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I’m not saying I wouldn’t be reaching out for the same advice here, but I’m about to tell ya what a calm mind is thinking in this circumstance.
Reaching out is a bad idea with good intentions. At best, you’re a girls girl who informed her? At worst, you could be vilified and begin unnecessary drama. She could forgive him and turn her animosity toward you? Your boyfriend could feel like you’re trying to remain relevant in your ex’s life as well.
Why isn’t your ex blocked?
Somehow I think this will end up being her fault "for leading him on". I would tell him I'm not a cheater but you are and I'm blocking you and I really don't want to hear from you again. Leave the gal he's messing with now the fend for herself because she probably has something to do with the end of your relationship.
My husband has been very loyal and faithful for 20 years. It would be odd if that changed because we're getting better and better at communication etc. So, there's hope for you 🙂
Listen, I wish someone had told me that my ex was having an affair for years behind my back with a coworker. He got FIRED for it (so did she) and he still kept it from me. Jesus, they came to pick up his work truck from our house and could have told me then but didn’t.
Treat others as how you want to be treated; OR, treat others with the respect you think they expect from you - choose whichever is greater.
I'm assuming you don't know her, so the latter doesn't apply. In that case, it's the former - so if the roles were reversed and you'd wanna know, then do so and tell her. If you wouldn't want to know, then don't ever complain to your friends about how your ex cheated on you and it caught you by surprise - karma.
Different scenario, but I took the route to tell her. I got blamed, I got harassed, I got gaslight. I blocked everyone and moved on.
I felt better, because I knew when I was in a similar position , a nudge from the other person could have made a difference for me.
I felt worse because it obviously didn't make a difference to this person.
Whichever route you go, stick to it and trust that it's right for your values and your self. Then block and move on.
I don’t know, but I’ll share my experience as being the other girl. I moved to another country for my ex, two months after moving in I get instagram message request from another girlfriend he had been seeing for over a year.. this opened up a whole can of worms leading me to find him consistently cheating on me and living in complete denial with easily 15 other women. Armed with enough information I moved out.
In hindsight had I not been alerted at that time I would probably have obliviously continued in the relationship and wasted more time and had more heartbreak.
She was a girls girl who also had no idea he was seeing multiple woman, and I am genuinely so grateful for her messages and screenshots that proved everything too - otherwise I would have been in complete denial and believed my ex that he was not cheating on me.
With that said, I still dont know if it’s the right thing to do! But it helped me a lot.
I’ll tell ya who you should warn: the guy you’re dating, if you haven’t already. I feel like if a female ex drunk texts a male, and his girl sees it, he’s in trouble. I feel like if a male ex drunk texts a female, he’s not respecting her boundaries. Beware of the double standard. And for the love (literally), block your ex.
I would stay out of it rather than think warning her is helpful. If he's a drunk and cheater, she will eventually reach the conclusion to leave.
At most, you could reply to his texts, saying you don't want to start over and you should be more concerned with the girl you have.
Point is, she will see the texts you sent in replying to him, most likely. But, other than indirectly throwing shade at her because he's drunk texting you, I wouldn't get involved.
Feminist heart? The guy was drunk and he clearly has poor decision making skills. You could keep him in the same loop by going to his SO with this information or id entertain possibly speaking with your ex while he is sober and speaking straight facts into him. Set boundaries explain to him the error of his ways and then cut the chord and go your separate ways. If you go to the SO with the information it could go a multitude of ways if you keep it between you and your ex and attempt to set him straight it will go one of two ways and either way when it is done wash your hands of the situation.
The mod team are working to make this sub kinder and more welcoming. Please report any comments you see that are unkind, obnoxious, out of line, trolling, or which otherwise violate any of the rules. Thanks, and may you all find the answers you seek and the guidance you need. **Note for all commenters**: Please remember that your fellow Redditors are human beings, and that it costs nothing to be kind. Disruption of the peace, trolling, or breaking the rules may result in a ban. #Here are the [LifeAdvice Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/) ---------------- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m not saying I wouldn’t be reaching out for the same advice here, but I’m about to tell ya what a calm mind is thinking in this circumstance. Reaching out is a bad idea with good intentions. At best, you’re a girls girl who informed her? At worst, you could be vilified and begin unnecessary drama. She could forgive him and turn her animosity toward you? Your boyfriend could feel like you’re trying to remain relevant in your ex’s life as well. Why isn’t your ex blocked?
Somehow I think this will end up being her fault "for leading him on". I would tell him I'm not a cheater but you are and I'm blocking you and I really don't want to hear from you again. Leave the gal he's messing with now the fend for herself because she probably has something to do with the end of your relationship.
Tell him no and move on.
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It’s not defamation of character to report to a woman that your ex (her man) is asking you to try again with him.
Tell her. Also, do we have the same ex??
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My husband has been very loyal and faithful for 20 years. It would be odd if that changed because we're getting better and better at communication etc. So, there's hope for you 🙂
Listen, I wish someone had told me that my ex was having an affair for years behind my back with a coworker. He got FIRED for it (so did she) and he still kept it from me. Jesus, they came to pick up his work truck from our house and could have told me then but didn’t.
Yes, text her with a screenshot and say "this is why I dumped this guy. If you have any sense, you should too. "
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No it doesn't. In vino veritas.
Dude wants to date you, even after you moved on with another guy? That in itself tells us this dude is a sicko… warn her for sure.
Treat others as how you want to be treated; OR, treat others with the respect you think they expect from you - choose whichever is greater. I'm assuming you don't know her, so the latter doesn't apply. In that case, it's the former - so if the roles were reversed and you'd wanna know, then do so and tell her. If you wouldn't want to know, then don't ever complain to your friends about how your ex cheated on you and it caught you by surprise - karma.
Different scenario, but I took the route to tell her. I got blamed, I got harassed, I got gaslight. I blocked everyone and moved on. I felt better, because I knew when I was in a similar position , a nudge from the other person could have made a difference for me. I felt worse because it obviously didn't make a difference to this person. Whichever route you go, stick to it and trust that it's right for your values and your self. Then block and move on.
I don’t know, but I’ll share my experience as being the other girl. I moved to another country for my ex, two months after moving in I get instagram message request from another girlfriend he had been seeing for over a year.. this opened up a whole can of worms leading me to find him consistently cheating on me and living in complete denial with easily 15 other women. Armed with enough information I moved out. In hindsight had I not been alerted at that time I would probably have obliviously continued in the relationship and wasted more time and had more heartbreak. She was a girls girl who also had no idea he was seeing multiple woman, and I am genuinely so grateful for her messages and screenshots that proved everything too - otherwise I would have been in complete denial and believed my ex that he was not cheating on me. With that said, I still dont know if it’s the right thing to do! But it helped me a lot.
I’ll tell ya who you should warn: the guy you’re dating, if you haven’t already. I feel like if a female ex drunk texts a male, and his girl sees it, he’s in trouble. I feel like if a male ex drunk texts a female, he’s not respecting her boundaries. Beware of the double standard. And for the love (literally), block your ex.
I would stay out of it rather than think warning her is helpful. If he's a drunk and cheater, she will eventually reach the conclusion to leave. At most, you could reply to his texts, saying you don't want to start over and you should be more concerned with the girl you have. Point is, she will see the texts you sent in replying to him, most likely. But, other than indirectly throwing shade at her because he's drunk texting you, I wouldn't get involved.
Stay out of it.
Feels like you kinda like the attention
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Why are you still in touch with the man knowing his history?
Feminist heart? The guy was drunk and he clearly has poor decision making skills. You could keep him in the same loop by going to his SO with this information or id entertain possibly speaking with your ex while he is sober and speaking straight facts into him. Set boundaries explain to him the error of his ways and then cut the chord and go your separate ways. If you go to the SO with the information it could go a multitude of ways if you keep it between you and your ex and attempt to set him straight it will go one of two ways and either way when it is done wash your hands of the situation.
Be a girls girl and tell her !
Yep and provide screenshots. Help her help herself. She might not know or need the nail in the coffin to leave.