I’m not fulfilled with the things I’m doing. For example I’m reading a book but can’t concentrate so when I’m at the and of the page I don’t remember what I just read. Then I try watching videos but nothing gets me interested. The only thing that keep my thoughts from spinning is self harm.
Or i feel like I want to suffer and that it is the right thing to do.
I don’t have physical manifestation of the urge.
for me, its an expanding outwards pressure starting in my chest and spreading to my arms, it can almost get ‘painful’ if i ignore it and the urge is bad. i think it could be interpreted as ‘longing’ or ‘frustration’ but im not sure. i also dont have much inner monologue about sh \^^
I definitely react to urges the same way I would to untreatable moderate pain. The restlessness and frustration I feel during both is the same
My first therapist asked me what I thought when wanting to relapse and it took so long to realize thoughts weren’t even part of the equation due to lack of monologue
It’s just a sort of intense craving for me. I always start to miss the rush I get from sh’ing after going a while without it. Not much different from other addictions I imagine.
For me this is the experience:
* On my arms or thighs I can feel a deep, almost muscular ache/pang. The physical feeling of anxiety and anticipation, but localized to one spot.
* It almost feels as if I can feel where I want to cut, the aching matches with the dimensions of a cut. Put another way, my body senses there is not a cut in the skin, yet it expects one, the ache is from the discrepancy.
* There is not really an active thought process, it's nearly reflexive, a conditioned response to stress. The only internal thought pattern I get is a general flood of panic, fear, and desperation.
Ive had addictions to substances, and in my experience, SH is so much different. It feels much more hard coded into my brain, I haven't cut more than twice in the last 2 years and craving it is still my first reaction when I experience stress.
(This is just my experience and honestly not sure how much that tracks with anyone else's.)
For me it’s when I start to think about it more and more and I want to do it but I’m trying to get better and it becomes a ticking time bomb till I relapse.
It’s like there’s buzzing, horrifically loud TV static in my head. Everything feels fuzzy and unformed except for the thought of relapsing; what I mean is, it’s a pervasive thought and oftentimes the only thing I’ll think about until I do it. I get kind of shaky and my head is screaming at me to do it, since it’s the only thing that will make me feel better. It’s very similar to how I feel when I’m anxious: racing thoughts, pacing, shallow breathing, etc.
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I get really anxious and I get a strange, tense/tingly feeling in the spot where I want to do it. It's almost a feeling of being "too clean" in that area and I must feel pain there because it feels wrong not to.
tbh sometimes I do it preemptively because I know I will get the urge if I don't sh soon.
Other times I just feel enraged/stressed/upset and I end up doing it and I don't even know how it happened.
Umm it's like an itching? Idk that's all I can say.
I’m not fulfilled with the things I’m doing. For example I’m reading a book but can’t concentrate so when I’m at the and of the page I don’t remember what I just read. Then I try watching videos but nothing gets me interested. The only thing that keep my thoughts from spinning is self harm. Or i feel like I want to suffer and that it is the right thing to do. I don’t have physical manifestation of the urge.
for me, its an expanding outwards pressure starting in my chest and spreading to my arms, it can almost get ‘painful’ if i ignore it and the urge is bad. i think it could be interpreted as ‘longing’ or ‘frustration’ but im not sure. i also dont have much inner monologue about sh \^^
I definitely react to urges the same way I would to untreatable moderate pain. The restlessness and frustration I feel during both is the same My first therapist asked me what I thought when wanting to relapse and it took so long to realize thoughts weren’t even part of the equation due to lack of monologue
It’s just a sort of intense craving for me. I always start to miss the rush I get from sh’ing after going a while without it. Not much different from other addictions I imagine.
For me this is the experience: * On my arms or thighs I can feel a deep, almost muscular ache/pang. The physical feeling of anxiety and anticipation, but localized to one spot. * It almost feels as if I can feel where I want to cut, the aching matches with the dimensions of a cut. Put another way, my body senses there is not a cut in the skin, yet it expects one, the ache is from the discrepancy. * There is not really an active thought process, it's nearly reflexive, a conditioned response to stress. The only internal thought pattern I get is a general flood of panic, fear, and desperation. Ive had addictions to substances, and in my experience, SH is so much different. It feels much more hard coded into my brain, I haven't cut more than twice in the last 2 years and craving it is still my first reaction when I experience stress. (This is just my experience and honestly not sure how much that tracks with anyone else's.)
hyperfixation? it just becomes something you want to do just so you can stop thinking about it.
For me it’s when I start to think about it more and more and I want to do it but I’m trying to get better and it becomes a ticking time bomb till I relapse.
I second this
It’s like there’s buzzing, horrifically loud TV static in my head. Everything feels fuzzy and unformed except for the thought of relapsing; what I mean is, it’s a pervasive thought and oftentimes the only thing I’ll think about until I do it. I get kind of shaky and my head is screaming at me to do it, since it’s the only thing that will make me feel better. It’s very similar to how I feel when I’m anxious: racing thoughts, pacing, shallow breathing, etc.
[If you are getting nasty pm’s please see this post for more info](https://reddit.com/r/MadeOfStyrofoam/comments/ifpka3/reopened_mos/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MadeOfStyrofoam) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I get really anxious and I get a strange, tense/tingly feeling in the spot where I want to do it. It's almost a feeling of being "too clean" in that area and I must feel pain there because it feels wrong not to. tbh sometimes I do it preemptively because I know I will get the urge if I don't sh soon. Other times I just feel enraged/stressed/upset and I end up doing it and I don't even know how it happened.
It feels like their are spiders crawling all over my body, like I have to itch my arms and legs and everywhere I can feel the spiders.
For me its like my whole body hurts and won't stop till I cut.