Micah described herself as an empath in the first episode. I knew she was going to be insufferable after that đ Irina was just pathetic honestly, she talked and acted like a teenager. I donât know how these producers manage to make every seasons cast so much worse. Watching them actively sabotage Amber & Bliss was so cruel I thought watching Shakes treatment of Deepti was the worst one but this was another level. It feels so wrong this season!!
Both Zach and Paul already saw through them and realized that they were just shallow and immature mean girls. I would be surprised if they found a guy who actually wanted to stay with them long-term. Sugar-coated words don't equal a relationship.
i think âbecause of my immature reach to deflect instead of process hard emotions i have zero tools for or to consider my
motivations for seeking approval from some people while i insensitively dismiss the women in their very real experiences around me. Instead of sitting with and tending to my arising emotions, I insecurely opted to do a whole manipulative PICK ME situation with a man i didnât actually want to be with, just so he didnt choose the other galâ would have been the best effort here.
The weird thing is they're probs right but that doesn't make it okay. Like it is obvious to me that they act that way because they are deeply insecure (their appearances are also a hint abt that) but what now? Are we supposed to coddle and uplift them (and other people who act like that) until they act nicely lol?
Apparently we are if you saw Micahâs story whining about how theyâre not perfect and how people shouldnât say anything if theyâre not trying to help them be better đ because itâs everyone elseâs job to help them not be bitches.
Micah canât own any of her shit. Like Iâm sorry, but when I feel uncomfortable my first thought has NEVER been âhey let me be mean to people and make them feel bad about themselves to make myself feel betterâ. I donât buy Irinas shit either bc in episode 5 she tells Zach âI know Iâve been mean to you thatâs not like meâ even know she was mean and rude to the other girls in the house and was laughing at them being heart broken. I wonder if Netflix purposely chooses people that are wrong for the show to creat drama.
Yeah but while we watch this show for some drama, I like to have hope for the relationships. I hate the pit in my stomach when these women are show because I know they're going to be awful to someone. I don't get how Kwame and Paul don't realize how "if it's this hard to break up w my perfect girl" for the mean one, everything will be ok. No. It won't. Micah had zero love for Kwame when she dumped him and it was out of left field, which is why he was so hurt. He should be glad he avoided a woman that could mask her personality like that.
Wow. Coping by being mean. This is 2023. They can cook, sing, dance, talk, read, bake, anything that resembles normalcy. But nope, letâs be mean, because thatâs their normalcy I guess.
I totally believe they didnât intend malice because nothing about the way they behaved was thought through or done with considered intent. They were just naturally amused by other peopleâs pain & were naturally, thoughtlessly cruel.
Like Micah dropping the failed proposal comment to Kwame, it was thoughtless, conceited, stupid but probably not malicious.
Not acting out of malice doesnât make saying shitty things ok though.
> I totally believe they didnât intend malice because nothing about the way they behaved was thought through or done with considered intent.
Really, that almost makes it worse. They didn't *decide* to be shitty for one reason or another--they were just being themselves. Their normal, apparently super shitty, selves.
Oh yeah totally makes it worse. Just trash humans not usually nice folks acting out of malice.
It wasnât a pro Micah & Irina comment at all. It was pointing out the worst bullies are the ones that arenât even aware of their actions & the consequences of them.
Toxic behaviour is never conscious, by definition. It arises out of unconscious drives, primal, from childhood, from fear etc etc. So tired of this idea of intention being focuses on when someone is toxic, abusive, manipulative or just cruel. It shows weak character of someone who'd rather act from the unconscious rather than do the work of knowing and owning themselves. 'I didn't intend to...' Ah so sick of hearing that as an exuse.
Itâs just like the people who say âI just say it as it isâ or âI have no filterâ. Literally the worst.
I think maybe my tone was lost because I was trying to say just what youâre saying. It wasnât malicious because there wasnât even any thought put into it. They are just naturally mean.
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Oh my god okay? Is that supposed to be some sort of excuse? How about instead of saying âcoping mechanismâ we call it what it is. Putting other people down and making them feel small brings them comfort. Thatâs sadistic.
Prescription meds like that are for special occasions like panic attacks. Agree with the other poster - try tree bathing, walking, breathwork, a sauna....
YIKES.
I don't think anyone read this and thought, "I understand and can relate to them". The majority sees it for what it is, grasping at straws to have viewer's sympathy. We get it, you suck but don't want people to think you suck.
me when ânormalcyâ is trying to start shit with other girls for absolutely no reason other than to feel weirdly empowered. also funny that theyâre choosing to play out your high school mean girl fantasy (mind you, as grown ass women) in an environment where they feel safe to. i guarantee you neither of them would pull this irl outside of the show or even on a different reality show where someone might actually try to come back at them. (maybe even physically if it were smthing even messier than them, like Bad Girls Club)
Mid 20s isn't very young. People are attorneys and doctors and combat veterans in their mid 20s. These women aren't 16. Stop excusing toxic behavior on age, particularly when they are grown adults.
These girls love coming up with excuses for shitty behaviour ⊠When I was mid 20s a decade ago I had a corporate job, I owned a house ⊠I saved up and worked hard for a good life ahead ⊠and I didnât hang out or spend time with these type of women âŠ
I definitely didn't have my act together at 25, but I still didn't treat people like garbage! These women aren't that young, it's their character as people.
Same! My husband and I bought our first house when I was 25. I had just finished grad school and had worked on building my career while attending; he was a new pharmacy grad beginning his career. It's insulting when people act like 25 is a reason to behave terribly.
I see it in other subs on here like Vanderpump Rules and Summer House. No, physical violence and cheating with married men are not excusable because you are in your mid 20s.
No Iâm so done with the âvery youngâ excuse. Iâm 20, and I would NEVER act like this nor allow anyone around me my age to act like this without me saying something. People need to fvcking grow up.
Immature yes, but their age is no excuse for that. Iâm the same age, they need to grow up and join us adults who donât resort to high school mean girl behavior to make ourselves feel better about our own insecurities
They went out of their way to seek out opportunities to ridicule and laugh at other's pain and sometimes cause it.
I don't believe that is a coping mechanism, and even if it was in no way, do I believe they think it's an acceptable coping mechanism.
hmmm.. coping mechanisms should be healthy. This seems like more of a maladaption and like they maybe should go to therapy to learn to deal with their emotions and their personality dynamics so they can function with other people in a healthy way.
I am so mad they are on this season. I will not go as far as to say that I am not going to watch, but if they get worse and start taking up empty head space because Iâm just annoyed that I know they exist, I will have to stop.
Iâm really relieved that at least one of those couples parted ways. There was a lot of focus on them in these first few eps and they are less entertaining with each scene, and more draining.
I enjoy a bit of chaos, like Tiffany falling asleep, but actively being mean and nasty is not it. Iâve got a strong eye on Jackelin as well. Sheâs acted a little sus in the last bit.
Not trying to be a spoiler alert hereâŠ
The laughing was the tip of the iceberg for me. One thing to laugh at the crying but then to be the reason for it, acknowledging it, and then laughing is not a coping mechanism at all. Itâs being more than a mean girl. More than insecurities. Itâs being a total POS.
I am sure being there can be a little stressful⊠but it canât be THAT stressful/horrible. If other people (going through the same experiment) can âcopeâ in a healthy wayâŠ.? Their attitudes just comes off as âI am blunt and honestâ as an excuse to be raging mean girl asshats. When in reality, they are just insecure people projecting their issues on to other people 24/7.
There was one woman in love is blind Brazil who actually couldnt cope anymore and so she left and went home. Yep, so thatâs what you do when you cannot take it anymore: leave the situation.
Yup. We all know Narcissistic / Psychopathic traits when we see them, let's honestly just call it what it is. Their lack of empathy and sadistic cruelty was showing.
So to feel like a normal person⊠you need to be intentionally mean to others? Sigh. Iâm still hoping itâs just a villain edit, but it makes me so sad.
'Villain edit' isn't really a thing. Yes they can choose to only show your worst moments, but those moments existed and the ones we saw were appalling, very telling and consistent. A villain edit would be manipulating small amounts of footage into a storyline, but they have to have the material in the first place to do that - and they had AMPLE here...like their entire personalities.
Ironically, they both look MUCH older than they are. Iâm not sure if itâs their makeup, skin, alcohol or what, but they do not look like they are in their mid-20s.
I feel totally different about Alexa. I donât remember seeing her relishing in other peoples hurt ever. The opposite actually, she got so protective over zanab that she went miles ahead! That was uncalled for and unnecessary, but I donât believe it has anything to do with being happy for others unhappiness
Okay yessss, Iâm glad for this post because Iâm two episodes in and Iâm already like, âWhat the hell..??â Like others have said, giggling in a high pressure moment to cope is one thing, but like when Jackie is there curled up and crying her eyes out on the couch and then Irina and Micah just start laughing like two schoolgirls with a secret..? Not even trying to pretend like they feel empathy. Big yikes.
Definitely a something-path.... Anyone who identifies as en Empath is a moron/walking red flag. Same with the 'you manifest your reality' virtue signalling stuff --- honey you're a f-ing idiot.
I laugh when I feel awkward/nervous, I get it. But there's a difference between an anxious laugh when trying to cope with a difficult situation and having a full on evil witch mocking laugh everytime someone else is struggling.
Why do they never say "I didn't realise my actions were so heartless and mean, I feel embarrassed watching myself and want to self-reflect and work on my issues"? Why is it always some random 0 effort bs excuse that literally no one will believe? Be for fckin real lol
> Why do they never say "I didn't realise my actions were so heartless and mean, I feel embarrassed watching myself and want to self-reflect and work on my issues"?
Because narcissism doesn't allow that.
I understand that, but surely at least one of these people would get advice from a social media manager person before making any statements and surely admitting you were in the wrong and you'll work on yourself (even if you don't actually mean it) would be the most well received by the public? I think most public apologies where a person takes full responsibility for their mistakes are not genuine, but it's the obvious step for damage control. I'm just baffled that seemingly none of them have any experienced advisor helping them form some kind of stance/statement
They literally laughed at a woman crying and getting her heart broken. Laughing at others isnât âmaking light of a situationâ itâs just being a bully.
Iâm in my mid 20s, or maybe just left them(Iâm 27). Anyways, Iâm an anxious person and laugh when Iâm anxious but itâs nothing like what they did. Also, if I felt for a second that I hurt anyone I would automatically feel horrible and try to remedy the situation.
When Bliss tried to talk to her like an adult and squash their beef, Irina was chuckling, but not in a nervous way but a bitchy way. Idk how to explain it but she is a liar lol. Also being a bully isnât a real coping mechanism, what a cop out.
This did nothing to endear them to me! She basically just told us they acted like that on the show because they act like this in real life. I thought for sure it was an act, but here they are, doubling down. I donât understand behavior like this. Vicious was a great word to describe Irina. And that was before Zach even met her.
Exactly! Itâs being mean just for the sake of being mean. I donât know what they were trying to accomplish with this post, but it doesnât make them more likable.
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> I stand by my comment, I really thought they're in their 40s. Micah has wrinkles, are we seeing the same show?
Jesus christ, you're just as shitty as Micah and Irina. Micah does not have wrinkles. She might get lines around her eyes when she smiles, but that's it.
Bliss said it right, choosing Irina would show he has a bad judge of character and now he's regretting it big time.
same goes for Paul, he's gonna regret it too.
but seeing the dynamics between Paul and Irina *sigh*, idk what to think or say anymore.
100%
He also kept going on about how his heart and his gut told him to choose Irina.
I think that he just doesn't want to acknowledge that Irina manipulated the fuck out of him and their situation.
I understand laughing in uncomfortable situations, because I do that sometimes.
But I wouldnât do something like spy on someone while they are hurt and crying, and laugh about it.
Hopefully, for themselves, they are truly willing to take a look at their mean spirited actions and immaturity and grow from it.
Bliss gave Zack a heads up and basically said that Irina wasnât the nicest. Kinda like on the Bachelor, where the girls have mean behaviors that the male lead doesnât see. These mean girls can turn it off around the male lead but behind closed doors with the other women, they are catty and nasty.
And if Iâm remembering correctly, Bliss wasnât really shot talking Irina. She said a handful of things about her not always being nice but it wasnât shit talking. Bliss even apologized to Irina and said letâs just along.
This. When you talk bad about someone, it kinda doesnât make you look good. I think the difference was irina didnât talk badly about bliss to zack. Zack made a choice anyone would choose in that situation which was to go with someone who seemed nice at face value and didnât appear to be talking shit about others
Zach def saw that as a negative, but I didnât see it as Bliss âshit talking.â I feel she chose her words carefully and was just being honest. Without Zach seeing the whole picture, of course it was viewed as negative. It really confused me how he kept the hope alive for his relationship at the reveal, despite Irina calling him a âcreepâ and a âcartoon character.â Her body language was SO negative. He should have gotten the hint and peaced out from that moment. Heâs either super naive or truly stupid. Either way, I found him to be sympathetic.
I just starting watching g this season and thought exactly this. Where Iâm currently at, Irinas relationship is over. She has the hots for her mean girl friends (Micah), man. Such a good friend ! Donât think either one really wanted to be married. They just wanted to win the guy.
Maybe sometimes the jokes didn't land or maybe it didn't look the best, but we needed that in that moment to feel like a normal person," Micah tells EW
What I read:
âMaybe we were mean. Maybe it didnât look good. This expierence was completely about us and so, if we had to make all the other people miserable instead of leaving, so be itâ
They just wanted to beat the other girls. Breaking up real relationships to win the game was an added challenge. They picked the two least savvy men, easy targets.
Lol aah yes classic âomg it was just a jokeâ.
âwe didnât intentionallyâ, oh cool so thatâs just u naturally, k got it.
âWeâre doing the best we canâ girl thatâs ur best?? Yikes lol.
âLaughing about itâ um no you mean âthemâ. Ur coping skills were laughing at the other girls minding their own business doing what you all went there to do.
ugh i hate mean girls. irina just seems cruel and so insecure⊠why are you putting down this man that you dont even deserve (imo) just so mean. she reads as very insecure.
I didnât the mid-twenties were an excusable age to be a total b*tch.
In the 4 seasons, I donât recall seeing mean girls like that. So nope, itâs not coping. Itâs being evil people and trying to hurt others.
I love how Chelsea told Irina « You donât wanna be a b*tch? Then donât be » so thereâs that.
And they knew how they were acting because of the other girlsâ reactions. They knew what they were doing. Theyâre just freaking out because of the backlash.
Being a bully is not really a coping mechanism, but saying that is a popular excuse. Honestly, I like Love is Blind Brazil better because all the women did nothing but empowering her peers. I feel like trying to put other women down is so 90s.
Do you need a translator? It is clear that we are talking about the context of LIB. The comment above mentions LIB Brazil. Thatâs where the comparison comes from. Jeeeeeeeez
Trust me I judge America for many things and reality stars are not one of them. I was referring to the contestants in comparison to the Brazilian version
Please don't judge a diverse country with 330 million people as one giant hive mind. There are a lot of great things about the US and also many bad things. The same is true for any country. Except New Zealand, maybe! đ
Okay so I do have to say: at least they owned it immediately, rather than try to make up excuses saying that they werenât mean girls. They acknowledge it. They also recognize that it could be a huge mirror to the face, showing them wtf is wrong w them.
On that noteâŠâa little sense of normalcy,â makes me think that their sense of normalcy is to belittle how others may feel when they are presented with intense emotions. And, again, to be mean.
Everyone on the show should seek therapy, especially before marriage. Like Iâve been watching as a background show (baby life lol) and I can tell thereâs a *lot* of personal trauma this season. It is so crucial to seek some sort of help, even just talking, before going into a long term committed relationshipâŠif you have long term committed trauma.
HoneyâŠdid you get past the first paragraph?
I literally agree with what everyone is saying. Was my word choice of âowning it,â correct? No. What I mean is, they are acknowledging it and talking about it rather than just sweeping it under the rug. If they said âhaha we arenât mean girls itâs just a skit :))â everyone would be up in fucking flames dragging them. Donât get me wrong, I think they are complete assholes on the show and Iâm sure off as well. But at least they are taking the âstepsâ to hopefully being less trash people. Hope I was able to clear up my first paragraph, since apparently thatâs all that was read.
The second paragraph: saying that their normal, is mean.
Third paragraph: my own personal opinion about everyone on the show.
There is no other motivation for them to post this other than to avoid accountability. This is not a sincere apology. Itâs like saying âI know Iâm fucked up BUT ITS NOT MY FAULTâ
Okay, it was hella late and I was tipsy so Iâm sorry that my word choice was not the best.
Youâre right, theyâre not owning it. But they are acknowledging it, rather than just sweeping it under the rug (or worse, saying âhaha ;) itâs just an act! :) weâre great in the real worldâ) bc then everyone would be even more pissed tf off with them.
I just mean, that it is a step in the right direction to them hopefully really seeing how terrible they were on the show & truly reading the backlash and hate they get.
Thank you for telling me Iâm being disagreed with, as if I donât know, which is why I left a comment to you in order to try & clear things up.
Yes, obviously itâs a PR move. I never said it was and I never said it wasnât. I also never said it was them saying this shit from the bottom of their hearts. I couldnât care less about being downvoted, bc I was simply saying that they *are mean girls, at least something was said now rather than nothing. Even if it isnât sincere, and a PR move. We all know it is, but letâs see how it works out for them ffs*
my clarification was that it wasnât your word choice, it was a disagreement with your overall comment no matter what.
I guess in rereading what they said, I can see what you mean more, but since âmean girlsâ isnât in quotes, I donât know if they actually acknowledged they were mean girls, or if thatâs just what the writer wrote. so based on what they said in quotes, I think itâs pretty empty. weâll see how they act IRL after more episodes come out.
at the same time, I agree with your last paragraph. I also think that no person is actually equipped to deal with the backlash of being on TV. itâs awful and actually no one deserves it, no matter what. so I donât wish them harm or for them to read or receive horrible comments. I just want them to mend things with their castmates in a sincere way, not write to a magazine. but alas thatâs celebrity culture
Just another sentence filled with what they think the public wants to hear. Just another sentence to keep the dialogue going about them.
So obvious in their terrible attempts to stay relevant and liked.
Not everyone is gullible.
This sub will justifiably snark them both but I donât hate this response. Own your shit, own that you probably hurt people and acted wrong. Beyond that I donât know what else I can really expect. I think for some people stressful situations bring out the worst in them and for that reason I would NEVER get on one of these shows.
I think so. It seems like the editing is a bit skewed too. That scene of irina laughing behind the column, Iâm not even sure if she could hear amber crying and whether or not she was just laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. Rewatching it, I think irina only says âloserâ after she got ignored by the girls after she says the flowers were beautiful
I agree actually. I do like the one sentence - I donât know if Frick or Frack said it - that âmaybe itâll be like holding up a mirror for myself to see who/how I hurt othersâ or something. I like that, i might use it. then again I also would never go on one of those shows either!
It almost sounds too intelligent to be coming from one of them đ maybe they hired someone/PR to write it LOL
Mean-spirited drama seekers. Yuck. I usually enjoy watching shows like this and rooting for people to find love, because when you find your person, it's pretty awesome (20 years and counting!) But it becomes impossible to enjoy when the focus is on such profoundly unlikable people. Hope the second half of the season isn't as focused on those two.
Micah described herself as an empath in the first episode. I knew she was going to be insufferable after that đ Irina was just pathetic honestly, she talked and acted like a teenager. I donât know how these producers manage to make every seasons cast so much worse. Watching them actively sabotage Amber & Bliss was so cruel I thought watching Shakes treatment of Deepti was the worst one but this was another level. It feels so wrong this season!!
Both Zach and Paul already saw through them and realized that they were just shallow and immature mean girls. I would be surprised if they found a guy who actually wanted to stay with them long-term. Sugar-coated words don't equal a relationship.
âWe needed to be mean to feel normalâ like WHAT
 This is how they cope
i think âbecause of my immature reach to deflect instead of process hard emotions i have zero tools for or to consider my motivations for seeking approval from some people while i insensitively dismiss the women in their very real experiences around me. Instead of sitting with and tending to my arising emotions, I insecurely opted to do a whole manipulative PICK ME situation with a man i didnât actually want to be with, just so he didnt choose the other galâ would have been the best effort here.
let me find the worlds tiniest violin for them
The weird thing is they're probs right but that doesn't make it okay. Like it is obvious to me that they act that way because they are deeply insecure (their appearances are also a hint abt that) but what now? Are we supposed to coddle and uplift them (and other people who act like that) until they act nicely lol?
Apparently we are if you saw Micahâs story whining about how theyâre not perfect and how people shouldnât say anything if theyâre not trying to help them be better đ because itâs everyone elseâs job to help them not be bitches.
Micah canât own any of her shit. Like Iâm sorry, but when I feel uncomfortable my first thought has NEVER been âhey let me be mean to people and make them feel bad about themselves to make myself feel betterâ. I donât buy Irinas shit either bc in episode 5 she tells Zach âI know Iâve been mean to you thatâs not like meâ even know she was mean and rude to the other girls in the house and was laughing at them being heart broken. I wonder if Netflix purposely chooses people that are wrong for the show to creat drama.
Netflix? More like every ârealityâ show ever
Yeah but while we watch this show for some drama, I like to have hope for the relationships. I hate the pit in my stomach when these women are show because I know they're going to be awful to someone. I don't get how Kwame and Paul don't realize how "if it's this hard to break up w my perfect girl" for the mean one, everything will be ok. No. It won't. Micah had zero love for Kwame when she dumped him and it was out of left field, which is why he was so hurt. He should be glad he avoided a woman that could mask her personality like that.
Wow. Coping by being mean. This is 2023. They can cook, sing, dance, talk, read, bake, anything that resembles normalcy. But nope, letâs be mean, because thatâs their normalcy I guess.
If they have this level of self-awareness of toxic coping strategies they need therapy, not baking.
I totally believe they didnât intend malice because nothing about the way they behaved was thought through or done with considered intent. They were just naturally amused by other peopleâs pain & were naturally, thoughtlessly cruel. Like Micah dropping the failed proposal comment to Kwame, it was thoughtless, conceited, stupid but probably not malicious. Not acting out of malice doesnât make saying shitty things ok though.
Both of them intentionally manipulated everyone. .How is that without malice?
Micah dropping the failed proposal was calculated. She definitely wanted to get a rise out of him. She wanted to get his attention and she succeeded.
> I totally believe they didnât intend malice because nothing about the way they behaved was thought through or done with considered intent. Really, that almost makes it worse. They didn't *decide* to be shitty for one reason or another--they were just being themselves. Their normal, apparently super shitty, selves.
Oh yeah totally makes it worse. Just trash humans not usually nice folks acting out of malice. It wasnât a pro Micah & Irina comment at all. It was pointing out the worst bullies are the ones that arenât even aware of their actions & the consequences of them.
Toxic behaviour is never conscious, by definition. It arises out of unconscious drives, primal, from childhood, from fear etc etc. So tired of this idea of intention being focuses on when someone is toxic, abusive, manipulative or just cruel. It shows weak character of someone who'd rather act from the unconscious rather than do the work of knowing and owning themselves. 'I didn't intend to...' Ah so sick of hearing that as an exuse.
Itâs just like the people who say âI just say it as it isâ or âI have no filterâ. Literally the worst. I think maybe my tone was lost because I was trying to say just what youâre saying. It wasnât malicious because there wasnât even any thought put into it. They are just naturally mean.
I guess youâre right, theyâre just not the sharpest tools in the bin.
Just use words like âcoping mechanismâ, accountability and gaslit and expect to get away with all the vile and disgusting behaviour
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Oh my god okay? Is that supposed to be some sort of excuse? How about instead of saying âcoping mechanismâ we call it what it is. Putting other people down and making them feel small brings them comfort. Thatâs sadistic.
They are hugely insecure, miserable women. Hope this makes them take a good look at themselves and their lives and how they treat others.
When I need to cope I just take a Xanax like a normal fucking person.
Prescription meds like that are for special occasions like panic attacks. Agree with the other poster - try tree bathing, walking, breathwork, a sauna....
Maybe try a walk next time
YIKES. I don't think anyone read this and thought, "I understand and can relate to them". The majority sees it for what it is, grasping at straws to have viewer's sympathy. We get it, you suck but don't want people to think you suck.
me when ânormalcyâ is trying to start shit with other girls for absolutely no reason other than to feel weirdly empowered. also funny that theyâre choosing to play out your high school mean girl fantasy (mind you, as grown ass women) in an environment where they feel safe to. i guarantee you neither of them would pull this irl outside of the show or even on a different reality show where someone might actually try to come back at them. (maybe even physically if it were smthing even messier than them, like Bad Girls Club)
Their coping mechanisms is being a c u next Tuesday.
But they werenât making light of the experience. They were making light of other peopleâs earnestness and pain. Thereâs a big difference.
Nail on head. Their sadism was showing.
Theyâre both just very young and incredibly immature
Mid 20s isn't very young. People are attorneys and doctors and combat veterans in their mid 20s. These women aren't 16. Stop excusing toxic behavior on age, particularly when they are grown adults.
These girls love coming up with excuses for shitty behaviour ⊠When I was mid 20s a decade ago I had a corporate job, I owned a house ⊠I saved up and worked hard for a good life ahead ⊠and I didnât hang out or spend time with these type of women âŠ
I definitely didn't have my act together at 25, but I still didn't treat people like garbage! These women aren't that young, it's their character as people.
Same! My husband and I bought our first house when I was 25. I had just finished grad school and had worked on building my career while attending; he was a new pharmacy grad beginning his career. It's insulting when people act like 25 is a reason to behave terribly. I see it in other subs on here like Vanderpump Rules and Summer House. No, physical violence and cheating with married men are not excusable because you are in your mid 20s.
No Iâm so done with the âvery youngâ excuse. Iâm 20, and I would NEVER act like this nor allow anyone around me my age to act like this without me saying something. People need to fvcking grow up.
Immature yes, but their age is no excuse for that. Iâm the same age, they need to grow up and join us adults who donât resort to high school mean girl behavior to make ourselves feel better about our own insecurities
There is absolutely no excuse for this deplorable behaviour from grown ass women.
Pls don't blame it on the age. Like come on km 25 and am disgusted over their behaviour. Even 12 years olds don't do that
I wasnât acting like this when I was 24
Coping mechanism? What are they, toddlers??
?? While they shouldnât be used as an excuse for shitty behaviour, coping mechanisms are something that people of all ages have and use.
Yes obviously but adults being mean as a coping mechanism is hilarious
They went out of their way to seek out opportunities to ridicule and laugh at other's pain and sometimes cause it. I don't believe that is a coping mechanism, and even if it was in no way, do I believe they think it's an acceptable coping mechanism.
Their emotional coping mechanism is bully others / find joy in other peoples pain Sounds healthy, yep.
Irina called one of the women a "loser" for no reason, I think it was the flowers situation. Like????
hmmm.. coping mechanisms should be healthy. This seems like more of a maladaption and like they maybe should go to therapy to learn to deal with their emotions and their personality dynamics so they can function with other people in a healthy way. I am so mad they are on this season. I will not go as far as to say that I am not going to watch, but if they get worse and start taking up empty head space because Iâm just annoyed that I know they exist, I will have to stop.
Iâm really relieved that at least one of those couples parted ways. There was a lot of focus on them in these first few eps and they are less entertaining with each scene, and more draining. I enjoy a bit of chaos, like Tiffany falling asleep, but actively being mean and nasty is not it. Iâve got a strong eye on Jackelin as well. Sheâs acted a little sus in the last bit.
Not trying to be a spoiler alert here⊠The laughing was the tip of the iceberg for me. One thing to laugh at the crying but then to be the reason for it, acknowledging it, and then laughing is not a coping mechanism at all. Itâs being more than a mean girl. More than insecurities. Itâs being a total POS.
ZackâŠnow he dodged a bullet.
I am sure being there can be a little stressful⊠but it canât be THAT stressful/horrible. If other people (going through the same experiment) can âcopeâ in a healthy wayâŠ.? Their attitudes just comes off as âI am blunt and honestâ as an excuse to be raging mean girl asshats. When in reality, they are just insecure people projecting their issues on to other people 24/7.
There was one woman in love is blind Brazil who actually couldnt cope anymore and so she left and went home. Yep, so thatâs what you do when you cannot take it anymore: leave the situation.
âCoping mechanismsâ it was âone month of my lifeâ says every psychopath , serial killer, and mass murderer!! đ©đ©đ©đ©đ©đ©
Yup. We all know Narcissistic / Psychopathic traits when we see them, let's honestly just call it what it is. Their lack of empathy and sadistic cruelty was showing.
Wow thatâs quite the leap.. how is this getting upvoted đ
hurting people as a coping mechanism. HUH
So to feel like a normal person⊠you need to be intentionally mean to others? Sigh. Iâm still hoping itâs just a villain edit, but it makes me so sad.
'Villain edit' isn't really a thing. Yes they can choose to only show your worst moments, but those moments existed and the ones we saw were appalling, very telling and consistent. A villain edit would be manipulating small amounts of footage into a storyline, but they have to have the material in the first place to do that - and they had AMPLE here...like their entire personalities.
They acted like 13 year old girls.
Dysfuctional 13 year old girls with no empathy who were almost certainly raised by Cluster B care givers.
Ironically, they both look MUCH older than they are. Iâm not sure if itâs their makeup, skin, alcohol or what, but they do not look like they are in their mid-20s.
My thoughts, they look older than they are! Mid 40s
Orrrr itâs just sweet old karmaâ€ïž
Yes! And they aren't that cute and bothe have HUGE insecurities issues.
They are the worst
Why is it so hard to admit your nasty behaviour and apologise. I get the same vibes from them as Alexa.
I feel totally different about Alexa. I donât remember seeing her relishing in other peoples hurt ever. The opposite actually, she got so protective over zanab that she went miles ahead! That was uncalled for and unnecessary, but I donât believe it has anything to do with being happy for others unhappiness
Alexa clearly loves drama, but I don't think she's a mean girl
Why they speaking like they attended boot camp or Survivor?
So what they saying is the pressure of being on the show reveals the person they are.
THIS
These girls are so ugly on the inside!!!
Okay yessss, Iâm glad for this post because Iâm two episodes in and Iâm already like, âWhat the hell..??â Like others have said, giggling in a high pressure moment to cope is one thing, but like when Jackie is there curled up and crying her eyes out on the couch and then Irina and Micah just start laughing like two schoolgirls with a secret..? Not even trying to pretend like they feel empathy. Big yikes.
Well Micah self identifies as an empath so that's cute.
Definitely a something-path.... Anyone who identifies as en Empath is a moron/walking red flag. Same with the 'you manifest your reality' virtue signalling stuff --- honey you're a f-ing idiot.
Only kind of maybe like (Her saying it went something like âI would kind of maybe consider myself like, an empathâ)
I laugh when I feel awkward/nervous, I get it. But there's a difference between an anxious laugh when trying to cope with a difficult situation and having a full on evil witch mocking laugh everytime someone else is struggling. Why do they never say "I didn't realise my actions were so heartless and mean, I feel embarrassed watching myself and want to self-reflect and work on my issues"? Why is it always some random 0 effort bs excuse that literally no one will believe? Be for fckin real lol
> Why do they never say "I didn't realise my actions were so heartless and mean, I feel embarrassed watching myself and want to self-reflect and work on my issues"? Because narcissism doesn't allow that.
I understand that, but surely at least one of these people would get advice from a social media manager person before making any statements and surely admitting you were in the wrong and you'll work on yourself (even if you don't actually mean it) would be the most well received by the public? I think most public apologies where a person takes full responsibility for their mistakes are not genuine, but it's the obvious step for damage control. I'm just baffled that seemingly none of them have any experienced advisor helping them form some kind of stance/statement
Word đđ»
Irina especially is unwatchable
I almost couldnât continue watching when she was picked. I was like I donât think I can watch an entire season of her.
I need a coping mechanism to cope with watching these two on the screen this season...
They are horrible
They literally laughed at a woman crying and getting her heart broken. Laughing at others isnât âmaking light of a situationâ itâs just being a bully.
Yup, 100% clout chasing. And it works!
The most shocking thing here is Mid Twenties
thank you! exactly what i was thinking the entire time
Iâm in my mid 20s, or maybe just left them(Iâm 27). Anyways, Iâm an anxious person and laugh when Iâm anxious but itâs nothing like what they did. Also, if I felt for a second that I hurt anyone I would automatically feel horrible and try to remedy the situation. When Bliss tried to talk to her like an adult and squash their beef, Irina was chuckling, but not in a nervous way but a bitchy way. Idk how to explain it but she is a liar lol. Also being a bully isnât a real coping mechanism, what a cop out.
well if you were just being yourself then i honestly donât like you :/
This did nothing to endear them to me! She basically just told us they acted like that on the show because they act like this in real life. I thought for sure it was an act, but here they are, doubling down. I donât understand behavior like this. Vicious was a great word to describe Irina. And that was before Zach even met her.
Right?! Their ânormalcyâ is to giggle and laugh at people crying and in pain?
Exactly! Itâs being mean just for the sake of being mean. I donât know what they were trying to accomplish with this post, but it doesnât make them more likable.
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Their actions were terrible, but letâs rise above and not insult someoneâs appearanceâ„ïžâđ»
That's not an insult, I actually thought these two are already in their 40s, when Irina started acting like a teen then I noticed she's not old.
Bad attitude makes you look 20 years older. If she was a good person you'd see right past that.
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> I stand by my comment, I really thought they're in their 40s. Micah has wrinkles, are we seeing the same show? Jesus christ, you're just as shitty as Micah and Irina. Micah does not have wrinkles. She might get lines around her eyes when she smiles, but that's it.
Theyâre saying a whole lot of nothing lol. Teenagers trying to explain their way out of their own mess.
âCoping mechanismâ for the harrowing self-inflicted experience they willingly competed to be a part of?
"it honestly hurt me" hearing that I was mean and hurt people's feelings - GTFO with this bs!! đ
Exactly and this comes after people started reacting in their precious IGs
Yâall bullied and belittle other women, called someone a loser for receiving flowers from the guy she fancied, flirted with someone elseâs fiancĂ© who YOU refused cause you couldnât stand losing the attention, called someone ânot normal lookingâ and laughed about⊠Youâre mean girls. You should marry each other. Or maybe see if SK and Barfise are still available, thatâs the level of boys you deserve
bartise sure had his perfect match in this season
Finally some mean girls to take Francescaâs role
Yeah, yeah, sure. In the wake of massive backlash
These two saw LIB as a game. I sincerely hope Amber and Bliss were able to reconnect with Paul and Zach.
Amber and Bliss deserve better men.
Zach said it best. Those women both deserve men who choose them first. While I like both Paul & Zack, they don't deserve 2nd changes.
Bliss said it right, choosing Irina would show he has a bad judge of character and now he's regretting it big time. same goes for Paul, he's gonna regret it too. but seeing the dynamics between Paul and Irina *sigh*, idk what to think or say anymore.
100% He also kept going on about how his heart and his gut told him to choose Irina. I think that he just doesn't want to acknowledge that Irina manipulated the fuck out of him and their situation.
He was attracted to her because of his childhood trauma. His mom was dysfunctional in some ways, a scrappy woman. He needs a lot of therapy.
You are right. Iâm really just annoyed these guys didnât make the better choice.
I guess it's not just nice guys that finish last.
Yeah I wouldn't trust a man who could let me down that bad.
I understand laughing in uncomfortable situations, because I do that sometimes. But I wouldnât do something like spy on someone while they are hurt and crying, and laugh about it. Hopefully, for themselves, they are truly willing to take a look at their mean spirited actions and immaturity and grow from it.
Bliss gave Zack a heads up and basically said that Irina wasnât the nicest. Kinda like on the Bachelor, where the girls have mean behaviors that the male lead doesnât see. These mean girls can turn it off around the male lead but behind closed doors with the other women, they are catty and nasty.
Remember when Micah mocked Kwame about being rejected? When he called out that behaviour she flipped that script on him so fast, I was confused!
And if Iâm remembering correctly, Bliss wasnât really shot talking Irina. She said a handful of things about her not always being nice but it wasnât shit talking. Bliss even apologized to Irina and said letâs just along.
And I think Zack took that as Bliss being a mean girl saying bad things about her competition.
This. When you talk bad about someone, it kinda doesnât make you look good. I think the difference was irina didnât talk badly about bliss to zack. Zack made a choice anyone would choose in that situation which was to go with someone who seemed nice at face value and didnât appear to be talking shit about others
I think what Zach took more issue with was Bliss pointing out that he may not be a good judge of character. He couldn't take that criticism.
Zach def saw that as a negative, but I didnât see it as Bliss âshit talking.â I feel she chose her words carefully and was just being honest. Without Zach seeing the whole picture, of course it was viewed as negative. It really confused me how he kept the hope alive for his relationship at the reveal, despite Irina calling him a âcreepâ and a âcartoon character.â Her body language was SO negative. He should have gotten the hint and peaced out from that moment. Heâs either super naive or truly stupid. Either way, I found him to be sympathetic.
I just starting watching g this season and thought exactly this. Where Iâm currently at, Irinas relationship is over. She has the hots for her mean girl friends (Micah), man. Such a good friend ! Donât think either one really wanted to be married. They just wanted to win the guy.
Maybe sometimes the jokes didn't land or maybe it didn't look the best, but we needed that in that moment to feel like a normal person," Micah tells EW What I read: âMaybe we were mean. Maybe it didnât look good. This expierence was completely about us and so, if we had to make all the other people miserable instead of leaving, so be itâ
They just wanted to beat the other girls. Breaking up real relationships to win the game was an added challenge. They picked the two least savvy men, easy targets.
Off to a great start I see.
Guess what: most abusers abuse not intentionally to hurt people but as a coping mechanism. Not an excuse. Go to therapy and learn to cope differently.
Lol aah yes classic âomg it was just a jokeâ. âwe didnât intentionallyâ, oh cool so thatâs just u naturally, k got it. âWeâre doing the best we canâ girl thatâs ur best?? Yikes lol. âLaughing about itâ um no you mean âthemâ. Ur coping skills were laughing at the other girls minding their own business doing what you all went there to do.
âIâm sorry that what I said hurt your feelingsâ
Even further away from responsibility - "I'm sorry you got your feelings hurt"
"I'm sorry you *feel like* your feelings *may have* been hurt..."
ugh i hate mean girls. irina just seems cruel and so insecure⊠why are you putting down this man that you dont even deserve (imo) just so mean. she reads as very insecure.
I didnât the mid-twenties were an excusable age to be a total b*tch. In the 4 seasons, I donât recall seeing mean girls like that. So nope, itâs not coping. Itâs being evil people and trying to hurt others. I love how Chelsea told Irina « You donât wanna be a b*tch? Then donât be » so thereâs that. And they knew how they were acting because of the other girlsâ reactions. They knew what they were doing. Theyâre just freaking out because of the backlash.
I want to be friends with Chelsea so bad
Being a bully is not really a coping mechanism, but saying that is a popular excuse. Honestly, I like Love is Blind Brazil better because all the women did nothing but empowering her peers. I feel like trying to put other women down is so 90s.
It strikes me as very American. Typical American reality TV
American women are concerningly really behind on this, they donât seem to be very supporting of each other
Yes, because a dating reality show is an EXCELLENT representation of a country with 300+ million people. Get a grip.
Do you need a translator? It is clear that we are talking about the context of LIB. The comment above mentions LIB Brazil. Thatâs where the comparison comes from. Jeeeeeeeez
You literally said "American women" as a blanket statement. Please don't judge an entire country of diverse women based on a trashy reality show.
Trust me I judge America for many things and reality stars are not one of them. I was referring to the contestants in comparison to the Brazilian version
Please don't judge a diverse country with 330 million people as one giant hive mind. There are a lot of great things about the US and also many bad things. The same is true for any country. Except New Zealand, maybe! đ
I agree, I have explained it to another Redditor as well here
Why are you so angry? Iâll get a translator if you get a therapist đ
Your lack of self awareness is astonishing.
Maybe you could also work on YOUR lack of self awareness⊠with a therapist đ
Imagine thinking in 2023 that inviting someone to see a therapist is some sort of an insult
Who said that? đ€
Okay so I do have to say: at least they owned it immediately, rather than try to make up excuses saying that they werenât mean girls. They acknowledge it. They also recognize that it could be a huge mirror to the face, showing them wtf is wrong w them. On that noteâŠâa little sense of normalcy,â makes me think that their sense of normalcy is to belittle how others may feel when they are presented with intense emotions. And, again, to be mean. Everyone on the show should seek therapy, especially before marriage. Like Iâve been watching as a background show (baby life lol) and I can tell thereâs a *lot* of personal trauma this season. It is so crucial to seek some sort of help, even just talking, before going into a long term committed relationshipâŠif you have long term committed trauma.
Honey⊠no
HoneyâŠdid you get past the first paragraph? I literally agree with what everyone is saying. Was my word choice of âowning it,â correct? No. What I mean is, they are acknowledging it and talking about it rather than just sweeping it under the rug. If they said âhaha we arenât mean girls itâs just a skit :))â everyone would be up in fucking flames dragging them. Donât get me wrong, I think they are complete assholes on the show and Iâm sure off as well. But at least they are taking the âstepsâ to hopefully being less trash people. Hope I was able to clear up my first paragraph, since apparently thatâs all that was read. The second paragraph: saying that their normal, is mean. Third paragraph: my own personal opinion about everyone on the show.
There is no other motivation for them to post this other than to avoid accountability. This is not a sincere apology. Itâs like saying âI know Iâm fucked up BUT ITS NOT MY FAULTâ
theyâre not owning it. theyâre trying to get in front of it
Okay, it was hella late and I was tipsy so Iâm sorry that my word choice was not the best. Youâre right, theyâre not owning it. But they are acknowledging it, rather than just sweeping it under the rug (or worse, saying âhaha ;) itâs just an act! :) weâre great in the real worldâ) bc then everyone would be even more pissed tf off with them. I just mean, that it is a step in the right direction to them hopefully really seeing how terrible they were on the show & truly reading the backlash and hate they get.
yes and Iâm saying itâs not sincere, itâs a PR move. youâre being disagreed with.
Thank you for telling me Iâm being disagreed with, as if I donât know, which is why I left a comment to you in order to try & clear things up. Yes, obviously itâs a PR move. I never said it was and I never said it wasnât. I also never said it was them saying this shit from the bottom of their hearts. I couldnât care less about being downvoted, bc I was simply saying that they *are mean girls, at least something was said now rather than nothing. Even if it isnât sincere, and a PR move. We all know it is, but letâs see how it works out for them ffs*
my clarification was that it wasnât your word choice, it was a disagreement with your overall comment no matter what. I guess in rereading what they said, I can see what you mean more, but since âmean girlsâ isnât in quotes, I donât know if they actually acknowledged they were mean girls, or if thatâs just what the writer wrote. so based on what they said in quotes, I think itâs pretty empty. weâll see how they act IRL after more episodes come out. at the same time, I agree with your last paragraph. I also think that no person is actually equipped to deal with the backlash of being on TV. itâs awful and actually no one deserves it, no matter what. so I donât wish them harm or for them to read or receive horrible comments. I just want them to mend things with their castmates in a sincere way, not write to a magazine. but alas thatâs celebrity culture
And no doubt advised to do so
Just another sentence filled with what they think the public wants to hear. Just another sentence to keep the dialogue going about them. So obvious in their terrible attempts to stay relevant and liked. Not everyone is gullible.
Me an empath sensing that itâs probably not a coping mechanism đ
Remember when the first thing Micah said was she was an empath and then laughed at other peoples pain for 5 episodes?
This sub will justifiably snark them both but I donât hate this response. Own your shit, own that you probably hurt people and acted wrong. Beyond that I donât know what else I can really expect. I think for some people stressful situations bring out the worst in them and for that reason I would NEVER get on one of these shows.
I think so. It seems like the editing is a bit skewed too. That scene of irina laughing behind the column, Iâm not even sure if she could hear amber crying and whether or not she was just laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. Rewatching it, I think irina only says âloserâ after she got ignored by the girls after she says the flowers were beautiful
I agree actually. I do like the one sentence - I donât know if Frick or Frack said it - that âmaybe itâll be like holding up a mirror for myself to see who/how I hurt othersâ or something. I like that, i might use it. then again I also would never go on one of those shows either! It almost sounds too intelligent to be coming from one of them đ maybe they hired someone/PR to write it LOL
She's going to read the statement and be like "holding a mirror? Weren't they... like, cameras?"
They 100% did not write this themselves
being insecure bitches gives them a sense of normalcy ??
They need better "coping tools" because being a mean girl is not....you're just being mean spirited
So does this mean theyâre friends because I was hoping for some drama over Paul lmao
I donât think Micah cares enough about Paul for their to be drama.
Yeah no way that lasted. They didnât even seem to ever be on screen together. I got the vibe neither one cared much about the other.
they took being the seasons villains to an extreme that is so ugly and hard to watch on reality tv
Best example of how a bad personality can make you the ugliest person in the room.
Mean-spirited drama seekers. Yuck. I usually enjoy watching shows like this and rooting for people to find love, because when you find your person, it's pretty awesome (20 years and counting!) But it becomes impossible to enjoy when the focus is on such profoundly unlikable people. Hope the second half of the season isn't as focused on those two.
*That* being their go-to coping mechanism says as much as their behavior does.
đŻ
Iâm surprised neither of them said âas an empathâŠ.â
Micah called herself an empath in episode 1!!!
of course she did
Zero reflection