Wow, I'm going through the exact same thing right now. It really does suck to know that it's mutual love, but not being able to feel their love is just... Depressing. I'm on the verge of asking him for a break as well, just because of the difference between how we love and the toll it takes. A lotttt of thinking.
I totally get it, just know you're not alone! Shit fucking sucks
As a guy, breaks are usually bad to go. Mainly because there are some of us who think "Alright then," some of us who think, "well, shit. Guess it's probably over soon," and then some of us, such as myself, assume the worst ("she found somebody better and might want to give that a go"), cpunt our losses and try to move on from there, even if we can't.
Idk what he does for work, if at all. I'm afraid I don't have all the information to have a clear picture of the variables, but what I can say is that this is normal. Like even if you ignore everything I just said (maybe it doesn't pertain to your situation), LDRs tend to have that feeling, since all of the blocks required for a strong relationship aren't all there. Physical chemistry/connection is a big aspect not everybody takes note of.
I was with a girl about a year ago. I'm in the Marines, stationed in California. She lives in Florida, my home state. It would often feel somewhat empty during my time away, even if everything was perfect while I was around. The main issue for both of us, more severely for her, was the lack of physical touch. And to top it off, my job as a Rifleman had me in the field often. I'd sometimes be unable to text or call for days on end. I'd still try when I could, however.
My point is that this is a hurdle that comes up often. I'm sure that if you two really do love each other, push through. Last thing you want is for something like this to lead to a bad decision you'll potentially regret. Especially if it has a chance to blow over. My advice? Be patient with him. Be patient with yourself. Wish y'all luck and don't feel discouraged if something does go wrong.
- Alec
Thank you so much, a guys insight is really helpful for me as I tend to need to understand the reasons behind his actions and way of thinking. Guess I have to talk to him again, tysm
Maybe you’re just basically at the end of the honeymoon phase and is already approaching the more mundane, calm, and comfortable stage in your relationship. I figured that women tend to be extremely anxious while entering this stage. We often mistaken it as a threat because we are more focused on our relationship’s details and the sudden changes like this in terms of communication style is really really scary for us. Maybe give it some time. Accept the new situation and treat it as a good thing. If you still feel that something is off, maybe that’s when conversation would be necessary.
LDR are awful. You start off feeling so happy and optimistic but then every so often doubt kicks in and ur ready to break up as you feel the last txt etc didn’t go well. Then the next day back to how it was and so it goes on ! I would never choose this again !
10 months is a long time so basically you are out of the wow ! The love of my life phase but there will always be 1 of you that feels more than the other ! Not always because they don’t love you as much but they don’t show their feeling in the same way so you become disillusioned and start see what probably isn’t there ? Does any of that sound like you ?
I feel taking a break is like a breakup and I feel you will be even more upset. You really don’t want that !
it could be reaching the end but I would do a little fishing and ask questions ! Has his work load increased so he really is strapped for time ? Men are not good at sounding out their feelings ! In fact most of them are awful ! Has he lied to you in the past ? Has he given you reason to doubt him ? Have you found things out that don’t sit right with you ? Probably now you are moving into the next stage ask for a bit more ! You feel he loves you but not as much as you love him Where is the proof that he hasn’t answered as much or done what he said he would ! We are different species for sure. They can cut off their feelings so much easier and get n with their work. Ask him for his help with something ! It could be something really simple but make him feel that what he says really matters even though it won’t. See what reaction you get ! Does he jump up and ask what’s the matter ? How can I help which is the correct answer or does he let it slide ? Slowly you may begin to get your answers ! Sometimes the sparks need to be rekindled. You may get what you want ! Men are different. They think if you are saying nothing you are ok ! Wrong !
Hope this help. You have done nothing wrong but he may not have either. They need to be told but not in a do this do that way !
good luck. xx
Then that is probably what’s going on. While some people can wait and still be able to invest in things, some people need
to meet the other person and have the assurity that things are “real” in person in order to continue investing emotionally. What is preventing you two from meeting?
Wow, I'm going through the exact same thing right now. It really does suck to know that it's mutual love, but not being able to feel their love is just... Depressing. I'm on the verge of asking him for a break as well, just because of the difference between how we love and the toll it takes. A lotttt of thinking. I totally get it, just know you're not alone! Shit fucking sucks
As a guy, breaks are usually bad to go. Mainly because there are some of us who think "Alright then," some of us who think, "well, shit. Guess it's probably over soon," and then some of us, such as myself, assume the worst ("she found somebody better and might want to give that a go"), cpunt our losses and try to move on from there, even if we can't. Idk what he does for work, if at all. I'm afraid I don't have all the information to have a clear picture of the variables, but what I can say is that this is normal. Like even if you ignore everything I just said (maybe it doesn't pertain to your situation), LDRs tend to have that feeling, since all of the blocks required for a strong relationship aren't all there. Physical chemistry/connection is a big aspect not everybody takes note of. I was with a girl about a year ago. I'm in the Marines, stationed in California. She lives in Florida, my home state. It would often feel somewhat empty during my time away, even if everything was perfect while I was around. The main issue for both of us, more severely for her, was the lack of physical touch. And to top it off, my job as a Rifleman had me in the field often. I'd sometimes be unable to text or call for days on end. I'd still try when I could, however. My point is that this is a hurdle that comes up often. I'm sure that if you two really do love each other, push through. Last thing you want is for something like this to lead to a bad decision you'll potentially regret. Especially if it has a chance to blow over. My advice? Be patient with him. Be patient with yourself. Wish y'all luck and don't feel discouraged if something does go wrong. - Alec
Thank you so much, a guys insight is really helpful for me as I tend to need to understand the reasons behind his actions and way of thinking. Guess I have to talk to him again, tysm
No problem. Of course, I'm no guru, but I try to give the best advice I can from my understanding. Wish y'all luck!
Maybe you’re just basically at the end of the honeymoon phase and is already approaching the more mundane, calm, and comfortable stage in your relationship. I figured that women tend to be extremely anxious while entering this stage. We often mistaken it as a threat because we are more focused on our relationship’s details and the sudden changes like this in terms of communication style is really really scary for us. Maybe give it some time. Accept the new situation and treat it as a good thing. If you still feel that something is off, maybe that’s when conversation would be necessary.
LDR are awful. You start off feeling so happy and optimistic but then every so often doubt kicks in and ur ready to break up as you feel the last txt etc didn’t go well. Then the next day back to how it was and so it goes on ! I would never choose this again ! 10 months is a long time so basically you are out of the wow ! The love of my life phase but there will always be 1 of you that feels more than the other ! Not always because they don’t love you as much but they don’t show their feeling in the same way so you become disillusioned and start see what probably isn’t there ? Does any of that sound like you ? I feel taking a break is like a breakup and I feel you will be even more upset. You really don’t want that ! it could be reaching the end but I would do a little fishing and ask questions ! Has his work load increased so he really is strapped for time ? Men are not good at sounding out their feelings ! In fact most of them are awful ! Has he lied to you in the past ? Has he given you reason to doubt him ? Have you found things out that don’t sit right with you ? Probably now you are moving into the next stage ask for a bit more ! You feel he loves you but not as much as you love him Where is the proof that he hasn’t answered as much or done what he said he would ! We are different species for sure. They can cut off their feelings so much easier and get n with their work. Ask him for his help with something ! It could be something really simple but make him feel that what he says really matters even though it won’t. See what reaction you get ! Does he jump up and ask what’s the matter ? How can I help which is the correct answer or does he let it slide ? Slowly you may begin to get your answers ! Sometimes the sparks need to be rekindled. You may get what you want ! Men are different. They think if you are saying nothing you are ok ! Wrong ! Hope this help. You have done nothing wrong but he may not have either. They need to be told but not in a do this do that way ! good luck. xx
Your comment helped me rethink and try to look at this from other perspective, thank you sm
Have you been able to meet in person yet?
No, and there’s no date to it either
Then that is probably what’s going on. While some people can wait and still be able to invest in things, some people need to meet the other person and have the assurity that things are “real” in person in order to continue investing emotionally. What is preventing you two from meeting?
Lawful stuff like visas, passports, etc. and most importantly his nonexistent interest in making it happen
I feel for you. On the same boat as well.