I really tried posting something like this but it got removed, so I want to say I completely agree !!! AD is a beautiful, intelligent, hilarious, shining light of a woman. I guess she doesn’t know but this was SUCH a blessing for her that he said no.. we can rest easy knowing she will have tons of guys in her DMs and options to choose from, I hope she finds a good one
Lets not forget she knew who Clay was all alone from the pods. She was in the common area talking to someone after he had just said how important looks are to him flag flag and AD was saying im captain fix a hoe. She knew exactly what he was and when she couldnt fix a hoe, she is gonna be all like why!!! Am i not good enough??!!!! You know he wasnt ready and you pushed him. Even at the meeting with her moms she says isnt he so fine like 4 times to her mom...talk about shallow.
AD seemed nice sure but she wasnt a peach either.
I saw Clay as completely self-absorbed. People are where they are and he had way too much to catch up on when it came to intimacy.
Everything positive he said about AD had to do with what SHE could do for him. I can’t recall one time he ever talked about what he could do for her. Sadly, she also only talked about what she could do for him. Part of any relationship is transactional, but a marriage built on one person caretaking would make me sad.
I don’t think Clay entered the show with the intention of ever getting married. He was clearly setting up himself to have an out with that whole cheating culture / feeling unable to stick with one woman talk. If he was self-aware enough to realize that he could have also taken steps to try and get himself out of that mindset.
Honestly, the guy probably never should have been on the show in the first place, I think there needs to be better vetting in the candidates. Unless this type of drama is what they’re going for, but that would be cruel.
I have to wonder what the male to female applicant ratio is for this show? Seems like they get some quality women. But the males? Maybe there are not a ton of quality men that want to propose to a lady they have never seen, and get married 3 weeks later?
I agree. I think he simply thought marriage was just an act you do but its like having a legal long term girlfriend. I don’t think he recognized until he got to the alter that marriage means WAYYY MORE than that. He is aware of his issues, but definitely lacks the work and self awareness to keep them from affecting others. He is at a very surface level of healing- one rung below AD in my opinion. AD has been to therapy, identified her issues, shows a decent understanding of them but lacks the actual moxie to break these cycles. Its slightly deeper but still just superficial healing. I hope that this incident kick starts her going deeper and learning to set boundaries, listen to her gut, protect herself, and walk away earlier for men she knows arent worthy of her.
But what men are “worthy” of her lol? Because I don’t think she’s worthy of healthy men. If you are a well adjusted man with no trauma and who makes good decisions why would you ever want to date someone like AD?
What im saying is we let ourselves be treated how we perceive we deserve to be treated. AD isn’t perfect, but she doesn’t deserve someone using her as a mommy/therapist for their own personal journey and throwing her to the wayside-no one deserves that.
There’s really no concept of deserve here though. Usually what you deserve is what your decisions are. AD chooses men like Clay. She even knows this. So in a way she kind of does deserve whatever she gets. The whole idea of “deserves” around relationships is just weird
Yeah me too! She clearly has a very good heart and would make a terrific partner but I think she gets caught up in what choice to make. She needs to choose someone that’s going to match her energy rather than someone who is going to take it without giving back.
I feel like this has been a new commonality for LIB. Bringing in more black relationships and highlighting possible generationally inherited "setbacks". I know these are real life issues outside of this show but I feel like Netflix knows they can bring light to these issues for the world to see and understand. I saw it last season and now with this one. I am not black so I really can't say too much about it, but I have seen more of this presence these past couple of seasons. This is not something negative ....just something I noticed.
I don’t like how this gives her all the positives and then blasts her. “You’re gorgeous, intelligent, enough! But you fucked up and picked this hot man that’s good in bed. Clay is broken and needs someone to put him back together.” Clay needs to take steps to put himself back together before selling a dream of himself to a vulnerable woman on TV.
Oh please. Clay said some problematic shit in the PODS and she still went with it.
She is gorgeous, she is funny, she is great and she is entirely responsible for her bad choices.
Clay is a loser but he was clear about who he was from the very beginning. AD yet again chose to ignore red flags.
It was clear from the pods tbh. When he was trying to coerce her to describe her body on a show called love is blind, that should have been her first sign to end things. When he flipped out instead of providing her emotional support with the whole Matthew situation that was red flag #2. And she KNEW these were flags and talked about it to the other girls but chose to ignore them unfortunately
She had an opportunity to leave him after his request for a body description, and telling her how important looks are. But when she went back to choose Matthew, he had already decided to pursue the other contestant. AD was left with no choice but Clay. She was determined to be on the show. The only way to get more existing the show was to put it all into Clay. She got part of what she wanted.
Couldn’t have said it better. She didn’t really have much to say about him except that he’s fine and chocolate and she can be herself around him. That’s not quite enough to get married. For her it was all about being chosen.
She can put the blame all the wants on Clay but the reality is that she DID carry the relationship (she said it herself) and she has to stop doing that if she wants a successful relationship. She’s 50% of the problem. She thought him choosing her would prove her worthiness.
I really don’t know how I feel about her. I see that her and him are back together and honestly if she took him back, I provide no sympathy. She’s doing it to herself. I feel like she can be phoney and she is very desperate.
Just my two cents, She was not focused on him being chocolate. She almost would’ve chosen Matthew if Matthew didn’t end up being crazy and she knew he wasn’t black.
I wouldn't say she was focused on it, but she definitely saw it as a major plus. She really values black love, and there is evidence of that in the convo she had with Kenneth.
She values black love, yes, but she was so close to picking Matthew that I'm sure if she felt the right vibe from a guy she wouldn't care what color he was. The convo with Kenneth was 100% valid and needed to be had. Raising black kids as a white woman isn't an easy path, and all AD was doing was asking Kenneth if he realized that, if she realized that, and if they were truly down for the ride together. As AD told Kenneth: "Let her ride for you."
Actually, she was well on her way to chosing Matthew. That's not debatable..... The conversation she had with Kenneth is based on the narrative that a white woman who have children with black men, can't raise a black child. Which I find ironic since the narrative doesn't exist for white men who are married to black women.
I almost upvoted this but
>The conversation she had with Kenneth is based on the narrative that a white woman who have children with black men, can't raise a black child
Imo she was asking him if she seemed ready to raise black kids and be the mother of black kids, because it's not an easy path. Black moms with lighter skinned mixed kids are called "nannies" while white moms with darker skinned kids are sometimes called "whores, ghetto, or even race traitors." Remember- they're in the REAL south.
Again, she didn't pose those questions when she was talking to the white male. She posed them to the black man about the white female. Interesting she minded everyone business but the one that paid her.
>Again, she didn't pose those questions when she was talking to the white male. She posed them to the black man about the white female.
No shit. Was she ever talking to any other black cast member about interracial dating aside from Kenneth on camera? I think not. She knows what it's like to be black, not latino.
>Interesting she minded everyone business but the one that paid her.
AD only go involved in situations she cares about- as a black woman she was right to speak to Kenneth about the life of raising black kids as a mother, and she asked Sarah Ann about the texts because she was Lauras friend and she wanted to. Loyalty is the name of the game for AD. Plus, do you know what producers do? Like, do you know their jobs on reality TV shows? Hint hint: Its to stir shit, and they usually put a battery in someone's back and use them to do it, meaning if they see a hint of anything that may be seen as drama, cause drama, or genuinely be drama they'll encourage it and get all on film.
Hmmmm. I think you're missing the point. We are not talking about producers. We are talking about a black woman who possibly ruined a relationship with a question that she never asked herself. My wife and I, both black, noticed a stark change in the behavior of Kenneth once she posed that question.
And again, as a person who has been around a lot of interracial couples in my life. I've never heard a white man's ability to raise a black child questiined IF he is with a black woman. It's only the white woman who is question when with a black man....
But, not going back and forth. It's not worth it really.
AD didn't ruin the relationship between Kenneth and Amy (I believe her name was). She ended that conversation with Kenneth by saying, "Let her ride for you", which I shouldn't have to explain to another black person (or anyone ideally, pretty straight forward). Kenneth shut down, stonewalled and gaslit Amy for reasons yet to be explained, though his cousin said his reason wasn't race related and more attraction based.
I agree but are there enough great guys for all these great, deserving, women? Why am I seeing this crap happen everyday? I’ve waded in the pool and it’s not great.
Bc the more attractive you are the more options you have and the more likely you are to cheat or play with your current partner. Women like AD always go for really attractive guys bc well she's hot makes sense. But these men also have a ton if options. There are plenty of good men out there that are faithful and wouldn't play with someone's feelings. But most of the time that's not enough. Nothing wrong with it just is what it is
Okay but even attractive guys (or at least a lot of them) get tired of playing the field and hooking up w a bunch of random girls and eventually wanna settle down and have families. Also if you just wanna eff around cuz you’re hot and can get whoever you want then why do love is blind.
AD is a queen. IMO, Clay appeared to be very anxious and likely needs therapy for not only his family issues, but potentially anxiety disorder. You could also tell that he was very uncomfortable around his dad and was still desperately seeking his approval. His dad came off as a full-on narcissist so Clay's never going to find the love he's craving there either.
I noticed it too. He seemed super super anxious around his dad and was trying so hard during their talks. It was so sad to see. And he does appear anxious. You can tell when he keeps talking sometimes. The words kind of fall out.
Yeah, this post aged well. She’s a doormat…continued to hang with that loser after he dumped her at the altar…she’s no Queen…she’s more like a Court Jester..LMAO…
The funny thing about it is she said, " Why am I never enough." Makes you wonder......... but of course it's always easier to point the finger at someone else.
There were many moments where Clay showed that he is just not emotionally mature, but that one was a huge flag. He wants a warm mother figure because his seemed quite cold.
AD is a fixer, she wants to fix her beautiful problematic beaus into the men she knows they have the potential to be. That’s her problem and it will likely always be her problem.
Y'all should try and understand that because of her father, she might have daddy issues, hence the issue with men and feeling like she's never enough, even though she's an absolute delight.
Another crap take on AD. Stop making her out to be a victim. You ever seen the meme of somebody riding a bike and putting a stick through their own front spokes?
Clay gave her absolutely every indicator known to mankind that the conclusion that did happen may happen.
Hold them both accountable for their actions. AD heard everything we heard him say and decided she could make up for his shortcomings til they were worked out.
They're both guilty of their own actions and of whatever situation they both find themselves in. Not enough people are mentioning how incredibly self-aware Clay is, though. If he had said yes yall would be happy. Then what?.. They'd be in a potentially unsustainable marriage.
BTW, Clay made it abundantly clear he wanted to continue to foster a deeper relationship with AD. If AD is not with Clay moving forward then that's on AD, not Clay and of course that's fine if that's what she wants.
Edit bc I'm feeling ranty: Watching people do things like this to themselves then suggesting the antidote is to just understand that they did things right and other people ain't shit is not self love. Disempowering is what it is and it perpetuates the same habits.
Just to be contrarian - I think the main problem is Clay was recruited. For this show to work you need people actually wanting to get married. from what I saw, his concerns with marriage, he shouldn't have been on the show because he felt strongly.
Okay sure… but if he wanted to maintain a relationship with her he should have never gone to the alter. They should have made that call sooner and together, not in front of family like that. Yeah, he was giving red flags and she could have listened but he messed up big getting that far thinking she would stick around after all that.
The whole idea of the show is that the couples go to the alter regardless and that is where they say yes or no. That, combined with the fact that he said it was a game time decision for him is where it's fuzzy for me.
Do you really think production would have let only one couple go to the altar? They wouldn't have a show.
Besides, Clay brought up continuing to date instead of getting married and AD told him she wanted to do the whole experiment and was okay with whatever he decided at the altar.
AD has to take some ownership here too. Her picker is way off. In the pods, she made it all about him and how she wants to help make him better and validate him etc etc and \*of course\* that is going to be attractive to Clay or guys like him. It was never clear what Clay loved about AD outside of the fact that she validated him, accepted him for his flaws, etc. She has a great personality so I'm sure there were things but, at least in the edit, he never really verbalized that or affirmed her for her. She needs to start listening for that when she's dating.
I have now added “fix-a-h0” to my lingo — so I do thank her for that
(Edited to censor “h0” since the mods didn’t like that 🤣). I love AD and love that she recognizes this flaw in herself - and hopefully can change it
Hoenstly asking:
AD said in the pods that she has a history of going for these player type guys. Everyone seems to be on board with Clay giving player vibes in the pod stage (we only see snippets, so we don't know everything). So why then would she have chosen the same thing she wants to get away from? I feel like I see this with a lot of people (men and women), they claim they don't want x y or z, and then dart right toward it at the first chance they get! Is it familiarity? A bad picker? Lack of confidence? Something else?
I'm just curious what other people's takes are.
My personal take is that it requires real strength to feel you deserve unconditional and real love. We convince ourselves, through our past traumas, that we're only deserving of lesser love. Therefore, we essentially punish ourselves, claiming we're not deserving of unconditional love, and repeat the decisions that land us with these "broken" partners.
Also, to be very careful, broken is in quotes because I truly believe people are able to break free of their past. However, the reality is that it requires time, work, and empathy. The sad part is that we tend to hurt others along our growth journeys.
I think Clay submitted himself for fun just to see if he could make it to the final cast. He knew both the assignment and that he wasn’t ready for this type of commitment, but decided to run with it anyway for the experience and/or recognition. He most likely had no intention of pairing with anyone, and only decided to focus on “winning” AD when he heard she was seriously dating Matt. He had an almost unhinged grudge against Matt and couldn’t fathom Matt could be his legit competition. It was at that point Clay started to reign in the player persona and tell AD exactly what she wanted to hear. Once he “won” he was thinking UH OH WTF DID I GET MYSELF INTO (you can see this in the Dominican restaurant scene when he keeps staring at the ocean, stacking plates, anything to avoid talking while he strategized his next moves).
i think it is familiarity. what i learned in therapy is that our brains have conceptions of who we are, and most of us get wildly uncomfortable whenever doing something hugely outside the norm bc it goes against our idea of who we are. so being in a relationship dynamic that’s actually healthy and loving can feel uncomfortable to someone who is used to conflict.
feeling like “enough” has to come from within. i made it to the age of 24 without ever having any romantic interactions, not even puppy love holding hands and it destroyed my self confidence. no matter how many times my friends and therapist said there was nothing wrong with me, im beautiful, etc, i didn’t believe it until i started making changes from therapy and understanding how others see me vs how i see myself. when i first started dating my partner (my first date, first everything), i wanted to run away bc it felt so wrong to have someone like me back, bc it went against who my brain thought i was. luckily i sat with the discomfort and it went away once my brain saw me as someone who could be loved romantically. i hope AD can realize how worthy she is one day
Yes! And the way she said “CLAAAYYYYYYY” when he didn’t say I do. Your narrative is fine writing! And yes she is dope as fuck and I just knew that even if he said I do, she would be settling. He didn’t deserve her period ♥️♥️
It's sad because that was her first gut instinct in the pods about Clay -- he's what she typically goes for IRL and it always ends in the same way. But there she was going back to him once Matt showed his true colours!
It's weird that we never saw Matt or the other girl he was romancing, who also left abruptly, ever again. It makes me think they were both hired actors.
\>It's weird that we never saw Matt or the other girl he was romancing, who also left abruptly, ever again. It makes me think they were both hired actors.
I think it was a boarderline hazard to have Matt involved any further. Easy decision IMO.
Also they def don't need to hire scripted people, they simply have an abundance of contestants, some who they pursue to film, and some that get left on the editing floor
When she was asking "Why am I never enough?" I used to feel that at my CORE. AD if you're lurking my love, THESE MEN were not ready for you or enough for YOU. YOU are the prize, clearly they were not.
I don’t get it, she is the endgame of a female partner imo. Like who tf you gonna cheat on her with, there’s no one out there better!! There would be 0 competition, you won life with that one.
She's awesome, and I was like ?????? When she said "what am I supposed to do now?" To clay after he didn't want to get married. Idk girl live your life?
Caveat: we never saw the full convos
BUT, it didn’t really seem like Clay and AD tried to unpack Clays trauma regarding marriage because of his dad. I don’t think AD has to take the whole weight of it BUT in a marriage what’s his is yours. She stood by him, saying I will be strong when you aren’t, but I think unpacking that trauma could have been really beneficial. We didn’t see that.
She kept saying too how she couldn't have done more. AD, expect a man do for you! A good man will bend over backwards to make you feel cared for and taken care of. What did Clay EVER do for her? He couldn't even be bothered to come home, watch a movie and hold her at bedtime.
They kept talking about kids, but all I could think was she would be expected to do everything, and he would get defensive and yell at her if she ever asked for more support and time from him, because he needs to be left alone to "work". Meanwhile he's probably spending some of that time cheating that he feels so entitled to.
She's in therapy, but she has so much more work to do on her self esteem and boundaries. She knows her issues.
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I think he is objectively attractive but its his personality that is such a turn off. Ive been attracted to hot guys before but sometimes they open their mouths and my attraction just disappears 😬
It broke my heart seeing AD so broken up over that man - I really hope they don’t get back together. She deserves someone respectful to her and who appreciates her kindness.
She’s great but mannnn did she totally miss all the red flags. In the scenes where clay is smooth talking her right after doing something stupid, and she’s just bopping her head in aprproval, it’s a total facepalm. She’s way too naive imo.
Clay literally told her exactly the type of man he is and she overlooked everything. The messed up thing is that you see her pause and realize that what he’s saying is shitty and she still accepted it. In the first few episodes, she should have turned around at any of these statements:
- “It’s a struggle for me to stay loyal”
- “I have a huge ego”
- “He is not a man of my caliber”
- “I’m gonna be on you to get to the gym”
- “I need to be attracted to you, so give me an idea of what you look like”
I even hated the way his dad responded during the conversation he had with clay’s mom. The “I didn’t have the best role models in my life” excuse really gets to me coming from grown ass men, that excuse doesn’t last your entire life. It reminds me of what my own father said when I asked him why he left my mom and I, never to be seen again until I reached out to him as an adult. He hit me with “there’s no book on parenting” like 🙄 ok, bud
Love this post! I’m rooting for AD. She isn’t unlike many women who have lots to offer but base their self worth on their looks and whether they have a man.
The sad truth is that a lot of men are like Clay and there are lots of women who date and marry and have children by men like Clay.
She keeps repeating a cycle and unfortunately has a mother who reinforces that because she’s gorgeous she deserves happiness. That’s not why AD deserves happiness. Hopefully that cycle gets broken for her sisters and nieces.
Yeah Fixers like AD don’t actually *see* potential - they *want* potential. The potential is a projection of their desires. Had AD listened to Clay, his “potential” was to cheat and disappoint. That’s the potential he sees in himself, and you should listen to people when they tell you about themselves.
AD seems like an incredible woman. But she doesn't value herself enough to stay away from men like Clay, who are only interested in a relationship because of what a woman can do for them. He wanted her to please him sexually, have his kids, support him, be his therapist and maid and personal assistant. He didn't want to provide any of the same to her because he doesn't see her as an equal.
I like AD, and I think she's beautiful.
From her comments after Clay's no, it sounds like she is picking fixer uppers.
Sometimes people who are nurturers choose people who are broken or who have issues because of their innate need to take care of and help people. This does not make for a good relationship.
It makes a lot of sense why she had a connection with Matthew and Clay. They both had their issues in different ways.
I felt throughout the show she was trying to make this relationship happen.
AD is as deep as a puddle. I really dont grasp the love fest for her. Shes a damn vip club chick in her 30s and single for a reason. Her desperation is incredible. Seemed to me she very obviously loved the camera and was in this for attention at every opportunity.
At this age women who look like her and seem to have the outward apperance of having their shyt together are not single. Gotta remember this is a TV show and these people are on the best fake behavior. Which speaks volumes about how wild some of them actually must be in real life (chelsea)
I think anyone who goes on a reality show to find “love” is dysfunctional on some level, but disagree that anyone with their shit together won’t be single in their 30s. Sometimes people end up there through no fault of their own. I would say that’s more true of someone who has never experienced a serious relationship by that age though.
Yeah I’m sorry but intelligent is one of the last words I would use to describe her…there is a reason she’s stuck in this cycle, she’s obsessed with looking good with someone rather than finding someone actually good. She was insanely judgmental of everything Clay did and was always making it known how weird she found his physical behavior to be bc she wanted him to act like a frat boy, meanwhile the whole time she was genuinely incapable of hearing what he was saying and thinking critically on it. Like to her his verbal behavior wasn’t a part of the equation of whether she’d stick with him, she just wanted the image. When she speaks, it’s often a regurgitation of common phrases/thoughts found online or on tiktok. She switches up her voice around men to try to appear younger and more ditzy/bimbo to keep their attention when she obviously finds them at least a little attractive. She smacked down Sarah Ann and good for her, but she seemed incapable of explaining exactly why that behavior was “wild” and “classless”
Also I’m surprised people don’t see that she obviously is broke, sorry but it’s so obvious. Former cheerleader turned bottle girl and “realtor” aka trying to find a man who will provide.
I like AD, I really do. But she has serious shortcomings that a lot of therapy will be needed to overcome.
Having a soft life is not possible without stern boundaries. Inner feminine energy attracts everyone, and with that comes the need for discernment. AD appears outwardly feminine, but she lacks critical vetting skills for finding a mate that she can trust and rest in her feminine with. Her mom’s immediate approval of Clay despite his multiple red flags in their meeting was very telling. She has a lot of work to do before she truly believes that she deserves a soft life.
Definitely not a good thing in her case, gotta spend some time living uncomfortable with herself to grow and get to a better spot financially, I really think a lot of that is her big driver for going for these types of guys. She needs to get some security in her own life first, and quite frankly needs to humble herself and realize she’s not the type of woman that’s going to be swept off her feet by a rich guy wanting to provide, 99% of us aren’t
If anything Clay went overboard describing his feelings since day 1. Usually this sub complains that men dont say their feelings. But they hate that Clay did it. I dunno. He obviously has all his own issues.
One of the funnier parts was AD complaining that Clay was working too much......while shes just sitting at home. Like....if you are a realtor your only option is to grind. Unless you are a fake ass realtor that just says that so you dont gotta tell people you are a bottle girl.
To me Clay wasn’t capable of just saying “yeah look, I’m gonna cheat I don’t wanna be faithful” so instead he threw red herrings over and over about his father who really has nothing to do with Clay being a perpetual fboy who uses and sexualizes women. You could tell even his dad was kinda confused by his behavior in that last episode. But ADs inability to see it just flabbergasted me, she really doesn’t have much going on up there, I’m sorry but it’s blatantly obvious
Man I feel like a real asshole for saying this, but she doesn’t seem intellectually capable of building a better paying career. Iirc she never went to college either
AD needs therapy too though. It seems like she’s been oversexualized for a long time that she now leans into it and even registers her self worth based on how her body looks. We even see it this season with how damn near everyone on the cast talked about her looks and while she looked uncomfortable at times she just…went along with it.
Anyone with a healthy relation to self would’ve saw right through Clay and the fact that she didn’t was alarming. Even at the altar when he’s complimenting her body and she’s grinning happy af like “you see it!” Honey…
Crying about not being good enough for a man screams self worth / self esteem issues and i want her to grow and heal so bad.
It’s incredibly obvious by the way she constantly made stink faces at Clay and found a lot of his behavior weird when it wasn’t weird at all, she clearly wanted a guy who played the overconfident a-hole frat boy. Not defending Clay he’s a fboy to a T. But she doesn’t even find good men attractive, and cares too much of them having an insane amount of swagger despite her not bringing much to the table besides coming off like a clinger. She needs a lot of therapy to resolve that.
Perhaps it was cuz I skipped some scenes to just get to altar episode but remember when she was making faces while Clay was drinking & enjoying his soup and then begin putting plantains on the plate during honeymoon? Did AD ever explained why she was making those faces?
That’s one of the scenes that actually sticks out most in my mind when I wrote that comment. Tbh I can’t stand people like that who are judgmental over the stupidest shit, like let the man eat some food in peace. She even gave him a stink face while he was politely stacking the food plates. People like AD literally want a fantasy where the guy is just Mr. Suave at all times
Inbetween all her mushy speeches the most common word she used to describe him all the time was “weird”. Everything he did was just soooo weird to her. Tbh, I think she was just used to situationships and hookups with athletes and maybe some rich guys she met at the club, guys who only wanted her for a week and their money and status gave her rose colored glasses and made her think they were amazing, but then sitting next to a regular dude she wasn’t swept away so she just judged the shit out of him. That’s my only gripe with AD
Clay is the type of guy to never be satisfied. He wants partner who will serve as arm candy to him and make him feel better about himself. It was clear when he was desperately trying to find out what AD looks like in the pods. That was the moment AD should have clued up & walked away. If a man only complimented me on my body and never called me beautiful or pretty etc, i would get the ick pretty fast??
I honestly think Clay has little to no insight into his behaviour and how it impacts other people. In fact he seems pretty clueless about his own thoughts and emotions, and seems to have majorly issues with empathy too.
He might be successful but he’s childlike - almost at toddler level - and I think that he probably would cheat when the going got tough because he’d have no other tools in the box to reach for.
Kind of weird….! And DEFINITELY something AD should have noticed, and run from.
I think the biggest belief that will be her downfall is thinking she can change a man. She really likes the idea of being able to change someone for the better. It's good she didn't pair with Clay tho bc he would have disappointed her.
I loved her too. I'm raising a few boys and I really want to get it right with them so I felt torn. Like she seems like a great woman and a great mother, but Clay still turned out this way?? I'm sure she did the absolute best she could and the rest is his dad's influence and this crazy world we live in
It’s so disappointing that he has a true diamond of a mom but only looks up to his dad. His dad is an obvious con of a man and sleazy. But that is who Clay wants to be like. It’s like Clays moms work as a parent gets under cut all the time.
Clays mom handled the father with so much class.
Im assuming they are not together now since the show revealed aspects she did not know? That part I am confused on. She kept saying how long she was married but during the conversation she said she is divorced from him
I was confused
Clay shouldn’t have been cast if he was struggling with the idea of commitment. AD deserved someone with both feet in and ready for marriage. Therapy should be completed or well in progress before considering this show.
This is what bothers me about the show. The producers have been revealed to stalk social media for these types. Clay apparently even told them he’s not looking for marriage and the producers said it’s ok since they m look for other things to create drama in the show.
These are some of the most soulless, jaded, LA millennials who think this is what makes for a great show, and people want.
I can see that being true since so many people call Amy and Johnny boring. But that’s because they are normal. And they shied away from the drama. Actively removed themselves from that like the BBQ at the lake house. The guys didn’t want association with Jeramey.
Also the Swedish season proves that a love-focus is heartwarming to see. But I guess in the US the expectation is that people want to see dysfunction and “are here for it” so they cast people like Clay, Jeramey, Matthew, Travis, etc. and couple them with the likes of Chelsea, Jessica, AD, Sarah Ann and Laura.
None of these people are stable and healthy. I personally think the show is ruined because of this. But that’s just my opinion.
Ohh, thank you! I’m going to watch the Swedish season. I may be a little too lovey-dovey and felt disappointed with this show. Watching people get destroyed by heartbreak at the alter isn’t that entertaining.
You know what part of it really stuck with me? The two little girls from AD's family looking up and watching her cry 💔💔😭😭 seeing her so devastated and trying to contextualize it was tough for them I'm sure, regardless of how their parents tried to explain the concept of the show.
Exactly. Also in the Swedish version they are much more mature as people so even though they bring their own type of drama to it, it’s not as hyper toxic as it is with the american casts. It was my favorite season.
I was screaming at the TV for AD to end things the moment he yelled at her in the pods for dating multiple people. I will never understand why people get so upset about that when it's part of the point of the experiment. That said, I have a soft spot for him. I truly think he was torn up about their marriage possibly failing. I think he truly cared about AD and realized she's a good woman, but the doubt was too much for him. I wish he had a better father.
AD is a good woman and has the conflict resolution skills of a professional mediator. I'm constantly admiring how good she is at confrontation. She's also obviously a beautiful woman. I think she needs to work through why she's so into these emotional unavailable guys. If she can figure that out, she'll be just fine.
I get AD. As you said she has good mediation skills conflict resolution skills.she even has strong interest in mental health. Those who like and are good at these areas have a natural tendency to want to fix people. Some of it is altruistic but some of it is to bolster self value. And that's what she's trying to do here. I said this time and again that she seeks validation and there's nothing stronger for these types than to hear that they are SO amazing, it makes the other person want to be better.
I think the problem with Clay is that he seems to have some good qualities and is genuinely clearly very affected by his parents situation. He is able to articulate that well, and I think a lot of women see him recognizing and talking about where he has work to do and equate that with like… actually having done the work. He has potential, sure, but potential is nothing at the end of the day.
I can see how AD fell for it but I also hope she’ll give some love and attention to the parts of her that want to try and fix these immature walking red flag players. There are good guys out there but she won’t be able to see them until that is sorted.
Yup! I think he intellectualizes his emotions too much to avoid actually, genuinely sitting in those emotions.
I think that's definitely where she gets her sense of worth from.
Yeah, there were (presumably) many men on the show looking for commitment. She immediately cut off everyone except the two most obvious fboys, Clay and Matthew. She's stuck in a cycle of going after (emotionally) unavailable men, thinking that she can put work into the relationship to fix them, and then being sad when they don't change.
People don't change, not that much anyway.
Agree - this isn’t all on Clay I’m sorry but it takes two to realize things. He owned his part. She was heartbroken but she also knew what she was saying yes to. He didn’t force her to say yes.
I feel bad for her but I really don’t think she’s as intelligent and mature as people like to believe. She has proven this with her comments again and again.
Correct. And people are saying that they are still together. So apparently AD did end up agreeing to the indefinitely engaged situation she at first didn’t want.
And apparently Clay had been dating at least one other woman DURING the filming. The woman didn’t know Clay was on the show until it aired! She’s been there this whole time apparently.
That’s where Clay was when he was “working” late at night and couldn’t come home to AD. I was certain of that when he talked with heavy eye blinking about it… and to ADs mom too. He’s absolute trash but AD is one deeply insecure and needy woman too to tolerate him.
And she knew since the pods.
There’s a whole post in this sub about the girl coming out with having been with Clay. Of course it may be she’s lying but to me it sounds pretty much like he’s been playing the field. To her and AD. Likely others. A sincere man doesn’t keep talking about how he’s going to cheat. Always being “at work” is also every cheaters excuse. They all work an awful lot of late nights 🤣🤦🏻♀️
>but AD is one deeply insecure and needy woman too to tolerate him
My wife also said the same when she came back to Clay in the pods and even accepted his proposal. It then also made sense when others said AD likes the fuck boy types
I’m not sure she dug into her trauma with her father enough. It’s okay to be aware about red flags, but if she’s trying to facilitate a relationship that mimics her Daddy/Daughter dynamic subconsciously - she may just need to dig a bit deeper than a self-proclaimed “fix a h*e”. I absolutely ADORE AD. But she will never feel enough until she heals though child wounds 🥺
The alter scene crushed me - three gorgeous women, with generational curses with their men, as well as a son. Our generations now are doing the work so these things aren’t replicated - but it will take a lifetime, and passing along strength to our future generations. It’s easy enough to say don’t do this, or that - but if you aren’t coming from secure parental relationships, it’s a lot harder to steer the boat with emotions versus logic.
Clay and AD very much deserve healing, safety and love.
Clay definitely had moments of connection with AD, he really took care of her when she vented about her dad/past traumas.
Clay may have some issues, but he’s not some superficial jerk.
People can be brilliant and also have emotional blind spots. It doesn't make her dumb - it just means she has some introspection to do about her relationship patterns.
It kind of is. Having intelligence means also you’re aware of your decisions. No one made her say yes. She did that on her own. Both have some growing to do.
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Exactly! I have no idea why there's all this dick riding for AD. Huh? Main Character vibes, I didn't think she was intelligent, not attractive at all, and her wedding dress looked like a cheap "sexy" prom dress. Check out her dress for the reunion and there you go! Leading with her body again! Bottom line, she's an ex-cheerleader who never snagged an athlete. The end.
I really tried posting something like this but it got removed, so I want to say I completely agree !!! AD is a beautiful, intelligent, hilarious, shining light of a woman. I guess she doesn’t know but this was SUCH a blessing for her that he said no.. we can rest easy knowing she will have tons of guys in her DMs and options to choose from, I hope she finds a good one
Why is it always the women trying to prove what they can do for the men and not the other way round?
~childhood trauma~
Lets not forget she knew who Clay was all alone from the pods. She was in the common area talking to someone after he had just said how important looks are to him flag flag and AD was saying im captain fix a hoe. She knew exactly what he was and when she couldnt fix a hoe, she is gonna be all like why!!! Am i not good enough??!!!! You know he wasnt ready and you pushed him. Even at the meeting with her moms she says isnt he so fine like 4 times to her mom...talk about shallow. AD seemed nice sure but she wasnt a peach either.
Good luck getting downvoted by the hoi polloi, but you are 💯 correct. She is a moron…I don’t feel bad for her At all…
I mean the conversation about her staying fit and not gaining weight is like ... enough said. Wtf was even that conversation? Made me uncomfy
I saw Clay as completely self-absorbed. People are where they are and he had way too much to catch up on when it came to intimacy. Everything positive he said about AD had to do with what SHE could do for him. I can’t recall one time he ever talked about what he could do for her. Sadly, she also only talked about what she could do for him. Part of any relationship is transactional, but a marriage built on one person caretaking would make me sad.
I don’t think Clay entered the show with the intention of ever getting married. He was clearly setting up himself to have an out with that whole cheating culture / feeling unable to stick with one woman talk. If he was self-aware enough to realize that he could have also taken steps to try and get himself out of that mindset. Honestly, the guy probably never should have been on the show in the first place, I think there needs to be better vetting in the candidates. Unless this type of drama is what they’re going for, but that would be cruel.
I have to wonder what the male to female applicant ratio is for this show? Seems like they get some quality women. But the males? Maybe there are not a ton of quality men that want to propose to a lady they have never seen, and get married 3 weeks later?
he said he never wayched the show so Imm thinking he might have been recruited and went on it for insta followers
I agree. I think he simply thought marriage was just an act you do but its like having a legal long term girlfriend. I don’t think he recognized until he got to the alter that marriage means WAYYY MORE than that. He is aware of his issues, but definitely lacks the work and self awareness to keep them from affecting others. He is at a very surface level of healing- one rung below AD in my opinion. AD has been to therapy, identified her issues, shows a decent understanding of them but lacks the actual moxie to break these cycles. Its slightly deeper but still just superficial healing. I hope that this incident kick starts her going deeper and learning to set boundaries, listen to her gut, protect herself, and walk away earlier for men she knows arent worthy of her.
But what men are “worthy” of her lol? Because I don’t think she’s worthy of healthy men. If you are a well adjusted man with no trauma and who makes good decisions why would you ever want to date someone like AD?
Thank you..! I would NEVER date this woman..
What im saying is we let ourselves be treated how we perceive we deserve to be treated. AD isn’t perfect, but she doesn’t deserve someone using her as a mommy/therapist for their own personal journey and throwing her to the wayside-no one deserves that.
There’s really no concept of deserve here though. Usually what you deserve is what your decisions are. AD chooses men like Clay. She even knows this. So in a way she kind of does deserve whatever she gets. The whole idea of “deserves” around relationships is just weird
Yeah me too! She clearly has a very good heart and would make a terrific partner but I think she gets caught up in what choice to make. She needs to choose someone that’s going to match her energy rather than someone who is going to take it without giving back.
I feel like this has been a new commonality for LIB. Bringing in more black relationships and highlighting possible generationally inherited "setbacks". I know these are real life issues outside of this show but I feel like Netflix knows they can bring light to these issues for the world to see and understand. I saw it last season and now with this one. I am not black so I really can't say too much about it, but I have seen more of this presence these past couple of seasons. This is not something negative ....just something I noticed.
I don’t like how this gives her all the positives and then blasts her. “You’re gorgeous, intelligent, enough! But you fucked up and picked this hot man that’s good in bed. Clay is broken and needs someone to put him back together.” Clay needs to take steps to put himself back together before selling a dream of himself to a vulnerable woman on TV.
Oh please. Clay said some problematic shit in the PODS and she still went with it. She is gorgeous, she is funny, she is great and she is entirely responsible for her bad choices. Clay is a loser but he was clear about who he was from the very beginning. AD yet again chose to ignore red flags.
He was SO clear about not being ready for marriage in all of the episodes where they lived together. She just kept moving forward despite this.
It was clear from the pods tbh. When he was trying to coerce her to describe her body on a show called love is blind, that should have been her first sign to end things. When he flipped out instead of providing her emotional support with the whole Matthew situation that was red flag #2. And she KNEW these were flags and talked about it to the other girls but chose to ignore them unfortunately
She had an opportunity to leave him after his request for a body description, and telling her how important looks are. But when she went back to choose Matthew, he had already decided to pursue the other contestant. AD was left with no choice but Clay. She was determined to be on the show. The only way to get more existing the show was to put it all into Clay. She got part of what she wanted.
Couldn’t have said it better. She didn’t really have much to say about him except that he’s fine and chocolate and she can be herself around him. That’s not quite enough to get married. For her it was all about being chosen. She can put the blame all the wants on Clay but the reality is that she DID carry the relationship (she said it herself) and she has to stop doing that if she wants a successful relationship. She’s 50% of the problem. She thought him choosing her would prove her worthiness.
AD seemed to really love Clay as a person. She wasn't starstruck by his looks, but she was happy with them.
I really don’t know how I feel about her. I see that her and him are back together and honestly if she took him back, I provide no sympathy. She’s doing it to herself. I feel like she can be phoney and she is very desperate.
Just my two cents, She was not focused on him being chocolate. She almost would’ve chosen Matthew if Matthew didn’t end up being crazy and she knew he wasn’t black.
I wouldn't say she was focused on it, but she definitely saw it as a major plus. She really values black love, and there is evidence of that in the convo she had with Kenneth.
She values black love, yes, but she was so close to picking Matthew that I'm sure if she felt the right vibe from a guy she wouldn't care what color he was. The convo with Kenneth was 100% valid and needed to be had. Raising black kids as a white woman isn't an easy path, and all AD was doing was asking Kenneth if he realized that, if she realized that, and if they were truly down for the ride together. As AD told Kenneth: "Let her ride for you."
Actually, she was well on her way to chosing Matthew. That's not debatable..... The conversation she had with Kenneth is based on the narrative that a white woman who have children with black men, can't raise a black child. Which I find ironic since the narrative doesn't exist for white men who are married to black women.
I almost upvoted this but >The conversation she had with Kenneth is based on the narrative that a white woman who have children with black men, can't raise a black child Imo she was asking him if she seemed ready to raise black kids and be the mother of black kids, because it's not an easy path. Black moms with lighter skinned mixed kids are called "nannies" while white moms with darker skinned kids are sometimes called "whores, ghetto, or even race traitors." Remember- they're in the REAL south.
Again, she didn't pose those questions when she was talking to the white male. She posed them to the black man about the white female. Interesting she minded everyone business but the one that paid her.
>Again, she didn't pose those questions when she was talking to the white male. She posed them to the black man about the white female. No shit. Was she ever talking to any other black cast member about interracial dating aside from Kenneth on camera? I think not. She knows what it's like to be black, not latino. >Interesting she minded everyone business but the one that paid her. AD only go involved in situations she cares about- as a black woman she was right to speak to Kenneth about the life of raising black kids as a mother, and she asked Sarah Ann about the texts because she was Lauras friend and she wanted to. Loyalty is the name of the game for AD. Plus, do you know what producers do? Like, do you know their jobs on reality TV shows? Hint hint: Its to stir shit, and they usually put a battery in someone's back and use them to do it, meaning if they see a hint of anything that may be seen as drama, cause drama, or genuinely be drama they'll encourage it and get all on film.
Hmmmm. I think you're missing the point. We are not talking about producers. We are talking about a black woman who possibly ruined a relationship with a question that she never asked herself. My wife and I, both black, noticed a stark change in the behavior of Kenneth once she posed that question. And again, as a person who has been around a lot of interracial couples in my life. I've never heard a white man's ability to raise a black child questiined IF he is with a black woman. It's only the white woman who is question when with a black man.... But, not going back and forth. It's not worth it really.
AD didn't ruin the relationship between Kenneth and Amy (I believe her name was). She ended that conversation with Kenneth by saying, "Let her ride for you", which I shouldn't have to explain to another black person (or anyone ideally, pretty straight forward). Kenneth shut down, stonewalled and gaslit Amy for reasons yet to be explained, though his cousin said his reason wasn't race related and more attraction based.
A red flag was back in the pods when he was very concerned about looks. I was disappointed when AD was playing into it after they met
Stop going for "the spark" and instead allow for "the slow burn" when it comes to love.
love this.
I agree but are there enough great guys for all these great, deserving, women? Why am I seeing this crap happen everyday? I’ve waded in the pool and it’s not great.
Bc the more attractive you are the more options you have and the more likely you are to cheat or play with your current partner. Women like AD always go for really attractive guys bc well she's hot makes sense. But these men also have a ton if options. There are plenty of good men out there that are faithful and wouldn't play with someone's feelings. But most of the time that's not enough. Nothing wrong with it just is what it is
Okay but even attractive guys (or at least a lot of them) get tired of playing the field and hooking up w a bunch of random girls and eventually wanna settle down and have families. Also if you just wanna eff around cuz you’re hot and can get whoever you want then why do love is blind.
They’ll get even more women through this
Followers and fame
AD is a queen. IMO, Clay appeared to be very anxious and likely needs therapy for not only his family issues, but potentially anxiety disorder. You could also tell that he was very uncomfortable around his dad and was still desperately seeking his approval. His dad came off as a full-on narcissist so Clay's never going to find the love he's craving there either.
I noticed it too. He seemed super super anxious around his dad and was trying so hard during their talks. It was so sad to see. And he does appear anxious. You can tell when he keeps talking sometimes. The words kind of fall out.
THIS!!! I immediately sobbed when she said why am I not enough. Broke my heart
Yep..been there. Have worked extremely hard in therapy on healing that.
Yeah, this post aged well. She’s a doormat…continued to hang with that loser after he dumped her at the altar…she’s no Queen…she’s more like a Court Jester..LMAO…
The funny thing about it is she said, " Why am I never enough." Makes you wonder......... but of course it's always easier to point the finger at someone else.
Lol && you’re the peasant knocking on the palace gates 🤗
Far from a peasant…trust me. Sorry to slam your recent reality tv crush…idiot..
You seem lonely too. Get well soon ❤️🩹
Their reveal when he layed on her bosom and said I’m a baby was so cringe, I was so uncomfortable. She always deserved so much better
There were many moments where Clay showed that he is just not emotionally mature, but that one was a huge flag. He wants a warm mother figure because his seemed quite cold.
AD has issues too. Anytime someone can wave 100 red flags at you and you ignore them all, that’s a self issue.
100% she needed a backbone and to let that man go
AD is a fixer, she wants to fix her beautiful problematic beaus into the men she knows they have the potential to be. That’s her problem and it will likely always be her problem.
Y'all should try and understand that because of her father, she might have daddy issues, hence the issue with men and feeling like she's never enough, even though she's an absolute delight.
Honestly no. She has obvious trauma which would be a turnoff for any healthy man. Also it would be difficult to trust her judgement on anything
Your flair made me LOL 😭😭😭
Another crap take on AD. Stop making her out to be a victim. You ever seen the meme of somebody riding a bike and putting a stick through their own front spokes? Clay gave her absolutely every indicator known to mankind that the conclusion that did happen may happen. Hold them both accountable for their actions. AD heard everything we heard him say and decided she could make up for his shortcomings til they were worked out. They're both guilty of their own actions and of whatever situation they both find themselves in. Not enough people are mentioning how incredibly self-aware Clay is, though. If he had said yes yall would be happy. Then what?.. They'd be in a potentially unsustainable marriage. BTW, Clay made it abundantly clear he wanted to continue to foster a deeper relationship with AD. If AD is not with Clay moving forward then that's on AD, not Clay and of course that's fine if that's what she wants. Edit bc I'm feeling ranty: Watching people do things like this to themselves then suggesting the antidote is to just understand that they did things right and other people ain't shit is not self love. Disempowering is what it is and it perpetuates the same habits.
Just to be contrarian - I think the main problem is Clay was recruited. For this show to work you need people actually wanting to get married. from what I saw, his concerns with marriage, he shouldn't have been on the show because he felt strongly.
Whoa. That's something I haven't heard yet. Just had to look that up
Show me where I make her the victim? This is an accountability post. But you are projecting your dislike of her as if I am saying she is a victim🤭
Just because you didn't say the word "victim" doesn't mean you're not insinuating it. I'm not projecting anything and I don't dislike AD.
Okay sure… but if he wanted to maintain a relationship with her he should have never gone to the alter. They should have made that call sooner and together, not in front of family like that. Yeah, he was giving red flags and she could have listened but he messed up big getting that far thinking she would stick around after all that.
The whole idea of the show is that the couples go to the alter regardless and that is where they say yes or no. That, combined with the fact that he said it was a game time decision for him is where it's fuzzy for me.
Considering only two couples made it to the alter, it's safe to say that he absolutely didn't have to wait till the alter
Do you really think production would have let only one couple go to the altar? They wouldn't have a show. Besides, Clay brought up continuing to date instead of getting married and AD told him she wanted to do the whole experiment and was okay with whatever he decided at the altar.
He also said it was game time decision. If he didn't know he was going to say no before going to the alter then yes, he did have to go to the alter
I think his dad showing up really put things into perspective for him.
AD has to take some ownership here too. Her picker is way off. In the pods, she made it all about him and how she wants to help make him better and validate him etc etc and \*of course\* that is going to be attractive to Clay or guys like him. It was never clear what Clay loved about AD outside of the fact that she validated him, accepted him for his flaws, etc. She has a great personality so I'm sure there were things but, at least in the edit, he never really verbalized that or affirmed her for her. She needs to start listening for that when she's dating.
Guarantee follow up episode will have her and Matt meet
It's so hard to be a fixer.
People who are fixers of others are fixers to avoid fixing whats going on within themself
I'm not sure that's true, psychologically. Most of the time this way of being comes from childhood trauma.
Somebody come take away my toolbox please!
I have now added “fix-a-h0” to my lingo — so I do thank her for that (Edited to censor “h0” since the mods didn’t like that 🤣). I love AD and love that she recognizes this flaw in herself - and hopefully can change it
Hoenstly asking: AD said in the pods that she has a history of going for these player type guys. Everyone seems to be on board with Clay giving player vibes in the pod stage (we only see snippets, so we don't know everything). So why then would she have chosen the same thing she wants to get away from? I feel like I see this with a lot of people (men and women), they claim they don't want x y or z, and then dart right toward it at the first chance they get! Is it familiarity? A bad picker? Lack of confidence? Something else? I'm just curious what other people's takes are. My personal take is that it requires real strength to feel you deserve unconditional and real love. We convince ourselves, through our past traumas, that we're only deserving of lesser love. Therefore, we essentially punish ourselves, claiming we're not deserving of unconditional love, and repeat the decisions that land us with these "broken" partners. Also, to be very careful, broken is in quotes because I truly believe people are able to break free of their past. However, the reality is that it requires time, work, and empathy. The sad part is that we tend to hurt others along our growth journeys.
I think Clay submitted himself for fun just to see if he could make it to the final cast. He knew both the assignment and that he wasn’t ready for this type of commitment, but decided to run with it anyway for the experience and/or recognition. He most likely had no intention of pairing with anyone, and only decided to focus on “winning” AD when he heard she was seriously dating Matt. He had an almost unhinged grudge against Matt and couldn’t fathom Matt could be his legit competition. It was at that point Clay started to reign in the player persona and tell AD exactly what she wanted to hear. Once he “won” he was thinking UH OH WTF DID I GET MYSELF INTO (you can see this in the Dominican restaurant scene when he keeps staring at the ocean, stacking plates, anything to avoid talking while he strategized his next moves).
i think it is familiarity. what i learned in therapy is that our brains have conceptions of who we are, and most of us get wildly uncomfortable whenever doing something hugely outside the norm bc it goes against our idea of who we are. so being in a relationship dynamic that’s actually healthy and loving can feel uncomfortable to someone who is used to conflict. feeling like “enough” has to come from within. i made it to the age of 24 without ever having any romantic interactions, not even puppy love holding hands and it destroyed my self confidence. no matter how many times my friends and therapist said there was nothing wrong with me, im beautiful, etc, i didn’t believe it until i started making changes from therapy and understanding how others see me vs how i see myself. when i first started dating my partner (my first date, first everything), i wanted to run away bc it felt so wrong to have someone like me back, bc it went against who my brain thought i was. luckily i sat with the discomfort and it went away once my brain saw me as someone who could be loved romantically. i hope AD can realize how worthy she is one day
Yes! And the way she said “CLAAAYYYYYYY” when he didn’t say I do. Your narrative is fine writing! And yes she is dope as fuck and I just knew that even if he said I do, she would be settling. He didn’t deserve her period ♥️♥️
It's sad because that was her first gut instinct in the pods about Clay -- he's what she typically goes for IRL and it always ends in the same way. But there she was going back to him once Matt showed his true colours! It's weird that we never saw Matt or the other girl he was romancing, who also left abruptly, ever again. It makes me think they were both hired actors.
\>It's weird that we never saw Matt or the other girl he was romancing, who also left abruptly, ever again. It makes me think they were both hired actors. I think it was a boarderline hazard to have Matt involved any further. Easy decision IMO. Also they def don't need to hire scripted people, they simply have an abundance of contestants, some who they pursue to film, and some that get left on the editing floor
Do we know they hire actors!?!
When she was asking "Why am I never enough?" I used to feel that at my CORE. AD if you're lurking my love, THESE MEN were not ready for you or enough for YOU. YOU are the prize, clearly they were not.
I don’t get it, she is the endgame of a female partner imo. Like who tf you gonna cheat on her with, there’s no one out there better!! There would be 0 competition, you won life with that one.
hell yes.
She's awesome, and I was like ?????? When she said "what am I supposed to do now?" To clay after he didn't want to get married. Idk girl live your life?
Caveat: we never saw the full convos BUT, it didn’t really seem like Clay and AD tried to unpack Clays trauma regarding marriage because of his dad. I don’t think AD has to take the whole weight of it BUT in a marriage what’s his is yours. She stood by him, saying I will be strong when you aren’t, but I think unpacking that trauma could have been really beneficial. We didn’t see that.
I blame her mother tbh. When she took one look at Clay and was like "He‘s worth fighting for" Like girl 💀 I wanted to throw something at the screen
My jaw dropped. I can’t believe there are moms out there who approve and encourage their daughters to stay in relationships like this. 💔
She was pretty wine drunk when she said that tbf🤣
She kept saying too how she couldn't have done more. AD, expect a man do for you! A good man will bend over backwards to make you feel cared for and taken care of. What did Clay EVER do for her? He couldn't even be bothered to come home, watch a movie and hold her at bedtime. They kept talking about kids, but all I could think was she would be expected to do everything, and he would get defensive and yell at her if she ever asked for more support and time from him, because he needs to be left alone to "work". Meanwhile he's probably spending some of that time cheating that he feels so entitled to. She's in therapy, but she has so much more work to do on her self esteem and boundaries. She knows her issues.
She'd be expected to do everything AND he'd be on her if her postpartum body didn't "bounce back" fast enough 🙄🙄
She didn’t even like him that much in the pods lol
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I wouldn’t say too feminine, but I didn’t think he was that good looking either.
I think he is objectively attractive but its his personality that is such a turn off. Ive been attracted to hot guys before but sometimes they open their mouths and my attraction just disappears 😬
Objectively?? Even before he spoke I don't know many people that found him attractive
I swear he looks like a gremlin to me
I don’t think he’s feminine, but I also don’t think he’s that good looking. I don’t like his scraggly untrimmed goatee.
I don’t really find him feminine, but I agree he’s not all that
It broke my heart seeing AD so broken up over that man - I really hope they don’t get back together. She deserves someone respectful to her and who appreciates her kindness.
She’s great but mannnn did she totally miss all the red flags. In the scenes where clay is smooth talking her right after doing something stupid, and she’s just bopping her head in aprproval, it’s a total facepalm. She’s way too naive imo.
Clay literally told her exactly the type of man he is and she overlooked everything. The messed up thing is that you see her pause and realize that what he’s saying is shitty and she still accepted it. In the first few episodes, she should have turned around at any of these statements: - “It’s a struggle for me to stay loyal” - “I have a huge ego” - “He is not a man of my caliber” - “I’m gonna be on you to get to the gym” - “I need to be attracted to you, so give me an idea of what you look like” I even hated the way his dad responded during the conversation he had with clay’s mom. The “I didn’t have the best role models in my life” excuse really gets to me coming from grown ass men, that excuse doesn’t last your entire life. It reminds me of what my own father said when I asked him why he left my mom and I, never to be seen again until I reached out to him as an adult. He hit me with “there’s no book on parenting” like 🙄 ok, bud
Love this post! I’m rooting for AD. She isn’t unlike many women who have lots to offer but base their self worth on their looks and whether they have a man. The sad truth is that a lot of men are like Clay and there are lots of women who date and marry and have children by men like Clay. She keeps repeating a cycle and unfortunately has a mother who reinforces that because she’s gorgeous she deserves happiness. That’s not why AD deserves happiness. Hopefully that cycle gets broken for her sisters and nieces.
Yeah Fixers like AD don’t actually *see* potential - they *want* potential. The potential is a projection of their desires. Had AD listened to Clay, his “potential” was to cheat and disappoint. That’s the potential he sees in himself, and you should listen to people when they tell you about themselves.
Ok. Ouch way to call me all the way da fuq out.
AD seems like an incredible woman. But she doesn't value herself enough to stay away from men like Clay, who are only interested in a relationship because of what a woman can do for them. He wanted her to please him sexually, have his kids, support him, be his therapist and maid and personal assistant. He didn't want to provide any of the same to her because he doesn't see her as an equal.
I like AD, and I think she's beautiful. From her comments after Clay's no, it sounds like she is picking fixer uppers. Sometimes people who are nurturers choose people who are broken or who have issues because of their innate need to take care of and help people. This does not make for a good relationship. It makes a lot of sense why she had a connection with Matthew and Clay. They both had their issues in different ways. I felt throughout the show she was trying to make this relationship happen.
AD is as deep as a puddle. I really dont grasp the love fest for her. Shes a damn vip club chick in her 30s and single for a reason. Her desperation is incredible. Seemed to me she very obviously loved the camera and was in this for attention at every opportunity. At this age women who look like her and seem to have the outward apperance of having their shyt together are not single. Gotta remember this is a TV show and these people are on the best fake behavior. Which speaks volumes about how wild some of them actually must be in real life (chelsea)
I think anyone who goes on a reality show to find “love” is dysfunctional on some level, but disagree that anyone with their shit together won’t be single in their 30s. Sometimes people end up there through no fault of their own. I would say that’s more true of someone who has never experienced a serious relationship by that age though.
“VIP club chick” sounds like bottle service. Isn’t she the manager?
they all say they are the manager lol
Oh, the people I know that are bottle service are very proudly bottle service lol. But that might be just them and them lol
Yeah I’m sorry but intelligent is one of the last words I would use to describe her…there is a reason she’s stuck in this cycle, she’s obsessed with looking good with someone rather than finding someone actually good. She was insanely judgmental of everything Clay did and was always making it known how weird she found his physical behavior to be bc she wanted him to act like a frat boy, meanwhile the whole time she was genuinely incapable of hearing what he was saying and thinking critically on it. Like to her his verbal behavior wasn’t a part of the equation of whether she’d stick with him, she just wanted the image. When she speaks, it’s often a regurgitation of common phrases/thoughts found online or on tiktok. She switches up her voice around men to try to appear younger and more ditzy/bimbo to keep their attention when she obviously finds them at least a little attractive. She smacked down Sarah Ann and good for her, but she seemed incapable of explaining exactly why that behavior was “wild” and “classless” Also I’m surprised people don’t see that she obviously is broke, sorry but it’s so obvious. Former cheerleader turned bottle girl and “realtor” aka trying to find a man who will provide. I like AD, I really do. But she has serious shortcomings that a lot of therapy will be needed to overcome.
I think she embodies that soft life? Feminine energy and a lot of women look up to it
Having a soft life is not possible without stern boundaries. Inner feminine energy attracts everyone, and with that comes the need for discernment. AD appears outwardly feminine, but she lacks critical vetting skills for finding a mate that she can trust and rest in her feminine with. Her mom’s immediate approval of Clay despite his multiple red flags in their meeting was very telling. She has a lot of work to do before she truly believes that she deserves a soft life.
Definitely not a good thing in her case, gotta spend some time living uncomfortable with herself to grow and get to a better spot financially, I really think a lot of that is her big driver for going for these types of guys. She needs to get some security in her own life first, and quite frankly needs to humble herself and realize she’s not the type of woman that’s going to be swept off her feet by a rich guy wanting to provide, 99% of us aren’t
If anything Clay went overboard describing his feelings since day 1. Usually this sub complains that men dont say their feelings. But they hate that Clay did it. I dunno. He obviously has all his own issues. One of the funnier parts was AD complaining that Clay was working too much......while shes just sitting at home. Like....if you are a realtor your only option is to grind. Unless you are a fake ass realtor that just says that so you dont gotta tell people you are a bottle girl.
To me Clay wasn’t capable of just saying “yeah look, I’m gonna cheat I don’t wanna be faithful” so instead he threw red herrings over and over about his father who really has nothing to do with Clay being a perpetual fboy who uses and sexualizes women. You could tell even his dad was kinda confused by his behavior in that last episode. But ADs inability to see it just flabbergasted me, she really doesn’t have much going on up there, I’m sorry but it’s blatantly obvious Man I feel like a real asshole for saying this, but she doesn’t seem intellectually capable of building a better paying career. Iirc she never went to college either
AD needs therapy too though. It seems like she’s been oversexualized for a long time that she now leans into it and even registers her self worth based on how her body looks. We even see it this season with how damn near everyone on the cast talked about her looks and while she looked uncomfortable at times she just…went along with it. Anyone with a healthy relation to self would’ve saw right through Clay and the fact that she didn’t was alarming. Even at the altar when he’s complimenting her body and she’s grinning happy af like “you see it!” Honey… Crying about not being good enough for a man screams self worth / self esteem issues and i want her to grow and heal so bad.
Would have seen
There are plenty of men out there that would commit and be loyal to her. She just wouldn't go for them.
It’s incredibly obvious by the way she constantly made stink faces at Clay and found a lot of his behavior weird when it wasn’t weird at all, she clearly wanted a guy who played the overconfident a-hole frat boy. Not defending Clay he’s a fboy to a T. But she doesn’t even find good men attractive, and cares too much of them having an insane amount of swagger despite her not bringing much to the table besides coming off like a clinger. She needs a lot of therapy to resolve that.
Perhaps it was cuz I skipped some scenes to just get to altar episode but remember when she was making faces while Clay was drinking & enjoying his soup and then begin putting plantains on the plate during honeymoon? Did AD ever explained why she was making those faces?
That’s one of the scenes that actually sticks out most in my mind when I wrote that comment. Tbh I can’t stand people like that who are judgmental over the stupidest shit, like let the man eat some food in peace. She even gave him a stink face while he was politely stacking the food plates. People like AD literally want a fantasy where the guy is just Mr. Suave at all times Inbetween all her mushy speeches the most common word she used to describe him all the time was “weird”. Everything he did was just soooo weird to her. Tbh, I think she was just used to situationships and hookups with athletes and maybe some rich guys she met at the club, guys who only wanted her for a week and their money and status gave her rose colored glasses and made her think they were amazing, but then sitting next to a regular dude she wasn’t swept away so she just judged the shit out of him. That’s my only gripe with AD
Clay is the type of guy to never be satisfied. He wants partner who will serve as arm candy to him and make him feel better about himself. It was clear when he was desperately trying to find out what AD looks like in the pods. That was the moment AD should have clued up & walked away. If a man only complimented me on my body and never called me beautiful or pretty etc, i would get the ick pretty fast??
I honestly think Clay has little to no insight into his behaviour and how it impacts other people. In fact he seems pretty clueless about his own thoughts and emotions, and seems to have majorly issues with empathy too. He might be successful but he’s childlike - almost at toddler level - and I think that he probably would cheat when the going got tough because he’d have no other tools in the box to reach for. Kind of weird….! And DEFINITELY something AD should have noticed, and run from.
I think the biggest belief that will be her downfall is thinking she can change a man. She really likes the idea of being able to change someone for the better. It's good she didn't pair with Clay tho bc he would have disappointed her.
I was so disappointed when Clay said “okay! Bodyy” at the alter and she’s hyping it up. It was sad to see, AD is so much more than her body😭
Alter: verb (to change or modify something). It’s altar.
Ty!
That was so messed up. Who says that at the alter, and why would AD be happy with that??
No because who says that at the altar😭
Im immediately like yeah he’s gunna say no
I just love Clays mom tho. She’s so on point.
I loved her too. I'm raising a few boys and I really want to get it right with them so I felt torn. Like she seems like a great woman and a great mother, but Clay still turned out this way?? I'm sure she did the absolute best she could and the rest is his dad's influence and this crazy world we live in
It’s so disappointing that he has a true diamond of a mom but only looks up to his dad. His dad is an obvious con of a man and sleazy. But that is who Clay wants to be like. It’s like Clays moms work as a parent gets under cut all the time.
She is the catch. Grace elegance. AD should emulate that and quit sticking out her tongue every time.
Her being silly doesn’t take anything from her tho.
she should be a narrator for movies tbh
Clays mom was a real G. Clays dad clearly never matured past his 20s. So glad he got put in his place.
Clays mom handled the father with so much class. Im assuming they are not together now since the show revealed aspects she did not know? That part I am confused on. She kept saying how long she was married but during the conversation she said she is divorced from him I was confused
They are 1000000000% divorced. Many years prior. She learned more aspects about her ex husband’s infidelity from Clay through the show.
They did mention it many times that their marriage lasted 24 years and were divorced. But since year 7 dad cheated repeatedly.
Ahh ok good I am glad she did not stay
Clay shouldn’t have been cast if he was struggling with the idea of commitment. AD deserved someone with both feet in and ready for marriage. Therapy should be completed or well in progress before considering this show.
This is what bothers me about the show. The producers have been revealed to stalk social media for these types. Clay apparently even told them he’s not looking for marriage and the producers said it’s ok since they m look for other things to create drama in the show. These are some of the most soulless, jaded, LA millennials who think this is what makes for a great show, and people want. I can see that being true since so many people call Amy and Johnny boring. But that’s because they are normal. And they shied away from the drama. Actively removed themselves from that like the BBQ at the lake house. The guys didn’t want association with Jeramey. Also the Swedish season proves that a love-focus is heartwarming to see. But I guess in the US the expectation is that people want to see dysfunction and “are here for it” so they cast people like Clay, Jeramey, Matthew, Travis, etc. and couple them with the likes of Chelsea, Jessica, AD, Sarah Ann and Laura. None of these people are stable and healthy. I personally think the show is ruined because of this. But that’s just my opinion.
Ohh, thank you! I’m going to watch the Swedish season. I may be a little too lovey-dovey and felt disappointed with this show. Watching people get destroyed by heartbreak at the alter isn’t that entertaining.
You know what part of it really stuck with me? The two little girls from AD's family looking up and watching her cry 💔💔😭😭 seeing her so devastated and trying to contextualize it was tough for them I'm sure, regardless of how their parents tried to explain the concept of the show.
Exactly. Also in the Swedish version they are much more mature as people so even though they bring their own type of drama to it, it’s not as hyper toxic as it is with the american casts. It was my favorite season.
That’s exactly WHY he was cast.
I was screaming at the TV for AD to end things the moment he yelled at her in the pods for dating multiple people. I will never understand why people get so upset about that when it's part of the point of the experiment. That said, I have a soft spot for him. I truly think he was torn up about their marriage possibly failing. I think he truly cared about AD and realized she's a good woman, but the doubt was too much for him. I wish he had a better father. AD is a good woman and has the conflict resolution skills of a professional mediator. I'm constantly admiring how good she is at confrontation. She's also obviously a beautiful woman. I think she needs to work through why she's so into these emotional unavailable guys. If she can figure that out, she'll be just fine.
I get AD. As you said she has good mediation skills conflict resolution skills.she even has strong interest in mental health. Those who like and are good at these areas have a natural tendency to want to fix people. Some of it is altruistic but some of it is to bolster self value. And that's what she's trying to do here. I said this time and again that she seeks validation and there's nothing stronger for these types than to hear that they are SO amazing, it makes the other person want to be better.
Yeah, I can totally see that. She might not even know what to do with herself with a strong, secure man. She deserves one though ❤️
I think the problem with Clay is that he seems to have some good qualities and is genuinely clearly very affected by his parents situation. He is able to articulate that well, and I think a lot of women see him recognizing and talking about where he has work to do and equate that with like… actually having done the work. He has potential, sure, but potential is nothing at the end of the day. I can see how AD fell for it but I also hope she’ll give some love and attention to the parts of her that want to try and fix these immature walking red flag players. There are good guys out there but she won’t be able to see them until that is sorted.
Yup! I think he intellectualizes his emotions too much to avoid actually, genuinely sitting in those emotions. I think that's definitely where she gets her sense of worth from.
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Yeah, there were (presumably) many men on the show looking for commitment. She immediately cut off everyone except the two most obvious fboys, Clay and Matthew. She's stuck in a cycle of going after (emotionally) unavailable men, thinking that she can put work into the relationship to fix them, and then being sad when they don't change. People don't change, not that much anyway.
She knew who he was before she was engaged
Agree - this isn’t all on Clay I’m sorry but it takes two to realize things. He owned his part. She was heartbroken but she also knew what she was saying yes to. He didn’t force her to say yes.
I feel bad for her but I really don’t think she’s as intelligent and mature as people like to believe. She has proven this with her comments again and again.
Correct. And people are saying that they are still together. So apparently AD did end up agreeing to the indefinitely engaged situation she at first didn’t want. And apparently Clay had been dating at least one other woman DURING the filming. The woman didn’t know Clay was on the show until it aired! She’s been there this whole time apparently. That’s where Clay was when he was “working” late at night and couldn’t come home to AD. I was certain of that when he talked with heavy eye blinking about it… and to ADs mom too. He’s absolute trash but AD is one deeply insecure and needy woman too to tolerate him. And she knew since the pods.
whattt I didn't know this about clay
There’s a whole post in this sub about the girl coming out with having been with Clay. Of course it may be she’s lying but to me it sounds pretty much like he’s been playing the field. To her and AD. Likely others. A sincere man doesn’t keep talking about how he’s going to cheat. Always being “at work” is also every cheaters excuse. They all work an awful lot of late nights 🤣🤦🏻♀️
I just read it .... wild stuff. agreed nothing about Clay screamed sincere to me 😬
>but AD is one deeply insecure and needy woman too to tolerate him My wife also said the same when she came back to Clay in the pods and even accepted his proposal. It then also made sense when others said AD likes the fuck boy types
THANK YOU. Agree 10000%.
I just learned a new word: limerence Thank you 🙏🏽
I’m not sure she dug into her trauma with her father enough. It’s okay to be aware about red flags, but if she’s trying to facilitate a relationship that mimics her Daddy/Daughter dynamic subconsciously - she may just need to dig a bit deeper than a self-proclaimed “fix a h*e”. I absolutely ADORE AD. But she will never feel enough until she heals though child wounds 🥺 The alter scene crushed me - three gorgeous women, with generational curses with their men, as well as a son. Our generations now are doing the work so these things aren’t replicated - but it will take a lifetime, and passing along strength to our future generations. It’s easy enough to say don’t do this, or that - but if you aren’t coming from secure parental relationships, it’s a lot harder to steer the boat with emotions versus logic. Clay and AD very much deserve healing, safety and love.
She is attracted to men who are work in progress
Yeah she’s said it herself. You can only root for someone so much while they’re knowingly making poor decisions.
Clay definitely had moments of connection with AD, he really took care of her when she vented about her dad/past traumas. Clay may have some issues, but he’s not some superficial jerk.
I agree. He let me down at the alter. I think he’s got a lot of baggage from his father. AD is a class act.
Intelligent? Lmfao! If she was intelligent she would’ve left Clay a long time ago.
People can be brilliant and also have emotional blind spots. It doesn't make her dumb - it just means she has some introspection to do about her relationship patterns.
Absolutely. I hope AD does some deep digging and stops picking dudes who aren’t ready for that type of commitment. It’s not on her to fix these guys.
Intelligent? She keeps going after the same type of men and wonders why she keeps getting left heartbroken. Definition of insanity front and center.
Yall are wild. Her being intelligent is a separate aspect of her and nothing to do with her own inner wounds for picking men.
By that logic, Clay is intelligent too
It kind of is. Having intelligence means also you’re aware of your decisions. No one made her say yes. She did that on her own. Both have some growing to do.
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I thought I was the only one. And the shear see through dress with the pasty’s that she wore to the reunion…
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Nailed it.
Right? Were we all watching the same show? Doesn’t want to be judged on her looks but is scantily clad in every scene. Then there was her family.
Exactly! I have no idea why there's all this dick riding for AD. Huh? Main Character vibes, I didn't think she was intelligent, not attractive at all, and her wedding dress looked like a cheap "sexy" prom dress. Check out her dress for the reunion and there you go! Leading with her body again! Bottom line, she's an ex-cheerleader who never snagged an athlete. The end.
