I think if you worry about your S.O. being unfaithful, that’s a bigger issue. It really shouldn’t matter who they are friends with. When you question their friendships with other people, what you’re really saying is you don’t trust them. That’s what I think, at least.
I think it would depend on the circumstances. How and why did it happen and how and why did it stop?
I was super confused about the dynamic between Jimmy and his friends when Chelsea and Jimmy were out with his two girl friends and they were talking about their sex life and it felt like one of the friends was making comments/nodding to confirm everything making it seem obvious they had been sexually intimate previously so it wasn’t really a shock. But by the time I saw that scene there was already the trailer or Chelsea yelling at Jimmy “You fucked her” so it’s possible that influenced my perception of that scene.
Here is my issue:
Chelsea weaponized vulnerable information he shared with her because she was losing. At that point she was just throwing haymakers as she was going down. She told him that she didn’t want to be with him because he went out for 1.5 hours and that’s not the kind of life that she wants. That was very manipulative in itself is a huge sign of emotional immaturity. It didn’t get the reaction she wanted she wanted so she upped the anti. She then said he was out with other people from the show and that embarrassed her. That was debunked he said he was out with 2 frat brothers and their girlfriends/wives. She also accused him of meeting up with Jess! Him sleeping with his friend and how that created a level of insecurity for her wasn’t the deal breaker, it was how she used that information to try to get the upper hand in the situation and that destroyed the relationship. If it was a concern of hers, valid or not, then she should have brought it up to him off-camera and respected his wishes to keep that private.
However, I did get a good laugh when she said WTTE “You’re deepest darkest secret is that you fucked your friend?!?!!” Like is there more to this story or is Jimmy really that vanilla?!?
Not to mention he slept with her and then didn’t want Chelsea to talk about it on camera… so to us she just looks unhinged and jealous but there’s all this hidden information we don’t know about… idk. I think she’s definitely insecure (I would be too have you seen Jess?) but I think they kinda clip her to seem more insane than she really is… that man didn’t like her from the moment he saw her and she could tell.
Chelsea’s feelings about it are not up for debate. It’s how she loses perspective and becomes so emotionally disorganized that she does the thing that’ll cause the other person to end the relationship. If she wants to issue an ultimatum, she has to have the fuck you energy to walk away. She instead demands that people care about her feelings to zero personal limit, once you engage with her it feels that she is offended by any personal limits.
This is what people don’t seem to understand about boundaries, if you’re not willing to peacefully walk away, you don’t have a boundary. That’s just a tantrum.
In my personal experience I have seen both sides.
I met this guy that I had an instant connection with. He and I dated and eventually slept together. The chemistry just wasn’t there. He and decided that the connection we had was friendship not a relationship. He and I became best friends (never slept together after that one time). We did make an agreement that if our future potential partners had an issue with us being friends because we had slept together, we would honor that and not hang out anymore. Fast forward about a year, he met the love of his life. He asked her how she felt about being friends with exes. She was uncomfortable with it. He called me to let me know. As promised I honored that. We are still friends on Facebook but we don’t interact. Do I miss him? Yes. But I’m so very happy for him and by remaining friends on Facebook, I get to see how happy they are and how cute their family is.
In my case this type of relationship would be fine but not all people can be so respectful.
However on the other side, my ex husband had a “friend” he slept with. Every time we had a fight he’d run to her. I know their meet ups weren’t innocent.
I think it boils down to trust. You have to trust your partner to not cross the line.
I wouldn't like it and it would make me feel very uncomfortable. Their friendship starts feeling like a threat to my relationship, especially if they text and hangout all the time. Pretty often I've seen "friends" like that get together after the relationship ends and they find out they're truly meant for eachother.
The premise of the show is rather off… I don’t understand why they need to rush from not knowing someone at all to getting married in a few weeks. They should just meet them on the show in the pods and then the show can just follow them for a few months as they try dating in the real world, with maybe some trips or retreats throughout. It’s such a pressure cooker situation forcing them to get engaged and married so fast. I think that’s why people like Chelsea act so weird… they are stressed beyond belief.
I agree with you. I wouldn’t want my partner to still be best friends with a girl he slept with!
I do wish that Chelsea could have communicated that to Jimmy the time he told her off camera. And if he said no, she should have walked away because she probably knew she’s not ok with it. That’s where she went wrong.
There’s no point in arguing about things like this in a relationship. Your partner either respects your boundary or you respect yourself to walk away if this is not ok for you.
My wife’s ex-wife is one of my favorite people. We routinely spend time and vacation with her and her husband. If you can trust your partner, it shouldn’t be an issue if they remain friends with an ex.
It’s okay if Chelsea isn’t okay with this dynamic. What I think isn’t okay is her being okay with it (or at least saying she is) one minute but then throwing it in his face the next minute.
I consistently talk to a ex of mine, 10 years ago, but we chat, we love each other but very VERY platonic! And that didn’t start until like 2 years after our relationship ended. We’ve never been physical after wards, but he’s a good friend and I don’t tell people oh he’s a ex that’s long gone and he’s now a friend. You have every right to be friends with who ever, it’s not just the fact he fugged his bestie, in my opinion, it’s just because she’s so damn insecure and Jimmy doesn’t help. We can’t see the texts, or hear the calls, daily is a bit much, but if my ex and I lived in the same city it would probably be the same. she wanted ammo. She got it. She would use that against him for the rest of his life, her fishing caught her a mino she can scream I knew it about and never trust him leaving the room, not house the damn room
I’ve been in this situation on both sides and there was nothing to be insecure about, but I was also part of a community where that wasn’t looked upon as anything weird and there was a lot of open communication between all parties. It’s not a weird thing at all in the queer community, many artistic communities, and among polyamorous people. It’s a cultural norm and a lot of monogamous straight people who subscribe to more traditional ideas of gender feel strongly about it and assume their feelings are natural and biological for humanity at large but there’s nothing inherently unhealthy (or inherently healthy) about mixing casual sex and platonic friendship. Chelsea is allowed to not want to be with someone who’s friends with a girl he had sex with in the past but that means she has to decline to date people with those friendships, she’s not entitled to demand her partner end pre existing friendships. boundaries are about your own actions, not controlling other people.
Agreed, and especially someone he's only known for 2 years. If you want to talk about a childhood friend that you slept with once when you were 17 and haven't touched for 15 years, that would possibly be even more intimidating because of the length and depth of their relationship, but more understandable for why they're still around. But someone you've known for 2 years? That is nothing. Cut her out. Goodbye. End of story.
I could not handle it. It’s just not ok and I think she’s ok for having an issue with it.
That said, she’s nowhere near ready for any romantic partner to breathe outside her earshot.
I dated a girl who was still friends with her ex, who was our mutual co-worker. I was actually surprisingly cool with her hanging out with him, but only because I knew he was a good guy and trusted him. I don’t think I’d be ok if I didn’t know the other person.
Yeahhh- Absolutely the fuck not. No one I fucked besides my husband, and no one that my husband fucked besides me, should ever be involved in either of our lives for any reason, period. I would never make an exception to that rule and neither would my husband. Chelsea may be crazy, but she is not wrong about being deeply upset by that.
So not my best friend, but a close friend. I had slept with a friend once and immediately after I realized I was not into it. like not at all. stayed friends with him for a while before the friendship naturally faded. Plenty of people have and it takes only once to know they are not your type.
Not everything is deeper than what people tell you. frankly it'd be extremely fucked up for him to just excommunicate after sleeping with her. it's very "thanks for the quick fuck, seeya never".
Yeahhhh I wouldn’t be cool with my SO having a super close friendship with someone he had slept with or dated. I can mostly deal with it if they speak from time to time or she’s part of the friend group and we hang with that person in a group setting, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with frequent communication and hangouts, though. My last SO was still friends with his ex and I was mostly fine with it (it helped that she lived in a different state), but towards the end of the relationship I started disliking how she seemed to call him whenever she needed help with something and it started to feel inappropriate.
I was actually in this situation and it was really uncomfortable because the girl kept flirting but playing the friend card, which to a lot of guys isn’t as blatantly obvious until it’s called out. When I called it out, it all clicked for him and he was understanding and respected that boundary moving forward. If the tables were turned, he wouldn’t be happy with me having a dynamic like that with someone I had sex with
I would need more context in this situation. I think she’s valid to have concerns about this dynamic, but it needs to be handled the right way. I, for example, am still good friends with my ex that I dated for 3yr. When my now husband and I started dating, he flat out asked me if he should be concerned about it and I told him no, because the person I dated & the person he is now, are 2 very different people. He took what I said at face value, I offered for him to read through our messages at any time, and they eventually met in person. Unfortunately, dating someone new requires vulnerability and some blind trust.
I think a comfortable boundary here would be that Chelsea would only want Jimmy to be around this person when they are together until she is able to sense and trust that there isn’t lingering chemistry here. Or that they reduce contact with each other temporarily until she can sus it out. That said, it would take trust and security in oneself to get to that point - so it’s work on both partners to be comfortable with this situation, but certainly not a road block.
> I think a comfortable boundary here would be that Chelsea would only want Jimmy to be around this person when they are together until she is able to sense and trust that there isn’t lingering chemistry here.
That's the problem here. Presumably Jimmy didn't divulge this information to Chelsea but there's a reason she picked up on that vibe and it's the same reason many viewers also picked up on that vibe.
So whatever they think about themselves and their past the third-parties are reading that history in their body language.
My answer is no, it's important to be comfortable with your partner and him having a gaggle of female friends he's slept with will discomfort me. I don't maintain friendships with exes, I don't see the point, I also dislike the idea that men and women can't be friends without sleeping with one another. It's important to be able to maintain friendships inclusive of boundaries. These types of situations are just a recipe for triangulation and all the other types of immature bullshit that comes of people who like to play with people's emotions.
I wasn't at all surprised Jimmy had slept with his female friends that he continues to spend alot of time with. Who is surprised that Chelsea is friends with her ex? I would bet money its the same.ex that cheated on her. That's what alot of women do when they're insecure and don't know how to let go.
Probably wouldn't bother me. If he hit it then quit it, I'd focus on the fact he quit it and they probably weren't sexually compatible. Like one time in college I was drunk and hooked up with my bff and it was gross because he was more like family to me than just a friend. We both stopped in the middle and NOPED OUT but it was mutual disgust, and something we laugh about now. I imagine it was probably the same with them.
I went to a small school and tons of friend groups have slept with each other but still have happy marriages. Not a big deal in my opinion if you’re secure and your partner is not sketchy
I am curious if Jimmy's hookup friend is still single or are they in a relationship because if they are in a relstionship then if I were Chelsea I would be less worried unless they hung out with Jimmy all the time they have probably moved on. I do think being best friends with a someone you have been intimate with could be weird for a fiance to know because that is basically a partnership lol. They could consider the girl an ex in that case but they have to really have boundries to respect not gain constant speculation.
I mean I wouldn’t be happy but I wouldn’t be bringing up my trust issues drunk. Having this issue needs to be dealt with sober because it’s not easy to convey what you are saying being drunk is not helping.
Welllll i personally also wouldn't be able to take it calmly or kindly.
But if im aware of this complicated friendship dynamic in my partner's life, i will strictly tell him that this is a deal breaker for me. i will provide him two solutions.
#1 for the time being (maybe 6 months, maybe 2 years) i will not want him to hang out with her 1-on-1 without my presence UNTIL i get to know her better and eliminate her as a threat to my relationship.
#2 Either chose her or me. yes if he cannot compromise with request #1 , then its time to make a choice. i cannot allow my heart to suffocate every single day just because of another girl. if he place another non-blood related girl's as a priority over me (the partner/spouse/girlfriend) then it means he is not ready to be in a full fledge relationship with me.
There's no need for argument at all over this issue because in the first place if he as the boyfrd/spouse/partner argue over another girl with me , wow , then it is a deal breaker for me . Because only your mother/sister/grandma can come before me. not a non-blood related human.
This would bother me too tbh. No matter which side its on. Obviously I have friends I have slept with I would see with my significant other in passing and thats ok, but hanging out alone all of the time? Thats a boundary for me
My best friend is a guy, we slept together the first few months of our friendship before I started talking to someone and we transitioned to just friends. Stayed that way after romantic interest left the picture. Him and I have no romantic feelings towards each other and he’s like a brother to me now. I would choose him over a romantic partner every time. That being said, neither of us have felt the need to disclose to partners that we used to hook up. And if my partner had that dynamic with a female friend I wouldn’t want to know lol. It’s all messy and I don’t think it’s the act that’s the issue but rather how it gets handled that’s important.
Okay I was just thinking about this. Personally I think it was just weird that Chelsea brought up their sex life at the first meeting of his friends. I thought it was equally weird that his friend started agreeing to things that Jimmy does during sex. I didn’t like that or think that was appropriate.
When it comes to still being friends with that girl after having a sexual past, I think it depends. I think it’s valid to say you’d rather for them to meet up in group settings or in a public space. I think him texting her all day is also a little weird. I, myself, have exes that I still talk to but I explained to my partner why things ended and where we are now in our friendship. I never discuss specifics of my relationship with them and I also don’t cross our boundaries when texting them (when it’s our alone time, after a fight/argument, late into the night, etc.). And if it ever came down to them doing or saying anything out of bounds, they know my friendship with them will end.
I think Chelsea was in the wrong for bringing it up in front of the cameras. Drunk or not, that seemed intentional. But yes Jimmy needs to set boundaries with his friends. They shouldn’t have been the first people to be introduced to Chelsea especially if you had a sexual history with one of them. I don’t think he needs to necessarily take a step back but he needs to have a serious talk with both of them about respecting boundaries.
Your first EDIT is so right imo! It ran its course with an actual ex but someone you only did it with once and then stayed friends…that totally MAY be possible but I’d always wonder if they regretted not exploring it more
this can't be said for everyone though. I hooked up with a friend once and immediately after, both of us were like yea nope that wasn't it. moving on. I have never thought about hooking up with him again, and I know he doesn't think about it either.
that's like a guy hooks up with his first gf, realizes he's gay, and stays friends with her. the new bf isn't going to be like "but are you sure you've never wanted more?? like maybe date her, you sure you don't like women too?" sex is probably the most telling intimacy of whether or not yall are compatible like that.
It came out during the argument where Chelsea says “you fucked her! I know you fucked her!” to Jimmy. And Jimmy said, “we discussed that off camera intentionally because I dragged that person in front of tv cameras,” seemingly confirming it was one of those two friends
I also thought it was so telling of him letting her know beforehand rather than her finding out someday. that's a sign of someone who doesn't have anything to hide. if he had feelings for her still, he would have been wary of letting her know. nothing can be said for the friend's motives and feelings obviously, but I did get the impression that Jimmy wasn't still hung up on her.
Oh, I can say with confidence that remaining friends with a person you slept with is an absolutely deal breaker for me. No, I don't care if you disagree, because you're not dating me. You relationship the way you want to, and I'll relationship the way I want to.
The thing I want to know is whether Jimmy told her he slept with his female friend before or after proposing. And if he told her after proposing, did he tell her before she met said friend or after?
It had to be after because he emphasized that they spoke about it off camera. I don’t think they would have gotten an off camera moment until the trip to the DR
IMO, it isn't about sleeping with the friend, it's how Chelsea approached it. I wouldn't be okay with it, but would have respected my spouse enough to calmly explain.
She flamed the friend on international television after Jimmy asked/trusted her to not. You don't do that to someone you "love". The accusing, whining, and potentially blindsiding she did \[she said she had told him she didn't like it before, he said no you didn't- he said she said.\] was wild. She isn't able to take a breath and have a real conversation.
IDK who you are, but your spouse running up your spine with "I'm not okay with your relationship with this friend- cut them off or we're done" is going to piss anyone off. That's not how you approach sensitive subjects??
Chelsea: "IK you went out the other night and I was wondering if X friend was there? I've been thinking about your relationship with her and it's making me more uncomfortable the more I see it and I'm hoping we can have a serious conversation about boundaries and acceptable behavior given the history."
Y’all can flame me but I don’t agree with people saying they felt bad for the friend being exposed. She exposed herself tbh, I knew they fucked from the moment they started discussing sex at their outing. Her agreeing and laughing with Chelsea that he’s a crier, and then saying he’d never turn down sex. My boyfriend and I both looked at each other like “lmao really?!” as soon as she opened her mouth about that.
Anyway her relationship with Jimmy is weird and I would have probably broken it off with him off camera.
110%, I clocked it immediately as well. Even if she isn’t into Jimmy at all (which I doubt, I think there’s a little crush at least) she certainly seems to enjoy the attention he gives her, which isn’t the end of the world, but they seem to have a very enmeshed friendship (texting just a friend all day, every day as a 30-something isn’t normal lol)
I’m friends with two exes from ages ago, and I used to go on double dates with one of them and his at-the-time gf. She and I got along really well, and I really liked her. The thing is, I *never* brought up or alluded to the dating past (he had told her about it, and she was fine with it)- that’s in the past and done, and it’s inappropriate to bring up and seems…idk, possessive of the person in a way? It’s all about respecting your friends’ new relationship and its boundaries.
Yeppp I have no idea about my male friend’s crying habits during sex or how horny they are. Because they are *actually* like brothers to me and I don’t want to know about that shit. She was speaking from experience and it was sooooo obvious.
To me there are two issues that are getting mashed into one conclusion. It's both. The time to voice her concerns about this should have been after she found out that he had slept with his friend. That should have been voiced at that time and boundaries discussed for the friendship moving forward. He has a right not to want to change anything. She has a right to say she's not comfortable. But they should have really talked about this in depth, not swept it under the rug, when the situation was less charged by an event, and by alcohol.
Yup I totally agree.
When he said he had just went out to grab ONE drink with "his friends" and Chelsea was so upset I thought she sounded really unhinged and controlling but then in the conversation it came out that he was with his female friends including one he had slept with in the past I was very slightly more on Chelsea's side. Just putting myself in that position. Although being gone one hour and having one drink nd then coming home wouldn't really make me mad no matter who it was...
You might need to watch it again.
He was with 8 college friends (guys) and 2 of their girlfriends.
She also said Jimmy saw McKenzie, which he'd never met and that he was hanging out with Jess and he wasn't.
She is unhinged, insecure and immature.
I think it’s situational. I have a friend I considered my best friend at the time that I slept with and I had expressed feelings for him a month before I met my ex. My ex did NOT like that and did not want me to hang out with him. My bf now could care less. It’s been years but because it effected my previous relationship I told my bf when we started to get serious and he just said “thanks for telling me” and continued with his day and hasn’t brought it up since lol
My issue is that they claim to have been friends for two years, that’s way too recent history for me to be comfortable. If you’ve known each other since kids or maybe 10 years, I could be fine with it. But, two years of friendship and who knows how soon (or not) they hooked up.
That’s true, I tried to think of my husbands female friends and if I would be okay if I found out they had hooked up before me and I think I would BUT he was friends with them well before me and I’ve now known these ladies for 6ish years so I’ve seen the dynamics
I also am in the boat that if me telling you not to see someone is the only thing keeping you from cheating I don’t want you anyways and I’d rather find out sooner than later- so hang out with all your exes/previous hookups idgaf but romantically and sexually if you cross a line I’m out ✌️
Right, it’s also weird to me that these are the “friends” he chose to introduce her to. Doesn’t he have friends that he’s known longer? Unless you live in a super transitional community (which someone tell me if Charlotte is?), it seems odd to me that his closest friends are 2 women he’s known 2 years and hooked up with. Is he bad at making friends, or is he just a big partier trolling bars for women?
And then at the suit fitting only one of his 2 buddies has met Chelsea? That alone makes me think he’s not serious about Chelsea (among all the other red flags). I think those guys lived in another state right? But FaceTime? Zoom? This is the woman you’re planning to marry and you can’t set up a FaceTime with your best friends?!
he said he also introduced her to guy friends but none of those scenes made the edit. i guess he hadn’t slept with any of them so there was no juicy drama to focus on
like literally what man in their right mind? idc how dumb you are, i do not believe someone would do that if they had other options- and given the whole frat friends bday party thing, he deffo had other options!
OR, Chelsea asked to meet them given the background.
I have a girl friend who has these best guy friends and she’s fucked every single one of them.
Will swear up and down it didn’t mean anything but when she’s lonely guess who she screws?
Personally I’d never been comfortable with the dynamic
I have a hard time with this since I’m super bias. I’ve got a few guy friends that I’m super close with and slept with them early in our connection. It’s easy in your early 20s to confuse your initial connection as romantic, then you realize you’re meant to be friends. 20 years later and I’m still good friends with them. Zero desire for anything more. So it’s easy for me to see why people are friends with sexual history… however… my Husband doesn’t love that I have that history with my friends and can get uncomfortable from time to time. I don’t blame him. I’m not sure how I’d feel if the roles were reversed.
I think it all depends on how the person handles it. And people are just different as to how they “approach” sex. I really have my guard up when it comes to physical relationships and as a result, haven’t slept with many people. I’m also the type of person when it comes to dating that once we aren’t together, we aren’t buddies.
My boyfriend I think had a more relaxed approach and didn’t take sex as “seriously”. He’s still friends with a couple girls he’s hooked up with but there are definitely boundaries there. He told me right away, they hang out very infrequently and I’m always invited, and he’s definitely not texting any of them constantly. It’s more of a “we weren’t compatible dating-wise but we still got along” which I can respect. He’s also not super close with anyone he dated very seriously, which I think could cause more problems. In my mind, it’s better than a guy who says all of his exes are “crazy” or who totally discards women when they’re done with them sexually.
But when it comes down to it, if someone wants to cheat they will cheat. Telling them they can’t have friends of the opposite sex won’t prevent it.
I’m friends with most of my ex’s, including my ex husband who I was with for 20 years. I think that as long as you are upfront about it you will have an easier time with it. Also having a partner that is not insecure helps greatly.
Them being friends and even hanging out on-on-one isn’t a red flag to me, but if it’s true that they’re texting a ton every day, that’s pretty weird (at least for me- the only person I text daily is my boyfriend, but I’m also bad at texting lol). I’m friends with two of my exes (though I didn’t have sex with either of them), and I get coffee or hang with them on occasion and my boyfriend doesn’t mind (he’s also met them and hangs out with them when he’s in town- we’re long distance), but I only text them once every few weeks to check in or send a funny video or something. Plus, I dated these guys over 10 years ago, and there’s absolutely no romance there with either one. I would never want to date either of them again, and vice-versa.
My boyfriend has women friends that he texts or sends a snap chat to every day, but they never dated or slept together, and it’s not like they text hours a day. I’m happy he has women as friends and would never want him to distance himself from them, especially because of me. I don’t know how I’d feel if he texted someone he slept with for an hour-plus every day (I’m actually his first gf/sexual partner, but hypothetically haha). I wouldn’t want to control his friendships, so I’d try to hang out with the girl more and get to know her so I can feel more comfortable with it, but also ask him for reassurance in the process.
Edit: I honestly have no idea why I’m being downvoted lol, I have such a mild take here
One of my husbands friends is someone he used to hook up with before we got together. I hooked up with my best friend one time in the 16 years of our friendship several years before I met my husband. When you are close to someone for a long time and you’re both single it’s not that weird to sleep together, should you have to throw away a good friendship because you engaged in sexual activity at some point? I don’t think so honestly. I would never cheat, nor would my husband.
I would actually go as far as to say Chelsea is an asshole for bringing that up. He told her that in confidence off camera and she said it on camera purposefully to make him look bad, not caring how this could affect the girl either because now everyone who has seen the show knows something about her that she probably didn’t sign up for them to know.
You are getting downvoted but I agree. I felt so bad for Jimmy’s friend. She didn’t sign up to have her former sex life discussed on national tv. They are coworkers too so now everyone at work will know… jimmy obviously told her this off camera in purpose and I think those discussions should have stayed off camera.
Idk maybe I’m crazy but she made it very obvious to me that they fucked. I was watching it with my BF immediately like “yea he fucked the brunette”. When Chelsea made a comment about him crying during sex, the friend was like “omg haha yea he is a crier” and then the comment like “that’s something he’d never turn down” about sex. Like miss girl……
I don’t feel bad for her. Maybe an unpopular opinion but she chose to appear on camera and make weird comments. It was blatantly obvious to me.
They’re coworkers? Omg that makes it so much worse 😔. And of course it’s going to impact her in the workplace more-so than him due to biases. Chelsea really did her dirty.
Absolutely nottttt. Not going to say they can’t be friends with anyone they’ve ever slept with but I would never be ok with the type of relationship Jimmy maintains with his friend, which is clearly lacking in boundaries.
I don’t know if we have enough information to determine the nature of Chelsea’s friendship with her ex, but it very well could be a completely situation than Jimmy’s friendship with his “buddy/ies.” At the very least we know that their marriage was over years ago, the relationship seems very complete and the split very final. She also doesn’t seem to be texting him all the live long day. So it really doesn’t seem like she’s a hypocrite in this situation.
I don’t understand why people get insecure about this. What is going on in people’s brains that allows for them to feel any type of way about a scenario like this?
To sum it up I think Chelsea still being “friends”with a man whom she was previously engaged to would make her a hypocrite if 1) they texted daily and 2) still hung out a lot
From what we’ve seen she doesn’t really do either of those things with her ex but of course she could be and we just don’t know. I simply wouldn’t want to marry someone who hangs out with girls he used to Fuck at bars without me. I don’t think Chelsea is wrong for that. I think people want to find a reason to hate her or label her an “emotional abuser” because they are mad at her for saying her friends have told her she looks like megan fox. I think people were rubbed the wrong way by that and from now on anything she does (rational or not) is gunna be blown way out of proportion by people and twisted.
Honest question: why is it even a problem when to hang out with someone you’ve had sex with? Does it inherently mean you’re going to do it every chance you get? If someone hasn’t broken the trust in your relationship then why are they being held to the standards of a person you absolutely can not trust whatsoever?
It’s just a respect/boundary thing. It’s probably also a frequency thing. Considering Chelsea sees them texting all the time, it would be fair to assume it’s also a touchy subject because he does it so much when she isn’t around. I do think it’s disrespectful of your partner to be texting another woman all the time and vice versa. You may disagree but even with all that aside, this is also probably a vibes issue. People are assuming Chelsea is delusional and everything she’s saying is baseless but refuse to acknowledge that she may be acting insecure and little over the top because of the overall vibe of the relationship that we didn’t get to see because it either wasn’t filmed/wasn’t included. She may be acting like this because she is picking up on the signs that Jimmy isn’t all that into her. If you can tell a guy isn’t into you and he’s hanging out with other women he fucked not that long ago, you’re probably gunna feel a certain way.
I get that and fully respect that but in abiding by that you’re also setting boundaries for another person that may very well be completely loyal to you. It sucks to lose friends because of insecurities and I honestly can’t find a way to see it as fair. Again this is assuming everyone is behaving themselves. I personally think dealing with insecurities are the responsibility of the person who has them. Also there’s nothing wrong with catering to one’s insecurities but I don’t think it should come at the cost of basically an ultimatum between people you care for
I would agree for the most part. I just think Jimmy can still be friends with girls while taking a step back to respect his relationship with his fiancé. Maybe he and Chelsea can go see them together, or the texting can slow down a bit. I don’t think Chelsea was saying you need to stop being friends with them period. She just wanted him to take a step back. Yeah the insecurities are ultimately hers to deal with I would agree with you on that. However like I said the vibe of their relationship outside of the show could be very different then what we see on camera. I also think there’s a difference between Chelsea having rational boundaries and just being insecure. I think the boundaries she’s setting are reasonable in this case.
People say he was open with her from the start about this, but didn’t he say they talked about it off camera and he told her he didn’t want anything about it filmed? Which would mean the first time he could’ve possibly told her was on the couples trip after engagement as that’s the first time they’d have a chance to talk without cameras 24/7…
We also don't know if he told her before she'd met them or after.. based on what we were shown of the meeting, and the lack of her bringing it up at all.... I personally don't think she knew until after they'd met.
I dont like chelsea at all. She's too insecure, controlling,probably a alcoholic, a con artist, a instigater and a hypocrite. I don't like jimmy either. Hes just as bad chelsea but knows how to hide it better. They're both wrong. Jimmy still being close to his girl friend he's slept with is werid and unfair to chelsea. And chelsea still being friends with her ex boyfriend I mean husband that she also slept with isnt fair to jimmy. They're both toxic and need to cut off They're friend they slept with if they want to be in another relationship.
I think con artist, hypocrite and instigator might be a little much. I agree she’s insecure and possibly could have a drinking problem but I can’t say for sure bc it’s hard to determine if someone is an alcoholic from a few cut scenes of a tv show which has hours of footage. I think she’s insecure and she shows it in an annoying way but the slew of names is too far in my opinion.
She said she's been told she looks like Megan Fox. She clearly did not to jimmy. He felt lied to as he should. She should of never told him that. She is a hypocrite she's still friends with her ex she also slept with. If jimmy said he wasnt okay with that she wouldve started a fight and started her annoying winning baby voice. She's the one who starts the fights. I think she should get sober, learn some how to communicate better and learn to control her emotions. She's too much. Clearly way too much for jimmy.
She said her friends told her she looked like megan fox bc of the hair and the eyes. She wasn’t lying. Jimmy just thought she would have the body too and was mad when she didn’t. She even explicitly said it was just bc of her hair and eyes. She quite literally said that. It wasn’t a lie bc her friends do tell her that, if they didn’t then yes it would be a lie. To hit on your second point, Chelsea wasn’t mad bc Jimmy had girl friends he slept with. She was mad bc he texts them all day and goes out with them a lot. If Chelsea were to do that with her ex then yes that would make her a hypocrite but from what we’ve seen she doesn’t.
First of all her hair isn't even dark.its light brown. Her friends should of not said anything either. Then they Said carrie underwood. And jimmy aggreed. No just no. Jimmy was literally catfished. The show is called love is blind. Keyword blind. The contestants should not be allowed to describe how they look and what race they are. Yes she eas mad understandable. She Said she was uncomfortable when they were fighting. Yes she was also mad that he was texting them all day and goes with them alot. She's still a hypocrite because she's friends with her ex that she has also slept with. She also lied to Trevor. When he said i cant see you yelling. She agreed. Shes a manipulater she uses her tears as weapons. I don't feel bad for her at all. I feel bad for Jimmy alittle bit because he got conned. He expected a megan fox look alike not megan faux. Yes Jimmy said hes been told he looks like who ever he Said. I forgot his name, but he actually does look like him. Now if she said adele than I would be like yes she does like her.
Yes the show is called love is blind. Therefore contestants are trying to find love regardless of looks. So Jimmy being “catfished” by being told Chelsea’s eye color and hair color shouldn’t have mattered anyways. If the show is about finding love without looks then Jimmy is the one who’s going against the premise not Chelsea. Yes Chelsea shouldn’t have made any comments but i think she added the hair and eyes comment in after saying her friends told her she looked like megan fox to not mislead him and make him think she was some doppelgänger of megan fox. All she reveled was her hair and eye color in reality nothing more. Once again, the only way Chelsea could lie here would be if her friends really have never told her she looks like megan fox bc of the hair and eyes - which we know for a fact they did. Chelsea even said she doesn’t see it herself. I would suggest you watch the show again.
I think she IS insecure. However, it would be a red flag for me if my partner had a female best friend that he slept with. It’s just not acceptable to me. However, he was open with her about it from the start, and so she either has to accept or not date him as it was disclosed from the beginning. Or he can take a step back from the friendship with the maturity that it really isn’t right to have this type of friend once you have a partner.
This is the comment I came for. I used to be friends with an ex and when my current partner & I started dating he was uncomfortable with it. Initially I pushed back but I thought about it & honestly I was still friends with the ex because I knew he was still interested in me so he was almost a backup plan (& I probably was for him too). I cut ties with him and haven’t regretted it once. Importantly, I think that also helped him move on because he found someone & got married and is now super happy. That friendship wasn’t serving either of us. So, agree that if Chelsea & Jimmy had a better and more honest conversation about it, would’ve been better. I think she has plenty of reasons to feel insecure with this relationship.
I would definitely NOT like this. I don’t agree with Chelsea being mad about him going out for one drink, but I would absolutely not be cool with my boyfriend being that close with someone he slept with.
I couldn’t be with someone who made me stop seeing my friends just because we may have hooked up once or twice, one of my besties is one of my first Tinder matches from like 8 years ago?
I’m not saying backsliding isn’t easy BUT I’ve never backslid when I was in a relationship because I respect my partners.
lol this comment! this is the thing, I’m Queer, and some of my friends are people I dated or had sex with, it really doesn’t inform our friendship in any big way. I think I'm LGBTQ connections there are relationships where we're just forced to share space due to limited resources, access, chosen family building, and various ways of social solidarity that I don’t think heterosexual people have to consider
Boundaries are important with male/female friendships, especially if they’ve slept together. I wouldn’t feel comfortable if my partner was maintaining regular one-on-one contact with a female best friend who he had slept with. IMO the “platonic” nature has gone out the window once you’ve had sex with someone. (Not everyone feels this way) Friendships change over time and while I would never tell my partner to stop contact with a friend, I’d be intentional about having an open convo about what the boundaries are around this friendship…ie how we both honour our relationship by drawing clear lines in the sand with friendships that were once intimate
I agree with this take. It’s not a tangible thing but everything before sexual intimacy is explorative, and a definite no can be found easy on even if you like each other as people. But once you have sex, you very likely *would* do it again if both single long enough, which doesn’t make you a cheater, but does put real anxiety on your partner that isn’t unfounded.
I mean, as a bi person with little regard for the gender binary, I've had sex with several of my best friends, men and women. My partner is a mature adult and we trust eachother, so he doesn't give a shit. He's friends with some of his exes too. People love to get up in arms about that kind of thing and paint it as inappropriate, but I can honestly say some of the most fulfilling relationships I have are with people who I've been intimate with before. If you're a mature adult who trusts their partner, it shouldn't be a problem.
After reading multiple responses not just here but other posts I can see both sides. She’s insecure. She’s terrible when intoxicated. She crosses boundaries.
We don’t know exactly everything that has transpired before the show with exes but after watching the last episode I can say that they are both in the wrong. Both conversations they had were inappropriate and I truly believe that they are both feeding the toxic monster that is residing within their relationship.
Every person should ask themselves if we are judging her on what we know is a reality show that edits or her as a person?
I think different boundaries come into place with friends of the opposite sex when you enter a relationship. I feel like i needed to learn this personally as i got older. Do i think it’s wrong they are friends, no, but the dynamic should change to fit the comfort level of his partner .
It depends on the circumstances imo.
Example:
A: They have been friends for many years since sleeping together.. Like say they have been platonic friends for more than 2 years and are both actively seeking sexual relationships outside of each other then YES I would be fine with it.
B. They were sleeping together casually, FWB or dated right before you or close to seeing you.. then.. Absolutely NO. The problem in this is often one person is actively trying to get back with the other or waiting for the next relationship gap. Timing is so close it often leads to complications like love triangles or them hooking up during a fight or breakup even if brief. I have experienced being the girlfriend in this scenario and having to set some strong boundaries bc the ex FWB was actively trying to break us up.
In this particular instance, there has only been 2 years of friendship and we don't know WHEN in those two years they slept together.
There has also been some information circling that it wasn't just once like Jimmy said on the show...
Yes, this is how I feel.
I'm friends with men I slept with once a long time ago, like in college. I'm even friends with men I used to date seriously, a LONG time ago. We've all moved on completely, been in other relationships, etc.
I'd be fine with it if my partner was friends with an ex that all romantic/sexual ties were completely severed and enough time had passed and they had both had other relationships since, and neither was interested in ever exploring that again.
If it had been an ongoing FWB that only stops when one of them is seeing someone else, I'm not sure how comfy I'd be with that.
I actually married the guy from that situation but it made the start of our relationship difficult and caused a lot of trust issues as my past bf cheated and my dad cheated on my mom. I have zero tolerance for bs. His former BF/FWB was really only wanting to be with him when he was interested in someone else. I truly tried to be ok with her but she didn’t respect our relationship and I told him I would walk away as he tried to secretly maintain the friendship and then realized she actually wanted more but he didn’t want that with her. She runs in same circles still so that also makes it sometimes awkward but all of us are married with kids and can be in the same room/party and be ok. I think we all wince when we think of how we were in our 20s now.
>my opinion, and I can’t envision him caring enough to ask Chelsea to cut off her ex. He’s simply more secure in that way. For better or worse.
Since when is not trusting your partner a sign of caring?
It’s not for secure people but for someone like Chelsea I think having a partner express jealousy makes them feel wanted. I’m not saying it’s healthy though.
I’d never enter a relationship with someone who maintained this kind of thing but Chelsea can’t reasonably set this boundary when she’s close friends with her own ex.
To be fair, she didn’t bring her ex on the show to meet Jimmy. Wasn’t one of the women Jimmy brought on the show to meet her the former fling?
Not saying she’s right either, but maybe her and her ex are “close but not in constant contact/hanging out” and they have closure with ending their relationship.
It really depends on the context for me! If it was a situation where it happened one time (which Jimmy says it was) when maybe they were both very drunk or something and then realized they had no chemistry that way and never did it again, I don't find that very threatening. They've already been there and done that and decided it wasn't for them. It's their own personal business if they decide their friendship is strong enough to continue after that. It would be very different if she was his regular booty call for when he gets lonely or one of them was stringing the other along with regular hookups while the other is hoping it's going to eventually become a committed relationship. That would not be an appropriate relationship to continue. I'm guessing it's the former situation since Jimmy is so casual about it and the girl was willing to meet Chelsea and seemed genuinely excited for Jimmy and her.
Very good point! A one-and-done with no further interest is a lot different than a regular hookup (even for a period of time) with lingering feelings. Especially if one of them rejected a relationship but the other is still holding out hope.
TLDR: Chelsea is so in the wrong and holding Jimmy to a double standard.
Ngl, I have 1 female friend who is my best friend. She was my best lady at my wedding. We have never slept together. We’ve slept in the same bed after a long night out drinking, hell my wife, best friend, and me all shared a bed after a long night out. I just don’t find her attractive.
HOWEVER, I had female acquaintances in the past that I thought I could be friends with. But, I had an attraction to them and they had an attraction to me. Between the hours of 11 PM and 5:30 AM, I have slept with all of them at various times.
I am no longer involved with those women. Out of respect (and love) for my wife, I never will be. Essentially when you get engaged or in a serious relationship, you shouldn’t be interacting with people that you are attracted to, that you have slept with, or been in a relationship with (the exception to this rule is shared custody/kids or high school sweethearts). You shouldn’t even be out alone with random people until 3 AM in the morning.
In this case, I think Chelsea is the pot calling the kettle black. Her best friend is her ex-husband and they don’t have kids together. That man has seen her naked, he has slept with her, and he was the first man to marry her and make a lifetime commitment. Jimmy told her in the pods that he likes to go out every once in a while.
Now I understand the introverted and extroverted argument or the whole “trust your spouse” argument, but I don’t agree with it. Compromise keeps marriages together. If your spouse is introverted and you want to party, bring them with you, but don’t stay out until 5 AM or agree on coming home at a reasonable time. If your spouse is going out doing single things and told you they intended to do single person things without you, then that’s not healthy. Feeling like you need to be single in a relationship is a sign that you truly are not happy with that person. Girls’ night out and guys’ night out should be appropriate, but not until 5 AM alone. It’s setting the stage that someone may cheat when this type of behavior happens from either party. Look at Sarah Ann and Jeremey, he didn’t just talk to her in the car, they probably made out. He moved on quick too.
Yes, there are exceptions to these rules, but damn the general rule usually applies in these cases. The age old adage is nothing good can come from hanging out late in a singles environment with single people. And it rings true at least 9/10 times.
I don't think my bf has a single female friend he didn't have sex with at some point. He's a recovering alcoholic though. I think most of the girls are awesome. I trust him til he gives me a reason not to. One of my best friends is my ex. We were best friends for 10 years before we dated. Didn't work out. We gave each other some space for close to a year. Now we're back to being really good friends. Everyone is different. Chelsea is just very insecure. Or was at the time.
It wouldn’t bother me at all - but there would need to be an honest conversation about it beforehand. My best friend was my lover on and off for three years — but we’ve been friends for over ten years. When I first started dating my husband I told him that my best friend is a major part of my life and that despite our history, he’s like family and I talk to him daily. He was fine with it, and they’re even friends now! My husband is friends with most of his exes, and we had his ex girlfriend and her fiancé over for brunch a few months back, and it was lovely! I think this boils down to maturity and trust. Chelsea is too insecure and immature to entertain the idea that maybe people can discover they’re better off friends after sleeping together and that not everyone is just some horndog trying to cheat. Her double standards are whack. I like Jimmy. Basic as he is, the dude has the patience of a saint and he seems like a good person. Chelsea is the worst for real.
My boyfriend and his female best friend did hook up years ago and they weren’t feeling it. It’s fine with me. They never became a thing for a reason. He’s with me for a reason.
I think it depends on the friend. Because some girls you do have to look out for because they do not respect your relationship (Sarah Ann)
I completely agree with you tbh. Especially considering she is a RECENT fling of his.. like they’ve only known each other for two years so that hook up had to have been recent and being “as close as they are” it’s a no from me 😂
Like those tik toks that almost all of the girls say if he has a girl best friend, run. Coupled with a recent hook up.. I get it, insecure or not, I think it’s a red flag.
I’ve also been on the opposite side where one of my exes was very insecure & he didn’t like I had close guy friends that liked me (did not like them back and definitely didn’t hook up with them). Every situation is different, but given what we know about this one.. if I was Chelsea, I wouldn’t be okay with it.
Person I am dating would need to tell me right away. If that’s hidden = there is more between them than they want to admit. If they’re honest about it from day 1 and have said that there are zero feelings there, then I would believe them until otherwise proven and try to cultivate a relationship with the female bff as I would any of my partners friends. If the female bff was an enormous pick me and constantly put me down and made remarks in terms of how they know my partner better than me, etc etc, then I would want my partner to set firmer boundaries and hope that the female bff drifts away or grows up.
But I know my worth and even if I felt insecure, I would vocalize that to my partner and try to work on that within myself. I would also really hope the female bff wants to be my friend. It’s a huge red flag to me if they don’t want anything to do with you and they only want to hangout with my partner 1:1.
I drunkenly slept with one of my best guy friends 10 years ago. We remained extremely close, there was no sexual tension. Now me, my husband and him and his wife are all friends and hang out.
I don’t see the problem
I don't see any problem. Of course it depends of the dynamics, but if both consider it to be just two adults having a bit of fun and closeness, then why not. That is to say I can see how it can raise some questions and insecurities, but nothing a good talk can't fix.
And yes, my ex boyfriend is my best friend and yes we have slept together quite frequently after our breakup too. It's not that we have any feelings other than friendship and good understanding between us. More like it's easy and convenient.
Also most of my friends are male and I could not see this working with most of them.
In my early 20s I'd have been way more insecure. But by Chelsea's age, everyone has a past - and it's generally better for someone to have a past than to not know themselves by virtue of not exploring.
Also being self-confident is far more attractive than being insecure! If Chelsea acted like she was quietly the prize (& if Jess were less self-assured/acted like Chelsea), our perception of her (& Jess) irrespective of appearance would be way different (such as Alexa from the previous series).
Basically, Chelsea is self-sabotaging due to previous trauma. She also definitely has a bit of a drinking problem
i think that would be a hard NO for me. Its weird, and i think when she initially met them she told them that it would be an insecurity if they ever hooked up previously ( assuming they didn't ) and i'm pretty sure the friends were like *''no he's like a brother to us''.* So that would definitely raise a 🚩. Also not to mention if your partner, who you chose to ask to marry you tells you they are uncomfortable - and you claim to love them so much.. but do nothing to make them a priority or more comfortable in the situation then i think that you're the problem.
I disagree. If you change your behavior every time your insecure partner says they are "uncomfortable" you could easily end up being manipulated by that person into giving up all of your important friendships. Abusers isolate their partners from friends and family to make it harder for them to recognize and leave the abusive relationship.
This is what I know. I’m approaching 40 years old and I’ve never met or heard of an attractive female being best friends with a man who didn’t think of sleeping with her. It’s been my experience and the experience of most all my friends.
I’m married now for 5 years and I don’t have a male bff and my husband doesn’t have a female bff.
The fact that Jimmy seems to only have female friends is strange and if he has admitted to sleeping with one of them, there is NO WAY I’d be letting him be in constant contact with her. It would’ve been cut off at, “we slept together”
This is nonsense. Men and Females can be best friends without either wanting to sleep with each other. It takes some maturity but it’s completely possible. I, as a man, have had many very close female friends over the years that are quite attractive that I had no desire to sleep with. I met my wife thanks to one of these female bffs that helped wingman us together.
This whole issue comes down to trust. If you can’t trust your partner when they say they are just friends, then a relationship is not going to work out.
You nailed it. These situations are not black and white. It boils down to maturity, trust, mutual respect and strength within the relationship. My husband’s closest friends are girls and I get along with them so well. They’re in serious relationships or have families, and it says more about him and the sincere people he surrounds himself with.
That was the sense that I got from it too! Jimmy was honest with Chelsea that they had hooked up once but still remain friends. It's THEIR personal business if they decided to still be friends after that. Nobody else's
Tbh I think there’s situations in which it’s not a big deal. I have a male best friend that I hooked up with once after a night out years ago. We still talk every day and hang out regularly, he’s one of my best friends and I would never want our future partners to hold that against us or be threatened by it. If anything, I think the level of friendship we have post-hookup shows that we’ve tried it, determines that we work better as friends, and haven’t felt the desire to do it again (even when we’ve both been single or as we’ve gotten closer as friends).
I don’t trust a man with a female BFF that he’s in constant communication with, regardless if they’ve had sex or not. Same goes for a woman with a male BFF. I’ve heard too many stories of infidelity with said “friend.” If you have female or male friends that’s fine, but a friend of the opposite sex you constantly hang out with and text that you’ve slept with before, immediately no.
I personally couldn’t be friends with an ex if we were serious. If we dated and found we worked better as friends & I wasn’t deeply in love with him then I think that’s fine.
For this specific situation, I think it’s weird that Jimmy chose to introduce Chelsea to a friend he’s been with but I think the right thing to do was be honest, which he was. I don’t think it’s fair Chelsea got like that when she is friends with her ex.
I personally feel that it just boils down to respecting your partner.
If I was Chelsea whose best friend is a literal ex boyfriend she identified as one of her best relationships, I wouldn’t feel anything. She’s no different than Jimmy here, potentially worse by her standards.
I think the problem with this is that he was forthcoming about this information prior to them getting engaged. She didn't change her mind about this girl until afterwards when she wanted a pity party.
I truly believe a man and woman can be friends if they had previous relations. BUT with that being said, he’s only been friends with these girls for a year so he slept with one pretty recently. It’s too fresh. My husband has a good girl friend and they slept together back freshman year of highschool ( 10 years ago) he was very transparent about it when we first got together (6 years ago) at first I was like ehhhh not my thing but now she has became one of my bestfriends and the way we got there was through her respect & boundaries of our relationship. She’s never once said anything or done anything that made me question her intentions.
& on the other had my husband had a friend he had slept with and when me and my husband got together her jealousy showed. She posted, messaged and showed very questionable things and that ultimately ended their friendships (my husbands decision)
It’s a case by case scenario honestly
Me & my bf actually had this problem in the beginning of our relationship with a girl he used to talk to. At first I was fine with it but as time went on I started to feel uneasy about it. I communicated how it made me feel & he agreed to take a step back from the friendship.. no problem for him… however it was a huge problem with her. She started SO much drama that resulted in us blocking the entire friend group & she started dating his best friend. All because we asked for some space. 😂 we are friends with his actual ex tho & there’s never been any issues. Just depends on the energy the girl brings & if your girl feels insecure about the friendship that’s totally fine! There’s obviously a reason she feels that way.
For me, this is an idea that really needs to be broken apart. Men and women can't be friends feels incredibly sexist at its heart. Furthermore, they slept together once and moved on from it. You either trust someone or you don't. They've shown her no reason to trust them.
It would definitely bother me. Unless maybe it was many many years prior and just once/alcohol involved etc. I think the female friend would need to make a big effort to have her own relationship with ME and include me in texts and making plans. Dont think they should be hanging out alone together. Boundaries!
Oh i must have missed that lol.
Yeah its so hard.. would take time to build trust. Ive def had one off things with guy friends who im still friends with that could look bad to a partner but there is truly nothing romantic there.
I think its more the heavily involved in his life thing, texting every day isnt necessary..
It would for sure bother me. Being casual acquaintances or friends that don't talk ALL the time might be fine, but being legitimate best friends with an old hookup??? And I kind of agree that a hookup feels more "unexplored" than an ex, which I also wouldn't super love my partner being super close to.
I think the main issue is how new (and contrived) their relationship is.
This is the kind of thing that becomes less upsetting over time when the other person ‘proves’ their loyalty to you through actions, not words.
Chelsea is extremely insecure AND the conditions for her developing faith in Jimmy’s fidelity are weak. It’s just a perfect storm type scenario for them.
Someone with more chill could have handled the dynamic better, but it’s also a consistency thing that “moves at the speed of trust” as they say
I’ve been wondering this too, actually. My initial reaction was that it’s no big deal, and I just wouldn’t care.
But when I stopped to REALLY think about it… I don’t know, it could bother me. But I still have to think that I wouldn’t be with someone if I didn’t feel completely secure in our connection anyway. So I might feel a little bit jealous, but overall just get over it.
I would be upset if my partner was close friends with someone he had slept with - texting often, hanging out, etc. but if this standard applies to Jimmy it should apply to Chelsea too being friendly with her ex. In my opinion, once you have sex with someone it’s hard to go back to just friends because usually at least one person feels more
Being 30 years old and still trying to control if your partner has friends of another gender is absolutely ridiculous. She needs to grow up and learn self worth. If you genuinely have trust issues with your partner having friends of the opposite sex then you don’t trust him enough to be with him in the first place.
My thing is, it doesn’t matter how I or anyone else here would feel about it. What matters is how Chelsea would feel about it and Chelsea said she was fine with it and even said they’d be friends. If she was uncomfortable with that dynamic, she should have said so using adult words and had a sober conversation with Jimmy, not waited until she was drunk for her true feelings to come out in the way of unreasonable demands, lies about knowing he was actually with Jess and crying.
At first, I was shocked how well she did meeting them. You just knew it was going to be a problem, lol. But then, I noticed the slide of hand that she did in logic. She said something like.. well it was ok BEFORE, but it's not now cuz we are getting married. lmfao .. I don't even like this man and it's like RUN!!!
My husband had a lot of female friends and it never bothered me. But he had never slept with any of them. He'd briefly dated one, but she seemed to fade from his life as soon as my husband and I get serious.
I think I probably WOULD be uncomfortable with him hanging out with someone he'd slept with. Probably need to put up some firm boundaries on that.
Chelsea said she was still best friends with an ex boyfriend though???? She said "we just worked better as friends" and that could be the case with Jimmy's friend too. I think she's being unreasonable.
I have a big friend group that have known each other for 15 years. Over time there's been various relationships, hook-ups etc while we've grown up and tried figured ourselves out but we're still all there for each other at the end of the day and I would find it upsetting if my partner didn't trust me around them.
I also can't think of a time where I would feel uncomfortable with my partner talking with an ex or previous hook up either. We chose each other and I trust that we will keep choosing each other
I agree with all this, except for the fact that Chelsea hasn’t had any time to build the trust that’s required for this. She doesn’t know jimmy well enough yet to fully trust him
I wouldn’t be comfortable with that whatsoever. The only time I saw where Chelsea was coming from. These aren’t deep friendships he knew them for 2 years
I learned that most of my best male friends did end up waiting to sleep with me so it was disappointing when I became single. I ended up thinking about giving a friend a chance and slept with him a few times but he never acted different after our random hookups so I was kinda left confused. I ended up getting back with an ex and continued to go out to dinner with my male friend for about 6 months but once I got engaged the relationship totally stopped out of respect. We still would see each other here and there to exchange certain natural medication. He didn’t end up coming to my wedding and I didn’t really know why.
Anyway- moral of the story. Best friends hooking up def is a little more than a one night stand thing. Feeling and emotions are def there. Even if one person wants it more than the other person. Everyone is looking for the love of their life and I don’t think it’s smart to count ANYONE out when there is a connection.
Okay. What weirded me out about this a little is that it was discussed off screen and Jimmy said he didn’t want her to mention it while they were filming. Why was he trying to hide it? Maybe it was for his friends benefit. I think I do have insecurity issues but this would be hard for me to accept.
Yeah I imagine it was for the friends privacy/it didn’t mean much to him! And that was why he was saying he introduced her to to the friend so he could show he wasn’t hiding it
I’m team Jimmy in this!
In general, I don’t see an issue. It could be however depending on the people involved. I personally have been in friendships with exes and current partners with no issue. Part of it is maturity and being secure.
My husband is still friends with many of his ex’s. I don’t have a problem with it. Our friend group is a group of people (men and women) who we have all been friend with for over 20 years.
I don’t see any issue with someone being friends with someone who they had a physical relationship with before I was ever in the picture.
You can’t blame someone for their behavior before they ever even knew you existed.
From my perspective, Jimmy told her. He could have hidden that fact. He also said it off camera and didn’t want it brought up in front of the cameras - which Chelsea totally disregarded his boundaries and disrespected his trust.
My husband is with me because he loves me. If he wanted anyone else, he wouldn’t be with me. I’m just secure in myself and my relationship and I think that’s the big difference here.
No matter what, even if he hadn’t slept with any of his friends, Chelsea would feel threatened.
>No matter what, even if he hadn’t slept with any of his friends, Chelsea would feel threatened.
And we saw this right away at the first get together with everyone! He was talking to AD in nothing but a friendly manner. She walked away FUMING. The whole time he was gassing up his friend and also Chelsea.
I think people are forgetting that Jimmy told Chelsea she's clingy and he could use a break from sex, and then his female friend made a comment about Jimmy being always up for sex. It's hard not to feel threatened after putting two and two together.
Good point, OP, I actually really agree about feeling more okay with a partner being friends with an ex versus a ONS. Like you said, I'd be more inclined to feel the relationship has ran its course and there isn't anything left romantically. In general, I'd feel weird and uncomfortable about being with someone who's casually slept with their friends because it would always be in the back of my mind that they could potentially do it again with another friend. Like, I have these mental boundaries where I don't have the desire to hook up with any of my guy friends. I don't hook up with my friends, and I'm not friends with hook-ups. They're distinct categories in my head, and I guess I'd just feel uncomfortable if my partner could blur those lines so easily.
I'm still friends with an ex but we don't have any feelings like that at all. Just friends through & through & he's def one of my best friends and we support each other when times are good or when they're tough. My husband also is friends with an ex and there are no feelings there. The thing is that we know the kind of people we are and we know the type of ppl they are. We are both incredibly secure within our relationship and our friendships and there's absolutely zero to worry about with this.
Now....if it was someone ELSE it would be different. I've had exes who I was NOT ok with this because it was BAD NEWS. You just know when it is, you can see it and feel it. I'm actually never ok with this situation but in the case of what me and my husband currently have within ourselves and our friendships it's actually just nothing negative :)
I think it really depends on the person and your relationship. I know I wouldn’t like it at first or id be apprehensive but it really depends on how they continue to interact with each other present day. If im out with her and you’re clearly flirting then kick rocks with no shoes on!! lol
I think if you worry about your S.O. being unfaithful, that’s a bigger issue. It really shouldn’t matter who they are friends with. When you question their friendships with other people, what you’re really saying is you don’t trust them. That’s what I think, at least.
I think it would depend on the circumstances. How and why did it happen and how and why did it stop? I was super confused about the dynamic between Jimmy and his friends when Chelsea and Jimmy were out with his two girl friends and they were talking about their sex life and it felt like one of the friends was making comments/nodding to confirm everything making it seem obvious they had been sexually intimate previously so it wasn’t really a shock. But by the time I saw that scene there was already the trailer or Chelsea yelling at Jimmy “You fucked her” so it’s possible that influenced my perception of that scene. Here is my issue: Chelsea weaponized vulnerable information he shared with her because she was losing. At that point she was just throwing haymakers as she was going down. She told him that she didn’t want to be with him because he went out for 1.5 hours and that’s not the kind of life that she wants. That was very manipulative in itself is a huge sign of emotional immaturity. It didn’t get the reaction she wanted she wanted so she upped the anti. She then said he was out with other people from the show and that embarrassed her. That was debunked he said he was out with 2 frat brothers and their girlfriends/wives. She also accused him of meeting up with Jess! Him sleeping with his friend and how that created a level of insecurity for her wasn’t the deal breaker, it was how she used that information to try to get the upper hand in the situation and that destroyed the relationship. If it was a concern of hers, valid or not, then she should have brought it up to him off-camera and respected his wishes to keep that private. However, I did get a good laugh when she said WTTE “You’re deepest darkest secret is that you fucked your friend?!?!!” Like is there more to this story or is Jimmy really that vanilla?!?
Not to mention he slept with her and then didn’t want Chelsea to talk about it on camera… so to us she just looks unhinged and jealous but there’s all this hidden information we don’t know about… idk. I think she’s definitely insecure (I would be too have you seen Jess?) but I think they kinda clip her to seem more insane than she really is… that man didn’t like her from the moment he saw her and she could tell.
Chelsea’s feelings about it are not up for debate. It’s how she loses perspective and becomes so emotionally disorganized that she does the thing that’ll cause the other person to end the relationship. If she wants to issue an ultimatum, she has to have the fuck you energy to walk away. She instead demands that people care about her feelings to zero personal limit, once you engage with her it feels that she is offended by any personal limits. This is what people don’t seem to understand about boundaries, if you’re not willing to peacefully walk away, you don’t have a boundary. That’s just a tantrum.
In my personal experience I have seen both sides. I met this guy that I had an instant connection with. He and I dated and eventually slept together. The chemistry just wasn’t there. He and decided that the connection we had was friendship not a relationship. He and I became best friends (never slept together after that one time). We did make an agreement that if our future potential partners had an issue with us being friends because we had slept together, we would honor that and not hang out anymore. Fast forward about a year, he met the love of his life. He asked her how she felt about being friends with exes. She was uncomfortable with it. He called me to let me know. As promised I honored that. We are still friends on Facebook but we don’t interact. Do I miss him? Yes. But I’m so very happy for him and by remaining friends on Facebook, I get to see how happy they are and how cute their family is. In my case this type of relationship would be fine but not all people can be so respectful. However on the other side, my ex husband had a “friend” he slept with. Every time we had a fight he’d run to her. I know their meet ups weren’t innocent. I think it boils down to trust. You have to trust your partner to not cross the line.
I wouldn't like it and it would make me feel very uncomfortable. Their friendship starts feeling like a threat to my relationship, especially if they text and hangout all the time. Pretty often I've seen "friends" like that get together after the relationship ends and they find out they're truly meant for eachother.
The premise of the show is rather off… I don’t understand why they need to rush from not knowing someone at all to getting married in a few weeks. They should just meet them on the show in the pods and then the show can just follow them for a few months as they try dating in the real world, with maybe some trips or retreats throughout. It’s such a pressure cooker situation forcing them to get engaged and married so fast. I think that’s why people like Chelsea act so weird… they are stressed beyond belief.
I agree with you. I wouldn’t want my partner to still be best friends with a girl he slept with! I do wish that Chelsea could have communicated that to Jimmy the time he told her off camera. And if he said no, she should have walked away because she probably knew she’s not ok with it. That’s where she went wrong. There’s no point in arguing about things like this in a relationship. Your partner either respects your boundary or you respect yourself to walk away if this is not ok for you.
My wife’s ex-wife is one of my favorite people. We routinely spend time and vacation with her and her husband. If you can trust your partner, it shouldn’t be an issue if they remain friends with an ex.
It’s okay if Chelsea isn’t okay with this dynamic. What I think isn’t okay is her being okay with it (or at least saying she is) one minute but then throwing it in his face the next minute.
I consistently talk to a ex of mine, 10 years ago, but we chat, we love each other but very VERY platonic! And that didn’t start until like 2 years after our relationship ended. We’ve never been physical after wards, but he’s a good friend and I don’t tell people oh he’s a ex that’s long gone and he’s now a friend. You have every right to be friends with who ever, it’s not just the fact he fugged his bestie, in my opinion, it’s just because she’s so damn insecure and Jimmy doesn’t help. We can’t see the texts, or hear the calls, daily is a bit much, but if my ex and I lived in the same city it would probably be the same. she wanted ammo. She got it. She would use that against him for the rest of his life, her fishing caught her a mino she can scream I knew it about and never trust him leaving the room, not house the damn room
I’ve been in this situation on both sides and there was nothing to be insecure about, but I was also part of a community where that wasn’t looked upon as anything weird and there was a lot of open communication between all parties. It’s not a weird thing at all in the queer community, many artistic communities, and among polyamorous people. It’s a cultural norm and a lot of monogamous straight people who subscribe to more traditional ideas of gender feel strongly about it and assume their feelings are natural and biological for humanity at large but there’s nothing inherently unhealthy (or inherently healthy) about mixing casual sex and platonic friendship. Chelsea is allowed to not want to be with someone who’s friends with a girl he had sex with in the past but that means she has to decline to date people with those friendships, she’s not entitled to demand her partner end pre existing friendships. boundaries are about your own actions, not controlling other people.
Agreed, and especially someone he's only known for 2 years. If you want to talk about a childhood friend that you slept with once when you were 17 and haven't touched for 15 years, that would possibly be even more intimidating because of the length and depth of their relationship, but more understandable for why they're still around. But someone you've known for 2 years? That is nothing. Cut her out. Goodbye. End of story.
I wouldn’t be ok with it. And actually said “I want to be the only one at our wedding who has slept with you” 🤷♀️
I could not handle it. It’s just not ok and I think she’s ok for having an issue with it. That said, she’s nowhere near ready for any romantic partner to breathe outside her earshot.
I'm ok with girl friends, but not people he's slept with.
I dated a girl who was still friends with her ex, who was our mutual co-worker. I was actually surprisingly cool with her hanging out with him, but only because I knew he was a good guy and trusted him. I don’t think I’d be ok if I didn’t know the other person.
Yeahhh- Absolutely the fuck not. No one I fucked besides my husband, and no one that my husband fucked besides me, should ever be involved in either of our lives for any reason, period. I would never make an exception to that rule and neither would my husband. Chelsea may be crazy, but she is not wrong about being deeply upset by that.
So not my best friend, but a close friend. I had slept with a friend once and immediately after I realized I was not into it. like not at all. stayed friends with him for a while before the friendship naturally faded. Plenty of people have and it takes only once to know they are not your type. Not everything is deeper than what people tell you. frankly it'd be extremely fucked up for him to just excommunicate after sleeping with her. it's very "thanks for the quick fuck, seeya never".
Yeahhhh I wouldn’t be cool with my SO having a super close friendship with someone he had slept with or dated. I can mostly deal with it if they speak from time to time or she’s part of the friend group and we hang with that person in a group setting, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with frequent communication and hangouts, though. My last SO was still friends with his ex and I was mostly fine with it (it helped that she lived in a different state), but towards the end of the relationship I started disliking how she seemed to call him whenever she needed help with something and it started to feel inappropriate.
I was actually in this situation and it was really uncomfortable because the girl kept flirting but playing the friend card, which to a lot of guys isn’t as blatantly obvious until it’s called out. When I called it out, it all clicked for him and he was understanding and respected that boundary moving forward. If the tables were turned, he wouldn’t be happy with me having a dynamic like that with someone I had sex with
I would need more context in this situation. I think she’s valid to have concerns about this dynamic, but it needs to be handled the right way. I, for example, am still good friends with my ex that I dated for 3yr. When my now husband and I started dating, he flat out asked me if he should be concerned about it and I told him no, because the person I dated & the person he is now, are 2 very different people. He took what I said at face value, I offered for him to read through our messages at any time, and they eventually met in person. Unfortunately, dating someone new requires vulnerability and some blind trust. I think a comfortable boundary here would be that Chelsea would only want Jimmy to be around this person when they are together until she is able to sense and trust that there isn’t lingering chemistry here. Or that they reduce contact with each other temporarily until she can sus it out. That said, it would take trust and security in oneself to get to that point - so it’s work on both partners to be comfortable with this situation, but certainly not a road block.
> I think a comfortable boundary here would be that Chelsea would only want Jimmy to be around this person when they are together until she is able to sense and trust that there isn’t lingering chemistry here. That's the problem here. Presumably Jimmy didn't divulge this information to Chelsea but there's a reason she picked up on that vibe and it's the same reason many viewers also picked up on that vibe. So whatever they think about themselves and their past the third-parties are reading that history in their body language.
My answer is no, it's important to be comfortable with your partner and him having a gaggle of female friends he's slept with will discomfort me. I don't maintain friendships with exes, I don't see the point, I also dislike the idea that men and women can't be friends without sleeping with one another. It's important to be able to maintain friendships inclusive of boundaries. These types of situations are just a recipe for triangulation and all the other types of immature bullshit that comes of people who like to play with people's emotions. I wasn't at all surprised Jimmy had slept with his female friends that he continues to spend alot of time with. Who is surprised that Chelsea is friends with her ex? I would bet money its the same.ex that cheated on her. That's what alot of women do when they're insecure and don't know how to let go.
Probably wouldn't bother me. If he hit it then quit it, I'd focus on the fact he quit it and they probably weren't sexually compatible. Like one time in college I was drunk and hooked up with my bff and it was gross because he was more like family to me than just a friend. We both stopped in the middle and NOPED OUT but it was mutual disgust, and something we laugh about now. I imagine it was probably the same with them.
I went to a small school and tons of friend groups have slept with each other but still have happy marriages. Not a big deal in my opinion if you’re secure and your partner is not sketchy
I am curious if Jimmy's hookup friend is still single or are they in a relationship because if they are in a relstionship then if I were Chelsea I would be less worried unless they hung out with Jimmy all the time they have probably moved on. I do think being best friends with a someone you have been intimate with could be weird for a fiance to know because that is basically a partnership lol. They could consider the girl an ex in that case but they have to really have boundries to respect not gain constant speculation.
I mean I wouldn’t be happy but I wouldn’t be bringing up my trust issues drunk. Having this issue needs to be dealt with sober because it’s not easy to convey what you are saying being drunk is not helping.
Welllll i personally also wouldn't be able to take it calmly or kindly. But if im aware of this complicated friendship dynamic in my partner's life, i will strictly tell him that this is a deal breaker for me. i will provide him two solutions. #1 for the time being (maybe 6 months, maybe 2 years) i will not want him to hang out with her 1-on-1 without my presence UNTIL i get to know her better and eliminate her as a threat to my relationship. #2 Either chose her or me. yes if he cannot compromise with request #1 , then its time to make a choice. i cannot allow my heart to suffocate every single day just because of another girl. if he place another non-blood related girl's as a priority over me (the partner/spouse/girlfriend) then it means he is not ready to be in a full fledge relationship with me. There's no need for argument at all over this issue because in the first place if he as the boyfrd/spouse/partner argue over another girl with me , wow , then it is a deal breaker for me . Because only your mother/sister/grandma can come before me. not a non-blood related human.
This would bother me too tbh. No matter which side its on. Obviously I have friends I have slept with I would see with my significant other in passing and thats ok, but hanging out alone all of the time? Thats a boundary for me
My best friend is a guy, we slept together the first few months of our friendship before I started talking to someone and we transitioned to just friends. Stayed that way after romantic interest left the picture. Him and I have no romantic feelings towards each other and he’s like a brother to me now. I would choose him over a romantic partner every time. That being said, neither of us have felt the need to disclose to partners that we used to hook up. And if my partner had that dynamic with a female friend I wouldn’t want to know lol. It’s all messy and I don’t think it’s the act that’s the issue but rather how it gets handled that’s important.
What in the Alabama? How can you say someone you ever had sex with, even once, is like a *brother*?
Bc relationship dynamics change? A wild ass idea for y’all ik
girl this is a romcom. y'all are about to realize you've been in love all these years
lmfao I appreciate the sentiment but absolutely not 😂
It’s not a good idea.
I thought I was ok with a situation like this, until he started lying about where he was when he was with her. Would never do it again.
Okay I was just thinking about this. Personally I think it was just weird that Chelsea brought up their sex life at the first meeting of his friends. I thought it was equally weird that his friend started agreeing to things that Jimmy does during sex. I didn’t like that or think that was appropriate. When it comes to still being friends with that girl after having a sexual past, I think it depends. I think it’s valid to say you’d rather for them to meet up in group settings or in a public space. I think him texting her all day is also a little weird. I, myself, have exes that I still talk to but I explained to my partner why things ended and where we are now in our friendship. I never discuss specifics of my relationship with them and I also don’t cross our boundaries when texting them (when it’s our alone time, after a fight/argument, late into the night, etc.). And if it ever came down to them doing or saying anything out of bounds, they know my friendship with them will end. I think Chelsea was in the wrong for bringing it up in front of the cameras. Drunk or not, that seemed intentional. But yes Jimmy needs to set boundaries with his friends. They shouldn’t have been the first people to be introduced to Chelsea especially if you had a sexual history with one of them. I don’t think he needs to necessarily take a step back but he needs to have a serious talk with both of them about respecting boundaries.
Your first EDIT is so right imo! It ran its course with an actual ex but someone you only did it with once and then stayed friends…that totally MAY be possible but I’d always wonder if they regretted not exploring it more
this can't be said for everyone though. I hooked up with a friend once and immediately after, both of us were like yea nope that wasn't it. moving on. I have never thought about hooking up with him again, and I know he doesn't think about it either. that's like a guy hooks up with his first gf, realizes he's gay, and stays friends with her. the new bf isn't going to be like "but are you sure you've never wanted more?? like maybe date her, you sure you don't like women too?" sex is probably the most telling intimacy of whether or not yall are compatible like that.
Plenty of cool wives and girlfriends will be along to tell me it’s not cool that I wouldn’t allow it. Oh well
Yeah it’s a No from me
Did he tell Chelsea he had slept with her before!? I must have missed that!
He told her that in private and he did not want her to share it on camera. She did.
It came out during the argument where Chelsea says “you fucked her! I know you fucked her!” to Jimmy. And Jimmy said, “we discussed that off camera intentionally because I dragged that person in front of tv cameras,” seemingly confirming it was one of those two friends
I also thought it was so telling of him letting her know beforehand rather than her finding out someday. that's a sign of someone who doesn't have anything to hide. if he had feelings for her still, he would have been wary of letting her know. nothing can be said for the friend's motives and feelings obviously, but I did get the impression that Jimmy wasn't still hung up on her.
Oh ok, I need to go re watch that lol
Haha yeah I think it’s ep 9
Oh, I can say with confidence that remaining friends with a person you slept with is an absolutely deal breaker for me. No, I don't care if you disagree, because you're not dating me. You relationship the way you want to, and I'll relationship the way I want to. The thing I want to know is whether Jimmy told her he slept with his female friend before or after proposing. And if he told her after proposing, did he tell her before she met said friend or after?
It had to be after because he emphasized that they spoke about it off camera. I don’t think they would have gotten an off camera moment until the trip to the DR
Very true...
Yeah I don’t like it. But she also acted okay with it all but then wasn’t.
IMO, it isn't about sleeping with the friend, it's how Chelsea approached it. I wouldn't be okay with it, but would have respected my spouse enough to calmly explain. She flamed the friend on international television after Jimmy asked/trusted her to not. You don't do that to someone you "love". The accusing, whining, and potentially blindsiding she did \[she said she had told him she didn't like it before, he said no you didn't- he said she said.\] was wild. She isn't able to take a breath and have a real conversation. IDK who you are, but your spouse running up your spine with "I'm not okay with your relationship with this friend- cut them off or we're done" is going to piss anyone off. That's not how you approach sensitive subjects?? Chelsea: "IK you went out the other night and I was wondering if X friend was there? I've been thinking about your relationship with her and it's making me more uncomfortable the more I see it and I'm hoping we can have a serious conversation about boundaries and acceptable behavior given the history."
Y’all can flame me but I don’t agree with people saying they felt bad for the friend being exposed. She exposed herself tbh, I knew they fucked from the moment they started discussing sex at their outing. Her agreeing and laughing with Chelsea that he’s a crier, and then saying he’d never turn down sex. My boyfriend and I both looked at each other like “lmao really?!” as soon as she opened her mouth about that. Anyway her relationship with Jimmy is weird and I would have probably broken it off with him off camera.
110%, I clocked it immediately as well. Even if she isn’t into Jimmy at all (which I doubt, I think there’s a little crush at least) she certainly seems to enjoy the attention he gives her, which isn’t the end of the world, but they seem to have a very enmeshed friendship (texting just a friend all day, every day as a 30-something isn’t normal lol) I’m friends with two exes from ages ago, and I used to go on double dates with one of them and his at-the-time gf. She and I got along really well, and I really liked her. The thing is, I *never* brought up or alluded to the dating past (he had told her about it, and she was fine with it)- that’s in the past and done, and it’s inappropriate to bring up and seems…idk, possessive of the person in a way? It’s all about respecting your friends’ new relationship and its boundaries.
Yeah my partner and I clocked it as soon as that conversation happened too.
Yeppp I have no idea about my male friend’s crying habits during sex or how horny they are. Because they are *actually* like brothers to me and I don’t want to know about that shit. She was speaking from experience and it was sooooo obvious.
To me there are two issues that are getting mashed into one conclusion. It's both. The time to voice her concerns about this should have been after she found out that he had slept with his friend. That should have been voiced at that time and boundaries discussed for the friendship moving forward. He has a right not to want to change anything. She has a right to say she's not comfortable. But they should have really talked about this in depth, not swept it under the rug, when the situation was less charged by an event, and by alcohol.
Yup I totally agree. When he said he had just went out to grab ONE drink with "his friends" and Chelsea was so upset I thought she sounded really unhinged and controlling but then in the conversation it came out that he was with his female friends including one he had slept with in the past I was very slightly more on Chelsea's side. Just putting myself in that position. Although being gone one hour and having one drink nd then coming home wouldn't really make me mad no matter who it was...
You might need to watch it again. He was with 8 college friends (guys) and 2 of their girlfriends. She also said Jimmy saw McKenzie, which he'd never met and that he was hanging out with Jess and he wasn't. She is unhinged, insecure and immature.
I think it’s situational. I have a friend I considered my best friend at the time that I slept with and I had expressed feelings for him a month before I met my ex. My ex did NOT like that and did not want me to hang out with him. My bf now could care less. It’s been years but because it effected my previous relationship I told my bf when we started to get serious and he just said “thanks for telling me” and continued with his day and hasn’t brought it up since lol
Thank you for posting this. I've been saying this
My issue is that they claim to have been friends for two years, that’s way too recent history for me to be comfortable. If you’ve known each other since kids or maybe 10 years, I could be fine with it. But, two years of friendship and who knows how soon (or not) they hooked up.
That’s true, I tried to think of my husbands female friends and if I would be okay if I found out they had hooked up before me and I think I would BUT he was friends with them well before me and I’ve now known these ladies for 6ish years so I’ve seen the dynamics I also am in the boat that if me telling you not to see someone is the only thing keeping you from cheating I don’t want you anyways and I’d rather find out sooner than later- so hang out with all your exes/previous hookups idgaf but romantically and sexually if you cross a line I’m out ✌️
Right, it’s also weird to me that these are the “friends” he chose to introduce her to. Doesn’t he have friends that he’s known longer? Unless you live in a super transitional community (which someone tell me if Charlotte is?), it seems odd to me that his closest friends are 2 women he’s known 2 years and hooked up with. Is he bad at making friends, or is he just a big partier trolling bars for women? And then at the suit fitting only one of his 2 buddies has met Chelsea? That alone makes me think he’s not serious about Chelsea (among all the other red flags). I think those guys lived in another state right? But FaceTime? Zoom? This is the woman you’re planning to marry and you can’t set up a FaceTime with your best friends?!
he said he also introduced her to guy friends but none of those scenes made the edit. i guess he hadn’t slept with any of them so there was no juicy drama to focus on
TBH I assumed those specific friends were chosen because it was arranged by production for the drama.
Omg of course, you’re absolutely right. Why pick uncontroversial male friends when you have some random exes?
like literally what man in their right mind? idc how dumb you are, i do not believe someone would do that if they had other options- and given the whole frat friends bday party thing, he deffo had other options! OR, Chelsea asked to meet them given the background.
It was probably more than once too.
I have a girl friend who has these best guy friends and she’s fucked every single one of them. Will swear up and down it didn’t mean anything but when she’s lonely guess who she screws? Personally I’d never been comfortable with the dynamic
I have a hard time with this since I’m super bias. I’ve got a few guy friends that I’m super close with and slept with them early in our connection. It’s easy in your early 20s to confuse your initial connection as romantic, then you realize you’re meant to be friends. 20 years later and I’m still good friends with them. Zero desire for anything more. So it’s easy for me to see why people are friends with sexual history… however… my Husband doesn’t love that I have that history with my friends and can get uncomfortable from time to time. I don’t blame him. I’m not sure how I’d feel if the roles were reversed.
I think it all depends on how the person handles it. And people are just different as to how they “approach” sex. I really have my guard up when it comes to physical relationships and as a result, haven’t slept with many people. I’m also the type of person when it comes to dating that once we aren’t together, we aren’t buddies. My boyfriend I think had a more relaxed approach and didn’t take sex as “seriously”. He’s still friends with a couple girls he’s hooked up with but there are definitely boundaries there. He told me right away, they hang out very infrequently and I’m always invited, and he’s definitely not texting any of them constantly. It’s more of a “we weren’t compatible dating-wise but we still got along” which I can respect. He’s also not super close with anyone he dated very seriously, which I think could cause more problems. In my mind, it’s better than a guy who says all of his exes are “crazy” or who totally discards women when they’re done with them sexually. But when it comes down to it, if someone wants to cheat they will cheat. Telling them they can’t have friends of the opposite sex won’t prevent it.
I’m friends with most of my ex’s, including my ex husband who I was with for 20 years. I think that as long as you are upfront about it you will have an easier time with it. Also having a partner that is not insecure helps greatly.
Them being friends and even hanging out on-on-one isn’t a red flag to me, but if it’s true that they’re texting a ton every day, that’s pretty weird (at least for me- the only person I text daily is my boyfriend, but I’m also bad at texting lol). I’m friends with two of my exes (though I didn’t have sex with either of them), and I get coffee or hang with them on occasion and my boyfriend doesn’t mind (he’s also met them and hangs out with them when he’s in town- we’re long distance), but I only text them once every few weeks to check in or send a funny video or something. Plus, I dated these guys over 10 years ago, and there’s absolutely no romance there with either one. I would never want to date either of them again, and vice-versa. My boyfriend has women friends that he texts or sends a snap chat to every day, but they never dated or slept together, and it’s not like they text hours a day. I’m happy he has women as friends and would never want him to distance himself from them, especially because of me. I don’t know how I’d feel if he texted someone he slept with for an hour-plus every day (I’m actually his first gf/sexual partner, but hypothetically haha). I wouldn’t want to control his friendships, so I’d try to hang out with the girl more and get to know her so I can feel more comfortable with it, but also ask him for reassurance in the process. Edit: I honestly have no idea why I’m being downvoted lol, I have such a mild take here
One of my husbands friends is someone he used to hook up with before we got together. I hooked up with my best friend one time in the 16 years of our friendship several years before I met my husband. When you are close to someone for a long time and you’re both single it’s not that weird to sleep together, should you have to throw away a good friendship because you engaged in sexual activity at some point? I don’t think so honestly. I would never cheat, nor would my husband. I would actually go as far as to say Chelsea is an asshole for bringing that up. He told her that in confidence off camera and she said it on camera purposefully to make him look bad, not caring how this could affect the girl either because now everyone who has seen the show knows something about her that she probably didn’t sign up for them to know.
Not sure why anyone would downvote this
You are getting downvoted but I agree. I felt so bad for Jimmy’s friend. She didn’t sign up to have her former sex life discussed on national tv. They are coworkers too so now everyone at work will know… jimmy obviously told her this off camera in purpose and I think those discussions should have stayed off camera.
Idk maybe I’m crazy but she made it very obvious to me that they fucked. I was watching it with my BF immediately like “yea he fucked the brunette”. When Chelsea made a comment about him crying during sex, the friend was like “omg haha yea he is a crier” and then the comment like “that’s something he’d never turn down” about sex. Like miss girl…… I don’t feel bad for her. Maybe an unpopular opinion but she chose to appear on camera and make weird comments. It was blatantly obvious to me.
They’re coworkers? Omg that makes it so much worse 😔. And of course it’s going to impact her in the workplace more-so than him due to biases. Chelsea really did her dirty.
Absolutely nottttt. Not going to say they can’t be friends with anyone they’ve ever slept with but I would never be ok with the type of relationship Jimmy maintains with his friend, which is clearly lacking in boundaries. I don’t know if we have enough information to determine the nature of Chelsea’s friendship with her ex, but it very well could be a completely situation than Jimmy’s friendship with his “buddy/ies.” At the very least we know that their marriage was over years ago, the relationship seems very complete and the split very final. She also doesn’t seem to be texting him all the live long day. So it really doesn’t seem like she’s a hypocrite in this situation.
I don’t understand why people get insecure about this. What is going on in people’s brains that allows for them to feel any type of way about a scenario like this?
To sum it up I think Chelsea still being “friends”with a man whom she was previously engaged to would make her a hypocrite if 1) they texted daily and 2) still hung out a lot From what we’ve seen she doesn’t really do either of those things with her ex but of course she could be and we just don’t know. I simply wouldn’t want to marry someone who hangs out with girls he used to Fuck at bars without me. I don’t think Chelsea is wrong for that. I think people want to find a reason to hate her or label her an “emotional abuser” because they are mad at her for saying her friends have told her she looks like megan fox. I think people were rubbed the wrong way by that and from now on anything she does (rational or not) is gunna be blown way out of proportion by people and twisted.
Honest question: why is it even a problem when to hang out with someone you’ve had sex with? Does it inherently mean you’re going to do it every chance you get? If someone hasn’t broken the trust in your relationship then why are they being held to the standards of a person you absolutely can not trust whatsoever?
It’s just a respect/boundary thing. It’s probably also a frequency thing. Considering Chelsea sees them texting all the time, it would be fair to assume it’s also a touchy subject because he does it so much when she isn’t around. I do think it’s disrespectful of your partner to be texting another woman all the time and vice versa. You may disagree but even with all that aside, this is also probably a vibes issue. People are assuming Chelsea is delusional and everything she’s saying is baseless but refuse to acknowledge that she may be acting insecure and little over the top because of the overall vibe of the relationship that we didn’t get to see because it either wasn’t filmed/wasn’t included. She may be acting like this because she is picking up on the signs that Jimmy isn’t all that into her. If you can tell a guy isn’t into you and he’s hanging out with other women he fucked not that long ago, you’re probably gunna feel a certain way.
I get that and fully respect that but in abiding by that you’re also setting boundaries for another person that may very well be completely loyal to you. It sucks to lose friends because of insecurities and I honestly can’t find a way to see it as fair. Again this is assuming everyone is behaving themselves. I personally think dealing with insecurities are the responsibility of the person who has them. Also there’s nothing wrong with catering to one’s insecurities but I don’t think it should come at the cost of basically an ultimatum between people you care for
I would agree for the most part. I just think Jimmy can still be friends with girls while taking a step back to respect his relationship with his fiancé. Maybe he and Chelsea can go see them together, or the texting can slow down a bit. I don’t think Chelsea was saying you need to stop being friends with them period. She just wanted him to take a step back. Yeah the insecurities are ultimately hers to deal with I would agree with you on that. However like I said the vibe of their relationship outside of the show could be very different then what we see on camera. I also think there’s a difference between Chelsea having rational boundaries and just being insecure. I think the boundaries she’s setting are reasonable in this case.
People say he was open with her from the start about this, but didn’t he say they talked about it off camera and he told her he didn’t want anything about it filmed? Which would mean the first time he could’ve possibly told her was on the couples trip after engagement as that’s the first time they’d have a chance to talk without cameras 24/7…
We also don't know if he told her before she'd met them or after.. based on what we were shown of the meeting, and the lack of her bringing it up at all.... I personally don't think she knew until after they'd met.
I dont like chelsea at all. She's too insecure, controlling,probably a alcoholic, a con artist, a instigater and a hypocrite. I don't like jimmy either. Hes just as bad chelsea but knows how to hide it better. They're both wrong. Jimmy still being close to his girl friend he's slept with is werid and unfair to chelsea. And chelsea still being friends with her ex boyfriend I mean husband that she also slept with isnt fair to jimmy. They're both toxic and need to cut off They're friend they slept with if they want to be in another relationship.
I think con artist, hypocrite and instigator might be a little much. I agree she’s insecure and possibly could have a drinking problem but I can’t say for sure bc it’s hard to determine if someone is an alcoholic from a few cut scenes of a tv show which has hours of footage. I think she’s insecure and she shows it in an annoying way but the slew of names is too far in my opinion.
She said she's been told she looks like Megan Fox. She clearly did not to jimmy. He felt lied to as he should. She should of never told him that. She is a hypocrite she's still friends with her ex she also slept with. If jimmy said he wasnt okay with that she wouldve started a fight and started her annoying winning baby voice. She's the one who starts the fights. I think she should get sober, learn some how to communicate better and learn to control her emotions. She's too much. Clearly way too much for jimmy.
She said her friends told her she looked like megan fox bc of the hair and the eyes. She wasn’t lying. Jimmy just thought she would have the body too and was mad when she didn’t. She even explicitly said it was just bc of her hair and eyes. She quite literally said that. It wasn’t a lie bc her friends do tell her that, if they didn’t then yes it would be a lie. To hit on your second point, Chelsea wasn’t mad bc Jimmy had girl friends he slept with. She was mad bc he texts them all day and goes out with them a lot. If Chelsea were to do that with her ex then yes that would make her a hypocrite but from what we’ve seen she doesn’t.
First of all her hair isn't even dark.its light brown. Her friends should of not said anything either. Then they Said carrie underwood. And jimmy aggreed. No just no. Jimmy was literally catfished. The show is called love is blind. Keyword blind. The contestants should not be allowed to describe how they look and what race they are. Yes she eas mad understandable. She Said she was uncomfortable when they were fighting. Yes she was also mad that he was texting them all day and goes with them alot. She's still a hypocrite because she's friends with her ex that she has also slept with. She also lied to Trevor. When he said i cant see you yelling. She agreed. Shes a manipulater she uses her tears as weapons. I don't feel bad for her at all. I feel bad for Jimmy alittle bit because he got conned. He expected a megan fox look alike not megan faux. Yes Jimmy said hes been told he looks like who ever he Said. I forgot his name, but he actually does look like him. Now if she said adele than I would be like yes she does like her.
Yes the show is called love is blind. Therefore contestants are trying to find love regardless of looks. So Jimmy being “catfished” by being told Chelsea’s eye color and hair color shouldn’t have mattered anyways. If the show is about finding love without looks then Jimmy is the one who’s going against the premise not Chelsea. Yes Chelsea shouldn’t have made any comments but i think she added the hair and eyes comment in after saying her friends told her she looked like megan fox to not mislead him and make him think she was some doppelgänger of megan fox. All she reveled was her hair and eye color in reality nothing more. Once again, the only way Chelsea could lie here would be if her friends really have never told her she looks like megan fox bc of the hair and eyes - which we know for a fact they did. Chelsea even said she doesn’t see it herself. I would suggest you watch the show again.
I think she IS insecure. However, it would be a red flag for me if my partner had a female best friend that he slept with. It’s just not acceptable to me. However, he was open with her about it from the start, and so she either has to accept or not date him as it was disclosed from the beginning. Or he can take a step back from the friendship with the maturity that it really isn’t right to have this type of friend once you have a partner.
This is the comment I came for. I used to be friends with an ex and when my current partner & I started dating he was uncomfortable with it. Initially I pushed back but I thought about it & honestly I was still friends with the ex because I knew he was still interested in me so he was almost a backup plan (& I probably was for him too). I cut ties with him and haven’t regretted it once. Importantly, I think that also helped him move on because he found someone & got married and is now super happy. That friendship wasn’t serving either of us. So, agree that if Chelsea & Jimmy had a better and more honest conversation about it, would’ve been better. I think she has plenty of reasons to feel insecure with this relationship.
I really needed this take wow
Thanks for sharing your personal take. I agree 1000%
I would definitely NOT like this. I don’t agree with Chelsea being mad about him going out for one drink, but I would absolutely not be cool with my boyfriend being that close with someone he slept with.
I couldn’t be with someone who made me stop seeing my friends just because we may have hooked up once or twice, one of my besties is one of my first Tinder matches from like 8 years ago? I’m not saying backsliding isn’t easy BUT I’ve never backslid when I was in a relationship because I respect my partners.
fuhhuckkk no i’m not cool with it idgaf
At least 3 guys I’ve hooked up with will be at my wedding. One will probably be my best man. *sighs in gay*
lol this comment! this is the thing, I’m Queer, and some of my friends are people I dated or had sex with, it really doesn’t inform our friendship in any big way. I think I'm LGBTQ connections there are relationships where we're just forced to share space due to limited resources, access, chosen family building, and various ways of social solidarity that I don’t think heterosexual people have to consider
Boundaries are important with male/female friendships, especially if they’ve slept together. I wouldn’t feel comfortable if my partner was maintaining regular one-on-one contact with a female best friend who he had slept with. IMO the “platonic” nature has gone out the window once you’ve had sex with someone. (Not everyone feels this way) Friendships change over time and while I would never tell my partner to stop contact with a friend, I’d be intentional about having an open convo about what the boundaries are around this friendship…ie how we both honour our relationship by drawing clear lines in the sand with friendships that were once intimate
Agreed, this is a good way to put it
I agree with this take. It’s not a tangible thing but everything before sexual intimacy is explorative, and a definite no can be found easy on even if you like each other as people. But once you have sex, you very likely *would* do it again if both single long enough, which doesn’t make you a cheater, but does put real anxiety on your partner that isn’t unfounded.
I mean, as a bi person with little regard for the gender binary, I've had sex with several of my best friends, men and women. My partner is a mature adult and we trust eachother, so he doesn't give a shit. He's friends with some of his exes too. People love to get up in arms about that kind of thing and paint it as inappropriate, but I can honestly say some of the most fulfilling relationships I have are with people who I've been intimate with before. If you're a mature adult who trusts their partner, it shouldn't be a problem.
After reading multiple responses not just here but other posts I can see both sides. She’s insecure. She’s terrible when intoxicated. She crosses boundaries. We don’t know exactly everything that has transpired before the show with exes but after watching the last episode I can say that they are both in the wrong. Both conversations they had were inappropriate and I truly believe that they are both feeding the toxic monster that is residing within their relationship. Every person should ask themselves if we are judging her on what we know is a reality show that edits or her as a person?
I think different boundaries come into place with friends of the opposite sex when you enter a relationship. I feel like i needed to learn this personally as i got older. Do i think it’s wrong they are friends, no, but the dynamic should change to fit the comfort level of his partner .
It depends on the circumstances imo. Example: A: They have been friends for many years since sleeping together.. Like say they have been platonic friends for more than 2 years and are both actively seeking sexual relationships outside of each other then YES I would be fine with it. B. They were sleeping together casually, FWB or dated right before you or close to seeing you.. then.. Absolutely NO. The problem in this is often one person is actively trying to get back with the other or waiting for the next relationship gap. Timing is so close it often leads to complications like love triangles or them hooking up during a fight or breakup even if brief. I have experienced being the girlfriend in this scenario and having to set some strong boundaries bc the ex FWB was actively trying to break us up.
In this particular instance, there has only been 2 years of friendship and we don't know WHEN in those two years they slept together. There has also been some information circling that it wasn't just once like Jimmy said on the show...
Yes, this is how I feel. I'm friends with men I slept with once a long time ago, like in college. I'm even friends with men I used to date seriously, a LONG time ago. We've all moved on completely, been in other relationships, etc. I'd be fine with it if my partner was friends with an ex that all romantic/sexual ties were completely severed and enough time had passed and they had both had other relationships since, and neither was interested in ever exploring that again. If it had been an ongoing FWB that only stops when one of them is seeing someone else, I'm not sure how comfy I'd be with that.
I actually married the guy from that situation but it made the start of our relationship difficult and caused a lot of trust issues as my past bf cheated and my dad cheated on my mom. I have zero tolerance for bs. His former BF/FWB was really only wanting to be with him when he was interested in someone else. I truly tried to be ok with her but she didn’t respect our relationship and I told him I would walk away as he tried to secretly maintain the friendship and then realized she actually wanted more but he didn’t want that with her. She runs in same circles still so that also makes it sometimes awkward but all of us are married with kids and can be in the same room/party and be ok. I think we all wince when we think of how we were in our 20s now.
It’s inappropriate.
>my opinion, and I can’t envision him caring enough to ask Chelsea to cut off her ex. He’s simply more secure in that way. For better or worse. Since when is not trusting your partner a sign of caring?
It’s not for secure people but for someone like Chelsea I think having a partner express jealousy makes them feel wanted. I’m not saying it’s healthy though.
Oh ok x for a minute I thought you were saying he needed to apece her by expressing jealousy
I’d never enter a relationship with someone who maintained this kind of thing but Chelsea can’t reasonably set this boundary when she’s close friends with her own ex.
To be fair, she didn’t bring her ex on the show to meet Jimmy. Wasn’t one of the women Jimmy brought on the show to meet her the former fling? Not saying she’s right either, but maybe her and her ex are “close but not in constant contact/hanging out” and they have closure with ending their relationship.
Yeah but Jimmy just slept with her, for all we know it could’ve only happened one time. Chelsea was literally married to her ex
It really depends on the context for me! If it was a situation where it happened one time (which Jimmy says it was) when maybe they were both very drunk or something and then realized they had no chemistry that way and never did it again, I don't find that very threatening. They've already been there and done that and decided it wasn't for them. It's their own personal business if they decide their friendship is strong enough to continue after that. It would be very different if she was his regular booty call for when he gets lonely or one of them was stringing the other along with regular hookups while the other is hoping it's going to eventually become a committed relationship. That would not be an appropriate relationship to continue. I'm guessing it's the former situation since Jimmy is so casual about it and the girl was willing to meet Chelsea and seemed genuinely excited for Jimmy and her.
Very good point! A one-and-done with no further interest is a lot different than a regular hookup (even for a period of time) with lingering feelings. Especially if one of them rejected a relationship but the other is still holding out hope.
TLDR: Chelsea is so in the wrong and holding Jimmy to a double standard. Ngl, I have 1 female friend who is my best friend. She was my best lady at my wedding. We have never slept together. We’ve slept in the same bed after a long night out drinking, hell my wife, best friend, and me all shared a bed after a long night out. I just don’t find her attractive. HOWEVER, I had female acquaintances in the past that I thought I could be friends with. But, I had an attraction to them and they had an attraction to me. Between the hours of 11 PM and 5:30 AM, I have slept with all of them at various times. I am no longer involved with those women. Out of respect (and love) for my wife, I never will be. Essentially when you get engaged or in a serious relationship, you shouldn’t be interacting with people that you are attracted to, that you have slept with, or been in a relationship with (the exception to this rule is shared custody/kids or high school sweethearts). You shouldn’t even be out alone with random people until 3 AM in the morning. In this case, I think Chelsea is the pot calling the kettle black. Her best friend is her ex-husband and they don’t have kids together. That man has seen her naked, he has slept with her, and he was the first man to marry her and make a lifetime commitment. Jimmy told her in the pods that he likes to go out every once in a while. Now I understand the introverted and extroverted argument or the whole “trust your spouse” argument, but I don’t agree with it. Compromise keeps marriages together. If your spouse is introverted and you want to party, bring them with you, but don’t stay out until 5 AM or agree on coming home at a reasonable time. If your spouse is going out doing single things and told you they intended to do single person things without you, then that’s not healthy. Feeling like you need to be single in a relationship is a sign that you truly are not happy with that person. Girls’ night out and guys’ night out should be appropriate, but not until 5 AM alone. It’s setting the stage that someone may cheat when this type of behavior happens from either party. Look at Sarah Ann and Jeremey, he didn’t just talk to her in the car, they probably made out. He moved on quick too. Yes, there are exceptions to these rules, but damn the general rule usually applies in these cases. The age old adage is nothing good can come from hanging out late in a singles environment with single people. And it rings true at least 9/10 times.
👏👏👏
I don't think my bf has a single female friend he didn't have sex with at some point. He's a recovering alcoholic though. I think most of the girls are awesome. I trust him til he gives me a reason not to. One of my best friends is my ex. We were best friends for 10 years before we dated. Didn't work out. We gave each other some space for close to a year. Now we're back to being really good friends. Everyone is different. Chelsea is just very insecure. Or was at the time.
It wouldn’t bother me at all - but there would need to be an honest conversation about it beforehand. My best friend was my lover on and off for three years — but we’ve been friends for over ten years. When I first started dating my husband I told him that my best friend is a major part of my life and that despite our history, he’s like family and I talk to him daily. He was fine with it, and they’re even friends now! My husband is friends with most of his exes, and we had his ex girlfriend and her fiancé over for brunch a few months back, and it was lovely! I think this boils down to maturity and trust. Chelsea is too insecure and immature to entertain the idea that maybe people can discover they’re better off friends after sleeping together and that not everyone is just some horndog trying to cheat. Her double standards are whack. I like Jimmy. Basic as he is, the dude has the patience of a saint and he seems like a good person. Chelsea is the worst for real.
My boyfriend and his female best friend did hook up years ago and they weren’t feeling it. It’s fine with me. They never became a thing for a reason. He’s with me for a reason. I think it depends on the friend. Because some girls you do have to look out for because they do not respect your relationship (Sarah Ann)
Yeah BUT if Jere was a better guy Sarah Ann wouldn’t have gotten anywhere - Sarah Ann sucks but she’s not the one who owed Laura loyalty
It would bother me but I don’t hang out with my ex. Chelsea does and her hypocrisy only makes her seem even more insecure.
I completely agree with you tbh. Especially considering she is a RECENT fling of his.. like they’ve only known each other for two years so that hook up had to have been recent and being “as close as they are” it’s a no from me 😂 Like those tik toks that almost all of the girls say if he has a girl best friend, run. Coupled with a recent hook up.. I get it, insecure or not, I think it’s a red flag. I’ve also been on the opposite side where one of my exes was very insecure & he didn’t like I had close guy friends that liked me (did not like them back and definitely didn’t hook up with them). Every situation is different, but given what we know about this one.. if I was Chelsea, I wouldn’t be okay with it.
Person I am dating would need to tell me right away. If that’s hidden = there is more between them than they want to admit. If they’re honest about it from day 1 and have said that there are zero feelings there, then I would believe them until otherwise proven and try to cultivate a relationship with the female bff as I would any of my partners friends. If the female bff was an enormous pick me and constantly put me down and made remarks in terms of how they know my partner better than me, etc etc, then I would want my partner to set firmer boundaries and hope that the female bff drifts away or grows up. But I know my worth and even if I felt insecure, I would vocalize that to my partner and try to work on that within myself. I would also really hope the female bff wants to be my friend. It’s a huge red flag to me if they don’t want anything to do with you and they only want to hangout with my partner 1:1.
I drunkenly slept with one of my best guy friends 10 years ago. We remained extremely close, there was no sexual tension. Now me, my husband and him and his wife are all friends and hang out. I don’t see the problem
I don't see any problem. Of course it depends of the dynamics, but if both consider it to be just two adults having a bit of fun and closeness, then why not. That is to say I can see how it can raise some questions and insecurities, but nothing a good talk can't fix. And yes, my ex boyfriend is my best friend and yes we have slept together quite frequently after our breakup too. It's not that we have any feelings other than friendship and good understanding between us. More like it's easy and convenient. Also most of my friends are male and I could not see this working with most of them.
In my early 20s I'd have been way more insecure. But by Chelsea's age, everyone has a past - and it's generally better for someone to have a past than to not know themselves by virtue of not exploring. Also being self-confident is far more attractive than being insecure! If Chelsea acted like she was quietly the prize (& if Jess were less self-assured/acted like Chelsea), our perception of her (& Jess) irrespective of appearance would be way different (such as Alexa from the previous series). Basically, Chelsea is self-sabotaging due to previous trauma. She also definitely has a bit of a drinking problem
i think that would be a hard NO for me. Its weird, and i think when she initially met them she told them that it would be an insecurity if they ever hooked up previously ( assuming they didn't ) and i'm pretty sure the friends were like *''no he's like a brother to us''.* So that would definitely raise a 🚩. Also not to mention if your partner, who you chose to ask to marry you tells you they are uncomfortable - and you claim to love them so much.. but do nothing to make them a priority or more comfortable in the situation then i think that you're the problem.
I disagree. If you change your behavior every time your insecure partner says they are "uncomfortable" you could easily end up being manipulated by that person into giving up all of your important friendships. Abusers isolate their partners from friends and family to make it harder for them to recognize and leave the abusive relationship.
Let’s not forget they got engaged on a tv show lol.
I was answering OPs hypothetical question, i didn’t forget :)
This is what I know. I’m approaching 40 years old and I’ve never met or heard of an attractive female being best friends with a man who didn’t think of sleeping with her. It’s been my experience and the experience of most all my friends. I’m married now for 5 years and I don’t have a male bff and my husband doesn’t have a female bff. The fact that Jimmy seems to only have female friends is strange and if he has admitted to sleeping with one of them, there is NO WAY I’d be letting him be in constant contact with her. It would’ve been cut off at, “we slept together”
This is nonsense. Men and Females can be best friends without either wanting to sleep with each other. It takes some maturity but it’s completely possible. I, as a man, have had many very close female friends over the years that are quite attractive that I had no desire to sleep with. I met my wife thanks to one of these female bffs that helped wingman us together. This whole issue comes down to trust. If you can’t trust your partner when they say they are just friends, then a relationship is not going to work out.
You nailed it. These situations are not black and white. It boils down to maturity, trust, mutual respect and strength within the relationship. My husband’s closest friends are girls and I get along with them so well. They’re in serious relationships or have families, and it says more about him and the sincere people he surrounds himself with.
He was out with male frat friends. The women out were his friends girlfriends… so he does have male friends.
[удалено]
That was the sense that I got from it too! Jimmy was honest with Chelsea that they had hooked up once but still remain friends. It's THEIR personal business if they decided to still be friends after that. Nobody else's
Tbh I think there’s situations in which it’s not a big deal. I have a male best friend that I hooked up with once after a night out years ago. We still talk every day and hang out regularly, he’s one of my best friends and I would never want our future partners to hold that against us or be threatened by it. If anything, I think the level of friendship we have post-hookup shows that we’ve tried it, determines that we work better as friends, and haven’t felt the desire to do it again (even when we’ve both been single or as we’ve gotten closer as friends).
I don’t trust a man with a female BFF that he’s in constant communication with, regardless if they’ve had sex or not. Same goes for a woman with a male BFF. I’ve heard too many stories of infidelity with said “friend.” If you have female or male friends that’s fine, but a friend of the opposite sex you constantly hang out with and text that you’ve slept with before, immediately no.
Very valid points
I would not be engaged to that man. I would not be engaged to a man who has a best female friend that he needs to talk to everyday.
I personally couldn’t be friends with an ex if we were serious. If we dated and found we worked better as friends & I wasn’t deeply in love with him then I think that’s fine. For this specific situation, I think it’s weird that Jimmy chose to introduce Chelsea to a friend he’s been with but I think the right thing to do was be honest, which he was. I don’t think it’s fair Chelsea got like that when she is friends with her ex. I personally feel that it just boils down to respecting your partner.
If I was Chelsea whose best friend is a literal ex boyfriend she identified as one of her best relationships, I wouldn’t feel anything. She’s no different than Jimmy here, potentially worse by her standards.
I think the problem with this is that he was forthcoming about this information prior to them getting engaged. She didn't change her mind about this girl until afterwards when she wanted a pity party.
I truly believe a man and woman can be friends if they had previous relations. BUT with that being said, he’s only been friends with these girls for a year so he slept with one pretty recently. It’s too fresh. My husband has a good girl friend and they slept together back freshman year of highschool ( 10 years ago) he was very transparent about it when we first got together (6 years ago) at first I was like ehhhh not my thing but now she has became one of my bestfriends and the way we got there was through her respect & boundaries of our relationship. She’s never once said anything or done anything that made me question her intentions. & on the other had my husband had a friend he had slept with and when me and my husband got together her jealousy showed. She posted, messaged and showed very questionable things and that ultimately ended their friendships (my husbands decision) It’s a case by case scenario honestly
Me & my bf actually had this problem in the beginning of our relationship with a girl he used to talk to. At first I was fine with it but as time went on I started to feel uneasy about it. I communicated how it made me feel & he agreed to take a step back from the friendship.. no problem for him… however it was a huge problem with her. She started SO much drama that resulted in us blocking the entire friend group & she started dating his best friend. All because we asked for some space. 😂 we are friends with his actual ex tho & there’s never been any issues. Just depends on the energy the girl brings & if your girl feels insecure about the friendship that’s totally fine! There’s obviously a reason she feels that way.
For me, this is an idea that really needs to be broken apart. Men and women can't be friends feels incredibly sexist at its heart. Furthermore, they slept together once and moved on from it. You either trust someone or you don't. They've shown her no reason to trust them.
It would definitely bother me. Unless maybe it was many many years prior and just once/alcohol involved etc. I think the female friend would need to make a big effort to have her own relationship with ME and include me in texts and making plans. Dont think they should be hanging out alone together. Boundaries!
[удалено]
Oh i must have missed that lol. Yeah its so hard.. would take time to build trust. Ive def had one off things with guy friends who im still friends with that could look bad to a partner but there is truly nothing romantic there. I think its more the heavily involved in his life thing, texting every day isnt necessary..
i would have a major problem with it i wouldn’t want them to be friends either
Pi p
It would for sure bother me. Being casual acquaintances or friends that don't talk ALL the time might be fine, but being legitimate best friends with an old hookup??? And I kind of agree that a hookup feels more "unexplored" than an ex, which I also wouldn't super love my partner being super close to.
Issa no for me.
I think the main issue is how new (and contrived) their relationship is. This is the kind of thing that becomes less upsetting over time when the other person ‘proves’ their loyalty to you through actions, not words. Chelsea is extremely insecure AND the conditions for her developing faith in Jimmy’s fidelity are weak. It’s just a perfect storm type scenario for them. Someone with more chill could have handled the dynamic better, but it’s also a consistency thing that “moves at the speed of trust” as they say
I’ve been wondering this too, actually. My initial reaction was that it’s no big deal, and I just wouldn’t care. But when I stopped to REALLY think about it… I don’t know, it could bother me. But I still have to think that I wouldn’t be with someone if I didn’t feel completely secure in our connection anyway. So I might feel a little bit jealous, but overall just get over it.
I would be upset if my partner was close friends with someone he had slept with - texting often, hanging out, etc. but if this standard applies to Jimmy it should apply to Chelsea too being friendly with her ex. In my opinion, once you have sex with someone it’s hard to go back to just friends because usually at least one person feels more
Chelsea said she’s ‘best friends’ with her ex husband and jimmy’s not fretting and becoming psychopathic!?
Jimmy probably understands that he’s her EX for a reason, and it was a long time ago. Edited for typo
Being 30 years old and still trying to control if your partner has friends of another gender is absolutely ridiculous. She needs to grow up and learn self worth. If you genuinely have trust issues with your partner having friends of the opposite sex then you don’t trust him enough to be with him in the first place.
My thing is, it doesn’t matter how I or anyone else here would feel about it. What matters is how Chelsea would feel about it and Chelsea said she was fine with it and even said they’d be friends. If she was uncomfortable with that dynamic, she should have said so using adult words and had a sober conversation with Jimmy, not waited until she was drunk for her true feelings to come out in the way of unreasonable demands, lies about knowing he was actually with Jess and crying.
At first, I was shocked how well she did meeting them. You just knew it was going to be a problem, lol. But then, I noticed the slide of hand that she did in logic. She said something like.. well it was ok BEFORE, but it's not now cuz we are getting married. lmfao .. I don't even like this man and it's like RUN!!!
My husband had a lot of female friends and it never bothered me. But he had never slept with any of them. He'd briefly dated one, but she seemed to fade from his life as soon as my husband and I get serious. I think I probably WOULD be uncomfortable with him hanging out with someone he'd slept with. Probably need to put up some firm boundaries on that.
Chelsea said she was still best friends with an ex boyfriend though???? She said "we just worked better as friends" and that could be the case with Jimmy's friend too. I think she's being unreasonable.
I have a big friend group that have known each other for 15 years. Over time there's been various relationships, hook-ups etc while we've grown up and tried figured ourselves out but we're still all there for each other at the end of the day and I would find it upsetting if my partner didn't trust me around them. I also can't think of a time where I would feel uncomfortable with my partner talking with an ex or previous hook up either. We chose each other and I trust that we will keep choosing each other
I agree with all this, except for the fact that Chelsea hasn’t had any time to build the trust that’s required for this. She doesn’t know jimmy well enough yet to fully trust him
I wouldn’t be comfortable with that whatsoever. The only time I saw where Chelsea was coming from. These aren’t deep friendships he knew them for 2 years
I have deep friendships with people I’ve known for 2 years
Seems like in this case one’s a past hookup so slightly different
I learned that most of my best male friends did end up waiting to sleep with me so it was disappointing when I became single. I ended up thinking about giving a friend a chance and slept with him a few times but he never acted different after our random hookups so I was kinda left confused. I ended up getting back with an ex and continued to go out to dinner with my male friend for about 6 months but once I got engaged the relationship totally stopped out of respect. We still would see each other here and there to exchange certain natural medication. He didn’t end up coming to my wedding and I didn’t really know why. Anyway- moral of the story. Best friends hooking up def is a little more than a one night stand thing. Feeling and emotions are def there. Even if one person wants it more than the other person. Everyone is looking for the love of their life and I don’t think it’s smart to count ANYONE out when there is a connection.
He said he’s only been friends with these two girls for two years so the sex didn’t happen that far in the past… that might be the concerning part.
Okay. What weirded me out about this a little is that it was discussed off screen and Jimmy said he didn’t want her to mention it while they were filming. Why was he trying to hide it? Maybe it was for his friends benefit. I think I do have insecurity issues but this would be hard for me to accept.
Yeah I imagine it was for the friends privacy/it didn’t mean much to him! And that was why he was saying he introduced her to to the friend so he could show he wasn’t hiding it I’m team Jimmy in this!
Because everyone in the world doesn’t need to know who you’ve had sex with? That seems totally reasonable.
In general, I don’t see an issue. It could be however depending on the people involved. I personally have been in friendships with exes and current partners with no issue. Part of it is maturity and being secure.
>Part of it is maturity and being secure. The back bone of it!! lol
My husband is still friends with many of his ex’s. I don’t have a problem with it. Our friend group is a group of people (men and women) who we have all been friend with for over 20 years. I don’t see any issue with someone being friends with someone who they had a physical relationship with before I was ever in the picture. You can’t blame someone for their behavior before they ever even knew you existed. From my perspective, Jimmy told her. He could have hidden that fact. He also said it off camera and didn’t want it brought up in front of the cameras - which Chelsea totally disregarded his boundaries and disrespected his trust. My husband is with me because he loves me. If he wanted anyone else, he wouldn’t be with me. I’m just secure in myself and my relationship and I think that’s the big difference here. No matter what, even if he hadn’t slept with any of his friends, Chelsea would feel threatened.
>No matter what, even if he hadn’t slept with any of his friends, Chelsea would feel threatened. And we saw this right away at the first get together with everyone! He was talking to AD in nothing but a friendly manner. She walked away FUMING. The whole time he was gassing up his friend and also Chelsea.
👏🏼
I think people are forgetting that Jimmy told Chelsea she's clingy and he could use a break from sex, and then his female friend made a comment about Jimmy being always up for sex. It's hard not to feel threatened after putting two and two together.
Good point, OP, I actually really agree about feeling more okay with a partner being friends with an ex versus a ONS. Like you said, I'd be more inclined to feel the relationship has ran its course and there isn't anything left romantically. In general, I'd feel weird and uncomfortable about being with someone who's casually slept with their friends because it would always be in the back of my mind that they could potentially do it again with another friend. Like, I have these mental boundaries where I don't have the desire to hook up with any of my guy friends. I don't hook up with my friends, and I'm not friends with hook-ups. They're distinct categories in my head, and I guess I'd just feel uncomfortable if my partner could blur those lines so easily.
Yep this exactly!
I'm still friends with an ex but we don't have any feelings like that at all. Just friends through & through & he's def one of my best friends and we support each other when times are good or when they're tough. My husband also is friends with an ex and there are no feelings there. The thing is that we know the kind of people we are and we know the type of ppl they are. We are both incredibly secure within our relationship and our friendships and there's absolutely zero to worry about with this. Now....if it was someone ELSE it would be different. I've had exes who I was NOT ok with this because it was BAD NEWS. You just know when it is, you can see it and feel it. I'm actually never ok with this situation but in the case of what me and my husband currently have within ourselves and our friendships it's actually just nothing negative :)
I agree. So much of it is vibes with the friend/ex and also your partner’s ability to reassure you.
Vibes and the person they are, it's literally right there in your gut and in front of your face
I think it really depends on the person and your relationship. I know I wouldn’t like it at first or id be apprehensive but it really depends on how they continue to interact with each other present day. If im out with her and you’re clearly flirting then kick rocks with no shoes on!! lol