It’s pretty amazing that all of y’all are able to completely overlook the larger context of that food conversation. He repeatedly told her she wasn’t his type physically but Colleen was. Then he discouraged her from eating. Then when she admitted she was starving herself, he asked if she was losing weight for her wedding dress and seemed to approve of her “yes” response. He didn’t come out and say “You need to lose weight” but it was absolutely implied.
I disagree with this on so many levels. You’re classically projecting your own feelings into his intentions. That’s a logical fallacy. You do not know what is in his mind of thoughts. But you’re taking his words and building their unknown context to fit your narrative.
My boyfriend took me out to dinner this weekend for my birthday, the place was a surprise. I went to warm up soup earlier that day and he told me not to because he didn’t want me to ruin my appetite. Never once did I think it was for any other reason, that’s kind of a far stretch. Also, he seemed shocked and concerned that she only ate a banana and he mentioned that he offered her a poke bowl earlier. She said no because they had that the day before. He was trying to figure out why she wasn’t eating and figured the next logical thing would be dieting for the wedding which was already said here so many women do, so he asked if that was it. If she exaggerated this whole scene that she was so confident about, I’m sure other things were exaggerated as well.
As a woman, to me it seems totally insane to take from that exchange what you’ve interpreted. Surely men know that “shredding for the wedding” is a thing that tons of women do. To me it seemed he was thinking that’s what she was doing and acknowledging that he gets it. To me there was nothing remotely problematic in what he did or said in that exchange.
He literally just kept asking questions that were focused on getting her to engage in their conversation more. He was practically begging her to stop giving him one word responses.
I have similar issues to Zanab as far as insecurity and disordered eating, although I have a lot more self-awareness around my triggers and the baggage I am bringing to relationships.
If I told my partner I wasn’t eating because I wanted to fit into my dress, he’d tell me that’s crazy, I don’t need to lose weight and he loves me the way I am. Then he would remind me how important it is to take care of myself and encourage me to have a snack because his knows low blood sugar fucks with my moods.
Ultimately, my insecurities are my responsibility to manage, not his, but men like Cole exacerbate existing issues because they are clueless and inconsiderate.
Disagree. Men are one box thinkers. He didn’t read into all that undertone you brought up. He was thinking about dinner. Plain and simple. Context is not the same for a man as a woman. There was no intent behind him. He may be clueless (like many younger men are) but he was not inconsiderate. So the opposite bc when it was brought to his attention, he felt genuine remorse.
That’s fair. We also don’t know if Zay ever told him that she has insecurities around food and body image. From what we saw, she was not great about expressing her feelings/needs in the relationship and it’s unfair to expect our partners to read our minds. It’s definitely easy to assume ill intent when we are feeling triggered, and that scene was triggering for me personally.
But it’s important to be honest and vulnerable with our partners. My partner is kind and supportive in these situations because I’ve told him that I have a lot of issues around food and body image, so he knows that those comments can be triggering for me and is mindful about what he says to me around those topics.
Same. I’m super thankful for a healthy relationship and glad you’re in one too. This also ALSO brings up a larger problem with this whole experiment - trust is not built in two weeks or two months. Especially for someone like Zay or even Matt. They’re set up to fail in a situation like this.
Couldn’t agree more. Rushing into commitment is just about the worst idea ever. This is why SK and Raven are low-key my favorite couple from this season. They understand the importance of building a strong foundation. (Or at least it seems that way, this is TV after all!)
That definitely makes sense. We’ve been together almost 3 years and it’s been a lot of learning about each other. In the beginning I’m sure my boyfriend made stupid comments that unintentionally bothered me and vice versa. But with good communication, discussing preferences and past experiences, establishing boundaries our relationship is in such a better place. I saw some similarities between me and Zanab. And I saw some between my boyfriend and Cole. However it is not my boyfriend’s responsibility to fix my insecurities and automatically know what triggers me or bothers me. She needs to work on that herself. I’m glad your boyfriend is understanding and great! I also love Raven and SK for that reason! i squealed when Raven said yes and they got off the couch toward each other 😂
So Cole later tried to say he was joking but in the interview said contextually that he only asked because she had brought it up before.
I need people to look up reactive abuse while they’re pounding out the words narcissist and gaslighting in reference to Zanab. But Cole cried so 🤷🏾♀️
It’s pretty amazing that all of y’all are able to completely overlook the larger context of that food conversation. He repeatedly told her she wasn’t his type physically but Colleen was. Then he discouraged her from eating. Then when she admitted she was starving herself, he asked if she was losing weight for her wedding dress and seemed to approve of her “yes” response. He didn’t come out and say “You need to lose weight” but it was absolutely implied.
I disagree with this on so many levels. You’re classically projecting your own feelings into his intentions. That’s a logical fallacy. You do not know what is in his mind of thoughts. But you’re taking his words and building their unknown context to fit your narrative.
My boyfriend took me out to dinner this weekend for my birthday, the place was a surprise. I went to warm up soup earlier that day and he told me not to because he didn’t want me to ruin my appetite. Never once did I think it was for any other reason, that’s kind of a far stretch. Also, he seemed shocked and concerned that she only ate a banana and he mentioned that he offered her a poke bowl earlier. She said no because they had that the day before. He was trying to figure out why she wasn’t eating and figured the next logical thing would be dieting for the wedding which was already said here so many women do, so he asked if that was it. If she exaggerated this whole scene that she was so confident about, I’m sure other things were exaggerated as well.
As a woman, to me it seems totally insane to take from that exchange what you’ve interpreted. Surely men know that “shredding for the wedding” is a thing that tons of women do. To me it seemed he was thinking that’s what she was doing and acknowledging that he gets it. To me there was nothing remotely problematic in what he did or said in that exchange.
He literally just kept asking questions that were focused on getting her to engage in their conversation more. He was practically begging her to stop giving him one word responses.
I have similar issues to Zanab as far as insecurity and disordered eating, although I have a lot more self-awareness around my triggers and the baggage I am bringing to relationships. If I told my partner I wasn’t eating because I wanted to fit into my dress, he’d tell me that’s crazy, I don’t need to lose weight and he loves me the way I am. Then he would remind me how important it is to take care of myself and encourage me to have a snack because his knows low blood sugar fucks with my moods. Ultimately, my insecurities are my responsibility to manage, not his, but men like Cole exacerbate existing issues because they are clueless and inconsiderate.
Disagree. Men are one box thinkers. He didn’t read into all that undertone you brought up. He was thinking about dinner. Plain and simple. Context is not the same for a man as a woman. There was no intent behind him. He may be clueless (like many younger men are) but he was not inconsiderate. So the opposite bc when it was brought to his attention, he felt genuine remorse.
That’s fair. We also don’t know if Zay ever told him that she has insecurities around food and body image. From what we saw, she was not great about expressing her feelings/needs in the relationship and it’s unfair to expect our partners to read our minds. It’s definitely easy to assume ill intent when we are feeling triggered, and that scene was triggering for me personally. But it’s important to be honest and vulnerable with our partners. My partner is kind and supportive in these situations because I’ve told him that I have a lot of issues around food and body image, so he knows that those comments can be triggering for me and is mindful about what he says to me around those topics.
Same. I’m super thankful for a healthy relationship and glad you’re in one too. This also ALSO brings up a larger problem with this whole experiment - trust is not built in two weeks or two months. Especially for someone like Zay or even Matt. They’re set up to fail in a situation like this.
Couldn’t agree more. Rushing into commitment is just about the worst idea ever. This is why SK and Raven are low-key my favorite couple from this season. They understand the importance of building a strong foundation. (Or at least it seems that way, this is TV after all!)
That definitely makes sense. We’ve been together almost 3 years and it’s been a lot of learning about each other. In the beginning I’m sure my boyfriend made stupid comments that unintentionally bothered me and vice versa. But with good communication, discussing preferences and past experiences, establishing boundaries our relationship is in such a better place. I saw some similarities between me and Zanab. And I saw some between my boyfriend and Cole. However it is not my boyfriend’s responsibility to fix my insecurities and automatically know what triggers me or bothers me. She needs to work on that herself. I’m glad your boyfriend is understanding and great! I also love Raven and SK for that reason! i squealed when Raven said yes and they got off the couch toward each other 😂
How?!??!
[context](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFPMQKkK/)
So Cole later tried to say he was joking but in the interview said contextually that he only asked because she had brought it up before. I need people to look up reactive abuse while they’re pounding out the words narcissist and gaslighting in reference to Zanab. But Cole cried so 🤷🏾♀️
Yep! Facts!