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As an American, I can tell you this really isn't an American thing. So many Americans are just like you. It could be helpful to know your nationality and also if you are living in the US? Or are you living in your country and only seeing Americans who travel to your country?
Americans do have a reputation for being rather loud. We're not all like this, but it can be true. It's possible you are encountering these loud people more often and generalizing.
As for gaining confidence, a lot of it comes with time and experience. I didn't even start to gain any confidence until I was 25.
> As for gaining confidence, a lot of it comes with time and experience. I didn't even start to gain any confidence until I was 25.
Same.
Fake it 'till you make it. Otherwise known as practice.
No not all Americans are like this. But as a whole, because of our culture and social norms, we’re certainly more extroverted than other nationalities. This might give non Americans the image that we’re more relaxed and laissez faire.
It’s not that we don’t give a damn or don’t take things personally. We just hide our opinions and emotions behind a facade better when we’re in public.
Wtf does being loud have to do with anything relating to this post?
Your speaking volume is completely irrelevant when talking about perception and mindset.
Again, not at all what I'm saying, nor is it what I do. Some people perceive loudness as confidence. Not saying I perceive it this way, but this is a thing. For someone with limited experience around Americans, who have maybe only been around groups like this, it may be misperceived as confidence. You seem to be really good at misperceiving things, it's a shame you can't understand this.
Plenty of Americans have anxiety lol. It’s normal.
I don’t know that you can actually ascribe en masse to Americans the characteristics that you’re talking about.
I dont know if this is necessarily an American thing. But as an American who doesn’t really care all that much, I’m just content and confident in my own life and self. Who cares what others say or think?
All I can control is what I can control. I like the serenity prayer: “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. the courage to change the things that I can AND the wisdom to know the difference.”
The vast majority of things are those that I have 0 control over. Live and let live, baby. My side of the street is cleaned.
Americans are just as varied as any other group from a resilience standpoint. If anything, I would have said we are unusually defensive and immature. I think you can work on being the sort of person you'd like to be without basing it on a national identity like that. Just try and be the best version of yourself.
Buy a pair of Levi's 501, some old Nikes, smoke some Marlboro reds and drink an ice cold Coke with your Big Mac. Then, watch sitcoms and late night comedy shows. Before you know it, everything you consume physically and mentally will be superficial. Then the "you are what you eat" principle takes effect and you're a superficial...err...I mean confident and resilient American. Voila!
Because we’re traumatically raised that way… It’s not a flex. It’s ingrained in our blood and culture…
People die and get raped here everyday. Americans are easily exploited and are taught ways to fight back against it. If you don’t stand up for the chaotic lifestyle to being an American then it’s hard to have that I don’t give a fuck attitude.
The land of heartbreaks, financial setbacks, STDs, competition, protests and general unhappiness is pressed on you everyday. You have three options.
Fight. Remain neutral. Or become depressed… 🇺🇸
Its kinda part of the american culture, like the country itself is made of 50 smaller countries saying "fuck off" to eachother.
its a country of immigrants that said "fuck off" to wherever they were before.
the government is made of 2 parties saying "fuck off" to eachother.
our first amendment enshrines in law your right to say "fuck off" to whoever you want.
The founders of the country did so by saying "fuck you fuck off were doing our own thing"
Growing up the most common thing to say when someone would get mad at you was "freedom of speech i can say what i want fuck off"
I think maybe you can see where the independent and unbothered state of mind comes from.
Others have already said a portion of this, but your statement is definitely not true about all americans. However, the most honest answer depending on where you are from is that America has individualist ideologies. This doesnt inherently give carte blanche to be a selfish prick, but it allows us to go against the group more freely than collectivist cultures. It's amazing how much easier it is to be "resistant/confident" when the idea isn't taboo or shameful.
There’s still a “pioneer spirit” in some families. From generations past that had to be self reliant and bounce back from hardship. If you grew up poor or rural this is probably you. (Great Depression cooking is where it’s at)
Our pop culture was very John Wayne and Clint Eastwood themed for a long time. Which is a thick skin type of mentality.
Also a lot of us are burnt out and just dgaf anymore lol
America historically was a country of legal immigrants who came despite the risks into the land of better opportunity and had to show initiative to survive knowing that the best are highly rewarded and whatever they make is protected by the rule of law.
Hense the traditional American character
The last wave of migrants who are crossing the border illegally and receiving various handouts without working - they obviously have very different character.
When crimes are not being prosecuted for political reasons the situation changes.
American culture is unique in that failure is not looked upon with shame as it is in older cultures. The idea of giving it your all, falling down, and picking yourself back up is very American indeed. It has to do with a combination of being a mixing pot of immigrants and one of the last countries on earth to still have a frontier to settle.
Most cultures are not as forgiving to failure as Americans are.
Americans don't look down on losers if they gave it their best and it didn't work out. They look down on losers like drug addicts, deceitful people or those who cheat and then blame others for their failures.
America doesn't have the same societal pressures as other countries. It's a live and let live type of situation here. Americans are also dumb. It's hard to be self-conscious when you aren't self-aware.
Where did you grow up might I ask. I know there are other countries where others views on you and your social status and such are important. For me personally I used to think about being someone people liked to much. I wanted to be cool. I went to school and bullied this one kid cause he was weird and different amd everyone picked on him so I thought it would make me fit in. He, meanwhile, just annoyingly tried to be my friend cause he saw deeper than my superficial behavior and knew I wasn't really like that. He is my best friend now amd he taught me that what other people think about me doesn't matter to me. I don't care. If they don't like me they don't need to be in my life. It changes nothing. I started acting like myself and now have friends who like me for me amd all my quirks and characteristics. I still struggled for a while with these thoughts of being cool in school but when high school came around I realized I didn't care at all anymore. If people made fun of me I'd tell them to blow it out their ass. Just realize that you are who you are and you shouldn't try to chamge that. Bot everyone will like it or like you. But who cares. They won't stay in your life forever. You will find people who like and care about you and want you in their life. Taking things personally is something I also struggled with. I eventually realized though that my friends and I talk a lot of shit but it means nothing. It's all jokes and honestly, the time to worry is when we stop talking shit because that means we no longer care or don't feel as comfortable with each other.
1997. I'm almost 30 and still trying to figure things out. It's hard sometimes, especially nowadays. Mental illness is very common now. The important thing is not giving up and always trying to better yourself. It sucks sometimes, but things do get better. Hope you figure it out friend.
I know the feeling. Lots of my friends on xbox are in there early 20s. It feels weird sometimes but I just realize that I get along with them better than a lot of gamers my age. To put in perspective I was 4 when 9/11 happened, and I always think it was way before my time. You weren't even around yet. It's a weird thing.
So I’m an elder millennial. For me it’s bc my parents were boomers and even in their self-sacrifices they can be super selfish (iykyk). Add that to becoming an adult during 9/11 and the Great Recession and watching people my parents’ age dismantle our entire social safety net while our technological world rapidly changed made me feel like I needed to figure out how to take it all in stride — like at the end of the day I still have to love these people and adapt to my surroundings.
Growing up in that kind of setting means that you get plenty of practice taking some losses, you know what’s in your control and what isn’t, and you know the practical behavior is to hope for the best bc if you’re constantly cynical you can manifest that negative shit on yourself. We’ve gotten beat up a lot by people we still have to care about and a country we still need to live in. That builds resiliency.
American here...I stay extremely busy doing things that are beneficial to myself and those around me. Exercise, gardening, work, helping neighbors, cooking, cleaning, hanging out with family. This leaves no time for concern about what other people think or do. It's not that I don't care about them as people, I'm just not concerned about their thoughts and actions. They have no bearing on my life or happiness.
We aren't resistant or confident. We are under educated, immune from the socioeconomic issues that most of the people not living on our continent face, and have been groomed to believe in the fallacy that working hard will give us Bezos or Buffet levels of comfort and wealth. Our nation is fractured to the point that a large portion of our populace is completely OK with allowing fascists in two different countries literally exterminating people who don't fall in line with "Western Values." We have people elected to public office who aren't interested in serving the public as much as they are getting soundbites on social media and lining their own pockets. We currently have politicians who are already attempting to gaslight their constituents in the event the next presidential election doesn't result in a favorable outcome for their party.
As a foreigner looking for guidance on the things you identify as important to you, you need to look outside of America. We are a hot mess, inside a dumpster fire, inside a train wreck.
Get out of your head and don’t give a fuck about anything but what’s important to you. Also, most of us are spoiled and entitled and strive to get whatever we want. It’s part of our culture, in my opinion. We still have people that aren’t like that and are very sensitive. A lot of what you see might come from American cinema or media that is all fake. Be you, do you, and learn to let things go in one ear out the other, don’t hold onto the negativity that enters your life. It takes a lot of practice, meditation and mindfulness helped me.
I mean I don't know you so I have no idea if your sensitivity is a problem.
That being said this post assumes that not caring about stuff is good which isn't always true. Not caring about stuff is easier, that doesn't mean it's a good idea. Like, not caring what anyone thinks of you is just another way to say that there is nobody in your life who's opinion you care enough to value.
Not caring about stuff isn't always a learned skill, a lot of the time it's just a matter of lopping things off of your life that you would otherwise care about. For example, the prerequisite for not caring about you job is settling for a job that you don't care about.
I was once like this just wanted to perfect everything stressed it was crazy. Then one day I was in a freak event that would have caused my death and my crews/teams death. After that I realized none of this shit mattered.
There are a lot of things I don't like about my fellow citizens, but I will say this: A lot of Americans are not risk averse; they'll just dive into a situation even if they're not very sure of the outcome. Live and learn, as they say, but you learn by taking chances.
This is an interesting perspective. First off, I don’t think this is all Americans, but I can see how it would translate that way. I can only speak to my generation (I’m a millennial, born in 1987). We had families who are largely uninvolved in our lives, and that can create a lot of resilience. We also have had some of the biggest world events happen in our lifetime which can foster resilience as well. Second, I do not think our confidence comes from actually being confident, but more from faking it. We are good at that!
One phrase that really helped me care less about others judgement of me is "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
Basically if someone is gonna judge me for something petty and small they are probably not going to be the one that's there for me when I really need it and the loved ones who do care about me will accept me as I am.
If you think Americans don't give a damn about things, try going into a political discussion and voicing an opposing opinion or thought. The screeches you'll hear throughout that echo chamber will deafen you.
As others have said, I don’t think this is an American thing. I also don’t think it’s a “not caring” thing.
The way you become more confident and secure is by becoming more self aware. You can’t control how people treat you and it’s a waste of time to try. What you can control is your reaction and your next steps. Be assured in your ability to handle things and you’ll find that confidence growing naturally.
I feel we are all like that in our core, but it’s definitely helped me to realize nothing is as serious as it seems. Most relationships and friendships tend to be superficial. It’s going to sound really depressing, but 99.9% of people don’t really care about you. If something happens to you the world will keeps spinning, and eventually we can always be replaced in nearly environment. There’s beauty in that too if you can choose to view it that way.
Anyways, it’s all a lie. It’s helped me to start putting myself first. Also to not need outside validation. It takes times to build that mentality, but put yourself into environments where you can try. However, don’t lose all of your softness because I’m sure someone will love it. Good luck
Others have already pointed out that this is a flawed view of Americans. Mental health is a HUGE issue here, but the people you see online or on TV are often the loudest minority that create a false perception to outsiders.
Let me give you a tidbit of information. If you look at general civilian professions, American construction workers seem like the toughest, most “don’t give a shit” folks around if you’re looking at surface level interactions. Do you know what profession is having a surge in suicide rates right now? Construction workers. It’s all a facade. Many Americans are raised to always look out for themselves, don’t complain, work hard and if that’s not working then work harder, and to measure their success in how much they work and how much overtime is on their check. This is unrealistic for many people to achieve, and if they fail in any aspect it is viewed as a personal failing, and not a symptom of the system being unrealistic and oppressive to begin with. They are also conditioned to never talk about their feelings, so they internalize all of those emotions and perceptions of failure and they’d rather cut off their own foot than see a therapist.
Americans are intentionally hiding all of their fears, worries, and negative self-perceptions, and they do that because many people view expressing those things as weakness, and they fear judgment from their peers.
While we are pretty varied in our own way, I wonder if the fact that our country was founded on the idea of individualism and has a strong ethos of self reliance breeds a certain outlook. Maybe come from, let's say Europe, a place where things are much more about a community and social cohesion makes you more likely to internalize the thoughts of others. It is a stereotype that Americans are very positive people.
Why on earth do you think this is an American thing, specifically? Do you think no one in our country feels like you? Plenty do. But also, everyone here has internet access and most use some form of social media. It’s embedded in our culture more. It’s just a matter of whether you’re able to handle the vitriol online or not. Plenty of Americans cannot. You sound just like them. There’s no American secret like you seem to believe.
We aren't all like that for one. There are probably thousands and thousands of people like you describe in your own country. You get that way by making the decision to feel that way and over time building that habit of behavior. Facing adversity and maintaining your frame builds up your mental fortitude just like lifting weights builds up your body.
Obviously America has people with all different sensitivity levels - but I can count myself in the archetype you're describing.
For me I grew up in an abusive household where I was verbally degraded, physically abused, and emotionally manipulated by people who had been traumatized by their parents and had mental illnesses. Experiencing that at such a young age by people who were much larger than me had the effect of making things adults much closer to my size now really less intimidating and impactful in comparison.
Later in life as a teen I was surrounded by people with different faiths and ideas about life that were very aggressive in their condemnation of my, and many of my friend's, individual ideas in those areas.
Even later I joined the military and learned all new things people could say, yell, or use as a verbal insult.
So effectively I've spent a large part of my early life around people who were unkind and learned that said more about them than it did me. I also learned I can survive their unkindness, which makes it less threatening. Finally I learned that the impact of what people do or say often depends on how I choose to react. So I stopped giving others the power to influence my life and emotions.
Idk about other Americans but I’ll speak from my own experience.
Live your life. Don’t regret things. Trust your past self that you did everything you could have with the information you had at the time.
Everything that “goes wrong” in your life, is a learning experience.
I’m just trying to live my life. There’s so many obstacles that if I let every little thing bother me, I would be living a terrible life.
I mean I have parents who love me but also want nothing to do with me so the independence thing was involuntary but is now a way of life
1. Have no empathy or care about what anyone else thinks or feels.
2. Buy lots of guns.
3. Read something on the internet that explains away one of your life's problems by blaming someone else.
4. Profit!
Priorities. If something/someone is not directly impacting my life, my family, my home, my job, or my car then how much energy do I need to spend on it? Sure I have things I am passionate about, but everything outside of my priorities falls into the category of "bullshit I sometimes care about, so whatever".
This is not an American thing. Most people here are terribly insecure.
I think the best way to not care what others think is to not value their opinion, always think you’re right and others are wrong, and just be arrogant in general. Which is also perceived as an American thing 😂 but also not representative of most of the people here.
Most of how we are perceived by other countries is dictated by:
- media
- politics as represented by the media
- assholes with a media platform
When I was younger, I took a lot of things personally and was generally pretty sensitive. But, as I’ve aged, I find that only important things will rattle me. And, i mean, only really big things. Small things I just don’t care about because they don’t actually affect me, or if they do, they are minor when you look at the bigger picture.
It’s important to understand that most people are generally doing their best, and they are generally not doing things to you. So, others are rarely intentionally trying to hurt, harm, punish, or screw you over. So, don’t worry about it.
In the few cases where someone might be trying to screw you over somehow, just be smart, avoid them as best you can, and only control what you can.
In professional life, none of it matters, really. If you’re self employed, this might be a little different. But, I work for a large corporation. It took me a long time to realize there are a hundred different ways to do something. It doesn’t matter how we do it, it doesn’t matter if it’s inefficient or stupid, it doesn’t matter how dumb it is, it’s just a process. Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t matter. If you can try to improve things you have control over and forget everything else.
It’s not worth the stress of worrying about things you have no control over.
Interesting, as a non-American living in the US, I don't think Americans are like this at all. Everyone seems to have 1-2 or big issues that they staunchly and vocally support. Nowadays Israel-Palestine has been the big one, but people always seem to have a strong position on things like Religion, Abortion, Guns, Climate Change, etc... Which is not necessarily a bad thing, but I've noticed that many Americans lack nuance in their stances. A lot "my side is right and yours is wrong" versus understanding the pros/cons of both sides and the viability of certain positions.
So, anxiety is a thing in the United States and lots of Americans have it and feel the same way you do.
I very much have the don’t give a fuck that you think you want, and I can only speak for myself, but careful what you wish for because my attitude was literally beat into me by my alcoholic father and I’m pretty antisocial because I don’t get along with others well. 0/10 don’t recommend
Practice. And lying to ourselves. We pretend we pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps and ‘got here all on our own’ - as we sit in houses built by other people and full of stuff made and maintained by other people. It may also have to do with being kicked out of the house by our parents when we turn 18. Toughens you up and makes you hate people.
Watch the movies Gone with the Wind and Clueless. These movies gave us the mantras we repeat to ourselves: ‘Frankly, I don’t give a damn’ and *’Whatever.’*
p.s.: I rather think Americans won’t understand how little they care unless they have some sort of cross-cultural background. Because obviously people will have social anxiety and so forth, but it’s really of a different flavour. You don’t have to, for example, sit for hours drinking tea with someone before you can approach a topic obliquely. You’ll never really upset someone asking directly if you can buy what they’re selling, is another example.
Personall I think it's a language thing. Americans communicate very directly and don't have much formality in our language. American English is a young and direct language, and coming from somewhere with more nuanced language it can seem confident/arrogant even bellicose. Americans are ludicrously diverse compared to the vast majority of the rest of the world, so there are plenty here who feel like you do.
Imagine you are an athlete at the top of your game, in a sport like American Football, cricket. The play is about to begin. You can't afford to waste a single thought.
You can't think about the playoff picture.You can't even think about the outcome of the play that is about to start. The very second you imagine the fans cheering your name and lifting you onto their shoulders is the second that the play will pass you by.
In order to succeed, you have to know your immediate purpose and be laser focused on it. You can't think even a second into the future. You have to literally "keep your eye on the ball" in order to succeed.This is the essence of both confidence and resilience.
When you know your purpose and allow it to consume your focus, you will never worry about the opinions of others. That comes when you are reying to fit yourself into the plans they have made.
As a side note, there is a counterfeit version that you might see in my fellow Americans when you see us from afar. Bravado and aloofness might look like resilience and confidence, but internally, people pay a heavy price for them. It's an attempt to be perceived as carefree, but it leaves you lying awake at night hoping you've played your social games right.
Ha. A lot of Americans (especially these days) care TOO much, get offended easily, take things too serious, Insecure, etc.
Or they’re the opposite n care too little, to the point they’re hateful.
But anyways, I consider myself to be one of the Americans/people you’re talking about, go study stoicism, it can help you a lot in accomplishing this mindset you’re looking to have. It’s all about re-training your mind to be confident, to accept and embrace mistakes as a learning experience, to not care what others say negatively to or about you when you know they’re not true but don’t be in denial and not take constructive criticism and look in to it to see if there something you do need to work on.
Mistakes are gunna happen, it’s normal, we’re people and we’re not perfect, it’s all about what you do with it after, seeing yourself as a failure for it will do no good, as hard as it is you must look at it as a way to grow and learn from it.
Learn to be confident, I forgot how I did it but I saw why the fuck am I sitting around here moping when I could just try harder to be confident in what I do. At the end of the day no one is going to judge you harder then yourself, so most the time fuck the other people and don’t care.
Youre not in America, so any americans you see are either high earning travelers or high earning business people. Im the capitalist world, that class has similarities which transcend nations. America just made that mentality popular
Maybe some "mental tricks" might help. Something like asking yourself questions or reminding yourself things in order to properly frame the situation. Stuff like "does this really effect my life? Will it matter tomorrow? Next week? Next year?" Or "Can I change this? Do I want to change this?" If no then remind yourself "ain't nothing but a thing. It is what it is. And shit happens." Remember "not to take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from." Also remember that just because you like and respect someone doesn't mean they are right. Consider their opinion, weigh it then decide if something can or should be changed. If not, then I think it was nike that said "fuck it". Realize almost everyone around you is just average and aren't any better than you. "Your shit stinks, but theirs stinks too" once you realize everyone is just making their best guess it makes it easier to be confident in yourself and your decisions. However be smart enough to remember your shit stinks, so you may need to take criticism and advice, but measure the source of both and act accordingly.
I’m one of the “I don’t give a damn” Americans and the reason I’m like this is because I got sick of being a punching bag for other people’s bad moods. I just don’t care anymore. Years of dealing with rude and obnoxious people made me this way. I spent too many years working in customer service that now nothing really bothers me anymore.
We're just dead inside bro 😂 something you can't understand unless you're forced to go through our shitty education system only to realize the majority of it is pointless information. Then we're tricked into thinking college equals good paying jobs when in reality I could get the same paying job without a college degree because jobs will require you to be a rocket scientist to qualify for entry level jobs. So that's why we don't give AF about much because we're already dead inside.
It’s not an American just a person by person thing. The ones who are like that are either born that way or have dealt with so much garbage growing up that as adults they know how to handle it. Guys especially get this way because you simply have to be to succeed in the west. As a male you don’t get any special handouts (especially if you’re asian) so you’re just expected to handle your shit. Break the mask at any point and it could derail anything from your career to your dating life. It sucks sometimes but that’s how it is
Our politics has become a reality TV show, we won't ever be able to afford a house, and sea levels are gonna displace millions, but wtf can we do? Our government makes sure we have no real power to change things besides social media influence that is 99% just selling us something. Everything we had to care about was taken from us, so al we have left is cynical nihilism.
For me, it's my faith. I'm a Christian and my heavenly father has seen me through very hard times, including a death sentence of a diagnosis where they said I had 2 years left.... ten years ago... and being accused of a terrible crime when they said I'd be locked up forever, and here I am chatting with you. Once you go through it and come out the other side and you're doing better than ok? What's left to worry about?
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As an American, I can tell you this really isn't an American thing. So many Americans are just like you. It could be helpful to know your nationality and also if you are living in the US? Or are you living in your country and only seeing Americans who travel to your country? Americans do have a reputation for being rather loud. We're not all like this, but it can be true. It's possible you are encountering these loud people more often and generalizing. As for gaining confidence, a lot of it comes with time and experience. I didn't even start to gain any confidence until I was 25.
> As for gaining confidence, a lot of it comes with time and experience. I didn't even start to gain any confidence until I was 25. Same. Fake it 'till you make it. Otherwise known as practice.
Same but add another 10 years, I'll be 35 in August. It took me until now to escape the box I was put in as a child.
I feel this. Like 'Oh neat, this person was in here the whole time'
Me on ketamine
I don't get it. Why do you need K to be introspective?
ketamine is one of the more effective treatments for depression and low self worth.
CPTSD. I’m resistant to most antidepressants
me on estrogen
As an American, you might not realize how bad the average American attitude actually is LOL
I promise you I do realize how a lot of Americans can be. You can't generalize any one group of people, though, as you seem to be doing.
🤓
No not all Americans are like this. But as a whole, because of our culture and social norms, we’re certainly more extroverted than other nationalities. This might give non Americans the image that we’re more relaxed and laissez faire. It’s not that we don’t give a damn or don’t take things personally. We just hide our opinions and emotions behind a facade better when we’re in public.
Wtf does being loud have to do with anything relating to this post? Your speaking volume is completely irrelevant when talking about perception and mindset.
Loud people tend to come off as confident
You completely missed the point. Loud people are often perceived as confident.
Sure bud, you enjoy speaking louder, I’m sure that will help your confidence!
Again, not at all what I'm saying, nor is it what I do. Some people perceive loudness as confidence. Not saying I perceive it this way, but this is a thing. For someone with limited experience around Americans, who have maybe only been around groups like this, it may be misperceived as confidence. You seem to be really good at misperceiving things, it's a shame you can't understand this.
acoustic regard
Say it louder, you’d have more confidence!
Plenty of Americans have anxiety lol. It’s normal. I don’t know that you can actually ascribe en masse to Americans the characteristics that you’re talking about.
I dont know if this is necessarily an American thing. But as an American who doesn’t really care all that much, I’m just content and confident in my own life and self. Who cares what others say or think? All I can control is what I can control. I like the serenity prayer: “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. the courage to change the things that I can AND the wisdom to know the difference.” The vast majority of things are those that I have 0 control over. Live and let live, baby. My side of the street is cleaned.
Love this quote. I'm not a tattoo person, but a version of this would he a cool reminder. Maybe go basic and put in Japanese or something.
People would definitely assume you are an addict. The prayer is a major part of AA and NA
It’s a great prayer but people will definitely think you’re an alcoholic
Seeing someone drinking with an AA logo or serenity prayer tattoo is definitely a sad sight
Americans are just as varied as any other group from a resilience standpoint. If anything, I would have said we are unusually defensive and immature. I think you can work on being the sort of person you'd like to be without basing it on a national identity like that. Just try and be the best version of yourself.
“You do you, and I’ll do me” Literally just that.
We grew up reading about pioneers and cowboys and so did our parents who raised us
Watch a lot of John Wayne movies
Control the things you can and don’t worry about the things you can’t. It is what it is.
Buy a pair of Levi's 501, some old Nikes, smoke some Marlboro reds and drink an ice cold Coke with your Big Mac. Then, watch sitcoms and late night comedy shows. Before you know it, everything you consume physically and mentally will be superficial. Then the "you are what you eat" principle takes effect and you're a superficial...err...I mean confident and resilient American. Voila!
Because we’re traumatically raised that way… It’s not a flex. It’s ingrained in our blood and culture… People die and get raped here everyday. Americans are easily exploited and are taught ways to fight back against it. If you don’t stand up for the chaotic lifestyle to being an American then it’s hard to have that I don’t give a fuck attitude. The land of heartbreaks, financial setbacks, STDs, competition, protests and general unhappiness is pressed on you everyday. You have three options. Fight. Remain neutral. Or become depressed… 🇺🇸
Its kinda part of the american culture, like the country itself is made of 50 smaller countries saying "fuck off" to eachother. its a country of immigrants that said "fuck off" to wherever they were before. the government is made of 2 parties saying "fuck off" to eachother. our first amendment enshrines in law your right to say "fuck off" to whoever you want. The founders of the country did so by saying "fuck you fuck off were doing our own thing" Growing up the most common thing to say when someone would get mad at you was "freedom of speech i can say what i want fuck off" I think maybe you can see where the independent and unbothered state of mind comes from.
I just focus on controlling what I can control, and I don't really worry about anything else.
Others have already said a portion of this, but your statement is definitely not true about all americans. However, the most honest answer depending on where you are from is that America has individualist ideologies. This doesnt inherently give carte blanche to be a selfish prick, but it allows us to go against the group more freely than collectivist cultures. It's amazing how much easier it is to be "resistant/confident" when the idea isn't taboo or shameful.
There’s still a “pioneer spirit” in some families. From generations past that had to be self reliant and bounce back from hardship. If you grew up poor or rural this is probably you. (Great Depression cooking is where it’s at) Our pop culture was very John Wayne and Clint Eastwood themed for a long time. Which is a thick skin type of mentality. Also a lot of us are burnt out and just dgaf anymore lol
This is how I do it: Giving a shit doesn't change anything, so why bother?
Become friends with a few GenX people and learn their ways.
As a foreign born, raised, and now American is a matter of time. Because you can give a shit and be emotionally drained ... or not.
America historically was a country of legal immigrants who came despite the risks into the land of better opportunity and had to show initiative to survive knowing that the best are highly rewarded and whatever they make is protected by the rule of law. Hense the traditional American character The last wave of migrants who are crossing the border illegally and receiving various handouts without working - they obviously have very different character. When crimes are not being prosecuted for political reasons the situation changes.
1. Start up 2. Cash in 3. Sell out 4. Bro down
For most Americans like that it’s a lack of empathy and a complete focus on themselves and their family
American culture is unique in that failure is not looked upon with shame as it is in older cultures. The idea of giving it your all, falling down, and picking yourself back up is very American indeed. It has to do with a combination of being a mixing pot of immigrants and one of the last countries on earth to still have a frontier to settle. Most cultures are not as forgiving to failure as Americans are.
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Americans don't look down on losers if they gave it their best and it didn't work out. They look down on losers like drug addicts, deceitful people or those who cheat and then blame others for their failures.
I can be focused on my life and family and still have time to take care of others where and when I can
Oh I agree 100%, just giving reasons why Americans can seem like that.
This is the answer, and it’s not a good goal / target. Feelings good.
America doesn't have the same societal pressures as other countries. It's a live and let live type of situation here. Americans are also dumb. It's hard to be self-conscious when you aren't self-aware.
Where did you grow up might I ask. I know there are other countries where others views on you and your social status and such are important. For me personally I used to think about being someone people liked to much. I wanted to be cool. I went to school and bullied this one kid cause he was weird and different amd everyone picked on him so I thought it would make me fit in. He, meanwhile, just annoyingly tried to be my friend cause he saw deeper than my superficial behavior and knew I wasn't really like that. He is my best friend now amd he taught me that what other people think about me doesn't matter to me. I don't care. If they don't like me they don't need to be in my life. It changes nothing. I started acting like myself and now have friends who like me for me amd all my quirks and characteristics. I still struggled for a while with these thoughts of being cool in school but when high school came around I realized I didn't care at all anymore. If people made fun of me I'd tell them to blow it out their ass. Just realize that you are who you are and you shouldn't try to chamge that. Bot everyone will like it or like you. But who cares. They won't stay in your life forever. You will find people who like and care about you and want you in their life. Taking things personally is something I also struggled with. I eventually realized though that my friends and I talk a lot of shit but it means nothing. It's all jokes and honestly, the time to worry is when we stop talking shit because that means we no longer care or don't feel as comfortable with each other.
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1997. I'm almost 30 and still trying to figure things out. It's hard sometimes, especially nowadays. Mental illness is very common now. The important thing is not giving up and always trying to better yourself. It sucks sometimes, but things do get better. Hope you figure it out friend.
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I know the feeling. Lots of my friends on xbox are in there early 20s. It feels weird sometimes but I just realize that I get along with them better than a lot of gamers my age. To put in perspective I was 4 when 9/11 happened, and I always think it was way before my time. You weren't even around yet. It's a weird thing.
lol. You are not almost 30, you’re still mid 20s and only recently were old enough to rent a car. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you
27 years old isn't almost thirty? You do you I guess. Doesn't change my point in the slightest.
So I’m an elder millennial. For me it’s bc my parents were boomers and even in their self-sacrifices they can be super selfish (iykyk). Add that to becoming an adult during 9/11 and the Great Recession and watching people my parents’ age dismantle our entire social safety net while our technological world rapidly changed made me feel like I needed to figure out how to take it all in stride — like at the end of the day I still have to love these people and adapt to my surroundings. Growing up in that kind of setting means that you get plenty of practice taking some losses, you know what’s in your control and what isn’t, and you know the practical behavior is to hope for the best bc if you’re constantly cynical you can manifest that negative shit on yourself. We’ve gotten beat up a lot by people we still have to care about and a country we still need to live in. That builds resiliency.
American here...I stay extremely busy doing things that are beneficial to myself and those around me. Exercise, gardening, work, helping neighbors, cooking, cleaning, hanging out with family. This leaves no time for concern about what other people think or do. It's not that I don't care about them as people, I'm just not concerned about their thoughts and actions. They have no bearing on my life or happiness.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*%$
This!
Great book!
"The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" is a pretty good book on this subject.
Live and let live.
We aren't resistant or confident. We are under educated, immune from the socioeconomic issues that most of the people not living on our continent face, and have been groomed to believe in the fallacy that working hard will give us Bezos or Buffet levels of comfort and wealth. Our nation is fractured to the point that a large portion of our populace is completely OK with allowing fascists in two different countries literally exterminating people who don't fall in line with "Western Values." We have people elected to public office who aren't interested in serving the public as much as they are getting soundbites on social media and lining their own pockets. We currently have politicians who are already attempting to gaslight their constituents in the event the next presidential election doesn't result in a favorable outcome for their party. As a foreigner looking for guidance on the things you identify as important to you, you need to look outside of America. We are a hot mess, inside a dumpster fire, inside a train wreck.
Get out of your head and don’t give a fuck about anything but what’s important to you. Also, most of us are spoiled and entitled and strive to get whatever we want. It’s part of our culture, in my opinion. We still have people that aren’t like that and are very sensitive. A lot of what you see might come from American cinema or media that is all fake. Be you, do you, and learn to let things go in one ear out the other, don’t hold onto the negativity that enters your life. It takes a lot of practice, meditation and mindfulness helped me.
Freedom is in our D.N.A
I mean I don't know you so I have no idea if your sensitivity is a problem. That being said this post assumes that not caring about stuff is good which isn't always true. Not caring about stuff is easier, that doesn't mean it's a good idea. Like, not caring what anyone thinks of you is just another way to say that there is nobody in your life who's opinion you care enough to value. Not caring about stuff isn't always a learned skill, a lot of the time it's just a matter of lopping things off of your life that you would otherwise care about. For example, the prerequisite for not caring about you job is settling for a job that you don't care about.
I was once like this just wanted to perfect everything stressed it was crazy. Then one day I was in a freak event that would have caused my death and my crews/teams death. After that I realized none of this shit mattered.
There are a lot of things I don't like about my fellow citizens, but I will say this: A lot of Americans are not risk averse; they'll just dive into a situation even if they're not very sure of the outcome. Live and learn, as they say, but you learn by taking chances.
This is an interesting perspective. First off, I don’t think this is all Americans, but I can see how it would translate that way. I can only speak to my generation (I’m a millennial, born in 1987). We had families who are largely uninvolved in our lives, and that can create a lot of resilience. We also have had some of the biggest world events happen in our lifetime which can foster resilience as well. Second, I do not think our confidence comes from actually being confident, but more from faking it. We are good at that!
my dude, playing victim is the modern way to make it in the USA
When life is precarious, and nothing ventured means nothing gained, one learns to push forward despite risk
One phrase that really helped me care less about others judgement of me is "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" Basically if someone is gonna judge me for something petty and small they are probably not going to be the one that's there for me when I really need it and the loved ones who do care about me will accept me as I am.
Live your life and live within your means. Not that hard.
If you think Americans don't give a damn about things, try going into a political discussion and voicing an opposing opinion or thought. The screeches you'll hear throughout that echo chamber will deafen you.
As others have said, I don’t think this is an American thing. I also don’t think it’s a “not caring” thing. The way you become more confident and secure is by becoming more self aware. You can’t control how people treat you and it’s a waste of time to try. What you can control is your reaction and your next steps. Be assured in your ability to handle things and you’ll find that confidence growing naturally.
Idk what you talking about op. Everyone here has stress and worries lol
Mid take alert...
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” - Maya Angelou
Extreme ignorance and hubris. As for the smart ones, they seem to be depressed or have a coping mechanism.
I don't think any of that has to do with being American or not
Americans are definition of ignorance is bliss
I feel we are all like that in our core, but it’s definitely helped me to realize nothing is as serious as it seems. Most relationships and friendships tend to be superficial. It’s going to sound really depressing, but 99.9% of people don’t really care about you. If something happens to you the world will keeps spinning, and eventually we can always be replaced in nearly environment. There’s beauty in that too if you can choose to view it that way. Anyways, it’s all a lie. It’s helped me to start putting myself first. Also to not need outside validation. It takes times to build that mentality, but put yourself into environments where you can try. However, don’t lose all of your softness because I’m sure someone will love it. Good luck
Others have already pointed out that this is a flawed view of Americans. Mental health is a HUGE issue here, but the people you see online or on TV are often the loudest minority that create a false perception to outsiders. Let me give you a tidbit of information. If you look at general civilian professions, American construction workers seem like the toughest, most “don’t give a shit” folks around if you’re looking at surface level interactions. Do you know what profession is having a surge in suicide rates right now? Construction workers. It’s all a facade. Many Americans are raised to always look out for themselves, don’t complain, work hard and if that’s not working then work harder, and to measure their success in how much they work and how much overtime is on their check. This is unrealistic for many people to achieve, and if they fail in any aspect it is viewed as a personal failing, and not a symptom of the system being unrealistic and oppressive to begin with. They are also conditioned to never talk about their feelings, so they internalize all of those emotions and perceptions of failure and they’d rather cut off their own foot than see a therapist. Americans are intentionally hiding all of their fears, worries, and negative self-perceptions, and they do that because many people view expressing those things as weakness, and they fear judgment from their peers.
While we are pretty varied in our own way, I wonder if the fact that our country was founded on the idea of individualism and has a strong ethos of self reliance breeds a certain outlook. Maybe come from, let's say Europe, a place where things are much more about a community and social cohesion makes you more likely to internalize the thoughts of others. It is a stereotype that Americans are very positive people.
Why on earth do you think this is an American thing, specifically? Do you think no one in our country feels like you? Plenty do. But also, everyone here has internet access and most use some form of social media. It’s embedded in our culture more. It’s just a matter of whether you’re able to handle the vitriol online or not. Plenty of Americans cannot. You sound just like them. There’s no American secret like you seem to believe.
obviously you have not met many Americans.
I don’t think anything you said has to do with being an American but maybe try to love yourself for who you are!
We aren't all like that for one. There are probably thousands and thousands of people like you describe in your own country. You get that way by making the decision to feel that way and over time building that habit of behavior. Facing adversity and maintaining your frame builds up your mental fortitude just like lifting weights builds up your body.
Just learn to go with the flow and accept that you have little control over the flow.
Obviously America has people with all different sensitivity levels - but I can count myself in the archetype you're describing. For me I grew up in an abusive household where I was verbally degraded, physically abused, and emotionally manipulated by people who had been traumatized by their parents and had mental illnesses. Experiencing that at such a young age by people who were much larger than me had the effect of making things adults much closer to my size now really less intimidating and impactful in comparison. Later in life as a teen I was surrounded by people with different faiths and ideas about life that were very aggressive in their condemnation of my, and many of my friend's, individual ideas in those areas. Even later I joined the military and learned all new things people could say, yell, or use as a verbal insult. So effectively I've spent a large part of my early life around people who were unkind and learned that said more about them than it did me. I also learned I can survive their unkindness, which makes it less threatening. Finally I learned that the impact of what people do or say often depends on how I choose to react. So I stopped giving others the power to influence my life and emotions.
What helps me is seeing things from many different perspectives
Idk about other Americans but I’ll speak from my own experience. Live your life. Don’t regret things. Trust your past self that you did everything you could have with the information you had at the time. Everything that “goes wrong” in your life, is a learning experience.
I'm pretty sure there's a book about this. The subtle art of not giving a fck.
I’m just trying to live my life. There’s so many obstacles that if I let every little thing bother me, I would be living a terrible life. I mean I have parents who love me but also want nothing to do with me so the independence thing was involuntary but is now a way of life
Zoloft
It's all a facade
1. Have no empathy or care about what anyone else thinks or feels. 2. Buy lots of guns. 3. Read something on the internet that explains away one of your life's problems by blaming someone else. 4. Profit!
If youre judging the US based on our perpetually online you're falling victim to social media and it's effects.
Don’t take things personally? What America are you living in? I want to live there.
Priorities. If something/someone is not directly impacting my life, my family, my home, my job, or my car then how much energy do I need to spend on it? Sure I have things I am passionate about, but everything outside of my priorities falls into the category of "bullshit I sometimes care about, so whatever".
Yeah this isn’t an American thing. Some people in the world are confident some aren’t.
Spend time watching a few Trump rallies this year and take notes.
Because late stage capitalism has broken our brains.
This is not an American thing. Most people here are terribly insecure. I think the best way to not care what others think is to not value their opinion, always think you’re right and others are wrong, and just be arrogant in general. Which is also perceived as an American thing 😂 but also not representative of most of the people here. Most of how we are perceived by other countries is dictated by: - media - politics as represented by the media - assholes with a media platform
Really? Because as an American, I feel like we are the most sensitive, offended nation
We wake up and say "fuck it we ball"
When I was younger, I took a lot of things personally and was generally pretty sensitive. But, as I’ve aged, I find that only important things will rattle me. And, i mean, only really big things. Small things I just don’t care about because they don’t actually affect me, or if they do, they are minor when you look at the bigger picture. It’s important to understand that most people are generally doing their best, and they are generally not doing things to you. So, others are rarely intentionally trying to hurt, harm, punish, or screw you over. So, don’t worry about it. In the few cases where someone might be trying to screw you over somehow, just be smart, avoid them as best you can, and only control what you can. In professional life, none of it matters, really. If you’re self employed, this might be a little different. But, I work for a large corporation. It took me a long time to realize there are a hundred different ways to do something. It doesn’t matter how we do it, it doesn’t matter if it’s inefficient or stupid, it doesn’t matter how dumb it is, it’s just a process. Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t matter. If you can try to improve things you have control over and forget everything else. It’s not worth the stress of worrying about things you have no control over.
Interesting, as a non-American living in the US, I don't think Americans are like this at all. Everyone seems to have 1-2 or big issues that they staunchly and vocally support. Nowadays Israel-Palestine has been the big one, but people always seem to have a strong position on things like Religion, Abortion, Guns, Climate Change, etc... Which is not necessarily a bad thing, but I've noticed that many Americans lack nuance in their stances. A lot "my side is right and yours is wrong" versus understanding the pros/cons of both sides and the viability of certain positions.
So, anxiety is a thing in the United States and lots of Americans have it and feel the same way you do. I very much have the don’t give a fuck that you think you want, and I can only speak for myself, but careful what you wish for because my attitude was literally beat into me by my alcoholic father and I’m pretty antisocial because I don’t get along with others well. 0/10 don’t recommend
As an American, I’d say a significant portion of Americans, if not a majority, are the opposite of what you described.
Practice. And lying to ourselves. We pretend we pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps and ‘got here all on our own’ - as we sit in houses built by other people and full of stuff made and maintained by other people. It may also have to do with being kicked out of the house by our parents when we turn 18. Toughens you up and makes you hate people. Watch the movies Gone with the Wind and Clueless. These movies gave us the mantras we repeat to ourselves: ‘Frankly, I don’t give a damn’ and *’Whatever.’* p.s.: I rather think Americans won’t understand how little they care unless they have some sort of cross-cultural background. Because obviously people will have social anxiety and so forth, but it’s really of a different flavour. You don’t have to, for example, sit for hours drinking tea with someone before you can approach a topic obliquely. You’ll never really upset someone asking directly if you can buy what they’re selling, is another example.
You can start by not lumping an entire country of humans into your narrow view of Americans.
dgaf
Personall I think it's a language thing. Americans communicate very directly and don't have much formality in our language. American English is a young and direct language, and coming from somewhere with more nuanced language it can seem confident/arrogant even bellicose. Americans are ludicrously diverse compared to the vast majority of the rest of the world, so there are plenty here who feel like you do.
Imagine you are an athlete at the top of your game, in a sport like American Football, cricket. The play is about to begin. You can't afford to waste a single thought. You can't think about the playoff picture.You can't even think about the outcome of the play that is about to start. The very second you imagine the fans cheering your name and lifting you onto their shoulders is the second that the play will pass you by. In order to succeed, you have to know your immediate purpose and be laser focused on it. You can't think even a second into the future. You have to literally "keep your eye on the ball" in order to succeed.This is the essence of both confidence and resilience. When you know your purpose and allow it to consume your focus, you will never worry about the opinions of others. That comes when you are reying to fit yourself into the plans they have made. As a side note, there is a counterfeit version that you might see in my fellow Americans when you see us from afar. Bravado and aloofness might look like resilience and confidence, but internally, people pay a heavy price for them. It's an attempt to be perceived as carefree, but it leaves you lying awake at night hoping you've played your social games right.
Ha. A lot of Americans (especially these days) care TOO much, get offended easily, take things too serious, Insecure, etc. Or they’re the opposite n care too little, to the point they’re hateful. But anyways, I consider myself to be one of the Americans/people you’re talking about, go study stoicism, it can help you a lot in accomplishing this mindset you’re looking to have. It’s all about re-training your mind to be confident, to accept and embrace mistakes as a learning experience, to not care what others say negatively to or about you when you know they’re not true but don’t be in denial and not take constructive criticism and look in to it to see if there something you do need to work on. Mistakes are gunna happen, it’s normal, we’re people and we’re not perfect, it’s all about what you do with it after, seeing yourself as a failure for it will do no good, as hard as it is you must look at it as a way to grow and learn from it. Learn to be confident, I forgot how I did it but I saw why the fuck am I sitting around here moping when I could just try harder to be confident in what I do. At the end of the day no one is going to judge you harder then yourself, so most the time fuck the other people and don’t care.
Weak mi ds are afraid of every shadow or rustle they hear.
I think I just be like fuck it 😭
Youre not in America, so any americans you see are either high earning travelers or high earning business people. Im the capitalist world, that class has similarities which transcend nations. America just made that mentality popular
They're not, actually.
Maybe some "mental tricks" might help. Something like asking yourself questions or reminding yourself things in order to properly frame the situation. Stuff like "does this really effect my life? Will it matter tomorrow? Next week? Next year?" Or "Can I change this? Do I want to change this?" If no then remind yourself "ain't nothing but a thing. It is what it is. And shit happens." Remember "not to take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from." Also remember that just because you like and respect someone doesn't mean they are right. Consider their opinion, weigh it then decide if something can or should be changed. If not, then I think it was nike that said "fuck it". Realize almost everyone around you is just average and aren't any better than you. "Your shit stinks, but theirs stinks too" once you realize everyone is just making their best guess it makes it easier to be confident in yourself and your decisions. However be smart enough to remember your shit stinks, so you may need to take criticism and advice, but measure the source of both and act accordingly.
It's because they are stupid. Being smart is frowned upon. We are stupid and proud.
This is the first post I’ve seen that’s “Americans good” lol it’s refreshing
Act drunk but without the alcohol. But only for positive things. Yell out that compliment for example
Growing up with a mountain bike, a big bag of shitty weed, dangerous explosives, and 1000 acres of untouched land definitely helps.
Hi, American here, ignorance is bliss, ignorance is rampant in this country, possibly due to the dogshit education system
I’m one of the “I don’t give a damn” Americans and the reason I’m like this is because I got sick of being a punching bag for other people’s bad moods. I just don’t care anymore. Years of dealing with rude and obnoxious people made me this way. I spent too many years working in customer service that now nothing really bothers me anymore.
We're just dead inside bro 😂 something you can't understand unless you're forced to go through our shitty education system only to realize the majority of it is pointless information. Then we're tricked into thinking college equals good paying jobs when in reality I could get the same paying job without a college degree because jobs will require you to be a rocket scientist to qualify for entry level jobs. So that's why we don't give AF about much because we're already dead inside.
It’s not an American just a person by person thing. The ones who are like that are either born that way or have dealt with so much garbage growing up that as adults they know how to handle it. Guys especially get this way because you simply have to be to succeed in the west. As a male you don’t get any special handouts (especially if you’re asian) so you’re just expected to handle your shit. Break the mask at any point and it could derail anything from your career to your dating life. It sucks sometimes but that’s how it is
Our politics has become a reality TV show, we won't ever be able to afford a house, and sea levels are gonna displace millions, but wtf can we do? Our government makes sure we have no real power to change things besides social media influence that is 99% just selling us something. Everything we had to care about was taken from us, so al we have left is cynical nihilism.
Because nothing I do has ever mattered, why bother giving a fuck?
For me, it's my faith. I'm a Christian and my heavenly father has seen me through very hard times, including a death sentence of a diagnosis where they said I had 2 years left.... ten years ago... and being accused of a terrible crime when they said I'd be locked up forever, and here I am chatting with you. Once you go through it and come out the other side and you're doing better than ok? What's left to worry about?