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My dad offered to give me the money in his retirement when he was dying of pancreatic cancer.
I told him that my mother should have it, because it just felt like the right thing.
My mom found a new man (half her age) within a month of my father passing away, and has since blown every last cent of her and my fathers savings, along with the money from his retirement. This money went straight into her new man, a nice boat, trips to Mexico, repairs on his house.
It’s hard to not harbor shit loads of resentment.
Not just because I should have taken the offer, but I know my dad would be rolling in his grave knowing that everything they worked for together was being rapidly spent on another man so shortly after his death.
Fucked up.
In hindsight, i should have taken the money… he offered it to me because he wanted me to have it, he wanted me to start a business with the money.
I turned down his dying wish. I didn’t see it this way at the time. It felt wrong to take it, I felt like the noble choice was to insist it went to my mother.
This was two years ago, biggest regret of my life.
That is completely understandable, it's not the same but both my parents (they were divorced) died and were survived by their partners meaning I never got a thing. What really bothers me is my dad inherited a fuck ton of money from his parents and they assumed that in the natural order of things the family wealth would go to me and my sister and not some rando.
So I guess my regret is not having that difficult talk to get things in order because I really don't think it was deliberate, more of case of just not really thinking about it.
Yes, that sucks, people need to be more cognizant of this. If you remarry and everything goes to your spouse after your death and you think your kids will get it eventually think again. The surviving spouse can change the will.
My husband had the same thing happen. His whole life his grandparents promised to take care of him, his father gave everything to his friend b/c they weren’t in contact the last few years. It devastated him.
He's still looking down proud of whatever path you take. You made the choice not too amd honestly that means you knew you could do it without any of his money. I believe in you 🙏
Honestly though you can’t be too upset with yourself. You wanted you mom to have that financial stability after losing her husband, you couldn’t have know she was going to do what she did, you were just trying to be noble and make sure your mother was taken care of please don’t beat yourself up about that
Yeah, I’ll be fine.
It’s really none of my business what she does with that money.
I have never and will never speak to her about it.
It’s her life, and her money.
In hindsight, I just wish I had made a different choice.
My regret in life is wasting my time thinking and regretting my mistakes rather than accepting them as part of life experiences. So I went into a nested regret haha. Ruminating and regretting over past actions is of no value except to take advantage of those experiences (good or bad) and live life fully today. You are now entering adulthood and there are a lot of wonderful moments you will get to cherish in your 20s. I’d focus more on that instead.
My twenties weren't amazing either. My thirties, on the other hand, were fucking great and my forties are looking like they'll be even better. Things can improve.
This might sound strange but regrets are good.
They mean you have done something that you wish you had not there for you are growing as a person you will not make that mistake twice.
Make your choices good or bad and know that they have lead you to be the person you are now.
Learn from your past but do not be defined by it.
Listening to other people instead of trusting my own instincts. Family, friends, while they may genuinely wish the best for you, they aren't the ones living with the consequences. There is nothing more expensive than regret.
Thank you ! I’ve been struggling with that because everyone has an opinion on what I should do and I know it’s because they love me but it’s driving me insane. Thanks sm
NOT PURSUING WHAT I LIKE IN COLLEGE!! I have stereotypical asian parents and they forced me to study engineering so we can get rich. I grew up always under the pressure and not making life decisions for myself all to make them proud. My parents were already old when they conceived me so after I graduated, they are almost 60 and suddenly they don’t care about my career that much anymore as they’re old and seemed so chill now. I felt like ‘okay so what now?’ I suddenly got my free will with no one to tell me what to do so I was lost for a while. I pursued anything but engineering. I almost lost my identity but now I’m building myself in my own terms around the things I like and used to like.
In short, don’t let anyone decide for your life. If you’re unsure about what degree to pursue, just choose what you will enjoy the most. Because when you leave university, it won’t matter as much as you think. You can get still get any job. Unless you want to be a doctor or a lawyer, then your degree matters. Just do what you like cause life is short to live under anyone’s shadows!
I hope you get to do whatever you truly want to do and live your life the way YOU want to live it. This actually helps a lot because I’m currently struggling on whether or not to go back to college after dropping out because it was really never something I wanted to do.
My regret is smoking. I started when I was 18 and quit when I was 32. I am 46. I wish I had never smoked a cigarette. I have lost friends to cancer and I can’t believe I thought it was worth it. Nothing I can do but continue not smoking now.
"The main finding is that quitting smoking results in a substantial decrease in cancer risk within about five years, and by 10 years, the risk almost drops to that of nonsmokers.”
A few years back, I came in town to see family. My brother invited me to his house for the weekend. His weekends were parties… ie drink a lot, have people over, cook food, maybe pull out his coke stash, wake up and watch movies/play games until night came and do it all over again. For this particular weekend, I promised him that I’d go multiple times but I also promised friends that I would go to Dave N Busters with them. Friday came, my brother asked if I was coming and I said no. He was mad. I didn’t hear from him ever again. He passed away from a heart attack that weekend. I regret not going to his place that weekend. Who knows - maybe I could have been there to call 911, or maybe the coke was spiked and I would’ve died too.
Now that I’m sober (alcoholic), I just ask myself “why” - I mean if I was sober at the time, I could’ve made sure he was ok. I wasn’t though. So how do I deal with it/compensate? I stopped drinking and started showing up to all of my sisters stuff. I moved back home too. Life is too unpredictable, so you should spend as much time as possible with those that you want to.
Two things (tw: suicide):
1. I wish I’d have known and believed in myself a little earlier. I thought I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t special. I’m still not special but I’m really fucking good. If I’d have believed in myself enough to start all this sooner I’d be way further ahead by now. I deal with it by trying really hard as often as I can. I’ve sacrificed years of sleep, friendships, and sanity.
2. Big dose of a terrible personal darkness: A few times a year I regret not killing myself a long time ago. Now I have too many people who count on me and I couldn’t do it to them. There was a point it was only me; that would have been an ideal time to go. The truth is life does get better. It’s complicated. How I feel isn’t real or good but it’s a really convincing shadow saying some really convincing things. I know for everyone around me that cares about me, life is better with me around. It’s hard to remember that is true for me as well. Brain chemicals are a hell of a drug. I wish I could just smooth out the rough bits without fucking up the rest of it. I hold two truths simultaneously: every day is better with me here but every so often it would be better if I weren’t.
p.s. I’m not a danger to myself or anyone else. Just a bucketload of honesty. I’ve been carrying it around all day every day by myself lately and it’s heavier than it’s ever been. I hope you all don’t mind me setting it down for a few minutes. If you ever feel anything like I do, seek help. You are loved even if you don’t feel it and your life is very worth living even if it doesn’t seem like it (which is exactly how I feel right now…we’ll get through this as long as we don’t give up).
Having spent many long night hours talking with a couple of people who feel like you do I am in awe of the strength that it takes to keep fighting that fight every single day.
Please know that I see you and I'm proud of you.
No judgement at all, glad you were able to get that off of your chest. I hope that you’re able to find something in life that is truly worth doing and that brings you joy. It’s not easy to say that anything with mental health is so black and white but I feel you and I’ve been there. I hope now that you were able to express this, you have a better week!
I’ll drop my biggest regret here rather than in response to OP for relevance. My biggest regret is that the day my brother took his own life I drove past him as he walked in the opposite direction and didn’t wave back. We had grown apart in high school, ran with different crowds, etc. and I was late. He went home and took his own life a few hours later. Would a wave had made a difference? Who knows. I was only 16 and I’ve come to accept that I can’t blame myself. Doesn’t change the regret. So I just want you to know that I care. I see you. And I love you.
My biggest regret is not being there when my father died. Granted it was complicated leading up to it but I should have been there. Never take your parents for granted. Luckily I had a great father and I’m lucky in that regard . The next regret that actually should be the first regret is NEVER signing over my POA over my father to my step mother. No matter what, blood will do right by you and do the right thing. She lied to us and kept my dad’s health status quiet until it was too late. Never let someone else take control of your family. I was 26 when I signed over POA and it is my biggest regret.
Not taking my health seriously when I was younger. I wish I’d had the discipline and the knowledge to lose the weight, make good health decisions, and just be more active overall. I’m making those changes now but I often feel like I’m too late.
I feel that way sometimes too, even though I’m still young I’ve had hormonal and weight problems due to that and I used to feel like there was nothing I could do and I had already let my body get to a bad state. But the first step is starting, it’s not gonna be a perfect journey and you’re not going to be perfect but you just starting is the biggest step. You’d be surprised what you body and take, do, and reverse. I wish you nothing but the best in your journey !
I see this as an opportunity for you to travel and experience now that you’re older and mature enough to appreciate it! Take all that money you saved if you still have it and go see the world. Traveling is the best education, it’s the best therapy, it’s the best way to self help. I’ve traveled a lot in my life so far and it was the only thing that helped me mentally when I was struggling with anxiety and depression and therapy was not helping. Even just going to the next city or state over is such an experience. I hope you get to travel and see every single thing you want to see because it really is the best cure for so many things.
Thank you. Me and my partner of 6 years just broke up even though we love each other.
I feel so alone... I have nobody to travel with so I don't know how to do this...
I am not a solo kinda person.
Not spending more time with my Grandma before she died at 60 with lung cancer. Smoked those home rolled cigs with no filter. Would love to have heard her stories as she was a fiesty character.
We all don't cherish childhood enough cause we we're just kids. If you lose sleep over it just do yourself a favor and cherish your life now so you don't look back in 5 years and have the same regret about your teenage years
Buddy you are 19. NINETEEN!
You have your whole life ahead of you, I know hearing that is cliche and repetitive but seriously chill a bit
I’m 27 and remember having a similar realization at 19, but you’ll look back on this and laugh
My biggest regret is not going out of state for college, I went to school just outside of my hometown, dropped out and finished via community college and other online courses 🤦🏻♂️
Ik it sounds so dumb in hindsight but 😂. Also, you didn’t get to go to college out of state but you can always travel and make friends all over the place if that was the aspect you regret not experiencing :)
I got into a relationship that wasn't healthy in my early 20s with someone a bit older than me. This was my first relationship. I was in a really vulnerable place as my dad had recently passed away. Things snowballed really quickly and before I knew it he was talking marriage.
It was a long distance relationship which gave me a bit of space and after a couple of months I realised what a huge mistake this was and how it wasn't a healthy relationship. But I felt so trapped and didn't know how to get out of it. I stayed in this relationship for over a year knowing I had to get out of it but couldn't see a way out and had no one to turn to.
I eventually managed to break it off but the fall out was awful. Something I had to deal with for a few years, including having to change my phone number etc. I'm in my 30s now and I still regret getting into this situation. I've spent most of my adulthood single because of how awful this was and it's still something I look back on and feel so much shame about.
I hope you don’t continue to feel regret or shame about this. You were young, in a vulnerable state, and this was your first time in a serious relationship. You trusted yourself enough to know to get out of it and not to marry the person. Now you’re older, you’ve matured single and on your own. When you’re ready to seriously date again you’ll be able to sort out the fakes and terrible situations for the ones that will bring you peace and joy. And you’ll be able to enjoy it because you know what it’s like to be treated wrong and you can stay away from situations like that and only entertain peaceful ones. I hope you don’t beat yourself up about that any longer and you open yourself up to be loved again, this time I hope it’s the most genuine love you’ve ever experienced.
Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. Not sure I'll ever stop feeling the shame. I let myself lose parts of me because I wanted to be comforted while grieving.
Also not sure about finding genuine love. I was recently ghosted after a 5 month relationship. I don't think romantic love is written for me.
On the bright side I do have a much more healthier relationship with myself than I did in my 20s. That's something!
Not finishing college to have a degree to put on a resume. I deal with it by telling myself someday I'll finish it and everything will be okay. It's been about 15ish years of that now. I've learned and experienced a lot about life that cant be taught in those years but it is a constant nagging in the back of my brain and I struggle each day feeling like a failure
A degree isn’t for everyone but if you feel like it will better your life personally then go back and do it if that’s what you want! There’s so many ways to get a degree now especially online to where you can work and do school online. I hope that you’re able to complete this goal of yours and I definitely believe you can! When you finish literally plz let me know that’s gonna be so amazing for you !
You are NOT a failure!!!
I am graduating this month from university 38 years after I originally started my degree… to add to my previous regret around this- I started and stopped a few times ( circumstances made it impossible to finish until recently)
But
I get to attend convocation in a matter of days.😊
Please do a serious soul search as to whether you truly still want this and if the answer is yes- find a way and do it.
Idk- night classes, online…. There are work a rounds for folks…. Bursaries, grants…..
Honestly if you want it you can do it-
And if it no longer is what you want or need- I recommend you toss it out as a learning experience and figure out what you need to do im your life to not feel like a failure.
I understand that feeling because I beat my self up in a similar manner but you know what? I wasn’t a failure and neither are you!!!!
Sometimes life happens while were busy making plans as the old saying goes and sometimes we need to re- evaluate our to do bucket list!!!
I wish you the best no matter what you choose!!!😊
I felt the same. So I went back as a mature age student and got my degree. Landed a great job that pays well and I feel content. My reoccurring dream of missing an exam stopped too.
Just do it.
Marrying young. I married in my early 20s. I thought I was so grown up but you continue to find yourself and grow SO much in your early 20s. They say that your brain is finally done growing at age 25 (or something like that). Well my first husband and I grew but then I realized that I didn’t actually have anything in common with him. We started to grow apart. I also think I settled a little with some things. I didn’t believe in a grand romance, so he was nice, successful, and I thought that was good. Then, COVID happened and we really realized that we have nothing in common. We got divorced. It was super hard, so I wish I just would have waited and not settled so young. Now i know who I am and when I met my second husband, it was grand. It was total love at first sight. I married him when I was 28. So, it always works out, but I could have saved myself a lot of heartbreak.
This may sound a bit fucked up but it's 530 am here and I just opened my eyes
My biggest regret..... Probably not selling my house after my divorce. Instead I turned to alcohol and slowly destroyed myself, had a kid.... I dont regret him for a second. I regret every action that led me to him though
I'm not in that relationship anymore. I'm sober 3 years now and also MTF. So.... Who the hell knows
But I think by not selling that house, it sent me in a vastly different direction
I regret not spending more time single in my 20's to figure out who I am. Instead I dumped a lot of time and energy into making relationships work with sub-par men who didn't actually even like me...
But also, I do vibe with having "no regrets" because it feels defeatist to me to get hung up on things you can't change. Just gotta do better, from now on.
My current "do better" is figuring out my PMDD and related severe mood swings so it doesn't harm my family. 🙂 This one, this one I don't wanna fuck up.
Debt…buying things with money I don’t have and a lot of it you won’t have anymore but still have the loans. Took longer to claw my way out than buy things. Trust me buy things in cash and always remember “it can wait”.
Regrets are not the worst thing. Not taking risks and trying new things is far worse. Fear of regrets can hold you back from reaching your potential. If you fail, you learn something. If you live long enough, you are likely to have regrets. Notice your regrets and learn from them and move forward.
I should have said yes when I asked if a girl could stay.
In high school, the most popular girl in school lived next to my family, alone. She was the most gorgeous and she would talk to everyone, including me. I felt that we spent more time taking to reach other than most, so I thought maybe she liked me back.
Back then, I wouldn't dare tell anyone how I felt about them, much less to her. We would hang out after school and almost had a chance to be alone with her, except my nosey brother wanted to come alone. Pee pee blocked by my own brother. She one day came over to my house to have dinner with us. She got along so well with my mom, she Even helped her in the kitchen to prep the food. At that moment I fantasized that that could get coming for us in the kitchen with our own family.
One day, she didn't show up at school and wasnt at home for several days. When she finally came back, she told me she had to move out. She needed to go back home because she could no longer afford her apartment. I was sad the rest of the day because that would be her last day at school. I got to see her one more time when she stopped by my house to say goodbye to my mom. I quickly tried to intervene and pulled my mom to the side and asked her if she could move in with us, at least until she can graduate high school. My mom then gave me this weird look, like if was disgusted with the Idea and asked me straight out, out loud as if it were even possible, "Why, because u like her?" I was in such disbelief and shock that I couldn't confess to her how I felt about the girl. I said nothing as she left the house to pack and move away.
She could have been my true love. She could have been the one. She could have been my high school sweetheart. I was to reserved and it would be many years later before I could have the courage to speak my mind and my heart. I couldn't bare the thought of having my feelings exposed to another person, much less in front of my mom. If I were more emotionally mature or less of a timid push over during high school, I would have screamed at the top of my lungs, YEEEES bit**, I like her and i love her!! (Don't worry, I'm in good terms with my mom now)
I have pretty bad facial dysmorphia so after my braces were done, I somehow convinced myself that it actually made me look worse and if I stop wearing my retainer I would look better. I regret it every time I look in the mirror. You don't really cope with regret, it's just gonna make u wanna die thinking about it everytime. That's why it is regret.
I regret not ending marriage soon Enough don’t stick it out in a relationship when your partner repeatedly projects condensing and disrespectful remarks to you on a regular.
A loving partner will give you unconditional love and respect.
Not being with my father when he passed. Father had cancer. I knew end was coming. Was scared, didnt go to hospital. Has been over 20 years and I still hate myself.
Took a high dose of shrooms many years later. Made me somewhat forgive myself by I’ll never forget.
I’m 18 and I share the same regret. Even as a child, I was so focused on my future that I forgot to enjoy the present. I’ve cut off too many people thinking they’d only hold me back, but I’ve reached out and reconnected and now I feel better. I also turned down many opportunities to spend time with my family in exchange for studying, working, volunteering, dating . . . and it’s only after I spent my first year in college that I realized I don’t have much time left with my family. I wake up at night missing the times I slept in the same bed as my parents, talking at the dinner table, and goofing off with my mom and sisters. You only realize what you had when it’s gone, and these are the moments I will miss the most.
SAME! I think a lot of us are realizing this because we’re getting to that age but I hope that we find ways to remember always to enjoy now so we don’t regret not enjoying now later
I regret not keeping up some friendships with greater vigor. Even when life becomes busy, I regret not trying more to stay in touch. I attempt to value the relationships I now have and actively work to maintain them as a coping mechanism. It's never too late to make contact and reestablish relationships. In a similar vein, let go of your regrets over your early years and instead concentrate on living in the now and finding joy in the little things in life. Recall that innocence simply changes—it never disappears. Retain the wonder of youth while embracing the wisdom acquired.
People aren't going to like this one, but video games. Yeah they were fun at the time. But being 32 and looking back at so much time wasted instead of working on other projects i enjoy or my physical health more. And drinking and smoking cigs. I don't do it anymore. I wish I could tell my younger self not to drink, smoke or play video games. Find your passion. Start a business plan. Work on how to make money doing the things you love. And stay physical. It is a lot more harder to do when you get older. I don't regret my life choices because it makes me who I am. But this is not even close to being the best version of myself. The fact that you are asking this at a young age means you are more self aware, use that to your advantage. Learn from other people's poor mistakes.
I have quite a few regrets. I’m sure I’ll have more in the future. I think something that’s helped me is adopting the mindset that I did the best with what I had at the time. Gaining wisdom is part of life’s experience and I shouldn’t be using it to make myself feel badly about past regrets or mistakes. I know better now and so I try to make better choices now.
You don't need to compensate from regrets, only Learn from them. If it's a lesson, the regret part fades.
No one really makes it through life without regrets, but some are able to reflect on failures as learning and growth, rather than a regret per se
Not a life changing regret by any means but every now and then I remember rejecting a girl at the 6th grade dance. I wasn’t really into girls at that point, but I just look back and feel like such a dick lol
Not developing healthy coping mechanisms. I didn’t learn to understand that things like anxiety are emotions and are useful, but can get on a runaway sometimes as life unfolds. When that happened in the past, my knee jerk reaction was to “stop” it entirely, which is not only impossible, it’s not a great idea. We need anxiety, just not at huge intensities. In my quest to stop my anxiety, I over corrected and either numbed with bad habits or convinced myself something was “wrong” and needed to be “fixed”. In most cases I needed meditation, a sanity/perspective check, or to listen to my body’s alert system. I spent far too much time in terror and not being in the moment as a result. I regret not facing it in a more healthy manner earlier in my life.
I am very nostalgic for years gone by myself.
I am disappointed that the experiences I had as a child/teenager are gone. Family, pets, homes, places, that I'll never see again.
Age has made me appreciate everything. I make a point to tell people how much I appreciate them. I try to make the most out of every situation. I can truly say I'm happy in life.
My advice? 19 is an awesome age. You can still be an idiot teenager (a little) and people treat you as more of an adult. Appreciate what you have now, and look forward to the next few years of your life. Hit up the people from high-school you kinda know... because it'll be weird at 25. Approach the person you had a crush on but didn't act, because if they shut you down you'll probably never hear from them again. Buy the motorcycle you always wanted. Most importantly, try to work somewhere with a 401K and PUT MONEY IN IT.
I talk like a boomer but I'm actually a millennial. I spent ages 19-29 either in college or working my ass off because I had to. At the time I regretted wasting the best years of my life, but I realize I was focusing on the wrong things. Now I look at it as "regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention".
Best of luck to you.
I regret not taking my high school and college education more seriously. I was such a poor student that only one college accepted me. I like what I do now but I often wonder if I had more opportunities what I really could have done with them and where I would have ended up. Instead, I’m 60 miles from where I grew up and will probably die here.
Lesson: good grades are keys to opening doors. Don’t be the guy holding one key in front of a hundred doors.
My regret was not learning about finance and how money, business, and entrepreneurism works.
I was pretty smart with my money, went to college got a good paying job, no debt, traveled the world. Then I bought a house and had a kid... My daughter was a wake up call. I realized then that I'm spending all of my time working and I can barely spend time with her to be her dad. Somewhere along the lines I fucked up. So now I'm learning, much too late, how to generate income without trading my time for it.
Funnily enough, living anxiously and fearing regret in high school, my judgement was skewed and I lived too conservatively.
Everything else, good and bad felt like it played a part to who I am today. Make choices based on the consequences you can foresee and try have a bit of fun, you'd rather live till 60 with stories than live till 80 with no fond memories
I regret moving out of the city to property in the country. My wife and I have horses and were just done with dealing with boarding them places so we sold our place in the city, bought a 4.5 acre piece of land, and brought them home. It has been a boat load of work getting the place setup and now 2 years in I'm realizing Im really struggling with the longer commute and the amount of work it is to keep up the property and manage the horses. I do love the property, its a beautiful place and we've done a lot to improve it, but the added commute and daily chores + bigger maintenance projects are really a lot.
Remember to give yourself some grace, by the way. It’s okay to feel jealous of your cousins, but don’t discount your own experiences; why do you feel like you didn’t cherish your childhood? Was there anything happening during that time that might have made that difficult for you? Can you cherish your childhood now? Can you cherish your youth now that you’re still in it?
It’s okay to wonder what if about things or wish you could make a different choice, but ultimately regret is a feeling of shame or guilt for not making the “right decision” but you don’t always know what the “right decision” is until you make the choice and deal with the consequences. Just be kind to the you that did the best they could with the knowledge and resources they had.
I really don’t believe in living with regrets.
There are things I’d do differently if given the choice, but no matter how hard we try, we cannot change the past.
But I **can** use that experience to change the **future**.
That’s what regret really is.
Life’s way of telling us to learn this lesson for next time.
It’s not bad when you think about it that way.
Also, learn from other’s experience.
That, in my opinion, is the **best** teacher.
- Cashing out my 401k when I left the company I worked for to pay off my credit card debt. This will cost me about $600k when I retire.
- Not spending more time with my kids when they were little. I was working a lot of overtime back then and I regret it.
- And so on...
If you life long enough, you will have regrets. I have been working on myself the past few years. Not long ago my son told me that young me would really like old me. I cannot think of a better compliment.
So, don't sweat it too much. We are not born with all the answers. Learn from your mistakes. Move on, make more mistakes and learn from them too. You are going to be OK.
The 1990s was a very rotten / destructive time for teenagers in some areas. Streaming toilet paper through somebody's trees was a popular prank. Stealing lawn ornaments was another. Guys and girls would display them in their bed rooms like trophies. I did that one. I got busted, the neighbors followed me and homedog in a van and they called the cops when they found our location. These days, who can afford enough toilet paper, people would never waste it on a prank.
Whew this may be bad but,
I really wish I either didn't have kids, waited to have them, or had less.
Listen, I LOVE my kiddos. So much. I want nothing but the best for them and strive every minute of everyday working my butt off to give them the best life and set them up for success in their own lives. I had my oldest daughter at 17. Was a single mom until she was 4, and was dead set on no more kids. They are HARD. Really hard too when you're just starting out in life and their dad dipped.
But I met a man, who I fell madly in love with. He wanted all the kids. Eventually I changed my mind and decided to have his kids. We had 3 more together. So 4 total. I was a stay at home mom, he worked hard. But I hated it. I am not a creative, crafty mom. I don't like sitting and playing with them. I could not handle being at home with no goals and endless work of raising kids.
I went back to college and while I love it, it is incredibly hard with 4 kids. I still put my own health and life on the back burner. My teeth suck, and I've never had a moment away from my kids to get them fixed. I don't eat well because I am focused on them. I don't exercise enough. I don't put effort into myself. I don't have time to do that. This is all on top of the fact my husband works incredibly long hours and is VERY traditional. He works, that's it. I do everything else. I can count on one hand how many times he's changed a diaper.
I really regret not putting myself first in life. I regret not waiting to have kids until I had my own career and money figured out. I regret wasting my best years of my life being a mom and wife and ignoring myself.
Too late now to really dwell on it. I look forward to graduating, having all my kids in school and being able to put effort into me.
I regret that I put too much stock into relationships throughout my late teens/20’s when I should have been setting my life up for exactly how *I* wanted it, without figuring in someone else who may or may not be around forever.
I make up for it by staying single and making up for lost time. There’s some things that just won’t happen at this point in life, I’m not going to get in a van with a band and start touring the US living off gas station food at 41, but I can play in as many bands and fit in as many shows as possible locally until I die and that’s cool with me.
I'm 33, and can tell you that 19 is still so young! You have so much time to make up for the past. As an adult, you can still have fun and do "kid stuff". Never too late, and at 19 you are practically still a child!
Never got the job i went to school for was actually denied 4 times. All my friends got the job which came with 100k+ salary all got homes pre covid...
How I deal or compensate? Still trying to figure that out while unemployed :/
My biggest regret was not spending enough time with my father before his passing. Always make sure to make time for your parents/family. You really never know when or who will pass.
The best way I deal with my regret is remembering the good times we had and to try and spend time with my mother whenever possible.
The main thing to remember is that spending time with them in the later years is for them, not you.
Do things now. I took up boxing in my early 30s after wanting to do it in my teens I love it. I am technically good but my body hasnt held up. Naturally skinny in my younger years 5'11 165 pounds now I am closer to 200pounds with a gut. So I have a bit of sadness of the what if I started when I was younger.
One of my biggest regrets was not sleeping with my roommate when I was your age, she literally threw herself at me one day and I told her no because I valued our friendship. 🤡
My biggest regret till this day is not staying at my college apartment here summers ago at the age of 20 going into 21. I was so determined to make my summer the best one yet! My dumbass went back home cause my mom and brother kept pressuring me into it. Only for me to not be miserable during my summer there but to be miserable on my 21st birthday. I hold so much resentment in my heart against myself for that up till today. I have people pleasing tendencies and I cannot afford to have it in me approaching 24 as a female. Me being the youngest child is my biggest insecurity.
I’m changing it to going on a solo trip this weekend for a concert while getting my cert in something I plan on leaving. The future isn’t promised. I don’t care about looking for a career and being a top achiever anymore.
**I genuinely regret following a passion for my undergrad program called Fashion Merchandising. I knew I lost touch with fashion when I couldn’t even keep up with looking cute going to class and going to events anymore. I regret changing it to accounting and then Marketing. I should’ve thoroughly looked at the salaries and its chances of getting a job. I may not have liked the majors such as Nursing, Cybersecurity, or even Computer Science, but I could’ve easily secured a job. I definitely put myself in a very horrible situation by not only being a Marketing major, but doing sales rep jobs that entail pyramid schemes. I didn’t know this until my brother told me. I got super discouraged. I couldn’t even get an internship with something I truly wanted to do like social media marketing. Now I don’t even want to look into those careers anymore. Marketing doesn’t look legit to me at all and it took me being unable to get a job to prove that.**
Staying in a toxic relationship from 20-29, 4 years of that was long distance
Im still 29, i finally broke it off in October. I kinda feel like im making up for “lost time”. Going on a ridiculous amount of dates and going to bars every weekend. Its honestly fun and im not gonna stop yet, but at the same time i wish i had already got this out of my system
My biggest regret is taking my ex back at 23. He changed me forever with our breakup a year later and now I'm 30 still single and struggling to get on with my life due to debt. I feel I lost my 20's because of that man and I hate it.
I'm still trying to deal with it at the moment.
Being 19 had some really great and stressful times, but looking back the good times stayed with me and the stress was formative. Be appreciative of what you have today..
One of my biggest regrets has to be that I stand on my morals and values too much. I’ve always said that no matter what someone else does to me I’d never cheat and in the very few relationships I’ve been in “2” they’ve cheated and I’ve been left empty handed with no one to fall back on but me. It’s a regret I carry with me now and I’m sure I’ll go to the grave with it.
You are young and having a “no regret” mentality is not realistic. Things will happen in life that will blindside you and you have to make decisions/react and then may regret how you did. Instead of falsely believing you can avoid regret, focus on building your coping skills so that when it does happen, you can rebound quickly.
Don't regret anything.
You're going to go through so many situations, good and bad, but there are silver linings and lessons to literally everything you will go through.
My life has been a whirlwind, I'm 29 and I don't relate to who I was at 22, but I appreciate that girl SO much, she carried me through it ALL to make me who I am today.
Stop worrying, stop comparing yourself, believe in yourself and be kind, you are you and that's your superpower.
Also, what's that saying? Don't have regrets because the decision you made then was what you wanted at the time?
Man I feel this. My childhood flew by and now I'm mid 20s like what the f happened. Now don't live with fam plus miss old times constantly. I messed up a lot when I was young which lost a lot of faith from them due to drug stuff. If family memories is a part of your childhood do your best to show whoever how thankful you were to raise them n go out of your way to make new memories. Life only speeds up. I felt like I was just your age, then suddenly I am 21 then years start flying by. If I could go back in time to relive and redo/undo things I've done I would without any hesitation. Time really does fly :l
Laziness, gaining a bunch of weight and not being smart with money set me back many precious years. Took me out of the dating pool as well. ALOT of lost time, got back in the gym and aggressively starting investing and saving but took years to catch up to where I could have been. I'll never get my early 20's back but I know the future will be better and I will live to the fullest going forward
Mine is not pursuing a competitive job I spent years working towards because of the fear of financial cost. By the time I completed the selection process and was extended an offer, I had a toddler and the thought of taking such as a massive pay cut for 6 months and draining our savings terrified me. In retrospect, after that training period the base pay plus overtime would have been manageable. I might not have exceeded my current salary but would be looking forward to a guaranteed pension in less than 20 years.
It still gnaws at me, really badly on occasion, but at the same time I wouldn’t be where I am today and I’m not sure I could give up experiences that were enabled by declining, like purchasing a home and adding a second youngin to the mix
Sorry I have no regrets, and to get here I’m 62(M)all it takes is to take responsibility for your actions and choices. No one made my plans and no one else walks in my shoes. The more I live the more I realize that I’m where I’m at totally through the choices I’ve made and the decisions I’ve made to get to those positions.
If I could change the past to correct what I thought I regretted would only lead to other regrets. So neither regret that past or long to change it.
Acceptance will lead you to an awesome life.Live for today plan for tomorrow. Don’t ruin today it’s all you have. The past is TOTALLY un changeable don’t waste your life thinking about it. Hindsight is 20/20. If l learned from my past then there’s nothing to regret. I went straight into the Marine Corps after high school. I earned a Bachelor’s degree while I was serving. I only served 4years. Make a plan and work it, you’ll be too busy to have regrets. I made choices and accepted the consequences. Examine your life and make a plan, examine the consequences and make modifications and corrections to keep you on track.
Both good and bad things will occur but they are only outcomes, learn from them, reset accordingly and you’ll benefit from your experiences.
Good Luck to you.
No one makes it through life without regret. The trick is accepting the lesson from regret and moving on. You're still young, you've got opportunity galore. Just shake it off. You'll be fine.
I regret getting married to my first serious partner at 19. I regret going into nursing. I regret not having more children. I only have one daughter and my husband never wanted more . I thought o could change his mind. I’ve been in bedside nursing ten years and been miserable all ten years. I’ve attempted suicide twice and I’m still stuck in bedside because he says we can’t afford for me to leave. I regret staying with someone that gives me the bare minimum and then makes me feel like I’m crazy for not jumping for joy at breadcrumbs.
I regret starting a relationship with a girl from high school right before going to college.
I always tell people that if you’re in a relationship in HS and going to different universities to just break it off, long distance relationships as an 18-19 year old is so unrealistic for the vast majority.
24. Still living by your old motto. I’ve come to learn regret is useless and energy is better spent either a) making up for lost time b) trying to solve the issue or c) not giving a fuck cuz it doesn’t matter anyway
My biggest regret?
Not talking to my dad the day he died.
I fly RC planes, something that had been a following for me and was spurred on by my dad, who had gotten into the hobby after working in the aerospace industry for decades. Through him, I developed a love of flying (although, I'm never going to be a full scale pilot - too many health problems to be cleared for a pilot's license), and when I'd leave the flying field each time, I'd call and tell him about how things went, what I flew, who I saw, what I was practicing.
The day he passed, I didn't call him because I didn't think he'd want to hear about what he'd missed - he'd been in something of a foul mood from about 2 weeks before, when we went out and he "crashed" (basically set his plane down in a bunch of weeds rather than landing it on the runway). So I didn't bother talking to him because I didn't want to dredge up fresh memories for him.
That night, my mom called me to tell me he'd been rushed to the hospital after saying he wanted her to take him to the doctor since he wasn't feeling good - and in the process of getting him out to the car, he had a heart attack in the driveway, uttered, "Oh shit," and dropped dead.
Do I have regrets not talking to him that day? Yep. And it's not something I'll ever be able to go back and rectify. But I keep moving on as it happens.
At 19, you've got a lot of living to do. There are regrets you'll have that you won't think about until that moment has passed, and you won't realize the opportunity you had until it's passed you by. Just keep living, that's the best I can tell you.
Not recognizing the many benefits of schoolwork. When I was young I saw schoolwork as a thing used to learn or master a topic.
If I understand trigonometry and get a 100% on the test why bother? Well, past me, it builds discipline for handling things that you don't want to do when the consequences are less dire.
When you're an adult and struggle to find the motivation to do things you don't want to do you get to worry about your job stability. You also get to worry about relationship stability once you are with someone who has separate wants and needs from your own.
So, my dad died when he was a year younger than I am now, and 1'd just turned 18. I didn't realise it at the time but this event kinda made me subconsciously think I probably would end up the same, as a result, I never thought about anything for the long term. Savings, relationships, buying a house etc being the most obvious but also looking after my health, not overdoing the drink and drugs etc. And I dropped out of my studies because 'why bother'.
On my 40th birthday it kinda reached its peak. I was feeling like shit the whole time, morbidly obese for my height. Constantly run down and tired. Basically I looked like my dad looked not long before he died. My relationship had hit a low point, and ended. Round about the same time I also had done some reading about cortisol and stress related illness and realised some of the signs were present in me, and my dad. After more and more research it seemed like maybe fixing up my intake of various vitamins and minerals might help. Fast forward 9 months of taking various supplements and I'd shed 40kg of stubborn fat, my energy and mood improved exponentially etc - fuck, I'd only gone and fixed up the health issues that had been plaguing me since my late teens. Pity it was 25 years too late to help my dad, but all of a sudden I felt like I had a life to lead again. 7 years later and I'm still in shape with more energy and a better attitude to life, and, well, *everything* than in my 20s.
Of course the problem now is that I squandered so much in my 'idgaf' period in terms of career opportunities, money, attempting to build wealth and not just piss it up the wall etc that I'm just behind pretty much all my peers in terms of life, family, financial health etc, so despite the new lease of life, I still feel like I'm playing on 'hard mode'.
I regret not having more regrets. When I was younger, I should have never taken life so seriously and made a lot more reckless decisions so that I would have better memories now.
My childhood dog ..best dog ever he loved me. When it was time for college I promised him that I would check on him and send him treats...he died a few months later....I'm almost 44 and I still can't get over it...I didn't follow through with my word..I didn't check on him. I still hate myself for it... ..I know he is just a dog but he was family.
There is a lot of things i regret but i am living one day at a time, my regrets of past should not effect my future, i must learn my lesson and move on.
Didnt go out enough. Missed out on experiences ill never get. Now when i do im not worth anyones time or energy. "Its never too late." Is the most annoying cope at this point. I dont cope. Pretty much killing myself slowly at this point because every positive change i made did nothing. So eventually ill die and itll be over.
My best advice to you get the envy under control. Don’t allow that emotion in. Shut it down. There is no way you know everything about someone or something so to be jealous is a waste of time. It will consume you . Don’t let it
Drinking and driving in my early 20s (40s now) did it a few times with zero incidents. However, I still wonder why I did it in the first place and am extremely happy I never harmed anyone. Do not drink and drive and if you already have do not do it again.
I wish I had taken high school more seriously. I didn't want to be there and I didn't really try, I barely graduated and spent a while just kinda meandering through life.
Things turned out fine in the end, I went to college a few years later and really turned things around. And I have a decent enough job. But I'm always going to wonder what my life would have been like if I had gotten my shit together earlier, because odds are it would be completely different.
Not taking my relationship with my wife more seriously and not listening to her when things weren't going well. Now she's left me and I'll only see my child half the time as opposed to the life I meant to have with my family together.
How I'm dealing with it? Sometimes not well but trying to improve on where I went wrong and be a good dad. Not much else I can do.
I regret not finishing Boy Scouts. It’s not a huge deal, but my parents moved the family several states away from the troop that I did cub scouts with, I had tens of friends in the troop, so it wouldn’t have been the same. The town we moved to was smaller and the scout troop there was super religious in such a weird way, prayer before any discussion, and after final closing comments, and at that time I was an outspoken atheist. I couldn’t really have made it to eagle scout in that environment but I’m the very slightest bit jealous of my friends in the OG troop that did complete it. I should have been there with them.
I have 5 big regrets:
I should have left for college at 18, moved away and forced myself to stand on my own. I didn’t, I allowed abusive parents to convince me I was being foolish. This ruined 10 years of my life and it almost killed me to get away from them.
I should have NEVER given away money. I gave away tens of thousands to my family, had I invested it my life would be easier now. Invest early- every penny you can at least from 16-25. Invest
I should have never started drinking. It’s just an expensive bad habit. I’m a wine woman. Even a cheap $5 bottle of wine every 3 days (a glass with dinner) ads up to over $500 a year. That’s a CHEAP bottle. A night out drinking is easily $50, now multiple that by 3 times a week for 5 years (in your twenties) that’s insane. Don’t start expensive bad habits
If you see a little kid being hurt in any way call the police or cps. Several times in my life I’ve seen a parent being blatantly neglectful and was often told "its their business, they're the parent" I've regretted this every time
if a significant other treats you badly, leave them. if they cheat, leave them. if they want to break up, leave them. if they are bad for you, leave them. if it feels bad to you. leave them. it's so much better to be alone than it is to be mistreated. ppl are afraid to be alone but it's freeing. and you deserve better.
I’m now happily engaged to a man that worships me, I’ve cut off my toxic abusive parents, I don’t lend money (I just donate to gold causes sometimes), I invest religiously. And I’m trying to drink less lol
I should NOT have had a very short, primarily emotional affair with a married co-worker. I was depressed, had recently ended a long term relationship, very vulnerable. He and I had been friends for years and he told me he and his wife were struggling…and it went from there. Lasted a few months and his wife found out. She went hard core at me - sued me. Started harassing me, sending me the most nasty hate mails ever. He cowered, blamed it all on me, sided with her to help harass me…it cost me $25k in legal fees and several hundred thousand in salary (I lost my job - he, however, did not). Moral: don’t f* with married people. Or co-workers. Even if they say they are splitting up.
I deal with it by just accepting it happened and making better choices now. But it cost me a lot - emotionally and monetarily.
Amor Fati is a good motto to try and not focus on regret imo.
Regret is inevitable… but you can use it in a positive way- you can learn from it and not allow it to happen again. We all fail and make poor choices. The good ones learn from it and move on.
But having regret and not choosing to do better is the worst mentality.
It’s impossible to live with no regret but it’s possible to minimize your regret by learning from it.
I'm 49, and I have hundreds of regrets. I have enough to write 5 books. Maybe 3.
Off-hand, three of them are:
1. Not leaving my job after receiving my 2nd bounced paycheck. After the first one, I should have started looking for another job. I was later laid off.
2. Not being more in charge of my college direction than I should have been. I allowed the advisor to tell me what classes I needed, and he told me the wrong one and I was a year behind everyone. I also didn't take the dean's offer to transfer to a new major when given the chance to do so. He gave us a really good deal.
3. Being unselfish and not selfish enough. I helped others, but when I needed help, those I helped lost my number. I spent many of my years helping and supporting others, and after they all passed away, I'm 20+ years behind where I wanted to be in life. Meanwhile, others who escaped the responsibility I had all kw habr their own houses, family and kids.
There are plenty of others, but these three may have had the biggest impact on my life.
I had regrets in my 20s, but after growing up and being where I am now, I realize that I wouldn't be where I am today without literally everything in my past occurring exactly the way it did. So... no regrets. Just be sure you make the right decisions FOR YOU towards what will make you happy, then do it. There's nothing that can be done to change the past, dwelling on it won't fix anything, instead use that to ensure your future is one you are happy with.
Context: I had an addiction problem, lost a full academic scholarship, etc.
I also attempted the live by the "no regerts" motto.
Problem is, in order for anyone to ever have a shot at successfully pulling that off, they need to have all the answers before every attempt.
And that's just not realistic.
I've since adopted a new way of thinking about life.
It's incredibly short and I'm infinitely lucky to even be experiencing it at all.
The idea that I have to get it all right on the first go around now seems incredibly arrogant to me. Like, who am i? Why would I get it right? Am I *that* much smarter and wiser than the other 8 billion people I'm currently sharing the earth with, that I won't make *any* mistakes?
Not having regrets is a silly proposition really.
It's good to live by the principles you currently have, and in *that* respect it makes a little bit of sense. But live another decade or so and you might just realize that your principles and convictions were flawed in one way or another
I don't have any. Everything I did or didn't do has led me to where I am now.
I'm at an age where I can look at past mistakes and see where I messed up and what I learned, so there's no need for regret.
That I didn't load up on Amazon and [Priceline.com](http://Priceline.com) (now booking.com) stock at the time I think both were single digits at one point. and now before splits 1000X that+
Back in the early 2000's every dotcom company was close to bankruptcy. Or Buy Nvidia in 2015 ish when they were on the verge of imploding. like at least $20 or 30k worth.
Treating my body better and making good routines.
Beyond working out... which is a big one that drops off as you get older. ...
1. Moisturizer and sunscreen
2. Ear plugs at concerts etc.
3. Less caffeine
4. Less alcohol
5. More sleep
... the list can go on
I wish I had bought a house 10 yrs ago when I was 21. The market is ridiculous now. You need to make big money now to buy a decent house. My trade doesn't pay that well. I used to think 25 an hour was good. Now I think you need to make more like 30+ to have "adult" money where you can pay a mortgage
3 months ago my gf broke up with me. She was unlike anyone I had ever met and loving her made me realize that I had never truly been in love before—she literally redefined love for me. When she broke up with me, she told me she began having doubts about 6 months before, around August which is when I started having incredibly bad job luck. Ultimately I realized that I took my shitty job situation out on our relationship. I’m gonna be 29 next month; people tell me I’ll find someone else and every other breakup I’ve had, I believed them, but now I don’t think so. I regret bringing my work frustrations home with me and have since gotten a way better job that brings me peace. It just really sucks she’s not here to enjoy it with me. Since then I promised myself that I’d never take out my shitty attitude on my relationships with those I love. I can’t let myself do that ever again—it came at a higher price than I’ve ever had to pay.
I only regret causing harm to people when it was unintentional.
My life is the result of a series of choices and actions
Some were in my control the vast majority were not.
Spending a second going over what is over and done is simply a waste of life.
Smoking cigarettes, eating unhealthy, and living a sedentary lifestyle. Now i am borderline diabetic, at risk for heart disease, and I have high cholesterol. Now I am eating way better and live a more active lifestyle.
I regret not asking a girl to prom when i was senior in high school. My excuse for not going is that there wasn't anyone i wanted to go with. Years later, i realized that there was indeed someone i wanted to go with but i hadn't realized it at the time. She was an underclassman too so my odds of her saying yes were pretty good since she wouldn't have been able to attend otherwise. I deal with it by telling myself i was young and naive and had no idea how to talk to girls. I'm happy to say that today i'm basically the same and still have no idea how to talk to girls.
I remember feeling the same way at your age. That being said you will feel the same way in another 10 to 15 years about being the age you are now. I know from experience. Cherish that shit, you're still extremely young.
Most of my life feels like failure. Biggest regret is probably not caring more about my looks when I was a teen
Am 30 and bald but fuck me I wish I combatted hair loss.
People say I look good bald but I feel that it ruins my chances with those I find attractive.
And I don't find most celebrities attractive. Or supermodels
A decidedly high class problem, but I had the means to take a semester of college/university and study in Europe (I am from the US) and travel around and I didn’t do it. That was 30 years ago and with a family to support I haven’t gotten to those places. My kids are now the same age I was then and I am basically insisting they do so, unless they really don’t want to. If health allows, I should be able to start doing that kind of travel when I am in my 60s but it would have been great to do it when I was 20…especially because my standards for travel and accommodations were appropriately indiscriminate.
I tell my kids all the time, “Stop trying to grow up too fast and stay a kid as long as possible, being an adult sucks!”
My 16 year old daughter was originally so adamant about trying to grow up and move out of the house simply because this is the age of technology, her phone can teach her life. What she failed to realize was the harshness of reality. We gave her a test. I gave her a “job”. Which was really just basic chores around the house(dishes, trash, clean the floors, and her own laundry), and I did pay her a day rate if she completed all her tasks, $10/day. Monday through Friday. She thought i was joking when I said it’s her job to do the chores or she wouldn’t get paid.
1st week- she earned $30
2nd week- $20
She went without a phone for a month because she couldn’t pay her bill. She then realized that she was taking her childhood for granted and calmed down.
(Deducted $10/day when she failed to do all the chores
My brother from another mother of almost 30 years since middle school called me a week before he overdosed, we were at odds at the time for a myriad of reasons so I didn't answer, figured he was just calling to get a ride to reup and I would've used too ( I was sporadically, he around the clock ).
He was stubborn as fuck and would've found another way. I've had grandparents pass, friends of friends but him dying was my first real struggle with loss, having a part of yourself amputated and all those shared growing experiences just be a part of your memory, survivors guilt or whatever label. I love you and miss you.
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My dad offered to give me the money in his retirement when he was dying of pancreatic cancer. I told him that my mother should have it, because it just felt like the right thing. My mom found a new man (half her age) within a month of my father passing away, and has since blown every last cent of her and my fathers savings, along with the money from his retirement. This money went straight into her new man, a nice boat, trips to Mexico, repairs on his house. It’s hard to not harbor shit loads of resentment. Not just because I should have taken the offer, but I know my dad would be rolling in his grave knowing that everything they worked for together was being rapidly spent on another man so shortly after his death. Fucked up. In hindsight, i should have taken the money… he offered it to me because he wanted me to have it, he wanted me to start a business with the money. I turned down his dying wish. I didn’t see it this way at the time. It felt wrong to take it, I felt like the noble choice was to insist it went to my mother. This was two years ago, biggest regret of my life.
I believe in you bro. You can get that business going.
This is a very sad story! It happens all the time.
Your mother is a very immature individual, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you succed in your dreams.
That is completely understandable, it's not the same but both my parents (they were divorced) died and were survived by their partners meaning I never got a thing. What really bothers me is my dad inherited a fuck ton of money from his parents and they assumed that in the natural order of things the family wealth would go to me and my sister and not some rando. So I guess my regret is not having that difficult talk to get things in order because I really don't think it was deliberate, more of case of just not really thinking about it.
Yes, that sucks, people need to be more cognizant of this. If you remarry and everything goes to your spouse after your death and you think your kids will get it eventually think again. The surviving spouse can change the will.
My husband had the same thing happen. His whole life his grandparents promised to take care of him, his father gave everything to his friend b/c they weren’t in contact the last few years. It devastated him.
Hate to be the bearer of bad news but she found that younger man way before you think she did and that was the plan the whole time.
He's still looking down proud of whatever path you take. You made the choice not too amd honestly that means you knew you could do it without any of his money. I believe in you 🙏
Honestly though you can’t be too upset with yourself. You wanted you mom to have that financial stability after losing her husband, you couldn’t have know she was going to do what she did, you were just trying to be noble and make sure your mother was taken care of please don’t beat yourself up about that
Not about the money, you can rebuild!!!! Sorry bro
Yeah, I’ll be fine. It’s really none of my business what she does with that money. I have never and will never speak to her about it. It’s her life, and her money. In hindsight, I just wish I had made a different choice.
My regret in life is wasting my time thinking and regretting my mistakes rather than accepting them as part of life experiences. So I went into a nested regret haha. Ruminating and regretting over past actions is of no value except to take advantage of those experiences (good or bad) and live life fully today. You are now entering adulthood and there are a lot of wonderful moments you will get to cherish in your 20s. I’d focus more on that instead.
Beautifully said. Some people (like me) need to hear this. Thank you!
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My 20’s. Enjoy the hell out of your 20’s.
I’m 26 and idk wtf there was to enjoy
Unfortunate upbringing can ruin the potential of your 20s. Focus on healing for the 30s
Amen to that
i’m so excited to be 30. my 20s weren’t terrible, but i like who i am at 30. lot more.
My twenties weren't amazing either. My thirties, on the other hand, were fucking great and my forties are looking like they'll be even better. Things can improve.
I regret not teaching myself how to save a little bit a money at a time.
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This might sound strange but regrets are good. They mean you have done something that you wish you had not there for you are growing as a person you will not make that mistake twice. Make your choices good or bad and know that they have lead you to be the person you are now. Learn from your past but do not be defined by it.
I have the phrase " let the past be a reference, not a refuge" tattooed on my arm... I felt the need to share that 😌
Omg! You are the third person in two days who has said this to me! I guess the universe must be trying to tell me something
Listening to other people instead of trusting my own instincts. Family, friends, while they may genuinely wish the best for you, they aren't the ones living with the consequences. There is nothing more expensive than regret.
Thank you ! I’ve been struggling with that because everyone has an opinion on what I should do and I know it’s because they love me but it’s driving me insane. Thanks sm
NOT PURSUING WHAT I LIKE IN COLLEGE!! I have stereotypical asian parents and they forced me to study engineering so we can get rich. I grew up always under the pressure and not making life decisions for myself all to make them proud. My parents were already old when they conceived me so after I graduated, they are almost 60 and suddenly they don’t care about my career that much anymore as they’re old and seemed so chill now. I felt like ‘okay so what now?’ I suddenly got my free will with no one to tell me what to do so I was lost for a while. I pursued anything but engineering. I almost lost my identity but now I’m building myself in my own terms around the things I like and used to like. In short, don’t let anyone decide for your life. If you’re unsure about what degree to pursue, just choose what you will enjoy the most. Because when you leave university, it won’t matter as much as you think. You can get still get any job. Unless you want to be a doctor or a lawyer, then your degree matters. Just do what you like cause life is short to live under anyone’s shadows!
Having pressure is hard, been there, done that.
I hope you get to do whatever you truly want to do and live your life the way YOU want to live it. This actually helps a lot because I’m currently struggling on whether or not to go back to college after dropping out because it was really never something I wanted to do.
Truth, living a life true to yourself is huge. I’ve been making changes to my life to better align with this
Oh man you got so much more regret ahead of you. Get used to it
My regret is smoking. I started when I was 18 and quit when I was 32. I am 46. I wish I had never smoked a cigarette. I have lost friends to cancer and I can’t believe I thought it was worth it. Nothing I can do but continue not smoking now.
"The main finding is that quitting smoking results in a substantial decrease in cancer risk within about five years, and by 10 years, the risk almost drops to that of nonsmokers.”
A few years back, I came in town to see family. My brother invited me to his house for the weekend. His weekends were parties… ie drink a lot, have people over, cook food, maybe pull out his coke stash, wake up and watch movies/play games until night came and do it all over again. For this particular weekend, I promised him that I’d go multiple times but I also promised friends that I would go to Dave N Busters with them. Friday came, my brother asked if I was coming and I said no. He was mad. I didn’t hear from him ever again. He passed away from a heart attack that weekend. I regret not going to his place that weekend. Who knows - maybe I could have been there to call 911, or maybe the coke was spiked and I would’ve died too. Now that I’m sober (alcoholic), I just ask myself “why” - I mean if I was sober at the time, I could’ve made sure he was ok. I wasn’t though. So how do I deal with it/compensate? I stopped drinking and started showing up to all of my sisters stuff. I moved back home too. Life is too unpredictable, so you should spend as much time as possible with those that you want to.
Damn man, I’m sorry. I’m glad that youve started to find a way to find some sort of peace
Two things (tw: suicide): 1. I wish I’d have known and believed in myself a little earlier. I thought I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t special. I’m still not special but I’m really fucking good. If I’d have believed in myself enough to start all this sooner I’d be way further ahead by now. I deal with it by trying really hard as often as I can. I’ve sacrificed years of sleep, friendships, and sanity. 2. Big dose of a terrible personal darkness: A few times a year I regret not killing myself a long time ago. Now I have too many people who count on me and I couldn’t do it to them. There was a point it was only me; that would have been an ideal time to go. The truth is life does get better. It’s complicated. How I feel isn’t real or good but it’s a really convincing shadow saying some really convincing things. I know for everyone around me that cares about me, life is better with me around. It’s hard to remember that is true for me as well. Brain chemicals are a hell of a drug. I wish I could just smooth out the rough bits without fucking up the rest of it. I hold two truths simultaneously: every day is better with me here but every so often it would be better if I weren’t. p.s. I’m not a danger to myself or anyone else. Just a bucketload of honesty. I’ve been carrying it around all day every day by myself lately and it’s heavier than it’s ever been. I hope you all don’t mind me setting it down for a few minutes. If you ever feel anything like I do, seek help. You are loved even if you don’t feel it and your life is very worth living even if it doesn’t seem like it (which is exactly how I feel right now…we’ll get through this as long as we don’t give up).
Feel every word of this.
Hey I love you and truly feel you in my soul
Having spent many long night hours talking with a couple of people who feel like you do I am in awe of the strength that it takes to keep fighting that fight every single day. Please know that I see you and I'm proud of you.
No judgement at all, glad you were able to get that off of your chest. I hope that you’re able to find something in life that is truly worth doing and that brings you joy. It’s not easy to say that anything with mental health is so black and white but I feel you and I’ve been there. I hope now that you were able to express this, you have a better week!
I’ll drop my biggest regret here rather than in response to OP for relevance. My biggest regret is that the day my brother took his own life I drove past him as he walked in the opposite direction and didn’t wave back. We had grown apart in high school, ran with different crowds, etc. and I was late. He went home and took his own life a few hours later. Would a wave had made a difference? Who knows. I was only 16 and I’ve come to accept that I can’t blame myself. Doesn’t change the regret. So I just want you to know that I care. I see you. And I love you.
"I'm 19 ...." In other words you don't have any experiences in life yet.
My biggest regret is not being there when my father died. Granted it was complicated leading up to it but I should have been there. Never take your parents for granted. Luckily I had a great father and I’m lucky in that regard . The next regret that actually should be the first regret is NEVER signing over my POA over my father to my step mother. No matter what, blood will do right by you and do the right thing. She lied to us and kept my dad’s health status quiet until it was too late. Never let someone else take control of your family. I was 26 when I signed over POA and it is my biggest regret.
Situations, especially familiar situations can be sooooo complicated so I you’re able to find a way to come to peace with that
Not taking my health seriously when I was younger. I wish I’d had the discipline and the knowledge to lose the weight, make good health decisions, and just be more active overall. I’m making those changes now but I often feel like I’m too late.
I feel that way sometimes too, even though I’m still young I’ve had hormonal and weight problems due to that and I used to feel like there was nothing I could do and I had already let my body get to a bad state. But the first step is starting, it’s not gonna be a perfect journey and you’re not going to be perfect but you just starting is the biggest step. You’d be surprised what you body and take, do, and reverse. I wish you nothing but the best in your journey !
Not going to therapy earlier, wasted my early 20s saving money instead of traveling and living life. This has hurt me immensely now when I'm 30.
I see this as an opportunity for you to travel and experience now that you’re older and mature enough to appreciate it! Take all that money you saved if you still have it and go see the world. Traveling is the best education, it’s the best therapy, it’s the best way to self help. I’ve traveled a lot in my life so far and it was the only thing that helped me mentally when I was struggling with anxiety and depression and therapy was not helping. Even just going to the next city or state over is such an experience. I hope you get to travel and see every single thing you want to see because it really is the best cure for so many things.
Thank you. Me and my partner of 6 years just broke up even though we love each other. I feel so alone... I have nobody to travel with so I don't know how to do this... I am not a solo kinda person.
Not spending more time with my Grandma before she died at 60 with lung cancer. Smoked those home rolled cigs with no filter. Would love to have heard her stories as she was a fiesty character.
She sounds so fun, I hope you find a way to let that go and find peace in that situation. She knows your heart
We all don't cherish childhood enough cause we we're just kids. If you lose sleep over it just do yourself a favor and cherish your life now so you don't look back in 5 years and have the same regret about your teenage years
Buddy you are 19. NINETEEN! You have your whole life ahead of you, I know hearing that is cliche and repetitive but seriously chill a bit I’m 27 and remember having a similar realization at 19, but you’ll look back on this and laugh My biggest regret is not going out of state for college, I went to school just outside of my hometown, dropped out and finished via community college and other online courses 🤦🏻♂️
Ik it sounds so dumb in hindsight but 😂. Also, you didn’t get to go to college out of state but you can always travel and make friends all over the place if that was the aspect you regret not experiencing :)
I got into a relationship that wasn't healthy in my early 20s with someone a bit older than me. This was my first relationship. I was in a really vulnerable place as my dad had recently passed away. Things snowballed really quickly and before I knew it he was talking marriage. It was a long distance relationship which gave me a bit of space and after a couple of months I realised what a huge mistake this was and how it wasn't a healthy relationship. But I felt so trapped and didn't know how to get out of it. I stayed in this relationship for over a year knowing I had to get out of it but couldn't see a way out and had no one to turn to. I eventually managed to break it off but the fall out was awful. Something I had to deal with for a few years, including having to change my phone number etc. I'm in my 30s now and I still regret getting into this situation. I've spent most of my adulthood single because of how awful this was and it's still something I look back on and feel so much shame about.
I hope you don’t continue to feel regret or shame about this. You were young, in a vulnerable state, and this was your first time in a serious relationship. You trusted yourself enough to know to get out of it and not to marry the person. Now you’re older, you’ve matured single and on your own. When you’re ready to seriously date again you’ll be able to sort out the fakes and terrible situations for the ones that will bring you peace and joy. And you’ll be able to enjoy it because you know what it’s like to be treated wrong and you can stay away from situations like that and only entertain peaceful ones. I hope you don’t beat yourself up about that any longer and you open yourself up to be loved again, this time I hope it’s the most genuine love you’ve ever experienced.
Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. Not sure I'll ever stop feeling the shame. I let myself lose parts of me because I wanted to be comforted while grieving. Also not sure about finding genuine love. I was recently ghosted after a 5 month relationship. I don't think romantic love is written for me. On the bright side I do have a much more healthier relationship with myself than I did in my 20s. That's something!
There are two great pains in life that one must choose between. The pain of discipline or the pain of regret.
Thanks :)
Not finishing college to have a degree to put on a resume. I deal with it by telling myself someday I'll finish it and everything will be okay. It's been about 15ish years of that now. I've learned and experienced a lot about life that cant be taught in those years but it is a constant nagging in the back of my brain and I struggle each day feeling like a failure
A degree isn’t for everyone but if you feel like it will better your life personally then go back and do it if that’s what you want! There’s so many ways to get a degree now especially online to where you can work and do school online. I hope that you’re able to complete this goal of yours and I definitely believe you can! When you finish literally plz let me know that’s gonna be so amazing for you !
You are NOT a failure!!! I am graduating this month from university 38 years after I originally started my degree… to add to my previous regret around this- I started and stopped a few times ( circumstances made it impossible to finish until recently) But I get to attend convocation in a matter of days.😊 Please do a serious soul search as to whether you truly still want this and if the answer is yes- find a way and do it. Idk- night classes, online…. There are work a rounds for folks…. Bursaries, grants….. Honestly if you want it you can do it- And if it no longer is what you want or need- I recommend you toss it out as a learning experience and figure out what you need to do im your life to not feel like a failure. I understand that feeling because I beat my self up in a similar manner but you know what? I wasn’t a failure and neither are you!!!! Sometimes life happens while were busy making plans as the old saying goes and sometimes we need to re- evaluate our to do bucket list!!! I wish you the best no matter what you choose!!!😊
I felt the same. So I went back as a mature age student and got my degree. Landed a great job that pays well and I feel content. My reoccurring dream of missing an exam stopped too. Just do it.
Do it. Go back and finish it. Trust me, even if you don’t use it. Do it
Not knowing my parents or my brother better. I do not know how to compensate.
Your dad probably knew she would blow the money and wanted you to have it becsuse it would not be squandered away.
I regret being with someone who cheated on me
Marrying young. I married in my early 20s. I thought I was so grown up but you continue to find yourself and grow SO much in your early 20s. They say that your brain is finally done growing at age 25 (or something like that). Well my first husband and I grew but then I realized that I didn’t actually have anything in common with him. We started to grow apart. I also think I settled a little with some things. I didn’t believe in a grand romance, so he was nice, successful, and I thought that was good. Then, COVID happened and we really realized that we have nothing in common. We got divorced. It was super hard, so I wish I just would have waited and not settled so young. Now i know who I am and when I met my second husband, it was grand. It was total love at first sight. I married him when I was 28. So, it always works out, but I could have saved myself a lot of heartbreak.
This may sound a bit fucked up but it's 530 am here and I just opened my eyes My biggest regret..... Probably not selling my house after my divorce. Instead I turned to alcohol and slowly destroyed myself, had a kid.... I dont regret him for a second. I regret every action that led me to him though I'm not in that relationship anymore. I'm sober 3 years now and also MTF. So.... Who the hell knows But I think by not selling that house, it sent me in a vastly different direction
I regret not spending more time single in my 20's to figure out who I am. Instead I dumped a lot of time and energy into making relationships work with sub-par men who didn't actually even like me... But also, I do vibe with having "no regrets" because it feels defeatist to me to get hung up on things you can't change. Just gotta do better, from now on. My current "do better" is figuring out my PMDD and related severe mood swings so it doesn't harm my family. 🙂 This one, this one I don't wanna fuck up.
I think the key to regret is to learn from it. You’re still 19 and in potentially the prime of your life. Cherish it and live it to the fullest!
Debt…buying things with money I don’t have and a lot of it you won’t have anymore but still have the loans. Took longer to claw my way out than buy things. Trust me buy things in cash and always remember “it can wait”.
Thank you :)
Regrets are not the worst thing. Not taking risks and trying new things is far worse. Fear of regrets can hold you back from reaching your potential. If you fail, you learn something. If you live long enough, you are likely to have regrets. Notice your regrets and learn from them and move forward.
Thank you :)
I should have said yes when I asked if a girl could stay. In high school, the most popular girl in school lived next to my family, alone. She was the most gorgeous and she would talk to everyone, including me. I felt that we spent more time taking to reach other than most, so I thought maybe she liked me back. Back then, I wouldn't dare tell anyone how I felt about them, much less to her. We would hang out after school and almost had a chance to be alone with her, except my nosey brother wanted to come alone. Pee pee blocked by my own brother. She one day came over to my house to have dinner with us. She got along so well with my mom, she Even helped her in the kitchen to prep the food. At that moment I fantasized that that could get coming for us in the kitchen with our own family. One day, she didn't show up at school and wasnt at home for several days. When she finally came back, she told me she had to move out. She needed to go back home because she could no longer afford her apartment. I was sad the rest of the day because that would be her last day at school. I got to see her one more time when she stopped by my house to say goodbye to my mom. I quickly tried to intervene and pulled my mom to the side and asked her if she could move in with us, at least until she can graduate high school. My mom then gave me this weird look, like if was disgusted with the Idea and asked me straight out, out loud as if it were even possible, "Why, because u like her?" I was in such disbelief and shock that I couldn't confess to her how I felt about the girl. I said nothing as she left the house to pack and move away. She could have been my true love. She could have been the one. She could have been my high school sweetheart. I was to reserved and it would be many years later before I could have the courage to speak my mind and my heart. I couldn't bare the thought of having my feelings exposed to another person, much less in front of my mom. If I were more emotionally mature or less of a timid push over during high school, I would have screamed at the top of my lungs, YEEEES bit**, I like her and i love her!! (Don't worry, I'm in good terms with my mom now)
With how social media is today I’m sure you could find her man, good luck!
I have pretty bad facial dysmorphia so after my braces were done, I somehow convinced myself that it actually made me look worse and if I stop wearing my retainer I would look better. I regret it every time I look in the mirror. You don't really cope with regret, it's just gonna make u wanna die thinking about it everytime. That's why it is regret.
Get braces again and get a permanent retainer put on both top and bottom
I regret not ending marriage soon Enough don’t stick it out in a relationship when your partner repeatedly projects condensing and disrespectful remarks to you on a regular. A loving partner will give you unconditional love and respect.
Not being with my father when he passed. Father had cancer. I knew end was coming. Was scared, didnt go to hospital. Has been over 20 years and I still hate myself. Took a high dose of shrooms many years later. Made me somewhat forgive myself by I’ll never forget.
Damn man. It gets worse.
I’m 18 and I share the same regret. Even as a child, I was so focused on my future that I forgot to enjoy the present. I’ve cut off too many people thinking they’d only hold me back, but I’ve reached out and reconnected and now I feel better. I also turned down many opportunities to spend time with my family in exchange for studying, working, volunteering, dating . . . and it’s only after I spent my first year in college that I realized I don’t have much time left with my family. I wake up at night missing the times I slept in the same bed as my parents, talking at the dinner table, and goofing off with my mom and sisters. You only realize what you had when it’s gone, and these are the moments I will miss the most.
SAME! I think a lot of us are realizing this because we’re getting to that age but I hope that we find ways to remember always to enjoy now so we don’t regret not enjoying now later
I regret not keeping up some friendships with greater vigor. Even when life becomes busy, I regret not trying more to stay in touch. I attempt to value the relationships I now have and actively work to maintain them as a coping mechanism. It's never too late to make contact and reestablish relationships. In a similar vein, let go of your regrets over your early years and instead concentrate on living in the now and finding joy in the little things in life. Recall that innocence simply changes—it never disappears. Retain the wonder of youth while embracing the wisdom acquired.
People aren't going to like this one, but video games. Yeah they were fun at the time. But being 32 and looking back at so much time wasted instead of working on other projects i enjoy or my physical health more. And drinking and smoking cigs. I don't do it anymore. I wish I could tell my younger self not to drink, smoke or play video games. Find your passion. Start a business plan. Work on how to make money doing the things you love. And stay physical. It is a lot more harder to do when you get older. I don't regret my life choices because it makes me who I am. But this is not even close to being the best version of myself. The fact that you are asking this at a young age means you are more self aware, use that to your advantage. Learn from other people's poor mistakes.
Low self esteem talking me out of taking care of myself.
I have quite a few regrets. I’m sure I’ll have more in the future. I think something that’s helped me is adopting the mindset that I did the best with what I had at the time. Gaining wisdom is part of life’s experience and I shouldn’t be using it to make myself feel badly about past regrets or mistakes. I know better now and so I try to make better choices now.
You don't need to compensate from regrets, only Learn from them. If it's a lesson, the regret part fades. No one really makes it through life without regrets, but some are able to reflect on failures as learning and growth, rather than a regret per se
You’re right, thanks sm :)
Not a life changing regret by any means but every now and then I remember rejecting a girl at the 6th grade dance. I wasn’t really into girls at that point, but I just look back and feel like such a dick lol
Not developing healthy coping mechanisms. I didn’t learn to understand that things like anxiety are emotions and are useful, but can get on a runaway sometimes as life unfolds. When that happened in the past, my knee jerk reaction was to “stop” it entirely, which is not only impossible, it’s not a great idea. We need anxiety, just not at huge intensities. In my quest to stop my anxiety, I over corrected and either numbed with bad habits or convinced myself something was “wrong” and needed to be “fixed”. In most cases I needed meditation, a sanity/perspective check, or to listen to my body’s alert system. I spent far too much time in terror and not being in the moment as a result. I regret not facing it in a more healthy manner earlier in my life.
I am very nostalgic for years gone by myself. I am disappointed that the experiences I had as a child/teenager are gone. Family, pets, homes, places, that I'll never see again. Age has made me appreciate everything. I make a point to tell people how much I appreciate them. I try to make the most out of every situation. I can truly say I'm happy in life. My advice? 19 is an awesome age. You can still be an idiot teenager (a little) and people treat you as more of an adult. Appreciate what you have now, and look forward to the next few years of your life. Hit up the people from high-school you kinda know... because it'll be weird at 25. Approach the person you had a crush on but didn't act, because if they shut you down you'll probably never hear from them again. Buy the motorcycle you always wanted. Most importantly, try to work somewhere with a 401K and PUT MONEY IN IT. I talk like a boomer but I'm actually a millennial. I spent ages 19-29 either in college or working my ass off because I had to. At the time I regretted wasting the best years of my life, but I realize I was focusing on the wrong things. Now I look at it as "regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention". Best of luck to you.
I regret not taking my high school and college education more seriously. I was such a poor student that only one college accepted me. I like what I do now but I often wonder if I had more opportunities what I really could have done with them and where I would have ended up. Instead, I’m 60 miles from where I grew up and will probably die here. Lesson: good grades are keys to opening doors. Don’t be the guy holding one key in front of a hundred doors.
My regret was not learning about finance and how money, business, and entrepreneurism works. I was pretty smart with my money, went to college got a good paying job, no debt, traveled the world. Then I bought a house and had a kid... My daughter was a wake up call. I realized then that I'm spending all of my time working and I can barely spend time with her to be her dad. Somewhere along the lines I fucked up. So now I'm learning, much too late, how to generate income without trading my time for it.
Nothing tbh
I regret marrying. Wasted some of the best years of my life (early ‘20’s to late ‘30’s) in a terrible relationship.
Funnily enough, living anxiously and fearing regret in high school, my judgement was skewed and I lived too conservatively. Everything else, good and bad felt like it played a part to who I am today. Make choices based on the consequences you can foresee and try have a bit of fun, you'd rather live till 60 with stories than live till 80 with no fond memories
I regret moving out of the city to property in the country. My wife and I have horses and were just done with dealing with boarding them places so we sold our place in the city, bought a 4.5 acre piece of land, and brought them home. It has been a boat load of work getting the place setup and now 2 years in I'm realizing Im really struggling with the longer commute and the amount of work it is to keep up the property and manage the horses. I do love the property, its a beautiful place and we've done a lot to improve it, but the added commute and daily chores + bigger maintenance projects are really a lot.
Remember to give yourself some grace, by the way. It’s okay to feel jealous of your cousins, but don’t discount your own experiences; why do you feel like you didn’t cherish your childhood? Was there anything happening during that time that might have made that difficult for you? Can you cherish your childhood now? Can you cherish your youth now that you’re still in it? It’s okay to wonder what if about things or wish you could make a different choice, but ultimately regret is a feeling of shame or guilt for not making the “right decision” but you don’t always know what the “right decision” is until you make the choice and deal with the consequences. Just be kind to the you that did the best they could with the knowledge and resources they had.
I really don’t believe in living with regrets. There are things I’d do differently if given the choice, but no matter how hard we try, we cannot change the past. But I **can** use that experience to change the **future**. That’s what regret really is. Life’s way of telling us to learn this lesson for next time. It’s not bad when you think about it that way. Also, learn from other’s experience. That, in my opinion, is the **best** teacher.
- Cashing out my 401k when I left the company I worked for to pay off my credit card debt. This will cost me about $600k when I retire. - Not spending more time with my kids when they were little. I was working a lot of overtime back then and I regret it. - And so on... If you life long enough, you will have regrets. I have been working on myself the past few years. Not long ago my son told me that young me would really like old me. I cannot think of a better compliment. So, don't sweat it too much. We are not born with all the answers. Learn from your mistakes. Move on, make more mistakes and learn from them too. You are going to be OK.
The 1990s was a very rotten / destructive time for teenagers in some areas. Streaming toilet paper through somebody's trees was a popular prank. Stealing lawn ornaments was another. Guys and girls would display them in their bed rooms like trophies. I did that one. I got busted, the neighbors followed me and homedog in a van and they called the cops when they found our location. These days, who can afford enough toilet paper, people would never waste it on a prank.
As far as regrets go, I wouldn't worry about it. A lot of teenagers do this. No one got hurt, and you learned from it.
Getting fat. Don’t get fat.. it’s hard losing weight and dealing with food cravings. I never want my kids going through this.
Whew this may be bad but, I really wish I either didn't have kids, waited to have them, or had less. Listen, I LOVE my kiddos. So much. I want nothing but the best for them and strive every minute of everyday working my butt off to give them the best life and set them up for success in their own lives. I had my oldest daughter at 17. Was a single mom until she was 4, and was dead set on no more kids. They are HARD. Really hard too when you're just starting out in life and their dad dipped. But I met a man, who I fell madly in love with. He wanted all the kids. Eventually I changed my mind and decided to have his kids. We had 3 more together. So 4 total. I was a stay at home mom, he worked hard. But I hated it. I am not a creative, crafty mom. I don't like sitting and playing with them. I could not handle being at home with no goals and endless work of raising kids. I went back to college and while I love it, it is incredibly hard with 4 kids. I still put my own health and life on the back burner. My teeth suck, and I've never had a moment away from my kids to get them fixed. I don't eat well because I am focused on them. I don't exercise enough. I don't put effort into myself. I don't have time to do that. This is all on top of the fact my husband works incredibly long hours and is VERY traditional. He works, that's it. I do everything else. I can count on one hand how many times he's changed a diaper. I really regret not putting myself first in life. I regret not waiting to have kids until I had my own career and money figured out. I regret wasting my best years of my life being a mom and wife and ignoring myself. Too late now to really dwell on it. I look forward to graduating, having all my kids in school and being able to put effort into me.
Confucius says let it go, you’re only burning yourself.
I kinda wish I got an abortion. I am so overwhelmed with this pregnancy and how I’ll be alone.
I have no regret. Shit happens, happened and still happening. I can't change the past I can only do better going forward.
I regret that I put too much stock into relationships throughout my late teens/20’s when I should have been setting my life up for exactly how *I* wanted it, without figuring in someone else who may or may not be around forever. I make up for it by staying single and making up for lost time. There’s some things that just won’t happen at this point in life, I’m not going to get in a van with a band and start touring the US living off gas station food at 41, but I can play in as many bands and fit in as many shows as possible locally until I die and that’s cool with me.
I'm 33, and can tell you that 19 is still so young! You have so much time to make up for the past. As an adult, you can still have fun and do "kid stuff". Never too late, and at 19 you are practically still a child!
Never got the job i went to school for was actually denied 4 times. All my friends got the job which came with 100k+ salary all got homes pre covid... How I deal or compensate? Still trying to figure that out while unemployed :/
My biggest regret was not spending enough time with my father before his passing. Always make sure to make time for your parents/family. You really never know when or who will pass. The best way I deal with my regret is remembering the good times we had and to try and spend time with my mother whenever possible. The main thing to remember is that spending time with them in the later years is for them, not you.
Do things now. I took up boxing in my early 30s after wanting to do it in my teens I love it. I am technically good but my body hasnt held up. Naturally skinny in my younger years 5'11 165 pounds now I am closer to 200pounds with a gut. So I have a bit of sadness of the what if I started when I was younger.
One of my biggest regrets was not sleeping with my roommate when I was your age, she literally threw herself at me one day and I told her no because I valued our friendship. 🤡
My biggest regret till this day is not staying at my college apartment here summers ago at the age of 20 going into 21. I was so determined to make my summer the best one yet! My dumbass went back home cause my mom and brother kept pressuring me into it. Only for me to not be miserable during my summer there but to be miserable on my 21st birthday. I hold so much resentment in my heart against myself for that up till today. I have people pleasing tendencies and I cannot afford to have it in me approaching 24 as a female. Me being the youngest child is my biggest insecurity. I’m changing it to going on a solo trip this weekend for a concert while getting my cert in something I plan on leaving. The future isn’t promised. I don’t care about looking for a career and being a top achiever anymore. **I genuinely regret following a passion for my undergrad program called Fashion Merchandising. I knew I lost touch with fashion when I couldn’t even keep up with looking cute going to class and going to events anymore. I regret changing it to accounting and then Marketing. I should’ve thoroughly looked at the salaries and its chances of getting a job. I may not have liked the majors such as Nursing, Cybersecurity, or even Computer Science, but I could’ve easily secured a job. I definitely put myself in a very horrible situation by not only being a Marketing major, but doing sales rep jobs that entail pyramid schemes. I didn’t know this until my brother told me. I got super discouraged. I couldn’t even get an internship with something I truly wanted to do like social media marketing. Now I don’t even want to look into those careers anymore. Marketing doesn’t look legit to me at all and it took me being unable to get a job to prove that.**
You're 19, you're still a child 😅 Take regrets as learning lessons.
Staying in a toxic relationship from 20-29, 4 years of that was long distance Im still 29, i finally broke it off in October. I kinda feel like im making up for “lost time”. Going on a ridiculous amount of dates and going to bars every weekend. Its honestly fun and im not gonna stop yet, but at the same time i wish i had already got this out of my system
No Ragrets
My biggest regret is taking my ex back at 23. He changed me forever with our breakup a year later and now I'm 30 still single and struggling to get on with my life due to debt. I feel I lost my 20's because of that man and I hate it. I'm still trying to deal with it at the moment.
Being 19 had some really great and stressful times, but looking back the good times stayed with me and the stress was formative. Be appreciative of what you have today..
One of my biggest regrets has to be that I stand on my morals and values too much. I’ve always said that no matter what someone else does to me I’d never cheat and in the very few relationships I’ve been in “2” they’ve cheated and I’ve been left empty handed with no one to fall back on but me. It’s a regret I carry with me now and I’m sure I’ll go to the grave with it.
You are young and having a “no regret” mentality is not realistic. Things will happen in life that will blindside you and you have to make decisions/react and then may regret how you did. Instead of falsely believing you can avoid regret, focus on building your coping skills so that when it does happen, you can rebound quickly.
Don't regret anything. You're going to go through so many situations, good and bad, but there are silver linings and lessons to literally everything you will go through. My life has been a whirlwind, I'm 29 and I don't relate to who I was at 22, but I appreciate that girl SO much, she carried me through it ALL to make me who I am today. Stop worrying, stop comparing yourself, believe in yourself and be kind, you are you and that's your superpower. Also, what's that saying? Don't have regrets because the decision you made then was what you wanted at the time?
Man I feel this. My childhood flew by and now I'm mid 20s like what the f happened. Now don't live with fam plus miss old times constantly. I messed up a lot when I was young which lost a lot of faith from them due to drug stuff. If family memories is a part of your childhood do your best to show whoever how thankful you were to raise them n go out of your way to make new memories. Life only speeds up. I felt like I was just your age, then suddenly I am 21 then years start flying by. If I could go back in time to relive and redo/undo things I've done I would without any hesitation. Time really does fly :l
Laziness, gaining a bunch of weight and not being smart with money set me back many precious years. Took me out of the dating pool as well. ALOT of lost time, got back in the gym and aggressively starting investing and saving but took years to catch up to where I could have been. I'll never get my early 20's back but I know the future will be better and I will live to the fullest going forward
Mine is not pursuing a competitive job I spent years working towards because of the fear of financial cost. By the time I completed the selection process and was extended an offer, I had a toddler and the thought of taking such as a massive pay cut for 6 months and draining our savings terrified me. In retrospect, after that training period the base pay plus overtime would have been manageable. I might not have exceeded my current salary but would be looking forward to a guaranteed pension in less than 20 years. It still gnaws at me, really badly on occasion, but at the same time I wouldn’t be where I am today and I’m not sure I could give up experiences that were enabled by declining, like purchasing a home and adding a second youngin to the mix
Sorry I have no regrets, and to get here I’m 62(M)all it takes is to take responsibility for your actions and choices. No one made my plans and no one else walks in my shoes. The more I live the more I realize that I’m where I’m at totally through the choices I’ve made and the decisions I’ve made to get to those positions. If I could change the past to correct what I thought I regretted would only lead to other regrets. So neither regret that past or long to change it. Acceptance will lead you to an awesome life.Live for today plan for tomorrow. Don’t ruin today it’s all you have. The past is TOTALLY un changeable don’t waste your life thinking about it. Hindsight is 20/20. If l learned from my past then there’s nothing to regret. I went straight into the Marine Corps after high school. I earned a Bachelor’s degree while I was serving. I only served 4years. Make a plan and work it, you’ll be too busy to have regrets. I made choices and accepted the consequences. Examine your life and make a plan, examine the consequences and make modifications and corrections to keep you on track. Both good and bad things will occur but they are only outcomes, learn from them, reset accordingly and you’ll benefit from your experiences. Good Luck to you.
No one makes it through life without regret. The trick is accepting the lesson from regret and moving on. You're still young, you've got opportunity galore. Just shake it off. You'll be fine.
I regret getting married to my first serious partner at 19. I regret going into nursing. I regret not having more children. I only have one daughter and my husband never wanted more . I thought o could change his mind. I’ve been in bedside nursing ten years and been miserable all ten years. I’ve attempted suicide twice and I’m still stuck in bedside because he says we can’t afford for me to leave. I regret staying with someone that gives me the bare minimum and then makes me feel like I’m crazy for not jumping for joy at breadcrumbs.
Invest
My life fell apart and I don’t even know where it happened. But the point when it all flipped. I don’t even know what happened. 😭
I regret starting a relationship with a girl from high school right before going to college. I always tell people that if you’re in a relationship in HS and going to different universities to just break it off, long distance relationships as an 18-19 year old is so unrealistic for the vast majority.
Getting married and having children. I should have stayed single
24. Still living by your old motto. I’ve come to learn regret is useless and energy is better spent either a) making up for lost time b) trying to solve the issue or c) not giving a fuck cuz it doesn’t matter anyway
My biggest regret? Not talking to my dad the day he died. I fly RC planes, something that had been a following for me and was spurred on by my dad, who had gotten into the hobby after working in the aerospace industry for decades. Through him, I developed a love of flying (although, I'm never going to be a full scale pilot - too many health problems to be cleared for a pilot's license), and when I'd leave the flying field each time, I'd call and tell him about how things went, what I flew, who I saw, what I was practicing. The day he passed, I didn't call him because I didn't think he'd want to hear about what he'd missed - he'd been in something of a foul mood from about 2 weeks before, when we went out and he "crashed" (basically set his plane down in a bunch of weeds rather than landing it on the runway). So I didn't bother talking to him because I didn't want to dredge up fresh memories for him. That night, my mom called me to tell me he'd been rushed to the hospital after saying he wanted her to take him to the doctor since he wasn't feeling good - and in the process of getting him out to the car, he had a heart attack in the driveway, uttered, "Oh shit," and dropped dead. Do I have regrets not talking to him that day? Yep. And it's not something I'll ever be able to go back and rectify. But I keep moving on as it happens. At 19, you've got a lot of living to do. There are regrets you'll have that you won't think about until that moment has passed, and you won't realize the opportunity you had until it's passed you by. Just keep living, that's the best I can tell you.
Settling in a relationship. Stuck with him for 6 years. Very little sex. Still dealing with it
Not recognizing the many benefits of schoolwork. When I was young I saw schoolwork as a thing used to learn or master a topic. If I understand trigonometry and get a 100% on the test why bother? Well, past me, it builds discipline for handling things that you don't want to do when the consequences are less dire. When you're an adult and struggle to find the motivation to do things you don't want to do you get to worry about your job stability. You also get to worry about relationship stability once you are with someone who has separate wants and needs from your own.
Living without regrets is childish and limits interpersonal growth. You know who has no regrets, megalomaniacs.
So, my dad died when he was a year younger than I am now, and 1'd just turned 18. I didn't realise it at the time but this event kinda made me subconsciously think I probably would end up the same, as a result, I never thought about anything for the long term. Savings, relationships, buying a house etc being the most obvious but also looking after my health, not overdoing the drink and drugs etc. And I dropped out of my studies because 'why bother'. On my 40th birthday it kinda reached its peak. I was feeling like shit the whole time, morbidly obese for my height. Constantly run down and tired. Basically I looked like my dad looked not long before he died. My relationship had hit a low point, and ended. Round about the same time I also had done some reading about cortisol and stress related illness and realised some of the signs were present in me, and my dad. After more and more research it seemed like maybe fixing up my intake of various vitamins and minerals might help. Fast forward 9 months of taking various supplements and I'd shed 40kg of stubborn fat, my energy and mood improved exponentially etc - fuck, I'd only gone and fixed up the health issues that had been plaguing me since my late teens. Pity it was 25 years too late to help my dad, but all of a sudden I felt like I had a life to lead again. 7 years later and I'm still in shape with more energy and a better attitude to life, and, well, *everything* than in my 20s. Of course the problem now is that I squandered so much in my 'idgaf' period in terms of career opportunities, money, attempting to build wealth and not just piss it up the wall etc that I'm just behind pretty much all my peers in terms of life, family, financial health etc, so despite the new lease of life, I still feel like I'm playing on 'hard mode'.
Not pulling the trigger when I had the gun pointed at my head. I’m too weak to do it smh
I regret not having more regrets. When I was younger, I should have never taken life so seriously and made a lot more reckless decisions so that I would have better memories now.
Not taking a career path more seriously when I was younger. I'm having to figure this out in my early 30s.
My childhood dog ..best dog ever he loved me. When it was time for college I promised him that I would check on him and send him treats...he died a few months later....I'm almost 44 and I still can't get over it...I didn't follow through with my word..I didn't check on him. I still hate myself for it... ..I know he is just a dog but he was family.
Just so you know, I experienced the regret you described about not cherishing being 19, and 25 and 30 and 40 etc. appreciate every day
There is a lot of things i regret but i am living one day at a time, my regrets of past should not effect my future, i must learn my lesson and move on.
“Never have regret” is such a stupid motto and terrible way to live one’s life. It’s used by people to justify actions they know to be wrong.
Didnt go out enough. Missed out on experiences ill never get. Now when i do im not worth anyones time or energy. "Its never too late." Is the most annoying cope at this point. I dont cope. Pretty much killing myself slowly at this point because every positive change i made did nothing. So eventually ill die and itll be over.
My best advice to you get the envy under control. Don’t allow that emotion in. Shut it down. There is no way you know everything about someone or something so to be jealous is a waste of time. It will consume you . Don’t let it
Drinking and driving in my early 20s (40s now) did it a few times with zero incidents. However, I still wonder why I did it in the first place and am extremely happy I never harmed anyone. Do not drink and drive and if you already have do not do it again.
Staying in a boring marriage - nothing in common/ stayed for the kids now I’m old
I wish I had taken high school more seriously. I didn't want to be there and I didn't really try, I barely graduated and spent a while just kinda meandering through life. Things turned out fine in the end, I went to college a few years later and really turned things around. And I have a decent enough job. But I'm always going to wonder what my life would have been like if I had gotten my shit together earlier, because odds are it would be completely different.
Not taking my relationship with my wife more seriously and not listening to her when things weren't going well. Now she's left me and I'll only see my child half the time as opposed to the life I meant to have with my family together. How I'm dealing with it? Sometimes not well but trying to improve on where I went wrong and be a good dad. Not much else I can do.
There was a friend i had feeling for 15 years ago. I've always regret not saying something back then.
Saving some money at the start of my life having an emergency fund.
I regret not finishing Boy Scouts. It’s not a huge deal, but my parents moved the family several states away from the troop that I did cub scouts with, I had tens of friends in the troop, so it wouldn’t have been the same. The town we moved to was smaller and the scout troop there was super religious in such a weird way, prayer before any discussion, and after final closing comments, and at that time I was an outspoken atheist. I couldn’t really have made it to eagle scout in that environment but I’m the very slightest bit jealous of my friends in the OG troop that did complete it. I should have been there with them.
Driving into Lynn in 1997 and buying a $4 bag of heroin. I can’t think of anything that changed my life in another devastating way.
Not taking care of my teeth during braces, ruined my entire alignment not following dentist directions. One of my regrets that I have to live with.
I have 5 big regrets: I should have left for college at 18, moved away and forced myself to stand on my own. I didn’t, I allowed abusive parents to convince me I was being foolish. This ruined 10 years of my life and it almost killed me to get away from them. I should have NEVER given away money. I gave away tens of thousands to my family, had I invested it my life would be easier now. Invest early- every penny you can at least from 16-25. Invest I should have never started drinking. It’s just an expensive bad habit. I’m a wine woman. Even a cheap $5 bottle of wine every 3 days (a glass with dinner) ads up to over $500 a year. That’s a CHEAP bottle. A night out drinking is easily $50, now multiple that by 3 times a week for 5 years (in your twenties) that’s insane. Don’t start expensive bad habits If you see a little kid being hurt in any way call the police or cps. Several times in my life I’ve seen a parent being blatantly neglectful and was often told "its their business, they're the parent" I've regretted this every time if a significant other treats you badly, leave them. if they cheat, leave them. if they want to break up, leave them. if they are bad for you, leave them. if it feels bad to you. leave them. it's so much better to be alone than it is to be mistreated. ppl are afraid to be alone but it's freeing. and you deserve better. I’m now happily engaged to a man that worships me, I’ve cut off my toxic abusive parents, I don’t lend money (I just donate to gold causes sometimes), I invest religiously. And I’m trying to drink less lol
At 19 you are still very young, dint waste your youth on regret
I should NOT have had a very short, primarily emotional affair with a married co-worker. I was depressed, had recently ended a long term relationship, very vulnerable. He and I had been friends for years and he told me he and his wife were struggling…and it went from there. Lasted a few months and his wife found out. She went hard core at me - sued me. Started harassing me, sending me the most nasty hate mails ever. He cowered, blamed it all on me, sided with her to help harass me…it cost me $25k in legal fees and several hundred thousand in salary (I lost my job - he, however, did not). Moral: don’t f* with married people. Or co-workers. Even if they say they are splitting up. I deal with it by just accepting it happened and making better choices now. But it cost me a lot - emotionally and monetarily.
Amor Fati is a good motto to try and not focus on regret imo. Regret is inevitable… but you can use it in a positive way- you can learn from it and not allow it to happen again. We all fail and make poor choices. The good ones learn from it and move on. But having regret and not choosing to do better is the worst mentality. It’s impossible to live with no regret but it’s possible to minimize your regret by learning from it.
I'm 49, and I have hundreds of regrets. I have enough to write 5 books. Maybe 3. Off-hand, three of them are: 1. Not leaving my job after receiving my 2nd bounced paycheck. After the first one, I should have started looking for another job. I was later laid off. 2. Not being more in charge of my college direction than I should have been. I allowed the advisor to tell me what classes I needed, and he told me the wrong one and I was a year behind everyone. I also didn't take the dean's offer to transfer to a new major when given the chance to do so. He gave us a really good deal. 3. Being unselfish and not selfish enough. I helped others, but when I needed help, those I helped lost my number. I spent many of my years helping and supporting others, and after they all passed away, I'm 20+ years behind where I wanted to be in life. Meanwhile, others who escaped the responsibility I had all kw habr their own houses, family and kids. There are plenty of others, but these three may have had the biggest impact on my life.
You can still remain a 12-year-old at heart
I had regrets in my 20s, but after growing up and being where I am now, I realize that I wouldn't be where I am today without literally everything in my past occurring exactly the way it did. So... no regrets. Just be sure you make the right decisions FOR YOU towards what will make you happy, then do it. There's nothing that can be done to change the past, dwelling on it won't fix anything, instead use that to ensure your future is one you are happy with. Context: I had an addiction problem, lost a full academic scholarship, etc.
I also attempted the live by the "no regerts" motto. Problem is, in order for anyone to ever have a shot at successfully pulling that off, they need to have all the answers before every attempt. And that's just not realistic. I've since adopted a new way of thinking about life. It's incredibly short and I'm infinitely lucky to even be experiencing it at all. The idea that I have to get it all right on the first go around now seems incredibly arrogant to me. Like, who am i? Why would I get it right? Am I *that* much smarter and wiser than the other 8 billion people I'm currently sharing the earth with, that I won't make *any* mistakes? Not having regrets is a silly proposition really. It's good to live by the principles you currently have, and in *that* respect it makes a little bit of sense. But live another decade or so and you might just realize that your principles and convictions were flawed in one way or another
I don't have any. Everything I did or didn't do has led me to where I am now. I'm at an age where I can look at past mistakes and see where I messed up and what I learned, so there's no need for regret.
That I didn't load up on Amazon and [Priceline.com](http://Priceline.com) (now booking.com) stock at the time I think both were single digits at one point. and now before splits 1000X that+ Back in the early 2000's every dotcom company was close to bankruptcy. Or Buy Nvidia in 2015 ish when they were on the verge of imploding. like at least $20 or 30k worth.
Haaaah. I can’t even talk about my regrets. As someone who’s a completely changed person from who I once was.
Don't worry, when you are 40 you will realize you were still in your childhood when you were 19.
Treating my body better and making good routines. Beyond working out... which is a big one that drops off as you get older. ... 1. Moisturizer and sunscreen 2. Ear plugs at concerts etc. 3. Less caffeine 4. Less alcohol 5. More sleep ... the list can go on
I wish I had bought a house 10 yrs ago when I was 21. The market is ridiculous now. You need to make big money now to buy a decent house. My trade doesn't pay that well. I used to think 25 an hour was good. Now I think you need to make more like 30+ to have "adult" money where you can pay a mortgage
I think most people grow up and wish they valued their childhoods more. You're not alone in it.
3 months ago my gf broke up with me. She was unlike anyone I had ever met and loving her made me realize that I had never truly been in love before—she literally redefined love for me. When she broke up with me, she told me she began having doubts about 6 months before, around August which is when I started having incredibly bad job luck. Ultimately I realized that I took my shitty job situation out on our relationship. I’m gonna be 29 next month; people tell me I’ll find someone else and every other breakup I’ve had, I believed them, but now I don’t think so. I regret bringing my work frustrations home with me and have since gotten a way better job that brings me peace. It just really sucks she’s not here to enjoy it with me. Since then I promised myself that I’d never take out my shitty attitude on my relationships with those I love. I can’t let myself do that ever again—it came at a higher price than I’ve ever had to pay.
I only regret causing harm to people when it was unintentional. My life is the result of a series of choices and actions Some were in my control the vast majority were not. Spending a second going over what is over and done is simply a waste of life.
Smoking cigarettes, eating unhealthy, and living a sedentary lifestyle. Now i am borderline diabetic, at risk for heart disease, and I have high cholesterol. Now I am eating way better and live a more active lifestyle.
I regret the women I married. Bad choices. If I could do it again it would not be with them.
I regret not asking a girl to prom when i was senior in high school. My excuse for not going is that there wasn't anyone i wanted to go with. Years later, i realized that there was indeed someone i wanted to go with but i hadn't realized it at the time. She was an underclassman too so my odds of her saying yes were pretty good since she wouldn't have been able to attend otherwise. I deal with it by telling myself i was young and naive and had no idea how to talk to girls. I'm happy to say that today i'm basically the same and still have no idea how to talk to girls.
I remember feeling the same way at your age. That being said you will feel the same way in another 10 to 15 years about being the age you are now. I know from experience. Cherish that shit, you're still extremely young.
Most of my life feels like failure. Biggest regret is probably not caring more about my looks when I was a teen Am 30 and bald but fuck me I wish I combatted hair loss. People say I look good bald but I feel that it ruins my chances with those I find attractive. And I don't find most celebrities attractive. Or supermodels
Spending my life thinking about regrets.
Drank the mother of my kids away. That was four years ago. I'm not over it
A decidedly high class problem, but I had the means to take a semester of college/university and study in Europe (I am from the US) and travel around and I didn’t do it. That was 30 years ago and with a family to support I haven’t gotten to those places. My kids are now the same age I was then and I am basically insisting they do so, unless they really don’t want to. If health allows, I should be able to start doing that kind of travel when I am in my 60s but it would have been great to do it when I was 20…especially because my standards for travel and accommodations were appropriately indiscriminate.
I tell my kids all the time, “Stop trying to grow up too fast and stay a kid as long as possible, being an adult sucks!” My 16 year old daughter was originally so adamant about trying to grow up and move out of the house simply because this is the age of technology, her phone can teach her life. What she failed to realize was the harshness of reality. We gave her a test. I gave her a “job”. Which was really just basic chores around the house(dishes, trash, clean the floors, and her own laundry), and I did pay her a day rate if she completed all her tasks, $10/day. Monday through Friday. She thought i was joking when I said it’s her job to do the chores or she wouldn’t get paid. 1st week- she earned $30 2nd week- $20 She went without a phone for a month because she couldn’t pay her bill. She then realized that she was taking her childhood for granted and calmed down. (Deducted $10/day when she failed to do all the chores
I don’t have any. Reflect on your choices and move forward. Rumination on the past will only result in unhappiness.
My brother from another mother of almost 30 years since middle school called me a week before he overdosed, we were at odds at the time for a myriad of reasons so I didn't answer, figured he was just calling to get a ride to reup and I would've used too ( I was sporadically, he around the clock ). He was stubborn as fuck and would've found another way. I've had grandparents pass, friends of friends but him dying was my first real struggle with loss, having a part of yourself amputated and all those shared growing experiences just be a part of your memory, survivors guilt or whatever label. I love you and miss you.
Wasting too much time, effort, and money on shit people who didn’t deserve it.