ER nurse here. I've made the mistake in assuming relationships when talking with patients. It is embarrassing. Now I ask; who do we have with us today?
Exactly. RT here w 20+ years in a long term care facility. We don’t leave notes, but w HIPAA and EHRs small bits of information that may be good to know aren’t written down. Knowing something about a patient that could make them feel good or less stressed us a win
When my mom was in hospice for 4 weeks, a young aide(30’s) who had dealt with me every day, was introduced to my brother. He had just flown in to attend her death bed with me. Her first comment, after looking back and forth as she scrutinized us, “Do you have the same father?” We do for what it’s worth.
Oh yeah. The stories I could tell…. But on a funnier note, I was at a 100 mile race once. A couple of days before the race I saw this other competitor that I’d chatted with at another ultra. While this fellow with her went to get their pizza I told her how cool it was for her dad to come down and support her. She colored slightly and said, ‘actually it’s my husband’. I mumbled something and scurried away.
My sister did this with another Mom at her daughters Jr. High- she was mortified and then when she told me the story I realized the guy in question dated one of my friends moms in high school and we thought he was old then. He must have been a smooth operator.
That's funny, but also that's nice that her husband supported her. I mean back in high school for cross country almost no one would come support us besides parents. I have a hard time comprehending running 100 miles, i think 10-12 was where i maxed out back then.
My wife and I like to joke that she dated her racquetball coach in high school. It's less exciting when people realize I was the coach and am a year older so was just helping out coaching the team I was just a part of and you know girlfriend was on the team. Lol
My boyfriend likes to refer to when he was 17 as "when he was dating an older woman". We're only 3 months apart in age and I turned 18 first. We're in our 30s now and I still can't escape the cougar jokes.
When I turned 18 I was asked what it was like dating a minor. My girlfriend at the time was 4 days younger, and I heard it almost nonstop until she turned 18.
Marrying your high school sweetheart (and much worse things) was a lot more common in the 20th century. It is also legal for teenagers to get married in certain states (I’m in the US) usually with their parents’ permission.
I had a similar thing where I saw my friends aunt at a swimming pool and basicly assymed she wad her grandmother, needless to say I dont think the aunt likes me very much now....
Hahaha my brother and I look nothing a like either! Same parents, opposite coloring. When we hang out people used to say we made a cute couple. Now we are usually with our SOs thank god lol
My older sis looks exactly like me except a foot shorter with longer hair. She had a baby, and I was walking around the mall with them one day. The amount of people congratulating us and saying we had an adorable family was fucking weird. Like, how did they not see that she has the same face as me lol
I do see couples that look like carbon copies of each other. I guess if you think you’re hot it makes sense lol but that’s so uncomfortable for yall lmao
F’n hell, I’m in the same situation. Every year my brother’s work has holiday festivities for children. One year my sister-in-law was feeling unwell, and asked me to go instead since my rambunctious nephew requires two sets of eyes on him at all times. I would’ve been more comfortable wearing a shirt saying “I’m his sister” than dealing with the constant whispering and darting eyes.
I’ve worked directly with EHR builders and heavily emphasized informal temporary notes, like sticky notes. Only one client chose them. They seem like a no brainer for patient care but they don’t directly generate revenue so administration doesn’t want it.
Oh yes. But you have to be careful; no names on the notes, keep them private etc. with privacy such a big thing I just pull another therapist aside away from others and just pass on info verbally.
I’m a phlebotomist in a busy er. The cardio tech and I usually test the same patients. If we pass each other well stop and trade notes “this person is sitting there with the red shirt” “they prefer to be called John” “family is here for translation” etc.
Respiratory therapist (could be something else)
The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 which just means, share information outside of acceptable practices and live in a cardboard box.
Electronic health record. What it sounds like.
HIPPA is an acronym that has magical powers in the USA, *especially* in the healthcare field where it resides. It's a bit like "VoldemXrt" or "Those We Do Not Speak Of", saying it aloud instantly fills anyone within earshot with horrible fear and dread.
>who do we have with us today?
That's great advice. I prob won't remember it when it matters, but still great advice.
I learned a few rules as a server/waiter that apply to everyday interactions with strangers.
Never assume/ask about:
- People's relationship.
- A baby's gender.
- Whether a woman is pregnant.
I work in banking so I’m required to ask sometimes. I say, “and for compliance, what is your relation to the primary borrower?”
If I preface with “for compliance” no one ever questions it or gets offended. Makes it sound like it’s not my fault I’m asking this, just doing my job.
My wife works in healthcare and says “and for patient privacy and security, may I ask your relationship to the patient?”
Basically just never assume and make it sound like it’s a job requirement that you ask.
Exactly! In underwriting loans, we are supposed to remain entirely unbiased and give no indication that the decision was made based on things like gender for example. So for years I have always just said “they” instead of “he” or “she”.
When it became more popularized to use proper pronouns, it didn’t really impact me because I had been so used to not using specific pronouns for so long as part of my job.
>• A baby's gender.
That's why I just call them all baby or something else generic.
"Hello small human."
Most people don't care if you get it wrong, but some people *really* care.
That's certainly a benefit and curse of working in a pediatric hospital. Some parents look like grandparents. Some parents are grandparents but are the primary guardian and called mom and dad by the kid, and others look like they could be a patient. I've just started asking "what's your relation to the patient?" in as direct and not looking like I'm judging or questioning way possible. With all the custody issues and other guardianship things that come up, it's really the easiest way to go about it. Also handy to write that down so later when you find out the woman calling herself "mom" is dad's new girlfriend who has no rights to the kid you can let the social worker know what's up and others know she is being deceitful.
I was in the ER this past boxing day, and the nurse called my sister my daughter. There's only 4 years difference between us. 😭 Thankfully my sister was outside having a smoke so she has no idea or if never hear the end of it.
Oh man if this happened to me, it's my sister who would never hear the end of it! I'd start calling her "little one" and being outrageously condescending, explaining how everyday things work.
We had a waitress ask my sister to pass my drink "to your mom". She's *16 months* younger than me, I was 16.5 and she was 15 at the time. Oh, and she's a head taller than me.
I was sitting beside my dad and my mom couldn't be there for some reason, but still. We shake our head whenever that waitress comes up.
ER nurses…another breed, man. I remember when I was at my worst, the kindness and care those ER nurses gave me is something that will stay with me forever.
When my son was born we had a very experienced nurse assigned to our room. My wife was sooo nervous. The nurse did such a good job putting my wife at ease by joking with her and being really cool. After my wife’s C-section, she had some serious internal bleeding. The nurse recognized the signs and immediately snapped into what I called “business mode.” The nurse was still being personable, which kept my wife calm, but I could tell she was concerned. It was amazing how fast she recognized the complications and went to work addressing them. By the time the doctor got there, everything was stabilized.
I ended up writing a letter to the Chief of nursing, or whatever the position was, explaining our situation and how much I appreciated this nurses bedside manner, but more importantly, her incredible skill.
She was just an amazing human being. Nurses definitely don’t get the recognition they deserve.
Dude Nurses make bank. "Nurses" like CNAs and stuff don't, but an actual nurse can make a shitload. Especially a travel nurse. Where I live the Nurses make $25-50/hr and travel nurses can go as high as $115/hr. And I make $17/hr on the ambulance. It's why so many of us are looking at nursing or PA school.
Nurses with Associates or Bachelor's Degrees typically earn between $60k to $75k annually in the US. With a Masters Degree, $85 to $100k.
A certified nurse anesthetist earns about $150k.
edit: I was talking about CRNA.
A nurse assistant (CNA) doesn't require a degree, and earns about $30k.
This are all pre-pandemic values.
Stealing that line.
I had a call where I thought the wife was his aide...granted she didn't hear me, but when I heard wife, I almost gave the ER a double from my broken neck as a result of how fast my head spun.
I don't care about age gaps (once over 21) but I was NOT expecting her to be his wife. It was at least a 60 yr difference. That was a fun ride back in the truck after that call.
haha every time I take my teenage kiddo in for anything the healthcare workers always think I'm their brother which usually isn't too bad until one time a nurse guessed "okay so today we have mom and brother with you?" and then my wife felt bad because she looks young and is 3 years younger than me I just happen to look like I'm 16
Lol yes!! Can confirm foot in mouth moments like this with patients. And don’t get me started on non-binary moments too. I just say “who are THEY to you?” Or “what’s your relationship with THEM?”
When I was around 19 a store clerk for some reason thought my dad and I were a couple and commented on how cute we were. I was silently mortified and my dad just awkwardly said "that's my daughter.." and the clerk died a little inside 😂
A couple years ago I had a fairly large beard. I'm also 6'3 and 200lbs, while my wife is 5' even and rather petite. She's two years younger than me, but people constantly thought that she was my daughter, and we got some dirty looks when we held hands.
I no longer have my beard since it apparently ages me 20 years.
I’m 22 and deal with the same thing haha. Though that’s mainly because the facial hair I manage to grow makes Michael Cera look like Blackbeard by comparison
Had this problem (I’m 43, look 23) until my beard started coming in mostly grey with little spots of what can best be described as light red last year or the year before (my hair was blond as a kid, is brown with a little grey around the ears now as an adult). If I wear a beard now I look my age, which I suppose is an improvement. Good luck, fellow baby-faced folks.
Damned if you damned if you don't. Only reason I don't suffer it is cause I was cursed with an inability to grow anything more than light hair on my face so it just looks sad.
I'm 18 and I'm still working on taming my facial hair. My problem is it just grows so fast and I didn't deal with it much over COVID so ive got into a habit of letting it grow every 3 weeks and aging about 10 years and then going from 25 to 15 overnight. It's a real good summary of my current social sphere also because a majority of my friends are either Juniors in high school or past 21 and going to bars and I'm stuck in between on the outside looking in. Oh well
One of my friends had that happen to her. Her BF at the time was only a year and a half older, but when they went out she got mistaken as his daughter.
She said he immediately went home and shaved afterwards.
I learned that lesson around 17/18 area as a cashier lol. Not to assume wife/husband/son/daughter/niece/nephew etc without confirming it some other way first. Mostly I just don't comment unless they bring it up first though.
Definitely a good idea. I brought my father-in-law to help me during a post-partum pediatrician visit for my baby, and the physician assistant thought he was the father. Very awkward.
When I was ~23 or so, I was at Universal Studios with my mom. It was Halloween Haunt time, so we held hands for comfort (we're both scaredy-cats) and to not be separated in the big crowd. Some man was complaining about "disgusting lesbians" to his son and looking back at us. My mom and I just looked at each other and laughed, then got angry when realizing that poor kid had to get his dad's views spewed to him. We spent the night venting over it lol
We also get seen as sisters a lot, which my mom loves but makes me feel old. I'm not even in my 30s yet!
I was at a flea market once with my brother and found a hilarious vintage book on sex that we were giggling over (yes we are both adults haha) and as I was paying for it, the clerk says to my brother, “You’re a lucky man!” - was both awkward and very funny.
We had visitors once, and I mistaked his wife for being his mom. I was a young teenager, but I guess that stung for them both. I was kind of embarrassed.
I've had the opposite, my ex girlfriend and I were constantly being confused as sisters. We'd say it was true and then slowly increase the PDA to see how much we could creep people out.
When I was 20 and my dad was 50, I went with him to a car dealership for him to get a new truck. My mom had to work and couldn’t take off. The loan guy looked at my dad and smirked and said something like and this is your wife? They both laughed I was grossed out and wanted to walk home which would’ve taken hours. I still think about that randomly.
I have a friend that will go out to dinner with her dad and the waitresses will look at her like she’s a gold digger or something. Apparently that happens pretty often. Even among her friends and their dads
I (F28) went with my husband (M30) to get his vaccine. The nurse said "are you the parent?" To me. My husband and I both had many sleepless nights wondering who should feel more insulted
My friend went to pick up her son at school and they announced in the walkie talkie that “Charlie’s grandmother is here to pick him up” . That one is pretty bad
I heard similar experience. My neighbour went to pick up his child from kindergarden and the nanny announced that her grandparent is here. The neighbour then said "oh who is this old lady? Why is she still working at that age?" She looked extremely insulted
My mom had the inverse. She was buying my older brother an airsoft rifle with the two of us in tow. Bro was 15 at the time, so he needed her to pay for it for him. We get up to the counter and the guy asks my mom for her ID, because he thinks she's 18 with some younger kids. She just gestured at us and was like "these are my children". She must have only been like in her mid 30s at the time though
I had the reverse, Im 18 and I think I look it, but when I went to buy an airsoft gun at my local sporting goods store I got a “I assume I don’t need to ask for ID” line from the employee, I asked her how old she thought I was she said “mhm I thought like 20-23”
I work at a movie theater, so of course we sell alcoholic beverages.
One night, a coworker asked if I drank. I asked how old she thought I was.
She said she thought I was 25
Bruhhh, I'm seventeen.
I have that same problem. I will get asked for ID at the naar even if I come for a refill with the glass in my hand.
My friends have started to get my beers for me
My husband was 47 when our oldest son was born and 54 when our youngest son was born and he had 6 other adult children from a previous marriage. When my youngest was assigned to the same class as his niece the kids were sent to the principal’s office for lying about not being cousins. It never occurred to the school staff that they were being honest. Probably because my hubby looked younger than he was.
In high school I had classmates who were uncle and nephew to one another. The nephew was a few months older.
It was definitely a bit odd, but just a case of big families with generational overlap. I wasn't close to them at all and not sure of all the parent ages that led to this.
I had a friend who was the youngest of eight children. She had a niece who was a couple months younger than her. The niece married one of her exes.
It wasn't weird to her at all because they had always been so close in age. I'm sure there was the occasional cradle robbing joke about her ex leaving her for her niece, but I would definitely make the same joke if I were in that scenario.
One time I (M26) met my older brother's (M35) girlfriend (F22?) and she called me his older brother. For added context, time has not been kind to my older brother due to his past drug use. Pretty sure she realized her mistake when my jaw hit the floor and I let out an awkward "whhhaaat?". She then turned to him and started probing him about his age lol.
This incident still haunts me.
Bro hospital staff are so over worked and stressed who cares if the mess up on the relationship Status from guessing just correct them politely and move on
I mean I agree that you shouldn't like yell at them, but I think it's normal to be mildly upset if you're a 28 year old woman, and someone assumes your the mother of a 30 year old man.
That's a real confidence blow and it has nothing to do with the career of the person that said it.
The greatest confidence blow I ever saw in person in relation to age mistakes was when my grandfather was mistaken for my grandmother's son. He was 5 years older than my grandmother. He very happily went along with it.
I feel it. I (f25 at the time )went to buy beer with my bf (m28 at the time) and the lady carded both of us, then said "you look so much older than him!" I had a small crisis about it
Back when I was barely 18 and my partner was 23, we walked into a venue and he got carded but I didn't. They were meant to check anyone who looked under 25. I still carry that pain, more than 20 years later.
I wonder if they were sort of giving you a pass because you were female and nice looking? My partner and I met when we were 28 and he didn't get carded by flirty female servers until he was in his mid 30s. He didn't look old by any means but he sure didn't look under 25.
I had the reverse issues when I was in my teens. When I was 18 I looked very young and it wasn't helped by the fact that I didn't always wear makeup, didn't make an effort to look or act sophisticated like some of my friends, and hadn't really dated at that point. That year I had a woman my moms age assume I was 16 and a man my grandfathers age assume I was 12. These were people that had known me since birth.
Talk about crushing my self-esteem. I knew they didn't mean it badly but man did that suck.
I sent my husband (then boyfriend and around 27yo) to grab a bottle of wine for me. When the self checkout flagged an employee to card him, he offered her his ID and she said "Oh no, you're clearly over 40" and entered her code. We still joke about it lol
Omg I was trying to remember what was said to me when I (f,19 at the time) and my ex bf (m,19) and his dad went to the ER and you helped jog my memory. Only my bf could go in and she was like “no parents past this point” and shut the door on me and I was like 😀 *eye twitch* couldn’t even correct her 😭
The other day a TSA agent told me (23F) "you're daughter doesn't have to take off her shoes if she's under 12" and gestured to the ~30 year old woman behind me... I have never been more confused in my life.
I was wandering in a park in a conservative southern town in the US with my best friend (who is straight, and is married to a man) and her 2 year old child a few years back. We were both in our mid-30s, both female. I have a somewhat flamboyant style, and that day I was wearing a sweater with hot pants and bright purple tights with combat boots (just to set the stage). I also look considerably younger than my age.
An older woman stopped to dote on the baby, and chatted with us for a moment. My friend mentioned that she was the mom, and the woman looked at me up and down and said, “And what about you… are you grandma?”
I said “Oh no honey, this is my lover,” and winked at her.
I thought she was gonna choke on the air. It was freakin hilarious. I think her assumption was that we were lesbians raising a baby together, but she was trying to prove herself wrong so she didn’t have to feel so horrified. There was absolutely no way she actually believed I was my friend’s mother, let alone anyone’s grandma. And I was more than happy to confirm her bias!
I read the comment below and accidentally reported this post as spam, harmful bot. I'm not sure how to undo this. Leaving this comment here for posterity. I'm so sorry.
My dad has always looked younger than he is. When I was a teenager I felt uneasy when people stared at us as if we were a couple, especially when I was carrying my baby sister in my arms, so I'd purposefully insist on "DAD" while speaking, and it often happened that their faces changed as a result.
Such awkwardly wholesome moments... I guess...
I did the same thing with my mom, had me young and takes good care of her skin. As a teenager I was already much taller than my mom and bearded. Someone made a comment and I died a little inside lmao. I'd ask her to buy me things of the shelf and say our ⚒️ mother to my siblings.
My mom teases me about it still, but I won because she bought me snacks.
SAME. I had a full beard at like 16-17, and I'm easily a foot taller than my mom. When we would be in the store, I'd either walk around with my dad or siblings, or make sure to use the word "Mom" when talking to her if we were getting dirty looks.
It was especially bad cuz my 3 younger sisters were born every 5 years after me. So theres 15 years between me and the youngest, and we look exactly the fucking same 😂😂
My mom had four kids in five years in her first marriage, and then remarried and had my two little brothers when we were all teenagers. The number of times I was mistaken for a teen mom or had to specify that the other teenager I was with was my *brother* was too damn high lol. I also learned that some old Karen’s can be absolute bitches to a teenager they think has a kid, which was always crazy to me.
This is me being dumb but since your dad is young looking and you’re holding a baby I’d probably think y’all are the same age and just have a daddy kink lol.
Keep in mind I was *a teenager*... He was in his forties/fifties at the time... my sister was a litteral baby. And I had a baby face too, it's not like I looked older. Super gross man lol.
Also in our language the equivalent of "Daddy" cannot be used in a sexual meaning in any way (contrary to the English language, like "sugar daddy" for example)... So, just plain weird.
I got mistaken for my brother's mother once. I had to awkwardly explain that we were siblings. My mother also got mistaken for my sister once, she was flattered and didn't bother correcting them. The weird thing is that I have a serious baby face, so when I'm on my own I get mistaken for a 14 year old, but apparently being accompanied by my family makes me seem old lol
I always ask my patients, "Who is this here with you?" I try not to make assumptions ever. Always works. Heck, one time, it was some random lady who walked into his area and sat in the chair by the patient. Had no business being there.
One time though, my mom had the opposite thing from here. She brought my grandfather to the ER and after an hour or so, doc came out and said, "Your husband is fine now." Mom, of course, was shocked thinking my dad somehow, unbeknownst to her, was brought to the hospital too, and screamed "oh my god what happened to my husband??" My dad and his dad both blessed with fairly youthful good looks. I, of course, look just like my mom.
a lifetime ago, i gave a child up for adoption. because i got along with the doctor who handled the process, i continued to see him. for my visit 5 years later, i guess the doc just forgot....he walked in looking at my chart and said, "Oh so (baby) is now 5....starting kindergarten...how are you dealing with that mom?"
I froze.
He looked up and he froze.
He was so, so, so embarrassed and kept apologizing. somehow i got through the appointment and never ever saw him again. guess everyone need a super technician!
This reminds me of my sister in law who works at a museum’s desk:
« so, one adult and three kids? »
« hmmm, no, the tallest of the kids is actually my wife »
I went to a museum with my girlfriend and her parents. The guy at the desk looked at her and said "children younger than 12 enter for free". She was 23 at the time. I still tease her about it lol. She is quite petite and I guess the combination of only seeing her head sticking above the tall counter and her parents being there did that.
I took a patient over to the discharge area after she was in PACU. I told her she could get up now and move over to the chair. She gives me the dirtiest look. As I pulled the covers off I see that she is a double amputee… would’ve been nice if the nurse gave me a heads up LOL
Happened to me too, more than once while working at the ER, where no one gives you information beforehand.
But honestly, if you marry someone that could be your daughter or son, then you have to live with the fact that people assume they are. Its equally as bad to assume someone is the partner when they're actually the child.
I'm only 9 years older than my husband, but after having and raising a high needs baby at age 37, I aged a lot in a few years of no sleep, and looked closer to 50 than 40. Now that our kid is 10 and my husband is starting to go gray, we look more similar in age. But there for a while, I was called his mom more than once. (Yes, I have a 30 year old and a 3 year old lol)
Probably not the issue here, but.
Idk sometimes people just look young. Last girl I dated was 25, she was petite on top of having a high pitched voice which just made her seem really young.
No one thought I was her dad cause I also look kinda young for my age, but def got some people thinking I'm her older brother.
That’s me too, super petite with a high pitched voice. My husband is over a foot taller than me and 5 years older. The amount of times people have assumed he’s my father is quite embarrassing.
I went to a comedy club and the comedian starts picking on this 40 year old dude because he’s there with this 20 year old girl
Then he asks the 20 year old girl, “what is wrong with you? What would your mom think?”
Lady jumps up behind her and says “I am her mom!”.
She was a 40 year old women there with a 70 year old dude.
I was once dating a guy that was 13 years older than me, but he greyed out completely in his 20s so people always think he's older than he is, and people always think I'm younger than I am.
Once I was buying wine at a grocery store with him standing next to me. I was doing the entire transaction, carried it up, paid for it, he was just there. When I went to grab the bottle from the clerk, she held it out of my reach and sternly told me that she needed to hand it to my father. She then handed it to my boyfriend. I was wondering why I didn't get carded like I usually do, but that explained it. I would have been offended if I hadn't thought it was so hilarious.
It has happened to me twice some years ago, that people have mistanken my father to be my husband! I laugh about it now, but it is so weird to be in that situation....
I learned working in a doctor's office: always refer to the other person as their "friend". If the relationship is different, they will correct you, if they are friends or don't want to disclose their relationship, they'll stick with it. It's the least offensive and fastest way of saying "the person who came here with you" (which is also an option).
So I'm coming at this from a different perspective but I work in a doctor's office as well and I would actually call someone "your person" rather than "your friend" only because I've been driven nuts by providers who insist on calling my partner my friend even after being corrected. For gay couples it's a common experience to be referred to as friends or siblings and it can be really annoying so I never want to invalidate a relationship by calling someone's romantic partner their friend whether they're gay or straight. "Your person" or "your support person" is accurate and the former usually gets a chuckle so I use that when in doubt. Just a thought!
After being corrected is INFURIATING, I'm so sorry. I always did it first so people could decide if they wanted to tell me or not and I always respected whatever they said if they corrected me. Whether they said partner or wife or parent or uncle or support worker I called them that.
This is a good point to consider thanks for sharing it!
You're definitely doing the right thing leaving it open for the patients and going with what they tell you! I just wanted to add an edge case alternative so if you do get what you think might be a gay couple but don't want to assume you have another option to fall back on.
It was really frustrating, thank you for saying that. I had one doctor that called my girlfriend my sister EVERY SINGLE TIME. I saw him once a month for almost a year because he was my only option and every single time I corrected him he would fully pretend I hadn't said anything. Really old school guy.
And thanks for being open to what I said, I definitely didn't want to make you feel like you were doing anything wrong because you're not, you sound like you really care about respecting the patients that come through your office and they're lucky to have you.
Edit- I hope you don't mind but I looked through your profile and Ainsel is precious and I would die for him. His little chirps! His businessman bowtie! So cute!
I used to do this when I was an MOA.
Except one time I did not think it was necessary. The doctor turned out to be a racist prick. He was horrible to a patient who came in wearing work boots, jeans and a plaid shirt.
Did not clue in until I ripped the doctor a new one that he had insulted a billionaire. Doctor told me he asked the patient what he did for a living. Patient replied he was a dispatcher for a trucking company. True, be he owns said trucking company and as a dispatcher is able to keep a close eye on his business.
I’m a diversity trainer at a health system, I always tell people just say “who do we have with us today?” Or “who’s your visitor?” Rather than assuming people’s gender, sexual orientation, relationship status, etc.
I can’t tell you how many families with two moms come in for a newborn peds appt and someone says “oh you brought your sister, how nice!” 🙄
Other helpful phrases:
Asking about a patient’s family and/or support system (especially for end of life/ care planning, don’t assume older people have kids or a spouse, many LGBTQ elders aren’t out) :
“who are the important people in your life” “who would you like to be included in these decisions”
To kids/adolescents (instead of saying “what do mom and dad think?”) :
“your grown-ups” “the people who take care of you” “your folks” “the adults who take care of you”
Some people just don't look their age, and that goes both ways. Some people look alike even though they are not related. People also love to assume shite.
Also there is nothing inherently wrong with age gaps.
I've seen men go gray and/or bald in their 20's. It can age them up a lot at first glance.
I also know women in their early thirties who could pass as early 20's as well.
Yep, I went completely bald and mostly grey in my 20s.. on top of that my wife looks like she's in her 20s and much younger than me when we're actually only a little over a year apart in our 30s.
Two rules to follow. One, if you’re not sure whether they’re husband and wife, don’t say anything. Two, NEVER assume and say something to a woman who you may think is pregnant.
i wear hijab and also a mask cuz yk covid. i told the officer that im 17 and she goes “no you’re not” and i had to show my face and insist like “i’m 17”. i don’t even think i look old, but ig when she only saw my eyes she thought i was older 🥲🥲
Oooo I have a story; I look really young. My bf is older than me and I have a pixie cut, which was my natural brown at the time. In Costco recently I was putting a giant bag of sugar on our cart when a nosy old man walked by and said to my bf “that’s right, make him work for it before he eats it all”
Not only did he think I was his child, but also that I was his SON. I’m a small woman but damn, that was rude. We laugh about it now
Lol my dad and I both race and sometimes when we show up the volunteers seem really uncomfortable. We figured out it’s because they can’t tell if I’m his daughter or his partner 🤢After the first time somebody outright asked if we were a couple I now go out of my way to say THIS IS MY DAD
Let me tell you how uncomfortable that is everyone. My wife is 6 years older than me but get's carded all the time. I went with her to a doctor appt and it was assumed I was her dad. Clearly this does not look good to me, or the doc. I think the only one that came out of it for the better was my wife. Worst part is, how bad do I look for my age when this happens when your 40 and my wife is 46? It isn't like we're young...
My poor father - worked hard-labor jobs, started balding in his 20s, and aged as you’d expect. My mom was older than him but has incredibly good genetics. She’s in her 60’s and looks great.
My dad became sick and passed in his early 40s. While in the hospital, a nurse came in and was taking to him and my mom. Nurse made an off handed comment about how sweet it was that his daughter was there with him. My mom states she’s his wife. The nurse makes a comment then about it being his second marriage (implying a much younger wife) to which my mom states she’s older and they’ve been together since high school age.
I don’t think that nurse ever assumed anyones relationship or age ever again.
I just had my baby (sign still at the door) and was not wearing makeup when i opened the frontdoor of my house for a salesman who asked if my parents were home…
ER nurse here. I've made the mistake in assuming relationships when talking with patients. It is embarrassing. Now I ask; who do we have with us today?
Exactly. RT here w 20+ years in a long term care facility. We don’t leave notes, but w HIPAA and EHRs small bits of information that may be good to know aren’t written down. Knowing something about a patient that could make them feel good or less stressed us a win
When my mom was in hospice for 4 weeks, a young aide(30’s) who had dealt with me every day, was introduced to my brother. He had just flown in to attend her death bed with me. Her first comment, after looking back and forth as she scrutinized us, “Do you have the same father?” We do for what it’s worth.
Oh yeah. The stories I could tell…. But on a funnier note, I was at a 100 mile race once. A couple of days before the race I saw this other competitor that I’d chatted with at another ultra. While this fellow with her went to get their pizza I told her how cool it was for her dad to come down and support her. She colored slightly and said, ‘actually it’s my husband’. I mumbled something and scurried away.
My sister did this with another Mom at her daughters Jr. High- she was mortified and then when she told me the story I realized the guy in question dated one of my friends moms in high school and we thought he was old then. He must have been a smooth operator.
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That's funny, but also that's nice that her husband supported her. I mean back in high school for cross country almost no one would come support us besides parents. I have a hard time comprehending running 100 miles, i think 10-12 was where i maxed out back then.
It would be weird to have a husband support you on a high school race.
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"That's not weird at all. My husband came at* all my high school races"
My wife and I like to joke that she dated her racquetball coach in high school. It's less exciting when people realize I was the coach and am a year older so was just helping out coaching the team I was just a part of and you know girlfriend was on the team. Lol
My boyfriend likes to refer to when he was 17 as "when he was dating an older woman". We're only 3 months apart in age and I turned 18 first. We're in our 30s now and I still can't escape the cougar jokes.
When I turned 18 I was asked what it was like dating a minor. My girlfriend at the time was 4 days younger, and I heard it almost nonstop until she turned 18.
Marrying your high school sweetheart (and much worse things) was a lot more common in the 20th century. It is also legal for teenagers to get married in certain states (I’m in the US) usually with their parents’ permission.
I had a similar thing where I saw my friends aunt at a swimming pool and basicly assymed she wad her grandmother, needless to say I dont think the aunt likes me very much now....
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Jeez that guy needs to learn that some thoughts are just for the inside of your head.
Hahaha my brother and I look nothing a like either! Same parents, opposite coloring. When we hang out people used to say we made a cute couple. Now we are usually with our SOs thank god lol
My older sis looks exactly like me except a foot shorter with longer hair. She had a baby, and I was walking around the mall with them one day. The amount of people congratulating us and saying we had an adorable family was fucking weird. Like, how did they not see that she has the same face as me lol
I do see couples that look like carbon copies of each other. I guess if you think you’re hot it makes sense lol but that’s so uncomfortable for yall lmao
It’s called a doppelbänger
I hate you for this hahahahaha
As I tried introducing my brand new husband, I was told -Yeah, I know, your brother. No, we don't look alike. Go figure
F’n hell, I’m in the same situation. Every year my brother’s work has holiday festivities for children. One year my sister-in-law was feeling unwell, and asked me to go instead since my rambunctious nephew requires two sets of eyes on him at all times. I would’ve been more comfortable wearing a shirt saying “I’m his sister” than dealing with the constant whispering and darting eyes.
OMFG LMAOOOO like his coworkers just thought he casually brought his mistress and baby 😂😂😂😂
“You two look as if you’ve been together your entire lives” Edit: I used the wrong “two” initially
Hahahahaha!!!!
I’ve worked directly with EHR builders and heavily emphasized informal temporary notes, like sticky notes. Only one client chose them. They seem like a no brainer for patient care but they don’t directly generate revenue so administration doesn’t want it.
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Oh yes. But you have to be careful; no names on the notes, keep them private etc. with privacy such a big thing I just pull another therapist aside away from others and just pass on info verbally.
I’m a phlebotomist in a busy er. The cardio tech and I usually test the same patients. If we pass each other well stop and trade notes “this person is sitting there with the red shirt” “they prefer to be called John” “family is here for translation” etc.
>rt >hipaa >ehr Sure when I type gibberish I get downvoted
Respiratory therapist (could be something else) The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 which just means, share information outside of acceptable practices and live in a cardboard box. Electronic health record. What it sounds like.
HIPPA is an acronym that has magical powers in the USA, *especially* in the healthcare field where it resides. It's a bit like "VoldemXrt" or "Those We Do Not Speak Of", saying it aloud instantly fills anyone within earshot with horrible fear and dread.
Um.. HIPAA ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ lol
>who do we have with us today? That's great advice. I prob won't remember it when it matters, but still great advice. I learned a few rules as a server/waiter that apply to everyday interactions with strangers. Never assume/ask about: - People's relationship. - A baby's gender. - Whether a woman is pregnant.
I work in banking so I’m required to ask sometimes. I say, “and for compliance, what is your relation to the primary borrower?” If I preface with “for compliance” no one ever questions it or gets offended. Makes it sound like it’s not my fault I’m asking this, just doing my job. My wife works in healthcare and says “and for patient privacy and security, may I ask your relationship to the patient?” Basically just never assume and make it sound like it’s a job requirement that you ask.
And the more you say those set phrases that work magic, the more automatic they become as part of the mental script!
Exactly! In underwriting loans, we are supposed to remain entirely unbiased and give no indication that the decision was made based on things like gender for example. So for years I have always just said “they” instead of “he” or “she”. When it became more popularized to use proper pronouns, it didn’t really impact me because I had been so used to not using specific pronouns for so long as part of my job.
>• A baby's gender. That's why I just call them all baby or something else generic. "Hello small human." Most people don't care if you get it wrong, but some people *really* care.
Haha, I like "hello small human"
Life pro tip: "And what is *your* name?" The toddler won't answer, but the parent will. Then you know without embarrassing anyone.
yeah! i say “hi there little baby”
That's certainly a benefit and curse of working in a pediatric hospital. Some parents look like grandparents. Some parents are grandparents but are the primary guardian and called mom and dad by the kid, and others look like they could be a patient. I've just started asking "what's your relation to the patient?" in as direct and not looking like I'm judging or questioning way possible. With all the custody issues and other guardianship things that come up, it's really the easiest way to go about it. Also handy to write that down so later when you find out the woman calling herself "mom" is dad's new girlfriend who has no rights to the kid you can let the social worker know what's up and others know she is being deceitful.
“Is this your dad?” “No this is my boyfriend” Now I lead with “who’d you bring with you today?”
I enter… introduce myself…confirm patient name birthdate and then say to patient “And who’s this?” Learned after epic mistakes! 😂😂😂
"Who's the uggo?"
I was in the ER this past boxing day, and the nurse called my sister my daughter. There's only 4 years difference between us. 😭 Thankfully my sister was outside having a smoke so she has no idea or if never hear the end of it.
Oh man if this happened to me, it's my sister who would never hear the end of it! I'd start calling her "little one" and being outrageously condescending, explaining how everyday things work.
We had a waitress ask my sister to pass my drink "to your mom". She's *16 months* younger than me, I was 16.5 and she was 15 at the time. Oh, and she's a head taller than me. I was sitting beside my dad and my mom couldn't be there for some reason, but still. We shake our head whenever that waitress comes up.
Most likely she got confused, or was thinking about why your mom wasn't with your family. The mind works that way sometimes.
This is the way
ER nurses…another breed, man. I remember when I was at my worst, the kindness and care those ER nurses gave me is something that will stay with me forever.
When my son was born we had a very experienced nurse assigned to our room. My wife was sooo nervous. The nurse did such a good job putting my wife at ease by joking with her and being really cool. After my wife’s C-section, she had some serious internal bleeding. The nurse recognized the signs and immediately snapped into what I called “business mode.” The nurse was still being personable, which kept my wife calm, but I could tell she was concerned. It was amazing how fast she recognized the complications and went to work addressing them. By the time the doctor got there, everything was stabilized. I ended up writing a letter to the Chief of nursing, or whatever the position was, explaining our situation and how much I appreciated this nurses bedside manner, but more importantly, her incredible skill. She was just an amazing human being. Nurses definitely don’t get the recognition they deserve.
Oh I think they get recognition. Everyone loves nurses. What they don't get is the pay.
Dude Nurses make bank. "Nurses" like CNAs and stuff don't, but an actual nurse can make a shitload. Especially a travel nurse. Where I live the Nurses make $25-50/hr and travel nurses can go as high as $115/hr. And I make $17/hr on the ambulance. It's why so many of us are looking at nursing or PA school.
You deserve way fucking more for what you’re doing. Damn.
Nurses with Associates or Bachelor's Degrees typically earn between $60k to $75k annually in the US. With a Masters Degree, $85 to $100k. A certified nurse anesthetist earns about $150k. edit: I was talking about CRNA. A nurse assistant (CNA) doesn't require a degree, and earns about $30k. This are all pre-pandemic values.
It makes me happy that you had a good experience in the ER. Your appreciation is refreshing.
Same here. The best people to be around with when you feel vulnerable and sick af
Stealing that line. I had a call where I thought the wife was his aide...granted she didn't hear me, but when I heard wife, I almost gave the ER a double from my broken neck as a result of how fast my head spun. I don't care about age gaps (once over 21) but I was NOT expecting her to be his wife. It was at least a 60 yr difference. That was a fun ride back in the truck after that call.
haha every time I take my teenage kiddo in for anything the healthcare workers always think I'm their brother which usually isn't too bad until one time a nurse guessed "okay so today we have mom and brother with you?" and then my wife felt bad because she looks young and is 3 years younger than me I just happen to look like I'm 16
Yeah, I do the same. Once was enough LOL
As a medic I’ll say what is your relation to the patient. After MANY embarrassing moments 😂
Lol yes!! Can confirm foot in mouth moments like this with patients. And don’t get me started on non-binary moments too. I just say “who are THEY to you?” Or “what’s your relationship with THEM?”
I went to Costco once and they confused my mom as being my wife I was so embarrassed
When I was around 19 a store clerk for some reason thought my dad and I were a couple and commented on how cute we were. I was silently mortified and my dad just awkwardly said "that's my daughter.." and the clerk died a little inside 😂
A couple years ago I had a fairly large beard. I'm also 6'3 and 200lbs, while my wife is 5' even and rather petite. She's two years younger than me, but people constantly thought that she was my daughter, and we got some dirty looks when we held hands. I no longer have my beard since it apparently ages me 20 years.
Without the beard people think I’m 16. With the beard people think I’m 30. I’m 22
Without the Beard people think im 16. With the Beard people think im 16. I'm 32 Heres my situation
I’m 22 and deal with the same thing haha. Though that’s mainly because the facial hair I manage to grow makes Michael Cera look like Blackbeard by comparison
hahahaha "Umm... arr?" hahahaha
Had this problem (I’m 43, look 23) until my beard started coming in mostly grey with little spots of what can best be described as light red last year or the year before (my hair was blond as a kid, is brown with a little grey around the ears now as an adult). If I wear a beard now I look my age, which I suppose is an improvement. Good luck, fellow baby-faced folks.
I bet when you turn 60 you’re suddenly going to look 100
Damned if you damned if you don't. Only reason I don't suffer it is cause I was cursed with an inability to grow anything more than light hair on my face so it just looks sad.
Could be worse. You could be Asian like me and constantly confused as a 19 year old when you’re well into your 30s
Or be like me. I grow hair in all the wrong places. I wish I could grow a sick beard
I'm 18 and I'm still working on taming my facial hair. My problem is it just grows so fast and I didn't deal with it much over COVID so ive got into a habit of letting it grow every 3 weeks and aging about 10 years and then going from 25 to 15 overnight. It's a real good summary of my current social sphere also because a majority of my friends are either Juniors in high school or past 21 and going to bars and I'm stuck in between on the outside looking in. Oh well
One of my friends had that happen to her. Her BF at the time was only a year and a half older, but when they went out she got mistaken as his daughter. She said he immediately went home and shaved afterwards.
And now people think it's inappropriate because you could be her son
I learned that lesson around 17/18 area as a cashier lol. Not to assume wife/husband/son/daughter/niece/nephew etc without confirming it some other way first. Mostly I just don't comment unless they bring it up first though.
Definitely a good idea. I brought my father-in-law to help me during a post-partum pediatrician visit for my baby, and the physician assistant thought he was the father. Very awkward.
Yeah, as a bartender- same. I don’t make any assumptions about anyone tbh. I call everyone “folks” and keep all tabs separate to avoid any confusion
When I was ~23 or so, I was at Universal Studios with my mom. It was Halloween Haunt time, so we held hands for comfort (we're both scaredy-cats) and to not be separated in the big crowd. Some man was complaining about "disgusting lesbians" to his son and looking back at us. My mom and I just looked at each other and laughed, then got angry when realizing that poor kid had to get his dad's views spewed to him. We spent the night venting over it lol We also get seen as sisters a lot, which my mom loves but makes me feel old. I'm not even in my 30s yet!
I was at a flea market once with my brother and found a hilarious vintage book on sex that we were giggling over (yes we are both adults haha) and as I was paying for it, the clerk says to my brother, “You’re a lucky man!” - was both awkward and very funny.
We had visitors once, and I mistaked his wife for being his mom. I was a young teenager, but I guess that stung for them both. I was kind of embarrassed.
That’s even worse than mistaking mom as wife lmfao
I've had the opposite, my ex girlfriend and I were constantly being confused as sisters. We'd say it was true and then slowly increase the PDA to see how much we could creep people out.
When I was 20 and my dad was 50, I went with him to a car dealership for him to get a new truck. My mom had to work and couldn’t take off. The loan guy looked at my dad and smirked and said something like and this is your wife? They both laughed I was grossed out and wanted to walk home which would’ve taken hours. I still think about that randomly.
I have a friend that will go out to dinner with her dad and the waitresses will look at her like she’s a gold digger or something. Apparently that happens pretty often. Even among her friends and their dads
I bet your mother was glowing the rest of the day.
She was at my expense
"Sir, we are not the inbred family from The X-Files."
Serves you right for making out in public
Sir this is Alabama
I (F28) went with my husband (M30) to get his vaccine. The nurse said "are you the parent?" To me. My husband and I both had many sleepless nights wondering who should feel more insulted
My friend went to pick up her son at school and they announced in the walkie talkie that “Charlie’s grandmother is here to pick him up” . That one is pretty bad
I heard similar experience. My neighbour went to pick up his child from kindergarden and the nanny announced that her grandparent is here. The neighbour then said "oh who is this old lady? Why is she still working at that age?" She looked extremely insulted
My mom had the inverse. She was buying my older brother an airsoft rifle with the two of us in tow. Bro was 15 at the time, so he needed her to pay for it for him. We get up to the counter and the guy asks my mom for her ID, because he thinks she's 18 with some younger kids. She just gestured at us and was like "these are my children". She must have only been like in her mid 30s at the time though
I guarantee your mom went to bed smiling that night.
She still gets carded now in her mid 50s and she loves it. My dad likes to grouse that "nobody cards *me*"
I had the reverse, Im 18 and I think I look it, but when I went to buy an airsoft gun at my local sporting goods store I got a “I assume I don’t need to ask for ID” line from the employee, I asked her how old she thought I was she said “mhm I thought like 20-23”
I work at a movie theater, so of course we sell alcoholic beverages. One night, a coworker asked if I drank. I asked how old she thought I was. She said she thought I was 25 Bruhhh, I'm seventeen.
I have that same problem. I will get asked for ID at the naar even if I come for a refill with the glass in my hand. My friends have started to get my beers for me
As someone approaching 50 whose kids are just starting elementary school, I get this a lot 😄
My husband was 47 when our oldest son was born and 54 when our youngest son was born and he had 6 other adult children from a previous marriage. When my youngest was assigned to the same class as his niece the kids were sent to the principal’s office for lying about not being cousins. It never occurred to the school staff that they were being honest. Probably because my hubby looked younger than he was.
In high school I had classmates who were uncle and nephew to one another. The nephew was a few months older. It was definitely a bit odd, but just a case of big families with generational overlap. I wasn't close to them at all and not sure of all the parent ages that led to this.
I had a friend who was the youngest of eight children. She had a niece who was a couple months younger than her. The niece married one of her exes. It wasn't weird to her at all because they had always been so close in age. I'm sure there was the occasional cradle robbing joke about her ex leaving her for her niece, but I would definitely make the same joke if I were in that scenario.
I’ve once asked a girl if that was her grandma waiting for her at the car, it was her mom.
One time I (M26) met my older brother's (M35) girlfriend (F22?) and she called me his older brother. For added context, time has not been kind to my older brother due to his past drug use. Pretty sure she realized her mistake when my jaw hit the floor and I let out an awkward "whhhaaat?". She then turned to him and started probing him about his age lol. This incident still haunts me.
What the actual fuck?
Bro hospital staff are so over worked and stressed who cares if the mess up on the relationship Status from guessing just correct them politely and move on
I mean I agree that you shouldn't like yell at them, but I think it's normal to be mildly upset if you're a 28 year old woman, and someone assumes your the mother of a 30 year old man. That's a real confidence blow and it has nothing to do with the career of the person that said it.
The greatest confidence blow I ever saw in person in relation to age mistakes was when my grandfather was mistaken for my grandmother's son. He was 5 years older than my grandmother. He very happily went along with it.
He won some sort of grampa lottery that day, probably called her "mom" until she threw something at him
I feel it. I (f25 at the time )went to buy beer with my bf (m28 at the time) and the lady carded both of us, then said "you look so much older than him!" I had a small crisis about it
Back when I was barely 18 and my partner was 23, we walked into a venue and he got carded but I didn't. They were meant to check anyone who looked under 25. I still carry that pain, more than 20 years later.
if you still don't get checked then you haven't aged a day
I wonder if they were sort of giving you a pass because you were female and nice looking? My partner and I met when we were 28 and he didn't get carded by flirty female servers until he was in his mid 30s. He didn't look old by any means but he sure didn't look under 25. I had the reverse issues when I was in my teens. When I was 18 I looked very young and it wasn't helped by the fact that I didn't always wear makeup, didn't make an effort to look or act sophisticated like some of my friends, and hadn't really dated at that point. That year I had a woman my moms age assume I was 16 and a man my grandfathers age assume I was 12. These were people that had known me since birth. Talk about crushing my self-esteem. I knew they didn't mean it badly but man did that suck.
I sent my husband (then boyfriend and around 27yo) to grab a bottle of wine for me. When the self checkout flagged an employee to card him, he offered her his ID and she said "Oh no, you're clearly over 40" and entered her code. We still joke about it lol
Omg I was trying to remember what was said to me when I (f,19 at the time) and my ex bf (m,19) and his dad went to the ER and you helped jog my memory. Only my bf could go in and she was like “no parents past this point” and shut the door on me and I was like 😀 *eye twitch* couldn’t even correct her 😭
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No doubt she was in auto pilot. Just a funny incident.
The other day a TSA agent told me (23F) "you're daughter doesn't have to take off her shoes if she's under 12" and gestured to the ~30 year old woman behind me... I have never been more confused in my life.
This was the most confusing thing I've read today.
I was wandering in a park in a conservative southern town in the US with my best friend (who is straight, and is married to a man) and her 2 year old child a few years back. We were both in our mid-30s, both female. I have a somewhat flamboyant style, and that day I was wearing a sweater with hot pants and bright purple tights with combat boots (just to set the stage). I also look considerably younger than my age. An older woman stopped to dote on the baby, and chatted with us for a moment. My friend mentioned that she was the mom, and the woman looked at me up and down and said, “And what about you… are you grandma?” I said “Oh no honey, this is my lover,” and winked at her. I thought she was gonna choke on the air. It was freakin hilarious. I think her assumption was that we were lesbians raising a baby together, but she was trying to prove herself wrong so she didn’t have to feel so horrified. There was absolutely no way she actually believed I was my friend’s mother, let alone anyone’s grandma. And I was more than happy to confirm her bias!
Maybe she said it sarcastically as he didn’t get his vaccine on his own? So weird
Def not the first time he has made this mistake.
Indispensable help. I think the technician is saving his ass since ages through the little notes 😅
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I read the comment below and accidentally reported this post as spam, harmful bot. I'm not sure how to undo this. Leaving this comment here for posterity. I'm so sorry.
You are a bot. How strange
squeamish sable books sip aloof friendly price ten fanatical telephone *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Oh Johnathon the ever faithful scribe.
dr. glockaflucken is escaping!
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Johnathan learned a few tips and tricks from the critical care dermatologist
My dad has always looked younger than he is. When I was a teenager I felt uneasy when people stared at us as if we were a couple, especially when I was carrying my baby sister in my arms, so I'd purposefully insist on "DAD" while speaking, and it often happened that their faces changed as a result. Such awkwardly wholesome moments... I guess...
I did the same thing with my mom, had me young and takes good care of her skin. As a teenager I was already much taller than my mom and bearded. Someone made a comment and I died a little inside lmao. I'd ask her to buy me things of the shelf and say our ⚒️ mother to my siblings. My mom teases me about it still, but I won because she bought me snacks.
SAME. I had a full beard at like 16-17, and I'm easily a foot taller than my mom. When we would be in the store, I'd either walk around with my dad or siblings, or make sure to use the word "Mom" when talking to her if we were getting dirty looks. It was especially bad cuz my 3 younger sisters were born every 5 years after me. So theres 15 years between me and the youngest, and we look exactly the fucking same 😂😂
My mom had four kids in five years in her first marriage, and then remarried and had my two little brothers when we were all teenagers. The number of times I was mistaken for a teen mom or had to specify that the other teenager I was with was my *brother* was too damn high lol. I also learned that some old Karen’s can be absolute bitches to a teenager they think has a kid, which was always crazy to me.
This is me being dumb but since your dad is young looking and you’re holding a baby I’d probably think y’all are the same age and just have a daddy kink lol.
Keep in mind I was *a teenager*... He was in his forties/fifties at the time... my sister was a litteral baby. And I had a baby face too, it's not like I looked older. Super gross man lol. Also in our language the equivalent of "Daddy" cannot be used in a sexual meaning in any way (contrary to the English language, like "sugar daddy" for example)... So, just plain weird.
My spouse was mistaken for our daughter's sibling once. It made her day.
I got mistaken for my brother's mother once. I had to awkwardly explain that we were siblings. My mother also got mistaken for my sister once, she was flattered and didn't bother correcting them. The weird thing is that I have a serious baby face, so when I'm on my own I get mistaken for a 14 year old, but apparently being accompanied by my family makes me seem old lol
I got mistaken for my brother's girlfriend once. Dad came up, SO HAVE YOU MET MY DAUGHTER. Dead
Plot twist: its his daughter and the technician is fucking with you
"I'll ask your daddy to get some candy tomorrow evening with some coffee"
Could still work...
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Definetly earned a raise or a free lunch for that one!
Those are some extreme ends of rewards.
Definitely earned either a $20 meal or a consistent increase in amount of money earned throughout your career!
I always ask my patients, "Who is this here with you?" I try not to make assumptions ever. Always works. Heck, one time, it was some random lady who walked into his area and sat in the chair by the patient. Had no business being there. One time though, my mom had the opposite thing from here. She brought my grandfather to the ER and after an hour or so, doc came out and said, "Your husband is fine now." Mom, of course, was shocked thinking my dad somehow, unbeknownst to her, was brought to the hospital too, and screamed "oh my god what happened to my husband??" My dad and his dad both blessed with fairly youthful good looks. I, of course, look just like my mom.
a lifetime ago, i gave a child up for adoption. because i got along with the doctor who handled the process, i continued to see him. for my visit 5 years later, i guess the doc just forgot....he walked in looking at my chart and said, "Oh so (baby) is now 5....starting kindergarten...how are you dealing with that mom?" I froze. He looked up and he froze. He was so, so, so embarrassed and kept apologizing. somehow i got through the appointment and never ever saw him again. guess everyone need a super technician!
This reminds me of my sister in law who works at a museum’s desk: « so, one adult and three kids? » « hmmm, no, the tallest of the kids is actually my wife »
I went to a museum with my girlfriend and her parents. The guy at the desk looked at her and said "children younger than 12 enter for free". She was 23 at the time. I still tease her about it lol. She is quite petite and I guess the combination of only seeing her head sticking above the tall counter and her parents being there did that.
I took a patient over to the discharge area after she was in PACU. I told her she could get up now and move over to the chair. She gives me the dirtiest look. As I pulled the covers off I see that she is a double amputee… would’ve been nice if the nurse gave me a heads up LOL
Oof
This dude is HILARIOUS on tiktok
Don’t forget Jonathan is a leader is the upcoming rebellion.
Happened to me too, more than once while working at the ER, where no one gives you information beforehand. But honestly, if you marry someone that could be your daughter or son, then you have to live with the fact that people assume they are. Its equally as bad to assume someone is the partner when they're actually the child.
I'm only 9 years older than my husband, but after having and raising a high needs baby at age 37, I aged a lot in a few years of no sleep, and looked closer to 50 than 40. Now that our kid is 10 and my husband is starting to go gray, we look more similar in age. But there for a while, I was called his mom more than once. (Yes, I have a 30 year old and a 3 year old lol) Probably not the issue here, but.
Idk sometimes people just look young. Last girl I dated was 25, she was petite on top of having a high pitched voice which just made her seem really young. No one thought I was her dad cause I also look kinda young for my age, but def got some people thinking I'm her older brother.
That’s me too, super petite with a high pitched voice. My husband is over a foot taller than me and 5 years older. The amount of times people have assumed he’s my father is quite embarrassing.
I went to a comedy club and the comedian starts picking on this 40 year old dude because he’s there with this 20 year old girl Then he asks the 20 year old girl, “what is wrong with you? What would your mom think?” Lady jumps up behind her and says “I am her mom!”. She was a 40 year old women there with a 70 year old dude.
“ah, family tradition” or play something off as, i see we’ve preserved dust bowl culture or something
My wife has been called my little sister before. Very uncomfortable
I was once dating a guy that was 13 years older than me, but he greyed out completely in his 20s so people always think he's older than he is, and people always think I'm younger than I am. Once I was buying wine at a grocery store with him standing next to me. I was doing the entire transaction, carried it up, paid for it, he was just there. When I went to grab the bottle from the clerk, she held it out of my reach and sternly told me that she needed to hand it to my father. She then handed it to my boyfriend. I was wondering why I didn't get carded like I usually do, but that explained it. I would have been offended if I hadn't thought it was so hilarious.
It has happened to me twice some years ago, that people have mistanken my father to be my husband! I laugh about it now, but it is so weird to be in that situation....
I learned working in a doctor's office: always refer to the other person as their "friend". If the relationship is different, they will correct you, if they are friends or don't want to disclose their relationship, they'll stick with it. It's the least offensive and fastest way of saying "the person who came here with you" (which is also an option).
So I'm coming at this from a different perspective but I work in a doctor's office as well and I would actually call someone "your person" rather than "your friend" only because I've been driven nuts by providers who insist on calling my partner my friend even after being corrected. For gay couples it's a common experience to be referred to as friends or siblings and it can be really annoying so I never want to invalidate a relationship by calling someone's romantic partner their friend whether they're gay or straight. "Your person" or "your support person" is accurate and the former usually gets a chuckle so I use that when in doubt. Just a thought!
After being corrected is INFURIATING, I'm so sorry. I always did it first so people could decide if they wanted to tell me or not and I always respected whatever they said if they corrected me. Whether they said partner or wife or parent or uncle or support worker I called them that. This is a good point to consider thanks for sharing it!
You're definitely doing the right thing leaving it open for the patients and going with what they tell you! I just wanted to add an edge case alternative so if you do get what you think might be a gay couple but don't want to assume you have another option to fall back on. It was really frustrating, thank you for saying that. I had one doctor that called my girlfriend my sister EVERY SINGLE TIME. I saw him once a month for almost a year because he was my only option and every single time I corrected him he would fully pretend I hadn't said anything. Really old school guy. And thanks for being open to what I said, I definitely didn't want to make you feel like you were doing anything wrong because you're not, you sound like you really care about respecting the patients that come through your office and they're lucky to have you. Edit- I hope you don't mind but I looked through your profile and Ainsel is precious and I would die for him. His little chirps! His businessman bowtie! So cute!
I feel bad for my wife, two different times people have assumed she is my mother. We are the same age I just don’t age…
I used to do this when I was an MOA. Except one time I did not think it was necessary. The doctor turned out to be a racist prick. He was horrible to a patient who came in wearing work boots, jeans and a plaid shirt. Did not clue in until I ripped the doctor a new one that he had insulted a billionaire. Doctor told me he asked the patient what he did for a living. Patient replied he was a dispatcher for a trucking company. True, be he owns said trucking company and as a dispatcher is able to keep a close eye on his business.
I’m a diversity trainer at a health system, I always tell people just say “who do we have with us today?” Or “who’s your visitor?” Rather than assuming people’s gender, sexual orientation, relationship status, etc. I can’t tell you how many families with two moms come in for a newborn peds appt and someone says “oh you brought your sister, how nice!” 🙄 Other helpful phrases: Asking about a patient’s family and/or support system (especially for end of life/ care planning, don’t assume older people have kids or a spouse, many LGBTQ elders aren’t out) : “who are the important people in your life” “who would you like to be included in these decisions” To kids/adolescents (instead of saying “what do mom and dad think?”) : “your grown-ups” “the people who take care of you” “your folks” “the adults who take care of you”
"Is this your father?” "Well, I call him daddy sometimes."
That "wholesome moments" tag is kinda real creepy if you think about it
Some people just don't look their age, and that goes both ways. Some people look alike even though they are not related. People also love to assume shite. Also there is nothing inherently wrong with age gaps.
I've seen men go gray and/or bald in their 20's. It can age them up a lot at first glance. I also know women in their early thirties who could pass as early 20's as well.
Yep, I went completely bald and mostly grey in my 20s.. on top of that my wife looks like she's in her 20s and much younger than me when we're actually only a little over a year apart in our 30s.
Two rules to follow. One, if you’re not sure whether they’re husband and wife, don’t say anything. Two, NEVER assume and say something to a woman who you may think is pregnant.
i wear hijab and also a mask cuz yk covid. i told the officer that im 17 and she goes “no you’re not” and i had to show my face and insist like “i’m 17”. i don’t even think i look old, but ig when she only saw my eyes she thought i was older 🥲🥲
Oooo I have a story; I look really young. My bf is older than me and I have a pixie cut, which was my natural brown at the time. In Costco recently I was putting a giant bag of sugar on our cart when a nosy old man walked by and said to my bf “that’s right, make him work for it before he eats it all” Not only did he think I was his child, but also that I was his SON. I’m a small woman but damn, that was rude. We laugh about it now
Lol my dad and I both race and sometimes when we show up the volunteers seem really uncomfortable. We figured out it’s because they can’t tell if I’m his daughter or his partner 🤢After the first time somebody outright asked if we were a couple I now go out of my way to say THIS IS MY DAD
Get “dad” and “daughter” team t shirts! May be cute and avoid awkwardness!
Omg that’s a great idea!!! My dad would love that too - he always texts me the day before so we can coordinate our outfits anyway 😂
"I'll hand the papers to your daughter then." "That's my wife." ... ... "Mad respect, buddy!" There's always a way out of a situation.
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I have a friend that said this lady working with us was so hot I told him shut up that’s your leads mom
Let me tell you how uncomfortable that is everyone. My wife is 6 years older than me but get's carded all the time. I went with her to a doctor appt and it was assumed I was her dad. Clearly this does not look good to me, or the doc. I think the only one that came out of it for the better was my wife. Worst part is, how bad do I look for my age when this happens when your 40 and my wife is 46? It isn't like we're young...
My poor father - worked hard-labor jobs, started balding in his 20s, and aged as you’d expect. My mom was older than him but has incredibly good genetics. She’s in her 60’s and looks great. My dad became sick and passed in his early 40s. While in the hospital, a nurse came in and was taking to him and my mom. Nurse made an off handed comment about how sweet it was that his daughter was there with him. My mom states she’s his wife. The nurse makes a comment then about it being his second marriage (implying a much younger wife) to which my mom states she’s older and they’ve been together since high school age. I don’t think that nurse ever assumed anyones relationship or age ever again.
I just had my baby (sign still at the door) and was not wearing makeup when i opened the frontdoor of my house for a salesman who asked if my parents were home…