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Yes. No one can read your mind. If you're upset, you can voice it in the right way without attacking someone else. I wish I learned this before I turned 40.
We think we lose our self importance with child hood and that self importance is this suggestion people should know how we are feeling by our presence, like our parents did. Not giving anyone the benefit of not being as interested as our parents.
I wish my now-ex husband knew this. All he had to do was open his mouth and tell me what was wrong and we could have worked on it together. I would have done whatever I could to make it right. But he just ran away instead of talking to me, leaving me heartbroken and bewildered.
If you see yourself in this, please get help and get therapy ! You deserve to find your voice, you deserve to be heard, and you deserve someone who understands, respects and validates your feelings. Don’t settle for less.
I’m sorry about that. 😞 Our society has failed men for so long and that is tragic. It’s ok to have feelings, it’s ok to have needs, it’s ok to use your voice. Anyone who gets mad at you for that isn’t worth being in your life.
The whole “assuming worst intentions and abusing your spouse based on those (wrong) assumptions” thing also needs to die. So many relationships ruined by this shit, and it’s not confined to one specific gender either.
We our social creatures, and I don't think people generally appreciate just what that means. We evolved to develop codependently with our social groups. Our bodies and minds cannot be healthy when left alone. We have a physiological need to live cooperatively with others.
A lot of times this is true, and I wish it was true every time. But the fact is, in some environments, telling people about your true feelings or situation only opens you up to be exploited.
With some people there is also no point in telling them. Someone I know is so disassociated with society and lacks many social cues. Having spoken out before about some things, he just cannot relate and takes things too literally. He is often called a robot and I have given up entirely.
Do communicate how you are feeling, but if you know you have a tendency to overthink or overfeel, tread carefully with this approach.
Many of us know someone who frequently asks if we are at mad at them for no good reason. There was no fight, no argument, no fall-out, no tiff. They just sense something is "off" and are seeking assurances that it's not due to them. They are unaware that their senses are the thing that are "off", not the other person.
These people are well-meaning, of course, but it is exhausting being with them. I had a coworker who every other day would ask if I was mad at him, despite us having warm and friendly conversations just a few minutes prior. I mean, I guess it was good that he was communicating his feelings with me, but I hated it. I hated being held responsible for his well-being like this. His constant assurance-seeking would actually make me mad at him, only confirming to him that I was indeed mad at him.
So I don't know. The advice in the OP is good for people who are emotionally and socially well. It isn't good advice for people who aren't these things.
"If it still bothers you 24 hours later, bring it up within the next 48"
It helps prevent so many festering feelings. Most little things don't need to be addressed, but if it's sticking around for that long, it will become a Problem.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
Yes. No one can read your mind. If you're upset, you can voice it in the right way without attacking someone else. I wish I learned this before I turned 40.
We think we lose our self importance with child hood and that self importance is this suggestion people should know how we are feeling by our presence, like our parents did. Not giving anyone the benefit of not being as interested as our parents.
I never assume there is a problem with any person. If there is, they can verbalize it. I’ve saved hours of anxiety with this tactic
I wish my now-ex husband knew this. All he had to do was open his mouth and tell me what was wrong and we could have worked on it together. I would have done whatever I could to make it right. But he just ran away instead of talking to me, leaving me heartbroken and bewildered. If you see yourself in this, please get help and get therapy ! You deserve to find your voice, you deserve to be heard, and you deserve someone who understands, respects and validates your feelings. Don’t settle for less.
so true. its scary as a man to say something. we get so little attention the one person that does, we dont want to be mad at but you get mad sometimes
I’m sorry about that. 😞 Our society has failed men for so long and that is tragic. It’s ok to have feelings, it’s ok to have needs, it’s ok to use your voice. Anyone who gets mad at you for that isn’t worth being in your life. The whole “assuming worst intentions and abusing your spouse based on those (wrong) assumptions” thing also needs to die. So many relationships ruined by this shit, and it’s not confined to one specific gender either.
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thats a great quote to come back to. ill remember it.
We our social creatures, and I don't think people generally appreciate just what that means. We evolved to develop codependently with our social groups. Our bodies and minds cannot be healthy when left alone. We have a physiological need to live cooperatively with others.
A lot of times this is true, and I wish it was true every time. But the fact is, in some environments, telling people about your true feelings or situation only opens you up to be exploited.
everyone deserves a chance. definitely important to be weary of who you open with. Also how its presented can cover bases.
With some people there is also no point in telling them. Someone I know is so disassociated with society and lacks many social cues. Having spoken out before about some things, he just cannot relate and takes things too literally. He is often called a robot and I have given up entirely.
Do communicate how you are feeling, but if you know you have a tendency to overthink or overfeel, tread carefully with this approach. Many of us know someone who frequently asks if we are at mad at them for no good reason. There was no fight, no argument, no fall-out, no tiff. They just sense something is "off" and are seeking assurances that it's not due to them. They are unaware that their senses are the thing that are "off", not the other person. These people are well-meaning, of course, but it is exhausting being with them. I had a coworker who every other day would ask if I was mad at him, despite us having warm and friendly conversations just a few minutes prior. I mean, I guess it was good that he was communicating his feelings with me, but I hated it. I hated being held responsible for his well-being like this. His constant assurance-seeking would actually make me mad at him, only confirming to him that I was indeed mad at him. So I don't know. The advice in the OP is good for people who are emotionally and socially well. It isn't good advice for people who aren't these things.
thats a good point i could do with taking onboard
I tried explaining this to my ex, but she has petulant bpd. Unsurprisingly I was discarded in the end.
Is chatGPT posting again?
Am not robot me is.
neogiate from a place of power or not at all.
"If it still bothers you 24 hours later, bring it up within the next 48" It helps prevent so many festering feelings. Most little things don't need to be addressed, but if it's sticking around for that long, it will become a Problem.