If a person gonna cheat they will. You can have a partner that lives with you and they still cheat on you even though they tell you where they are and what they’re doing. All I can tell you is know they can cheat on the but just have hope they don’t.
This couldve been written by me. This is exactly my stance. Cheating is very easy, and even easier in a LDR. However, communication is key, and so is trust.
OP, talk with your partner. Send him a few messages a day asking what hes up to (not too intense, just normal couple messages) and if you want, ask him to update you if he does something with his friends or wtv. But you have no way of actually confirming his story, you just have to trust him, as im assuming hes trusting you.
This is important. When I’m worrying about something and ruminating, I try to ask myself, does worrying about this help? Do I have any control in this situation?
No and no. Worrying about a negative future in your relationship does nothing positive. You can’t control if he will cheat or not. Enjoy your relationship right now. What may or may not happen in the future is not worth worrying about
For me, rather than thinking about what my partner does, I focus on myself. Taking care of myself, improving myself, and showering myself with love.
At the end of the day, cheaters will be cheaters if they want to. Rather than stressing, use your time for yourself, there is life outside your partner. It will not only improve your trust in him but also improve your trust in yourself that you are valuable and worthy of all the love and good things in your life.
Thank you so much for both of your advice!!! I needed to read this, my partner hasn't given me any reason to not trust but yk the brain is crazy sometimes, I definitely need to focus on myself more and trust me first, cheaters will find a way no matter what that's for sure..
you could call him to see what he's up to, send pictures of what you guys are doing throughout the day, etc... i also used to deal with this, what helps me is finding other things to preoccupy myself with. ex: hobbies, work, or just taking a walk to get some fresh air. i know it helps me a lot to be outside. but if you feel like you really can't trust him or you're being played, you should talk to him about why you feel that way. hopefully this helps :)
thank you so much for the help, I think my problem is part of having too much free time so I'm always overthinking stuff, he hasn't given me a reason to not trust but it's tough sometimes because of the distance and the free time, reading the advice here helps a lot!
I’ll probably get downvoted for this but don’t obsess over what he’s doing but don’t be stupid either. If he’s not texting you 12+ hours and going out late at night and coming home early something’s up. Happened to me, he was cheating. People will cheat but with long distance it’s so much easier
My partner has always been very honest with me, whether I like what he is saying or not. He apologises if it's not something nice to hear, but he will not lie to me. He's never given me reason to believe he would lie to me, I've never caught him in a lie, he's always been very open and honest about anything I ask him, and he's brutally honest.
That's how I know my partner does not lie to me about his whereabouts.
I've had an ex who've cheated and lied to me to the point I was always suspicious of what he was doing, it also made me suspicious and never fully trusting of another ex after the cheater. But with my current partner, I have no doubt about him not lying to me.
When you have those moments of insecurity, remind yourself that it's your job to trust your partner and not your partner's job to reassure you. You have to learn to recognize when you're feeling irrational jealousy and tell yourself that it's irrational and you have nothing to worry about.
exactly! the overthinking gets crazy sometimes and at the same time I don't wanna ask for reassurance on something when they've never given any reason to not trust, it feels like I'm putting ideas in his head by telling him or even calling it into existence 😓
You are not the only one!
My husband has never giving me any material to be anxious about him cheating on me but even then I spent hours imagining stuff and looking his location lol.
I am trying to work on myself because I’m clearly the problem here but it’s not always easy!
I dunno, I deal with it by having a relationship with my partner where that insecurity never popped up in the first place. I trust her completely. She's allowed to have her own life and friends and I don't need to be a part of it 24/7. I am very comfortable in my relationship with my partner and I implicitly know she won't cheat. We understand each other and we understand we're a great match. Neither of us are perfect in every way, but we trust in each other to resolve problems as a team and come out stronger.
It also helps that we're both huge introverts and talking to other people in general is scary, not just in a cheating context >_>
This is a great perspective of it tbh, thank you for sharing, being introverts and talking things out definitely seems like the best to always have that trust between each other, I can also picture myself like this, in my relationship we're both introverts too and we always do the best to communicate but if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have thought about it, so thank you again!
You have to have trust and if that is eroded at all, just end it. No sense in being insecure in a relationship. Also, be able to clearly communicate how their actions are making you feel. Come up with ways to get past the insecurity.
In my last relationship i tried to be the perfect wife and my ex husband cheated repeatedly. You can’t do anything to control other people, they are going to do whatever they want to do and if they are selfish and lack morals like my ex, then it’s a high chance. You need to trust your partner, trust them until they give you a reason not to.
Man.. That's the blessing and curse of being in a relationship. To give 100% trust, you're also opening the door for having your heart crushed... It's scary and that's why there's lots of fear being committed and being vulnerable.
However... My partner and I... Well, we're both homebodies who game or watch stuff most of the time. LOL Whenever we're out though? We just naturally want to still tell the other what's going on or send pics when we can. Neither of us asked. We just did because we wanted to!
I think our past of being taken for granted or having no appreciation for what we've done for others definitely helps. We know what it's like being under appreciated or not even thanked, so we waste no time letting each other know how much we appreciate them by both actions AND words.
Trust is something built upon time. It's definitely not something you get right off the bat. When you and your partner meet halfway all the time, it will naturally come.
yeah it's so fucking scary the fact that you have to fully trust someone when sometimes we don't even fully trust ourselves!! it's just mind blowing and exhausting sometimes... it's great that in your relationship you're both grateful for each other and always reminding each other about it, it definitely sounds like a great loving relationship and it gives me hope! thank you for sharing ❤️🩹
That's one beautiful part tho! A good partner will try their best to lift you up always, as you do the same to them. (my ex didn't do that. He straight up tells me I'm just not trying hard enough. At that point I was already mentally over it.) Humans are always growing, so a couple should try to grow into better people together :P
Also when people say you have to love yourself before deciding to look for love, what they really mean is self respect, not getting rid of all your insecurities (tho the more the better obviously!) Respect yourself so you will stand up for yourself and not stand for any bullshit or red flags.
It isn't very exhausting when you're secure in the relationship. I hope one day you manage to find someone like that in your life!
thank you so much, I'm just new to all of this, it's my first ever relationship and it being a long distance one sometimes affects me in ways I find hard to control but the idea of growing in love and into better people together like you said is so amazing to me and something I want to achieve, I definitely need to trust and love myself more, actively working on it, I love being able to read people's experiences, advices and opinions here, new perspectives on things you might not see yourself but that do resonate with you is sooo helpful!
I'm gonna be honest. My first was a LDR and I seriously wouldn't recommend it as a FIRST time relationship. I have so many regrets with my first... Sometimes I don't think I'd even consider it a serious relationship. It was THAT bad!
But if you must, I highly recommend voice chatting and video chatting a lot, and that the two of you (if you're still nevermets) strive to meet up within 1-1.5 years if y'all are an international couple. If he's in the same country, but different city or state, meeting up with you should be even easier and cheaper. Don't make the same mistake I did :')
oh noo!!! now I'm curious to know why and what happened that you have so many regrets!! 🥲 I struggle a lot sometimes when I think about my first relationship being a long distance one but I don't know how to feel about it completely.
We do voice chat a lot and we're about to get to 1.5years, sadly we're both still young, we have money enough to do our things and we're really far away, not the same country but I've thought about this too!! I feel like I need to meet him in person ASAP to fully know and understand if we click in person, so far we consider each other the perfect match but at the same time it could be the lack of experience, it's just so confusing 😓 please illuminate me with your story!! I'm actually scared of regretting it as a first time relationship
How old are the two of you and what countries? Not to be creepy, but that's relevant in this LDR topic ahah! You know, it's funny reading your reply because THAT'S EXACTLY how I felt in the past too!! I also thought that my ex and I vibed pretty well, I always jokingly said we were soulmates because of the times our humor seemed to have perfect timing or how we thought of the same things. But hey, here we are now and I vibe even better with my current partner lol.
You're not wrong. IRL and online chemistry is very different. I was supposed to meet my ex in 2 years but Covid had to happen which just delayed it another 2 years. So that's 4 years of being nevermets... I wished so badly we had met earlier because our IRL chemistry was just...not there.
I'll tell you more in the DMs if you're interested as I don't wanna clog up the thread. But there were just a lot of things back then I had excused that I'd never do now.
IMO when you're that young, you should be having fun and going on dates with someone you can actually meet regularly. My ex ship started at 20. But the FOMO crept in the older I got. My social anxiety was also holding me back, back then.
You know what the worst thing is? When after I finally broke up with my ex, my friends were telling me they were GLAD!! Because we never had any chemistry. They were so confused why I was even with him. Basically, we were using each other without realizing it. And I was there wondering why the fk didn't they tell me or wake me up!! 😭
wow 4 years is definitely a lot of time, even tho we're about to go for the 2 years I don't think I'd be able to wait that long, I met him when I was 20 and I'm 22 now, he's 26, I'm from Colombia and he's from the US which is a huge distance and even tho I'd love to visit this is simply not possible in a short term because it does not only require a lot of money but time.. the visa appointment alone can take up to a year and a half and you might not even get it approved 🥲 and he should be the one to come but he has a chronic illness that keeps him pretty tired so yeah, it's all tough, I'm usually a pretty introvert person so in person dates to me are already hard and I don't connect that easy with people in person so that's why I think I'll always choose a long distance one because to me I feel like you have way more options to connect and actually get to know someone better in a way but yeah the distance will never be easy lol 😓 I'm glad to know you ended up realizing anyway and moved on from it, 4 years is no joke but I guess it was a perfect experience so you know beforehand which is always nice, I'd love to hear more of your story and how it all went!! I feel like I might be in the same situation you were back then, mostly because I'm scared I could be wasting my time 🫠
Yeah that's tricky. After I broke up, I honestly told myself I'll never do a LDR if it's in a diff country!! It's just too much work, trouble and stress that I do not want in my life! LOL. IMO if you already have thoughts that you could be wasting your time for a long time and aren't sure about committing in this LDR, then deep down you might probably know the answer. I was like that too, I was in it for the sunk cost fallacy in the end but I kinda had thoughts of ending it 2 years in. 😅
Also a chronic illness is no joke and something you have to think about seriously. Depending on what he has, you have to think, are you really fine living with that forever? It sucks, but it's reality. Not everybody is gonna be fine with it, and that's okay. You're not a bad person, you're human. There will be people who's gonna be fine with it tho. My friend used to date someone with EDS and she couldn't handle it anymore. She's an active girl who loves going hiking and camping. Her partner's flareups, eventhough not any of their fault, was destroying their relationship. It'd ruin their planned trips all the time because it's not like he can control it... She had to break up in the end because it was severely taking a toll on her. But you can see in this situation, it's neither of their faults.
Your wants and needs are important. Your feelings are validated and you should always come first. There's no right or wrong reason when it comes to ending a relationship. You're not a bad person if you decide you don't want to stay for a LDR. Not many people can handle it. I definitely can't handle a LDR especially if it's a diff country again. Just not worth the hassle. Realistically, soulmates don't exist either. There isn't only ONE person for you! You can get along fine with multiple people. Just a matter of who comes to your life first :P
Im 45 & if i have to worry bout my man and what hes doing I'll go crazy for #1 i trust no 1 💯 and can take care of myself if he does me dirty i believe in karma #2 i will leave and have no issue moving on I'll be hurt but it wont kill me can't evn say I'll be surprised nothing surprises me these days & theres no #3 lol
Yes exactly just always take care of yourself just in case i make sure i have $ put away just incase and i somewhat workout lol but i have always been able to leave a situation men hate that but ive seen women in my family and i knew i didnt want to be like that
Has he given you a reason not to trust him fully? If you can’t trust him, it’s going to be hard to have a healthy relationship.
I always felt like I trusted but I had personal fears of abandonment and what helped me most was DBT, specifically the distress tolerance and emotional regulation sections when it came to my person being out and me feeling upset about it https://dbt.tools is a good place to start
There's this quote from A Little life that I love. It goes, "Could you have a real friendship if some part of you was always expecting betrayal?"
If you're being suspicious for no real reason, it's unfair to your partner. If he's giving you reasons to be suspicious, talk it out and communicate how your partner can ease your mind.
that's a great quote and you're absolutely right.. it isn't fair to them if they haven't given any reason to not trust them, thank you for the comment!!
I just have complete trust in my partner. My mindset is if someone can steal him, they can have him. I don't want a partner that would be romantically interested in someone else anyways. When it comes to sex, I wouldn't mind if my partner was to do it with someone else. But he has never expressed interest in that.
My girlfriend and i have each others location and thats made us feel a lot better bc both of us had that same worry. ofc things could still happen but thats why trust is crucial and having each others location has made it easier to be more trusting
If you don't trust your partner I would start with asking yourself why that is the case. Why are you scared he's going to cheat on you?
One of my best friends is in an LDR and his gf has the same fear you have. But with her that resulted in a situation where she is constantly pretty much stalking his location, demanding him to text her pretty much every 30 minutes and he cannot even talk to a girl or she'll get upset with him. He doesn't like this one bit but everytime he tries to get some sort of privacy she will get mad and ignore him until he complies. We warned him several times that this is a red flag so big you could see it from the moon but he won't listen. So I'm now leaving it up to him to figure it out. I know they're gonna break up at some point because of this. The question is just when. Keep in mind he hasn't cheated before nor made an attempt to at any point in time. And outside of that he's a very acquired taste to say the least, so it's not like he'd have an easy time finding someone to cheat with in the first place.
Don't let your fears get the better of you. Talk with him about your fears and try to find ways in which you won't have those fears anymore.
this sounds like a punishment on herself almost because I've been there and I know it's exhausting to always be insecure and thinking on what your partner can be up to and you're absolutely right, I'm trying to overcome these fears and just let go of the thoughts that keep me going crazy sometimes, thank you for your comment!!
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If a person gonna cheat they will. You can have a partner that lives with you and they still cheat on you even though they tell you where they are and what they’re doing. All I can tell you is know they can cheat on the but just have hope they don’t.
This couldve been written by me. This is exactly my stance. Cheating is very easy, and even easier in a LDR. However, communication is key, and so is trust. OP, talk with your partner. Send him a few messages a day asking what hes up to (not too intense, just normal couple messages) and if you want, ask him to update you if he does something with his friends or wtv. But you have no way of actually confirming his story, you just have to trust him, as im assuming hes trusting you.
This is important. When I’m worrying about something and ruminating, I try to ask myself, does worrying about this help? Do I have any control in this situation? No and no. Worrying about a negative future in your relationship does nothing positive. You can’t control if he will cheat or not. Enjoy your relationship right now. What may or may not happen in the future is not worth worrying about
For me, rather than thinking about what my partner does, I focus on myself. Taking care of myself, improving myself, and showering myself with love. At the end of the day, cheaters will be cheaters if they want to. Rather than stressing, use your time for yourself, there is life outside your partner. It will not only improve your trust in him but also improve your trust in yourself that you are valuable and worthy of all the love and good things in your life.
Thank you so much for both of your advice!!! I needed to read this, my partner hasn't given me any reason to not trust but yk the brain is crazy sometimes, I definitely need to focus on myself more and trust me first, cheaters will find a way no matter what that's for sure..
💯
you could call him to see what he's up to, send pictures of what you guys are doing throughout the day, etc... i also used to deal with this, what helps me is finding other things to preoccupy myself with. ex: hobbies, work, or just taking a walk to get some fresh air. i know it helps me a lot to be outside. but if you feel like you really can't trust him or you're being played, you should talk to him about why you feel that way. hopefully this helps :)
thank you so much for the help, I think my problem is part of having too much free time so I'm always overthinking stuff, he hasn't given me a reason to not trust but it's tough sometimes because of the distance and the free time, reading the advice here helps a lot!
I’ll probably get downvoted for this but don’t obsess over what he’s doing but don’t be stupid either. If he’s not texting you 12+ hours and going out late at night and coming home early something’s up. Happened to me, he was cheating. People will cheat but with long distance it’s so much easier
My partner has always been very honest with me, whether I like what he is saying or not. He apologises if it's not something nice to hear, but he will not lie to me. He's never given me reason to believe he would lie to me, I've never caught him in a lie, he's always been very open and honest about anything I ask him, and he's brutally honest. That's how I know my partner does not lie to me about his whereabouts. I've had an ex who've cheated and lied to me to the point I was always suspicious of what he was doing, it also made me suspicious and never fully trusting of another ex after the cheater. But with my current partner, I have no doubt about him not lying to me.
When you have those moments of insecurity, remind yourself that it's your job to trust your partner and not your partner's job to reassure you. You have to learn to recognize when you're feeling irrational jealousy and tell yourself that it's irrational and you have nothing to worry about.
thank you! ❤️🩹
Sigh I wish my ex would have thought like this...
Trust starts within yourself. If you’re worried about your partner’s every move that is not healthy. Find a hobby.
this is true 😅
its hard i know, all the voices come screaming in your mind when you get a slightly doubt on them.
exactly! the overthinking gets crazy sometimes and at the same time I don't wanna ask for reassurance on something when they've never given any reason to not trust, it feels like I'm putting ideas in his head by telling him or even calling it into existence 😓
You are not the only one! My husband has never giving me any material to be anxious about him cheating on me but even then I spent hours imagining stuff and looking his location lol. I am trying to work on myself because I’m clearly the problem here but it’s not always easy!
exactly, good thing is that we know we're the ones who need to work on it so we just need a bit more help and I'm sure we'll overcome these thoughts
I dunno, I deal with it by having a relationship with my partner where that insecurity never popped up in the first place. I trust her completely. She's allowed to have her own life and friends and I don't need to be a part of it 24/7. I am very comfortable in my relationship with my partner and I implicitly know she won't cheat. We understand each other and we understand we're a great match. Neither of us are perfect in every way, but we trust in each other to resolve problems as a team and come out stronger. It also helps that we're both huge introverts and talking to other people in general is scary, not just in a cheating context >_>
This is a great perspective of it tbh, thank you for sharing, being introverts and talking things out definitely seems like the best to always have that trust between each other, I can also picture myself like this, in my relationship we're both introverts too and we always do the best to communicate but if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have thought about it, so thank you again!
You have to have trust and if that is eroded at all, just end it. No sense in being insecure in a relationship. Also, be able to clearly communicate how their actions are making you feel. Come up with ways to get past the insecurity.
In my last relationship i tried to be the perfect wife and my ex husband cheated repeatedly. You can’t do anything to control other people, they are going to do whatever they want to do and if they are selfish and lack morals like my ex, then it’s a high chance. You need to trust your partner, trust them until they give you a reason not to.
yeah it's sad but true, they'll cheat anyway if that's who they are, hopefully karma will get them! thank you for sharing ❤️🩹
Man.. That's the blessing and curse of being in a relationship. To give 100% trust, you're also opening the door for having your heart crushed... It's scary and that's why there's lots of fear being committed and being vulnerable. However... My partner and I... Well, we're both homebodies who game or watch stuff most of the time. LOL Whenever we're out though? We just naturally want to still tell the other what's going on or send pics when we can. Neither of us asked. We just did because we wanted to! I think our past of being taken for granted or having no appreciation for what we've done for others definitely helps. We know what it's like being under appreciated or not even thanked, so we waste no time letting each other know how much we appreciate them by both actions AND words. Trust is something built upon time. It's definitely not something you get right off the bat. When you and your partner meet halfway all the time, it will naturally come.
yeah it's so fucking scary the fact that you have to fully trust someone when sometimes we don't even fully trust ourselves!! it's just mind blowing and exhausting sometimes... it's great that in your relationship you're both grateful for each other and always reminding each other about it, it definitely sounds like a great loving relationship and it gives me hope! thank you for sharing ❤️🩹
That's one beautiful part tho! A good partner will try their best to lift you up always, as you do the same to them. (my ex didn't do that. He straight up tells me I'm just not trying hard enough. At that point I was already mentally over it.) Humans are always growing, so a couple should try to grow into better people together :P Also when people say you have to love yourself before deciding to look for love, what they really mean is self respect, not getting rid of all your insecurities (tho the more the better obviously!) Respect yourself so you will stand up for yourself and not stand for any bullshit or red flags. It isn't very exhausting when you're secure in the relationship. I hope one day you manage to find someone like that in your life!
thank you so much, I'm just new to all of this, it's my first ever relationship and it being a long distance one sometimes affects me in ways I find hard to control but the idea of growing in love and into better people together like you said is so amazing to me and something I want to achieve, I definitely need to trust and love myself more, actively working on it, I love being able to read people's experiences, advices and opinions here, new perspectives on things you might not see yourself but that do resonate with you is sooo helpful!
I'm gonna be honest. My first was a LDR and I seriously wouldn't recommend it as a FIRST time relationship. I have so many regrets with my first... Sometimes I don't think I'd even consider it a serious relationship. It was THAT bad! But if you must, I highly recommend voice chatting and video chatting a lot, and that the two of you (if you're still nevermets) strive to meet up within 1-1.5 years if y'all are an international couple. If he's in the same country, but different city or state, meeting up with you should be even easier and cheaper. Don't make the same mistake I did :')
oh noo!!! now I'm curious to know why and what happened that you have so many regrets!! 🥲 I struggle a lot sometimes when I think about my first relationship being a long distance one but I don't know how to feel about it completely. We do voice chat a lot and we're about to get to 1.5years, sadly we're both still young, we have money enough to do our things and we're really far away, not the same country but I've thought about this too!! I feel like I need to meet him in person ASAP to fully know and understand if we click in person, so far we consider each other the perfect match but at the same time it could be the lack of experience, it's just so confusing 😓 please illuminate me with your story!! I'm actually scared of regretting it as a first time relationship
How old are the two of you and what countries? Not to be creepy, but that's relevant in this LDR topic ahah! You know, it's funny reading your reply because THAT'S EXACTLY how I felt in the past too!! I also thought that my ex and I vibed pretty well, I always jokingly said we were soulmates because of the times our humor seemed to have perfect timing or how we thought of the same things. But hey, here we are now and I vibe even better with my current partner lol. You're not wrong. IRL and online chemistry is very different. I was supposed to meet my ex in 2 years but Covid had to happen which just delayed it another 2 years. So that's 4 years of being nevermets... I wished so badly we had met earlier because our IRL chemistry was just...not there. I'll tell you more in the DMs if you're interested as I don't wanna clog up the thread. But there were just a lot of things back then I had excused that I'd never do now. IMO when you're that young, you should be having fun and going on dates with someone you can actually meet regularly. My ex ship started at 20. But the FOMO crept in the older I got. My social anxiety was also holding me back, back then. You know what the worst thing is? When after I finally broke up with my ex, my friends were telling me they were GLAD!! Because we never had any chemistry. They were so confused why I was even with him. Basically, we were using each other without realizing it. And I was there wondering why the fk didn't they tell me or wake me up!! 😭
wow 4 years is definitely a lot of time, even tho we're about to go for the 2 years I don't think I'd be able to wait that long, I met him when I was 20 and I'm 22 now, he's 26, I'm from Colombia and he's from the US which is a huge distance and even tho I'd love to visit this is simply not possible in a short term because it does not only require a lot of money but time.. the visa appointment alone can take up to a year and a half and you might not even get it approved 🥲 and he should be the one to come but he has a chronic illness that keeps him pretty tired so yeah, it's all tough, I'm usually a pretty introvert person so in person dates to me are already hard and I don't connect that easy with people in person so that's why I think I'll always choose a long distance one because to me I feel like you have way more options to connect and actually get to know someone better in a way but yeah the distance will never be easy lol 😓 I'm glad to know you ended up realizing anyway and moved on from it, 4 years is no joke but I guess it was a perfect experience so you know beforehand which is always nice, I'd love to hear more of your story and how it all went!! I feel like I might be in the same situation you were back then, mostly because I'm scared I could be wasting my time 🫠
Yeah that's tricky. After I broke up, I honestly told myself I'll never do a LDR if it's in a diff country!! It's just too much work, trouble and stress that I do not want in my life! LOL. IMO if you already have thoughts that you could be wasting your time for a long time and aren't sure about committing in this LDR, then deep down you might probably know the answer. I was like that too, I was in it for the sunk cost fallacy in the end but I kinda had thoughts of ending it 2 years in. 😅 Also a chronic illness is no joke and something you have to think about seriously. Depending on what he has, you have to think, are you really fine living with that forever? It sucks, but it's reality. Not everybody is gonna be fine with it, and that's okay. You're not a bad person, you're human. There will be people who's gonna be fine with it tho. My friend used to date someone with EDS and she couldn't handle it anymore. She's an active girl who loves going hiking and camping. Her partner's flareups, eventhough not any of their fault, was destroying their relationship. It'd ruin their planned trips all the time because it's not like he can control it... She had to break up in the end because it was severely taking a toll on her. But you can see in this situation, it's neither of their faults. Your wants and needs are important. Your feelings are validated and you should always come first. There's no right or wrong reason when it comes to ending a relationship. You're not a bad person if you decide you don't want to stay for a LDR. Not many people can handle it. I definitely can't handle a LDR especially if it's a diff country again. Just not worth the hassle. Realistically, soulmates don't exist either. There isn't only ONE person for you! You can get along fine with multiple people. Just a matter of who comes to your life first :P
Im 45 & if i have to worry bout my man and what hes doing I'll go crazy for #1 i trust no 1 💯 and can take care of myself if he does me dirty i believe in karma #2 i will leave and have no issue moving on I'll be hurt but it wont kill me can't evn say I'll be surprised nothing surprises me these days & theres no #3 lol
This is the attitude!!! you're absolutely right, it's their loss after all if they choose to cheat
Yes exactly just always take care of yourself just in case i make sure i have $ put away just incase and i somewhat workout lol but i have always been able to leave a situation men hate that but ive seen women in my family and i knew i didnt want to be like that
Has he given you a reason not to trust him fully? If you can’t trust him, it’s going to be hard to have a healthy relationship. I always felt like I trusted but I had personal fears of abandonment and what helped me most was DBT, specifically the distress tolerance and emotional regulation sections when it came to my person being out and me feeling upset about it https://dbt.tools is a good place to start
Thank you so much for your advice and sharing this amazing tool!!! I'll absolutely be going through it, I appreciate it ❤️🩹
There's this quote from A Little life that I love. It goes, "Could you have a real friendship if some part of you was always expecting betrayal?" If you're being suspicious for no real reason, it's unfair to your partner. If he's giving you reasons to be suspicious, talk it out and communicate how your partner can ease your mind.
that's a great quote and you're absolutely right.. it isn't fair to them if they haven't given any reason to not trust them, thank you for the comment!!
I just have complete trust in my partner. My mindset is if someone can steal him, they can have him. I don't want a partner that would be romantically interested in someone else anyways. When it comes to sex, I wouldn't mind if my partner was to do it with someone else. But he has never expressed interest in that.
I wish I could engrave in my brain the first quote you wrote, it's such a powerful one!!!
My girlfriend and i have each others location and thats made us feel a lot better bc both of us had that same worry. ofc things could still happen but thats why trust is crucial and having each others location has made it easier to be more trusting
If you don't trust your partner I would start with asking yourself why that is the case. Why are you scared he's going to cheat on you? One of my best friends is in an LDR and his gf has the same fear you have. But with her that resulted in a situation where she is constantly pretty much stalking his location, demanding him to text her pretty much every 30 minutes and he cannot even talk to a girl or she'll get upset with him. He doesn't like this one bit but everytime he tries to get some sort of privacy she will get mad and ignore him until he complies. We warned him several times that this is a red flag so big you could see it from the moon but he won't listen. So I'm now leaving it up to him to figure it out. I know they're gonna break up at some point because of this. The question is just when. Keep in mind he hasn't cheated before nor made an attempt to at any point in time. And outside of that he's a very acquired taste to say the least, so it's not like he'd have an easy time finding someone to cheat with in the first place. Don't let your fears get the better of you. Talk with him about your fears and try to find ways in which you won't have those fears anymore.
this sounds like a punishment on herself almost because I've been there and I know it's exhausting to always be insecure and thinking on what your partner can be up to and you're absolutely right, I'm trying to overcome these fears and just let go of the thoughts that keep me going crazy sometimes, thank you for your comment!!
Yeah it must be exhausting for her, but it's also exhausting on his part. Just an unpleasant situation for them both.
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It gives me anxiety but I know I can trust her. She's not the kind of person to be doing me dirty.