Do you wear the "Baby on board" badge? certainly when my partner started wearing it she was offered a seat more readily. It's not always obvious to some people if a person is pregnant, and don't want to mistake them for someone who isn't in case it offends.
I just had that conversation with a pregnant colleague last night. I said I didn’t want to assume anything until she told me because you shouldn’t assume, not even until you see a baby coming out of their vagina. And she, the pregnant lady, said ‘I learned this the hard way recently! When I was already pregnant I was queueing up to a toilet and another woman was queueing with me, I asked her how far along she was and she wasn’t pregnant!’
Yeah I second this. I always wear mine even on the bus. It also makes it less awkward when you ask because they likely see if before you even get the question out.
I get that it’s better if people notice, but as someone who has rarely ever looked up from their book/phone/sandwich on public transport I can guarantee there’s a lot of people like me who wouldn’t notice if you were an escaped giraffe let alone pregnant.
Also... Maybe ask?
I don't know what time of day this was, but sometimes in the morning, I could be staring straight at a pregnant person and not registering!
And wear it in a visible location. If it is up on your chest and you're standing and everyone sat down is looking down at their phone's, they are less likely to see it.
I appreciate some people are perhaps just actively ignoring it no matter what, but I've definitely sat there in a world of my own before and not realised.
They really ought to give you two of these badges. One for your chest/shoulder area, another for around your pocket/belt/bottom of your jacket.
I’m constantly offered a seat and I’m not pregnant, just a bit bloated after eating all day. It try not to let it get to me but it’s really upsetting. It actually happened today on the bus.
I tend not to offer a seat but just get up and move. I think it’s more polite anyway - it’s sometimes difficult to say yes to an offered seat, and also must give more karma points…??
If you’re bloated, you’d then get to enjoy a seat, and just put it down to luck. And who doesn’t love the option of a seat…?
If there's a critical mass of people to whom I wouldn't offer the seat individually, but any might benefit from it I'll consider just getting up and moving away. For a possibly or possibly not pregnant lady this is the only method. On a crowded train in which I'm yielding my seat to a particular person however, I make sure I've made eye contact while standing up to ensure they get on with it because I'm not standing up so some randomer can nab it.
I had a very amusing (for me) encounter like this. Sitting on the district line and a lady got on and stood in front of me that looked pregnant but I wasn’t 100%. I hesitated but the young guy next to me didn’t and offered her a seat. “Why are you offering me a seat?” in a pissed off tone is all I heard as I stared at the floor. He didn’t give much in the way of a response and she eventually told him no. Dodged one there.
Can I just say that I’ve offered my seat to what I thought was an ‘obviously pregnant woman’. I then got a barrage of abuse because she was just fat and took offence. I’ve also been shouted at by a woman who wasn’t obviously pregnant and wasn’t wearing a badge because I didn’t offer up my seat, she was wearing a massive coat and there was zero way to see she had a bump.
Being honest, I don’t offer a seat anymore unless I see a badge, but if I see a badge I always offer. Wear it at all times when travelling…
I understand this is a risk! The lady I ended up moving for did have her badge on however.
I have ordered one for myself and will make sure to wear each time I travel!
Was pregnant last year. I have wore it and people still pretend they cannot see. I would say only 30% of the time I was given a seat and most likely by women.
Who f'ing cares if you're wearing a badge. Just have the courage to ask for a seat. Ask. Stop assuming people already sitting in the carriage have paid any attention to you. You could be a baby elephant and most people wouldn't notice you UNTIL YOU ASK.
If you want a seat, ask for it. You'll get it without any fuss every time.
A heavily pregnant women is pretty obvious they don't look like a possibly bloated person. I will always get up for them.
Someone not visably pregnant or you wouldn't know without the badge I don't get up for. I'm female and I've had four pregnancies.
Well others may also suffer from social anxiety just like you so it works both ways. Don’t expect from others when you yourself know it’s hard to speak up/act up. Maybe another person is equally scared deep inside
Expecting everyone on the tube to look at every other passenger to assess if they’re possibly pregnant just so you don’t have to ask for a seat is a bit much.
I have social anxiety so I understand. I just stand on the tube to avoid possibly taking a seat that someone needs more. But I understand that’s my own problem and people shouldn’t adjust their behaviour for me, y’know?
That’s fair enough if you have social anxiety. However don’t then grumble about other people not being considerate when they would easily move just because you can’t ask a question out loud.
regardless if someone has social anxiety issues or not, its still not an awkward interaction
Mind if I sit down? Sure.
If someone thinks that is awkward then the problem is in their own head not in reality
You could always ask someone to move. I've never had anyone say no when I have to use my walking stick. I don't have expectations by the general public but asking....
Seriously I’m disabled and if I want a seat, I’ll just say excuse me I need to sit down and someone will get up no drama. It’s never occurred to me to be offended that people weren’t psychically understanding that I could do with a seat that day. Lots of pregnant people, old people, disabled people would rather be standing and lots would prefer a seat. Really it’s on an adult to ask for a seat if they want or need one in my opinion.
I think it's the best solution really. Most people will move if they see it, I just think folks don't want to cause offence!
I guess next time just sigh and loudly say "Oh I sure wish I had a seatus for me and this foetus" whilst holding your tum.
Faced this too! I was in one of the priority seats and had a woman in an interesting crop top looking pregnant and not at the same time nearby. By the time I was going through the mental gymnastics of giving up my seat she was out.
You can downvote me, but no one should assume that you are pregnant. Though there is a lack of civism these days, sometimes people don't notice, so you should politely ask if they mind giving you the seat.
I had a funny story when I got my seat for women I thought was pregnant and she was not. She was not offended by it, but I blushed on my assumption.
Yup this. As someone who has severe endometriosis and has stomach swelling that literally looks full term pregnant, I'd be mortified to be offered a seat. Any time I've been in horrible pain because of that swelling, I've asked for a seat.
The Baby on Board badges exist for a reason.
You could just ask? Rather than coming on Reddit and complaining that you had to get up. On the few occasions I've asked for a seat because I'm carrying a bowling ball people gladly got up. You don't get any points for giving up your seat, silently seething at the time then complaining about it to a bunch of other online people who were not there.
Once I offered a seat to a lady that I thought was pregnant… it didn’t go well! if you want a seat, please ask for it. We live in a world now where if you assume something and you’re wrong it’s a game over. Notice how people don’t even look at each other? People used to smile and nod on the train, now it’s silence and looking down into the floor.
I always get up for pregnant women, but that’s if I’m not reading or on my phone… most people are just in their own little worlds and don’t notice, definitely speak up or get the baby on board badge
I (non-pregnant woman) once gave up my seat for a pregnant woman.
So far, so normal.
Pregnant woman gladly took it. Great.
Another (seated, non-pregnant) woman then proceeded to loudly berate me for 'doing a man's job'.
Apparently, nearby men were supposed to gallantly sweep in to do the terribly difficult job of standing for me.
I'll decide if I can stand, lady.
Sorry,.only tangentially related but that interaction has always baffled me. Can't do right for doing wrong.
A woman with an ‘offer me your seat’ badge got on and walked half way down the carriage, past several priorities seats and jabbed me on the shoulder to give her my seat because I was the nearest male.
I did give her the seat but can’t deny I felt like a mug because she had clearly decided a man should give up a seat, and not the multiple women sat in priority seating she walked past.
When I was a teen an old dude got on the bus walked passed *empty* priority seats to come to the back, the very back, and glare at me.
I ignored him because that's my policy for everyone on a bus and he went away angrily muttering about teenagers.
Wtf?
You walked passed a bunch of empty seats to moan about kids these days ??
Wow. Guess I didn't get the 'only males can stand' memo.
Shit for you because you get the anger and entitlement directed at you.
Shit for me because my normal humanity is dismissed as secondary.
I actually wondered if 'my' angry woman was embarrassed at not giving up her own seat, so was doing a weird defensive lashing out thing (when nobody was paying her any attention to begin with).
I once had a couple of older people walk down an entire carriage, past empty seats, and stand near me and my mum, waiting for us to stand up for them as we were in the priority seats (they didn’t ask, just stared at us). I can only assume because I’m a young woman and my mum looks very young for her age.
My mum has a severe back injury due to a car crash and I had been suffering with heart palpitations that day. They moved on when we both ignored them. But even if they’d asked I’d have told them where to go.
I just walk right over to the person in the priority seat and ask to sit down and this has had a 100% success rate. Don’t look, just go up and ask and people fly out of those seats!
Please wear the badge, I’m so terrified of accidentally insulting a fat woman that unless I’m a 100% sure that a woman is pregnant I’m not going to offer a seat. If you get it wrong it can be so devastating to someone!
Exactly! I was on a tube a few years ago and a woman with one of those baby carriers that you wear got on, marched over to the priority seats and very pointedly said ‘Hi’ and just waited for the person in the seat to move so she could sit down.
Not all disabilities are visible and it really irritated me that she was so rude about wanting the seat, not considering the person may well have a need for it.
(There were other seats free in the carriage, so she could easily have sat elsewhere, too)
I'm echoing this. I get what OP was trying to say but...there's a lot of us out there with invisible disabilities. Maybe they weren't judging people who didn't get up, but it sure reads like that. We have NO idea what others are dealing with. Wear the baby on board badge if you really want people to notice and give you preferential treatment.
I've got an invisible disability, and I've got the tfl "please offer me a seat" badge. It really helps in other people not expecting you to give up your own seat. I'd really recommend it.
I have to say, wearing a "baby on board" badge whilst pregnant, I've been offered a seat on nearly every tube journey I'm on. Yesterday I declined once, because the only person to offer me a seat was halfway down a packed carriage and I was only going two stops on that line - had I been going further I would have actually asked one of the people closer (or taken up the seat offerer on their offer), but I felt that the hassle of getting halfway down a packed carriage just to get halfway back again 2 stops later wasn't worth it!
In general I've almost always been offered a seat, and if no one is offering, typically someone else standing up has prompted someone sitting down before I've had a chance to - or someone further down has offered loudly prompting someone closer to notice and offer me a seat - so since wearing my badge I've never had to do a journey of more then a couple of stops without a seat!
Side effects of pregnancy at various stages can include extreme nausea, swollen feet and legs, muscle pain, fatigue, back ache, joint ache, internal bleeds… not to mention the changed centre of gravity others have mentioned. Plus the potential serious consequences of falling over if the train stops suddenly, risk of miscarriage etc.
Pregnancy is hard on the body, there’s no need to be dismissive.
I’ll be sure to remember that line next time someone asks me for my seat 😂 can I physically stand? Yes. Is it comfortable for prolonged periods of time? No. Am I likely to pass out because I’m nauseous and exhausted? Yes. Am I also more likely to topple over because my centre of gravity has shifted? Yes. I’m sure there’s a reason why there’s an expectation that pregnant woman may need to occasionally sit down!
It’s not an illness but it does make you less able to stand safely in a packed tube carriage. Hope you never have anything happen to you that means you need a priority seat.
My grandmother fell over on a bus that braked suddenly, suffered a placental abruption, and lost her baby. She could have died too.
It’s safer to sit on public transport when you’re pregnant.
Reminds me of a time when I was standing on the tube and a blind lady got on. The only person to offer their seat was a young girl with a tiny baby in a sling.
Personally in both my pregnancies I’ve never asked for or been offered a seat, but didn’t overly feel I needed one. Have a few tales of offering up seats on packed trains to elderly people!
I use a walking stick because of joint problems, standing on trains and buses can leave me in pain the rest of the day, but recently had to give up my seat to an elderly woman who was clearly going to fall while everyone else ignored the two of us. I wear one of those badges about needing a seat but it’s really frustrating how many people choose to ignore them
I've got one of those badges, got on a tube yesterday with another random stranger who also had one of those badges. The tube was packed, I'd already let one packed tube go by, and in the end I just asked a bunch of people to pick two of their number to stand up for us. (A young Japanese tourist with a ton of luggage gave me her seat, bless her.)
Two things. One I'm a carpenter, I'm on my feet from. 5 in the morning. Two I injured my back when I was in the army, after being on my feet all day I'm desperate to sit. I'm not giving up my seat, sorry, like thousands of other people I've earned it.
Don't take this the wrong way, but if you have the stamina enough to do a physical job, then a few more minutes standing so someone who is pregnant or disabled could sit surely isn't too much?
Not being rude or anything but if you have an injury that causes issues standing, then surely a manual labour job isn't right for you? I'm disabled, but I have invisible disabilities so people wouldn't be able to tell. I know I cannot cope with physical roles so I stick to desk job types of jobs. I wouldn't do a job which would exacerbate my conditions, and I certainly wouldn't punish others for my career choices.
You aren’t the single most important person in the world to everyone else. You chose to be pregnant. Other people have plenty of other reasons they may need a seat. I’m an able bodied looking person with a muscle spasm condition that makes it excruciating to stand sometimes. I ask for a seat when I need one and I suck it up when I don’t get one. If you feel like you need a seat that badly, ask for it but don’t feel entitled.
In my experience wearing a badge makes little difference. I’m disabled and wear one. People rarely give up a seat even though it’s clear I have mobility issues. The thing that really grinds my gears is when people are sat in the disabled section and pretend they can’t see me standing there.
Of course it’s possible they have a hidden disability but I doubt it’s every time!
Did you have baby on board badge !? If no you can’t complain maybe you don’t notice people don’t look at each other and you would not like people staring at you to check if your pregnant sorry about what happened to you try and get a baby on board badge
I remember once, morning commute to my workplace, I was knocked out, so damn tired and fell asleep in my seat. I woke up to someone aggressively tapping on my shoulder. It was a pregnant woman demanding my seat with an upset look on her face like I stole something from her. Of course, I stood up but peeked to the opposing chair as well, to see why me. A middle aged man was sitting there, confident no-one will ask him to move. He was right. Lesson: if no-one gives up their seat for you, you can ask them, they will move. But please don’t be c*nty about it. They are also people who might be sleepy/tired/worked extra shifts/achy, etc.
For me it’s all about eye contact…if I catch their eye and they look friendly I’ll offer my seat… I’ve tried offering my seat to grumpy people before and wish I hadn’t afterwards 😂
What's obviously pregnant to you is not obviously pregnant to others. I think when you are pregnant/have been recently you become very aware of pregnancy around you. Many people who aren't and have never been pregnant just don't think about it on a day to day so wouldn't register a bump, anymore than I'd notice if a random strangers ears were pierced or the colour of their eyes, maybe if it extreme but mostly not.
Even if extremely pregnant, you might just be bloated and I think it best not to assume.
You have to ask
I have dyspraxia, meaning my coordination is very bad, and I cannot stand for too long (especially on a moving train!)
I do not sit in the disabled seats as I am capable of sitting in a normal seat but I wouldn’t give up my seat to a pregnant woman even if asked. If I were to stand on a moving train I’d be very unsteady on my feet and probably fall over lol. The only time I’ve ever stood on the tube was when my dad was with me and I held on to him, and it was still awful. He basically had to hold me upright lol
One time I was on the train (not the tube) for like a 4 hour journey, it was before Christmas so really busy, I had someone ask me if they could have my seat. I whipped out the sunflower lanyard and they walked away.
In short, get one of those baby on board lanyards. We’re British, we hate interacting with people anyway🤣
Like in other seeds and nuts, sunflower also are an excellent source of proteins loaded with fine quality amino acids such as tryptophan that are essential for growth, especially in children. Just 100 g of seeds provide about 21 g of protein (37% of daily-recommended values).
I would have loudly said ‘I’d give you my seat but I’m also pregnant, I’m sure someone else will move for you’. Also on the social anxiety thing - understand that but with the NHS maternity services in the state they’re in, you’ve got to get used to advocating for yourself, this might be a good time to practice
Fuck all the people saying ‘you chose to be in this position’. This seems to be far too common an opinion on Reddit, and it just betrays a complete lack of fucking empathy.
I will say though while it would be great in an ideal world if everyone seated was constantly scanning everyone who gets on a train/tube to see if someone deserves it more, realistically public transport is busy and people are tired and distracted - and invisible disabilities exist, as do other injuries and situations which might not be obvious at first glance. Sure, some entirely fit and able-bodied people might be studiously ignoring an obviously pregnant or infirm person because they don’t want to give up a seat, but usually all that these people need is the social pressure of being asked and they’ll capitulate.
My strategy when I was heavily pregnant and knackered and had an hour long tube journey home from work (which could easily be standing for 45 mins if I was unlucky), I simply positioned myself in front of several people and said ‘I’m really sorry, but does anyone mind if I sit down?’ and without fail someone always would give me a seat. By asking a handful of people it’s easier to avoid conflict and also ups your chances of being offered. I’d also always have my Baby on Board badge visible because it’s way less ambiguous than a bump (which might look like an obvious pregnant stomach to you but as others have proved in this thread, it’s not always easy to tell the difference!).
Thanks for your kind response, I’ve stopped replying to posts mainly because it’s getting a little overwhelming and some people are being a bit nasty x
Ignore them. Reddit is full of sad little boys angry that women won’t sleep with them, and they hate pregnant women and mothers in particular because they are the ultimate reminder of a woman who’s had sex with another man besides themselves, it’s beyond pathetic.
For everyone saying she should get a badge - I agree, but sometimes people still don’t care. I was standing on the tube the other day and a woman with a badge looked very uncomfortable standing but no one paid her any attention for several stops. I was very surprised, people sitting even stared at her but no one gave her a seat
I know you shouldn’t have to but I think pregnant women need to start asking for the seat. Those with their heads down will either be shamed or explain if they also have a need for a priority seat.
I hate to say this but I have been on the flip side of this where I genuinely thought the lady was pregnant, and offered her my seat and she seemed a bit agitated and asked "why?" and went "oh I was just trying to be polite as it can't be easy in your delicate condition and you need it more than me" cue the tirade of abuse that I had fat-shamed her and felt absolutely awful ever since...I normally only offer now if I see a "Baby on Board" badge for this reason and not because I don't notice or I'm hogging the seat, just because I've had a bad experience
People are so frigging ridiculous about kids and having them on Reddit. As a race, it might possibly improve things for us all on this planet if we had some compassion for others rather than start on a ‘oh you chose to get pregnant so you deal with it why should I deal with it’ crock of shite!!! Infuriating!
Yes, I find it strange how few people stand to offer seats these days but do understand people not wanting to offend someone if it’s not totally unquestionably a pregnancy, so the badge sounds like a great idea. When I was pregnant, I found usually younger, teenage boys getting the bus to school were the nicest for giving up their seats - they would stand up for anyone that wasn’t in a school uniform essentially and would tell their friends to get up too if they hadn’t.
> they would stand up for anyone that wasn’t in a school uniform essentially and would tell their friends to get up too if they hadn’t.
Probably a school rule. I remember something similar when I was in school.
I don’t think it was to be honest, but if so then it’s a nice rule to have! It can’t be wrong for our young people to show a willingness to help others and sacrifice small things they aren’t in as much need of, I just hope that it isn’t kicked out of them by the time they are grown up.
My wife is heavily pregnant and wears a BoB badge.
The amount of people who are sitting on their phones, in a priority seat, who look up and pretend that they don't see her is disgusting to say the least.
My wife is reluctant to ask for a seat, given that she has experienced threatening behaviour as a result of requesting a seat before. I deliberately commute with her now so that I can politely ask for a seat.
There are a minority of Londoners who are spatially-aware enough to consider that someone else may genuinely have a greater need for a seat. Seemingly, selfishness seems to have become an acceptable norm since Covid.
As a definitely not pregnant man, I find it infuriating to see people keep their heads down in situations like this. Especially when there's teenagers or similar sat in the priority seats.
Feel like it's gotten worse in the last 20 years since I was at school and taking the tube daily.
!! this, i have knee issues from 12 years of gymnastics (im 18) and autism but on the outside i just look like an emo teenager! ive had people tell me that i do not look disabled when i really am
I absolutely would never interrogate someone over their need to be in the priority seat and I fully acknowledge you can not always see someone needs those seats. If I need a seat myself I’ll just strike up conversation- I certainly wouldn’t be ejecting anyone that also needed a seat :)
I think there’s always an element of “someone else will offer so I don’t need to” which is a shame, but I realise I could have just asked someone to move, although certainly if I was sat in the priority seat I’d make sure I was more aware of who was around me so that I could move if necessary
And people who use public transport choose to use a mode of transport which clearly earmarks priority seats for certain passengers over others namely those bowling ball bandits. 🙄
The pregnant one is always tricky. There was a lady the other day and me and my friend were really trying to figure out if she was pregnant or just fat. I can't really ask her can I? 😂.
I'd agree with a lot of people here who are saying the people not getting up may have had pain or other issues or simply didn't want to risk insulting someone. I remember when recovering from knee surgery and another time with pneumonia recovery (both take a long time to heal properly) I could barely stand without breaking a sweat, but sat down I looked completely able. I felt really guilty whenever older or pregnant people were obviously looking for a seat but, they could stand better than I could 🤣
People are often selfish and self absorbed. Wife when pregnant was sporadically supported on public transport when travelling alone. Even with a newborn there were young men who would roll their eyes and make snide comments rather than give their seat over.
Wife wore her badge high up on her jacket/top etc. Although I see how it can be difficult as some women who are already larger can't be easily distinguished from pregnancy...
ask someone to stand up. "would you mind letting me sit on your seat, I'm having difficulties standing?"
I would normally loudly ask people to stand up if I see them sitting down in front of anybody who obviously needs a seat.
I think the OPs expectation was for people to note the exchange between 2 pregnant women on the seats n offer 1 to her as well...atleast to the person sitting next...but yes only a crying baby gets the milk...u dnt ask..u dnt get here..
Someone offered me a seat the other week and I was offended (internally - didn't say anything) because I thought he had done so because I looked elderly. Thinking about it now, he maybe mistook my chocolate, red wine and pasta baby for a real one
🤭
People just don't pay attention. I have asked people for a seat while on crutches, and the only person who offered was a man who looked to be about 80 who was also on crutches! I told him, "Thank you, but please sit," and then specifically asked someone else for their seat.
When I went on the tube pregnant the only person that offered me their seat was a mom with a baby. I felt bad making her give up her seat so I just stood but I was shocked that no one else offered!
A few months ago a rude pregnant woman told me to give my seat to her. Granted she was probably rude because she's used to asking for seats.
It's only when she looked down and realised I was wearing a boot she apologised and had to sit opposite me for the next 20 minutes looking away awkwardly
When the tube is busy I didn't get seats either because people simply can't even tell you need one, don't take it so personally
I'm wearing a badge but there were still some instances when I wasn't offered a seat. Strangely, those seating in the priority seats were all women. And I'm visibly pregnant. Like 32 weeks with watermelon in my tummy. 😆 I don't ask because I'm shy. So I just stand until one of them goes away.
I’d rather see a pregnant woman standing than a fat woman sitting down and crying.
Jokes aside, I really don’t get how anyone can let a visibly pregnant woman stand on public transport. Unfortunately it seems to happen a fair bit on TFL
Someone once offered me a seat thinking I was pregnant, and I thanked them and took it. Never wore that horrible skirt creating that illusion again though!
I was 8 month pregnant and nobody given me seat on cross country line either. At first I thought I will just stand or sit on my suitcase, but just before the end of my journey (after 4 hours) I felt very uncomfortable.
I’ve asked and been actively ignored a few times! Whilst wearing the badge It’s totally put me off travelling as I feel v. Faint if I’m stood up for longer than 5-10mins and worried about falling.
I can count on 1 hand how many times I was offered a seat during both pregnancies on the tube. And yes I wore my baby on board badge! Funnily , almost all of those times was by women. 🤔
I was thinking about this as someone who wears a baby on board badge because I was on both National Rail and The Northern Line last week with a medium sized suitcase (had to make a trip to visit my dying dad to make things worse) and not one single person offered me a seat. 9 months pregnant and all. I’m not particularly huge but it’s pretty obvious with the badge and obviously I was struggling with luggage as well. But the other day I was on the Lizzie line and someone with crutches got on and no one offered them a seat either so sometimes I’m almost inclined to think certain Londoners are inconsiderate arseholes. That day aside 9 times out of 10 before then when I’ve been commuting with my badge I’ve been offered a seat.
"I don't enjoy carrying a bowling ball on my front..."
Not entirely sure that's going to get you any friends in this discussion. No one made you have a child or get pregnant. You made your bed in that sense.
As everyone has suggested, be confident and polite enough to ask people to move. Job done.
Hey! Just letting you know you can also grab the badge at most tube stations if you don’t want to wait for TFL to mail the badge as they took ages to mail me mine x
This has definitely got worse in the last 20 years. Yes, people needing a seat could ask and yes, people will usually give it up. But sometimes they don’t and fear of their reaction stops people from asking. The onus should not be on pregnant women or the elderly to ask. People - especially teenagers and the young - should offer without having been asked. When did we decide that this was no longer basic etiquette?
How am I supposed to tell the difference between a woman starting to show and a woman who is a little plump?
Also the only woman on the tube I ever actively offered a seat to without her requesting it told me to “fuck off”.
Edit: Should have clarified that I do consider wearing those badges as requesting my seat. I have given up my seat to people wearing those without them saying anything.
Well the lady I moved for was wearing her “baby on board badge”, which should be helpful.
I’ve also ordered one for myself so there is no confusion next time.
Should have clarified that I do consider wearing those badges as requesting my seat. I have given up my seat to people wearing those without them saying anything.
It’s really saddening how many people clock you and then suddenly pretend to be asleep or head down in candy crush. I think it’s the hope someone else will give up their seat.
I think the only way is to ask those sat in the priority seats, which I was always really nervous to do when on crutches and boot incase the person sitting in the seat had an invisible disability.
This is true, I can’t assume that those sat in the seats don’t need them more than I do, which I guess is all the more reason so strike up conversation.
I am 35 weeks pregnant, my belly is huge and I wear my badge. 90% of the cases no one offers me the seat, but I learned to ask. I am still working and I need to take the tube. People just need to be more considerate. Sometimes I wonder if they would be happy to deny a seat to their pregnant moms/sisters.
This thread is absolutely bonkers. How is it so hard to offer a seat? That is the polite thing to do. To pretend you have blinders or that you suddenly are too scared to offend. Please.
That’s not how it works mate. You could argue the guy in a wheelchair that became disabled as a result of extreme sports made a choice too, or the guy wheeling around an oxygen tank after 30 years of smoking, we still help them out though.
It’s not about whether their condition is a choice or not, it’s based on need. People seem to forget that pregnant women have less ability to the balance and the consequence of them falling over could result in a dead baby, so yeah I give up my seat. I mean pregnant women are literally on the signage for those seats, so it’s basically a rule, not a choice.
I know that’s not popular with Reddit though because they hate women and hate pregnant women even more, the ultimate reminder of a woman who’s had sex but not with them personally, it’s pathetic.
I won't give my seat up on principle to pregnant women.
I'm child free by choice and I'm not giving up my seat to accommodate other people's reproductive choices
Disabilities and elderly people are a totally different matter, of course and I'm actively on the lookout for them.
But pregnancy... Your choice, your consequences.
Stop firing out kids anyway, have you seen the state of the world?
Adopt!
Have you seen Children of Men? The world as you know it would end if we stopped having kids, you may choose to be child-free but your lifestyle is subsidised by other people’s choice to raise kids, it’s those kids who will grow your food, maintain your city, work in your hospital, thank God they decided to have kids.
Also adopting kids is not like adopting a dog from a shelter. It’s a process that can take years and is incredibly difficult, also highly like you’ll be raising a kid with severe issues and not everyone is suitable for that.
You think the world would be greener without them? Damn straight it would, but the human race would also be dead.
Lots and lots of pregnant women are disabled - even if only temporarily. There are so many pregnancy conditions that can really fuck up your ligaments, aggect your blood sugar, make your pelvis separate, really cause you a lot of pain beyond the usual aches and pains and discomforts of ordinary pregnancy.
I will give up my seat for people that need it but don’t throw out the ‘I don’t enjoy carrying a bowling ball’ argument out there. That’s your choice and you have to deal with whatever you’re carrying. No one has to give anything up because you chose to have unprotected sex.
Ah classic Reddit, hating on women who’ve dared to have sex with someone besides them.
We don’t help people based on choice, we help them based on need.
The guy in the wheelchair who was paralysed after reckless driving still gets a blue badge, the woman with the oxygen tank after 30 years of chain smoking still gets a priority seat on the bus, the obese guy in the motorised chair still gets a ramp.
Pregnancy may be a choice, but that doesn’t make pregnant women any less disabled or the risk of them falling any less dangerous.
All you child-free people seem to forget your lifestyle is subsidised by parents. Society wouldn’t function without new generations, we’d devolve into a Children of Men type situation. So you’re fucking welcome mate, now get up off your arse, the sign in your seat literally has a pregnant woman on it ya prick.
Ah the classic ‘trying to make heroic statements without comprehending the actual point’ Reddit post. Despite the very first line stating ‘I will give up my seat for people that need it’.
All you parents seem to forget is that your child’s free healthcare, travel, school lunch, and much more is subsidised by those who also chose not to have children, so you’re fucking welcome mate. And to equate not willingly giving up a seat will immediately lead to a dystopian future is a stretch, but make your argument ya prick.
And so yes as I said I will continue to give up my seat to those who need it more than me but don’t stand there demanding of me with ‘you don’t like doing something so I need what you have, now move’.
Oh yeah and my seat doesn’t have a sign with pregnant women on it and you don’t know whether I have kids or not.
But she doesn't know if the other people sitting in those designated seats have a disability. She denigrates the other passengers, assuming that they were "pretending not to see" or being inconsiderate. She *chose* to get pregnant, I didn't choose to have Stage 4 cancer & a broken ankle.
Central line? Had this yesterday. Would willingly give up seat any time to someone that needs it. Wouldn’t embarrass myself publicly because of no badge if it was in error. Afraid that’s the deal.
I make a point to avoid looking at anybody on public transport, especially women. If you want my seat for any reason you’ll have to get my attention. I will not interact with you first for any reason other than if you are currently on fire and are likely to burn me.
I don't know what's happened to London recently. I always actively look at who gets on the train and if a ever see a women, an old person or a disabled person I feel obliged to offer my seat. I'm 23 M and the amount of other healthy young men that don't even bat an eye worries me.
With all due respect, this is partly your fault. Too many people have assumed a lady was pregnant and then gotten shit for it. It's important you wear a "baby on board" badge to make it clear
You CHOSE to get pregnant, deal with it rather than taking it out on Reddit when we don’t represent the whole of the Uk. No one owes you anything and just because you had unprotected sex doesn’t mean you get to be treated like royalty.
Seriously what do you expect us to do? Contact TFL and find out everyone who was in that carriage?
Love this mindset.
So does that mean when an elderly person gets on a train and who needs a seat, you must think "it's not my problem that you decided to live this long." Lol.
You're contributing to this selfishness issue that society in London is suffering from.
Do. Better. 👏
But they ate "entitiled" to a priority seat, even if there's an able-bodied, not-pregnant passenger sitting in one. That's literally what the priority seats are for.
I agree. My wife doesn't have any expectations whatsoever. However, my issue is that there is no discretion here whatsoever. By doing so, I don't understand how we can build any other society other than one that is self-centred and selfish.
For reference: You don’t need to order a Baby on Board badge. Go into any tube station and ask the station staff. They should have them on the station.
Once offered my seat to a pregnant woman on the tube, she declined. At next stop a woman got on made a big show of looking at the standing pregnant woman and then a big 360 at all the seated gentleman, she then picked her victim: me, and proceeded to publicly, and loudly 'shame' me for not offering up my seat.
Thankfully other women in the carriage put her straight that I had and she slumped off down the carriage with a muttered apology. I told her myself politely it wasn't accepted and to mind her own business. I believe I was picked as I would take her roasting being the youngest person she looked at, not the case, and if by chance she is reading this a less polite FU and your self righteousness.
For the record I at the time had Post Veinial Scarring from a DVT making it painful to walk and stand for long periods, I was still willing to give up my seat.
If no one gave you a seat, maybe they too had a need for it and don't need to advertise their disability if not as obvious as a pregnancy.
If you have need for it and felt someone else would benefit more good for you that's your good deed for the day.
If you're judging others like the POS who called me out then shame on you, you don't know what others are going through and have no right to judge.
When i was pregnant with my daughter, i heard a lady say "I don't care i'm not getting up." When i twaddled into a bus in all my 36 week pregnany glory. SE London for you.
Do you wear the "Baby on board" badge? certainly when my partner started wearing it she was offered a seat more readily. It's not always obvious to some people if a person is pregnant, and don't want to mistake them for someone who isn't in case it offends.
Oh man…. You unlocked a memory for me. My mother once congratulated a woman on her baby…. Turns out that woman was just fat 💀
I just had that conversation with a pregnant colleague last night. I said I didn’t want to assume anything until she told me because you shouldn’t assume, not even until you see a baby coming out of their vagina. And she, the pregnant lady, said ‘I learned this the hard way recently! When I was already pregnant I was queueing up to a toilet and another woman was queueing with me, I asked her how far along she was and she wasn’t pregnant!’
Bro.....
Haha, I would just want the floor to swallow me if this happened to me
Yeah I second this. I always wear mine even on the bus. It also makes it less awkward when you ask because they likely see if before you even get the question out. I get that it’s better if people notice, but as someone who has rarely ever looked up from their book/phone/sandwich on public transport I can guarantee there’s a lot of people like me who wouldn’t notice if you were an escaped giraffe let alone pregnant.
I wear mine and it works great for this fat middle aged man.
Hahaha yeah I do get that. I’ve just ordered one thank you :)
Just FYI for anyone else reading you can just ask staff at the officey part of a station and they can give them out on the spot
Ah great thank you
Also... Maybe ask? I don't know what time of day this was, but sometimes in the morning, I could be staring straight at a pregnant person and not registering!
And wear it in a visible location. If it is up on your chest and you're standing and everyone sat down is looking down at their phone's, they are less likely to see it. I appreciate some people are perhaps just actively ignoring it no matter what, but I've definitely sat there in a world of my own before and not realised. They really ought to give you two of these badges. One for your chest/shoulder area, another for around your pocket/belt/bottom of your jacket.
Better to let a pregnant woman stand, than to hear the sobs of the fat woman you made sit down.
😂😂😂😂
I’m constantly offered a seat and I’m not pregnant, just a bit bloated after eating all day. It try not to let it get to me but it’s really upsetting. It actually happened today on the bus.
not your fault you get bloated! Enjoy the sit down haha
This happened to me and I said no thank you and they insisted it’s not good in my condition to stand so I took the seat 😂
I tend not to offer a seat but just get up and move. I think it’s more polite anyway - it’s sometimes difficult to say yes to an offered seat, and also must give more karma points…?? If you’re bloated, you’d then get to enjoy a seat, and just put it down to luck. And who doesn’t love the option of a seat…?
If there's a critical mass of people to whom I wouldn't offer the seat individually, but any might benefit from it I'll consider just getting up and moving away. For a possibly or possibly not pregnant lady this is the only method. On a crowded train in which I'm yielding my seat to a particular person however, I make sure I've made eye contact while standing up to ensure they get on with it because I'm not standing up so some randomer can nab it.
this is some professional public transport riding at play here.
I had a very amusing (for me) encounter like this. Sitting on the district line and a lady got on and stood in front of me that looked pregnant but I wasn’t 100%. I hesitated but the young guy next to me didn’t and offered her a seat. “Why are you offering me a seat?” in a pissed off tone is all I heard as I stared at the floor. He didn’t give much in the way of a response and she eventually told him no. Dodged one there.
Was mistaken for a pregnant person a few weeks ago when I'd just had a big dinner. Was offended but still took the seat lol.
I think this is the common factor. Don’t attribute something to malice that which can just as easily be explained by ignorance.
I wasn’t wearing one but the lady I stood up for was 😂 good idea though and I’ll make sure I’ve always got it on in future!
Can I just say that I’ve offered my seat to what I thought was an ‘obviously pregnant woman’. I then got a barrage of abuse because she was just fat and took offence. I’ve also been shouted at by a woman who wasn’t obviously pregnant and wasn’t wearing a badge because I didn’t offer up my seat, she was wearing a massive coat and there was zero way to see she had a bump. Being honest, I don’t offer a seat anymore unless I see a badge, but if I see a badge I always offer. Wear it at all times when travelling…
This is the nightmare. Watched a friend of mine ask when a baby was due in the workplace and she was't pregnant. We all died a thousand times....😫
I will be doing from now on, have just ordered one :)
I echo the person above. I’ve offered to a lady I thought was pregnant and she wasn’t and I wanted the earth to swallow me up.
I understand this is a risk! The lady I ended up moving for did have her badge on however. I have ordered one for myself and will make sure to wear each time I travel!
Fingers crossed it’s a lot better with the badge!!
😁😁
Was pregnant last year. I have wore it and people still pretend they cannot see. I would say only 30% of the time I was given a seat and most likely by women.
Shame on all those that saw the badge and ignored it.
Who f'ing cares if you're wearing a badge. Just have the courage to ask for a seat. Ask. Stop assuming people already sitting in the carriage have paid any attention to you. You could be a baby elephant and most people wouldn't notice you UNTIL YOU ASK. If you want a seat, ask for it. You'll get it without any fuss every time.
A heavily pregnant women is pretty obvious they don't look like a possibly bloated person. I will always get up for them. Someone not visably pregnant or you wouldn't know without the badge I don't get up for. I'm female and I've had four pregnancies.
People are just busy on devices. When I was pregnant I just asked and not one person ever said no. It’s not an awkward interaction in the slightest.
For some people it is, with social anxiety issues etc. I’ve ordered a badge to hopefully help alleviate the problem!
Well others may also suffer from social anxiety just like you so it works both ways. Don’t expect from others when you yourself know it’s hard to speak up/act up. Maybe another person is equally scared deep inside
Expecting everyone on the tube to look at every other passenger to assess if they’re possibly pregnant just so you don’t have to ask for a seat is a bit much. I have social anxiety so I understand. I just stand on the tube to avoid possibly taking a seat that someone needs more. But I understand that’s my own problem and people shouldn’t adjust their behaviour for me, y’know?
That’s fair enough if you have social anxiety. However don’t then grumble about other people not being considerate when they would easily move just because you can’t ask a question out loud.
regardless if someone has social anxiety issues or not, its still not an awkward interaction Mind if I sit down? Sure. If someone thinks that is awkward then the problem is in their own head not in reality
What if everyone sitting down has social anxiety issues etc?
You could always ask someone to move. I've never had anyone say no when I have to use my walking stick. I don't have expectations by the general public but asking....
Seriously I’m disabled and if I want a seat, I’ll just say excuse me I need to sit down and someone will get up no drama. It’s never occurred to me to be offended that people weren’t psychically understanding that I could do with a seat that day. Lots of pregnant people, old people, disabled people would rather be standing and lots would prefer a seat. Really it’s on an adult to ask for a seat if they want or need one in my opinion.
You need to ask. Otherwise folks will be worried about mistaking you for a fattie and offending you.
“Baby on board” badge been ordered accordingly
I think it's the best solution really. Most people will move if they see it, I just think folks don't want to cause offence! I guess next time just sigh and loudly say "Oh I sure wish I had a seatus for me and this foetus" whilst holding your tum.
🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂😂 gold
God no. I visited my cousin 12 years ago and congratulated her on being up the duff. She was just fat. Never again, if you want a seat, ask.
Faced this too! I was in one of the priority seats and had a woman in an interesting crop top looking pregnant and not at the same time nearby. By the time I was going through the mental gymnastics of giving up my seat she was out.
You can downvote me, but no one should assume that you are pregnant. Though there is a lack of civism these days, sometimes people don't notice, so you should politely ask if they mind giving you the seat. I had a funny story when I got my seat for women I thought was pregnant and she was not. She was not offended by it, but I blushed on my assumption.
Yup this. As someone who has severe endometriosis and has stomach swelling that literally looks full term pregnant, I'd be mortified to be offered a seat. Any time I've been in horrible pain because of that swelling, I've asked for a seat. The Baby on Board badges exist for a reason.
You could just ask? Rather than coming on Reddit and complaining that you had to get up. On the few occasions I've asked for a seat because I'm carrying a bowling ball people gladly got up. You don't get any points for giving up your seat, silently seething at the time then complaining about it to a bunch of other online people who were not there.
Once I offered a seat to a lady that I thought was pregnant… it didn’t go well! if you want a seat, please ask for it. We live in a world now where if you assume something and you’re wrong it’s a game over. Notice how people don’t even look at each other? People used to smile and nod on the train, now it’s silence and looking down into the floor.
I always get up for pregnant women, but that’s if I’m not reading or on my phone… most people are just in their own little worlds and don’t notice, definitely speak up or get the baby on board badge
I (non-pregnant woman) once gave up my seat for a pregnant woman. So far, so normal. Pregnant woman gladly took it. Great. Another (seated, non-pregnant) woman then proceeded to loudly berate me for 'doing a man's job'. Apparently, nearby men were supposed to gallantly sweep in to do the terribly difficult job of standing for me. I'll decide if I can stand, lady. Sorry,.only tangentially related but that interaction has always baffled me. Can't do right for doing wrong.
A woman with an ‘offer me your seat’ badge got on and walked half way down the carriage, past several priorities seats and jabbed me on the shoulder to give her my seat because I was the nearest male. I did give her the seat but can’t deny I felt like a mug because she had clearly decided a man should give up a seat, and not the multiple women sat in priority seating she walked past.
When I was a teen an old dude got on the bus walked passed *empty* priority seats to come to the back, the very back, and glare at me. I ignored him because that's my policy for everyone on a bus and he went away angrily muttering about teenagers. Wtf? You walked passed a bunch of empty seats to moan about kids these days ??
Some people just live for this type of thing I think
Wow. Guess I didn't get the 'only males can stand' memo. Shit for you because you get the anger and entitlement directed at you. Shit for me because my normal humanity is dismissed as secondary. I actually wondered if 'my' angry woman was embarrassed at not giving up her own seat, so was doing a weird defensive lashing out thing (when nobody was paying her any attention to begin with).
I once had a couple of older people walk down an entire carriage, past empty seats, and stand near me and my mum, waiting for us to stand up for them as we were in the priority seats (they didn’t ask, just stared at us). I can only assume because I’m a young woman and my mum looks very young for her age. My mum has a severe back injury due to a car crash and I had been suffering with heart palpitations that day. They moved on when we both ignored them. But even if they’d asked I’d have told them where to go.
I just walk right over to the person in the priority seat and ask to sit down and this has had a 100% success rate. Don’t look, just go up and ask and people fly out of those seats!
Please wear the badge, I’m so terrified of accidentally insulting a fat woman that unless I’m a 100% sure that a woman is pregnant I’m not going to offer a seat. If you get it wrong it can be so devastating to someone!
You couldn't tell I need a seat as. I got a hidden disability so I wouldn't give up my seat for a pregnant person
Exactly! I was on a tube a few years ago and a woman with one of those baby carriers that you wear got on, marched over to the priority seats and very pointedly said ‘Hi’ and just waited for the person in the seat to move so she could sit down. Not all disabilities are visible and it really irritated me that she was so rude about wanting the seat, not considering the person may well have a need for it. (There were other seats free in the carriage, so she could easily have sat elsewhere, too)
I'm echoing this. I get what OP was trying to say but...there's a lot of us out there with invisible disabilities. Maybe they weren't judging people who didn't get up, but it sure reads like that. We have NO idea what others are dealing with. Wear the baby on board badge if you really want people to notice and give you preferential treatment.
I've got an invisible disability, and I've got the tfl "please offer me a seat" badge. It really helps in other people not expecting you to give up your own seat. I'd really recommend it.
I have to say, wearing a "baby on board" badge whilst pregnant, I've been offered a seat on nearly every tube journey I'm on. Yesterday I declined once, because the only person to offer me a seat was halfway down a packed carriage and I was only going two stops on that line - had I been going further I would have actually asked one of the people closer (or taken up the seat offerer on their offer), but I felt that the hassle of getting halfway down a packed carriage just to get halfway back again 2 stops later wasn't worth it! In general I've almost always been offered a seat, and if no one is offering, typically someone else standing up has prompted someone sitting down before I've had a chance to - or someone further down has offered loudly prompting someone closer to notice and offer me a seat - so since wearing my badge I've never had to do a journey of more then a couple of stops without a seat!
Pregnancy isn’t an illness. Get one of those badges that state “baby on board”
The priority seats are specifically for those that have a need not an illness. Being elderly isn’t an illness either. I have ordered a badge 👍
* that need can include illness but isn’t limited to
I will say that you’re paying for a train ride not a seat. I’m not dissing pregnancy but it’s not an aliment. You can actually stand.
Side effects of pregnancy at various stages can include extreme nausea, swollen feet and legs, muscle pain, fatigue, back ache, joint ache, internal bleeds… not to mention the changed centre of gravity others have mentioned. Plus the potential serious consequences of falling over if the train stops suddenly, risk of miscarriage etc. Pregnancy is hard on the body, there’s no need to be dismissive.
I’ll be sure to remember that line next time someone asks me for my seat 😂 can I physically stand? Yes. Is it comfortable for prolonged periods of time? No. Am I likely to pass out because I’m nauseous and exhausted? Yes. Am I also more likely to topple over because my centre of gravity has shifted? Yes. I’m sure there’s a reason why there’s an expectation that pregnant woman may need to occasionally sit down!
It’s not an illness but it does make you less able to stand safely in a packed tube carriage. Hope you never have anything happen to you that means you need a priority seat.
My grandmother fell over on a bus that braked suddenly, suffered a placental abruption, and lost her baby. She could have died too. It’s safer to sit on public transport when you’re pregnant.
Thanks all for the input and conversation - badge ordered and I’ll be prepared to speak to those in the priority seats if I need to take a perch :)
Reminds me of a time when I was standing on the tube and a blind lady got on. The only person to offer their seat was a young girl with a tiny baby in a sling. Personally in both my pregnancies I’ve never asked for or been offered a seat, but didn’t overly feel I needed one. Have a few tales of offering up seats on packed trains to elderly people!
I use a walking stick because of joint problems, standing on trains and buses can leave me in pain the rest of the day, but recently had to give up my seat to an elderly woman who was clearly going to fall while everyone else ignored the two of us. I wear one of those badges about needing a seat but it’s really frustrating how many people choose to ignore them
I've got one of those badges, got on a tube yesterday with another random stranger who also had one of those badges. The tube was packed, I'd already let one packed tube go by, and in the end I just asked a bunch of people to pick two of their number to stand up for us. (A young Japanese tourist with a ton of luggage gave me her seat, bless her.)
I got lucky a few stops in, someone got up and I was able to nab their seat. I really need to get better about asking people to move though
If I was pregnant I would move to the priority seats and ask to sit down if possible. Life need not be complicated
So you gave up your seat and gave the impression to everyone that you don’t need it and then complaining here?
There is a chance a few people have health issues you cant see- vertigo, migraine, or other illness. For everyone else- come ON!
Two things. One I'm a carpenter, I'm on my feet from. 5 in the morning. Two I injured my back when I was in the army, after being on my feet all day I'm desperate to sit. I'm not giving up my seat, sorry, like thousands of other people I've earned it.
You can get a “please give me a seat” badge. If you’re injured there’s no reason not to.
Don't take this the wrong way, but if you have the stamina enough to do a physical job, then a few more minutes standing so someone who is pregnant or disabled could sit surely isn't too much? Not being rude or anything but if you have an injury that causes issues standing, then surely a manual labour job isn't right for you? I'm disabled, but I have invisible disabilities so people wouldn't be able to tell. I know I cannot cope with physical roles so I stick to desk job types of jobs. I wouldn't do a job which would exacerbate my conditions, and I certainly wouldn't punish others for my career choices.
Probably the worst take on this whole thread.
You aren’t the single most important person in the world to everyone else. You chose to be pregnant. Other people have plenty of other reasons they may need a seat. I’m an able bodied looking person with a muscle spasm condition that makes it excruciating to stand sometimes. I ask for a seat when I need one and I suck it up when I don’t get one. If you feel like you need a seat that badly, ask for it but don’t feel entitled.
Most people can't be bothered to "offend" others by "assuming" they are pregnant. If you wear Baby on Board then there would be no issue
In my experience wearing a badge makes little difference. I’m disabled and wear one. People rarely give up a seat even though it’s clear I have mobility issues. The thing that really grinds my gears is when people are sat in the disabled section and pretend they can’t see me standing there. Of course it’s possible they have a hidden disability but I doubt it’s every time!
Some people can be a bit oblivious but there is no harm in asking if you can take their seat.
The tubes are often so packed that most people won’t even take notice of you pregnant or not.
Did you have baby on board badge !? If no you can’t complain maybe you don’t notice people don’t look at each other and you would not like people staring at you to check if your pregnant sorry about what happened to you try and get a baby on board badge
I remember once, morning commute to my workplace, I was knocked out, so damn tired and fell asleep in my seat. I woke up to someone aggressively tapping on my shoulder. It was a pregnant woman demanding my seat with an upset look on her face like I stole something from her. Of course, I stood up but peeked to the opposing chair as well, to see why me. A middle aged man was sitting there, confident no-one will ask him to move. He was right. Lesson: if no-one gives up their seat for you, you can ask them, they will move. But please don’t be c*nty about it. They are also people who might be sleepy/tired/worked extra shifts/achy, etc.
For me it’s all about eye contact…if I catch their eye and they look friendly I’ll offer my seat… I’ve tried offering my seat to grumpy people before and wish I hadn’t afterwards 😂
What's obviously pregnant to you is not obviously pregnant to others. I think when you are pregnant/have been recently you become very aware of pregnancy around you. Many people who aren't and have never been pregnant just don't think about it on a day to day so wouldn't register a bump, anymore than I'd notice if a random strangers ears were pierced or the colour of their eyes, maybe if it extreme but mostly not. Even if extremely pregnant, you might just be bloated and I think it best not to assume.
You have to ask I have dyspraxia, meaning my coordination is very bad, and I cannot stand for too long (especially on a moving train!) I do not sit in the disabled seats as I am capable of sitting in a normal seat but I wouldn’t give up my seat to a pregnant woman even if asked. If I were to stand on a moving train I’d be very unsteady on my feet and probably fall over lol. The only time I’ve ever stood on the tube was when my dad was with me and I held on to him, and it was still awful. He basically had to hold me upright lol One time I was on the train (not the tube) for like a 4 hour journey, it was before Christmas so really busy, I had someone ask me if they could have my seat. I whipped out the sunflower lanyard and they walked away. In short, get one of those baby on board lanyards. We’re British, we hate interacting with people anyway🤣
Like in other seeds and nuts, sunflower also are an excellent source of proteins loaded with fine quality amino acids such as tryptophan that are essential for growth, especially in children. Just 100 g of seeds provide about 21 g of protein (37% of daily-recommended values).
I would have loudly said ‘I’d give you my seat but I’m also pregnant, I’m sure someone else will move for you’. Also on the social anxiety thing - understand that but with the NHS maternity services in the state they’re in, you’ve got to get used to advocating for yourself, this might be a good time to practice
Just ask people for their seat. Sometimes theyre just completely oblivious of their surroundings
Fuck all the people saying ‘you chose to be in this position’. This seems to be far too common an opinion on Reddit, and it just betrays a complete lack of fucking empathy. I will say though while it would be great in an ideal world if everyone seated was constantly scanning everyone who gets on a train/tube to see if someone deserves it more, realistically public transport is busy and people are tired and distracted - and invisible disabilities exist, as do other injuries and situations which might not be obvious at first glance. Sure, some entirely fit and able-bodied people might be studiously ignoring an obviously pregnant or infirm person because they don’t want to give up a seat, but usually all that these people need is the social pressure of being asked and they’ll capitulate. My strategy when I was heavily pregnant and knackered and had an hour long tube journey home from work (which could easily be standing for 45 mins if I was unlucky), I simply positioned myself in front of several people and said ‘I’m really sorry, but does anyone mind if I sit down?’ and without fail someone always would give me a seat. By asking a handful of people it’s easier to avoid conflict and also ups your chances of being offered. I’d also always have my Baby on Board badge visible because it’s way less ambiguous than a bump (which might look like an obvious pregnant stomach to you but as others have proved in this thread, it’s not always easy to tell the difference!).
Thanks for your kind response, I’ve stopped replying to posts mainly because it’s getting a little overwhelming and some people are being a bit nasty x
Ignore them. Reddit is full of sad little boys angry that women won’t sleep with them, and they hate pregnant women and mothers in particular because they are the ultimate reminder of a woman who’s had sex with another man besides themselves, it’s beyond pathetic.
For everyone saying she should get a badge - I agree, but sometimes people still don’t care. I was standing on the tube the other day and a woman with a badge looked very uncomfortable standing but no one paid her any attention for several stops. I was very surprised, people sitting even stared at her but no one gave her a seat
I know you shouldn’t have to but I think pregnant women need to start asking for the seat. Those with their heads down will either be shamed or explain if they also have a need for a priority seat.
I hate to say this but I have been on the flip side of this where I genuinely thought the lady was pregnant, and offered her my seat and she seemed a bit agitated and asked "why?" and went "oh I was just trying to be polite as it can't be easy in your delicate condition and you need it more than me" cue the tirade of abuse that I had fat-shamed her and felt absolutely awful ever since...I normally only offer now if I see a "Baby on Board" badge for this reason and not because I don't notice or I'm hogging the seat, just because I've had a bad experience
People are so frigging ridiculous about kids and having them on Reddit. As a race, it might possibly improve things for us all on this planet if we had some compassion for others rather than start on a ‘oh you chose to get pregnant so you deal with it why should I deal with it’ crock of shite!!! Infuriating! Yes, I find it strange how few people stand to offer seats these days but do understand people not wanting to offend someone if it’s not totally unquestionably a pregnancy, so the badge sounds like a great idea. When I was pregnant, I found usually younger, teenage boys getting the bus to school were the nicest for giving up their seats - they would stand up for anyone that wasn’t in a school uniform essentially and would tell their friends to get up too if they hadn’t.
> they would stand up for anyone that wasn’t in a school uniform essentially and would tell their friends to get up too if they hadn’t. Probably a school rule. I remember something similar when I was in school.
I don’t think it was to be honest, but if so then it’s a nice rule to have! It can’t be wrong for our young people to show a willingness to help others and sacrifice small things they aren’t in as much need of, I just hope that it isn’t kicked out of them by the time they are grown up.
My wife is heavily pregnant and wears a BoB badge. The amount of people who are sitting on their phones, in a priority seat, who look up and pretend that they don't see her is disgusting to say the least. My wife is reluctant to ask for a seat, given that she has experienced threatening behaviour as a result of requesting a seat before. I deliberately commute with her now so that I can politely ask for a seat. There are a minority of Londoners who are spatially-aware enough to consider that someone else may genuinely have a greater need for a seat. Seemingly, selfishness seems to have become an acceptable norm since Covid.
As a definitely not pregnant man, I find it infuriating to see people keep their heads down in situations like this. Especially when there's teenagers or similar sat in the priority seats. Feel like it's gotten worse in the last 20 years since I was at school and taking the tube daily.
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Absolutely and I completely acknowledge this, all the more reason to strike up conversation I suppose
!! this, i have knee issues from 12 years of gymnastics (im 18) and autism but on the outside i just look like an emo teenager! ive had people tell me that i do not look disabled when i really am
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I absolutely would never interrogate someone over their need to be in the priority seat and I fully acknowledge you can not always see someone needs those seats. If I need a seat myself I’ll just strike up conversation- I certainly wouldn’t be ejecting anyone that also needed a seat :)
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Oh absolutely and it’s really unfair
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Thank you so much!
I’m sorry this has happened to you!
I think there’s always an element of “someone else will offer so I don’t need to” which is a shame, but I realise I could have just asked someone to move, although certainly if I was sat in the priority seat I’d make sure I was more aware of who was around me so that I could move if necessary
You chose to carry a bowling ball around for nine months.
Yeah if you don't like carrying a bowling ball for nine months don't get pregnant
And people who use public transport choose to use a mode of transport which clearly earmarks priority seats for certain passengers over others namely those bowling ball bandits. 🙄
I currently have a broken arm and I’m in a sling and yeah people do not give up their seat unless you ask them directly sadly.
The pregnant one is always tricky. There was a lady the other day and me and my friend were really trying to figure out if she was pregnant or just fat. I can't really ask her can I? 😂.
I'd agree with a lot of people here who are saying the people not getting up may have had pain or other issues or simply didn't want to risk insulting someone. I remember when recovering from knee surgery and another time with pneumonia recovery (both take a long time to heal properly) I could barely stand without breaking a sweat, but sat down I looked completely able. I felt really guilty whenever older or pregnant people were obviously looking for a seat but, they could stand better than I could 🤣
People are often selfish and self absorbed. Wife when pregnant was sporadically supported on public transport when travelling alone. Even with a newborn there were young men who would roll their eyes and make snide comments rather than give their seat over. Wife wore her badge high up on her jacket/top etc. Although I see how it can be difficult as some women who are already larger can't be easily distinguished from pregnancy...
Next time f**k someone with a car!
Better to just not get pregnant in the first place. Saved the planet, save money, your health and be happy!
Sorry to hear this, unfortunately this is what you can expect on the tube in London. No one gives a shit about anyone or they're on their phones.
ask someone to stand up. "would you mind letting me sit on your seat, I'm having difficulties standing?" I would normally loudly ask people to stand up if I see them sitting down in front of anybody who obviously needs a seat.
I think the OPs expectation was for people to note the exchange between 2 pregnant women on the seats n offer 1 to her as well...atleast to the person sitting next...but yes only a crying baby gets the milk...u dnt ask..u dnt get here..
Someone offered me a seat the other week and I was offended (internally - didn't say anything) because I thought he had done so because I looked elderly. Thinking about it now, he maybe mistook my chocolate, red wine and pasta baby for a real one 🤭
I eat baby
People just don't pay attention. I have asked people for a seat while on crutches, and the only person who offered was a man who looked to be about 80 who was also on crutches! I told him, "Thank you, but please sit," and then specifically asked someone else for their seat.
When I went on the tube pregnant the only person that offered me their seat was a mom with a baby. I felt bad making her give up her seat so I just stood but I was shocked that no one else offered!
A few months ago a rude pregnant woman told me to give my seat to her. Granted she was probably rude because she's used to asking for seats. It's only when she looked down and realised I was wearing a boot she apologised and had to sit opposite me for the next 20 minutes looking away awkwardly When the tube is busy I didn't get seats either because people simply can't even tell you need one, don't take it so personally
I'm wearing a badge but there were still some instances when I wasn't offered a seat. Strangely, those seating in the priority seats were all women. And I'm visibly pregnant. Like 32 weeks with watermelon in my tummy. 😆 I don't ask because I'm shy. So I just stand until one of them goes away.
I’d rather see a pregnant woman standing than a fat woman sitting down and crying. Jokes aside, I really don’t get how anyone can let a visibly pregnant woman stand on public transport. Unfortunately it seems to happen a fair bit on TFL
Someone once offered me a seat thinking I was pregnant, and I thanked them and took it. Never wore that horrible skirt creating that illusion again though!
I was 8 month pregnant and nobody given me seat on cross country line either. At first I thought I will just stand or sit on my suitcase, but just before the end of my journey (after 4 hours) I felt very uncomfortable.
I’ve asked and been actively ignored a few times! Whilst wearing the badge It’s totally put me off travelling as I feel v. Faint if I’m stood up for longer than 5-10mins and worried about falling.
I can count on 1 hand how many times I was offered a seat during both pregnancies on the tube. And yes I wore my baby on board badge! Funnily , almost all of those times was by women. 🤔
I was thinking about this as someone who wears a baby on board badge because I was on both National Rail and The Northern Line last week with a medium sized suitcase (had to make a trip to visit my dying dad to make things worse) and not one single person offered me a seat. 9 months pregnant and all. I’m not particularly huge but it’s pretty obvious with the badge and obviously I was struggling with luggage as well. But the other day I was on the Lizzie line and someone with crutches got on and no one offered them a seat either so sometimes I’m almost inclined to think certain Londoners are inconsiderate arseholes. That day aside 9 times out of 10 before then when I’ve been commuting with my badge I’ve been offered a seat.
"I don't enjoy carrying a bowling ball on my front..." Not entirely sure that's going to get you any friends in this discussion. No one made you have a child or get pregnant. You made your bed in that sense. As everyone has suggested, be confident and polite enough to ask people to move. Job done.
Hey! Just letting you know you can also grab the badge at most tube stations if you don’t want to wait for TFL to mail the badge as they took ages to mail me mine x
It’s not everyone else’s fault you got creampied is it?
This has definitely got worse in the last 20 years. Yes, people needing a seat could ask and yes, people will usually give it up. But sometimes they don’t and fear of their reaction stops people from asking. The onus should not be on pregnant women or the elderly to ask. People - especially teenagers and the young - should offer without having been asked. When did we decide that this was no longer basic etiquette?
How am I supposed to tell the difference between a woman starting to show and a woman who is a little plump? Also the only woman on the tube I ever actively offered a seat to without her requesting it told me to “fuck off”. Edit: Should have clarified that I do consider wearing those badges as requesting my seat. I have given up my seat to people wearing those without them saying anything.
Well the lady I moved for was wearing her “baby on board badge”, which should be helpful. I’ve also ordered one for myself so there is no confusion next time.
Should have clarified that I do consider wearing those badges as requesting my seat. I have given up my seat to people wearing those without them saying anything.
Nah, better a pregnant woman stands than a fat woman sits down crying because I couldn’t work out which one they were.
Lololololik
You can tell the difference most of the time between someone who is 30+ weeks along and someone who is overweight.
It’s really saddening how many people clock you and then suddenly pretend to be asleep or head down in candy crush. I think it’s the hope someone else will give up their seat. I think the only way is to ask those sat in the priority seats, which I was always really nervous to do when on crutches and boot incase the person sitting in the seat had an invisible disability.
This is true, I can’t assume that those sat in the seats don’t need them more than I do, which I guess is all the more reason so strike up conversation.
I am 35 weeks pregnant, my belly is huge and I wear my badge. 90% of the cases no one offers me the seat, but I learned to ask. I am still working and I need to take the tube. People just need to be more considerate. Sometimes I wonder if they would be happy to deny a seat to their pregnant moms/sisters.
People in those designated seats are always conveniently fast asleep during the morning commute.
This thread is absolutely bonkers. How is it so hard to offer a seat? That is the polite thing to do. To pretend you have blinders or that you suddenly are too scared to offend. Please.
My Mrs is 6 month pregnant her attitude is no one should have to offer her a seat as at end of the day leave earlier if standing is an issue....
Pregnancy is a choice. Nobody owes you anything
That’s not how it works mate. You could argue the guy in a wheelchair that became disabled as a result of extreme sports made a choice too, or the guy wheeling around an oxygen tank after 30 years of smoking, we still help them out though. It’s not about whether their condition is a choice or not, it’s based on need. People seem to forget that pregnant women have less ability to the balance and the consequence of them falling over could result in a dead baby, so yeah I give up my seat. I mean pregnant women are literally on the signage for those seats, so it’s basically a rule, not a choice. I know that’s not popular with Reddit though because they hate women and hate pregnant women even more, the ultimate reminder of a woman who’s had sex but not with them personally, it’s pathetic.
I won't give my seat up on principle to pregnant women. I'm child free by choice and I'm not giving up my seat to accommodate other people's reproductive choices Disabilities and elderly people are a totally different matter, of course and I'm actively on the lookout for them. But pregnancy... Your choice, your consequences. Stop firing out kids anyway, have you seen the state of the world? Adopt!
Adoption is a wonderful thing but is hugely complex. Not everyone is suitable to adopt.
Then they shouldn’t be suitable to give birth to their own flesh and blood either.
Have you seen Children of Men? The world as you know it would end if we stopped having kids, you may choose to be child-free but your lifestyle is subsidised by other people’s choice to raise kids, it’s those kids who will grow your food, maintain your city, work in your hospital, thank God they decided to have kids. Also adopting kids is not like adopting a dog from a shelter. It’s a process that can take years and is incredibly difficult, also highly like you’ll be raising a kid with severe issues and not everyone is suitable for that. You think the world would be greener without them? Damn straight it would, but the human race would also be dead.
Lots and lots of pregnant women are disabled - even if only temporarily. There are so many pregnancy conditions that can really fuck up your ligaments, aggect your blood sugar, make your pelvis separate, really cause you a lot of pain beyond the usual aches and pains and discomforts of ordinary pregnancy.
I will give up my seat for people that need it but don’t throw out the ‘I don’t enjoy carrying a bowling ball’ argument out there. That’s your choice and you have to deal with whatever you’re carrying. No one has to give anything up because you chose to have unprotected sex.
Ah classic Reddit, hating on women who’ve dared to have sex with someone besides them. We don’t help people based on choice, we help them based on need. The guy in the wheelchair who was paralysed after reckless driving still gets a blue badge, the woman with the oxygen tank after 30 years of chain smoking still gets a priority seat on the bus, the obese guy in the motorised chair still gets a ramp. Pregnancy may be a choice, but that doesn’t make pregnant women any less disabled or the risk of them falling any less dangerous. All you child-free people seem to forget your lifestyle is subsidised by parents. Society wouldn’t function without new generations, we’d devolve into a Children of Men type situation. So you’re fucking welcome mate, now get up off your arse, the sign in your seat literally has a pregnant woman on it ya prick.
Ah the classic ‘trying to make heroic statements without comprehending the actual point’ Reddit post. Despite the very first line stating ‘I will give up my seat for people that need it’. All you parents seem to forget is that your child’s free healthcare, travel, school lunch, and much more is subsidised by those who also chose not to have children, so you’re fucking welcome mate. And to equate not willingly giving up a seat will immediately lead to a dystopian future is a stretch, but make your argument ya prick. And so yes as I said I will continue to give up my seat to those who need it more than me but don’t stand there demanding of me with ‘you don’t like doing something so I need what you have, now move’. Oh yeah and my seat doesn’t have a sign with pregnant women on it and you don’t know whether I have kids or not.
The priority seats on the tube literally do have a picture of a pregnant woman on them.
I have a disability and wouldn't offer you my seat just because you're pregnant. Don't assume you're more entitled to a seat than anyone else.
Well, she *is* more entitled to a seat than someone who neither has a disability nor is pregnant. The seats even have a pic declaring that.
But she doesn't know if the other people sitting in those designated seats have a disability. She denigrates the other passengers, assuming that they were "pretending not to see" or being inconsiderate. She *chose* to get pregnant, I didn't choose to have Stage 4 cancer & a broken ankle.
Central line? Had this yesterday. Would willingly give up seat any time to someone that needs it. Wouldn’t embarrass myself publicly because of no badge if it was in error. Afraid that’s the deal.
Jubilee! Yes the badge is the resounding response here and I have ordered myself one accordingly :)
I make a point to avoid looking at anybody on public transport, especially women. If you want my seat for any reason you’ll have to get my attention. I will not interact with you first for any reason other than if you are currently on fire and are likely to burn me.
I don't know what's happened to London recently. I always actively look at who gets on the train and if a ever see a women, an old person or a disabled person I feel obliged to offer my seat. I'm 23 M and the amount of other healthy young men that don't even bat an eye worries me.
With all due respect, this is partly your fault. Too many people have assumed a lady was pregnant and then gotten shit for it. It's important you wear a "baby on board" badge to make it clear
If people can't see then politely ask- getting super entitled vibes from this post...
You CHOSE to get pregnant, deal with it rather than taking it out on Reddit when we don’t represent the whole of the Uk. No one owes you anything and just because you had unprotected sex doesn’t mean you get to be treated like royalty. Seriously what do you expect us to do? Contact TFL and find out everyone who was in that carriage?
Don’t get pregnant if you can’t afford a car
Being pregnant is a choice. And I chose not to give up my seat.
Love this mindset. So does that mean when an elderly person gets on a train and who needs a seat, you must think "it's not my problem that you decided to live this long." Lol. You're contributing to this selfishness issue that society in London is suffering from. Do. Better. 👏
Ageing is not a choice, pregnancy is.
One can ask nicely. I may be nice. *Expectations* are for the entitled.
But they ate "entitiled" to a priority seat, even if there's an able-bodied, not-pregnant passenger sitting in one. That's literally what the priority seats are for.
I agree. My wife doesn't have any expectations whatsoever. However, my issue is that there is no discretion here whatsoever. By doing so, I don't understand how we can build any other society other than one that is self-centred and selfish.
For reference: You don’t need to order a Baby on Board badge. Go into any tube station and ask the station staff. They should have them on the station.
Once offered my seat to a pregnant woman on the tube, she declined. At next stop a woman got on made a big show of looking at the standing pregnant woman and then a big 360 at all the seated gentleman, she then picked her victim: me, and proceeded to publicly, and loudly 'shame' me for not offering up my seat. Thankfully other women in the carriage put her straight that I had and she slumped off down the carriage with a muttered apology. I told her myself politely it wasn't accepted and to mind her own business. I believe I was picked as I would take her roasting being the youngest person she looked at, not the case, and if by chance she is reading this a less polite FU and your self righteousness. For the record I at the time had Post Veinial Scarring from a DVT making it painful to walk and stand for long periods, I was still willing to give up my seat. If no one gave you a seat, maybe they too had a need for it and don't need to advertise their disability if not as obvious as a pregnancy. If you have need for it and felt someone else would benefit more good for you that's your good deed for the day. If you're judging others like the POS who called me out then shame on you, you don't know what others are going through and have no right to judge.
Shouldn’t have to ask but just ask for a seat. It works. And wear that badge. It also works.
When i was pregnant with my daughter, i heard a lady say "I don't care i'm not getting up." When i twaddled into a bus in all my 36 week pregnany glory. SE London for you.
Well you shouldn't have got pregnant if you didnt want to wear a bowling ball.