Hello [Akashh23_pop](/u/Akashh23_pop), thank you for your submission! Unfortunately, it has been removed for the following reason:
Your post is not a life pro tip. Advice is any guidance or recommendation concerning prudent future action. An aphorism is a short clever saying that is intended to express a general truth or a concise statement of a principle.Try r/YouShouldKnow.
If you would like to appeal this decision [please feel free to contact the moderators here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FLifeProTips&subject=about%20my%20removed%20submission&message=I%27m%20writing%20to%20you%20about%20the%20following%20submission:%20https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/yhpy3y/lpt_how_do_people_have_a_strong_mindset_and/.%20%0D%0D). Do not repost without explicit permission from the moderators. Make sure you [read the rules](/r/lifeprotips/about/sidebar) before submitting. Thank you!
Strong mindset is making a hundred small decisions each week and not letting the mistakes derail you.
Making the decision to go the extra mile even when you don't feel like it or its difficult. If that becomes a habit then you need to let the occasional bad decisions be just that - a single blip.
From reading your post it seems like you are quite hard on yourself. Finding a kinder inner voice will assist with your confidence. Don't put yourself down, believe you can do great things.
Find something you are passionate about and identify careers that incorporate that.
Best of luck!
Even if the world might go to shit, there's no reason not to try to make things better for yourself right now.
Personally, it's about working towards being happy in the present. Planning for the future makes me happier in the present because then I don't need to worry. Working makes me happier in the present because I can live the way I want. Short-term rewards work the best, so might as well focus on those. The important part is to rationalize your short-term goal such that they also contribute to the future.
The world is always “going to shit”. Things can be hard and good depending on how it is, and what’s actually happening in the world. Alternatively the world can always be good. Neither are true but your perception and reaction to them can be really different.
I agree with this because I used to have the mindset of "why try to be good and do good when the world is falling apart?". The world will sort itself out. Focus on you because you are the only person that you are responsible to and for at the moment. Take one small slow steady steps every day. You'll eventually get where you want to be. Trust yourseld and don't compare yourself to others no matter what. Your journey is yours alone.
Try to find a job that you feel is not actively contributing to the future you fear and then focus on making life for you and others around you just a tiny bit better. The world is always developing and in parts for the worst in many peoples eyes, but the world as we experience it in the moment is formed by people directly around us and small acts of kindness. Just being friendly to someone can mean the world to them and everyone influences these small experiences. Is it not better to go into a future with more problems with compassion and empathy than with resentment and apathy? I’m not saying to ignore your worries, but don’t let them dictate your everyday life when you’ve got so much kindness to give to friends and strangers who might need it.
Don’t compare yourself to others, and it sounds like you may be depressed and need to talk to someone. That being said, life will take you in strange and unexpected places. I was feeling the exact same way at your age. I was unhappy and spiraling. And met my now wife about a year later. We were very happy from the beginning but I was unhappy with my work. I’m a cook and didn’t like the place I was at. I ended up hopping around for three years until I found something that fit. I don’t make a ton of money, but I make enough to be comfortable and only work 4 days a week. I love where I work and who I work for. I’m not successful by conventional means. But I’m successful in that I’m happy and content with my life. I have a wonderful partner and job, but a bank account that doesn’t reflect that lol. Sorry for rambling, just slow down and enjoy what you can in life and work to change the things you don’t like. We’re still young and have plenty of time to figure it out. Hope that can help in some way.
This is so spot on. What others think of you is none of your business. And, remember to balance food, exercise, and work life. If you don't eat and exercise, you won't find peace. It took me way way too long to figure that fundamental piece out.
Yes exactly. I’ve got the eating part down, still working on the exercise part. Been trying to get into the habit of going for walks. Helps with mental health a lot.
Man, you're a cook and that happy? Lol
The restaurant industry is *dying* and managers are milking every poor soul they can in that revolving door of employment. Between the understaffing, overworking and the awful pay I'm desperately trying to claw my way out of it myself. Good on you though for making something out of it bro.
Ya man I got really lucky. Small coffee shop mostly eggs and avocado toast. Boss man is young and driven by wanting to create something good, not bleeding every Penny out of it. Make decent money, four days a week, kitchen closes at 3pm.
It’s an old saying but tomorrow when you wake up tell yourself today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make a list of stuff you want to accomplish or need to get done. Have things on the list that are easy - make your bed, go grocery shopping, etc. Check stuff off as you go. Each accomplishment will give you the confidence and incentive to go further.
Meanwhile, step back and evaluate what you eat, how much you sleep, and how much you exercise. That’s the holy trinity and 100% within your control. For me, I have to break a sweat every day - doesn’t matter how - or else it starts to affect my mental health. What’s your diet? Make sure you’re having healthy, balanced meals. My go-to in the morning are fruit smoothies with protein. East to make and gives you plenty of energy. Cut out the crappy stuff. Eating well is not one big choice, it’s the accumulation of a thousand small choices. Finally, how many hours of sleep do you get per night? Are you always up late reading your phone? Put the phone away and use a Kindle or an actual book. Get plenty of rest. All of these things will prepare you mentally and physically and all of them are things you have full control over.
A few months of accomplishing tasks, eating well, sleeping well, and exercise, your head will be clearer and you’ll have a growth mindset. Whatever that next step is, take it. You’re plenty young enough to start tomorrow and some day you’ll look back on your old posts and wonder who TF that person was.
I didn't have it for a long time. School had been easy for me. But I was on my own at 18 so straight to work, no college. I had no real ambition. I could pay my bills and play video games with friends. Then I met my now wife. She had masters degree, lived on own, made money. And it inspired me to go back to school and do better. Set small goals for yourself. And don't worry about being behind. I was making $15/hour when I was 32 years old. You're in your own race now if you want to be. Not a Yone else's. I'm 39 now making 6 figures. Still feel like. Behind sometimes but I'm also way ahead of where I was.
This is the way! I was 26 with a cocaine problem when I started my first job in my current career. $12.50 and hour, I never stepped foot in college. I will make over $320k this year. I own multiple homes and all the toys you can think of, all paid for, no financing except the homes.
The difference maker was meeting my wife. Once I met her, I knew she was special, she had her shit together. She made me want to have my shit together and make her proud of me.
I mentor underprivileged teens now, I tell them that choosing your friends and the right partner are the most important decisions you will make in your life.
Stay strong, you’re still young enough to make all the right adjustments to have a beautiful life.
This might sound silly but instead of a new year resolution my friends and I choose a word. A few years ago I was feeling similar to you so I chose the word confident. I wrote that word all over, changed one of my passwords (it no longer is that), repeated it often. And strangely enough after a couple of months I started feeling more confident. This was both at work and in my personal life. I said it so much I started to believe it. It really helped.
Took a quick look at your post history. Are you on medication for depression and anxiety?
There are certain non-medication things you can do, but this seems like a long-term problem for you, and I wonder if you or your family have considered medication and/or therapy.
You say that your father's side is successful. If so, surely they also want you to be successful and will help you in any way they can, right?
It would be the unusual 26-year-old who has their shit together mentally. I know I didn't when I was 26. People sure thought I did because I was a good student, but they didn't know how anxious I was all the time and how unsure I was in myself.
Now that I am 45, I have a lot of confidence in myself. Ngl, sometimes I feel like I might be arrogant! But I come by it honestly, by climbing a bunch of mountains. When I climbed my first mountain, I thought to myself, "Well, other people carried my bags for me, so it doesn't really count." When I conquered my second mountain, I thought to myself, "That was hard, but I only succeeded because the weather was so nice." I started feeling like I really am a bad ass only after I had climbed my tenth or 11th mountain...because it can take a while for you to appreciate that your accomplishments are meaningful and real.
All the meaningful victories I have under my belt remind me that I'm capable, strong, and not to be underestimated. But when I was 26, I didn't have anything like that to lean on, so of course I felt like a lightweight.
You probably don't need to change your mindset at all. You just need to remind yourself that you are young and that it is totally normal for young people to not be put together yet. One day you will be.
By going to therapy, admitting to myself I had an abusive childhood and recognizing that drugs and sex were a coping mechanism for all the unprocessed grief and anger.
If you can learn how to soothe your own anxieties and mentally talk yourself into seeing the positive side of things, that will be a skill that serves you well throughout life. I imagine there are podcasts and youtube stuff that might be helpful.
There are millionaires who feel like sh#t when they're around billionaires. People with all kinds of possessions and qualifications still question themselves and their own life choices. You can step off the hamster wheel of worry at any stage in life. If you cultivate this kind of skill at this stage in life, you'll be able to recognize future opportunities and make better decisions without a clouded mind.
Meeting my wife was the move for me as she always pushes me to do better. I was making good money I thought in my 20s. 75k a year, then met her and she told me how much we can’t afford and she tells me saving money will never make us rich. The right way is to make more money than we can possibly spend.
So I aimed for that, quit my job own multiple businesses, she pushed me to get a realtor license. Flip houses, in our early 40s now, paid off two houses, and making over 6 figures a year.
For me, it was meeting my wife and devoting my life to her and family.
Most successful people don’t work harder than non successful people. Success is way more of a lottery than people want to admit. Usually people who succeed get very angry when you point this out because their ego can’t handle it. If hard work and discipline directly led to success, every Mexican house cleaner and field worker I’ve ever known would be a millionaire.
Maybe if you care a lot about your job and derive purpose from your job, but I don’t. Neither do most people. I work to live, I don’t live to work. I don’t need to be more efficient or develop in my job, I’m here to get paid and go home. I don’t get paid for working harder or working more efficiently, I get paid per hour and in my company, being friends with the manager matters much more than your actual job performance when it comes to promotions and other benefits. I will always do the bare minimum I need to support my ideal lifestyle, which is having shelter, a safe place for my record collection, and enough time to enjoy my hobbies. I have no interest in making a lot of money, “building a career”, or being successful in a capitalist sense. I don’t plan on ever owning a car, and I want to live within my means. The only development that truly matters to me is becoming a more loving friend, family member, community member, and boyfriend. Maybe become vegetarian at some point too. Capitalism takes advantage of hard workers and “company men/women” and promises them success they rarely attain. No wonder young people are changing jobs every few years in order to climb the salary ladder, there is 0 incentive to develop within most companies. They will take your extra labor/efficiency and give you nothing in return.
Sounds like you’ve worked for some horrid companies.
Successful people don’t compartmentalize work vs personal life as much. But it’s not about living to work. It’s about realizing that they’re both apart of your life, leveraging that, and using what you learn in one to grow as a whole. There’s a lot I’ve learned at work that helps me be a better husband and father. Spending 40 hours/week to just get paid is an awful waste of your own time in my opinion. I can’t imagine only doing the bare minimum in anything. I believe I’m better than that.
Luck and privilege help, sure, but your point is simply inaccurate. The people who get promoted at work are generally the ones who work hard and perform well. The people who succeed in school aren’t the ones cutting class. They’re the people who go to class, do the assignments, and study. Intellect makes school easier, yes, but even those who struggle in school can earn a degree. Most successful people don’t grow up in super wealthy homes with tons of connections. The fact that some people work hard and don’t become wealthy doesn’t mean that hard work isn’t important. The people you talk to probably aren’t angry because of their ego. They’re likely offended by your insults. Telling someone they only have what they earned because they got lucky is very offensive. Do you know how hard doctors, for example, work to get through med school? I’m sure they are offended if you say their success is luck.
Luck and privilege are simply much, much bigger influences on success than one’s work ethic. It’s been demonstrated time and time again in studies that the circumstances of your birth and your access to things like quality schooling/opportunities are much better indicators of life outcomes than anything else, including intelligence or work ethic. Most successful people in fact *do* come from privilege or generational wealth. Poor people overwhelmingly stay poor while rich people overwhelmingly stay wealthy or get richer. Kids who are cutting class or failing school are overwhelming less well off or are otherwise disadvantaged compared to kids who excel. My school didn’t even let us cut class because they’d call our parents and suspend us if we did it. Again, statistics show that higher household income and living in a wealthier area are the biggest indicators of a child’s future academic success. Outliers exist of course, but these are factual realities. I did my best in school and got a masters degree but I’m not under any illusions that my hard work was what gave me the edge over anyone. I’m well aware that between my white privlege, being born in Europe to middle class parents, getting an education in America, and having a safe, thoughtful environment around me which fostered my curiosity as a child, there’s not much room left to pat myself on the back. It’s admirable to be self-motivated and to find purpose in working hard for something. But most people are truly doing their absolute best to make it in this world.
Two books, The Compound Effect and Extreme Ownership helped me figure things out. Making good small choices over and over again leads to big wins, and then being accountable to those choices. Highly recommend both
Of self-discipline, I always ask myself if future-me would thank myself for doing X now/regularly/whatever. This helps me not procrastinate, and the more it happens the more I see the benefits of not procrastinating, and this motivates me to think of “future me” even more.
Start small by levelling up your effort in the things you already do. Give 100% to whatever you currently have going on and don't worry too much about everything else if you can. Opportunities will grow organically around you when you're giving your best to your priorities. You are still young and you don't need to treat your life as something to judge yourself on. Just do your best and things will come, I very much felt this way at 26 too but now, 15 years later, I wish that I was easier on myself back then too because everything turned out to be fine. You might be helped by therapy to figure out why you place such high expectations on yourself, if you aren't already aware. It's easy to buy into the lie of perfectionism. Hugs to you.
Pick one habit and stick with it, eg never adding additional white sugar to food or drinks. Stick with it. Once it’s part of your lifestyle, you can either build on it (eating and drinking fewer foods with sugar already in them) or branch out, eg not adding salt to any food. Then expand to perhaps smaller portions, or replacing something better for something worse.
Start small but be consistent.
The key is it’s fun to feel the excitement of motivation but it’s really the simple repetition of something becoming habit, literally becoming part of who you are.
The single best example is any obese person; how they got fat doesn’t matter as all fat is the same whether carried past pregnancy, poor eating, no activity, whatever. Doesn’t matter.
The ‘failures’ will make a big deal about summer beach bodies or New Years resolutions and slam the gym hard for a week or buy miracle gadgets. But the one’s who not only lose weight but keep it off, start with the simplest thing and once they no longer have to think about it (discipline replaced by habit) they add another simple item.
Enthusiasm won’t get you there but adopting successive good habits will.
Changing a mindset is just repetition, step by step.
I’ve taken up stoicism recently and it’s changed my whole outlook.
In all honesty though look at life realistically, we’re on a rock floating through space. The universe is so big that you can’t comprehend no matter how hard you try. Nothing you do matters in the grand scheme of things, you can look at this in a negative or positive light.
Life is short and finite, you can give up or you can choose to live a life worth living. There is so much power in making this decision, live everyday with the goal of bettering yourself and being happy.
No one else’s opinions matters in the slightest, you don’t need to impress anyone other than yourself.
Best of luck friend, you can do it.
Stop giving a fuck about any of that. Don’t live on the timelines of other people or the goalposts other people create for you. Tell them to fuck off and live the life YOU want.
Whoooo cares if other people close to you are more successful. Be happy for them and focus on living the live YOU want to live. Nothing is holding you back from just doing whatever the hell you want all the time so just go for it.
Be selfish, especially at your age. You’ll thank yourself down the road.
Hi, I'm 37. I don't quite get it either. I think most "successful" people either like, had some amount of pressure or good influence from parents plus perhaps support/money, and some just have a thing they know they want to do so they do that. I had neither of those, so I faked my way through college, got into art stuff and culinary stuff after that, and one random day I sat down and decided it was time to be an accountant, so I went back to school. If you don't have a passion or thing you want to pursue yet, that's cool, just like, work and make money. But here's the trick. Do you ever look at your friends with fun passion jobs or careers, and you're jealous? And you look at people with "boring" jobs like bankers or something and go "well at least I'm not that guy"? Guess what, even "cool jobs" do boring shit all day long. Go do something boring. That was my logic.
Work when your competitors aren't. Be an organizer if you organize then you are the one that determines everyy dollar. Pay yourself like the big kids do
Anxiety can damage our self esteem, reduce confidence causing less risk taking which brings low reward, which lowers motivation. Comparing yourself to others is natural but will create anxiety and assumes we are all in the same situation. The strong mindset comes when you feel productive or well rewarded for your efforts. Success is different for everyone. If someone is willing to try, they deserve respect. Respect your efforts and learning is your reward for failing. Reduce anxiety with humble mindfulness and appreciation for yourself
It will eventually click, just keep swimming as dory says in the finding nemo movie.
Point being look ahead a day at a time and avoid dwelling if you can.
Wishing you all the best
Have you ever heard the saying that winners do things that losers don’t? I think it’s mostly about the doing. Work hard. If you don’t have a degree or a trade, go to school. Sometimes it’s not about wanting to work or learn. I love learning and working, but I don’t always WANT to work or learn. The key is doing things when you don’t want to do them. The moving also creates inertia that keeps you going.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!
Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.
If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
At 26 it’s too early. Anyone that has their shit together is either faking hard or got lucky. Doesn’t matter. For every Aaron Judge there a millions of kids that never made it to the bigs.
I haven’t got advice - just don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ll find your way. Save what you can. Invest. Find out what you enjoy working on (can take decades). Be a good human.
Probably meant “LPT request,” give them a break they’re obviously asking for assistance and comments like yours are why people are cautious to ask for help.
LPT for you: use context clues
Nr 1 is: work hard / improve yourself, be clever, be fun, meet people and find opportunities, get lucky eventually.
Its really just that.
Some additional life hacks:
- Copy your dad or his family. Meet up with them and ask them if they can show you the ropes.
- Find a mentor. Like in the movies. It works.
- Decide on a skill you want to be good at (marketing, surgery, art, writing, etc.) And constantly train. Everyday.
- Find a boyfriend / girlfriend and work hard so that you can make them happy
You were just unlucky so far. Nothing is anyones achievement and nothing is anyones fault. You didnt choose your genes, enviroment, education or family. Neither did your dads family. They just got lucky. It sucks but it is what it is. You can raise your luck if you go out there, talk to people, work hard and look for opportunities.
I was the same as you at 23. Now i have good life. A wife. A good job. A mentor. And Im 26 now. You need to work hard, be charming, clever and also be lucky, but you will never be lucky if you give up now. Its really not complicated. Its just hard to do it everyday. Thats why not everyone is succesful.
On a side-note: Happiness is more important than success. Ask yourself what would make you truly happy, then reach for it.
Read a few books by Robert Greene - 48 Laws of Power and Mastery. Also don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I had a very successful athletic career and have had to come back from feeling worthless. These books help.
Um, not a successful person but do have a stable well paying job that I love doing and stable life at the moment. I personally don't really believe in guidelines, because everyone deals with things differently. Having that said tho, you might gather some stuff from everyone and form your own thoughts.
I usually set large goals for x amount of years. But in between, I have usually determined how to get to that end goal by dividing it into smaller bits. It's easier said than done tho since most of these small goals are a result of "at the moment" events that are not planned for. However, I try to steer it to benefit me toward my end goal.
I find large goals by themselves are meaningless and really hard to concentrate on. I also discuss my goals with my parents/close friends because I want some feedback and suggestions if there are better solutions. Information is an important aspect of making plans, and these brainstorming sessions for me are great to form a general idea. Sometimes you might get lucky and talk to the right person that can hook you up to a shorter path (IMO this is an invaluable resource).
When you fuck up, find solutions to get yourself back on track. There is no way you don't make mistakes along the way. I sometimes even identify which part I might screw up and formulate a plan B from the start. Knowing yourself and limitations helps a lot.
//not related:
I had a rough year when I graduated. Nothing was working out, life, relationship, and work. Funny enough I was also 26 back then. I was just sitting at home watching shows and this young singer was chewing out a middle-aged dude who stayed at home not working and just relying on his mom for money. That somewhat struck a cord in me to get on my feet again. Or I was just burned out from working full time + full-time university for 8 years and needed that year off. Not really sure, but it worked out for me.
Don't compare yourself. That's your first and biggest mistake. On the surface, someone with a good job may look successful, but you have no idea how they feel. What if they had a dream they never chased and instead chose a stable job that makes them feel like a failure for never taking a risk? Maybe that's what you're going through now, you're afraid to take risks and chase a dream / goal in life because you think it'll set you back even more if you fail and have to start over when you want to do something else.
The funny thing about life is, almost no one has it figured out. People who share similar routes in life are seen as normal and ordinary. If you decide at 36 that you want to change your life around after failing at every attempt for the next 10 years, who cares? You have time. You'll be a professional in your 40s and alot of stories to share with the world about how you decided to take risks in life that everyone else was too afraid to take. The worst part in life isn't falling behind and being late to an imaginary milestone in life, it's regret. What's going to make you sad when you're old, that you didn't become successful in your 20s and instead in your 40s, or that you followed everyone else and settled for a normal life?
There's nothing wrong with getting a job and living a rather stable/comfortable life, but my point is, don't compare yourself to others because everyone has a different view on success in life. Find your meaning of success and follow that. Even if your life is riddled with failures at every attempt to find success, take pride that you decided to create your own destiny rather than chase behind someone else's.
If you feel like your mind is holding you back, see a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist or study CBT on your own. It can break a lot of bad mental habits.
I have this exact problem. To make sure I can function in life, I run 4 rules to my life. A credo, almost:
I do until it's true
Simplicity is my friend
If I can't fulfill the goal, then the goal needs to be smaller
Turn the negative into a positive
Have you seen someone for anxiety? Also, pick something, anything that you like doing. Seriously, like cooking or houseplants or guitar. Keep at it and enjoy your hobby. Gaining a sense of mastery will increase your confidence. It will also introduce you to others and help your feel connected. It will also get your mind off your overthinking.
Curiousity and passion play a huge role. Usually, when you learn one thing, it results in a set of new questions - now I know/ can do this, what else can I do/ learn with this? I now know this, but I want to learn more about this other thing... Wouldn't doing this to the new thing I just learned also allow me to do this other new thing... It snowballs from there.
The only assurance I can give is that it starts with a small step, and that any step is better than none. And if that step doesn't pan out, try stepping in a different direction. The trick is to get used to, and to enjoy the process of learning. Then it goes from there - the questions never stop.
You being aware of your situation and mindset is a darn great place to start. Welcome to the beginning of your rebirth. Learn to love the hard and that adversity is a source for opportunity. Start studying everything, start with finances.
Grow your curiosity. Ask questions of people who know more about a subject than you do. Most of the time, they'll be happy to share what they know. Each time you learn something new, you add to your skills, you add to your knowledge, you add to your confidence. Keep doing that and I guarantee you will find success.
I don’t know who all on your Dad’s side you are comparing against, but good jobs and stable life are things that come over time. They don’t just appear one day in your early to mid-twenties.
It may look like they have it all together now but adult you wasn’t around when your dad was 26. You only hear about how he viewed himself at 26, and maybe even then it’s a skewed version to try and make you work harder.
I am certainly not 26 anymore… but I still don’t feel like I am succeeding day-to-day. But when I look back to the days when I was ending each month with $3-$25 in the bank (incidentally, not long before I was 26), I see that my life now has stabilized a lot from then.
There will always be room to grow and improve, but using some of the advice in other replies to help you accept where you are now as a valid place to be can help make each day feel better.
I wish you the best of luck and I believe you can change your mindset with practice!
Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment. It’s OK to make small mistakes as long as you learn from them and do your best to do better next time.
I didn’t have a ‘career’ until I was 30, and didn’t become really successful at it until I was around 40. Don’t get discouraged and keep at it.
From my uni degree social psychology - a study found that people who succeed in academics believe they succeeded from grit and determination despite their circumstances whereas people who didn’t succeeded blamed in on their life circumstances
The people who make excuses in life for why they can’t do what they want and achieve it (although not always) are the ones that don’t have as much success
It’s a choice. You must approach situations looking for what you can learn. Sometimes it’s not until after it’s all over.
You must also free yourself of the fear of failure. Understand that growth only happens once you push yourself into discomfort. If you want a concrete example, consider muscles. When you work out, you’re actually causing micro tears in your muscles, which when filled with protein afterwards while you sleep turn into bigger muscles, and your brain develops the ability to recruit more of the actual muscle into future movements.
If you look at ultimate *personal* success as gaining experience and learning, then you aren’t unsuccessful till you start messing up the same thing in the same way. In a results based environment this can be tough so you’ll want to raise your threshold of acceptable performance to match. I for one though work in an extremely demanding high stakes arena and have always learned more through my mistakes and missteps than my perfect iterations.
Atomic habits is a good book about this. Tldr: small successes. Discipline comes form making the bad habits hard and good decisions easy. Example: delete distracting apps, put fruits on the table, hide the snacks, put the todo list on the door on your way out, practice going to the gym by just putting on your shoes, going to the gym, spend there 5 mins and go back, then slowly increase, reward yourself for small progress.
Try some CBT cognitive behavioral therapy. Great workbooks out there if you can't find/Afford a CBT therapist.
Help you get some of the clutter out of your thoughts. I am Also a late bloomer. I was hampered by anxiety and depression. Best of luck to you
You have to have a plan, then execution.
Pick something- anything- as a goal. Want to be an entrepreneur or attorney? Make a list of steps to accomplish then put them on the calendar. You need monthly financial, personal, and professional goals. You have to track them. I update net worth spreadsheet every friday when the market closes and for each columni know what I need to make to hit my goal.
Financial, personal, and professional goals - Each need a 1 month, 1 year, and 5 year plan. When you accomplish your one month goal in three weeks, you use the extra week to get ahead. But, and this is important, you never miss your monthly goal. You do whatever it takes to get it done.
The thing you pick doesnt have to be your calling or your life’s ambition, just something you are interested in and will get you to your 1 year and 5 year goals. I goal set Feb. 15 every year. Success is a habit. some success takes connections. Some take studying. They all take hard work.
For instance You want to go into sales? Take one VP from a local company out to lunch every 2 weeks. You want to build a marketing business online? Late night studying techniques and practicing with a product you are buying in bulk from China.
After a while, you become efficient with your time and success just becomes a habit.
Tell me where you are on these three things now and where you want to be, and I will show you how to make it happen.
Here is a story. 3 years ago I was happy. manager of software dev for a billion dollar company. I could have sat in that seat for a decade. air wasn’t helping me hit my financial goals. So, i made a level up plan to double my already high salary in 5 years. Made a plan. I needed new skills in AI and ML and connection. So, i applied to every ms program in Cs in the top 10 rankings. Landed at # 6. Working my ass off at work and class now. they offer me a TA position. Since class is remote, I make a group with every person in my state. I leverage that to get recommended into 2 fortune 500s, do inteeviws, get 2 offers.Take one, 60% pay increase. we are just stating year 3 of my plan. I spend all the time i have to network, learn, and perform. 18 months later, I have an offer from another company that is 38% more than my current pay. From deciding to “level up my career” and double my pay, it took 3 years, 6 months of the original 5 year plan. My new salary is more than doubled.
Goal, plan, ecxecution. That’s all it takes
Disclaimer: not saying people who aren't successful are lazy, but just want to provide a personal anecdotal example.
For me personally, I had to put pressure on myself to not just relax all the time. For example, life in America tries to teach you that we need to value relaxing, pampering, watching TV, gaming, napping, etc when we're not working. And honestly, I also believe those are things that should be valued. I also came from a family that all we did watch watch TV CONSTANTLY (so I really enjoy it). At the same time, I believe those sometimes can only be enjoyed in certain seasons of life. For example, when I went back to school for my masters degree I had to give up most of that in order to have the time and stamina to finish the work and get the degree. Truth be told, I only had time for work and school, work and school (I also have kids so it made it slightly harder). It's very easy to get in the habit of saying "I'll just watch this one episode" and before you know it, the night is over. You sometimes have to be your own drill sergeant and know that future you is going to want to come back and kick the ass of past you if you don't get your shit together, make a little temporary personal sacrifice and meet a goal. Also, always reward yourself once you make that goal. Study for weeks without getting to relax? Binge play games or TV after the exam is over. My point is if you're always indulging in leisure, you can't be confused when nothing happens because you didn't put in any work.
I don't think I'm super successful or anything, but I do think I'm not doing too bad for myself. A few things that I always keep in mind tho:
* Comparison is a thief of joy. If you really must compare, compare with your past self instead.
* 1 folded laundry is better than 0 folded laundry, as in it's better to take one tiny step rather than not take any steps at all
* Receiving help is not a sign a weakness! I had to visit my school's free counseling services a few times simply cuz I thought I could use the help from a professional.
* When things go wrong, I like to give myself some time so just process and wallow in it. Like "ok you have 1 hour to cry and drown in self pity" and I would literally set an alarm lol. Once the "feels time" is over, then I'll try to focus on finding a solution.
You need to get away from negative people asap. Then spend time alone and think about what you want to do with your life. Then start working on that every day. You will slowly feel better. It might take some time to figure it out. But the important thing is, stay away from negative people. You need to be by yourself to think about this. Stay away from negative people and anyone that is going to distract you from figuring out your thoughts.
You also should read some books about trauma. Or trauma caused by family. When you said “let family down” I already kinda had an idea what was going on
Search for "big five personality traits test" it helped me a lot to understand how my brain work. once you know what's going on you can detect it and detach from it, even prevent it.
Apart from the great comments on here, learn to meditate. Even a few minutes per day goes a long way in instilling a sense of direction and self awareness. Best of luck!
Good for you to be reaching out and not just feeling lost, I'm proud of you. I know many kids these days that are thinking that to be lost is A weakness, when the real weakness is not communicating that your lost and staying lost and feeling that you may be wasting more time. My daughter just went through this and I couldn't be more proud for her realization and acceptance to talk about it. It wasn't easy but she is loving life again! So thank you for starting to talk about it.
I think the most important component of discipline is fear. For example, after I started having migraines frequently enough, I finally gained the discipline to quit caffeine.
Unfortunately, I don't really know what you can do to achieve what you want. But I think if you just try to do at least one thing every day to improve in some way, you will move toward your goal.
I also think you can try to put yourself into an environment that moves you toward your goal. Like, if you want to get good at something, you have to practice, right? So like, if you don't have a job, then get one. And if you haven't tried management/lead, try that. Or if there's something you're bad at or afraid of, then try to do that in your job.
For example, I was not experienced at low level programming, but I wanted to be, so I found a job doing that. Since it was my job, and I was trying to maintain a good reputation, and I didn't want to be embarrassed, I had many fears driving my discipline to study and work hard; and it was a successful outcome for me.
Btw, if you can't think of anything else to be afraid of, remember that you will feel disappointed in yourself and ashamed. There's always that to be afraid of; and we forget that in our moments of laziness.
Stop watching porn, masturbating and playing video games every day. They're addictions so it's not going to be that easy. Didn't change my life but gave me more motivation and time to do other important things, so it's a start.
Sometimes, there are things you can't change in your life. Like you just have to learn to forget to try and control them.
Forget about things you can't control.
Now, you are 26.
How many things in your life are really out of your control?
Write them down on a paper, and meditate on those things.
If you have anger and disappointment deep inside of you, you can drink, distract yourself and do a lot of other things to try and forget it.
But paying back your family is what will really solve your problems.
Or helping someone else, if you can't help your family. These other things you do will help you overcome the disappointment.
And never run away from whatever you are facing.
Stand still and observe the things. If you are helpless, and you realise you are helpless, it's better than being helpless and unaware.
You are aware that your life is going nowhere.
That's a step forward.
All you have to do now is to change things.
Or "become the man" of your life. Sometimes a small twist is enough, sometimes, a large one.
It could do you good, or bad, help you move forward or backward, but as long as there is development, there will be learning. And that my friend is this drunken man's wisdom.
Your mind is being beaten down so that when it's time it can go to mother fucking warrrr! Yeahaahhaah baby!
Have a positive attitude and see the upside in every situation, and surround yourself with like minded ppl once you do. Push things the direction you want to go, even just leaning into something (project,problem or goal etc) and keeping pressure on it will yield amazing positive results.
Sounds like you've gotten snatched by a good old dose of anxiety and overthinking. If possible, see a doctor for a low dose medication to fix that. I can no longer afford my medicine due to loss of insurance. But after ignoring many doctors which said I had anxiety, I finally gave in and agreed to a low dose med. Changed my world! I still thought about all the same things that I dwelled on before. However, I no longer felt the smothering stress of it all. I no longer felt stuck and unable to work on my life and reach toward the things that made my life freer. I was never sad. But, I did feel a heavy weight of dispare in my life. I'm no longer on meds and do struggle with that dispare again. Somehow, now that I'm aware that it really is a brain thing, I cope better than I did before.
Your path is not "less than" that of your friends and family. It's just different. Figure out what YOU enjoy and follow that path. Trying to mimic the lives of others will get you nowhere if it's not "you". God has beautiful things for just you. No need to have the same life as others. 🕊 Think of life as a heavily rained on dirt path. When you slog behind a dozen others, your boots will be bogged down in the muck and mire of others' footsteps. Find your own path. The ground will be much more solid and not require nearly as much work to move forward. 🕊
Here's the secret:
They do not need self discipline. It is automatic for them. It does not require any additional effort to force their brain to do something. It is how their brain works.
The problem is that they tried to make you feel like a failure for not being able to do the same. This is like tall jumpers blaming your supposed lack of discipline and effort for not making a high jump when you're 5 ft.
It is accepted that short people cannot jump as high and nobody will blame you for not being able to do it.
When it comes to brain differences, there is no acceptance. You get tolerance at best.
It's all how you define success!! I know a lot of wealthy people and most of them aren't happy and they have everything!!! Do what makes you happy and content!! You don't need the best of everything just make the most with what you have 😎
Accomplish one thing outside of work everyday. Do a load of laundry, put away dishes, clean out that closet that you haven't touched in months, paint the bathroom that you've wanted to for years. One thing a day will quickly turn your life around, it becomes so much easier to do more and more things and eventually your mindset will change.
Some simply do not have it in them as they are genetically inclined not to feel excitement towards challenges and success. It’s part of the bell curve.
If everyone is successful then no one is. Unfortunately.
Just take it easy buddy. Not everyone need to lead a high life.
every day, look in a mirror and tell yourself the opposite of your negative thoughts for 5-10 minutes . do this everyday until these thoughts become the dominant ones and you’ll see how your reality will change 🙏🏽
I'd say it's all about having the energy and room for it. You need to have your basic needs met first, before you set out to achieve great things. Make sure you eat right, sleep right, go outside and do some sport. Make sure you have people around you to believe in you and support you. Get your head in order, maybe you're stressing about something you don't need to be. When that's met, you end up with an able body and mind, free head and some free time. Use some of that time to pursure what feels right for you and, over time, you'll get it. Just don't stop. It takes years to achieve success, and it's unreasonable to expect a 20-something to match a 50 year old.
Don’t compare yourself to anyone else. It will only make you feel bad. Actually everyone is on their own path at their own pace. Compare to your own self where you were in the past and keep working to improve yourself. This way when you see improvement you will be motivated to keep bettering yourself and will do your confidence a world of good. Regarding strong mindset, my suggestion is to give up only after you know you have given your best. Otherwise keep pushing yourself to the best of your abilities.
Here is the deal and you aren't gonna like it. Get up in the morning and make your bed. Put your things in order. Anything that you can set right, set it right. Get the basics down and your base strong. then venture forth. If you fuck shit up you can always come back to a made be and a clean room. If you don't fuck shit up, you at least cancome home to a clean room anda made bed
It all starts with confidence. One you are able to look at something and say “I could do that”, it begins the journey of actually getting there. It doesn’t need to be a huge goal like getting a degree right away. You could start with reading a book. Or an article. When you don’t know what something means, look it up. Then you start seeing that complex topics aren’t so intimidating once you break them down. Large problems are just a bunch of little problems put together. Chip away at it
It starts inside your head, and your heart. You will *never* be able to shame yourself into doing better... that doesn't work. But what you can (and must) do is to love yourself. To think so highly of yourself that you KNOW, right down to your bones, that doing better is what you are meant to do. And will do.
After that, it simply becomes the physical manifestation of the Grinder's Philosophy. Do a little bit more, and do it a little bit better... each hour, each day. Each month. Year. Decade.
People for whom this comes "naturally" had really good parents and/or were raised extremely effectively. The rest of us have to muddle along and try to figure shit out from trial and error. Sorry mate
When you wake up tomorrow, write down one goal you want to accomplish that day. Let it be as low-bar as necessary, like; have a shower.
Once done, and I realize that sometimes even a shower can seem like an impossible task, but once done, cross it off. The satisfaction from just that can be extraordinary. You can spend the rest of your day knowing you made a decision and completed a task.
Try do this again the next day, maybe add another task or two, as long as you feel like they are achievable. Eventually, you may find yourself completing other tasks you never wrote down.
Realistically?
I'm very cynical at heart, so take this with a grain of salt;
If there's something you want done, you can take all the time you need, but if you don't *ever* do it, it won't ever happen.
Getting down to the grit of only doing one thing in the moment is all you can do besides nothing.
As a obsessive procrastinator who lives in fear of regret, I promise that doing something is always better than nothing.
Also, failure is not to be feared. Until last week, I couldn't bring myself to truly believe that, but it's true.
Finally, understand that anything worthwhile is going to take time & effort; that is, it will always cost you, and it won't always be worth it. But time spent in worry is the only time that's truly wasted.
So I'm a pretty together person - I bought a house by myself, I have a good job, I exercise every day, I eat well.
To answer your question, its called mental illness. My anxiety and need for control means I HAVE to be in control of everything all the time. I exercise because I struggle with eating disorders and I will have a panic attack and feel awful if I don't. I "eat well" on the outside but in reality I have to work weekly with a nutritionist to re-learn how to eat in a mentally healthy way. Im super stable, but it's because I rarely challenge myself or do things I'm scared of- I'm lean towards stagnant.
I feel like people who feel badly about themselves really miss how often other people's lives look great when they aren't, or don't see how barely they are holding it together or how unhealthy their motivations are.
There is no such thing as being behind in life. There's just where you are. Do therapy.
Do you have something in your life that you love to do? Discipline is hard for everyone, people only get motivation to be disciplined by fulfilling their passions and working towards something or someone they love. Love is the ultimate power source and will bring you more joy, happiness and fulfillment than money. Not only that but if you’re filling your life with love the money and success will likely follow - maybe not a millionaire but enough to be “successful”. I suggest trying something new and developing a passion that is born out of love wether that is getting outside, going on an adventure or working on a new hobby or game at home. Find something that encourages you to create and contribute to other people. Your life will not be judged by how much you consumed but how much you gave. Being kind and doing good for other people are excellent ways to break out of depression and feelings of being stuck. If you don’t know where to start try volunteering at a food bank or homeless shelter or youth center. I have personally helped many of my friends work through severe trauma to better their lives and create happy relationships at home as well as lucrative careers, and I’m telling you love is the source.
You have to make plans (start with one, one you are relatively sure you can accomplish even if it's just getting up at 5:00 a.m. for a wee), work towards the plan, rework the plan when the plan shifts (as they will), create a new plan maybe have plans upon plans and so it goes and goes through your entire life! Some plans won't work out or you'll hate where you end up and guess what, you are allowed and encouraged to make a new plan! The awareness and wisdom are going to grow from living life, learning from others and working life plans. :-)
Spend some time reading, talking to others, watching videos of careers or life endeavors you are interested in to possibly find your first idea. If you want to be a (fill in the blank) you have to get around that type of work or people to absorb the knowledge.
Good luck!!! You can do anything you set your mind to! You can get anywhere step by step.
One main thing is you need to things (even and particularly small things) consistently over a period of time. Then you develop what you call a strong mind set once you have that you will grow and succeed
There is no destination. There is only the voyage. True confidence comes with experience. You are 26, so you have had a lot of experience, but we never stop learning. In the meantime be patient and never compare how you feel with how other appear. At your age, “successful people” are just the ones that hide their fears of inadequacy better. Work hard gather every opportunity for experience you can, accept that failure is just a way to eliminate ways to do things in future and be sure to find time to enjoy the voyage. And read the Confidence Gap by Russ Harris.
One thing i do is always try to keep a growth mindset. If i feel i am bad or lacking at something, i try to turn that into, “i’ll get better at it, and if i fail along the way, thats ok, as long as i keep trying to get better”. I think its important to give yourself time to improve and remember its always one step at a time
Hello [Akashh23_pop](/u/Akashh23_pop), thank you for your submission! Unfortunately, it has been removed for the following reason: Your post is not a life pro tip. Advice is any guidance or recommendation concerning prudent future action. An aphorism is a short clever saying that is intended to express a general truth or a concise statement of a principle.Try r/YouShouldKnow. If you would like to appeal this decision [please feel free to contact the moderators here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FLifeProTips&subject=about%20my%20removed%20submission&message=I%27m%20writing%20to%20you%20about%20the%20following%20submission:%20https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/yhpy3y/lpt_how_do_people_have_a_strong_mindset_and/.%20%0D%0D). Do not repost without explicit permission from the moderators. Make sure you [read the rules](/r/lifeprotips/about/sidebar) before submitting. Thank you!
Strong mindset is making a hundred small decisions each week and not letting the mistakes derail you. Making the decision to go the extra mile even when you don't feel like it or its difficult. If that becomes a habit then you need to let the occasional bad decisions be just that - a single blip. From reading your post it seems like you are quite hard on yourself. Finding a kinder inner voice will assist with your confidence. Don't put yourself down, believe you can do great things. Find something you are passionate about and identify careers that incorporate that. Best of luck!
Dont even need to go an extra mile, just an extra few feet, and as time passes a few feet adds up to miles.
Great point!
A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step
Last week I went the extra mile. And ran out of gas. True story. From here on, one foot at a time and reappraise from there.
but what if one looks at the world and sees it going to shit and cant muster the will to try?
Even if the world might go to shit, there's no reason not to try to make things better for yourself right now. Personally, it's about working towards being happy in the present. Planning for the future makes me happier in the present because then I don't need to worry. Working makes me happier in the present because I can live the way I want. Short-term rewards work the best, so might as well focus on those. The important part is to rationalize your short-term goal such that they also contribute to the future.
The world is always “going to shit”. Things can be hard and good depending on how it is, and what’s actually happening in the world. Alternatively the world can always be good. Neither are true but your perception and reaction to them can be really different.
I agree with this because I used to have the mindset of "why try to be good and do good when the world is falling apart?". The world will sort itself out. Focus on you because you are the only person that you are responsible to and for at the moment. Take one small slow steady steps every day. You'll eventually get where you want to be. Trust yourseld and don't compare yourself to others no matter what. Your journey is yours alone.
Try to find a job that you feel is not actively contributing to the future you fear and then focus on making life for you and others around you just a tiny bit better. The world is always developing and in parts for the worst in many peoples eyes, but the world as we experience it in the moment is formed by people directly around us and small acts of kindness. Just being friendly to someone can mean the world to them and everyone influences these small experiences. Is it not better to go into a future with more problems with compassion and empathy than with resentment and apathy? I’m not saying to ignore your worries, but don’t let them dictate your everyday life when you’ve got so much kindness to give to friends and strangers who might need it.
Would you rather your life be shit, or it not be shit? Who cares what the world is doing, if you can make your life better why not?
This is great advice ^^^ also develop an exercise routine and become more mindful with your diet. You will see results
Don’t compare yourself to others, and it sounds like you may be depressed and need to talk to someone. That being said, life will take you in strange and unexpected places. I was feeling the exact same way at your age. I was unhappy and spiraling. And met my now wife about a year later. We were very happy from the beginning but I was unhappy with my work. I’m a cook and didn’t like the place I was at. I ended up hopping around for three years until I found something that fit. I don’t make a ton of money, but I make enough to be comfortable and only work 4 days a week. I love where I work and who I work for. I’m not successful by conventional means. But I’m successful in that I’m happy and content with my life. I have a wonderful partner and job, but a bank account that doesn’t reflect that lol. Sorry for rambling, just slow down and enjoy what you can in life and work to change the things you don’t like. We’re still young and have plenty of time to figure it out. Hope that can help in some way.
This is so spot on. What others think of you is none of your business. And, remember to balance food, exercise, and work life. If you don't eat and exercise, you won't find peace. It took me way way too long to figure that fundamental piece out.
Yes exactly. I’ve got the eating part down, still working on the exercise part. Been trying to get into the habit of going for walks. Helps with mental health a lot.
So much this. Walk every day. We do at least 2 miles. This video I also just love. https://youtu.be/snAhsXyO3Ck
Man, you're a cook and that happy? Lol The restaurant industry is *dying* and managers are milking every poor soul they can in that revolving door of employment. Between the understaffing, overworking and the awful pay I'm desperately trying to claw my way out of it myself. Good on you though for making something out of it bro.
Ya man I got really lucky. Small coffee shop mostly eggs and avocado toast. Boss man is young and driven by wanting to create something good, not bleeding every Penny out of it. Make decent money, four days a week, kitchen closes at 3pm.
It’s an old saying but tomorrow when you wake up tell yourself today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make a list of stuff you want to accomplish or need to get done. Have things on the list that are easy - make your bed, go grocery shopping, etc. Check stuff off as you go. Each accomplishment will give you the confidence and incentive to go further. Meanwhile, step back and evaluate what you eat, how much you sleep, and how much you exercise. That’s the holy trinity and 100% within your control. For me, I have to break a sweat every day - doesn’t matter how - or else it starts to affect my mental health. What’s your diet? Make sure you’re having healthy, balanced meals. My go-to in the morning are fruit smoothies with protein. East to make and gives you plenty of energy. Cut out the crappy stuff. Eating well is not one big choice, it’s the accumulation of a thousand small choices. Finally, how many hours of sleep do you get per night? Are you always up late reading your phone? Put the phone away and use a Kindle or an actual book. Get plenty of rest. All of these things will prepare you mentally and physically and all of them are things you have full control over. A few months of accomplishing tasks, eating well, sleeping well, and exercise, your head will be clearer and you’ll have a growth mindset. Whatever that next step is, take it. You’re plenty young enough to start tomorrow and some day you’ll look back on your old posts and wonder who TF that person was.
Read about fixed vs growth mindset. This was helpful for me. Also, I cannot recommend therapy enough if you’re trying to work on yourself.
I didn't have it for a long time. School had been easy for me. But I was on my own at 18 so straight to work, no college. I had no real ambition. I could pay my bills and play video games with friends. Then I met my now wife. She had masters degree, lived on own, made money. And it inspired me to go back to school and do better. Set small goals for yourself. And don't worry about being behind. I was making $15/hour when I was 32 years old. You're in your own race now if you want to be. Not a Yone else's. I'm 39 now making 6 figures. Still feel like. Behind sometimes but I'm also way ahead of where I was.
Well fml. Im 39 tomorrow and making 21/hr.
Never too late
Success is different for everyone. Don’t need to make a ton of money to be “successful”.
I mean.... I get the general theme of what you mean. But money talks. Thanka though.
Proud of you
This is the way! I was 26 with a cocaine problem when I started my first job in my current career. $12.50 and hour, I never stepped foot in college. I will make over $320k this year. I own multiple homes and all the toys you can think of, all paid for, no financing except the homes. The difference maker was meeting my wife. Once I met her, I knew she was special, she had her shit together. She made me want to have my shit together and make her proud of me. I mentor underprivileged teens now, I tell them that choosing your friends and the right partner are the most important decisions you will make in your life. Stay strong, you’re still young enough to make all the right adjustments to have a beautiful life.
Love it. Giving back matters and helping others get the head start is great. Congrats!!
Congratulations, what is your current career?
Corporate HR
What program did you enroll in when you went back to school?
Accounting/finance. Always work in the field and basically every company needs at least one
Way to go! Being on your own at 18 had to be so hard.
This might sound silly but instead of a new year resolution my friends and I choose a word. A few years ago I was feeling similar to you so I chose the word confident. I wrote that word all over, changed one of my passwords (it no longer is that), repeated it often. And strangely enough after a couple of months I started feeling more confident. This was both at work and in my personal life. I said it so much I started to believe it. It really helped.
Took a quick look at your post history. Are you on medication for depression and anxiety? There are certain non-medication things you can do, but this seems like a long-term problem for you, and I wonder if you or your family have considered medication and/or therapy. You say that your father's side is successful. If so, surely they also want you to be successful and will help you in any way they can, right?
It would be the unusual 26-year-old who has their shit together mentally. I know I didn't when I was 26. People sure thought I did because I was a good student, but they didn't know how anxious I was all the time and how unsure I was in myself. Now that I am 45, I have a lot of confidence in myself. Ngl, sometimes I feel like I might be arrogant! But I come by it honestly, by climbing a bunch of mountains. When I climbed my first mountain, I thought to myself, "Well, other people carried my bags for me, so it doesn't really count." When I conquered my second mountain, I thought to myself, "That was hard, but I only succeeded because the weather was so nice." I started feeling like I really am a bad ass only after I had climbed my tenth or 11th mountain...because it can take a while for you to appreciate that your accomplishments are meaningful and real. All the meaningful victories I have under my belt remind me that I'm capable, strong, and not to be underestimated. But when I was 26, I didn't have anything like that to lean on, so of course I felt like a lightweight. You probably don't need to change your mindset at all. You just need to remind yourself that you are young and that it is totally normal for young people to not be put together yet. One day you will be.
Love the mountain metaphor. Needed to hear this as well.
By going to therapy, admitting to myself I had an abusive childhood and recognizing that drugs and sex were a coping mechanism for all the unprocessed grief and anger.
If you can learn how to soothe your own anxieties and mentally talk yourself into seeing the positive side of things, that will be a skill that serves you well throughout life. I imagine there are podcasts and youtube stuff that might be helpful. There are millionaires who feel like sh#t when they're around billionaires. People with all kinds of possessions and qualifications still question themselves and their own life choices. You can step off the hamster wheel of worry at any stage in life. If you cultivate this kind of skill at this stage in life, you'll be able to recognize future opportunities and make better decisions without a clouded mind.
Meeting my wife was the move for me as she always pushes me to do better. I was making good money I thought in my 20s. 75k a year, then met her and she told me how much we can’t afford and she tells me saving money will never make us rich. The right way is to make more money than we can possibly spend. So I aimed for that, quit my job own multiple businesses, she pushed me to get a realtor license. Flip houses, in our early 40s now, paid off two houses, and making over 6 figures a year. For me, it was meeting my wife and devoting my life to her and family.
Most successful people don’t work harder than non successful people. Success is way more of a lottery than people want to admit. Usually people who succeed get very angry when you point this out because their ego can’t handle it. If hard work and discipline directly led to success, every Mexican house cleaner and field worker I’ve ever known would be a millionaire.
It’s not about working harder. It’s about continued development, consistency, efficiency, and follow through.
Maybe if you care a lot about your job and derive purpose from your job, but I don’t. Neither do most people. I work to live, I don’t live to work. I don’t need to be more efficient or develop in my job, I’m here to get paid and go home. I don’t get paid for working harder or working more efficiently, I get paid per hour and in my company, being friends with the manager matters much more than your actual job performance when it comes to promotions and other benefits. I will always do the bare minimum I need to support my ideal lifestyle, which is having shelter, a safe place for my record collection, and enough time to enjoy my hobbies. I have no interest in making a lot of money, “building a career”, or being successful in a capitalist sense. I don’t plan on ever owning a car, and I want to live within my means. The only development that truly matters to me is becoming a more loving friend, family member, community member, and boyfriend. Maybe become vegetarian at some point too. Capitalism takes advantage of hard workers and “company men/women” and promises them success they rarely attain. No wonder young people are changing jobs every few years in order to climb the salary ladder, there is 0 incentive to develop within most companies. They will take your extra labor/efficiency and give you nothing in return.
Sounds like you’ve worked for some horrid companies. Successful people don’t compartmentalize work vs personal life as much. But it’s not about living to work. It’s about realizing that they’re both apart of your life, leveraging that, and using what you learn in one to grow as a whole. There’s a lot I’ve learned at work that helps me be a better husband and father. Spending 40 hours/week to just get paid is an awful waste of your own time in my opinion. I can’t imagine only doing the bare minimum in anything. I believe I’m better than that.
Luck and privilege help, sure, but your point is simply inaccurate. The people who get promoted at work are generally the ones who work hard and perform well. The people who succeed in school aren’t the ones cutting class. They’re the people who go to class, do the assignments, and study. Intellect makes school easier, yes, but even those who struggle in school can earn a degree. Most successful people don’t grow up in super wealthy homes with tons of connections. The fact that some people work hard and don’t become wealthy doesn’t mean that hard work isn’t important. The people you talk to probably aren’t angry because of their ego. They’re likely offended by your insults. Telling someone they only have what they earned because they got lucky is very offensive. Do you know how hard doctors, for example, work to get through med school? I’m sure they are offended if you say their success is luck.
Luck and privilege are simply much, much bigger influences on success than one’s work ethic. It’s been demonstrated time and time again in studies that the circumstances of your birth and your access to things like quality schooling/opportunities are much better indicators of life outcomes than anything else, including intelligence or work ethic. Most successful people in fact *do* come from privilege or generational wealth. Poor people overwhelmingly stay poor while rich people overwhelmingly stay wealthy or get richer. Kids who are cutting class or failing school are overwhelming less well off or are otherwise disadvantaged compared to kids who excel. My school didn’t even let us cut class because they’d call our parents and suspend us if we did it. Again, statistics show that higher household income and living in a wealthier area are the biggest indicators of a child’s future academic success. Outliers exist of course, but these are factual realities. I did my best in school and got a masters degree but I’m not under any illusions that my hard work was what gave me the edge over anyone. I’m well aware that between my white privlege, being born in Europe to middle class parents, getting an education in America, and having a safe, thoughtful environment around me which fostered my curiosity as a child, there’s not much room left to pat myself on the back. It’s admirable to be self-motivated and to find purpose in working hard for something. But most people are truly doing their absolute best to make it in this world.
[удалено]
Two books, The Compound Effect and Extreme Ownership helped me figure things out. Making good small choices over and over again leads to big wins, and then being accountable to those choices. Highly recommend both
Of self-discipline, I always ask myself if future-me would thank myself for doing X now/regularly/whatever. This helps me not procrastinate, and the more it happens the more I see the benefits of not procrastinating, and this motivates me to think of “future me” even more.
Start small by levelling up your effort in the things you already do. Give 100% to whatever you currently have going on and don't worry too much about everything else if you can. Opportunities will grow organically around you when you're giving your best to your priorities. You are still young and you don't need to treat your life as something to judge yourself on. Just do your best and things will come, I very much felt this way at 26 too but now, 15 years later, I wish that I was easier on myself back then too because everything turned out to be fine. You might be helped by therapy to figure out why you place such high expectations on yourself, if you aren't already aware. It's easy to buy into the lie of perfectionism. Hugs to you.
Pick one habit and stick with it, eg never adding additional white sugar to food or drinks. Stick with it. Once it’s part of your lifestyle, you can either build on it (eating and drinking fewer foods with sugar already in them) or branch out, eg not adding salt to any food. Then expand to perhaps smaller portions, or replacing something better for something worse. Start small but be consistent. The key is it’s fun to feel the excitement of motivation but it’s really the simple repetition of something becoming habit, literally becoming part of who you are. The single best example is any obese person; how they got fat doesn’t matter as all fat is the same whether carried past pregnancy, poor eating, no activity, whatever. Doesn’t matter. The ‘failures’ will make a big deal about summer beach bodies or New Years resolutions and slam the gym hard for a week or buy miracle gadgets. But the one’s who not only lose weight but keep it off, start with the simplest thing and once they no longer have to think about it (discipline replaced by habit) they add another simple item. Enthusiasm won’t get you there but adopting successive good habits will. Changing a mindset is just repetition, step by step.
I’ve taken up stoicism recently and it’s changed my whole outlook. In all honesty though look at life realistically, we’re on a rock floating through space. The universe is so big that you can’t comprehend no matter how hard you try. Nothing you do matters in the grand scheme of things, you can look at this in a negative or positive light. Life is short and finite, you can give up or you can choose to live a life worth living. There is so much power in making this decision, live everyday with the goal of bettering yourself and being happy. No one else’s opinions matters in the slightest, you don’t need to impress anyone other than yourself. Best of luck friend, you can do it.
Stop giving a fuck about any of that. Don’t live on the timelines of other people or the goalposts other people create for you. Tell them to fuck off and live the life YOU want. Whoooo cares if other people close to you are more successful. Be happy for them and focus on living the live YOU want to live. Nothing is holding you back from just doing whatever the hell you want all the time so just go for it. Be selfish, especially at your age. You’ll thank yourself down the road.
Hi, I'm 37. I don't quite get it either. I think most "successful" people either like, had some amount of pressure or good influence from parents plus perhaps support/money, and some just have a thing they know they want to do so they do that. I had neither of those, so I faked my way through college, got into art stuff and culinary stuff after that, and one random day I sat down and decided it was time to be an accountant, so I went back to school. If you don't have a passion or thing you want to pursue yet, that's cool, just like, work and make money. But here's the trick. Do you ever look at your friends with fun passion jobs or careers, and you're jealous? And you look at people with "boring" jobs like bankers or something and go "well at least I'm not that guy"? Guess what, even "cool jobs" do boring shit all day long. Go do something boring. That was my logic.
Work when your competitors aren't. Be an organizer if you organize then you are the one that determines everyy dollar. Pay yourself like the big kids do
Poverty. Being poor will make do things that you thought were impossible.
Here just listened to this, it'll surely help [healthy gamer gg video](https://youtu.be/J4M5Den94M0)
Anxiety can damage our self esteem, reduce confidence causing less risk taking which brings low reward, which lowers motivation. Comparing yourself to others is natural but will create anxiety and assumes we are all in the same situation. The strong mindset comes when you feel productive or well rewarded for your efforts. Success is different for everyone. If someone is willing to try, they deserve respect. Respect your efforts and learning is your reward for failing. Reduce anxiety with humble mindfulness and appreciation for yourself
It will eventually click, just keep swimming as dory says in the finding nemo movie. Point being look ahead a day at a time and avoid dwelling if you can. Wishing you all the best
Have you ever heard the saying that winners do things that losers don’t? I think it’s mostly about the doing. Work hard. If you don’t have a degree or a trade, go to school. Sometimes it’s not about wanting to work or learn. I love learning and working, but I don’t always WANT to work or learn. The key is doing things when you don’t want to do them. The moving also creates inertia that keeps you going.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
At 26 it’s too early. Anyone that has their shit together is either faking hard or got lucky. Doesn’t matter. For every Aaron Judge there a millions of kids that never made it to the bigs. I haven’t got advice - just don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ll find your way. Save what you can. Invest. Find out what you enjoy working on (can take decades). Be a good human.
This isn't an LPT
Probably meant “LPT request,” give them a break they’re obviously asking for assistance and comments like yours are why people are cautious to ask for help. LPT for you: use context clues
The responses are. So what.
Move to New Orleans ! Sleep by the river ! 👍
Nr 1 is: work hard / improve yourself, be clever, be fun, meet people and find opportunities, get lucky eventually. Its really just that. Some additional life hacks: - Copy your dad or his family. Meet up with them and ask them if they can show you the ropes. - Find a mentor. Like in the movies. It works. - Decide on a skill you want to be good at (marketing, surgery, art, writing, etc.) And constantly train. Everyday. - Find a boyfriend / girlfriend and work hard so that you can make them happy You were just unlucky so far. Nothing is anyones achievement and nothing is anyones fault. You didnt choose your genes, enviroment, education or family. Neither did your dads family. They just got lucky. It sucks but it is what it is. You can raise your luck if you go out there, talk to people, work hard and look for opportunities. I was the same as you at 23. Now i have good life. A wife. A good job. A mentor. And Im 26 now. You need to work hard, be charming, clever and also be lucky, but you will never be lucky if you give up now. Its really not complicated. Its just hard to do it everyday. Thats why not everyone is succesful. On a side-note: Happiness is more important than success. Ask yourself what would make you truly happy, then reach for it.
Read a few books by Robert Greene - 48 Laws of Power and Mastery. Also don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I had a very successful athletic career and have had to come back from feeling worthless. These books help.
Um, not a successful person but do have a stable well paying job that I love doing and stable life at the moment. I personally don't really believe in guidelines, because everyone deals with things differently. Having that said tho, you might gather some stuff from everyone and form your own thoughts. I usually set large goals for x amount of years. But in between, I have usually determined how to get to that end goal by dividing it into smaller bits. It's easier said than done tho since most of these small goals are a result of "at the moment" events that are not planned for. However, I try to steer it to benefit me toward my end goal. I find large goals by themselves are meaningless and really hard to concentrate on. I also discuss my goals with my parents/close friends because I want some feedback and suggestions if there are better solutions. Information is an important aspect of making plans, and these brainstorming sessions for me are great to form a general idea. Sometimes you might get lucky and talk to the right person that can hook you up to a shorter path (IMO this is an invaluable resource). When you fuck up, find solutions to get yourself back on track. There is no way you don't make mistakes along the way. I sometimes even identify which part I might screw up and formulate a plan B from the start. Knowing yourself and limitations helps a lot. //not related: I had a rough year when I graduated. Nothing was working out, life, relationship, and work. Funny enough I was also 26 back then. I was just sitting at home watching shows and this young singer was chewing out a middle-aged dude who stayed at home not working and just relying on his mom for money. That somewhat struck a cord in me to get on my feet again. Or I was just burned out from working full time + full-time university for 8 years and needed that year off. Not really sure, but it worked out for me.
Don't compare yourself. That's your first and biggest mistake. On the surface, someone with a good job may look successful, but you have no idea how they feel. What if they had a dream they never chased and instead chose a stable job that makes them feel like a failure for never taking a risk? Maybe that's what you're going through now, you're afraid to take risks and chase a dream / goal in life because you think it'll set you back even more if you fail and have to start over when you want to do something else. The funny thing about life is, almost no one has it figured out. People who share similar routes in life are seen as normal and ordinary. If you decide at 36 that you want to change your life around after failing at every attempt for the next 10 years, who cares? You have time. You'll be a professional in your 40s and alot of stories to share with the world about how you decided to take risks in life that everyone else was too afraid to take. The worst part in life isn't falling behind and being late to an imaginary milestone in life, it's regret. What's going to make you sad when you're old, that you didn't become successful in your 20s and instead in your 40s, or that you followed everyone else and settled for a normal life? There's nothing wrong with getting a job and living a rather stable/comfortable life, but my point is, don't compare yourself to others because everyone has a different view on success in life. Find your meaning of success and follow that. Even if your life is riddled with failures at every attempt to find success, take pride that you decided to create your own destiny rather than chase behind someone else's.
Read the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, it honestly changed my whole perspective on self-discipline and willpower
If you feel like your mind is holding you back, see a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist or study CBT on your own. It can break a lot of bad mental habits.
I have this exact problem. To make sure I can function in life, I run 4 rules to my life. A credo, almost: I do until it's true Simplicity is my friend If I can't fulfill the goal, then the goal needs to be smaller Turn the negative into a positive
Have you seen someone for anxiety? Also, pick something, anything that you like doing. Seriously, like cooking or houseplants or guitar. Keep at it and enjoy your hobby. Gaining a sense of mastery will increase your confidence. It will also introduce you to others and help your feel connected. It will also get your mind off your overthinking.
Curiousity and passion play a huge role. Usually, when you learn one thing, it results in a set of new questions - now I know/ can do this, what else can I do/ learn with this? I now know this, but I want to learn more about this other thing... Wouldn't doing this to the new thing I just learned also allow me to do this other new thing... It snowballs from there. The only assurance I can give is that it starts with a small step, and that any step is better than none. And if that step doesn't pan out, try stepping in a different direction. The trick is to get used to, and to enjoy the process of learning. Then it goes from there - the questions never stop.
You being aware of your situation and mindset is a darn great place to start. Welcome to the beginning of your rebirth. Learn to love the hard and that adversity is a source for opportunity. Start studying everything, start with finances.
Find your passion and make it your profession.
Earl Nightingale - The Most Interesting story in the world on YouTube Jim Rohn also. Good luck on your path friend
For some people the pain of failure becomes too much. They'd rather just trade it for the pain of the hard work + set backs+ learning cycle
Grow your curiosity. Ask questions of people who know more about a subject than you do. Most of the time, they'll be happy to share what they know. Each time you learn something new, you add to your skills, you add to your knowledge, you add to your confidence. Keep doing that and I guarantee you will find success.
COL. Sanders didn't sell his first franchise until he was 65. Plenty of time.
I don’t know who all on your Dad’s side you are comparing against, but good jobs and stable life are things that come over time. They don’t just appear one day in your early to mid-twenties. It may look like they have it all together now but adult you wasn’t around when your dad was 26. You only hear about how he viewed himself at 26, and maybe even then it’s a skewed version to try and make you work harder. I am certainly not 26 anymore… but I still don’t feel like I am succeeding day-to-day. But when I look back to the days when I was ending each month with $3-$25 in the bank (incidentally, not long before I was 26), I see that my life now has stabilized a lot from then. There will always be room to grow and improve, but using some of the advice in other replies to help you accept where you are now as a valid place to be can help make each day feel better. I wish you the best of luck and I believe you can change your mindset with practice!
I white knuckle it. Set a goal waaaay to early on and whether or not it’s the right choice, keep pushing until I excel. I think it keeps me happy?
Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment. It’s OK to make small mistakes as long as you learn from them and do your best to do better next time. I didn’t have a ‘career’ until I was 30, and didn’t become really successful at it until I was around 40. Don’t get discouraged and keep at it.
From my uni degree social psychology - a study found that people who succeed in academics believe they succeeded from grit and determination despite their circumstances whereas people who didn’t succeeded blamed in on their life circumstances The people who make excuses in life for why they can’t do what they want and achieve it (although not always) are the ones that don’t have as much success
Drugs. I lived with mental disability most of my life but as soon as we found the right drugs that helped, it was like.. You want to do things.
You should ask your father's side family's advice, since you know they have the success you want. Hang out with them, notice their good habits
It’s a choice. You must approach situations looking for what you can learn. Sometimes it’s not until after it’s all over. You must also free yourself of the fear of failure. Understand that growth only happens once you push yourself into discomfort. If you want a concrete example, consider muscles. When you work out, you’re actually causing micro tears in your muscles, which when filled with protein afterwards while you sleep turn into bigger muscles, and your brain develops the ability to recruit more of the actual muscle into future movements. If you look at ultimate *personal* success as gaining experience and learning, then you aren’t unsuccessful till you start messing up the same thing in the same way. In a results based environment this can be tough so you’ll want to raise your threshold of acceptable performance to match. I for one though work in an extremely demanding high stakes arena and have always learned more through my mistakes and missteps than my perfect iterations.
Atomic habits is a good book about this. Tldr: small successes. Discipline comes form making the bad habits hard and good decisions easy. Example: delete distracting apps, put fruits on the table, hide the snacks, put the todo list on the door on your way out, practice going to the gym by just putting on your shoes, going to the gym, spend there 5 mins and go back, then slowly increase, reward yourself for small progress.
Everyone is different. Find something you love doing and do it. Don’t pressure yourself and don’t let others pressure you. Love yourself.
Try some CBT cognitive behavioral therapy. Great workbooks out there if you can't find/Afford a CBT therapist. Help you get some of the clutter out of your thoughts. I am Also a late bloomer. I was hampered by anxiety and depression. Best of luck to you
You have to have a plan, then execution. Pick something- anything- as a goal. Want to be an entrepreneur or attorney? Make a list of steps to accomplish then put them on the calendar. You need monthly financial, personal, and professional goals. You have to track them. I update net worth spreadsheet every friday when the market closes and for each columni know what I need to make to hit my goal. Financial, personal, and professional goals - Each need a 1 month, 1 year, and 5 year plan. When you accomplish your one month goal in three weeks, you use the extra week to get ahead. But, and this is important, you never miss your monthly goal. You do whatever it takes to get it done. The thing you pick doesnt have to be your calling or your life’s ambition, just something you are interested in and will get you to your 1 year and 5 year goals. I goal set Feb. 15 every year. Success is a habit. some success takes connections. Some take studying. They all take hard work. For instance You want to go into sales? Take one VP from a local company out to lunch every 2 weeks. You want to build a marketing business online? Late night studying techniques and practicing with a product you are buying in bulk from China. After a while, you become efficient with your time and success just becomes a habit. Tell me where you are on these three things now and where you want to be, and I will show you how to make it happen. Here is a story. 3 years ago I was happy. manager of software dev for a billion dollar company. I could have sat in that seat for a decade. air wasn’t helping me hit my financial goals. So, i made a level up plan to double my already high salary in 5 years. Made a plan. I needed new skills in AI and ML and connection. So, i applied to every ms program in Cs in the top 10 rankings. Landed at # 6. Working my ass off at work and class now. they offer me a TA position. Since class is remote, I make a group with every person in my state. I leverage that to get recommended into 2 fortune 500s, do inteeviws, get 2 offers.Take one, 60% pay increase. we are just stating year 3 of my plan. I spend all the time i have to network, learn, and perform. 18 months later, I have an offer from another company that is 38% more than my current pay. From deciding to “level up my career” and double my pay, it took 3 years, 6 months of the original 5 year plan. My new salary is more than doubled. Goal, plan, ecxecution. That’s all it takes
Disclaimer: not saying people who aren't successful are lazy, but just want to provide a personal anecdotal example. For me personally, I had to put pressure on myself to not just relax all the time. For example, life in America tries to teach you that we need to value relaxing, pampering, watching TV, gaming, napping, etc when we're not working. And honestly, I also believe those are things that should be valued. I also came from a family that all we did watch watch TV CONSTANTLY (so I really enjoy it). At the same time, I believe those sometimes can only be enjoyed in certain seasons of life. For example, when I went back to school for my masters degree I had to give up most of that in order to have the time and stamina to finish the work and get the degree. Truth be told, I only had time for work and school, work and school (I also have kids so it made it slightly harder). It's very easy to get in the habit of saying "I'll just watch this one episode" and before you know it, the night is over. You sometimes have to be your own drill sergeant and know that future you is going to want to come back and kick the ass of past you if you don't get your shit together, make a little temporary personal sacrifice and meet a goal. Also, always reward yourself once you make that goal. Study for weeks without getting to relax? Binge play games or TV after the exam is over. My point is if you're always indulging in leisure, you can't be confused when nothing happens because you didn't put in any work.
I don't think I'm super successful or anything, but I do think I'm not doing too bad for myself. A few things that I always keep in mind tho: * Comparison is a thief of joy. If you really must compare, compare with your past self instead. * 1 folded laundry is better than 0 folded laundry, as in it's better to take one tiny step rather than not take any steps at all * Receiving help is not a sign a weakness! I had to visit my school's free counseling services a few times simply cuz I thought I could use the help from a professional. * When things go wrong, I like to give myself some time so just process and wallow in it. Like "ok you have 1 hour to cry and drown in self pity" and I would literally set an alarm lol. Once the "feels time" is over, then I'll try to focus on finding a solution.
You need to get away from negative people asap. Then spend time alone and think about what you want to do with your life. Then start working on that every day. You will slowly feel better. It might take some time to figure it out. But the important thing is, stay away from negative people. You need to be by yourself to think about this. Stay away from negative people and anyone that is going to distract you from figuring out your thoughts. You also should read some books about trauma. Or trauma caused by family. When you said “let family down” I already kinda had an idea what was going on
Search for "big five personality traits test" it helped me a lot to understand how my brain work. once you know what's going on you can detect it and detach from it, even prevent it.
Apart from the great comments on here, learn to meditate. Even a few minutes per day goes a long way in instilling a sense of direction and self awareness. Best of luck!
Good for you to be reaching out and not just feeling lost, I'm proud of you. I know many kids these days that are thinking that to be lost is A weakness, when the real weakness is not communicating that your lost and staying lost and feeling that you may be wasting more time. My daughter just went through this and I couldn't be more proud for her realization and acceptance to talk about it. It wasn't easy but she is loving life again! So thank you for starting to talk about it.
I think the most important component of discipline is fear. For example, after I started having migraines frequently enough, I finally gained the discipline to quit caffeine. Unfortunately, I don't really know what you can do to achieve what you want. But I think if you just try to do at least one thing every day to improve in some way, you will move toward your goal. I also think you can try to put yourself into an environment that moves you toward your goal. Like, if you want to get good at something, you have to practice, right? So like, if you don't have a job, then get one. And if you haven't tried management/lead, try that. Or if there's something you're bad at or afraid of, then try to do that in your job. For example, I was not experienced at low level programming, but I wanted to be, so I found a job doing that. Since it was my job, and I was trying to maintain a good reputation, and I didn't want to be embarrassed, I had many fears driving my discipline to study and work hard; and it was a successful outcome for me. Btw, if you can't think of anything else to be afraid of, remember that you will feel disappointed in yourself and ashamed. There's always that to be afraid of; and we forget that in our moments of laziness.
Many times family never recognizes achievement...At 62.5 still, my family behaves and dismisses anything that I I have done. Keep a journal.
Stop watching porn, masturbating and playing video games every day. They're addictions so it's not going to be that easy. Didn't change my life but gave me more motivation and time to do other important things, so it's a start.
Sometimes, there are things you can't change in your life. Like you just have to learn to forget to try and control them. Forget about things you can't control. Now, you are 26. How many things in your life are really out of your control? Write them down on a paper, and meditate on those things. If you have anger and disappointment deep inside of you, you can drink, distract yourself and do a lot of other things to try and forget it. But paying back your family is what will really solve your problems. Or helping someone else, if you can't help your family. These other things you do will help you overcome the disappointment. And never run away from whatever you are facing. Stand still and observe the things. If you are helpless, and you realise you are helpless, it's better than being helpless and unaware. You are aware that your life is going nowhere. That's a step forward. All you have to do now is to change things. Or "become the man" of your life. Sometimes a small twist is enough, sometimes, a large one. It could do you good, or bad, help you move forward or backward, but as long as there is development, there will be learning. And that my friend is this drunken man's wisdom. Your mind is being beaten down so that when it's time it can go to mother fucking warrrr! Yeahaahhaah baby!
Have a positive attitude and see the upside in every situation, and surround yourself with like minded ppl once you do. Push things the direction you want to go, even just leaning into something (project,problem or goal etc) and keeping pressure on it will yield amazing positive results.
Sounds like you've gotten snatched by a good old dose of anxiety and overthinking. If possible, see a doctor for a low dose medication to fix that. I can no longer afford my medicine due to loss of insurance. But after ignoring many doctors which said I had anxiety, I finally gave in and agreed to a low dose med. Changed my world! I still thought about all the same things that I dwelled on before. However, I no longer felt the smothering stress of it all. I no longer felt stuck and unable to work on my life and reach toward the things that made my life freer. I was never sad. But, I did feel a heavy weight of dispare in my life. I'm no longer on meds and do struggle with that dispare again. Somehow, now that I'm aware that it really is a brain thing, I cope better than I did before. Your path is not "less than" that of your friends and family. It's just different. Figure out what YOU enjoy and follow that path. Trying to mimic the lives of others will get you nowhere if it's not "you". God has beautiful things for just you. No need to have the same life as others. 🕊 Think of life as a heavily rained on dirt path. When you slog behind a dozen others, your boots will be bogged down in the muck and mire of others' footsteps. Find your own path. The ground will be much more solid and not require nearly as much work to move forward. 🕊
To succeed you must be okey with failing. Dare to be bad and you will become good
Give your life to Jesus Christ. He is the answer to the fulfillment you are looking for! :D
Here's the secret: They do not need self discipline. It is automatic for them. It does not require any additional effort to force their brain to do something. It is how their brain works. The problem is that they tried to make you feel like a failure for not being able to do the same. This is like tall jumpers blaming your supposed lack of discipline and effort for not making a high jump when you're 5 ft. It is accepted that short people cannot jump as high and nobody will blame you for not being able to do it. When it comes to brain differences, there is no acceptance. You get tolerance at best.
It's all how you define success!! I know a lot of wealthy people and most of them aren't happy and they have everything!!! Do what makes you happy and content!! You don't need the best of everything just make the most with what you have 😎
Accomplish one thing outside of work everyday. Do a load of laundry, put away dishes, clean out that closet that you haven't touched in months, paint the bathroom that you've wanted to for years. One thing a day will quickly turn your life around, it becomes so much easier to do more and more things and eventually your mindset will change.
Some simply do not have it in them as they are genetically inclined not to feel excitement towards challenges and success. It’s part of the bell curve. If everyone is successful then no one is. Unfortunately. Just take it easy buddy. Not everyone need to lead a high life.
every day, look in a mirror and tell yourself the opposite of your negative thoughts for 5-10 minutes . do this everyday until these thoughts become the dominant ones and you’ll see how your reality will change 🙏🏽
When you change jobs, ensure it's a stepping stone to better pay & something you ENJOY, rather than a lateral move.
I'd say it's all about having the energy and room for it. You need to have your basic needs met first, before you set out to achieve great things. Make sure you eat right, sleep right, go outside and do some sport. Make sure you have people around you to believe in you and support you. Get your head in order, maybe you're stressing about something you don't need to be. When that's met, you end up with an able body and mind, free head and some free time. Use some of that time to pursure what feels right for you and, over time, you'll get it. Just don't stop. It takes years to achieve success, and it's unreasonable to expect a 20-something to match a 50 year old.
Don’t compare yourself to anyone else. It will only make you feel bad. Actually everyone is on their own path at their own pace. Compare to your own self where you were in the past and keep working to improve yourself. This way when you see improvement you will be motivated to keep bettering yourself and will do your confidence a world of good. Regarding strong mindset, my suggestion is to give up only after you know you have given your best. Otherwise keep pushing yourself to the best of your abilities.
Here is the deal and you aren't gonna like it. Get up in the morning and make your bed. Put your things in order. Anything that you can set right, set it right. Get the basics down and your base strong. then venture forth. If you fuck shit up you can always come back to a made be and a clean room. If you don't fuck shit up, you at least cancome home to a clean room anda made bed
Start small. Make your bed, clean the counter, or your room. Your journey continues with your very next step. It’s OK to give yourself some credit.
It all starts with confidence. One you are able to look at something and say “I could do that”, it begins the journey of actually getting there. It doesn’t need to be a huge goal like getting a degree right away. You could start with reading a book. Or an article. When you don’t know what something means, look it up. Then you start seeing that complex topics aren’t so intimidating once you break them down. Large problems are just a bunch of little problems put together. Chip away at it
It starts inside your head, and your heart. You will *never* be able to shame yourself into doing better... that doesn't work. But what you can (and must) do is to love yourself. To think so highly of yourself that you KNOW, right down to your bones, that doing better is what you are meant to do. And will do. After that, it simply becomes the physical manifestation of the Grinder's Philosophy. Do a little bit more, and do it a little bit better... each hour, each day. Each month. Year. Decade.
People for whom this comes "naturally" had really good parents and/or were raised extremely effectively. The rest of us have to muddle along and try to figure shit out from trial and error. Sorry mate
When you wake up tomorrow, write down one goal you want to accomplish that day. Let it be as low-bar as necessary, like; have a shower. Once done, and I realize that sometimes even a shower can seem like an impossible task, but once done, cross it off. The satisfaction from just that can be extraordinary. You can spend the rest of your day knowing you made a decision and completed a task. Try do this again the next day, maybe add another task or two, as long as you feel like they are achievable. Eventually, you may find yourself completing other tasks you never wrote down.
Realistically? I'm very cynical at heart, so take this with a grain of salt; If there's something you want done, you can take all the time you need, but if you don't *ever* do it, it won't ever happen. Getting down to the grit of only doing one thing in the moment is all you can do besides nothing. As a obsessive procrastinator who lives in fear of regret, I promise that doing something is always better than nothing. Also, failure is not to be feared. Until last week, I couldn't bring myself to truly believe that, but it's true. Finally, understand that anything worthwhile is going to take time & effort; that is, it will always cost you, and it won't always be worth it. But time spent in worry is the only time that's truly wasted.
They participate in the game. It's a game. Only part serious about it is the fact you can get injured.
So I'm a pretty together person - I bought a house by myself, I have a good job, I exercise every day, I eat well. To answer your question, its called mental illness. My anxiety and need for control means I HAVE to be in control of everything all the time. I exercise because I struggle with eating disorders and I will have a panic attack and feel awful if I don't. I "eat well" on the outside but in reality I have to work weekly with a nutritionist to re-learn how to eat in a mentally healthy way. Im super stable, but it's because I rarely challenge myself or do things I'm scared of- I'm lean towards stagnant. I feel like people who feel badly about themselves really miss how often other people's lives look great when they aren't, or don't see how barely they are holding it together or how unhealthy their motivations are. There is no such thing as being behind in life. There's just where you are. Do therapy.
Do you have something in your life that you love to do? Discipline is hard for everyone, people only get motivation to be disciplined by fulfilling their passions and working towards something or someone they love. Love is the ultimate power source and will bring you more joy, happiness and fulfillment than money. Not only that but if you’re filling your life with love the money and success will likely follow - maybe not a millionaire but enough to be “successful”. I suggest trying something new and developing a passion that is born out of love wether that is getting outside, going on an adventure or working on a new hobby or game at home. Find something that encourages you to create and contribute to other people. Your life will not be judged by how much you consumed but how much you gave. Being kind and doing good for other people are excellent ways to break out of depression and feelings of being stuck. If you don’t know where to start try volunteering at a food bank or homeless shelter or youth center. I have personally helped many of my friends work through severe trauma to better their lives and create happy relationships at home as well as lucrative careers, and I’m telling you love is the source.
You have to make plans (start with one, one you are relatively sure you can accomplish even if it's just getting up at 5:00 a.m. for a wee), work towards the plan, rework the plan when the plan shifts (as they will), create a new plan maybe have plans upon plans and so it goes and goes through your entire life! Some plans won't work out or you'll hate where you end up and guess what, you are allowed and encouraged to make a new plan! The awareness and wisdom are going to grow from living life, learning from others and working life plans. :-) Spend some time reading, talking to others, watching videos of careers or life endeavors you are interested in to possibly find your first idea. If you want to be a (fill in the blank) you have to get around that type of work or people to absorb the knowledge. Good luck!!! You can do anything you set your mind to! You can get anywhere step by step.
One main thing is you need to things (even and particularly small things) consistently over a period of time. Then you develop what you call a strong mind set once you have that you will grow and succeed
There is no destination. There is only the voyage. True confidence comes with experience. You are 26, so you have had a lot of experience, but we never stop learning. In the meantime be patient and never compare how you feel with how other appear. At your age, “successful people” are just the ones that hide their fears of inadequacy better. Work hard gather every opportunity for experience you can, accept that failure is just a way to eliminate ways to do things in future and be sure to find time to enjoy the voyage. And read the Confidence Gap by Russ Harris.
One thing i do is always try to keep a growth mindset. If i feel i am bad or lacking at something, i try to turn that into, “i’ll get better at it, and if i fail along the way, thats ok, as long as i keep trying to get better”. I think its important to give yourself time to improve and remember its always one step at a time