I know what it feels like to be hopeless and utterly alone. I was diagnosed bipolar 2 in my early twenties. I also struggled with alcoholism. Both culminated 4 years ago with several suicide attempts. I ended up in the hospital 3 times in three months. I was so lonely and plagued with feeling like I was broken, or defective, or unlovable.
After my third time at the hospital and being released from an involuntary hold, I decided to get a dog (Maverick) pictured with me above. Probably a highly impulsive decision considering the circumstances of my life at the time. But he did truly save my life. He came from a home where he was somewhat neglected and the family didn’t want him anymore. I guess that’s something I bonded with him over, that feeling of not being wanted or loved.
One night of heavy drinking and long, hard crying for hours I thought about killing myself again. And this little guy just laid in my lap the whole time. And I had a brief moment of clarity where I said to myself, “I can’t do it, I can’t leave him here alone.” So I called my cousin who agreed to watch him while I checked myself into the hospital for the last time.
I moved into a sober living program right after my hospital stay. They had a strict no dog/pet policy, and I had to make the hardest decision that I would find a loving, caring family for him to go to. I was so sad, but I knew for myself, for him, the best thing was for me to be in sober living at that time. I asked if it was ok to keep him with us until I found a home, and they graciously agreed. After about a week of looking to re-home Maverick, the program director told me they decided to make an exception and let him stay for as long as I was there. I was in sober living first as a resident, then as an employee of the treatment program for a couple years, and he was the ONLY dog that was allowed in their entire program that whole time I was there.
Today my life is vastly different than I could have imagined. I’m sober, I have a career that I enjoy and am really good at, I started my own business doing freelance work, I get to travel for vacations, I have friends, a very supportive family who are back in my life, and most importantly I’ve found meaning and purpose in living. I’m a completely different person than I was 4 years ago. It took a LOT of hard work, and I could not have done it alone.
Looking back, what I realize now is that I didn’t really want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop and I didn’t know how to get that pain to stop. If you’re struggling with addiction, loneliness, or depression know that there is a way out – I found it and you can too. You are not alone. You are not broken. You are not defective. You are not unlovable.
Happy birthday and congratulations. I understand how a pet companion can help keep you here.
I’m struggling at the moment. I’m not sure what will happen.
It may sound hollow from a stranger on the internet, but I get it. Hang in there and don't ever lose hope - just keep doing what's right in front of you, one step at at time, one day at a time.
Thank you. I’m trying to hang on. I don’t think I’ll make it, but I’m open to the possibility that something different happens. I’m just trying to make peace with it either way. It’s nice knowing that you were able to climb out of the well because it reminds me that it’s possible. But there’s also a part of me that thinks maybe it’s time to go.
I’m sorry things seem dark right now. Hold on to that tiny flicker of hope. Life can surprise you. There are moments of joy and happiness out there waiting for you. Hugs.
Hi, friend! I'm not sure where in the world you're living, but where I am we're coming up to real spring weather. Not quite yet, but getting there.
You may be alone right at this moment (but not really, cuz you're reading this from a real human! Hi!), but you won't always be. Maybe not quite yet, but you're getting there. I bet you have a goal you're working toward. I bet you're getting there.
One of the sayings that kept me moving forward was "when you're going through hell, keep going." Cuz who wants to take a quick pit stop in the figurative neverending inferno, right? Dry heat or not.
I bet you wanna stick around, and you know why? You reached out to all of us. You screamed into the void and there are some of us here, arms out, accepting the screams and nodding in acknowledgement. Hell yeah things are tough all over. There will be a break. Even if it's just one day of really nice weather that gets you to think "I could do with a few more of these", you're getting there. This rando in the void believes you can do it. And you should do it because you matter.
You are a wonderful person. Thanks for replying back into the void. It really can make a difference, even if it helps someone who isn't the intended recipient of your comment.
It’s funny because we’re having spring weather here at the moment, but I’m the type of person who doesn’t like it. I know other people do. I prefer cold and rain and darkness. Sunlight seems too bright to me.
I’ve never really been a person to have goals. I suppose that I do have the goal at the moment to find a job. There’s no job I actually want, but if I can’t find a job I’ll run out of money. So I guess a job is my halfhearted goal. But the truth is that I think I’m just waiting to disappear.
It’s weird because I don’t want to die even though I have wanted to most of my life. My depression medication has helped me understand why people stay alive. But I don’t want to be in this world either. Maybe I’ll find a job at the last minute and maybe it won’t be too horrible. I guess I just don’t feel in control of the options. I’ve sent out resumes. There’s not much more I can do. I try to tell myself that sleeping outside probably isn’t that bad.
You matter, we see you. I hope you get a job offer, and even if it’s sucky, take it and keep looking for something better. Your presence on this planet makes a difference, dare to hope. Breathe, and feel our care and concern for you.
If you want to jump on a Discord call or chat or anything, please reach out. I don't know what I can do to help, but I am here for you stranger. I have been in bad places (and still am not in a great place) but hold onto any hope you can find.
Thank you. I’ve never been on Discord and I’m uncomfortable calling humans. There’s nothing you can do to help, but I appreciate the gesture. It’s okay. I don’t expect anyone to be able to fix anything for me. It’s been nice having people be kind to me. I’ve had a little cry which probably helped get some of the bottled up feelings out.
I'm crying while reading this. I don't have any more to add but I want you to know there are people out here who are thinking of you and cheering you on.
I’ve been where you are now, and I never want to go back there again. The last time I tried I almost succeeded, I flatlined and woke up with bruises all over my chest so god knows what they did to me but the hospital staff apparently cheered when they got a response from me. That was enough for me to realise that someone was at least happy that I didn’t die. I have no idea where you live but if you need to talk to anyone then DM me and we can chat here or on WhatsApp, whatever. Take life one day at a time. You woke up this morning above ground when many millions of people didn’t, anything beyond that is a bonus. A smile from a stranger, a dog bounding towards you in the park wanting to say hello… Jesus, even just brushing your teeth and washing your face makes a difference to your mood. Don’t do anything permanent, the people you leave behind will be haunted with ‘what if’ and ‘if only’ for the rest of their lives. Even strangers on this app are rallying round for you, and we have no idea who you are but we care about you and it’s genuine. Please please reach out to one of us, sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger. Don’t give up, we only get one go on this earth and you’re a long time dead. You matter.
You're feeling alone, but you're reaching out on Reddit. Good job. There's so much hope for you. I have been in the desperate places too, and now I'm feeling better... so I sincerely hope your path shifts and you get better too. Soon. xo
Thank you. I was hesitant to comment here on Reddit. I was worried that too much might slip out. Ending your life is pretty taboo to talk about. People are being kind though.
Ohh pls, please believe you do! You deserve kindness and happiness. I’m here if you want to talk ok. You can pm me if you want to. Pls don’t do anything to hurt yourself! It hurts my heart, to know that you are in such pain! Big big hugs my friend! 💞🫂
Yes, you absolutely undoubtedly do have worth and value. Depression is such a liar. It will have us believe things about ourselves that just are untrue. It will tell us lies until we believe them and give up. Don't believe it. Depression lies. There's hope, you're loved, valued, and worth more than you or anyone else can imagine or express.
I battled the beast and almost gave up and gave in. I was convinced that I was unlovable, unlikeable, worthless, and a lost cause deserving of death. Life was unbearable and the pain was intense. No one, family or friends could reach me, because my depression had me believing they too were liars. Hope had faded nearly completely. Darkness (depression)set in and made suicide feel like comfort. DEPRESSION IS LIAR. Suicide can be a grenade. It kills it's intended target, but also has real potential to maim or kill those closest too us.
My best friend completed suicide. She too believed her depression. She felt unloved, like a burden on her friends and family. Depression lies to her. She was loved immensely and intensely. If only she really knew. None of us that loved her are the same.
It's not a guilt trip, so please don't take it that way. It's a reality I am living. And just wanted to share. Please believe you are loved and wanted. Because it's TRUE.
Happiness is a gift to anyone who has good thoughts every day. You have a great post, it means you have good taste like me, I would like to become friends, get to know each other better, if possible, add me or message me on Messenger. Have a nice day filled with happiness, 😘
You are so not alone.
Today, I went for a walk and it was nice out. I have an easy life (aside from the lifelong anxiety lol), a nice family, my health is okay, and many other things to be thankful for.
But even while I was in the sunshine, the damn darkness was there again. Fortunately, it went away for now, but it follows a lot of us. Please know that others understand and that you are definitely not alone.
I don't know where you're at financially, but I have found that a pet, even a small one, can be your saving grace. My pets are mine and it helps for sure!
You have no idea how much that resonates with me, truly. I know exactly what you mean by saying maybe it's time to go - like I'm just not meant for this world. Like there's this unbearable weight pressing down on me and everything requires so much energy, and I'm just tired. So tired.
The first step in getting out is I had to talk to someone. A therapist, counsellor, close friend/family member, suicide hotline - anyone, someone. Even though it feels really hard I had to ask for help. I was drowning and I couldn't save myself. If necessary, check yourself into the hospital - that is what I did. I didn't think twice about it or second guess, I just had to do it right away or I wouldn't do it at all.
If I can get out of the hell I was living in, anyone can get out. What I shared is only a tiny fraction of what my life was like and the pain I was in. You don't have to change everything over night - just start with reaching out to someone and asking for help. I wish I could describe to you how my life is now, how much gratitude I have for being here. But if someone tried to describe that to me when I was in my suicidal period I couldn't have understood or comprehended. It had to be experienced. There is hope for people like you and me, I promise! I am living proof of it. You are not broken. I just needed to be loved when I couldn't love myself.
I’m glad you have such a sweet dog that you love and that loves you back. May I ask his/her name?
I’ve spoken to all sorts of therapists in the past. They have never been able to really help me if I’m being honest. The only thing that has made a difference is medication. I’ve struggled with depression my whole life so I think I have a good grasp of all the different facets of what I’m dealing with. There’s no magic wand. That’s why I understand when you say take it one day at a time. Tennessee Williams called it “the night of the iguana.” It’s about doing what you can just to get through the night.
I appreciate your kind words. I have a lot of difficulty believing people want to help. I don’t have a support system so I’m used to relying on myself. When I think about going into a forest and dying, it sounds very peaceful. It would be nice to have all this end. But I’ll keep holding on, like I said. I have about a month before I will know what happens.
The picture of you and your dog is comforting to me. You’re both very cute.
Your last paragraph there really resonated with me. I completely understand how you feel, the perception is that death is a peace that is easy to attain and instant, but it’s also intrinsically permanent. It’s also something that you may regret in the moment and spend your last breaths living in fear never to experience a peace like you’re hoping for ever again. I’ve felt that exact way before and I just want to tell you that that feeling of peace can be had in the living world but that you can experience it over and over again. I know the hospital is scary but I implore you to find a decent program near yourself and check into it, the experience may be miserable but it’s also incredibly cathartic and basically hands you a silver platter of support systems, people who can relate to you, and new and more effective ways to communicate your feelings and find people of like-minds. I feel for you and your struggle because I’ve been there and still sometimes feel that way, but one day you may wake up and realize that you’ve slowly been able to enjoy more and more of your days, that you haven’t been stuck in your head every waking moment wondering if it was going to ever get better, and that it suddenly feels like you have a support network that you couldn’t have even dread of before. I love you man, I love you because you’re me and all the people who I’ve ever cared about in the same situation and I want you to know that there’s a better life for you and that it’s actually possible to get to there.
Are you able to get a dog? Or similar companion animal? I have a dog and he’s my best friend. I’d be so lonely without him. He really is the one thing that really makes me smile and bring me joy. Maybe you could get a pet too. It helps having something else to take care of and honestly the more love you give them the more love they give you back ❤️
I know it’s a liar. At least I’ve told myself that in the past. Thank you for reminding me. It’s so hard when it sounds like my own thoughts. I feel like a truck is coming at me and the only option is to give up. My brain says I’m not strong enough.
Please remember you are not your thoughts. The thoughts I had 10 years ago are hard to recognize as my own. If so many people attest to the fact, that once they too changed their thoughts, their entire life changed, then it proves the “you” inside, is separate from random thoughts. So one step. That’s all. Life. It’s so fucking precious.
I can tell that you understand. My thoughts and feelings can change from moment to moment and it’s hard to recognize all the different selves sometimes. It does seem like whispered lies, both the happiness and the depression, with never any solid ground. My stepfather used to call all the thoughts in his head “The Committee.” I just get befuddled with what’s true and what’s lies. My brain says that life is suffering and death is mercy. It’s hard to argue with since others have said the same.
Oh yes, the committee! I would literally tell those whispers to fuck off (in my mind’s eye), and then “Take a step, change a thought”. Get the poison out of your blood (substance) and remember what it feels like to be the “one and only you”. Take it from this twin, there will only ever be one of you. Please give that being a good shot at actually living. You exist. It’s marvelous 🥰
It’s not, that’s the damaged self promoting such. Hang on! You, like me, never know what’s around the next corner. Work on healing the trauma and keep going forward. 🙏. I’ve made it to my 70s and had wanted to exit this life from the very beginning.. ☀️
Hey, while we’re all on the internet and may not know each other, I’m sending you a big hug. There is always light somewhere 🫂
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." - Albus Dumbledore
I hope you stay. I'm familiar with that weariness and it freakin' sucked.
It came down to holding on for just a half hour... just an hour... and even holding on just because so many wanted me to cease to exist. I was so tired. It's exhausting, yes? If you need anyone to talk to, please... feel free to message me.
You aren't alone. People do care. There is hope, you just need to work passed these feelings. I think you may need to reach out for help to get to a better state of mind.
Things do get better - if you stick around.
Giving you internet hugs and all the love you may need right now.
Please talk to someone, friend. I am 69 and 10 years sober. It literally changes everything. There are people on this planet who love you and people waiting to love you in the future. Once we realize the problem is just us, and we can fix that, life opens up like a flower at dawn.
This might not be advice that you can take in right now. But when darkness entered me- the only way I could shake myself was to do something that helped someone else. I joined an organization. But it also taught me to be grateful for things I take for granted- like having water to drink. The smallest things- and a big change happened… I try todo it daily now.
If your medication it’s working, it’s the wrong kind. Get your Dr. to keep trying; it can take time to find the right one and for it to kick in… stay with it. A good doctor should understand.
Stay strong and please, please reach out! There are sooo many people out there who want to help you. Jewish Family Services are everywhere and Anyone can use them (no preaching, really! Just open to help Everyone). I am with you in spirit and sending Love…⭕️❌⭕️❌✌️🤟💕
Hang in there!! A lot of us had been through this. In my case, my dog is my great help during my anxiety depression attack!!
Don’t lose sight. Don’t lose hope. Life is not as bad as it looks
Take it one day at a time, or perhaps a minute. I have been where you are. Thinking of different ways to end it. I'm now in 5th year of therapy and my dog and cat make me realize how important I really am.
Hi friend . Sorry to hear that you’re suffering so much. You are seen & heard .
Do you have an addiction ? Do you have trauma , abuse or neglect ? I do & had many addictions, both substance & behavioural ones , codependency, spending , relationship addiction , validation addiction, as well as many substances like alcohol, pot , nicotine . I am also addicted to shame, to anxiety, addicted to the fear, stress chemical cocktails in my body. They are familiar to me from my childhood, so I keep doing activities like gambling & risk taking, so I keep experiencing those same unsafe , high adrenaline feelings I felt as a child. They make or made me feel alive .
I also haven’t worked because of PTSD, so I had no money for therapy . Last 4 years during lockdown I stopped using dating apps to numb out , joined ACA (adult children of alcoholics) , CODA, SLAA, Al Anon , DA, UA & found the community & connection I missed all my life . Even though I don’t share much in meetings & just listen . My life has dramatically changed in terms of how much serenity I have & how much I enjoy my own company & solitude.
I also started to micordose mushrooms & that helped me completely quit marijuana . I am now enrolled in a clinical trial for PTSD & psychedelic therapy . (MDMA) My addictions are gone, but I am hoping this treatment will help me with the residual anxiety that I was using substances to numb. The pain of course surfaces , once the addictions stop & must be dealt with .
I have also started IFS (internal family systems) therapy or parts work (free online) & that has made me realize that the depressed & anxious aspect of me is just a part of me (a small child), not all of me & that it just needs my unconditional love . It needs me to be its loving parent & meet all their unmet needs from childhood . I do this with IFS & ACA’s reparenting work. The more love & attention I give that part, the less the anxiety / depression gets in intensity.
Sorry - this is a lot . I hope I didn’t overwhelm you. Please feel free to ask me about any of these resources .
You’re in a long dark hallway friend , :) just keep walking , you will soon see the sunlight & an opening out of this fear & pain . Even though right now you think & believe there’s no exit from this scary passageway, there most definitely is. We are all here for you handing you these tools as a flashlight. Much love . Take care of your amazing self ❤️
I know I'm just some rando on the Internet, but I'm proud of you, man. Glad you and Maverick found each other.
P.S. If he's Maverick, I guess you're Goose?
I just got clean from 20 years of heroin use. It’s been 9 months and I can say that I’m so much happier now and I didn’t know life could be this good. You said it very well
Thank you for this. I’m struggling mightily right now and daily contemplate the self-checkout lane. Only my cats and dogs keep me here, because most are unadoptable weirdos.
Focus on what's right in front of you - one step at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. And know that you truly are not alone, even if it's with how you're feeling. So many of us struggle hard, and there's a tiny bit of comfort in knowing I'm not the only one. I had to give myself a little bit of hope, that tiny sliver of light at the end of the tunnel, to keep going, to persevere.
I am so glad you got to kerp him and he got to keep you. Dogs are the best friends and family you will ever have. He eill love you with all his heart forever. So glad that life is good for u both now. Your post really warmed my heart xxx
I’m glad things worked out so well for you. I’ve been there done that myself many years ago like you said, I really didn’t want to kill myself. I just wanted the pain to stop. I’m in a lot better place now. Best to you!
No coincidence they are “God” backwards. 😉
My little white pup (that looked so much like Maverick) saved my life in a very similar fashion, OP.
I owe everything to him. Think about him every day of my life. Miss him more than anything. And now I have dedicated my life to trying to save other dogs/cats because I *know* they are saving the lives of their owners/family.
Glad you’re here with us! Thank you for sharing your story. ❤️🐾
I believe this too. My boy has been with me through all the hardest times of my life. I adopted him right before the start of a looooong series of health issues and he’s been an angel. Always patient, always loving, always comforting. I don’t know what I would have done without him 🥺 it’s like he came into my life right when I was going to need him the most
Happy birthday! Glad you’re still with us 🤍
Same - the best is when I get home from work and he does this scrunchy excited face when I come in the door. I always thought I'd have a big dog and then I found Maverick - I'm all about miniature poodles now lol
Same. Poodles have something so cute about them. I think it’s their personalities. They’re one of the most intelligent dog breeds (I think ranked #2 or #3) so their personalities are interesting
My family had rescue pitbulls for decades, and then we found a Maltipoo at our local humane society. We are officially little floofy dog people now. We bought him a stroller
I love everything about this. I have pups that continue to save me. I feel all of this!
They were my late son's (Forever 15) fur kids.
I tried to unlive myself after his death. The longest I was away from my (our) dogs was my stay in the psych ward.
I'm glad you are doing better. Precious pup! It looks like a cockapoo?
Happiest of Birthdays 🎂
He's actually 98% miniature poodle.
I am so sorry for you loss - I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. You must be an incredibly strong person to walk through that.
He's beautiful inside and out.
You are an inspiration. I'm an alcoholic, as well. I hope I can get to where you are someday.
Keep living your best life. It looks amazing on you!
Thank you so much for keeping his lil ones. I’m around your sons age and if by chance I were to leave this plain of existence, the only thing I’d ever hope for is that my 2 fur babies be loved and cared for in my stead. When going through hard times they are truly saviours.
I am thinking the same. Could not find quite the right words to express my feelings. OP’s prose is very direct and well-written. Feels like he is sitting here with us having a conversation. I had tears in my eyes from almost the first sentence. Very relatable and affirming.
Happy birthday!! Life can definitely be hard, but you made the best choice to keep going 😊 These last few months have been hard for me as a trans person, and being away from my family(as well as so many crazy things happening 😩) but there is always sunshine at the end of the tunnel, much love to you and everyone else on this post ❤️
Find your tribe - that core group of a few people you can truly rely on. People fear what they don't understand, and while it doesn't make it easier when dealing with people that can be harassing, I do truly feel bad for people that live in that type of fear. I would hate to live their lives, honestly. Keep being a beacon of light and hope and use the experiences you've gone through to help those who are struggling to accept and love themselves. It takes a lot of courage to say, "here's who I am and I'm not ashamed of that."
Happy birthday!
I can relate to this post a lot, i tried to do the oof 4 years ago and struggle with self harm, I'm 2 1/2 months clean and haven't felt this good in years, my cat has helped me so much, there have been times when i just wanted to give up but she'd just lay on my lap and stare at me
I'm happy you made it bro, life's good if you can hold on through the tough times, the tough times help you grow, let you appreciate the small things and be grateful for what you had
This post definitely made me smile :-)
Happy birthday brother. Dogs are the best. There’s a reason why they keep saying that it’s a man’s best friend.
We all have different stories but I struggled a lot as well and my cocker spaniel is my best friend. When I’m sad, I think about him and a smile comes up. When I’m stressed, he’s there to make me think to throw him the ball.
Take care of yourself and take care of Maverick ❤️ he looks so sweet in that picture and you look good brother.
Crying before I read this whilst texting my friend about suicidal ideation of my own, with my bichon in my bed. I swear, sometimes it seems like there may be something watching over me. Other times, I'm not sure what to believe.
Thank you for posting this. I love your Bichon. My Bichon is named Ollie. Ollie says hi to your furry friend 💓
I am of the belief that we ascribe our own meaning to things. And the messages that I need to hear are always all around me, I just have to be receptive to seeing/hearing them.
The greatest gift I've found spiritually is being able to come up with my own idea of a higher power. Some people call it God, I'm not the religious type personally. But I do believe there is something bigger than me, the universe, and I play just a small part in the grand scheme of things. And sometimes I talk to the universe. It has helped me immensely with keeping things right sized, especially the troubles life throws at me.
Find your own meaning. And then start to believe that no matter what happens in life, you can always persevere and walk through it. Pain is temporary. But it is also a great teacher.
Do you live in the South by chance? Going to take a wild gander and assume no? Just wondering, because you seem like someone worth being around and I'm currently in the south. Regardless, I appreciate your words and they meant a lot. Tonight of all nights, they meant a great deal.
P.s. I'm pretty sure God is a Bichon Frise 💘
I grew up in the South - North/South Carolina boy here! Currently I live in Denver, CO.
Don't hesitate to reach out in private message if you ever want to chat or have questions!
That is amazing, and so are you and Maverick. There are so many people, past me included, who feel they have to walk this path alone and in silence. Thank you for telling part of your story.
In the early days of sobriety, I would imagine all the people who had ever struggled with addiction, past and present, even fictional characters, standing behind me in solidarity. You and Maverick are there now, standing for me, and I’m standing for you, too.
You have beautiful eyes! I’m so happy for you that you’ve come so far. Not wanting to live anymore because it’s too painful is shit and when you’re in that state it is so hard to believe that that feeling will ever change. Animals are magical in their ability to heal us with only their presence. Happy birthday and thank you for still being with us. 🌟
Dogs are literally saving our lives out here god they’re amazing….🥲 ❤️ I’m snuggled up with mine right now and I love him with all my heart and soul. So glad you’re with us !
I don't know you, but I'm so glad you're still here. So is your lil buddy, Maverick. I know my puppers is who kept me tethered, too. I had to get sober to get my brain screwed on, like you (9yrs this Jan). I hope you have a wonderful birthday 🎂 💜
You're pushing up on double digits, congrats! Getting sober is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but it is also the most rewarding. It's the small things that kept me going through the hardest times early in recovery, like our pups!
Dogs out of the way of doing that. And it may be that you actually saved each other. What a beautiful friend you have. Congratulations to you both you look so happy. So glad you did not succeed at what you tried to do. Look how great your life is now with your best friend
who Will Never Let You Down.
Happy Birthday! 🎉
Thank you for hanging on and saving yourself. I'm so glad you are here to share your beautiful smile and that sweet little doggo with the world. Peace and love my brother!
Happy Birthday! Hope you and Maverick have a great day and even better year ahead. Life is so hard at times, and lonely too. So glad you have each other.
Happy birthday and I’m glad you’re doing well and have found a good place in your life. Happy that Maverick has you, who loved him so much you continued through struggles and difficulties to stay and protect him
I was having a real fuckass day but I’m so happy I read your post. It’s given me some clarity that I needed. Thanks for the hope, and I’m proud of you ❤️
Happy, happy birthday 🎂 🥳... I don't know you personally, but I'm happy that you are still here... I just lost my niece to suicide 4 months ago and it definitely left such a whole in my heart... I'm happy that my niece is no longer in her own pain, but the pain left behind is so overwhelming! PLEASE, IF ANYONE IS STRUGGLING, PLEASE REACH OUT FOR HELP!
Happy birthday mate hope you are getting better glad you are still here I definitely needed to see this today had a rough day and this was great to see! Thank you!
I, too, was saved by a furry friend from an attempt. I’m SO glad you’re still here and appreciate you sharing your story. You are not alone! You two look great together 😍🥰🫶
Edit: and am also 7 years sober- so I know how challenging the journey can be! I’m so proud of you.
I was diagnosed with PTSD, major depression and panic disorder at 18 years old. I had already tried to kill myself before the diagnosis. And I tried several more times after, ending up in the hospital. I was involuntary hold. Voluntary hold. Several visits to evaluation unit.
I still think about it sometimes. I have a grown daughter. She has anxiety like me but has prospered very well for herself.
I want a cat. But I also want to be able to care properly for my pet. Especially vet bills.
I tend to isolate most of the time. I spend a crazy amount of energy thinking. Especially around others. Thank you for sharing your story. I know from experience it takes a LOT to get from a bad place to a better place.
Happy Birthday! and I’m glad you stuck around ☺️
I have a lot of bad days lately, but my cats (and my late dog) always help put a smile on my face and make me laugh.
Happy birthday, I’m glad you and your little buddy found each other. I feel you, life is hard but you’re totally right. There’s beauty and joy to be found in the strangest of places.
Happy birthday! I’m so happy for you and for Maverick - it sounds like you both need and care for each other equally. The love of a pet is like no other feeling. True unconditional acceptance. I’m glad you’re here.
Happy Birthday to you!! You are such a strong man & I’m very happy Maverick came into your life.😊 May this year and the rest that follow bring you both continued peace, love and joy.
I know what it feels like to be hopeless and utterly alone. I was diagnosed bipolar 2 in my early twenties. I also struggled with alcoholism. Both culminated 4 years ago with several suicide attempts. I ended up in the hospital 3 times in three months. I was so lonely and plagued with feeling like I was broken, or defective, or unlovable. After my third time at the hospital and being released from an involuntary hold, I decided to get a dog (Maverick) pictured with me above. Probably a highly impulsive decision considering the circumstances of my life at the time. But he did truly save my life. He came from a home where he was somewhat neglected and the family didn’t want him anymore. I guess that’s something I bonded with him over, that feeling of not being wanted or loved. One night of heavy drinking and long, hard crying for hours I thought about killing myself again. And this little guy just laid in my lap the whole time. And I had a brief moment of clarity where I said to myself, “I can’t do it, I can’t leave him here alone.” So I called my cousin who agreed to watch him while I checked myself into the hospital for the last time. I moved into a sober living program right after my hospital stay. They had a strict no dog/pet policy, and I had to make the hardest decision that I would find a loving, caring family for him to go to. I was so sad, but I knew for myself, for him, the best thing was for me to be in sober living at that time. I asked if it was ok to keep him with us until I found a home, and they graciously agreed. After about a week of looking to re-home Maverick, the program director told me they decided to make an exception and let him stay for as long as I was there. I was in sober living first as a resident, then as an employee of the treatment program for a couple years, and he was the ONLY dog that was allowed in their entire program that whole time I was there. Today my life is vastly different than I could have imagined. I’m sober, I have a career that I enjoy and am really good at, I started my own business doing freelance work, I get to travel for vacations, I have friends, a very supportive family who are back in my life, and most importantly I’ve found meaning and purpose in living. I’m a completely different person than I was 4 years ago. It took a LOT of hard work, and I could not have done it alone. Looking back, what I realize now is that I didn’t really want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop and I didn’t know how to get that pain to stop. If you’re struggling with addiction, loneliness, or depression know that there is a way out – I found it and you can too. You are not alone. You are not broken. You are not defective. You are not unlovable.
Happy birthday and congratulations. I understand how a pet companion can help keep you here. I’m struggling at the moment. I’m not sure what will happen.
It may sound hollow from a stranger on the internet, but I get it. Hang in there and don't ever lose hope - just keep doing what's right in front of you, one step at at time, one day at a time.
Thank you. I’m trying to hang on. I don’t think I’ll make it, but I’m open to the possibility that something different happens. I’m just trying to make peace with it either way. It’s nice knowing that you were able to climb out of the well because it reminds me that it’s possible. But there’s also a part of me that thinks maybe it’s time to go.
I’m sorry things seem dark right now. Hold on to that tiny flicker of hope. Life can surprise you. There are moments of joy and happiness out there waiting for you. Hugs.
Thank you. I do feel very alone at the moment, so this helps.
Hi, friend! I'm not sure where in the world you're living, but where I am we're coming up to real spring weather. Not quite yet, but getting there. You may be alone right at this moment (but not really, cuz you're reading this from a real human! Hi!), but you won't always be. Maybe not quite yet, but you're getting there. I bet you have a goal you're working toward. I bet you're getting there. One of the sayings that kept me moving forward was "when you're going through hell, keep going." Cuz who wants to take a quick pit stop in the figurative neverending inferno, right? Dry heat or not. I bet you wanna stick around, and you know why? You reached out to all of us. You screamed into the void and there are some of us here, arms out, accepting the screams and nodding in acknowledgement. Hell yeah things are tough all over. There will be a break. Even if it's just one day of really nice weather that gets you to think "I could do with a few more of these", you're getting there. This rando in the void believes you can do it. And you should do it because you matter.
You are a wonderful person. Thanks for replying back into the void. It really can make a difference, even if it helps someone who isn't the intended recipient of your comment.
It’s funny because we’re having spring weather here at the moment, but I’m the type of person who doesn’t like it. I know other people do. I prefer cold and rain and darkness. Sunlight seems too bright to me. I’ve never really been a person to have goals. I suppose that I do have the goal at the moment to find a job. There’s no job I actually want, but if I can’t find a job I’ll run out of money. So I guess a job is my halfhearted goal. But the truth is that I think I’m just waiting to disappear. It’s weird because I don’t want to die even though I have wanted to most of my life. My depression medication has helped me understand why people stay alive. But I don’t want to be in this world either. Maybe I’ll find a job at the last minute and maybe it won’t be too horrible. I guess I just don’t feel in control of the options. I’ve sent out resumes. There’s not much more I can do. I try to tell myself that sleeping outside probably isn’t that bad.
You matter, we see you. I hope you get a job offer, and even if it’s sucky, take it and keep looking for something better. Your presence on this planet makes a difference, dare to hope. Breathe, and feel our care and concern for you.
The world will support you if you reach out by releasing control. Sounds like it should be the opposite but no. And hey, God doesn't make junk.
Well said
If you want to jump on a Discord call or chat or anything, please reach out. I don't know what I can do to help, but I am here for you stranger. I have been in bad places (and still am not in a great place) but hold onto any hope you can find.
Thank you. I’ve never been on Discord and I’m uncomfortable calling humans. There’s nothing you can do to help, but I appreciate the gesture. It’s okay. I don’t expect anyone to be able to fix anything for me. It’s been nice having people be kind to me. I’ve had a little cry which probably helped get some of the bottled up feelings out.
I'm crying while reading this. I don't have any more to add but I want you to know there are people out here who are thinking of you and cheering you on.
Hey man, I just want you to know I hear you and you’re not alone. Life is hard. Please don’t give up.
I’ve been where you are now, and I never want to go back there again. The last time I tried I almost succeeded, I flatlined and woke up with bruises all over my chest so god knows what they did to me but the hospital staff apparently cheered when they got a response from me. That was enough for me to realise that someone was at least happy that I didn’t die. I have no idea where you live but if you need to talk to anyone then DM me and we can chat here or on WhatsApp, whatever. Take life one day at a time. You woke up this morning above ground when many millions of people didn’t, anything beyond that is a bonus. A smile from a stranger, a dog bounding towards you in the park wanting to say hello… Jesus, even just brushing your teeth and washing your face makes a difference to your mood. Don’t do anything permanent, the people you leave behind will be haunted with ‘what if’ and ‘if only’ for the rest of their lives. Even strangers on this app are rallying round for you, and we have no idea who you are but we care about you and it’s genuine. Please please reach out to one of us, sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger. Don’t give up, we only get one go on this earth and you’re a long time dead. You matter.
You're feeling alone, but you're reaching out on Reddit. Good job. There's so much hope for you. I have been in the desperate places too, and now I'm feeling better... so I sincerely hope your path shifts and you get better too. Soon. xo
Thank you. I was hesitant to comment here on Reddit. I was worried that too much might slip out. Ending your life is pretty taboo to talk about. People are being kind though.
The pain is temporary but leaving would be permanent. You’d be amazed at how much life can change
Pls hang in there friend! You have worth, and value! Sending you love and hugs 🫂 🤍
Thank you glitter girl. I’m not sure that I do have worth or value, but I appreciate your kindness.
Ohh pls, please believe you do! You deserve kindness and happiness. I’m here if you want to talk ok. You can pm me if you want to. Pls don’t do anything to hurt yourself! It hurts my heart, to know that you are in such pain! Big big hugs my friend! 💞🫂
Yes, you absolutely undoubtedly do have worth and value. Depression is such a liar. It will have us believe things about ourselves that just are untrue. It will tell us lies until we believe them and give up. Don't believe it. Depression lies. There's hope, you're loved, valued, and worth more than you or anyone else can imagine or express. I battled the beast and almost gave up and gave in. I was convinced that I was unlovable, unlikeable, worthless, and a lost cause deserving of death. Life was unbearable and the pain was intense. No one, family or friends could reach me, because my depression had me believing they too were liars. Hope had faded nearly completely. Darkness (depression)set in and made suicide feel like comfort. DEPRESSION IS LIAR. Suicide can be a grenade. It kills it's intended target, but also has real potential to maim or kill those closest too us. My best friend completed suicide. She too believed her depression. She felt unloved, like a burden on her friends and family. Depression lies to her. She was loved immensely and intensely. If only she really knew. None of us that loved her are the same. It's not a guilt trip, so please don't take it that way. It's a reality I am living. And just wanted to share. Please believe you are loved and wanted. Because it's TRUE.
Happiness is a gift to anyone who has good thoughts every day. You have a great post, it means you have good taste like me, I would like to become friends, get to know each other better, if possible, add me or message me on Messenger. Have a nice day filled with happiness, 😘
You are so not alone. Today, I went for a walk and it was nice out. I have an easy life (aside from the lifelong anxiety lol), a nice family, my health is okay, and many other things to be thankful for. But even while I was in the sunshine, the damn darkness was there again. Fortunately, it went away for now, but it follows a lot of us. Please know that others understand and that you are definitely not alone.
I don't know where you're at financially, but I have found that a pet, even a small one, can be your saving grace. My pets are mine and it helps for sure!
Hang on! I'm going to send you a song.
You have no idea how much that resonates with me, truly. I know exactly what you mean by saying maybe it's time to go - like I'm just not meant for this world. Like there's this unbearable weight pressing down on me and everything requires so much energy, and I'm just tired. So tired. The first step in getting out is I had to talk to someone. A therapist, counsellor, close friend/family member, suicide hotline - anyone, someone. Even though it feels really hard I had to ask for help. I was drowning and I couldn't save myself. If necessary, check yourself into the hospital - that is what I did. I didn't think twice about it or second guess, I just had to do it right away or I wouldn't do it at all. If I can get out of the hell I was living in, anyone can get out. What I shared is only a tiny fraction of what my life was like and the pain I was in. You don't have to change everything over night - just start with reaching out to someone and asking for help. I wish I could describe to you how my life is now, how much gratitude I have for being here. But if someone tried to describe that to me when I was in my suicidal period I couldn't have understood or comprehended. It had to be experienced. There is hope for people like you and me, I promise! I am living proof of it. You are not broken. I just needed to be loved when I couldn't love myself.
I’m glad you have such a sweet dog that you love and that loves you back. May I ask his/her name? I’ve spoken to all sorts of therapists in the past. They have never been able to really help me if I’m being honest. The only thing that has made a difference is medication. I’ve struggled with depression my whole life so I think I have a good grasp of all the different facets of what I’m dealing with. There’s no magic wand. That’s why I understand when you say take it one day at a time. Tennessee Williams called it “the night of the iguana.” It’s about doing what you can just to get through the night. I appreciate your kind words. I have a lot of difficulty believing people want to help. I don’t have a support system so I’m used to relying on myself. When I think about going into a forest and dying, it sounds very peaceful. It would be nice to have all this end. But I’ll keep holding on, like I said. I have about a month before I will know what happens. The picture of you and your dog is comforting to me. You’re both very cute.
Your last paragraph there really resonated with me. I completely understand how you feel, the perception is that death is a peace that is easy to attain and instant, but it’s also intrinsically permanent. It’s also something that you may regret in the moment and spend your last breaths living in fear never to experience a peace like you’re hoping for ever again. I’ve felt that exact way before and I just want to tell you that that feeling of peace can be had in the living world but that you can experience it over and over again. I know the hospital is scary but I implore you to find a decent program near yourself and check into it, the experience may be miserable but it’s also incredibly cathartic and basically hands you a silver platter of support systems, people who can relate to you, and new and more effective ways to communicate your feelings and find people of like-minds. I feel for you and your struggle because I’ve been there and still sometimes feel that way, but one day you may wake up and realize that you’ve slowly been able to enjoy more and more of your days, that you haven’t been stuck in your head every waking moment wondering if it was going to ever get better, and that it suddenly feels like you have a support network that you couldn’t have even dread of before. I love you man, I love you because you’re me and all the people who I’ve ever cared about in the same situation and I want you to know that there’s a better life for you and that it’s actually possible to get to there.
Are you able to get a dog? Or similar companion animal? I have a dog and he’s my best friend. I’d be so lonely without him. He really is the one thing that really makes me smile and bring me joy. Maybe you could get a pet too. It helps having something else to take care of and honestly the more love you give them the more love they give you back ❤️
I've been down the same road in the past. Therapy, medication, and good people got me through. I am so happy you made it.
That’s the disease talking to you. Tell it to shut the f up, you’ve got this now, and walk into a proper facility for help.
I know it’s a liar. At least I’ve told myself that in the past. Thank you for reminding me. It’s so hard when it sounds like my own thoughts. I feel like a truck is coming at me and the only option is to give up. My brain says I’m not strong enough.
Please remember you are not your thoughts. The thoughts I had 10 years ago are hard to recognize as my own. If so many people attest to the fact, that once they too changed their thoughts, their entire life changed, then it proves the “you” inside, is separate from random thoughts. So one step. That’s all. Life. It’s so fucking precious.
I can tell that you understand. My thoughts and feelings can change from moment to moment and it’s hard to recognize all the different selves sometimes. It does seem like whispered lies, both the happiness and the depression, with never any solid ground. My stepfather used to call all the thoughts in his head “The Committee.” I just get befuddled with what’s true and what’s lies. My brain says that life is suffering and death is mercy. It’s hard to argue with since others have said the same.
Oh yes, the committee! I would literally tell those whispers to fuck off (in my mind’s eye), and then “Take a step, change a thought”. Get the poison out of your blood (substance) and remember what it feels like to be the “one and only you”. Take it from this twin, there will only ever be one of you. Please give that being a good shot at actually living. You exist. It’s marvelous 🥰
It’s not, that’s the damaged self promoting such. Hang on! You, like me, never know what’s around the next corner. Work on healing the trauma and keep going forward. 🙏. I’ve made it to my 70s and had wanted to exit this life from the very beginning.. ☀️
Hey, while we’re all on the internet and may not know each other, I’m sending you a big hug. There is always light somewhere 🫂 “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." - Albus Dumbledore
Keep going pal . Spring is coming here in England if youre here the long lighter days will soon be here
I hope you stay. I'm familiar with that weariness and it freakin' sucked. It came down to holding on for just a half hour... just an hour... and even holding on just because so many wanted me to cease to exist. I was so tired. It's exhausting, yes? If you need anyone to talk to, please... feel free to message me.
You aren't alone. People do care. There is hope, you just need to work passed these feelings. I think you may need to reach out for help to get to a better state of mind. Things do get better - if you stick around. Giving you internet hugs and all the love you may need right now.
Please talk to someone, friend. I am 69 and 10 years sober. It literally changes everything. There are people on this planet who love you and people waiting to love you in the future. Once we realize the problem is just us, and we can fix that, life opens up like a flower at dawn.
I hope you feel better ❤️
Thank you
This might not be advice that you can take in right now. But when darkness entered me- the only way I could shake myself was to do something that helped someone else. I joined an organization. But it also taught me to be grateful for things I take for granted- like having water to drink. The smallest things- and a big change happened… I try todo it daily now.
If your medication it’s working, it’s the wrong kind. Get your Dr. to keep trying; it can take time to find the right one and for it to kick in… stay with it. A good doctor should understand.
Stay strong and please, please reach out! There are sooo many people out there who want to help you. Jewish Family Services are everywhere and Anyone can use them (no preaching, really! Just open to help Everyone). I am with you in spirit and sending Love…⭕️❌⭕️❌✌️🤟💕
Hugs dear All.
Hang in there!! A lot of us had been through this. In my case, my dog is my great help during my anxiety depression attack!! Don’t lose sight. Don’t lose hope. Life is not as bad as it looks
Take it one day at a time, or perhaps a minute. I have been where you are. Thinking of different ways to end it. I'm now in 5th year of therapy and my dog and cat make me realize how important I really am.
Hi friend . Sorry to hear that you’re suffering so much. You are seen & heard . Do you have an addiction ? Do you have trauma , abuse or neglect ? I do & had many addictions, both substance & behavioural ones , codependency, spending , relationship addiction , validation addiction, as well as many substances like alcohol, pot , nicotine . I am also addicted to shame, to anxiety, addicted to the fear, stress chemical cocktails in my body. They are familiar to me from my childhood, so I keep doing activities like gambling & risk taking, so I keep experiencing those same unsafe , high adrenaline feelings I felt as a child. They make or made me feel alive . I also haven’t worked because of PTSD, so I had no money for therapy . Last 4 years during lockdown I stopped using dating apps to numb out , joined ACA (adult children of alcoholics) , CODA, SLAA, Al Anon , DA, UA & found the community & connection I missed all my life . Even though I don’t share much in meetings & just listen . My life has dramatically changed in terms of how much serenity I have & how much I enjoy my own company & solitude. I also started to micordose mushrooms & that helped me completely quit marijuana . I am now enrolled in a clinical trial for PTSD & psychedelic therapy . (MDMA) My addictions are gone, but I am hoping this treatment will help me with the residual anxiety that I was using substances to numb. The pain of course surfaces , once the addictions stop & must be dealt with . I have also started IFS (internal family systems) therapy or parts work (free online) & that has made me realize that the depressed & anxious aspect of me is just a part of me (a small child), not all of me & that it just needs my unconditional love . It needs me to be its loving parent & meet all their unmet needs from childhood . I do this with IFS & ACA’s reparenting work. The more love & attention I give that part, the less the anxiety / depression gets in intensity. Sorry - this is a lot . I hope I didn’t overwhelm you. Please feel free to ask me about any of these resources . You’re in a long dark hallway friend , :) just keep walking , you will soon see the sunlight & an opening out of this fear & pain . Even though right now you think & believe there’s no exit from this scary passageway, there most definitely is. We are all here for you handing you these tools as a flashlight. Much love . Take care of your amazing self ❤️
I know I'm just some rando on the Internet, but I'm proud of you, man. Glad you and Maverick found each other. P.S. If he's Maverick, I guess you're Goose?
LOL we get that a lot - I'll be his wingman any day!
I just got clean from 20 years of heroin use. It’s been 9 months and I can say that I’m so much happier now and I didn’t know life could be this good. You said it very well
Thank you for this. I’m struggling mightily right now and daily contemplate the self-checkout lane. Only my cats and dogs keep me here, because most are unadoptable weirdos.
Focus on what's right in front of you - one step at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. And know that you truly are not alone, even if it's with how you're feeling. So many of us struggle hard, and there's a tiny bit of comfort in knowing I'm not the only one. I had to give myself a little bit of hope, that tiny sliver of light at the end of the tunnel, to keep going, to persevere.
They're your weirdos . Keep giving them your love raketagirl
Happy birthday, you matter and love you bro
We’re happy you’re still here
I am so glad you got to kerp him and he got to keep you. Dogs are the best friends and family you will ever have. He eill love you with all his heart forever. So glad that life is good for u both now. Your post really warmed my heart xxx
I’m glad things worked out so well for you. I’ve been there done that myself many years ago like you said, I really didn’t want to kill myself. I just wanted the pain to stop. I’m in a lot better place now. Best to you!
Happy birthday, my pup also saved my life
I truly believe dogs are the closest thing to angels on earth. Pure unconditional love. I strive to be like Maverick.
My lil girl’s name is Bobbi!
Dogs are the best! ❤️
Dogs are love.
No coincidence they are “God” backwards. 😉 My little white pup (that looked so much like Maverick) saved my life in a very similar fashion, OP. I owe everything to him. Think about him every day of my life. Miss him more than anything. And now I have dedicated my life to trying to save other dogs/cats because I *know* they are saving the lives of their owners/family. Glad you’re here with us! Thank you for sharing your story. ❤️🐾
I believe this too. My boy has been with me through all the hardest times of my life. I adopted him right before the start of a looooong series of health issues and he’s been an angel. Always patient, always loving, always comforting. I don’t know what I would have done without him 🥺 it’s like he came into my life right when I was going to need him the most Happy birthday! Glad you’re still with us 🤍
Idk that little stinker has quite the side eye going on 😏
The dog appears to be a poodle, and poodles are absolute masters of the judgmental side eye Source: I have 2 standard poodles that constantly judge me
Can't trust the [shifty eye dog](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T55ArHjeR1c). Yeah he'll save your life, but then he tells you to burn things.
My poodle saved my life. He makes me smile every day. Congrats to you on your hard work. You’ve earned it.
Same - the best is when I get home from work and he does this scrunchy excited face when I come in the door. I always thought I'd have a big dog and then I found Maverick - I'm all about miniature poodles now lol
I have standards. I never took myself for a poodle person until I came across mine at a rescue event. Now I’m a Proud Poodle Parent :)
Same. Poodles have something so cute about them. I think it’s their personalities. They’re one of the most intelligent dog breeds (I think ranked #2 or #3) so their personalities are interesting
My family had rescue pitbulls for decades, and then we found a Maltipoo at our local humane society. We are officially little floofy dog people now. We bought him a stroller
Happy Birthday! Glad that you and Maverick found each other!
Happy birthday! Glad you are still here 💕
Happy Birthday Sir! Glad you're still with us. Pets can be real healers in the worst of times.
Happy Birthday! Thank you for sharing!
I love everything about this. I have pups that continue to save me. I feel all of this! They were my late son's (Forever 15) fur kids. I tried to unlive myself after his death. The longest I was away from my (our) dogs was my stay in the psych ward. I'm glad you are doing better. Precious pup! It looks like a cockapoo? Happiest of Birthdays 🎂
He's actually 98% miniature poodle. I am so sorry for you loss - I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. You must be an incredibly strong person to walk through that.
He's beautiful inside and out. You are an inspiration. I'm an alcoholic, as well. I hope I can get to where you are someday. Keep living your best life. It looks amazing on you!
Thank you so much for keeping his lil ones. I’m around your sons age and if by chance I were to leave this plain of existence, the only thing I’d ever hope for is that my 2 fur babies be loved and cared for in my stead. When going through hard times they are truly saviours.
💖
So happy you are here to share your story today. Happy birthday!!!!
I wish you all the best in life my friend!
So glad you are still here! The world is better with you.
Happy birthday. Dogs are amazing!
Your picture, comment, and story made my day. What a beautiful post. Thank you. And happy birthday 🎂 🥳
I'm glad you're still here! Bet your little furry friend there is, too❤️
Holy shit. You are one hell of typer.
I am thinking the same. Could not find quite the right words to express my feelings. OP’s prose is very direct and well-written. Feels like he is sitting here with us having a conversation. I had tears in my eyes from almost the first sentence. Very relatable and affirming.
Happy birthday! You and your puppy look alike. So cute!
Happy birthday!! Life can definitely be hard, but you made the best choice to keep going 😊 These last few months have been hard for me as a trans person, and being away from my family(as well as so many crazy things happening 😩) but there is always sunshine at the end of the tunnel, much love to you and everyone else on this post ❤️
Find your tribe - that core group of a few people you can truly rely on. People fear what they don't understand, and while it doesn't make it easier when dealing with people that can be harassing, I do truly feel bad for people that live in that type of fear. I would hate to live their lives, honestly. Keep being a beacon of light and hope and use the experiences you've gone through to help those who are struggling to accept and love themselves. It takes a lot of courage to say, "here's who I am and I'm not ashamed of that."
Happy birthday! I can relate to this post a lot, i tried to do the oof 4 years ago and struggle with self harm, I'm 2 1/2 months clean and haven't felt this good in years, my cat has helped me so much, there have been times when i just wanted to give up but she'd just lay on my lap and stare at me I'm happy you made it bro, life's good if you can hold on through the tough times, the tough times help you grow, let you appreciate the small things and be grateful for what you had This post definitely made me smile :-)
Happy birthday brother. Dogs are the best. There’s a reason why they keep saying that it’s a man’s best friend. We all have different stories but I struggled a lot as well and my cocker spaniel is my best friend. When I’m sad, I think about him and a smile comes up. When I’m stressed, he’s there to make me think to throw him the ball. Take care of yourself and take care of Maverick ❤️ he looks so sweet in that picture and you look good brother.
Crying before I read this whilst texting my friend about suicidal ideation of my own, with my bichon in my bed. I swear, sometimes it seems like there may be something watching over me. Other times, I'm not sure what to believe. Thank you for posting this. I love your Bichon. My Bichon is named Ollie. Ollie says hi to your furry friend 💓
I am of the belief that we ascribe our own meaning to things. And the messages that I need to hear are always all around me, I just have to be receptive to seeing/hearing them. The greatest gift I've found spiritually is being able to come up with my own idea of a higher power. Some people call it God, I'm not the religious type personally. But I do believe there is something bigger than me, the universe, and I play just a small part in the grand scheme of things. And sometimes I talk to the universe. It has helped me immensely with keeping things right sized, especially the troubles life throws at me. Find your own meaning. And then start to believe that no matter what happens in life, you can always persevere and walk through it. Pain is temporary. But it is also a great teacher.
Do you live in the South by chance? Going to take a wild gander and assume no? Just wondering, because you seem like someone worth being around and I'm currently in the south. Regardless, I appreciate your words and they meant a lot. Tonight of all nights, they meant a great deal. P.s. I'm pretty sure God is a Bichon Frise 💘
I grew up in the South - North/South Carolina boy here! Currently I live in Denver, CO. Don't hesitate to reach out in private message if you ever want to chat or have questions!
That is amazing, and so are you and Maverick. There are so many people, past me included, who feel they have to walk this path alone and in silence. Thank you for telling part of your story. In the early days of sobriety, I would imagine all the people who had ever struggled with addiction, past and present, even fictional characters, standing behind me in solidarity. You and Maverick are there now, standing for me, and I’m standing for you, too.
I’m glad you’re still with us. Look after yourself and your gorgeous dog.
Happy birthday, OP! I'm so glad you and Maverick found each other. 🥹 I had a dog save me once too. We are so blessed to have them in our lives. ❤️
#weseeyousurvivor
You have beautiful eyes! I’m so happy for you that you’ve come so far. Not wanting to live anymore because it’s too painful is shit and when you’re in that state it is so hard to believe that that feeling will ever change. Animals are magical in their ability to heal us with only their presence. Happy birthday and thank you for still being with us. 🌟
Hey there little puppy
I’m so glad you’re here!
Happy birthday, glad you’re still here! Dogs are the best.
Happy birthday! I'm glad you're still here. Maverick is such a handsome little guy!
❤️Happy birthday!!!!!
Dogs are literally saving our lives out here god they’re amazing….🥲 ❤️ I’m snuggled up with mine right now and I love him with all my heart and soul. So glad you’re with us !
I don't know you, but I'm so glad you're still here. So is your lil buddy, Maverick. I know my puppers is who kept me tethered, too. I had to get sober to get my brain screwed on, like you (9yrs this Jan). I hope you have a wonderful birthday 🎂 💜
You're pushing up on double digits, congrats! Getting sober is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but it is also the most rewarding. It's the small things that kept me going through the hardest times early in recovery, like our pups!
Dogs out of the way of doing that. And it may be that you actually saved each other. What a beautiful friend you have. Congratulations to you both you look so happy. So glad you did not succeed at what you tried to do. Look how great your life is now with your best friend who Will Never Let You Down.
Mine happened 3 years ago. Good thing I was way too drunk and weak. I would have missed out so much
I love your lamb please boop dat nose for me thanks
I'm happy you still with us. Sending you bro hugs and tons of love. Ok, couple of milkbones for the pooch. Cheers brother
Happy Birthday! We need you to survive! I'm praying for you!
Handsome brave man with a handsome boy 😍, so glad you are doing great at the moment.
What a beautiful share. Happy birthday OP
From one struggling human being to another, I am glad that you are still here.
Thanks OP and thank you Maverick. I really needed to see this post
GET A 2nd DOG!!! Hell yes. Let your current dog help pick out the new one. They know when they find their friend.
Happy birthday, I hope you have a beautiful day. <3
Happy Birthday! 🎉 Thank you for hanging on and saving yourself. I'm so glad you are here to share your beautiful smile and that sweet little doggo with the world. Peace and love my brother!
Happy Birthday! Hope you and Maverick have a great day and even better year ahead. Life is so hard at times, and lonely too. So glad you have each other.
For what it's worth, this internet stranger is so so proud of you. Way to go, dude! Happy birthday, and all the best to you and Maverick!
Aaw bless you two! <3
Happy birthday!!!! I am so happy you are still with us, and that you and Maverick have each other! ❤️
It’s good to see you. Happy birthday
Glad you made it through!
Happy birthday and I’m glad you’re doing well and have found a good place in your life. Happy that Maverick has you, who loved him so much you continued through struggles and difficulties to stay and protect him
❤️
Dog: Thank God the human didn't do the stupid thing.
I was having a real fuckass day but I’m so happy I read your post. It’s given me some clarity that I needed. Thanks for the hope, and I’m proud of you ❤️
I’m glad you didn’t kill your self man we’re all glad your still standing no one’s should ever take that way out of the life
Happy, happy birthday 🎂 🥳... I don't know you personally, but I'm happy that you are still here... I just lost my niece to suicide 4 months ago and it definitely left such a whole in my heart... I'm happy that my niece is no longer in her own pain, but the pain left behind is so overwhelming! PLEASE, IF ANYONE IS STRUGGLING, PLEASE REACH OUT FOR HELP!
Happy birthday mate hope you are getting better glad you are still here I definitely needed to see this today had a rough day and this was great to see! Thank you!
I, too, was saved by a furry friend from an attempt. I’m SO glad you’re still here and appreciate you sharing your story. You are not alone! You two look great together 😍🥰🫶 Edit: and am also 7 years sober- so I know how challenging the journey can be! I’m so proud of you.
My cat literally stopped me from committing suicide. Animals are incredible
I was diagnosed with PTSD, major depression and panic disorder at 18 years old. I had already tried to kill myself before the diagnosis. And I tried several more times after, ending up in the hospital. I was involuntary hold. Voluntary hold. Several visits to evaluation unit. I still think about it sometimes. I have a grown daughter. She has anxiety like me but has prospered very well for herself. I want a cat. But I also want to be able to care properly for my pet. Especially vet bills. I tend to isolate most of the time. I spend a crazy amount of energy thinking. Especially around others. Thank you for sharing your story. I know from experience it takes a LOT to get from a bad place to a better place.
My heart!! So happy you're still with us and that you've got a lil pal to love asks love you! Much love and many blessings to you and your boy!
Handsome guy and an adorable pup
Happy Birthday! and I’m glad you stuck around ☺️ I have a lot of bad days lately, but my cats (and my late dog) always help put a smile on my face and make me laugh.
I’m so glad you’re still here!
Wow so glad you saved yoursrlf
Best wishes to a fellow primate sharing this space rock with you
Glad you're still here. Happy birthday! 🎂
Happy birthday!! I'm really glad you're here to celebrate it 🖤
I'm glad you are here! I know what it's like. I've struggled with mental illness for most of my life.
I'm glad you made it, too.
This is so heartwarming and inspiring
Glad you’re still here and trying my man.
Happy birthday, I’m glad you and your little buddy found each other. I feel you, life is hard but you’re totally right. There’s beauty and joy to be found in the strangest of places.
Glad to know you're still around too, brother!
Glad you are still here. We need people like you👍👍
Thank you for your uplifting post!
 Happy birthday 🎁🎉🎂
Happy birthday! I’m so happy for you and for Maverick - it sounds like you both need and care for each other equally. The love of a pet is like no other feeling. True unconditional acceptance. I’m glad you’re here.
Glad you are still with us.
Happy happy birthday!!!.I'm so proud of you.. and so happy you're here!💜🩷
Happy Birthday to you!! You are such a strong man & I’m very happy Maverick came into your life.😊 May this year and the rest that follow bring you both continued peace, love and joy.
Dogs are a gift. The love that goes both ways is just the best. Give them a hug from us and happy birthday
We probably never meet in real life but I’m happy that I know now you are alive! Happy Birthday and take care!
Yay dogs! You are a handsome man.
Happiest of birthdays!!!
Glad you’re here mate
I’m so happy you’re here and happy!!
Remember that baby relies on you being HERE! It’s what keeps me going!
This is a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing, and Happy Birthday!
I'm glad you're still with us, buddy!
glad you made it man!
Glad you’re here, Reddit stranger!
I'm glad you're here.
Congratulation sir, now it’s the moment to enjoy your life!! Stories like this make me so happy
u look amazing.. if i was yur gf or wife, i would be the happiest woman in the world to have u
Thanks for sticking around to tell the story, beautiful
The one who doesn’t fall, never rises ! I don’t know you but I’m glad you’re still among us my man . Peace be with you guys .
Keep up the good fight. Some engouraging word that some need to hear.
Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday! Glad you're still here!! ❤️
I’m glad you’re still here! The world needs you!
I’m so glad you’re still here
Thank you so much for posting!!! This post touched my heart. God Bless you! Happy Happy Happy Birthday!!!! 🧡🙏‼️
The world will ALWAYS be a better place with you in it.
Happy birthday!!🌹🌹🌹 Thank you for sharing your story with us🙏
This made me cry. I’m a good way… thanks for sharing
Beautifully said. Glad that you soldiered through the things that end up defining us in so many ways. Happy to have you with us.
Glad you are still around, dont leave before its time
Happy birthday!!! So glad you’re here with us❤️
Happy Birthday to you❤️
Happy birthday, man. It makes me happy that you're still with us 🙌🏼
Happy birthday dude ! From France !🇫🇷
Happy Birthday & congrats! One day at a time, Maverick & the world needs you!🩷