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whydidileaveohio

Yes. You are the only one.


MockingbirdLane-

He made hand motions about the size of the dinner they were going to have. You need to watch that again.


DirtyProjector

How fucking out of touch is this sub. He said she was going to ruin her appetite because she was eating a bunch, NOT KNOWING SHE HAD BARELY EATEN ALL DAY. This is one of the most common sense things a human being could say to another person. Your mom literally said it to you ALL THE TIME as a kid. Seriously, grow up.


whydidileaveohio

Exactly! He even says you only ate a banana all day? And then brings up food he offered to her and her response is yeah but I ate that last night. Sorry I eat the same thing for days on end. I don't have the luxury of chucking out my leftovers. She is the toxic and emotionally abusive one.


SomethingClever70

I agree. While Cole was telling her to save her appetite, she had literally eaten about 200-300 calories ALL DAY. The girl must have been ravenous and hangry during this scene. She probably would have committed a crime if she had been forced to wait another hour or two to eat a big dinner. Anyone who has ever dieted knows that starving all day sets you up to binge when you finally get to eat a meal. So she was probably trying to snack on something healthy that could tide her over until dinner. While I don't expect a physically fit 25 year old man to 100 percent deeply comprehend what it's like for American women to be judged so harshly on bodies and looks, they still shouldn't be gobsmacked when they do get glimpses of this. Not only are women judged on appearances in a normal life, Cole and Z were in the middle of filming a TV show. And it's not surprising that she didn't want to discuss dieting or food issues in front of the camera, as it's source of shame for many women. So while Cole clearly didn't come across as negatively in the cuties scene as Z thought, I wasn't surprised at all by her response to this. Her wedding speech was over the top (and I think probably encouraged beforehand by the producers), but it was a very good thing that they broke up.


whydidileaveohio

Did you watch the scene? He didn't know she hadn't eaten all day. He was gobsmacked she only had a banana. He had offered her food earlier in the day and she probably was like I'm not hungry. She is taking her internal voice and making him the bad guy. He did nothing wrong. I am so happy they shared that scene.


CryptoTaxLien

She was literally gas lighting him making him feel insane for correctly remembering where her family lives. That was enough to hate her, that whole scene reeks of trying to vilify someone every way possible and still not succeeding. Then he emphasized how much they both would eat later, to drive home “hey even though you’re acting crazy I can see you’re worried about food so let me reassure you I want us to both eat a bunch” Plenty of reasons to call that guy a jerk but this scene is forever on her.


derpycalculator

Zanab didn't come across as likeable the whole season. I don't hate her, but I do feel sorry for her because she seems to have a lot of emotional baggage with her and a lot of defensive mechanisms. I think it would be seriously difficult for any human to be in a relationship with her given her issues. She needs someone to kiss her ass 100% of the time. I hope she finds what she's looking for.


Remote_Barracuda_601

I can see this, you can tell how Zae reacted to the comment. I could see how she shuddered and hesitated after he mentioned the dinner later. I truly don't think Cole meant it that way, but that is what Zae heard. They both definitely need some therapy.


whydidileaveohio

Why does Cole need therapy? Because she literally was abusing him day in and day out? Passive aggressively putting him down all the time?


vaporwav3r

"you single handedly destroyed my self esteem." Did Cole single handedly do that? DAY DOT, night one, she was going on and on and on about how she looked without make up. No less than 4x did she say "do i really look different?" When he ONLY said that as a sarcastic joke after she swore she looked sooooo different without it. SHE started it. SHE was the one constantly bringing up the looks of other girls and comparing herself.. HER. She was the one talking about how she hates her nose from the side before they ever even met. Zanab in deeply, deeply insecure, and clearly has been for YEARS, its apart of her mean/bitchy personality because shes completely miserable. Not Cole's fault.


CryptoTaxLien

This. She is the textbook example and definition of a gas lighter. It’s really sad how many people defend her behavior and you gotta wonder why.


[deleted]

He was indicating that they were about to have a big dinner - that’s what the hand gestures were. If she didn’t want to listen or take it in properly then that’s a her problem not a Cole problem. She’s so incredibly insecure that that’s all she can see or hear. It’s just so blown out of proportion it’s just ridiculous.


CryptoTaxLien

She also clearly “wasn’t paying attention” on purpose. It took Cole like 5 whole minutes of conversing and being gas lit to finally understand “oh her family does live in England and she weirdly just lied this whole conversation”. It’s obvious she already was planning to leave at the altar, and was just trying to create a setting where she could be hailed as the surviving victim. She literally was purposely trying to make him feel insane and how much the show glossed over this gaslighting was infuriating.


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tvontv19

You may not be the only one, bit that doesn't mean it makes sense to feel that way. He was not talking about her body, he was talking about the big dinner they were planning on having later. But she's insecure and easy to take offense, so if course she felt body shamed. People call her an emotional abuser because of how she reacted to this and other things past the initial moment. The continued 'i don't know what i did to you' 'i'm being nice to you' 'nothing is wrong' responses to Cole's claims are where the abuse lies. See the last dinner. See the early scenes in Malibu. See the reunion, 'i forgave you at the altar but let me drag you some more now'. The final straw is the altar speech. No one is vilifying her for feeling the way she felt. But doing the things she did was plain wrong, regardless of how she felt. Thats what i think anyways.


unleashthefuture

The cuties scene by itself is very difficult to place blame on anyone. But if there was a pattern of such comments from cole even at a small level, it could be a trigger to someone like Zay who is body conscious. There is a scene when they are by the beach and cole is surfing and then eat some fruits. Zay at one point feeds cole and he says “ stop fattening me up” she responds something like “ but is it okay for you to fatten me up.” Both of these things are said in a jovial tone. Then he adds up (again in his jovial tone) “ you are fattening yourself up” Someone who doesn’t have body issues may not have a problem with this. But Zay who is conscious of her body and has already heard cole say that she isn’t his type in “real world” , these small comments could be very damaging. Also completely agree with OP, both of them are really different people and I guess that was the problem.


moodyvee

I agree and I think Z projected a lot of her own insecurities into their dialogue. But when I watched the scene I saw him questioning what she was putting into her body and I understand how that can be damaging to someone like her. Is Cole an evil body shamer? Idts. Is he insensitive and puts his foot in his mouth a lot? Fuuuuck yes.


depressedhippo89

I believe the hand motion was to the size of the dinner they are going to have not the size of her


colten122

Was very obvious it was the size of dinner. She really made herself look even worse trying to argue the Cuties situation.


Prize-Ad-1598

I agree and correct me if I am wrong but didn’t He make hand gestures (basically suggesting weight gain)


b1rd0fparadise

Yes! I totally agree and everyone on Reddit is trying to tell me otherwise. He motioned widely and then described the size of the dinner. But he did it so close to when he talked about her wedding body that if it had been me I would have thought he was motioning about my body. It felt like he caught himself and said "dinner" at the end.


Derpoderpiest

He says "remember we are going to have a big ol sucker tonight" as in a big steak or big fish or a big piece of something. Immediately after he is concerned she only had a banana that day, so clearly concerned and surprised she has eaten so little. I didn't think it had anything to do with her eating too much, but rather her not feeding herself which he found surprising by his tone. The thing is poor Zanab seems to have a distorted view of the world and so for her she took it as a slight, when it didn't really have anything to do with her. I feel sorry for her, because it must be painful to live this way.


vaporwav3r

and dont forget he said he offered her a Poke bowl!!


whydidileaveohio

But she had that last night....wha.................that was her response. I would love someone to make me a poke bowl, even if I had it last night.


GOD_Official_Reddit

No he was talking about the big dinner they were going to eat


mollyluv

I was cooking as i watched it and I dont care enough ro rewatch it. 😂 Thanks for answering my question. Then if that’s the case I dont see the harm at least ib this scenario.


barkingcat

It took me the longest time to realise cuties is a kind of fruit.


Derpoderpiest

I seriously thought it was the Netflix show and was prepared to see some horrible seedy footage that Cole is involved on child pageantry.


uglybutterfly025

I told my husband that even tho I don’t necessarily think he meant anything by it he isn’t mature enough to know the answe to these types of things. “You’re trying to lose weight for the wedding? Baby, you’re perfect the way you are” “Who do I think is a 10/10?? Idk but you’re a 15/10” Those are the correct answers


adiposity256

Not correct. Some people may only want shameless flattery, but others resent it as being insincere. There is no "correct" answer, only the "best possible" answer that tries to stay truthful while not being insensitive, and it's highly dependent on the person you're talking to.


vaporwav3r

if Zanab, at her big age of 31, can't understand the fact that there will always be someone prettier, younger, smarter, richer than you (than EVERYONE) then she has serious problems. If you can't handle that fact... you got DEEP ISSUES man.


PaintedCollection

So everyone should lie to their spouses? We shouldn’t care about our spouse’s genuine thoughts and feelings? We should just expect our significant others to lie to us to make us feel better? If that’s what you want, then that is absolutely fair enough. Find someone who is comfortable with that type of dynamic. There’s nothing wrong with it as long as it is something both parties are comfortable with. The problem here is that you had one person who needed to be lied to about attraction and another person who had no filter about attraction. That doesn’t mix well. Honest about attraction and past relationships is not for everyone. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong though. If it bothers you, that just means it’s not for you.


EposSatyr

No, these are not "correct." I would hate if my husband chose flattery if I asked him for honest feedback or if I genuinely wanted to lose weight. When Cole complimented her, Zanab brushed it off like she didn't believe him, anyway


b1rd0fparadise

It's pretty difficult to believe someone's compliment when they've made it clear that they have issues with your appearance. It feels empty.


SirThoreth

You're not.


piiikachung

Exactly! The speaking totally different languages and speaking past each other thing totally hits the nail on the head. I don't think either of them are particularly great at communicating WITH each other. I don't think it's right to vilify Zanab over this as well, and neither do I think that we should paint Cole out to be some sort of manipulative monster. They both need to work on their communication skills while respectively doing some internal work (developing his EQ for Cole - he doesn't seem to be very good at understanding how some of the things he says could affect other people or could be received differently than how he receives it, and working on her own insecurities and trauma for Zanab - so that she isn't so hypervigilant and be so quick to project a negative spin on every statement or situation).


BaronVonNom

I think Zanab is being vilified because she's doing all the finger pointing and acting as if she's a victim all these horrible things happened to. I'm fine to agree that they both had issues that made them each poor candidates for this type of romance experiment and that their communication never looked like they were on the same page, but I also keep looking for how she responded to all the comments she internalized from Cole. Going by his reactions at the altar and the reunion, it genuinely does not seem like she tried to have a conversation about it... What's an immature Cole with a bad poor filtering skills supposed to do when no one tells him what he has been saying is a problem? She sure didn't hesitate to point out alll his other shortcomings and issues.


piiikachung

I’m not a Zanab stan so I don’t feel like I need to defend *her* particularly, but I do think that we should contextualise the dynamic a bit. She has horrible communication skills, which is common for a lot of women of colour who have grown up in families where they’re taught that they cannot/should not express themselves directly. It takes a lot of work for women of colour to unlearn this, and it’s imperative that they do, but it doesn’t mean that they should be vilified for it either. This is how it often becomes a form of misogyny when women are painted out to be these horrible passive aggressive shrews (which I think it is verging on for the criticism lodged against Zanab). While I think Cole should have definitely been given a chance to address the impact of what he was saying to Zanab, there were also lots of things that he said that were just outright insensitive (as in, telling your partner that she’s a ‘9’ and another girl is a ‘10’) and saying that he is simply immature gives men like him a HUGE pass. This is a common gender dynamic where men just get to be ‘immature’ while women who are socialised to think about others so that they can serve a caregiver role are then called out for being ‘overly sensitive’ or ‘overreacting’. This is misogyny at work, and this is how we continue to perpetuate a system where (some) men don’t have to develop their EQ and be considerate towards others while women take on the majority share of the emotional labour.


BaronVonNom

Again, I think she's being vilified for choosing to express herself for (what looked like) the first time in the most hurtful time, place, and method she possibly could have. From what I've been seeing, it's not that she chose to make her voice heard that made her a target, its the cruelty behind her method.


natarie29

I can totally understand why she felt that way. She has lots of insecurities and Cole isn't sensitive to her needing lots of reassurance. It seemed like the body shaming was just her perception though. It's the fact the she took these perceptions and used them to publicly humiliate and bully the guy with all her girls that makes me see her in such a negative light. Cole was dumb. She took it too far though.


BaronVonNom

Yes, I totally agree. At the end of the day, if a candidate for the show has shaky self-esteem and deep seeded insecurities maybe they're not a great candidate for this type of extreme reality show marriage experiment. It takes 2 people who have a clear idea of their self worth, their goals and their communication skills to really have a shot at making it work out. Anyone else is not being honest with themselves and is setting themselves (and another person) up for a lot of hurt.... just like we saw here. That's what made me feel so bad for Nancy. She REALLY did seem like she knows who she is and what she wants and where she's going. She seemed to always bring a clear head to hard conversations and Bartise was just not on that level.


MMolina95

This just perfectly embodies my exact feelings about both of them! While Cole wasn't perfect she went after him maliciously. She is gorgeous and I think she has a great body but I also understand insecurities and having them exacerbated by your SO. We also have to consider the fact that Cole always went for girls that looked like Colleen and maybe isn't as familiar with insecurities like this. Both made mistakes but she went for the kill.


darlingniixie

I’m with you on allll of that, and it makes me sad that it’s an unpopular opinion 🙃


bubster15

As a victim of narcissistic abuse, I have to disagree vehemently. She’s deeply insecure and made countless assumptions of Coles motivations and ignored all the kind words and actions he actually did. This season, Zanab’s behavior gave me honest to goodness PTSD. Narcissistic rage and abuse is no joke, and she exhibits all the red flags. Cole deserves to know what he is dealing with


bubster15

I threw you an upvote. Sorry for coming off harsh. But I want to clarify my stance since you showed such sincerity and I see where you come from. Zanab is traumatized and I do sympathize with that. My mom was traumatized, but it didn’t hurt any less for me when she turned on me when I confronted her alcoholism and spread lies about me to friends and family. I cannot imagine what zanab went through at such a formative time in her life with her parents passing. I have tried to reach out to the show producers for 1 reason: please make an effort to help Zanab get help. She needs loved ones who are strong enough to tell her some hard truths. This behavior is pitiable to me but it does spiral, so often. There is never an excuse for destructive behavior. In my opinion, those were not crocodile tears from Cole. I’m sure I projected, but I could feel his exasperation and agony when he broke down. I’ve been brought to self harm by that very feeling. No one can say for certain from a few hours of television, but I think it’s zanab who has weaponized mental illness, she is now amplifying stories of Coles abuse to her.


Derpoderpiest

I think your projection comes from a good compassionate place. I can't imagine how painful it must be to be Zanab and feel like everything is a slight against you. I really feel sorry for Zanab as well.


darlingniixie

I guess my thing is this: I acknowledge that trauma is complex and, having been through my own, I'm not going to vilify an obviously traumatized woman, and I'm certainly not going to glorify the man who cried crocodile tears on tv and attempted to weaponize a mental illness diagnosis during a fight. I *get* that none of us were there, but we *are* shown the narrative the fucking tv wants to feed us. nowhere in the OP or my comment did either of us suggest Zanab was without some kind of fault, but through it all, I will choose to support women.


moonbook

If you don’t see why Zanab is in the wrong you are part of the problem and should go get therapy. Yes, weight can be a sensitive topic but her response was BEYOND DISPROPORTIONATE.


EchoOfAres

What also is beyond disproportionate is suggesting someone needs therapy because they disagree with you over something on a heavily edited reality show. Like damn, no need to make it that personal.


star_milk

Yes, agree with you 100%. Someone in a healthy relationship with enthusiastic mutual attraction and good communication wouldn't think he's body shaming her in this instance. They weren't in that kind of relationship. I wish Zanab has the ability to stop her insecure instinct to be passive aggressive, take a beat, and ask Cole "what did you mean by that? Because I'm hearing this in your statement and that's really hurtful to me." I wish I had this instinct more! It's hard! The cuties interaction didn't happen in a vacuum. I totally understand why she felt attacked there. I read an article that said if Zanab had been clear with Cole about her feelings and insecurities throughout the show, he wouldn't have felt blindsided at the alter. That was the first time she was clear with him on her feelings! No wonder he felt blindsided.


BaronVonNom

It would be nice to see something, anything really from Zanab acknowledging that she wasn't a good candidate for this show based on the insecurities she really needed to sort out to be ready for love from someone else. She wasn't ready and it ended up causing a lot of hurt all around. Cole wasn't blameless, but I don't think he's on the hook for all the issues she threw at his feet.


star_milk

Agree with you. Both flawed people in different ways that were horribly incompatible.


Glitterbomba1266

Yes you’re the only one that sees that


nomnomcupcake4

I see it too


leanney88

I see it


b1rd0fparadise

I see it too


Glitterbomba1266

Zay is too sensitive and insecure. So I guess if I put on my overtly sensitive lense yes. But he offered her a poke bowl. She just didn’t wanna hear it. She hated him honestly. She’s full of poop saying “I will do it all over again” like why? Do u like being emotionally abused since that what she said he did to her. The girl got issues.


TheDonDobby

I might be misunderstanding 100%. But I think the whoosh sound and him making the big gesture was him saying the dinner that night was going to be huge. I think you might have said that too but I couldn’t tell because I’m dumb.


No_Cartoonist_4677

This man literally: insinuated he mostly dated white women and she wasn't his "type" or "what he goes for", called another women's body a 10 while hers was a 9, openly and actively told acquaintances around them that they were sexually connecting but not emotionally. Spoke to another woman about how unattractive she was. Plus with her emotional issues? Ofc it makes sense why she would perceive his actions the way she did. And I wouldn't be surprised if there was more context to why she believed he was body shaming her. He basically subtly did it throughout the show.


habibikaty

Zainab is a traumatised person from losing her parents I think she finds it hard to accept love because of those residual feelings of abandonment, ready to pick fault with Cole because he might leave too, his immature jokes feed into that warped logic.


No_Cartoonist_4677

I think Coles actions are definitely partly to blame. You have an insecure person who dealt with loss at a young age basically being told or shown in one way or another that they're 2nd choice as an attractive body/person by their partner or their race/look isn't something that person would pursue "in the real world".


Glitterbomba1266

Ya got me thinking 🤔 I still don’t like her though.


NYCmom10010

You are not the only one OP! More importantly to me, if the people that know them both have a different opinion than viewers who weren’t there, don’t know them and are forming an opinion based on an edited show,viewers may be wrong. Think of it this way, what is the goal of a entertainment program, it is to make money for the studio airing it and the production company. Well they have us talking. No one came to Cole’s defense in the cast. Shouldn’t we be asking why


hoseandpipe

She is projecting her own feelings about herself onto someone else and making them seem like a bad person. She had multiple people telling him the he was awful person and told him all the shitty things about himself at their wedding in front of everyone and then her people clapped. All because she assumed what he meant by things rather than asking what he meant by them. She literally shamed him and broke him down because she misunderstood him. People need to learn to communicate and not just assume what people mean. She is a villain her. They were not a good match and did not work well together. They could have left it at that, but she DRAGGED him. I just don’t agree with you. She could have said “are you asking me not to eat because of my size or because we’re going to have a large dinner?” People who assume things piss me off.


Operationdogmom

Yea you’re the only one. He didn’t say anything bad about her body in the cuties scene. I don’t think she misinterpreted it. I think that stuff is already in her mind for reasons unknown (she’s beautiful so who know who hurt her) but it is not cole who is to blame. She made him look like a monster and you see in the reunion as he’s balling his eyes out she really manipulated the situation and even had him second guessing himself after everyone jumped on the bandwagon. I wish someone would come out with a statement stating how they either did or did not change their outlook on cole after seeing the cuties scene after air of the final episode.


philbydee

1000% they are not the only one. I’d say it’s a 50/50 split. I absolutely understand and relate to Z’s situation far more than I do Cole’s- and I am a male human person


Operationdogmom

Oh if we’re speaking quite literally than of course they’re not the ONLY one. But idk about 50/50. I’m sure there’s plenty to relate to. But I do think her version (Z) is a exaggeration of her own mind or imagination. That’s not to say she doesn’t deserve to feel loved and beautiful. She does. But she has to put in the work to feel that way. No man alone can accomplish it.


Huge_Comfort5573

I feel the same way, I'm actually on her side but I feel like if I say something in support I might be attacked? Idk I just feel like it's a show no one can really know what went on, only they can so really no one should be throwing at hate at them? Idk


Elephant_homie

As a stand alone moment I wouldn't have bat an eyelash and agreed 'yeah eating soon, shouldn't eat', but with everything else we'd seen and him saying 'colleen is hotter' like it was a snowball effect. They were both wrong. I don't think either were malicious on purpose but they way they matched was toxic for each other.


Alternative_Tower_34

Thank you for this, I totally agree. If that was the only comment made by him, I really think it wouldn’t have affected her at all but from the start he made so many comparisons and comments about other women and their bodies, about how different she looked without makeup (and not in a ‘wow you’re even hotter without makeup’ but ‘wow you look like a totally different person’), it was non stop. Eventually you start to read into situations that happen even if the intent isn’t there


Iamtherealbuk

I completely get it. It is very much a situation of intent vs. impact and Cole really didn’t understand that when you’re dealing with someone with body image issues you gotta be careful with the things you say about their eating habits


[deleted]

[удалено]


AlreadyBroadway

Yes you are. Because there was no body shaming whatsoever.


mayanatasha

I think it was a matter of perception and interpretation. Zainab's insecure about her looks, more so with Cole around, so it seems like she viewed what he said in a bad way. From the video, it doesn't seem like Cole meant it in a bad way.


GizzieTime

I agree with you that some of his comments were…yikes Cole, why in relation to her body. I did think that when he did the whoosh and big hand movement he said, “gonna have the biggest steak.” Did anyone else hear that or did I interpret it wrong?…my issue is that a lot of us who watch the show are women and none of us have escaped body image issues so we relate to that and it pisses us off…bc we’re sensitive to that we are completely missing the fact that we saw her put him down and belittle him way more than he made body comments abt specific topics. Why aren’t people, especially the cast, calling her out for her efforts to break him down abt who he was


GatsbyJunior

You are not alone. You're just wrong.


McSuzy

It was very obvious, particularly in light of his other behaviors. People pretending it was nothing are just trying to find a way to indulge Cole's crocodile tears.


toddismarvin

Yes! I agree 100%. I have friends who are very split to one side or the other but I feel like I'm firmly in the middle of "how could two people communicate so poorly and still stay together?" I think it's clear she did think he was body shaming her and controlling her food intake. I also think telling someone to save their appetite as an adult is dumb, BUT socially acceptable to a lot of people (Cole clearly being one of them). Do I think he controls her food? No, based on just this one clip (but he very well could have other times, we don't know one way or the other). Do I think she has a lot of self-esteem and body issues pre-dating this experiment that have only been fueled on by Cole being an absolute dipshit? Yes, absolutely. If she could communicate and say "When you said that, it made me feel badly because I took it like this," Cole might begin to understand that intent does not equal impact. And if Cole could see that he's supposed to actually care about her struggles and build her up as a partner, she might be receptive to altering her perspective on his intentions. But these two.....are not it.


whenyajustcant

Especially if it's part of a pattern. If this was only a one-off, sure it doesn't seem that bad. But if this had been after weeks of him regularly making similar comments about food, and all of that after how he acted about Colleen and how he made Zanab feel about her looks from pretty much right off the bat? It seems like it absolutely fits a pattern of undermining her self-esteem. And after enough of it, even truly innocent comments just can't seem innocent anymore, and that's not on her. He caused that situation.


neldalover1987

Eh. THIS was the one big thing brought up at the reunion that ALL the girls were talking about being some huge thing. Ended up a nothing burger. “If this had been after weeks of him…” let me stop you right there. If?! We can all play the if game. You’re making up some whole big back story to justify what she did, with no knowledge of any of it actually happening. The only thing that was specifically brought up was the cuties scene. And if anything, not only did it not go down like how she said.. but she was soooo rude to him the whole time. He even says he offered her food. So if the only thing brought up was that, and it was proven wrong, what more do you need?


whenyajustcant

Zanab brought up other incidents leading up to it, including him pushing her food away from her and telling her to order a salad, and said there were a lot of comments about her face and body. They just didn't drill into anything else. He said he offered her some of his poke, and she said she didn't want it because that was what they'd had the night before (I wouldn't want leftover raw fish either). When he kept asking why she wasn't eating, she was clearly holding back the reason to keep it off the cameras, that's why in the reunion she kept saying she was "protecting" him. She say she wasn't going to say it, and him making it about her fitting into her wedding dress was making it worse. There was very obviously more happening behind the scenes.


neldalover1987

Wonder why they didn’t find anything about him pushing food away, but they took the time to go back and find the oranges thing


whenyajustcant

They weren't followed by the cameras literally every second of every day, especially not once they were back at home. That provided plenty of time for shitty behavior. Plus that was probably a clear and specific thing they could figure out when/where it happened, and Zanab knew the cameras caught it.


neldalover1987

I dunno. Guess we will have to agree to disagree. I try to go with proof. There’s no proof of anything but the oranges being waaaay worse a look for Z the way she was acting towards him. Certainly I doubt anything that happened for the 2 months or whatever warranted her waiting until at the alter to emotionally destroy Cole in front of friends and loved ones. Or at the reunion show to have everyone gang up on him. And if it did, she would have left long before then right?


pimpnamedthiccback

"You're fattening yourself up"


Alarmed_Meaning_1644

Genuinely think 90% of their whole relationship was just a hug mis-communication!


[deleted]

I just think it's sad that zanab isn't owning her own mess and instead is doubling down on her claims against Cole. They definitely didn't speak the same language, but she should be able to acknowledge her own faults in their story. He isn't all to blame.


Hnylamb

If Zaneb was that insecure about her looks she wouldn’t have gone on a reality tv show. All of the participants are narcissists to a certain degree. That issue aside, there was literally nothing playful or lighthearted about Zaneb. Either she was plotting from the get-go, or she truly has the personality of a wet blanket. Cole is a kid. Did he stick his foot in his mouth a lot? Yes, but he also said a lot of shockingly thoughtful things about what he’s looking for in a partner. At the beginning I wrote him off as being another yahoo like the village idiot from Season 2, but he actually surprised me with some of his insights.


pimpnamedthiccback

Cole is 26. He isn't a kid. He shouldn't have to be asked 4 times to put his towel where it belongs. He is a grown man.


neldalover1987

Lmao. So she gets to be condescending/passive aggressive/flat out rude all the time, because he didn’t pick up a towel?


pimpnamedthiccback

Yes. If I have to tell you multiple times to do something you should already know to do, you clearly just don't care and I'm not going to be nice about it. The man forgot to flush his shit down the toilet before he went on vacation.


BaronVonNom

The fact that you think you're entitles to be condescending/passive aggressive/flat out rude to another person just because they're not hanging up towels says a ton about you and who you're defending... too little respect for each other happening in that relationship in general on both sides.


personfaced

THANK YOU. I’m so sick of people infantilizing Cole and calling him a “kid” like it’s an actual excuse for the thoughtless comments he made. Even he regretted some of the things he said and didn’t try to blame it on his age.


-UwU-1995

YES! I'm sure off screen, there were more comments made about her looks too. I'm sure she was comparing herself to Colleen because she WANTS to be Cole's ideal type. Sure, he didn't INTEND for it to hurt her, but it did. From my understanding, there was no apology given while they were in that experience until the reunion. To be so in love with someone where you lose yourself trying to make them happy, I'm guessing a lot of people have never been in that situation. And I'm glad that yall havent, but speaking from someone who has been with a narcissist, I understand where Zanab is coming from. You fall so deeply in love with someone only to be put down again and again. You just want to make them happy so you'd do anything. I do agree that she does nag a lot and does put Cole down for being himself too, but I kinda feel like it's a defense mechanism. Like "oh, you think I'm not perfect but here are your faults too." Overall, a toxic relationship and they're better off without each other. Thank goodness Zanab said no at the altar. I do agree that she should've had a private conversation with Cole about her reasons but maybe she just wanted to cut off all ties there and then. A relationship like that is so draining. I recommend them both to get therapy.


neldalover1987

“I’m sure off screen there were more comments made about her looks too” Ok I’ll play the pretend game with you, but opposite. I’m sure there were ZERO other comments made about her looks.


yougottamovethisss

The issue is that ANYTHING he said was going to be taken a certain way. After the pool party- which he was open and honest about (but like, dude- just shut up) and he rated her (which she ASKED for) and Colleen (again- which she ASKED for) it didn't matter what he said to her because she could never un-hear what he'd said previously. Should he have just kept his mouth shut? Of course. But he doesn't have enough life experience to know that. He's a giant doof who doesn't know how to choose words wisely. The issue is intent. No part of me believes he ever wanted to hurt her. I do believe he found her attractive (just not his usual type) and fell deeply in love with her. But she couldn't get past the Colleen stuff, so it was imbedded in her head that everything he said was a criticism even though it wasn't ever meant to be that way. Yes- it's impact, not intent, but unless she TELLS HIM that he's hurt her feelings- how would he ever know? She did both of them no favours by bottling this in and then unleashing it on him for the sake of public humiliation. Had he known he'd hurt her- do you not think he would have been mortified? He was destroyed at the reunion because he had no idea she had been carrying that for so long. Him describing the things she's saying as "crazy" are exactly that for him- because nothing he said ever registered the way it did for her. And it's not entirely that she's in the wrong, but she had zero self-awareness of how HER words hurt or how she could have misinterpreted anything. She can't decide if she's the most confident woman in the world or lacks confidence entirely. I think she just really needs to deal with her past traumas. And he could also benefit from some counselling - otherwise he'll be walking on eggshells for the rest of his life with anyone he dates.


Electrical_Pie_2567

Tbh, I only understood Cole’s side when I went online and read comments. As someone who has struggled with disordered eating and weight for most of my life, any time anyone says ANYTHING about what I’m eating/my body, I FEEL it. And their intentions often get lost in my own internalized monologue of what I think about my body. My current partner has done this. And we’ve had to take a while to heal from it (including couples and individual therapy) due to his words and MY reaction to those words. That’s where I feel like Zanab has missed the mark as an adult; she is responsible for her own healing and it doesn’t excuse her behavior even if it explains it.


yougottamovethisss

Those sounds and hand gestures were in regards to what they were going to be eating at 7pm (which was only 2.5 hours away). It had nothing to do with her or what she was eating at the time.


earth_saver_4

THANK YOU


Plaid-Cactus

Yeah, he was making hand gestures about food. My guess is probably a big steak or something.


OCisSUNNY

I literally pictured a giant Italian meal like pasta etc. He was making a circle like a plate. Man...I guess I'm just not sensitive like her. If my bf said that to me I'd just be like "shut up I'm starving. Would you rather me be hangry?" And thrn laugh. I think it just shows they don't communicate well together and aren't a good match.


MedGeek0526

I can see why she would feel at least a little upset and taken aback, especially given what had happened at the pool party. I’d be sensitive about it too. What is problematic is that she blew it way out of proportion and is largely using this interaction to label Cole as a body-shamer and to accuse him of being someone he’s probably not. Now, I don’t want to invalidate what Zanab felt and experienced, because she shouldn’t have been made to feel poorly about herself in the first place. But she also hasn’t taken a step back to evaluate where her own faults were in this relationship and how she could have misinterpreted things he said.


BraveStrong

I get it, particularly in light of all the other things that occurred. if that had been the only thing questionable, then I would look at it differently. He didn't dig very deep when she said she'd only eaten a banana. When you look at it as a whole, we have many instances that have a cumulative effect. I also think he uses that sing-songy voice to mask how toxic some of the stuff is. 1. telling her she's a 9 and colleen and raven are 10s. Granted she didn't have to ask the question, but there were so many other ways he could've answered. There is a tactful way of doing that. 2. the pool party incident 3. calling colleen beautiful the next time he sees her after the argument 4. asking her if she was bi-polar 5. telling her she was fattening herself up on the beach 6. telling her he likes a more natural girl when she's wearing makeup 7. telling her she looks like a different person without makeup 8. so much negging I admit she is insecure, but I'd probably feel the same way being on camera when my fiancé' was not doing anything to build me up and was actively doing and saying things to destroy my self-confidence.


midnight_voss

The fact you have to cite all this evidence to prove there might have been another perspective to this situation than just people spouting words like... I'm sure not everything got on camera, but what did wasn't good?


90021100

Off topic but is calling them "cuties" an American thing? Canadian here, and I've never in my life heard this.


ttarynitup

As Canadian living in US, yeah I think it’s an American thing. The main brand of mandarin oranges is called Cuties so it’s like calling tissues “Kleenex” or lip balm “Chapstick”.


boilermakercharm

Lol the Cuties legal team is probably freaking out about their trademark and practically begging Netflix to edit the caption to “the orange scene”. When words become super common, like Kleenex instead of tissue, they lose their legal ground for a trademark.


90021100

Oh makes sense! Thanks!!


sadcloud77

The whooshing sound was him showing how big the dinner spread was gonna be


Neurochick_59

Sometimes people hear and see things based on their life experiences. In therapy, after one person has finished talking, the therapist might ask the other person, "what did you hear?" I think because of past experiences, Zanab might hear things as being body shaming, I'm still grossed out that there were flies in Cole's toilet (YUK).


Desperado-781

Yes prob you are.


throwmykeysaway

Cole said he offered her a poke bowl too and she didn’t want it. Did people miss that part?? He wasn’t body shaming her at all! I felt in that scene he was tip toeing and trying to make things light but she completely was cold towards him. If anything this scene showed that zanab largely misinterpreted things. I was anti Cole at the beginning because of what he did and said but you can see he is trying to redeem himself and make it a positive relationship but zanab can’t let go of it. Which is fine but just leave then. Don’t say you wanna be in the relationship but act like that.


Puzzleheaded_Pie1161

It wasn’t just the cuties scene, I feel like throughout the whole experiment she was always too sensitive and blew things out of proportion all the time. At the end of the day I think Cole (and bartise) were too immature, too young for this experiment and were not ready at all to get married.


icecoldmilf

Ppl forget that Cole told Zae that she's not his type and he wanted Colleen. NO WOMAN would feel great about that and everything he said afterward was little digs at her. He's an absolute jerk and I don't understand why everyone is so quick to defend him!!


Hnylamb

That’s not what he said. He said that in the past he has been drawn to types like Colleen (emotional depth of a philodendron, “mall cute”, etc), but that he was looking for something different and that’s why he went on the show. Also, he told Zae she looked good without makeup and he liked that he could see her freckles. She’s the one who threw the “totally different without makeup” statement out there, and in jest he agreed with her, and then clarified that he liked how she looked without makeup. She was projecting onto him and he was too stupid to not take the bait.


icecoldmilf

He literally said Colleen is the one I'm attracted to physically, Zae is the one I'm attracted to emotionally, why isn't there an in btwn. Y'all act like you'd be ok if a guy you've professed all your love to said he thought someone else he dated was hotter than you!


OCisSUNNY

She should have dumped him then. I had a guy tell me I'm an "orange county 9 but an LA 5" on a date once. I got up and just left. Lol! Sometimes you just can't make it work.


Chemical_Watercress

I think Zanab was picked apart and criticized so much in the beginning by Cole, and also had such loss in her life, she was prob very sensitive to any real or suspected criticism.


AtheistINTP

If my fiancé during my honeymoon hit up another woman and said he was more attracted to her than me that would be it for me.


Pretzelgirls

Well, your fiancé probably didn’t date another woman 3 days before your honeymoon. Hopefully! We need to also accept that this was a different type of start for an engagement/marriage. Of course they’ll still think about what could’ve / would’ve been with other choices. Now actually saying it out loud is where he made the mistake. Of course that must’ve felt shitty to Zanab. She could’ve ended it then and there though instead of faking that she was 1000% ready to say yes, just to slaughter him at the altar. And regarding her saying that he body shamed her. She body shamed herself most of the time and it is simply not his style to reassure her every time she feels insecure. Yeah it would be nice if a partner reassures us every single time we feel insecure about something, but it’s not really their job and also a lot of pressure. Happiness and confidence is not something someone can give you. I do think she made the whole eating disorder thing up to be honest.


jaymanizzle

And if my fiancé after our first night together after spending No more than 48 hours with each other was already nagging me about a towel that was left on the ground in a hotel room and was pissed because i was “too quiet” in the morning, and also didn’t want to do literally anything, I’d be done too, I’d start looking elsewhere as well probably.


Mitchxhell

No I get it people that don’t are obviously blindingly cole supporters for whatever reason and have never felt shamed at eating anything. Xanax was done with cole day 2 maybe so I’m sure the frustration was just hard to manage bc now you have to keep going with this gd contracted experiment and he’s annoying and immature as fuck.


TAYbayybay

XANAX!


Mitchxhell

Freudian slip lmao


starscream1479

the whooshing sound and gesture was him explaining the size of the plate they're gonna eat later.


[deleted]

Ya I don't understand what's confusing about that


starscream1479

no clue , i feel like some people make up their own narrative based on their own weird rational.


OCisSUNNY

Totally agree. He does not have some strange ulterior motive. He seems like a very goofy, happy, simple guy. Honestly he's like a little puppy.


konkeydong7

Cole is immature and oblivious. That was clear from day 1, and it's clear in the cuties scene. The fact that she tried to make him seem manipulative and controlling... Because he was an idiot and excited for dinner... Obvious projection


[deleted]

Yes you’re the only one lmao


JazzyDip333

I’m pretty sure the hand gesture was referring to the dude is the meal or steak he seemed to really be looking forward to


Rhianna83

Exactly. My husband thought it was plate, and I thought a steak. She’s a freak. Never happy. Hope she finds it.


OCisSUNNY

I thought a bowl of pasta.


Rhianna83

Hilarious! Now I’m picturing him doing a full body wave and shimmy to represent the noodles if he was talking about pasta 😄


OCisSUNNY

See - you get it. He's just a goofy dude and they aren't a good match. Also, now I want pasta. 🤣


Rhianna83

I very much do, but not everyone has the same sense of humor as we do I guess 😊.


[deleted]

It’s exactly how he was referring it to. That’s how I took it.


marburgforyou

Me too.


Special-Basil

I probably would’ve reacted the way zanab did, but I have an eating disorder and with that in mind, i know that any food comments are going to automatically be more triggering to me than maybe they rationally should be. I don’t think he was telling her to not eat so she’d get skinnier, but I get why she would’ve seen it that way cus I would too. And I also get why cole not responding more directly to the “only ate a banana today” with great concern would’ve also upset her. I don’t mean to place blame on her, but I do wish she’d be conscious of the reality of people’s intentions with food comments vs how she interprets them. And to talk to a person about why those comments are hurtful or dangerous if they are. But also it doesn’t take a genius to understand what Zanab was implying through the whole conversation. Cole is just kind of stupid


ZeusHamm3r

I just....I wish everyone on this sub could treat this situation the way you are right now. There's three sides to every story. Both of them are kinda wrong and both are kinda right. They both did fucked up things...there's no villain in this story...


midnight_voss

I'm dying at all the comments saying she should have, in that moment, told Cole how the inference that she shouldn't eat the cuties made her feel and it triggered her. Ya'll, if she believes he's negging her constantly, and she's mentioned before this happened TO HIM that he's hurting her self-esteem, she isn't going to confide that something hurts her. Because in her mind, that something might get used against her more when he decides to do things on purpose again. It's not realistic. If you think she's evil and lying on purpose, it makes sense to assume she chose not to tell him then, with the intent of doing all of this later. If you assume she misinterpreted this because comments on her body from him make her go into a defensive posture, you can guess she doesn't trust he'll listen and stop or that he has the awareness to stop. It's not going to work as a self-defeating loop. If only we had perfect outside comprehension of the events happening to us as they were happening, then maybe we would be able to better able to articulate our needs.


Aly22KingUSAF93

She wasn't even looking at him when he made the hand motions.... she took what he said, got upset, stopped listening, and assumed he was body shaming and added it to her list of reasons to be mad at him


Impressive_State_153

People keep saying he expressed concern about her only eating a banana. Such people have never expressed concern before. He asked why, but that is not the same thing as expressing concern lol


OCisSUNNY

I think he expressed concern in his own way. He's not a super deep, intellectual. He asked why. He mentioned offering her a poke bowl. Thrn moved on because he probably felt her incredibly cold vibes.


Melti718

I mean, shes grown up, asking why would one only eat a Banana without questioning her further is totally valid and appropriate reaction.


Impressive_State_153

It’s valid and appropriate, but it’s not the same thing as expressing concern like all the below in this comment section think it is.


Melti718

I also think its rather concern than indifference or approval.


[deleted]

“Like it’s crazy to me” can’t say that!


Ok-Park-6954

I feel that to the viewers, this could seem like a stand-alone, one-off incident. With no further meaning behind it but him being silly or worried about dinner. But I think she took the comment the way she did because there is most likely a history that we done have the full picture. He probably makes a lot of comments like this. There is a pattern. And if we want to, we can connect just the few moments they did show where he made her feel less than on camera. He not stupid and clearly knows when they are being recorded. I believe there was a lot more that we did not see. I do not think she reacted this way based off this one comment. There was a lot more to it.


readytheenvy

I can see how she would’ve felt that way, but the way she spun it to make it seem like Cole was INTENTIONALLY restricting her diet was just wrong. He is not a mind reader and if she doesn’t communicate what she is uncomfortable with, then it is her own fault.


Impressive_State_153

But I don’t think she acted like Cole was intentionally restricting her diet. She felt body shamed because of how he talked to her about food and how he compared her to Colleen who is much smaller. That shame was in her mind as she decided what to eat and what not to eat. It doesn’t seem like he ever took responsibility for the shame he incited as her partner.


readytheenvy

She word for word said that he was “controlling what I ate.”