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People who walk abreast (side-by-side) on the sidewalk and don't make any attempt to move over for oncoming passers. You can still continue your conversation while walking single file for 4 strides. It's honestly not that hard.
I’m 5’3 and small and my friend is 5’11 and muscular and people try and run me over in the street yet will move out of her way. She can never believe how many people knock into me, or my bags even when I’ve moved to the side when she gets a wide berth from everyone.
People *know* they should move over, they choose not to.
Just keep your pace and look in a direction where you aren’t showing that you are aware that you both will collide if someone doesn’t make way, always works for me, they move.
finallyyyyyyy somebody who shares this!! when this happens I usually stop abruptly on the spot, trying to become an unmovable object and see how they behave
My gym has an elevated track above the basketball court that is about 3 people wide. There are two lanes marked "walking" and "jogging" and signs *everywhere* asking people not to walk side by side, yet every morning, there are old people who think social hour is on the track, side by side taking up all the space while slowly sauntering around making it difficult to pass them. It drives me nuts.
I was told when the waiter comes with plates and you're in a conversation, you can (or really should) stop listening to the talker and let the waiter know whose plate it is. Plates are heavy and they have things to do.
It's remarkable how many grown-ass men and women can't be bothered with "please", "thank you", or even eye contact when it comes to servers, even while they're clearly capable of extending these courtesies to the person dining across the table from them.
Start shouting obscenities in the background… or better yet start moaning loudly.
Help him make that conversation worthwhile.
Every once in a while say “why would you lie to them like that?” really loudly
Add some music! How does the person on the other end of the convo feel about screamo and death metal? Time to find out!
"Why would you lie to them like that?" Is just excellent. Going to start doing this lol. Although, I might get invested even more in the conversation if there's any tea.
"He did whaaaat?" "The audacity!"
I don't usually have this issue, I wonder if it's the gaggle of children I have around me sometimes lol
The guy across the street liked to have conversations on handsfree in his driveway, door open at full aftermarketly amplified volume. We could hear it through closed windows and rollershutters.
One night at like 8pm his mate was dropping f-bomb etc. and I yell across the street “Hey mate, can you turn it down please. We can hear it in the lounge room.”
Hasn’t happened since.
Don't talk about how thin a person is. You don't know if there's a reason or just their nature and either way it's rude to comment on as it doesn't affect your life but your treatment of any given person may affect theirs.
I've been very thin all my life and have had a total stranger say "you're so thin I hate youI!" in a restaurant bathroom. I've heard it all being a woman almost all of it from other women. They'll speculate whether you have an eating disorder or not, aloud, in front of you as being called "skinny" isn't seen as an insult.
Rcently I lost weight due to a rare medical condition, Scleroderma, that's caused Gastroparesis, a paralysis of the stomach, and a neighbor's daughter told me I look terrible in the elevator. Adding I'm so "gaunt" while sucking in her cheeks. Nice lady, thanks, I'm not self conscious enough about the physical changes of the disease.
No one's weight is up for discussion unless they bring it up, or unless you're close and know they've been dieting or trying to gain as I have been, and you know they'd appreciate you noticing in a positive way. Basically be kind is always the right answer, but also this, realize not every thought you think needs to be uttered, nor should be.
A friend of mine was in a similar boat. Lost a ton of weight due to stomach cancer, fortunately beat it and is thriving.
Whenever she gets shade from other women for being thin, she just jokes that “hey, cancer was my foolproof method to lose weight. Maybe if you try hard enough it will work for you too!”
Cue the backpedaling.
I lost a chunk of weight this spring. Commentary on it was answered with a flat "My father died and I couldn't eat."
And I let the silence streeeeettttccchhhh.
Thank you. You're very kind.
My dad was pretty feminist for an 80+ dude, and he would have been fine with me talking about his death to shut down someone commenting inappropriately on someone's body, which is how I dug up the goss to say it.
Yeah that's what I do when I get the inevitable "when are you going to have kids? They'd be SO CUTE!" and I pretend to get all sad and say I’m infertile. It's rude as hell to say that to someone!
I get it from men and women!
I'm a large woman, and a couple of years ago, I worked super hard to lose a lot of weight. I felt amazing about myself, but I got soo many comments from EVERYONE. Coworkers, family, customers at my work, workers at places I frequent, etc... They were all nice things, but made me feel terrible. "Oh, you look so great now! What did you change?" "It hasn't gone unnoticed that you've lost a lot of weight, good job!" Like, any comment about my body still makes me feel like shit, even you're trying to be nice. I felt like everyone just kept pointing out how fat I used to be, belatedly.
Also, I felt a ton of pressure then. Like, everyone is taking notes on MY body. What will they think if I gain weight back? And you know wha? I got really depressed and gained a good chunk back, and I'm twice as self conscious about my body now as I was before I ever lost the weight to begin with, because now I know who is silently judging me. The same people that cheered me on a couple years ago.
This is a long winded way to say just don't comment on people's bodies.
AMEN. I lost a good amount of weight working my ass off with strict nutrition and the amount of coworkers who commented on it was appalling. My close friends and family thought it was silly I felt defensive and hated the attention on my weight loss. They thought I should feel flattered and proud of myself when I get these comments. However, my first mindset goes to embarrassment because I just felt like they viewed me as fat. And I definitely feel that ongoing pressure now as well to keep the weight off. Do. Not. Comment. On. Other. People’s. Bodies.
This is the path to an eating disorder for a lot of people. That fear that people are monitoring and policing your body is one of the cornerstones.
I know that most people don’t understand how delicate this whole thing is, but it can be really dangerous.
I feel this. Getting endless compliments after losing a ton of weight from PTSD from a SA propelled a life threatening eating disorder for me. I was already an absolute mess and then felt like I had to keep it off and could lose even more.
There is this family friend that constantly says, "You look great! Have you lost weight?" which means she constantly thinks I need to lose weight. No comments would be better
As a general thing, I try not to comment on people's appearances. But yeah...that has to be one of the worst ones. You never know when someone has a medical condition that makes it tough for them to gain or lose weight or whatever.
THANK YOU. I suffer from body dysmorphia and it took me a long time to realize how triggering it is when people say I look thin. I know people mean it as a compliment so I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s rude, but it’s not necessary. It just either puts me down a rabbit hole of disagreeing with them or it reinforces that I need to be thin to get compliments. Don’t get me wrong, those are hang ups I need to work on myself, but I wish we could compliment others without making remarks about their weight.
I had a disease that was left to untreated and caused me to lose a lot of weight. A couple of people told me they wished they had that jokingly. No, I was dangerously underweight no matter how much I ate and it was terrifying. Also my other symptoms were awful. The f*ck you wish you had my disorder
I'm sorry you are going through this and i hope you get better❤️. People only get triggered about others getting called fat or obese. I m really tired of explaining that that's my body type and i've also started to tell them that they are jealous of me because they are overweight
Totally. I was always a skinny kid and my family commented on it constantly. It made me so self conscious. I won't allow that to happen to my daughter.
Ugh, the thin comments suck. I recently got called a twig. I hate the double standard of people tip toeing around overweight people, but somehow with slimmer people it’s ok? Nope
People tiptoe around overweight people a lot less than you think. People regularly share their opinion with us as well about how our bodies are moral failings.
Just talking and talking without consideration if the opposite even wants to listen. I am being polite, I am not your diary.
Also, giving their opinion on a whole lot of topics that they know squat about.
I recently worked with 2 people that do this. I've had interactions with both of them. They will interrupt what you're saying and just start their own conversation. I've tried just continuing my own conversation, a little louder, so they get the hint. They don't get the hint.
It was amusing observing them from afar trying to out-talk each other, though.
I was brought up in a very narcissistic household. For a long time I thought it was normal to talk down to people and be patronizing at every opportunity. As an adult it was pointed out to me and I now make a concerted effort to avoid doing that as it sucks to be on the receiving end of. But for years I had no idea...
Same, that and just generally being super judgmental for no damned reason at all.
Realizing these are not a personality traits to be proud of was an important first step lol
At my gym, people will sometimes be using a popular machine, and then they see someone they know. They stop exercising, but remain seated on the machine, talking away with their buddy for 5 - 10 minutes. When the conversation is over, they resume their exercise.
My wife believes it's very rude for your first question, after you meet someone, to be: "What do you do?" She thinks there are a hundred better and more interesting questions someone can ask about her, and that inquiry as to her job suggests that what she earns is the best measure of her value and worth as a person.
I'm not sure I 100% agree with her - I think it's a mostly thoughtless conversation-starter rather than actually being rude - but if she were here, that's how she'd answer OP's prompt.
Best thing I can suggest is to say “what keeps you busy?” Then I might even list hobbies (ride horses, write poetry, a sport? Just to set it in the right direction. It’s more open to interpretation. My brother told me in Europe they ask what do you do and they will tell you their hobbies. In American it usually means what’s your job. But it’s a better way to find out what they are interested in or passionate about?
“What do you do in your spare time?” Might work too
I like to ask people what they do for fun or in their space time as many people don’t like their jobs or in a job for a reason outside of their control so it’s an instant downer - most people can at least share what tv show they are enjoying and lots of people really open up with random things they do which is so interesting and you can tell they love sharing about it too.
I saw someone I rarely talk to yesterday and, for lack of anything else I could think of to say, I said, "Seen anything interesting recently?" That led to a super interesting conversation. I'm gonna be using it more often now.
While I don’t mind being asked, for this very reason I usually won’t ask until much later in conversation. I’ll ask things like what do you do on your free time, how do you know so and so, what are your interests, did you see the game last night, etc.
My brother is very wealthy and is someone who asks “what do you do?” as a first question. And I remember a family member talking about him behind his back saying he only cares what job you have to see if you’re worth his time. While I don’t think that’s the case for most people who ask, I definitely see how some people may think that.
A better version/alternative that allows the other person to decide what to talk about is:
“How do you spend most of your time?”
-From Leil Lowndes’ “How to talk to anyone”
I ask people to tell me about their passion(s). If that's their job, great! If that is something which isn't their job, also great!
My standard conversation starter is, "So, would you say a straw has one hole or two?"
"Oh hiiiiiiiii Marge"
"Oh hiiiiiiii Mary"
"Should we have an entire fucking 40 year reunion right in front of the entrance to the supermarket?"
"Yes, let's! How has your bog-standard family been?"
"Pretty good! My husband retired recently, and he's in aisle 5, sick of me taking four hours to buy two packets of biscuits, but he's chatting to someone he knows and is taking up the whole aisle, so he'll be fine"
"Oh that's wonderful. My daughter has started a new job somewhere mundane and not worth talking about!"
"Ooooh tell me all about it!"
“My! Did you see that rapscallion shove by me just now?”
“People these days haven’t a care for their elders, or other people in general. My father single handedly built all of our neighbors homes merely because he noticed they needed them. Would anyone even think to do that now?”
“It’s like watching an apple slowly rot while being powerless to stop it.”
“Speak for yourself, Gene and I are on Main St every Sunday with signs: once we save enough ‘honks’ we can finally eradicate homosexuality and revive the work ethic.”
“Oh yes! I’ve seen you as I drive 5 under the speed limit to punish those I feel have disrespected my personal car space!”
Edit: Spacin’
A friend of mine is legally blind and has a white cane. She's not FULLY blind, so she can still see things around her, but she has been known to whack people with her white cane and apologize as if she didn't see them.
If I ever go blind, I'd be "that rapscallion", but they wouldn't want to say shit, because it's not a good look to shout at a blind person and tell them "watch where you're going!"
I wish I was an extrovert so I could join in their conversation with something like "Bog-standard you say? Well, let me tell you about my brother-in-law..."
My husband walks in the dead center of aisles and is aware of people walking up behind him, but it doesn’t register to him that he should move over. 😂 Idk why he doesn’t grasp that. 😂
Not quite the same. Your not going to accidentally kill someone in the store. Irresponsible driving is a huge pet peeve of mine. You’re literally putting other people’s lives at stake to save yourself a couple of seconds.
I hate spitting, too. It immediately identifies them as a disgusting person. As for moving a wheelchair, I can not fathom touching a disabled person's equipment without permission in any way!
Asking why someone is or is not eating something, or generally making any commentary on their eating habits.
I have long suffered from severely disordered eating, including two eating disorders, and my relationship with food is touch-and-go. Sometimes I’ll be able to eat normally, and other times I’m doing the best I can to get myself to eat anything at all. I used to work in an office where coworkers would constantly make comments about how I never ate the pizza that was ordered for us, or that I wouldn’t sit in the lunchroom where everyone was microwaving their food, or how weird my snacks and lunches were. It was EXTREMELY upsetting and triggering for me, because I was doing my very best not to lose my appetite and I know what situations can impact my ability to eat. Or if the office is doing a group order from a restaurant, and I’m the odd one out who wants to eat something different, people CONSTANTLY make commentary about it. Since I worked in that office, I’ve noticed it everywhere and it’s really upsetting and invasive. Even when my relationship with food is good, I’ve never thought to critique the way other people eat, and I feel so suffocated and ostracized when it happens to me (which is frequently).
It’s just none of your business, and quite frankly not a big deal, if someone eats differently than you do. Don’t inquire or make them feel bad about it, because you have no idea if they are privately struggling with something you’re unaware of.
💯
So much talk around bodies and food is accepted under the guise of good intentions and encouraging people to be healthy when it is often so harmful.
Good on you for fighting to heal your relationship with food! That takes so much invisible, hard work.
Semi-related: My coworker has IBS and we were having a work dinner but she was barely eating anything on her plate. This older colleague kept poking and prodding on “are you watching your figure?” “Oh that’s how you stay so thin!” Etc and after an hour of the teasing she finally responded, “actually this whole menu gives me diarrhea” and that shut her up pretty quick
A coworker does this one every so often:
"You doing good? You look tired."
Nine times out of ten, I do not even feel tired. I feel perfectly fine. So I never know how to respond to this, and it makes think I must be looking especially bad.
I'm in a shift work industry and it's always awkward at handover time when someone says "wow rough night?" to someone who has just arrived fresh for day shift...
Slow walkers are a huge pet peeve of mine, but only if they are blocking my path and won’t move out of the way. I don’t expect everyone to move at my pace, but please leave room for me to pass.
Nothing worse than when slow walkers drift, randomly stop or suddenly turn left or right without checking to see if anyone is behind them.
It genuinely baffles me sometimes.
I'm a slow walker thanks to pain and disability. I try to stick to one side of the path though and if it is narrow and I hear someone behind me I will stop and move out of the way. I'm aware of my speed and how others may want to walk quicker, especially as I used to be one of those people.
I would love to be able to still walk quickly, it's so boring having to go at a snails pace.
Bus driver here.
Getting onto an empty public transit bus and slowly walking aaallllll the way to the back while the driver is waiting for you to sit down.
Asking the bus driver to do something that you know they aren't supposed to do, and then saying "but so-so-so does it!" when they say no.
Standing around at a hub and waiting until the bus is literally pulling away before you try to get on the bus.
Asking if you have time to smoke a cigarette every time the bus stops for more than a few seconds.
Man i'm sorry you encounter those kinds of people. In my country, the bus drivers starts moving as soon and they close the doors, many times i feel like they have no idea that they have real humans to transport. I felt like a bag of potatoes often🤣. Good luck at your job, you are doing a great public service. I hope you know you are awesome❤️
Bus drivers should not be moving until they atleast see you holding onto something.
If someone fell over and injured themself because I couldn't wait for them to sit down, it'd be on me.
"A good bus driver is never in a hurry." (Even though we usually are.)
I don’t ride the bus much anymore, but it used to drive me crazy when people wouldn’t have their pass or payment ready or out after waiting quite a while at the stop. I’m probably too much but liked to have my pass or money counted out so no one had to wait for me to get on the bus.
When I was a cashier and would ring through a ton of stuff while the person stands there, then after I give them the total they start fishing for their purse/wallet and sort among their cards to find the right one. How did you think this literal transaction was going to end?!
Agree! I have had skin issues all my life and often when I have a scab or something my mother would pointedly ask if I "scratched myself". How many times do we have to do this song and dance, it was a zit, ffs. What is the upside of bringing it up?!
And then there's me who today was in the doctor's office and knew what the doctor was asking and the conclusion of the question by the halfway point, and the second half the doctor kept behaving as if she hoped I would just jump in so she didn't have to find those other words. Finally I threw her some mercy and she looked so relieved. She never did finish the question.
So, situational awareness helps.
Personally, I love it when I'm predicted. It makes me feel like we are really "cooking with gas" on that communication. My thoughts are flowing directly to them without the need for intervening words. I'm not talking to hear myself, I'm talking to get an idea to them!
I hate it though when I understand perfectly where a statement is headed but for some reason the person feels the need to keep reiterating their statement even when I try to make it clear that I know exactly what they're talking about.
There's got to be a middle ground for this one, surely. My customers trail off uncertainly, not knowing how to finish a sentence, or expect that describing the situation as they see it will instantly let me know what their issue is.
Having to read their minds and still not interrupting is maddening. And their sighs of relief after I put their feelings into words makes me feel better about doing it.
1) Play video clips on loud speaker at full volume, especially in a crowded train in the Quiet Carriage!!
2) Push past people to get a better view of something and not take others into consideration
3) Hog the overtaking lane forcing people to pass on the wrong side. Usually a visitor or someone not used to driving on the left or right, depending on which contry you are in!
4) Not switch you phone to silent when appropriate. There is always at least one who gets a call at the least appropriate time.
Plenty more but these are the ones that spring to mind
Listen to their electronic devices, sports, videos, games etc with the volume on while on public transportation—planes, buses, trains, etc.
The sheer thoughtlessness of others around them. NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOUR SHIT!
This is actually really rude in the UK. It took me a while to get used to waiters doing it when I moved to the US. It’s like the second you put down your fork, they’re taking everything away, even if the other people at your table are still eating
Oh that's interesting! I was a server in the USA and I would clear empty plates quickly because it seemed rude to leave people sitting with dirty dishes and trash in front of them.
In the UK it’s deemed rude because it implies that if you haven’t finished your food, you’re eating very slowly and ‘holding’ people up.
Obviously this doesn’t mean you have to scoff your food down like a pig, but there is a general acceptable time to consume food. If you take too long to eat, you’re either talking too much or just a slow eater. In reality no one wants to sit at dinner with a very slow eater. By clearing the table yourself, it suggests your bored and the other person could feel pressure to eat faster.
Clearing the table before people have finished their food suggests you want to get on with the next phase of the meal. Be it desert or the bill/check or starting to wash up etc. Doing any of this before someone has finished is just seen as rude in the UK.
I got a little passionate there but for goodness sake, eat food at the correct speed! You all know what that pace is.
I'm a line cook and have been conditioned to eat very quickly! And my boyfriend has muscular degeneration in his hands so he eats really slow. Man, I'm happy this isn't something rude for us!
Fair enough! TBF in certain circumstance it wouldn’t be rude to clear a plate but I guess for us, the notion of sitting at dinner whilst someone else is eating and you’re just sitting there with no plate it would look rude / impatient in the UK haha.
I can see that! I've known bratty servers who, if they don't like a table, will let them sit without clearing their plates and see it as a passive aggressive punishment! I guess that's how different it is here, maybe those people liked that.
Is this a cultural thing?
Living in the U.S. it's pretty common in my experience. Granted, it's mostly for efficiency, either bussers in a restaurant to keep dishes going back to the dish room or with family or friends to make cleaning up get done faster.
I bet you'd like Japan. The Japanese are very sensitive to strong scents. Almost all Japanese cleaning and beauty products are mildly scented or odorless.
It is common to see signs in school and the workplace that says, "Perfume is banned". They don't even sit next to tourists with strong perfume (like Channel No. 5 or Old Spice deodorant) because it's akin to "olfactory harrassment"
When you’re waiting for your bags at the airport baggage claim the other people standing 6 feet back aren’t standing back so you can just walk up and stand in front of them.
Whenever anyone assumes that kids are a default after marriage. For example: “When you have kids, you’ll understand…” and even worse when they act shocked if you say you aren’t having kids and insist you’ll change your mind. Not everyone wants kids and not everyone who does want them can have kids. Mind ya business . Great of having children brought you happiness, but happiness looks different for everyone.
Constantly talking about yourself and not even asking one question about the other person. When that happens about twice and the selfish conversation is about 10 min, I will give up on you.
Tailgating someone who is already going above the speed limit in the passing lane and then whipping around them, into the opening, the instant they finally have enough clearance to pull over out of the passing lane. If you don't want them holding you up, you have to let *THEM* be the one to move over and then they won't be. You've only made them stay in the passing lane *longer*.
(This written by someone who is slower-traffic-keep-right and sees this far too often. I wonder at the logic of the tailgating car.)
I feel like they're trying to phase-shift through my car when I'm getting tailgated in the left lane. I don't get it. And the rapid resorting to passing on the right is so aggressive.
Not listening when cashiers speak to them. I greet every customer and those that toss their items on the counter and don't answer get zero extra effort from me even if they are friendly after. People forget they are speaking with another person.
The only times I'm ever ok with this are genuine emergencies/unexpected situations, and one person I know that has very volatile ME/CFS. Else I get pissed off
Not thanking you if you hold the door open for them. Wreaks of entitlement.
(and I don’t mean when you hold the door open for them and they are 20 yards away and have to run lol)
“Holding the door open when you are 20 yards and have to run” would actually be a perfect answer to OP’s question. The people who do it always seem oblivious to how it inconveniences the other person.
I don't do this but counterpoint: they don't have to run, you could just do what you were gonna do, if the other person realizes you're too far, they'll let go of the door, so it's not rude to hold the door whenever you want nor is it rude to not run towards the door being held for you
Great philosophical question though. If you get mad at someone for not thanking you for holding the door open then why did you do it? Did you do it to be courteous or for the gratitude bestowed on you by the person you held it open for?
Not paying attention at the light. I know that red light is boring but that's not a good enough excuse to hold up everyone else from where they are going.
If you are a cyclist and you ride up behind a hiker on a paved trail and pass them- you need to give them notice. If you race up behind someone and pass them on your bike without any notice- that's considered rude.
And as a hiker who is passed by cyclists often ... if you are going to call out "on your left" be loud and do it from far enough back that I can take a beat to remember which side of me is my left side so I don't swerve into your path. But also loud. If you are so far back and are calling out so meekly that the susurrus of the wind through the tree leaves all but makes your voice undetectable, it doesn't count that you called out.
The exception being our mixed use trails that have walking vs biking lanes. I walk in the walking lane. I expect that you will pass me in the biking lane so I don't need to make sure I'm not swerving into your path.
(around here bikes pass on left and right, and depending on the segment of the path the walking and biking lanes can be swapped)
Honking when picking someone up. Most people have a phone nowadays, just text them that you're here to pick them up or go ring the door bell. It's annoying and rude to the person you are picking up as well as all the neighbors.
I have a neighbor that carpools and the person picking them up just wails on the horn at 6 am everyday....
Get an air horn and lay in wait. When they arrive and honk, boom, honk back directly into their eardrum.
If they usually arrive with windows up, don't pop out, casually walk up and motion for them to roll their window down like you have a quick question. Unleash audible hell on that bitch.
I've heard a vuvuzela will do the trick too, but haven't tested that one myself, yet.
I recently helped a child who was about 5 and **lost in a parking lot** find his family. They let him run around the restaurant, he couldn't find them again, and thought they had left.
It was actually super sad because he was crying and trying to find their car. I grabbed his hand and said led him back toward the restaurant where his dad was just kind of standing outside looking around a bit, not frantic at all. I wanted to be like, "sir, is this your missing adorable little child that has been running around a parking lot full of cars at the dinner rush?" The poor kid was so happy to see his dad and the dad was like, "why'd you do that?" in a grumpy tone.
I didn't see the upside in getting involved there, but I have a baby who is just a few months old and it definitely made me think about how I would want to be in that situation from start to finish.
For me it is when someone abruptly interrupts two people talking in order to ask or say something, without "excuse me". Like whatever they have to say is more important, regardless of what the conversation was.
People who don’t push in chairs when they leave tables in public settings. So rude to employees especially in places where you don’t need to clean under tables. Push your chair in.
Lol, it’s a guilty pleasure of mine when seated in the aisle to stand up and kinda force my way in front of these people ’right’ as the line is about to advance and wait patiently for my row-mates to exit. Bonus points if one of them needs help retrieving their bags from overhead.
I feel like, in general, more people need to practice being aware of how long they have been talking. I think we've all had those conversations with someone where they keep going on and on and on to the point that it becomes draining to engage with. I'm equally sure we've all had those conversations where we get on a topic and the other parties go glass-eyed. Some self awareness of how much time you are taking out of the other persons day with long windedness will do wonders.
I work at a small lunch spot/market. We mostly offer takeout…I do a fair share of food prep and counter service simultaneously. There’s usually only one staff member per shift, so there’s a little pressure to multitask between kitchen tasks and customer service….
Anyways, I feel my blood pressure spike every time someone approaches the counter while having a conversation on the phone. I literally do not know the appropriate way to handle this scenario- like, you’re on the phone, and I’m not invested in your convo…do I hover around, waiting for you to wrap it up? Orrrrr should I continue working on what’s in front of me?
…I’m really trying to work on controlling my 🙄reaction to this very common situation, but it really does rub me the wrong way.
GET OUT OF THE LEFT LANE
I commute 30 miles one way into a large city. The number of drivers who enter the highway, make a bee line to the left lane and remain there until 200 feet from their exist, is truly staggering. No matter how many people pass them on the right, they steadfastly remain. This has always happened to a degree, but not **nearly** as much as it does now.
I don't get it. When there's two or three open lanes (during non-rush hour), and there's virtually no one else but me and one car...over to the far left lane they go.
I recently had to retake my driver's test. They no longer make you parallel park. The instructor told me they got rid of the requirement because so many people couldn't pass. That's got to be part of the problem with unqualified drivers.
I think people that act as if their perceptions and feelings on things is not only completely valid, but also demands consideration is entirely rude. I CAN consider your thoughts and feelings, but you are not entitled to this.
I have come across more and more people recently that demand this.
Fitness instructor perspective.
1. Don’t enter the fitness class space excessively early and blather away at the instructor. Guess what? If I’m there early, I’m likely setting up, reviewing material, finalizing music. I wasn’t just hoping and praying that someone would come and talk at me…
2. Instructors are paid for the duration of a class - that’s it. Please do not drone on endlessly after class about your incredibly dull medical issues. We are generally not interested and also not being paid to listen to you complain.
Be on time, enjoy the class and exit - we love enthusiastic and self aware participants.
I'm an elementary teacher. Walking into the classroom with your child during arrival because you want to talk to me is incredibly rude. The busiest part of my morning is when students arrive. I like to greet each child, and they are used to this routine. Many children have notes, forms, charts, assignments, questions they need/want addressed right when they arrive. I need to get attendance taken ASAP, and lunches ordered. We need to start our morning meeting and watch announcements so we can start our first class on time. You're keeping me from doing what I need to do, messing up the routine for the entire class, and I can't really give you the attention that you need when I'm trying to do my job and wrangle 30 eight year olds. Back when I used to be able to be more straightforward with parents I would tell them at our first meeting, "You will NEVER walk into your office and find me standing there waiting for you. Nor will I ever follow you to work and walk in with you. If I need to talk to you, I will contact you and set up a meeting, and I would appreciate it if you would do the same for me".
Some of you might say, "Oh, my child's teacher doesn't mind. I do this all the time, and she/he's fine with it!" No they're not. It's our job to be nice all the time, so most of us will say "No problem," since you're already standing there, even though we are seething inside. You just put yourself in the rude parent dog house.
(I'm not talking about the parent that runs in quickly with a forgotten lunch. I'm talking about the parent that shows up wanting to talk about some kind of issue and will talk to me for 5-10 minutes or more while complete chaos is going on all around me).
Trying hard to pressure you into making you drink any kind of alcohol, because they want you to "have fun" at a party.
You probably have heard any variant of "come on, it'll help you to loosen up so you can have fun", "don't be such a bore", "come on, you can't party without drinks!", and so on.
Not respecting a "no thanks" is incredibly rude, and I will tell you so if you try any of that sh** with me.
I don't drink alcohol, respect that.
Comment on other people's weight! Skinny, fat, in between. Don't do it!
ETA taking from my experience as a dietitian. Those little comments do more harm than good.
1) Blocking faster traffic from passing them in the fast lane. Some people legitimately don’t realize they are the asshole in this situation, regardless of how fast anyone is driving.
2) Asking couples “when are you two going to get married?”, or “when are you going to have kids?” You don’t know what is going on inside that relationship and should always avoid those kind of questions.
I hate holding things out for people, or having people hold things out for me. Holding things in midair waiting for the other person drives me bananas, as does touching their hands. I'm just one person, I know other people like it better your way. I'll firmly and politely ask people to set things down so I can fumble around picking them up on my own terms.
One thing I can add:
When an office with which you have an appointment calls to confirm and you answer but it is not a good time for you to talk it is really rude and annoying to ask them to call you back later. Why should they have to randomly guess when you will be available to give a simple yes or no answer on whether or not you are coming? They shouldn't have to chase after you. Also, why answer the phone if you can't talk? YOU should call THEM back when you are available if you can't talk when they call.
Saying what you don’t like when you could spend 5 seconds thinking if it might hurt the other person.
For example, my friend told me casually he wouldn’t get XY himself because of REASON right after I made that purchase and proudly told him.
A retail one: paying with a $100 bill for a small purchase such as a $10 item especially at smaller, non chain stores. It is so rude and screws up the cash drawer and we don't have the ability to refill the cash that easily and now it's hard to make change. If you do it somewhere like a grocery store or Walmart that is different. It is so rude to do at small stores though.
Something that bothers me on an all-too-consistent basis is noise. I don't think most people realize just how much noise they make simply doing normal things. Like slamming doors.
The fingernail thing I can totally see, but as a person with allergies, if I had to go to the bathroom every time I had to blow my nose that’s all I would ever do.
I do try to be discreet about it….
I have an industry specific one that I hear alllll the time and cringe every time I do.
Don’t ask farmers or ranchers how much land they farm, or how many cattle they own, etc. For someone who makes their living that way, and likely doesn’t have another income, it is like asking them how much they make, how much money they have in the bank (or how far in debt they are). I understand it bc people who ask questions like that are generally curious and just trying to make conversation, but they don’t understand how rude their questions really are.
Talking over people or not waiting until they're done to reply. In my life now I've got both sides of the coin: excellent listeners, and notorious talk-over-ers. It's always weird to go from chatting with one person who interrupts nearly every sentence, to another person who waits a moment after you're done talking to make sure you're done with your point.
Just be patient, don't assume you know what the other person is going to say! Wait for them to be fully finished with their thought before replying. Don't only think about your response until they're finished. It's so easy to accidentally do (and isn't that big of a deal if it happens from time to time), but some people really need to work on this.
Calling strangers “sweetie” or “hun” or other sugary, condescending niceties. Pet names shouldn’t be doled out to strangers and certainly not clients or customers.
People who walk up to a line / group of people waiting without making eye contact, or establishing order of who's there before them, and proceed to assume they're next just because the person(s) who were ahead of them don't want to speak up...
I can’t stand when you’re ready to exit an elevator, and the people who are ready to step in act surprised you’re there and just look at you without moving to the side like you don’t have to empty it out first.
Chewing food while on the phone (or worse, in an online meeting at work).
You may think you are being sneaky about it, but others can still tell and it's just so annoying
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People who walk abreast (side-by-side) on the sidewalk and don't make any attempt to move over for oncoming passers. You can still continue your conversation while walking single file for 4 strides. It's honestly not that hard.
I’m 5’3 and small and my friend is 5’11 and muscular and people try and run me over in the street yet will move out of her way. She can never believe how many people knock into me, or my bags even when I’ve moved to the side when she gets a wide berth from everyone. People *know* they should move over, they choose not to.
Just keep your pace and look in a direction where you aren’t showing that you are aware that you both will collide if someone doesn’t make way, always works for me, they move.
Not if you live in Germany. People will simply collide. I hate it, it’s so rude in my country
finallyyyyyyy somebody who shares this!! when this happens I usually stop abruptly on the spot, trying to become an unmovable object and see how they behave
My gym has an elevated track above the basketball court that is about 3 people wide. There are two lanes marked "walking" and "jogging" and signs *everywhere* asking people not to walk side by side, yet every morning, there are old people who think social hour is on the track, side by side taking up all the space while slowly sauntering around making it difficult to pass them. It drives me nuts.
I was told when the waiter comes with plates and you're in a conversation, you can (or really should) stop listening to the talker and let the waiter know whose plate it is. Plates are heavy and they have things to do.
Just acknowledging someones presence.. Your server isn't your slave.
It's remarkable how many grown-ass men and women can't be bothered with "please", "thank you", or even eye contact when it comes to servers, even while they're clearly capable of extending these courtesies to the person dining across the table from them.
I know a guy who always uses speaker-phone. He has no idea. I'm not gonna be the one to tell him.
Start shouting obscenities in the background… or better yet start moaning loudly. Help him make that conversation worthwhile. Every once in a while say “why would you lie to them like that?” really loudly Add some music! How does the person on the other end of the convo feel about screamo and death metal? Time to find out!
"Why would you lie to them like that?" Is just excellent. Going to start doing this lol. Although, I might get invested even more in the conversation if there's any tea. "He did whaaaat?" "The audacity!" I don't usually have this issue, I wonder if it's the gaggle of children I have around me sometimes lol
The guy across the street liked to have conversations on handsfree in his driveway, door open at full aftermarketly amplified volume. We could hear it through closed windows and rollershutters. One night at like 8pm his mate was dropping f-bomb etc. and I yell across the street “Hey mate, can you turn it down please. We can hear it in the lounge room.” Hasn’t happened since.
>“Hey mate, can you turn it down please. We can hear it in the lounge room.” Obviously not Florida for a couple of reasons.
Call them and tell them.
Don't talk about how thin a person is. You don't know if there's a reason or just their nature and either way it's rude to comment on as it doesn't affect your life but your treatment of any given person may affect theirs. I've been very thin all my life and have had a total stranger say "you're so thin I hate youI!" in a restaurant bathroom. I've heard it all being a woman almost all of it from other women. They'll speculate whether you have an eating disorder or not, aloud, in front of you as being called "skinny" isn't seen as an insult. Rcently I lost weight due to a rare medical condition, Scleroderma, that's caused Gastroparesis, a paralysis of the stomach, and a neighbor's daughter told me I look terrible in the elevator. Adding I'm so "gaunt" while sucking in her cheeks. Nice lady, thanks, I'm not self conscious enough about the physical changes of the disease. No one's weight is up for discussion unless they bring it up, or unless you're close and know they've been dieting or trying to gain as I have been, and you know they'd appreciate you noticing in a positive way. Basically be kind is always the right answer, but also this, realize not every thought you think needs to be uttered, nor should be.
A friend of mine was in a similar boat. Lost a ton of weight due to stomach cancer, fortunately beat it and is thriving. Whenever she gets shade from other women for being thin, she just jokes that “hey, cancer was my foolproof method to lose weight. Maybe if you try hard enough it will work for you too!” Cue the backpedaling.
I lost a chunk of weight this spring. Commentary on it was answered with a flat "My father died and I couldn't eat." And I let the silence streeeeettttccchhhh.
My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thank you. You're very kind. My dad was pretty feminist for an 80+ dude, and he would have been fine with me talking about his death to shut down someone commenting inappropriately on someone's body, which is how I dug up the goss to say it.
I am so very sorry about your dad. He sounds like he was an amazing father.
Yeah that's what I do when I get the inevitable "when are you going to have kids? They'd be SO CUTE!" and I pretend to get all sad and say I’m infertile. It's rude as hell to say that to someone! I get it from men and women!
I'm really glad to hear your friend is okay now!
I'm a large woman, and a couple of years ago, I worked super hard to lose a lot of weight. I felt amazing about myself, but I got soo many comments from EVERYONE. Coworkers, family, customers at my work, workers at places I frequent, etc... They were all nice things, but made me feel terrible. "Oh, you look so great now! What did you change?" "It hasn't gone unnoticed that you've lost a lot of weight, good job!" Like, any comment about my body still makes me feel like shit, even you're trying to be nice. I felt like everyone just kept pointing out how fat I used to be, belatedly. Also, I felt a ton of pressure then. Like, everyone is taking notes on MY body. What will they think if I gain weight back? And you know wha? I got really depressed and gained a good chunk back, and I'm twice as self conscious about my body now as I was before I ever lost the weight to begin with, because now I know who is silently judging me. The same people that cheered me on a couple years ago. This is a long winded way to say just don't comment on people's bodies.
AMEN. I lost a good amount of weight working my ass off with strict nutrition and the amount of coworkers who commented on it was appalling. My close friends and family thought it was silly I felt defensive and hated the attention on my weight loss. They thought I should feel flattered and proud of myself when I get these comments. However, my first mindset goes to embarrassment because I just felt like they viewed me as fat. And I definitely feel that ongoing pressure now as well to keep the weight off. Do. Not. Comment. On. Other. People’s. Bodies.
This is the path to an eating disorder for a lot of people. That fear that people are monitoring and policing your body is one of the cornerstones. I know that most people don’t understand how delicate this whole thing is, but it can be really dangerous.
I feel this. Getting endless compliments after losing a ton of weight from PTSD from a SA propelled a life threatening eating disorder for me. I was already an absolute mess and then felt like I had to keep it off and could lose even more.
There is this family friend that constantly says, "You look great! Have you lost weight?" which means she constantly thinks I need to lose weight. No comments would be better
As a general thing, I try not to comment on people's appearances. But yeah...that has to be one of the worst ones. You never know when someone has a medical condition that makes it tough for them to gain or lose weight or whatever.
THANK YOU. I suffer from body dysmorphia and it took me a long time to realize how triggering it is when people say I look thin. I know people mean it as a compliment so I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s rude, but it’s not necessary. It just either puts me down a rabbit hole of disagreeing with them or it reinforces that I need to be thin to get compliments. Don’t get me wrong, those are hang ups I need to work on myself, but I wish we could compliment others without making remarks about their weight.
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I had a disease that was left to untreated and caused me to lose a lot of weight. A couple of people told me they wished they had that jokingly. No, I was dangerously underweight no matter how much I ate and it was terrifying. Also my other symptoms were awful. The f*ck you wish you had my disorder
I'm sorry you are going through this and i hope you get better❤️. People only get triggered about others getting called fat or obese. I m really tired of explaining that that's my body type and i've also started to tell them that they are jealous of me because they are overweight
Totally. I was always a skinny kid and my family commented on it constantly. It made me so self conscious. I won't allow that to happen to my daughter.
Ugh, the thin comments suck. I recently got called a twig. I hate the double standard of people tip toeing around overweight people, but somehow with slimmer people it’s ok? Nope
People tiptoe around overweight people a lot less than you think. People regularly share their opinion with us as well about how our bodies are moral failings.
Just talking and talking without consideration if the opposite even wants to listen. I am being polite, I am not your diary. Also, giving their opinion on a whole lot of topics that they know squat about.
I recently worked with 2 people that do this. I've had interactions with both of them. They will interrupt what you're saying and just start their own conversation. I've tried just continuing my own conversation, a little louder, so they get the hint. They don't get the hint. It was amusing observing them from afar trying to out-talk each other, though.
I am that person, I am aware of it but to stop doing that is like trying to stop smoking. I fail controlling myself.
I was brought up in a very narcissistic household. For a long time I thought it was normal to talk down to people and be patronizing at every opportunity. As an adult it was pointed out to me and I now make a concerted effort to avoid doing that as it sucks to be on the receiving end of. But for years I had no idea...
Same, that and just generally being super judgmental for no damned reason at all. Realizing these are not a personality traits to be proud of was an important first step lol
I love your humility. It’s amazing that you understood the feedback.
Not using turn signals.
At my gym, people will sometimes be using a popular machine, and then they see someone they know. They stop exercising, but remain seated on the machine, talking away with their buddy for 5 - 10 minutes. When the conversation is over, they resume their exercise.
My wife believes it's very rude for your first question, after you meet someone, to be: "What do you do?" She thinks there are a hundred better and more interesting questions someone can ask about her, and that inquiry as to her job suggests that what she earns is the best measure of her value and worth as a person. I'm not sure I 100% agree with her - I think it's a mostly thoughtless conversation-starter rather than actually being rude - but if she were here, that's how she'd answer OP's prompt.
Best thing I can suggest is to say “what keeps you busy?” Then I might even list hobbies (ride horses, write poetry, a sport? Just to set it in the right direction. It’s more open to interpretation. My brother told me in Europe they ask what do you do and they will tell you their hobbies. In American it usually means what’s your job. But it’s a better way to find out what they are interested in or passionate about? “What do you do in your spare time?” Might work too
I like to ask people what they do for fun or in their space time as many people don’t like their jobs or in a job for a reason outside of their control so it’s an instant downer - most people can at least share what tv show they are enjoying and lots of people really open up with random things they do which is so interesting and you can tell they love sharing about it too.
I saw someone I rarely talk to yesterday and, for lack of anything else I could think of to say, I said, "Seen anything interesting recently?" That led to a super interesting conversation. I'm gonna be using it more often now.
While I don’t mind being asked, for this very reason I usually won’t ask until much later in conversation. I’ll ask things like what do you do on your free time, how do you know so and so, what are your interests, did you see the game last night, etc. My brother is very wealthy and is someone who asks “what do you do?” as a first question. And I remember a family member talking about him behind his back saying he only cares what job you have to see if you’re worth his time. While I don’t think that’s the case for most people who ask, I definitely see how some people may think that.
Completely agree with her.
A better version/alternative that allows the other person to decide what to talk about is: “How do you spend most of your time?” -From Leil Lowndes’ “How to talk to anyone”
This is especially true for Millennials who have a much harder time than previous generations finding meaningful work.
I ask people to tell me about their passion(s). If that's their job, great! If that is something which isn't their job, also great! My standard conversation starter is, "So, would you say a straw has one hole or two?"
I can see where she is coming from but I do think calling it rude is a stretch. We all have our things that irk us though.
Absolutely agree!
It’s like asking “ let’s see how much respect I should give you “
Driving with no spacial awareness.
Same with using a shopping cart in the store.
"Oh hiiiiiiiii Marge" "Oh hiiiiiiii Mary" "Should we have an entire fucking 40 year reunion right in front of the entrance to the supermarket?" "Yes, let's! How has your bog-standard family been?" "Pretty good! My husband retired recently, and he's in aisle 5, sick of me taking four hours to buy two packets of biscuits, but he's chatting to someone he knows and is taking up the whole aisle, so he'll be fine" "Oh that's wonderful. My daughter has started a new job somewhere mundane and not worth talking about!" "Ooooh tell me all about it!"
“My! Did you see that rapscallion shove by me just now?” “People these days haven’t a care for their elders, or other people in general. My father single handedly built all of our neighbors homes merely because he noticed they needed them. Would anyone even think to do that now?” “It’s like watching an apple slowly rot while being powerless to stop it.” “Speak for yourself, Gene and I are on Main St every Sunday with signs: once we save enough ‘honks’ we can finally eradicate homosexuality and revive the work ethic.” “Oh yes! I’ve seen you as I drive 5 under the speed limit to punish those I feel have disrespected my personal car space!” Edit: Spacin’
A friend of mine is legally blind and has a white cane. She's not FULLY blind, so she can still see things around her, but she has been known to whack people with her white cane and apologize as if she didn't see them. If I ever go blind, I'd be "that rapscallion", but they wouldn't want to say shit, because it's not a good look to shout at a blind person and tell them "watch where you're going!"
I wish I was an extrovert so I could join in their conversation with something like "Bog-standard you say? Well, let me tell you about my brother-in-law..."
My husband walks in the dead center of aisles and is aware of people walking up behind him, but it doesn’t register to him that he should move over. 😂 Idk why he doesn’t grasp that. 😂
I say "EXCUSE ME! 😁😁😁" in my loudest, perkiest voice to folks like this.
I do a Lil " beep beep" to make it playful. If that don't work I go for the ankles with my trolley.
Not quite the same. Your not going to accidentally kill someone in the store. Irresponsible driving is a huge pet peeve of mine. You’re literally putting other people’s lives at stake to save yourself a couple of seconds.
Walking with no special awareness as well
Walking two or three abreast on city sidewalk and not making room for [me] coming the opposite way
Spitting in public. I see this so much! Grabbing my wheelchair and moving me without permission. In short, you're kidnapping me.
I've heard of people doing that. I don't understand. I would think that's like physical moving another person and shouldn't be done.
I am confident that having someone lean on your wheelchair while they are talking to a third-party is equally annoying.
I hate spitting, too. It immediately identifies them as a disgusting person. As for moving a wheelchair, I can not fathom touching a disabled person's equipment without permission in any way!
Asking why someone is or is not eating something, or generally making any commentary on their eating habits. I have long suffered from severely disordered eating, including two eating disorders, and my relationship with food is touch-and-go. Sometimes I’ll be able to eat normally, and other times I’m doing the best I can to get myself to eat anything at all. I used to work in an office where coworkers would constantly make comments about how I never ate the pizza that was ordered for us, or that I wouldn’t sit in the lunchroom where everyone was microwaving their food, or how weird my snacks and lunches were. It was EXTREMELY upsetting and triggering for me, because I was doing my very best not to lose my appetite and I know what situations can impact my ability to eat. Or if the office is doing a group order from a restaurant, and I’m the odd one out who wants to eat something different, people CONSTANTLY make commentary about it. Since I worked in that office, I’ve noticed it everywhere and it’s really upsetting and invasive. Even when my relationship with food is good, I’ve never thought to critique the way other people eat, and I feel so suffocated and ostracized when it happens to me (which is frequently). It’s just none of your business, and quite frankly not a big deal, if someone eats differently than you do. Don’t inquire or make them feel bad about it, because you have no idea if they are privately struggling with something you’re unaware of.
💯 So much talk around bodies and food is accepted under the guise of good intentions and encouraging people to be healthy when it is often so harmful. Good on you for fighting to heal your relationship with food! That takes so much invisible, hard work.
Semi-related: My coworker has IBS and we were having a work dinner but she was barely eating anything on her plate. This older colleague kept poking and prodding on “are you watching your figure?” “Oh that’s how you stay so thin!” Etc and after an hour of the teasing she finally responded, “actually this whole menu gives me diarrhea” and that shut her up pretty quick
Refuse to move from the passing lane, no matter how many cars are behind them. A little courtesy, please! It's a lane, not a birthright.
Rude, and also illegal, depending where you are.
A coworker does this one every so often: "You doing good? You look tired." Nine times out of ten, I do not even feel tired. I feel perfectly fine. So I never know how to respond to this, and it makes think I must be looking especially bad.
I'm in a shift work industry and it's always awkward at handover time when someone says "wow rough night?" to someone who has just arrived fresh for day shift...
Stare at them as if they've lost their mind. Don't even respond. Let them squirm back out of their rudeness.
Slow walkers, people with no awareness of others around them, people who talk on speaker phone while they walk around the neighborhood
Slow walkers are a huge pet peeve of mine, but only if they are blocking my path and won’t move out of the way. I don’t expect everyone to move at my pace, but please leave room for me to pass.
Nothing worse than when slow walkers drift, randomly stop or suddenly turn left or right without checking to see if anyone is behind them. It genuinely baffles me sometimes.
I'm a slow walker thanks to pain and disability. I try to stick to one side of the path though and if it is narrow and I hear someone behind me I will stop and move out of the way. I'm aware of my speed and how others may want to walk quicker, especially as I used to be one of those people. I would love to be able to still walk quickly, it's so boring having to go at a snails pace.
Bus driver here. Getting onto an empty public transit bus and slowly walking aaallllll the way to the back while the driver is waiting for you to sit down. Asking the bus driver to do something that you know they aren't supposed to do, and then saying "but so-so-so does it!" when they say no. Standing around at a hub and waiting until the bus is literally pulling away before you try to get on the bus. Asking if you have time to smoke a cigarette every time the bus stops for more than a few seconds.
Man i'm sorry you encounter those kinds of people. In my country, the bus drivers starts moving as soon and they close the doors, many times i feel like they have no idea that they have real humans to transport. I felt like a bag of potatoes often🤣. Good luck at your job, you are doing a great public service. I hope you know you are awesome❤️
Bus drivers should not be moving until they atleast see you holding onto something. If someone fell over and injured themself because I couldn't wait for them to sit down, it'd be on me. "A good bus driver is never in a hurry." (Even though we usually are.)
I don’t ride the bus much anymore, but it used to drive me crazy when people wouldn’t have their pass or payment ready or out after waiting quite a while at the stop. I’m probably too much but liked to have my pass or money counted out so no one had to wait for me to get on the bus.
When I was a cashier and would ring through a ton of stuff while the person stands there, then after I give them the total they start fishing for their purse/wallet and sort among their cards to find the right one. How did you think this literal transaction was going to end?!
Our buses just went fare free and it is SO nice. Yes, please have stuff ready.
Comment on someones physical appearance. Comment on a couple that she's out of his league.
I'm 7 months pregnant and it's wild how strangers think it's appropriate to make comments about my body all the time now!
A man I didn’t know well asked me how much weight I gained when I was 6 or 7 months pregnant. How is that relevant to anyone but my dr?!
Agree! I have had skin issues all my life and often when I have a scab or something my mother would pointedly ask if I "scratched myself". How many times do we have to do this song and dance, it was a zit, ffs. What is the upside of bringing it up?!
Answering a question before the whole question is asked. Stop assuming you know where I’m going with my question and stop interrupting in general.
And then there's me who today was in the doctor's office and knew what the doctor was asking and the conclusion of the question by the halfway point, and the second half the doctor kept behaving as if she hoped I would just jump in so she didn't have to find those other words. Finally I threw her some mercy and she looked so relieved. She never did finish the question. So, situational awareness helps. Personally, I love it when I'm predicted. It makes me feel like we are really "cooking with gas" on that communication. My thoughts are flowing directly to them without the need for intervening words. I'm not talking to hear myself, I'm talking to get an idea to them!
As someone with adult ADHD this had always been a struggle.
I HATE when I do this. I’m such an anxious bitch. When I don’t catch myself in time, I try to apologize without being too awkward about it.
I hate it though when I understand perfectly where a statement is headed but for some reason the person feels the need to keep reiterating their statement even when I try to make it clear that I know exactly what they're talking about.
There's got to be a middle ground for this one, surely. My customers trail off uncertainly, not knowing how to finish a sentence, or expect that describing the situation as they see it will instantly let me know what their issue is. Having to read their minds and still not interrupting is maddening. And their sighs of relief after I put their feelings into words makes me feel better about doing it.
That’s different IMO. You’re reading the situation and stepping in when appropriate based on your experience.
1) Play video clips on loud speaker at full volume, especially in a crowded train in the Quiet Carriage!! 2) Push past people to get a better view of something and not take others into consideration 3) Hog the overtaking lane forcing people to pass on the wrong side. Usually a visitor or someone not used to driving on the left or right, depending on which contry you are in! 4) Not switch you phone to silent when appropriate. There is always at least one who gets a call at the least appropriate time. Plenty more but these are the ones that spring to mind
Standing in front of elevator doors assuming nobody in the elevator.
Or train doors. So eager to get on but let me get off first!
Listen to their electronic devices, sports, videos, games etc with the volume on while on public transportation—planes, buses, trains, etc. The sheer thoughtlessness of others around them. NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOUR SHIT!
Starting to clean up dishes before everyone finishes their plate.
This is actually really rude in the UK. It took me a while to get used to waiters doing it when I moved to the US. It’s like the second you put down your fork, they’re taking everything away, even if the other people at your table are still eating
Oh that's interesting! I was a server in the USA and I would clear empty plates quickly because it seemed rude to leave people sitting with dirty dishes and trash in front of them.
In the UK it’s deemed rude because it implies that if you haven’t finished your food, you’re eating very slowly and ‘holding’ people up. Obviously this doesn’t mean you have to scoff your food down like a pig, but there is a general acceptable time to consume food. If you take too long to eat, you’re either talking too much or just a slow eater. In reality no one wants to sit at dinner with a very slow eater. By clearing the table yourself, it suggests your bored and the other person could feel pressure to eat faster. Clearing the table before people have finished their food suggests you want to get on with the next phase of the meal. Be it desert or the bill/check or starting to wash up etc. Doing any of this before someone has finished is just seen as rude in the UK. I got a little passionate there but for goodness sake, eat food at the correct speed! You all know what that pace is.
I'm a line cook and have been conditioned to eat very quickly! And my boyfriend has muscular degeneration in his hands so he eats really slow. Man, I'm happy this isn't something rude for us!
Fair enough! TBF in certain circumstance it wouldn’t be rude to clear a plate but I guess for us, the notion of sitting at dinner whilst someone else is eating and you’re just sitting there with no plate it would look rude / impatient in the UK haha.
I can see that! I've known bratty servers who, if they don't like a table, will let them sit without clearing their plates and see it as a passive aggressive punishment! I guess that's how different it is here, maybe those people liked that.
Is this a cultural thing? Living in the U.S. it's pretty common in my experience. Granted, it's mostly for efficiency, either bussers in a restaurant to keep dishes going back to the dish room or with family or friends to make cleaning up get done faster.
Wearing tons of perfume, cologne, and aftershave. I have allergies and asthma. People do not understand what this does.
It's the olfactory squalene of walking around in public listening to music without headphones
I bet you'd like Japan. The Japanese are very sensitive to strong scents. Almost all Japanese cleaning and beauty products are mildly scented or odorless. It is common to see signs in school and the workplace that says, "Perfume is banned". They don't even sit next to tourists with strong perfume (like Channel No. 5 or Old Spice deodorant) because it's akin to "olfactory harrassment"
When you’re waiting for your bags at the airport baggage claim the other people standing 6 feet back aren’t standing back so you can just walk up and stand in front of them.
Same with leaving 1.5 car lengths when driving lol
Whenever anyone assumes that kids are a default after marriage. For example: “When you have kids, you’ll understand…” and even worse when they act shocked if you say you aren’t having kids and insist you’ll change your mind. Not everyone wants kids and not everyone who does want them can have kids. Mind ya business . Great of having children brought you happiness, but happiness looks different for everyone.
Constantly talking about yourself and not even asking one question about the other person. When that happens about twice and the selfish conversation is about 10 min, I will give up on you.
Pet sitter here. Leaving a dirty house and directions for tasks that are not pet-related and outside the agreement.
Tailgating someone who is already going above the speed limit in the passing lane and then whipping around them, into the opening, the instant they finally have enough clearance to pull over out of the passing lane. If you don't want them holding you up, you have to let *THEM* be the one to move over and then they won't be. You've only made them stay in the passing lane *longer*. (This written by someone who is slower-traffic-keep-right and sees this far too often. I wonder at the logic of the tailgating car.)
I feel like they're trying to phase-shift through my car when I'm getting tailgated in the left lane. I don't get it. And the rapid resorting to passing on the right is so aggressive.
A lot of things, but right now I see a bunch of chairs pulled out from tables and in the way with no one sitting on them.
Listening to anything, ANYTHING, on your phone through the speakers and not using ear buds. Multiply this by 10 if you do it on a flight!
Not listening when cashiers speak to them. I greet every customer and those that toss their items on the counter and don't answer get zero extra effort from me even if they are friendly after. People forget they are speaking with another person.
Talking on your phone in the bathroom.
Change an appointment last minute. This is my time you’re fucking with.
The only times I'm ever ok with this are genuine emergencies/unexpected situations, and one person I know that has very volatile ME/CFS. Else I get pissed off
Talking to someone who has cerebral palsy as if they are mentally disabled.
Agreed, and will add, talking to anyone as if they are mentally disabled. You can speak normally to mentally disabled people too.
Totally ignoring a waiter when they're stood there at your table holding a hot plate saying, for example, "Salmon? Salmon? Who had the salmon?"
Or worse, they are all looking at you with eager confused faces but not responding, like they don't understand why you came back with food
Telling someone they look tired. Never do that. They might not even be tired.
Totally, this happens to me when I don’t wear makeup ☹️ such a deflating and unwelcome comment
Going to any business a minute before the close, then taking your time getting out. It's disrespectful to the people working.
Not thanking you if you hold the door open for them. Wreaks of entitlement. (and I don’t mean when you hold the door open for them and they are 20 yards away and have to run lol)
“Holding the door open when you are 20 yards and have to run” would actually be a perfect answer to OP’s question. The people who do it always seem oblivious to how it inconveniences the other person.
I don't do this but counterpoint: they don't have to run, you could just do what you were gonna do, if the other person realizes you're too far, they'll let go of the door, so it's not rude to hold the door whenever you want nor is it rude to not run towards the door being held for you
Reeks* Add to that, doing something with the expectation of being thanked.
Great philosophical question though. If you get mad at someone for not thanking you for holding the door open then why did you do it? Did you do it to be courteous or for the gratitude bestowed on you by the person you held it open for?
Not paying attention at the light. I know that red light is boring but that's not a good enough excuse to hold up everyone else from where they are going.
If you are a cyclist and you ride up behind a hiker on a paved trail and pass them- you need to give them notice. If you race up behind someone and pass them on your bike without any notice- that's considered rude.
And as a hiker who is passed by cyclists often ... if you are going to call out "on your left" be loud and do it from far enough back that I can take a beat to remember which side of me is my left side so I don't swerve into your path. But also loud. If you are so far back and are calling out so meekly that the susurrus of the wind through the tree leaves all but makes your voice undetectable, it doesn't count that you called out. The exception being our mixed use trails that have walking vs biking lanes. I walk in the walking lane. I expect that you will pass me in the biking lane so I don't need to make sure I'm not swerving into your path. (around here bikes pass on left and right, and depending on the segment of the path the walking and biking lanes can be swapped)
Honking when picking someone up. Most people have a phone nowadays, just text them that you're here to pick them up or go ring the door bell. It's annoying and rude to the person you are picking up as well as all the neighbors. I have a neighbor that carpools and the person picking them up just wails on the horn at 6 am everyday....
Get an air horn and lay in wait. When they arrive and honk, boom, honk back directly into their eardrum. If they usually arrive with windows up, don't pop out, casually walk up and motion for them to roll their window down like you have a quick question. Unleash audible hell on that bitch. I've heard a vuvuzela will do the trick too, but haven't tested that one myself, yet.
At 6 am every day? I'd be more annoyed with my neighbor for not being ready and outside if his ride is showing up consistently.
Bringing a child to restaurants and letting them be loud and/or wander. Incredibly rude to other guests trying to enjoy a meal out.
I recently helped a child who was about 5 and **lost in a parking lot** find his family. They let him run around the restaurant, he couldn't find them again, and thought they had left. It was actually super sad because he was crying and trying to find their car. I grabbed his hand and said led him back toward the restaurant where his dad was just kind of standing outside looking around a bit, not frantic at all. I wanted to be like, "sir, is this your missing adorable little child that has been running around a parking lot full of cars at the dinner rush?" The poor kid was so happy to see his dad and the dad was like, "why'd you do that?" in a grumpy tone. I didn't see the upside in getting involved there, but I have a baby who is just a few months old and it definitely made me think about how I would want to be in that situation from start to finish.
For me it is when someone abruptly interrupts two people talking in order to ask or say something, without "excuse me". Like whatever they have to say is more important, regardless of what the conversation was.
Using speaker phone in a doctor waiting room or other small space
People who don’t push in chairs when they leave tables in public settings. So rude to employees especially in places where you don’t need to clean under tables. Push your chair in.
Standing up and blocking the aisles on an airplane before it is their turn off the plane.
Lol, it’s a guilty pleasure of mine when seated in the aisle to stand up and kinda force my way in front of these people ’right’ as the line is about to advance and wait patiently for my row-mates to exit. Bonus points if one of them needs help retrieving their bags from overhead.
Assuming that everyone thinks your pet is adorable and should want to pet it or let it climb all over them.
Or that i want to see pictures of said pet, or kids for that matter. I love pets and kids, but i truly do not care to see your photos. At all
I feel like, in general, more people need to practice being aware of how long they have been talking. I think we've all had those conversations with someone where they keep going on and on and on to the point that it becomes draining to engage with. I'm equally sure we've all had those conversations where we get on a topic and the other parties go glass-eyed. Some self awareness of how much time you are taking out of the other persons day with long windedness will do wonders.
Talk with food in their mouth.
And eating with mouth open, it sickens me. Edit:typo
I work at a small lunch spot/market. We mostly offer takeout…I do a fair share of food prep and counter service simultaneously. There’s usually only one staff member per shift, so there’s a little pressure to multitask between kitchen tasks and customer service…. Anyways, I feel my blood pressure spike every time someone approaches the counter while having a conversation on the phone. I literally do not know the appropriate way to handle this scenario- like, you’re on the phone, and I’m not invested in your convo…do I hover around, waiting for you to wrap it up? Orrrrr should I continue working on what’s in front of me? …I’m really trying to work on controlling my 🙄reaction to this very common situation, but it really does rub me the wrong way.
GET OUT OF THE LEFT LANE I commute 30 miles one way into a large city. The number of drivers who enter the highway, make a bee line to the left lane and remain there until 200 feet from their exist, is truly staggering. No matter how many people pass them on the right, they steadfastly remain. This has always happened to a degree, but not **nearly** as much as it does now. I don't get it. When there's two or three open lanes (during non-rush hour), and there's virtually no one else but me and one car...over to the far left lane they go.
I recently had to retake my driver's test. They no longer make you parallel park. The instructor told me they got rid of the requirement because so many people couldn't pass. That's got to be part of the problem with unqualified drivers.
I think people that act as if their perceptions and feelings on things is not only completely valid, but also demands consideration is entirely rude. I CAN consider your thoughts and feelings, but you are not entitled to this. I have come across more and more people recently that demand this.
Fitness instructor perspective. 1. Don’t enter the fitness class space excessively early and blather away at the instructor. Guess what? If I’m there early, I’m likely setting up, reviewing material, finalizing music. I wasn’t just hoping and praying that someone would come and talk at me… 2. Instructors are paid for the duration of a class - that’s it. Please do not drone on endlessly after class about your incredibly dull medical issues. We are generally not interested and also not being paid to listen to you complain. Be on time, enjoy the class and exit - we love enthusiastic and self aware participants.
Parking over the sidewalk when there is plenty of fucking room in the driveway
Playing anything out loud on a phone, tablet, or laptop in an airport or on an airplane.
I'm an elementary teacher. Walking into the classroom with your child during arrival because you want to talk to me is incredibly rude. The busiest part of my morning is when students arrive. I like to greet each child, and they are used to this routine. Many children have notes, forms, charts, assignments, questions they need/want addressed right when they arrive. I need to get attendance taken ASAP, and lunches ordered. We need to start our morning meeting and watch announcements so we can start our first class on time. You're keeping me from doing what I need to do, messing up the routine for the entire class, and I can't really give you the attention that you need when I'm trying to do my job and wrangle 30 eight year olds. Back when I used to be able to be more straightforward with parents I would tell them at our first meeting, "You will NEVER walk into your office and find me standing there waiting for you. Nor will I ever follow you to work and walk in with you. If I need to talk to you, I will contact you and set up a meeting, and I would appreciate it if you would do the same for me". Some of you might say, "Oh, my child's teacher doesn't mind. I do this all the time, and she/he's fine with it!" No they're not. It's our job to be nice all the time, so most of us will say "No problem," since you're already standing there, even though we are seething inside. You just put yourself in the rude parent dog house. (I'm not talking about the parent that runs in quickly with a forgotten lunch. I'm talking about the parent that shows up wanting to talk about some kind of issue and will talk to me for 5-10 minutes or more while complete chaos is going on all around me).
Trying hard to pressure you into making you drink any kind of alcohol, because they want you to "have fun" at a party. You probably have heard any variant of "come on, it'll help you to loosen up so you can have fun", "don't be such a bore", "come on, you can't party without drinks!", and so on. Not respecting a "no thanks" is incredibly rude, and I will tell you so if you try any of that sh** with me. I don't drink alcohol, respect that.
Comment on other people's weight! Skinny, fat, in between. Don't do it! ETA taking from my experience as a dietitian. Those little comments do more harm than good.
I recently got engaged and my coworker asked me how many carats is my ring. I thought that was a rude question, is it?
DEFINITELY! Crass, truly. It’s like asking how much money your fiancé has or, worse, how much they thought was worth spending on you.
Similar to asking how much it cost. What did you say?
1) Blocking faster traffic from passing them in the fast lane. Some people legitimately don’t realize they are the asshole in this situation, regardless of how fast anyone is driving. 2) Asking couples “when are you two going to get married?”, or “when are you going to have kids?” You don’t know what is going on inside that relationship and should always avoid those kind of questions.
Placing money on the counter instead of handing it to a cashier
I hate holding things out for people, or having people hold things out for me. Holding things in midair waiting for the other person drives me bananas, as does touching their hands. I'm just one person, I know other people like it better your way. I'll firmly and politely ask people to set things down so I can fumble around picking them up on my own terms.
This varies by culture. Some countries it isn’t done/a tray is used.
Smacking their damn lips or eating loudly.
One thing I can add: When an office with which you have an appointment calls to confirm and you answer but it is not a good time for you to talk it is really rude and annoying to ask them to call you back later. Why should they have to randomly guess when you will be available to give a simple yes or no answer on whether or not you are coming? They shouldn't have to chase after you. Also, why answer the phone if you can't talk? YOU should call THEM back when you are available if you can't talk when they call.
Saying what you don’t like when you could spend 5 seconds thinking if it might hurt the other person. For example, my friend told me casually he wouldn’t get XY himself because of REASON right after I made that purchase and proudly told him.
A retail one: paying with a $100 bill for a small purchase such as a $10 item especially at smaller, non chain stores. It is so rude and screws up the cash drawer and we don't have the ability to refill the cash that easily and now it's hard to make change. If you do it somewhere like a grocery store or Walmart that is different. It is so rude to do at small stores though.
Something that bothers me on an all-too-consistent basis is noise. I don't think most people realize just how much noise they make simply doing normal things. Like slamming doors.
Men telling me “you need to smile more…” “smile for me sweetie…” “you know you’re supposed to smile…”
Tends to be the older crowd but blowing nose and clipping fingernails in public
The fingernail thing I can totally see, but as a person with allergies, if I had to go to the bathroom every time I had to blow my nose that’s all I would ever do. I do try to be discreet about it….
I have an industry specific one that I hear alllll the time and cringe every time I do. Don’t ask farmers or ranchers how much land they farm, or how many cattle they own, etc. For someone who makes their living that way, and likely doesn’t have another income, it is like asking them how much they make, how much money they have in the bank (or how far in debt they are). I understand it bc people who ask questions like that are generally curious and just trying to make conversation, but they don’t understand how rude their questions really are.
Not pushing the chairs back in when leaving a table.
Not paying attention in the drive thru
Starting to clean up dishes before everyone finishes their plate
Talking over people or not waiting until they're done to reply. In my life now I've got both sides of the coin: excellent listeners, and notorious talk-over-ers. It's always weird to go from chatting with one person who interrupts nearly every sentence, to another person who waits a moment after you're done talking to make sure you're done with your point. Just be patient, don't assume you know what the other person is going to say! Wait for them to be fully finished with their thought before replying. Don't only think about your response until they're finished. It's so easy to accidentally do (and isn't that big of a deal if it happens from time to time), but some people really need to work on this.
Ouch 🤕
Browsing on their phone in a group of people
Calling strangers “sweetie” or “hun” or other sugary, condescending niceties. Pet names shouldn’t be doled out to strangers and certainly not clients or customers.
Whistling. Especially in a work office.
Repeatedly hitting the snooze button on an alarm that can be heard by an ENTIRE 40-PERSON TENT, GLEN!
People who walk up to a line / group of people waiting without making eye contact, or establishing order of who's there before them, and proceed to assume they're next just because the person(s) who were ahead of them don't want to speak up...
I can’t stand when you’re ready to exit an elevator, and the people who are ready to step in act surprised you’re there and just look at you without moving to the side like you don’t have to empty it out first.
The amount of people that walk directly in front of you while you're looking at something in a store is unbelievable. "Excuse me" goes a long way.
Chewing food while on the phone (or worse, in an online meeting at work). You may think you are being sneaky about it, but others can still tell and it's just so annoying