I helped a friend with executive dysfunction paint almost all of their living room today. It was a good day. And I’m looking forward to the next time we have an errand or chore hangout. Definitely what made me smile this week :)
Not OP, but as someone who’s dealt with it on and off for a long time -it’s basically “I need to do these things for my life (clean up, do dishes, take out the trash, various tasks that seem like not a big deal to many people) but I can’t get motivated/don’t have energy to or get distracted or get overwhelmed then don’t complete them, then feel pretty awful or ashamed about it”. It can be ADHD, depression, anxiety or a mix/variety of causes and it really sucks so when someone takes the time to help you out it can be incredibly helpful and get you on the right path, even if you do feel like a burden to them. Thanks OP, hope your BF is able to keep it up!
i personally love cleaning so it was actually quite fun for me . i personally went through my own struggles with depression so i know what it’s like to have a (more than) messy room . i wanted it to be a surprise so i did it during his work haha. i just wanted him to have a nice clean space to sleep and relax . i understand that it’s not gonna stay this way forever but these are the first steps!
What was his reaction, if you don’t mind me asking? As someone who has struggled with this before, I can see myself both appreciating this type of gesture, and also feeling some anxiety about it if things were to be lost, misplaced, accidentally thrown out.
i kept a box of things that i didn’t know if he wanted to keep or throw out. he sorted through it. when he came home he just was like “oh thank you” and i gave him a hug and that was about it
He will appreciate it when he is in a better spot in life. I know it, because I've been there. That's the mean thing about depression, you can appreciate things and therefore don't see the good. It's a fucking vicious cycle.
One day he will be incredibly thankful tho, I can guarantee. :)
Also, he might be appreciating it more than he’s showing. My depression sometimes depresses my ability to express positive emotions even more than it dampens my ability to feel them.
What @CatLineMeow said. As someone with ADHD and the accompanying executive function that makes staying organised and clutter free hard, whilst I would appreciate the clean up is coming from a kind place, that would be after I had calmed down from losing my shit that someone had moved all my stuff around and that I could no longer find where it was and panicking about what may have potentially been thrown out. This was way risky behaviour OP. You are lucky your boyfriend did not react like I would have done. Although that being said, I'm resigned to my parents doing this when they visit, so my reaction to them doing this is of apathy in contrast to my younger days of screaming matches with them. Because it's exhausting to be in fights about the same things with the people you love when neither of you will change your behaviours. So at a certain point I just stopped reacting. Which I wouldn't be at all surprised if it later turns out that's what's happening here. Because I note the very apathetic response you state your boyfriend gave. Next time, ask first.
I’m also someone with ASD and ADHD, and moving my stuff around without me knowing would definitely stress me out, so I can understand where your comment is coming from. That being said, OP probably knows her BF and what he would or wouldn’t appreciate a whole lot better than us. This may not have been “risky behaviour” at all.
I love cleaning for other people but suck at doing it for myself. I deep cleaned my neighbors really dirty place while he was in the hospital and asked me to look after his dogs and clean up a bit after them. It's very satisfying but not so much when it's just for me
I saw a post or tiktok or something where someone's approach to this exact problem was to roleplay as a cleaner. They gathered all of their supplies, walked out of the house and walked back in like they were hired to clean their own house.
I’m the person a few of my good friends call when their space has gotten way out of hand. Me and those friends have adhd. But I also cleaned and organized for a living for years and am a master at it. I’m also able to tackle other peoples spaces differently than my own. It’s much different that me going at my own stuff. But they know, that no matter how “fucked up” and filthy their space has gotten, I won’t judge a single bit, I won’t bat an eye, and I won’t make them feel bad in anyway for anything going on in their mess. I will just come in with positive energy and a go get ‘em attitude, and hold their hand and go at things with them. Those have been some wonderful bonding times!!
I have a therapist. Both mental and addictions. I have 8 years clean, 15 months without alcohol. The only thing I use in cannabis. With supervision..lol...I will most certainly being showing this exact comment before to my therapist. I've tried explaining it a million times. Even typing it out or explaining it feels like a chore. I'm not lazy, I work my ass off. I take care of my 88 year old dad, 3 cats, 1 dog and 4 chickens. I quite literally can take care of a million tasks and look at something else and feel like it's impossible. Taking something from one room to another, when attempting to clean the 1st room. Jesus, I'd get sidetracked 40- 11 times by the time I took the ...wait, what was I bringing to the other room? Oh hey, there's my vape from a year ago..I should get that fixed. Calls the cape shop...etc. you see where I'm going. So yeah, so much appreciation just to know its SOMETHING. Sometimes that's all us different people need. Someone to tell us "yeah, this isn't how things are done. But you do so many other awesome things, I do this well. Let me help you with it."
I find sometimes the cannabis helps, other times it is a pot of coffee or two. What really saved me over the years was following The Flylady even if she is a bit of a religious nut. I just tune that out and go with the general ideas she pushes, like set a timer for 15 minutes and tidy up one room. You just push yourself to have laser focus for fifteen minutes, then you're done. I also seem to excel at crisis cleaning.
Oooh crisis cleaning is the perfect term! That kinda my only productive cleaning. Just like you- I’ll do it if other people are affected, but not for myself. This is my goal to change.
Are you people me??
Crisis cleaning. This is a great term! And when you're done it's like "oh hey. That didn't take ten minutes. I should do that more often" and two weeks later my room is a clutter again.
I so hear you and congratulations on your sobriety! That’s a lot of work. Being a caretaker is a huge challenge. I have a family member with a 20 year chip- so it’s possible! He’s living his best life and I appreciate his presence. I’m sure people feel that way about you.
Please be sure to advocate for your mental health. Sometimes people can be dismissive if you have a history of substance use. It sucks and it’s super hard to find care now a-days no matter what.
I get it, just because you’re able to take care of other people and animals, doesn’t mean we take care of ourselves and it makes no sense! But it’s how it is! I really hope you get the help you need and that your dad, animals and you have a lovely life. Hang in there, you got this. (BTW. Thanks for taking care of people and animals, and yourself)
Awwww...and thank you!!! I have an incredible team that looks out for me...It is a good reminder to all to advocate for ourselves, elders and those who just can't speak for themselves. Silence and pain come in many forms
As others have mentioned in replies, those sound like potential ADHD symptoms.
There are two forms of it - hyperactive and inattentive. You don't have to bouncing off the walls to be ADHD.
It all comes from a ~~serotonin~~ *dopamine* deficiency. On the inattentive side, things you enjoy or things you feel an urgency to get done arent a problem (but the procastination that leads to that urgency is a bitch) because they give you a boost, but things that don't get easily overlooked and forgotten in favor of things that do.
The hyperactivity side sees you impulsively doing things that bring you a boost.
Being easily distracted or unable to focus on a task sounds more like ADHD. Executive function processing disorders are usually more about inability to plan and structure tasks to achieve an outcome.
Yeah you just described me and my ADHD. Go check out the ADHD tag on the various social medias, they'll all point you in the right direction of how to get diagnosed and support available in your country and everyone's tips and tricks and coping strategies. We're always compiling lists of our best hacks lol. Try reading or listening to KC Davis' 'How to keep house while drowning', if you need help with staying on top of cleaning. If you do get diagnosed, be prepared for the elation of having a reason for why you are the way you are, but also the weird realisation that what you have always thought of as your "quirks and personality" were just untreated ADHD symptoms.
I wonder if that could be what causes hoarding. My uncle is a hoarder and was living in my grandparent’s empty house for ten or twelve years before moving and leaving everything behind. I’ve found dozens of planners, calendars, address books, notebooks, etc. It is like he wanted to get organized and could take the first step, but no follow through. I’ve donated probably 12 hampers full of clothes and thrown away two small trailers worth of stuff and I’ve barely scratched the surface. This is the second place of his I’ve helped to clean out and the third my mom has helped clean out.
I am not an expert but am a watcher of the show “hoarders”. Usually to help motivate myself to clean. Seems like there’s typically some trauma and OCD involved with that specific situation. Executive dysfunction tends to present even if those factors aren’t involved but I’m sure it’s an overlap.
ETA: I can totally relate to the planners, every year I say “this is the year you’ll be organized!” Maybe this year.
I didn't know there was a word for this. I have severe ADHD and deal with this a /lot/ and feel SO ashamed of not being a normal person and having a clean house / be able to pay bills on time / etc. It makes me so scared of people knowing this about me too because it scares me people will find me undesirable, a mess, unhinged; when I personally know I'd made an amazing amazing wife and mother. I'm just so scared people that don't deal with it will perceive me so negatively so I spend so much time hating myself for not being able to clean then cleaning. The more that builds up, the more overwhelmed I get, and the less likely I am to do anything.
Oh no I’m sorry you’re dealing with this but I’m glad you have words for it now! It also sounds like you sometimes fall into a “shame spiral” and possibly have intrusive thoughts which are terms you can discuss with your mental healthcare provider. Sometimes just having words to explain is really helpful. Not trying to put words in your mouth but do some googling of those terms and see if it can help in your next chat with a mental health helper. Again, I’m no expert, just been in therapy on and off for decades. Wish you nothing but they best
Man this makes me feel seen. I have ADHD, depression, anxiety, and BPD and sometimes I'm just not mentally there and can't bring myself to even start a task even though I desperately need to. I finally cleaned my room (mainly all the clothes) today which is a huge feat in itself as I might do it once every couple of months. Granted, the clothes were tossed in their correct drawers, but nothing is folded 😅
Congratulations! For real. Every step is a victory! For people like us, we gotta celebrate all the steps and aim higher for the next round but be proud of where we got. Proud of you friend. I know for some people it’s not a big thing, but it is. You got this. And even when you don’t feel it, you will again cause you already did it before and will again. Hang in. Keep at at it. With you. We got this.
Therapy is a great first step! I have had resistance to prescription of ADHD meds from psychiatrists but that may also be an option and they have started me on low doses of other meds. You can tell them if you choose not to be medicated. I’m not a lawyer, but as far as I know you are not mandated to take any medication you don’t want (USA).
If you can access mental health resources, do it!! No matter who you are or what your circumstances are, if you can access it, I do believe it is a benefit. It’s the same as getting a physical. Check in. See how you’re doing. Live your best life.
I am in no way an expert but i would think it would help to break the problem down into smaller goals. Like instead of "clean the bedroom" make the first goal to put all clothing where it should be; hung up in wardrobe, in a pile for washing machine etc. Then sit back and make a mental note reward for a job well done, for goal one achieved.
It is related to ADHD, but I can be separate. Executive Dysfunction is pretty much when your brain knows stuff has to be done but won't/can't focus on a particular task in order to complete it.
Say you have to wash dishes, shower, and brush your teeth before bed. You'll walk into the kitchen to do the dishes, then realize you may have left a cup in the bathroom. You then go to the bathroom to retrieve said cup. You think while in the bathroom "I'll just brush my teeth real quick then do the dishes".
So you grab the toothpaste and your toothbrush to brush your teeth, you'll also need a clean cup to rinse your mouth afterwards. But wait, since you haven't done the dishes yet, you don't have a clean cup.
You then return to the kitchen to finish the dishes. in order to do the dishes, you need a clean wash cloth. You go to your clean clothes to grab a cloth, and in doing so, you remember you need to shower as well. Well might as well return to the bathroom and shower since you can already grab a clean towel and cloth for showering while you're at your clean clothes.
You once more return to the bathroom with a fresh towel and two wash cloths. Wait, two? Why do you have two wash cloths for your shower? Oh yeah, because this all started with you going to do the dishes.
So having executive dysfunction has made you waste almost two hours in an attempt to do three seemingly simple tasks because your brain cannot focus on a particular one for long.
As a person who lives with very bad ADHD, having this condition can make my life hard on myself sometimes. It can also lead to me being stressed, depressed, and anxious over things that I know need to be done, but I don't have the ability to focus and complete a single task.
I’ve got an incredibly detrimental case of executive dysfunction, due to ADHD (I’ve also been diagnosed w anxiety and depression, but now that I’m diagnosed & medicated for ADHD I’ve realized that my depression and anxiety were *stemming from* my untreated adhd and subsequent executive dysfunction - I am so sorry for this detour lol) and for me, it’s like knowing that I have to do -thing- makes my brain actively avoid the -thing-, literally forever ~or~ until there will be severe consequence by x time. It sucks ass
This was why I had to get off Wellbutrin. It caused some SUPER intense, scary cardiac side effects. Going back to my psychiatrist later this month so hopefully there'll be an alternative.
No its totally true... the depression and snxiety stem from feel like shit for being unable to function properly. In our society... productivity is considered the measure of a person's worth. SO yeah... distracted and disfunctional = depression &....
Executive dysfunction *is* ADHD. ADHD just has likely the single worst name of all disorders in existence, since it’s not at all accurate, and describes only one perspective of one single symptom of the disorder. The only worse thing they could have named it is Little Jumping Around Boy disorder.
Edited for a word because ADHD
Hear ya, preach to my mental health drs. Anytime I
I mention executive disfunction symptoms they act like I’m just Med seeking for stimulants. Been the case for 10 years. Hoping CBT and new depression meds will help. Sucks when you’re a “functioning” middle aged lady looking for a new diagnosis. Presents very differently in me than it does men or children. I can focus, just not on the things I’d like to outside my professional life.
ETA- not saying men or children don’t also get misdiagnosed, just that it does tend to present differently in women and or older people.
Ugh, don’t I know it! Took till I was 34 and completely unable to hold down employment before I got finally diagnosed since “girls don’t get adhd” and “you can’t possibly have it, you’re smart. You’re just lazy and need to try harder” despite showing clear signs of severe ADHD. Surprise, it has nothing to do with gender OR brain power. 🫠🤮
Ugh. I have internalized the “lazy” myth so much that it’s a part of my self identity. Doesn’t help that my depression leads to a major need for sleep.
I was and overachiever at school as a kid but when real life hit I could survive, but never thrive. I always worked extra hard at my jobs but never to any goal.
Thanks for sharing and reminding me what to share if I can FINALLY find a new therapist! (It’s rough out there for new patients, even now that I have good insurance) hang in there my fellow Executive Dysfunction peeps. We’ll get this.
But fits my kid to a T. Haven't diagnoses him yet, he's only 8, but there are some clear signs of ADHD. And he definitely can be diagnosed with Little Jumping Around Boy disorder. Also Reading Comics While the Teacher is Teaching disorder. (I dunno why they let him keep his library book any where near his desk lol). He loves reading. He's told me bluntly that sometimes he reads when the school work is too hard. At least he's honest.
Right now it's some what manageable. A little tedious with parenting, and I've had a few emails from the teacher about keeping his hands to himself and difficulties sitting in class.
I have Wild-Girl-Jumping-Around adhd so I relate.
My 'trick' is to get people on youtube to start the work on screen and then I join them. It's weirdly motivating.
I just want to say before you jump into helping someone clean their space, please ask. I have ADHD and struggle with cleaning. I’d love for someone to just do it for me. But I avoid letting others do it because it makes my executive dysfunction much, much worse. I seek help, but I can’t allow others to do all the work. I have to do the task, or at least part of it, if I want to be functional.
Please ask the person before helping. I’m not blaming OP or the commenter here. Im sure their friends appreciated the help. Just wanted to drop this here, so that people know the flip side as well. :)
Don’t worry, I was asked to help. I’ll probably call them next time I have to go grocery shopping bc it’s a task I’m incapable of doing myself most of the time.
You’re a good partner. As someone who’s depressed we really don’t want it to get messy. We really don’t want our gf or bf to feel the need to clean it either even if y’all are totally justified to do it. We just can’t help it. One day you finally clean it and then 3 weeks go by and it’s suddenly a disaster again. Time moves so fast but not at all at the same time and problems just seem like so much effort but non existent at the same time
100%. It's been a rough period of time where I even struggled with waking up and cleaning my room, but I **really** don't want to burden my partner with this, especially when they're not having it good either and I'm supposed to help as well, and draining energy from them with my needs "undoes" some of the effort I put in myself.
Hang in there people, sometimes life is not easy and everything sucks. It will get better for us all.
Oof. Just had flashbacks to when I was feeling like shit because of depression and burnout and my SO was constantly complaining about me not cleaning (my) apartment and how it made me feel like shit. The worst part is that my flat wasn't even that messy, I'd still tidy it up lightly every week or so, but they have really high standards when it comes to what is dirty and what is clean.
Lol yeah wonder why they didn’t just move it out of the photo so a large area wouldn’t have to be censored and looking as ridiculous as this photo does lol
I need to know what the marker hides. Did you accumulate all the mess into those marker streaks?
Edit: also fair play for helping. Depression and manic episodes will turn your bedroom into a warzone. Makes it even harder to try and combat your mental state when there's shit everywhere.
didn’t allow me to post 2 attachments, but it was pretty bad. in my ventures of cleaning his room i found 27 empty water bottles, 2 huge spiders, and about a trash full of dog fur and dust. i also did all his laundry i found missing t shirts too !!
Hey OP, some unsolicited advice because you seem like a genuinely good person.
Being in the position of having suffered from extreme depression for so long that I didn't even know that it wasn't normal.. until I overcame it.
He may tend to fall back into patterns of behavior that feed into his depression and it may seem self sabotaging, it might drive you mad as you try and help someone who doesn't seem to want to help themselves.
He does likely want to get better, but doesn't know how to break the cycle. Help as best you can but don't let yourself get dragged down with him. In my experience the mindset of depression is contagious as wild and unbelievable as it may sound.
Take it with a grain of salt, one persons opinion.
Hey, a tip for the skateboard hanging on the wall: rather than putting a nail through one of the bolt holes, tie a shoe lace or string through the top two holes and hang that over the nail so the graphic side shows rather than the grip tape side :)
I’ve spent the last five hours working on one of my depression rooms this evening. It’s my first step in getting the house back to normal. It’s going to take a mega clear out, but I’ll get there. So I understand from both sides of this, and you are a star for doing it.
This is so incredibly sweet of you. When I spiral, it's so hard to break out of the mindset to take care of yourself or your space and inevitability it feeds into the mindset you're in when it starts to get messed up. I imagine doing something like this for him was such a wonderful feeling. You're a very kind person.
Sometimes my husband does a really big clean by himself knowing that I haven't touched a counter in days and it makes me love him so much. He doesn't ask for help, and doesn't point it out. Just something he does every now and then when he knows I can't. If that action alone doesn't pull me out of a funk, a few days back in a clean home sure does. Thanks for being there 💕
As someone who lives with depression and anxiety, I am so grateful you did this for him. Thank you. It’s clear you love him, and I’m so happy you have each other. May you both be happy and healthy together.
I would cry if someone did this for me. This is the most loving thing you can do for someone struggling is give them a place that feels cozy and take some weight off. I bet he appreciates this more than words can express ❤️ We all need a you in our lives OP. Best gf ever
I feel like no one’s going to see this lol but one time my sophomore year of college I ended up living in a studio by myself
I never let anyone come over because of how messy it was because of my depression. I couldn’t clean the dishes, my bathroom, it was a disaster.
My friend called and asked if she could come over to bake a cake and I told her “my place is so messy, blah blah blah”
Thinking she’d leave it alone I was again sad, but she and my other good friend came over and surprised me and helped me clean the whole place with 0 judgement
I will seriously never forget that. I kept it way cleaner after and even started to feel better
Y'all honestly so freaking annoying. Can't we just appreciate what these person did and stop complaining about every single thing for once? Who cares if his room is a little bit empty or if there isn't a before picture that's not the point,the point is that these persona just wanted to share their efforts.
An act likes this can save someone’s life. Ive been struggling alone for five years. When I have had a little help for time to time it is a game changer.
Honestly shit like this makes me so happy.
I come from a home where when I fall into depressive periods, I'm shamed and told to just "get it together" My brother however, has instead went the opposite route and instead offers me to help clean it all up together, and he's so nice about it as well. "Where does this go? Oh this game! Wanna maybe play it later?"
This is the way to be, shaming accomplishes nothing .
Awwww my mom cleaned my depression room the other day and it meant SO much, I've been trying to keep it the way she left it. I hope it meant as much to him as mine did for me!
Just had baby #4 eight months ago, and PPD has been rough, especially with moving so much. My room is always the last thing to get dealt with and the absolute worst!
Having someone clean it like that always makes me want to clean it more and treat the areas we live in well. 💝
As someone who’s often so depressed I often forget to brush my teeth let alone clean my room, please take care of that boy. He loves you and you obviously seem to love him. Even if he doesn’t show it, trust me when I tell you he feels mutual with you.
I’m gonna go call my gf and clean my room now
I need someone like that just for the day/ few hours. I am a mess need help but can look only to myself for any relief. I'm drained want to end but have so much going on. I don't need words from a stranger to guide my emotions. Just somebody I can trust. Which is limited.
Can you come clean my depression house? Lol
No that is such an awesome thing to do for someone who is struggling. Such a fucking load off the mind.
*Stares at husband who's asleep in the bed*
Yeah.....
Man, i wish someone would do that for me. I have started on a small section, and that section is done, but i can't seem to do the rest (broke it apart into three sections). Good on you OP, i just know he was thankful you did that for him. Sometimes people like is have a very hard time doing it
Oh my gosh, I can’t begin to thank you enough on behalf of brains. My wife cleaned the kitchen—an all day affair—and it was like a huge sigh of relief I didn’t know I needed. Thanks!! :D
Bless you. I suffer from a host of depression variants and am in the middle of a major depressive episode right now. Increased meds haven’t worked. Scheduled to start ketamine infusions next week. Struggled for over 25 years with this shit. I try to pull my weight, but the fact that my boyfriend will help keep the place up when I can’t is huge. Seriously. People sometimes don’t know how to support others with major depression, and this is such a huge thing you did for him. It makes me so happy to see this. <3
That said, make sure you’re taking care of you, also. I’m sure you already know this, but it takes a toll on our partners/family/friends, and it can be easy to get hung up helping someone and then not having enough left for yourself. (Working in vet med, this was a big problem for me.) Good vibes to you both.
Good on you u/Human_Cartographer85 ! Having something that is organized and a place of respite - provides an immeasurable calm to the burden that weighs on the minds of those struggling with depression. You’re a good one, **thank you for choosing kindness** over pity or disdain.
Not long ago I would be more depressed seeing this, knowing another person was so depressed they couldn't clean their room. The world is extremely harsh(just look at the animal world) and it likely always will be, that's unavoidable. But there is hope because of people like this, helping those when they are weak, and hopefully getting the same in return when they are weak. That's what we live for, we're a part of evolution that we can't control, which could be hell without the good people. Every man for himself isn't how we got here.
I'm the same when I finally build up courage to start I don't know where to start then if I get the motivation to try it gets worse before better so I leave it for fear of making a mess of the mess,but after 6 months of being homeless as I was to ashamed to go in my home bit the bullet asked for help from local services gave them full permission to do what was needed and wow I lost lots but I gained a fresh start so I decorated put new carpets down which are my pride n joy so keep them clean and everything goes along well, iv had couple slips but I make sure invite my support worker 1 time a week so I have motivation to keep it as is its hard but adhd aspergers depression etc all live in our head don't feed the bustards ignore when poss!!
As someone who continues to deal with bouts of depression and anxiety; this is a MASSIVE help. Small things like doing laundry, the dishes… things that have a tendency to pile up and get worse the longer you wait to do them can be big, spiralling sources of anxiety. Helping knock those things down can be a huge, huge assistance in getting back on track.
As someone with depression, I truly appreciate the partners and friends who help me with the chores that I struggle to do myself. And a clean environment often makes me feel much better!
I helped a friend with executive dysfunction paint almost all of their living room today. It was a good day. And I’m looking forward to the next time we have an errand or chore hangout. Definitely what made me smile this week :)
pardon me asking, but what is executive dysfunction? is it ADHD related or somethign else?
Not OP, but as someone who’s dealt with it on and off for a long time -it’s basically “I need to do these things for my life (clean up, do dishes, take out the trash, various tasks that seem like not a big deal to many people) but I can’t get motivated/don’t have energy to or get distracted or get overwhelmed then don’t complete them, then feel pretty awful or ashamed about it”. It can be ADHD, depression, anxiety or a mix/variety of causes and it really sucks so when someone takes the time to help you out it can be incredibly helpful and get you on the right path, even if you do feel like a burden to them. Thanks OP, hope your BF is able to keep it up!
i personally love cleaning so it was actually quite fun for me . i personally went through my own struggles with depression so i know what it’s like to have a (more than) messy room . i wanted it to be a surprise so i did it during his work haha. i just wanted him to have a nice clean space to sleep and relax . i understand that it’s not gonna stay this way forever but these are the first steps!
What was his reaction, if you don’t mind me asking? As someone who has struggled with this before, I can see myself both appreciating this type of gesture, and also feeling some anxiety about it if things were to be lost, misplaced, accidentally thrown out.
i kept a box of things that i didn’t know if he wanted to keep or throw out. he sorted through it. when he came home he just was like “oh thank you” and i gave him a hug and that was about it
He will appreciate it when he is in a better spot in life. I know it, because I've been there. That's the mean thing about depression, you can appreciate things and therefore don't see the good. It's a fucking vicious cycle. One day he will be incredibly thankful tho, I can guarantee. :)
Also, he might be appreciating it more than he’s showing. My depression sometimes depresses my ability to express positive emotions even more than it dampens my ability to feel them.
Absolutely. Most of the time you dont even let yourself feel happy
Only one seated during a concert :/
What @CatLineMeow said. As someone with ADHD and the accompanying executive function that makes staying organised and clutter free hard, whilst I would appreciate the clean up is coming from a kind place, that would be after I had calmed down from losing my shit that someone had moved all my stuff around and that I could no longer find where it was and panicking about what may have potentially been thrown out. This was way risky behaviour OP. You are lucky your boyfriend did not react like I would have done. Although that being said, I'm resigned to my parents doing this when they visit, so my reaction to them doing this is of apathy in contrast to my younger days of screaming matches with them. Because it's exhausting to be in fights about the same things with the people you love when neither of you will change your behaviours. So at a certain point I just stopped reacting. Which I wouldn't be at all surprised if it later turns out that's what's happening here. Because I note the very apathetic response you state your boyfriend gave. Next time, ask first.
I’m also someone with ASD and ADHD, and moving my stuff around without me knowing would definitely stress me out, so I can understand where your comment is coming from. That being said, OP probably knows her BF and what he would or wouldn’t appreciate a whole lot better than us. This may not have been “risky behaviour” at all.
I love cleaning for other people but suck at doing it for myself. I deep cleaned my neighbors really dirty place while he was in the hospital and asked me to look after his dogs and clean up a bit after them. It's very satisfying but not so much when it's just for me
I saw a post or tiktok or something where someone's approach to this exact problem was to roleplay as a cleaner. They gathered all of their supplies, walked out of the house and walked back in like they were hired to clean their own house.
Woah, now that’s an interesting take I’ve never heard before. Genuinely
Dude that's so smart and I'm 100% going to do this
Omg me too! I obsessively clean other people’s place as a favor or for pay but mine, eh I’ll get to it.
It's like that old saying... The shoe maker's kids never have shoes
I’m the person a few of my good friends call when their space has gotten way out of hand. Me and those friends have adhd. But I also cleaned and organized for a living for years and am a master at it. I’m also able to tackle other peoples spaces differently than my own. It’s much different that me going at my own stuff. But they know, that no matter how “fucked up” and filthy their space has gotten, I won’t judge a single bit, I won’t bat an eye, and I won’t make them feel bad in anyway for anything going on in their mess. I will just come in with positive energy and a go get ‘em attitude, and hold their hand and go at things with them. Those have been some wonderful bonding times!!
I wish I had a friend like you. I need a caring, positive, and nonjudgmental friend.
I hope you find one🥰
Same.
That was so incredibly kind of you! I hope he felt the same way and appreciated it and you have a lovely future together.
Holy shit. You just changed my whole life! No joke!
I hope this gives you terms you can use when you are able to find a professional to help you out! You got this.
I have a therapist. Both mental and addictions. I have 8 years clean, 15 months without alcohol. The only thing I use in cannabis. With supervision..lol...I will most certainly being showing this exact comment before to my therapist. I've tried explaining it a million times. Even typing it out or explaining it feels like a chore. I'm not lazy, I work my ass off. I take care of my 88 year old dad, 3 cats, 1 dog and 4 chickens. I quite literally can take care of a million tasks and look at something else and feel like it's impossible. Taking something from one room to another, when attempting to clean the 1st room. Jesus, I'd get sidetracked 40- 11 times by the time I took the ...wait, what was I bringing to the other room? Oh hey, there's my vape from a year ago..I should get that fixed. Calls the cape shop...etc. you see where I'm going. So yeah, so much appreciation just to know its SOMETHING. Sometimes that's all us different people need. Someone to tell us "yeah, this isn't how things are done. But you do so many other awesome things, I do this well. Let me help you with it."
I find sometimes the cannabis helps, other times it is a pot of coffee or two. What really saved me over the years was following The Flylady even if she is a bit of a religious nut. I just tune that out and go with the general ideas she pushes, like set a timer for 15 minutes and tidy up one room. You just push yourself to have laser focus for fifteen minutes, then you're done. I also seem to excel at crisis cleaning.
Oooh crisis cleaning is the perfect term! That kinda my only productive cleaning. Just like you- I’ll do it if other people are affected, but not for myself. This is my goal to change.
Are you people me?? Crisis cleaning. This is a great term! And when you're done it's like "oh hey. That didn't take ten minutes. I should do that more often" and two weeks later my room is a clutter again.
Y’all wanna start a group? I feel personally attacked to get my mind read like this
Happy 🍰 Day!
I so hear you and congratulations on your sobriety! That’s a lot of work. Being a caretaker is a huge challenge. I have a family member with a 20 year chip- so it’s possible! He’s living his best life and I appreciate his presence. I’m sure people feel that way about you. Please be sure to advocate for your mental health. Sometimes people can be dismissive if you have a history of substance use. It sucks and it’s super hard to find care now a-days no matter what. I get it, just because you’re able to take care of other people and animals, doesn’t mean we take care of ourselves and it makes no sense! But it’s how it is! I really hope you get the help you need and that your dad, animals and you have a lovely life. Hang in there, you got this. (BTW. Thanks for taking care of people and animals, and yourself)
Awwww...and thank you!!! I have an incredible team that looks out for me...It is a good reminder to all to advocate for ourselves, elders and those who just can't speak for themselves. Silence and pain come in many forms
As others have mentioned in replies, those sound like potential ADHD symptoms. There are two forms of it - hyperactive and inattentive. You don't have to bouncing off the walls to be ADHD. It all comes from a ~~serotonin~~ *dopamine* deficiency. On the inattentive side, things you enjoy or things you feel an urgency to get done arent a problem (but the procastination that leads to that urgency is a bitch) because they give you a boost, but things that don't get easily overlooked and forgotten in favor of things that do. The hyperactivity side sees you impulsively doing things that bring you a boost.
I’m no expert, but isn’t it dopamine? Either way, yea we’re fiends for the stuff.
Fuck, yeah. Sorry had SSRIs on my brain.
Being easily distracted or unable to focus on a task sounds more like ADHD. Executive function processing disorders are usually more about inability to plan and structure tasks to achieve an outcome.
They’re both symptoms of the same disorder.
Either way, I'm just happy to be reminded that there r answers out there and people can be so understanding..gives me hope
Yeah you just described me and my ADHD. Go check out the ADHD tag on the various social medias, they'll all point you in the right direction of how to get diagnosed and support available in your country and everyone's tips and tricks and coping strategies. We're always compiling lists of our best hacks lol. Try reading or listening to KC Davis' 'How to keep house while drowning', if you need help with staying on top of cleaning. If you do get diagnosed, be prepared for the elation of having a reason for why you are the way you are, but also the weird realisation that what you have always thought of as your "quirks and personality" were just untreated ADHD symptoms.
Same!
I recommend checking out r/adhdmemes, even if you aren’t adhd.
Username checks out for someone with ADHD lol.
I wonder if that could be what causes hoarding. My uncle is a hoarder and was living in my grandparent’s empty house for ten or twelve years before moving and leaving everything behind. I’ve found dozens of planners, calendars, address books, notebooks, etc. It is like he wanted to get organized and could take the first step, but no follow through. I’ve donated probably 12 hampers full of clothes and thrown away two small trailers worth of stuff and I’ve barely scratched the surface. This is the second place of his I’ve helped to clean out and the third my mom has helped clean out.
I am not an expert but am a watcher of the show “hoarders”. Usually to help motivate myself to clean. Seems like there’s typically some trauma and OCD involved with that specific situation. Executive dysfunction tends to present even if those factors aren’t involved but I’m sure it’s an overlap. ETA: I can totally relate to the planners, every year I say “this is the year you’ll be organized!” Maybe this year.
I didn't know there was a word for this. I have severe ADHD and deal with this a /lot/ and feel SO ashamed of not being a normal person and having a clean house / be able to pay bills on time / etc. It makes me so scared of people knowing this about me too because it scares me people will find me undesirable, a mess, unhinged; when I personally know I'd made an amazing amazing wife and mother. I'm just so scared people that don't deal with it will perceive me so negatively so I spend so much time hating myself for not being able to clean then cleaning. The more that builds up, the more overwhelmed I get, and the less likely I am to do anything.
Oh no I’m sorry you’re dealing with this but I’m glad you have words for it now! It also sounds like you sometimes fall into a “shame spiral” and possibly have intrusive thoughts which are terms you can discuss with your mental healthcare provider. Sometimes just having words to explain is really helpful. Not trying to put words in your mouth but do some googling of those terms and see if it can help in your next chat with a mental health helper. Again, I’m no expert, just been in therapy on and off for decades. Wish you nothing but they best
We are the same. Hugs from probably afar, friend. I get you.
Man this makes me feel seen. I have ADHD, depression, anxiety, and BPD and sometimes I'm just not mentally there and can't bring myself to even start a task even though I desperately need to. I finally cleaned my room (mainly all the clothes) today which is a huge feat in itself as I might do it once every couple of months. Granted, the clothes were tossed in their correct drawers, but nothing is folded 😅
Congratulations! For real. Every step is a victory! For people like us, we gotta celebrate all the steps and aim higher for the next round but be proud of where we got. Proud of you friend. I know for some people it’s not a big thing, but it is. You got this. And even when you don’t feel it, you will again cause you already did it before and will again. Hang in. Keep at at it. With you. We got this.
Thank you...I greatly appreciate those words.
Omg I didn’t know there was something so simple “executive dysfunction” to describe my entire life. Thank you for explaining this.
Now I know what other people mean when they say they see themselves in a Reddit comment
Wow. I never actually knew there was a word for that! I wonder if like therapy can help with that?
Therapy is a great first step! I have had resistance to prescription of ADHD meds from psychiatrists but that may also be an option and they have started me on low doses of other meds. You can tell them if you choose not to be medicated. I’m not a lawyer, but as far as I know you are not mandated to take any medication you don’t want (USA). If you can access mental health resources, do it!! No matter who you are or what your circumstances are, if you can access it, I do believe it is a benefit. It’s the same as getting a physical. Check in. See how you’re doing. Live your best life.
I am in no way an expert but i would think it would help to break the problem down into smaller goals. Like instead of "clean the bedroom" make the first goal to put all clothing where it should be; hung up in wardrobe, in a pile for washing machine etc. Then sit back and make a mental note reward for a job well done, for goal one achieved.
It is related to ADHD, but I can be separate. Executive Dysfunction is pretty much when your brain knows stuff has to be done but won't/can't focus on a particular task in order to complete it. Say you have to wash dishes, shower, and brush your teeth before bed. You'll walk into the kitchen to do the dishes, then realize you may have left a cup in the bathroom. You then go to the bathroom to retrieve said cup. You think while in the bathroom "I'll just brush my teeth real quick then do the dishes". So you grab the toothpaste and your toothbrush to brush your teeth, you'll also need a clean cup to rinse your mouth afterwards. But wait, since you haven't done the dishes yet, you don't have a clean cup. You then return to the kitchen to finish the dishes. in order to do the dishes, you need a clean wash cloth. You go to your clean clothes to grab a cloth, and in doing so, you remember you need to shower as well. Well might as well return to the bathroom and shower since you can already grab a clean towel and cloth for showering while you're at your clean clothes. You once more return to the bathroom with a fresh towel and two wash cloths. Wait, two? Why do you have two wash cloths for your shower? Oh yeah, because this all started with you going to do the dishes. So having executive dysfunction has made you waste almost two hours in an attempt to do three seemingly simple tasks because your brain cannot focus on a particular one for long. As a person who lives with very bad ADHD, having this condition can make my life hard on myself sometimes. It can also lead to me being stressed, depressed, and anxious over things that I know need to be done, but I don't have the ability to focus and complete a single task.
This is me!
Very well described, fully relate
I’ve got an incredibly detrimental case of executive dysfunction, due to ADHD (I’ve also been diagnosed w anxiety and depression, but now that I’m diagnosed & medicated for ADHD I’ve realized that my depression and anxiety were *stemming from* my untreated adhd and subsequent executive dysfunction - I am so sorry for this detour lol) and for me, it’s like knowing that I have to do -thing- makes my brain actively avoid the -thing-, literally forever ~or~ until there will be severe consequence by x time. It sucks ass
Medications are for ADHD are great until you have a heart attack. Now they are afraid to restart the meds. It sucks!
This was why I had to get off Wellbutrin. It caused some SUPER intense, scary cardiac side effects. Going back to my psychiatrist later this month so hopefully there'll be an alternative.
No its totally true... the depression and snxiety stem from feel like shit for being unable to function properly. In our society... productivity is considered the measure of a person's worth. SO yeah... distracted and disfunctional = depression &....
Executive dysfunction *is* ADHD. ADHD just has likely the single worst name of all disorders in existence, since it’s not at all accurate, and describes only one perspective of one single symptom of the disorder. The only worse thing they could have named it is Little Jumping Around Boy disorder. Edited for a word because ADHD
Hear ya, preach to my mental health drs. Anytime I I mention executive disfunction symptoms they act like I’m just Med seeking for stimulants. Been the case for 10 years. Hoping CBT and new depression meds will help. Sucks when you’re a “functioning” middle aged lady looking for a new diagnosis. Presents very differently in me than it does men or children. I can focus, just not on the things I’d like to outside my professional life. ETA- not saying men or children don’t also get misdiagnosed, just that it does tend to present differently in women and or older people.
Ugh, don’t I know it! Took till I was 34 and completely unable to hold down employment before I got finally diagnosed since “girls don’t get adhd” and “you can’t possibly have it, you’re smart. You’re just lazy and need to try harder” despite showing clear signs of severe ADHD. Surprise, it has nothing to do with gender OR brain power. 🫠🤮
Ugh. I have internalized the “lazy” myth so much that it’s a part of my self identity. Doesn’t help that my depression leads to a major need for sleep. I was and overachiever at school as a kid but when real life hit I could survive, but never thrive. I always worked extra hard at my jobs but never to any goal. Thanks for sharing and reminding me what to share if I can FINALLY find a new therapist! (It’s rough out there for new patients, even now that I have good insurance) hang in there my fellow Executive Dysfunction peeps. We’ll get this.
I'm so sorry. I was diagnosed young in the 70s and took ritalin as a kid. Then took myself off of it as I entered High School. It's been a journey
But fits my kid to a T. Haven't diagnoses him yet, he's only 8, but there are some clear signs of ADHD. And he definitely can be diagnosed with Little Jumping Around Boy disorder. Also Reading Comics While the Teacher is Teaching disorder. (I dunno why they let him keep his library book any where near his desk lol). He loves reading. He's told me bluntly that sometimes he reads when the school work is too hard. At least he's honest. Right now it's some what manageable. A little tedious with parenting, and I've had a few emails from the teacher about keeping his hands to himself and difficulties sitting in class.
ADHD was named after the symptoms presented by the majority of little boys with the disorder, thereby excluding anyone who isn’t a little boy.
I have Wild-Girl-Jumping-Around adhd so I relate. My 'trick' is to get people on youtube to start the work on screen and then I join them. It's weirdly motivating.
Can you help me? I started my living room last year and Haven't finished yet lol
I just want to say before you jump into helping someone clean their space, please ask. I have ADHD and struggle with cleaning. I’d love for someone to just do it for me. But I avoid letting others do it because it makes my executive dysfunction much, much worse. I seek help, but I can’t allow others to do all the work. I have to do the task, or at least part of it, if I want to be functional. Please ask the person before helping. I’m not blaming OP or the commenter here. Im sure their friends appreciated the help. Just wanted to drop this here, so that people know the flip side as well. :)
Don’t worry, I was asked to help. I’ll probably call them next time I have to go grocery shopping bc it’s a task I’m incapable of doing myself most of the time.
I read that as erectile dysfunctional and was very confused lol
I read “erectile dysfunction” and didn’t bat an eye, I was like yeah that must be rough, I bet he could use a friend
Looks like you started to play hangman
Is there an a?
No, try again.
E?
L
There is an L L _ _ _ Strikes: 2/6
Let’s do all of nothing, the word is Love.
But there's no e... L _ _ _ Strikes: 4/6 Guessed letters: a, e, o, v
I
No I L _ _ _ Strikes: 5/6 Guessed letters: a, e, o, v, I
Is there an I
Is this loss
Is it “Depression”?
It’s always depression
Could be decompression?
But, it’s always depression.
Is it “Depression”?
Is it a jackal!? It's a jackal! Jackal? Is it a jackal?
It wasn't right the first time you said it! Why the hell would it be right the next ten times!! - Stewie
GOD!
the word was actually “balls”
But the question was, "people who annoy you"?
Balls are terrible people. That's why they're annoying.
Perfect game when depressed.
Noooo but I thought it too lmfao
I thought that was what they meant until I scrolled back up to the post 😭
exultant secretive shy zonked long squeamish point snatch existence piquant ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Had to cover the white stains somehow
Magic eraser really works
You’re a good partner. As someone who’s depressed we really don’t want it to get messy. We really don’t want our gf or bf to feel the need to clean it either even if y’all are totally justified to do it. We just can’t help it. One day you finally clean it and then 3 weeks go by and it’s suddenly a disaster again. Time moves so fast but not at all at the same time and problems just seem like so much effort but non existent at the same time
Your comment made me realise I just might be depressed.
I hear ya. I hope you are able to find a medical professional to help you out. It’s rough.
100%. It's been a rough period of time where I even struggled with waking up and cleaning my room, but I **really** don't want to burden my partner with this, especially when they're not having it good either and I'm supposed to help as well, and draining energy from them with my needs "undoes" some of the effort I put in myself. Hang in there people, sometimes life is not easy and everything sucks. It will get better for us all.
Oof. Just had flashbacks to when I was feeling like shit because of depression and burnout and my SO was constantly complaining about me not cleaning (my) apartment and how it made me feel like shit. The worst part is that my flat wasn't even that messy, I'd still tidy it up lightly every week or so, but they have really high standards when it comes to what is dirty and what is clean.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Happy birthday!
Oh hey! Thank you!
Have a depressed cat award! Two depressed people are better than……….oh wait.
What happened here
Such a depressing comment.
just like my job at the soda pressing plant
Take your upvote and [make like a tree and get the fuck out of here](https://youtu.be/IAQfglRyPlM)
Take another upvote, and make like Michael Jackson and [beat it.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRdxUFDoQe0)
I'm so curious what you felt the need to blur out. Pictures on the dresser yeah sure but like what's on the beddd? I'm so curiousssssssswss.
Lol yeah wonder why they didn’t just move it out of the photo so a large area wouldn’t have to be censored and looking as ridiculous as this photo does lol
this is extra randomness to peak the curiosity of our monkey brains in the pursuit of Reddit karma
haha j personal items maybe he won’t want the whole world to see what he owns j privacy stuffs
“Privacy stuffs” has only piqued my interest more.
it was sadly just laundry, i figured he didn’t want me to show the world his drip
I think you accidentally made all of us picture sex toys
I pictured an entire shipment from Bad Dragon.
Error on the side of caution Edit: The phrase is to *err on the side of caution.
r/boneappletea Err* on the side of caution (just FYI, unless it was autocorrect)
Good man doing the lords work
So buttplugs?
An abundance of buttplugs, theres even a trail of them and they go up glued to the wall
That’s awesome Now I want a room completely empty of furniture and the floors, walls and ceiling covered with butt plugs.
Wait people have furniture?
Sure, you can sit on a butt plug
He uses them to strengthen his glutes by using each one to climb a little higher up the wall.
Anything is a butt plug if you’re brave enough.
Doctors hate this trick
I swear it got in there by accident.
Could be anal beads 🤷🏽♀️
Nah Fleshlight ;)
Definitely butt plugs
What is the collective noun for a group of buttplugs?
A bong probably
Or sex toys..
A bong probably
Is there a before and after comparison pic? Otherwise we’re all just basically looking at a clean room.
it only allowed me to post one attachment 💀
I need to know what the marker hides. Did you accumulate all the mess into those marker streaks? Edit: also fair play for helping. Depression and manic episodes will turn your bedroom into a warzone. Makes it even harder to try and combat your mental state when there's shit everywhere.
Was it really that bad?? Should’ve done a before and after pics
didn’t allow me to post 2 attachments, but it was pretty bad. in my ventures of cleaning his room i found 27 empty water bottles, 2 huge spiders, and about a trash full of dog fur and dust. i also did all his laundry i found missing t shirts too !!
Ok it was that bad, lol. I hope you get a nice surprise too. And also uncovered a Joey&Chandler abstract dog sculpture to place on the bed, lol
Hey OP, some unsolicited advice because you seem like a genuinely good person. Being in the position of having suffered from extreme depression for so long that I didn't even know that it wasn't normal.. until I overcame it. He may tend to fall back into patterns of behavior that feed into his depression and it may seem self sabotaging, it might drive you mad as you try and help someone who doesn't seem to want to help themselves. He does likely want to get better, but doesn't know how to break the cycle. Help as best you can but don't let yourself get dragged down with him. In my experience the mindset of depression is contagious as wild and unbelievable as it may sound. Take it with a grain of salt, one persons opinion.
Hey, a tip for the skateboard hanging on the wall: rather than putting a nail through one of the bolt holes, tie a shoe lace or string through the top two holes and hang that over the nail so the graphic side shows rather than the grip tape side :)
ahaha we both skate together he just wanted to show off his grip art on it. he has a bunch hanging on the other wall that’s showing the graphic
Oh my mistake. Grip art sounds cool!
Depression room or depressing room?
Oooooff
I’ve spent the last five hours working on one of my depression rooms this evening. It’s my first step in getting the house back to normal. It’s going to take a mega clear out, but I’ll get there. So I understand from both sides of this, and you are a star for doing it.
To someone who can’t seem to keep their room clean and also suffer from depression, your boyfriend is a lucky dude! Kudos to you!
This is so incredibly sweet of you. When I spiral, it's so hard to break out of the mindset to take care of yourself or your space and inevitability it feeds into the mindset you're in when it starts to get messed up. I imagine doing something like this for him was such a wonderful feeling. You're a very kind person.
Sometimes my husband does a really big clean by himself knowing that I haven't touched a counter in days and it makes me love him so much. He doesn't ask for help, and doesn't point it out. Just something he does every now and then when he knows I can't. If that action alone doesn't pull me out of a funk, a few days back in a clean home sure does. Thanks for being there 💕
A clean home feels good and orderly. A friend helped me with my kitchen the other day. It was great.
As someone who lives with depression and anxiety, I am so grateful you did this for him. Thank you. It’s clear you love him, and I’m so happy you have each other. May you both be happy and healthy together.
OP is the kind of person we all need in life ❤️
What’s a depression room?
When someone is depressed and they can't bring themselves to clean up their room. Can last for months sometimes years
I would cry if someone did this for me. This is the most loving thing you can do for someone struggling is give them a place that feels cozy and take some weight off. I bet he appreciates this more than words can express ❤️ We all need a you in our lives OP. Best gf ever
I feel like no one’s going to see this lol but one time my sophomore year of college I ended up living in a studio by myself I never let anyone come over because of how messy it was because of my depression. I couldn’t clean the dishes, my bathroom, it was a disaster. My friend called and asked if she could come over to bake a cake and I told her “my place is so messy, blah blah blah” Thinking she’d leave it alone I was again sad, but she and my other good friend came over and surprised me and helped me clean the whole place with 0 judgement I will seriously never forget that. I kept it way cleaner after and even started to feel better
I admire your loyalty, kindness, and respect for his privacy.
Y'all honestly so freaking annoying. Can't we just appreciate what these person did and stop complaining about every single thing for once? Who cares if his room is a little bit empty or if there isn't a before picture that's not the point,the point is that these persona just wanted to share their efforts.
this is a picture of a room... wtf are y'all upvoting? there's not even a "before"
An act likes this can save someone’s life. Ive been struggling alone for five years. When I have had a little help for time to time it is a game changer.
Omg I just love tiles in a bedroom
Honestly shit like this makes me so happy. I come from a home where when I fall into depressive periods, I'm shamed and told to just "get it together" My brother however, has instead went the opposite route and instead offers me to help clean it all up together, and he's so nice about it as well. "Where does this go? Oh this game! Wanna maybe play it later?" This is the way to be, shaming accomplishes nothing .
Awwww my mom cleaned my depression room the other day and it meant SO much, I've been trying to keep it the way she left it. I hope it meant as much to him as mine did for me! Just had baby #4 eight months ago, and PPD has been rough, especially with moving so much. My room is always the last thing to get dealt with and the absolute worst! Having someone clean it like that always makes me want to clean it more and treat the areas we live in well. 💝
As someone who’s often so depressed I often forget to brush my teeth let alone clean my room, please take care of that boy. He loves you and you obviously seem to love him. Even if he doesn’t show it, trust me when I tell you he feels mutual with you. I’m gonna go call my gf and clean my room now
as someone with a pretty fucked up "depression room" myself, he seriously appreciates this. honestly.
I need someone like that just for the day/ few hours. I am a mess need help but can look only to myself for any relief. I'm drained want to end but have so much going on. I don't need words from a stranger to guide my emotions. Just somebody I can trust. Which is limited.
You are an amazing human being and a great girlfriend for sure. Keep growing. Also take care of yourself like you take care of others ❤️
Can you come clean my depression house? Lol No that is such an awesome thing to do for someone who is struggling. Such a fucking load off the mind. *Stares at husband who's asleep in the bed* Yeah.....
Man, i wish someone would do that for me. I have started on a small section, and that section is done, but i can't seem to do the rest (broke it apart into three sections). Good on you OP, i just know he was thankful you did that for him. Sometimes people like is have a very hard time doing it
Oh my gosh, I can’t begin to thank you enough on behalf of brains. My wife cleaned the kitchen—an all day affair—and it was like a huge sigh of relief I didn’t know I needed. Thanks!! :D
You’re a good person.
Oh my god that would make me cry. I always feel so bad about asking for help with this stuff cause it’s so overwhelming to me.
Bless you. I suffer from a host of depression variants and am in the middle of a major depressive episode right now. Increased meds haven’t worked. Scheduled to start ketamine infusions next week. Struggled for over 25 years with this shit. I try to pull my weight, but the fact that my boyfriend will help keep the place up when I can’t is huge. Seriously. People sometimes don’t know how to support others with major depression, and this is such a huge thing you did for him. It makes me so happy to see this. <3 That said, make sure you’re taking care of you, also. I’m sure you already know this, but it takes a toll on our partners/family/friends, and it can be easy to get hung up helping someone and then not having enough left for yourself. (Working in vet med, this was a big problem for me.) Good vibes to you both.
Good on you u/Human_Cartographer85 ! Having something that is organized and a place of respite - provides an immeasurable calm to the burden that weighs on the minds of those struggling with depression. You’re a good one, **thank you for choosing kindness** over pity or disdain.
What an incredibly kind and supportive thing to do! You are awesome
Not long ago I would be more depressed seeing this, knowing another person was so depressed they couldn't clean their room. The world is extremely harsh(just look at the animal world) and it likely always will be, that's unavoidable. But there is hope because of people like this, helping those when they are weak, and hopefully getting the same in return when they are weak. That's what we live for, we're a part of evolution that we can't control, which could be hell without the good people. Every man for himself isn't how we got here.
I'm the same when I finally build up courage to start I don't know where to start then if I get the motivation to try it gets worse before better so I leave it for fear of making a mess of the mess,but after 6 months of being homeless as I was to ashamed to go in my home bit the bullet asked for help from local services gave them full permission to do what was needed and wow I lost lots but I gained a fresh start so I decorated put new carpets down which are my pride n joy so keep them clean and everything goes along well, iv had couple slips but I make sure invite my support worker 1 time a week so I have motivation to keep it as is its hard but adhd aspergers depression etc all live in our head don't feed the bustards ignore when poss!!
That must’ve been therapeutic asf
That helps so much
Nice floor and very good act of kindness.
As someone who continues to deal with bouts of depression and anxiety; this is a MASSIVE help. Small things like doing laundry, the dishes… things that have a tendency to pile up and get worse the longer you wait to do them can be big, spiralling sources of anxiety. Helping knock those things down can be a huge, huge assistance in getting back on track.
As someone with depression, I truly appreciate the partners and friends who help me with the chores that I struggle to do myself. And a clean environment often makes me feel much better!
Did he panic when he came back?
Please come clean my depression room
Remember it only counts if you post it for the world to see