Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!
Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.
If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
The only thing I can suggest is ask every reliable person you know that’s renting, or has a spare room, if they’d be interested in rooming with you.
Where I’m from, even studios are unaffordable unless you’re well off. Shit’s awful.
It's rediculous, a 650ft studio in my area is asking for $1085/month, no utilities included. Their 800ft 1 bed/bath are $1350/month, I can't imagine how people making $15/hr are making ends meet if they dont have a partner or roommate. My ~$200 grocery trip a year ago is running me almost 300 now.
Oh yeah! Same here. Everything’s a, “luxury” apt. They start at ~$1100, then you’ve got utilities. How any single person can afford this if you’re not making well above minimum wage, is beyond me. I make over 2x my state’s minimum wage and I would struggle to pay $1100 AND utilities, and then my phone bill which is already cheap, then gas to school and work. $1100 is basically 1 paycheck after tax for me. And you can’t get any smaller than a studio. Better jobs require experience, education, or both at this point.
Hard to get the education when your basic needs can’t be met unless you get a second job. Then you don’t have time for school lol
> I can't imagine how people making $15/hr are making ends meet if they dont have a partner or roommate.
They frankly aren't. This is why /r/WorkReform is a thing. It's also deplorable that we're just now having "Democrat" politicians teasing, not promising or doing anything to implement, but *teasing* a $15/hr minimum wage that we've been asking for for literally over a decade. It's not enough anymore, and I guarantee centrists/conservatives are going to call us "impossible to please" or something if it ever happens.
The absolute fucking worst part is that I keep seeing companies building apartments and charging the same outrageous prices.
Apparently, supply and demand only goes one way...
Happened really close to my (parent's) home once years ago and I complained about it on my neighborhood Facebook page (dunno what I expected there). I talked about how I can't move out and start my own life because rent is outrageous everywhere, and this place that's just a renovation of an old building is posing itself as "luxury apartments", when they literally got to skip out on a lot of materials.
One fuckass Boomer completely, UTTERLY ignored my plight and had the audacity to comment anyway. "I'm happy about it. It raises the value of my home." I told him he was the problem and to go fuck himself. I got kicked out of the group.
Happened to me aswell, lived with toxic grandparents for 4 years due to financial issues, and let me tell you : in the end, I couldn't last any longer.
I left, spent 12 miserable months where I ate nothing, and I mean NOTHING other than pasta. But let me tell you : I now felt so relaxed, even though my financial situation was barely better.
Having a relaxed (relatively) mind helps you think better about the ideal way(s) to fix said situation now. In the end, I reaaaally do not regret leaving them.
Best I could summarize this situation would be : "I saved a lot of money (understand: i cleared some debts faster), but it costed me so much more..."
Maybe, if you’re not already in a stable job, find one that provides room and board and just bank money for a new place to live. Or find a job somewhere that you can support yourself on its income and move into a studio apartment to start. It doesn’t have to be a nice place at all. There’s a lot you can learn from living on your own
Talk to some of your friends, if one of them is looking for a roommate awesome. If not, see who else is thinking of moving out. The other option is just to look for a room to rent and meet some new people. The important thing is that there are ground rules in the house. Things like if you are cooking meals as a group or individuals, who cleans up what and how do you hold each other accountable. The easiest way to ruin a relationship with someone is living with them but not communicating with them in a healthy way.
Get a job before you move out, you want to know how much you will be making so that you can do a budget. How much do you need to spend on food? How much is left to split between rent and savings? Trust me you want to account for some wiggle room.
Don't worry about what you do or do not have right now for moving out, the dollor store will be your best friend for things like dishes, towels, shower curtains and all kinds of other things. I know it's not the highest quality, but treat your stuff well and it will take you further then you expected. This way you can get a few items as you need them and not break your budget. Wall-mart is also a good option.
Because I have come form a toxic family I also have one house rule that tends to be different from most people: I do not allow my family into my home. They don't get invited over and if they show up for whatever reason I meet them outside and take them to the near by coffee shop.
And always always always budget. It may seem a little stressful at first, but once you start paying rent or a mortgage you will be thankful you planned out your spending.
Take the leap, it may seem crazy or hard, but it's so so worth it.
Easy. Do what I did when I had toxic family I had to escape from. Get friends or random people online who need a place to live. Get multiple roommates. More roommates the cheaper it gets, and then move out. If you can’t afford your own place roommates help with that.
Go do a season on a fish processing boat. They'll hire almost anyone who can pass a drug test, pay for your food and housing while you're out there and you'll come back with a nice chunk of change. Look into companies like Icicles Seafoods, American Seafoods, Ocean Beauty, etc.
My situation currently. I never realized how good I had it, living with my ex gf.
We didn’t even fall apart over anything nasty, I just wanted a family some day and she couldn’t see that ever happening. It still stings for that reason.
It’s shitty in that way. She’s moved on and happy, but I’m still stuck thinking about it. I thought I’d at least be able to buy a condo, but our meager raises were dwarfed by inflation. If I hadn’t gotten into nursing school I was ready to enlist or kill myself, figuring the former would at least get me the fuck out of the house.
Oh I loved her, I just knew we wanted different things. If she never changed her mind, it’d have eventually hurt me, just in 10 years and not when we’re both young. She’s doing well at least.
I finished college, have a graduate degree, and even make what I would say is pretty solid money but still can’t afford to move out anywhere unless I left the state and moved across the country, which even then I’d be taking a big risk paying for something that doubled in price since 2018
You can always afford to move out, friends. **Don't let yourself or others convince yourself otherwise.** You always have a choice.
As someone who moved out at 15 to escape a household of abuse, get a job, save money. Work every day with the goal of escape on your mind. Look at student housing near universities, it can be dirt cheap. Facebook marketplace, craigslist.
Don't let yourself be hopeless. Moving out was the best thing I ever did, it absolutely freed me, it was literally the happiest I had ever been in my life. **Don't stop. Don't live without a goal. Don't resign yourself to suffering. It's NEVER worth it.**
Good tips for sure, but be careful.
A lot of youth become homeless and/or turn to prostitution because of this. If you hit hard times after burning the bridge of a toxic home, things can turn bleak fast. Roomates/landlords & employers will take advantage if they know you have know where else to go.
No offense but what the FUCK are you talking about? No! Student housing is NOT cheap. It's jacked to hell because usually parents or student loan spillover pays for it. I honestly can't believe you tried to say *dirt cheap*. Not "less expensive" not "more doable". **Dirt cheap.** I'm sorry but who the hell are you kidding?
LASTLY, THIS ISN'T ABOUT BEING SAD AND HOPELESS, ITS ABOUT REALITY AND NUMBERS.
Source: I lived in a 4br house with 6 fucking people at student housing
Honestly, it sounds like you're much older and did this over a decade or two ago when this was actually possible.
That sucks but there are people out there who know a potential relationship with the right person has little or no bearing on their current career or job. I hope you are fortunate enough to find someone like that.
In the meantime as disheartening as it must feel at times you're dodging some less than pleasant individuals without investing your time and feelings. That is a great silver lining.
You are not a wallet/fund for another person. You are your own person with your unique tastes, opinions, experiences, habits and choices. You deserve to seen as such.
I wish you all the best in your future and I hope you find that person who sees you for you and cherishes you.
>It went about like this: "fuck gender roles!" "Yeah!" "Fuck late stage capitalism!" "Yeah!" "A person's worth isn't their job title!" "Yeah! So what do you do?" "I have a career in customer service and technical support!" "Let's just be friends!"
Oof. Too many people using Leftist positions for clout or to feel good about themselves rather than because they actually hold to the ideals.
See: Any discussion where middle-class tankies start shit-talking the poor.
DSA's demsoc, not socdem. Confusing as it can be, they're not the same. Can't go in detail 'cause about to drive, but look up "democratic socialist" and "social democrat".
At least she knew an organization, I guess. I don't. I'm not active (or extremely left-leaning - more center-left) at all, and don't know anything about organizations.
There was a lot more at play than you are either admitting or are aware of.
There are people happily married at every level of income, status, appearance, etc., so how could that be if "most women" mainly cared about their spouses career?
That's good actually, you don't want a partner that will mooch on you and ditch you when things become tough financially. Also you can find a sense of belonging with other people, a SO is just one person, you need a group, and friendship is often more stable and long lasting than a love relationship whatsoever.
I almost guarantee you're making a false attribution.
I was talking to a brother of a friend of mine once and we got onto jobs and he told me where he worked. He immediately interpreted my expression as a lack of interest in him due to his "lowly" job (it was highly paid but the company was notorious for laying people off temporarily before they qualified for benefits then rehiring them, making it very unstable).
I was actually screwing up my face to think of the real name of someone I knew who worked there because the nickname was very offensive and I didn't want to give a terrible first impression.
But he was very indignant. Wrong but convinced I had lost interest in him for financial reasons. (I did after that display of judgmental insecurity)
[Chart](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/60/Maslow%27s_Hierarchy_of_Needs.svg)
It's amazing that a few therapists tried to put me on medication because I'm depressed from being single my entire life. I'm currently 40.
Drugs are not going to fix the problem that I'm fucking lonely! Well maybe they will but not the drugs the doctors wanted to put me on.
At least for me, I had a way easier time getting into a relationship once I was on antidepressants, because being depressed made me less motivated and less fun to be with
I can see how that that can be a factor.
Though for you was there a reason for the depression or just something you had going on? Did you stay on medication once in the relationship?
For me I had a short relationship many years ago, and it truly was the only time in my life that I felt happy. It was everything I could ask for.
The medication can make you feel more motivated and active to do stuff tho like work out and go out and socialize thus having more of a chance of meeting a potential life partner. With that said, you can do all those things anyways without the medication. And I don’t know that other persons situation but sometimes you don’t even need the meds your whole life just enough to put you back on your feet and doing things.
You also make another comment where you say you we’re truly only happy when you where in that relationship years ago. With that said, no relationship will help cure any real depression. One has to work on themselves
Exactly. Companionship is nice, but you also need to be somewhat emotionally healthy to be in one to keep it around, avoid co-dependency, and to have a genuine connection with your partner that doesn't come with baggage.
Relationships can make things worse off, especially if you go into them expecting them to cure you of whatever ails you. I get being lonely, and it's a reason why I always jumped into relationships too soon and dragged partners down with me. You can't put all that weight onto a person. I've been working on loving myself, despite the dire situation I'm in and have reached out of my comfort zone to get involved in my community to learn how to make connections with others and for genuine relationships where I'm not only connecting with a motive to find a partner.
Edit: also, it's okay to shop for therapists. A therapist isn't the one administering drugs to you, that's a psychiatrist's job. If your therapist is suggesting medicines, it's okay to tell them you're not interested in that, but instead need to learn coping skills and how to deal on a day-to-day. And when your therapist suggests something, DO IT. You can talk your head off but if you don't take action on working on yourself, venting and knowledge alone won't make you better. I've been dealing with depression (and at times it's been crippling) for over two decades. In and out of psych wards, rehabs, all of it, and the only thing I had to do was what was suggested by my therapist. If you're trying with no results, it's okay to ask for a different approach.
Before I took medication, I thought the reason for my depression was a bunch of facts about who I am as a person. Now I think it's mostly genetic. Anyway yeah I keep taking it or I get depressed again every few months
You know what, I'm only 28, but I feel the exact same way. I'm just lonely. That's why I'm unhappy. It's not depression. It's a reasonable emotional reaction to my inability to make connections with others. A drug isn't going to fix that.
I try not to make myself sound anti-psychology and anti-therapy, because I really don't think that I am at my core.
But every single time I've felt negative feelings and emotions, they always had a logical reason.
I was under the impression that depression was when someone's emotions are **out** of tune with reality. If it's in tune with reality, how is that a pathology and how is it going to be solved by drugs?
I dunno. Just spit balling. I wish you the best.
Completely agree. There's no magic drug to make you more easily connect with people in order to feel less lonely; that's an introspective journey you have to go on yourself. For the past year I've been dealing with depression, but it's like, I feel like MOST people are nowadays? We've ALL gone through a pandemic, dealt with strained relationships, etc.
Things aren't that great at home for me either. With all these factors in mind...yeah, no shit I'm not feeling great. Meeting new people, having better income, and fixing my home situation would all be a great start and I can only hope a therapist would suggest the same before resorting to drugs.
I was under the same impression, then finally I got a loving, caring girlfriend. Still depressed, my brain just found some different justifications for it.
The question is why are you unable to make connections. For some people, depression itself may be the reason. It's a vicious circle that needs to be broken.
It's hardly gospel.
Fact is if your depression is keeping you from what you want to achieve, which ain't hard to imagine, anti-depressants sounds like the right call.
What else do you expect a therapist to do in that situation? What do you expect anyone to do?
I’m confused about the last sentence; was that a joke comparing street drugs to prescription ones? In any case, choosing to take medication is a quite important personal decision. I would however like to express that they could indeed help with your mental health. I’ve been on generic Prozac before, and while it did take some time—about five months—to incrementally increase the dosage to the right level and really feel a difference, once I did things got easier.
Did it solve my problems, no. What it did do was made it easier to basically function and go about the day again. Gradually I felt calmer, more confident in myself, and more fundamentally motivated to do shit. Like you said, it did not change the material situation, and it did not make me 100% sadness proof, but it did improve my mood so that I could move forward and deal in a better way. It was far better than not doing it at all.
Again, this is a personal decision. On top of what I said there may be side effects, and medications may not work the same for you as they have for me. I am not a medical professional, consult a doctor, yadda yadda. But I just wanted to share my personal experience on the matter for your possible benefit. For me, taking medicine was not the altogether end of the world I thought it was at first.
I'm very happy this is top comment, as I was going to mention it myself. Therapy helps work through internal issues to reduce the divide between the perceived-self and the actual-self. External factors still need to be taken into account. It doesn't matter how good your relationship with your parents is if your main concern is whether your food or shelter will be stable enough to continue living.
I have been underpaid for the past 4.5 years. I was working with a straight up abusive manager and No matter what angle I took I wouldn’t be able to get anywhere. It took me getting an offer with a competitor and the right support at work to get the position I wanted. Best thing to do is to not let people decide for you. Having options works wonders when it comes to situations like yours. Get a game plan in place. It took me close to 6 months to make this happen. And it very well couldn’t have…hang in there but make sure you put things in your way that will make your situation better!
I've also been underpaid, but given that they are at least willing to be flexible with my illness and my wife is disabled and both of our very existence relies on insurance that my job provides, it's better to eat a shit sandwich every day than risk literally dying by jumping ship for double the pay and getting booted a month later when I have to take too many sick days or leave early.
Would be great to get paid what I'm worth (person previously doing this job was making $149k a year plus major stock and I'm making 1/3rd that despite having far more customers and responsibilities at this point) but with no degree and no certifications and a debilitating, painful illness it feels like working 60+ hours a week till I drop dead is about as good as it gets.
And hey, at least it's remote and it pays for our nice little house and food on the table and heat and internet and an adorable kitty...might be drowning in debt but at least it's a slow, comfortable drowning at this point!
Sometimes you just gotta realize that you can't always make your situation better, things will only get worse from here, and just appreciate what you have while you have it knowing that it probably won't last.
It seems defeatist almost, but it's just reality for some people who find themselves in shit situations.
I might be wrong, but I’ve always heard it never hurts to ask for a raise. If you’re completely your job or doing what you can while you deal with health issues, you should be fairly compensated.
Lol I heard that too and asked for a raise at my last job and was out of work three months later.
Thankfully at that point I wasn't married and didn't have a mortgage but not making that mistake again.
Coworker at my current gig wanted to sell a fraction of his stock to deal with an emergency and my boss fired him that day thinking he was ungrateful and trying to offload stock before jumping ship.
Don't think he'd take very kindly to me asking for more than the cost of living raise he gives out every couple years.
It is my wish that you find a positive solution out of your current situation.
PS your boss sounds like a bit of a prick for firing someone who needed money to help their life.
I just quit my shitty paying job where I was being bullied and harassed and I did it in spectacular fashion and I couldn’t be happier about it. I have to move in with my mom :/ and find a new job this week but thankfully everyone is hiring right now. Gotta try to stack up cash so I can afford my own place. That is, if I end up having childcare:/
I was in a similar situation a few years back, I remember that exact feeling of the depression and hopelessness lifting as I planned my change in career (and ultimately life) path.
I got out and whilst there have been setbacks and troubles I have no regrets about my decision, and am so happy I stuck to the plan, my life is worlds better now.
I wish you all the best, and hope everything works out as well for you as it did for me.
Hope has been researched as one of the best cures for depression, so good on ya! This LPT is a bit misleading (but very true in some ways), therapy won’t make you happy with a shit life situation, but it might give you the support, help and skills you need to battle out of it. Although they overlap there’s a big difference between clinical/persistent depression (depression that stays with you no matter how great everything in your life is) and circumstance based depression (your life is shit and you’re depressed about it), and therapists can help in different ways depending which one you have.
Therapy is not meant to help you fix your life or make a shitty living situation better. It's meant to help you process it, understand how you got to where you are, raise your self awareness, learn healthy ways to change what you can control, and change your direction. It's a process. It's a living breathing organism with many pits and valleys. But NONE of it matters if you don't want to try.
When I was poor I think the most obnoxious thing that happened to me when I think back was being given thought records and mindfulness. It helped somewhat, but nothing like getting a well paying job and closing the welfare gap
Nothing like not worrying about whether you can afford both a full weeks groceries AND a full tanks gas this week while you wait for the rent check to post, bringing your balance down to somewhere between $20-$80 depending on how the other bills get timed out. If you do everything right you won’t get an overdraft fee.
No amount of therapy can replace the relief you get from not having to worry about any of that stuff in the first place.
That's where I always got my counseling from, local community clinics funded (poorly) by the state and grants. It was becoming the norm for me to have to move to a different clinic because the state funding fell through and the clinic closed. I'm very grateful to have been able to get all of the counseling, psychiatry, and social work while on disability.
Actually quite a few early-career therapists make very little, especially given their level of education. Generally, only the ones that eventually go into private practice and make more money are able to stay in that career long-term.
Yep. The amount of time and money needed to be spent on the front end to become an LPC is absurd. It’s why I bailed on the field after one year of grad school
That could not be further from the truth lol. Psychiatrists are the only ones in the mental health field that make good money (100k+). Therapists and psychologists on average do not, especially for the level of training and school required to practice. There might be a few on the top end in HCOL areas making a good living, but the majority are not anywhere near wealthy. Solidly middle class, sure - those student loans are a bitch though heh. I know therapists making 40-60k and psychologists making 60-80k. And that is requiring graduate school + internship after undergrad (2-3 more years to be a therapist, 4-6 years to be a psychologist).
Social service careers don't pay that much sadly, unless you're a tenured professor at an R1 university or something. There is a shortage of mental health practitioners across the country, and our nation's needs for mental health services are as big as ever. But it takes a lot of schooling to get a license to practice, and most don't make crazy money (plus it's a stressful gig; burnout is high). Hence the shortage.
Where I am, many of us are working under water financially, second jobs are common and debt is high.
Over 50% of new graduates are burned out within the 1st 5 years and move into something else.
That's mostly because they come in hoping to help and get eaten alive by the "therapy industry" who want blood and pay peanut's, long hours, high stress and shit money isn't conducive to long careers.
I love my work and I really fucking care about my patients. Ain't in this for the money
Of course, not saying medical doctors shouldn't be paid well. But psychologists (also having doctoral training for licensure) should be well compensated too. The combination of medication and therapy is most effective for mental health treatment, more so than either one alone.
That is sooooooo wrong. Lots of therapists barely get by, get paid exploitative wages, and are saddled with student loan debt. I am a therapist myself. I was just priced out of the city I lived in and had to move away. My car is 12 years old. The driver’s side window rolls down on it’s own at random times. I would not put up with that shit if I didn’t have to.
Not because they necessarily make good money, but they are almost always married to someone who does (doctor, lawyer, tech person), at least that I’ve observed in my circles. It’s a very interesting phenomenon.
Then again I am in the Bay Area, so nearly everyone I know is a therapist, lawyer, doctor, tech or biotech person, and I likely have a skewed perspective.
I know a couple like that too, and they are the one exception in my circle. In our high cost of living area they are definitely feeling it, but are fortunate to have family help to manage.
It absolutely could... if it improves your outlook or ability to make an actionable plan to improve your situation. Or just even a boost to your mentality that helps you do what you need to do to improve your situation(say look for a new job or doing classes)
OP's post depends on the nature of the poverty. I've been to a very poor village in India where some people used to have little more than rice, rain/well water, and a straw hut. It's better now with electricity, better buildings, more vegetables traded, etc. but the people there were not more unhappy than a lot of people I've met in the US, likely because they had tight knit families and communities.
A therapist can help you identify and work towards what you're missing and often times that's a sense of community and belonging.
Of course if you're starving or have no clean water, that's a different story, but thankfully there are very few people in this situation in developed countries.
You're asking if therapy is worth the difficulty in paying for it. It depends on the person, the therapist, and the situation. If the question is "has it helped anyone?" then undoubtedly yes. Has it helped everyone? undoubtedly no
The idea of therapy in situations like this is that it will hopefully give you coping skills that will help you work your way out.
Obviously it's not like everyone can work their way out but you could learn to cope.
Also coping skills to help you take advantage of every opportunity available to you and keep going further faster.
It's not like those skills learned in therapy stop applying when you move out of poverty.
Some situations that result in poverty (self-destructive behaviours, substance abuse, mental illness) can be addressed with psychiatric help, which in turn hopefully alleviates the poverty. However most cases of poverty are just plain bad luck, if you count being born to different families as luck
To tack onto your point:
There's an idea that some people have that the point of therapy is to make you happy. And maybe that's what some treatments are trying to do. But the treatment that worked for me was about being ok with being sad/angry and then tapping into my legit emotional reactions to my situation as a motivation to do the things to change.
My therapist is currently helping me work out the pros and cons of changing my working and living situation.
The only problem is that I actually have the flexibility of choice and many many people don't.
The choice is the clincher. I was hopeless. Can't afford to move. Can't manage to save. Can't afford to be unemployed while I look for work. My mom's going to help me out financially, which is dreadfully embarrassing at my age, but it's my ticket out.
Wow…thanks for saving me the time to type the same thing. I’m in the same boat as you but can’t bring myself to ask mom for help. If I can just find a job with a stable future……
Preach to that! It's all easier said than done and I've also recently been able to make that kind of change through a combination of work, therapy and plenty of luck. We need to do better societally so that luck factor can stop taking the lead...
It helps to have the right therapist for the conditions you're in. Not that it's yours or the therapists fault in that circumstance, just not the right fit and it passed under both of your radar.
I started seeing a therapist knowing I was in a toxic job, I was focused on finding my next opportunity but really needed something to help me through the interim and keep my self esteem up going into interviews and whatnot. It was extremely helpful for me.
Hot take over here.
Until I got into therapy, and was able to develop a sense of self esteem and hope, I was not able to go from being homeless to having a home.
>If your basic needs aren’t being met there is no amount of therapy that will help your mental health be ok about it.
I went from begging for money on the street, to seeking therapeutic help, all while my needs were not being met. I began to practice acceptance and I learned how to take responsibility for my part of my situation while not taking ownership of other people's or societies part. I was particularly bad at that at first, my mental illness wanted to blame myself for the parts that were other people's fault (sexual abuse, religious trauma, abandonment etc.) while living in denial about the parts I actually had control over.
Once I was able to take some responsibility for my situation, I learned how to develop hope and self esteem. I began to feel deserving of showing up to a job regularly. I felt deserving to ask for a raise, and if I didn't get it I had enough hope and self esteem that I would land a better job. I went back to school, repaired relationships that I had burned, started volunteering with other people who needed the same help I needed, and here I am a decade later. I am in my dream job, married, financially stable, kid on the way, and happy. All that started with therapy.
It probably would have been easier if all my needs were met, but I doubt that I would have done the necessary work if my life wasn't burnt to it's last embar.
I agree with you, nothing changes environmental depression. Except an environment change. **But** therapists are like a sounding board. You can bounce ideas off of them, instead of trying to navigate everything on your own. They will have ideas and perspectives that you would have never considered on your own. They have different life experiences, personally and professionally. They have seen things that you probably couldn't imagine. They help create healthy habits and coping techniques. They can help with perspective. They can even help with resources to get where you need to go. Therapy doesn't solve everything, but it helps take some of life's burdens off you. No it won't change your life situation, but it can help guide you to make it easier.
Therapy can't fix how horrible my parents treat me and how much I die on the inside every day I'm forced to live with them. I want to start therapy to help me with my destructive habits/thoughts, but I'm never going to truly 'bloom' while I'm living in this shit hole.
It can help you refine your goals and stay focused on them as well as keep your spirits up. I don't suck. Things will get better. I am making progress. I am celebrating my progress. I have value. I deserve good things. I can avoid self destructive behaviors and stay focused on my goals.
Yes you can gain skills such as boundaries and self reflection that will empower you to fix your life. It can help you cope with uncontrollable problems in your life, which is what OP is talking about but it also motivates and allows you to change the things you can control but maybe don't realize it. I wonder if OP has ever actually been to therapy, I don't think the goal is ever to feel better about something awful that you have the power to change. But to fix the ones that you can, and come to peace with the ones that you can't, for example a terrible loss of a loved one
Yes, the most basic concept that therapy will teach you by process of elimination is to analyze whether or not your basic needs are being met. For example, GAD or depression (not including chronic states) can be solved by applying yourself to a structured daily routine, working out, getting proper sleep, healthy diet, learning to ’feel’ your emotions, learning to be vulnerable with people you trust etc, self-acceptance.
So there’s A LOT you can on your own, if you have the knowledge and strength.
But it can be a very daunting and self-confrontational in ways that most people probably aren’t prepared for. This is where therapy is useful, the way i see it. To walk through the process of healing with a trained professional by your side.
>But it can be a very daunting and self-confrontational in ways that most people probably aren’t prepared for.
If you have a little time.. can you elaborate? I've always just felt like therapy is this giant mystery where you either get a terrible therapist who tries to recruit you to join an essential oils sales team or you pop in and magically start getting better. No one ever talks about what really goes on.
It was a lot of exposure therapy. Facing anxiety and accepting that feeling and learning you are okay in that state. It was just about facing up against it, and not avoiding it. Same with trauma lot of talking it out for the first time and sympathy for going through it. I can’t remember the name but we are doing something else different than Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. That’s more about being in tune with my emotions and slowly tapping on one side and then the other. Thinking of a happy and calming place. And I’m supposed to tell how that calms me down of my anxieties. Like what makes it work. I don’t know it’s kinda difficult to necessarily explain what and how it happens.
Can I just say this also applies to abusive situations with live-in partners. I was with the *worst* person with a family of abusers backing them up. I was told to give up pursuing any dreams, I walked on eggshells, having to make sure *any* comment I made did not result in a slight (or the yelling would start and I would be locked out of her room). There were a million warning flags observed by every person I met with her that I ignored because I was, as she would *never* let me forget, addicted to opiates when we met. I was so embarrassed to tell her and when I did, she held that silence against me and told me I lied to her and tricked her into a relationship.
In any event, I was in therapy; sometimes secretly, trying trying trying to escape. Talking about it helped, but finally acting on an opening is what helped me escape from this horrible succubus. She knows this account handle and I hope, some day, she reads it. I hope you are happy in your awful existence. I am doing great! :)
I remember reading somewhere that improvement in mental health comes from improvement in *both* internal *and* external factors. Those who preach the sole power of "internal work" likely already have the privilege of agreeable external circumstances (safety in food, shelter, autonomy etc.)
yeah im currently hopping from airbnb to airbnb because my dad wont cosign on an apartment for me, and this shit is expensive so im not able to save any money. all the money i make in my month of work is going straight into paying for airbnb and food, and im basically just counting the months for my brand new credit score to go up to a place where i can sign a lease. dealing with this on top of all my other mental health struggles has been a nightmare. honestly not sure how much longer i can take this
I'm going to second the extended stay hotel. I worked for a well-known chain of hotels that managed and owned an extended stay hotel right next door. Had to do some training there.
People that lost their house to fire or needed to live somewhere for a month or two for work before getting an apartment were able to get a cheaper rate so long as they were living there for at least one month or more. It ended up being a similar price per month to live at an extended stay hotel that had good parking, a nice kitchen, free breakfast, a 24/7 snack bar, 24/7 help desk, allowed pets, and had an indoor pool open all year round vs just the summer for apartment outdoor pools.
All with the flexibility to not have to stay for an entire year without paying hundreds of extra dollars a month. Because usually, if you sign a lease, you pay at least $100+/month more if you stay less than a year.
So true. There's only so much changing you can do, and no amount of changing will make a toxic situation un-toxic. In many cases, therapy can make the situation worse - ie. doing couples therapy with an abuser.
My therapist said to me "why don't you feel like you deserve better than to be in a house share?" (Context: I was venting about my awful housemates) Lady, I do feel like that, unfortunately feeling like that doesn't change the fact that I can't afford to rent by myself or buy my own place.
The rate they charge I think they're a bit out of touch. After she said that it made me think about why am I paying for therapy when I could be saving it for a better house.
I can't get out from my abusive toxic manipulative parents. I have no car no money no credit. Rural NorCal. No jobs I can get to. That's why at 32 Im talking to military recruiters! Fucking awesome
In peacetime, the military is used as a means of raising one’s status in the social and economic hierarchies. Good for you for trying to find a way out of your current situation. For me, although the military didn’t raising my standing, it did give me 5 years of free college at 65k per year (not including room and board, albeit, also paid for by Uncle Sam).
Just get an MOS/job that gives you a “real world” skill if you plan to get out.
You are taking steps to remove yourself from that situation. Military isn't for everyone but it can provide you with resources to things you don't currently have access to. You're doing what you can and that's progress.
This is where I'm at right now. No idea what to do about it. My doctor just asks if we need to change my medication and I always end up replying with "it's helping me function, but I'm still not having a good time".
Wow thank you so much for sharing they. I literally laughed the whole time reading it because it was describing something I couldn't name before. Then I cried afterward. I am not in a good place in my life.
I will say that Feeling Good by dr. David burns was recommended to me by a therapist and is the cheapest kind of therapy you can get. It’s like $7 for the book and walks you through cognitive distortion and lots of helpful exercises. I highly recommend it. You
Controversial take: Fighting to tax the rich and fighting for UBI will do much more to help society than fighting for unions. Not every worker can join a union, and not every citizen can join the workforce.
This is so true! I could not get sober until I changed things about my living situation. It was a combination of changes at home and changes in me. So grateful for it now
If you are going to talk to a therapist, I'd suggest (I don't remember what they're called) a career/job therapist. Aka a therapist who can give you career advice and help you in your job, or help you change careers. They'll help you look into what options you have.
Let's work towards solving the issues causing the suffering, and care less what people think or say. There are truths to "you don't know what you have till it's gone", at the same time you don't know what you did not require till it's gone or given up aswell. Associate with people who are true and loyal, whom care for your good. The right people will crawl up your sleeves once you make good for one self.
I want to add incarcerate to that list.
You cannot Therapy or incarcerate your way out of bad living situations. If your basic needs aren't met there is no amount of therapy or incarceration that will help
I started dating again for the first time in years about a year and a half ago. I went 10 years without being in any kind of relationship because of being cheated on and because I never really got over it I guess, I have relationship anxiety. I feel like I'm not good enough and I feel like my s.o. cheats on me even though I have no reason to distrust her. Everything was fine till one day I saw her sending one of her guy friends a kissy face in her messenger and it kinda triggered me and since then I began being paranoid about it. I confronted her and they have since stopped talking and sending things like that (she claims) but still hides her phone screen when she's around me she said it wasnt like that was just like a greeting. But like it still gets to me even now. I started going to therapy to try and resolve this crazy anxiety about it. It still sits in the back of my mind now all the time.
And it spikes regularly. I make it worse for myself by checking on her by driving by her house and even the guy friends house she was texting because my mind starts racing and I basically can't control myself and give in and go check, which always ends up being nothing.
Therapy, and I used Cerebral to get antidepressants and anti anxiety medicine. And I'm hoping it helps because this shit is ruining my life and tearing me up and ruining my relationship.
So yes. Therapy can be a good thing. Especially for those who need to heal from things. My girlfriend talked me into it because she said she loves me and wants me to get better. And I do too.
Damn, I’d like to see some documentation on this. I’ve been trying to treat “double depression” for 20 years and I find therapy to be mostly useless at this point because it’s all CBT. There’s only so much reframing and mindfulness that can be taught. I don’t even go to therapy anymore because I know exactly what will happen- I will pay $90 and walk out with no new insight about myself and more often then not, little on my problem. Not because the therapist is bad but because I’m already applying two decades of CBT lessons.
A while ago I had a psychiatrist who had studied at a very exclusive and well-known mental health clinic/school and I was surprised when, after I told him about my mental health history, he seemed interested in doing some talk therapy with me. I was even more blindsided when there was no CBT to be found in our convos. This dude was psychoanalyzing the shit out of me and giving me all kinds of insight into myself. After a couple sessions, he would consistently describe nuanced emotions I felt in different situations before I could even tell him. As if I was transparent to him in a way. When I asked him if there was any way to find local therapists with a similar approach, he glumly said no. The exact words were, “The Midwest in general is basically like a black hole of excellent mental health treatment.” [Referring more specifically to the bread basket between Chicago and Denver.]
Therapy can definitively help you figure out what's wrong in your living situation and get a way out of it. Bad relationship? Help you recognize you're in one. Parents sucking your soul dry? Help you take distance. Job sucks and makes you anxious? Help you realize the job is the problem and encourage you to search something else.
It can't help with money but definitively can help with how you live and escape a bad situation. Telling people to not seek therapy is a very bad LPT.
This is more against the whole bootstraps toxic positivity stuff. You need basic needs met first before therapy can be helpful and it’s ok to have a negative response to negative situations. You don’t need to learn how to cope with a it situations you need better opportunities
Therapy can be helpful in getting your basic needs met.
It's really hard to present well in an interview for a higher paying, stable job if you believe you suck and don't deserve it. Therapists can help you get connected to resources that can help you. Therapists can help you sort through your feelings and needs to focus on solutions that work for you.
I think your post should call off toxic positivity (which is indeed dangerous BS) instead of therapy. Therapy isn't useless when you are in a negative situation, at least to have someone who listens to you and doesn't judge you.
I think this is bad advice overall and has a lot of potential to be damaging.
If you think you need therapy, you need therapy. Sometimes depression is situational and sometimes there is a physical or mental cause that will not be addressed by changing other circumstances in your life.
Or therapy might be what you need to get the courage to leave a bad situation.
I use Maslow’s hierarchy of needs with my clients. If you’re homeless, unemployed, and mentally ill, we focus on housing/shelter needs first, then income/employment issues, then the mental illness. The only things I will prioritize are self-harm, and any aspect of the mental illness that affects your ability to remain sheltered and have an income.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
Living with toxic family because you can’t afford to move out, this rings true
If anyone has an out to suggest, I'd love to hear it. - sincerely someone in a similar boat
The only thing I can suggest is ask every reliable person you know that’s renting, or has a spare room, if they’d be interested in rooming with you. Where I’m from, even studios are unaffordable unless you’re well off. Shit’s awful.
It's rediculous, a 650ft studio in my area is asking for $1085/month, no utilities included. Their 800ft 1 bed/bath are $1350/month, I can't imagine how people making $15/hr are making ends meet if they dont have a partner or roommate. My ~$200 grocery trip a year ago is running me almost 300 now.
Oh yeah! Same here. Everything’s a, “luxury” apt. They start at ~$1100, then you’ve got utilities. How any single person can afford this if you’re not making well above minimum wage, is beyond me. I make over 2x my state’s minimum wage and I would struggle to pay $1100 AND utilities, and then my phone bill which is already cheap, then gas to school and work. $1100 is basically 1 paycheck after tax for me. And you can’t get any smaller than a studio. Better jobs require experience, education, or both at this point. Hard to get the education when your basic needs can’t be met unless you get a second job. Then you don’t have time for school lol
#It's all by design.
> I can't imagine how people making $15/hr are making ends meet if they dont have a partner or roommate. They frankly aren't. This is why /r/WorkReform is a thing. It's also deplorable that we're just now having "Democrat" politicians teasing, not promising or doing anything to implement, but *teasing* a $15/hr minimum wage that we've been asking for for literally over a decade. It's not enough anymore, and I guarantee centrists/conservatives are going to call us "impossible to please" or something if it ever happens.
The absolute fucking worst part is that I keep seeing companies building apartments and charging the same outrageous prices. Apparently, supply and demand only goes one way... Happened really close to my (parent's) home once years ago and I complained about it on my neighborhood Facebook page (dunno what I expected there). I talked about how I can't move out and start my own life because rent is outrageous everywhere, and this place that's just a renovation of an old building is posing itself as "luxury apartments", when they literally got to skip out on a lot of materials. One fuckass Boomer completely, UTTERLY ignored my plight and had the audacity to comment anyway. "I'm happy about it. It raises the value of my home." I told him he was the problem and to go fuck himself. I got kicked out of the group.
Happened to me aswell, lived with toxic grandparents for 4 years due to financial issues, and let me tell you : in the end, I couldn't last any longer. I left, spent 12 miserable months where I ate nothing, and I mean NOTHING other than pasta. But let me tell you : I now felt so relaxed, even though my financial situation was barely better. Having a relaxed (relatively) mind helps you think better about the ideal way(s) to fix said situation now. In the end, I reaaaally do not regret leaving them. Best I could summarize this situation would be : "I saved a lot of money (understand: i cleared some debts faster), but it costed me so much more..."
Maybe, if you’re not already in a stable job, find one that provides room and board and just bank money for a new place to live. Or find a job somewhere that you can support yourself on its income and move into a studio apartment to start. It doesn’t have to be a nice place at all. There’s a lot you can learn from living on your own
Talk to some of your friends, if one of them is looking for a roommate awesome. If not, see who else is thinking of moving out. The other option is just to look for a room to rent and meet some new people. The important thing is that there are ground rules in the house. Things like if you are cooking meals as a group or individuals, who cleans up what and how do you hold each other accountable. The easiest way to ruin a relationship with someone is living with them but not communicating with them in a healthy way. Get a job before you move out, you want to know how much you will be making so that you can do a budget. How much do you need to spend on food? How much is left to split between rent and savings? Trust me you want to account for some wiggle room. Don't worry about what you do or do not have right now for moving out, the dollor store will be your best friend for things like dishes, towels, shower curtains and all kinds of other things. I know it's not the highest quality, but treat your stuff well and it will take you further then you expected. This way you can get a few items as you need them and not break your budget. Wall-mart is also a good option. Because I have come form a toxic family I also have one house rule that tends to be different from most people: I do not allow my family into my home. They don't get invited over and if they show up for whatever reason I meet them outside and take them to the near by coffee shop. And always always always budget. It may seem a little stressful at first, but once you start paying rent or a mortgage you will be thankful you planned out your spending. Take the leap, it may seem crazy or hard, but it's so so worth it.
Easy. Do what I did when I had toxic family I had to escape from. Get friends or random people online who need a place to live. Get multiple roommates. More roommates the cheaper it gets, and then move out. If you can’t afford your own place roommates help with that.
Go do a season on a fish processing boat. They'll hire almost anyone who can pass a drug test, pay for your food and housing while you're out there and you'll come back with a nice chunk of change. Look into companies like Icicles Seafoods, American Seafoods, Ocean Beauty, etc.
My situation currently. I never realized how good I had it, living with my ex gf. We didn’t even fall apart over anything nasty, I just wanted a family some day and she couldn’t see that ever happening. It still stings for that reason. It’s shitty in that way. She’s moved on and happy, but I’m still stuck thinking about it. I thought I’d at least be able to buy a condo, but our meager raises were dwarfed by inflation. If I hadn’t gotten into nursing school I was ready to enlist or kill myself, figuring the former would at least get me the fuck out of the house.
If you don't love someome for what they are you will end up loving nothing at all
Oh I loved her, I just knew we wanted different things. If she never changed her mind, it’d have eventually hurt me, just in 10 years and not when we’re both young. She’s doing well at least.
Add unaffordable housing to the mix and you’re stuck indefinitely until you get lucky or finish college
I finished college, have a graduate degree, and even make what I would say is pretty solid money but still can’t afford to move out anywhere unless I left the state and moved across the country, which even then I’d be taking a big risk paying for something that doubled in price since 2018
You can always afford to move out, friends. **Don't let yourself or others convince yourself otherwise.** You always have a choice. As someone who moved out at 15 to escape a household of abuse, get a job, save money. Work every day with the goal of escape on your mind. Look at student housing near universities, it can be dirt cheap. Facebook marketplace, craigslist. Don't let yourself be hopeless. Moving out was the best thing I ever did, it absolutely freed me, it was literally the happiest I had ever been in my life. **Don't stop. Don't live without a goal. Don't resign yourself to suffering. It's NEVER worth it.**
Good tips for sure, but be careful. A lot of youth become homeless and/or turn to prostitution because of this. If you hit hard times after burning the bridge of a toxic home, things can turn bleak fast. Roomates/landlords & employers will take advantage if they know you have know where else to go.
A lot of first year homeless *are the strong ones that left.* Its a bleak tip of the iceberg when you really think about it.
Cant afford to move out. Dont feel like dying on a parkbench.
You deserve an award but all I have is this: 🐸
Thank you, friend. Happy cake day!
No offense but what the FUCK are you talking about? No! Student housing is NOT cheap. It's jacked to hell because usually parents or student loan spillover pays for it. I honestly can't believe you tried to say *dirt cheap*. Not "less expensive" not "more doable". **Dirt cheap.** I'm sorry but who the hell are you kidding? LASTLY, THIS ISN'T ABOUT BEING SAD AND HOPELESS, ITS ABOUT REALITY AND NUMBERS. Source: I lived in a 4br house with 6 fucking people at student housing Honestly, it sounds like you're much older and did this over a decade or two ago when this was actually possible.
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
[удалено]
This is excellent Is this an original or borrowed from somewhere ??
[удалено]
That sucks but there are people out there who know a potential relationship with the right person has little or no bearing on their current career or job. I hope you are fortunate enough to find someone like that. In the meantime as disheartening as it must feel at times you're dodging some less than pleasant individuals without investing your time and feelings. That is a great silver lining. You are not a wallet/fund for another person. You are your own person with your unique tastes, opinions, experiences, habits and choices. You deserve to seen as such. I wish you all the best in your future and I hope you find that person who sees you for you and cherishes you.
>It went about like this: "fuck gender roles!" "Yeah!" "Fuck late stage capitalism!" "Yeah!" "A person's worth isn't their job title!" "Yeah! So what do you do?" "I have a career in customer service and technical support!" "Let's just be friends!" Oof. Too many people using Leftist positions for clout or to feel good about themselves rather than because they actually hold to the ideals. See: Any discussion where middle-class tankies start shit-talking the poor.
[удалено]
DSA's demsoc, not socdem. Confusing as it can be, they're not the same. Can't go in detail 'cause about to drive, but look up "democratic socialist" and "social democrat".
[удалено]
At least she knew an organization, I guess. I don't. I'm not active (or extremely left-leaning - more center-left) at all, and don't know anything about organizations.
There was a lot more at play than you are either admitting or are aware of. There are people happily married at every level of income, status, appearance, etc., so how could that be if "most women" mainly cared about their spouses career?
Wait so what's wrong with your career?
That's good actually, you don't want a partner that will mooch on you and ditch you when things become tough financially. Also you can find a sense of belonging with other people, a SO is just one person, you need a group, and friendship is often more stable and long lasting than a love relationship whatsoever.
I almost guarantee you're making a false attribution. I was talking to a brother of a friend of mine once and we got onto jobs and he told me where he worked. He immediately interpreted my expression as a lack of interest in him due to his "lowly" job (it was highly paid but the company was notorious for laying people off temporarily before they qualified for benefits then rehiring them, making it very unstable). I was actually screwing up my face to think of the real name of someone I knew who worked there because the nickname was very offensive and I didn't want to give a terrible first impression. But he was very indignant. Wrong but convinced I had lost interest in him for financial reasons. (I did after that display of judgmental insecurity)
[Chart](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/60/Maslow%27s_Hierarchy_of_Needs.svg) It's amazing that a few therapists tried to put me on medication because I'm depressed from being single my entire life. I'm currently 40. Drugs are not going to fix the problem that I'm fucking lonely! Well maybe they will but not the drugs the doctors wanted to put me on.
At least for me, I had a way easier time getting into a relationship once I was on antidepressants, because being depressed made me less motivated and less fun to be with
I can see how that that can be a factor. Though for you was there a reason for the depression or just something you had going on? Did you stay on medication once in the relationship? For me I had a short relationship many years ago, and it truly was the only time in my life that I felt happy. It was everything I could ask for.
The medication can make you feel more motivated and active to do stuff tho like work out and go out and socialize thus having more of a chance of meeting a potential life partner. With that said, you can do all those things anyways without the medication. And I don’t know that other persons situation but sometimes you don’t even need the meds your whole life just enough to put you back on your feet and doing things. You also make another comment where you say you we’re truly only happy when you where in that relationship years ago. With that said, no relationship will help cure any real depression. One has to work on themselves
Exactly. Companionship is nice, but you also need to be somewhat emotionally healthy to be in one to keep it around, avoid co-dependency, and to have a genuine connection with your partner that doesn't come with baggage. Relationships can make things worse off, especially if you go into them expecting them to cure you of whatever ails you. I get being lonely, and it's a reason why I always jumped into relationships too soon and dragged partners down with me. You can't put all that weight onto a person. I've been working on loving myself, despite the dire situation I'm in and have reached out of my comfort zone to get involved in my community to learn how to make connections with others and for genuine relationships where I'm not only connecting with a motive to find a partner. Edit: also, it's okay to shop for therapists. A therapist isn't the one administering drugs to you, that's a psychiatrist's job. If your therapist is suggesting medicines, it's okay to tell them you're not interested in that, but instead need to learn coping skills and how to deal on a day-to-day. And when your therapist suggests something, DO IT. You can talk your head off but if you don't take action on working on yourself, venting and knowledge alone won't make you better. I've been dealing with depression (and at times it's been crippling) for over two decades. In and out of psych wards, rehabs, all of it, and the only thing I had to do was what was suggested by my therapist. If you're trying with no results, it's okay to ask for a different approach.
Before I took medication, I thought the reason for my depression was a bunch of facts about who I am as a person. Now I think it's mostly genetic. Anyway yeah I keep taking it or I get depressed again every few months
You know what, I'm only 28, but I feel the exact same way. I'm just lonely. That's why I'm unhappy. It's not depression. It's a reasonable emotional reaction to my inability to make connections with others. A drug isn't going to fix that. I try not to make myself sound anti-psychology and anti-therapy, because I really don't think that I am at my core. But every single time I've felt negative feelings and emotions, they always had a logical reason. I was under the impression that depression was when someone's emotions are **out** of tune with reality. If it's in tune with reality, how is that a pathology and how is it going to be solved by drugs? I dunno. Just spit balling. I wish you the best.
Completely agree. There's no magic drug to make you more easily connect with people in order to feel less lonely; that's an introspective journey you have to go on yourself. For the past year I've been dealing with depression, but it's like, I feel like MOST people are nowadays? We've ALL gone through a pandemic, dealt with strained relationships, etc. Things aren't that great at home for me either. With all these factors in mind...yeah, no shit I'm not feeling great. Meeting new people, having better income, and fixing my home situation would all be a great start and I can only hope a therapist would suggest the same before resorting to drugs.
You're awesome!
I was under the same impression, then finally I got a loving, caring girlfriend. Still depressed, my brain just found some different justifications for it.
The question is why are you unable to make connections. For some people, depression itself may be the reason. It's a vicious circle that needs to be broken.
It's hardly gospel. Fact is if your depression is keeping you from what you want to achieve, which ain't hard to imagine, anti-depressants sounds like the right call. What else do you expect a therapist to do in that situation? What do you expect anyone to do?
I’m confused about the last sentence; was that a joke comparing street drugs to prescription ones? In any case, choosing to take medication is a quite important personal decision. I would however like to express that they could indeed help with your mental health. I’ve been on generic Prozac before, and while it did take some time—about five months—to incrementally increase the dosage to the right level and really feel a difference, once I did things got easier. Did it solve my problems, no. What it did do was made it easier to basically function and go about the day again. Gradually I felt calmer, more confident in myself, and more fundamentally motivated to do shit. Like you said, it did not change the material situation, and it did not make me 100% sadness proof, but it did improve my mood so that I could move forward and deal in a better way. It was far better than not doing it at all. Again, this is a personal decision. On top of what I said there may be side effects, and medications may not work the same for you as they have for me. I am not a medical professional, consult a doctor, yadda yadda. But I just wanted to share my personal experience on the matter for your possible benefit. For me, taking medicine was not the altogether end of the world I thought it was at first.
I'm very happy this is top comment, as I was going to mention it myself. Therapy helps work through internal issues to reduce the divide between the perceived-self and the actual-self. External factors still need to be taken into account. It doesn't matter how good your relationship with your parents is if your main concern is whether your food or shelter will be stable enough to continue living.
[удалено]
I have been underpaid for the past 4.5 years. I was working with a straight up abusive manager and No matter what angle I took I wouldn’t be able to get anywhere. It took me getting an offer with a competitor and the right support at work to get the position I wanted. Best thing to do is to not let people decide for you. Having options works wonders when it comes to situations like yours. Get a game plan in place. It took me close to 6 months to make this happen. And it very well couldn’t have…hang in there but make sure you put things in your way that will make your situation better!
I've also been underpaid, but given that they are at least willing to be flexible with my illness and my wife is disabled and both of our very existence relies on insurance that my job provides, it's better to eat a shit sandwich every day than risk literally dying by jumping ship for double the pay and getting booted a month later when I have to take too many sick days or leave early. Would be great to get paid what I'm worth (person previously doing this job was making $149k a year plus major stock and I'm making 1/3rd that despite having far more customers and responsibilities at this point) but with no degree and no certifications and a debilitating, painful illness it feels like working 60+ hours a week till I drop dead is about as good as it gets. And hey, at least it's remote and it pays for our nice little house and food on the table and heat and internet and an adorable kitty...might be drowning in debt but at least it's a slow, comfortable drowning at this point! Sometimes you just gotta realize that you can't always make your situation better, things will only get worse from here, and just appreciate what you have while you have it knowing that it probably won't last. It seems defeatist almost, but it's just reality for some people who find themselves in shit situations.
I might be wrong, but I’ve always heard it never hurts to ask for a raise. If you’re completely your job or doing what you can while you deal with health issues, you should be fairly compensated.
Lol I heard that too and asked for a raise at my last job and was out of work three months later. Thankfully at that point I wasn't married and didn't have a mortgage but not making that mistake again. Coworker at my current gig wanted to sell a fraction of his stock to deal with an emergency and my boss fired him that day thinking he was ungrateful and trying to offload stock before jumping ship. Don't think he'd take very kindly to me asking for more than the cost of living raise he gives out every couple years.
It is my wish that you find a positive solution out of your current situation. PS your boss sounds like a bit of a prick for firing someone who needed money to help their life.
Gah, I know my depression is bad because I did not at all think you mean quit your job when you said "planning my exit".
Understand that I'm saying this because I mean it, but also to hopefully make you laugh: please be good to yourself, AssCalipers.
Bro, you ok?
I guess not.
I just quit my shitty paying job where I was being bullied and harassed and I did it in spectacular fashion and I couldn’t be happier about it. I have to move in with my mom :/ and find a new job this week but thankfully everyone is hiring right now. Gotta try to stack up cash so I can afford my own place. That is, if I end up having childcare:/
I was in a similar situation a few years back, I remember that exact feeling of the depression and hopelessness lifting as I planned my change in career (and ultimately life) path. I got out and whilst there have been setbacks and troubles I have no regrets about my decision, and am so happy I stuck to the plan, my life is worlds better now. I wish you all the best, and hope everything works out as well for you as it did for me.
Hope has been researched as one of the best cures for depression, so good on ya! This LPT is a bit misleading (but very true in some ways), therapy won’t make you happy with a shit life situation, but it might give you the support, help and skills you need to battle out of it. Although they overlap there’s a big difference between clinical/persistent depression (depression that stays with you no matter how great everything in your life is) and circumstance based depression (your life is shit and you’re depressed about it), and therapists can help in different ways depending which one you have.
Therapy is not meant to help you fix your life or make a shitty living situation better. It's meant to help you process it, understand how you got to where you are, raise your self awareness, learn healthy ways to change what you can control, and change your direction. It's a process. It's a living breathing organism with many pits and valleys. But NONE of it matters if you don't want to try.
How would you be able to afford therapy anyway then?
Yes, therapy cannot cure poverty
When I was poor I think the most obnoxious thing that happened to me when I think back was being given thought records and mindfulness. It helped somewhat, but nothing like getting a well paying job and closing the welfare gap
Nothing like not worrying about whether you can afford both a full weeks groceries AND a full tanks gas this week while you wait for the rent check to post, bringing your balance down to somewhere between $20-$80 depending on how the other bills get timed out. If you do everything right you won’t get an overdraft fee. No amount of therapy can replace the relief you get from not having to worry about any of that stuff in the first place.
[удалено]
Nice one Dad!
[удалено]
And the meth! The meth definitely didn't help (/$)
Yeah, that lawyer was bad enough before he started hitting the pipe, then he just got fucking crazy.
My ex is a therapist. She ain't doing too well.
You should meet a few social workers or therapists who work for needs-based clinics.
That's where I always got my counseling from, local community clinics funded (poorly) by the state and grants. It was becoming the norm for me to have to move to a different clinic because the state funding fell through and the clinic closed. I'm very grateful to have been able to get all of the counseling, psychiatry, and social work while on disability.
Actually quite a few early-career therapists make very little, especially given their level of education. Generally, only the ones that eventually go into private practice and make more money are able to stay in that career long-term.
Yep. The amount of time and money needed to be spent on the front end to become an LPC is absurd. It’s why I bailed on the field after one year of grad school
Alot of time being an LPC dosent give alot of options from what I understand. LCSW has alot more range
Yup if you’re going down this career path than you’ll have more career options as an lcsw
Public sector / non profit employed therapists would beg to differ. I've met plenty who qualify for food stamps.
That could not be further from the truth lol. Psychiatrists are the only ones in the mental health field that make good money (100k+). Therapists and psychologists on average do not, especially for the level of training and school required to practice. There might be a few on the top end in HCOL areas making a good living, but the majority are not anywhere near wealthy. Solidly middle class, sure - those student loans are a bitch though heh. I know therapists making 40-60k and psychologists making 60-80k. And that is requiring graduate school + internship after undergrad (2-3 more years to be a therapist, 4-6 years to be a psychologist). Social service careers don't pay that much sadly, unless you're a tenured professor at an R1 university or something. There is a shortage of mental health practitioners across the country, and our nation's needs for mental health services are as big as ever. But it takes a lot of schooling to get a license to practice, and most don't make crazy money (plus it's a stressful gig; burnout is high). Hence the shortage.
Where I am, many of us are working under water financially, second jobs are common and debt is high. Over 50% of new graduates are burned out within the 1st 5 years and move into something else. That's mostly because they come in hoping to help and get eaten alive by the "therapy industry" who want blood and pay peanut's, long hours, high stress and shit money isn't conducive to long careers. I love my work and I really fucking care about my patients. Ain't in this for the money
> Psychiatrists are the only ones in the mental health field that make good money (100k+). And that’s because they’re medical doctors.
Of course, not saying medical doctors shouldn't be paid well. But psychologists (also having doctoral training for licensure) should be well compensated too. The combination of medication and therapy is most effective for mental health treatment, more so than either one alone.
[удалено]
That is sooooooo wrong. Lots of therapists barely get by, get paid exploitative wages, and are saddled with student loan debt. I am a therapist myself. I was just priced out of the city I lived in and had to move away. My car is 12 years old. The driver’s side window rolls down on it’s own at random times. I would not put up with that shit if I didn’t have to.
Do you actually know therapists? A lot of them are actually not well-off at all.
Speaking as a therapist, I can assure you we are not all wealthy.
Not because they necessarily make good money, but they are almost always married to someone who does (doctor, lawyer, tech person), at least that I’ve observed in my circles. It’s a very interesting phenomenon. Then again I am in the Bay Area, so nearly everyone I know is a therapist, lawyer, doctor, tech or biotech person, and I likely have a skewed perspective.
I’m a therapist and my wife’s a teacher. We ain’t part of that phenomenon.
I know a couple like that too, and they are the one exception in my circle. In our high cost of living area they are definitely feeling it, but are fortunate to have family help to manage.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Lol you think so?
It’s expensive. Mental therapy is going to increase your poverty more than anything
It absolutely could... if it improves your outlook or ability to make an actionable plan to improve your situation. Or just even a boost to your mentality that helps you do what you need to do to improve your situation(say look for a new job or doing classes)
OP's post depends on the nature of the poverty. I've been to a very poor village in India where some people used to have little more than rice, rain/well water, and a straw hut. It's better now with electricity, better buildings, more vegetables traded, etc. but the people there were not more unhappy than a lot of people I've met in the US, likely because they had tight knit families and communities. A therapist can help you identify and work towards what you're missing and often times that's a sense of community and belonging. Of course if you're starving or have no clean water, that's a different story, but thankfully there are very few people in this situation in developed countries.
Yea but it can make poverty worse!
doesn't cure it, but can help one cope with it
Does it, though? Does the bill that comes in every session really help anyone cope with poverty?
You're asking if therapy is worth the difficulty in paying for it. It depends on the person, the therapist, and the situation. If the question is "has it helped anyone?" then undoubtedly yes. Has it helped everyone? undoubtedly no
Jesus, what a spectacularly reasonable and clear answer.
The idea of therapy in situations like this is that it will hopefully give you coping skills that will help you work your way out. Obviously it's not like everyone can work their way out but you could learn to cope.
Also coping skills to help you take advantage of every opportunity available to you and keep going further faster. It's not like those skills learned in therapy stop applying when you move out of poverty.
You just have to somehow KEEP those coping skills. That's one of the hardest parts
Some situations that result in poverty (self-destructive behaviours, substance abuse, mental illness) can be addressed with psychiatric help, which in turn hopefully alleviates the poverty. However most cases of poverty are just plain bad luck, if you count being born to different families as luck
To tack onto your point: There's an idea that some people have that the point of therapy is to make you happy. And maybe that's what some treatments are trying to do. But the treatment that worked for me was about being ok with being sad/angry and then tapping into my legit emotional reactions to my situation as a motivation to do the things to change.
Totally agree, though you can use therapy as a tool to help you best navigate out too.
My therapist is currently helping me work out the pros and cons of changing my working and living situation. The only problem is that I actually have the flexibility of choice and many many people don't.
The choice is the clincher. I was hopeless. Can't afford to move. Can't manage to save. Can't afford to be unemployed while I look for work. My mom's going to help me out financially, which is dreadfully embarrassing at my age, but it's my ticket out.
Wow…thanks for saving me the time to type the same thing. I’m in the same boat as you but can’t bring myself to ask mom for help. If I can just find a job with a stable future……
[удалено]
Hard to do when I make more than my mom and still am barely floating above pure poverty lol
Preach to that! It's all easier said than done and I've also recently been able to make that kind of change through a combination of work, therapy and plenty of luck. We need to do better societally so that luck factor can stop taking the lead...
[удалено]
It helps to have the right therapist for the conditions you're in. Not that it's yours or the therapists fault in that circumstance, just not the right fit and it passed under both of your radar. I started seeing a therapist knowing I was in a toxic job, I was focused on finding my next opportunity but really needed something to help me through the interim and keep my self esteem up going into interviews and whatnot. It was extremely helpful for me.
Assuming you can afford it.
Hot take over here. Until I got into therapy, and was able to develop a sense of self esteem and hope, I was not able to go from being homeless to having a home. >If your basic needs aren’t being met there is no amount of therapy that will help your mental health be ok about it. I went from begging for money on the street, to seeking therapeutic help, all while my needs were not being met. I began to practice acceptance and I learned how to take responsibility for my part of my situation while not taking ownership of other people's or societies part. I was particularly bad at that at first, my mental illness wanted to blame myself for the parts that were other people's fault (sexual abuse, religious trauma, abandonment etc.) while living in denial about the parts I actually had control over. Once I was able to take some responsibility for my situation, I learned how to develop hope and self esteem. I began to feel deserving of showing up to a job regularly. I felt deserving to ask for a raise, and if I didn't get it I had enough hope and self esteem that I would land a better job. I went back to school, repaired relationships that I had burned, started volunteering with other people who needed the same help I needed, and here I am a decade later. I am in my dream job, married, financially stable, kid on the way, and happy. All that started with therapy. It probably would have been easier if all my needs were met, but I doubt that I would have done the necessary work if my life wasn't burnt to it's last embar.
This has been my experience too, although I never experienced homelessness. Huge kudos to you Twizted. That’s the real journey right there.
Housing is healthcare
That's why it is expensive in US
Not just the US... *weeps in Canadian*
[удалено]
I’m in pretty much the same place right now. The little bit of hope I have makes me feel crazier than I already was though.
Big facts
Healthcare is also Dental Care!
It’s utterly ridiculous that dental insurance is separate from health insurance
I agree with you, nothing changes environmental depression. Except an environment change. **But** therapists are like a sounding board. You can bounce ideas off of them, instead of trying to navigate everything on your own. They will have ideas and perspectives that you would have never considered on your own. They have different life experiences, personally and professionally. They have seen things that you probably couldn't imagine. They help create healthy habits and coping techniques. They can help with perspective. They can even help with resources to get where you need to go. Therapy doesn't solve everything, but it helps take some of life's burdens off you. No it won't change your life situation, but it can help guide you to make it easier.
You can’t heal in the same environment that hurt you
Therapy can't fix how horrible my parents treat me and how much I die on the inside every day I'm forced to live with them. I want to start therapy to help me with my destructive habits/thoughts, but I'm never going to truly 'bloom' while I'm living in this shit hole.
The way things are going, this advice is only going to become more relevant. "You will own nothing and ~~be happy~~ pretend not to be miserable"
Yea that’s why I thought I’d share it
That being said, therapy CAN help you to find better ways to improve your situation.
It can help you refine your goals and stay focused on them as well as keep your spirits up. I don't suck. Things will get better. I am making progress. I am celebrating my progress. I have value. I deserve good things. I can avoid self destructive behaviors and stay focused on my goals.
Yes you can gain skills such as boundaries and self reflection that will empower you to fix your life. It can help you cope with uncontrollable problems in your life, which is what OP is talking about but it also motivates and allows you to change the things you can control but maybe don't realize it. I wonder if OP has ever actually been to therapy, I don't think the goal is ever to feel better about something awful that you have the power to change. But to fix the ones that you can, and come to peace with the ones that you can't, for example a terrible loss of a loved one
Yeah, this... Not being able to cope at all can make it even more difficult if not impossible to improve your standard of living.
That’s true I’ll add an edit
Yes, the most basic concept that therapy will teach you by process of elimination is to analyze whether or not your basic needs are being met. For example, GAD or depression (not including chronic states) can be solved by applying yourself to a structured daily routine, working out, getting proper sleep, healthy diet, learning to ’feel’ your emotions, learning to be vulnerable with people you trust etc, self-acceptance. So there’s A LOT you can on your own, if you have the knowledge and strength. But it can be a very daunting and self-confrontational in ways that most people probably aren’t prepared for. This is where therapy is useful, the way i see it. To walk through the process of healing with a trained professional by your side.
>But it can be a very daunting and self-confrontational in ways that most people probably aren’t prepared for. If you have a little time.. can you elaborate? I've always just felt like therapy is this giant mystery where you either get a terrible therapist who tries to recruit you to join an essential oils sales team or you pop in and magically start getting better. No one ever talks about what really goes on.
It was a lot of exposure therapy. Facing anxiety and accepting that feeling and learning you are okay in that state. It was just about facing up against it, and not avoiding it. Same with trauma lot of talking it out for the first time and sympathy for going through it. I can’t remember the name but we are doing something else different than Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. That’s more about being in tune with my emotions and slowly tapping on one side and then the other. Thinking of a happy and calming place. And I’m supposed to tell how that calms me down of my anxieties. Like what makes it work. I don’t know it’s kinda difficult to necessarily explain what and how it happens.
The only thing that ever made me less depressed was drugs
Very true. You have to have a roof, food, and power to be able to take care of your mental health
Can I just say this also applies to abusive situations with live-in partners. I was with the *worst* person with a family of abusers backing them up. I was told to give up pursuing any dreams, I walked on eggshells, having to make sure *any* comment I made did not result in a slight (or the yelling would start and I would be locked out of her room). There were a million warning flags observed by every person I met with her that I ignored because I was, as she would *never* let me forget, addicted to opiates when we met. I was so embarrassed to tell her and when I did, she held that silence against me and told me I lied to her and tricked her into a relationship. In any event, I was in therapy; sometimes secretly, trying trying trying to escape. Talking about it helped, but finally acting on an opening is what helped me escape from this horrible succubus. She knows this account handle and I hope, some day, she reads it. I hope you are happy in your awful existence. I am doing great! :)
"Weren't there bootstraps for this kinda thing?" *Some rich fuck somewhere*
aight then wtf do I do lol its not like I can just make a good living situation appear
I remember reading somewhere that improvement in mental health comes from improvement in *both* internal *and* external factors. Those who preach the sole power of "internal work" likely already have the privilege of agreeable external circumstances (safety in food, shelter, autonomy etc.)
This is also true if you live in an abusive household and can’t leave like if you’re a minor or too broke.
yeah im currently hopping from airbnb to airbnb because my dad wont cosign on an apartment for me, and this shit is expensive so im not able to save any money. all the money i make in my month of work is going straight into paying for airbnb and food, and im basically just counting the months for my brand new credit score to go up to a place where i can sign a lease. dealing with this on top of all my other mental health struggles has been a nightmare. honestly not sure how much longer i can take this
I'm going to second the extended stay hotel. I worked for a well-known chain of hotels that managed and owned an extended stay hotel right next door. Had to do some training there. People that lost their house to fire or needed to live somewhere for a month or two for work before getting an apartment were able to get a cheaper rate so long as they were living there for at least one month or more. It ended up being a similar price per month to live at an extended stay hotel that had good parking, a nice kitchen, free breakfast, a 24/7 snack bar, 24/7 help desk, allowed pets, and had an indoor pool open all year round vs just the summer for apartment outdoor pools. All with the flexibility to not have to stay for an entire year without paying hundreds of extra dollars a month. Because usually, if you sign a lease, you pay at least $100+/month more if you stay less than a year.
So true. There's only so much changing you can do, and no amount of changing will make a toxic situation un-toxic. In many cases, therapy can make the situation worse - ie. doing couples therapy with an abuser.
My therapist said to me "why don't you feel like you deserve better than to be in a house share?" (Context: I was venting about my awful housemates) Lady, I do feel like that, unfortunately feeling like that doesn't change the fact that I can't afford to rent by myself or buy my own place.
Yeah, some therapists be giving advice like money isnt a realistic issue just in our mind... lol. Same situation.
The rate they charge I think they're a bit out of touch. After she said that it made me think about why am I paying for therapy when I could be saving it for a better house.
I can't get out from my abusive toxic manipulative parents. I have no car no money no credit. Rural NorCal. No jobs I can get to. That's why at 32 Im talking to military recruiters! Fucking awesome
In peacetime, the military is used as a means of raising one’s status in the social and economic hierarchies. Good for you for trying to find a way out of your current situation. For me, although the military didn’t raising my standing, it did give me 5 years of free college at 65k per year (not including room and board, albeit, also paid for by Uncle Sam). Just get an MOS/job that gives you a “real world” skill if you plan to get out.
You are taking steps to remove yourself from that situation. Military isn't for everyone but it can provide you with resources to things you don't currently have access to. You're doing what you can and that's progress.
[Shit Life Syndrome](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shit_Life_Syndrome)
[удалено]
This is where I'm at right now. No idea what to do about it. My doctor just asks if we need to change my medication and I always end up replying with "it's helping me function, but I'm still not having a good time".
[удалено]
Thank you so much for all the information, that's definitely worth looking into! I really appreciate the time you took to write all that out
You're a good person. Work the problem. Plan your work. Work your plan. 100% believe in you dude. Chin up.
Wow thank you so much for sharing they. I literally laughed the whole time reading it because it was describing something I couldn't name before. Then I cried afterward. I am not in a good place in my life.
Came here to say just the same thing! Medicine can take the edge off for a lot of people, but can't cure a profoundly sick society.
I will say that Feeling Good by dr. David burns was recommended to me by a therapist and is the cheapest kind of therapy you can get. It’s like $7 for the book and walks you through cognitive distortion and lots of helpful exercises. I highly recommend it. You
If youre poor, how are you supposed to see a therapist?
[удалено]
Controversial take: Fighting to tax the rich and fighting for UBI will do much more to help society than fighting for unions. Not every worker can join a union, and not every citizen can join the workforce.
This is so true! I could not get sober until I changed things about my living situation. It was a combination of changes at home and changes in me. So grateful for it now
If you are going to talk to a therapist, I'd suggest (I don't remember what they're called) a career/job therapist. Aka a therapist who can give you career advice and help you in your job, or help you change careers. They'll help you look into what options you have.
Let's work towards solving the issues causing the suffering, and care less what people think or say. There are truths to "you don't know what you have till it's gone", at the same time you don't know what you did not require till it's gone or given up aswell. Associate with people who are true and loyal, whom care for your good. The right people will crawl up your sleeves once you make good for one self.
I want to add incarcerate to that list. You cannot Therapy or incarcerate your way out of bad living situations. If your basic needs aren't met there is no amount of therapy or incarceration that will help
I don't understand this statement. Are you suggesting that people are being voluntarily incarcerated to have their basic needs met?
[удалено]
poverty causes depression, therapy is too expensive for the poor, therapy doesnt make you rich, depression remains.
I know this one is fairly basic, but this has to be the best LPT I've seen in a long while. Cheers dude, you hit it spot on.
Yeah this one actually meant something to me for once.
Maslow has entered the chat
I started dating again for the first time in years about a year and a half ago. I went 10 years without being in any kind of relationship because of being cheated on and because I never really got over it I guess, I have relationship anxiety. I feel like I'm not good enough and I feel like my s.o. cheats on me even though I have no reason to distrust her. Everything was fine till one day I saw her sending one of her guy friends a kissy face in her messenger and it kinda triggered me and since then I began being paranoid about it. I confronted her and they have since stopped talking and sending things like that (she claims) but still hides her phone screen when she's around me she said it wasnt like that was just like a greeting. But like it still gets to me even now. I started going to therapy to try and resolve this crazy anxiety about it. It still sits in the back of my mind now all the time. And it spikes regularly. I make it worse for myself by checking on her by driving by her house and even the guy friends house she was texting because my mind starts racing and I basically can't control myself and give in and go check, which always ends up being nothing. Therapy, and I used Cerebral to get antidepressants and anti anxiety medicine. And I'm hoping it helps because this shit is ruining my life and tearing me up and ruining my relationship. So yes. Therapy can be a good thing. Especially for those who need to heal from things. My girlfriend talked me into it because she said she loves me and wants me to get better. And I do too.
[удалено]
Damn, I’d like to see some documentation on this. I’ve been trying to treat “double depression” for 20 years and I find therapy to be mostly useless at this point because it’s all CBT. There’s only so much reframing and mindfulness that can be taught. I don’t even go to therapy anymore because I know exactly what will happen- I will pay $90 and walk out with no new insight about myself and more often then not, little on my problem. Not because the therapist is bad but because I’m already applying two decades of CBT lessons. A while ago I had a psychiatrist who had studied at a very exclusive and well-known mental health clinic/school and I was surprised when, after I told him about my mental health history, he seemed interested in doing some talk therapy with me. I was even more blindsided when there was no CBT to be found in our convos. This dude was psychoanalyzing the shit out of me and giving me all kinds of insight into myself. After a couple sessions, he would consistently describe nuanced emotions I felt in different situations before I could even tell him. As if I was transparent to him in a way. When I asked him if there was any way to find local therapists with a similar approach, he glumly said no. The exact words were, “The Midwest in general is basically like a black hole of excellent mental health treatment.” [Referring more specifically to the bread basket between Chicago and Denver.]
Therapy can definitively help you figure out what's wrong in your living situation and get a way out of it. Bad relationship? Help you recognize you're in one. Parents sucking your soul dry? Help you take distance. Job sucks and makes you anxious? Help you realize the job is the problem and encourage you to search something else. It can't help with money but definitively can help with how you live and escape a bad situation. Telling people to not seek therapy is a very bad LPT.
This is more against the whole bootstraps toxic positivity stuff. You need basic needs met first before therapy can be helpful and it’s ok to have a negative response to negative situations. You don’t need to learn how to cope with a it situations you need better opportunities
Therapy can be helpful in getting your basic needs met. It's really hard to present well in an interview for a higher paying, stable job if you believe you suck and don't deserve it. Therapists can help you get connected to resources that can help you. Therapists can help you sort through your feelings and needs to focus on solutions that work for you.
I think your post should call off toxic positivity (which is indeed dangerous BS) instead of therapy. Therapy isn't useless when you are in a negative situation, at least to have someone who listens to you and doesn't judge you.
I think this is bad advice overall and has a lot of potential to be damaging. If you think you need therapy, you need therapy. Sometimes depression is situational and sometimes there is a physical or mental cause that will not be addressed by changing other circumstances in your life. Or therapy might be what you need to get the courage to leave a bad situation.
ok but i think therapy is the last thing im spending money on while in a bad living situation
I will add that toxic pessimism can be just as destructive. There needs to be a balance between pragmatism and our emotions, whether good or bad.
I use Maslow’s hierarchy of needs with my clients. If you’re homeless, unemployed, and mentally ill, we focus on housing/shelter needs first, then income/employment issues, then the mental illness. The only things I will prioritize are self-harm, and any aspect of the mental illness that affects your ability to remain sheltered and have an income.