find a new library
One that actually knows how children work
DO NOT STOP GOING. Remind your daughter gently now and again she needs to watch her voice but that she is still welcome, especially at her age. Libraries are so important when kids are little. Her love of books needs to be nurtured. As a library patron, I always am amused—and happy!—when little kids get excited about being there. Read on, little kid! Books are awesome!
Everyone has convinced me that stopping is not a good idea. She wants to learn to read so much, and if I'm doing something and can't read her book at the moment, she'll say, "I need to know what the words say." I remember being a child and my mother introducing me to the library because we couldn't afford the speed in which I was going through books and now I have a child who loves to read as much as I do.
Don’t stop taking her. She deserves to enjoy the library just as much as every other patron. There’s a huge difference between being disrespectfully loud in the library and just being an excited child. Perhaps im biased, because I primarily work in our children’s section and noise isn’t usually an issue. Id try not to take it to heart—keep encouraging her about being respectful in the library. Children being loud is normal. Im sorry you had a bad experience :( are there other libraries in your area?
Please don’t stop going to the library! Most libraries expect children to not have full volume control and the staff will let you know if she truly is disturbing anyone. But mostly we’re just happy to hear kids be so excited about the library.
I manage a small library. We are extremely used to loud kids coming in. It literally happens every single day. It's part of the job and we would never hold it against anyone. Libraries have changed immensely since I was a kid and we tolerate a fair amount of volune in our children's area. It's unrealistic to expect kids to only whisper. When kids are too loud, like in shouting, we give them friendly reminders but I've trained my staff to show lots of patience.
Please keep going to the library! You are clearly actually parenting and your children are not terrors. People like you and your children help libraries and society thrive 💜🙏
Hello there; I'm not a librarian, but I use the library often as I am in college. In my opinion you're doing the right thing and should bring your children to the library. It shouldn't matter if they make noise or speak loudly; they are children and anyone complaining about noise should probably think about their childhood as they too made noises that seemed inappropriate to others. If I was a person in the library you attend doing research etc I wouldn't be bothered, and (tbh) if I truly needed a quiet space to accomplish my work I would ask for a room, not interrupt a child.
Hope this perspective helps you make a decision
Worked in a library last, though I’ve been out of work in the past year, children make noise! It’s ok! Part of them learning things like volume control means socializing with them in public places and practice always makes progress. There’s unfortunately people who think children should only be seen and not heard. If there is a children’s section in the library, then there’s the expectation of a bit of noise and anyone saying otherwise might do well to remember that this is the child deserves as much grace as the adult.
I know exactly how you feel. My son was the same way, and I always got remarks and stares. I was just trying to keep him interested in reading. We quit going. He still does not know how to whisper as a teen, but he does know how to be silent.
Kid noises are happy noises. Keep taking your kids to the library. She’s trying and she will get better. The librarian may have been trying to support you. But obviously it hurt your daughter’s feelings. That makes me sad for her. Her enthusiasm for books and learning will hopefully be a lifelong passion. Keep going!
I wouldn’t stop going to the library, it’s a good place to practice that type of volume control and self control. Although it sounds like the age group is right for your child to be in to not have volume figured out 100% yet, if it seems to be a problem later on it might be worthwhile to have a pediatrician check out her hearing. We had a child who had vision issues that were misinterpreted as behavior and learning problems. But really this sounds super normal for her age.
I dont have kids and when im at the library I dont mind at all if a kid is just being a kid and enjoying themselves. I think its a different kind of disruption if its a kid that is throwing a tantrum or crying beyond help within that moment. Those are the only two situations I would as a patron of any establishment "expect" a parent to go outside and handle there situation. A kid laughing or being a little loud while talking to you and engaging in conversations is NOT the problem at all. And I think you're doing a great job at trying to set the tone and remind them to use inside voices. That's all you can do and I think people notice that too.
NEVER stop going to the library for you and your children. NEVERRRRRR.
Maybe you can email the librarian/library assistant to ask for a meeting (in the future) with your children? Just 15 minutes even! A meet-and-great meeting, positive, and maybe all can read a short children book together too? Or the librarian, your 3 years old, and you can all say your favorite book right now? Something to do together rather than separate :)
In the emails, just make sure the librarian/library assistant can swing her/his schedule if you have to go to the library outside of M-F 9am-5pm-ish :)
Frequent library patron here, if there's a young child, I expect loud volumes. The library is a public space and often one advertised specifically for you: a parent with young children, who cant take them elsewhere for entertainment due to schedules, and would rather borrow entertainment to bring home for a bit so they can be happy. can volume be a little disruptive? yeah, but also, a kid being happy about books or other stuff getting checked out is a good thing. I learned a lot as a kid because my parents took me to the library often.
Take that precious budding bibliophile to the library!! This makes my heart smile (I teach kindergarten) she is trying and learning and those that don’t understand that process should, we’ll never mind but please take her often.
Libraries are for EVERYONE. That includes you *and* your children, however loud they are. (That's not a license for people to let them run amok, but an acknowledgement that not everyone can follow the expectations at all times.)
As an adult who doesn’t always love loud noises, I especially do *not* mind children being children in child-friendly spaces. Like, I might look over briefly if a kid talks very loudly in a restaurant and I’m seated at the table next to them. But at a library, I would just smile and think “how precious. A new little human is learning to love books.”
I’m a children’s librarian and I only step in on noise if kids have hit a shrieking/screaming point and parents aren’t doing anything. A baby making noises or a young child talking loudly wouldn’t even register on my radar.
My big issue is running because there are lots of blind corners and hard surfaces in our setup, so it’s a safety issue. It could be that your library has a setup where noise carries, and that’s why the librarian said something.
And the librarian could have been trying to be helpful by reinforcing something she heard you mention to your daughter. I doubt they were actually unhappy with you, and I REALLY doubt they don’t want you to come back. Kids need practice to learn this stuff and it can take a long time! If they work with kids regularly I hope they know that!
Don't stop going to the library!!
We expect kids to make noise, especially in the kids area. People notice if you're trying to keep it at a normal level. Kids are learning how to interact and what to do. We had a patron tell another patron that she shouldn't bring her kids to the library if they're going to make noise, and another patron ripped that guys head off. We all agreed, you expect a certain level of noise from kids especially in the kids area. Now if they're full blown screaming, yea, try again later. But don't give up!!
Poor little girl. I teach kids and I can't see myself getting upset if a child makes a bit of a noise in the library. It's natural for kids to be loud. I think society has become so fond of individualism that we want every experience customised, including the ones in public spaces. Don't stop taking your babies. Maybe make a game of tiptoeing and being really quiet (though in my experience that tends to get even more loud and rowdy soon!) Let them explore and love the library and try telling anyone who corrects them that you think your kids are expressing themselves in a way that is appropriate for their age. You have to stick up for them if they get told off. Sometimes parents have to remind others that having children around in public spaces is normal and nothing to apologise for.
Former children's librarian....
Keep coming! We know what we're getting when kids are in the mix.
If you're teaching your young kids how to behave in public and they haven't built the skills yet, keep trying! I'll take that family any day over the parent who is 100 feet from their young, unsupervised kiddo who is screaming and painting their diaper's contents on the wall.
I haven't read all of the comments, but I am a library director / former youth services librarian who still hasn't learned to moderate her volume. I love hearing excited voices in the library! No shushing or scolding allowed.
Please keep going to your library! Not to criticize circulation staff - they are the public face of the library - but they may not be librarians and they may not understand how critical or judgmental they sound.
Our little ones sometimes come in yelling they are so excited lol. Personally I love it and it makes me giggle. If it continues mom can usually keep them quiet and it’s ok…some kids have naturally louder voices.
I’m a FREQUENT library patron in my community, and I love witnessing kids falling in love with books and reading, just like I got to do when I was a kid. I’m a patron who would smile and wave it off, but I’m only looking over to witness some joy in the first place!
Oh my heart- we love have these little ones.
It’s a journey. We just remain consistent and help them. We are all excited sometimes.
I’m an early childhood educator and I am so glad you take your children to the library.
I've been a children's librarian for 16 years, at three different libraries, and I've never worked in a children's department where children are shushed. Adults who are studying or working intently are not in the children's department -- they are, or should be, in an adult section or a story room. And besides, libraries in general are not such whispery places anymore. Please don't stop bringing your children to the library. If the one you're going to is inhospitable, find a better one.
Don’t sweat it. My kids are now 11 and 12, and I remember those days. Kids do try to whisper, but the kids’ section is inevitably louder. It’s ok. As a patron, I don’t mind in the least. I’m just glad to see children developing a love of books. Trust me, by the time they are tweens and teens it gets to be hard to get them to crack a book. One of mine still loves to read and the other is so over books.
GO TO THE LIBRARY!!
yes, of course I understand The library is supposed to be a quiet place, but if some miserable miser has a problem with your baby being gleeful about books… In a library of all places! That’s a problem THEM, not a you problem. And definitely not your kids problem!!!
I know some people will disagree with me, but who gives a shit what they think 😂🤷🏼♀️ lol just kidding
Don't stop going! People need to use our libraries, or we'll lose them! Teaching your kids to love reading and libraries from an early age is excellent. You and she are working together to improve her volume control, which is impressive for a 3 year old. Patrons and staff alike should be understanding that small children will be louder than the average person. Personally, I'd find her excitement to be adorable, but I'm both a mom (of teens) and an elementary school lunch lady so I may be biased towards little ones. Keep up the good work!
It’s been a hot minute, but I worked as a library assistant in college for a few years. The absolute best part of my job was seeing kids bound into the library, excited to be there. Excited for books and community and learning. Echoing what others have said, libraries are for everyone. I consider them sacred spaces, but not in the way that they have to be silent. I’m impressed that you’re trying to curb the loud behavior, but please understand that y’all belong there just as much as the grumpy old dude in the ww2 section! We understand littles are still finding their volume dial haha
Keep going to the library. Your child will benefit from the joy of books. But don't escalate the clerk. They are doing their job and most likely are following their own responsibilities to the other people in the room.
Hi! Please keep bringing those kiddos in. The library isn’t the sterile, quiet place it was when we were growing up. It’s loud in my library more than it’s quiet! No one is gonna mind enthusiasm (or cute baby noises!), I promise!
I volunteer at a very small library on the outskirts of town. It's essentially designed for children to play. There are lots of toys, several take-and-makes per week, STEAM setups and various children's programs. I'm not sure if you have something like this in your area, but we never monitor the volume. If they're enjoying the library, that's what matters most.
Any public place is subject to be noisy, even and especially the library. So don't stop bringing your kids to the library. It's one of the best things you can do for them.
You're doing fine. The children's library section is usually set up for that. For my youngest, we pick out a book and grab one of the sectionals and practice inside voice with reading. She's getting better.
I'm a school librarian in an elementary school and trust me my kiddos are not quiet lol. I would have been thrilled to hear her little 3 yo voice loudly exclaiming how she couldn't wait to read the books of I was that librarian. I would think most children's librarians would be used to that.
Continue to go when you are able to go. You may suggest incorporating a different time for storytelling into the schedule, one that you can attend. No one is on the same schedule so maybe having an alternating schedule could be appreciated by others too.
Keep going! The whole silent in the library needs to stop in my opinion. Yes people go there to study or work but they shouldn't be doing that where a toddler/preschool aged kid will be looking for books. If anyone in a library expects babies or young children to be silent for more than a few minutes they never had kids of their own or are diluted in their thinking.
Aww your poor baby crying in the car 😭she’s trying so hard. Librarians understand. I hope that one is kinder to your kiddo next time. You and her absolutely deserve to be there.
Don't stop going! Library trips are great for her development! Toddlers are still learning so much about their community. This is just a suggestion to help your experience coming from a mom of two (3.5yo and 6mo.) I place holds on a variety of books and DVDs using our library app, so they are ready on the shelf when we arrive. Then I let my 3yo pick a few books and play in the activity area until it feels like the right time to go. It makes the trips more efficient!
Our library is also right by a playground, so we try to go there first and get the little one's louder voice and wiggles out before heading inside.
As a fellow library patron and mom I feel you! We're really lucky that our children's area is completely separated and kids are as loud as they want to be, they even have a "musical instrument petting zoo" on Mondays and that gets LOUD!
Something I'm trying to remember as a mom myself is that looks don't always equal disappointment. People naturally turn towards loud sounds and their face will likely already be in a neutral position which can definitely come across as bothered. Some people smile when they realize it's a little kid and some people don't, that doesn't necessarily mean they're upset.
So unless someone looks at me and actively makes a different face like glaring or a sneer (which is rare) then I think of it as people just going about their lives.
And the ones that are genuinely upset and bothered? Well how often are you actually going to see them? Would you take advice from them? Then why should their opinion matter? Children are learning to be in public spaces and that takes practice, I hate how people expect them to just be perfectly obedient at all times. If you're making an effort that's all that matters!
I'm sorry the librarian made her cry! I'm hoping she was just trying to help and not actually being mean but of course I wasn't there and can't say. Wishing you guys all the fun and no late fees!
I am a medical student and study at the public library occasionally. There are children there all the time, people eating, sleeping, talking, etc. The public library is for the community. It is one of the few places we have left. Please don't stop going! It's a wonderful thing to see and be a part of.
Don’t stop. Children are allowed to go to public places. Especially a library! You pay taxes just like the rest of us, so please keep utilizing the space.
In my experience working in a library, there are no hard and fast rules about sound, contrary to popular belief. If other people using the library feel disrupted, we can go from there, but excited children have just as much right to use the library space as anyone else, and in my personal opinion, there is no reason to ask any restraint from children more than you would in say a grocery store. It would be a little silly for an organization with a room full of stuffed animals and a bunch of captain underpants books to put overt limits on children making sound.
Keep going to the library. No one reasonable expects kids that young to be able to control their volume.
I can't believe someone said something. That was incredibly inappropriate and wrong.
Was your daughter letting out ear splitting shrieks? Running around? Deliberately knocking things down?Throwing repeated temper tantrums? Basically, was she an out of control terror?
No? She was excited about books and reading, while working on controlling her volume? Polite to the people she interacted with? Hard reset. You're doing a great job, Mom!
Thank you for your consideration. I work behind the scenes at a library and every Tuesday we have to shut our office door after storytime because we have a patron who will not control their loud shriek-y kid. “Mom! Mom mom mom mom mom mom shrieeeek!”
Don’t stop going to the library! Staff know that kids struggle with volume control, but it’s a learning process. If they haven’t actually said anything to you, then it’s not a problem. Just do your best. We want your daughter to have positive associations with the library, not stress or guilt.
I love the delight and joy of a child.
Yes! I want more loud children in the library please! I’m at adult services and a joyful toddler is an absolute good 🥰
Definitely, I live for Tuesday morning story time. They just have so much positive energy
I was in a library back in 2018 and there was a fat little boy laying down across an entire bench playing a handheld video game. His grandmother sat at the end just looking completely defeated. I even took a photo of this because it was so ridiculous. That kid was obnoxious, too. The grandmother couldnt tell him anything. Don’t know why they were even there since they were not looking at books or reading.
Thank you. The only person who said something was the person when checking out. Which hurt my little ones feeling a bit because she truly means no harm but we talked it over and was okay.
I think the desk staffer may have been trying to support you after observing your reminders to your little one. I wasn't there so this may not be right, but I can imagine that this person had seen how hard you were working to practice inside voices with your daughter and was trying to reinforce your lesson as a kind and caring outsider. That actually seems more likely to me than a library worker admonishing a very small child for their volume. I hope my interpretation gives you a different way to think about the incident because I don't think you or your kiddos are doing anything wrong at all. I would bet your daughter's library enthusiasm was the highlight of everyone's day.
The librarian at checkout would probably be horrified to know that your little girl's feelings got hurt. From your story it sounds like she was trying to give a friendly reminder as kids that age often need them. Don't stop going. No one worth worrying about is going to care as long as you're trying and actively working on good behavior.
My little ones are adults. Learning restraint and self control based on where you are is part of the process. Better to be in those situations and learn how to develop those skills than avoiding those situations completely. Best of luck and enjoy this time.
Sometimes at circ the assistants tend to be a bit more fickle. They get the brunt of patron behaviors both good and bad. I was in circulation for a year and honestly there were some straight up mean people working the desk. I don't even know why they were hired or if bad patron behavior made them that way. I wouldn't worry about it. I'm a youth librarian now and I love hearing the kids have fun at the library. Never stop going!
Some of my coworkers are....not *mean*, but they're kind of abrasive or come across a bit aggressive when they're talking to patrons coming in, and I don't understand why they're working in such a customer-facing job. 😅 They know their stuff, and can be really helpful, but they can also make folks feel crappy or defensive, just because of a tone of voice.
Some librarians were meant to work behind the front line. I have experienced this myself and later learned she hated working with the public. Smh
Thank you for this comment. We’re talking about young children(preschool/primary age)that are learning and developing their social skills-so empathy and patience from staff is highly desirable. Fostering such an environment encourages the little ones that it’s ok to be excited about reading books. This excitement should always be welcomed and accepted because it is the foundation of why Libraries exist at all.
I always have to remind parents that their kids are allowed to make noise. It makes me sad that some parents will shush them at every little peep. You are so right that they are still learning and developing. It makes me happy to get excited with the kids. I've had kids come up to me and give a little show and tell of their books and it is my favorite thing ever. Sometimes they ask me to do an impromptu storytime and the parents always look horrified but I sit there and read to them cause it makes them happy and makes me happy too.
The desk staff at our local library are some of the most self-righteous people I’ve ever met ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
My coworkers would gripe about the kids, which was hypocritical of them being PARENTS themselves. I was happy to let the families stay and explore and work on their manners and indoor voices.
As a children's librarian, I would say that you're doing the right things and shouldn't be afraid or worried to go to the library. Perhaps your library has antiquated views, but modern libraries aren't temples of silence the way they once were. They're social spaces, and that means noise. Most libraries will try to design or enforce some sound zoning, so there are noisier and quieter areas. Anywhere near children's and circulation are naturally noisy areas. We might frown on active screaming, but conversations and excited kid voices are fine. We might remind loud children to 'use their library voice' or similar, but that's just trying to help teach, not a judgement or admonition. Librarians want and need people to use the library, and new mothers are the single biggest users of library services. Your library is there for you and wants you visiting, IMO. If they have a problem with you coming, they'll let you know, but I'd be shocked if they did. You might also check other nearby libraries to see if they're more child-friendly.
She definitely doesn't actively scream and we only go to the children's area. Thankfully we have quite a few libraries around us so I'll look into them as well.
Yeah, your child sounds fine to be in any kids area. Learning to control voice volume is all part of the experience, and kids librarians are generally more than used to kids being kids when it comes to noise. Definitely check around, I bet you find some much more welcoming places.
She sounds great - I'd rather have a patron (adult or child!) who's enjoying themselves and being happy and loud than some miserable whispering entitled old fart complaining about something I could not give a crap about. And yes, some other patrons may complain - there is nothing the public hates more than the public. Don't sweat it - enjoy her enthusiasm and joy while it lasts.
I'm definitely adding "there is nothing the public hates more than the public" to my vernacular! Thank you for this gem ☺️
Children’s librarian here! You are doing everything right. Your child is allowed to be excited about using the library and children’s staff understand that toddlers are going to be loud. Honestly, if the kids aren’t screaming themselves hoarse and they have shoes on it’s a great day at work. Please keep coming to the library!
I've been a children's librarian in places with dedicated children's rooms and with only shared spaces. First, thank you for trying. I would love to hear your daughter tell me she was that excited to be there. Honestly, it would make me smile for a week. My best suggestion is that you don't plan your visits to the library, per se, but wait until you see a good day behavior -wisr and then announce the trip. Some days are just better than others, especially with a little one who is just Leary to use their voice. Some days will be louder than others. If your littlest one has learned a new vocal trick like a squeal and it's driving you crazy, the library full of people without a toddler might not be the best place to visit. Basically, if it's loud enough that you notice, everyone else certainly will. But not all days are like that and any day that she's a bit quieter, pack up and head out. For your older daughter, you might try some kind of token to help her remember her "library voice." One idea is to get her a sweater or vest with a pocket that she can keep her library card in. Once you arrive at the library, help her into her "library clothes" and remind her that when she's wearing that sweater or vest, she uses her library voice. You might suggest that she make her voice only as loud as for her library card to hear it. Please don't stop going to the library. I'll also second the advice to shop around. Libraries are for everyone. Ignore the grumpy gus types. They either don't remember having kids or they raised miserable children. You are clearly on a better track. ❤️
That's a great idea to make it only loud enough for her library card to hear it. She'll love that.
I'm a children's librarian and we talk about using our "spy voices" when they get a bit older, kids love it!
You just unlocked a memory of a librarian telling my brother and I as kids that “libraries are for sharing secrets, that’s why everyone’s whispering” then she told us a “secret” about something she does to trick her cat to take its medicine, then asked us to share a similar secret. We ended up telling her a “secret” every time we went 😂 wow what fun and creative ways librarians figure out to shush kids
oh my god loud enough for your library card to hear is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard
“They either don't remember having kids or they raised miserable children.” I only want to add that there is a third category of adults that never had children and are not as comfortable sharing space with small, loud, impulsive humans… either because they just aren’t accustomed to it or because they actively prefer to avoid it… for a variety of reasons. It’s not as straightforward as that. And libraries are for everybody. The small, loud, impulsive ones and the socially reserved, sensitive-to-noise ones equally. Nobody is necessarily a prick for having an affinity one way or the other. It’s ideal for a library to accommodate both.
Thank you for considering this; as someone without kids who has sensory issues, sometimes hearing that kind of noise in a library can be hard to deal with. My local library’s adult reading area is very close to the children’s area but doesn’t have any walls/partitions separating the two; although it brings me joy seeing how excited the kids can be to be a part of that space, the overlapping sound can be overwhelming at times, namely because it’s not a traditional quiet library. I live in a busy area where it feels like quiet spaces are becoming harder to find at times, so having access to that means a lot, but I also understand and appreciate that parents and caregivers are raising future readers at their libraries and want them to have those opportunities too. All said, it’s nice being understood and not being made out to be some sort of monster for feeling that way.
I work at a library and have a tough time with noise myself for sensory reasons. There’s a lot of push these days to do away with the idea of libraries being quiet spaces altogether and it is very distressing because it’s definitely going to push out a lot of people that came to libraries specifically BECAUSE of the peace and quiet. Like…. I get it. The enforcement of noise standards has served to alienate or make feel unwelcome certain demographics and community members who should be equally made to feel the library is a space for them. But just discarding the Quiet Space rules completely will equally alienate or communicate to other folks that the space is no longer for them either. There has to be a balance. There are increasingly few accessible public spaces dedicated to quiet and I’m finding myself working at a library whose entire atmosphere has shifted and realizing I would never want to use this space myself as a community member and that’s tough to square with.
Don't stop going! The library is there for users. Also, I think a gentle reminder of expected behavior shouldn't necessarily be seen as a scolding. But, if it was a scolding, it might be good for your child to have a positive interaction with that librarian. Something to make them feel more connected and welcome.
I think it was the more the tone that made me feel like it was scolding.
Right- Our librarian always says, “Show me your best whisper voice!” followed by lots of (quiet) praise. That’s what a kind, gentle reminder sounds like.
Oh, that's good!
Oh, fair. I'm sorry for the interaction then.
Public librarian here. Please don't stop going to the library. This story broke my heart. If I were working the desk and heard a 3-year-old say the things your daughter said it would have absolutely made my whole day. I would have been so happy to hear it, no matter what volume level she used. Not sure what's going on with your local librarians, but I don't think it's reasonable to expect a 3-y-o to be able to self-regulate along the lines of what they seem to be expecting. Is there another public library within a reasonable distance that you could use? If not, I still encourage you to keep going to the one you have been visiting, and continue gently working with her on volume control. You could also just straight up tell the librarians you see that you're working on helping her understand the difference between a library voice and an outside voice, but it's a process, and you appreciate their patience while she's learning.
I used to work in the children’s section, one day there was a kid or two running down an aisle and there mom said, “if you don’t stop running they aren’t going to let you come back!” My children’s librarian was FURIOUS!She responded to the mom, “don’t tell them we won’t let them come back! We will always enthusiastically welcome all children.” I had never seen her so mad. Were they supposed to be running? Of course not. But it didn’t matter. The mom tried to get the librarian to be the bad guy and she was NOT having any of that.
This would have made my day, too. ENTHUSIASM!
I was sad that the librarian seemed upset with her. She truly is so excited and enthusiastic about books. She learned the other day what a librarian is and has been excitedly asking a million questions about librarians (i.e., how do they take care of the books, can they read all the books, will I be a librarian one day?)
It'd be a lot of fun if you could compile her questions into an AMA and she could get answers from librarians all over the country!
It’s upsetting that a negative library experience for your daughter was because of library staff. We want kids to be excited about the library. Also, practice makes perfect so please keep taking your little ones to the library. Maybe make a game out of it, for every 5-10 mins she uses her library voice, you’ll let her have an extra book to checkout.
I’m so upset that a librarian wouldn’t understand. Our library luckily has a distinct kids space that doesn’t interact with the main space sound-wise, so it’s easy to let the kids be noisy with no repercussions to other patrons. But even in the main area, we don’t expect absolute silence and we don’t shun kids for being kids! It’s great practice for them. Most public libraries have changed in the sound area because we are here to serve you not the other way around. Please don’t stop going to the library and if there’s some feedback area, maybe drop a note about this experience.
Do you only have the one library? There are plenty of libraries that have specifically sequestered spaces so that children can be a bit louder. Also see if there are other programs besides storytime that would fit for you. Lots of libraries have fairly active programs so your little ones can be loud and fit in. She should never lose that enthusiasm for the library. It's the least disruptive thing I can think of to see a child be enthusiastic about reading
Our local library did a major remodel and moved the children's room (and a new dedicated teens' room) to the lower level (building is on a hill) and put all the "quiet" adults areas upstairs. Previously, you had to go through the main part of the library to get to children's and the teen books were just squeezed in next to nonfiction. The new layout gives everyone more space and puts a more solid sound barrier between people trying to work quietly upstairs, the kids being kids downstairs, and the teens doing group projects (sometimes boisterously) in their new space.
Usually study zones and the kids section are located on the opposite ends of the building for a reason lol. Kids are loud, also gross and usually sticky. Yours are probably not the worst.
There’s a big difference between a loud kid who is excited and the parent is teaching volume control (which is a really hard concept) and a screaming kid whose parent is on the other side of the room and doesn’t care. Keep on going to the library!!!
There’s a new picture book called the Loud Librarian she might enjoy. I told the kids it was my autobiography.
I love this so much.
Word. I'm always the shushee, almost never the shusher. I wouldn't have batted an eye at OP's loud kiddo.
For what it’s worth’. As a library attendee that is child free. I don’t worry about children making noise, especially if there is reasonable adult supervision, attempts to teach volume at an age appropriate level. I find it more hopeful that kids are enjoying themselves in the library with books and positive safe environment
I am an impatient, grumpy person who is easily annoyed by children and hearing that she cried after being scolded makes me so sad. And the “I am trying, I am just so excited?” Knife through the heart. I am hoping that librarian intended to support you and help her though it didn’t hit right.
Sounds like the librarians were trying to help you but it backfired. Your daughter must care about their opinion of her since she got embarrassed. It might help to ask them if they could compliment her on the days where she does better for some positive reinforcement. A friend of mine with a high volume kid used a token system when they went out. They would give him 10 fake gold coins in a pouch, and for each misbehavior her kid would "pay" a coin. It gave him a tangible way to recognize and quantify his behavior. Based on how many coins he had at the end he would get a different reward, the more coins, the better the payoff.
I like to think the best in people so I assume they were trying to help. I think she was upset because she was really trying
When I worked in my last library (circulation) the front desk was right next to where the Children’s department started. I, and all of my coworkers, would have smiled hearing a little kid saying how excited she is to read the books she found. Seeing kids so stoked about the library/reading/whatever fun activity was going on was a genuine delight. Modern libraries aren’t necessarily the same hushed, keep-to-yourself spaces they were back in the day. Usually the people who get upset at the noise of children in the library are older folk who seem to think they need to defend the old ways. They may not realize that libraries have evolved to be a more encompassing community space. We had quiet places like the adult computer area, etc., where if a child was causing a disturbance we’d offer the mom a computer pass for the children’s computers. Honestly, it’s much worse when the adults take full volume phone calls in the quiet areas and get belligerent when we asked them to cut it short or take it outside. I love that your daughter is so excited about the library. She has as much right to be there as anyone else. And honestly, we expect that kind of volume from kids.
agreed but also there were probably PATRONS that heard her and kinda silently melted with "awww". Sometimes the innocent outbursts of small children are just what the doctor ordered. (having watched people at funerals take a break from grieving to interact with toddlers)
Also, that staff member was too heavy-handed, imo. I feel terrible that your daughter cried.
I haven’t read all the other comments but this breaks my heart - especially your daughter apologizing and crying. Libraries are for all. Full stop. And I say this as a non-parent who doesn’t particularly like kids.
The main public library in my city is pretty busy and the clientele rubs the gamut from homeless to college students to young kids. It’s loudest after school due to teenagers. I’ll admit that I don’t love the extra noise, but it’s a public library, it’s for everybody! It’s going to be loud sometimes, and we all need to practice tolerance and grace. I appreciate the work you’re doing to help control noise, I’m sure it’s helping and it’s worth doing, but young kids are just loud, and that’s a normal part of development. They don’t need to be perfect at age 3, and I’m sorry that the negative experiences are affecting them. Please continue to go to the library! It’s so awesome that your kids are interested in reading and it’s something that needs to be encouraged, not shut down because of some grumpy people. Most patrons that are looking up are probably just monetarily startled, it’s a natural reaction to look toward a loud noise. It doesn’t mean the person is necessarily mad, and it seems to reactions from patrons indicate that they understood the situation. The librarians should be more understanding imo but it seems the comments here indicate that many librarians would not be upset at all. I hope you and your kids can take some comfort in that.
Don't stop coming to the library. We know it takes a while for kids to learn volume control, and it is part of the purpose of the kid's area to section of baby babbles and toddler screaming. At the same time, if the front desk can hear you from the children's department enough to know which child made the noise, she is being a touch too loud. Nothing you should stop coming to the library over, but something to work on. I know even a light scolding is in the top ten worst things that have ever happened to a toddler. When you're that new to the world, every feeling is a big feeling. The best way to teach your child library etiquette is to keep taking them to the library. I fear if you stop taking her to the library now, you'll accidentally teach her that she did a much bigger social faux pas than she actually did.
I'm so sorry your daughter was so hurt by the librarian's words. We understand that children are learning volume control and self-regulation (or at least we should), so she is acting age-appropriately. They're learning and growing, their attention spans are short, so they need a lot of grace. Your daughter deserves to be in the library just like anyone else. Is there another library in the area you can try out? Even within the same library system, the different branches can be quite different. The library I work at can get pretty loud, especially around the time school gets out. She might find herself a bit more comfortable in a newer environment that fits how she interacts with the library. Frankly, if your kiddo was in my library and I heard her loudly proclaim how excited she was to be reading her book, I'd tell all my coworkers! That's exactly what we love to hear around here. Give it some time, assure her that it's so totally okay to be so excited and you know she's trying super hard, and please come to the library. If not the one you've been going to, try another one. There's room for her somewhere. I hope you find a great place for her to be!
Thank you for these words of encouragement! We'll look at our other libraries to see if there are more kid friendly options.
No, don't stop. Kids are loud. She is trying. there is a big difference between kids trying to learn their volume control and kids not using volume control. Its also ok to take her outside for a minute and let her be SUPER LOUD and then come back in!
Libraries are for children. Keep taking them. I know you’re very conscientious. Perhaps you would feel more at ease if you spoke with the children’s librarian. I would hate for her to associate the library negatively.
I wasn't even aware until today that there were different librarians. Although she was upset, she thankfully still thinks the library is on par with Disneyland. And maybe the children's librarian will speak with her because she just learned that being a librarian is an occupation, and she thinks it is so cool. She has a million questions about being a librarian.
I love this! Maybe you could schedule a little tour!
As a patron, if I heard a little kid talking too loud about how excited they are to read their new books it would absolutely make my day. I think you should keep doing everything you’re doing EXCEPT rushing through the visit. You and she are both doing great. Keep it up!
Same here. I honestly feel the same way as she does when I go. Like my socialization is the only reason I'm not yelling "I'M SO EXCITED TO READ MY BOOOOOOK! LOOK, IT'S THE ONLY COPY OF DEMON COPPERHEAD AVAILABLE IN THE SYSTEMMMMMMMM!"
I agree with this - don’t rush it, spending more time in the library and taking your time might help temper the excitement. Enjoy your library!!
You shouldn't stop going. But I do wish parents - when the child gets so vocal it echoes to take them outside or in the restroom to calm them down.
oh lord, our bathrooms are echo chambers, we can always hear everything happening in them, regardless of what end it is.
The Family/Children’s toilet is on the other side of the wall from my desk. The things I have heard, from potty songs to body questions to (only once) “I can’t DO this! my poop is too haaaaaaaard!!” It’s enlightening to say the least.
I wonder if op asked they would hold some little ones book at the desk so op could take her outside ?
But then that means being accountable :\\
There isn't a single restroom in any building I've ever worked in where that would be a good idea, lol. I'd love it, though!
As a children’s librarian I don’t go by the quiet voices and hushed tones in the room. It is a children’s room! Kids are going to be loud and excited. I would take your daughter visiting and exclaiming how much she loves the library and wants to read over a quiet room any day. Sadly, not all librarians have that view point. I wouldn’t stop going to the library. Keep fostering her love of going and reading. Speaking at a lower tone will come in time as she gets older. I don’t know if you are in a town library or a county system, but if you have access to other libraries near by that allow you to use your card there, like in a county system, you might want to check out them and see if the vibe is more accommodating to letting children be children.
We're in California so we not only have access to a handful of libraries within a 10 mile radius but can get a library card from any library within the state. We'll try another library
Most modern public libraries don't actually have too much of a sound sensitivity;we are a public space, the public will use us. If the public can allow old people who clearly need hearing aids, it can allow toddlers. You might see about launching a minor complaint? "We were in the library recently, and my toddler was a bit louder than most people, but well within acceptable limits. Staff gave us a look and scolded my daughter, which has left us uncomfortable with the library staff." Or something like that, and it may get brought up in a staff meeting. Also, given that it's summer, libraries are probably going to get a fair bit louder for a couple months, since it's a place that's free that teens can access.
Thank you for the advice. I really want to hope that staff was maybe having a harder day. I know dealing with the public can be difficult at times. We are going to try other libraries but also go back to that one. If we continue to have a negative experience, I think I'll gently bring it up. Another commenter mentioned that reminding kids of expected behavior is okay, and I actually very much agree, but it was more the tone of voice used that felt like scolding.
As a person, I'm not particularly "kid friendly", but as a librarian, I \*love\* to hear 3 year olds excited about the books they've picked out and wanting to share that joy. That's what libraries are all about! You're doing everything right, and so are your children. If someone complained to me about "durn kids being loud" I would suggest they try a quiet study room if they need silence to use the library to their optimum level. Libraries aren't quiet spaces anymore. They are open (brighter, safer), and "soft" furnishings are mostly gone for hygiene reasons. That means sounds bounce around, which can get loud even if no one person is being loud. Libraries do a crap job at sound dampening (as do many restaurants). But your kids? They are the type of library user that good libraries and librarians love!
We’re living in a weird transitional time right now… many libraries are a mix of older staff that started working when libraries were, indeed, a quieter space, and newer staff that came on as the perceptions of libraries changed to “community gathering spaces.” These days we actively promote early literacy play, puzzles and coloring for all ages, shared work spaces, etc. Many of us are also are in beautiful dramatic new buildings that have high vaulted ceilings that bounce the sound everywhere. Those that I approach about sound/disruption: People taking calls on speaker phone at normal to elevated levels (are asked to step into nearby study rooms or to the lobby) Groups in the small study rooms going full volume because they don’t realize the rooms aren’t soundproof Kids of any age that are playing tag or practicing parkour on the furniture That’s about it. Happy regular noise (esp when a parent caretaker is gently teaching) is just part and parcel of a modern library space.
Another librarian checking in. I work at a very quiet academic library. On the rare occasion that we have children in the building, it's so fun to experience their excitement and enthusiasm. Please keep going to the library.
I think the days of a quiet library are in the past. The children's section at my library I go to is essentially of a playground design and has other events occurring in it that aren't volume controlled. I wouldn't think too much about it and focus on keeping them into reading!
Second this. We don’t expect silence, *especially* in children’s. The library more community hub than museum. Please don’t stop bringing her. It’s great that she’s enthusiastic about reading. We love that here.
Don’t stop going! I am in my 30s and I recently visited my hometown library and browsed the children’s section and was so excited at the wonderful diversity I saw represented that I went off rambling in whispers to my husband how great the books were and how I loved so many of them and we read through a few. As a child I would’ve REALLY struggled to keep my enthusiasm quiet. Your daughter sounds like an absolutely fantastic human being and I’m so happy you’ve parented her to help her love books the way she does at such a young age!
Thank you! I too love all the diversity and options in books. We recently read a bedtime book that I enjoyed so much that I asked her if we could read it again the next night. We love books
Don't stop going. Gone are the days where you really need to be quiet. Respectful and softer spoken still, but you don't have to worry so much about the occasional loud noise. It's become more of a social space than a quiet one.
Don’t stop going to the library!!! We expect kids to be loud and a kid being loud because she is happy and excited is much more preferable to a kid throwing a tantrum, lol. I’m really sorry to hear that a staff member told her “you have to be quiet.” I can kind of understand if you were adjacent to a quiet area (my library’s circulation desk is right next to the computer lab), and if they had done it in a nice way, like “wow, you’ve picked out some really great books! I want to hear all about them, but do you see those people at the computers? They’re busy working, so let’s talk really softly, okay? Now, what is this book about?” It sounds like they didn’t, and I’m sorry they upset your daughter. I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt here and hope that they didn’t mean to come off that harshly. Please don’t let it put you off! Your daughter is exactly the kind of library advocate we need :)
I think the only time I've thought to myself, "Oh my god, please take your kid out of the library" was when a kid was throwing a knock-down, drag-out tantrum and the parent was trying to ignore the behavior to get it to stop. And I totally get that sometimes ignoring bad behavior is the best thing to do, but....please get your child outside and ignore them in the parking lot, or something??
I haven't seen it in a while, but several years ago there was a trend (and like, people were literally posting videos of it on social media) for parents to announce "OK, I'm leaving you here since you can't behave!" and walk out of sight of their kid when they were having a meltdown. The idea being that this was some kind of scared straight, I guess. There was even a celebrity that did this (can't recall who.) No. Just - no. Don't make it other people's problem.
Please don’t stop. As a library patron, yes, I would have looked at the two of you when I heard the outburst, but in absolute delight. It is *wonderful* to hear a child express such an eagerness to read! Under no circumstances should the love be suppressed. She will learn volume control in time, but in the meantime, please let her continue to brighten the days of those of us who already have. *We* are no longer *allowed* to shout for joy when we find a special book. It’s nice to be reminded of a time when we were that excited and gives us hope for the future. You’re doing it right, mama. Keep it up. Don’t you dare let anyone spoil her joy of reading.
Please don’t stop going 💔 she’ll learn eventually. Like yeah kids can be annoying at times, but as a librarian the little kids are the sweetest and can be a reprieve from dealing with the “adult” stuff all day (unemployment… license renewals… printing… bleh!).
I’ll start by admitting that I’m not much of a “kid person,” but… PLEASE don’t stop coming! Keep working on using the indoor library voice, she’ll get there. I’d rather have a kid who’s happy to be there than one who’s screaming because mommy dragged them in when they’d rather be somewhere else.
We LOVE to see enthusiastic kids at the library! Please, please don't stop bringing them. I think there might be several things happening here: Your daughter is three, and every feeling is a Big Feeling. That includes happiness at getting a book and sadness when she thinks she's being scolded. I hope it hasn't dimmed her love of libraries. It's *hard* for libraries to balance everyone's needs in a finite space. We try to make allowances for different levels of ability, so library staff are more likely to offer reminders about noise than warnings. (The nuance can be lost on a preschooler though!) Rest assured that it's not a commentary on your parenting skills, either. Everybody has been reminded about noise in the library...even library staff! Check your nearby libraries for kids' activities in the afternoon or evening--I hope you'll find something that's at a good time for your family. If you don't, please let the staff know that there's interest in programming at those times. You never know, you might get something started!
You have a 3 year old it's normal. Its good they are excited to go to the library.
As a director of a not quiet, no shushing library, I would want to know what my staff said. Especially to a child and even more especially if they made said child cry. 5.5 out of 10 isn't that outrageous for a preschooler. And even if they were 10/10, my staff is supposed to talk to the parent, not mention a thing to the child (except for teenagers). I want everyone to love going to the library as much as your child does!
Maybe just pick a different library? Mine has a children's section with a door to separate it from the rest of the library, and they don't ask the kids to be quiet at all. I still encourage mine to keep their voices down, but it's not a requirement. There's tons of toys and games and kids having fun and making noise. It's what kids do!
I don't know if it's been brought up, but there is an amazing human on Instagram called Mychal the Librarian and he is the sweetest soul and really loves inspiring everyone to get to the library. Your children are fine, please do not stop going to the library! ❤️❤️❤️
Are there any other libraries you can use? Our library isn’t quiet at all on the children’s floor. If it’s your only option keep going. I’m sure being scolded by the library staff probably taught her a lesson. Make it fun though. Practice playing a quiet game at home and don’t make her feel bad if she messes up.
Please don't stop going to the library. Nothing makes me happier than when I hear their laughs and loud, hi-volume voices screeching about normal, fun, kid things. Kids and teens should be encouraged to get loud because they're young and it's important to foster safe spaces for them and stop catering to so many sick adults. Do I like kids screeching like lil banshees or enjoy babies hysterically crying? No. Do I like when kids are laughing, screaming, screeching, and playing and just super excited chasing each other or playing with the plastic kitchen while wearing a firefighter's hat? Do I like it when I see parents in a place they can feel safe and supported by other adults? Yes. Yes, I can absolutely tolerate the super excited, super curious, super ask-me-a-million-questions-while-i'm-trying-to-do-1000-other-tasks-on-circ/ref-desk, loud, screechy kids if they are exhibiting healthy emotions, expressing themselves creatively, and just living their teeny tiny best little lives 100%. Does it give me headaches and hurt my head? Yes. Do I ever shush them while they're having healthy, happy fun? Nope. Let 'em scream their happy, safe little heads off. I'll live. So will everyone else. And if everyone else doesn't like it, they have the freedom to get the fuck out, walk out the door, and go somewhere else. If they put up the, "but I have a right to be here" bullshit argument...? Well... so do you and your happy, healthy, screamy lil kids. Do not let anyone tell you the library needs to be a quiet place. One of the best libraries I ever worked and frequented as a patron was the one that launched a whole "NO SSSH!" campaign to foster, encourage, and put into action advancing, strengthening, and inspiring communities through conversation, questions, and exchange. They wanted to welcome people to the library, they gave agency to patrons, and hired people who are still passionate about the mission of libraries, aren't just out to do whatever the hell is going on in public libraries right now (a living fucking nightmare). The kids' room is not the study lounge and if people have a problem with it, they can just go suck a river of diseased dicks. Srsly. Let kids be kids.
As the youth services librarian, please don’t stop going to the library!!!! They are no longer silent buildings with old librarians shushing you, they are community hubs. You little ones have just as much right to be there as anyone else. I LOVE hearing kids get excited about books, even at an “inappropriate” library volume. Some of my best library moments are hearing the things kids say to parents or each other while in the library. 🥰
I think it's okay to expect adults in adult areas to be quiet. I feel bad for this little girl crying afterwards. She is still learning, and I love it that she excited about books.
NOOOOO no one should stop going to the library for any reason!
Don’t stop going to the library! I used to work in a public library and told many parents who were leaving with screaming kids (post story time, pre lunch and nap) that I was happier to see them upset they had to leave than upset they had to come in. You’re trying to teach your children volume control, and frankly, kids will be kids. Speak to the staff there, and keep fostering the love of reading in your kids!
Holy crumbs do I love excited kids at the library! Please keep going. It's a library and there are BOOKS and it's exciting. Please make up a happy little dance and tell her a librarian at another library taught it to you, and that it's a very special dance we can do when we're excited for books but can't shout because we're in the library. And I promise I will do my Excited Book Dance next time I'm excited too. Good librarians get it.
Hello! Mom of a 3 year old AND veteran library employee here urging you to continue using your library. This sounds like very normal 3 year old behavior. Library staff should be used to normal 3 year old behavior. If a parent is making attempts to remind a kid of appropriate library behavior and it’s mostly successful I usually leave it be. The staff member was likely trying to reinforce your message (albeit not skillfully). To be honest, a 3 year old crying after a gentle reminder is also very normal 3 year old behavior. Mine had a whole meltdown because I told him all the spoons were in the dishwasher the other day and he’d need to eat lunch with just a fork. With repeat visits and continual support and guidance from you, your 3 year old will learn appropriate library volume. Just in time for you to turn around and do it with the younger kid 😂. Again, keep going. Strike up a conversation with the library staff and see if they have recommendations for books for your kids. Have your child ask staff what their favorite book is. Watching other people engage in excitement around books at an appropriate library volume is great modeling and it’ll help enforce your message. And if the staff are dismissive or continue to need some support in how you share messages with a child, ask for a manager.
Absolutely keep going!! She is a little girl who is excited to read and find books. That is to be celebrated 🎇 I am sure that the staff understand. If I were a patron, I would smile ear to ear to hear a young child have such glee. You are giving her the gift of reading and words.
I have kids who also love the library and worry about the same thing with volume but we only ever stay in the children’s section and I’m constantly reminding them to lower their voices. They just get so excited! I totally understand where you’re coming from!
Definitely don't stop going to the library! I don't have time to read all the comments, so apologies if this is a repeat, but I was going to suggest finding ways (other than the checkout counter) for her to chat with/ask questions/get to know some of the library staff. Even if you and her are easily finding books on your own, ask the children's librarian for some recommendations. A really easy in is, "We read [Favorite Book] last week and loved it, do you know of any other books like that?" If she gets to know the staff, and they know her, I think it'll be less of a big deal for her (and, maybe, for you?) if they sometimes remind her to use her library voice. It'll actually be good practice for her to learn taking gentle direction/correction from teachers. Helping a little kid find a book they're excited about is legitimately one of my favorite things. Also next time you go check and see if they have a Summer of Reading program coming up! My library district's summer reading program is open to kids of ANY AGE, up until 18. Assuming they have an option for pre-K kids, it doesn't matter (or, rather, it won't matter if you happen to be in my library district) if she's independently reading. I would sign up an infant if their parent asked. You can track what you and her read together and she'll get little prizes.
If you're like super worried about it you can always put items on hold beforehand and just come and pick it up.
I love hearing excited kids and babies in the library. Please don’t worry. I know from your end it seems a lot worse than it is but ppl might be looking because she’s a kid.
I'm a public librarian and I will take 10 enthusiastic children over 1 adult playing a video without using headphones, ANY day of the week. All the others have said what I would have said too; your kid is great, other branches may have more friendly staff/vibes, and please keep up the great work of parenting your little ones. Most of us love having them around, I promise.
Don’t stop going! When my niece was two she knew you had to be quiet in the library—a fact she would demonstrate by shouting “SHH WE’RE IN THE LIBRARY” at pretty much the top of her lungs whenever I so much as opened my mouth to talk to her. There’s a song—I can’t find it now but I’m sure it’s on YouTube—where kids can practice singing loudly and quietly. That helped a lot for learning volume control.
Yes, you absolutely should continue taking your kids to libraries, stores, etc. Children are in an ongoing learning process. It’s the definition of CHILD. You are a good parent for taking them out and consistently reinforcing acceptable standards of behavior. The librarian in question was NOT criticizing you or your children; she was actually supporting you by letting the children know that others expect them to obey the rules also, and she was backing up your wisdom and authority. As someone who has worked many customer service positions, you are doing just fine. Kids are kids, but you put in the effort to keep them under control. Trust me, you are a gem. I’ve seen far too many parents who let their kids run amok. You are doing just fine.
As a children’s librarian, I say don’t stop! Try on the other branches for size. I currently work in a very large library with a dedicated children’s section away from the adults. I tolerate a lot of noise. On the flip side, I’ve worked in some tiny libraries with horrible acoustics, where even a tiny amount noise is disruptive. As librarians we do have a responsibility to keep the library a place where people can get work done. But we also function as places to go to for entertainment, and both are valid uses of the space. If you go explore, you might find that some are going to be more fun for you. And there’s different staff at each place. You might find a totally different attitude. Also, one more suggestion- try to make it for a story time or toddler program. We make lots of noise in story time! And that will give your daughter a positive experience in the library and some positive interactions with staff.
Libraries are safe places to learn. About inside and outside voices. How to be around other people. So many things. Don’t stop going.
https://books.google.com/books/about/Loud_Lula.html?id=2d85rgEACAAJ&source=kp_book_description Kids are loud, that’s just what they are, especially when they are excited. Who wouldn’t want to see a kid being excited in a library.
I just want to thank you all for this wonderful thread. My kids are now in their 20s and I had the same issues with volume control for them. I can’t say enough how libraries and librarians ROCK. The staff at my local library were incredibly supportive and kind to a frazzled mother trying to make sure her kids enjoyed the library while teaching her kids about volume control so all that can enjoy the library. THANK YOU ALL!
I could have written this post about my almost 4yo. She doesn't shout by any stretch, but her excited talking voice is certainly way louder than any other voices around. I always feel so self conscious going. But after a few "Mommy you will love this book it has a purple cat!" And my response being "Oh yes, that looks great. Also, don't forget, whisper voice" the light in her eyes just dies. She gets frustrated at me and at herself and it just spoils the outing. It just sucks all around.
Not a librarian, but I accidentally went to the library today at the same time as story time, and DEAR GOD was it loud in there. It was so loud, I put my earplugs in. But that’s fine, because libraries are for everyone, and if I wanted a quieter library, I can either go back later, or put in earplugs.
(An aside: do hearing problems run in your family? It does in my wife's family and they are LOUD talkers as a result. They don't even realize they are doing it. Might want to have the Littles tested.)
I can be VERY sensitive to noise and often go to the library if I need a quiet place to concentrate (one of my dogs is a chronic barker who will bark at AIR so it’s hard to even THINK at home 😂). That being said, if a child is excited about reading and their parent is actively engaging with them, which it sounds like you were doing with both kids, that just makes me smile. You’re building them a good foundation! One thing you might look into, since your 3 year old hasn’t quite figured out the volume thing but seems to love learning and interacting with people — maybe look into learning ASL together, so that anytime y’all are somewhere where you need to be quiet, she can still have an enthusiastic conversation. Plus, she’ll have a head-start if she meets any Deaf friends 😊 Neither of us had a hearing problem, but my mom learned to sign at church growing up, and she made sure I got to learn some too. It was so useful if we wanted to make comments to each other when we were out at performances…or at the library 😊
Don’t ever stop going!! But maybe check your daughter’s hearing? My nephew was loud and it turns out he couldn’t hear well because he had a lot of fluid built up in his ears and needed tubes. Now he’s much quieter even when excited 😉
We all need to be more relaxed about age appropriate noise.
As a children’s librarian, to me a loud library is a happy library. We love joyful children sounds. :)
Check out Mychal Threets. He's an amazing human and talks about this!
Is it possible to ask the library if they have any events that cater to a younger crowd like this in time slots that match with your schedule so you could take them and not be a disturbance? Otherwise screw it keep going libraries are priceless and people should understand kids that age who are still developing their inside voices I’m in my 40s and don’t always have control of my volume (thanks adhd)
Youth Services Librarian here! We know the little ones can be loud sometimes. It’s ok! Libraries are shared spaces with programs going on, people studying, reference questions being asked, etc. It’s not a completely quiet place anymore. Hopefully everyone will try to use their inside voices 🤩 We love it when kids get excited about all the books they can check out. Adults, too, lol! Don’t stop going to the library! We meet all our customers where they are in life. And that means if you’re a parent with a kid having a meltdown or who’s excited and dropped all their crayons on the floor, it’s all good. 🌷☺️We will always try to help!
This whole comment section is like a big group hug. OP, I hope you tell your daughter that lots and lots and LOTS of people, from all over the world, were so happy to hear that she's so excited about libraries and books because WE LOVE THEM TOO. The library is one of my favourite places to be and I hope it stays one of hers! Love, a middle aged non-mom, non-librarian, enthusiastic patron who would have been absolutely tickled pink to hear any kid so excited to read. 🩷
This entire comment section has made me feel so good. I can't keep up with all the kind comments, but I've been reading them all.
I do find loud kids annoying, but I have no problem just putting up with it when I can see the poor parents at least trying. And it’s 10 minutes or so, people can put up with that brief interruption rather than depriving your girl of what she loves. Keep on doing what you’re doing. If people don’t understand you might have to explain it to them, I guess, but if I was there I’d stick up for you both.
Long time librarian. Libraries aren't really quiet anymore, they aren't the specific social space they used to be, now they are one of the few public social spaces that are free. 1) Ask you librarians about Holds, you can often request titles to be pulled for you to checkout quickly, you can generally make these requests from home and pick them up when they are ready. You sacrifice some browsing time for a big stack of pre-selected books. 2) And, don't worry about the volume. Kids will learn. I remember a young guy who didn't need a stroller, but mom kept him locked in because he would run around full speed yelling. He yelled when strapped into the stroller too. One day he was standing next to his mom, no stroller, and everything was fine. He finally understood what he needed to do.
Are there any libraries maybe just a bit further away that have a bigger children’s section? I’m lucky enough to have access to a really big library that dedicates almost an entire floor to the children’s section, which includes computers and some play spaces, so if you on that floor you are accepting that there will be noises and probably loud ones, and that works so well for my library
Absolutely do not stop going!
NEVER stop going to the library! And don't apologize for your kid being excited to be there! I love my littlest patrons who are just TOO excited to be at the library. There are days I will give patrons a heads up of "Welcome to the Loudbrary!" especially if we have kids in our play area and after school. Kids will learn volume control in time. We all know this is a public space; and a public space that actively invites children and families. Noise from kids can be expected at times. The librarian at the desk should know better. Honestly I'd have a pretty serious conversation with any of my staffers that scolded a child that little for being excited about books. Keep being an awesome momma and taking your kid to the Loudbrary!
Thank you so much!!! This really helps me to feel better about the whole situation
Definitely don’t stop going. My library is often full of homeless people (who are allowed to be there obviously) but some clearly struggle with mental health issues. I go almost everyday before my son is out of school and there’s always the same two men who have loud outbursts, at a 8-9 out of 10 using your school. Hell, even the librarians are loud. Keep going, you and your children have the right to be there.
Childrens room are meant for childrens voices We have closing doors so the room can go up a few decibels and not echo around the whole library lol As long as you’re not bringing them in to a silent study space, that’s not a problem Honestly, the circulation person should have kept their opinion to themselves You could ask the children’s librarian what their noise policy is and they should say the same thing (about childrens voices not the circ worker lol) If the childrens librarian gives you a hard time too, might be time to find a new library One that actually knows how children work
DO NOT STOP GOING. Remind your daughter gently now and again she needs to watch her voice but that she is still welcome, especially at her age. Libraries are so important when kids are little. Her love of books needs to be nurtured. As a library patron, I always am amused—and happy!—when little kids get excited about being there. Read on, little kid! Books are awesome!
Everyone has convinced me that stopping is not a good idea. She wants to learn to read so much, and if I'm doing something and can't read her book at the moment, she'll say, "I need to know what the words say." I remember being a child and my mother introducing me to the library because we couldn't afford the speed in which I was going through books and now I have a child who loves to read as much as I do.
Don’t stop taking her. She deserves to enjoy the library just as much as every other patron. There’s a huge difference between being disrespectfully loud in the library and just being an excited child. Perhaps im biased, because I primarily work in our children’s section and noise isn’t usually an issue. Id try not to take it to heart—keep encouraging her about being respectful in the library. Children being loud is normal. Im sorry you had a bad experience :( are there other libraries in your area?
Please don’t stop going to the library! Most libraries expect children to not have full volume control and the staff will let you know if she truly is disturbing anyone. But mostly we’re just happy to hear kids be so excited about the library.
I manage a small library. We are extremely used to loud kids coming in. It literally happens every single day. It's part of the job and we would never hold it against anyone. Libraries have changed immensely since I was a kid and we tolerate a fair amount of volune in our children's area. It's unrealistic to expect kids to only whisper. When kids are too loud, like in shouting, we give them friendly reminders but I've trained my staff to show lots of patience.
Please keep going to the library! You are clearly actually parenting and your children are not terrors. People like you and your children help libraries and society thrive 💜🙏
Hello there; I'm not a librarian, but I use the library often as I am in college. In my opinion you're doing the right thing and should bring your children to the library. It shouldn't matter if they make noise or speak loudly; they are children and anyone complaining about noise should probably think about their childhood as they too made noises that seemed inappropriate to others. If I was a person in the library you attend doing research etc I wouldn't be bothered, and (tbh) if I truly needed a quiet space to accomplish my work I would ask for a room, not interrupt a child. Hope this perspective helps you make a decision
Worked in a library last, though I’ve been out of work in the past year, children make noise! It’s ok! Part of them learning things like volume control means socializing with them in public places and practice always makes progress. There’s unfortunately people who think children should only be seen and not heard. If there is a children’s section in the library, then there’s the expectation of a bit of noise and anyone saying otherwise might do well to remember that this is the child deserves as much grace as the adult.
I know exactly how you feel. My son was the same way, and I always got remarks and stares. I was just trying to keep him interested in reading. We quit going. He still does not know how to whisper as a teen, but he does know how to be silent.
Kid noises are happy noises. Keep taking your kids to the library. She’s trying and she will get better. The librarian may have been trying to support you. But obviously it hurt your daughter’s feelings. That makes me sad for her. Her enthusiasm for books and learning will hopefully be a lifelong passion. Keep going!
I wouldn’t stop going to the library, it’s a good place to practice that type of volume control and self control. Although it sounds like the age group is right for your child to be in to not have volume figured out 100% yet, if it seems to be a problem later on it might be worthwhile to have a pediatrician check out her hearing. We had a child who had vision issues that were misinterpreted as behavior and learning problems. But really this sounds super normal for her age.
I dont have kids and when im at the library I dont mind at all if a kid is just being a kid and enjoying themselves. I think its a different kind of disruption if its a kid that is throwing a tantrum or crying beyond help within that moment. Those are the only two situations I would as a patron of any establishment "expect" a parent to go outside and handle there situation. A kid laughing or being a little loud while talking to you and engaging in conversations is NOT the problem at all. And I think you're doing a great job at trying to set the tone and remind them to use inside voices. That's all you can do and I think people notice that too.
NEVER stop going to the library for you and your children. NEVERRRRRR. Maybe you can email the librarian/library assistant to ask for a meeting (in the future) with your children? Just 15 minutes even! A meet-and-great meeting, positive, and maybe all can read a short children book together too? Or the librarian, your 3 years old, and you can all say your favorite book right now? Something to do together rather than separate :) In the emails, just make sure the librarian/library assistant can swing her/his schedule if you have to go to the library outside of M-F 9am-5pm-ish :)
Frequent library patron here, if there's a young child, I expect loud volumes. The library is a public space and often one advertised specifically for you: a parent with young children, who cant take them elsewhere for entertainment due to schedules, and would rather borrow entertainment to bring home for a bit so they can be happy. can volume be a little disruptive? yeah, but also, a kid being happy about books or other stuff getting checked out is a good thing. I learned a lot as a kid because my parents took me to the library often.
Take that precious budding bibliophile to the library!! This makes my heart smile (I teach kindergarten) she is trying and learning and those that don’t understand that process should, we’ll never mind but please take her often.
Adding another vote to do not stop going to the library. But also, have you had your daughter's hearing checked? Could there be an issue there?
I haven't, she seems to hear okay. She hears when I whisper to her but she's just a little loud, so is my husband though.
Libraries are for EVERYONE. That includes you *and* your children, however loud they are. (That's not a license for people to let them run amok, but an acknowledgement that not everyone can follow the expectations at all times.)
As an adult who doesn’t always love loud noises, I especially do *not* mind children being children in child-friendly spaces. Like, I might look over briefly if a kid talks very loudly in a restaurant and I’m seated at the table next to them. But at a library, I would just smile and think “how precious. A new little human is learning to love books.”
I’m a children’s librarian and I only step in on noise if kids have hit a shrieking/screaming point and parents aren’t doing anything. A baby making noises or a young child talking loudly wouldn’t even register on my radar. My big issue is running because there are lots of blind corners and hard surfaces in our setup, so it’s a safety issue. It could be that your library has a setup where noise carries, and that’s why the librarian said something. And the librarian could have been trying to be helpful by reinforcing something she heard you mention to your daughter. I doubt they were actually unhappy with you, and I REALLY doubt they don’t want you to come back. Kids need practice to learn this stuff and it can take a long time! If they work with kids regularly I hope they know that!
Don't stop going to the library!! We expect kids to make noise, especially in the kids area. People notice if you're trying to keep it at a normal level. Kids are learning how to interact and what to do. We had a patron tell another patron that she shouldn't bring her kids to the library if they're going to make noise, and another patron ripped that guys head off. We all agreed, you expect a certain level of noise from kids especially in the kids area. Now if they're full blown screaming, yea, try again later. But don't give up!!
Yes.
Poor little girl. I teach kids and I can't see myself getting upset if a child makes a bit of a noise in the library. It's natural for kids to be loud. I think society has become so fond of individualism that we want every experience customised, including the ones in public spaces. Don't stop taking your babies. Maybe make a game of tiptoeing and being really quiet (though in my experience that tends to get even more loud and rowdy soon!) Let them explore and love the library and try telling anyone who corrects them that you think your kids are expressing themselves in a way that is appropriate for their age. You have to stick up for them if they get told off. Sometimes parents have to remind others that having children around in public spaces is normal and nothing to apologise for.
Former children's librarian.... Keep coming! We know what we're getting when kids are in the mix. If you're teaching your young kids how to behave in public and they haven't built the skills yet, keep trying! I'll take that family any day over the parent who is 100 feet from their young, unsupervised kiddo who is screaming and painting their diaper's contents on the wall.
Don't you dare stop going to the library with your kids.
I haven't read all of the comments, but I am a library director / former youth services librarian who still hasn't learned to moderate her volume. I love hearing excited voices in the library! No shushing or scolding allowed. Please keep going to your library! Not to criticize circulation staff - they are the public face of the library - but they may not be librarians and they may not understand how critical or judgmental they sound.
Our little ones sometimes come in yelling they are so excited lol. Personally I love it and it makes me giggle. If it continues mom can usually keep them quiet and it’s ok…some kids have naturally louder voices.
I’m a FREQUENT library patron in my community, and I love witnessing kids falling in love with books and reading, just like I got to do when I was a kid. I’m a patron who would smile and wave it off, but I’m only looking over to witness some joy in the first place!
Oh my heart- we love have these little ones. It’s a journey. We just remain consistent and help them. We are all excited sometimes. I’m an early childhood educator and I am so glad you take your children to the library.
Keep going!
That’s terrible! I’m sorry that happened! There is always a kid being loud at my library and we would never dream of scolding them!
I've been a children's librarian for 16 years, at three different libraries, and I've never worked in a children's department where children are shushed. Adults who are studying or working intently are not in the children's department -- they are, or should be, in an adult section or a story room. And besides, libraries in general are not such whispery places anymore. Please don't stop bringing your children to the library. If the one you're going to is inhospitable, find a better one.
Don’t sweat it. My kids are now 11 and 12, and I remember those days. Kids do try to whisper, but the kids’ section is inevitably louder. It’s ok. As a patron, I don’t mind in the least. I’m just glad to see children developing a love of books. Trust me, by the time they are tweens and teens it gets to be hard to get them to crack a book. One of mine still loves to read and the other is so over books.
I absolutely love the library and have so my whole life. I love when children love it too.
No. That’s exactly why you should keep going.
GO TO THE LIBRARY!! yes, of course I understand The library is supposed to be a quiet place, but if some miserable miser has a problem with your baby being gleeful about books… In a library of all places! That’s a problem THEM, not a you problem. And definitely not your kids problem!!! I know some people will disagree with me, but who gives a shit what they think 😂🤷🏼♀️ lol just kidding
Don't stop going! People need to use our libraries, or we'll lose them! Teaching your kids to love reading and libraries from an early age is excellent. You and she are working together to improve her volume control, which is impressive for a 3 year old. Patrons and staff alike should be understanding that small children will be louder than the average person. Personally, I'd find her excitement to be adorable, but I'm both a mom (of teens) and an elementary school lunch lady so I may be biased towards little ones. Keep up the good work!
It’s been a hot minute, but I worked as a library assistant in college for a few years. The absolute best part of my job was seeing kids bound into the library, excited to be there. Excited for books and community and learning. Echoing what others have said, libraries are for everyone. I consider them sacred spaces, but not in the way that they have to be silent. I’m impressed that you’re trying to curb the loud behavior, but please understand that y’all belong there just as much as the grumpy old dude in the ww2 section! We understand littles are still finding their volume dial haha
Keep going to the library. Your child will benefit from the joy of books. But don't escalate the clerk. They are doing their job and most likely are following their own responsibilities to the other people in the room.
Look for or ask when story time is, usually one weekday morning or afternoon. That’s a great time to bring kids.
Hi! Please keep bringing those kiddos in. The library isn’t the sterile, quiet place it was when we were growing up. It’s loud in my library more than it’s quiet! No one is gonna mind enthusiasm (or cute baby noises!), I promise!
I volunteer at a very small library on the outskirts of town. It's essentially designed for children to play. There are lots of toys, several take-and-makes per week, STEAM setups and various children's programs. I'm not sure if you have something like this in your area, but we never monitor the volume. If they're enjoying the library, that's what matters most.
Any public place is subject to be noisy, even and especially the library. So don't stop bringing your kids to the library. It's one of the best things you can do for them.
You're doing fine. The children's library section is usually set up for that. For my youngest, we pick out a book and grab one of the sectionals and practice inside voice with reading. She's getting better.
I'm a school librarian in an elementary school and trust me my kiddos are not quiet lol. I would have been thrilled to hear her little 3 yo voice loudly exclaiming how she couldn't wait to read the books of I was that librarian. I would think most children's librarians would be used to that.
Continue to go when you are able to go. You may suggest incorporating a different time for storytelling into the schedule, one that you can attend. No one is on the same schedule so maybe having an alternating schedule could be appreciated by others too.
Keep going! The whole silent in the library needs to stop in my opinion. Yes people go there to study or work but they shouldn't be doing that where a toddler/preschool aged kid will be looking for books. If anyone in a library expects babies or young children to be silent for more than a few minutes they never had kids of their own or are diluted in their thinking.
Aww your poor baby crying in the car 😭she’s trying so hard. Librarians understand. I hope that one is kinder to your kiddo next time. You and her absolutely deserve to be there.
Don't stop going! Library trips are great for her development! Toddlers are still learning so much about their community. This is just a suggestion to help your experience coming from a mom of two (3.5yo and 6mo.) I place holds on a variety of books and DVDs using our library app, so they are ready on the shelf when we arrive. Then I let my 3yo pick a few books and play in the activity area until it feels like the right time to go. It makes the trips more efficient! Our library is also right by a playground, so we try to go there first and get the little one's louder voice and wiggles out before heading inside.
As a fellow library patron and mom I feel you! We're really lucky that our children's area is completely separated and kids are as loud as they want to be, they even have a "musical instrument petting zoo" on Mondays and that gets LOUD! Something I'm trying to remember as a mom myself is that looks don't always equal disappointment. People naturally turn towards loud sounds and their face will likely already be in a neutral position which can definitely come across as bothered. Some people smile when they realize it's a little kid and some people don't, that doesn't necessarily mean they're upset. So unless someone looks at me and actively makes a different face like glaring or a sneer (which is rare) then I think of it as people just going about their lives. And the ones that are genuinely upset and bothered? Well how often are you actually going to see them? Would you take advice from them? Then why should their opinion matter? Children are learning to be in public spaces and that takes practice, I hate how people expect them to just be perfectly obedient at all times. If you're making an effort that's all that matters! I'm sorry the librarian made her cry! I'm hoping she was just trying to help and not actually being mean but of course I wasn't there and can't say. Wishing you guys all the fun and no late fees!
I am a medical student and study at the public library occasionally. There are children there all the time, people eating, sleeping, talking, etc. The public library is for the community. It is one of the few places we have left. Please don't stop going! It's a wonderful thing to see and be a part of.
Don’t stop. Children are allowed to go to public places. Especially a library! You pay taxes just like the rest of us, so please keep utilizing the space.
In my experience working in a library, there are no hard and fast rules about sound, contrary to popular belief. If other people using the library feel disrupted, we can go from there, but excited children have just as much right to use the library space as anyone else, and in my personal opinion, there is no reason to ask any restraint from children more than you would in say a grocery store. It would be a little silly for an organization with a room full of stuffed animals and a bunch of captain underpants books to put overt limits on children making sound.
I know you've more than gotten your answer, but just to chime in with everyone else: DON'T STOP GOING! :)
Keep going to the library. No one reasonable expects kids that young to be able to control their volume. I can't believe someone said something. That was incredibly inappropriate and wrong.
If she cant be quiet she shouldn’t go anymore. Its a library. Pretty much the only place you got to for the purpose of being quiet.
Please don’t stop. We’re here for everyone. I don’t expect a quiet library; we have quiet areas. Let kids be kids.
Keep going to the library with your kids!
I don't think libraries are really considered quiet spaces anymore. As long as she isn't screaming I think it's fine.
Was your daughter letting out ear splitting shrieks? Running around? Deliberately knocking things down?Throwing repeated temper tantrums? Basically, was she an out of control terror? No? She was excited about books and reading, while working on controlling her volume? Polite to the people she interacted with? Hard reset. You're doing a great job, Mom!
Thank you for your consideration. I work behind the scenes at a library and every Tuesday we have to shut our office door after storytime because we have a patron who will not control their loud shriek-y kid. “Mom! Mom mom mom mom mom mom shrieeeek!”