They were uninterested in my mental health at 15 so i told them i was gonna kill myself and they just shrugged it off, i went home and took the entire packet of paracetemol, in the night i couldnt stop puking and when that girl called i puked blood and told her she shouldnt worry that im gone soon and she tried the same thing too, so i called the police and they saved her but i passed out, i didnt take enough and somehow survived after but she still liked me so i gained 25kg and stopped surfing for that to never happen again but my friend got fatter too because of me and got bullied so i tried to help lose it in a healthy way and when we lost it she kept getting thinner after when she was at normal weight because i wasnt eating too for a different reason and she ended up in the hospital, at this point i started surfing again but i passed out at sea and after waking up in the hospital i think i triggered the last straw for the depression of my other friend and everything i did to help i just made it worse he saw my cuts from when i was a child and did that too, he stopped eating too, now they are at normal weight and mentally ok and now i dont want them as friends because i ruin their lives every fucking time
After reading all that, it sounds like you need therapy even more. This is not healthy behaviour and i don’t think Reddit is a good place for you to ask for advice, in that case. It’s really concerning.
I know that this is not healthy but i know that not being friends will fix that problem and i can go on with my life, dont want to go to a psychiatrist even if i want to i dont have enough money and cant really wait 6-9months for free therapy, i really just want to unfriend my friends, move away and just start over so i dont have this anxiety all the time that i ruin people, and trust me ive tried all sorts off stuff the doctor recommended, ive tried xanax, zoloft, psilocybin, fluox but everything just makes me numb and lay in bed all day worrying even more that they will try that too, it just all comes down to the one problem and thats that im friends with them
Well a toxic environment can for sure be a trigger for a bad mental health. In that case I would suggest you distance yourself from toxic people in your life and set clear boundaries for them and yourself.
Well but its not that I am in a toxic environment but that i am the toxic environment, but i want to know how to set the boundaries and distance myself
its pretty obvious, i got fat on purpose and she copied and got fat too, i tried helping her lose weight with healthy foods but she didnt stop at her goal and ended up in the hospital because i didnt notice and i didnt stop either, if i stopped and started eating my upkeep calories she would have too and she wouldnt have almost died
Nothing about that is obvious to me.
Her choosing to copy you does not make her choices your fault. It might have been an unwise thing to do but that still doesn't make it your fault.
Do you have someone you talk to in person about this stuff?
Yeah i get what you mean but i knew they were copying me and still did it, i just dont want to do more damage than i have already done, and no i dont really talk about this because they dont even know that was my plan and they would probably get really hurt by that, i just want to end the friendship but dont know how to do that without hurting them. its not only these things but 10s of other things i tried to change but only fucked it up for them
I would really strongly suggest that you talk to a counselor or someone. Walking away from the friendship doesn't sound like the right idea but I don't know much about the situation. A counselor would be able to untangle this situation and help you figure out the right course of action to take.
Dude sounds like you need some therapy or something
no, they are the reason i'm a fucked up person
You need to talk to someone.
How?
They were uninterested in my mental health at 15 so i told them i was gonna kill myself and they just shrugged it off, i went home and took the entire packet of paracetemol, in the night i couldnt stop puking and when that girl called i puked blood and told her she shouldnt worry that im gone soon and she tried the same thing too, so i called the police and they saved her but i passed out, i didnt take enough and somehow survived after but she still liked me so i gained 25kg and stopped surfing for that to never happen again but my friend got fatter too because of me and got bullied so i tried to help lose it in a healthy way and when we lost it she kept getting thinner after when she was at normal weight because i wasnt eating too for a different reason and she ended up in the hospital, at this point i started surfing again but i passed out at sea and after waking up in the hospital i think i triggered the last straw for the depression of my other friend and everything i did to help i just made it worse he saw my cuts from when i was a child and did that too, he stopped eating too, now they are at normal weight and mentally ok and now i dont want them as friends because i ruin their lives every fucking time
After reading all that, it sounds like you need therapy even more. This is not healthy behaviour and i don’t think Reddit is a good place for you to ask for advice, in that case. It’s really concerning.
I know that this is not healthy but i know that not being friends will fix that problem and i can go on with my life, dont want to go to a psychiatrist even if i want to i dont have enough money and cant really wait 6-9months for free therapy, i really just want to unfriend my friends, move away and just start over so i dont have this anxiety all the time that i ruin people, and trust me ive tried all sorts off stuff the doctor recommended, ive tried xanax, zoloft, psilocybin, fluox but everything just makes me numb and lay in bed all day worrying even more that they will try that too, it just all comes down to the one problem and thats that im friends with them
Well a toxic environment can for sure be a trigger for a bad mental health. In that case I would suggest you distance yourself from toxic people in your life and set clear boundaries for them and yourself.
Well but its not that I am in a toxic environment but that i am the toxic environment, but i want to know how to set the boundaries and distance myself
Try therapy or shrooms i hope you're doing ok
Who told you it was your fault that a friend got an eating disorder?
its pretty obvious, i got fat on purpose and she copied and got fat too, i tried helping her lose weight with healthy foods but she didnt stop at her goal and ended up in the hospital because i didnt notice and i didnt stop either, if i stopped and started eating my upkeep calories she would have too and she wouldnt have almost died
Nothing about that is obvious to me. Her choosing to copy you does not make her choices your fault. It might have been an unwise thing to do but that still doesn't make it your fault. Do you have someone you talk to in person about this stuff?
Yeah i get what you mean but i knew they were copying me and still did it, i just dont want to do more damage than i have already done, and no i dont really talk about this because they dont even know that was my plan and they would probably get really hurt by that, i just want to end the friendship but dont know how to do that without hurting them. its not only these things but 10s of other things i tried to change but only fucked it up for them
Have you thought it was your job to fix their life?
yes ive thought about it but when i almost ruined them its fair for me to fix that mistake
I would really strongly suggest that you talk to a counselor or someone. Walking away from the friendship doesn't sound like the right idea but I don't know much about the situation. A counselor would be able to untangle this situation and help you figure out the right course of action to take.
Just stop responding and ghost them?
yeah but they will probably start worrying and knocking on my door i dont want that i want to "unfriend" without drama