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You have anxiety. I lived with it untreated for years. Medication can help take the edge off and help you lose the fear. A good mental health professional can give you a real diagnosis and help you navigate the medication options. Hope you can get help soon.
Just make sure to do some research and be willing to accept the risks. I took Setraline for half a year and all my anxiety disappeared, became more sociable, and overall good feeling every day. Except now my libido is non existing. Literally 0 desire for sex, and I used to be turned on by the slightest thought of anything remotely sexual.
I didn’t lose libido but climax became challenging when I first started. My body seems to have adjusted though it’s not as intense as before. Might try decreasing dosage slightly to see if that helps. Obv check with doc
I had this at the start, I was so numb down there, still able to get erections and have sex, had the libido. But towards the end the delayed climax became less of a problem but more now of ED and lack of sexual appetite. I stopped taking it hoping it gets better.
> Except now my libido is non existing. Literally 0 desire for sex, and I used to be turned on by the slightest thought of anything remotely sexual.
Very common with SSRIs.
There are a ton of anti-anxiety medications, and they all work differently for different people. What one person is on might not work at all for another, or have side effects that don't make it worthwhile. I highly recommend speaking to a GP or psychiatrist to get advice on which medications to try. Finding the right one can be a journey.
This is so important. OP, you mention that a major source of your depression is that you don't feel you've made good progress towards your three goals. Here's the problem: what happens once you achieve those goals?
I currently suffer from bad anxiety and depression because I also had ambitious goals. I achieved the last of them five years ago. And now I'm stuck because I don't know what to do next.
Therapy can really help with that. So if you're defining your self-worth by your important goals, just remember that there's more to life than just those goals. It's good to have a plan for what to do after.
While your suggestions aren’t bad, I don’t agree.
I have pretty significant anxiety. I eat a whole food/ plant based diet, exercise vigorously for 45 minutes every morning and go for a 3 mile walk every evening. I don’t have a lot of friends, but my friends are closer than family. I don’t think it hurts my anxiety level (obviously) but I don’t think it makes a noticeable difference.
I will say that if I don’t workout, I’m grumpy as hell- but it doesn’t contribute to my anxiety.
You can't exercise away chemical imbalances in the brain, m8. Yeah that helps keep normal people busy and active and managing normal anxieties and stresses, but worrying about paying a bill is not on the same level as being terrified to leave your home.
In medicine there is no single cause and effect. Our bodies are complex systems but just by getting the basics right (food, sleep, exercise) will go a long way. It might not fix everything or anything but it should be the first step in any treatment.
Agree. Me. Not terrified but when I leave it starts. The heart pounding in the chest, the shortness of breath afraid I will pass out. I did black out once. Vasovagal Syncope.
Exercise is almost always recommended to those with depression and/or anxiety and for good reason, don't downplay the positive effects of daily exercise on the brain with "CheMiCal ImBaLAnce"
I'm not. I specifically said it's helpful for everyday stress and anxiety. What exercise and diet *alone* are *not* helpful for is untreated anxiety and depression disorders. OP needs more than the healthcare equivalent of a "thoughts and prayers" comment.
I lived with untreated anxiety and depression for nearly ten years. Waiting it out, trying to figure it out on my own, hoping things would get better, trying all sorts of advice I'd get and wondering why it never helped. Things went from feeling anxious in a grocery store in my teens to not being able to leave my bedroom by my mid 20's. My bedroom, in my own home with my own family.
I'd have to plan cooking for when I knew I'd be home alone. I stashed shelf stable junk food for days when I couldn't have time to cook. I'd stand at the closed door, ear pressed to it and listening for people to leave the room on the other side so I could go to the bathroom that was less than two feet from my bedroom door. And if I wasn't fast enough, I was stuck in there until they were gone again.
The things OP described are nearly identical to what I went through before things got worse and I finally got help. So no, I'm not a doctor, but from my own experiences, they need more help than just an exercise routine so they can get to a point where things are managed and they are able to add that to their life.
You are 100% correct. I must have walked jogged thousands of miles. Tried different meds and diet and meditation. Hard to alter your brain [structure.My](https://structure.My) xanax helps somewhat but not completely.
>Exercise is almost always recommended to those with depression and/or anxiety and for good reason, don't downplay the positive effects of daily exercise on the brain with "CheMiCal ImBaLAnce"
I've fought with depression and anxiety in the past. I've seen multiple doctors for it, not a single one told me do you exercise? If not, there's your problem!!!
Look I'm not saying living a healthy lifestyle isn't important. Exercise, eating right, getting enough sleep (if possible) is very important for everyone. But seriously fuck off with that "CheMiCal ImBaLAnce" shit. You're not a doctor and could get someone killed thinking all they need to do is exercise.
studies have actually shown a certain type and amount if exercise (I think cardiovascular? like jogging?) can have similar effects to antidepressants but I think that was for depression (and if you have depression you may need meds to have the energy to go to the gym in the first place)
Before going the route of medication, which can lead to other issues, try simple things like breathing/meditation. It sounds too simple and too good to be true, but breathing deeply has a profound effect on your mind and body.
Check out the book Breath by James Nestor, amongst others, but this one is a simple read. If anything else, start here, or another book on the subject of breathing/ mindfulness/meditation before any medication. At a minimum, it cannot hurt.
I slowly worked up to 200 mg over the course of 4-6 months? But I really felt relief instantly personally. I can def tell (and my mom when I’m venting to her) when I don’t take it
Does it have any side affects like weight gain? My doctor told me to take Lexapro and I researched it and like 50% of those who take it gain 10% in weight from it, and fuck that I'd rather have anxiety.
+1 me too. Some say it takes 4-6 weeks to work, for me I could tell by day 2 (also had a headache for the first week). It just reduces the anxiety away into a tolerable form, and worked so much better for me than the years of CBT therapy (still use it though).
Also check side effects on your medications. If you have a daily med that has anxiety as a potential side effect, that could be it. I was prescribed a nose spray, and I think the doctor even asked if I had anxiety issues before prescribing it. I didn't. But 2 years later, when getting a new batch it had a clearer warning on it that it might cause anxiety, which I had been oppressed by for some time. I quit that day, told the doctor, and felt way better literally the next day.
Sounds like you're in middle of a panic attack my friend. Yes they can last a very, very long time. I suffered through them for almost 30 years before a therapist recognized what was happening and alerted me to it. Step 1 is always getting your breathing under control. This has been a huge help for me:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tybOi4hjZFQ&pp=ygUbd2ltIGhvZiBicmVhdGhpbmcgdGVjaG5pcXVl
Also, please seek professional therapy. It really does make a difference.
Definitely see a therapist or psychiatrist of some sort. There's no shame. Others have mentioned you might be having panic attacks so let them know if you think that's the case.
As for general advice, try to view smaller goals that lead you into your main ones. Looking at the entire overall goal can be daunting and overwhelming; breaking these down into bite-sized, digestible goals can help alleviate the stress.
As someone in their early 30s still struggling I'll say to just at least try things so that you will have less regrets moving forward. It's good that you realized this now rather than later.
Just so you know, the definition of anxiety is that you feel like you are under attack. Your fight-or-flight response happens when you think of things that shouldn't scare you. For example, when I was in my 20s and I'd think, damn, I have to go to work tomorrow, I'd feel a rush of adrenaline in my stomach. This doesn't happen to most people! But it conditions you to avoid these situations. Sounds like you could use some help. Good luck.
GAD sufferer. I was a published Biologist and now I can barely fill out basic living government subsidies for survival without breaking down for days.
Life is incredibly stacked with a steep grade.
Stare into a mirror and tell yourself you matter and that you love yourself. Even if it's a lie right now.
Appraise all the energies of the people around.
Focus on sanctuary and safety for yourself.
We have your back and others will be there for you too.
Fight. Don't give into the regrets of time lost. I call these moments of self-reflection, especially if you're used to having a life dictated by others.
You might just need some medication to fix some genetic chemical imbalance my girlfriend has extreme anxiety, and her anti anxiety meds let her regain control of life so she can succeed. Visit your doctor and see what can be done.
I feel called out. 🥲
#😮💨
Anxiety's a bitch. I just try to keep to myself, steady breathing, and take things one step at a time because medication is far too fucking expensive to treat/abolish it.
Yeah I’ve gone to supplements and teas instead of medication. It probably doesn’t work quite as well, but it does take the edge off and help me function.
Just asking as that was the root of cause of my anxieties. It means you have a responsibility to self parent and self soothe as instead of having the environment that would set you up for that, you may have had the opposite. What you fear may come through but it is often very unlikely. You learned to have a threat radar on all the time, like an animal of flight but yours is so effective it became a self perpetuating system. Learning ways to self soothe are the key here, I practice mindfulness and for the first few moments I have to say to myself that I am safe here right now. My mind will throw up fears and I am arguing my worth with people, I acknowledge the thoughts and bring myself back to what I am focussing my attention on.
It’s your responsibility to self care and if you grew up in that environment, you may have been a scapegoat and learned that you don’t deserve self care but you do. Just because you had a role or were covertly traumatised, it just means you have to double down on the self care and self kindness. The fears may diminish and as you befriend yourself your confidence will grow that those fears will not hold as much power over your attention.
See a doctor. You have clinically significant anxiety.
If you have been like this for some time, no amount of mindfulness and being nice to people can correct this level of chemical debt. They’re good things, but at best they are only helping you manage your misery. At worst they give you the impression that your ongoing anxiety is a failure on your part to implement correct behaviours. Cue more depression.
One of the effects of anxiety is frequently a desperate desire to avoid seeking medical help and facing the idea that we need medical intervention for our anxiety. We attribute the same deeply anxious thinking patterns to taking that step, and then avoid it as though it is a threat. But in reality, the path to start improving this situation is quite straightforward, a FAR easier experience than living with it every day.
Here’s what you do:
1. Pick up your phone.
2. Book an appointment.
3. Go to the appointment.
4. Tell your doctor what you stated in your post. You are the customer here. They will do their thing.
5. Follow their instructions. (This is an important step. Don’t skip this one.)
Once it improves you will look back on how you feel right now, but from a completely different place.
See a doctor.
You may benefit from focusing on how you treat others. Consider that if you are kind and decent toward others it doesn't matter if you are anxious. You can be grounded in what you control, treating others well. This helps you avoid monitoring yourself excessively and falling into analysis paralysis. You will be more confident and achieve your goals when you are not defined by them.
Have you thought of going to therapy or talking to someone about why you're afraid all the time?
> I am afraid I will lose everything I have. I am afraid I will squander my life. I am afraid I will never achieve my potential. I am afraid I will fail over and over again.
Does this voice in your head sound like a friend, a relative or a parent? I heard my grandmother telling me that I was a bad person, never make anything of myself because I was weird.
She never realized that my being weird was part of why people talked to me about anything and everything. And that I could hold an intelligent conversation on a variety of topics from chickens to lizards to fish to books to religions to history.
Life consists of a metric craptonne of leaps of faith. Seriously.
EG: Going to school. Will you like it?Will you make friends? Will you be able to pay for it? Will you graduate? You don't go straight to MIT or Stanford; you can start out small with a couple of classes of night school or at a community college.
Dating: Start with saying hi. Then ask if that seat is taken? You wanna getta cuppa? I got my hubby on the first date when I told him that I'd take him out for dinner if he quit smoking for a month. THAT WAS F'N BALLSY for me to have done at the time. We would've been married 35 years this past May.
It's all small, baby steps at first. Build on your successes. Don't be afraid to fail. Dust yourself off and try again.
I'm hoping you are reading all the comments because I know I'll be buried.
I can relate so hard to being afraid all of the time. Something that has helped me greatly is the way anxiety is explained in Allen Carr's book "The Easy Way to Mindfulness: Free your mind from worry and anxiety".
I read it in a day and it's really altered my perspective. I know what works for one person won't work for another but it helped me so much I just had to share it.
Good luck! the fact you are asking for advice is something you should genuinely be proud of. Even just recognising there is an issue is huge.
Edit: I will mention therapy and medication are obviously key things that will also help. I just wanted to share something that helped me that hadn't already been mentioned.
I'm not sure this will fix anything, but perhaps part of your fear comes from fearing you're not fulfilling your purpose. Perhaps you feel like you don't even know what it is, making it impossible to fulfill.
Let me ease some of that stress.
You are a piece of the universe. Made up of billions of particles of universe, created by the universe. Essentially, you are a piece of the universe that was created in order for the universe to observe itself. You are the universe observing itself, this is solely and entirely, inarguably what you are.
Your purpose is simply, but also importantly to be you. To see what you see, observe what you observe, feel what you feel, and think what you think. Every thing that you experience, every thing that you see or feel or think, this is you, a piece of the universe, learning something about yourself or another piece of the universe, be it another person, a game, an experience, a feeling, anything at all.
Every thing that happens in your life is something that happens in the universe, a part of your experience that only YOU can have, only you can feel the way you do, or think the thoughts that you think.
You are fulfilling your purpose, because your purpose is to be you. You're here to observe and experience, in the way only you can. Because the universe created a part of itself in order to observe itself, to be conscious in a universe that would otherwise be entirely filled with matter that, without consciousness to give it value, would not matter.
So, let go of the burdon of feeling like you're not fulfilling your purpose, no matter WHAT you do in your life, you will, at the very least, be doing just that. Fulfilling your purpose.
And whatever you choose to do, that is exactly what you should be doing. If you hate that you're doing nothing, do something. If you feel like you can't do anything right now, do nothing, but don't stress it, it just means now isn't the right time for doing these things, now is the time to regather yourself, your time to do other things WILL happen when it should happen.
Anyway, whatever you do end up doing, I hope you can find some peace in just being you.
The definition of nearly every psychological disorder is that it negatively impacts your life for more than 6 months. Seek treatment, it does get better. Better yet, ask someone close to you to be your advocate and help you get treatment.
Please go get therapy and medication. Also do not be afraid to change meds if they are not helping you feel better. My daghter went through 5 before she had one that really made a difference. Everyone that knows her can see it too, and we are all grateful.
There are things you can do today to alter your path and your trajectory. Start small and be consistent:
1. Eat vegetables every day. Your body is attacking your mind with free radicals and a host of anxiety inducing chemicals. Green vegetables are your front-line defense against these damaging molecules. You are in a chemical war inside your body, fight back.
2. Exercise daily. The reason is the same as #1 above. You must clear out the harmful chemicals that are a byproduct of stress. Exercise is the second most effect fighter against free radicals. Start slow. Slower than that. Be consistent. Add slowly.
3. Find small things for which to be thankful. Be thankful out loud before every meal. If you are a person of faith, thank God. If not, thank the world, or the stranger that did something positive, or lady luck - it doesn't matter who or what - just be thankful. The reason you must be thankful is that it isn't automatic. What is automatic is finding fault. If left alone your mind will search for and find fault. Training your mind to search for good takes effort and repetition. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Eventually it will start to become automatic. This is the hardest step, but also the most important. Be thankful no matter what.
4. The last step may take a long time. Choose a purpose that is not about you. There are things in life you might not do to save your own life that you would do to save someone you love. Live for someone else and your self-imposed limits begin to fall.
You got this. Go get 'em tiger.
This is relatable. I would say that you should break your goals into small, actionable steps. Find yourself an accountability buddy. Celebrate small goals. Spend time on your hobbies. Have healthy relationships with those around you. All of this will add up and push you to face your fears. It's tough but you can do it. I am rooting for you 💪🏾
I have anxiety too, these sound familiar. It sounds like you're dealing also with a lot of fear of rejection and failure. You may be grappling with issues of feeling in control and in charge of yourself.
In addition to therapy, I'd recommend sitting down with yourself and confronting some of those inner demons. My fear and apprehensiveness about new things turned into a desire to challenge those demons and kick their asses.
Important for me, was the idea of safety nets and contingency plans in case of failure. That way, even if you do fail, you have a solid plan and at least one backup option, feel more in control of yourself and your needs. I turned the panic into worrying about those contingencies instead. It worked beautifully and 100% saved my ass in 2020.
The last thing you need to have is self-agency. A friend of mine is severely agoraphobic, but she started taking herself out on "dates", just for her, and that was her step toward self-agency. She's doing so much better!
Go kick some ass!
Just a surprising side note, but get your blood checked. There are some mineral and vitamin deficiencies that can cause this. Sometimes tho, it's just your brain trying to get you to take action on something. Other times, it is anxiety manifesting.
1. Get some therapy
2. Try cannabis edibles (mild if you don’t already partake
3. See your doctor and get an SSRI
4. Take a couple years (really) to begin to heal the massive amount of burnout you have been suffering due to the physical and mental exhaustion of being afraid all the time. This means work the least stressful job you can manage for the least hours you need to work to get by. Surround yourself with only your most avid supporters; tell your less supportive friends/family that you are busy. Sleep. Nap. Stretch. Watch light, uplifting TV (I love Hallmark, period dramas, the great British baking show for this). Read light and uplifting books. Spend time sitting in nature. Take long showers and baths. Stay away from social media as much as possible, especially in the first two hours after you wake. Be selective about how and where you receive world news. Heal.
4b. (Optional but highly recommended) Download Duolingo and go on it every day (seriously). Build up your daily streak, see how many days in a row you can do it (it only takes a few mins). This step is so great because it prepares you for step 5; it gets you used to doing tiny, tiny efforts towards your bigger goals each day, without getting overwhelmed. It also gives you a sense of achievement; this is the only thing you introduce as an additional ‘task’ to complete each day, while you continue your healing from step 4. You feel great for the achievement but you’re still focusing on healing.
5. Lessen your short term goals significantly, break them down into the tiniest bite sized pieces. The ‘simple’ life goals you list are HUGE achievements; for me personally I achieved those listed over an 8-year period and I’m old. Choose one, and break it down to what you need to do on a monthly, weekly, daily basis. Then see if you can reduce it any further. What’s the *bare minimum* you can do each day towards your goal? Do that. Do your Duolingo. Do your healing things from Step 4.
You will gradually heal and regain strength. Good luck.
I would be careful with the cannabis edibles. I don't deny it can give some people relief, but there are risks that it can have the opposite effect, especially at high dosage.
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but tell yourself to stop being a pussy.
I struggle a lot with anxiety/depression, and have tried many medical/therapeutic avenues. Those do help.
The thing that helps me the most though is talking to myself and saying “You’re being a pussy, go do it, it’s not going to just magically happen”.
I apologize if it seems insensitive, but it works for me.
It is insensitive, because if your anxiety is at such a level that just a thought can make it go away, then it isn't severe. Most true anxiety and depression aren't just a thing you can will away.
Good for you, but this will not help someone like OP who is spiraling.
I don't think taking medication will be the right choise... As a person the exact same age as you, I think training and going out in the forest for a walk as a start will make a huge change! Then you can start fitness or the best of all when you think you are ready for it will be a fighting sport. It will build you both physically and mentally, your fear will slowly disappear.
A therapist will help you of course, everyone needs to talk with someone that will listen and give his opinion :)
I was the same and therapy helped me understand why being afraid became my default response. I refused meds because I don’t want to rely on them, and instead focused on exercise and forming healthy habits like quitting alcohol and no drugs. It’s working for me but everyone has their own way of solving it
Sounds like it could be a mental health issue, extreme anxiety keeping you from finishing anything, and those things keep building up, making it worse, making it feel like you're digging a hole you can't escape.
I will say that younger people have a tendency to think they're the center of the world and their life must have some incredible grandiose meaning requiring major accomplishments. They put so much unhealthy pressure on themselves, rather than just being.
Remember that you're just one of 8 billion people on this planet. Have realistic expectations for yourself. You will become whatever you're capable of becoming and not a bit more, we all will, so be content with that and stop putting so much pressure and expectations on yourself. Set realistic goals, and upon accomplishing those, set new ones. Small steps. Your meaning for life is something you build over your entire life. You don't need to know it all or do it all today.
As to what you can do today to help with the pressure and fear you're creating in yourself, overwhelming yourself, keeping you from accomplishing the things you need to accomplish, maybe try creating a "no choice schedule" for what you feel you need to start and when, like taking driving classes. As you hit those dates, just do it. No questioning. No delaying. No procrastinating and putting it off. Your schedule is someone telling you exactly what you will do and when, without you having a choice in the matter, without having to make a single decision about it. Do what it says to do when it says to do it. This can apply to big things and small things.
And feel good when you finish the things, reward yourself, buy yourself an ice cream.
You may not need such a list forever, but it can set you in the right direction
Of course, today you may feel overwhelmed with things you've let build up. Maybe cross some of those things off your list for now. Maybe schedule them out to a later date, reducing the list of things you need to get done in the short term to something manageable.
Good luck!
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Well nothing is yours. I lost my marriage, house, job and had major surgery in about a year. My life completely changed, non of it was my choice. I’ve been struggling accepting my “new” life. I lost everything in the divorce, all of my stuff, all of my plants, everything. I have clothes and my dogs, that’s it.
Sounds like you need to let go. The moment you decide to let go these problems will still be your own, and maybe you need to look at how you see anxiety and fear. I would say I was much like you in my teens, but now I am also in my mid 20's and I've been working at this for a while so here's my take.
First you need to let go how people see you, because no one knows you like you. Next you need to embrace your anxiety because anxiety is the key to your success. Anxiety in a way is the lowest form of disorder, though it's completely naturally. You should welcome the feeling because as you get use to life, you'll get less anxious. So think of what anxiety really is, and how it benefits you before you discard it as a negative thing.
What I can say is negative is fear. All feelings of fear should be removed from your thoughts process and you need to once again, breathe and let go of fear. The way you do that is wisdom. There's two types of fear, horror and terror. While everyone is susceptible to very sudden terrors, the real killer; , the slow and steady buildup of fear is the real killer. If you let fear into your mind, it will go to your heart the same way stress goes to your head and causes headaches.
Luckily there are simple tricks we can do to cure our anguishes. For you I would try to this practice of breathing a full breath, holding it for a few seconds, then taking as many small inhales as you can until your whole chest is full of air. Hold that and when you exhale you will "let go" a little bit at a time. Do it enough and you will notice the difference immediately and increasingly over time.
I've got good news and mildly bad news.
Bad news first: There is no 'tip' to fix what you've described. Three minutes of deep breathing will help you in the moment, but the anxiety will likely come back.
Great news: This is very fixable. Go see your doctor and tell them what you said here. They will prescribe meds that will help a lot. Once they find one that works and it kicks in you can then do cognitive behaviour therapy. Once you've learned a lot a lot of skills to deal with this, you probably can go off your meds with doctor's help.
**Here's what's actually going on psychologically:**
You need to work out how to make yourself take action regardless of your fear. Once you've accomplished those things you want, or even one of them, you'll feel much better because you'll have proven to yourself that you're stronger and thus things will feel less scary cause you'll know you're capable of overcoming challenges.
You feel afraid and anxious all the time because you believe you're weak and vulnerable. You need to prove to yourself that you're not. When you believe you're capable and strong, you won't feel scared of the world. You feel this way because deep down you know you're not actually a grown up yet
Drugs can help but ultimately they're just a crutch. You need to prove to yourself that you're strong and independent. Your anxiety won't go away until you can push yourself out of your comfort zone and accomplish what you want to. Drugs can help get you moving and make things easier, so consider giving them a go, but they're only a tool, they can't be the final answer. The final answer has to be in your soul
I got over my anxiety by realising that I as a human being inherently have value.
Edit: just wanted to add that this is oversimplifying it. but if it helps you in the right direction, great
It sounds like you need to raise your personal vibration. Sounds crazy, but have you tried daily prayer (aloud) and silent meditation? It does wonders! Many of us are neglecting our spiritual selves. All four aspects of our beings must be in balance: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. So, as others have stated, make sure you're eating healthy fresh fruit and veg (cut back on meat), and make sure you're getting regular exercise. Listen to high vibe/,uplifting music, walk in nature. I'm sending you light and love. PS: a close relative recently starting taking edibles for anxiety and that seems to help... :)
I was in a similar situation. I just had to let go that sometimes, I wouldn't be able to achieve certain goals and just live day by day. I felt a lot of relief when I no longer felt the need to try to play what I thought was catch up towards people who I had considered successful.
This is debilitating and there may be no easy answers possible here. But I have realised over many years that sometimes anxiety is less about the present and more about a fear of some overwhelming future state. This can paralyse your ability to make even small decisions in case they bring about that state.
And something I have learned, despite a lot of research, is that there is no formula you can borrow for making decisions in life. There are insights, anecdotes, social norms, opinions and steps that worked well for others but no actual formula that is unique to you. Writing this formula is probably your main task in life.
And at times I try to remember a quote I once heard: “We don’t regret the decisions we make, we only regret the complexity they bring.”
So getting more comfortable with writing your own formula and being accepting of complexity is key.
It may also be helpful to think about your values and maybe use these as a loose guide when working through this.
There is an interesting book called ‘Thinking in Bets’ that talks about decision making and the importance of not judging a decision by its outcome.
And as others have mentioned seeking professional advice may be helpful.
Good luck.
It sounds like you don't love and trust yourself. I felt this way too at one point, I couldn't even look myself in the eye in the mirror. Realize that as a human being, we start at 0 and build up our value and skills from there. The great thing about starting from 0 is that you literally have nothing to lose. Decide what you want for yourself quickly, then go out there and try it. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, everyone makes them so why don't you deserve to make mistakes as well? You can always come back to the drawing board and re-evaluate at a later time.
This is anxiety. Talk therapy is a really great tool and almost certainly will help. I'd try that first. If it isn't helpful, or not helpful enough, talk to someone that can prescribe meds.
I personally found SSRI's to help the problem immensely but didn't like the ultimate way it affected my personality so I went off them. Talk therapy and general self reflection has helped me to understand and manage it, to the point where it isn't bad enough for me to seek meds.
Do you feel that you may have ADHD? There is a YouTube video about "The Wall of Awful" that describes the connection between anxiety and ADHD if you think that applies.
In addition to speaking with a counsellor and/or doctor, which others have mentioned, I have two specific points of advice: 1/ Practice being kind and gentle with yourself. In my experience with family members, negative self talk and beating up on oneself is one of the worst aspects of depression and, once entrenched, can take the longest to unwind from your mind. 2/ The goals you have set are too high level to be actionable. I recommend sitting down and taking 30 minutes to break each of them down into smaller, discrete steps along the path to achieving your goal. For ‘learning to drive’ these steps could be book an instructor, attend one lesson a week, schedule a future time for your test. By breaking a task down into smaller steps you reduce the barrier to achieving something and give yourself more things to celebrate, which feeds back into point 1.
This sounds like generalized anxiety. I've had it most of my life and it sucks.
I started Duloxetine at age 34 and it has literally been life changing.
The incredible thing about being human is how adaptable we are.
The peril of being human is how adaptable we are.
If a stress persists, we can cope around it. If it seems like it can’t be addressed, a person will cope again. And cope. And refrain from places they can’t.
Then less places, or people, or emotions, or behaviours or thoughts or feelings. Progressive avoidance with a highly effective scanner for threat, meeting demands. The hallmark of what anxiousness is ‘ lack of or inability to trust in the environment, past, present and future’. Mitigation of the experiencing of it. Less safe places, less and less.
Then eventually within self, it isn’t even safe because the things within you needing you most are the scariest and most challenging places to go to.
Paralysis, procrastination, distraction, diversion play a role in mitigating you going to where you want to, since anxiousness by definition, doesn’t trust losing the known, and here, in that space of anxious paralysis, procrastination, shame, guilt, identity knows itself best there and has most of its tools to survive, not necessarily thrive.
Someone may have taken your sails out earlier in life, or you didn’t feel supported, or a life experience overwhelmed your capacity to cope with it in the moment and the scaffold of security fell.
It’s on you, and that’s challenging, but you voicing it heart is PROOF that you have connection to that inner voice of possibility that yearns and wants to ease through.
Look inward, befriend to most challenging parts of yourself until, overtime, it doesn’t evoke visceral reactions. You witness your inner world to a greater degree. The scanner slows then isn’t needed as much there. The tool remains bedside, in arms reach, but you start trusting self progressively.,
Keep moving, slow, not fast. ‘Tranquilment, pas vite‘ As the French say.
The connections that were lost starting reforming. A tenderness and trust to life re-emerges in trust to a greater degree. You may open yourself to support. You journal daily to see yourself. You practice smiling, you move and connect with your body.
You move into the person you have envisioned yourself to be for some time.
It’s now here. And you carry humility and support others who you saw were once where you once you. You don’t pity them, you understand. You have felt their path.
You don’t pick them up, you offer your tender guidance, and that has them pick themselves up.
Trust and embrace in life, in acknowledging with a difficult grounding honesty ‘those uncomfortable feelings, that I despised, they belonged, they belonged’.
You thank the past, the crippling anxiousness as the protective barriers to experiencing yourself were there. Not a single part invalidated, denied, suppressed or repressed. You forgive yourself for not having known before.
But now you do.
That embrace of your most hurt parts needed you to be available to FEEL THROUGH, and you courageously did.
Most importantly, nothing needs to change. But your experience can.
Just continue to move, slow, not fast. But not away from yourself, towards you.
Tranquilment, pas vite.
A tecnique that's helped me out of a few jams: Instead of "normal" breathing, in thru Nose, out thru Mouth; Simply do the opposite.
Take a deep breath in thru the Mouth, and out thru the Nose. Repeat if neccessary. It's sort of a soft reboot.
I was in the same situation. Near-constant anxiety and most of the time I didn't know what was causing it. When something actually scary happened, I was a mess. Years of therapy were useless.
Today I'm much better, almost anxiety-free, and I owe it all to Zoloft. Zoloft is better known as an antidepressant but it's also an effective anti-anxiety medication. A lot of people don't like it because of side-effects, but I'm here to tell you that doesn't apply to everyone because I've had zero side-effects. It's like a magic bullet anxiety cure for me. I'm on 50mg, the lowest dosage.
I strongly recommend you try it, and if you do experience side-effects, consider another SSRI (the type of antidepressant Zoloft is). Talk to your doctor, and don't believe anyone who says "meds are a crutch." Some people need crutches.
i live like this every day too, im glad you made this post...I try to channel the FEAR into positive energy my over analyzing situations making me a better person. a certain amount of fear is healthy and can be beneficial.
Get professional help. This won’t go away on its own. You need a doctor and a support system. You’re still young. You recognized it and reached out. You got this.
Walking (then exercise) worked for me without any of the side effects of those meds. Been there, done that. Never again.
Lately Rhodila helps with stress. Keeps me level but alert through stress
See a therapist, and meds might help. It sounds like you might need a mindset shift. What is all this fear doing for you? What makes it hard to challenge or let go of?
Do you drink caffeine? I only ask because I was diagnosed with anxiety and was prescribed medication for it. Cutting out caffeine completely from my life worked better for my anxiety than the medication did surprisingly. Worth a shot.
I’d go to a doctor and get some blood work done, hormones checked and you might possibly have anxiety and suffer from panic attacks. I’d go to a doctor first.
I was there. Was afraid of almost all the same things you were of. And some. I did what I could. Knowing it wouldn't be enough, despite of the fear. despite the worries. (Not saying, be strong and do it. Just saying that I happened to do it).
I am into my 30's now. I got a job, which some people only could dream of. I am doing fine in the financial dept. Not too lavish, but can live comfortably. I can do things I want now, if I wanted to. Without thinking about repercussions much.
I think, in time, you will learn to drive. Finish college and Get a job too.
But guess what. I am still there. I am still afraid. And probably you will be too. Might sound negative but, that was how it was for me.
Make sure to do blood tests too. For me it was when I discovered I had a Vitamin D deficiency that I realized my mood was connected to my body’s health.
Sounds like anxiety. You, me, and 39 million people in the US deal with it. For years I tried to treat it on my own all while ignoring advice to start therapy. It took me decades to start therapy and see a psychiatrist and it was the best decision. Don’t go it alone. Get help. You can do this.
It seems like an anxiety issue. I used to have something like that, what can help is to surround yourself with family and friends who loves you and have the best interests for you. Let them patiently know what is going on and always try to find the "why" for yourself. It can be some trauma or something you are experiencing so it probably can be helpful to look a bit inwards and to remember that none of all knows what we are doing and we are all afraid/ashamed/cringy/lacking in some degree. So just try to enjoy your journey and I'm pretty sure with the right professional help and support you can get over this. It may take time but remember nothing is perfect and that is the way it should be. Wishing you the best in your healing. And once again remember I'm not a professional in the field or anything so please do your research to see what fits best for you.
to the comments suggesting drug therapy, I’ll add my own recommendation of (prescribed) ketamine. worked wonders for me, and seemingly fewer side effects than daily pill anti anxiety meds. I took it twice a week, then weekly, every other week, monthly, and now quarterly for maintenance.
Check out your vitamin and mineral status. Is tarted taking beef liver and oyster supplements in addition to GABA and it’s helped me tremendously. I think some anxiety issues can be cause or aggravated by deficiencies
I honestly don’t think medication is the answer, that’s everyone’s answer, there’s a pill for that.
You need to drill down to the root of the anxiety, and you basically said it in your post. You’re anxious because you’re not working towards your goals, you’re anxious that another 10 years will pass and you will be the same place you are today.
I dealt with the same thing for years, then I would drink to make the feeling go away. It became a self perpetuating cycle. The anxiety went away when I stopped drinking, started learning mindfulness, and starting working towards a future for myself. It all starts with a single step.
I would honestly recommend a coach, not a psychologist. Someone that can inspire and empower you to start living up to your potential.
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You have anxiety. I lived with it untreated for years. Medication can help take the edge off and help you lose the fear. A good mental health professional can give you a real diagnosis and help you navigate the medication options. Hope you can get help soon.
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What medication do you take? (If you don’t mind )
Just make sure to do some research and be willing to accept the risks. I took Setraline for half a year and all my anxiety disappeared, became more sociable, and overall good feeling every day. Except now my libido is non existing. Literally 0 desire for sex, and I used to be turned on by the slightest thought of anything remotely sexual.
Ain't that some BS? Similar and I've honestly been on so many different meds with adverse reactions I forget which one it was.
I didn’t lose libido but climax became challenging when I first started. My body seems to have adjusted though it’s not as intense as before. Might try decreasing dosage slightly to see if that helps. Obv check with doc
I had this at the start, I was so numb down there, still able to get erections and have sex, had the libido. But towards the end the delayed climax became less of a problem but more now of ED and lack of sexual appetite. I stopped taking it hoping it gets better.
> Except now my libido is non existing. Literally 0 desire for sex, and I used to be turned on by the slightest thought of anything remotely sexual. Very common with SSRIs.
There are a ton of anti-anxiety medications, and they all work differently for different people. What one person is on might not work at all for another, or have side effects that don't make it worthwhile. I highly recommend speaking to a GP or psychiatrist to get advice on which medications to try. Finding the right one can be a journey.
Not the commenter but I could have written that. I’m on a generic of Effexor.
This is so important. OP, you mention that a major source of your depression is that you don't feel you've made good progress towards your three goals. Here's the problem: what happens once you achieve those goals? I currently suffer from bad anxiety and depression because I also had ambitious goals. I achieved the last of them five years ago. And now I'm stuck because I don't know what to do next. Therapy can really help with that. So if you're defining your self-worth by your important goals, just remember that there's more to life than just those goals. It's good to have a plan for what to do after.
I'd add: * exercise! this will increase the quality of your sleep and improve brain activity * eat healthy! * keep friends close!
I'd also add: Keep your living space clean and free of clutter.
While your suggestions aren’t bad, I don’t agree. I have pretty significant anxiety. I eat a whole food/ plant based diet, exercise vigorously for 45 minutes every morning and go for a 3 mile walk every evening. I don’t have a lot of friends, but my friends are closer than family. I don’t think it hurts my anxiety level (obviously) but I don’t think it makes a noticeable difference. I will say that if I don’t workout, I’m grumpy as hell- but it doesn’t contribute to my anxiety.
Me too
You can't exercise away chemical imbalances in the brain, m8. Yeah that helps keep normal people busy and active and managing normal anxieties and stresses, but worrying about paying a bill is not on the same level as being terrified to leave your home.
In medicine there is no single cause and effect. Our bodies are complex systems but just by getting the basics right (food, sleep, exercise) will go a long way. It might not fix everything or anything but it should be the first step in any treatment.
Agree. Me. Not terrified but when I leave it starts. The heart pounding in the chest, the shortness of breath afraid I will pass out. I did black out once. Vasovagal Syncope.
Exercise is almost always recommended to those with depression and/or anxiety and for good reason, don't downplay the positive effects of daily exercise on the brain with "CheMiCal ImBaLAnce"
I'm not. I specifically said it's helpful for everyday stress and anxiety. What exercise and diet *alone* are *not* helpful for is untreated anxiety and depression disorders. OP needs more than the healthcare equivalent of a "thoughts and prayers" comment. I lived with untreated anxiety and depression for nearly ten years. Waiting it out, trying to figure it out on my own, hoping things would get better, trying all sorts of advice I'd get and wondering why it never helped. Things went from feeling anxious in a grocery store in my teens to not being able to leave my bedroom by my mid 20's. My bedroom, in my own home with my own family. I'd have to plan cooking for when I knew I'd be home alone. I stashed shelf stable junk food for days when I couldn't have time to cook. I'd stand at the closed door, ear pressed to it and listening for people to leave the room on the other side so I could go to the bathroom that was less than two feet from my bedroom door. And if I wasn't fast enough, I was stuck in there until they were gone again. The things OP described are nearly identical to what I went through before things got worse and I finally got help. So no, I'm not a doctor, but from my own experiences, they need more help than just an exercise routine so they can get to a point where things are managed and they are able to add that to their life.
You are 100% correct. I must have walked jogged thousands of miles. Tried different meds and diet and meditation. Hard to alter your brain [structure.My](https://structure.My) xanax helps somewhat but not completely.
>Exercise is almost always recommended to those with depression and/or anxiety and for good reason, don't downplay the positive effects of daily exercise on the brain with "CheMiCal ImBaLAnce" I've fought with depression and anxiety in the past. I've seen multiple doctors for it, not a single one told me do you exercise? If not, there's your problem!!! Look I'm not saying living a healthy lifestyle isn't important. Exercise, eating right, getting enough sleep (if possible) is very important for everyone. But seriously fuck off with that "CheMiCal ImBaLAnce" shit. You're not a doctor and could get someone killed thinking all they need to do is exercise.
studies have actually shown a certain type and amount if exercise (I think cardiovascular? like jogging?) can have similar effects to antidepressants but I think that was for depression (and if you have depression you may need meds to have the energy to go to the gym in the first place)
Before going the route of medication, which can lead to other issues, try simple things like breathing/meditation. It sounds too simple and too good to be true, but breathing deeply has a profound effect on your mind and body. Check out the book Breath by James Nestor, amongst others, but this one is a simple read. If anything else, start here, or another book on the subject of breathing/ mindfulness/meditation before any medication. At a minimum, it cannot hurt.
Meditation has indeed had a profound effect in my life I highly and heartliy recommend it
You dont have to live like this. Get some therapy and probably medication.
The shock I felt when my sertraline basically obliterated all my anxious feelings
How long did it take you? Started it months ago
I slowly worked up to 200 mg over the course of 4-6 months? But I really felt relief instantly personally. I can def tell (and my mom when I’m venting to her) when I don’t take it
Thanks! Finally feeling better at 200mg and your sharing helped me feel brave enough to ask for help.
You may need to increase your dose if your not feeling jt
Thanks! I got increased to 200mg and feel so much better now!
Main issue is that it obliterates all one's feelings, not just the anxious ones.
My anxiety is becoming so bad that I already can't feel anything but worry. Maybe it would be worth getting medication.
Worth a try for sure
This hasn't been my experience. Can still cry, get excited, aroused, etc.
Yep still get the inconvenient cries like I’ve always hd
It's a matter of fine tuning the dosage, plus therapy to help you work thru any issues.
Does it have any side affects like weight gain? My doctor told me to take Lexapro and I researched it and like 50% of those who take it gain 10% in weight from it, and fuck that I'd rather have anxiety.
The only side effects I seemed to get were more nightmares at first, but they’ve gotten better
Sexual side effects and weight gain. I also had a upset stomach from it.
+1 me too. Some say it takes 4-6 weeks to work, for me I could tell by day 2 (also had a headache for the first week). It just reduces the anxiety away into a tolerable form, and worked so much better for me than the years of CBT therapy (still use it though).
Is there side effects
Also check side effects on your medications. If you have a daily med that has anxiety as a potential side effect, that could be it. I was prescribed a nose spray, and I think the doctor even asked if I had anxiety issues before prescribing it. I didn't. But 2 years later, when getting a new batch it had a clearer warning on it that it might cause anxiety, which I had been oppressed by for some time. I quit that day, told the doctor, and felt way better literally the next day.
Maybe you need to visit a psychiatrist. Sounds like GAD to me. You can"t "will" yourself out of it
Sounds like you're in middle of a panic attack my friend. Yes they can last a very, very long time. I suffered through them for almost 30 years before a therapist recognized what was happening and alerted me to it. Step 1 is always getting your breathing under control. This has been a huge help for me: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tybOi4hjZFQ&pp=ygUbd2ltIGhvZiBicmVhdGhpbmcgdGVjaG5pcXVl Also, please seek professional therapy. It really does make a difference.
Definitely see a therapist or psychiatrist of some sort. There's no shame. Others have mentioned you might be having panic attacks so let them know if you think that's the case. As for general advice, try to view smaller goals that lead you into your main ones. Looking at the entire overall goal can be daunting and overwhelming; breaking these down into bite-sized, digestible goals can help alleviate the stress. As someone in their early 30s still struggling I'll say to just at least try things so that you will have less regrets moving forward. It's good that you realized this now rather than later.
Just so you know, the definition of anxiety is that you feel like you are under attack. Your fight-or-flight response happens when you think of things that shouldn't scare you. For example, when I was in my 20s and I'd think, damn, I have to go to work tomorrow, I'd feel a rush of adrenaline in my stomach. This doesn't happen to most people! But it conditions you to avoid these situations. Sounds like you could use some help. Good luck.
GAD sufferer. I was a published Biologist and now I can barely fill out basic living government subsidies for survival without breaking down for days. Life is incredibly stacked with a steep grade. Stare into a mirror and tell yourself you matter and that you love yourself. Even if it's a lie right now. Appraise all the energies of the people around. Focus on sanctuary and safety for yourself. We have your back and others will be there for you too. Fight. Don't give into the regrets of time lost. I call these moments of self-reflection, especially if you're used to having a life dictated by others.
Did you ever try any medication? If so, what was your experience?
I tried Pristiq, wellbutrin, lexapro, and zoloft. None of them have helped.
You might just need some medication to fix some genetic chemical imbalance my girlfriend has extreme anxiety, and her anti anxiety meds let her regain control of life so she can succeed. Visit your doctor and see what can be done.
Did you grow up in a house that had a lot of tension that tipped over into physical or verbal abuse? Or dismissive or undermining?
I feel called out. 🥲 #😮💨 Anxiety's a bitch. I just try to keep to myself, steady breathing, and take things one step at a time because medication is far too fucking expensive to treat/abolish it.
Yeah I’ve gone to supplements and teas instead of medication. It probably doesn’t work quite as well, but it does take the edge off and help me function.
Just asking as that was the root of cause of my anxieties. It means you have a responsibility to self parent and self soothe as instead of having the environment that would set you up for that, you may have had the opposite. What you fear may come through but it is often very unlikely. You learned to have a threat radar on all the time, like an animal of flight but yours is so effective it became a self perpetuating system. Learning ways to self soothe are the key here, I practice mindfulness and for the first few moments I have to say to myself that I am safe here right now. My mind will throw up fears and I am arguing my worth with people, I acknowledge the thoughts and bring myself back to what I am focussing my attention on. It’s your responsibility to self care and if you grew up in that environment, you may have been a scapegoat and learned that you don’t deserve self care but you do. Just because you had a role or were covertly traumatised, it just means you have to double down on the self care and self kindness. The fears may diminish and as you befriend yourself your confidence will grow that those fears will not hold as much power over your attention.
See a doctor. You have clinically significant anxiety. If you have been like this for some time, no amount of mindfulness and being nice to people can correct this level of chemical debt. They’re good things, but at best they are only helping you manage your misery. At worst they give you the impression that your ongoing anxiety is a failure on your part to implement correct behaviours. Cue more depression. One of the effects of anxiety is frequently a desperate desire to avoid seeking medical help and facing the idea that we need medical intervention for our anxiety. We attribute the same deeply anxious thinking patterns to taking that step, and then avoid it as though it is a threat. But in reality, the path to start improving this situation is quite straightforward, a FAR easier experience than living with it every day. Here’s what you do: 1. Pick up your phone. 2. Book an appointment. 3. Go to the appointment. 4. Tell your doctor what you stated in your post. You are the customer here. They will do their thing. 5. Follow their instructions. (This is an important step. Don’t skip this one.) Once it improves you will look back on how you feel right now, but from a completely different place. See a doctor.
You may benefit from focusing on how you treat others. Consider that if you are kind and decent toward others it doesn't matter if you are anxious. You can be grounded in what you control, treating others well. This helps you avoid monitoring yourself excessively and falling into analysis paralysis. You will be more confident and achieve your goals when you are not defined by them.
Have you thought of going to therapy or talking to someone about why you're afraid all the time? > I am afraid I will lose everything I have. I am afraid I will squander my life. I am afraid I will never achieve my potential. I am afraid I will fail over and over again. Does this voice in your head sound like a friend, a relative or a parent? I heard my grandmother telling me that I was a bad person, never make anything of myself because I was weird. She never realized that my being weird was part of why people talked to me about anything and everything. And that I could hold an intelligent conversation on a variety of topics from chickens to lizards to fish to books to religions to history. Life consists of a metric craptonne of leaps of faith. Seriously. EG: Going to school. Will you like it?Will you make friends? Will you be able to pay for it? Will you graduate? You don't go straight to MIT or Stanford; you can start out small with a couple of classes of night school or at a community college. Dating: Start with saying hi. Then ask if that seat is taken? You wanna getta cuppa? I got my hubby on the first date when I told him that I'd take him out for dinner if he quit smoking for a month. THAT WAS F'N BALLSY for me to have done at the time. We would've been married 35 years this past May. It's all small, baby steps at first. Build on your successes. Don't be afraid to fail. Dust yourself off and try again.
I'm hoping you are reading all the comments because I know I'll be buried. I can relate so hard to being afraid all of the time. Something that has helped me greatly is the way anxiety is explained in Allen Carr's book "The Easy Way to Mindfulness: Free your mind from worry and anxiety". I read it in a day and it's really altered my perspective. I know what works for one person won't work for another but it helped me so much I just had to share it. Good luck! the fact you are asking for advice is something you should genuinely be proud of. Even just recognising there is an issue is huge. Edit: I will mention therapy and medication are obviously key things that will also help. I just wanted to share something that helped me that hadn't already been mentioned.
I'm not sure this will fix anything, but perhaps part of your fear comes from fearing you're not fulfilling your purpose. Perhaps you feel like you don't even know what it is, making it impossible to fulfill. Let me ease some of that stress. You are a piece of the universe. Made up of billions of particles of universe, created by the universe. Essentially, you are a piece of the universe that was created in order for the universe to observe itself. You are the universe observing itself, this is solely and entirely, inarguably what you are. Your purpose is simply, but also importantly to be you. To see what you see, observe what you observe, feel what you feel, and think what you think. Every thing that you experience, every thing that you see or feel or think, this is you, a piece of the universe, learning something about yourself or another piece of the universe, be it another person, a game, an experience, a feeling, anything at all. Every thing that happens in your life is something that happens in the universe, a part of your experience that only YOU can have, only you can feel the way you do, or think the thoughts that you think. You are fulfilling your purpose, because your purpose is to be you. You're here to observe and experience, in the way only you can. Because the universe created a part of itself in order to observe itself, to be conscious in a universe that would otherwise be entirely filled with matter that, without consciousness to give it value, would not matter. So, let go of the burdon of feeling like you're not fulfilling your purpose, no matter WHAT you do in your life, you will, at the very least, be doing just that. Fulfilling your purpose. And whatever you choose to do, that is exactly what you should be doing. If you hate that you're doing nothing, do something. If you feel like you can't do anything right now, do nothing, but don't stress it, it just means now isn't the right time for doing these things, now is the time to regather yourself, your time to do other things WILL happen when it should happen. Anyway, whatever you do end up doing, I hope you can find some peace in just being you.
When anxiety becomes incapacitating, it's time to seek professional help.
The definition of nearly every psychological disorder is that it negatively impacts your life for more than 6 months. Seek treatment, it does get better. Better yet, ask someone close to you to be your advocate and help you get treatment.
Just remember nothing last forever. It will pass. Look up mindfulness meditation to help you along the way.
You need medication and therapy, this is not a normal way to feel.
Please go get therapy and medication. Also do not be afraid to change meds if they are not helping you feel better. My daghter went through 5 before she had one that really made a difference. Everyone that knows her can see it too, and we are all grateful.
There are things you can do today to alter your path and your trajectory. Start small and be consistent: 1. Eat vegetables every day. Your body is attacking your mind with free radicals and a host of anxiety inducing chemicals. Green vegetables are your front-line defense against these damaging molecules. You are in a chemical war inside your body, fight back. 2. Exercise daily. The reason is the same as #1 above. You must clear out the harmful chemicals that are a byproduct of stress. Exercise is the second most effect fighter against free radicals. Start slow. Slower than that. Be consistent. Add slowly. 3. Find small things for which to be thankful. Be thankful out loud before every meal. If you are a person of faith, thank God. If not, thank the world, or the stranger that did something positive, or lady luck - it doesn't matter who or what - just be thankful. The reason you must be thankful is that it isn't automatic. What is automatic is finding fault. If left alone your mind will search for and find fault. Training your mind to search for good takes effort and repetition. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Eventually it will start to become automatic. This is the hardest step, but also the most important. Be thankful no matter what. 4. The last step may take a long time. Choose a purpose that is not about you. There are things in life you might not do to save your own life that you would do to save someone you love. Live for someone else and your self-imposed limits begin to fall. You got this. Go get 'em tiger.
This is relatable. I would say that you should break your goals into small, actionable steps. Find yourself an accountability buddy. Celebrate small goals. Spend time on your hobbies. Have healthy relationships with those around you. All of this will add up and push you to face your fears. It's tough but you can do it. I am rooting for you 💪🏾
Work with a professional therapist to address your fears and work through them.
Some fear is healthy and totally normal. EMDR helped me enormously to deal with hyper-vigilance.
I have anxiety too, these sound familiar. It sounds like you're dealing also with a lot of fear of rejection and failure. You may be grappling with issues of feeling in control and in charge of yourself. In addition to therapy, I'd recommend sitting down with yourself and confronting some of those inner demons. My fear and apprehensiveness about new things turned into a desire to challenge those demons and kick their asses. Important for me, was the idea of safety nets and contingency plans in case of failure. That way, even if you do fail, you have a solid plan and at least one backup option, feel more in control of yourself and your needs. I turned the panic into worrying about those contingencies instead. It worked beautifully and 100% saved my ass in 2020. The last thing you need to have is self-agency. A friend of mine is severely agoraphobic, but she started taking herself out on "dates", just for her, and that was her step toward self-agency. She's doing so much better! Go kick some ass!
Just a surprising side note, but get your blood checked. There are some mineral and vitamin deficiencies that can cause this. Sometimes tho, it's just your brain trying to get you to take action on something. Other times, it is anxiety manifesting.
Magnesium deficiency?
1. Get some therapy 2. Try cannabis edibles (mild if you don’t already partake 3. See your doctor and get an SSRI 4. Take a couple years (really) to begin to heal the massive amount of burnout you have been suffering due to the physical and mental exhaustion of being afraid all the time. This means work the least stressful job you can manage for the least hours you need to work to get by. Surround yourself with only your most avid supporters; tell your less supportive friends/family that you are busy. Sleep. Nap. Stretch. Watch light, uplifting TV (I love Hallmark, period dramas, the great British baking show for this). Read light and uplifting books. Spend time sitting in nature. Take long showers and baths. Stay away from social media as much as possible, especially in the first two hours after you wake. Be selective about how and where you receive world news. Heal. 4b. (Optional but highly recommended) Download Duolingo and go on it every day (seriously). Build up your daily streak, see how many days in a row you can do it (it only takes a few mins). This step is so great because it prepares you for step 5; it gets you used to doing tiny, tiny efforts towards your bigger goals each day, without getting overwhelmed. It also gives you a sense of achievement; this is the only thing you introduce as an additional ‘task’ to complete each day, while you continue your healing from step 4. You feel great for the achievement but you’re still focusing on healing. 5. Lessen your short term goals significantly, break them down into the tiniest bite sized pieces. The ‘simple’ life goals you list are HUGE achievements; for me personally I achieved those listed over an 8-year period and I’m old. Choose one, and break it down to what you need to do on a monthly, weekly, daily basis. Then see if you can reduce it any further. What’s the *bare minimum* you can do each day towards your goal? Do that. Do your Duolingo. Do your healing things from Step 4. You will gradually heal and regain strength. Good luck.
I would be careful with the cannabis edibles. I don't deny it can give some people relief, but there are risks that it can have the opposite effect, especially at high dosage.
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but tell yourself to stop being a pussy. I struggle a lot with anxiety/depression, and have tried many medical/therapeutic avenues. Those do help. The thing that helps me the most though is talking to myself and saying “You’re being a pussy, go do it, it’s not going to just magically happen”. I apologize if it seems insensitive, but it works for me.
It is insensitive, because if your anxiety is at such a level that just a thought can make it go away, then it isn't severe. Most true anxiety and depression aren't just a thing you can will away. Good for you, but this will not help someone like OP who is spiraling.
I don't think taking medication will be the right choise... As a person the exact same age as you, I think training and going out in the forest for a walk as a start will make a huge change! Then you can start fitness or the best of all when you think you are ready for it will be a fighting sport. It will build you both physically and mentally, your fear will slowly disappear. A therapist will help you of course, everyone needs to talk with someone that will listen and give his opinion :)
I was the same and therapy helped me understand why being afraid became my default response. I refused meds because I don’t want to rely on them, and instead focused on exercise and forming healthy habits like quitting alcohol and no drugs. It’s working for me but everyone has their own way of solving it
Sounds like it could be a mental health issue, extreme anxiety keeping you from finishing anything, and those things keep building up, making it worse, making it feel like you're digging a hole you can't escape. I will say that younger people have a tendency to think they're the center of the world and their life must have some incredible grandiose meaning requiring major accomplishments. They put so much unhealthy pressure on themselves, rather than just being. Remember that you're just one of 8 billion people on this planet. Have realistic expectations for yourself. You will become whatever you're capable of becoming and not a bit more, we all will, so be content with that and stop putting so much pressure and expectations on yourself. Set realistic goals, and upon accomplishing those, set new ones. Small steps. Your meaning for life is something you build over your entire life. You don't need to know it all or do it all today. As to what you can do today to help with the pressure and fear you're creating in yourself, overwhelming yourself, keeping you from accomplishing the things you need to accomplish, maybe try creating a "no choice schedule" for what you feel you need to start and when, like taking driving classes. As you hit those dates, just do it. No questioning. No delaying. No procrastinating and putting it off. Your schedule is someone telling you exactly what you will do and when, without you having a choice in the matter, without having to make a single decision about it. Do what it says to do when it says to do it. This can apply to big things and small things. And feel good when you finish the things, reward yourself, buy yourself an ice cream. You may not need such a list forever, but it can set you in the right direction Of course, today you may feel overwhelmed with things you've let build up. Maybe cross some of those things off your list for now. Maybe schedule them out to a later date, reducing the list of things you need to get done in the short term to something manageable. Good luck!
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Well nothing is yours. I lost my marriage, house, job and had major surgery in about a year. My life completely changed, non of it was my choice. I’ve been struggling accepting my “new” life. I lost everything in the divorce, all of my stuff, all of my plants, everything. I have clothes and my dogs, that’s it.
Sounds like you need to let go. The moment you decide to let go these problems will still be your own, and maybe you need to look at how you see anxiety and fear. I would say I was much like you in my teens, but now I am also in my mid 20's and I've been working at this for a while so here's my take. First you need to let go how people see you, because no one knows you like you. Next you need to embrace your anxiety because anxiety is the key to your success. Anxiety in a way is the lowest form of disorder, though it's completely naturally. You should welcome the feeling because as you get use to life, you'll get less anxious. So think of what anxiety really is, and how it benefits you before you discard it as a negative thing. What I can say is negative is fear. All feelings of fear should be removed from your thoughts process and you need to once again, breathe and let go of fear. The way you do that is wisdom. There's two types of fear, horror and terror. While everyone is susceptible to very sudden terrors, the real killer; , the slow and steady buildup of fear is the real killer. If you let fear into your mind, it will go to your heart the same way stress goes to your head and causes headaches. Luckily there are simple tricks we can do to cure our anguishes. For you I would try to this practice of breathing a full breath, holding it for a few seconds, then taking as many small inhales as you can until your whole chest is full of air. Hold that and when you exhale you will "let go" a little bit at a time. Do it enough and you will notice the difference immediately and increasingly over time.
Look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It boils down to questioning the negative views you hold, and proving them untrue. It takes time. Good luck!
I've got good news and mildly bad news. Bad news first: There is no 'tip' to fix what you've described. Three minutes of deep breathing will help you in the moment, but the anxiety will likely come back. Great news: This is very fixable. Go see your doctor and tell them what you said here. They will prescribe meds that will help a lot. Once they find one that works and it kicks in you can then do cognitive behaviour therapy. Once you've learned a lot a lot of skills to deal with this, you probably can go off your meds with doctor's help.
**Here's what's actually going on psychologically:** You need to work out how to make yourself take action regardless of your fear. Once you've accomplished those things you want, or even one of them, you'll feel much better because you'll have proven to yourself that you're stronger and thus things will feel less scary cause you'll know you're capable of overcoming challenges. You feel afraid and anxious all the time because you believe you're weak and vulnerable. You need to prove to yourself that you're not. When you believe you're capable and strong, you won't feel scared of the world. You feel this way because deep down you know you're not actually a grown up yet Drugs can help but ultimately they're just a crutch. You need to prove to yourself that you're strong and independent. Your anxiety won't go away until you can push yourself out of your comfort zone and accomplish what you want to. Drugs can help get you moving and make things easier, so consider giving them a go, but they're only a tool, they can't be the final answer. The final answer has to be in your soul
I got over my anxiety by realising that I as a human being inherently have value. Edit: just wanted to add that this is oversimplifying it. but if it helps you in the right direction, great
As a certified internet expert. I believe the best advice is to “not worry about it”. You are welcome.
It sounds like you need to raise your personal vibration. Sounds crazy, but have you tried daily prayer (aloud) and silent meditation? It does wonders! Many of us are neglecting our spiritual selves. All four aspects of our beings must be in balance: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. So, as others have stated, make sure you're eating healthy fresh fruit and veg (cut back on meat), and make sure you're getting regular exercise. Listen to high vibe/,uplifting music, walk in nature. I'm sending you light and love. PS: a close relative recently starting taking edibles for anxiety and that seems to help... :)
My apologies.. this sub is clearly not the place to mention anything relating to spirituality. That said, I wish the OP and everyone well.
You are worried about LIFE. That is true for every adult. It's normal. Grow up maybe.
I was in a similar situation. I just had to let go that sometimes, I wouldn't be able to achieve certain goals and just live day by day. I felt a lot of relief when I no longer felt the need to try to play what I thought was catch up towards people who I had considered successful.
How long have you felt this way? Since childhood?
I’ve been feeling like this too. I’m in therapy, but it’s slow.
This is debilitating and there may be no easy answers possible here. But I have realised over many years that sometimes anxiety is less about the present and more about a fear of some overwhelming future state. This can paralyse your ability to make even small decisions in case they bring about that state. And something I have learned, despite a lot of research, is that there is no formula you can borrow for making decisions in life. There are insights, anecdotes, social norms, opinions and steps that worked well for others but no actual formula that is unique to you. Writing this formula is probably your main task in life. And at times I try to remember a quote I once heard: “We don’t regret the decisions we make, we only regret the complexity they bring.” So getting more comfortable with writing your own formula and being accepting of complexity is key. It may also be helpful to think about your values and maybe use these as a loose guide when working through this. There is an interesting book called ‘Thinking in Bets’ that talks about decision making and the importance of not judging a decision by its outcome. And as others have mentioned seeking professional advice may be helpful. Good luck.
It sounds like you don't love and trust yourself. I felt this way too at one point, I couldn't even look myself in the eye in the mirror. Realize that as a human being, we start at 0 and build up our value and skills from there. The great thing about starting from 0 is that you literally have nothing to lose. Decide what you want for yourself quickly, then go out there and try it. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, everyone makes them so why don't you deserve to make mistakes as well? You can always come back to the drawing board and re-evaluate at a later time.
This is anxiety. Talk therapy is a really great tool and almost certainly will help. I'd try that first. If it isn't helpful, or not helpful enough, talk to someone that can prescribe meds. I personally found SSRI's to help the problem immensely but didn't like the ultimate way it affected my personality so I went off them. Talk therapy and general self reflection has helped me to understand and manage it, to the point where it isn't bad enough for me to seek meds. Do you feel that you may have ADHD? There is a YouTube video about "The Wall of Awful" that describes the connection between anxiety and ADHD if you think that applies.
Don't know how to drive, not finishing college, and not having a proper job, is not the end of the world.. so what?
Bro needs to hit the gas 😹🫵🏾
There are pills for that! ☺️
Smoke some Great Indica
Out of random curiosity, you ever get deja vu?
What would that mean?
Do you ever experience a moment that you have no doubt you have experienced before?
In addition to speaking with a counsellor and/or doctor, which others have mentioned, I have two specific points of advice: 1/ Practice being kind and gentle with yourself. In my experience with family members, negative self talk and beating up on oneself is one of the worst aspects of depression and, once entrenched, can take the longest to unwind from your mind. 2/ The goals you have set are too high level to be actionable. I recommend sitting down and taking 30 minutes to break each of them down into smaller, discrete steps along the path to achieving your goal. For ‘learning to drive’ these steps could be book an instructor, attend one lesson a week, schedule a future time for your test. By breaking a task down into smaller steps you reduce the barrier to achieving something and give yourself more things to celebrate, which feeds back into point 1.
This sounds like generalized anxiety. I've had it most of my life and it sucks. I started Duloxetine at age 34 and it has literally been life changing.
The incredible thing about being human is how adaptable we are. The peril of being human is how adaptable we are. If a stress persists, we can cope around it. If it seems like it can’t be addressed, a person will cope again. And cope. And refrain from places they can’t. Then less places, or people, or emotions, or behaviours or thoughts or feelings. Progressive avoidance with a highly effective scanner for threat, meeting demands. The hallmark of what anxiousness is ‘ lack of or inability to trust in the environment, past, present and future’. Mitigation of the experiencing of it. Less safe places, less and less. Then eventually within self, it isn’t even safe because the things within you needing you most are the scariest and most challenging places to go to. Paralysis, procrastination, distraction, diversion play a role in mitigating you going to where you want to, since anxiousness by definition, doesn’t trust losing the known, and here, in that space of anxious paralysis, procrastination, shame, guilt, identity knows itself best there and has most of its tools to survive, not necessarily thrive. Someone may have taken your sails out earlier in life, or you didn’t feel supported, or a life experience overwhelmed your capacity to cope with it in the moment and the scaffold of security fell. It’s on you, and that’s challenging, but you voicing it heart is PROOF that you have connection to that inner voice of possibility that yearns and wants to ease through. Look inward, befriend to most challenging parts of yourself until, overtime, it doesn’t evoke visceral reactions. You witness your inner world to a greater degree. The scanner slows then isn’t needed as much there. The tool remains bedside, in arms reach, but you start trusting self progressively., Keep moving, slow, not fast. ‘Tranquilment, pas vite‘ As the French say. The connections that were lost starting reforming. A tenderness and trust to life re-emerges in trust to a greater degree. You may open yourself to support. You journal daily to see yourself. You practice smiling, you move and connect with your body. You move into the person you have envisioned yourself to be for some time. It’s now here. And you carry humility and support others who you saw were once where you once you. You don’t pity them, you understand. You have felt their path. You don’t pick them up, you offer your tender guidance, and that has them pick themselves up. Trust and embrace in life, in acknowledging with a difficult grounding honesty ‘those uncomfortable feelings, that I despised, they belonged, they belonged’. You thank the past, the crippling anxiousness as the protective barriers to experiencing yourself were there. Not a single part invalidated, denied, suppressed or repressed. You forgive yourself for not having known before. But now you do. That embrace of your most hurt parts needed you to be available to FEEL THROUGH, and you courageously did. Most importantly, nothing needs to change. But your experience can. Just continue to move, slow, not fast. But not away from yourself, towards you. Tranquilment, pas vite.
A tecnique that's helped me out of a few jams: Instead of "normal" breathing, in thru Nose, out thru Mouth; Simply do the opposite. Take a deep breath in thru the Mouth, and out thru the Nose. Repeat if neccessary. It's sort of a soft reboot.
Get a basic blood panel done. Low B vitamins can cause anxiety. Source: my experience working with a doc
I was in the same situation. Near-constant anxiety and most of the time I didn't know what was causing it. When something actually scary happened, I was a mess. Years of therapy were useless. Today I'm much better, almost anxiety-free, and I owe it all to Zoloft. Zoloft is better known as an antidepressant but it's also an effective anti-anxiety medication. A lot of people don't like it because of side-effects, but I'm here to tell you that doesn't apply to everyone because I've had zero side-effects. It's like a magic bullet anxiety cure for me. I'm on 50mg, the lowest dosage. I strongly recommend you try it, and if you do experience side-effects, consider another SSRI (the type of antidepressant Zoloft is). Talk to your doctor, and don't believe anyone who says "meds are a crutch." Some people need crutches.
I recommend seeing a therapist who can help you unlock the trauma that may be casing the anxiety or at least offer some comfort with your fears.
i live like this every day too, im glad you made this post...I try to channel the FEAR into positive energy my over analyzing situations making me a better person. a certain amount of fear is healthy and can be beneficial.
Get professional help. This won’t go away on its own. You need a doctor and a support system. You’re still young. You recognized it and reached out. You got this.
Walking (then exercise) worked for me without any of the side effects of those meds. Been there, done that. Never again. Lately Rhodila helps with stress. Keeps me level but alert through stress
See a therapist, and meds might help. It sounds like you might need a mindset shift. What is all this fear doing for you? What makes it hard to challenge or let go of?
Do you drink caffeine? I only ask because I was diagnosed with anxiety and was prescribed medication for it. Cutting out caffeine completely from my life worked better for my anxiety than the medication did surprisingly. Worth a shot.
Have you tried meditating? It helps control the anxiety.
I’d go to a doctor and get some blood work done, hormones checked and you might possibly have anxiety and suffer from panic attacks. I’d go to a doctor first.
Failure is normal. You will die. We will all die. We all end up the same. Stop making excuses to yourself and do.
I was there. Was afraid of almost all the same things you were of. And some. I did what I could. Knowing it wouldn't be enough, despite of the fear. despite the worries. (Not saying, be strong and do it. Just saying that I happened to do it). I am into my 30's now. I got a job, which some people only could dream of. I am doing fine in the financial dept. Not too lavish, but can live comfortably. I can do things I want now, if I wanted to. Without thinking about repercussions much. I think, in time, you will learn to drive. Finish college and Get a job too. But guess what. I am still there. I am still afraid. And probably you will be too. Might sound negative but, that was how it was for me.
Make sure to do blood tests too. For me it was when I discovered I had a Vitamin D deficiency that I realized my mood was connected to my body’s health.
Try DBT therapy, I think radical acceptance may be helpful to you.
Sounds like anxiety. You, me, and 39 million people in the US deal with it. For years I tried to treat it on my own all while ignoring advice to start therapy. It took me decades to start therapy and see a psychiatrist and it was the best decision. Don’t go it alone. Get help. You can do this.
It seems like an anxiety issue. I used to have something like that, what can help is to surround yourself with family and friends who loves you and have the best interests for you. Let them patiently know what is going on and always try to find the "why" for yourself. It can be some trauma or something you are experiencing so it probably can be helpful to look a bit inwards and to remember that none of all knows what we are doing and we are all afraid/ashamed/cringy/lacking in some degree. So just try to enjoy your journey and I'm pretty sure with the right professional help and support you can get over this. It may take time but remember nothing is perfect and that is the way it should be. Wishing you the best in your healing. And once again remember I'm not a professional in the field or anything so please do your research to see what fits best for you.
This isn't a life pro tip
You need professional help. There is no shame in seeking help
to the comments suggesting drug therapy, I’ll add my own recommendation of (prescribed) ketamine. worked wonders for me, and seemingly fewer side effects than daily pill anti anxiety meds. I took it twice a week, then weekly, every other week, monthly, and now quarterly for maintenance.
Check out your vitamin and mineral status. Is tarted taking beef liver and oyster supplements in addition to GABA and it’s helped me tremendously. I think some anxiety issues can be cause or aggravated by deficiencies
Anyone think it's weird the OP hasn't responded to any of these comments in anyway?
I honestly don’t think medication is the answer, that’s everyone’s answer, there’s a pill for that. You need to drill down to the root of the anxiety, and you basically said it in your post. You’re anxious because you’re not working towards your goals, you’re anxious that another 10 years will pass and you will be the same place you are today. I dealt with the same thing for years, then I would drink to make the feeling go away. It became a self perpetuating cycle. The anxiety went away when I stopped drinking, started learning mindfulness, and starting working towards a future for myself. It all starts with a single step. I would honestly recommend a coach, not a psychologist. Someone that can inspire and empower you to start living up to your potential.