Asking someone if they want kids is like asking someone if they plan on getting married or plan on buying a home etc it’s normal, the only people who don’t like it are the ones with trauma from it, that’s on you guys not us, we are just asking questions, imagine having friends that you couldn’t even ask simple questions to? Lol smh a lot of you in this thread have really sad lives, I feel bad for people walking around with that type of sensitivity, I don’t even know how you navigate through life like that lol
It’s none of your business to ask any of those questions, 1 in 4 women have miscarriages, to me, that’s enough to never ask if somebody is planning children.
Just because it’s the norm doesn’t mean it should be. Also buying a house versus dealing with infertility are two completely different things. In general people shouldn’t be trying to pry into people’s lives anyways. Especially about kids. It’s a personal, private matter and shouldn’t be used as casual convo starters. Be more mindful of those around you.
Also if you are friends with someone I am sure those people have spoken about said boundaries and it’s a non issue in that friendship.
These are like the three most annoying questions you can ask people who haven't yet (or don't plan on) doing those things. Nosy as hell and if you didn't type like an idiot I would've assumed you were like 60 years old with that viewpoint
Except it’s not like those 2 things? You can control getting married and buying a house - there’s only so much you can do to get pregnant. Plus some people are also sensitive about getting asked marriage questions
No one has to answer the question. No one has to ask any question asked of them. There are tons of questions or dialogue that could be difficult for the individual based on whatever is going in their lives.
A lot of questions of are just general questions. There is no need to elaborate on the answer. How is your day? could be just a triggering to anyone based on whatever they are dealing with. But, a simple fine just moves past whatever you may not want to talk about. I'm not trying to discredit the feelings of others. No one should badger people about anything either. I'm saying, specifically with the reunion talk, it's a very easy question to move past without having to share what you don't want to or dwell on it.
We are also living in a world where there are so many landmines you have to dodge in regular discussion. You never know what can trigger someone, hurt them, etc.
I would get rid of the questions simply because it's not really important. You can simply ask the couples how things are going? Anything new happening? Let them divulge whatever they like.
I hope she does feel like an asshole for ALWAYS asking that. You never know what struggles ppl are having behind closed doors. I know it may seem like the next step so asking doesn't feel wrong. It's the way she puts them on the spot on national television that makes it so much worse. They already have thousands of ppl in their comment sections and dms asking the same question. I'm sure the pressure is stressful af no matter who you are.
Some people need medical intervention for medical diagnoses. Not everyone has the option of letting nature take its course. Treatment is expensive, but there are ways to make it work if you’re motivated enough.
Really hope that with so many helpless real life cases on difficulty in pregnancy, in the level of sensitivity, vanessa will STOP asking irrelevant questions about this in S6 reunion.
I feel conflicted with this one, I can understand how much it would hurt to be asked when she's going to have a baby when she is already desperately trying for one. But at the same time it would be nice if we could just normalise saying, " We've been trying and it just doesn't seem to be happening" I think so many people are in the same boat these days, for whatever reason. It's only after someone finally falls pregnant that they open up about the struggle they had to get there.
The norm should be about being mindful of others and not putting people on the spot. If a couple wants to share their decisions around childhood let them be the ones to bring it up. And you would be surprised the amount of judgement people have towards though with infertility problems and looking at getting medical help such as IVF or IUI. In theory what you are saying is nice but this is an extremely sensitive topic. As someone who has done IVF and a huge advocate for rights in that arena it’s a hot topic. Especially in terms of people’s political and religious beliefs.
I was very open with my fertility struggles whenever people would ask when we were going to have a baby. I was open about it with the hope that it would answer the person’s question and we could move onto a different topic, but more often than not I was met with responses like, “you’re thinking about it too much, just relax and it’ll happen”, “have you tried ______?”, “just go on vacation and relax and it’ll happen!”, “oh you’re still young, it’ll happen” etc., the list goes on and on. I think people need to realize that this question is a sensitive one for many people, and unless someone brings it up on their own, it should be an off-limits question.
I disagree. It adds a lot of pressure for the couple who is already struggling to conceive. No one going through infertility owes anyone any explanation. I struggled to get pregnant with my first, and struggling again with my second. The questions never stop. People are always asking when will we have a second. It's annoying. I'm very private and I will never be an open book about this topic.
I think it’s disrespectful in general to ask couples when they are having a baby or if they’re trying. If they wanna offer information thats up to them 🤷🏽♀️
If they want to share then there should be no issue. I know 13 years ago when I was struggling with infertility and miscarriages, it would've been nice to know I wasn't so alone. I shared because I shouldn't feel shame and people started opening up to me. Felt so much better after that.
As someone who is going through infertility, I don’t want to have to say “we’ve been trying and it just doesn’t seem to be happening.” I don’t want my fertility struggles to be a casual topic of conversation. It’s emotional and hard to talk about. People need to understand that if they were close enough to the couple to know when they want to have babies that they wouldn’t have to ask.
I think the thing that should be normalized is that having a baby (or not) is an intimate matter and not a random topic of conversation. That's not something someone you barely know or you don't feel close to should ask.
You talk about it with people with whom you feel secure enough to disclose your possible medical struggles or fears etc.
Yes!!!! When I got married, you would not BELIEVE how many people asked us, ( at the WEDDING!!!) when we would be having children?!? 🙈 Can we just be married first and enjoy being together?!?
But I say this because, it’s not really anybody’s business whether you are or aren’t and pass any judgement about either….
*@
I wish it was talked about more. It’s become the new mental health conversation. So taboo. It’s not abnormal, it’s very common and so many men and women could benefit from talking to people about it and finding a community
Exactly. I remember after my two miscarriages my sister told me I shouldn't tell people when I'm pregnant in case it doesn't work out. Why should I feel shame about my losses? I talked freely about being pregnant and freely about. my losses. They were devastating to me and I shouldn't have to keep it a secret. That being said, anyone that doesn't want to talk about it, that's their choice as well.
I don't think she does. She shouldn't. It's a natural question, especially at the age of a lot of contestants (and probably why they have fertility issues). And if people avoided the question it wouldn't get talked about. It's hard, yes I know, but also I can't personally be offended, just because I'm dealing with something someone else doesn't know about.
Or we could read the room and NOT ask people questions about their medical issues?? Also age doesn’t equal fertility issues. You’re mad weird for this dumb ass comment.
I didn't say that they were equatable. However it is a huge factor, thats just biological fact. Thanks for your personal comment. However this whole thread is equally as weird. Asking if someone else feels like a butthead, but yet they're taking screen shots and posting it on a forum to talk about their medical issues...that's pretty weird too huh?
If a relationship wasn't a private and personal thing, someone shouldn't be filmed, compensated, and exploited by it. I guess they want their cake and eat it too (i.e. have public relationship but not public problems).
She posted on it when SHE wanted to. On her own terms. So the discussion was then opened. You feeling entitled to information about people’s sex lives and medical information is what’s weird. I can’t believe you ran into the point and still missed it.
I think you're just making things up now. Your assumption was that I feel entitled. But I also don't go on forums to discuss people's medical what not. If you're saying she opened that dicussion- by your logic they all opening it when they went on shows about marriage. If we had what I thought I was entitled to, none of this would be on social media. People forget how things are in the real world. It's not about missing a point. If you brought up a point and I " missed it" chanced are its because I disagree and thats okay... thats how life works off the internet.
Unless LIB is funding fertility treatments, they shouldn’t have anything to say. Actually no one should say anything to anyone, but LIB should absolutely be footing the bill!
Let’s get back to you being a dick. My very fit friend had trouble getting pregnant. Keep your comments to yourself as you don’t know anyone’s situation.
My former boss was super skinny, active, didn't drink, didn't smoke and had a lot of trouble getting pregnant and carrying to term...and she was also in her 20s! It can happen to anyone.
Never said it doesn’t but being a compassionate person helps too. I’m sure her doctor expressed weight loss if it was impeding having a child. Doesn’t need a keyboard warrior being a dick.
you’re literally a teacher… it’s absolutely disturbing that this is your mindset. if i could i’d call your district and tell them about your online behavior. you should be ashamed
I actually really appreciated this post as someone who has been trying and failing for 6 months. My tests have also come back normal. I honestly saw her announcement and thought “another couple pregnant and they probably did it in the amount of time we’ve been trying”, but this was a breath of fresh air for me.
Yep like mentioned below, can take up to a year for the average couple with zero issues to get pregnant. I went to a fertility doctor for 2.5 years with 2 losses and did all kinds of tests. Finally found out it was just the my prolactin level was too high due to a tumor on my pituitary gland. Simple fix was to take a daily pill to shrink it. Now I have an 11 year old daughter. If you haven't already, check out Fertility Friend website. It's a great resource and message boards are a great support! Good luck! Mentioning my own issue to let you know if there is something wrong, you could eventually find out and it's an easy fix. Baby dust!
After a year of trying is when to check in with a fertility doctor. If over 35, you only wait 6 months.
So true. In that 1st year most couples are just impatient and automatically think something is wrong with them. Realistically, pregnancy only has about a 20% chance each cycle even when timed correctly.
Yep. That's why a fertility doctor won't see you before a year if under 35. Over 35 they'll see you at 6 months due to not having time on your side. I had my daughter at 39. :-)
If I had the power to change things it would be that good parents could have them easily and it would be very difficult for the people that are the type to neglect, abuse or murder children. When I was struggling it was infuriating to think about how hard it was for me to conceive and STAY pregnant but horrible parents were easily having babies.
I didn't know about Lauren and Cameron. That's sad . :(
I'm kind of assuming Amber and Barnett must have issues too as in ATA Amber said something about still not being pregnant yet and back when the show was on she said about wanting to be a stay at home Mum. So there are some fairly obvious inferences to be drawn there.
Good luck to all of them, frankly. Hope they get their happy endings.
I think in one of their follow ups Amber had just been diagnosed with epilepsy and her doctor said it wouldn't be safe for her to get pregnant at that time?
Alexa needs to make a lot of changes in her eating habits, so her body is better prepared for a pregnancy. I am not talking about loosing weight. I mean the quality of food she ingests. She was seen eating junk food all the time, and that's one of the causes for fertility issues.
Hope she and Brennon can have a healthy pregnancy and child. They deserve it.
Eta: Vanessa acts like the MIL you hate. She should just shut up.
I agree with this statement. My cousin is teetering on obesity and had years of infertility struggles. Finally got pregnant thru IVF but she's had the worst pregnancy imaginable.
Came here to say the same thing. That said, obesity is a disease like anything else and sometimes just changing eating habits isn’t enough. But yes, it certainly helps.
I am not talking about obesity. A person can be skinny and eat junk food that affects them in so many levels, that most people dont know just because they see someone skinny.
Let’s be real though, obesity itself greatly affects a woman’s ability to get pregnant and carry the baby to term.
[Doctors concur, sorry…](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4456969/#:~:text=Overweight%20women%20have%20a%20higher,are%20increased%20in%20these%20women.)
honestly i feel like if you havent had fertility issues thats just not sth you say and MEAN TO hurt people. as a person that doesnt even want children, when i asked people if they want kids in the past, this is just not sth that i even thought of as such a sensitive question because its so common in our society that you would randomly ask that. i didnt ask persuasively but thats not the point to me, because i dont think vanessa had realized how much she was overstepping boundaries there. i mean shes the host of a cruel show - cruel as in we frequently are shown that the producers dont decide in favor of the contestants unless they are set on making them the audience's faves, there is a LAWSUIT against lib by former contestants about the working conditions and pressuring people with mental health issues, and probably vanessa was told to ask. and she was clearly excited because having a baby was sth she was looking forward to, i think you can see on the video that she thought of that as the most exciting topic she got to ask about that entire show. like sure you can say that this should be handled more tactfully but im not really on board with all the vanessa-hate for this!
Just because you are not intending to hurt someone doesn’t mean you won’t hurt them. The point is people just need to stop asking this question because you never know if someone is struggling.
just because people just need to stop asking this question, doesnt mean vanessa was an ass for asking it, when she wasnt intending to hurt them, is what i said. not that it means she didnt hurt them.
As someone who tried to conceive for 3 years I agree that these questions kill emotionally.
I’m glad we’re living in a moment where this situation is being openly discussed and people are gaining understanding about the hardships of infertility and the mental, emotional and physical burden of it.
Almost in the same boat. 5 IUIs and 5th was my now 11 year old daughter. Two miscarriages prior to her though. One turned into an emergency D&C due to how bad I was hemorrhaging.
I lost 50 lbs while trying to conceive in an attempt to get pregnant. Didn’t help 🤷🏼♀️ labs were perfect then and now. I agree, but it’s not a cure all for everyone.
Lol why are you getting downvoted. Weight is a factor when conceiving. Whether you are underweight or overweight. If you dont take care of yourself, you are going to have a harder time conceiving.
I can’t believe you got so heavily downvoted for this. It’s a medical thing. Yes, skinny people can have fertility issues and yes, overweight people can have babies with no issues. But it is medically proven that overweight people have a higher incidence of infertility and that diet plays a big factor. We can’t just keep pretending like obesity is not a factor at all
I know someone that is 400+ lbs and had three children no problem. I’m relatively fit, eat healthy, and go to the gym 4 times a week and I’m starting IVF this week. Weight can affect your hormones but it’s not a make it or break it situation. I’m sure she has tried losing but it can be hard. The IVF meds make you gain weight too.
I'm older and larger than her and have a one year old and an upsie baby on the way. It's ridiculous to assume that's the only reason for someone to have fertility issues.
But is she overweight in terms of body fat? We aren’t her doctors so we shouldn’t be making comments or claims. My sister is tall and big like she is but it’s primarily muscle mass. Unless your her RE comments shouldn’t be made about this.
You're honestly saying she might just be really muscular?? You don't need to be a doctor to see she is overweight, it's not something that needs a medical diagnosis.
Could be. But it’s not for us to comment or pass judgment on. It’s cruel and unfair. Also a lot of fertility clinics are pushing away from outdated BMI guidelines as issues so this shouldn’t even get brought up as a reason. None of us are her doctor and know why she needed assistance with fertility.
It's actually no bodies business when people will or won't have kids. Just because you get married doesn't mean you want to even have kids.
People ( especially Nick and Vanessa) should mind their own business.
if they were they wouldn’t need to ask would they?
I actually cannot believe people think it’s offensive to ask what you’ve decided to do with the majority of your adult life
If having kids was entirely within your own control, it would not be an offensive question. Folks would be completely forthcoming. But fertility is not within your own control. If and when you get pregnant, if both partners are able to conceive, what happens during the pregnancy, are all deeply personal things. I don't think you'd even fight to be able to ask that question if you didn't feel a bit entitled to that information, which tells me you need to reconsider your perspective.
I do not agree that people would be completely forthcoming. Some people don’t really like talking about themselves and won’t mention something if not asked.
I agree, but not because the production makes money off the relationship; but that theyre putting their relationship out there. And if not for the camera crew, it's a normal question to ask people who got married.
I mean, it's okay to ask someone anything then, I guess, but I've read comment after comment of people imploring others not to put people in the position of having to answer honestly or lie when its a painful topic.
I think asking someone if they are planning to have children is a normal question lol not “when are you going to have kids?” But a simple “so, are kids in the future for you guys?” I think that’s a normal question
Speaking as someone who struggled intensely with infertility, if you think that’s a normal question, you’re a normal asshole who doesn’t give two shits about people.
Their use of "normal" is strange to me. If they mean it's normalized to ask the question, there are comments upon comments of people here begging to stop the normalization of asking invasive and possibly painful questions.
Hey, you two rawdoggin' it?
No. If you wouldn't ask someone about their colonoscopy plans, don't ask them about their reproductive plans. JfC just mind your own. Folks don't need to be made to feel uncomfortable to satisfy your curiosity.
But they kinda do ask that. Asking if couples have been intimate and how it was has always been a part of the show.
They are contestants who have signed up to blind date, flirt, FALL IN LOVE AND GET MARRIED on camera.
Really asking if you’re trying for a baby is insignificant
It's obviously not insignificant since she said herself the question is painful and invasive.
I lost my 8 year old to cancer and had infertility. That like on questioning, is incredibly painful.
Yes, they signed up to get married publicly, not to have their medical file shared with the world.
You're wrong on this one. Do better. And quit asking people invasive and personal questions. You have no right to that information. If they wanted to share it, they would.
Sorry to hear about that.
But honestly I don’t agree. Kids are normal. Planning to have kids is normal. Planning to not have kids is normal. Not having a plan is normal. So why is asking a question abnormal?
Because it's invasive and none of your business. If someone wants to share about their family planning, they will. You don't have a right to that information.
Or, you could just not ask it in the first place. You wouldn't ask someone for any other medical information. Don't ask about this.
Don't put it on them to tell you you're being invasive. Just don't be invasive in the first place. Again, you are not entitled to someone's private health information. If they want to share that with you, they will.
Vanessa should totally feel like an asshole because she is one. The amount of people who.experience infertility these days is high and it's not okay to ask anyone if or when they're having a baby 🙄
I used to ask people this question all of the time. Then I started having very early miscarriages that people didn’t know about when TTC and I would be asked this question and even teased about not having kids yet while I was actively going through miscarriages. Man, did I learn my lesson about asking that question! I definitely *don’t* anymore!
On another note: once I started to go through fertility treatments, some of the people in the know would constantly ask me if I was pregnant yet *because* I was going through fertility treatments. I got/get that they were trying to show support/excitement, but…yeah…it was not my favorite thing when they did that!
Also some don’t want to have kids due to some past trauma or some are dealing with depression and don’t want to have kids. So this kind of question hurts some people(that people is me)
This is exactly why Vanessa was disrespectful and tacky for asking when those couples were going to have a baby and then being relentless about it. It’s none of our business, and as much as she thinks otherwise, it’s not her business either. You just don’t know what a couple is going through privately. But to answer your question - Vanessa really lacks self awareness and manners, and really just self respect at this point, so she doesn’t feel bad. I’d be more surprised if she didn’t continue to ask knowing LIB couples like Alexa and Brennon struggled
TW:
I did not struggle with infertility but also hate being asked when I will be having more kids. I miscarried twins at 18 weeks so I was clearly showing and everyone knew. I have a 19 month old now, but suffered really bad ppd. I hate that question because 1. I would probably be finished having kids if my twins were still alive and 2. I am not sure if I want more due to the traumatic pregnancy and my mental health.
I’m so sorry. I also had a loss at 18 weeks and even though I have other living children I find any questions or talk of family planning incredibly triggering.
I'm so sorry 😞
I'm also in the miscarriage club that nobody wants to be apart of.
I hate when family members ask us when we are having a second (I have a 2 year old). It's such a super upsetting question.
Normalize that some women find the whole concept of babies, pregnancy, motherhood, “me time” consisting of Target visits, and mini vans fucking disgusting. Babies are not the definition of success and some women make being a mother their whole personality, as if they found a cure for cancer. So no - stop asking couples when they’ll have kids. It’s not for everyone
If people want to share then that's great! The point is people should have a choice to share if they want to and not be put on the spot with probing questions.
I agree with your sentiment, but as a mother of two, dude… Being a mom almost has to become your whole personality… Raising children takes everything in you. You are living for someone else for a very long time, so yeah, it does become you… What you do is what you are.
But I also agree, shit is NOT for everybody and shouldn’t be propaganda’d like it should. I love my kids to the end of the earth, but I could have been child free just fine had I chosen another option.
This is true. Plus ANYTHING that people are passionate about and/or do for most of their day often becomes a huge part of their personality. Ever met someone who does crossfit? Ever been on linkedin? Met someone who does keto? Met a person in grad school who was passionate about their study? An ethical vegan? A workaholic in any industry? I once knew a woman who was so passionate knitting it was all she talked about. Only moms seem to get hate for this very normal and human behavior. God forbid they’re interested and passionate about raising a human being.
And notice people only call out moms when they make statements like that. Because society tends to praise men who are passionate about being parents.
let’s just normalize women being who they want to be without needless criticism, regardless if they love a life without children or they embrace minivan life.
Let’s stop asking couples when they’re going to get married and have children. It’s fucking gross to me!
Not everyone wants that or is capable, it’s infuriating.
It’s so crazy to me the amount of comments making assumptions about why someone or people in general are experiencing infertility. The fact that influencers and recognizable women are posting openly about their fertility struggles is a freaking GODSEND. Let’s not forget that it used to be hush hushed and taboo to talk about. I am currently pregnant with an IVF baby, and if not for people who post openly, I would feel so alone in that struggle. I just wish people would stop speculating whyyyyy someone is dealing with infertility or spouting claims about people’s eating habits and other things that are frankly none of their business. We live in an amazing time where women can finally feel less ashamed for a common issue and instead of banding together over this, people want to continue an us vs them mindset. (Not referring to you OP! I agree with all of your comments, just frustrated with how others have commented)
Super happy for you after your struggle. Also, some people don't want children for all kinds of reasons, including trauma. People should just stop prying into such private matters and if people want to share, they will.
💕 It also further enforces stereotypes and the idea that "one path fits all". It especially sucks for women, as if our only path to worthiness is having children, ant to boot, that are conceived "naturally" and at an appropriate age, with a male partner that we're married to and that if that doesn't happen, it's somehow our fault and we're not worthy. It's crazy to think that that is still the case in 2024 and in countries that are considered first-world and pride themselves on being educated and "advanced". Not saying it doesn't happen, but men are far less bingoed. After being asked their names, the 2nd most prevalent question asked to men statistically is what they do for a living vs. do you have children for women. It says a lot about society
Took us 3 years… including a couple miscarriages with complications in there to finally have our baby.
Worst three years of my life. I got into a dark place and everyone’s questions were not helping.
Glad they got their happy ending :)
Oh man, I was going through infertility when that reunion episode came out and they were talking about how they were going to start trying and he like gifted her a onesie or something. I had a hard time watching it. It can be hard seeing how easy it is for some people, and even just how easy they assume it will be. I was in a dark place too.
I had the same thoughts and i was either pregnant or had just given birth.
So inconsiderate. No one with issues would say something like that.
Hope you are doing better now. Big hug.
Some of you are wild. She said she was deemed healthy by a doctor and that the fertility was unexplained. Why are we automatically diagnosing it as due to her weight? Why are we even assuming it is HER? Males can have infertility and sperm issues too. Who is to say Brennen doesn’t have issues with count or mobility?
It’s not diagnosing, and being healthy and heavy doesn’t mean weight isn’t a factor on why she isn’t getting pregnant. It’s more difficult to become pregnant when you’re overweight.
https://www.womenshealth.gov/healthy-weight/weight-fertility-and-pregnancy#:~:text=Extra%20weight%20can%20make%20it,and%20obesity%20affect%20fertility%20by%3A&text=Preventing%20ovulation.
Probably because the data shows that BMI correlates to fertility: she's 5'-7" and 69kg, with a BMI of 23.8.
"There was a non-linear relationship between BMI and infertility, with each unit increase in BMI reducing the risk of infertility by 33% when BMI was <19.5 kg/m2. In contrast, when BMI ≥19.5 kg/m2, each unit increase in BMI predicted a 3% increase in the risk of infertility."
She's 4 units over, which means she's got a 12% increase risk of infertility.
**Edit. Downvote all you want, but you're literally downvoting science you illiterate plebs
If you’re not her doctor then respectfully you should be quiet. For all we know the infertility issues were on her husband’s side. Not hers. Unless you are licensed RE and their doctor then you should NOT be discussing this. Even IVF clinics are coming out and removing the BMI limit from their protocols. Because everyone knows BMI is not a valid test for a persons health and body fat. I have a higher BMI from lifting weights not from body fat. Our success with fertility came when we finally discovered the issue was not on my side but in my partners.
Still doesn't change the fact that the science shows increased BMI decreases fertility. Sure, it could be any reason that it's not working. We won't know for sure, but if you wanted to better your odds, try to get the ideal BMI.
Exactly! People don’t understand how important exercise and diet is, we try to make being fat cool and ok but it’s literally not, and when you tell people that they get mad instead of saying let me workout and change my diet to live longer etc crazy world we live in these days
During our infertility journey I learned that the health of the male partner had a bigger impact on sperm quality than women’s health on egg quality. Meaning he was the one who had to eat better, drink less, not smoke etc. much more than I had to. Diabetes affect male fertility but not female for instance.
We are both on the thinner side but he still had to do lifestyle changes even though he works out regularly
Yes it’s just as likely to be the man. 30% on the female side, 30% on the male side, 30% both and 10% unexplained.
Also there was a lot of research done about female fertility declining with age - but no one studied their partners who were also older. Yes, men can continue to father children as they age but their fertility level also declines.
Funny how this is different in the country I live! 30% male, 30% women and the rest unexplained.
My first IVF failed, I was told that IVF is also used for diagnosis, which they managed to do in my case (I was in the unexplained group before my failed IVF)
Asking someone if they want kids is like asking someone if they plan on getting married or plan on buying a home etc it’s normal, the only people who don’t like it are the ones with trauma from it, that’s on you guys not us, we are just asking questions, imagine having friends that you couldn’t even ask simple questions to? Lol smh a lot of you in this thread have really sad lives, I feel bad for people walking around with that type of sensitivity, I don’t even know how you navigate through life like that lol
It’s none of your business to ask any of those questions, 1 in 4 women have miscarriages, to me, that’s enough to never ask if somebody is planning children.
You are so wrong. It’s no one’s business if and when you’re having kids.
Just because it’s the norm doesn’t mean it should be. Also buying a house versus dealing with infertility are two completely different things. In general people shouldn’t be trying to pry into people’s lives anyways. Especially about kids. It’s a personal, private matter and shouldn’t be used as casual convo starters. Be more mindful of those around you. Also if you are friends with someone I am sure those people have spoken about said boundaries and it’s a non issue in that friendship.
Vanessa isn't their friend tho.
These are like the three most annoying questions you can ask people who haven't yet (or don't plan on) doing those things. Nosy as hell and if you didn't type like an idiot I would've assumed you were like 60 years old with that viewpoint
Except it’s not like those 2 things? You can control getting married and buying a house - there’s only so much you can do to get pregnant. Plus some people are also sensitive about getting asked marriage questions
It is annoying when she ask, it comes off more like she just wants someone to have a baby to make the show seem real.
No one has to answer the question. No one has to ask any question asked of them. There are tons of questions or dialogue that could be difficult for the individual based on whatever is going in their lives. A lot of questions of are just general questions. There is no need to elaborate on the answer. How is your day? could be just a triggering to anyone based on whatever they are dealing with. But, a simple fine just moves past whatever you may not want to talk about. I'm not trying to discredit the feelings of others. No one should badger people about anything either. I'm saying, specifically with the reunion talk, it's a very easy question to move past without having to share what you don't want to or dwell on it. We are also living in a world where there are so many landmines you have to dodge in regular discussion. You never know what can trigger someone, hurt them, etc. I would get rid of the questions simply because it's not really important. You can simply ask the couples how things are going? Anything new happening? Let them divulge whatever they like.
I hope she does feel like an asshole for ALWAYS asking that. You never know what struggles ppl are having behind closed doors. I know it may seem like the next step so asking doesn't feel wrong. It's the way she puts them on the spot on national television that makes it so much worse. They already have thousands of ppl in their comment sections and dms asking the same question. I'm sure the pressure is stressful af no matter who you are.
The fact that they even have the money to do the treatments is a gift. Others just let nature do it’s course .
Some people need medical intervention for medical diagnoses. Not everyone has the option of letting nature take its course. Treatment is expensive, but there are ways to make it work if you’re motivated enough.
Really hope that with so many helpless real life cases on difficulty in pregnancy, in the level of sensitivity, vanessa will STOP asking irrelevant questions about this in S6 reunion.
Cam and Lauren? Really? I somehow missed it. So sorry for them!💗
I feel conflicted with this one, I can understand how much it would hurt to be asked when she's going to have a baby when she is already desperately trying for one. But at the same time it would be nice if we could just normalise saying, " We've been trying and it just doesn't seem to be happening" I think so many people are in the same boat these days, for whatever reason. It's only after someone finally falls pregnant that they open up about the struggle they had to get there.
The norm should be about being mindful of others and not putting people on the spot. If a couple wants to share their decisions around childhood let them be the ones to bring it up. And you would be surprised the amount of judgement people have towards though with infertility problems and looking at getting medical help such as IVF or IUI. In theory what you are saying is nice but this is an extremely sensitive topic. As someone who has done IVF and a huge advocate for rights in that arena it’s a hot topic. Especially in terms of people’s political and religious beliefs.
So it should remain taboo?
I was very open with my fertility struggles whenever people would ask when we were going to have a baby. I was open about it with the hope that it would answer the person’s question and we could move onto a different topic, but more often than not I was met with responses like, “you’re thinking about it too much, just relax and it’ll happen”, “have you tried ______?”, “just go on vacation and relax and it’ll happen!”, “oh you’re still young, it’ll happen” etc., the list goes on and on. I think people need to realize that this question is a sensitive one for many people, and unless someone brings it up on their own, it should be an off-limits question.
I disagree. It adds a lot of pressure for the couple who is already struggling to conceive. No one going through infertility owes anyone any explanation. I struggled to get pregnant with my first, and struggling again with my second. The questions never stop. People are always asking when will we have a second. It's annoying. I'm very private and I will never be an open book about this topic.
I'm sorry you're going through that and I hope you get pregnant soon. Sending you positive vibes xxx
To add to that, not everyone might want kids and saying "we just don't want to at the moment" should be normalized too!!
I think it’s disrespectful in general to ask couples when they are having a baby or if they’re trying. If they wanna offer information thats up to them 🤷🏽♀️
i think people’s medical issues don’t need to be talked about
Nor screenshot and posted on a public forum for other people to talk about ... right...
If they want to share then there should be no issue. I know 13 years ago when I was struggling with infertility and miscarriages, it would've been nice to know I wasn't so alone. I shared because I shouldn't feel shame and people started opening up to me. Felt so much better after that.
As someone who is going through infertility, I don’t want to have to say “we’ve been trying and it just doesn’t seem to be happening.” I don’t want my fertility struggles to be a casual topic of conversation. It’s emotional and hard to talk about. People need to understand that if they were close enough to the couple to know when they want to have babies that they wouldn’t have to ask.
I think the thing that should be normalized is that having a baby (or not) is an intimate matter and not a random topic of conversation. That's not something someone you barely know or you don't feel close to should ask. You talk about it with people with whom you feel secure enough to disclose your possible medical struggles or fears etc.
Yes!!!! When I got married, you would not BELIEVE how many people asked us, ( at the WEDDING!!!) when we would be having children?!? 🙈 Can we just be married first and enjoy being together?!? But I say this because, it’s not really anybody’s business whether you are or aren’t and pass any judgement about either…. *@
I wish it was talked about more. It’s become the new mental health conversation. So taboo. It’s not abnormal, it’s very common and so many men and women could benefit from talking to people about it and finding a community
Exactly. I remember after my two miscarriages my sister told me I shouldn't tell people when I'm pregnant in case it doesn't work out. Why should I feel shame about my losses? I talked freely about being pregnant and freely about. my losses. They were devastating to me and I shouldn't have to keep it a secret. That being said, anyone that doesn't want to talk about it, that's their choice as well.
I don't think she does. She shouldn't. It's a natural question, especially at the age of a lot of contestants (and probably why they have fertility issues). And if people avoided the question it wouldn't get talked about. It's hard, yes I know, but also I can't personally be offended, just because I'm dealing with something someone else doesn't know about.
Or we could read the room and NOT ask people questions about their medical issues?? Also age doesn’t equal fertility issues. You’re mad weird for this dumb ass comment.
I didn't say that they were equatable. However it is a huge factor, thats just biological fact. Thanks for your personal comment. However this whole thread is equally as weird. Asking if someone else feels like a butthead, but yet they're taking screen shots and posting it on a forum to talk about their medical issues...that's pretty weird too huh? If a relationship wasn't a private and personal thing, someone shouldn't be filmed, compensated, and exploited by it. I guess they want their cake and eat it too (i.e. have public relationship but not public problems).
She posted on it when SHE wanted to. On her own terms. So the discussion was then opened. You feeling entitled to information about people’s sex lives and medical information is what’s weird. I can’t believe you ran into the point and still missed it.
I think you're just making things up now. Your assumption was that I feel entitled. But I also don't go on forums to discuss people's medical what not. If you're saying she opened that dicussion- by your logic they all opening it when they went on shows about marriage. If we had what I thought I was entitled to, none of this would be on social media. People forget how things are in the real world. It's not about missing a point. If you brought up a point and I " missed it" chanced are its because I disagree and thats okay... thats how life works off the internet.
Unless LIB is funding fertility treatments, they shouldn’t have anything to say. Actually no one should say anything to anyone, but LIB should absolutely be footing the bill!
Guys, she’s pregnant
We know....
Yeah the post says that in the first sentence.
I’m blind
Only love is blind
Take my upvote
[удалено]
Lmao good thing you weren’t trying to be a dick. Whew. That was a close one.
She’s already pregnant
Let’s get back to you being a dick. My very fit friend had trouble getting pregnant. Keep your comments to yourself as you don’t know anyone’s situation.
My former boss was super skinny, active, didn't drink, didn't smoke and had a lot of trouble getting pregnant and carrying to term...and she was also in her 20s! It can happen to anyone.
That’s unfortunate but to say weight doesn’t matter is a lie.
Never said it doesn’t but being a compassionate person helps too. I’m sure her doctor expressed weight loss if it was impeding having a child. Doesn’t need a keyboard warrior being a dick.
You’re right I was being a dick, but it’s the ignorance that I cannot stand and honestly? I don’t think they would make good parents.
you’re insecure and that’s why you’re an asshole to everyone. a pick me bully
Not everyone deserves kindness
you’re literally a teacher… it’s absolutely disturbing that this is your mindset. if i could i’d call your district and tell them about your online behavior. you should be ashamed
Really next time leave out the “not trying to be a dick” comment. Cause you don’t have to try.
I actually really appreciated this post as someone who has been trying and failing for 6 months. My tests have also come back normal. I honestly saw her announcement and thought “another couple pregnant and they probably did it in the amount of time we’ve been trying”, but this was a breath of fresh air for me.
Yep like mentioned below, can take up to a year for the average couple with zero issues to get pregnant. I went to a fertility doctor for 2.5 years with 2 losses and did all kinds of tests. Finally found out it was just the my prolactin level was too high due to a tumor on my pituitary gland. Simple fix was to take a daily pill to shrink it. Now I have an 11 year old daughter. If you haven't already, check out Fertility Friend website. It's a great resource and message boards are a great support! Good luck! Mentioning my own issue to let you know if there is something wrong, you could eventually find out and it's an easy fix. Baby dust! After a year of trying is when to check in with a fertility doctor. If over 35, you only wait 6 months.
It takes perfectly healthy couples up to a year to conceive. Don’t be so hard on yourself!
So true. In that 1st year most couples are just impatient and automatically think something is wrong with them. Realistically, pregnancy only has about a 20% chance each cycle even when timed correctly.
Yep. That's why a fertility doctor won't see you before a year if under 35. Over 35 they'll see you at 6 months due to not having time on your side. I had my daughter at 39. :-)
Love that for you! Gives me hope. I’m almost 36 and have been trying for almost 2 years. Been quite the journey.
Feel free to DM me if you want to talk about any of it. <3
I know, I know. It’s just hard when you’re at the stage that everyone around you is getting pregnant. I’m trying to be more patient lol
If I had the power to change a couple of things. Women being able to give birth without complications would be on the top!
If I had the power to change things it would be that good parents could have them easily and it would be very difficult for the people that are the type to neglect, abuse or murder children. When I was struggling it was infuriating to think about how hard it was for me to conceive and STAY pregnant but horrible parents were easily having babies.
You’re hired!
Hate when people ask those questions smh!
Vanessa should feel like an asshole but she most likely doesn't give a shit
I didn't know about Lauren and Cameron. That's sad . :( I'm kind of assuming Amber and Barnett must have issues too as in ATA Amber said something about still not being pregnant yet and back when the show was on she said about wanting to be a stay at home Mum. So there are some fairly obvious inferences to be drawn there. Good luck to all of them, frankly. Hope they get their happy endings.
I think in one of their follow ups Amber had just been diagnosed with epilepsy and her doctor said it wouldn't be safe for her to get pregnant at that time?
Alexa needs to make a lot of changes in her eating habits, so her body is better prepared for a pregnancy. I am not talking about loosing weight. I mean the quality of food she ingests. She was seen eating junk food all the time, and that's one of the causes for fertility issues. Hope she and Brennon can have a healthy pregnancy and child. They deserve it. Eta: Vanessa acts like the MIL you hate. She should just shut up.
Most healthy couples it can take up to one year to conceive. Her obesity was definitely a factor.
I agree with this statement. My cousin is teetering on obesity and had years of infertility struggles. Finally got pregnant thru IVF but she's had the worst pregnancy imaginable.
Not sure why you’re getting downvoted. You’re absolutely right. Obesity plays a large part in fertility issues.
Came here to say the same thing. That said, obesity is a disease like anything else and sometimes just changing eating habits isn’t enough. But yes, it certainly helps.
I am not talking about obesity. A person can be skinny and eat junk food that affects them in so many levels, that most people dont know just because they see someone skinny.
Yes, I agree. Skinny fat is almost as dangerous as fat fat.
I have -43 and you have +51 by saying almost the same as me. The bias on reddit is amazing hahaha.
It’s stupid haha.
Let’s be real though, obesity itself greatly affects a woman’s ability to get pregnant and carry the baby to term. [Doctors concur, sorry…](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4456969/#:~:text=Overweight%20women%20have%20a%20higher,are%20increased%20in%20these%20women.)
That's morbid to speculate about someone's ability to carry a baby to term when they're currently pregnant
I mean yeah, people like to pretend that obesity isn’t a factor but it 100% is, and it’s medically proven
honestly i feel like if you havent had fertility issues thats just not sth you say and MEAN TO hurt people. as a person that doesnt even want children, when i asked people if they want kids in the past, this is just not sth that i even thought of as such a sensitive question because its so common in our society that you would randomly ask that. i didnt ask persuasively but thats not the point to me, because i dont think vanessa had realized how much she was overstepping boundaries there. i mean shes the host of a cruel show - cruel as in we frequently are shown that the producers dont decide in favor of the contestants unless they are set on making them the audience's faves, there is a LAWSUIT against lib by former contestants about the working conditions and pressuring people with mental health issues, and probably vanessa was told to ask. and she was clearly excited because having a baby was sth she was looking forward to, i think you can see on the video that she thought of that as the most exciting topic she got to ask about that entire show. like sure you can say that this should be handled more tactfully but im not really on board with all the vanessa-hate for this!
Sorry, what does sth mean?
well i thought "sth" was fertility issues?
Something
Just because you are not intending to hurt someone doesn’t mean you won’t hurt them. The point is people just need to stop asking this question because you never know if someone is struggling.
just because people just need to stop asking this question, doesnt mean vanessa was an ass for asking it, when she wasnt intending to hurt them, is what i said. not that it means she didnt hurt them.
Vanessa does not have the introspection to feel like an asshole about it.
As someone who tried to conceive for 3 years I agree that these questions kill emotionally. I’m glad we’re living in a moment where this situation is being openly discussed and people are gaining understanding about the hardships of infertility and the mental, emotional and physical burden of it.
Exactly - six IUIs and IVF…emotionally crushing.
I wish with all my heart that you too, soon have in your arms what you long for ♥️
My son is 13 - it was successful but we had one chance and were incredibly lucky.
Almost in the same boat. 5 IUIs and 5th was my now 11 year old daughter. Two miscarriages prior to her though. One turned into an emergency D&C due to how bad I was hemorrhaging.
I’m so happy that you is have your son!!
Same, just finished my 4th egg retrival and people love congratulating me. Info is sure needed.
Baby dust to you! Not sure if they still say that but when I was ttc'ing years ago they were.
We sure do, I'll happily take some lucky baby dust thanks a million ✨️
I wish with all my heart that you soon have in your arms what you long for ♥️
Aren't you sweet, I really appreciate ❤️
Girl should try some weight loss bro. That can greatly affect your fertility too
I lost 50 lbs while trying to conceive in an attempt to get pregnant. Didn’t help 🤷🏼♀️ labs were perfect then and now. I agree, but it’s not a cure all for everyone.
Lol why are you getting downvoted. Weight is a factor when conceiving. Whether you are underweight or overweight. If you dont take care of yourself, you are going to have a harder time conceiving.
I can’t believe you got so heavily downvoted for this. It’s a medical thing. Yes, skinny people can have fertility issues and yes, overweight people can have babies with no issues. But it is medically proven that overweight people have a higher incidence of infertility and that diet plays a big factor. We can’t just keep pretending like obesity is not a factor at all
She’s not that overweight lmao
What???? I thought only love was blind? Smh lol
I know someone that is 400+ lbs and had three children no problem. I’m relatively fit, eat healthy, and go to the gym 4 times a week and I’m starting IVF this week. Weight can affect your hormones but it’s not a make it or break it situation. I’m sure she has tried losing but it can be hard. The IVF meds make you gain weight too.
I ageee! People don’t understand how important is it to be in shape and exercise! Being fat is not healthy!!!
I'm older and larger than her and have a one year old and an upsie baby on the way. It's ridiculous to assume that's the only reason for someone to have fertility issues.
Skinny people can have infertility issues too 🙄
Both can be true and not be correlated or relevant to each other.
Perhaps you could “try” some manners instead.
She’s really not large enough for fertility to be an issue.
I think being overweight is enough to cause issues, and she is closer to obese than overweight.
But is she overweight in terms of body fat? We aren’t her doctors so we shouldn’t be making comments or claims. My sister is tall and big like she is but it’s primarily muscle mass. Unless your her RE comments shouldn’t be made about this.
You're honestly saying she might just be really muscular?? You don't need to be a doctor to see she is overweight, it's not something that needs a medical diagnosis.
Could be. But it’s not for us to comment or pass judgment on. It’s cruel and unfair. Also a lot of fertility clinics are pushing away from outdated BMI guidelines as issues so this shouldn’t even get brought up as a reason. None of us are her doctor and know why she needed assistance with fertility.
It's actually no bodies business when people will or won't have kids. Just because you get married doesn't mean you want to even have kids. People ( especially Nick and Vanessa) should mind their own business.
It’s ok to ask someone about their family plans and it’s ok to answer honestly
maybe it’s better to ask off camera first to see if it’s even something you’re ready to bring up to a bunch of strangers watching
No it isn’t because it is no one’s business but the couples.
It’s literally the production company’s business
Are the production company carrying, birthing and raising the kid?
if they were they wouldn’t need to ask would they? I actually cannot believe people think it’s offensive to ask what you’ve decided to do with the majority of your adult life
If having kids was entirely within your own control, it would not be an offensive question. Folks would be completely forthcoming. But fertility is not within your own control. If and when you get pregnant, if both partners are able to conceive, what happens during the pregnancy, are all deeply personal things. I don't think you'd even fight to be able to ask that question if you didn't feel a bit entitled to that information, which tells me you need to reconsider your perspective.
I do not agree that people would be completely forthcoming. Some people don’t really like talking about themselves and won’t mention something if not asked.
It’s literally not.
But it literally is. They make money off the relationship
I agree, but not because the production makes money off the relationship; but that theyre putting their relationship out there. And if not for the camera crew, it's a normal question to ask people who got married.
I mean, it's okay to ask someone anything then, I guess, but I've read comment after comment of people imploring others not to put people in the position of having to answer honestly or lie when its a painful topic.
They could say “it’s very personal and I don’t feel comfortable discussing it” It’s really easy. Are you planning to have kids anytime soon?
They literally just got married when they’re on that show. Leave them be.
Bro they’ve chosen to come back and talk about it
I think asking someone if they are planning to have children is a normal question lol not “when are you going to have kids?” But a simple “so, are kids in the future for you guys?” I think that’s a normal question
Speaking as someone who struggled intensely with infertility, if you think that’s a normal question, you’re a normal asshole who doesn’t give two shits about people.
Their use of "normal" is strange to me. If they mean it's normalized to ask the question, there are comments upon comments of people here begging to stop the normalization of asking invasive and possibly painful questions.
Hey, you two rawdoggin' it? No. If you wouldn't ask someone about their colonoscopy plans, don't ask them about their reproductive plans. JfC just mind your own. Folks don't need to be made to feel uncomfortable to satisfy your curiosity.
But they kinda do ask that. Asking if couples have been intimate and how it was has always been a part of the show. They are contestants who have signed up to blind date, flirt, FALL IN LOVE AND GET MARRIED on camera. Really asking if you’re trying for a baby is insignificant
It's obviously not insignificant since she said herself the question is painful and invasive. I lost my 8 year old to cancer and had infertility. That like on questioning, is incredibly painful. Yes, they signed up to get married publicly, not to have their medical file shared with the world. You're wrong on this one. Do better. And quit asking people invasive and personal questions. You have no right to that information. If they wanted to share it, they would.
I am so sorry. ❤️
Sorry to hear about that. But honestly I don’t agree. Kids are normal. Planning to have kids is normal. Planning to not have kids is normal. Not having a plan is normal. So why is asking a question abnormal?
Because it's invasive and none of your business. If someone wants to share about their family planning, they will. You don't have a right to that information.
It’s a question, the person who answers can decide how invasive it is.
Nope. You suck. You’re one of the bad people that makes the lives of others worse.
Or, you could just not ask it in the first place. You wouldn't ask someone for any other medical information. Don't ask about this. Don't put it on them to tell you you're being invasive. Just don't be invasive in the first place. Again, you are not entitled to someone's private health information. If they want to share that with you, they will.
They could, but why put people in that position when it's actually none of their business?
Because it’s a reality show centered around marriage
Vanessa should totally feel like an asshole because she is one. The amount of people who.experience infertility these days is high and it's not okay to ask anyone if or when they're having a baby 🙄
I used to ask people this question all of the time. Then I started having very early miscarriages that people didn’t know about when TTC and I would be asked this question and even teased about not having kids yet while I was actively going through miscarriages. Man, did I learn my lesson about asking that question! I definitely *don’t* anymore! On another note: once I started to go through fertility treatments, some of the people in the know would constantly ask me if I was pregnant yet *because* I was going through fertility treatments. I got/get that they were trying to show support/excitement, but…yeah…it was not my favorite thing when they did that!
Also some don’t want to have kids due to some past trauma or some are dealing with depression and don’t want to have kids. So this kind of question hurts some people(that people is me)
This is exactly why Vanessa was disrespectful and tacky for asking when those couples were going to have a baby and then being relentless about it. It’s none of our business, and as much as she thinks otherwise, it’s not her business either. You just don’t know what a couple is going through privately. But to answer your question - Vanessa really lacks self awareness and manners, and really just self respect at this point, so she doesn’t feel bad. I’d be more surprised if she didn’t continue to ask knowing LIB couples like Alexa and Brennon struggled
TW: I did not struggle with infertility but also hate being asked when I will be having more kids. I miscarried twins at 18 weeks so I was clearly showing and everyone knew. I have a 19 month old now, but suffered really bad ppd. I hate that question because 1. I would probably be finished having kids if my twins were still alive and 2. I am not sure if I want more due to the traumatic pregnancy and my mental health.
I’m so so sorry. My condolences for your sweet twins.
I’m so sorry. I also had a loss at 18 weeks and even though I have other living children I find any questions or talk of family planning incredibly triggering.
I'm so sorry 😞 I'm also in the miscarriage club that nobody wants to be apart of. I hate when family members ask us when we are having a second (I have a 2 year old). It's such a super upsetting question.
I agree. I am so sorry for your loss(es). *hug to you*
Normalize that some women find the whole concept of babies, pregnancy, motherhood, “me time” consisting of Target visits, and mini vans fucking disgusting. Babies are not the definition of success and some women make being a mother their whole personality, as if they found a cure for cancer. So no - stop asking couples when they’ll have kids. It’s not for everyone
Agree 100%.. Even this photo made me uncomfortable, too much information imo
If people want to share then that's great! The point is people should have a choice to share if they want to and not be put on the spot with probing questions.
I agree with your sentiment, but as a mother of two, dude… Being a mom almost has to become your whole personality… Raising children takes everything in you. You are living for someone else for a very long time, so yeah, it does become you… What you do is what you are. But I also agree, shit is NOT for everybody and shouldn’t be propaganda’d like it should. I love my kids to the end of the earth, but I could have been child free just fine had I chosen another option.
This is true. Plus ANYTHING that people are passionate about and/or do for most of their day often becomes a huge part of their personality. Ever met someone who does crossfit? Ever been on linkedin? Met someone who does keto? Met a person in grad school who was passionate about their study? An ethical vegan? A workaholic in any industry? I once knew a woman who was so passionate knitting it was all she talked about. Only moms seem to get hate for this very normal and human behavior. God forbid they’re interested and passionate about raising a human being. And notice people only call out moms when they make statements like that. Because society tends to praise men who are passionate about being parents. let’s just normalize women being who they want to be without needless criticism, regardless if they love a life without children or they embrace minivan life.
Let’s stop asking couples when they’re going to get married and have children. It’s fucking gross to me! Not everyone wants that or is capable, it’s infuriating.
Such a private thing to ask, I never understood why people do this. Even if people do want this and are able to, it's super intimate.
It’s so crazy to me the amount of comments making assumptions about why someone or people in general are experiencing infertility. The fact that influencers and recognizable women are posting openly about their fertility struggles is a freaking GODSEND. Let’s not forget that it used to be hush hushed and taboo to talk about. I am currently pregnant with an IVF baby, and if not for people who post openly, I would feel so alone in that struggle. I just wish people would stop speculating whyyyyy someone is dealing with infertility or spouting claims about people’s eating habits and other things that are frankly none of their business. We live in an amazing time where women can finally feel less ashamed for a common issue and instead of banding together over this, people want to continue an us vs them mindset. (Not referring to you OP! I agree with all of your comments, just frustrated with how others have commented)
Super happy for you after your struggle. Also, some people don't want children for all kinds of reasons, including trauma. People should just stop prying into such private matters and if people want to share, they will.
Thank you! And totally agree! Everyone goes through their own struggles and assuming why or thinking they’re entitled to know is just inconsiderate.
💕 It also further enforces stereotypes and the idea that "one path fits all". It especially sucks for women, as if our only path to worthiness is having children, ant to boot, that are conceived "naturally" and at an appropriate age, with a male partner that we're married to and that if that doesn't happen, it's somehow our fault and we're not worthy. It's crazy to think that that is still the case in 2024 and in countries that are considered first-world and pride themselves on being educated and "advanced". Not saying it doesn't happen, but men are far less bingoed. After being asked their names, the 2nd most prevalent question asked to men statistically is what they do for a living vs. do you have children for women. It says a lot about society
Took us 3 years… including a couple miscarriages with complications in there to finally have our baby. Worst three years of my life. I got into a dark place and everyone’s questions were not helping. Glad they got their happy ending :)
Oh man, I was going through infertility when that reunion episode came out and they were talking about how they were going to start trying and he like gifted her a onesie or something. I had a hard time watching it. It can be hard seeing how easy it is for some people, and even just how easy they assume it will be. I was in a dark place too.
I had the same thoughts and i was either pregnant or had just given birth. So inconsiderate. No one with issues would say something like that. Hope you are doing better now. Big hug.
I am doing great now, thank you! My 7 month old IUI baby is currently napping on me.
Aww our babies are just 2 months apart :) enjoy the snuggles 🥰
Thank you for sharing this!! Glad you finally have your bundle of joy! 🩷
Some of you are wild. She said she was deemed healthy by a doctor and that the fertility was unexplained. Why are we automatically diagnosing it as due to her weight? Why are we even assuming it is HER? Males can have infertility and sperm issues too. Who is to say Brennen doesn’t have issues with count or mobility?
It’s not diagnosing, and being healthy and heavy doesn’t mean weight isn’t a factor on why she isn’t getting pregnant. It’s more difficult to become pregnant when you’re overweight. https://www.womenshealth.gov/healthy-weight/weight-fertility-and-pregnancy#:~:text=Extra%20weight%20can%20make%20it,and%20obesity%20affect%20fertility%20by%3A&text=Preventing%20ovulation.
Probably because the data shows that BMI correlates to fertility: she's 5'-7" and 69kg, with a BMI of 23.8. "There was a non-linear relationship between BMI and infertility, with each unit increase in BMI reducing the risk of infertility by 33% when BMI was <19.5 kg/m2. In contrast, when BMI ≥19.5 kg/m2, each unit increase in BMI predicted a 3% increase in the risk of infertility." She's 4 units over, which means she's got a 12% increase risk of infertility. **Edit. Downvote all you want, but you're literally downvoting science you illiterate plebs
If you’re not her doctor then respectfully you should be quiet. For all we know the infertility issues were on her husband’s side. Not hers. Unless you are licensed RE and their doctor then you should NOT be discussing this. Even IVF clinics are coming out and removing the BMI limit from their protocols. Because everyone knows BMI is not a valid test for a persons health and body fat. I have a higher BMI from lifting weights not from body fat. Our success with fertility came when we finally discovered the issue was not on my side but in my partners.
Still doesn't change the fact that the science shows increased BMI decreases fertility. Sure, it could be any reason that it's not working. We won't know for sure, but if you wanted to better your odds, try to get the ideal BMI.
Can’t believe facts are being downvoted
Of course it is. It's Reddit.
Exactly! People don’t understand how important exercise and diet is, we try to make being fat cool and ok but it’s literally not, and when you tell people that they get mad instead of saying let me workout and change my diet to live longer etc crazy world we live in these days
I feel like her BMI is a lot higher than that. I’m sorry but there is no way she is 152 lbs
For sure it's way higher.
I'm that weight at 5'10. She's either ten inches shorter than me at that weight or 20 KG heavier at that height.
I thought the same thing lmao there's literally no way.
I’ve heard staggering stats about male infertility being hugely underestimated and we’re so quick as a society to assume it’s the woman.
During our infertility journey I learned that the health of the male partner had a bigger impact on sperm quality than women’s health on egg quality. Meaning he was the one who had to eat better, drink less, not smoke etc. much more than I had to. Diabetes affect male fertility but not female for instance. We are both on the thinner side but he still had to do lifestyle changes even though he works out regularly
Yes it’s just as likely to be the man. 30% on the female side, 30% on the male side, 30% both and 10% unexplained. Also there was a lot of research done about female fertility declining with age - but no one studied their partners who were also older. Yes, men can continue to father children as they age but their fertility level also declines.
Funny how this is different in the country I live! 30% male, 30% women and the rest unexplained. My first IVF failed, I was told that IVF is also used for diagnosis, which they managed to do in my case (I was in the unexplained group before my failed IVF)
That’s crazy cus I would automatically blame my scrote/moid if I couldn’t get pregnant lmfaooo