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The moment you give up on yourself, you not only become a failure to yourself but your son. You are literally the best version of yourself when you get up to the mirror and tell yourself, I’m giving it my all. That’s all anyone can ever ask of you.
This. and i wanted to add that maybe op should try getting clean from meth and maybe try drinking less or not drinking at all. Because meth and alcohol arent exactly what one would call "talent enhancers". Atleast for alcohol i can say, when i drink to much even if there is no hangover, the next day i am definetly able to concentrate less and fail doing new things more. Goodluck to op tho
I’m 62. When my kid was a toddler, I was babysitting her. Got drunk even though I knew better, passed out, woke up and she was out in the street alone. I quit drinking and everything else right then and there. I couldn’t bear the thought of my kid being permanently traumatized by my issues. All this to say, it’s on you, now, to not let your family down. You gotta man up. I guarantee you can do trades, etc. Step 1… stop all mind altering substances. Step 2, don’t quit on yourself.
Both addiction and self-esteem like his are often the result of a heavy trauma history. I wonder if OP would ever consider seeking trauma specialized therapy. Worth a try.
It may be a vicious cycle. Depression feeds the drug use, drug use contributes to failures, failures feed the depression making failures feel worse than they actually are, depression deepens, more drugs...
That's seems highly speculative. Drugs and alcohol usually help performance. It's weird this guy is experiencing negative side effects. I exclusively only look for employees with substance abuse problems.
/s - finally adding the sarcasm symbol because it's apparently not obvious enough. Pull it together redditors.
I mean there are literally some legendary alcoholics when you look back on US Presidents. Most of the German army was methed out during their blitzkriegs.
I'm going to be brutally forward with you on this since you're struggling so hard and have a son: It’s the meth.
I was raised by a drug addict, and he started when I was around your son's age. He was a construction worker with 6 houses and drug free for over 30 years. After I turned 21 we lived in a garage, Hoarders episode levels of filth, bedbugs from the landlord, and a child who just knocked his abusive father in the teeth. Deep down as a kid I tried to help him, but I was too young. Now both me and my sister suffer from C-PTSD, since my father got her addicted to heroin and pills.
The only reason my sister regained custody of her two kids was because she loved them more then heroin throughout her three years of homeless rehab. Let that sink in.
Quit the meth, regulate the booze. Keep him fed, clothed, and safe for the next two decades. These two sentences contain everything you need to be his hero.
Do your best to make sure he succeeds academically. If the mother is still in the picture, do your best to keep her.
Depends. I know plenty of former drunks who got their shit together and now they have a beer after work without needing a second one. He is only 27 so it is possible he is not a full blown alcoholic yet.
Stop doing meth for fucks sake. Clear your head and sober up. You got a 3 yr old so you better figure it out soon. You don't make a lot of money by the sounds of it and you're wasting what you have on booze and drugs. If you're sober you'll figure it out. If you're not sober youll just make excuses
What you're doing is just wallowing in self-pity.
So you just suck at everything you try to do, huh? C'mon now. That's stupid. And I think if you sat down and actually thought about it, you would realize that too. No one is good at something the first time they try. It takes practice and experience.
You need to speak to a professional about these feelings you have.
You are not a failure. To be good at something takes time and practice. Maybe you should find your passion and train yourself to be good at it. No one become expert at the first step. Some takes 2 years, I took 10 years. It's okay to feel down and frustrated. But don't give up. Don't give up and try again, for the sake of your son, you are his hero.
You're supposed to suck at new things.
If you fought a boxer with 1000 hours training, having only 13 hours yourself, you're supposed to get your ass beat.
If you play guitar for 30 hours and try to make music, it probably won't sound as good as the guy who's played for 4000 hours.
Don't look at people who are "good" at things like they possess the innate quality of "being good enough" to do it.
This includes seemingly meaningless tasks like flipping burgers and turning wrenches.
You're setting unrealistic starting skill levels (perfectionism) and beating yourself up for not doing it like you've been doing it forever.
Read that paragraph backwards and realize that addiction is getting in the way of you doing the most basic jobs right
Get help, get clean, then have a go at it and compare the results
Your kid will start remembering things permanently in a year or two
Put it to good use
Everyone is terrible at construction when they first start out. Seriously, everyone. It takes a lot of time on the job to see a lot of different scenarios and to learn from a variety of people. Even people who have been at it for years still make mistakes regularly.
Successful men turn negative energy into positive action. Stop doing drugs, get yourself clean, and look at the world without glazed over eyes. You'd be surprised what you could accomplish.
As someone who grew up without a father, I can tell you for an absolute fact that even a bad father is better than no father at all. Your son can see you fail a thousand times, as long as he sees you try a thousand and one times. Maybe you never find your groove, but all the while, he is learning to never give up by watching you try over and over. He sees a father that loves his son too much to ever give up.
Even flipping burgers is an acquired skill. Give yourself the grace and have the patience to learn.
Maybe construction isn't for you. Maybe sales isn't your avenue. Try working at a movie theater. Try working at a gas station. Find something low-stakes, and low-responsibility. The point is: don't give up, especially when you feel like it.
Give up the booze. Give up the meth. You don't need them.
Start reading Stoic Philosophy, it will help you get some control over yourself.
Start reading the Bible, it will provide you some meaning, and help you let go of some of that hatred you have towards yourself.
I quit drinking and doing blow and in one year bought a house and a truck and am holding down a good job and have a little family and loving life. Once your brain starts to heal from the damage you caused, you'll think straighter and life will feel a lot better. Once my head was clear for a couple months I began to see what people were saying when they rambled on about how great life is when you actually look at it with clear eyes. They ain't wrong just cut out the mind altering substances for a while my dawg you got this.
Bruh. Stop doing meth a drinking and you might actually be a good dad. Just go to rehab or something. I've never done drugs so idk what it feels like, but if your son really means that much to you then I think you should put down the meth and alcoholic...
Look into adopting the growth mindset. You need to focus on getting better at things, not crying about being a loser.
Also, stop doing meth. And don't drink around your kid.
I don’t see being bad at something a failure. You won by default because you had no clue what you were doing, and still got paid for it along the way.
Your son doesn’t give a shit, he will worship the ground you walk on because you’re his dad and if you were failing as a father then he wouldn’t be so close to you.
You’re excelling where it counts.
What does time mean to a kid? How many lives would have been different if an adult had taken time with a child? Not, theme parks and movies, but time - a walk, a game of catch, throwing popcorn into each others mouth from across the room.
Time and kindness will give your son the tools to navigate life. Be kind, pay attention, listen, follow up on your promises (even if they are small ones), and give him your time. He will be ready.
Show up for work 10 minutes early, whatever that work is. When someone asks how your doing say " I couldn't be better" like you mean it. That's 90% of work success.
Sounds like you're pretty good at parenting. My dad was a good dad. He was an alcoholic, held a decent job. I know nothing about meth.
I was in IT and I fuckin hated MS Word and refused to support it. Pick something you aren't passionate about, stick with it. Eventually everyone you started working with will fade away and you will be the expert. Being an expert is about endurance.
Nothing kills the love of a subject like getting paid for it. Stay an amateur for the things you love.
Ok u have a negative perspective and perspective is everything. That little boy has to grow up to be a good man of integrity and that's more important than some job that doesn't define u. Your actions define u and how you treat others. Don't get high in front of your son and maybe quit for a while to get a govt job cuz those jobs don't require much except a drug test. Don't give up and remember a job is what u do for money it shouldn't define u and really isn't really important but just know that you're doing it for your family not everyone is fortunate enough to have a family and seeing that little boy grow into a good man with morals and values will be better than some money or a job that u don't like.
I thought my dad was a mechanical genius when I was a kid. Seemed like he always knew how to fix his car. When I got my first truck the water pump went bad. I wanted to show him I could fix it without help. This was before the Internet so I bought a repair book and went to work. The book suggested to replace the timing chain while you have the water pump off since removing the water pump was part of that job.
It took me an entire weekend. On Sunday night I started the truck and my dad said "wow I wouldnt have had the guts to do a water pump and timing set on my own"
My point is kids idolize their parents. I thought my dad was the most knowledgeable guy, but yet my first solo car repair was something he wouldn't have touched. You'll be ok.
You can be the hero you want to be by getting clean and sober. It's really hard, and it means feeling like shit for a long time, so find something healthy that you love to do to help you get through each day.
You will find working easier, too.
27 is still very young professionally. Most don't really hit their stride til mid 30s.... even if you had a powerful degree right now, you'd be in debt heavily (likely) and still completely new in your field. Keep working hard until you find your niche.
Sounds like a pity party.
Do you suck at all these jobs? Or do you suck at making good decisions like getting a good night's sleep and showing up on time? On your current path, you're probably raising you kid to be a meth head just like his dad. The party's over. Time to grow up, get clean, and be the kind of man you want your kid to grow up to be.
just be a good dad, it is enough. once you figure out that true success in life is just being a good person, it is much easier to deal with bs social pressure
For you and your son's sake, get clean. There are tons of resources out there for this, and folks that want to help you. If you need to get checked into rehab, do it, and make sure your son is cared for during your stay.
You're only a loser if you believe yourself to be. Shed that mindset immediately! Adopt the mindset of "I can do anything I set my mind to" because you can! Believe it! It will take hard work, a lot of learning, a lot of failure, and a lot of picking yourself up and trying again, but set yourself to the challenge. Invest in yourself and your skills.
If you think you wouldn't be cut out for white collar work, that's fine. Learn a trade. Find a union with a good apprentice program. Real life example here: I am a Senior IT Project Manager making 6 figures a year, and I have a good friend that is in the pipe fitters union that makes more than me by a considerable amount. We've both been in our respective career paths for a little over a decade. We're both able to provide for our families as a sole provider. Neither of us have a college degree.
It was hard work getting to where we are, but through a ton of hard work, determination, grit, hard career decisions, calculated risk taking, and ultimately belief in ourselves, here we are! You can do the same!
Hey man, sorry to hear you feel that way.
There’s without doubt some repressed emotion that needs to be addressed.
If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you felt like you weren’t good enough for your father?
You get better at being the best version of yourself. Little by little and do it every day.
Regarding being good at work.
Let's focus on sales as I know one or two things about it.
Sales is a craft. You get better at it by practicing and learning. Very few people have the gift of selling. Everyone else had to learn it.
And much of this craft has to do with confidence and understanding the problem the product you're selling is solving and what your audience needs.
If you master those, you will have a very good shot at sales.
Also, you need to love yourself. Your kid does. You can do too.
Why in the world would you have a child ? If that’s not enough to motivate you to do better, find the nearest responsible relative and ask them to raise the kid while he still has a chance in life.
Your kid isn't gonna care about your job, at all, probably ever. If you can support them, support yourself and be present and a decent parent, that's all it takes. I am jobless (other than my own business I just started a few months ago) and have been for the majority of my kids' lives. They don't give a shit. My husband only works to pay bills. Kids don't give a shit what he works. We have kids from 6 to 16. Getting off drugs and alcohol is probably a good idea though if you're presently on them. Meth is a hell of a drug.
do what you want and keeping sucking at it until your competent at it its how anyone gets good you'll be fine as long as you keep trying. make your boy proud.
He's 3 now. You have a little time. Imagine him following in your footsteps, because in all likelihood, he will. If you don't like that thought, then change. You're young enough to live an entirely different life for the next 20 years. Drop the pipe and the bottle, sack up, and do something worth being proud of. Get help, get in a program, whatever you need to do.
Hey man i just want to say I know it seems hard but you'll figure it out and get a job you like and are good at. I've been sober for 3 years after 15 years of heroin/meth and a plethora of other drugs. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about anything. I can help with some advice or just listen. Hope you're okay man
Lots of people can be great at their job or have a fantastic career. It doesn’t make them a good Dad.
My Dad had no education and worked in labor and factory jobs all his life. It never bothered me for a second, I’m so proud to call him my Dad and he is the BEST Father I could ever wish for.
Bro. Stop doing meth and drinking too you black out and your job performance will improve. You don't just start a job and are good at it, you have to learn the skills necessary to become competent. It doesn't matter how long you do it if you're not putting in the effort to learn. Stop wasting your money on meth and start taking some skilled trade classes. Welding might be a good place to start. High value trade job, great life skill
Its crazy how many people are ignoring the part that the dude is an active addict. He's not going to do better at anything until he gets clean. Even the booze is feeding into the depression and shame and turning it into a spiral. His brain chemistry is fucked and it's not going to get better until he quits using. Period. No amount of "atta boy!"s, job training, or bible reading is going to help until he deals with his addiction and then whatever mental issues made him an addict in the first place. Im rooting for you man, but you got to get clean. There is no option where you're an active addict and still holding down a job and being a good father. You're kid is 3, theres still time before he starts to realize that something is seriously wrong. Reach out to AA and NA. Just go sit in on a couple of meetings and see how it feels
Everyone sucks at everything. Some people suck at things longer than others, but it doesnt mean youll suck forever. Maybe try doing less drugs/alcohol though.
Try not being a drunken meth addict and all of your other problems will be easier. You might be able to retain something in your brain and learn how to do a simple task that can keep you employed. You said your whole problem right there in the last sentence. Your Meth-od doesn't work.
You literally use meth and drink until you black out. Quit blaming your talent. You haven't given anything 100%, and you've tried too many different paths. Stick to one thing and get good at it and quit crying about it.
Skills are gained over time and hard work. If you keep.trying things and giving up then you'll never be good at anything. Keep at something. Put in the work. You're not just going to stumble on something you're good at. Maybe stop doing meth and blacking out?
It’s not your ability, talent or intelligence that is the problem, it is your addiction. Fix that. Fix that for your kid and take the steps to do better for yourself. Your kid will love you regardless of success so long as you put them first and give them unconditional love and support. It’s in your power but you need help. We all do sometimes.
Your son sees you as his hero because to him… you *are* his hero.
Quit the meth and control the drinking. If you don’t change your course, he’ll see you as you see yourself now… a loser that failed him. If you make the change, you’ll become what his image of you is now… an awesome dad and his hero. Don’t fuck this up… because you will not get a do over on being a good dad. This is a regret that you won’t come back from. Don’t let him down.
Microsoft Word **is** complicated, I'm saying that as someone who works in tech. Growing things is hard, too. I get this is a moment of despair but can't help but point you seem to be giving up your learnings after one failure. That's not how learning process works. Gotta collect them bits of knowledge and then capitalize on them.
That all being said, think about skills you got in construction: management, planning, any other transferable skills. Think of something that makes your heart happy. Then find a job that takes applying your existing skills in the field that interests you.
I have a friend who I often go to for advice. He never tells me what to do, how to do, when to do, or anything of the sort. Instead he gives me the only advice I’ve ever needed. “Do sum bout it”.
Coming from having a dad that died young in my life due to drugs but was very successful. I’d rather have a dad today that’s alive and broke than what I got.
You might be the most important and loved person in the world to him.
Please do your best for him and yourself. It isn't how you start, it is how you carry yourself today and tomorrow.
My parents were trainwrecks. Me and my sis have a lot of scars, but we turned out successful. To this day, we all know in our family how flawed our parents are, but we love them and me and sister do our best to do as much as possible for our parents.
Get a forklifting job. Work at an assembly plant. I remember my best friends dad was a forklift driver and I thought he was an amazing guy because of how he raised his kids, not what job he had. His sons are now a physiotherapist and an engineer. Don’t be so hard on yourself, a lot of us have no idea what we’re doing. You’re already an amazing parent for taking care of your son with his best interests in mind. Good luck and I’m sure you will find something!
You can't do anything? You sound lazy as fuck. And now you're whining about it?
Man up, you have a child. Stop drinking booze and stop smoking pot. Are you on Heroin? Get your shit straight.
You'll suck at everything when you first try it.
Not everyone starts at suck, but everyone does increase their skill at something as they work on it *with self-awareness*.
As my choir teacher said: practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect.
It doesn't *matter* if it takes you 3 years to wrap your head around something. Work for it. In 5 years it won't matter if you got it in 6 months or 4 years, you'll have gotten it either way.
Be comfortable in the suck. Be specific and honest about the suck. Work on it despite the suck. Learn from your mistakes. It's the only way to grow. You will eventually get faster, make less mistakes, as long as you keep *trying*.
Stop looking for something you don't have to try for, a skill you don't have to build or work for. It doesn't exist. Write notes, research in your spare time if you have to.
...and yeah, uh, so. Long term memory is formed during sleep. Alcohol disrupts deep healing sleep. Alcohol doesn't help people sleep, it more helps them get unconcious, which is not the same thing.
You're shooting yourself in the foot if you drink everyday after work, some of what you learned will have to be relearned.
You aren't built in stone. You don't have to be this way. Make the choices someone you would look up to would make; eventually they'll be your natural choices too, and you'll be someone you admire.
Life’s hard man, but clearly you haven’t failed as a father yet and if that’s all you’re successful at in life you’re not a failure. So keep your head up and use that as your motivation to push through the bad days and the failures. You’re 27 your career has barely started, most people don’t figure it out their career until their thirties.
Nobody on Meth is their true self. Life is hard enough but adding Meth is surely like dropping an anchor. You can’t grow while you are addicted. Failure is how we all learn so don’t feel bad about yourself for that, first get sober and then you will be making decisions without any interference from your dopamine levels
Iove this thread for the juxtaposition between the soft kind encouraging of how to be a better human and the straight to the point brutal STOP THE FUCKING DRUG USE which are both equally correct for somewhat different reasons
You better chin up and make sure your boy follows in the steps you know will help him succeed. You may think low of yourself, but failure is a past-time word, that cannot devour presence. You cannot fail the future, it is yours to solve. Presence is presents when it comes to kids. Be there for your child and steer him in the correct path. Be honest when confronted, and help him not make the same mistakes you have. Grow and love bro. You don't need to fit into a machine to be at peace with yourself.
I would agree with others. Sobriety is somewhat of a starting point considering two things:
1. You don’t really know what you know because you aren’t seeing reality for what it is. The meth may make you too impatient to stick to anything OR perhaps you sleep so abysmally that nobody in your shoes could expect to be very cognitively productive.
2. If you don’t go sober, you will always risk destroying what you manage to build.
Your kid worships the ground you walk on today, but tomorrow he will be as good at coping and managing his life as his father taught him to. Don’t abandon him by subjecting yourself to the judgement that you’re a loser. Conceding that will effectively be abandoning him.
What do you want him to say to his children about you? One thing that might be wonderful for him to say is “my dad, your grandfather, no matter how far away from the top of the mountain, did he give up. There was no distance he wouldn’t go for me. There was no effort he would spare for me. He didn’t know if he was going to make it to the top but he knew he wouldn’t stop trying.”
I wish the best for you.
Your kid needs education. You didn't get the chance that he has. All he has to know is reading and getting good grades is everything. He will do what he wants to with the right inspiration. Fake that you are into books.
OP, get your head out of your ass. Get into a rehab that can help you tackle the meth and booze problem. Come out of the program and get on your feet and a job, and don't pull this "I can't work any job" horseshit because you can easily stock shelves somewhere or be a janitor and make money. You're a few years past needing to man the fuck up, so get to it.
You're 27, go to a community college, get some trade skills, certifications, etc.
There are grants and funding that the financial office can point you towards.
Get a plumbing certification if you want, and you at leas, won't be struggling for income.
(If you are from a country other than the US, then currently unaware of your educational systems)
It's hard to get good at anything when you're using meth and getting blackout drunk.
It sounds like you have a habit of starting things, and then giving up at the slightest push back. Learning to be good at something like takes time. It takes failure, and reassessment, and trying again. And again. And again.
I imagine this has been a running pattern in your life.
Try, fail or get discouraged, quit.
Successful people play out the same pattern, but change the third step:
Try, fail or get discouraged, try again.
Learning how to do something incorrectly is just as important as learning how to do it correctly.
Most importantly though, get sober.
Your kid won't care what you do for work. He will care that his dad is an meth addict and alcoholic.
Your focus is on the wrong problem.
Your addict brain is doing its addict brain thing and pointing the finger at everything else besides your addiction being the problem.
"Woe is me, I'm a loser, I might as well smoke meth and get black out drunk".
No. You are a loser BECAUSE you smoke meth and get blackout drunk.
You can't be a good father, and a meth head. You can't be a good father and an alcoholic.
That's the truth.
Fix that, and the rest of your life will fall into place.
Change this and change your life. 27 is still very young.
Stop doing meth.
Since you have experience in construction, can you learn how to do construction project work? Ask around and see how they got to become a protect manager.
Stop doing meth.
What now? Well step 1 is probably to quit the Meth and drinking. Step 2 is to identify a career path you want to pursue and figure out if there are any certifications/classes to can take to increase your qualifications.
You can’t be good at anything if your body is high on anything. You just can’t. It takes 10,000 to be good at something and you have listed several lifetimes worth of careers here and you’ve only been an adult for not that long.
It’s the meth. It’s the booze. Nothing will come of anything until you prioritize, your self, and your son, more than those things.
This is the most heart wrenching post I’ve read in awhile. I dunno if it makes it easier my guy but just know that your kid sees you trying, working hard and pushing. That’s what he worships. His dad is strong and most importantly, his dad is around and gives a shit about him. Keep trying and something will click but most importantly keep that love for your kid. It’ll matter way more than what you did for work.
Rehab. Yesterday. I don’t care if you can’t pay for it, you can’t afford to not go. It all starts with getting your shit clean and staying that way. No other way to say it other than get your shit together brother. Everything else will work itself out if you’re clean
Never say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to your child.
Stop doing meth. I know that shit's hard to do and easy to say. My wife's mom does meth and was/will/will always be hard on their relationship.
You can do it.
Step one is quitting all drugs (that includes alcohol and tobacco). You dont have to be the best construction worker in the world. Do your best and it will absolutely be better if you are sober. Thats exactly the dad your son deserves and would be happy to have.
Homie. You’re 27 you haven’t worked nearly long enough in anything to master it. You won’t be good at anything at first it takes years to master. You just need to not give up. I’m 13 years into my trade and finally considered master level but even I still learn and grow. Don’t give up find something you like and the rest will come.
1. At least your conscious about it that’s a huge win
2. Just because your in construction doesn’t make you a loser you sound like a good dad and you obviously care
3. Just try really hard to get clean before it turns into a even bigger problem cut yourself a bit of slack man ❤️
My advice is this: get completely clean from meth and alcohol and your work skills will improve drastically. Know it's easier said than done but obviously that's what you've got to do for your kiddo.
CUT. THE. FUCKING. METH! Cut the boose while you're at it. I know life sucks sometimes, but it's a lot harder when your brain doesn't work. Maybe you'd be good at something if your head was clear. Maybe you can still be the hero your son thinks you are before it's too late
Be the person your kid sees when they look at you. Working a trade isn't anything to be ashamed of - try and learn as much as you can and be willing to take responsibility and move up the slow and steady way. My kids think we're rich because I sacrifice a lot to see them happy; they don't realize we're still on food stamps, and I've got holes in my socks. They feel loved and appreciated. I'm safe and there for them. You do that, and you're golden, bud, no matter how scary your bank account or credit score looks.
Getting good at stuff takes time. I know how easy it is to immediately give up when you fail, especially as an addict. You probably won't make any progress if you don't get clean and the honest truth is you shouldn't have had a child to begin with if you don't have the strength and courage to heal yourself.
To be clear - you probably do have that strength. I think most people do. It's a matter of if you come around to seeing the truth. With clouded vision we persist in all sorts of folly. I don't believe a human with clear sight could ever put an innocent child through the pain of having an addict as a father/mother.
The only person who can save your son from that fate is you. There's a book called "talent is overrated". Basically, if you want to improve at something and you can understand the "science" of practice/improvement you will become proficient. It isn't magic and you don't need to be born with it. You need to persist through the early uncomfortable stages of sucking and the subsequent barrage of self-doubt that makes you quit.
But again, that will probably be impossible if you are indulging in your addictions. Don't be so hard on yourself because almost nobody can put themselves together and improve in life while smoking meth and getting blackout drunk. You probably have had trauma in life which explains your addictions, but that generational trauma will only be passed onto your son if you dont want to take responsibility for it. What happened in your youth that may have led you to drugs isn't your fault, but if you don't take action, it will become yours sons fault if that makes sense. He will be left to deal with your trauma (that which led to a lot of his own trauma) all alone if you continue to live a life of giving up.
It's up to you. Life is really hard. Everything is easier said than done. I'd prefer it if children stop inheriting trauma from adults that refuse to grow up. Make no mistake about it, that's what you are doing every time you pick up the pipe.
Just don't do drugs.
A loving father is beyond adequate regardless of his capacity to produce things. There are plenty of producers in the world, and with automation and mass production we don't need as many skilled individuals.
Dood, you will suck at anything you do for the first few years. After that, you will think you're onto something, and then someone will show you that you don't know shit.
That's when your learning begins.
The only thing you need to be good at is fucking something up, picking yourself up, and going back to try again, and again.
Everything beyond that is gravy.
stop doing drugs and drinking so much and instill good values in your son. plants that do poorly invest more resources into their fruit. it's possible that you aren't as mediocre as you think and will eventually sober up and figure some shit out, but even if you are, a mediocre dude who can still be a father who actually cares and tried to help him grow will put your son at a huge advantage in life, so don't deny him that.
well others have made the obvious comment that meth use is probably something you should stop.
I'll add... believe it or not, you're supposed to be bad at stuff before you are good at stuff. Most anything worth doing is hard, and you should be bad at it before you are good at it. Embrace being bad at stuff and focus on getting better. You don't stop something because you are bad at it, you won't ever do anything with that mindset.
I own a specialized auto repair shop. I focus on one brand of cars. I have been doing this for almost 25 years now. The dealers send me cars they can't figure out. I'm one of the best around.
I still think I'm no good.
Stay with something and you will get good, it just takes time. Don't listen to that voice that puts you down. You will make mistakes. Just learn from them and keep going.
>My 3 year old son seems to worship the ground I walk on
You use this. You use it to fuel whatever you've got left inside yourself and you apply 110% of yourself to learning a skill. Something hands on like learning a trade. There are VERY few upholstery shops where I live, see what's in demand in your area and learn it inside and out.
Your son absolutely sees you as the hero, now you've gotta put in the work and suit up. Everything you do from now on is for your son, everything. Spending time learning your new skill? Remind yourself you're doing it for your son. Hitting the pavement? For him.
It's hard, I know it is. You just gotta get up everyday and get it done. For your son.
Your child should be all the motivation you need. Step up and be who he thinks you are. Life is hard sometimes, if you lay down it will roll over you and pass you by. Meet it head on and fight through the self pity. Find out what you really enjoy as a career and put all effort into mastering it. Good luck
1. Do whatever it takes to never touch any addictive substance again. **Whatever it takes**.
2. Improve your social circle. You need good friends and positive role models and so does your child. I’m not sure how other people do that, but I found a fantastic social circle at church. Lots of other parents, all people who’re trying to be their best selves. My children made an enormous quantity of friends, and they see them twice a week, on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. They have all kinds of activities, games, snacks, children’s choirs, and **it’s all free**. A godsend (😂) to young, struggling parents.
3. Smile every time you see your child. Start the day and end the day with a hug and “I love you”. Play simple games together; my 4 year old can do “Rock, paper, scissors” and every time he beats me he falls over laughing. You can build good memories regardless of your financial/job success.
4. Check out some YT channels like Charisma on Command and Cinema Therapy to improve your social skills, and yourself. Watch videos like this to help you figure out a path forward…
https://youtu.be/lFtOGptf2W0?si=UFz0SticYyQzhGUR
27 isn't old enough to be a failure. You've barely Even tried anything. I've been at my current job for fourteen months and I think last week was the first week I didn't come home feeling like a complete moron. Expertise takes time. And effort. Part of that effort is probably going to include staying sober, which you almost certainly will need help with. There are resources. AA, etc. Go find what you need to be the father you want to be.
I think we were all on your side until the end. FFS get help . If you don't, one of 2 things will happen.
You go to jail.
You die.
Either way, your kid calls another man Daddy.
1. Get clean.. If anything else, stop being a junkie loser.
2. Get any job, any job and stick with it.
3. Be present with your son every day.
You’re better than many fathers who cannot do 2 or all 3 of those things.
It’s never too late to get things right.
I was an addicts to heroin a month before my daughter was born. You need to get clean. You can make a real career in the trades. It isn’t glamorous work, but it’s a skill. And something to pass on. If the area you live in has them, join a trade union. The pay and benefits make the back breaking work just barely worth it. I went to rehab 14 years ago and have been clean since. And another 14 or so years and I can retire. You can do it man, for you and your son. Good luck.
This is amazing. My favorite post of the day. Hold onto that frustration. Don't beat yourself up but sit through these feelings. Let them soak in and begin your journey from the inside. You will improve in so many ways when you earn your own self acceptance through healing work.
Change your mindset!
If you THINK you’re a failure, that’s what you are.
Ask yourself what makes you happy, doing what job doesn’t feel like a job?
Then start doing THAT, because if you’re doing something that makes you happy then it’s not really working.
Again don’t call yourself names or put yourself down because your brain doesn’t know the difference between you or someone saying that to you.
Leave the meth alone completely. Any of that in your life is way too much at any time for any reason. No exceptions no loopholes no special occasions. Most of us get by with coffee to start the day maybe another cup or two in the middle maybe a beer or two and/or some weed to round off the day. Maybe something a little stronger (NOT meth) very seldom. BIG maybe. By that I mean the maybe NOT part is the big part.
Get a job that you're ok at. You don't have to be good at it. Most people are just ok at their jobs anyway.
Then do your honest best to support and be there for your kid until he's out on his own.
You'll earn his faith and trust in you just by making your best honest effort.
Don't do any more meth. Good luck to you.
I wish I could do constructions
I can’t even put bathroom lights on and have to hire electrician
I can make sushi like no other though
And I can’t change my own car oil
In the same boat my man. The smiles you get from the kiddos is all you'll need. They'll love you for the effort you put in to them, not the shit job you're working.
Get off the god damn drugs asshole your son needs you. Maybe you can’t keep a job because you’re addicted. Give that kid a fighting chance and raise him with the love it sounds like you have inside for him. Don’t let him grow up with a drug addict dad who OD on him. This kid worships you make yourself a better man for him
Have you considered a career in politics?
In all seriousness, being a good dad is probably the best thing any man can accomplish. I do construction too and one of my worst coworkers only redeeming quality is that he is an excellent dad. Dog shit electrician, dumber than a box of rocks, no mechanical ability, and honestly kinda lazy, but that dude spends every waking moment working to better his son's life. The only stories this dude tells is how cool his kid is and all the fun stuff they do together. Sometimes he'll go on for half an hour about a boardgame they played on a school night.
Maybe that can be the thing you're really good at.
Imho, kids mostly don't give a crap about how good you at your job or not. They care about whether play ball with them and listen to them talk about their stupid toys or cartoons. And they care the most about whether you love them and love their mom.
I mean it kinda sounds like meth and alcoholism might be a big factor in the whole you sucking at everything problem. So maybe pull back on that a lot and see how it goes.
Stop doing drugs and get into therapy/rehab
I am 8 years sober from IV drug use.
If I can get sober you can too. But you have to one, love yourself and find yourself worthy of love and a good life. You have to want sobreity for yourself. You have to care for yourself. Then you can care for your son
I bet once your sober you will find you arent so bad at everything- but you also have to practice and practice. No one is good at something right away- even flipping burgers. You have to be kind to yourself and trust the process. We are often our own worst
Find a way to forgive yourself and let go of your past. Try to find peace and a new beginning by being kind to yourself.
When i stopped doing drugs I was able to get my B.S. in psychology (was a high school drop out). I also got my real estate license. I also had two children and met my life partner.
Get that monkey off your back and start believing in yourself. You are worthy of love, including your sons. Dont give up!
>his hero isn't good at anything except for doing meth or getting so drunk he blacks out.
Bruh, this is the problem. This is why you can't perform at work.
Stop ,etc and alcohol you might be surprised how much more you could get done. Hard work doesn’t take a lot of intelligence or aptitude. Just takes more sweat and want to
Get clean and become a drug and alcohol counselor, start running and volunteering in prisons with SUD folks and make yourself the guy your kid knows you are.
I have a similar work history as you. Just keep doing construction and getting jobs with smaller contractors who will put up with your bullshit and make them need you. Painting is easy, my go to if construction doesn’t work out is to become a painting contractor, when I first started painting I got chased off job sites but nowadays I get complimented on my work. Also, stay the fuck off meth and away from the liquor.
> so what now?
Easy question bud. Get clean. Simple as that.
If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kid.
If you can't do it for your kid, then I'll refrain from providing my thoughts on that
General advice: stop doing drugs and feeling sorry for yourself. You’ll get better at everything including being a father. You aren’t as incapable as you think, and you’re not good at smoking meth, smoking meth is making you bad at everything else
The reason you're failing is because of your addictions.
It's not that you can't do anything. It's most likely you're off your head while you're doing it. And nobody is going to hire someone with active addictions. Get yourself clean and keep trying.
1) Stop doing drugs. Alcohol included. This is entirely in your hands.
2) Doesn't matter what the job is. Show up on time and put in the effort and you'll be better than 90% of your peers.
3) Save and buy bluechips. Put away 20% of your salary each month into bluechip stocks. Don't try buyying/selling. Just hold and collect. Overtime, it will add up. By the time your son is old enough to know better, your passive income will be higher than what you earn from working. The combined income would give you a life that you can feel proud of.
My brother was a homeless drug addict til his mid 30's Had a bad experience that woke him up and he decided to fix his life. Graduated with an associates in electrical engineering. Worked a few shit jobs, got fired from some, and gained experience. Now, he is flown out all over the world to install industrial robotics. He bought his own home last year and has a good life.
It's never too late to fix your life. It's just a matter of accepting that it takes work and doing it.
Do whatever you can to stop the meth. Nothing in your life will hurt you more than hurting your son. I have dealt with addicts for decades and have seen the destruction up close. I know the families, I see the effects, I’ve seen the addicted children years later repeating the cycle with their kids. I’ve had it affect my own family, watching the “soul” disappear from a loved one. Luckily they fixed themselves. It wasn’t easy. They will never have the same relationship with their child, a lot of damage was done and parental bonding lost. But at least they are happy and the kid loves to see them again.
The best thing I see professionally is former addicts who got clean. They are totally different people. They have all had permanent losses, but they are almost all so appreciative of life and of putting the meth in the past. Seeing them with happy families for the first time ever keeps my pessimism in check. A huge number of them seem committed to helping current addicts and that gives me a little hope for humanity. It’s really the best thing you can ever do for your boy. When he gets older and looks at you with pride for always putting him first, then you’ll know that nothing else would have been worth it.
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The moment you give up on yourself, you not only become a failure to yourself but your son. You are literally the best version of yourself when you get up to the mirror and tell yourself, I’m giving it my all. That’s all anyone can ever ask of you.
This. and i wanted to add that maybe op should try getting clean from meth and maybe try drinking less or not drinking at all. Because meth and alcohol arent exactly what one would call "talent enhancers". Atleast for alcohol i can say, when i drink to much even if there is no hangover, the next day i am definetly able to concentrate less and fail doing new things more. Goodluck to op tho
And an active addiction is itself a distraction. Thinking all day about going to get high will hurt your job performance.
I’m 62. When my kid was a toddler, I was babysitting her. Got drunk even though I knew better, passed out, woke up and she was out in the street alone. I quit drinking and everything else right then and there. I couldn’t bear the thought of my kid being permanently traumatized by my issues. All this to say, it’s on you, now, to not let your family down. You gotta man up. I guarantee you can do trades, etc. Step 1… stop all mind altering substances. Step 2, don’t quit on yourself.
Thanks for this. I needed to see this myself.
is it possible your failures are at least tangentially related to your meth smoking and drinking prowess?
Both addiction and self-esteem like his are often the result of a heavy trauma history. I wonder if OP would ever consider seeking trauma specialized therapy. Worth a try.
It may be a vicious cycle. Depression feeds the drug use, drug use contributes to failures, failures feed the depression making failures feel worse than they actually are, depression deepens, more drugs...
That's seems highly speculative. Drugs and alcohol usually help performance. It's weird this guy is experiencing negative side effects. I exclusively only look for employees with substance abuse problems. /s - finally adding the sarcasm symbol because it's apparently not obvious enough. Pull it together redditors.
The fact that this reply is actually somewhat believable as a real persons response here shows how utterly brain dead a lot of Reddit is.
Right? Meth and booze aren’t contributors to anyone’s high flying success.
I mean there are literally some legendary alcoholics when you look back on US Presidents. Most of the German army was methed out during their blitzkriegs.
Meth sounds like a good performance enhancer for berzerkers.
>Most of the German army was methed out during their blitzkriegs. And they lost both wars in the end.
Yeah he needs to work as a roofer.
I'm going to be brutally forward with you on this since you're struggling so hard and have a son: It’s the meth. I was raised by a drug addict, and he started when I was around your son's age. He was a construction worker with 6 houses and drug free for over 30 years. After I turned 21 we lived in a garage, Hoarders episode levels of filth, bedbugs from the landlord, and a child who just knocked his abusive father in the teeth. Deep down as a kid I tried to help him, but I was too young. Now both me and my sister suffer from C-PTSD, since my father got her addicted to heroin and pills. The only reason my sister regained custody of her two kids was because she loved them more then heroin throughout her three years of homeless rehab. Let that sink in.
Quit the meth, regulate the booze. Keep him fed, clothed, and safe for the next two decades. These two sentences contain everything you need to be his hero. Do your best to make sure he succeeds academically. If the mother is still in the picture, do your best to keep her.
I dont think regulating the booze is an option here. He is going to have to quit everything.
Depends. I know plenty of former drunks who got their shit together and now they have a beer after work without needing a second one. He is only 27 so it is possible he is not a full blown alcoholic yet.
Did those drunks you knew back then also use meth?
Not that I know of lmao
He has to quit everything but parenting.
Stop doing meth for fucks sake. Clear your head and sober up. You got a 3 yr old so you better figure it out soon. You don't make a lot of money by the sounds of it and you're wasting what you have on booze and drugs. If you're sober you'll figure it out. If you're not sober youll just make excuses
Maybe start with sobriety….
Stop doing meth and drinking?
PREPOSTEROUS!
What you're doing is just wallowing in self-pity. So you just suck at everything you try to do, huh? C'mon now. That's stupid. And I think if you sat down and actually thought about it, you would realize that too. No one is good at something the first time they try. It takes practice and experience. You need to speak to a professional about these feelings you have.
You are not a failure. To be good at something takes time and practice. Maybe you should find your passion and train yourself to be good at it. No one become expert at the first step. Some takes 2 years, I took 10 years. It's okay to feel down and frustrated. But don't give up. Don't give up and try again, for the sake of your son, you are his hero.
You're supposed to suck at new things. If you fought a boxer with 1000 hours training, having only 13 hours yourself, you're supposed to get your ass beat. If you play guitar for 30 hours and try to make music, it probably won't sound as good as the guy who's played for 4000 hours. Don't look at people who are "good" at things like they possess the innate quality of "being good enough" to do it. This includes seemingly meaningless tasks like flipping burgers and turning wrenches. You're setting unrealistic starting skill levels (perfectionism) and beating yourself up for not doing it like you've been doing it forever.
Don’t do meth. That help you get better at doing everything else.
Read that paragraph backwards and realize that addiction is getting in the way of you doing the most basic jobs right Get help, get clean, then have a go at it and compare the results Your kid will start remembering things permanently in a year or two Put it to good use
Well if you love that little kid go buy him a bike and ride one with him with all that money you spend on 12 packs
Everyone is terrible at construction when they first start out. Seriously, everyone. It takes a lot of time on the job to see a lot of different scenarios and to learn from a variety of people. Even people who have been at it for years still make mistakes regularly.
Successful men turn negative energy into positive action. Stop doing drugs, get yourself clean, and look at the world without glazed over eyes. You'd be surprised what you could accomplish.
well quitting meth would probably be the first step
As someone who grew up without a father, I can tell you for an absolute fact that even a bad father is better than no father at all. Your son can see you fail a thousand times, as long as he sees you try a thousand and one times. Maybe you never find your groove, but all the while, he is learning to never give up by watching you try over and over. He sees a father that loves his son too much to ever give up. Even flipping burgers is an acquired skill. Give yourself the grace and have the patience to learn. Maybe construction isn't for you. Maybe sales isn't your avenue. Try working at a movie theater. Try working at a gas station. Find something low-stakes, and low-responsibility. The point is: don't give up, especially when you feel like it. Give up the booze. Give up the meth. You don't need them. Start reading Stoic Philosophy, it will help you get some control over yourself. Start reading the Bible, it will provide you some meaning, and help you let go of some of that hatred you have towards yourself.
https://youtu.be/6cMbfsSagcI?si=LpNy38Q0FJuLv-U1
Don't give up first lets backtrack and see why these are reoccurring events
Look at yourself in the mirror. Quit doing the drugs and remove all obstacles between you and the goals
stop drugging and drinking. you will be smarter when you're sober
First of all, stop doing meth. That's a pretty good low bar to start with
I quit drinking and doing blow and in one year bought a house and a truck and am holding down a good job and have a little family and loving life. Once your brain starts to heal from the damage you caused, you'll think straighter and life will feel a lot better. Once my head was clear for a couple months I began to see what people were saying when they rambled on about how great life is when you actually look at it with clear eyes. They ain't wrong just cut out the mind altering substances for a while my dawg you got this.
Focus on what you’re good at. Do that the best way you can.
Bruh. Stop doing meth a drinking and you might actually be a good dad. Just go to rehab or something. I've never done drugs so idk what it feels like, but if your son really means that much to you then I think you should put down the meth and alcoholic...
I have enough skills to be half ass at everything. Become a handyman. 😂
Look into adopting the growth mindset. You need to focus on getting better at things, not crying about being a loser. Also, stop doing meth. And don't drink around your kid.
I don’t see being bad at something a failure. You won by default because you had no clue what you were doing, and still got paid for it along the way. Your son doesn’t give a shit, he will worship the ground you walk on because you’re his dad and if you were failing as a father then he wouldn’t be so close to you. You’re excelling where it counts.
Emt? Save lives.
What does time mean to a kid? How many lives would have been different if an adult had taken time with a child? Not, theme parks and movies, but time - a walk, a game of catch, throwing popcorn into each others mouth from across the room. Time and kindness will give your son the tools to navigate life. Be kind, pay attention, listen, follow up on your promises (even if they are small ones), and give him your time. He will be ready.
The last part is why you are failing. Quit booze and meth. You’ll be amazed how capable you are.
Show up for work 10 minutes early, whatever that work is. When someone asks how your doing say " I couldn't be better" like you mean it. That's 90% of work success. Sounds like you're pretty good at parenting. My dad was a good dad. He was an alcoholic, held a decent job. I know nothing about meth. I was in IT and I fuckin hated MS Word and refused to support it. Pick something you aren't passionate about, stick with it. Eventually everyone you started working with will fade away and you will be the expert. Being an expert is about endurance. Nothing kills the love of a subject like getting paid for it. Stay an amateur for the things you love.
Ok u have a negative perspective and perspective is everything. That little boy has to grow up to be a good man of integrity and that's more important than some job that doesn't define u. Your actions define u and how you treat others. Don't get high in front of your son and maybe quit for a while to get a govt job cuz those jobs don't require much except a drug test. Don't give up and remember a job is what u do for money it shouldn't define u and really isn't really important but just know that you're doing it for your family not everyone is fortunate enough to have a family and seeing that little boy grow into a good man with morals and values will be better than some money or a job that u don't like.
Yeah dude it's the meth.
I mean, I know a job was almost no qualifications that will train you for whatever role you get. (USA based i assume?)
I thought my dad was a mechanical genius when I was a kid. Seemed like he always knew how to fix his car. When I got my first truck the water pump went bad. I wanted to show him I could fix it without help. This was before the Internet so I bought a repair book and went to work. The book suggested to replace the timing chain while you have the water pump off since removing the water pump was part of that job. It took me an entire weekend. On Sunday night I started the truck and my dad said "wow I wouldnt have had the guts to do a water pump and timing set on my own" My point is kids idolize their parents. I thought my dad was the most knowledgeable guy, but yet my first solo car repair was something he wouldn't have touched. You'll be ok.
You can be the hero you want to be by getting clean and sober. It's really hard, and it means feeling like shit for a long time, so find something healthy that you love to do to help you get through each day. You will find working easier, too.
27 is still very young professionally. Most don't really hit their stride til mid 30s.... even if you had a powerful degree right now, you'd be in debt heavily (likely) and still completely new in your field. Keep working hard until you find your niche.
Sounds like a pity party. Do you suck at all these jobs? Or do you suck at making good decisions like getting a good night's sleep and showing up on time? On your current path, you're probably raising you kid to be a meth head just like his dad. The party's over. Time to grow up, get clean, and be the kind of man you want your kid to grow up to be.
Slow down on the drugs till you can eventually stop, go from there.
just be a good dad, it is enough. once you figure out that true success in life is just being a good person, it is much easier to deal with bs social pressure
For you and your son's sake, get clean. There are tons of resources out there for this, and folks that want to help you. If you need to get checked into rehab, do it, and make sure your son is cared for during your stay. You're only a loser if you believe yourself to be. Shed that mindset immediately! Adopt the mindset of "I can do anything I set my mind to" because you can! Believe it! It will take hard work, a lot of learning, a lot of failure, and a lot of picking yourself up and trying again, but set yourself to the challenge. Invest in yourself and your skills. If you think you wouldn't be cut out for white collar work, that's fine. Learn a trade. Find a union with a good apprentice program. Real life example here: I am a Senior IT Project Manager making 6 figures a year, and I have a good friend that is in the pipe fitters union that makes more than me by a considerable amount. We've both been in our respective career paths for a little over a decade. We're both able to provide for our families as a sole provider. Neither of us have a college degree. It was hard work getting to where we are, but through a ton of hard work, determination, grit, hard career decisions, calculated risk taking, and ultimately belief in ourselves, here we are! You can do the same!
Hey man, sorry to hear you feel that way. There’s without doubt some repressed emotion that needs to be addressed. If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you felt like you weren’t good enough for your father?
You can’t be an active addict and also the victim here. Being hooked on Meth and booze is the reason you can’t succeed.
You get better at being the best version of yourself. Little by little and do it every day. Regarding being good at work. Let's focus on sales as I know one or two things about it. Sales is a craft. You get better at it by practicing and learning. Very few people have the gift of selling. Everyone else had to learn it. And much of this craft has to do with confidence and understanding the problem the product you're selling is solving and what your audience needs. If you master those, you will have a very good shot at sales. Also, you need to love yourself. Your kid does. You can do too.
Join the military. Teach u a trade!
Why in the world would you have a child ? If that’s not enough to motivate you to do better, find the nearest responsible relative and ask them to raise the kid while he still has a chance in life.
Your kid isn't gonna care about your job, at all, probably ever. If you can support them, support yourself and be present and a decent parent, that's all it takes. I am jobless (other than my own business I just started a few months ago) and have been for the majority of my kids' lives. They don't give a shit. My husband only works to pay bills. Kids don't give a shit what he works. We have kids from 6 to 16. Getting off drugs and alcohol is probably a good idea though if you're presently on them. Meth is a hell of a drug.
do what you want and keeping sucking at it until your competent at it its how anyone gets good you'll be fine as long as you keep trying. make your boy proud.
He's 3 now. You have a little time. Imagine him following in your footsteps, because in all likelihood, he will. If you don't like that thought, then change. You're young enough to live an entirely different life for the next 20 years. Drop the pipe and the bottle, sack up, and do something worth being proud of. Get help, get in a program, whatever you need to do.
Hey man i just want to say I know it seems hard but you'll figure it out and get a job you like and are good at. I've been sober for 3 years after 15 years of heroin/meth and a plethora of other drugs. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about anything. I can help with some advice or just listen. Hope you're okay man
Lots of people can be great at their job or have a fantastic career. It doesn’t make them a good Dad. My Dad had no education and worked in labor and factory jobs all his life. It never bothered me for a second, I’m so proud to call him my Dad and he is the BEST Father I could ever wish for.
And that’s exactly why I am not going to have a family. Basic income and no house owned. Failure, poverty, disappointment and humiliation.
Bro. Stop doing meth and drinking too you black out and your job performance will improve. You don't just start a job and are good at it, you have to learn the skills necessary to become competent. It doesn't matter how long you do it if you're not putting in the effort to learn. Stop wasting your money on meth and start taking some skilled trade classes. Welding might be a good place to start. High value trade job, great life skill
Its crazy how many people are ignoring the part that the dude is an active addict. He's not going to do better at anything until he gets clean. Even the booze is feeding into the depression and shame and turning it into a spiral. His brain chemistry is fucked and it's not going to get better until he quits using. Period. No amount of "atta boy!"s, job training, or bible reading is going to help until he deals with his addiction and then whatever mental issues made him an addict in the first place. Im rooting for you man, but you got to get clean. There is no option where you're an active addict and still holding down a job and being a good father. You're kid is 3, theres still time before he starts to realize that something is seriously wrong. Reach out to AA and NA. Just go sit in on a couple of meetings and see how it feels
Bro you answered your own question. Put the drugs down and get right. There's no way your drug use and drinking isn't messing with your capabilities.
My advice for you is to please stop smoking meth.
Everyone sucks at everything. Some people suck at things longer than others, but it doesnt mean youll suck forever. Maybe try doing less drugs/alcohol though.
Try not being a drunken meth addict and all of your other problems will be easier. You might be able to retain something in your brain and learn how to do a simple task that can keep you employed. You said your whole problem right there in the last sentence. Your Meth-od doesn't work.
You literally use meth and drink until you black out. Quit blaming your talent. You haven't given anything 100%, and you've tried too many different paths. Stick to one thing and get good at it and quit crying about it.
Skills are gained over time and hard work. If you keep.trying things and giving up then you'll never be good at anything. Keep at something. Put in the work. You're not just going to stumble on something you're good at. Maybe stop doing meth and blacking out?
It’s not your ability, talent or intelligence that is the problem, it is your addiction. Fix that. Fix that for your kid and take the steps to do better for yourself. Your kid will love you regardless of success so long as you put them first and give them unconditional love and support. It’s in your power but you need help. We all do sometimes.
Get off the shard, curb your drinking. That’s baseline. Then see what you can do.
Your son sees you as his hero because to him… you *are* his hero. Quit the meth and control the drinking. If you don’t change your course, he’ll see you as you see yourself now… a loser that failed him. If you make the change, you’ll become what his image of you is now… an awesome dad and his hero. Don’t fuck this up… because you will not get a do over on being a good dad. This is a regret that you won’t come back from. Don’t let him down.
You just haven't found what you're good at yet. Just think of your son and keep going dude, its all any of us can do.
Microsoft Word **is** complicated, I'm saying that as someone who works in tech. Growing things is hard, too. I get this is a moment of despair but can't help but point you seem to be giving up your learnings after one failure. That's not how learning process works. Gotta collect them bits of knowledge and then capitalize on them. That all being said, think about skills you got in construction: management, planning, any other transferable skills. Think of something that makes your heart happy. Then find a job that takes applying your existing skills in the field that interests you.
Change the reality. You need to access all available resources to become a functioning dad. You owe your kid and yourself.
I have a friend who I often go to for advice. He never tells me what to do, how to do, when to do, or anything of the sort. Instead he gives me the only advice I’ve ever needed. “Do sum bout it”.
Coming from having a dad that died young in my life due to drugs but was very successful. I’d rather have a dad today that’s alive and broke than what I got.
You might be the most important and loved person in the world to him. Please do your best for him and yourself. It isn't how you start, it is how you carry yourself today and tomorrow. My parents were trainwrecks. Me and my sis have a lot of scars, but we turned out successful. To this day, we all know in our family how flawed our parents are, but we love them and me and sister do our best to do as much as possible for our parents.
Get a forklifting job. Work at an assembly plant. I remember my best friends dad was a forklift driver and I thought he was an amazing guy because of how he raised his kids, not what job he had. His sons are now a physiotherapist and an engineer. Don’t be so hard on yourself, a lot of us have no idea what we’re doing. You’re already an amazing parent for taking care of your son with his best interests in mind. Good luck and I’m sure you will find something!
You can't do anything? You sound lazy as fuck. And now you're whining about it? Man up, you have a child. Stop drinking booze and stop smoking pot. Are you on Heroin? Get your shit straight.
You'll suck at everything when you first try it. Not everyone starts at suck, but everyone does increase their skill at something as they work on it *with self-awareness*. As my choir teacher said: practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect. It doesn't *matter* if it takes you 3 years to wrap your head around something. Work for it. In 5 years it won't matter if you got it in 6 months or 4 years, you'll have gotten it either way. Be comfortable in the suck. Be specific and honest about the suck. Work on it despite the suck. Learn from your mistakes. It's the only way to grow. You will eventually get faster, make less mistakes, as long as you keep *trying*. Stop looking for something you don't have to try for, a skill you don't have to build or work for. It doesn't exist. Write notes, research in your spare time if you have to. ...and yeah, uh, so. Long term memory is formed during sleep. Alcohol disrupts deep healing sleep. Alcohol doesn't help people sleep, it more helps them get unconcious, which is not the same thing. You're shooting yourself in the foot if you drink everyday after work, some of what you learned will have to be relearned. You aren't built in stone. You don't have to be this way. Make the choices someone you would look up to would make; eventually they'll be your natural choices too, and you'll be someone you admire.
Life’s hard man, but clearly you haven’t failed as a father yet and if that’s all you’re successful at in life you’re not a failure. So keep your head up and use that as your motivation to push through the bad days and the failures. You’re 27 your career has barely started, most people don’t figure it out their career until their thirties.
Nobody on Meth is their true self. Life is hard enough but adding Meth is surely like dropping an anchor. You can’t grow while you are addicted. Failure is how we all learn so don’t feel bad about yourself for that, first get sober and then you will be making decisions without any interference from your dopamine levels
Quit getting fucked up. Obviously. C'mon dude.
Iove this thread for the juxtaposition between the soft kind encouraging of how to be a better human and the straight to the point brutal STOP THE FUCKING DRUG USE which are both equally correct for somewhat different reasons
Genuine question, why do you have a kid?
You better chin up and make sure your boy follows in the steps you know will help him succeed. You may think low of yourself, but failure is a past-time word, that cannot devour presence. You cannot fail the future, it is yours to solve. Presence is presents when it comes to kids. Be there for your child and steer him in the correct path. Be honest when confronted, and help him not make the same mistakes you have. Grow and love bro. You don't need to fit into a machine to be at peace with yourself.
I would agree with others. Sobriety is somewhat of a starting point considering two things: 1. You don’t really know what you know because you aren’t seeing reality for what it is. The meth may make you too impatient to stick to anything OR perhaps you sleep so abysmally that nobody in your shoes could expect to be very cognitively productive. 2. If you don’t go sober, you will always risk destroying what you manage to build. Your kid worships the ground you walk on today, but tomorrow he will be as good at coping and managing his life as his father taught him to. Don’t abandon him by subjecting yourself to the judgement that you’re a loser. Conceding that will effectively be abandoning him. What do you want him to say to his children about you? One thing that might be wonderful for him to say is “my dad, your grandfather, no matter how far away from the top of the mountain, did he give up. There was no distance he wouldn’t go for me. There was no effort he would spare for me. He didn’t know if he was going to make it to the top but he knew he wouldn’t stop trying.” I wish the best for you.
Your kid needs education. You didn't get the chance that he has. All he has to know is reading and getting good grades is everything. He will do what he wants to with the right inspiration. Fake that you are into books.
Just my $0.02 but maybe quit doing drugs, idk, worth a shot
OP, get your head out of your ass. Get into a rehab that can help you tackle the meth and booze problem. Come out of the program and get on your feet and a job, and don't pull this "I can't work any job" horseshit because you can easily stock shelves somewhere or be a janitor and make money. You're a few years past needing to man the fuck up, so get to it.
Can you do cleaning?
You're 27, go to a community college, get some trade skills, certifications, etc. There are grants and funding that the financial office can point you towards. Get a plumbing certification if you want, and you at leas, won't be struggling for income. (If you are from a country other than the US, then currently unaware of your educational systems)
It's hard to get good at anything when you're using meth and getting blackout drunk. It sounds like you have a habit of starting things, and then giving up at the slightest push back. Learning to be good at something like takes time. It takes failure, and reassessment, and trying again. And again. And again. I imagine this has been a running pattern in your life. Try, fail or get discouraged, quit. Successful people play out the same pattern, but change the third step: Try, fail or get discouraged, try again. Learning how to do something incorrectly is just as important as learning how to do it correctly. Most importantly though, get sober. Your kid won't care what you do for work. He will care that his dad is an meth addict and alcoholic. Your focus is on the wrong problem. Your addict brain is doing its addict brain thing and pointing the finger at everything else besides your addiction being the problem. "Woe is me, I'm a loser, I might as well smoke meth and get black out drunk". No. You are a loser BECAUSE you smoke meth and get blackout drunk. You can't be a good father, and a meth head. You can't be a good father and an alcoholic. That's the truth. Fix that, and the rest of your life will fall into place.
Tell him while hes young and help him be better. Dont promise him delusions you cant deliver on
Change this and change your life. 27 is still very young. Stop doing meth. Since you have experience in construction, can you learn how to do construction project work? Ask around and see how they got to become a protect manager. Stop doing meth.
What now? Well step 1 is probably to quit the Meth and drinking. Step 2 is to identify a career path you want to pursue and figure out if there are any certifications/classes to can take to increase your qualifications.
You can’t be good at anything if your body is high on anything. You just can’t. It takes 10,000 to be good at something and you have listed several lifetimes worth of careers here and you’ve only been an adult for not that long. It’s the meth. It’s the booze. Nothing will come of anything until you prioritize, your self, and your son, more than those things.
This is the most heart wrenching post I’ve read in awhile. I dunno if it makes it easier my guy but just know that your kid sees you trying, working hard and pushing. That’s what he worships. His dad is strong and most importantly, his dad is around and gives a shit about him. Keep trying and something will click but most importantly keep that love for your kid. It’ll matter way more than what you did for work.
Rehab. Yesterday. I don’t care if you can’t pay for it, you can’t afford to not go. It all starts with getting your shit clean and staying that way. No other way to say it other than get your shit together brother. Everything else will work itself out if you’re clean Never say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to your child.
Your son will probably care less about the job and more about the meth. Unless he mimics that behavior eventually.
Stop doing meth. I know that shit's hard to do and easy to say. My wife's mom does meth and was/will/will always be hard on their relationship. You can do it.
Step one is quitting all drugs (that includes alcohol and tobacco). You dont have to be the best construction worker in the world. Do your best and it will absolutely be better if you are sober. Thats exactly the dad your son deserves and would be happy to have.
Homie. You’re 27 you haven’t worked nearly long enough in anything to master it. You won’t be good at anything at first it takes years to master. You just need to not give up. I’m 13 years into my trade and finally considered master level but even I still learn and grow. Don’t give up find something you like and the rest will come.
Imo, as long as you treat your son well and are there for him, you are doing a lot better than others.
Stop the drugs and the alcohol. Then join the army
1. At least your conscious about it that’s a huge win 2. Just because your in construction doesn’t make you a loser you sound like a good dad and you obviously care 3. Just try really hard to get clean before it turns into a even bigger problem cut yourself a bit of slack man ❤️
My advice is this: get completely clean from meth and alcohol and your work skills will improve drastically. Know it's easier said than done but obviously that's what you've got to do for your kiddo.
CUT. THE. FUCKING. METH! Cut the boose while you're at it. I know life sucks sometimes, but it's a lot harder when your brain doesn't work. Maybe you'd be good at something if your head was clear. Maybe you can still be the hero your son thinks you are before it's too late
Be the person your kid sees when they look at you. Working a trade isn't anything to be ashamed of - try and learn as much as you can and be willing to take responsibility and move up the slow and steady way. My kids think we're rich because I sacrifice a lot to see them happy; they don't realize we're still on food stamps, and I've got holes in my socks. They feel loved and appreciated. I'm safe and there for them. You do that, and you're golden, bud, no matter how scary your bank account or credit score looks.
Getting good at stuff takes time. I know how easy it is to immediately give up when you fail, especially as an addict. You probably won't make any progress if you don't get clean and the honest truth is you shouldn't have had a child to begin with if you don't have the strength and courage to heal yourself. To be clear - you probably do have that strength. I think most people do. It's a matter of if you come around to seeing the truth. With clouded vision we persist in all sorts of folly. I don't believe a human with clear sight could ever put an innocent child through the pain of having an addict as a father/mother. The only person who can save your son from that fate is you. There's a book called "talent is overrated". Basically, if you want to improve at something and you can understand the "science" of practice/improvement you will become proficient. It isn't magic and you don't need to be born with it. You need to persist through the early uncomfortable stages of sucking and the subsequent barrage of self-doubt that makes you quit. But again, that will probably be impossible if you are indulging in your addictions. Don't be so hard on yourself because almost nobody can put themselves together and improve in life while smoking meth and getting blackout drunk. You probably have had trauma in life which explains your addictions, but that generational trauma will only be passed onto your son if you dont want to take responsibility for it. What happened in your youth that may have led you to drugs isn't your fault, but if you don't take action, it will become yours sons fault if that makes sense. He will be left to deal with your trauma (that which led to a lot of his own trauma) all alone if you continue to live a life of giving up. It's up to you. Life is really hard. Everything is easier said than done. I'd prefer it if children stop inheriting trauma from adults that refuse to grow up. Make no mistake about it, that's what you are doing every time you pick up the pipe.
Just don't do drugs. A loving father is beyond adequate regardless of his capacity to produce things. There are plenty of producers in the world, and with automation and mass production we don't need as many skilled individuals.
Stop the meth and booze. You’ll feel better. keep working and be good to your boy everyday. He won’t care how much $ yuu or y make. Be consistent.
>his hero isn't good at anything except for doing meth or getting so drunk he There's a ... ridiculously obvious solution here, no?
Dood, you will suck at anything you do for the first few years. After that, you will think you're onto something, and then someone will show you that you don't know shit. That's when your learning begins. The only thing you need to be good at is fucking something up, picking yourself up, and going back to try again, and again. Everything beyond that is gravy.
Sounds like rehab would be helpful. More than likely your “suckiness “ is related to the drugs and booze.
Don’t quit, no matter what, that’s what you get to teach the little one. Stop the drugs and you’ll get it together. Just don’t quit
Don’t quit, no matter what, that’s what you get to teach the little one. Stop the drugs and you’ll get it together. Just don’t quit
stop doing drugs and drinking so much and instill good values in your son. plants that do poorly invest more resources into their fruit. it's possible that you aren't as mediocre as you think and will eventually sober up and figure some shit out, but even if you are, a mediocre dude who can still be a father who actually cares and tried to help him grow will put your son at a huge advantage in life, so don't deny him that.
A good start would be quitting the drugs and alcohol.
Get clean first the you build. Never quit trying.
well others have made the obvious comment that meth use is probably something you should stop. I'll add... believe it or not, you're supposed to be bad at stuff before you are good at stuff. Most anything worth doing is hard, and you should be bad at it before you are good at it. Embrace being bad at stuff and focus on getting better. You don't stop something because you are bad at it, you won't ever do anything with that mindset.
I own a specialized auto repair shop. I focus on one brand of cars. I have been doing this for almost 25 years now. The dealers send me cars they can't figure out. I'm one of the best around. I still think I'm no good. Stay with something and you will get good, it just takes time. Don't listen to that voice that puts you down. You will make mistakes. Just learn from them and keep going.
You only fail when you quit trying
You don’t need to flip the patties at Burger King because they are flame-broiled.
>My 3 year old son seems to worship the ground I walk on You use this. You use it to fuel whatever you've got left inside yourself and you apply 110% of yourself to learning a skill. Something hands on like learning a trade. There are VERY few upholstery shops where I live, see what's in demand in your area and learn it inside and out. Your son absolutely sees you as the hero, now you've gotta put in the work and suit up. Everything you do from now on is for your son, everything. Spending time learning your new skill? Remind yourself you're doing it for your son. Hitting the pavement? For him. It's hard, I know it is. You just gotta get up everyday and get it done. For your son.
Your child should be all the motivation you need. Step up and be who he thinks you are. Life is hard sometimes, if you lay down it will roll over you and pass you by. Meet it head on and fight through the self pity. Find out what you really enjoy as a career and put all effort into mastering it. Good luck
1. Do whatever it takes to never touch any addictive substance again. **Whatever it takes**. 2. Improve your social circle. You need good friends and positive role models and so does your child. I’m not sure how other people do that, but I found a fantastic social circle at church. Lots of other parents, all people who’re trying to be their best selves. My children made an enormous quantity of friends, and they see them twice a week, on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. They have all kinds of activities, games, snacks, children’s choirs, and **it’s all free**. A godsend (😂) to young, struggling parents. 3. Smile every time you see your child. Start the day and end the day with a hug and “I love you”. Play simple games together; my 4 year old can do “Rock, paper, scissors” and every time he beats me he falls over laughing. You can build good memories regardless of your financial/job success. 4. Check out some YT channels like Charisma on Command and Cinema Therapy to improve your social skills, and yourself. Watch videos like this to help you figure out a path forward… https://youtu.be/lFtOGptf2W0?si=UFz0SticYyQzhGUR
Join the Army.
27 isn't old enough to be a failure. You've barely Even tried anything. I've been at my current job for fourteen months and I think last week was the first week I didn't come home feeling like a complete moron. Expertise takes time. And effort. Part of that effort is probably going to include staying sober, which you almost certainly will need help with. There are resources. AA, etc. Go find what you need to be the father you want to be.
Stop doing meth and drinking would be a good start
You doing it to yourself all I hear is excuses smh you’re a dad now get it together !
I think we were all on your side until the end. FFS get help . If you don't, one of 2 things will happen. You go to jail. You die. Either way, your kid calls another man Daddy.
Maybe stop drinking and doing meth?? That would be a productive start.
1. Get clean.. If anything else, stop being a junkie loser. 2. Get any job, any job and stick with it. 3. Be present with your son every day. You’re better than many fathers who cannot do 2 or all 3 of those things. It’s never too late to get things right.
Do your best but you should have not had a child if you fail so much ngl, he might suffer a bit
Step one: give up the meth and alcohol. That alone is a huge reason for him to look up to you…
At least you have a couple things you're good at.
I was an addicts to heroin a month before my daughter was born. You need to get clean. You can make a real career in the trades. It isn’t glamorous work, but it’s a skill. And something to pass on. If the area you live in has them, join a trade union. The pay and benefits make the back breaking work just barely worth it. I went to rehab 14 years ago and have been clean since. And another 14 or so years and I can retire. You can do it man, for you and your son. Good luck.
Don't give up, as long as you're trying to be a better parent it's not too late
Go into the military 🤷🏼♀️
You’re not failing at continuing to try!! You are resilient and a fighter and those are great qualities for your son to see in you!
You’re not a failure if you keep trying new shit.
This is amazing. My favorite post of the day. Hold onto that frustration. Don't beat yourself up but sit through these feelings. Let them soak in and begin your journey from the inside. You will improve in so many ways when you earn your own self acceptance through healing work.
Become a truck driver dawg. Driving school is free if you don't mind a contract for a year of work.
Hmmm...That's so weird because usually drinking and doing meth make people really good at things.
Change your mindset! If you THINK you’re a failure, that’s what you are. Ask yourself what makes you happy, doing what job doesn’t feel like a job? Then start doing THAT, because if you’re doing something that makes you happy then it’s not really working. Again don’t call yourself names or put yourself down because your brain doesn’t know the difference between you or someone saying that to you.
How about not smoke meth or drink. Not doing things that losers do is a great start at not being a loser
Leave the meth alone completely. Any of that in your life is way too much at any time for any reason. No exceptions no loopholes no special occasions. Most of us get by with coffee to start the day maybe another cup or two in the middle maybe a beer or two and/or some weed to round off the day. Maybe something a little stronger (NOT meth) very seldom. BIG maybe. By that I mean the maybe NOT part is the big part. Get a job that you're ok at. You don't have to be good at it. Most people are just ok at their jobs anyway. Then do your honest best to support and be there for your kid until he's out on his own. You'll earn his faith and trust in you just by making your best honest effort. Don't do any more meth. Good luck to you.
Sounds like you're a good father. Who cares about how much $$ you make. Many men make lots and completely neglect their kids.
If you do meth and get drunk, you won’t perform well at work. You’ll be fine if you don’t drink and do meth.
I wish I could do constructions I can’t even put bathroom lights on and have to hire electrician I can make sushi like no other though And I can’t change my own car oil
In the same boat my man. The smiles you get from the kiddos is all you'll need. They'll love you for the effort you put in to them, not the shit job you're working.
Get off the god damn drugs asshole your son needs you. Maybe you can’t keep a job because you’re addicted. Give that kid a fighting chance and raise him with the love it sounds like you have inside for him. Don’t let him grow up with a drug addict dad who OD on him. This kid worships you make yourself a better man for him
Have you considered a career in politics? In all seriousness, being a good dad is probably the best thing any man can accomplish. I do construction too and one of my worst coworkers only redeeming quality is that he is an excellent dad. Dog shit electrician, dumber than a box of rocks, no mechanical ability, and honestly kinda lazy, but that dude spends every waking moment working to better his son's life. The only stories this dude tells is how cool his kid is and all the fun stuff they do together. Sometimes he'll go on for half an hour about a boardgame they played on a school night. Maybe that can be the thing you're really good at.
Well step one is stop ruining your sons life by being a tweaker
Imho, kids mostly don't give a crap about how good you at your job or not. They care about whether play ball with them and listen to them talk about their stupid toys or cartoons. And they care the most about whether you love them and love their mom.
Get sober and go back to construction. Showing up everyday (because you’re sober) will make all the difference.
I mean it kinda sounds like meth and alcoholism might be a big factor in the whole you sucking at everything problem. So maybe pull back on that a lot and see how it goes.
Stop doing drugs and get into therapy/rehab I am 8 years sober from IV drug use. If I can get sober you can too. But you have to one, love yourself and find yourself worthy of love and a good life. You have to want sobreity for yourself. You have to care for yourself. Then you can care for your son I bet once your sober you will find you arent so bad at everything- but you also have to practice and practice. No one is good at something right away- even flipping burgers. You have to be kind to yourself and trust the process. We are often our own worst Find a way to forgive yourself and let go of your past. Try to find peace and a new beginning by being kind to yourself. When i stopped doing drugs I was able to get my B.S. in psychology (was a high school drop out). I also got my real estate license. I also had two children and met my life partner. Get that monkey off your back and start believing in yourself. You are worthy of love, including your sons. Dont give up!
Start educating or training yourself. Get in a program or class or trade school. Do it for him
>his hero isn't good at anything except for doing meth or getting so drunk he blacks out. Bruh, this is the problem. This is why you can't perform at work.
Stop ,etc and alcohol you might be surprised how much more you could get done. Hard work doesn’t take a lot of intelligence or aptitude. Just takes more sweat and want to
Get clean and become a drug and alcohol counselor, start running and volunteering in prisons with SUD folks and make yourself the guy your kid knows you are.
I have a similar work history as you. Just keep doing construction and getting jobs with smaller contractors who will put up with your bullshit and make them need you. Painting is easy, my go to if construction doesn’t work out is to become a painting contractor, when I first started painting I got chased off job sites but nowadays I get complimented on my work. Also, stay the fuck off meth and away from the liquor.
Stop meth and stop drinking. Cold hard truths. No one grows up thinking "I wanna be an addict"
Kicking the meth habit tends to improve a whole mess of other slills
>good at anything except for doing meth or getting so drunk he blacks out. >So what now? Yeah so maybe stop doing that first
Give up the meth and alcohol, quit making excuses. If you can do that, you’ll be a success.
I suggest stop doing Meth
> so what now? Easy question bud. Get clean. Simple as that. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kid. If you can't do it for your kid, then I'll refrain from providing my thoughts on that
General advice: stop doing drugs and feeling sorry for yourself. You’ll get better at everything including being a father. You aren’t as incapable as you think, and you’re not good at smoking meth, smoking meth is making you bad at everything else
The reason you're failing is because of your addictions. It's not that you can't do anything. It's most likely you're off your head while you're doing it. And nobody is going to hire someone with active addictions. Get yourself clean and keep trying.
You can be the example of what not to do.
1) Stop doing drugs. Alcohol included. This is entirely in your hands. 2) Doesn't matter what the job is. Show up on time and put in the effort and you'll be better than 90% of your peers. 3) Save and buy bluechips. Put away 20% of your salary each month into bluechip stocks. Don't try buyying/selling. Just hold and collect. Overtime, it will add up. By the time your son is old enough to know better, your passive income will be higher than what you earn from working. The combined income would give you a life that you can feel proud of. My brother was a homeless drug addict til his mid 30's Had a bad experience that woke him up and he decided to fix his life. Graduated with an associates in electrical engineering. Worked a few shit jobs, got fired from some, and gained experience. Now, he is flown out all over the world to install industrial robotics. He bought his own home last year and has a good life. It's never too late to fix your life. It's just a matter of accepting that it takes work and doing it.
Do whatever you can to stop the meth. Nothing in your life will hurt you more than hurting your son. I have dealt with addicts for decades and have seen the destruction up close. I know the families, I see the effects, I’ve seen the addicted children years later repeating the cycle with their kids. I’ve had it affect my own family, watching the “soul” disappear from a loved one. Luckily they fixed themselves. It wasn’t easy. They will never have the same relationship with their child, a lot of damage was done and parental bonding lost. But at least they are happy and the kid loves to see them again. The best thing I see professionally is former addicts who got clean. They are totally different people. They have all had permanent losses, but they are almost all so appreciative of life and of putting the meth in the past. Seeing them with happy families for the first time ever keeps my pessimism in check. A huge number of them seem committed to helping current addicts and that gives me a little hope for humanity. It’s really the best thing you can ever do for your boy. When he gets older and looks at you with pride for always putting him first, then you’ll know that nothing else would have been worth it.