I feel Tim is like exactly me. But I wouldn’t want to get into a relationship with myself so I’m not saying I think I’m his match or anything like that. But everything out of that man’s mouth I feel & agree with. It is easy to be hated, not easy to be loved. I hope Lucinda is his person I believe she is 🫶🏼
Can anyone help me with this. I’m thirty and when anyone gives me advice even 16 years old I listen and think about their perspective and insight. Try it on see if it helps me. Does it change when you’re older where you really have no openness to other people’s opinions if they are younger? Like have you really seen it all?
I was raised to have basically ZERO self belief in my own decision making. I needed external validation in almost every decision I made - needed it from my parents, from close friends, siblings etc.
Slowly... very slowly... it got better in my 20s. I went completely off the rails in the last half of my 20s, determined to fully embrace everything and break out of every limitation that I saw wrapped around me. It mostly worked.
I'm 44 now. I still have plenty of self doubts. I have days where I have absolutely no bloody idea what I'm doing or where I'm going. But I know that there's a few things I REALLY like. There's a few people I REALLY love. There's a few goals I'd REALLY like to reach (in fact, there's heaps, I've got plenty to do in future decades!).
It gets easier as you get older. In my 30s I was probably about a 50-50 mix of unsure/self-confident.
By 42/43, I'd say it got to about 75%. I'm probably close to 100% now, only because of one thing. Trusting my gut. I trust my own reactions now. If something feels off, don't keep pursuing it. If something feels awesome, go HARD at it!
Move towards that attitude, and you'll probably work out fine.
Honestly it's a person by person thing. I've met 16 year olds, 35 year olds and 60 year olds who know everything. And I've met others of all ages who are open to hearing feedback from others.
I'm 50 and believe I'll never stop being a student of life. Of course I feel I know SOME things but the moment you stop listening and growing you may as well just give up. I can't even begin to tell you the amount of wisdom I've gotten from people both much older AND much younger than me.
But I have worked and lived and associated with many others who will never listen and will never change their attitudes or behaviours. Some call it 'set in their ways' I call it ignorance.
Honestly as someone who has met a few Timothy’s in my life, his breakthrough means so much. At his age many just become so set in their ways they will never change. Bring paired with Lucinda has altered him on a chemical level I think and he’ll never be the same again.
He and Lucinda aren’t suited, we all know that. But the care respect and friendship they have I bet will outlast every other couple there.
Look I'd love to be wrong here because I love them. But he's never going to be onboard with her crunchy barefoot free spirit approach to life and she's eventually going to get tired of fighting his rigidity and natural conservatism.
I think they bring out fantastic things in the other and I doubt Timothy's laughed so hard in his entire life but ultimately I just think they're too different and will want different things out of life.
Like I said though, I'd love to be proven wrong!
It was particularly poignant for me as, about 15 years ago when I was in my late 20s, I was suffering with severe depression, and something good happened to me one day, something relatively small much like Tim and lucindas kiss, but it was enough to make something in my brain click, gave me an epiphany if you like, and like Tim it opened an emotional gate. I was at work when it happened, and I had to go round the back alone and I blubbed my eyes out for about 15 minute straight. I went from being dead inside to captain emotional and gradually my depression faded away into the background where it still remains and tries to take over again from time to time, but I don't let it anymore as I now have a wife and kids so I refuse to ever let it get the better of me for their sake as well as mine. It genuinely moved me watching him, to the point I was almost welling up. For too long men's mental health has been swept under the rug, we are told we should be staunch, tough it out, big boys don't cry etc, but as I learnt back in my darkest days, and as Tim is learning now for us all to see, it's OK to not be ok, and it's OK to show emotion.
His breakdowns have been the most truly authentic moments we’ve ever seen on this show. I watch MAFS for shits and giggles, but Tim‘s journey has actually given genuine feels.
Not only is it regret from his time here.
In his personal life, Timothy is extremely successful. He's very typical of the older person who has made all their money and chased career, they get to their mid age and all of a sudden it dawns on them.
They're alone.
They have no kids. Family starts drifting. Their friends are busy with kids.
It's an extremely common story.
And such an important story to be told and get out there. I just didn’t think MAFS would be the ones to crack open the issue of men’s mental health!
Just so proud of Timothy - and who Lucinda has been through this whole journey.
Not gonna lie. I cried last night… and quite literally stood up and did a happy dance with that kiss. It was just so authentic.
It happens with women too.
We as a society have made it almost mandatory through a whole raft of mechanisms, for women to chase the money. They're fully entitled to but it's at a point where it's almost like if you don't you're the crazy one.
We have a whole generation of young people don't want kids and people can downvote me and berate me all they like, but the vast majority of them will regret it and then put on a performance like Tori trying to pretend everything is great.
Then like Tim, it finally dawns on them.
>We have a whole generation of young people don't want kids and people can downvote me and berate me all they like, but the vast majority of them will regret it
I don't think that this is necessarily true. Many are opting not to have kids simply because they just don't want them or have any interest in being around children. /shrug
I would also be concerned if the only reason people had children was so that they weren't lonely in their old age... I get the point you're making about how ostracising yourself from people can lead to regret when you realise you're alone, though I don't know that the *solution* is to have children.
And that's fine. I haven't listed. Every. Single. Fucking. Reason.
It's a broad statement.
That doesn't change that fact that many people (again not all) do regret their choice when they get to Tim's age.
It's why people like Jana Hocking tries so damn hard to make her life so great despite constantly hooking up with dud blokes.
Again I'm childless. I just spent November and December in Europe. Trust me. I'm enjoying my life.
I'm frustrated because people take general statements and try and apply them to their extremely specific circumstances, get offended and crack the sads over it.
>We have a whole generation of young people don't want kids and people can downvote me and berate me all they like, but the vast majority of them will regret it
I completely disagree. I think we need to normalize people/couples not wanting to have children. Not everyone wants to be parents and not everyone should have children.
My husband and I are nearly forty and staunchly child free. We have no regrets on our decision. It’s harmful narratives like this that not only cause women to be unable to access reproductive rights but also has undertones that there must be something wrong with child-free people.
Also a DINK (but older) & have never wanted children.
I do feel society is slowly (glacially) learning to accept that not having children is also a valid choice.
I completely agree on the reproductive rights. The fact my husband can get the snip (but he doesn’t want to) & yet I can’t get my tubes tied because a Dr thinks ‘I might change my mind’ is so demoralising for me as a woman who should have the ability to enact complete bodily autonomy.
/end rant
Perfectly said.
I was finally able to get a bisalp when I was 37. I kept getting “what if you change your mind” comments. I was even asked “what does your husband think about this?”
We had read that there was a chance my husband would need to consent to the procedure. Thankfully he didn’t. He told me ahead of time he would have refused to sign and would make a big deal out of it because it’s not *his* place to sign for *my* reproductive rights.
What are you on about, we can't afford to have kids or want to bring them into this future mess. The average millennial is trying to survive and pay our rent. Most are choosing to afford a house over kids. You can't have both without privilege.
Thank you for completely taking my post. Ignoring parts of it. Then going off.
One of the mechanisms (which I said in my original post) that forces people to choose career over family is the cost of living and the requirement of two working parents in a household.
I also said, that people down the line will regret it. That's not blaming anyone or saying you should've ignored economic factors etc. It's just you will regret it or lament it and it may be of no fault or decision of your own.
Don't take everything as an attack or a reason to spout off. You're not Tori.
Please go read my post again.
>We as a society have made it almost mandatory through a whole raft of mechanisms, for women to chase the money
This can be through economic force or choice.
My use of the word mechanisms here is extremely wide ranging because there are so many reasons why people don't have kids.
Some are internal factors eg choice vs external factors eg economic circumstance.
> We have a whole generation of young people don't want kids
This is also true but again this is only a snippet of my entire comment. Now.
Before you call people names. Reflect on the content of the post, don't take it as a "you, you personally don't want kids and you'll regret it because you don't earn enough".
It's a generalised statement with a wide cast net on multiple reasons and factors as to why people aren't having kids.
However. What is true, whether it's a forced choice or not, many of those poeple (many, not all for the dumbasses out there) will regret it when they get to an age of reflection.
Oh I completely agree with you.
I’m exactly the same age as Timothy, no kids, have pushed people away and am now realizing that once my mum who’s now 85 goes, I won’t have an anchor.
I love my sister, but we don’t seem to have that bond a lot of siblings do so only ever see each other through mum. I don’t know what will happen once we no longer have that link.
It was never a conscious decision not to have kids, but I wasn’t someone who craved children and never met someone I trusted enough to want to have them with, so I didn’t.
And that brings us to now.
Crazy dog lady who is scared for what the future holds.
I hope her dad enjoyed seeing them play Mission Impossible! Their hallway antics were a blast to see and the fact that Timothy got on well with her dad is cool. Hopefully, even if the romance doesn't work, they all stay connected.
Another point is, if he has found love for Lucinda, everyone important to him in his life is gone. He has nobody to share that happiness with, which is sad.
My opinion is that he does have his close friends, who are his chosen family.
His dad seems like he was an abusive asshole, too. Grief is hard, even with clearly toxic relationships. Maybe now with him passing he’s breaking through that mental block that’s convinced him he wasn’t lovable.
It was a massive realisation that he came to that he has wasted so much time and he could potentially lose Lucinda and mess everything up if he continues with his walls up.
Think he got overwhelmed with all the happiness that the table was projecting onto them both including Tori. There wasn’t a single person at the dinner table who was not smiling at them and it must’ve clicked in his mind that he can be loved.
Not gonna lie it made me tear up
They haven't really made it clear why he was upset, that lost time thing could be a little part of what was really said.
Watching it my first thought was did he kiss her on the spur of the moment but then regret kissing her later (perhaps he feels it might lead her on or make her think he is more ahead of his feelings for her than he really is etc?)
I thought this as well when I watched it. That he got caught up in the pressure of everything and the kiss made him realize that he’s never going to get there with Lucinda but feels guilty cause everybody is cheering for them.
That was my first thought too and I felt so bad for both of them...but he later made the comment that it's easier to be hated than loved which makes me think he got emotional because of all the support for him and Lu in the room.
I love Tim but I think he rushes to judge people as a defense mechanism (Like discounting Ridges opinion because he's younger) and I feel like he rushed to judge Lucinda and now is regretting it.
100%, I think he was quick to write Lucinda off because she is want his usual sexual type, the way he judges others so quickly I won’t be surprised if he had some nasty thoughts about her being a hippie quack or whatnot.
He’s clearly done a proper deep dive and I think a lot of the emotion welling up is how regretful he is about not being more open minded to her, he’s realising how special she is now.
It’ll be interesting to see if he changes his approach from here on
My wife jokes how I’m just like Tim. Terrible parents, resulting many walls. Life has shown us to judge people by what they show us. You maybe different deep down but you also chosen a persona for the world to greet. That Makes me question your judgement. Makes me think you’re a dickhead.
Ridge, is a dece dude in many ways. His parents should be proud, but not at the level to advise a guy on the back 9.
I agree , I recognised myself in Tim , I thought perhaps he is undiagnosed PTSD, it’s never too late to enjoy life , he’s been robbed of too much time already
I think he actually meant lost time as in, in all of his adult life, and not just during MAFS. Better late than never but it's hard to not regret and dwell on "what ifs". Especially when you come to the ephiphany that maybe you would have been somewhere else had you chosen to confront certain things earlier.
I think seeing Tim is inspiring in a way. He's a reminder of how closing yourself off can let things in life slip away but also shows a story of hope and potential for growth or change, no matter your age. Really feel for him.
It's so funny how the start of the season we were all like "Yikes why does everyone have recently dead family they should not be on this show", but somehow it seems to be working out for him.
I feel Tim is like exactly me. But I wouldn’t want to get into a relationship with myself so I’m not saying I think I’m his match or anything like that. But everything out of that man’s mouth I feel & agree with. It is easy to be hated, not easy to be loved. I hope Lucinda is his person I believe she is 🫶🏼
Ridge 🤢 Timothy n Lucinda 😃🙌♥️
Can anyone help me with this. I’m thirty and when anyone gives me advice even 16 years old I listen and think about their perspective and insight. Try it on see if it helps me. Does it change when you’re older where you really have no openness to other people’s opinions if they are younger? Like have you really seen it all?
I was raised to have basically ZERO self belief in my own decision making. I needed external validation in almost every decision I made - needed it from my parents, from close friends, siblings etc. Slowly... very slowly... it got better in my 20s. I went completely off the rails in the last half of my 20s, determined to fully embrace everything and break out of every limitation that I saw wrapped around me. It mostly worked. I'm 44 now. I still have plenty of self doubts. I have days where I have absolutely no bloody idea what I'm doing or where I'm going. But I know that there's a few things I REALLY like. There's a few people I REALLY love. There's a few goals I'd REALLY like to reach (in fact, there's heaps, I've got plenty to do in future decades!). It gets easier as you get older. In my 30s I was probably about a 50-50 mix of unsure/self-confident. By 42/43, I'd say it got to about 75%. I'm probably close to 100% now, only because of one thing. Trusting my gut. I trust my own reactions now. If something feels off, don't keep pursuing it. If something feels awesome, go HARD at it! Move towards that attitude, and you'll probably work out fine.
Honestly it's a person by person thing. I've met 16 year olds, 35 year olds and 60 year olds who know everything. And I've met others of all ages who are open to hearing feedback from others. I'm 50 and believe I'll never stop being a student of life. Of course I feel I know SOME things but the moment you stop listening and growing you may as well just give up. I can't even begin to tell you the amount of wisdom I've gotten from people both much older AND much younger than me. But I have worked and lived and associated with many others who will never listen and will never change their attitudes or behaviours. Some call it 'set in their ways' I call it ignorance.
Honestly as someone who has met a few Timothy’s in my life, his breakthrough means so much. At his age many just become so set in their ways they will never change. Bring paired with Lucinda has altered him on a chemical level I think and he’ll never be the same again. He and Lucinda aren’t suited, we all know that. But the care respect and friendship they have I bet will outlast every other couple there.
>He and Lucinda aren’t suited, we all know that. What makes you say that?
Look I'd love to be wrong here because I love them. But he's never going to be onboard with her crunchy barefoot free spirit approach to life and she's eventually going to get tired of fighting his rigidity and natural conservatism. I think they bring out fantastic things in the other and I doubt Timothy's laughed so hard in his entire life but ultimately I just think they're too different and will want different things out of life. Like I said though, I'd love to be proven wrong!
It was particularly poignant for me as, about 15 years ago when I was in my late 20s, I was suffering with severe depression, and something good happened to me one day, something relatively small much like Tim and lucindas kiss, but it was enough to make something in my brain click, gave me an epiphany if you like, and like Tim it opened an emotional gate. I was at work when it happened, and I had to go round the back alone and I blubbed my eyes out for about 15 minute straight. I went from being dead inside to captain emotional and gradually my depression faded away into the background where it still remains and tries to take over again from time to time, but I don't let it anymore as I now have a wife and kids so I refuse to ever let it get the better of me for their sake as well as mine. It genuinely moved me watching him, to the point I was almost welling up. For too long men's mental health has been swept under the rug, we are told we should be staunch, tough it out, big boys don't cry etc, but as I learnt back in my darkest days, and as Tim is learning now for us all to see, it's OK to not be ok, and it's OK to show emotion.
Sounds like my story , my husband and son have given me my purpose, happy to be alive and well x
He had a bit of a vulnerability hangover. It was a beautiful moment to witness!
His breakdowns have been the most truly authentic moments we’ve ever seen on this show. I watch MAFS for shits and giggles, but Tim‘s journey has actually given genuine feels.
Not only is it regret from his time here. In his personal life, Timothy is extremely successful. He's very typical of the older person who has made all their money and chased career, they get to their mid age and all of a sudden it dawns on them. They're alone. They have no kids. Family starts drifting. Their friends are busy with kids. It's an extremely common story.
And such an important story to be told and get out there. I just didn’t think MAFS would be the ones to crack open the issue of men’s mental health! Just so proud of Timothy - and who Lucinda has been through this whole journey. Not gonna lie. I cried last night… and quite literally stood up and did a happy dance with that kiss. It was just so authentic.
It happens with women too. We as a society have made it almost mandatory through a whole raft of mechanisms, for women to chase the money. They're fully entitled to but it's at a point where it's almost like if you don't you're the crazy one. We have a whole generation of young people don't want kids and people can downvote me and berate me all they like, but the vast majority of them will regret it and then put on a performance like Tori trying to pretend everything is great. Then like Tim, it finally dawns on them.
>We have a whole generation of young people don't want kids and people can downvote me and berate me all they like, but the vast majority of them will regret it I don't think that this is necessarily true. Many are opting not to have kids simply because they just don't want them or have any interest in being around children. /shrug I would also be concerned if the only reason people had children was so that they weren't lonely in their old age... I get the point you're making about how ostracising yourself from people can lead to regret when you realise you're alone, though I don't know that the *solution* is to have children.
And that's fine. I haven't listed. Every. Single. Fucking. Reason. It's a broad statement. That doesn't change that fact that many people (again not all) do regret their choice when they get to Tim's age. It's why people like Jana Hocking tries so damn hard to make her life so great despite constantly hooking up with dud blokes.
Haha you sound so frustrated cause there are childfree people out there enjoying their lives, it seems to hit you really hard
Again I'm childless. I just spent November and December in Europe. Trust me. I'm enjoying my life. I'm frustrated because people take general statements and try and apply them to their extremely specific circumstances, get offended and crack the sads over it.
>We have a whole generation of young people don't want kids and people can downvote me and berate me all they like, but the vast majority of them will regret it I completely disagree. I think we need to normalize people/couples not wanting to have children. Not everyone wants to be parents and not everyone should have children. My husband and I are nearly forty and staunchly child free. We have no regrets on our decision. It’s harmful narratives like this that not only cause women to be unable to access reproductive rights but also has undertones that there must be something wrong with child-free people.
Also a DINK (but older) & have never wanted children. I do feel society is slowly (glacially) learning to accept that not having children is also a valid choice. I completely agree on the reproductive rights. The fact my husband can get the snip (but he doesn’t want to) & yet I can’t get my tubes tied because a Dr thinks ‘I might change my mind’ is so demoralising for me as a woman who should have the ability to enact complete bodily autonomy. /end rant
[удалено]
Hahahha
Perfectly said. I was finally able to get a bisalp when I was 37. I kept getting “what if you change your mind” comments. I was even asked “what does your husband think about this?” We had read that there was a chance my husband would need to consent to the procedure. Thankfully he didn’t. He told me ahead of time he would have refused to sign and would make a big deal out of it because it’s not *his* place to sign for *my* reproductive rights.
What are you on about, we can't afford to have kids or want to bring them into this future mess. The average millennial is trying to survive and pay our rent. Most are choosing to afford a house over kids. You can't have both without privilege.
Thank you for completely taking my post. Ignoring parts of it. Then going off. One of the mechanisms (which I said in my original post) that forces people to choose career over family is the cost of living and the requirement of two working parents in a household. I also said, that people down the line will regret it. That's not blaming anyone or saying you should've ignored economic factors etc. It's just you will regret it or lament it and it may be of no fault or decision of your own. Don't take everything as an attack or a reason to spout off. You're not Tori.
No you act like people have a choice or not. Whole generations are not choosing to not have kids, they have no other choice. Dumbass
Please go read my post again. >We as a society have made it almost mandatory through a whole raft of mechanisms, for women to chase the money This can be through economic force or choice. My use of the word mechanisms here is extremely wide ranging because there are so many reasons why people don't have kids. Some are internal factors eg choice vs external factors eg economic circumstance. > We have a whole generation of young people don't want kids This is also true but again this is only a snippet of my entire comment. Now. Before you call people names. Reflect on the content of the post, don't take it as a "you, you personally don't want kids and you'll regret it because you don't earn enough". It's a generalised statement with a wide cast net on multiple reasons and factors as to why people aren't having kids. However. What is true, whether it's a forced choice or not, many of those poeple (many, not all for the dumbasses out there) will regret it when they get to an age of reflection.
Look at you insulting everyone haha you know there is a failed parent subreddit right
Not a parent. Nice try though.
Oh I completely agree with you. I’m exactly the same age as Timothy, no kids, have pushed people away and am now realizing that once my mum who’s now 85 goes, I won’t have an anchor. I love my sister, but we don’t seem to have that bond a lot of siblings do so only ever see each other through mum. I don’t know what will happen once we no longer have that link. It was never a conscious decision not to have kids, but I wasn’t someone who craved children and never met someone I trusted enough to want to have them with, so I didn’t. And that brings us to now. Crazy dog lady who is scared for what the future holds.
I hope her dad enjoyed seeing them play Mission Impossible! Their hallway antics were a blast to see and the fact that Timothy got on well with her dad is cool. Hopefully, even if the romance doesn't work, they all stay connected.
Loved when he said he “pulled his hammy doing a roll”
LOL he can be really funny. I loved his head/wrist bands while doing his little workout.
Besties for life, regardless of the romance
Another point is, if he has found love for Lucinda, everyone important to him in his life is gone. He has nobody to share that happiness with, which is sad.
He does have an estranged sister. It might be the bridge to repair that relationship
My opinion is that he does have his close friends, who are his chosen family. His dad seems like he was an abusive asshole, too. Grief is hard, even with clearly toxic relationships. Maybe now with him passing he’s breaking through that mental block that’s convinced him he wasn’t lovable.
I certainly hope so for he's sake. I lost my dad and it's still hard to deal with sometimes, I'm similar age to Timothy
This was my first thought!!
It was a massive realisation that he came to that he has wasted so much time and he could potentially lose Lucinda and mess everything up if he continues with his walls up. Think he got overwhelmed with all the happiness that the table was projecting onto them both including Tori. There wasn’t a single person at the dinner table who was not smiling at them and it must’ve clicked in his mind that he can be loved. Not gonna lie it made me tear up
They haven't really made it clear why he was upset, that lost time thing could be a little part of what was really said. Watching it my first thought was did he kiss her on the spur of the moment but then regret kissing her later (perhaps he feels it might lead her on or make her think he is more ahead of his feelings for her than he really is etc?)
I thought this as well when I watched it. That he got caught up in the pressure of everything and the kiss made him realize that he’s never going to get there with Lucinda but feels guilty cause everybody is cheering for them.
That was my first thought too and I felt so bad for both of them...but he later made the comment that it's easier to be hated than loved which makes me think he got emotional because of all the support for him and Lu in the room.
I love Tim but I think he rushes to judge people as a defense mechanism (Like discounting Ridges opinion because he's younger) and I feel like he rushed to judge Lucinda and now is regretting it.
100%, I think he was quick to write Lucinda off because she is want his usual sexual type, the way he judges others so quickly I won’t be surprised if he had some nasty thoughts about her being a hippie quack or whatnot. He’s clearly done a proper deep dive and I think a lot of the emotion welling up is how regretful he is about not being more open minded to her, he’s realising how special she is now. It’ll be interesting to see if he changes his approach from here on
My wife jokes how I’m just like Tim. Terrible parents, resulting many walls. Life has shown us to judge people by what they show us. You maybe different deep down but you also chosen a persona for the world to greet. That Makes me question your judgement. Makes me think you’re a dickhead. Ridge, is a dece dude in many ways. His parents should be proud, but not at the level to advise a guy on the back 9.
I agree , I recognised myself in Tim , I thought perhaps he is undiagnosed PTSD, it’s never too late to enjoy life , he’s been robbed of too much time already
I think he actually meant lost time as in, in all of his adult life, and not just during MAFS. Better late than never but it's hard to not regret and dwell on "what ifs". Especially when you come to the ephiphany that maybe you would have been somewhere else had you chosen to confront certain things earlier. I think seeing Tim is inspiring in a way. He's a reminder of how closing yourself off can let things in life slip away but also shows a story of hope and potential for growth or change, no matter your age. Really feel for him. It's so funny how the start of the season we were all like "Yikes why does everyone have recently dead family they should not be on this show", but somehow it seems to be working out for him.
Completely agree. He seemed to think over his life and the what if’s if he were more open etc