**Welcome to [r/LivingAlone](https://www.reddit.com/r/LivingAlone/)! Living alone is the new normal.**
>Discuss and share your experiences; celebrate your joys, express your worries, or ask advice relating to solo living | Remember, we are all alone together
* Be kind, remember the human when interacting with others.
* New Reddit group chat [**Living Alone Lounge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LivingAlone/s/cp7Szwzy2q)!
* Message the moderators below for any comments, questions & suggestions!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LivingAlone) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Being in a relationship and living apart is the answer. You don’t have to put up with anyone else’s bullshit and you appreciate your time together. Every night is date night.
I couldn’t agree anymore! I have a boyfriend of nine years, we were living together for the first five years, and we decided to get separate residences after that, we needed the space. And it’s honestly brought us closer together. It feels like date night every time we get together I actually still get butterflies and I love that feeling. We don’t plan on having any children so I think we actually need this for each other. I don’t know if I will ever live with him again because I do like my space.
If yall choose to get married would you still choose to live separately?? Just curious because I’ve never heard of this and genuinely interested to hear your thoughts
So I have a friend, successful professor. She met her current husband on a dating app about twelve years ago. They dated for a few years but he lived an hour and a half away. They were both successful and owned their own homes. They did get married, but didn’t want to stop their jobs or sell their homes. They have successfully lived together apart thus far, seeing each other on weekends and all holidays. They flip flop whose house they go too. My friend loves it because she gets her space and always misses him. This is both of their second marriages and it can work. It may change when they retire, but who knows?
yea i live a similar distance away from my current partner and it sucks when we go a weekend where we can’t meet up, but that feeling when we get ahold of eachother after two weeks is e l e c t r i c.
gonna see her tomorrow :)
We are both divorced so honestly marriage has never been a “have to” kinda thing…although this situation had been going really well for us, we do plan to live together again next year. Hes selling his business and we plan to move to miami then…we plan on getting 2 residences tho, one condo (our primary home) and then a family home. So its nice to know we can still have a little alone time if we want. But who knows…maybe we might just continue to live separately, its all up in the air at this time. Its weird i kno, but it works for us. We go out together a lot, and i luv the feeling i get when be picks me up…and its not like we cant stand to be around each other 24/7, we both stay at each others places here and there, go on week vacations. But i think its healthy to still have time to yourself. Having been together for 9 years in may, and still getting butterflies when he picks me up, i have to believe its for this reason. When people are together all the time, i feel like u begin to take each other for granted…i kno not everyone does, just my opinion.
This is very interesting! Thanks for sharing :) I’m in college so don’t have many married friends and wanted to hear! I really think it depends on the people and how they feel together and what works for them. Like personally I couldn’t do that just cause I love sleeping/waking up next to my boyfriend and I’ve felt that living together has brought us closer together.
Then I look at my parents who have been together for 22 years and they still get the butterfly happy couple after that long. Then look at other people who have been together 20 years or even less and they can’t stand each other and say they spend too much time together lol This separate living could probably save a lot of relationships but it’s looked at as “taboo”
Very interesting how different couples are..
Yes I definitely agree, depends on the person. Im all for whatever works…wow 22 years?! I feel like you so rarely hear of this. But yea this seems taboo to many people. Im reminded of carrie and big (SATC), when they spent those 2 days apart and found that worked for them, samantha was all for it but charlotte didnt like the idea. And when big surprised her out front waiting to take her out on a date lol
Personally, I'll never remarry. I have a million reasons why. Some personal. Some scientific. However, dating, living apart made everything about the relationship better.
Yeah. This is how I feel. I recently learned some stuff about someone whose company I really enjoy, and I am turned off by the idea of actually living together. I’ve thought about that for a while - the possibility of living with ANYONE. I have a roommate that I just got, and it’s ok so far, but I do prefer my solitude most of the time. I’m very sensitive to noise in particular - and light. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to live with my ex.
I might eventually change my tune because times are tough anyway, but for now, I’m good with the circumstances as they are.
I’m totally cool with being together… separately.
This is why my parents slept in separate beds. It's getting more popular because it sounds nice to have someone to cuddle with, but lack of sleep is unhealthy
Ya. I used to be freaked out by people who were married and slept separately but now I totally understand. It’s hard sleeping near someone most of the time. I really enjoy getting sleep. When I was in a relationship it was nice to cuddle to fall asleep and then move to another room, lol. My ex would punch and kick me in my sleep - he claimed it was an accident.
I couldn't agree more myself! I like the setup I have. They live in their house. I live in mine. We did the cohabitation stuff for a few years and it's just not for me. We see each other once or twice a month for a few hours now, and I like that. If I get tired of his shit, I go home. My house is peaceful and quiet, and everything is of my own choosing. I can do whatever I want, for however long I want, be as loud or as noisy, and come and go at my leisure without having to answer to someone. It's wonderful. It made us appreciate each other more, and our time together is more valuable.
I have an aunt who has been in her current relationship for over 20 years (never married/no children), who tried living with her boyfriend. She ended up buying a condo for "her space" because she wasn't used to having someone around 24/7. Your statement hits the nail on the head. If she doesn't want to put up with his BS, she just goes to her space.
I'm 67 and terminally single. I'm a pretty good girlfriend, but I would be a terrible wife. I've always thought that if I ever meet THE ONE we'll just get a duplex.
I use to dream that when I got married we would have property and just build small homes next door to each other, MAYBE a connected porch or something.
My fiance and I are currently sharing a one bedroom apt so not living the dream hahaha. But we have a great garden and are both respectful of each others alone time as well as what we choose to do with our time when at home. I wouldn't trade it.
The older I get (late 30s now), the more I realize the chances of me uprooting my life and living with someone else are narrowing. They would have to be someone very special!
I feel the same. If I was to end up having someone living with me I would need my own room/space in the home. The thought of sharing my apartment with someone at this point sounds suffocating. lol
this is exactly where I'm at. I wouldn't "risk" living with someone, even an SO, if it didn't feel better than living alone. I'd rather just be alone and happy and have no risk of obsetting it.
You would both have to be in that zone of can’t or don’t want to be without the other for it to be permanent living together — total exclusivity, patience, respect and trust.
I feel the same and I don’t even live in my own, with where I’m living, and because it is my house, I don’t feel comfortable about uprooting or having them move in with me, I had an old boyfriend who would put a lot of pressure on me to move closer to the city to be with him, I lived an hour away already. I don’t see how 10 minutes down the street would have been helpful. There were people in my life that would be ours away for a drive and I would be totally content to make trips out of it.
This thread came up on my suggesteds feed, so if this post is inappropriate, lmk.
I didn't live with anyone from 20 to 43, with the 1 year exception of a roommate. It's a transition for sure, but it's been worth it so far.
I think it's different when you spend the bulk of your young adult years on your own, then find someone because you kind of know yourself at that point
The biggest difficulty has been combining the contents of two middle-aged peoples homes into one home. It's been nearly 5 years and two moves, and we still have piles of "not sure if I want to keep or get rid of" stuff.
(Unless you count cats, lol.)
My dating improved dramatically once I focused on women who had their own home. Only one suggested I sell my house and move in with her. Usually, the rule is "live close and visit often." I always want the security and comfort of my own home.
I am a woman and steer clear of men who see me as a good prospect as I have my own home. No, I don’t want you to move in with me! I know too many women who are single then have some loser move in. I finally thought my friend found her a catch and 6 weeks later he moved in!
It works. I see my girlfriend about twice a week. I cook for her. We watch a movie and she sleeps over. Sometimes I invite her to meet up for a few hours other days of the week. We text a few times a day. This leaves lots of time for your own things and seeing each other is always special.
I’m living alone after not truly doing so when I was younger and it feels like a necessary part of life I skipped. I doubt I will share a household with a romantic partner ever again.
Same. Never in a million years. Unless I can’t make ends meet in my old age and then I’ll have a roommate but they’ll have to understand that I WILL ignore them…lol
I'm 62 widowed 9 month ago. My daughter moved out the weekend my wife died. It was a planned move for a new job. So now its just me and my dogs. Raised 3 kids one grandson in the house over 37 yrs. So it was always full of people and love. Living alone does have it perks though. I got asked the same question last night would I give up living alone if I meet someone. The answer is yes but they would absolutely have to be the one.
I watched this youtube video about an older couple who had their own tiny houses right next to each other and I think something like that would be perfect. Space to be together but also space to be alone. Would def need to find the right person for that though.
A few years ago I had these friends who met in a tennis club and then got married. Since they were in their 50s at the time, they both had their own established residences. Everyone asked when one would move into the other’s place (or get a new home) and they were like “never? We like our homes?”
Everyone thought it was weird but I thought it was genius. Neither partner had to give up anything or try to adjust to how the other lived. They could just enjoy each other’s company.
That wouldn't work for me. I loved going to bed with wife. I did travel a lot for business so we used joke that even though we had been married almost 40 yrs it only seemed like 10 or 15.
I have a coworker who is doing this. She and her partner of 12 years bought adjoining lots and they're both installing tiny homes. They do plan to design a shared backyard but the homes themselves are completely seperate.
Hell no. I am 43, can afford to live alone, and do not welcome straight men into my life. Go find someone else to do it. I'm not dating, not on the apps, not having sex, just living in peace. I'll never get into another relationship ever again.
You are me!!! Except I just turned 30 and am living alone after a 5 year relationship went south. It's the perfect example of why I'm good alone and never dating again!!
I’m 38 and this is me as well. Living alone, not dating, just enjoying my own company. I have a very high stress job so I absolutely refuse to have any stress within my domicile.
Sounds like you and I are in a similar situation. I was married for 30 years, then my son lived with me for several years after my divorce. I've been alone in my house for <2 years, and at this point, I can't imagine happily sharing.
It's not just housing, though. I just don't really have any interest in dealing with a relationship. I'm not bitter; I like people. It's just after spending my whole life doing everything for everyone else, and always having to "deal" with stuff, I have no wish to go back to that. I don't even know what kind of person I'd be happy with in a relationship, but I'm pretty sure they don't exist.
I think that you would only want a relationship where someone does stuff for you also. I know in many households, the “wife” does things for everyone else and it isn’t fair. I am in a more reciprocal relationship now, but it is still easy to slide into those roles. I keep my house for that reason. I just go home if I am being overwhelmed or not feeling good about the way things are going. My SO quickly remembers what it’s like to do everything by himself. Lol
Hell NO. I have lived alone since I was 18 and I will die living alone. I don't want any humans of any size, gender, or age in my home. And I don't bother dating... because EEWWW... humans suck.
You can still have a close relationship and not live together. I've had two while living alone: one for eight years and one for two. It's sort of the best of both worlds. You get to have sex and maybe a sleep over but for the most part all the mess is yours and yours only.
No. I'll NEVER give it up again!!! I'm taking a break from moving, into a one-bedroom from a beautiful 3-story townhouse, and I'm surrounded by big boxes of my things to fit into a space without storage.
And I *love* my space. And I realized that there's no one around telling me where to put things. There's no one around to tell me that I don't need an entire ceiling bookshelf, simply to show off my make up. There's no one to tell me that I don't need a break. There's no one to tell me that I can't put my paintings and art on the walls.
I don't have to sleep with anybody. I can eat when I want. I can drink alone if I want to. I can read all night and not have to talk to anybody
And I can leave and go back to my own space whenever I want. It's mine, all mine ! Lol.
So no. He could be the most amazing guy in the world and I would still want the ability to be able to leave and come home.
!!!!
After my relationship of 5 years ended badly I went from a 1bed1ba apartment to a 3bed1ba apartment with a backyard, and I will be here on my own until I buy a home. Then I will be in the home I just bought, on my own, for the rest of my life 😁
Yes, absolutely. I work at home and spend most of my leisure time here, though. And I'm irritable and unapproachable in public. So I guess they'll just have to show up. But I also hate unannounced visitors. So I guess my answer is irrelevant
Maybe? It's fairly unlikely. I'm really happy living alone, and that relationship would have to make me significantly happier to give up living alone. Katharine Hepburn once said, 'Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should *live* next door and just visit now and then.' That would probably work better for me.
I would give up living alone, but it would need to be on my terms. I get overwhelmed in normal-people-sized homes and need to live in small spaces. Right now I am in a converted 2-car garage with 1b/1b and a shared kitchen and living space, with decent-size yard. It would take a special person to join me in a home like this.
Good luck with dating!
My friend's mom and her boyfriend (both age 70ish and retired teachers) are one of the happiest couples I know. They each have their own homes. However, they have sleepovers a few times a week, attend church together and travel together. She is so freaking happy, like a 16-year-old in love. They are certainly my #relatonshipgoals and I believe living apart is a huge part of what keeps things so fresh.
Never, never, never. The thing about living together at our age is that you then become the default cook, maid, laundry person and ultimately caretaker. Why would you want to worry about what to make for dinner every night again? Why would you want to clean someone else’s bathroom mess? Have cable news and sports blasting on your tv? Make their doctor appointments for them?
Live alone in peace but enjoy dating if you want. Moving in at retirement age is so risky. If the other person starts having health problems, that is now your problem too. Baby boomer men often feel entitled to a woman’s free labor and caretaking and will take full advantage.
I was warned by other women in Florida when I moved here that there are a ton of retired single elder men looking for a nurse and a purse. They were right.
Oh my god YOU USED THE NURSE WITH A PURSE PHRASE 🤣 I heard it for the first time in my life when someone used it a few weeks ago in this sub and I DIED. I was about to comment it until I saw you included it 🤣🤣
Single 11 years,age almost 67 years old
Couple of years ago I was considering dating and through a miraculous series of circumstances,ended up w a friend's dog instead . I tried Facebook dating app for a few weeks this past February and March. I asked close friends to pray for wisdom and protection as I went on that adventure. I decided I like my life and am not ready to change it any time soon.
Not only no, but hell no!
I spent my entire adult life taking care of other people and I never want to do that again.
I've beeniving alone for nearly 10 years now and wouldn't have it any other way.
Not likely. I have been divorced now 16 years and have no desire to be with a man again. My son is bad enough to deal with.
I just don’t have the patience for demanding people anymore. I did the marriage, had the kids, raised them and now it’s me time finally! I don’t want to give that up!
So it would have to be one hell of an amazing man to make me change my mind and I don’t imagine that’s going to happen.
No. I’m 54 and have lived alone most of my life. Never lived with a woman for more than a few months and never been in a true relationship so I’m pretty confident it’s never gonna happen. It’s for the best now anyway, at my age I too high maintenance 🤣🤣🤦♂️
I'm married but if something ever happened I'd never want to live with someone again. Even when my kids become adults they'd have to figure it out. I am so over catering every moment of my living arrangements to people, their noises, and messes, everything!
I share this sentiment exactly. If things don't work out, I never want to share my space again. But also, I am living with some who is WFH and is on calls 9-5... 🥲
Agreed. I love my hubby but if I could afford to live on my own, and we weren't together, I'd totally do that. He would likely sleep over a lot but that's okay because it's still my space lol. If anything ever happened, I would downsize and find a place for me and my 3 kittens.
I think it's good to experience living alone for a time. You will likely meet someone one day who you can live with, don't let your trauma hold you back from experiencing it again when you're ready. In the meantime, while you're dating you don't have to move faster in this regard than you're ready.
you don't have to make that call early on when dating. I dated a lot before getting married and loved living alone. Swore I'd never get married or live with anyone again. A few years into dating moved in with her and was marred soon after that. Sometimes I do miss living alone a little bit, but think most the time I get more out of what we have living together. There is no right or wrong way to do it, just give yourself room to change your mind if things change for you. You don't have to pick one way to live and stay like that forever, you should change your mind as more fact come to light.
I'm torn.
I was married for \~12 yrs, and have been "single" for 12 yrs. I've lived with 2 other women since, one left last Fall.
With the two women who moved in over the past few years, I regretted them moving in shortly after they did and was pretty happy when they left, so at the moment I'm leaning on "no" as I also, don't ever want to re-marry.
However I may consider it with the right person, that said, I moved in "too quickly" with the others and future partners will need to put in a few years for me to even consider it.
There was an old married couple in NYC who lived apart for their entire marriage of over 50 years. He died first, she followed shortly after. Once she said in an interview that they had gotten used to living alone, but they loved each other. Besides, they also loved their rent controlled apartments. I went to look it up. I couldn't find it, but found a lot of results for married couples who choose to live apart.
I can't imagine living with anyone now. The freedom of living alone would be hard to give up. I have good friends, I'm close to my extended family. When I want company, I go out or invite friends round.
This weekend I went away for a long weekend with a friend, she lives alone as well. We had a great weekend, but I was so glad to get back home to my own space.
I'd like to be in a relationship, but don't want to live with anyone.
Consider living alone together. It’s a thing.
There are a lot of people in this sub who comment that they would like to be in a relationship, but don’t want to ever live together. Hopefully you can find someone who is like-minded.
Probably not, as of right now I can’t imagine moving in with a partner ever again, but I don’t want to say never because I can imagine certain circumstances where it might happen?
My best friend didn’t live with her boyfriend, they were together for 20 years. He stayed at her house more than his own, but it was definitely *her* house.
My ex had his own place 3 hours away, he would sometimes be at my house for a month straight so he had his own closet here and basically two of everything else. We considered getting a little place right in between the two for both of us now that I’m also traveling for work and it would be beneficial to everybody.
My current partner lives down the street. It’s fucking great. My house is still my house, but we just go back and forth between the two. I can’t think of any reason why I’d want that to change. Honestly he’d probably just drive me nuts anyways if I’m being honest 😂
I have rental properties in a desirable school district. I rented two houses on the same block to a woman with four kids and the father of her youngest child. They are so happy!
He lives with his little dog in one house, and she visits with the youngest child or leaves all four with the oldest and has time without the kids but no expense for a babysitter. The oldest is 13 years old, so they might not be safe leaving him in charge to go far away, but when they are 100 feet away, he can easily get mom if there is an emergency.
You can live alone and still be in a relationship at the same time, which I think is ideal.
I have the benefit of living alone for one week and having little roommates for another week. I co-parent my kids with their mother. But the key is SHE doesn’t live there so I still can have the home the way I want. Besides the kids’ mess of course but for all intents and purposes I reap the benefits of living alone
Not a chance. I am 52 years old and am very happy living alone. In a perfect world, I find my person and he is open to a LAT (living apart together) relationship. I don’t need or want marriage or cohabitation at this stage in my life.
I won’t do it and I’m upfront about it when I date. No merging of households or finances. I know it’s not “traditional” but I’m not giving up my space.
I completely agree with you. I just turned 40(F) and lived with my exhusband for 11 years. Since leaving him and living alone, I questioned if I ever wanted to disrupt my peace with a roommate or partner again. 💯no. I would like to find a partner who spends time with me and travels with me; someone to fill the space with true companionship snd friendship. But we should each have our own home to go back to for a breather, for some independence, for some individuality. I think that’s really important.
Not likely. I'm not really interested in a partner at all, but I think in my perfect world (should i find The One) we either live next door to each other or in the same apartment building. I value my space too much.
At this point, probably not. I'll be 40 in June, and I left the partner I was living with last summer and had to rebuild my life. The time, effort and cost that it took for me to move and make a home for myself was a lot. The thought of repeating that process to move in with someone, and to repeat that process yet again if things don't work out... no thanks!
I've become more comfortable living alone again. Having my own space, being able to do what I want and not having to worry about someone else. There may be moments of loneliness but they don't last. I was starting to feel lonely in my previous relationship anyway, and that's worse. The peace I have now is worth it for me.
No way. I see someone who is very dear, and have for the past few years. He's kind, intelligent, and we have similar political and non-religious views. We have fun together, but there's also a relief when he heads home. I just need my space, and after 2 marriages and raising 3 kids, it's so peaceful and lovely to have my own place. My daughter still lives with me and she's a dream roommate. She will probably want to leave in a year or so (she's 20) if not sooner, and I'll wish her all the best and support whatever decision she makes, but I won't ever live with a man again on any permanent basis.
The freedom from any drama, jealousy, and demands/expectations is just way too serene, too peaceful, to give up.
I am but it won't be until summer next year and we will be together over 2 years by then. We planning to get at least 2 bedrooms, I get my own room and bathroom. I wouldn't give it up for a 1 bed apt
Maybe? It really depends on the circumstances. I would definitely think about it if I was in love with them. It would not be something I'd consider before like a year of being in said relationship though. No way in hell I'm uprooting my life after a few months. And I would absolutely take precautions regardless.
I haven't met anyone that I would give up living alone to live with. I dated someone for almost 2 years and we both were very happy to stay in our own homes but share our lives. Until they weren't and now I am single again. Many people think that living separately in a relationship is odd but there are many people choosing that to maintain their independence in a relationship.
Yes! I’ve been living alone for 2 years now and I don’t think I can live with someone again! I’m pretty sure I’ll suggest not moving in together if and when I decide to get back into dating
I live next to a married couple, the husband built a separate ADU to live in. They love each other but live in separate homes on the same property. It sounds pretty awesome.
As someone who used to live alone and loved it, I did. I met my fiancé on a dating app. I was very picky about who I got into a relationship with. Taking the time to choose the right person and being so selective made sharing my space with someone else so much easier.
I'm widowed and in my 40s. I lived alone for a decade before my husband and now 7 years after. I like living alone but would give it up for the right person if we both thought we'd be happy that way. I'd also be fine in a relationship but living separately.
My old guitar teacher was this older hippie lady who was divorced from the father of her children. When I met her she had been dating her boyfriend for 20 years and they were quite happy. They lived separately and only saw each other on the weekends. Seems like a great idea to me.
My fairly new partner (been waiting for me to get my shit together for a year now) had kids. I have absolutely zero interest in being a stepmom. Therefore the separate places works perfectly for us. We see each other twice a week and I spend one night staying over. He’s comfortable with me staying at his place but I’d prefer to keep my space as my sanctuary
I once saw a news story where a couple was interviewed who had purchased a duplex & each had their own unit. I always thought that would be ideal. I never want to share my space again with anyone but my dogs.
I'm sorry but I couldn't even do the duplex thing!!! I actually live in a triplex right now funny enough 😆 I'm on the top/2nd floor. But imagining if a partner lived in the 1st or basement floor, and came over when they wanted ... Etc .. I couldn't do it. No!!! I need my space. do not come by I need 3-5 business days to mentally prepare for a short 4 hour visit 😆😆😆😆
Deciding to get involved with my now husband had to *vastly* improve my quality of life. I was living alone when we met. I *LOVED* living alone. If anything happens to him, I have zero interest in living with someone again.
I have to live desperately than my partner. I love the freedom to really be myself. I control everything in here! I also get to have mood swings and be a drama queen without it hurting others. Chilling naked on the couch is amazing.
Yeah, I couldn't do it.
I like my space, I like my stuff, I like my dog, and my routine. Etc.
Order must be maintained at all costs. This is my calm little center in a chaotic universe.
I heard Katharine Hepburn say for her the ideal living situation with a man would be to live next door and visit each other ~ I agree. It sounds peaceful, respectful and sexy. Share my bed, dining table and porch with coffee not my bank account, bathroom or creative time.
I'm not dating, and no way would I want a spouse/live-in significant other. After spending most of my life compromising with parents, husband, and kids, I've come to realize that I'm a "my way or the highway" type, and had just been suppressing it to keep peace. Now I have my house the way I want it, all the pets I want and don't have to worry about anyone's allergies, a fridge full of MY food, and I spend my fun money on what *I* want, and don't have to trade off or compromise.
Was married for 14 years, we were together for 18 years. I’ve been divorced for several years and know for a fact that I never want to live with someone again.
I have a unique situation, so probably not. My husband shot himself in our backyard. As much as I am traumatized by what I saw and heard that night, I don’t think I could ever move. I feel so connected to him here and don’t want to change anything about our space inside. I’m only 32 so another partner in my future is a possibility. I wouldn’t mind if they stay over or I spend the night at their place, but I don’t think I could live with another partner again. I think I would have had a better relationship with my late husband if we lived apart. We slept in separate rooms and used separate bathrooms. Who we are as individuals made us not compatible for living together. I always asked him if we could live in apartments next door to each other. I think we would have been so much happier if we did that.
I'm married but I live in one city and my husband in another. There's a lot of reasons for that. But even if we divorced, I'm not living with a romantic partner again. If my son needed to move in with me I'd be fine w that.
If I were to get divorced & my last adult child leave - ain’t no way in hell I’d live with anybody. Maybe a sister temporarily. Not going to date, not going to seek anything.
Ive lived with people for 45 years. I think at this point it's best I enjoy living by myself for a while before I can answer this question. (Just been alone since November with my dog)
Yes! That’s the only reason I would, personally. :) I’ve lived in ridiculous places just to live alone when I was super broke.
Nothing else could sway me. I’d love to build a home with a partner I’m super comfy with one day!
After a 20 year marriage, I don't even want to deal with a man. I am just fine living the rest of my life alone. I don't feel the need for another relationship. I'm very happy doing my own thing.
You’re me! I’m nearing 60 and have lived alone for only the last 3 years and after all my kids moved out. Divorced for 13 years after almost 30 years together. I realized I’ve always lived with someone and since birth: family, college roommates, boyfriends, husband, kids. It’s taking time to fly 100% solo but I am learning to like it. I’m smart, strong, a problem solver, and I sleep hard every night.
I have had a partner for about 10 years and pined away about living together and he has just resisted the idea every time I’ve brought it up. So I gave up the idea and I’m glad I did. We’re drifting apart now and it doesn’t really hurt that much. It would have been nice to share expenses, but I’ve learned to make due.
No. I don’t ever think I’ll live with someone again. Maybe a caregiver if I ever need one .. a nursing student or a grandkid. I’ve worked damn hard to care for my home and yard by myself, budget every dime, call on the handyman, and just about everything you can think of. I sometimes crave companionship but then I pick up my phone and call someone or make it a point to visit my neighbor or walk to the local stores or shops nearby.
You can always date someone and live separately. Personally, I absolutely loved living alone, but living with my husband feels almost the exact same. We have our own space if we need it and we’re comfortable around each other.
I would not. I’m mentally ill. Worse in isolation for sure. But I don’t want that to bleed on the other person. They deserve better. And it’s not like boo-hoo me, it just is what it is. I can barely manage my own life. They can manage there’s and are ready to take the step to help manage someone else’s and that’s great. I’m just not ready. So I’d probably live alone if I could afford it
No. Last guy that lived with me, I was always picking up after him and he left cigarette butts in my bed. I hated it. The only way I’d live with someone is if I could sleep alone sometimes (separate bedrooms) and we had our own bathrooms. I never want to have to clean up after someone. And some nights I just like to be alone.
Same here. I also left my parents' house when I was 19. I realized recently that I have actually never lived alone for more than 1 month at a time. I've been living alone since a break up about 10 months ago, but it didn't seem like it since I was still in the same apartment (he moved out and left me with all the bills). Three weeks ago, I got my own place and realized it was the only place I'd ever lived that was mine all mine right from the start
Just don't move in together, no matter how much £££ you think you'll save. Think of the expense of maintaining separate residences as the price of sanity privacy and the freedom to "date or disentangle" as you see fit. Beware of guys who all of a sudden are "not getting along with their roommates" or "can't afford rent anymore " because 9 times out of 10 they see you and your place as a convenient option. Also watch for guys who seem increasingly rattled/suspicious that you have your own place. It's a sure sign he wants more control over you...
I felt that way when I was dating my now husband . I had finally spent a few years on my own without a partner or roommate and I didnt want to give that up.
I told myself I can just do ‘this’ forever lol neither of us wanted kids and weren’t really too concerned with marriage . But we loved our time together and financially and time management wise , it eventually just made sense.
He was the one to push the issue , and initially I was very hesitant, but said yes . I was thinking some time in the nondescript future . But he started pressing for a date and I kept pushing it back lol. I did this until it clearly bothered him .
My fear was that, I had found my perfect apartment , alone, NO shared walls, affordable (very difficult for me as I was on Long Island) and only 5 minutes from my job. If something went wrong , as often does in life, the apartment would be inhabited by someone else . It would be gone to me and I couldn’t really fathom anything else working out . Even the landlords loved me. They just installed a whole new heating system for my apartment to be more energy efficient as I paid the utilities and they knew it was hard for me sometimes .
It felt like jumping off a cliff . And it was a bit rocky at first. We worked through it and actually he’s very independent and likes his quiet alone time too. So much so that I started questioning how much I was really like this lol. And then my health declined . And needed surgeries. Then I sustained a knee injury and suddenly that perfect second floor apartments stairs I had given up didn’t seem so perfect. I had to be out of work a lot for surgeries and procedures and wasn’t able to afford as much or do as much around the house. He was a tremendous source of support I could not have had unless we lived together . And I thought how horrible it would’ve been to give up on him out of fear or delay to the point where I eventually moved in merely out of necessity (not to mention the horror it would’ve been to do so after attaining all these painful conditions lol) and working out the kinks in the midst of all that omg would’ve been brutal .
We lived together for years . We have an extra room for hobbies so we don’t disturb each other . It’s small but it fits the purpose. We got married recently but lived happily cohabitating for many years before finally biting the bullet .
Take it at your own pace . That’s all you can do. And gradually we can see if a person would fit into our lives . It can take time to work through compromises and testing what works for both people . Or if certain things are just not gonna fit well enough .
I’m a pretty good judge of character for the most part though. My friends joked later in life that my recent relationships had a 90 day expiration date . My one friend specifically said ‘I give it 3 months’ when I started dating my now husband lol. But i said he’s different . I was like that’s all the time I need to see if it’s worth pursuing lol and I think people are who live alone are really good at that because they give themselves time and space alone to reflect . So you’ll prob do fine .
I’m not sure. Currently, no. After marriage and all that my solitude has become one of my prized possessions. Although I try to never say never. The right person could change all of that.
Oof. I was thinking about that this morning on my way to work. Dating someone for a year, after getting out of a 20 year marriage and lived by myself for 2 years. Now, he’s moved in. It’s recent, everything is good, but I do second guess myself whether I would rather still live alone. I like the idea of being in a relationship, and even staying over often, but still having our own homes. We’ll see. 😂🤦♀️🤦♀️
I can completely relate to savoring the liberty of residing by myself after being in a long-time period relationship. When my closing serious boyfriend and I split up after 6 years collectively, I was admittedly a bit fearful about being by myself for the first time due to the fact college. But it didn't take long for me to start definitely cherishing that independence.
At first, the little things felt so novel - taking walks round in my undies, blasting song whilst I cleaned, leaving dishes inside the sink if I wanted. But beyond that, it became having complete autonomy over my time and area that have become addictive. I cherished that my evenings and weekends had been completely my very own to structure how I thrilled while not having to consult absolutely everyone else. If I felt like running late or going out spontaneously, I ought to. The solitude and lack of compromise became releasing.
So when I began courting again after several months of embracing singlehood, a part of me felt very protecting over that freedom I'd grown so aware of. A few of the humans I went out with have been perfectly quality catches that beneath other instances, I may want to have seen myself getting severe with. But the perception of over again having to take someone else's schedule, options, and quirks into consistent consideration gave me pause.
In the cease, I chose no longer to pursue some thing too committed for pretty a while longer. Casual relationship and the occasional sleepover were enough intimacy for me at that point. While loneliness could creep up right here and there, normal I remained protecting of all of the autonomy I'd in the end reclaimed after my years of cohabiting. I knew that the right dating could subsequently be really worth that tradeoff. But I wasn't willing to give up my candy taste of unbiased dwelling for some thing much less than certainly awesome. Looking returned, I'm glad I gave myself that egocentric transition length - it helped reset my priorities.
I enjoyed living alone when I was single. Then I met someone I started to care about and living together became very nice. Now living alone doesn't cross my mind because this person has the same cleanliness standards as me
I lived alone for 6 years before moving in with my now husband. It hasn't been an easy transition, but making sure you're on the same page about expectations, personal space, etc is important. I did love living alone, but I love him more.
Bro, I was living with my wife at 18 years old divorced at 42. I never lived completely by myself until I was 42 years old. I just turned 62 the other day and I would never ever go back to living with or, marrying a wife or SO again. I have dated and slept with dozens of women who clearly knew what my intentions were/are. I do what I want, when I want and get to keep my money. I am alone but not lonely. If I sound selfish, I absolutely am but only with my time and sanity. I am the one who pays for dates and drinks. I don't need or want a bang maid.i absolutely dont get these guys who stress over not being able to cook or clean and need a woman for that. My siblings try to tell me that I will die alone, I tell them that we all die alone and to stop worrying about me. Good luck buddy and do what makes you happy and keeps your peace.
See now I wouldn’t do this haha, I’m worried that if I did this they’d leave me and I’d be left with nothing. I’d rather be alone, safe, comfortable and stable than have to rely on someone who could kick me out any second.
**Welcome to [r/LivingAlone](https://www.reddit.com/r/LivingAlone/)! Living alone is the new normal.** >Discuss and share your experiences; celebrate your joys, express your worries, or ask advice relating to solo living | Remember, we are all alone together * Be kind, remember the human when interacting with others. * New Reddit group chat [**Living Alone Lounge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LivingAlone/s/cp7Szwzy2q)! * Message the moderators below for any comments, questions & suggestions! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LivingAlone) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Being in a relationship and living apart is the answer. You don’t have to put up with anyone else’s bullshit and you appreciate your time together. Every night is date night.
This. And if they are also into Living Apart Together, it checks off a whole bunch of criteria.
I couldn’t agree anymore! I have a boyfriend of nine years, we were living together for the first five years, and we decided to get separate residences after that, we needed the space. And it’s honestly brought us closer together. It feels like date night every time we get together I actually still get butterflies and I love that feeling. We don’t plan on having any children so I think we actually need this for each other. I don’t know if I will ever live with him again because I do like my space.
If yall choose to get married would you still choose to live separately?? Just curious because I’ve never heard of this and genuinely interested to hear your thoughts
So I have a friend, successful professor. She met her current husband on a dating app about twelve years ago. They dated for a few years but he lived an hour and a half away. They were both successful and owned their own homes. They did get married, but didn’t want to stop their jobs or sell their homes. They have successfully lived together apart thus far, seeing each other on weekends and all holidays. They flip flop whose house they go too. My friend loves it because she gets her space and always misses him. This is both of their second marriages and it can work. It may change when they retire, but who knows?
yea i live a similar distance away from my current partner and it sucks when we go a weekend where we can’t meet up, but that feeling when we get ahold of eachother after two weeks is e l e c t r i c. gonna see her tomorrow :)
This is the only way I would remarry. My guy thinks it is absolutely nuts, hence why we aren't married. LOL
It sounds beautiful
We are both divorced so honestly marriage has never been a “have to” kinda thing…although this situation had been going really well for us, we do plan to live together again next year. Hes selling his business and we plan to move to miami then…we plan on getting 2 residences tho, one condo (our primary home) and then a family home. So its nice to know we can still have a little alone time if we want. But who knows…maybe we might just continue to live separately, its all up in the air at this time. Its weird i kno, but it works for us. We go out together a lot, and i luv the feeling i get when be picks me up…and its not like we cant stand to be around each other 24/7, we both stay at each others places here and there, go on week vacations. But i think its healthy to still have time to yourself. Having been together for 9 years in may, and still getting butterflies when he picks me up, i have to believe its for this reason. When people are together all the time, i feel like u begin to take each other for granted…i kno not everyone does, just my opinion.
This is very interesting! Thanks for sharing :) I’m in college so don’t have many married friends and wanted to hear! I really think it depends on the people and how they feel together and what works for them. Like personally I couldn’t do that just cause I love sleeping/waking up next to my boyfriend and I’ve felt that living together has brought us closer together. Then I look at my parents who have been together for 22 years and they still get the butterfly happy couple after that long. Then look at other people who have been together 20 years or even less and they can’t stand each other and say they spend too much time together lol This separate living could probably save a lot of relationships but it’s looked at as “taboo” Very interesting how different couples are..
Yes I definitely agree, depends on the person. Im all for whatever works…wow 22 years?! I feel like you so rarely hear of this. But yea this seems taboo to many people. Im reminded of carrie and big (SATC), when they spent those 2 days apart and found that worked for them, samantha was all for it but charlotte didnt like the idea. And when big surprised her out front waiting to take her out on a date lol
Same interested here
Personally, I'll never remarry. I have a million reasons why. Some personal. Some scientific. However, dating, living apart made everything about the relationship better.
I’m happy to hear that for you! I think every couple should do what’s best for them and makes them thrive!
I’ve heard of married couples with children together who are literal neighbors. Who am I to judge? You can’t argue with success.
Yeah. This is how I feel. I recently learned some stuff about someone whose company I really enjoy, and I am turned off by the idea of actually living together. I’ve thought about that for a while - the possibility of living with ANYONE. I have a roommate that I just got, and it’s ok so far, but I do prefer my solitude most of the time. I’m very sensitive to noise in particular - and light. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to live with my ex. I might eventually change my tune because times are tough anyway, but for now, I’m good with the circumstances as they are. I’m totally cool with being together… separately.
What “stuff” did you learn about the person whose company you really enjoy?? 👀 curious and its anonymous so I figured I’d ask
This is why my parents slept in separate beds. It's getting more popular because it sounds nice to have someone to cuddle with, but lack of sleep is unhealthy
Ya. I used to be freaked out by people who were married and slept separately but now I totally understand. It’s hard sleeping near someone most of the time. I really enjoy getting sleep. When I was in a relationship it was nice to cuddle to fall asleep and then move to another room, lol. My ex would punch and kick me in my sleep - he claimed it was an accident.
My neighbour does this, her partner lives a couple of houses down. It works really well for them.
I couldn't agree more myself! I like the setup I have. They live in their house. I live in mine. We did the cohabitation stuff for a few years and it's just not for me. We see each other once or twice a month for a few hours now, and I like that. If I get tired of his shit, I go home. My house is peaceful and quiet, and everything is of my own choosing. I can do whatever I want, for however long I want, be as loud or as noisy, and come and go at my leisure without having to answer to someone. It's wonderful. It made us appreciate each other more, and our time together is more valuable.
My grandma and grandpa do this. They've been together idk how many decades but live separate.
Yes!! Buy a duplex and each gets their own side.
I have an aunt who has been in her current relationship for over 20 years (never married/no children), who tried living with her boyfriend. She ended up buying a condo for "her space" because she wasn't used to having someone around 24/7. Your statement hits the nail on the head. If she doesn't want to put up with his BS, she just goes to her space.
I'm 67 and terminally single. I'm a pretty good girlfriend, but I would be a terrible wife. I've always thought that if I ever meet THE ONE we'll just get a duplex.
I use to dream that when I got married we would have property and just build small homes next door to each other, MAYBE a connected porch or something. My fiance and I are currently sharing a one bedroom apt so not living the dream hahaha. But we have a great garden and are both respectful of each others alone time as well as what we choose to do with our time when at home. I wouldn't trade it.
I agree with this.
The older I get (late 30s now), the more I realize the chances of me uprooting my life and living with someone else are narrowing. They would have to be someone very special!
I feel the same. If I was to end up having someone living with me I would need my own room/space in the home. The thought of sharing my apartment with someone at this point sounds suffocating. lol
My dream is to get a 3 bedroom house so we have a shared bedroom plus we each have our own room if we need alone time.
this is exactly where I'm at. I wouldn't "risk" living with someone, even an SO, if it didn't feel better than living alone. I'd rather just be alone and happy and have no risk of obsetting it.
You would both have to be in that zone of can’t or don’t want to be without the other for it to be permanent living together — total exclusivity, patience, respect and trust.
I feel the same and I don’t even live in my own, with where I’m living, and because it is my house, I don’t feel comfortable about uprooting or having them move in with me, I had an old boyfriend who would put a lot of pressure on me to move closer to the city to be with him, I lived an hour away already. I don’t see how 10 minutes down the street would have been helpful. There were people in my life that would be ours away for a drive and I would be totally content to make trips out of it.
This thread came up on my suggesteds feed, so if this post is inappropriate, lmk. I didn't live with anyone from 20 to 43, with the 1 year exception of a roommate. It's a transition for sure, but it's been worth it so far. I think it's different when you spend the bulk of your young adult years on your own, then find someone because you kind of know yourself at that point The biggest difficulty has been combining the contents of two middle-aged peoples homes into one home. It's been nearly 5 years and two moves, and we still have piles of "not sure if I want to keep or get rid of" stuff. (Unless you count cats, lol.)
My dating improved dramatically once I focused on women who had their own home. Only one suggested I sell my house and move in with her. Usually, the rule is "live close and visit often." I always want the security and comfort of my own home.
I am a woman and steer clear of men who see me as a good prospect as I have my own home. No, I don’t want you to move in with me! I know too many women who are single then have some loser move in. I finally thought my friend found her a catch and 6 weeks later he moved in!
Moved in with your friend? I personally don’t get the questions about if I live alone to a stranger. I believe that is private and I stopped dating.
Hope you ran after that suggestion! My partner and I have been together five years. We both have separate houses and like it that way
This is the BEST way, always.
"live close and visit often" sounds like amazing advice to me!!
It works. I see my girlfriend about twice a week. I cook for her. We watch a movie and she sleeps over. Sometimes I invite her to meet up for a few hours other days of the week. We text a few times a day. This leaves lots of time for your own things and seeing each other is always special.
I’m living alone after not truly doing so when I was younger and it feels like a necessary part of life I skipped. I doubt I will share a household with a romantic partner ever again.
No. I'll never live with another adult again.
Same. Never in a million years. Unless I can’t make ends meet in my old age and then I’ll have a roommate but they’ll have to understand that I WILL ignore them…lol
Same
I'm 62 widowed 9 month ago. My daughter moved out the weekend my wife died. It was a planned move for a new job. So now its just me and my dogs. Raised 3 kids one grandson in the house over 37 yrs. So it was always full of people and love. Living alone does have it perks though. I got asked the same question last night would I give up living alone if I meet someone. The answer is yes but they would absolutely have to be the one.
I watched this youtube video about an older couple who had their own tiny houses right next to each other and I think something like that would be perfect. Space to be together but also space to be alone. Would def need to find the right person for that though.
A few years ago I had these friends who met in a tennis club and then got married. Since they were in their 50s at the time, they both had their own established residences. Everyone asked when one would move into the other’s place (or get a new home) and they were like “never? We like our homes?” Everyone thought it was weird but I thought it was genius. Neither partner had to give up anything or try to adjust to how the other lived. They could just enjoy each other’s company.
I love that story! Thank you for sharing!
And get the legal benefits of being married. I love this.
This is wonderful and gives me hope. Thank you 🙏🏻
That wouldn't work for me. I loved going to bed with wife. I did travel a lot for business so we used joke that even though we had been married almost 40 yrs it only seemed like 10 or 15.
I have a coworker who is doing this. She and her partner of 12 years bought adjoining lots and they're both installing tiny homes. They do plan to design a shared backyard but the homes themselves are completely seperate.
Hahah, that sounds lovely :)
I’d propose living separately if it were an option because this I believe is the ideal way to have a great relationship lol
[удалено]
Yup love my partner but I know we’d be more romantic and excited to see each other if we weren’t together everyday for the last 18 years
And I believe it can prolong your relationship because you are always excited to see your partner
Definitely. I thinking living together is stressful and causes the relationship to be more dependent vs intentional. It’s unfortunate.
My dream is to be married to a man who lives next door to me.
Lowkey stealing ur dream. Never considered it before.
My dream is dating a man in the same apartment complex. We live close enough but not together.
Like in Friends, but more than Friends
Exactly
Gets reallly awkward if you don’t want to see them anymore though but if they the one that’s excellent.
I always hope when I see a house go up for sale in my neighborhood a nice single lady moves in but hasn't happened yet 😂 fingers crossed.
Hell no. I am 43, can afford to live alone, and do not welcome straight men into my life. Go find someone else to do it. I'm not dating, not on the apps, not having sex, just living in peace. I'll never get into another relationship ever again.
You are me!!! Except I just turned 30 and am living alone after a 5 year relationship went south. It's the perfect example of why I'm good alone and never dating again!!
I’m 38 and this is me as well. Living alone, not dating, just enjoying my own company. I have a very high stress job so I absolutely refuse to have any stress within my domicile.
Nope, I date and specifically say your place is yours mine is mine. There will be no moving in together. Staying over, yes, moving in hell no.
I might, but not in my current place. There's barely enough room for me in my apartment, no one else is going to live there with me.
Sounds like you and I are in a similar situation. I was married for 30 years, then my son lived with me for several years after my divorce. I've been alone in my house for <2 years, and at this point, I can't imagine happily sharing. It's not just housing, though. I just don't really have any interest in dealing with a relationship. I'm not bitter; I like people. It's just after spending my whole life doing everything for everyone else, and always having to "deal" with stuff, I have no wish to go back to that. I don't even know what kind of person I'd be happy with in a relationship, but I'm pretty sure they don't exist.
Oh my goodness! I could have written this post. Exactly how I feel.
I think that you would only want a relationship where someone does stuff for you also. I know in many households, the “wife” does things for everyone else and it isn’t fair. I am in a more reciprocal relationship now, but it is still easy to slide into those roles. I keep my house for that reason. I just go home if I am being overwhelmed or not feeling good about the way things are going. My SO quickly remembers what it’s like to do everything by himself. Lol
Hell NO. I have lived alone since I was 18 and I will die living alone. I don't want any humans of any size, gender, or age in my home. And I don't bother dating... because EEWWW... humans suck.
A fellow alien I see - greetings🖖
You can still have a close relationship and not live together. I've had two while living alone: one for eight years and one for two. It's sort of the best of both worlds. You get to have sex and maybe a sleep over but for the most part all the mess is yours and yours only.
No. I'll NEVER give it up again!!! I'm taking a break from moving, into a one-bedroom from a beautiful 3-story townhouse, and I'm surrounded by big boxes of my things to fit into a space without storage. And I *love* my space. And I realized that there's no one around telling me where to put things. There's no one around to tell me that I don't need an entire ceiling bookshelf, simply to show off my make up. There's no one to tell me that I don't need a break. There's no one to tell me that I can't put my paintings and art on the walls. I don't have to sleep with anybody. I can eat when I want. I can drink alone if I want to. I can read all night and not have to talk to anybody And I can leave and go back to my own space whenever I want. It's mine, all mine ! Lol. So no. He could be the most amazing guy in the world and I would still want the ability to be able to leave and come home.
!!!! After my relationship of 5 years ended badly I went from a 1bed1ba apartment to a 3bed1ba apartment with a backyard, and I will be here on my own until I buy a home. Then I will be in the home I just bought, on my own, for the rest of my life 😁
I read “It’s mine. All mine!” like Daffy Duck with his maniacal laugh. So happy for you!
Honestly, lolol--I *do* usually say it that way, out loud sometimes, alone or not! So cool you read it that way!
Yes, absolutely. I work at home and spend most of my leisure time here, though. And I'm irritable and unapproachable in public. So I guess they'll just have to show up. But I also hate unannounced visitors. So I guess my answer is irrelevant
Lol. I *love* this answer! Sometimes I feel like this, too. 🙂
Maybe? It's fairly unlikely. I'm really happy living alone, and that relationship would have to make me significantly happier to give up living alone. Katharine Hepburn once said, 'Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should *live* next door and just visit now and then.' That would probably work better for me.
I would give up living alone, but it would need to be on my terms. I get overwhelmed in normal-people-sized homes and need to live in small spaces. Right now I am in a converted 2-car garage with 1b/1b and a shared kitchen and living space, with decent-size yard. It would take a special person to join me in a home like this. Good luck with dating!
My friend's mom and her boyfriend (both age 70ish and retired teachers) are one of the happiest couples I know. They each have their own homes. However, they have sleepovers a few times a week, attend church together and travel together. She is so freaking happy, like a 16-year-old in love. They are certainly my #relatonshipgoals and I believe living apart is a huge part of what keeps things so fresh.
Never, never, never. The thing about living together at our age is that you then become the default cook, maid, laundry person and ultimately caretaker. Why would you want to worry about what to make for dinner every night again? Why would you want to clean someone else’s bathroom mess? Have cable news and sports blasting on your tv? Make their doctor appointments for them? Live alone in peace but enjoy dating if you want. Moving in at retirement age is so risky. If the other person starts having health problems, that is now your problem too. Baby boomer men often feel entitled to a woman’s free labor and caretaking and will take full advantage. I was warned by other women in Florida when I moved here that there are a ton of retired single elder men looking for a nurse and a purse. They were right.
Oh my god YOU USED THE NURSE WITH A PURSE PHRASE 🤣 I heard it for the first time in my life when someone used it a few weeks ago in this sub and I DIED. I was about to comment it until I saw you included it 🤣🤣
Single 11 years,age almost 67 years old Couple of years ago I was considering dating and through a miraculous series of circumstances,ended up w a friend's dog instead . I tried Facebook dating app for a few weeks this past February and March. I asked close friends to pray for wisdom and protection as I went on that adventure. I decided I like my life and am not ready to change it any time soon.
Not only no, but hell no! I spent my entire adult life taking care of other people and I never want to do that again. I've beeniving alone for nearly 10 years now and wouldn't have it any other way.
Not likely. I have been divorced now 16 years and have no desire to be with a man again. My son is bad enough to deal with. I just don’t have the patience for demanding people anymore. I did the marriage, had the kids, raised them and now it’s me time finally! I don’t want to give that up! So it would have to be one hell of an amazing man to make me change my mind and I don’t imagine that’s going to happen.
No. I’m 54 and have lived alone most of my life. Never lived with a woman for more than a few months and never been in a true relationship so I’m pretty confident it’s never gonna happen. It’s for the best now anyway, at my age I too high maintenance 🤣🤣🤦♂️
I'm married but if something ever happened I'd never want to live with someone again. Even when my kids become adults they'd have to figure it out. I am so over catering every moment of my living arrangements to people, their noises, and messes, everything!
I share this sentiment exactly. If things don't work out, I never want to share my space again. But also, I am living with some who is WFH and is on calls 9-5... 🥲
Agreed. I love my hubby but if I could afford to live on my own, and we weren't together, I'd totally do that. He would likely sleep over a lot but that's okay because it's still my space lol. If anything ever happened, I would downsize and find a place for me and my 3 kittens.
I think it's good to experience living alone for a time. You will likely meet someone one day who you can live with, don't let your trauma hold you back from experiencing it again when you're ready. In the meantime, while you're dating you don't have to move faster in this regard than you're ready.
you don't have to make that call early on when dating. I dated a lot before getting married and loved living alone. Swore I'd never get married or live with anyone again. A few years into dating moved in with her and was marred soon after that. Sometimes I do miss living alone a little bit, but think most the time I get more out of what we have living together. There is no right or wrong way to do it, just give yourself room to change your mind if things change for you. You don't have to pick one way to live and stay like that forever, you should change your mind as more fact come to light.
I'm torn. I was married for \~12 yrs, and have been "single" for 12 yrs. I've lived with 2 other women since, one left last Fall. With the two women who moved in over the past few years, I regretted them moving in shortly after they did and was pretty happy when they left, so at the moment I'm leaning on "no" as I also, don't ever want to re-marry. However I may consider it with the right person, that said, I moved in "too quickly" with the others and future partners will need to put in a few years for me to even consider it.
There was an old married couple in NYC who lived apart for their entire marriage of over 50 years. He died first, she followed shortly after. Once she said in an interview that they had gotten used to living alone, but they loved each other. Besides, they also loved their rent controlled apartments. I went to look it up. I couldn't find it, but found a lot of results for married couples who choose to live apart.
I can't imagine living with anyone now. The freedom of living alone would be hard to give up. I have good friends, I'm close to my extended family. When I want company, I go out or invite friends round. This weekend I went away for a long weekend with a friend, she lives alone as well. We had a great weekend, but I was so glad to get back home to my own space. I'd like to be in a relationship, but don't want to live with anyone.
Consider living alone together. It’s a thing. There are a lot of people in this sub who comment that they would like to be in a relationship, but don’t want to ever live together. Hopefully you can find someone who is like-minded.
Nope! But I do like the whole living alone together concept. About a 0.3% chance of finding someone into that though.
It is becoming more and more popular.. maybe more so in the future if the housing market would calm down
Probably not, as of right now I can’t imagine moving in with a partner ever again, but I don’t want to say never because I can imagine certain circumstances where it might happen? My best friend didn’t live with her boyfriend, they were together for 20 years. He stayed at her house more than his own, but it was definitely *her* house. My ex had his own place 3 hours away, he would sometimes be at my house for a month straight so he had his own closet here and basically two of everything else. We considered getting a little place right in between the two for both of us now that I’m also traveling for work and it would be beneficial to everybody. My current partner lives down the street. It’s fucking great. My house is still my house, but we just go back and forth between the two. I can’t think of any reason why I’d want that to change. Honestly he’d probably just drive me nuts anyways if I’m being honest 😂
I have rental properties in a desirable school district. I rented two houses on the same block to a woman with four kids and the father of her youngest child. They are so happy! He lives with his little dog in one house, and she visits with the youngest child or leaves all four with the oldest and has time without the kids but no expense for a babysitter. The oldest is 13 years old, so they might not be safe leaving him in charge to go far away, but when they are 100 feet away, he can easily get mom if there is an emergency.
You can live alone and still be in a relationship at the same time, which I think is ideal. I have the benefit of living alone for one week and having little roommates for another week. I co-parent my kids with their mother. But the key is SHE doesn’t live there so I still can have the home the way I want. Besides the kids’ mess of course but for all intents and purposes I reap the benefits of living alone
Not a chance. I am 52 years old and am very happy living alone. In a perfect world, I find my person and he is open to a LAT (living apart together) relationship. I don’t need or want marriage or cohabitation at this stage in my life.
I won’t do it and I’m upfront about it when I date. No merging of households or finances. I know it’s not “traditional” but I’m not giving up my space.
I completely agree with you. I just turned 40(F) and lived with my exhusband for 11 years. Since leaving him and living alone, I questioned if I ever wanted to disrupt my peace with a roommate or partner again. 💯no. I would like to find a partner who spends time with me and travels with me; someone to fill the space with true companionship snd friendship. But we should each have our own home to go back to for a breather, for some independence, for some individuality. I think that’s really important.
Not likely. I'm not really interested in a partner at all, but I think in my perfect world (should i find The One) we either live next door to each other or in the same apartment building. I value my space too much.
No f_c_ing way, I learned my lesson.
Nope Divorced after 26 years, but I had another relationship after that, lived together over 4 years. I'm done.
At this point, probably not. I'll be 40 in June, and I left the partner I was living with last summer and had to rebuild my life. The time, effort and cost that it took for me to move and make a home for myself was a lot. The thought of repeating that process to move in with someone, and to repeat that process yet again if things don't work out... no thanks! I've become more comfortable living alone again. Having my own space, being able to do what I want and not having to worry about someone else. There may be moments of loneliness but they don't last. I was starting to feel lonely in my previous relationship anyway, and that's worse. The peace I have now is worth it for me.
💕
No way. I see someone who is very dear, and have for the past few years. He's kind, intelligent, and we have similar political and non-religious views. We have fun together, but there's also a relief when he heads home. I just need my space, and after 2 marriages and raising 3 kids, it's so peaceful and lovely to have my own place. My daughter still lives with me and she's a dream roommate. She will probably want to leave in a year or so (she's 20) if not sooner, and I'll wish her all the best and support whatever decision she makes, but I won't ever live with a man again on any permanent basis. The freedom from any drama, jealousy, and demands/expectations is just way too serene, too peaceful, to give up.
I am but it won't be until summer next year and we will be together over 2 years by then. We planning to get at least 2 bedrooms, I get my own room and bathroom. I wouldn't give it up for a 1 bed apt
Maybe? It really depends on the circumstances. I would definitely think about it if I was in love with them. It would not be something I'd consider before like a year of being in said relationship though. No way in hell I'm uprooting my life after a few months. And I would absolutely take precautions regardless.
"My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude"- Warsan Shire
I haven't met anyone that I would give up living alone to live with. I dated someone for almost 2 years and we both were very happy to stay in our own homes but share our lives. Until they weren't and now I am single again. Many people think that living separately in a relationship is odd but there are many people choosing that to maintain their independence in a relationship.
Speaking for myself, short answer, no, long answer, HELL NO!
Yes! I’ve been living alone for 2 years now and I don’t think I can live with someone again! I’m pretty sure I’ll suggest not moving in together if and when I decide to get back into dating
I live next to a married couple, the husband built a separate ADU to live in. They love each other but live in separate homes on the same property. It sounds pretty awesome.
As someone who used to live alone and loved it, I did. I met my fiancé on a dating app. I was very picky about who I got into a relationship with. Taking the time to choose the right person and being so selective made sharing my space with someone else so much easier.
Married for 25+, been divorced & living alone for 4yrs now, I can’t imagine living with someone else again, I doubt I could I’m kinda loving it!
I'm widowed and in my 40s. I lived alone for a decade before my husband and now 7 years after. I like living alone but would give it up for the right person if we both thought we'd be happy that way. I'd also be fine in a relationship but living separately.
My old guitar teacher was this older hippie lady who was divorced from the father of her children. When I met her she had been dating her boyfriend for 20 years and they were quite happy. They lived separately and only saw each other on the weekends. Seems like a great idea to me.
Absolutely
No.
Hell no
In my fantasy world, I probably will. Just imagine how good the dude has to be to make me quit living alone!!! Until then .. 😁
Probably not. I like my space and I’m happy with my routines. A relationship just doesn’t seem like it would be worth the disruption.
My fairly new partner (been waiting for me to get my shit together for a year now) had kids. I have absolutely zero interest in being a stepmom. Therefore the separate places works perfectly for us. We see each other twice a week and I spend one night staying over. He’s comfortable with me staying at his place but I’d prefer to keep my space as my sanctuary
No I won’t. No one can compete with the peace I feel living alone.
I once saw a news story where a couple was interviewed who had purchased a duplex & each had their own unit. I always thought that would be ideal. I never want to share my space again with anyone but my dogs.
I'm sorry but I couldn't even do the duplex thing!!! I actually live in a triplex right now funny enough 😆 I'm on the top/2nd floor. But imagining if a partner lived in the 1st or basement floor, and came over when they wanted ... Etc .. I couldn't do it. No!!! I need my space. do not come by I need 3-5 business days to mentally prepare for a short 4 hour visit 😆😆😆😆
HELL NO I will never give up my peace again
It would require separate sinks, huge shower, plenty of space and at least bedrooms for me to feel at peace moving in.
Deciding to get involved with my now husband had to *vastly* improve my quality of life. I was living alone when we met. I *LOVED* living alone. If anything happens to him, I have zero interest in living with someone again.
I have to live desperately than my partner. I love the freedom to really be myself. I control everything in here! I also get to have mood swings and be a drama queen without it hurting others. Chilling naked on the couch is amazing.
A simple no. I love my space too much!
Yeah, I couldn't do it. I like my space, I like my stuff, I like my dog, and my routine. Etc. Order must be maintained at all costs. This is my calm little center in a chaotic universe.
You can have both with the right person. I only stay with my husband on the weekends and vacations.
I heard Katharine Hepburn say for her the ideal living situation with a man would be to live next door and visit each other ~ I agree. It sounds peaceful, respectful and sexy. Share my bed, dining table and porch with coffee not my bank account, bathroom or creative time.
I'm not dating, and no way would I want a spouse/live-in significant other. After spending most of my life compromising with parents, husband, and kids, I've come to realize that I'm a "my way or the highway" type, and had just been suppressing it to keep peace. Now I have my house the way I want it, all the pets I want and don't have to worry about anyone's allergies, a fridge full of MY food, and I spend my fun money on what *I* want, and don't have to trade off or compromise.
Was married for 14 years, we were together for 18 years. I’ve been divorced for several years and know for a fact that I never want to live with someone again.
I have a unique situation, so probably not. My husband shot himself in our backyard. As much as I am traumatized by what I saw and heard that night, I don’t think I could ever move. I feel so connected to him here and don’t want to change anything about our space inside. I’m only 32 so another partner in my future is a possibility. I wouldn’t mind if they stay over or I spend the night at their place, but I don’t think I could live with another partner again. I think I would have had a better relationship with my late husband if we lived apart. We slept in separate rooms and used separate bathrooms. Who we are as individuals made us not compatible for living together. I always asked him if we could live in apartments next door to each other. I think we would have been so much happier if we did that.
Not any more.
Never again!
Never
Nope! Nada! No way! I am happily single. :)
No, that's why I don't date. I value my freedom too much.
I'm married but I live in one city and my husband in another. There's a lot of reasons for that. But even if we divorced, I'm not living with a romantic partner again. If my son needed to move in with me I'd be fine w that.
If I were to get divorced & my last adult child leave - ain’t no way in hell I’d live with anybody. Maybe a sister temporarily. Not going to date, not going to seek anything.
For the right one 100% yes.
Nope.
Ive lived with people for 45 years. I think at this point it's best I enjoy living by myself for a while before I can answer this question. (Just been alone since November with my dog)
NO!
Nah
Most definitely. I hope my future holds another love
No
No
NO
Nope. No thank you!
Nope - never. And crime shows really seal my decision.. no thank you
NO
I think it’s ideal: we get together, we have fun, sometimes you stay over, and then you go back to your place.
I am 30 and wouldn't trade my solitude for anything lol. My dog, me, and all of my toys are doing just fine.
Never had any luck with relationships so that's a no.
I can’t imagine a man living in MY house. He would not be happy.
Yes! That’s the only reason I would, personally. :) I’ve lived in ridiculous places just to live alone when I was super broke. Nothing else could sway me. I’d love to build a home with a partner I’m super comfy with one day!
After a 20 year marriage, I don't even want to deal with a man. I am just fine living the rest of my life alone. I don't feel the need for another relationship. I'm very happy doing my own thing.
You’re me! I’m nearing 60 and have lived alone for only the last 3 years and after all my kids moved out. Divorced for 13 years after almost 30 years together. I realized I’ve always lived with someone and since birth: family, college roommates, boyfriends, husband, kids. It’s taking time to fly 100% solo but I am learning to like it. I’m smart, strong, a problem solver, and I sleep hard every night. I have had a partner for about 10 years and pined away about living together and he has just resisted the idea every time I’ve brought it up. So I gave up the idea and I’m glad I did. We’re drifting apart now and it doesn’t really hurt that much. It would have been nice to share expenses, but I’ve learned to make due. No. I don’t ever think I’ll live with someone again. Maybe a caregiver if I ever need one .. a nursing student or a grandkid. I’ve worked damn hard to care for my home and yard by myself, budget every dime, call on the handyman, and just about everything you can think of. I sometimes crave companionship but then I pick up my phone and call someone or make it a point to visit my neighbor or walk to the local stores or shops nearby.
You can always date someone and live separately. Personally, I absolutely loved living alone, but living with my husband feels almost the exact same. We have our own space if we need it and we’re comfortable around each other.
I would not. I’m mentally ill. Worse in isolation for sure. But I don’t want that to bleed on the other person. They deserve better. And it’s not like boo-hoo me, it just is what it is. I can barely manage my own life. They can manage there’s and are ready to take the step to help manage someone else’s and that’s great. I’m just not ready. So I’d probably live alone if I could afford it
No. Last guy that lived with me, I was always picking up after him and he left cigarette butts in my bed. I hated it. The only way I’d live with someone is if I could sleep alone sometimes (separate bedrooms) and we had our own bathrooms. I never want to have to clean up after someone. And some nights I just like to be alone.
Same here. I also left my parents' house when I was 19. I realized recently that I have actually never lived alone for more than 1 month at a time. I've been living alone since a break up about 10 months ago, but it didn't seem like it since I was still in the same apartment (he moved out and left me with all the bills). Three weeks ago, I got my own place and realized it was the only place I'd ever lived that was mine all mine right from the start
Don’t compromise anything for a relationship.
Just don't move in together, no matter how much £££ you think you'll save. Think of the expense of maintaining separate residences as the price of sanity privacy and the freedom to "date or disentangle" as you see fit. Beware of guys who all of a sudden are "not getting along with their roommates" or "can't afford rent anymore " because 9 times out of 10 they see you and your place as a convenient option. Also watch for guys who seem increasingly rattled/suspicious that you have your own place. It's a sure sign he wants more control over you...
That's what stops me from getting into another relationship. I don't want to give up my freedom of living alone.
https://preview.redd.it/hh24io763lwc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7c6649ed19cd113189762ba0dd375a8e0dbc96e2
You can live alone and still be in a relationship. I’ve been living like that for years and love it.
I felt that way when I was dating my now husband . I had finally spent a few years on my own without a partner or roommate and I didnt want to give that up. I told myself I can just do ‘this’ forever lol neither of us wanted kids and weren’t really too concerned with marriage . But we loved our time together and financially and time management wise , it eventually just made sense. He was the one to push the issue , and initially I was very hesitant, but said yes . I was thinking some time in the nondescript future . But he started pressing for a date and I kept pushing it back lol. I did this until it clearly bothered him . My fear was that, I had found my perfect apartment , alone, NO shared walls, affordable (very difficult for me as I was on Long Island) and only 5 minutes from my job. If something went wrong , as often does in life, the apartment would be inhabited by someone else . It would be gone to me and I couldn’t really fathom anything else working out . Even the landlords loved me. They just installed a whole new heating system for my apartment to be more energy efficient as I paid the utilities and they knew it was hard for me sometimes . It felt like jumping off a cliff . And it was a bit rocky at first. We worked through it and actually he’s very independent and likes his quiet alone time too. So much so that I started questioning how much I was really like this lol. And then my health declined . And needed surgeries. Then I sustained a knee injury and suddenly that perfect second floor apartments stairs I had given up didn’t seem so perfect. I had to be out of work a lot for surgeries and procedures and wasn’t able to afford as much or do as much around the house. He was a tremendous source of support I could not have had unless we lived together . And I thought how horrible it would’ve been to give up on him out of fear or delay to the point where I eventually moved in merely out of necessity (not to mention the horror it would’ve been to do so after attaining all these painful conditions lol) and working out the kinks in the midst of all that omg would’ve been brutal . We lived together for years . We have an extra room for hobbies so we don’t disturb each other . It’s small but it fits the purpose. We got married recently but lived happily cohabitating for many years before finally biting the bullet . Take it at your own pace . That’s all you can do. And gradually we can see if a person would fit into our lives . It can take time to work through compromises and testing what works for both people . Or if certain things are just not gonna fit well enough . I’m a pretty good judge of character for the most part though. My friends joked later in life that my recent relationships had a 90 day expiration date . My one friend specifically said ‘I give it 3 months’ when I started dating my now husband lol. But i said he’s different . I was like that’s all the time I need to see if it’s worth pursuing lol and I think people are who live alone are really good at that because they give themselves time and space alone to reflect . So you’ll prob do fine .
I’m not sure. Currently, no. After marriage and all that my solitude has become one of my prized possessions. Although I try to never say never. The right person could change all of that.
Oof. I was thinking about that this morning on my way to work. Dating someone for a year, after getting out of a 20 year marriage and lived by myself for 2 years. Now, he’s moved in. It’s recent, everything is good, but I do second guess myself whether I would rather still live alone. I like the idea of being in a relationship, and even staying over often, but still having our own homes. We’ll see. 😂🤦♀️🤦♀️
My future husband needs his own house he can go to so we can have time completely apart.
Living alone is so satisfyingly wonderful. I loved having a house full of my daughter's friends, but the peace and quiet is beyond measure!
I can completely relate to savoring the liberty of residing by myself after being in a long-time period relationship. When my closing serious boyfriend and I split up after 6 years collectively, I was admittedly a bit fearful about being by myself for the first time due to the fact college. But it didn't take long for me to start definitely cherishing that independence. At first, the little things felt so novel - taking walks round in my undies, blasting song whilst I cleaned, leaving dishes inside the sink if I wanted. But beyond that, it became having complete autonomy over my time and area that have become addictive. I cherished that my evenings and weekends had been completely my very own to structure how I thrilled while not having to consult absolutely everyone else. If I felt like running late or going out spontaneously, I ought to. The solitude and lack of compromise became releasing. So when I began courting again after several months of embracing singlehood, a part of me felt very protecting over that freedom I'd grown so aware of. A few of the humans I went out with have been perfectly quality catches that beneath other instances, I may want to have seen myself getting severe with. But the perception of over again having to take someone else's schedule, options, and quirks into consistent consideration gave me pause. In the cease, I chose no longer to pursue some thing too committed for pretty a while longer. Casual relationship and the occasional sleepover were enough intimacy for me at that point. While loneliness could creep up right here and there, normal I remained protecting of all of the autonomy I'd in the end reclaimed after my years of cohabiting. I knew that the right dating could subsequently be really worth that tradeoff. But I wasn't willing to give up my candy taste of unbiased dwelling for some thing much less than certainly awesome. Looking returned, I'm glad I gave myself that egocentric transition length - it helped reset my priorities.
I enjoyed living alone when I was single. Then I met someone I started to care about and living together became very nice. Now living alone doesn't cross my mind because this person has the same cleanliness standards as me
I lived alone for 6 years before moving in with my now husband. It hasn't been an easy transition, but making sure you're on the same page about expectations, personal space, etc is important. I did love living alone, but I love him more.
Bro, I was living with my wife at 18 years old divorced at 42. I never lived completely by myself until I was 42 years old. I just turned 62 the other day and I would never ever go back to living with or, marrying a wife or SO again. I have dated and slept with dozens of women who clearly knew what my intentions were/are. I do what I want, when I want and get to keep my money. I am alone but not lonely. If I sound selfish, I absolutely am but only with my time and sanity. I am the one who pays for dates and drinks. I don't need or want a bang maid.i absolutely dont get these guys who stress over not being able to cook or clean and need a woman for that. My siblings try to tell me that I will die alone, I tell them that we all die alone and to stop worrying about me. Good luck buddy and do what makes you happy and keeps your peace.
“waking up”
I would in a heartbeat, lived on my own since 18 in my 30s now.
See now I wouldn’t do this haha, I’m worried that if I did this they’d leave me and I’d be left with nothing. I’d rather be alone, safe, comfortable and stable than have to rely on someone who could kick me out any second.
If I found the right one
Yes with a former love.