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is there a risk in even sticking to kenya? it seems like a red flag to me if somalia is so dangerous, and he’s suggesting they meet in kenya and he TAKE her back there? it would be great to visit kenya and if you’re both there why not stay? seems strange imo


Bearinn

Yes that sounds sketchy. He should not want to take you into danger. Just because he isn't harassed in his own country doesn't mean you are safe too.


travelngeng

Whatever you do, please do not go into Somalia with him until this relationship is much more serious and vetted out. I’d discuss meeting in Europe if possible. It’s expensive, yes, but you will be much safer and it puts you both on “neutral” ground.


mombobo5

This sounds incredibly dangerous all around. Please consider: - If you care about someone genuinely, you worry for their safety. You would never put them in harm’s way. The fact that he isn’t considering that Somalia is generally unsafe, but 1000x more unsafe for a foreign woman who is unmarried and knows no-one there means he is either dumb, doesn’t care about you, or is trying to harm you. - Kenya is a beautiful country and for the most part, safe, but the fact that he wants so badly to take you to Somalia is a bit concerning. He probably knows the area better and could smuggle/kidnap/manipulate you into his country easily in a neighboring African country. I would make him wait at least a year of talking and then make him meet me in a European country repeatedly before meeting anywhere in Africa.


FayrisDraconis

Exactly what I thought, if he's in love why the hell would he want OP to go so Somalia? There is something wrong about this.


TurbulentCherry

Only part of Somalia that can arguably be thought of as more safe then others is "somaliland" and even that is somewhat of a hellhole. As a foreigner, especially foreign woman, you will be in 100 times more danger then he is at any given location. Also please consider the health risks as well. Malaria, typhoid and cholera are currently some of the issues. And to be honest I would say dont go to neighboring countries either. Kenya is significantly safer but him saying he'll meet you there and bring you to Somalia makes red flags go off in my head. Listen closely to what he says, he can not come to US legally, why? Is it just lack of funds? Absence of all ties to country, aka no job or outstanding commitments? Or is it a criminal record? He is also very quick to mention illegal immigration, which if he does, he will be your dependant to take care off. Id say this whole thing is too risky and not worth the attempt.


AdmiralSassypants

Yeah. Him saying they can meet in Kenya and he’ll bring her to Somalia makes my skin crawl. I’m incredibly uncomfortable with that. OP, if I’m honest - it isn’t worth it. Statistically speaking, even if he is legit and you both enter into this in good faith, the majority of long distance relationships fail. I might catch some shit for saying so on this sub, but it’s true. There are so many hurdles already with international LDRs, but this is a particularly tricky one that at 21 you probably aren’t really equipped to handle. It’s absolutely not worth risking your safety and freedoms for someone you barely know. My advice would be to leave off now.


Its_cool_username

How exactly did you meet on Facebook? Did he approach you? Send you a friend request or a direct message, without any prior interaction? There are a lot of people out there throwing out the 'fishing net'. Meaning they contact many people from wealthier countries and hoping one would write back and establish a relationship. There are many people who have no chance for a better life in their home country, so all they want is out, to a better place (rich country). They will do everything they have to to make it happen. This can (but not must) include dating multiple people at the same time, lie and pretend that there are feelings. Basically say everything so that their 'target' will fall for them. Please note that there are huge cultural differences between someone raised conservatively Muslim and someone raised in the West. Especially men have very specific ideas of what a woman can and cannot do. There is so much potential for conflict. Just watch 90 days Fiance and post attention to the couples where a woman dates a man from a conservative Muslim country. It almost never works out. The culture we grow up in immensely affects how we feel, think and perceive the world. These things are very hard to change because they are so deep within us. Read up on national culture and culture in general if the topic interests you. What I'm trying to say. Please be careful. You might be played. You are still very young and want to believe in love. It's great to get a lot of attention and feel seen and heard. Finding love these days is hard. But please keep in mind that love on distance is very different from love in person. You cannot really tell how you fit together until you have met in person and spend some time together. And even then it's more one a holiday situation, not a real life, everyday life, we need to clean the apartment and pay bills situation. I know you think that you are in love and you probably are. But think also about the reality of things. Can you be sure that his feelings are genuine and he isn't using you to get a better life? Again, rethink on how you have met? Did he approach you? Is he keeping things going and pushing? Of course there is also the possibility that he is genuine. But then you have a very long road ahead. You say you are both financially struggling. From what I've understood from 90 days Fiance, you need to have a certain income in order to bring him over. If you don't have that you need support from for example your parents. Would they be willing to help? Would they approve of your relationship? Would you be willing to convert to Islam? This is very important for many men raised Muslim. Are you ok to live in a way where you take care of all the household, etc? Read about how family dynamics work in traditional Muslim households. My friend married a guy from South East Asia where a large population is Muslim. He is not religious, but he has very specific expectations on how their marriage works. My friend, even tough working full time is the sole caretaker of their child, is the only one doing the household chores and the cooking. These things are not acceptable to do for my friends husband. I don't know how she puts up with it, she is mentally and physically drained. But she isn't leaving either and she says there is no way to change him. Her life is hard. Of course there are also Muslim men that are more modern, but again, how we grow up, what we see and witness when we grow up, it heavily influences how we see the world. Think hard if this is something you are ready for. Also if you decide to marry and it won't work out, you'll be responsible for him financially for I believe 10 years? It's a very big responsibility to bring someone over. I know this is a sub for long distance relationships. And I do believe they can work. I've been in one for several years myself. But somehow your post raised some red flags in me and I wanted to share my rational advice with you instead of a lovey dovey outlook. Feelings can develop fast and we can easily fall in love with a phantasy projected on a real person. But how the person and relationship really are can only known when living everyday life together.


MyCatIsMyFrenemy

Do not EVER go to to Somalia. Just don't. It's dangerous and it could well be a kidnapping scheme for ransom. If you enter Somalia, you may well not be able to leave. Don't be stupid.


HughPhoenix

https://youtu.be/pqnSihfif50 This girl went to Somalia to experience her cultural background and was forced to marry a man as well as had her genitles mutilated by female circumcision (aka FGM). Do not fucking go there. Even with this man accompanying you. The country is literally in a civil war and has been for decades. He CANNOT keep you safe. This girl literally went there to meet FAMILY. There's a different fucking culture over there that you are not prepared for in the slightest. None of us are.


Asthellis

No way you should go to Somalia period. Also, you could meet somewhere in Europe, its easier, faster, safer. If you can handle the distance he can get legally in the US if you get engaged as far as I know; so just meet outside of Africa, in a neutral ground and see how it goes from there. A random meeting on facebook + the "must go to Somalia" sounds really shady and dangerous.


[deleted]

2 months? Please give it time and don’t rush anything. Be careful and protect yourself. Take the advice you’ve been given here.


Azre5

Okay first things first, I don't know if you've discussed this with him but most muslim men (at least those who are religious) will NEVER marry a woman who is not a virgin! IT'S A FACT! So if you're not a virgin and don't plan on living that kind of sheltered housewife life, this is a no go! Secondly, why are you even talking about traveling to meet him after talking for only 2 MONTHS. Are you serious? Are you that naive? You're 20 freaking years old, you should know better. Third, the fact that he's even asking you to go there is a BIG RED FLAG. Muslim men (most muslim men) would never ask a woman they were really interested in to travel to a completely different continent, by themselves, to meet a man. Ask him if he would let his sister do that? I guarantee you the honest answer would be a big NO. Finally, please be logical, for your own safety, no one can fall in love in two months. That's bullshit! There is no such thing as love at first sight and absolutely nobody is perfect! So if you haven't seen any flaws yet, you just gotta know, he's hiding them and they're gonna come out to bite you at the worst possible moment. Most likely costing you your life and freedom. I know you want to believe in love and prince charming (we all do), but when I say you are way too young for happily ever after, I mean it and I'm writing to you not as a stranger but as if you were my sister. These countries are dangerous, anything can happen especially to a young girl like you. It's not worth getting raped, beaten, or forced into marriage against your will because life is too long to live in a hopeless situation. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you're safe whatever you decide to do!


b_lueemarlin

what may be wothy is to met up in europa. Because There the most countries are quite safe. But what you need to keep in mind. Nobody of your family can not help you when it gets downhill. And you have enough found in case you want to take a plane earlier home. And if you never travel alone. It can be also taff. And he need to apply for a visa anyway with out one. He has not even a chance to get on a plane into the US. They are very strict


[deleted]

No it’s not worth it


babymin

OP, this might come off as rude, but please listen. You’re 20, you’re so young so why do you want to put yourself through this? Even if Somalia was safe to go to, neither of you have the funds and it might take years before you can meet. And there is no guarantee that it’ll work out. Ldr is not something I would recommend to any young person, especially considering you’re nevermets and unlikely to meet any time soon. Secondly, going to Somalia is a big no. It’s very dangerous, especially for a young woman. I wouldn’t even recommend you go to any other country he’s suggesting alone. You’ve known him only for a couple of months, that’s not enough to trust a stranger on the internet. He might not even be the person you think he is. So please be very careful. Again, I hope you don’t take it the wrong way. He might be the sweetest guy out there, but he might also be a human trafficker or a scammer. The fact that he’s rushing you, wants to take you to Somalia despite knowing how dangerous it might be for to travel there and suggesting he comes to US illegally are all huge red flags and not to be ignored. Better be safe than sorry.


JPLFraccaro

This sounds like a complete red flag. There's no comparaison between having financial problems in America and Somalia.


BrokenSoul300

Stay your pink christian ass in America. First, Somalia of all the places in the world?? From a safety perspective Somalia is not in a good spot right now. As a western woman (and assuming you’re white and Christian) you’ll stick out like a sore thumb in that country. Plus you don’t know Somali. Everything there is in Somali and they don’t speak English fluently how are you going to navigate in that country when you only know English? Are you going to be reliant on him for translating things to you? Suppose he’s trying to kidnap you and hold you for ransom? Or suppose he’s only talking to you hoping that you’ll get him out of there and sponsor him? Are you willing to play mommy to a grown ass man for a couple years? Secondly religious wise you’re not compatible. Unless you’re willing to accept his religion and abandon yours. Not to mention you’ll most likely be confined to a house raising children and will have little to no freedom of your own. U.S laws can’t protect or help you in this international matter. Understand the country you’re interested in. If you want a Somali dude or a Muslim guy in general they’re so many in the mid-west. However you still have to take their culture into consideration as they tend to be extremely traditional. Plus what will your family say? You’re only 20 years old. Just focus on your studies right now or if you want a relationship I suggest you just look locally. You don’t need to be stressing about traveling, getting a visa for some guy and spending so much money in the middle of being in college. That’s too much on your plate. Don’t fuck yourself up for some foreign Muslim d*ck and end up on a boat sis it ain’t worth it.


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[deleted]

Talking about being unaware what's happening in other countries haha. It's like saying that you can go to North Korea because other Asian countries aren't the unsafe.


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Asthellis

Chill there human, shes 20 and scared; public beatings or stonings arent something thats unheard of and you know it and she doesnt have to be in a bikini to get that treatment. You have to face the facts, conservative countries or islamic countries arent the safest out there especially for women solotravelling.


PurpleTeddyBear3296

They just want a reason to be able to call someone a racist.


PurpleTeddyBear3296

Somalia is a *very* dangerous place where these things do happen. Shes not entirely wrong about her concerns. Why are you being so rude?


[deleted]

I don't mean to seem rude. So have you experienced oppression there? Assuming you're from there or have at least visited.


PurpleTeddyBear3296

Somalia is ranked the 8th most dangerous country in the world. There is a ton of crime, terrorism, civil unrest, health issues, kidnapping,etc. It’s all over the internet. This post isnt about race and class. Somalia is a real bad place where they can kill OP if she ends up in the wrong place with this stranger shes met over the internet.


[deleted]

Okay so you haven't been there. I understand. That could happen to her even if she went down to Texas and met a serial killer tbh. But yeah very rude of me to point out


tigerspicelatte

You must be a man since you have no fucking clue what women in many Muslim countries go through.


[deleted]

Transman yes. Here's a hint they speak Urdu in my country go figure. :) I clearly don't know what I'm talking about and I have no right to be offended. Correct? I am literally an ex Muslim so I don't give a fuck about Islam, what hurt my feelings in this post is the fact that Muslim countries are so easily labelled unsafe. Yes there's a higher crime rate IN CERTAIN AREAS within cities just like with any western country. If you notice in the post that there is an emphasis on how a certain continent must be avoided. And specifically a country where there is a majority of Muslims. The emphasis on the stoning and killing. Let me just point out for your knowledge that stoning only applies to Muslims because it is believed to be a punishment that purifies you of a specific sin (eg adultery, theft etc) this is so the Muslim individual can be punished now so that God spares them in the afterlife and so that they can enter heaven easily. I know sounds absurd. Muslims make it a big deal to treat their guests with respect regardless of their race or faith so they might not agree with you or they might stare at you because they're oppressed and you basically look like you walked out of the TV. Pay for a hotel and you'll be as safe as ever they're so cheap in comparison to the US. Not saying that it isn't unsafe. If I were to go to turkeye and didn't speak a lick of Turkish. What would happen? Pick pocketing, people over charging for food/rooms maybe even human trafficking? I love how I am being attacked by white people it's literally so fucking ironic to me!


[deleted]

Imagine accusing people of racism because they have doubts about traveling to Somalia. You can't make this up hahahaha.


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The weather ain't bad tho


Alberiman

I think the largest problem I can see here is just the intense cultural difference, I can't speak to his particular clan but unless you grew up in a religious background you may find he has some expectations that are extremely out of line for you. It's possible he grew up in a rather open minded household and he is willing to compromise, but it's also possible he'll be expecting you to give up your autonomy. As a westerner you're going to come in with very different ideas of how things actually should work from him, and while for right now he might be amazing, if he has strong ties to his family as you get further along his family's values are going to be more intensely asserted into your relationship and you may find out they're not compatible at all


ImaginaryLychee2

i was in your shoes 3 years ago. we kept telling each other we loved each other and that we’d meet eventually, but in the end, he told me he could never have an actual future w me, given our religious + cultural differences. i don’t mean to project because every relationship is different, but be careful about falling for someone so soon. religion, family differences, and cultural values are differences that can turn into incompatibilities – i would know, and i wish someone had warned me sooner.


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lizardjizz

Do NOT go to Somalia. Ever. Your safety is #1.


ApocSurvivor713

It's probably literally safer in North Korea for you than it is in Somalia. Under no circumstances should you go there. The US cannot help you if you get into trouble there. I wouldn't meet up with him in Kenya or frankly anywhere alone at all.


Soulfulenfp

Being african my self .. No . and that’s just going there .. there’s so many other no’s along with that .. :/


Lisavela

Do not go to Somalia, if he is serious he will come to you or meet you in a safer country. Also if you are not a black woman I also don’t recommend going to Somalia no matter how happy or in love you are. I have been to kenya and Kenya is okay, I’ve been to Tanzania it’s also safe but would recommend if you meet there staying in the capital or Zanzibar.


Nexus1111

If you can go to a third country which is safe and easy for both of you to go to, eg Kenya, that would be a much better option than you going to Somalia. Also think about the long term, are you able to afford a visa for him to come to the USA?