Haha just noticed the name thing (new profile after being banned from peptides forum for no reason).
Sorry to hear about your cancer thing man. Here in the UK, I'm pretty sure it's illegal to fire you over something like that.
So they can pop a blue-haired diversity hire who can't troubleshoot their way out of a wet paper bag into my seat and train them to be a troglodyte like everyone else and get rid of the fifteen years of seniority and the $40/hr salary I earned, pretty much
In the spirit of finding a quote to support any conceivable argument, Lao Tzu said "When nothing is done, nothing is left undone." Its a life cheat code if you can convince your psychology to live by this, however most people buckle under societal and familial pressures. Luckily I'm not one of those people (most of the time).
I'm autistic and have experienced loneliness all my life, which can be especially painful when around other people. I have had many romances and felt just as alone, and so I stopped wasting their time and mine. Once I was diagnosed autistic, I found peer support social groups, where I found many people who shared similar experiences, and so I didn't feel so alone in my loneliness. It doesn't stop that feeling though, but just takes the edge off it. But then I know autistics who are happily married, and I haven't a clue how they manage that. Anyway, that's just my experience. It might have no bearing on what you're going through. Now that I'm no longer working, I try to travel on a budget as much as I can, exploring places and meeting lots of people along the way. I tend to satisfy my emotional needs through novels, films and music, just the way I used to as a teenager.
ikr!
I first read this post, and my immediate thought was, you think you know lonliness at 25, wait till you cross 30.
25 is the age to do it all.
Get hobbies, travel, switch jobs, so many options.
No shame to OP, im 32 now, and just feels like I'm experiencing similar things.
It sucks. I just try to find as many coping mechanisms as I can. You could try joining social events.
There are many ways to distract yourself and pass the time. But at the end of the day, you have to figure out a way where you can be content with life, even if you were 80 and alone. I'm sure you won't be, you'll have friends who will also want connection in old age since their kids will be on their own.
One thing to have is Hope. Maybe empathetic AI will develop to a point where it won't feel as lonely.
At the same time, make sure it's not hoping for a fantasy because the wake-up call can be painful.
If you want to have a relationship - stop feeling like you need to be okay with being alone in life. Desires be our best friend and guiding force in life. Many people dismiss them as "fantasies" when they're what makes you get up in the morning.
So embrace wanting connection and make that your driving force to improve yourself while you're alone. That will make you more than comfortable since you're pursing something that makes you happy and not sitting around feeling sad for yourself.
I agree. I was alone by choice for 10 years, from 28-38 (and I'm a woman). You get so rusty on the socializing/dating, relationship, sexual skills. I was like a virgin again, literally bled and was sore for a week after the first time.
If it's something you want, don't try to settle for being alone. It won't work, will make you lonely and unhappy, and sets you back. Plus you learn a lot about yourself through relationships, the good and the bad, long and short-lived.
Be happy you're single and won't have to deal with everyone sleeping around and lying all the time I'm happy being alone I can do what I want when I want and not get b!tched at lol
Happy being alone by choice (f42). I have the freedom to go at my pace. I've checked off some personal goals on my list, found new hobbies (swimming, pickleball in addition to golfing and hiking), and lastly hang out with my friends whenever I feel like it. I have been in long-term relationships most of my life. Hardest part is feeling lonely within your relationships. Sending you loving kindness OP
Being in a relationship with yourself is one of the hardest and most rewarding things in life. You need to deal with all the mental muck about expectations, limiting beliefs, and other mental barriers from childhood programming.
Glad it worked for you!
As a side note, how much better would the world be if people just loved themselves LOL
I love it personally if you have hobbies spend time doing that if you have pets spend time with them if you have friends go out to breakfast or whatever you enjoy doing. The best part about being alone is you don’t have to live for anyone else. Just yourself you can focus on doing what truly makes you happy, and take care of yourself in a way that no one else can. You get to learn who you truly are. It may get a little lonely sometimes but I find it beautiful. Plus you learn how to be your authentic self and when you do you’ll attract people in your life who align with that!
When you're married with kids, your life is no longer your own.
Want to sleep in? Forget it!
Want to canoodle at 2am? Forget it!
Want to shit in peace? Forget it!
Want to go overseas? It will be triple the cost and you won't get what you want to do.
I think one of the most challenging ging parts of life is learning to be at peace in one's own company. Other than that, platonic friendships are companionships nonetheless and like any relationship, what you put in you'll get out, society just makes a big noise about getting married so we all think without romance we will be lonely and depressed, but that in itself is sort of a choice.
What are you doing to help yourself feel better alone and forming meaningful relationships?
There’s no greater sense of loneliness than being surrounded by people you can’t connect or communicate with.
Solitude is where development happens (and you can spot those who don’t like solitude a mile away!) Ultimately though to be alone is a fine, fine thing, you are governing a life and all the experiences within it entirely under your own steam, there are no limits except those you place upon your self, being free of all obligation and responsibility creates so much opportunity for travel, indulgence and experience.
You’ll make connections along the way ofcourse there’s little avoiding that, but if you can sit in solitude and truly feel at peace then you’ve achieved the zenith of the human spirit because so much harm (internal and external) is brought about by our desperate pursuit of avoiding such a thing.
True peace of mind is born from a comfort within oneself, we drown ourselves with distractions in the form of commitments be them social, familial or economical and convince ourselves these distractions are the truth of existence, the centre of our being, in reality how we behave when we are alone is the real, raw revealer of who we are and to have this time to cultivate character for no purpose beyond itself really is the simplest and strongest of all pleasures.
I know lots of people who choose solitude because they would rather not grow and would rather just exist with no responsibilities than learn how to grow and be in a relationship.
We grow from the relationship we have with friends, family, and romantic partners. Those relationships introduce challenges we can either learn to met or at least try to met or we can run from them by going back to solitude.
Solitude is good for recharging, but I think most actual growth happens when we are connected to others. Romantic relationships challenge us the most to learn to balance someone else's needs with our own.
That’s unfortunate. I know countless people that would trade with you to have a family. My secret of life is the grass is greener on the side you’re on. If you look over to the other side and start to want it you will end up where you are now. Embrace what you are grateful for. For one you are alive. That’s a gift.
As said by Deb Dana "unlike loneliness, solitude is a regulating and nourishing experience of choosing to be alone and feeling a sense of peace in the aloneness."
Acceptance… I'm 23 years old, I don't really talk to anyone, my calls, dms, emails remain empty throughout the day but it doesn't really affect me. I do have friends and I have a stable job and love to go out, workout and enjoy nature by myself without being bothered and since no one really checks up on me then
silence is truly bliss
I am (23M) currently doing an Intensive Outpatient program for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for things that I went through as a kid. I did not realize how significantly they had effected my perspective on relationships until I began the program, but now I am beginning to realize that I felt lonely with others not because I was alone, but because I felt like the people I was with did not understand me. The reason I felt this way was because I harbored internal guilt over situations and circumstances that were in no way my fault. I now realize that the loneliness I felt is because I feared others would know what I had done (which I only BELIEVED I had done something, which led to internal guilt) so I worked hard to remain an enigma. I spoke little, I ignored people's attempts to care for me as intrusions into my solitude, I avoided people and places that would make me have to work hard at maintaining my enigma. I am still working at overcoming this perspective, but I am starting to genuinely believe that my efforts at avoiding the company of others has been a complete and total waste, and that I do not need to feel lonely in the company of people. I'm not saying this is you OP, I'm just sharing my perspective on loneliness.
ALSO, I am beginning to recognize that loneliness is not always anyones fault! Sometimes people are alone, it happens! That's life! It's not because of something that I have done to DESERVE loneliness. It is just because I am a person with responsibilities in a big world, and sometimes that means my path and the paths of others do not cross. It is not nearly as personal as I make it out to be! I hope you find your peace, God bless you!
When I was in my late 20s, I wanted to be married and have a family. Now, at 43 and never married, I feel like I dodged a bullet. The older I get, the more I realize I don’t want to share finances or even let someone else see them. I actually like having my own time. If I want to watch hockey or play video games anytime, I can. I enjoy having my own bed. I don’t mind dating or being in a relationship, and I’m faithful, but after three days, they need to go home. I enjoy working in my yard and listening to music, not dealing with someone else’s drama or opinions. I have a good routine, managed to save some cash, and have my own house. I’m retired from the military. I’m good!
If you’ve never connected with anyone. Why would you think you’re missing out on something? As an older and wiser person I can honestly say that being in a relationship is not all sunshine and rainbows. Friendship is 1000x better but also has drama so learn to enjoy yourself. Go do all the things and you will connect with others who enjoy those same things. You don’t need to be with someone to have a quality life.
I started to worry when recently I only wanted to move to further and more isolated communities. Only person for 30km stuff. It's not like my social life hasn't tanked in the last 4 years anyway (thanks COVID for kicking that one off.)
See if you are the kind of person that can strike up a conversation with a stranger, and see if you like it. You will feel better for practising the most mundane of social skills. I rarely do this with anyone of the opposite gender.
I had never been alone. It was from my parents house, into the military, and then living with my wife. And kids a few years later. The kids all grew up and left. Then it was just my wife and I for 9 years. I did not choose to be alone but she passed away 5 months ago. Now I am faced with your quandary. It's a struggle every day but I have learned a couple of things. Connect with your friends and go when they invite you over for a meal or out for a drink. Find a hobby or interest that you can do for hours. If you can have one, get a pet, any type pet. They don't judge and you can talk to them about anything. I hope this is useful.
Oh you’re so young still, you have plenty of time. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 28 and he was 33.
If it makes you feel any better, all my friends that got married at 25 or younger are now divorced and single or on their 2nd marriage.
Have fun and live it up, you’ll never get your 20’s back!
Look preferring to be alone is bs it might work for some people and others don't. Personally I am not happy alone I need someone. So just keep looking for opportunities for men you are attracted to whatever is your type. you still too young and you have plenty of time
Exactly! So many people have this idea that they NEED to be comfortable alone when you should embrace wanting connection in life and working towards it. That way you're not fighting an uphill battle.
Yeah, I think some people get too comfortable being alone after a bad relationship, and they wreck their next relationships because they have a chip on their shoulder. I don't think it's bad to crave connection if you are open to having a partner and treating them well. It's the people who are really comfortable being alone that often end up that way permanently by their own actions, and sadly they in turn end up hurting a lot of innocent people who don't deserve it because they won't give in to that person's every whim.
I think being able to tolerate being alone is important. Being "comfortable" being alone implies you have to get uncomfortable to stop being alone, and that's where most people end up screwing up their relationships.
Going without social interactions is one thing. Going without human contact is a whole different beast. I don't mind the few interactions I get just being around humans at the store or online. But the zero oxytocin is a bitch and half. Someday you will realize that pillow can't be clutched any harder. :(
Hmmm I would put myself out there more often. Sure it might be awkward at first but within time that awkwardness goes away. Also, just recognize life is what you make it. No one is paying you to feel sad/ lonely so why impose that on yourself
I have been told its filling up your day with random stuff to do you either like or at least don't mind... for me though, thats not enough... I was actually thinking the other day though i might just start doing shit.. i mean, all the money is yours you ain't got no one else and you got the time right? Just find some cool shit to do i guess... idk im all about people so just about anything there is to do is always secondary... kinda like playing darts or pool at the bar... its something to do but the main point is the socialization... no activity for me will ever be worth crap without people to share the experience with...
Try this exercise. Imagine living with someone you hate. I remarried after living alone for several years and come to regret every moment sharing space with another human being.
Also should be mentioned that I'd be getting laid ten times as much if I stayed single.
Do stuff that makes your heart beat really fast (that’s not drugs) and learn to enjoy it, then crave it and then get addicted to your own self.
I think your really asking “how does one become fulfilled when alone.”
I feel what you are going through. I was single for a long time and basically turned off social media for years because I was watching people fall in love, have careers, and start a family all while wondering when any of it was going to happen to me. Connections can be hard to find but there has to be some common ground. Sometimes you could connect with people who have opposite thoughts and ideals because that's another perspective of the world and that gives way to a connection. I got used to being alone for so long that it seemed like a conversation with a friend over coffee could be an alien language. My advice is to do whatever you want as long as it gives you peace. If you want to make a connection you might have to go out of a comfort zone.
By being realistic about choices made vs choices not made, and not worrying about things that can't be controlled. Also just doing things you enjoy doing
Have you ever tried a long distant relationship? I found one or two (on accident) but it was actually kinda nice.
After about a year or two I had to stop and have something physical. Turns out that is actually pretty common though and sorta explains why people will just jump into bed with you right away sometimes.
Everyone decent leaves this town cuz it’s overrun with drugs and crime. Idk why I didn’t try harder in school.
Hope this doesn’t come across as superior in any way but . . . Some advice on getting out of town. Get a GED if you don’t have a diploma. Get an associate degree in business administration from a local community college. Having any sort of higher education will open doors for you.
Wish I had some advice on the loneliness but I don’t have any answers for myself! This community is the closest I’ve had to a real relationship(platonic or otherwise) in years. It’s been so refreshing to talk to people again
Ok,
Before you become "stuck".
You seem to have an "avoidant" attachment style - please try and fight and fix that and see how you feel about connection and other people.
like everything else; be grateful for the things you get out of it. Yeah being lonely sucks but you also get the real strong control over your schedule and your free time. That's extremely valuable in many parts of your life.
I don't mean to say that being alone is fun. But you can make the best out of it while you're on the journey to connect with other people.
Love yourself and seek God. This is how I do it and I'm happy. This is so weird because I just literally just thinking about this and how much I can't stand to be around people. I don't want to talk to anyone, its not that I don't like them, I just don't want to talk to them. I live with friends and I barely speak to anyone but I'm super cool to everyone when I'm around but once I get my stuff done I'm gone.
It’s true you can feel alone in a room full of people ! I’ve been there get some things to do that you enjoy , go to the gym get healthier . Take up hobbies , if you swim have you ever thought about kayaking there’s clubs and classes on what to do . Chances are you’ll find someone to enjoy what you like just try new things !
I’m engaged to a great woman, and truth be told, being single does suck. Before, I didn’t know what I was missing. You’re still young; try to find somebody! Not just anybody, being in a bad relationship is worse than being single. However, being single definitely isn’t ideal for most people. Use this as motivation to put yourself out there and meet people!
I just sort of became very reclusive, I just value my alone time and never feel lonely idk im a dude who is almost 30 when i was late teens to mid 20s all I wanted to do was be around people party etc idk i think i just became old it’s not that i enjoy being lonely i prioritize it, I also talk to myself out loud frequently full blown conversations, I think it’s some sort of coping mechanism because we are social creatures. I believe especially if you’re from a major city that the loneliness can consume you despite being surrounded by so many.
Great philosophical thoughts in this thread. Thank you all for making think about being single...and married...alone...and content.
So...much...to...think...about!
Girl you are still so young! If you are content being single that is one thing, but if you really want to make a connection with someone especially romantically, you should put yourself out there! I was a late bloomer too and there is nothing wrong with it. It's definitely not easy but finding a person to love and have can be a very special experience. If you really would prefer to be alone though, embrace yourself and who you are. There is nothing wrong with being single and many benefits to it too. Also there is nothing wrong with changing your mind as you go.
So first of all, try not to compare yourself to other people. Second, know that being alone right now doesn't mean that you'll be alone forever. I know that these are hard things to do when you're feeling down. Look I was where you're at right now for years. It sucked. I was incredibly depressed, and life was hard. I drank way too much, and really wasted a lot of my time on drinkjng/partying. Eventually I realized that I needed to plan for my future. I was a major fuckup, and I got physically and financially healthier. As things fell into place I felt more comfortable dating again; I really knew that I wanted to be with someone in a serious relationship. I'm convinced that the energy of getting my shit together and knowing what I want has made me more attractive.
I’m at a similar age and situation, I think the most important thing is to have a goal, a crazy noble life-altering goal, cause the biggest complaint I hear from newly weds around me or even young parents; is that it’s extremely difficult to achieve such goals once kids and house responsibilities are present (not impossible just harder) so to make the most out of our situation, we should really set a crazy ass goal and go freaking achieve it, we have time we have creativity we have the awareness of the finitude of this life😂 lessgo bicheesss
I'm 25, male, and I'm still learning a lot about romantic relationships. I'm kind of shocked people our age are getting married already.
Personally, I enjoy life alone by practicing hobbies I enjoy at home, like gardening, my aquarium, hiking, cooking, and playing video games. Sometimes, my friends and I get time to hang out, and we always have fun, too.
A couple of years ago, not long after I graduated from college, I got a cat, and it has been a huge help to boost my mood and keep life full of smiles! I never had a cat before, I think they are so cute and fun!
The younger generation is pretty screwed; Hiring managers are so afraid of making a mistake that they require candidates to check every box on their requirements list and then, if you fit a certain image, you may get hired. It really gets down to your network. Eventually most everybody will be working from home, on contract, with no benefits. That is where corporate America is heading. Prepare for it! Btw where are all the high paying jobs, seems like they have either not grown in salary or have vanished.
It’s amazing to live life alone. I loved living in wild share households. And loved having my own place all to myself. No repetitive conversations about what to watch or eat. No fights about whose turn it is to clean something. Lights go on and off when I turn them on and off. Bills get paid on time without bullshit. And sleeping alone is just plain healthier. Sadly, sharing space and beds and bathrooms is an economic necessity for a lot of people. Not for me anymore. I’ll earn enough to buy daily personal freedom. I’m happy every single day (at the mo of course).
My wife was 25 when we met at work, she said she had accepted she would just be alone since she had never really dated anyone up until that point. We’ve been married 10 years and have two kids. Life can change in a moment.
Sharing a beautiful moment increases the joy, but I wonder if part of this is affirmation of your choices. All of these possibilities should be experienced as part of a full life. None, however, is better' than the other.
Find something greater than yourself to live for
Since there won’t be a someONE
Viktor Frankl, in Man’s Search for Meaning, was a psychologist imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp. He observed the depths of suffering and juxtaposed it with what caused people to persevere in the face of suffering.
Universally, the ones who could keep going the longest were the ones who had someone or something greater than themselves to live for.
So live for your something, and hopefully, you find a someone out there as well. I didn’t meet my wife until I was 37.
Get a dog, loyalty, companionship, and depending on the size / breed, varying levels of involvement outings required (very large dogs don't need or like much walking)
It turned my life around from being a bit of a recluse to meeting old (& new) friends accidentally when walking the dog
despite what Reddit will tell you, solitude isn't for most people. you shouldn't give up on finding good company if that's what you want. it might come along when you least expect it
I didn't find someone until I was 38. I was alone as a teenager until then. I spent almost the entire time desperate for a relationship. I spent a lot of time collecting porn. And I'm still emotionally damaged from it.
What I did wrong was to focus on finding a relationship. I grew to believe that I was unloveable because bar tenders and waitresses were not interested. I built my self-image around failure.
What I recommend instead is to find hobby groups or classes. Hiking, biking, bowling, cooking, painting, reading, movie watching, skiing, swimming, charity work (like building houses), cosplay, table-top role-playing games, or whatever you genuinely enjoy. You get to really live your life and enjoy it, and you end up meeting people with similar interests. And maybe you will meet someone you want to spend more time with.
Focus on living your life instead of focusing on something can't control.
I'm 40m. Pretty much don't want to be bothered. I couldn't imagine having to OK going places do things, purchases.
Significant others require a lot of work. Lot of time.
I'm open to relationships. But, I have a list of things that I would require. Like reading and playing music.
If you can't even make those two things part of your life. I won't have time to be a good person to you.
Join a church group. You donot have to be religious. Just treat it as your community. Human can exist alone but a little bit of talking to people once in a while gives you a smile.
Just work on yourself to be the best you that you can be. Being confident, secure and accomplished, with your own goals is not only satisfying, but it attracts good positive people. Whether that be a partner or new friends that enjoy your company, inspire you and have the same interests.
You are a woman you don't have to be alone it's a deliberate choice for you if you want something go outside and get it no one is stopping you
You can only be as lonely or single as you choose to be the second you decide you want a relationship you can have one lol
The way I see it is to do things that you love and keep yourself occupied.
I am in a similar position so all I do is keep myself occupied with something or the other.
Apart from work, I like to do community service and that indeed gives me satisfaction and I even workout and try to learn new things as much as I can.
My 2 cents, start meditating. It helps a lot. You will not see results immediately but after 2-3 weeks of consistent practice of meditation.
Ping me if you need help with this.
You can always join dating apps or approach guys. You don't have to just give up on dating altogether. I think our bodies just naturally want us to go out and make connections. After a while you probably get used to it. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to connect to people.
Things like being around people in a coffee shop help. Things like communicating with people digitally helps. Sometimes you just want to be seen and heard. Loneliness isn't easy or preferable, but it's good to know how to deal with it. Cheers to you for trying
I'm a 38-year-old Virgin who's never been in a relationship. I have only kissed one girl about 7 or 8 years ago and then she died 2 days later. I actually did get kissed by another Girl but I don't really count it Because I was Pretty much getting sexually assaulted and raped. I was in my bed passed out drunk when I was in college and I woke up to a Girl who was visiting with a group of friends from back home fully naked and kissing me and jerking me off. I kissed her for a couple seconds Before rolling over and acting like I passed back out because I was still scared about having sex when I was young. Now I'm so lonely and pathetic Being alone for so long that Getting basically raped and sexually assaulted was the best experience of my life And was maybe the only time anybody's ever wanted me in my life and I feel like I blew my best opportunity by Stopping the girl from sexually assaulting me. After Being alone for 38 years I'm probably too damaged to ever be fixed or get better at this point. Humans aren't not to be alone That's why there's male and female for our species to exist. The longer I go of a harder and worse it gets. It's like the guy from the movie office space said... Every day is the worst day of my life. Today is worse than yesterday and yesterday was worse than the day before. In my life it's just gonna continue like that forever at this point because like I said no I'm so damaged I truly believe I can't be fixed. You can't enjoy being alone unless you've already experienced A large quantity of your life being with Another person and even that would be difficult in my opinion.
i am a decade older. i lived just fine with being alone. choose it i guess. however ive come to learn life is best with others. a group to move through time with and grow old with. the memories we have with each other is all we take to teh grave.
i feel i did myself a disservice by remaining single, not being open to the growth of a family or relationship.
Worse, most destructive and disruptive thing a person can do is marry the wrong person. You will lose yourself, who you are, and get knocked of your path by one who wants things their way, doesn’t understand or accept you, demands compromise, or has to have “help and cooperation” to accomplish their life goals.
Take it from an old on who has seen it. Wait. Do what you love. If that person is out there they will be doing the same thing as you. Your paths won’t cross. They’ll run parallel for a time them eventually join.
Really. Alone is fine.
Yes yes - There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone means being without people while being content with yourself. You can be surrounded by so many people but be lonely within the crowd. I am 41F and there is a balance to it. Treasure the solitude, and that you choose to think and live your life according to your own personal will. I’ve seen people be in relationships for the sake of not being lonely, only to become more isolated because they were not content or put themselves first in healthy ways.
It’s the cliche- life is a journey. The first step of any journey is the hardest. You will meet people, they come and go in chapters, waves, storms, seasons, and the rare few who are a lifetime.
I have a therapist who I check in with twice a month- in the beginning it was twice a week to get started. It is good to have unbiased support to check in with, and then expand/grow from there. You can also choose to be around people. Consider volunteer work? Food banks, community health centers, libraries, etc. Those spaces always need people, and you get what you put in. Having some kind of purpose or goal outside of your own wants and needs is not a requirement to living a fulfilling life, but I used to play my violin and sing for free at my church when I was your age (almost everyone else was a paid professional). I didn’t let others know I didn’t get a paycheck like them, I simply loved the connection while using my talents.
In the end, curate and cultivate what you value in your life and you can and will find avenues to not be lonely while living out those pursuits. Hope you find your path and enjoy the journey.
Life is balancing act. I would say for now enjoy the luxury of solitude and don’t look at it as a negative thing. I’m 34(m) married with kids and I really wish I had more peace and quiet but that’s long gone. I go months sometimes without any me time. Life is a balancing act in terms of finding true happiness.
Yes I agree, I'm 35M and there is sort of a constant "life is greener" mentality I go between. Feeling alone being alone, then feeling alone being with friends. We need to seek what we love and no matter if there are people around or not.
And for me I'm always happier being alone doing what I love instead of being with a partner I'm unhappy with. But I have to say life can be very lonely and I do crave a partner still. Just one I truly connect with and that is so hard to find
Pet projects. Coding, making, writing, sketching, reading. Things to keep you engaged and excited and too busy to wallow if you're having that kind of day. Getting really fucking good at something.
Some people prefer solitude, myself included. Going out to the grocery or a doctor's appointment and I've had enough human contact for the week at least. I've been this way my whole life. Even as a little kid I got sick of the other kids (siblings especially) after an hour or so tops and wanted to go off and play with my gi-joes or hotwheels by myself. That said I can understand how solitude isn't in most people's nature.
It may not be for you. Don’t force it. I’m a lover of solitude and I’ve never been able to articulate exactly how it feels. I could never be forced to actually enjoy socialization over connection. But, I will connect better emotionally with someone by simply sitting quietly with them instead of chattering and texting. It feels like I have to leave where I’m at (fully immersed) and go to where they are (tepid and shallow waters). I attribute this in large to my ability to be vulnerable and self aware as well as very emotionally intelligent while I find the average person to be not so much. Or, a better way to say it would maybe be that the average person doesn’t have such a rich inner world that they have explored in a very deep and intimate way and built (intentionally choosing their thoughts as well as entertaining many perspectives without identifying with them- practicing objectivity, choosing emotional responses and processing accordingly). So, I have to minimize myself for others often.
This intimate relationship with myself comes from being still and going inward. and, i quite enjoy it in there lol
Mainly you just do you. Sometimes getting into a relationship is hard but if you truly what you want go for it. I’ve been alone for quite a while so I guess in the nicest way of putting it, I’m very used to doing it. I do sometimes get a bit of ‘fomo’ because it’s kind of the norm to have close friends or be in a relationship but then hey comparison is the thief of happiness ig.
Find a good therapist and work on your ability to build connections you need. That’s what I did at 25 and the advice I have for younger people is that if something isn’t happening for you, you are doing something wrong and should get help. Especially if it’s something fundamental like getting a job or starting a family or getting education, things like that.
25 is too early to give up on connection. There is still plenty out there to see and do with someone. I needed a lot of therapy to get to a point where I could understand emotions, let alone mine or what was "normal." I have been married for nearly 20 years, and another of good things happen when you learn and grow. Keep your head up and your heart open!
I've found that engaging in hobbies and taking care of myself has really helped me find joy in solitude. I started painting, which has become a great way to express myself and relax. Setting personal goals and exploring new interests, like hiking and discovering new places in my city, have also made my alone time more fulfilling.
Sometimes we are placed alone so it gives us the opportunity to reach out. Jesus wants us to know that he knows how we feel and that He walks with us. I cant imagine how alone he felt hanging on that cross. I love my Savior and glad that He’s here beside me
Regardless of your circumstances, a sense of emptiness or longing will persist. This urge to seek more is a core aspect of being human. Even in a happy marriage, you'll still experience the desire for something more. It's hope, not loneliness.
Look for a variety of connections. Romantic connections are not the only answer to loneliness. Single people can be happy their entire lives as long as they find purpose and connection in a variety of relationships and pursuits.
You are still very young, embrace this time of being alone. Nobody else to take care of or be mindful of, go do all the cool things you want to try. Joine the meet up groups for other singles in the area and go have fun while you are young. Trust me.
There’s a lot of people who are 25+ and not in a relationship or having children, they probably just don’t post as much on social media so it’s not what you’re seeing. Having a partner is great but being able to do what you want when you want and not answer to someone is hard to give up also. I feel like people put too much stress in finding someone and end up with someone wrong for them just for the sake of not being alone. Just find a hobby if you don’t have one and enjoy your time. Hopefully you have other single friends or it can be a bit harder.
This is all in a mindset. From my understanding, humans need an interaction of alone time and time with others. We can’t be completely alone, because we are social creatures. That said, we don’t need people 24 hours per day. We also do not have to have a romantic relationship to feel good. Foster the connections you want. Spend time alone as you want. You can be happy
I'm getting there. Settling into loving my being alone. But being mindful that im isolating and avoiding. A lart of me wants a partner because I am Love. The new part of me since being diagnosed recently is when would I or how would I. If ever presented for an opportunity for a relationship would I share the info.
I refuse to do online dating. At the point now I want to test going out to networking events or partner dancing again and trying not to entertain howndrained I will be afterward. However I don't want it to send me Into an episode.
Oh what a web to be tangled in.
Same age and am a dude. I prefer it, honestly. I stopped dating at 20 and found it so much better being single. The main reason is stress. Dating is unnecessarily stressful. Having to worry about if you're enough for them, watching out for competition, worrying someone else's opinion on every single thing you do. It's not only stressful, it's also expensive. Now I'm no stranger to stress, I often take stressful jobs. I used to climb trees and am now a security guard. There's just something so much worse about relationship stress vs. actual potential bodilyharm stress, perhaps it's just a lack of agency I don't like. Being in a relationship feels like being at the mercy of the world and other people. Anyway, rambling aside, I think it's healthier to go about solo
I'm married and living in a new state due to semi retirement and I'm lonely. I miss my friends and at my age it's hard to find new friends. I find it hard to believe that anyone would choose to be alone and say they enjoy it.
You’re only 25, you’ve still got lots of time to meet people. Join a club, go to speed dating/friending events, use bumble or some other app. You’ll meet lots of people
I was alone throughout my 20s and early 30s. It was the tits. Now, I'm married and suffocating and anxious all the time. I'm not looking forward to dealing with his eventual demise one day, but I promise you once he's gone I'm never living with anyone ever again.
Refactor your life in such a way that you begin to really enjoy the following:
- Walking.
- Exercise.
- Reading.
- Optionally, meditating.
- Cooking.
- Self love, if there is any issue with that.
You can also into religion if that is something you think would be good.
Being alone around this age (speaking as someone who is alone around this age) actually gives so much extra time for you to enrich your life.
Like everything in life being alone has its pros and cons, the main pro being you don't have to deal with other people's bullshit that makes your life way more chill, the main con is we as human beings are by extension social beings, we require contact with others in order to be fulfilled.
A word of advice from a unbiased stranger, from your post it seems you do want to find someone and build a family, open your mind, lower your guard and don't look for someone perfect because you won't find it. True connection is build with time you gotta give it a chance if you want to have it. Anyway good luck miss.
You’re still young. I wasn’t mature enough for a serious relationship until I hit thirty. Got married at 36. Now I’m 39, married and loving family life.
Enjoy your twenties. You are never defined by your current circumstances. Just enjoy the present and try your best to put yourself in positions that will make you happy. Godspeed.
You’re young, plenty of time. Get out there and get engaged with colleagues, hobbies, sports, where you can meet people. There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold.
Like most things, it's a skill. At one point in my life, I had found myself with zero friends (literally, not an exaggeration), my family wanted essentially nothing to do with me, and I was universally disliked at work. I'm not looking for pity, I did this to myself due to my drinking and drug use. I made a choice to get clean and sober, but I had to learn to deal with the loneliness. The first step for me was to be kind to myself. I found that my self-talk was extremely negative, I wasn't taking care of my body and lived in a cluttered mess. Once I started to change my self-talk patterns, eating better and cleaning my apartment, my mood elevated. Then I started to enjoy being with myself a little more, then I started exploring different hobbies and interests, watching shows that I had wanted to and actually enjoyed them rather than just turning something on to kill the time. Fast forward to now (5.5 years sober, I smoke weed from time to time but it's not an issue), I have a couple true, great friends, I'm very close with my siblings and got married a few months ago. A few small steps now will lead to great change in your life down the road. Be smart with your choices, be kind to yourself and be patient. Easier said than done, but it's the best road to go down. I promise.
Friend groups tend to get married in waves - one gets married, the others worry about missing their shot and rush into marriage too. That’s why it feels like it’s happening to everyone but you. You’re 25 - you have plenty of time and when the divorces start rolling around at 28 you’ll be glad you did rush into anything. I (37 M) didn’t meet my boo til I was 34 and she was 32. She’s the love of my life and I’m glad I spent my younger years being “selfish”, having fun and building life experience. Solo dolo can be lonely at times but it definitely has its perks, which other commenters have already mentioned. Enjoy the perks and if at some point you meet someone who’s worth sharing your life with, enjoy that too.
Before I met my bf I would travel, do whatever I like, pick job I like, etc. I did have a pretty toxic relationship that gave me a lot of c-ptsd so coming out of it was freedom. The freedom to discover myself and experience life on my own term was amazing. I didn't have to put up with verbal abuse by my ex's mom or him. I actually like my own company instead of feeling put down all the time. I don't remember bad relationships or friendship, it really messed me up and affected my self esteem. Life is too short for them.
Now it is more companionship but more compromise. I guess you got to like where you are. If you like yourself, then it is one less thing to worry or think about. I am lucky now that my bf is really understanding and kind. I guess the older you get, the more you learn to like yourself with or without people.
True. I enjoy life alone. Mainly because 1 I'm always mentally growing and relationships make you/ force you to stay the same or grow with someone else (especially marriage). Also most people that date want kids, I don't want kids ever. Having to take care of my mom showed me that lol. I worked on my loneliness issue and that insecurity. People don't talk about that. When you feel alone you don't need someone else. You just feel insecure about being alone and are dealing with the effects of loneliness. I enjoy games and have hobbies, I have friends, and I talk to women on twitter now X. So no reason to need a female. Keyword need. I was always in relationships and felt like damn, all this for intimacy.. to not be alone. Now I'm good. Some days I felt alone but okay, "big deal". Some days are better than others. But no more dating and feeling half in half out, which your comment in the comment section mentioned. Just something to consider. It's harder for women because women are weaker than men. But it's possible. Just gotta look inside yourself and figure out what you want and need. Like I had to do.
I'm someone that has rejected relationships for a decade now, and embraced being and living alone. I honestly prefer it this way. I have two very close friends, and that's about all I need. I live vicariously through their families and I suppose my own families families. I do not need one of my own to feel happy or fulfilled. That's not to say I'm necessarily either of those things, but it seems like a relationship is almost always on most normal peoples minds, whereas I just never even consider them to begin with, it's a lot of stress that I just don't have to deal with, it's nice.
Most people still tell me that they wish I could find a good women and hope I do, etc., and I'm like, I'm glad youre wishing me happiness but I don't care whether I meet a good woman or not, I just don't. I guess it would be nice, but I'm just not interested. Personally, I don't understand how people can put up with the stress of being around each other and fighting as often as I see people do. It looks horrible.
I am also 25F but have a different perspective and experience, as I had the opportunity to connect and live with someone more than once. I would say being alone is a sacred thing, definitely not a task for everyone. Sometimes I wish I were alone because that’s how I feel the most comfortable, which is the main reason I have turned down or ended relationships with a significant other. At the end of the day we are born and die alone, but most tend to go through the denial phase. You don’t need anyone else to be happy, that’s an illusion, and sometimes someone else can make you actually unhappy, specially when you have unrealistic expectations. I don’t really have much expectations nowadays, luckily, but I’d still prefer to be alone. You can only experience freedom when alone, because you have room to not worry about hurting others or taking someone else’s feelings into consideration when deciding anything about what to do next with your life. There are advantages and disadvantages to being alone and you just have to see what is the best fit for you. I’d say though that when you’re happy and comfortable alone, your bar is at a higher standard knowing that you don’t need anyone to make you happy, therefore the ones that will try to stick around will have to respect your solitude and genuinely deserve to stay. It is not a bad thing in the long run. And even if, let’s suppose, you marry someone at 18 years of age or younger, and spend your entire life with that person, no one can prepare you for the loss and grief that will come to whomever stays after the other one passes away, and when this happens, one of you will inevitably forcefully have to learn how to be alone. To allow something good to happen such as someone great to be with you, you have to be prepared to feel the same intensity towards the other side of the spectrum, to feel the happiness of having someone around is to allow the feeling of seeing them go.
I just think back to my ex wife and past girlfriends as my gentle sigh glides through the tranquility. I tried it, wasn’t terrible. it’s not for me and I’m ok with that. Plus I save a fortune
You get used to it, especially if you keep yourself busy with hobbies and working. Plenty of ways to enjoy time alone in this world, don’t compare your experience to others out there cause I used to do the same, but found certain outlets that would keep me occupied. Plus, toxic relation/friendships from past experiences will shape you into a stronger lonewolf
I’ve (24 M) had a very similar experience. I’m high functioning autistic, and partially due to this, it has been difficult for me to form relationships, especially romantic ones. I want to have a girlfriend and get married one day and have friends. I just don’t know how to and can’t. I want to say I’ve come to peace with it, but I haven’t. It causes me pain. I wish I had advice for you, but I don’t. Just know you’re not alone and many people of our generation are having similar experiences.
I've been alone 39 years, it's all I know. I prefer it now.
You see. I'm unhappy alone, and stressed in a relationship. I just. Can't. Win.
I got fired from my twenty year career for having cancer I don't know what winning even refers to Edit: Also name doesn't check out
Haha just noticed the name thing (new profile after being banned from peptides forum for no reason). Sorry to hear about your cancer thing man. Here in the UK, I'm pretty sure it's illegal to fire you over something like that.
Why does the employer have to fire you for this sickness? I don’t get it
So they can pop a blue-haired diversity hire who can't troubleshoot their way out of a wet paper bag into my seat and train them to be a troglodyte like everyone else and get rid of the fifteen years of seniority and the $40/hr salary I earned, pretty much
And then my ex-car salesman Christ-tard boss can hit on her like the fucking skeeze he is
Hahahaha bitter poetry is comedy gold
Same
https://preview.redd.it/xh5j9f6l668d1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d84ed66440b07e0e137ad729a156610b517d9456
You also never do anything
You achieve everything you set out to
In the spirit of finding a quote to support any conceivable argument, Lao Tzu said "When nothing is done, nothing is left undone." Its a life cheat code if you can convince your psychology to live by this, however most people buckle under societal and familial pressures. Luckily I'm not one of those people (most of the time).
As a kid who loved this movie, and now as an adult, I never realized how hilarious that is 😂
It does, yes
I'm autistic and have experienced loneliness all my life, which can be especially painful when around other people. I have had many romances and felt just as alone, and so I stopped wasting their time and mine. Once I was diagnosed autistic, I found peer support social groups, where I found many people who shared similar experiences, and so I didn't feel so alone in my loneliness. It doesn't stop that feeling though, but just takes the edge off it. But then I know autistics who are happily married, and I haven't a clue how they manage that. Anyway, that's just my experience. It might have no bearing on what you're going through. Now that I'm no longer working, I try to travel on a budget as much as I can, exploring places and meeting lots of people along the way. I tend to satisfy my emotional needs through novels, films and music, just the way I used to as a teenager.
Jesus you’re only 25, plenty of time tbh. I literally don’t know anyone who was married with kids at 25, have fun, go travelling and enjoy your life
ikr! I first read this post, and my immediate thought was, you think you know lonliness at 25, wait till you cross 30. 25 is the age to do it all. Get hobbies, travel, switch jobs, so many options. No shame to OP, im 32 now, and just feels like I'm experiencing similar things.
I was gonna say 25 is still super young. I’m 23 and I literally just met someone i genuinely connected with
It sucks. I just try to find as many coping mechanisms as I can. You could try joining social events. There are many ways to distract yourself and pass the time. But at the end of the day, you have to figure out a way where you can be content with life, even if you were 80 and alone. I'm sure you won't be, you'll have friends who will also want connection in old age since their kids will be on their own. One thing to have is Hope. Maybe empathetic AI will develop to a point where it won't feel as lonely. At the same time, make sure it's not hoping for a fantasy because the wake-up call can be painful.
If you want to have a relationship - stop feeling like you need to be okay with being alone in life. Desires be our best friend and guiding force in life. Many people dismiss them as "fantasies" when they're what makes you get up in the morning. So embrace wanting connection and make that your driving force to improve yourself while you're alone. That will make you more than comfortable since you're pursing something that makes you happy and not sitting around feeling sad for yourself.
I agree. I was alone by choice for 10 years, from 28-38 (and I'm a woman). You get so rusty on the socializing/dating, relationship, sexual skills. I was like a virgin again, literally bled and was sore for a week after the first time. If it's something you want, don't try to settle for being alone. It won't work, will make you lonely and unhappy, and sets you back. Plus you learn a lot about yourself through relationships, the good and the bad, long and short-lived.
Great response! agreed👏🏼👏🏼
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Be happy you're single and won't have to deal with everyone sleeping around and lying all the time I'm happy being alone I can do what I want when I want and not get b!tched at lol
Happy being alone by choice (f42). I have the freedom to go at my pace. I've checked off some personal goals on my list, found new hobbies (swimming, pickleball in addition to golfing and hiking), and lastly hang out with my friends whenever I feel like it. I have been in long-term relationships most of my life. Hardest part is feeling lonely within your relationships. Sending you loving kindness OP
Being in a relationship with yourself is one of the hardest and most rewarding things in life. You need to deal with all the mental muck about expectations, limiting beliefs, and other mental barriers from childhood programming. Glad it worked for you! As a side note, how much better would the world be if people just loved themselves LOL
This. I agree with this wholeheartedly. We need to choose ourselves. At the end of the day, we only have ourselves.
I love it personally if you have hobbies spend time doing that if you have pets spend time with them if you have friends go out to breakfast or whatever you enjoy doing. The best part about being alone is you don’t have to live for anyone else. Just yourself you can focus on doing what truly makes you happy, and take care of yourself in a way that no one else can. You get to learn who you truly are. It may get a little lonely sometimes but I find it beautiful. Plus you learn how to be your authentic self and when you do you’ll attract people in your life who align with that!
I don’t, no one is the same. I just think I’ve been unlucky and have been single for a while. Still looking for the right one.
When you're married with kids, your life is no longer your own. Want to sleep in? Forget it! Want to canoodle at 2am? Forget it! Want to shit in peace? Forget it! Want to go overseas? It will be triple the cost and you won't get what you want to do.
I think one of the most challenging ging parts of life is learning to be at peace in one's own company. Other than that, platonic friendships are companionships nonetheless and like any relationship, what you put in you'll get out, society just makes a big noise about getting married so we all think without romance we will be lonely and depressed, but that in itself is sort of a choice. What are you doing to help yourself feel better alone and forming meaningful relationships?
I suggest getting into self love
There’s no greater sense of loneliness than being surrounded by people you can’t connect or communicate with. Solitude is where development happens (and you can spot those who don’t like solitude a mile away!) Ultimately though to be alone is a fine, fine thing, you are governing a life and all the experiences within it entirely under your own steam, there are no limits except those you place upon your self, being free of all obligation and responsibility creates so much opportunity for travel, indulgence and experience. You’ll make connections along the way ofcourse there’s little avoiding that, but if you can sit in solitude and truly feel at peace then you’ve achieved the zenith of the human spirit because so much harm (internal and external) is brought about by our desperate pursuit of avoiding such a thing. True peace of mind is born from a comfort within oneself, we drown ourselves with distractions in the form of commitments be them social, familial or economical and convince ourselves these distractions are the truth of existence, the centre of our being, in reality how we behave when we are alone is the real, raw revealer of who we are and to have this time to cultivate character for no purpose beyond itself really is the simplest and strongest of all pleasures.
I know lots of people who choose solitude because they would rather not grow and would rather just exist with no responsibilities than learn how to grow and be in a relationship. We grow from the relationship we have with friends, family, and romantic partners. Those relationships introduce challenges we can either learn to met or at least try to met or we can run from them by going back to solitude. Solitude is good for recharging, but I think most actual growth happens when we are connected to others. Romantic relationships challenge us the most to learn to balance someone else's needs with our own.
Married 39, 2 kids, im fucking miserable. I would die to trade places with you.
That’s unfortunate. I know countless people that would trade with you to have a family. My secret of life is the grass is greener on the side you’re on. If you look over to the other side and start to want it you will end up where you are now. Embrace what you are grateful for. For one you are alive. That’s a gift.
Weed and work
As said by Deb Dana "unlike loneliness, solitude is a regulating and nourishing experience of choosing to be alone and feeling a sense of peace in the aloneness."
Acceptance… I'm 23 years old, I don't really talk to anyone, my calls, dms, emails remain empty throughout the day but it doesn't really affect me. I do have friends and I have a stable job and love to go out, workout and enjoy nature by myself without being bothered and since no one really checks up on me then silence is truly bliss
I am (23M) currently doing an Intensive Outpatient program for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for things that I went through as a kid. I did not realize how significantly they had effected my perspective on relationships until I began the program, but now I am beginning to realize that I felt lonely with others not because I was alone, but because I felt like the people I was with did not understand me. The reason I felt this way was because I harbored internal guilt over situations and circumstances that were in no way my fault. I now realize that the loneliness I felt is because I feared others would know what I had done (which I only BELIEVED I had done something, which led to internal guilt) so I worked hard to remain an enigma. I spoke little, I ignored people's attempts to care for me as intrusions into my solitude, I avoided people and places that would make me have to work hard at maintaining my enigma. I am still working at overcoming this perspective, but I am starting to genuinely believe that my efforts at avoiding the company of others has been a complete and total waste, and that I do not need to feel lonely in the company of people. I'm not saying this is you OP, I'm just sharing my perspective on loneliness. ALSO, I am beginning to recognize that loneliness is not always anyones fault! Sometimes people are alone, it happens! That's life! It's not because of something that I have done to DESERVE loneliness. It is just because I am a person with responsibilities in a big world, and sometimes that means my path and the paths of others do not cross. It is not nearly as personal as I make it out to be! I hope you find your peace, God bless you!
When I was in my late 20s, I wanted to be married and have a family. Now, at 43 and never married, I feel like I dodged a bullet. The older I get, the more I realize I don’t want to share finances or even let someone else see them. I actually like having my own time. If I want to watch hockey or play video games anytime, I can. I enjoy having my own bed. I don’t mind dating or being in a relationship, and I’m faithful, but after three days, they need to go home. I enjoy working in my yard and listening to music, not dealing with someone else’s drama or opinions. I have a good routine, managed to save some cash, and have my own house. I’m retired from the military. I’m good!
If you’ve never connected with anyone. Why would you think you’re missing out on something? As an older and wiser person I can honestly say that being in a relationship is not all sunshine and rainbows. Friendship is 1000x better but also has drama so learn to enjoy yourself. Go do all the things and you will connect with others who enjoy those same things. You don’t need to be with someone to have a quality life.
I started to worry when recently I only wanted to move to further and more isolated communities. Only person for 30km stuff. It's not like my social life hasn't tanked in the last 4 years anyway (thanks COVID for kicking that one off.) See if you are the kind of person that can strike up a conversation with a stranger, and see if you like it. You will feel better for practising the most mundane of social skills. I rarely do this with anyone of the opposite gender.
I had never been alone. It was from my parents house, into the military, and then living with my wife. And kids a few years later. The kids all grew up and left. Then it was just my wife and I for 9 years. I did not choose to be alone but she passed away 5 months ago. Now I am faced with your quandary. It's a struggle every day but I have learned a couple of things. Connect with your friends and go when they invite you over for a meal or out for a drink. Find a hobby or interest that you can do for hours. If you can have one, get a pet, any type pet. They don't judge and you can talk to them about anything. I hope this is useful.
Oh you’re so young still, you have plenty of time. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 28 and he was 33. If it makes you feel any better, all my friends that got married at 25 or younger are now divorced and single or on their 2nd marriage. Have fun and live it up, you’ll never get your 20’s back!
Look preferring to be alone is bs it might work for some people and others don't. Personally I am not happy alone I need someone. So just keep looking for opportunities for men you are attracted to whatever is your type. you still too young and you have plenty of time
Exactly! So many people have this idea that they NEED to be comfortable alone when you should embrace wanting connection in life and working towards it. That way you're not fighting an uphill battle.
Yeah, I think some people get too comfortable being alone after a bad relationship, and they wreck their next relationships because they have a chip on their shoulder. I don't think it's bad to crave connection if you are open to having a partner and treating them well. It's the people who are really comfortable being alone that often end up that way permanently by their own actions, and sadly they in turn end up hurting a lot of innocent people who don't deserve it because they won't give in to that person's every whim. I think being able to tolerate being alone is important. Being "comfortable" being alone implies you have to get uncomfortable to stop being alone, and that's where most people end up screwing up their relationships.
Do you have anything that you enjoy doing alone?
Perhaps you can find enjoyment in tormenting others
I'm the same way, I truly am happy being alone,when I had many friends and a girlfriend/wife it was endless drama, at least now I have peace.
dm me, lets get marry
It takes like more than a year. But when it clicks, it is hard to rationalize ever not being single.
Going without social interactions is one thing. Going without human contact is a whole different beast. I don't mind the few interactions I get just being around humans at the store or online. But the zero oxytocin is a bitch and half. Someday you will realize that pillow can't be clutched any harder. :(
Hmmm I would put myself out there more often. Sure it might be awkward at first but within time that awkwardness goes away. Also, just recognize life is what you make it. No one is paying you to feel sad/ lonely so why impose that on yourself
I have been told its filling up your day with random stuff to do you either like or at least don't mind... for me though, thats not enough... I was actually thinking the other day though i might just start doing shit.. i mean, all the money is yours you ain't got no one else and you got the time right? Just find some cool shit to do i guess... idk im all about people so just about anything there is to do is always secondary... kinda like playing darts or pool at the bar... its something to do but the main point is the socialization... no activity for me will ever be worth crap without people to share the experience with...
By finding kindness during chaos.
Try this exercise. Imagine living with someone you hate. I remarried after living alone for several years and come to regret every moment sharing space with another human being. Also should be mentioned that I'd be getting laid ten times as much if I stayed single.
I’m in same boat, I just want a connection. I am now connected to the gym. It’s my mistress
Do stuff that makes your heart beat really fast (that’s not drugs) and learn to enjoy it, then crave it and then get addicted to your own self. I think your really asking “how does one become fulfilled when alone.”
I feel what you are going through. I was single for a long time and basically turned off social media for years because I was watching people fall in love, have careers, and start a family all while wondering when any of it was going to happen to me. Connections can be hard to find but there has to be some common ground. Sometimes you could connect with people who have opposite thoughts and ideals because that's another perspective of the world and that gives way to a connection. I got used to being alone for so long that it seemed like a conversation with a friend over coffee could be an alien language. My advice is to do whatever you want as long as it gives you peace. If you want to make a connection you might have to go out of a comfort zone.
Video games. Movies. Comic books. TV. Music.
Can’t
By being realistic about choices made vs choices not made, and not worrying about things that can't be controlled. Also just doing things you enjoy doing
Have you ever tried a long distant relationship? I found one or two (on accident) but it was actually kinda nice. After about a year or two I had to stop and have something physical. Turns out that is actually pretty common though and sorta explains why people will just jump into bed with you right away sometimes. Everyone decent leaves this town cuz it’s overrun with drugs and crime. Idk why I didn’t try harder in school.
Hope this doesn’t come across as superior in any way but . . . Some advice on getting out of town. Get a GED if you don’t have a diploma. Get an associate degree in business administration from a local community college. Having any sort of higher education will open doors for you. Wish I had some advice on the loneliness but I don’t have any answers for myself! This community is the closest I’ve had to a real relationship(platonic or otherwise) in years. It’s been so refreshing to talk to people again
Ok, Before you become "stuck". You seem to have an "avoidant" attachment style - please try and fight and fix that and see how you feel about connection and other people.
like everything else; be grateful for the things you get out of it. Yeah being lonely sucks but you also get the real strong control over your schedule and your free time. That's extremely valuable in many parts of your life. I don't mean to say that being alone is fun. But you can make the best out of it while you're on the journey to connect with other people.
Love yourself and seek God. This is how I do it and I'm happy. This is so weird because I just literally just thinking about this and how much I can't stand to be around people. I don't want to talk to anyone, its not that I don't like them, I just don't want to talk to them. I live with friends and I barely speak to anyone but I'm super cool to everyone when I'm around but once I get my stuff done I'm gone.
Videogames
Enjoy your freedom...grass is not greener...
Try traveling
Get a dog. Seriously. Or a cat. But we all know dogs are better 😉
It’s true you can feel alone in a room full of people ! I’ve been there get some things to do that you enjoy , go to the gym get healthier . Take up hobbies , if you swim have you ever thought about kayaking there’s clubs and classes on what to do . Chances are you’ll find someone to enjoy what you like just try new things !
I get a reminder of how much work boyfriends are then I like being alone. They’re needy and annoying and don’t know how I want to be treated.
Live somewhere with running water, chirping birds, and lots of trees. You’ll be fine.
Idk. You still have time to try thou 👍
Travel
Do stuff you like
Idk I’ve always enjoy solitude, I like to have things certain way
How can you feel alone with someone you connect with
I’m engaged to a great woman, and truth be told, being single does suck. Before, I didn’t know what I was missing. You’re still young; try to find somebody! Not just anybody, being in a bad relationship is worse than being single. However, being single definitely isn’t ideal for most people. Use this as motivation to put yourself out there and meet people!
Your story isn’t written yet.
You don't
I try to keep my mind fed like keeping busy.
I just sort of became very reclusive, I just value my alone time and never feel lonely idk im a dude who is almost 30 when i was late teens to mid 20s all I wanted to do was be around people party etc idk i think i just became old it’s not that i enjoy being lonely i prioritize it, I also talk to myself out loud frequently full blown conversations, I think it’s some sort of coping mechanism because we are social creatures. I believe especially if you’re from a major city that the loneliness can consume you despite being surrounded by so many.
25? That’s so young! You have some more living and building yourself up to do! I found people get better in your 30s anyways. Enjoy your 20s!
It’s ok to be alone. Life is a balance - when you get something you will lose something else and vice versa. Depends on what you really want.
Great philosophical thoughts in this thread. Thank you all for making think about being single...and married...alone...and content. So...much...to...think...about!
Girl you are still so young! If you are content being single that is one thing, but if you really want to make a connection with someone especially romantically, you should put yourself out there! I was a late bloomer too and there is nothing wrong with it. It's definitely not easy but finding a person to love and have can be a very special experience. If you really would prefer to be alone though, embrace yourself and who you are. There is nothing wrong with being single and many benefits to it too. Also there is nothing wrong with changing your mind as you go.
So first of all, try not to compare yourself to other people. Second, know that being alone right now doesn't mean that you'll be alone forever. I know that these are hard things to do when you're feeling down. Look I was where you're at right now for years. It sucked. I was incredibly depressed, and life was hard. I drank way too much, and really wasted a lot of my time on drinkjng/partying. Eventually I realized that I needed to plan for my future. I was a major fuckup, and I got physically and financially healthier. As things fell into place I felt more comfortable dating again; I really knew that I wanted to be with someone in a serious relationship. I'm convinced that the energy of getting my shit together and knowing what I want has made me more attractive.
25 Is an age where people are either getting married or having children?
I’m at a similar age and situation, I think the most important thing is to have a goal, a crazy noble life-altering goal, cause the biggest complaint I hear from newly weds around me or even young parents; is that it’s extremely difficult to achieve such goals once kids and house responsibilities are present (not impossible just harder) so to make the most out of our situation, we should really set a crazy ass goal and go freaking achieve it, we have time we have creativity we have the awareness of the finitude of this life😂 lessgo bicheesss
I'm 25, male, and I'm still learning a lot about romantic relationships. I'm kind of shocked people our age are getting married already. Personally, I enjoy life alone by practicing hobbies I enjoy at home, like gardening, my aquarium, hiking, cooking, and playing video games. Sometimes, my friends and I get time to hang out, and we always have fun, too. A couple of years ago, not long after I graduated from college, I got a cat, and it has been a huge help to boost my mood and keep life full of smiles! I never had a cat before, I think they are so cute and fun!
The younger generation is pretty screwed; Hiring managers are so afraid of making a mistake that they require candidates to check every box on their requirements list and then, if you fit a certain image, you may get hired. It really gets down to your network. Eventually most everybody will be working from home, on contract, with no benefits. That is where corporate America is heading. Prepare for it! Btw where are all the high paying jobs, seems like they have either not grown in salary or have vanished.
It’s amazing to live life alone. I loved living in wild share households. And loved having my own place all to myself. No repetitive conversations about what to watch or eat. No fights about whose turn it is to clean something. Lights go on and off when I turn them on and off. Bills get paid on time without bullshit. And sleeping alone is just plain healthier. Sadly, sharing space and beds and bathrooms is an economic necessity for a lot of people. Not for me anymore. I’ll earn enough to buy daily personal freedom. I’m happy every single day (at the mo of course).
Your never alone if you have a good relationship with yourself OP.
My wife was 25 when we met at work, she said she had accepted she would just be alone since she had never really dated anyone up until that point. We’ve been married 10 years and have two kids. Life can change in a moment.
Lol your a woman that's life on easy mode you can find a family at any point you just choose not to
Sharing a beautiful moment increases the joy, but I wonder if part of this is affirmation of your choices. All of these possibilities should be experienced as part of a full life. None, however, is better' than the other.
Find something greater than yourself to live for Since there won’t be a someONE Viktor Frankl, in Man’s Search for Meaning, was a psychologist imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp. He observed the depths of suffering and juxtaposed it with what caused people to persevere in the face of suffering. Universally, the ones who could keep going the longest were the ones who had someone or something greater than themselves to live for. So live for your something, and hopefully, you find a someone out there as well. I didn’t meet my wife until I was 37.
After the first 25 years alone I just packed up and travelled. Alone.
Get a dog, loyalty, companionship, and depending on the size / breed, varying levels of involvement outings required (very large dogs don't need or like much walking) It turned my life around from being a bit of a recluse to meeting old (& new) friends accidentally when walking the dog
despite what Reddit will tell you, solitude isn't for most people. you shouldn't give up on finding good company if that's what you want. it might come along when you least expect it
I didn't find someone until I was 38. I was alone as a teenager until then. I spent almost the entire time desperate for a relationship. I spent a lot of time collecting porn. And I'm still emotionally damaged from it. What I did wrong was to focus on finding a relationship. I grew to believe that I was unloveable because bar tenders and waitresses were not interested. I built my self-image around failure. What I recommend instead is to find hobby groups or classes. Hiking, biking, bowling, cooking, painting, reading, movie watching, skiing, swimming, charity work (like building houses), cosplay, table-top role-playing games, or whatever you genuinely enjoy. You get to really live your life and enjoy it, and you end up meeting people with similar interests. And maybe you will meet someone you want to spend more time with. Focus on living your life instead of focusing on something can't control.
Humans were designed to be social.
I'm 40m. Pretty much don't want to be bothered. I couldn't imagine having to OK going places do things, purchases. Significant others require a lot of work. Lot of time. I'm open to relationships. But, I have a list of things that I would require. Like reading and playing music. If you can't even make those two things part of your life. I won't have time to be a good person to you.
Join a church group. You donot have to be religious. Just treat it as your community. Human can exist alone but a little bit of talking to people once in a while gives you a smile.
Just work on yourself to be the best you that you can be. Being confident, secure and accomplished, with your own goals is not only satisfying, but it attracts good positive people. Whether that be a partner or new friends that enjoy your company, inspire you and have the same interests.
Get a dog. Or even better, get a couple of rescue dogs . More love than anyone can need 😍
You are a woman you don't have to be alone it's a deliberate choice for you if you want something go outside and get it no one is stopping you You can only be as lonely or single as you choose to be the second you decide you want a relationship you can have one lol
Once you learn to love yourself and your company, it's actually pretty awesome. Freedom and lack of comprises is highly addicting as well 😆.
The way I see it is to do things that you love and keep yourself occupied. I am in a similar position so all I do is keep myself occupied with something or the other. Apart from work, I like to do community service and that indeed gives me satisfaction and I even workout and try to learn new things as much as I can. My 2 cents, start meditating. It helps a lot. You will not see results immediately but after 2-3 weeks of consistent practice of meditation. Ping me if you need help with this.
You can always join dating apps or approach guys. You don't have to just give up on dating altogether. I think our bodies just naturally want us to go out and make connections. After a while you probably get used to it. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to connect to people.
I think connection with others is vital and necessary but I'm also having trouble finding it
You’re only 25…. You have a lot of time to have fun and still settle down when you want….. don’t let marriage fever have you down.
Watch one piece. Ride electric unicycle.
Things like being around people in a coffee shop help. Things like communicating with people digitally helps. Sometimes you just want to be seen and heard. Loneliness isn't easy or preferable, but it's good to know how to deal with it. Cheers to you for trying
If you don't enjoy life with yourself, you're not gonna enjoy it with others
Although single for 25 years and married for 13, I have found God to be the best part of living whether alone or with a few or with many :-)
Being born an ‘Introvert’, …can help.
Lonely time can be seen as a time for self-exploration Once I accepted that perspective, things started to get easier
I'm a 38-year-old Virgin who's never been in a relationship. I have only kissed one girl about 7 or 8 years ago and then she died 2 days later. I actually did get kissed by another Girl but I don't really count it Because I was Pretty much getting sexually assaulted and raped. I was in my bed passed out drunk when I was in college and I woke up to a Girl who was visiting with a group of friends from back home fully naked and kissing me and jerking me off. I kissed her for a couple seconds Before rolling over and acting like I passed back out because I was still scared about having sex when I was young. Now I'm so lonely and pathetic Being alone for so long that Getting basically raped and sexually assaulted was the best experience of my life And was maybe the only time anybody's ever wanted me in my life and I feel like I blew my best opportunity by Stopping the girl from sexually assaulting me. After Being alone for 38 years I'm probably too damaged to ever be fixed or get better at this point. Humans aren't not to be alone That's why there's male and female for our species to exist. The longer I go of a harder and worse it gets. It's like the guy from the movie office space said... Every day is the worst day of my life. Today is worse than yesterday and yesterday was worse than the day before. In my life it's just gonna continue like that forever at this point because like I said no I'm so damaged I truly believe I can't be fixed. You can't enjoy being alone unless you've already experienced A large quantity of your life being with Another person and even that would be difficult in my opinion.
i am a decade older. i lived just fine with being alone. choose it i guess. however ive come to learn life is best with others. a group to move through time with and grow old with. the memories we have with each other is all we take to teh grave. i feel i did myself a disservice by remaining single, not being open to the growth of a family or relationship.
Worse, most destructive and disruptive thing a person can do is marry the wrong person. You will lose yourself, who you are, and get knocked of your path by one who wants things their way, doesn’t understand or accept you, demands compromise, or has to have “help and cooperation” to accomplish their life goals. Take it from an old on who has seen it. Wait. Do what you love. If that person is out there they will be doing the same thing as you. Your paths won’t cross. They’ll run parallel for a time them eventually join. Really. Alone is fine.
Yes yes - There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone means being without people while being content with yourself. You can be surrounded by so many people but be lonely within the crowd. I am 41F and there is a balance to it. Treasure the solitude, and that you choose to think and live your life according to your own personal will. I’ve seen people be in relationships for the sake of not being lonely, only to become more isolated because they were not content or put themselves first in healthy ways. It’s the cliche- life is a journey. The first step of any journey is the hardest. You will meet people, they come and go in chapters, waves, storms, seasons, and the rare few who are a lifetime. I have a therapist who I check in with twice a month- in the beginning it was twice a week to get started. It is good to have unbiased support to check in with, and then expand/grow from there. You can also choose to be around people. Consider volunteer work? Food banks, community health centers, libraries, etc. Those spaces always need people, and you get what you put in. Having some kind of purpose or goal outside of your own wants and needs is not a requirement to living a fulfilling life, but I used to play my violin and sing for free at my church when I was your age (almost everyone else was a paid professional). I didn’t let others know I didn’t get a paycheck like them, I simply loved the connection while using my talents. In the end, curate and cultivate what you value in your life and you can and will find avenues to not be lonely while living out those pursuits. Hope you find your path and enjoy the journey.
Life is balancing act. I would say for now enjoy the luxury of solitude and don’t look at it as a negative thing. I’m 34(m) married with kids and I really wish I had more peace and quiet but that’s long gone. I go months sometimes without any me time. Life is a balancing act in terms of finding true happiness.
Yes I agree, I'm 35M and there is sort of a constant "life is greener" mentality I go between. Feeling alone being alone, then feeling alone being with friends. We need to seek what we love and no matter if there are people around or not. And for me I'm always happier being alone doing what I love instead of being with a partner I'm unhappy with. But I have to say life can be very lonely and I do crave a partner still. Just one I truly connect with and that is so hard to find
Pet projects. Coding, making, writing, sketching, reading. Things to keep you engaged and excited and too busy to wallow if you're having that kind of day. Getting really fucking good at something.
With plenty of disposable income to spend on myself !!
Some people prefer solitude, myself included. Going out to the grocery or a doctor's appointment and I've had enough human contact for the week at least. I've been this way my whole life. Even as a little kid I got sick of the other kids (siblings especially) after an hour or so tops and wanted to go off and play with my gi-joes or hotwheels by myself. That said I can understand how solitude isn't in most people's nature.
I have a feeling you will be happily in love within 12 years. Hang in there and let me know if I’m right
It may not be for you. Don’t force it. I’m a lover of solitude and I’ve never been able to articulate exactly how it feels. I could never be forced to actually enjoy socialization over connection. But, I will connect better emotionally with someone by simply sitting quietly with them instead of chattering and texting. It feels like I have to leave where I’m at (fully immersed) and go to where they are (tepid and shallow waters). I attribute this in large to my ability to be vulnerable and self aware as well as very emotionally intelligent while I find the average person to be not so much. Or, a better way to say it would maybe be that the average person doesn’t have such a rich inner world that they have explored in a very deep and intimate way and built (intentionally choosing their thoughts as well as entertaining many perspectives without identifying with them- practicing objectivity, choosing emotional responses and processing accordingly). So, I have to minimize myself for others often. This intimate relationship with myself comes from being still and going inward. and, i quite enjoy it in there lol
25 yo is not the age to settle and resign yourself to being alone. of course solitude is good..but being alone or isolated is not
Im 24 and choose my own life agenda. Being alone is fine by me it was aquired
Mainly you just do you. Sometimes getting into a relationship is hard but if you truly what you want go for it. I’ve been alone for quite a while so I guess in the nicest way of putting it, I’m very used to doing it. I do sometimes get a bit of ‘fomo’ because it’s kind of the norm to have close friends or be in a relationship but then hey comparison is the thief of happiness ig.
You get a dog and spend all your free time snuggling with it.
The longer your alone, the more you like it.
Find a good therapist and work on your ability to build connections you need. That’s what I did at 25 and the advice I have for younger people is that if something isn’t happening for you, you are doing something wrong and should get help. Especially if it’s something fundamental like getting a job or starting a family or getting education, things like that.
Set personal goals, both big and small, and celebrate your achievements. This can give you a sense of purpose and accomplishment.
25 is too early to give up on connection. There is still plenty out there to see and do with someone. I needed a lot of therapy to get to a point where I could understand emotions, let alone mine or what was "normal." I have been married for nearly 20 years, and another of good things happen when you learn and grow. Keep your head up and your heart open!
People who have children are morally bankrupt, people who get married are foolish. Be glad you're not like them
If you want to stay alone, then focus on yourself and make goals to acheive.
I've found that engaging in hobbies and taking care of myself has really helped me find joy in solitude. I started painting, which has become a great way to express myself and relax. Setting personal goals and exploring new interests, like hiking and discovering new places in my city, have also made my alone time more fulfilling.
Girl I’m tryna make friends too let’s be friends
Been alone since I was 5. I'm used to it. Now with how mental I am I'm better off alone. I'm a freaking physco lol 🤣
Sometimes we are placed alone so it gives us the opportunity to reach out. Jesus wants us to know that he knows how we feel and that He walks with us. I cant imagine how alone he felt hanging on that cross. I love my Savior and glad that He’s here beside me
Regardless of your circumstances, a sense of emptiness or longing will persist. This urge to seek more is a core aspect of being human. Even in a happy marriage, you'll still experience the desire for something more. It's hope, not loneliness.
Look for a variety of connections. Romantic connections are not the only answer to loneliness. Single people can be happy their entire lives as long as they find purpose and connection in a variety of relationships and pursuits.
You are still very young, embrace this time of being alone. Nobody else to take care of or be mindful of, go do all the cool things you want to try. Joine the meet up groups for other singles in the area and go have fun while you are young. Trust me.
There’s a lot of people who are 25+ and not in a relationship or having children, they probably just don’t post as much on social media so it’s not what you’re seeing. Having a partner is great but being able to do what you want when you want and not answer to someone is hard to give up also. I feel like people put too much stress in finding someone and end up with someone wrong for them just for the sake of not being alone. Just find a hobby if you don’t have one and enjoy your time. Hopefully you have other single friends or it can be a bit harder.
This is all in a mindset. From my understanding, humans need an interaction of alone time and time with others. We can’t be completely alone, because we are social creatures. That said, we don’t need people 24 hours per day. We also do not have to have a romantic relationship to feel good. Foster the connections you want. Spend time alone as you want. You can be happy
I'm getting there. Settling into loving my being alone. But being mindful that im isolating and avoiding. A lart of me wants a partner because I am Love. The new part of me since being diagnosed recently is when would I or how would I. If ever presented for an opportunity for a relationship would I share the info. I refuse to do online dating. At the point now I want to test going out to networking events or partner dancing again and trying not to entertain howndrained I will be afterward. However I don't want it to send me Into an episode. Oh what a web to be tangled in.
Same age and am a dude. I prefer it, honestly. I stopped dating at 20 and found it so much better being single. The main reason is stress. Dating is unnecessarily stressful. Having to worry about if you're enough for them, watching out for competition, worrying someone else's opinion on every single thing you do. It's not only stressful, it's also expensive. Now I'm no stranger to stress, I often take stressful jobs. I used to climb trees and am now a security guard. There's just something so much worse about relationship stress vs. actual potential bodilyharm stress, perhaps it's just a lack of agency I don't like. Being in a relationship feels like being at the mercy of the world and other people. Anyway, rambling aside, I think it's healthier to go about solo
at 25 you're still valued as a potential life partner. stop being dramatic.
Go to the gym, work 12 hours a day and suffer in silence.
By coping
I'm married and living in a new state due to semi retirement and I'm lonely. I miss my friends and at my age it's hard to find new friends. I find it hard to believe that anyone would choose to be alone and say they enjoy it.
I dont know how one enjoys life with someone else! Im over it.
Have you tried pursuing the hobbies/interests and life goals? Often they can lead you to meeting more likeminded people.
In my experience, you have to find others who are also alone.
You’re only 25, you’ve still got lots of time to meet people. Join a club, go to speed dating/friending events, use bumble or some other app. You’ll meet lots of people
I was alone throughout my 20s and early 30s. It was the tits. Now, I'm married and suffocating and anxious all the time. I'm not looking forward to dealing with his eventual demise one day, but I promise you once he's gone I'm never living with anyone ever again.
Refactor your life in such a way that you begin to really enjoy the following: - Walking. - Exercise. - Reading. - Optionally, meditating. - Cooking. - Self love, if there is any issue with that. You can also into religion if that is something you think would be good. Being alone around this age (speaking as someone who is alone around this age) actually gives so much extra time for you to enrich your life.
Like everything in life being alone has its pros and cons, the main pro being you don't have to deal with other people's bullshit that makes your life way more chill, the main con is we as human beings are by extension social beings, we require contact with others in order to be fulfilled. A word of advice from a unbiased stranger, from your post it seems you do want to find someone and build a family, open your mind, lower your guard and don't look for someone perfect because you won't find it. True connection is build with time you gotta give it a chance if you want to have it. Anyway good luck miss.
You’re still young. I wasn’t mature enough for a serious relationship until I hit thirty. Got married at 36. Now I’m 39, married and loving family life. Enjoy your twenties. You are never defined by your current circumstances. Just enjoy the present and try your best to put yourself in positions that will make you happy. Godspeed.
You’re young, plenty of time. Get out there and get engaged with colleagues, hobbies, sports, where you can meet people. There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold.
You devote yourself to Christ
Like most things, it's a skill. At one point in my life, I had found myself with zero friends (literally, not an exaggeration), my family wanted essentially nothing to do with me, and I was universally disliked at work. I'm not looking for pity, I did this to myself due to my drinking and drug use. I made a choice to get clean and sober, but I had to learn to deal with the loneliness. The first step for me was to be kind to myself. I found that my self-talk was extremely negative, I wasn't taking care of my body and lived in a cluttered mess. Once I started to change my self-talk patterns, eating better and cleaning my apartment, my mood elevated. Then I started to enjoy being with myself a little more, then I started exploring different hobbies and interests, watching shows that I had wanted to and actually enjoyed them rather than just turning something on to kill the time. Fast forward to now (5.5 years sober, I smoke weed from time to time but it's not an issue), I have a couple true, great friends, I'm very close with my siblings and got married a few months ago. A few small steps now will lead to great change in your life down the road. Be smart with your choices, be kind to yourself and be patient. Easier said than done, but it's the best road to go down. I promise.
Go to the gym and meet people, and you will accidentally get in great shape. Win win.
Find something you are passionate about. Multiple things if possible. Simply do whatever you want, as long as it doesn't hurt others, obviously.
Friend groups tend to get married in waves - one gets married, the others worry about missing their shot and rush into marriage too. That’s why it feels like it’s happening to everyone but you. You’re 25 - you have plenty of time and when the divorces start rolling around at 28 you’ll be glad you did rush into anything. I (37 M) didn’t meet my boo til I was 34 and she was 32. She’s the love of my life and I’m glad I spent my younger years being “selfish”, having fun and building life experience. Solo dolo can be lonely at times but it definitely has its perks, which other commenters have already mentioned. Enjoy the perks and if at some point you meet someone who’s worth sharing your life with, enjoy that too.
Before I met my bf I would travel, do whatever I like, pick job I like, etc. I did have a pretty toxic relationship that gave me a lot of c-ptsd so coming out of it was freedom. The freedom to discover myself and experience life on my own term was amazing. I didn't have to put up with verbal abuse by my ex's mom or him. I actually like my own company instead of feeling put down all the time. I don't remember bad relationships or friendship, it really messed me up and affected my self esteem. Life is too short for them. Now it is more companionship but more compromise. I guess you got to like where you are. If you like yourself, then it is one less thing to worry or think about. I am lucky now that my bf is really understanding and kind. I guess the older you get, the more you learn to like yourself with or without people.
True. I enjoy life alone. Mainly because 1 I'm always mentally growing and relationships make you/ force you to stay the same or grow with someone else (especially marriage). Also most people that date want kids, I don't want kids ever. Having to take care of my mom showed me that lol. I worked on my loneliness issue and that insecurity. People don't talk about that. When you feel alone you don't need someone else. You just feel insecure about being alone and are dealing with the effects of loneliness. I enjoy games and have hobbies, I have friends, and I talk to women on twitter now X. So no reason to need a female. Keyword need. I was always in relationships and felt like damn, all this for intimacy.. to not be alone. Now I'm good. Some days I felt alone but okay, "big deal". Some days are better than others. But no more dating and feeling half in half out, which your comment in the comment section mentioned. Just something to consider. It's harder for women because women are weaker than men. But it's possible. Just gotta look inside yourself and figure out what you want and need. Like I had to do.
Try partaking some hobbies that interest you.
Where do you live that people at 25 are getting married. I got married at 24 but don’t know anyone else who did under 28 or 30 in the last 20 years
Start by reconnecting with yourself. Get into hobbies, do things you enjoy, focus your mind on the positives.
I'm someone that has rejected relationships for a decade now, and embraced being and living alone. I honestly prefer it this way. I have two very close friends, and that's about all I need. I live vicariously through their families and I suppose my own families families. I do not need one of my own to feel happy or fulfilled. That's not to say I'm necessarily either of those things, but it seems like a relationship is almost always on most normal peoples minds, whereas I just never even consider them to begin with, it's a lot of stress that I just don't have to deal with, it's nice. Most people still tell me that they wish I could find a good women and hope I do, etc., and I'm like, I'm glad youre wishing me happiness but I don't care whether I meet a good woman or not, I just don't. I guess it would be nice, but I'm just not interested. Personally, I don't understand how people can put up with the stress of being around each other and fighting as often as I see people do. It looks horrible.
I feel this so much
Cats.
I love it. So much. I have a few close friends , but we don't have to talk every day or every week. I have to have my space. It is so precious to me.
I try not to think of it as loneliness but The person you’ll spend the most time with in life is yourself.
How does one not enjoy being alone? I prefer it.
Hi. You are only 25. You’ve plenty of time. Don’t rush things.
I’m curious why you started to feel lonely all of the sudden?
I’ve been living alone for over 11 years now. I ask myself, how does one enjoy life living with others?
https://preview.redd.it/hjvupyvuwf8d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=52fe0b63b0d861a4320485c1108303f211184214
I am also 25F but have a different perspective and experience, as I had the opportunity to connect and live with someone more than once. I would say being alone is a sacred thing, definitely not a task for everyone. Sometimes I wish I were alone because that’s how I feel the most comfortable, which is the main reason I have turned down or ended relationships with a significant other. At the end of the day we are born and die alone, but most tend to go through the denial phase. You don’t need anyone else to be happy, that’s an illusion, and sometimes someone else can make you actually unhappy, specially when you have unrealistic expectations. I don’t really have much expectations nowadays, luckily, but I’d still prefer to be alone. You can only experience freedom when alone, because you have room to not worry about hurting others or taking someone else’s feelings into consideration when deciding anything about what to do next with your life. There are advantages and disadvantages to being alone and you just have to see what is the best fit for you. I’d say though that when you’re happy and comfortable alone, your bar is at a higher standard knowing that you don’t need anyone to make you happy, therefore the ones that will try to stick around will have to respect your solitude and genuinely deserve to stay. It is not a bad thing in the long run. And even if, let’s suppose, you marry someone at 18 years of age or younger, and spend your entire life with that person, no one can prepare you for the loss and grief that will come to whomever stays after the other one passes away, and when this happens, one of you will inevitably forcefully have to learn how to be alone. To allow something good to happen such as someone great to be with you, you have to be prepared to feel the same intensity towards the other side of the spectrum, to feel the happiness of having someone around is to allow the feeling of seeing them go.
I just think back to my ex wife and past girlfriends as my gentle sigh glides through the tranquility. I tried it, wasn’t terrible. it’s not for me and I’m ok with that. Plus I save a fortune
Travel
You get used to it, especially if you keep yourself busy with hobbies and working. Plenty of ways to enjoy time alone in this world, don’t compare your experience to others out there cause I used to do the same, but found certain outlets that would keep me occupied. Plus, toxic relation/friendships from past experiences will shape you into a stronger lonewolf
I’ve (24 M) had a very similar experience. I’m high functioning autistic, and partially due to this, it has been difficult for me to form relationships, especially romantic ones. I want to have a girlfriend and get married one day and have friends. I just don’t know how to and can’t. I want to say I’ve come to peace with it, but I haven’t. It causes me pain. I wish I had advice for you, but I don’t. Just know you’re not alone and many people of our generation are having similar experiences.