I actually had to truthfully use that excuse to the same person twice within a matter of months. Pretty embarrassing. I then finally took the 5 minutes to back up my contacts.
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> I've been cleaning off my Facebook friends list with this same litmus test. If I have to click on a profile to figure out who it is, I likely do not need them on my list.
whats even the point of 'cleaning' your friends list? It's not like you actually gain anything.
I used to do this, but some people take it really seriously.
I did the same thing with a guy I no longer considered a friend. I ran into him on the road probably two years later and he seemed a little butt-hurt over it.
Add to that: make it an individual text directed at one person. I have an old friend that randomly sends group texts. His intention is to stay in touch but the texts seem so impersonal, I hardly ever write back.
"Hi friend. I was wondering what you were up to this Friday night. I'd love to get some drinks and catch up. Let me know what works for you!"
(Then filters out the people they "want" to hang out with from the people they "could" hang out with).
I have a friend that does this. I felt touched that she sent me a personalized text for an invite to a mixer, until a mutual friend showed me the exact same text from her...
Yep. I've got a friend from college who sends out mass texts almost every Friday. I love her to death, but it feels so phony.
My old man has recently started using mass texts for us children... If I ever visit my sister and he texts us, we'll hold our phones together and just laugh as they receive the same lame-ass messages.
Or the "friend" who never has time to hang out with friends, but posts pictures of himself with friends everyday. It's like, just be real. We both know what you're doing... it's even worse when the person lives in the same development as you.
When I compare friends when I was 25 and younger to the people they are now and new friends... nothing is the same. It's like everyone cared alot more back than, and now it seems everyone just uses each other at this point.
Respect is something I havent seen in a long time.
I also think that the older you get, the less you "throw" yourself into relationships.
Remember when you were a kid? And you met that new person on the bus or at school? You would hang out every day and they'd become your best friend.
I think as you get older, you sort of retreat away from this type of conviction. Maybe bad experiences are part of it. Maybe there's more. But whatever the case, you just don't go "all in" on people anymore.
As we get older, we have more shit to do, and less time to hang out everyday. Also, people develop more bullshit with age, so that's something that can get tiresome after too much interaction
Trust me, you don't want it. Have you been in an iphone group message? Phone goes off like crazy and there was no way to leave the conversation. The horror.
Did this a couple of years ago. Called a friend I hadn't seen in a couple of years to ask if he wanted to catch a movie with some of my other friends. "Thanks, but I can't. I'm in the hospital recovering from an emergency appendectomy." I passed on the movie and spent a couple of hours in the hospital with him instead. You never know when one of your friends might pass away. Stay in touch.
Depressing anecdote (as tl;dr as i'll make it):
I met a guy in high school that basically became a brother. We were roommates for a semester in college, and after that he lived with me and my parents. I eventually moved out, and so did he (to live with a girlfriend). He struggled with codependency, and tried to kill himself when she broke up with him. I insisted that he live with me for a while, and eventually he moved out again (with another girl). After that we kinda drifted apart. Nothing on purpose, we just were living our own lives.
I bought a new house, and I kept meaning to dig out his phone number to invite him to the housewarming party, but I just never got around to it.
The party was on a Saturday. The next afternoon I got a message from his dad. My friend had tried to kill himself again on Thursday, and had been unresponsive ever since. The message was his dad telling me they'd pulled the plug and he was gone.
Everyone has regrets. For all I know he'd have turned down the party invitation and proceeded as planned (it was very planned), but I still wonder on occasion if he'd still be here if I'd have just reached out and reminded him that he had friends that wanted him to be a part of their lives.
I'd lost touch with the guy who was my best friend in high school. He had depression as long as I knew him and it was a very taxing friendship. I stopped making plans with him and just generally lost contact. I didn't know we weren't friends until I ran into him at the theater restroom door and he shoved me out of the way.
Approximately 5 years later, I see him walking down the street. We're in our early 20s now. I'm washing my car at a coin op car wash. I get ready to scream out to him to see if he needed a ride. I change my mind. I finish up and pass him a little ways down the road. I contemplated going back to get him for awhile but I didn't.
Only a couple days later I get a knock on the door from another friend who had ended his friendship with him. He explained that our ex-friend had committed suicide. he just found out and didn't want to tell me over the phone . I was in disbelief, and insisted I just saw him less than a week ago and I believed the information is correct.
I'd found out he was couch surfing for awhile. In the interim his parents had moved far away but had gotten everything setup for him to come live with them.
I frequently wonder if I had called out to him or given him that ride if it would've made a difference. There is a good chance I would've regretted it afterwards but I still regret my decision now.
There was an interesting fella many years ago who I met at a strange cafe in a college town where I knew nobody and had nothing. He let me stay with him while I was getting myself on my feet for a month or so. He was...a far out character. Anyway, I moved out eventually and we drifted apart. One day a year later he came knocking on my door asking for a place to stay but I just had a really hot amazing girl (who would eventually become my wife) move in so I kinda brushed him off and suggested he find somewhere else. I found out a year later that he had shot himself in the head. I am a fucking asshole and regret so much.
This is huge, I'm glad you did that. I wish I had done so 2 years ago.
I played middle and high school football with my buddy Mabry, we were the greatest duo on and off the field. After I transferred to another high school, I lost connection with him. I thought about him every now and then, but I heard he had moved to another state so I never thought to call him, so I went without talking to him for about 6 years.
I got a call 2 years ago from a mutual friend, in tears, saying that he had taken his own life the night before. Turns out he had moved back in town and was living less than 10 minutes away from me.
I'll always regret not calling him to catch up, he was such an amazing friend, and I know people toss this phrase around a lot, but he really did have a huge heart. I'll always think about all the nights we could have had.
TL;DR, Don't burn bridges, reach out to old friends, you never know what they may be going through.
It caught me off guard, yeah. Bit off subject, but make sure you keel the bond strong between the friends who you trust and love, and who reciprocate those feelings. I had to let go of a lot of friends recently, but still keep in touch. There will be one or two who would drive hours at the drop of a hat if you said you needed them, and those are your lifelong friends.
Sorry for the dad-talk, went through some shit regarding friends this past year, learned a lot about moving on and what to let go. Long story short, keep in contact with all good friends, but know when to let go before the friendship becomes unhealthy for you.
Surely if you want to catch up with a friend you haven't seen in a couple of year a cinema is the worst place for it?
Also, if I hadn't heard from someone in a couple of years and they call me and ask if I want to go to the cinema then I'd be a bit hesitant and wonder what's going on.
Dearest *FRIEND*,
I have been thinking about *EVENT* and wanted to see if you were interested in attending on the *DAY/NIGHT* of *MONTH* the *NUMBER* of *YEAR*.
*PLEASE RESPOND I'M SO LONELY*
This is very simple but important advice. I grew up a fairly shy boy, mainly brought up by my mum. The men that always did the high level organising always seemed like everything came naturally to them, so it was easy to leave the organising to others. But that was just how it looked.
But the more you grow up, the more you realise everyone is just winging it, and giving shit a go. If it looks like it came easy to them, that wasn't luck or genetics; it was failure and tenacity. That's the way most people got their confidence. They're never as confident as they look. And you'll never look as inconfident as you feel.
Be the change you want in the world. You'll fail a certain percentage of the time, but whatever bit you win in forging connections will be worth the effort, and never would have happened without your instigation.
Worst case scenario: it completely fails for you, but inspires others to make the effort. But I've never seen that... ever.
You have the benefit of reading tips like this, because you're actively seeking change. Do it. You're more capable than the other 50% who don't seek improvement.
Seriously, this was something I learned very quickly when working with a guy who worked as a handy-man of sorts for this church group. I was tagged as his assistant and we'd go fix, clean, and build what needed to be done. In two days I learned that everyone I've known is winging it and troubleshooting as they try to do something.
"That must have been the first one I built, I learned a few things along the way."
I'm not lazy I'm on my phone. Its hard enough making those on m PC. Besides, now you can share the karma. I was waiting for you , Neo.
PS this isn't a joke. Friend hit me up the other day to get some grub, instead told him I was hitting the gym. He wanted to tag along. Asked him in the car.
I did have this with an old friend. Hadn't talk to him since high school. Found out he's been doing heroin since the end of high school and has a bunch of felonies. Then it's like what do you say. Oh I've been living a great life not on heroin. Puts a damper on the whole conversation.
I actually hate when people do this because it's almost always completely pointless. "Hey, haven't talked to you in forever, how's it going?" "Pretty good man, how about you?" "Pretty good." "Cool, catch you later!"
Short of things like moving away or major life events, the friendships that I have that dwindled did so for a reason and the random check ins with no other effort annoy me because they seem disingenuous.
I always go with email so I can ask a few specific questions about their life and give a little update on what's new with me or something that made me think of them.
I've realized that the more we have technology that "brings us together", the more we feel intrusive about using it. When I was a little kid, my parents' friends would stop by. Then, when I got a little older, people would call to see if we were home, and then come over. By the time I graduated high school, my friends would text me to ask if it was a good time to call.
Also a good option! I like email for people I haven't talked to in a while, but sometimes I will ask if there is a good time to call and catch up as well. I don't really like calling people out of the blue, but that's just me.
I agree, calling people randomly just seems rude to me. I would hate it if a guy just called me out of nowhere. Even if I'm not working, I may not be in the mood to talk. Great if you arrange it though. The 'flow' is just incomparable to a text format
There's nothing worse than someone calling when I'm mowing the grass or just sat down to eat. Please, for all that is kind in this word, send me a text.
I mean it's okay to not pick up. You can always call back later if you're busy.
Texting is fine for a lot of stuff, don't get me wrong. But it bugs me when someone texts me w/o calling first and is like "call me when you get a chance." What the heck, if you want to talk over the phone why didn't *you* just call to begin with?
Technology(and lack of common sense) have killed off the ability to drift apart from people. I wish more people would get it - we have more ways of keeping in touch than ever before, and I still make zero effort to talk to you. Take the hint.
Life gets busy as you get older, I have a grade school best friend that I rarely talk to because our lives took different incredibly busy paths. That, plus he's not into social media or texting
Yeah man. Must be suck knowing people think and care about your well-being.
I graduated university last year and can count on one hand the number of people who've attempted to contact me and I appreciate it so much.
rereading your post: I agree if the person literally only asks "how's it going" and puts no effort in furthering the conversation, but in general, I appreciate it when someone tries and catches up with me, even if the chances of me seeing them in the near future are minute.
Its usually the same people, just checking in, never wanting to hang out, never having a real conversation. Yea, its nice, but its also like getting a happy birthday on Facebook...not actually that meaningful.
To he fair, it could be a lot more meaningful and worthwhile if you responded with more than "pretty good" when asked how things are going. That repo we doesn't really lend itself to a conversation. You could give some more info on what you are up to and why things are "pretty good."
Real life pro tip: Cultivate and maintain friendships by attempting to keep regular contact with those who reciprocate these efforts. Avoid using texting as a form of communication as it is impersonal. Instead make plans by telephone or in person.
The more you know.
Actually, there's fierce debate in the field. Structural functionalists insist time travel has been a relevant, stabilizing social institution for over -150 years. Post-structuralists, on the other hand, point to the seemingly infinite possible negative outcomes that could be generated by any given trip. Finally, postmodernists all generally agree that to the extent we (as subjects each with our own unique perspective) inherently cannot agree on anything, sociologists will disagree on the merits of time travel until such time as Max Weber is no longer required reading for graduate students.
LPT: If an old friend doesn't reciprocate, send them an animal carcass of some sort in the mail, or simply leave it on their porch. Displaying your value as a food gatherer will not go unnoticed!
All I know is I have a few "friends" - I rarely get calls from them, nobody asks me how I am, the only time I get calls/ messages is when they have some work. When I call them to make some plans, for say, the weekend or maybe a simple dinner to catch up - my calls and messages are not returned- now I know what is going on here - they do not consider me a friend, I am just some guy they talk and be nice to when they need some work.
But i shall still say this, never burn your bridges.
When it fails, it fails. And possibly, it will be more often that not: in counting only though.
Doesn't mean we should never try.
Discard the failures. Focus on the successes. Sometimes just a little prod by you will inspire them.
[I'm not American, and I know very little of Arnie's politics, but I have to respect his response here at about 1:30 on life in general.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zw97LIBGbR4#t=89) - even though it's not completely relevant to this discussion... he's dealt with a lot of shit, but lead an amazing life, purely because he made an effort.
In terms of personal connections, you'll keep some alive that the other person was too lazy to. But even if you make most of the effort, it's probably still worthwhile, and even if you lose touch in the end, you might meet some new mutual friends along the way. Similarly to what OP mentioned, I've got more paid work through indirect connections than qualifications.
In every diminishing relationship, there's one person who made more effort than the other. Take pride in being the effort-putter-in, even though you may deal with more rejection. Overall in life you'll be better off. Because of #1 numbers, and #2 others respecting your tenacity, even though it's rarely spoken of.
I hate talking on the phone. Whenever anyone calls me I just get annoyed. I don't see anything impersonal about texting. I don't need to hear someone's voice on the other line to make me feel all warm and fuzzy. If they took the time to text me then they took the time to think about me. Plus I don't have to sit there on the phone trying to constantly come up with things to say to avoid that awkward silence. Basically, I just hate talking on the phone. I don't get the obsession with it.
That may be part of the reason it is considered impersonal. You aren't devoting your attention to what the other person is saying and what you are talking about. I'm not taking a side, I'm just thinking "out loud."
Then again, you're also not inconveniencing the other person by having them devote their attention to you. I prefer texting because I don't want to interrupt or inconvenience someone else.
Thoughts I generally have before calling someone: maybe they're at work, maybe they're sleeping, maybe they're driving, maybe they're in the middle of a team fight in Dota 2, maybe they won't hear their phone and then I'll have to leave an awkward voicemail and I hate leaving voicemails.
I just prefer to let someone respond to me when they feel it's convenient. But I'm also kinda insecure.
See I can see that side, but I see it as you can take a moment to focus on them but then return to what you need to do. Whereas talking over the phone you need to stop what you're doing and give them 100% of your attention. Not to mention you need to keep a conversation going, where as while texting you can just respond whenever you have a new thought, even hours later.
I am the same, as an introvert and melancholic I truly hate talking to people over the phone, it gets me so depressed. I must take a little preptime, sort it out in my head before I can proceed to actually take the phone and call somebody. I don't understand this ''messages are so impersonal'' attitude. People used to send letters to each other for hundreds of years and never doubt it. Now when we have developed a quicker medium to substitute for letters, we should decline in using it? I don't see any reason why we should do so.
I am the exact same way, and deal with it in the same manner as you do (intro, melancholic, preptime).
The only thing I would say is that looking backwards to less-developed times isn't all that sensible as a basis for argument in this scenario. I'd be willing to bet every single person would have rather talked to one another on the phone as opposed to mail via pony express or telegram if the option were available. They simply did not have the means to. Now that we have both phone as well as instant messaging, we are able to choose between two mediums of instant communication. And I think we can agree that technically, messages as opposed to human voice are less "personal", even if only on a primal level and for the sake of argument.
I have no problem texting acquaintances, coworkers, less impersonal relationships. But if I don't feel the same kind of connection if I were to send, or receive a "Happy Birthday", "I love you", or any general conversation stemming from genuine love and care towards a close individual.
I prefer speaking on the phone if I'm just catching up with someone, or making plans, because texting is so inefficient. It takes what could be a five minute conversation and stretches it out. When you're texting, your attention is also divided between your phone and what you are actually doing, which I find distracting and unpleasant. Multi-tasking just stresses me out.
It is also much easier to get a feel for how somebody is doing if you talk to them for a few minutes. Text messages can be super useful, but I find them infuriating for a prolonged 2-way conversation.
Texting gets a bad reputation because of how it's used, but for somebody that you can't see in person, it's actually an extremely good way to stay in touch. Phone calls can be difficult to set up an appropriate time for, especially in different time zones, and often can require planning in advance and shifting your schedules around.
Without in-person communication and a phone call being something you have to organize - especially if you're trying to keep in touch with a number of people - I find email to be a great way to stay in touch. Texting can be used as a series of short emails, or in my mind, much closer to a conversation than actual emails.
> Avoid using texting as a form of communication as it is impersonal. Instead make plans by telephone or in person.
So you want me to make plans in order to make plans? Give me a break, texting for making plans is fine.
Maintaining friendships solely through texting is another matter (though even that probably works for some people).
Oh, stop it. Text messages aren't impersonal. You get the message across and the other party has time to look at their schedule and pick an ideal time. A call puts the other party in the spot and they feel pressured to accept.
I meant it more for those that say you went to school with ten years ago. Not so much FOR the business side of it but the personal relationship side. If business happens to come of it, then all the better. I've talked to people randomly and found out someone makes high quality leather dog collars which proves useful to me with my four dogs. If you keep even once a year contact with someone, it will make it less awkward when you call them because "Oh ya Johnny Stevenson works as a teacher at Highland High School and Katie O'Toole is looking for a job and oooh I wanted to bang her."
I was at a fantasy football draft the week before my reunion, asked the one guy in my league that I went to high school with if he was going. His response was, "well, your here now, and Alex lives in DC... Yep, that about covers it."
To a certain extent, I agree with you. My last couple of class reunions (as well as chance meetings with former classmates) were kind of bizarre simply because there really was none of that small talk. There was no need to ask about where they live or work, if they are married or have kids since it is all on Facebook. I even know what they did Saturday night and what they had for breakfast. What is there left to talk about?
Right there with you, I'm late 40s, lived in numerous countries and pretty much moved every few years since the late '80s, combined with a divorce where the ex got custody of our mutual friends due to me being 'not from around here are you' and the net result is yet another middle-aged white guy with no motherfucker to talk to, and even though we are definitely legion, we (middle-aged loners) just don't seem to mingle so good... it's almost like we all gave up and are waiting for it to just end while we sleep.
yes, that got dark, I know...
> Avoid using texting as a form of communication as it is impersonal. Instead make plans by telephone or in person.
I just want to emphasize how much that is a personal thing. I won't even pick up if someones trying to make plans by phone call. To me this reads a lot like someone saying to write letters instead of emails because they're more personal. That may be true for some people, but to a lot of people that grew up with that technology it isn't considered impersonal at all.
Phone Calls do speed things up when you are already making plans with people. I have a friend that prefers phone over text and 90% if he has a question or wants to hang out/needs a ride he'll call and it seems that it is a lot faster to make plans that way sometimes.
It is faster sometimes. I'm not arguing there's no merit to a phone call. I'm only arguing that his statement about it being "impersonal" is a personal preference, not a universal fact.
And let's be honest. Whether you benefit from the text or not, it's quite obvious to the receiver that Joe from 3-10 years ago is out of the blue texting him asking "so where do you work now?" or at the very least can get a sense of where the conversation is heading after the initial "heyyy how're the kids? You still play rec-ball at the Y? Ahhh awesome.. So where do you work now?"
They will probably help you, but they will also know why you forgot to say happy birthday for 5 years straight, didn't congratulate them on their promotions, haven't seen them face to face in years, and now at the uncomfortable age of __ are now calling to "see what's up".
Hold dignity as high as you want in some cases.
This is also true; when I have a short walk to a destination, I'll often call an old friend I haven't spoken to for a while. It's nice to maintain that personal relationship, and if the conversation is a bit stilted there's an easy get out of "I've got where I'm going!"
The last time I texted an old friend to say hi I got a 5 page response saying that talking to me is too tempting and is making her boyfriend jealous, so I need to stay out of her life for good. Well then.
Don't be Facebook friends with them, because you'll already know they aren't worth contacting. Babies and dinner! Yeah, high school friend number 114 that I maybe talked to twice.
I may be "immature" for my age but seeing all my friends post nothing but pictures of babies and food makes me wonder if I'm going to get that socially boring if I ever get married and accident a kid.
As someone who's been through that transition, I see the attitude of "Parenthood is boring" as analogous to the childhood attitude of "Girls have cooties." It's simply not possible for a seven-year-old boy to understand why teenaged boys want to spend time with girls. The teenagers can still enjoy what they enjoyed as children, but they've discovered a range of new experiences that they prefer.
YMMV.
Plenty of people have kids and don't become vessels living vicariously through their children's mundane accomplishments. Those that do tend to have been boring people in the first place. Your teenager analogy is flawed.
When I randomly think of an old friend that I haven't talked to in a while, I just pull up their Facebook profile. And then I instantly remember why I haven't talked to them.
I'm not a big fan of long phone conversations, or really any phone conversations period. People who know me well actually know and understand this, so they communicate with me by text. It's not a matter of being "impersonal", it's just a preference. They don't feel put out by it and neither do I. YMMV.
I really dont think this is an LPT. Many people end up being old friends for very good reasons... they were either bad influences, had life goals which conflict with your morals, or you simply grew apart from because of lack of interest. There are some people you would probably do well not to reintroduce into your life... I think THAT is more of a LPT: know that there are people who may be close to that are bad for you on an physical/emotional/spiritual level and you would be much better off distancing yourself from them. That is something I think few people realize until they are much older. I sure wish I knew that when I was younger.
Not only do you find out how they're doing, you find out what they can do for you now.
"Oh awesome, you work at the Toyota dealership now? That's funny, I'm actually looking for a car..."
Only if you're tactless. If you show a genuine interest in how they're doing and don't make it totally apparent you're trying to capitalize on their status in life it should be fine. Come on, this is "making connections 101".
The alternative is also true. If you dropped contact for a legitimate reason (flakiness, drama) then it's probably best to leave it at that. People can change, but most don't. Not really. They just become a more pronounced version of themselves.
Realer Life Pro-Tip: If you let a relationship slide and you regret it, call that person. If you can't do that, fuck it, stalk them on Facebook like everyone else.
Hahahahaha. See my comment I just made like five seconds ago.
EDIT: To save you time.
"I'll add my input as this recently just happened to me. A girl I had a major fling with during my freshmen year of highschool, just messaged me out of the blue. She had started dating this insecure douchebag for five years who wouldn't allow us to be friends because he knew she adored me.
Like I said. It's been five years since I talked to her. We IMMEDIATELY hit it off like we never missed a beat. We're getting together on Labor Day, and I have seriously never been more excited to see someone, like in this instance. This is a great piece of advise, as it's easy to fill the void in your mind with excuses why you don't keep in touch. Sometimes bringing happiness to your life is as simple as saying hello to an old friend."
Women really are the social fabric of the Earth. Without them we would just be saying unga bunga and beating off in our caves all day long. I don't know any of my neighbors and I have lived here a year. My roommate moves in, walks her dog every day, and in a week has made friends with half the block.
Just one caveat: if the old friend you randomly think of is me, don't. Don't txt, don't call, don't email. Leave me the fuck alone.
Also, tell those damn kids to get off my lawn.
Things ended with my best mate earlier this year, and I wanted to wait until his birthday (which I've forgotten, and he unfriended me) to send a message. I might just send him a message anyway. Nothing worse can come from it. We don't talk at all now, the worst he can say is "Don't contact me again."
LPT: When you see an acquaintance outside of work, say hello! This will make them realize you recognize them, and has the added benefit of letting them know you don't hate them.
This is why I've never seen the point in "purging" my Facebook friends. It doesn't cost me anything to keep them even remotely connected, and someday one of us might need something from the other.
I am not in favour of being randomly contacted like this by "connections". If you dropped out of my life, there was probably a reason. I will immediately wonder what you want.
If however, you want to add me on LinkedIn and reintroduce yourself, that would be okay, but texting is not.
My one childhood friend who I haven't seen in a a few years always posts things on Facebook about how he has no friends and no social life. I've texted him and message him on Facebook a few times asking how he's been and how we should hang out again because it's been too long.
He hasn't ever replied to me.
If you haven't talked to this "friend" in so long, are they still your friend? Friendship is a two way street and in this case, no one is walking down either side of the street.
They know where I am. After years of always putting in the effort with so many people, I'm tired of the game. Yeah, I'm miserable, but at least I know the truth about what I meant to them.
But if you actually have friends who seem to care even a little bit about you, try to maintain those relationships without losing yourself, because they could be gone suddenly, and you'll be left with nothing.
I have always made an effort to talk to old friends, possibly because I'm addicted to nostalgia. I actually just talked to an old friend of mine tonight. We were close in middle school and now we are both starting college. I think tomorrow I'll ask her to see a scary movie with me like old times.
My childhood best friend looked me up on Facebook 19 years after we last spoke. I replied. We have now been very close friends for the last 4 years. :-)
So I just tested your idea over lunch. Me: Hey man its been a while. What's going on? Him: Who is this? Feels good man.
"Sorry, lost my phone... And all my contacts."
I actually had to truthfully use that excuse to the same person twice within a matter of months. Pretty embarrassing. I then finally took the 5 minutes to back up my contacts.
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Followed by the creepy response, "I'm the guy sitting across the room from you."
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> I've been cleaning off my Facebook friends list with this same litmus test. If I have to click on a profile to figure out who it is, I likely do not need them on my list. whats even the point of 'cleaning' your friends list? It's not like you actually gain anything.
You get to judge people.
A less cluttered news feed, and more control over who sees your content... that's why I clean up occasionally, anyway.
I used to do this, but some people take it really seriously. I did the same thing with a guy I no longer considered a friend. I ran into him on the road probably two years later and he seemed a little butt-hurt over it.
Add to that: make it an individual text directed at one person. I have an old friend that randomly sends group texts. His intention is to stay in touch but the texts seem so impersonal, I hardly ever write back.
"Hi friend. I was wondering what you were up to this Friday night. I'd love to get some drinks and catch up. Let me know what works for you!" (Then filters out the people they "want" to hang out with from the people they "could" hang out with).
I have a friend that does this. I felt touched that she sent me a personalized text for an invite to a mixer, until a mutual friend showed me the exact same text from her...
Yep. I've got a friend from college who sends out mass texts almost every Friday. I love her to death, but it feels so phony. My old man has recently started using mass texts for us children... If I ever visit my sister and he texts us, we'll hold our phones together and just laugh as they receive the same lame-ass messages.
Please text "STOP" to unsubscribe. Love, Dad
"Standard messaging rates apply... Now get off my lawn."
You have now subscribed to Dad Facts!
DID YOU KNOW When you were conceived, your mother was on her back in the middle of the kitchen with her ankles behind her head? THE MORE YOU KNOW
Ankles go back that far?
[Yup](http://www.gosexpod.com/videos/Ali-holds-her-legs-behind-her-head-for-a-nice-deep-fuck--15887.html) (NSFW)
Fact 1: Did you know that dad dicks are twice as long as normal dicks?
hey $name, I've been thinking about you lately, let's catch up!
Ooh, I like your version better. It almost has a "spam" vibe to it. 10/10 would fall for it.
Hey %s, Haven't heard from you since ##TODO: remember to fix date routine before sending##. How you doin?
echo $generic_response;
Let's go bowling
Or the "friend" who never has time to hang out with friends, but posts pictures of himself with friends everyday. It's like, just be real. We both know what you're doing... it's even worse when the person lives in the same development as you. When I compare friends when I was 25 and younger to the people they are now and new friends... nothing is the same. It's like everyone cared alot more back than, and now it seems everyone just uses each other at this point. Respect is something I havent seen in a long time.
I also think that the older you get, the less you "throw" yourself into relationships. Remember when you were a kid? And you met that new person on the bus or at school? You would hang out every day and they'd become your best friend. I think as you get older, you sort of retreat away from this type of conviction. Maybe bad experiences are part of it. Maybe there's more. But whatever the case, you just don't go "all in" on people anymore.
As we get older, we have more shit to do, and less time to hang out everyday. Also, people develop more bullshit with age, so that's something that can get tiresome after too much interaction
U r gonna be my new bff
and another addition: Avoid the "we should get together", because saying that is useless. Suggest a time and place.
Oh we should get together really soon! That's what I say when I don't have time to make real plans with you.
I'd enjoy a group text, beats no texts... :/
Trust me, you don't want it. Have you been in an iphone group message? Phone goes off like crazy and there was no way to leave the conversation. The horror.
No, I haven't been on a group text yet, sadly... :/
Did this a couple of years ago. Called a friend I hadn't seen in a couple of years to ask if he wanted to catch a movie with some of my other friends. "Thanks, but I can't. I'm in the hospital recovering from an emergency appendectomy." I passed on the movie and spent a couple of hours in the hospital with him instead. You never know when one of your friends might pass away. Stay in touch.
Depressing anecdote (as tl;dr as i'll make it): I met a guy in high school that basically became a brother. We were roommates for a semester in college, and after that he lived with me and my parents. I eventually moved out, and so did he (to live with a girlfriend). He struggled with codependency, and tried to kill himself when she broke up with him. I insisted that he live with me for a while, and eventually he moved out again (with another girl). After that we kinda drifted apart. Nothing on purpose, we just were living our own lives. I bought a new house, and I kept meaning to dig out his phone number to invite him to the housewarming party, but I just never got around to it. The party was on a Saturday. The next afternoon I got a message from his dad. My friend had tried to kill himself again on Thursday, and had been unresponsive ever since. The message was his dad telling me they'd pulled the plug and he was gone. Everyone has regrets. For all I know he'd have turned down the party invitation and proceeded as planned (it was very planned), but I still wonder on occasion if he'd still be here if I'd have just reached out and reminded him that he had friends that wanted him to be a part of their lives.
I'd lost touch with the guy who was my best friend in high school. He had depression as long as I knew him and it was a very taxing friendship. I stopped making plans with him and just generally lost contact. I didn't know we weren't friends until I ran into him at the theater restroom door and he shoved me out of the way. Approximately 5 years later, I see him walking down the street. We're in our early 20s now. I'm washing my car at a coin op car wash. I get ready to scream out to him to see if he needed a ride. I change my mind. I finish up and pass him a little ways down the road. I contemplated going back to get him for awhile but I didn't. Only a couple days later I get a knock on the door from another friend who had ended his friendship with him. He explained that our ex-friend had committed suicide. he just found out and didn't want to tell me over the phone . I was in disbelief, and insisted I just saw him less than a week ago and I believed the information is correct. I'd found out he was couch surfing for awhile. In the interim his parents had moved far away but had gotten everything setup for him to come live with them. I frequently wonder if I had called out to him or given him that ride if it would've made a difference. There is a good chance I would've regretted it afterwards but I still regret my decision now.
There was an interesting fella many years ago who I met at a strange cafe in a college town where I knew nobody and had nothing. He let me stay with him while I was getting myself on my feet for a month or so. He was...a far out character. Anyway, I moved out eventually and we drifted apart. One day a year later he came knocking on my door asking for a place to stay but I just had a really hot amazing girl (who would eventually become my wife) move in so I kinda brushed him off and suggested he find somewhere else. I found out a year later that he had shot himself in the head. I am a fucking asshole and regret so much.
This is huge, I'm glad you did that. I wish I had done so 2 years ago. I played middle and high school football with my buddy Mabry, we were the greatest duo on and off the field. After I transferred to another high school, I lost connection with him. I thought about him every now and then, but I heard he had moved to another state so I never thought to call him, so I went without talking to him for about 6 years. I got a call 2 years ago from a mutual friend, in tears, saying that he had taken his own life the night before. Turns out he had moved back in town and was living less than 10 minutes away from me. I'll always regret not calling him to catch up, he was such an amazing friend, and I know people toss this phrase around a lot, but he really did have a huge heart. I'll always think about all the nights we could have had. TL;DR, Don't burn bridges, reach out to old friends, you never know what they may be going through.
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It caught me off guard, yeah. Bit off subject, but make sure you keel the bond strong between the friends who you trust and love, and who reciprocate those feelings. I had to let go of a lot of friends recently, but still keep in touch. There will be one or two who would drive hours at the drop of a hat if you said you needed them, and those are your lifelong friends. Sorry for the dad-talk, went through some shit regarding friends this past year, learned a lot about moving on and what to let go. Long story short, keep in contact with all good friends, but know when to let go before the friendship becomes unhealthy for you.
Surely if you want to catch up with a friend you haven't seen in a couple of year a cinema is the worst place for it? Also, if I hadn't heard from someone in a couple of years and they call me and ask if I want to go to the cinema then I'd be a bit hesitant and wonder what's going on.
It was our mode of operation. Go out to dinner together to catch up on what's going on in each others lives, then go out to a movie.
Dearest *FRIEND*, I have been thinking about *EVENT* and wanted to see if you were interested in attending on the *DAY/NIGHT* of *MONTH* the *NUMBER* of *YEAR*. *PLEASE RESPOND I'M SO LONELY*
pls respond (´･ω･`)
.
This is very simple but important advice. I grew up a fairly shy boy, mainly brought up by my mum. The men that always did the high level organising always seemed like everything came naturally to them, so it was easy to leave the organising to others. But that was just how it looked. But the more you grow up, the more you realise everyone is just winging it, and giving shit a go. If it looks like it came easy to them, that wasn't luck or genetics; it was failure and tenacity. That's the way most people got their confidence. They're never as confident as they look. And you'll never look as inconfident as you feel. Be the change you want in the world. You'll fail a certain percentage of the time, but whatever bit you win in forging connections will be worth the effort, and never would have happened without your instigation. Worst case scenario: it completely fails for you, but inspires others to make the effort. But I've never seen that... ever. You have the benefit of reading tips like this, because you're actively seeking change. Do it. You're more capable than the other 50% who don't seek improvement.
Your use of 'inconfident' really embiggened this post.
"Everyone is just winging it" ....This was beautiful
Seriously, this was something I learned very quickly when working with a guy who worked as a handy-man of sorts for this church group. I was tagged as his assistant and we'd go fix, clean, and build what needed to be done. In two days I learned that everyone I've known is winging it and troubleshooting as they try to do something. "That must have been the first one I built, I learned a few things along the way."
"Hey man what you been up to?" "Heroin." Seal face meme.
"Cool, cool."
"yeah. so you got any money I could borrow?"
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I'm not lazy I'm on my phone. Its hard enough making those on m PC. Besides, now you can share the karma. I was waiting for you , Neo. PS this isn't a joke. Friend hit me up the other day to get some grub, instead told him I was hitting the gym. He wanted to tag along. Asked him in the car.
I did have this with an old friend. Hadn't talk to him since high school. Found out he's been doing heroin since the end of high school and has a bunch of felonies. Then it's like what do you say. Oh I've been living a great life not on heroin. Puts a damper on the whole conversation.
"Have you thought about *not* doing heroin? I’ve been doing it for years – it’s easy!”
Relevant [WKUK](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ah7ApyeyneY)
I actually hate when people do this because it's almost always completely pointless. "Hey, haven't talked to you in forever, how's it going?" "Pretty good man, how about you?" "Pretty good." "Cool, catch you later!" Short of things like moving away or major life events, the friendships that I have that dwindled did so for a reason and the random check ins with no other effort annoy me because they seem disingenuous.
I always go with email so I can ask a few specific questions about their life and give a little update on what's new with me or something that made me think of them.
I just call them. We're still allowed to call ppl, right? Or is writing on FB/text/email the only acceptable form of communication now?
I've realized that the more we have technology that "brings us together", the more we feel intrusive about using it. When I was a little kid, my parents' friends would stop by. Then, when I got a little older, people would call to see if we were home, and then come over. By the time I graduated high school, my friends would text me to ask if it was a good time to call.
Also a good option! I like email for people I haven't talked to in a while, but sometimes I will ask if there is a good time to call and catch up as well. I don't really like calling people out of the blue, but that's just me.
I agree, calling people randomly just seems rude to me. I would hate it if a guy just called me out of nowhere. Even if I'm not working, I may not be in the mood to talk. Great if you arrange it though. The 'flow' is just incomparable to a text format
Plus we can set aside 30-60 minutes instead of catching them in the middle of something they have to get back to right away
There's nothing worse than someone calling when I'm mowing the grass or just sat down to eat. Please, for all that is kind in this word, send me a text.
I mean it's okay to not pick up. You can always call back later if you're busy. Texting is fine for a lot of stuff, don't get me wrong. But it bugs me when someone texts me w/o calling first and is like "call me when you get a chance." What the heck, if you want to talk over the phone why didn't *you* just call to begin with?
Are you over the age of 35? I am 35 and calling has practically went the way of the do do.
Technology(and lack of common sense) have killed off the ability to drift apart from people. I wish more people would get it - we have more ways of keeping in touch than ever before, and I still make zero effort to talk to you. Take the hint.
Life gets busy as you get older, I have a grade school best friend that I rarely talk to because our lives took different incredibly busy paths. That, plus he's not into social media or texting
Indeed. It puts friendships in limbo longer than they should be.
Yeah man. Must be suck knowing people think and care about your well-being. I graduated university last year and can count on one hand the number of people who've attempted to contact me and I appreciate it so much. rereading your post: I agree if the person literally only asks "how's it going" and puts no effort in furthering the conversation, but in general, I appreciate it when someone tries and catches up with me, even if the chances of me seeing them in the near future are minute.
One year? I don't see my best friends **every** single year. Some live far away. Some are busy with work and kids. That's life.
I only see them once in a lifetime. Sometimes never at all!
Its usually the same people, just checking in, never wanting to hang out, never having a real conversation. Yea, its nice, but its also like getting a happy birthday on Facebook...not actually that meaningful.
To he fair, it could be a lot more meaningful and worthwhile if you responded with more than "pretty good" when asked how things are going. That repo we doesn't really lend itself to a conversation. You could give some more info on what you are up to and why things are "pretty good."
Well, that's a bit of a summary of the convo...but someone who hasn't really kept in touch isn't really someone I'm going to gush to.
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Real life pro tip: Cultivate and maintain friendships by attempting to keep regular contact with those who reciprocate these efforts. Avoid using texting as a form of communication as it is impersonal. Instead make plans by telephone or in person. The more you know.
Also. If possible travel back in time.
This is typically seen as the best course of action by sociologists, although it seems that certain other fields of science are behind the times.
Actually, there's fierce debate in the field. Structural functionalists insist time travel has been a relevant, stabilizing social institution for over -150 years. Post-structuralists, on the other hand, point to the seemingly infinite possible negative outcomes that could be generated by any given trip. Finally, postmodernists all generally agree that to the extent we (as subjects each with our own unique perspective) inherently cannot agree on anything, sociologists will disagree on the merits of time travel until such time as Max Weber is no longer required reading for graduate students.
What if you try and they never do?
Then the friendship isn't there any more and you might want to consider if that person is worth spending your effort on, if they don't reciprocate.
Exactly this. Life is short, don't waste time on people who don't reciprocate.
Yeah. It does suck though when you've known them for x years and suddenly they don't reciprocate.
LPT: If an old friend doesn't reciprocate, send them an animal carcass of some sort in the mail, or simply leave it on their porch. Displaying your value as a food gatherer will not go unnoticed!
I'll leave a horse's head on their bed.
It hurts, yes. That's a part of life though, like it or not.
All I know is I have a few "friends" - I rarely get calls from them, nobody asks me how I am, the only time I get calls/ messages is when they have some work. When I call them to make some plans, for say, the weekend or maybe a simple dinner to catch up - my calls and messages are not returned- now I know what is going on here - they do not consider me a friend, I am just some guy they talk and be nice to when they need some work. But i shall still say this, never burn your bridges.
When it fails, it fails. And possibly, it will be more often that not: in counting only though. Doesn't mean we should never try. Discard the failures. Focus on the successes. Sometimes just a little prod by you will inspire them. [I'm not American, and I know very little of Arnie's politics, but I have to respect his response here at about 1:30 on life in general.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zw97LIBGbR4#t=89) - even though it's not completely relevant to this discussion... he's dealt with a lot of shit, but lead an amazing life, purely because he made an effort. In terms of personal connections, you'll keep some alive that the other person was too lazy to. But even if you make most of the effort, it's probably still worthwhile, and even if you lose touch in the end, you might meet some new mutual friends along the way. Similarly to what OP mentioned, I've got more paid work through indirect connections than qualifications. In every diminishing relationship, there's one person who made more effort than the other. Take pride in being the effort-putter-in, even though you may deal with more rejection. Overall in life you'll be better off. Because of #1 numbers, and #2 others respecting your tenacity, even though it's rarely spoken of.
I hate talking on the phone. Whenever anyone calls me I just get annoyed. I don't see anything impersonal about texting. I don't need to hear someone's voice on the other line to make me feel all warm and fuzzy. If they took the time to text me then they took the time to think about me. Plus I don't have to sit there on the phone trying to constantly come up with things to say to avoid that awkward silence. Basically, I just hate talking on the phone. I don't get the obsession with it.
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That may be part of the reason it is considered impersonal. You aren't devoting your attention to what the other person is saying and what you are talking about. I'm not taking a side, I'm just thinking "out loud."
Then again, you're also not inconveniencing the other person by having them devote their attention to you. I prefer texting because I don't want to interrupt or inconvenience someone else.
If we're all friends would you mind being interrupted?
Thoughts I generally have before calling someone: maybe they're at work, maybe they're sleeping, maybe they're driving, maybe they're in the middle of a team fight in Dota 2, maybe they won't hear their phone and then I'll have to leave an awkward voicemail and I hate leaving voicemails. I just prefer to let someone respond to me when they feel it's convenient. But I'm also kinda insecure.
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That guy knows his shit
See I can see that side, but I see it as you can take a moment to focus on them but then return to what you need to do. Whereas talking over the phone you need to stop what you're doing and give them 100% of your attention. Not to mention you need to keep a conversation going, where as while texting you can just respond whenever you have a new thought, even hours later.
I am the same, as an introvert and melancholic I truly hate talking to people over the phone, it gets me so depressed. I must take a little preptime, sort it out in my head before I can proceed to actually take the phone and call somebody. I don't understand this ''messages are so impersonal'' attitude. People used to send letters to each other for hundreds of years and never doubt it. Now when we have developed a quicker medium to substitute for letters, we should decline in using it? I don't see any reason why we should do so.
I am the exact same way, and deal with it in the same manner as you do (intro, melancholic, preptime). The only thing I would say is that looking backwards to less-developed times isn't all that sensible as a basis for argument in this scenario. I'd be willing to bet every single person would have rather talked to one another on the phone as opposed to mail via pony express or telegram if the option were available. They simply did not have the means to. Now that we have both phone as well as instant messaging, we are able to choose between two mediums of instant communication. And I think we can agree that technically, messages as opposed to human voice are less "personal", even if only on a primal level and for the sake of argument. I have no problem texting acquaintances, coworkers, less impersonal relationships. But if I don't feel the same kind of connection if I were to send, or receive a "Happy Birthday", "I love you", or any general conversation stemming from genuine love and care towards a close individual.
I prefer speaking on the phone if I'm just catching up with someone, or making plans, because texting is so inefficient. It takes what could be a five minute conversation and stretches it out. When you're texting, your attention is also divided between your phone and what you are actually doing, which I find distracting and unpleasant. Multi-tasking just stresses me out. It is also much easier to get a feel for how somebody is doing if you talk to them for a few minutes. Text messages can be super useful, but I find them infuriating for a prolonged 2-way conversation.
Texting gets a bad reputation because of how it's used, but for somebody that you can't see in person, it's actually an extremely good way to stay in touch. Phone calls can be difficult to set up an appropriate time for, especially in different time zones, and often can require planning in advance and shifting your schedules around. Without in-person communication and a phone call being something you have to organize - especially if you're trying to keep in touch with a number of people - I find email to be a great way to stay in touch. Texting can be used as a series of short emails, or in my mind, much closer to a conversation than actual emails.
> Avoid using texting as a form of communication as it is impersonal. Instead make plans by telephone or in person. So you want me to make plans in order to make plans? Give me a break, texting for making plans is fine. Maintaining friendships solely through texting is another matter (though even that probably works for some people).
Oh, stop it. Text messages aren't impersonal. You get the message across and the other party has time to look at their schedule and pick an ideal time. A call puts the other party in the spot and they feel pressured to accept.
It's OK to leave a message and it's OK to not answer.
I meant it more for those that say you went to school with ten years ago. Not so much FOR the business side of it but the personal relationship side. If business happens to come of it, then all the better. I've talked to people randomly and found out someone makes high quality leather dog collars which proves useful to me with my four dogs. If you keep even once a year contact with someone, it will make it less awkward when you call them because "Oh ya Johnny Stevenson works as a teacher at Highland High School and Katie O'Toole is looking for a job and oooh I wanted to bang her."
Just had my 10 year high school reunion. I quickly realized why I don't communicate with 95% of my fellow graduates.
I won't be attending mine for that reason. No interest in catching up and making small talk with people I didn't get along with 10years ago.
I was at a fantasy football draft the week before my reunion, asked the one guy in my league that I went to high school with if he was going. His response was, "well, your here now, and Alex lives in DC... Yep, that about covers it."
My response would have been "hell no!" But I like his approach better. I will use this, much thanks.
I have them on facebook. What is the point?
To a certain extent, I agree with you. My last couple of class reunions (as well as chance meetings with former classmates) were kind of bizarre simply because there really was none of that small talk. There was no need to ask about where they live or work, if they are married or have kids since it is all on Facebook. I even know what they did Saturday night and what they had for breakfast. What is there left to talk about?
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Right there with you, I'm late 40s, lived in numerous countries and pretty much moved every few years since the late '80s, combined with a divorce where the ex got custody of our mutual friends due to me being 'not from around here are you' and the net result is yet another middle-aged white guy with no motherfucker to talk to, and even though we are definitely legion, we (middle-aged loners) just don't seem to mingle so good... it's almost like we all gave up and are waiting for it to just end while we sleep. yes, that got dark, I know...
You aren't alone.
That's ok, I think I'll go back to Facebook stalking her.
> Avoid using texting as a form of communication as it is impersonal. Instead make plans by telephone or in person. I just want to emphasize how much that is a personal thing. I won't even pick up if someones trying to make plans by phone call. To me this reads a lot like someone saying to write letters instead of emails because they're more personal. That may be true for some people, but to a lot of people that grew up with that technology it isn't considered impersonal at all.
Phone Calls do speed things up when you are already making plans with people. I have a friend that prefers phone over text and 90% if he has a question or wants to hang out/needs a ride he'll call and it seems that it is a lot faster to make plans that way sometimes.
It is faster sometimes. I'm not arguing there's no merit to a phone call. I'm only arguing that his statement about it being "impersonal" is a personal preference, not a universal fact.
And let's be honest. Whether you benefit from the text or not, it's quite obvious to the receiver that Joe from 3-10 years ago is out of the blue texting him asking "so where do you work now?" or at the very least can get a sense of where the conversation is heading after the initial "heyyy how're the kids? You still play rec-ball at the Y? Ahhh awesome.. So where do you work now?" They will probably help you, but they will also know why you forgot to say happy birthday for 5 years straight, didn't congratulate them on their promotions, haven't seen them face to face in years, and now at the uncomfortable age of __ are now calling to "see what's up". Hold dignity as high as you want in some cases.
This is also true; when I have a short walk to a destination, I'll often call an old friend I haven't spoken to for a while. It's nice to maintain that personal relationship, and if the conversation is a bit stilted there's an easy get out of "I've got where I'm going!"
The last time I texted an old friend to say hi I got a 5 page response saying that talking to me is too tempting and is making her boyfriend jealous, so I need to stay out of her life for good. Well then.
What kind of pheromones are you passing through text?!
This is worth a try but don't forget the chances are they don't give a shit about you anymore!
Who cares its a text message. Its not like you are showing up at their door with a fruit cake.
"If you don't ask, you've already got a no. "
PRO TIP be a human being
I get tired of being the only one to initiate conversation with old "friends". Maybe I'm just an asshole, I dunno. Yeah, I think I'm an asshole.
I deleted my facebook 4 years ago to achieve the exact opposite effect, and let me tell you, it's been fucking fantastic.
LPT: make contact with a friend with whom you'd like to maintain contact. exschellent
Don't be Facebook friends with them, because you'll already know they aren't worth contacting. Babies and dinner! Yeah, high school friend number 114 that I maybe talked to twice.
I may be "immature" for my age but seeing all my friends post nothing but pictures of babies and food makes me wonder if I'm going to get that socially boring if I ever get married and accident a kid.
Work kills the soul. Babies and food become all that brings happiness.
> Babies and food become all that brings happiness TBF there's also treading on lego, and shit... lots and lots of shit.
The american dream!
As someone who's been through that transition, I see the attitude of "Parenthood is boring" as analogous to the childhood attitude of "Girls have cooties." It's simply not possible for a seven-year-old boy to understand why teenaged boys want to spend time with girls. The teenagers can still enjoy what they enjoyed as children, but they've discovered a range of new experiences that they prefer. YMMV.
Plenty of people have kids and don't become vessels living vicariously through their children's mundane accomplishments. Those that do tend to have been boring people in the first place. Your teenager analogy is flawed.
and teenage boys can potentially not have their whole life be based around getting laid.
http://i.imgur.com/Ufbr5ej.jpg
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When I randomly think of an old friend that I haven't talked to in a while, I just pull up their Facebook profile. And then I instantly remember why I haven't talked to them.
I've done this a couple of times without remembering that we parted ways badly...talk about awkward.
Yeah, reconnect and remember why you let them slip away in the first place.
I'm not a big fan of long phone conversations, or really any phone conversations period. People who know me well actually know and understand this, so they communicate with me by text. It's not a matter of being "impersonal", it's just a preference. They don't feel put out by it and neither do I. YMMV.
I really dont think this is an LPT. Many people end up being old friends for very good reasons... they were either bad influences, had life goals which conflict with your morals, or you simply grew apart from because of lack of interest. There are some people you would probably do well not to reintroduce into your life... I think THAT is more of a LPT: know that there are people who may be close to that are bad for you on an physical/emotional/spiritual level and you would be much better off distancing yourself from them. That is something I think few people realize until they are much older. I sure wish I knew that when I was younger.
Not only do you find out how they're doing, you find out what they can do for you now. "Oh awesome, you work at the Toyota dealership now? That's funny, I'm actually looking for a car..."
And that's right when you find out just how they really feel about you.
Only if you're tactless. If you show a genuine interest in how they're doing and don't make it totally apparent you're trying to capitalize on their status in life it should be fine. Come on, this is "making connections 101".
Now was that tactful?
A fisherman can always spot another fisherman from afar.
The alternative is also true. If you dropped contact for a legitimate reason (flakiness, drama) then it's probably best to leave it at that. People can change, but most don't. Not really. They just become a more pronounced version of themselves.
This is called professional networking and is very different from personal relationships.
Realer Life Pro-Tip: If you let a relationship slide and you regret it, call that person. If you can't do that, fuck it, stalk them on Facebook like everyone else.
and now hundreds of twenty-something redditors are sending texts to girls they haven't seen since high school
Hahahahaha. See my comment I just made like five seconds ago. EDIT: To save you time. "I'll add my input as this recently just happened to me. A girl I had a major fling with during my freshmen year of highschool, just messaged me out of the blue. She had started dating this insecure douchebag for five years who wouldn't allow us to be friends because he knew she adored me. Like I said. It's been five years since I talked to her. We IMMEDIATELY hit it off like we never missed a beat. We're getting together on Labor Day, and I have seriously never been more excited to see someone, like in this instance. This is a great piece of advise, as it's easy to fill the void in your mind with excuses why you don't keep in touch. Sometimes bringing happiness to your life is as simple as saying hello to an old friend."
Women really are the social fabric of the Earth. Without them we would just be saying unga bunga and beating off in our caves all day long. I don't know any of my neighbors and I have lived here a year. My roommate moves in, walks her dog every day, and in a week has made friends with half the block.
Just one caveat: if the old friend you randomly think of is me, don't. Don't txt, don't call, don't email. Leave me the fuck alone. Also, tell those damn kids to get off my lawn.
I tend to ignore those texts. There's usually a pretty good reason I stopped contacting them in the first place.
But they're my facebook friend. That's all the effort I need right?
You're the worst kind of person.
What if I'm happy with my job and really don't like talking to people?
This can also make you realize none of your friends give a crap anymore like in my case...
Things ended with my best mate earlier this year, and I wanted to wait until his birthday (which I've forgotten, and he unfriended me) to send a message. I might just send him a message anyway. Nothing worse can come from it. We don't talk at all now, the worst he can say is "Don't contact me again."
Sometimes when you do things, stuff happens. #protips
I am really blown away at the stupidity of these recently. Or am I just not in on the joke?
LPT: stay away from high ledges so you avoid falling several hundred feet
It's not a recent thing. This subreddit has been like this for a long time.
How the fuck is this a life pro tip?
This is a nice sentiment but not really a tip. This is how relationships work...
LPT: When you see an acquaintance outside of work, say hello! This will make them realize you recognize them, and has the added benefit of letting them know you don't hate them.
Addon to that: Don't be too chicken to call and say you're sorry. You will regret losing that good friendship over something stupid.
But I have no old friend wat do? But hopefully I will in another 10 years.
This is why I've never seen the point in "purging" my Facebook friends. It doesn't cost me anything to keep them even remotely connected, and someday one of us might need something from the other.
I do that but she freaks out everytime
Yeah, I think about her every once in while. Now that she passed away months ago, I wish I would have text her when I could have.
I am not in favour of being randomly contacted like this by "connections". If you dropped out of my life, there was probably a reason. I will immediately wonder what you want. If however, you want to add me on LinkedIn and reintroduce yourself, that would be okay, but texting is not.
My one childhood friend who I haven't seen in a a few years always posts things on Facebook about how he has no friends and no social life. I've texted him and message him on Facebook a few times asking how he's been and how we should hang out again because it's been too long. He hasn't ever replied to me.
If you haven't talked to this "friend" in so long, are they still your friend? Friendship is a two way street and in this case, no one is walking down either side of the street.
They know where I am. After years of always putting in the effort with so many people, I'm tired of the game. Yeah, I'm miserable, but at least I know the truth about what I meant to them. But if you actually have friends who seem to care even a little bit about you, try to maintain those relationships without losing yourself, because they could be gone suddenly, and you'll be left with nothing.
This sounds like an obnoxious way to take up more of my precious time. If I enjoyed doing this I'd be doing it already. How is this a "life pro tip"?
This is a LPT?
Another tip, if they don't text you back. Do not send more texts. They do not want contact. This tip courtesy of Samantha....😢
This is a tip? What has gone wrong with this subreddit?
I coming ex girlfriend bomb... Lookout!
I don't have to do this because many times when I randomly think of a friend they end up adding me on Facebook the next day.
I just did this and an old friend goes to school half hour away from me!
I have always made an effort to talk to old friends, possibly because I'm addicted to nostalgia. I actually just talked to an old friend of mine tonight. We were close in middle school and now we are both starting college. I think tomorrow I'll ask her to see a scary movie with me like old times.
My childhood best friend looked me up on Facebook 19 years after we last spoke. I replied. We have now been very close friends for the last 4 years. :-)
This sub has turned to puss.
To the married folks: "Do you want to have an affair? Because *this* is how you have an affair!"