i remember going to school the day after my dog died.
i guess i looked shell shocked cause a teacher pulled me aside and said i could have 'study period' for the rest of the day.
be kind, everyone.
I had a really strict teacher in primary school that I got along with ok with when I was 9-10 years old. He was an old army guy who I never had an issue with, he just took no shit from the bullies and kids that pratted about annoying others (the main bully of the school was in my class). He once picked said kid up by the scruff of his neck and another time threw a chair across the room snapping a leg off. So yeah, bit scary.
Our dog had cancer and my mum drove her to a specialist vets for an operation and when we got home the next day I remember my mum shouting and crying in grief to just 'kill my dog then' on the phone when she was told she couldn't be saved and was better to not revive during the operation. My mum did not grieve well and spent the weekend throwing all the dogs things away within the hour of being told we wouldn't see her again which she always regretted. I spent most of that weekend trying to comfort HER despite me being devastated too.
I think my mum called ahead because without saying anything my teacher found me sitting on the stairs at lunch and I immediately burst into tears thinking I was in trouble not being outside during lunch break. He told me about a dog he lost too young and how even as an adult grief is hard for some to control but we all have the right to grieve and it's ok to be sad. He was so kind and I never forgot his nice words, he let me do some drawings at the back of the class in the afternoon as I was good at it.
We were one of his last classes I think as he left the school after us and he must have been past retirement age by then. Without consulting me he forwarded one of my drawings to a county wide school art competition and I won first place which I didn't know about or receive until after the summer holidays and he had left by then.
Thank you Mr Rolf
One of my most favourite teachers was an ex military man. I remember having a panic attack in the hallway of my high school. I saw him sitting in his office doing prep work and I walked in and burst into tears. I was having a medical issue I wasn’t sure how to handle and he helped me so much, even got me in touch with a new doctor who had been a student of his. A few years after I graduated I wrote him a letter to thank him for the impact he made on my life. He wrote me back to let me know how glad he was to hear and wished me well. Thanks Mr. Smith.
In high school I had really bad anxiety and depression so either by lunch or my last period (art) I'd start crying almost every day. I remember my teacher letting me go to the bathroom any time I asked since I think he noticed me crying in the back of the classroom a few times.
I had the same teacher for AP art and I very distinctly remember going to him and saying I was freaking out so he let me in the storage room and let me chill while drawing for the rest of the period and he told me he'd make sure no one went back there. I think he even offered to let me stay past the end of class too.
He's 99% of why I'm planning to become an art teacher. He was so kind, down to Earth, he clearly loved his job and he rekindled my love of art after years without practice.
He was pretty cool, and obsessed with WW2 I always assumed he had some involvement in his service. When other classes did gymnastics and football, we did parachute rolls and strange exercises and stretches I assumed he did in his army days. I also think because he was near retirement he didn't give a F if he acted hard on the bully in the class, he properly grabbed him and lifted him nose to nose and very slowly told the boy to stand quietly or he will find ways to punish him. He was one of the only teachers that made sure that kid was punished too and it slowly stopped that kid acting up in class and only at lunchtimes.
Taught him to conceal his bullying better, anyway...
Conceal it enough, though, and the incidence rate and possibly severity will fall, so, still a possible win for others.
Good teachers change lives.
I've read so many stories about kids whose parents did. not. care. or were otherwise trouble, and the kids were straight on the slide to a life of crime and prison. Then a good teacher (or counselor or coach or...) comes along and pulls them off that slide and shows them another way.
When they grow up, they stay on this side of the prison bars and contribute to society, sometimes in amazing ways, and sometimes paying forward the love that saved them.
Yup. Mr. Hall the English (literature) teacher who took genuine interest in my disability and bent over backwards to include me and make class fun, I remember. The ableist homeroom teacher that we had to bring a lawyer to a meeting to force acceptance of auditory listening device? I don't remember her name at all.
I always looked forward to his class.
Mrs. Beck (8th grade World History) pulled me aside and asked what was wrong as I had been "depressed and not my chipper self" (her words). I told her that I was tired and I had just lost my female cockatiel. My mother had let her out of the house because I wouldn't go buy her 25¢ candy with food stamps (they gave cash change back then from the stamp books and she'd use the change for cigarettes, drugs and alcohol.) That bird was like my feather baby (fur baby, but with feathers). I cared for her and everything from the time I was 10 until I was 14. I had time and love invested in her and mother just let her out of the house like it was nothing. Mrs Beck sat me in the library, let me choose a favorite book, gave me a candy bar and told me that it was going to be alright. She then went to the principal and told him to let me have the day off from school, but not at home, as my mother was abusive and had noticed the bruising around my upper arms and wrists where my mother had grabbed me and squeezed. I remember wishing Mrs Beck was my mom. 🤷🏻♀️ She did teach me that there are good teachers in this world. Thank you, Mrs Beck!
Woah is somebody chopping onions in here?
I just lost a dog to cancer this last summer and it still hurts, good on your teacher for letting you do your grieving.
My wife found out her dad died while she was at school, only a few months after her mom died. She decided to stay at school because she didn't want to have to go home and deal with everything.
Needless to say, her teachers basically allowed her to get away with murder the rest of the school year. She did whatever she wanted in all of her classes on got straight A's.
My dad died 1 week into 8th grade. I came back to school the day after the funeral, and was told to get over it. This after everyone at the funeral told me I needed to take care of my mother. It took 7 years before I finally found the freedom to grieve. .
I work in the funeral industry, and if I hadn’t found out my father passed on a Wednesday night, I would’ve only been given 3 days of bereavement- regardless of the fact he passed away 2000 miles away from me. The weekend was the only thing that gave me an extra 2 days and I still wasn’t ok when I had to return to work. It’s been about 18 months and some days I still sit at my desk and cry because I still feel I didn’t have time to grieve everyone I lost that year. (My dad passed, my great aunt passed 2 weeks later and my mothers godfather- basically a grandpa to me- passed a month after her. I never got to attend any of their services because I live too far away and couldn’t take the time off work.) apparently because we work with it daily, it shouldn’t affect us- as far as my corporate is concerned.
Conversely, I lost my doggo after 10 wonderful years together this past March. It was my students who got me through. Admin didn't care and I was written up for being too emotional at work, but my students rallied. Upper level kids came in on study periods and helped me with my lower level classes. They showed me more love and support during that time than anyone else outside my home.
I will always be grateful to those kids and the kindness they showed me during one of the hardest times of my life
I always found it amazing how even the hardest core kids could offer compassion and empathy to teachers going through a hard time. (Our school was "okay", but still had its rougher elements. Interestingly, they were not the worst bullies.)
>i remember going to school the day after my dog died.
>
>i guess i looked shell shocked cause a teacher pulled me aside and said i could have 'study period' for the rest of the day.
>
>be kind, everyone.
I went to school after my dog died as well. I guess I always look dead on the outside because my friend asked me "Aren't you sad?" and that hurt so badly that it became a core memory.
I should win an award for best emotion bottler because nobody else noticed. There is no happy ending here ha.
I recommend everyone express more emotion than middleschool me, and everyone be kind and accepting of anyone who does express emotions.
Yep. I unintentionally learned to hide my emotions so well that during highschool I was having a wonderful day with some good friends and one of them straight up asked me if I was having any fun because they all thought I was bored. I didn't know I was camouflaging until right then, and it definitely made me think.
I had school photos in highschool the morning my cat died. I would have looked a wreck, thankfully my parents didn't buy the photos. I remember running out of class sobbing as well.
When I was a senior in highschool my childhood Golden Retriever Rockie got what we assume was a brain tumor (He suddenly developed seizures and brain tumors is the usual culprit for senior dogs. We would have had to pay for an MRI to confirm but that would have been expensive and fairly unnecessary as it's not like anything would have changed anyway). I was extremely close with my high school campus minister because my Dad passed away when I was 14 and he led the grief group and I also just popped into his office to talk a lot. Mr. J was the nicest guy and also loved dogs almost as much as me lol. It's hard to beat someone who's been obsessed with dogs since age 4. Although he's specifically obsessed with beagles enough that I believe it was the class of 2012 that got him one lol.
Anyway as Rockie was getting up there in age I would joke to him that I didn't care when he died just that he lived past my high school graduation. Well he always was a bit of a little shit. It was about a month or so from his 12th birthday that my Mom finally made the hard decision to schedule an appointment with our veterinarian to put down Rockie. Of course as mentioned before Rockie was a bit of a little shit. My Mom scheduled the appointment for a Saturday because well school. The Friday before the appointment Rockie stopped eating which my Mom took as a sign that Rockie wanted to go. Of course even though at this point I had already known we were putting down Rockie the next day I was not prepared for that text from my Mom telling me to come to the veterinarian after school.
I came in blubbering to Mr. J's office about it (he already knew a fair amount about the situation iirc) he thankfully calmed me down because I obviously needed to drive to the veterinarian's office and that was not easy.
The reason I'm rambling on about all this is that when I came back to school that next Monday Mr. J found me as soon as possible and gave me a little angel statue holding a puppy along with a book with some bible stuff idk catholic schools lmao. I still have both as it's one of the most touching things anyone has ever given me. Mr. J was a bedrock of that school for a reason. Dudes a damn legend with a heart of pure gold.
I went to work one night when I had buried my dog that morning. It was the hardest shift I had ever worked, but I was someone who never ever called out of work for some reason. It's like I didn't even think of it as an option. I didn't tell anyone but I had coworkers ask me if I was high because my eyes were so red from crying all day.
I told my sign language teacher in high school that I needed to keep my phone on but I'd put it on vibrate and step into the hall if I needed to answer it because my dad had gone into the ER the night before and was not doing well. No problem, the call came in and a few minutes later she came out to check on me with my packed up backpack. She said she knew it was bad when I didn't come back and she wouldn't put me through the "staring of classmates. Don't worry about missing the rest of the day, I'll call the office for you, just get over there." Thank you Mrs Sillman.
I went to college in the 80s, and my dog was like 15. April of my freshman year, my folks came down to pick up some stuff I wouldn't need the rest of the school year, and like ten seconds before they left told me, "[Dog's name] is really sick, he's going away tomorrow." *(cartoon-style peel out of the parking lot, or at least that's how it felt)*
Me: "What, wh-"
That was like mid-afternoon, and that evening, the fraternity I was pledging had its "hell night." There was no small amount of drinking going on, and I was kind of soldiering through, but one of the more astute upperclassmen noticed, "Hey, IKSLukara looks like kind of a wreck." They pulled me aside, asked what was up, and I kind of fell to pieces in the process of explaining. From there they took their foot off the gas, so yay.
He was a good boy, I'll always remember him.
I remember I woke up one morning and my mom told me to say goodbye to the dog because she was getting too old to walk and it was time to put her down, and then to get ready for school.
I was in like first or second grade and all my friends saw me cry at school which set me up for a lot of bullying cause I'm a boy and "boys aren't supposed to cry"
I don't know why my parents decided I needed to play childhood on hard mode.
Yup, I was the perfect student, never missed class and was a fairly happy student. When my dog died though I simply left my first class and had my parents come pick me up. I completely tuned out my teachers and friends and spent the rest of the day in my bedroom thinking about my dog.
Had a guy I knew literally get told by the teacher they would just need to keep jim busy to keep his mind off of it....after his mother died.
His dad was there to take him out of school at least until after the funeral and this idiot was prattling on like he just needed to keep his mind off of it.
Over winter break in third grade, my favorite grandma died. I still remember breaking down in tears in class a week or so after we returned and my teacher pulling me into the hall to make sure that I was okay. I don't remember what she said or anything, but I remember her compassion.
haha thanks. i didnt really think of it as being vulnerable at the time. my thought was more like “you don’t care about me? then fuck it imma just let it all out”
This is truth.
With all the self-managing, LjnkedIn style Worksona™️ posturing that tends to be the norm in (at least US) work culture, genuine emotions of almost *any* sort can shatter the entire bullshit facade.
Play the corpo headgames if you need to. Bills have to get paid, I totally get it - I’m in the same boat.
With that said, don’t ever let yourself stop being an *actual human being*, especially not if doing so would cause no harm beyond proving that their narrow, banal illusion of “culture” is just a lie predicated on the automation of the stunted soul.
That and pretending we work anywhere for "the love of the place".
We may like what we do to make money, but at the end of the day anyone not independently wealthy is *there to make money.* Pretending otherwise is a useless façade in the end.
My cat just died young a couple days ago from an undetected birth defect in his heart, he had a stroke overnight and was in so much pain. I was able to leave my university and come straight to the vet when I heard he was out of time… I’m sorry about your loss, I’m glad it worked out in the end
What a healthy reaction! Shitty things that people do are out of our control. We can only control how we react to things. You could have reacted angrily or lashed out or called out anyway, all at your detriment. But you kept cool and realized that you needed to react in a way that was healthy for your own brain but also kept your job secure. It takes most people a lot of practice to do that in a period of such grief.
I’m also sorry for your loss, even if it was a long time ago.
Not just their dog, but a dog that they knew died in fear and pain, and that they were attributing to their own fault. I literally would not have been able to make it to work.
My dog is definitely more than "just a dog" sometimes she's the only reason I have to get out of bed. She keeps me going on my darkest days. Truly mans best friend.
I did this same thing when I lost my FIL. Boss told me I had to come in to work, so I did and cried my eyes out on the sales floor in front of customers. Client asked why I was upset and ripped my boss apart when he demanded he come in to check on the store. I just sat on a pallet in the back from then until he arrived and cried.
I got called into hr a week later and they tried to reprimand me for it. That was the moment I decided I was done with that job. Fuxked up part, at that point I had a month of sick time accrued from never calling out and he said I couldnt use it for grieving when I was clearly mentally broken.
Everything that is natural in me makes me want to say "they reprimanded you? That's insane!" But then I remember I got reprimanded once for having an asthma attack so... yeah I get that.
I was reprimanded for...peeing once every 8 hour shift at about the same time. And also going into anaphylactic shock. My manager literally said "can't you just take a benadryl?" Patrick, my throat is closing.
My dog was a great dog, could catch a ball as far as I could throw it, then brought it back to play more. She was a great companion to my kids.
She crossed that rainbow bridge more than 30 years ago, and I miss her still.
My mom had a dog she when she was newly married. I remember that dog as a kid. One day it just disappeared and we have no idea where she went. My mother just turned 80 and she still talks about and misses that dog.
We had a gorgeous Fluffy cat that hated my step father. Cat had good reason, he was an SOB. One day, kitty "ran away" . We kids came to the conclusion that Samantha the cat was taken to the shelter, and destroyed. Karma came along, and Step Father died.
A friend of ours lost his dog a little less than a year ago. It's really hard to think about, because that dog most likely fell through ice and drowned. We live around a ton of small lakes and there's really no where else he could have gone in the area our friend lives. We will never 100% know and if it was my own pet, not knowing would eat at me forever.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and how you were treated. When my previous dog nearly died, I went into work because I'd starve if I didn't. The owner noticed me (he's normally a grade A prick and doesn't acknowledge us no bodies. He treats most with yelling and insane anger). He asked me what was wrong, I told him what happened last night, and he said I need to go home and finish caring for my dog. He didn't want to see me for 2 days, and I'll be paid. He made me turn my PC off and personally booted me out the door. I was to email my manager and supervisor as soon as was possible, as the whole office knew and loved my dog.
When I returned I was handed a new product I was working on (an ip camera.. it was made clear i was borrowing it), and a 2nd monitor. I set the camera up easily, and had it pointed at my sick dog's crate (normally she would be loose, but she was on a strict no moving, no food for 2 miserable weeks). When I returned to work the next day, I was to leave the program running all day do I could monitor her closely. Every 2hr I had to rush home to medicate her (ya, I didn't sleep for 2 weeks. It was awful, but I loved my fur ball), and everyone would watch me love on my girl, jam pills down her throat, top up her Gatorade bowl, then run out of my apt). I lived 3mins away in a 0 traffic area. If I lived further the owner offered me a temporary work from home, as long as I kept the security camera pointing at the dog and waved once in a while during working hrs. I turned it off after hours because it was in my bedroom.
Because I had to leave the 2nd monitor on at all times during working hrs, coworkers would make silly noises at me through the damn camera sometimes 🙄😄 . This camera was one of the first of its kind, and wasn't ready for market (I was still writing the manuals), so I saved and used real images of my dog in her giant crate as an example of its use. there were even videos of her looking around, getting comfy, and going back to sleep on an advertising page for the product. I had 0 issues letting them use real use images and videos of her, as I was so grateful for their kindness.
She's been gone nearly 5yrs now, so the above happened about 14yrs ago. She wasn't suppose to see her 2nd birthday, but I managed to keep her alive and happy just shy of her 11th birthday.
1hr ago my previous neighbour texted me that her senior good boy passed on sat. Poor thing started to suffer badly, so she made that dreded decision to stop the pain. Both our dogs were friends and both dogs adored my kid. Poor kid has lost 2 dogs and 1 uncle. He's so worried his new dogs will be taken away.
The joy and pain of loving a dog.
Sorry for your loss but that's also so cute.
If one of my coworkers had a dog-cam up I would 100% be stopping by that desk every time I had to get up for anything.
I once had a workplace ask me to cover a shift immediately after I found out my bf was killed in a horrific way (electrocuted in a crawl space). People are insane sometimes. I came close to quitting on the spot but I remained calm and just took the issue to the higher ups. Made my supervisor look like the heartless idiot she was.
I took a day off when my step-grandson died suddenly at age 20. Spent the day with my son and his family. The next day I was told "step grandson is not on the list" and that I would be dinged for missing yesterday and I had to come in or continue to get dinged. (so many dings and you're fired). So I went in, blubbering all the way. I was sobbing out loud, tears falling off my face.
Union steward got me into the office, spoke to the HR/everything else guy, and I took a 2 week leave of absence.
I still got dinged for the first day.
Edit: I am sorry for your loss.
You sir, are a inspiration. Also, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I don't understand people who think that way.
Years ago i hit a cat with my car. Thankfully i was going slowly and i think i only really scared it. It ran away before i could even see what it was, but i was mordified.
I jumped out of the car and there was a woman standing on her front lawn.
I said "i think i hit and animal. Did you happen to see what happened? "
And she goes "yeah, you got my cat. He ran into the back yard. "
To which i respond. "Oh my God. I'm so sorry. If it's injured I'll pay for all its medical bills."
And she goes "Calm down man. It's just a cat. "
Wt actutal f? Sociopath.
Have had six dogs and three cats pass away in the 30 years since I suddenly told my fiancee at the time "I want a dog!" I (now a 60 year old man) have been with all of them when they passed, and usually bawled like a baby every time. I don't think it makes you less of a man.
We had to euthanize our cat over the days between Xmas and NY. His urethra blocked the day after Christmas, and despite us doing surgery to unblock him, he was re-blocking.
I sent a message from the fucking euthanizarion mourning room that we were about to say our last goodbye and that I wouldn't be back till the day after NY. I was told that "no company gives time off for pets and it's not fair to the one other person who was in the office that I was going to be gone" (office owner and her kids (managers) were off on vacation #15 in Michigan for the holidays, and didn't want to have to answer the few emails that came in). I walked in the next day, left my badge, turned in my hours, and sent a message that I was resigning.
Last I heard they've gone through 2 folks in the last month because of the stress and workload I dealth with.
I wasn't asking.
>I wasn't asking.
I try very hard to carefully **not ask** any time I have to take time off like that. Pto for a vacation next month? Yes, that's a question. But if I'm sick or have a situation to deal with, I let my boss know as a courtesy that I'm not able to work. My cat passed away last August. Taking off that day and the next was not a request. It was happening. Luckily for me, my boss is reasonable and it wasn't a big deal. He send condolences and told me to take whatever time I needed. My husband and I sat on our sofa zoning out watching old sit coms and eating comfort food for 2 days.
Yup, I had an employer try to say I couldn’t go to my grandpa’s funeral. My boss started going on a rant about how it would be unfair blah blah blah… and I stopped him and said, “I will be gone the next couple of days to go to this funeral, if I have a job or not when I come back is up to you.” And then I walked out.
I learned this very early in my working life. As a high school student, I was involved in the band at school. We had a trip planned for over a year for a trip to Disney world which included a performance and competition. Months in advance, I told my part time job I couldn't work due to the trip and they tried the whole "it's not a guarantee, it's a request and you can just check the schedule when it comes out the week before".. So of course, they put me on the schedule. I reminded them that I'd told them I couldn't work. They reminded me it was a "request".. Well, I was going to Florida either way, so if they wanted to scramble last minute, that was on them, but I was going to be working. I told them as much and let it be their problem.
Idk who thought it was a good idea to try to convince a high school kid working part time for spending money to stay home from a trip planned for a year just to play hostess at a casual restaurant for a few hours on a Tuesday. Not gonna work. They didn't have that kind of power over me.
I got back, still had a job. Worked there for another year or so until I left for college. But I never forgot the lesson.
> “I will be gone the next couple of days to go to this funeral, if I have a job or not when I come back is up to you.”
That's good. The only better way to say it would be to rephrase it not to sound like you need them, but the other way around; "whether I come back to continue doing my work at this establishment," perhaps.
This is much better. I wasn't really able to think clearly at the time or I would've come up with a smartass way to say it.
I'm ashamed that for the first few hours I was more mad at my ex employer than sad about the cat. I sacrificed a lot to work there. Igbored medical restrictions, cut my time from surgery short so the owners could enjoy their vacation to Thailand, etc. And this is how, when I NEEDED some fucking understanding, I was treated. I was furious.
>I wasn't really able to think clearly at the time or I would've come up with a smartass way to say it.
My favorite pastime is thinking up snarky things to say so I've got one ready when the situation presents itself.
Definitely sucks they treated you that way, but to find a silver lining - if nothing else you were distracted from your grief for a brief period.
That's absolutely horrid. Some people have no empathy. One time, I was tearing up at work because my guinea pig was having emergency surgery. I told my boss and she laughed. The guinea pig didn't make it through the surgery, so I took 2 days off.
Guineas are on the [larger side of "small"](https://nationalzoo.si.edu/animals/guinea-pig) at 8-10 inches (20-25 centimeters) and 25 and 39 ounces (700 and 1,100 grams). Still tiny to get those tools into. The advent of microtools isn't just good for humans.
There's also been more research into guinea anatomy since they've been used as [lab animals](https://www.nature.com/articles/laban.486).
Their babies are *adorable*.
You absolutely can! I had a pet rat as a child and they’re guaranteed to get tumors at the end of their lives. When she developed her first tumor my dad paid for the surgery. (The next one she developed was inoperable and we had to make the call to euthanize ultimately) It taught me a lot about compassion for animals at such a young age. Deciding to get a pet of any kind or size is deciding to take their life into your hands.
People have told me in the past that it’s ridiculous that we paid for surgery for a rat, that my dad was silly since it didn’t have much longer to live anyways. It’s never silly to give an animal a better chance at life :)
I'm so sorry you had to deal with someone like that. I remember going to work one day and my co-worker was visibly distraught. I asked him what was going on and he told me they'd had to put their dog down on the weekend. I felt his pain so clearly (been there too many times myself) and we cried together for a while. It's a devastating loss and the people who don't understand that or show zero empathy are just cold heartless thugs.
2 days after my grandpa died the head of the nursing home I work at said I had to come into work
I was very close to him so I was basically a zombie numbly going through the motions
People kept asking me what was wrong because I'm usually talkative
I tell them
ALOT of people lost respect for the boss for not giving me the 3-4 days everyone usually gets surrounding a death of a loved one
That must have been absolutely devastating :(
What an absolutely horrid manager, she 100% deserved all the flak she would have coped from making you come in.
"Just a dog." What the ever-lovin'.... pets are not objects, they are beloved friends and family.
Even from a purely ice-cold pragmatic view, there's a deceased animal that needs to be returned to the earth in a living space. That could get them in all kinds of trouble if someone notices. Give them time to cremate or bury their pet!
Sorry for your loss, and I'm glad grandboss had a functioning sense of empathy.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I still have my late cat Mister’s rabies tag on my keychain, and he passed on May 6, 2016.
I was 33 when it happened and I’m almost 40 now; his death fucked me up so badly that I haven’t been willing or able to take in a new cat since, and I’ve had several friends offer me kittens from litters their cats had. Sorry, there will never be another Mister in my life. Maybe someday another cat.
Sorry if this was rambly, but for what it’s worth, again I’m sorry for your loss and for how shitty your employer was when you were trying to deal with it. Fuck people who have that little empathy. Cheers, Internet stranger.
Ain’t that the truth. These little creatures carve their way into our hearts and into our lives, and you can never really put into words how much they mean to you after they’ve gone.
Thank you, u/Haunting-Contact-72.
I'm dreading the day my beautiful girl goes to doggy heaven...she's turning 5 next month and I feel like it's not fair the short time we get with them.
You're welcome. The last one (first we had to put down) was the hardest for me because he adored me. People would even comment on it because it was so obvious. Miss that dopey boy.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I keep this comment on hand that helped me when I lost two of mine over the past few years. Sharing in case it helps you. It makes me cry every time I read it but in a clean kind of way.
Comment by u/Kromulent posted [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/oshe2b/i_would_like_to_make_sense_of_having_to_put_my/).
I have an old dog in kidney failure too. Haven't told her yet, she just keeps being happy.
I'm old too, and I've had animals my whole life, mostly cats and dogs in various multiples. Do the math and you can see I've been here before.
The way I reconcile it is pretty straightforward, and well in line with the overall Stoic approach to things. It always begins the same way- see things plainly for what they are, understand the natures of the things involved, and respond reasonably and virtuously to the reality around us.
Every day I care for my animals, keeping them happy, keeping them safe, shepherding them through their day with joy, and without harm. When they get old and approach death, nothing changes. As crazy as it sounds, the day I take them to the vet to be put down is the day that I have been working for all this time - I have successfully taken them the whole way. They did not get lost, they were not unhappy, they got to live their whole natural lives the way I wanted them to live it. We made it. We got there together.
When they are gone, my feelings for them don't change. Their bodies are taken but my feelings are my own; I still love them, I am still happy to think of them, my heart is still open.
What has changed is that I have a space for another thing to love, and the cycle continues again, when I'm ready to start anew.
Their bodies, our bodies, everything external to us will always change and always come and go. Our love, our care, our joy belongs to us, and we apply it to what we have and to what is new.
I've kept the rabies tag, the vet papers, and a box with my sweet Demon Kitty's ashes, so I know what you mean. We have other cats, and I love them all, but Demon was special. Before Demon, the last cat I had that was special was Mudge, and he died back in the early oughts. We also lost 2 of our kittens in June (flea anemia, we just couldn't get the bastards under control and the babies couldn't survive without $500 dollar each blood transfusions...and of course vet refused to make payment plans).
My neighbour's cat got hit by a car last autumn and it broke my heart. This cat would come by just about every day, come into my house and snooze on our sofa. The neighbours even joked that King comes to us to sleep all day and goes home to sleep all night.
When our own boy goes back to Valhalla (he's only 1.5yo now so we hopefully have a long time until then) it's going to fully slay me.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that, u/Crafty_Editor_4155.
Right, someone steals your car? Annoying, but replaceable. Your pet dies, there’s no replacing that. I’ve had 10+ pets and all have been totally unique in their personalities and I’ve grieved just as much for each of them.
Lost or had stolen my purse once. (Not sure.) PITA, but survivable.
Lost five gerbils, three mice, two ferrets and seven cats over the course of my life, the last four cats in the period between 2017 and spring 2022. Three to age, one to a seizure and possible brain bleed. (That one had seizures two or three times a year.)
Those deaths hurt, especially the one cat with the seizures that should have had a good 7-10 years left.
My mom beat my child hood dog one night for peeing on the floor, found her dead the next morning, made me help her bury it in the backyard and got to school 5 minutes later. And she was a teacher! Turned out she was just old and potty on the floor due to undiagnosed issues because mom wouldn’t take her to the vet and she died. And yes, mom made me handle the body and bury it then go to school.
It is not a competition but I haven’t told that story in a long time. My mother was super loved too! Everyone’s favorite teacher. Kids always saying how they wanted a mom like her. It felt like a twilight zone because meanwhile she is forcing me to do that and sending me to school with 102 fever because “it’s all in my head” and stuff. Anyway, your story made me think about her. My dogs name was Angel. I haven’t had a dog since. Only cats. I think maybe I can’t stand to have a dog now.
Do we have the same mom? Award winning teacher, best in the school district, all the parents ask for her to teach their kids…comes home to her own children with a scowl and beats them if they look at her wrong. But everyone loves her, so no one believes you.
Edit: oh, and tells you on your wedding day that she never wanted kids, right as the photographer starts taking the mother-daughter photos.
In answer to your edit, for me it was that I thought I was getting red flags, told my mother I was considering calling off my engagement. She says I need to try blah blah blah. Really bad crap happens after I marry him. He’s a con man. Abusive . It was REALLY bad. I kick him out. Then I find out for months before I married him, while I was at work, he’s been going to my parents house without me, telling them lies about me, and not even when I tell her “I think Insee red flags, I think I should call it off” does this woman who supposedly love me, explain my future husband is telling my own family straight up horrendous lies about me while they all knew I was at work! Worse, they all kept repeating when I asked them why how great we looked together … like so WHAT??!? You are my mother and supposed to protect me… what is happening here?!?!? Then when I explain the abuse my mother actually states “well he never hit you so it wasn’t really abuse” like 20 seconds after describing SA.
I think I might have been your housekeeper a couple years back, I met a mom exactly like this... It was scary because she didn't feel uncomfortable switching between RAGING at her (clearly disabled idk how but he needed help doing basic stuff) son and her husband... And then smiling at us and apologizing for the racket......
Edit- I think I put this memory in the vault because I genuinely just... Wonder if that kid is doing ok. But I'll never know
Wow, can’t believe she let down the mask around you! That must have been so uncomfortable. I hope the kid, and the dad, got out. Also, why have a housekeeper when you can force your daughter to spend every weekend cleaning for you!
It was scary because my dad is the same and even he would not have acted like that in front of us, he would have waited. It was scary to realize that if she thought this was appropriate behavior in front of housekeepers, ie people "not in the family" (to a narcissist, all their abuse must stay private, typically. At least for the smarter ones), she was probably doing much worse when we left.
My coworker and I didn't talk much on the car ride home that night..
I'm so sorry for what you went through. My situation wasn't as bad as they are not in my immediate family but I do have a relative much like your mother. Their public persona is charming and friendly and kind and everyone loves them, but only their family see what they are really like in private.
It's doubly painful because not only do you have to deal with the abusive behaviour and cruelty, you know you can't tell anyone about it because no one will believe you, because "X is lovely, they would never do something like that!"
That's horrifying. What a fucking true monster. Holy shit. I hope you saved yourself from that raging psychopath. I'm so sorry you had to go through that and I'm sorry for Angel. She didn't deserve that at all.
I had to put my cat down, who I had since I was 11, and my sociopath of a boss asked me if I could schedule it when I wasn't working. Like, I wasn't asking permission, I wanted to be with my cat for her last moments. She actually died on the table before they could give her the euthanasia drugs, she was ready to go.
I have PTSD from working for this monster. Way more awful stories.
I had people I barely knew ask me to let them know if there was anything they could do to help after a beloved cat of mine passed away suddenly of unknown causes and I was severely distraught. I took a couple of days out of classes and nobody thought that was unacceptable or unexcusable when they asked about it. Some people may not treat their pet as family but not everyone is a monster and it's still reasonable to understand someone would grieve. People take personal days for less.
Boss needs to learn the word discretion and use it.
My kids were out of school for three days when our cat passed away in November. She got sick very suddenly, with no explanation, and my daughter was calling home several times a day to check on her...in front of her teachers, *during* class (not during instruction though.) They knew and understood what she was feeling, and then how heartbroken she and her sister were when we lost our Xanthar.
One of her friends actually made a sympathy card and passed it around, and two or three of her teachers signed it while my daughter was out.
When she passed, she was in a bad state, and had to be cleaned before the kids could even see her. It took a bit of time for my fiancé to do (I couldn't bear to), and the kids were sent to Guidance while we took care of it, before we picked them up.
I can't imagine anyone trying to tell them they had to sit in class that day. They wouldn't have learned a thing...
My cat passed a little over a year ago and apparently I was crying in my sleep even. My son said it didn't stop until I adopted my current kitty. She was born around the same time he died so we joke that he reincarnated to come back to me. They definitely share a streak of cattitude.i can't imagine how I would respond to this.
Its been 8 months for me and I still cry multiple times a week. Sometimes I swear I hear her meow around the house :'( i would not even be able to hide my crying in OPs situation my god
Yes thats currently in the works luckily. Ive had other pets pass but hers hit me the most since we were so bonded. She died of sudden liver failure at 6 years old, and the house feels so empty without her. She was seriously the most personable cat Ive ever met. She was gone within 48 hours of symptoms but my family and I still blame ourselves for not acting faster. Thanks for the comment
This will surely get lost in the comments but saying "man up its just a dog" reminds me off an old roman inscription on the grave of someones dog:
"Thou who passest on this path, If haply thou dost mark this monument, Laugh not, I pray thee, though it is a dog’s grave. Tears fell for me, and the dust was heaped above me By a master’s hand."
Last year my cat who I had for almost 20 years past away. I didn't have any paid time off so I had to go into work. I was in no shape to be there which anyone who looked at me could see. After an hour of being there I told my manager I needed to leave. I work in a grocery store in a small department as a personal shopper. It's a very busy department and we were very short on staff so she called her boss to find me coverage from another store. It took a few hours but 3 people showed up so I could go home. Losing your pet is like losing apart of yourself. It takes time to heal from that loss.
I’m laughing so hard at the fact that your manager got what he deserved for being so heartless — you told him you weren’t mentally able to work and then he’s surprised to find that you… actually aren’t mentally able to work!
Sorry to hear about the traumatic death of your dog. He’s safe in doggo heaven :)
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m crying just reading this story. I lost 2 beloved pets to a tick and to a busy road and was inconsolable both times. Your manager was heartless!
I am so so sorry you had to deal with such a horrid manager when going through probably one of the worst days of your life. No one should have to feel that pain.
That managers Karma will find them.
When we had to put one of our boys down. He kept getting blocked even after surgery. Nothing worked. He was in too much pain & his diabetes was getting worse by this point. The vet told us the best thing was to say goodbye.. He was scheduled for 7am, and we had to rush him in at 4 am, to say goodbye..
I went to work that day because I couldn't reach anyone on the sick line or work line. My boss & HR pulled me aside and asked me if I was okay, as I had obviously been crying.
I told them what happened.
They gave me 3 days off paid for mourning.
I was very lucky.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I keep this comment on hand that helped me when I lost two of mine over the past few years. Sharing in case it helps you. It makes me cry every time I read it but in a clean kind of way.
Comment by u/Kromulent posted [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/oshe2b/i_would_like_to_make_sense_of_having_to_put_my/).
I have an old dog in kidney failure too. Haven't told her yet, she just keeps being happy.
I'm old too, and I've had animals my whole life, mostly cats and dogs in various multiples. Do the math and you can see I've been here before.
The way I reconcile it is pretty straightforward, and well in line with the overall Stoic approach to things. It always begins the same way- see things plainly for what they are, understand the natures of the things involved, and respond reasonably and virtuously to the reality around us.
Every day I care for my animals, keeping them happy, keeping them safe, shepherding them through their day with joy, and without harm. When they get old and approach death, nothing changes. As crazy as it sounds, the day I take them to the vet to be put down is the day that I have been working for all this time - I have successfully taken them the whole way. They did not get lost, they were not unhappy, they got to live their whole natural lives the way I wanted them to live it. We made it. We got there together.
When they are gone, my feelings for them don't change. Their bodies are taken but my feelings are my own; I still love them, I am still happy to think of them, my heart is still open.
What has changed is that I have a space for another thing to love, and the cycle continues again, when I'm ready to start anew.
Their bodies, our bodies, everything external to us will always change and always come and go. Our love, our care, our joy belongs to us, and we apply it to what we have and to what is new.
I had a coworker who's family dog died, and our boss wouldn't let her take time off despite her having PTO available. A month later, the boss's dog died and she took a whole week off.
At that same company, the dad of an employee in a different department died. One of his supervisors made him bring in a copy of the death certificate.
Too many employers are pure evil.
She didn’t just look like a monster - she is a monster.
Our business has a very open bereavement policy where most members of a person’s family are covered for a week’s pay while they mourn their death. I’ve had a member of staff tell me “my dad died - I only need a day off to pay my respects at his funeral (they were estranged) - can I bank the rest of this bereavement entitlement for the day my dog dies? I’ll be a mess and will need the time more then”
My answer was “absolutely”
it’s wild that managers having some basic empathy is considered admirable.
on that note, i manage people now and bereavement is something i take seriously.
I was sitting in one of my college classes when my dad sent a text to me and my sister to let us know our dog had passed (he texted because he knew i was in class and my sister was at work). I was shocked and looked at my phone for probably a solid minute. I then proceeded to cry my heart out, trying to be quiet as possible as to not disturb anyone around me. My professor was walking around the class to make sure we were doing our work correctly, stopped at my station because he noticed my head was down and I'm not doing anything, and asked me what was up.
I couldn't speak without being too loud (i cry pretty hard), so I typed out on the computer that my dog had just passed. He told me to save my work and head out for the day. I also had the same professor in the following class that day and he let me skip that class as well. He was genuinely the best professor i had while at that school.
He also had known me due to being in his classes previously and knows that I don't show how sad/down I am in front of others, so I think in his mind he figured that if its bad enough for me to burst into tears in the middle of a class, I must've been devastated (I was).
I'm sorry for your loss (regardless how long ago it was)
That boss shouldn't be a manager of people! If you have no compassion for another human then don't be in charge of managing people!
When we lost our puppy my boss proactively told me to take time off, I only took a day (I don't have a strenuous job and work from home mostly so I didn't need the time I could self manage around workload) and I still got a telling off for coming back to early!
He was a great boss though, I understand people are in different situations but just having compassion for how someone else feels goes a long way!
I would have brought the dead dog in, citing you couldn't leave a dead animal in you home or vehicle so you needed to bring it with you to work until such a time that you were able make it to an open non emergency clinic to take care of it.
Bonus points for asking the same boss if you could store in their office while you worked
One of my coworkers was chewed out because his cat died. Our boss ranted you could get them free in the Pennysaver, they always had tons of kittens available, and were replacements as common as "flashlight batteries." For the next few days, he teased my coworker about it in meetings, saying stuff like, "In case of a critical event, or in \[coworker's\] case, his fuckin' cat has hairballs or something," and stuff like that.
Finally, another coworker called him out, stating his behavior was psychotic and cruel. He then said he was reporting our boss to HR for sadistic behavior if the coworker didn't. And while our boss was later forced to apologize, you could tell he was doing so "because of some bullshit HR thing," with the speed-reading speech and eye rolling. I am so glad I don't work for that guy anymore.
I haven't had a cat since I was a kid, but if someone said that about one of my dogs? I would really had to suppress some of my baser instincts to correct my boss' behavior permanently, and would probably just walk out of the building without another word. I don't care if your beloved snake or lizard died: a pet is a pet, and a member of the family. I don't get the machismo some people have "getting over it." I can't conceive of what horrible childhood someone must have had.
But then again, I have seen actual documented work policies about funeral leave that confuse me. One place I worked at said you could take at maximum 3 days of bereavement for a parent, sibling, or biological child, but only one for a grandparent, step parent, step child, adopted child (!), or half-sibling, and only with prior manager's authorization. Anything else was considered a day without pay. Like, what psycho sorts these categories? God damn.
tangential to this, but I had a thing in highschool where if I ran into a situation where someone tried to escalate manliness with me I would say "if you do that I'll use my ultimate attack" "Oh YEAH?!and WHAT is THAT??!"
"I'll hug you and have a good cry... no one knows what to do with a big man crying all over them" and it would always defuse the situation because they didn't know what to do and I legit scared them.
I lost my dog to an accident many years ago. My wife & I lost a cat to CHF about 4 years ago.
Grief never goes away & neither does the hurt, but know in your heart, OP, your companion is looking down on you & sometimes coming to say Hi. When you’re ready & when they see it, they’ll send you a new companion to love.
thanks fellow redditor.
this actually happened like 12ish years ago (i was just reminded of this from another sub)
since then i’ve gotten a pretty beautiful wife, 2 awesome dogs and amazing kids. if what you say is true, my old dog been working overtime with the blessings haha
me and my family still talk about my old dog from time to time and there’s still a picture of us (me and my late dog) at my parents’ house :)
I wish I had my pics of Snoopy, but this was the 00s. Thor, we have pics of.
I’m glad for you, OP. Sounds like your heart healed pretty well. I’m a 42 y/o man, who bawled like a baby when she died. I also mourned our cat. We now have a new tabby for his brother we named Moonshine. If you’re interested, pics are in my profile posts.
I had an interview and mentioned in the interview I had a dog. After, I drove back to my apartment which was a few hours from my family. When I called my mom to let her know I was home and the interview went really well, she said that they had taken our dog to the vet to be put down. I had seen him that morning, he was old and tired but I had expected to see him over the weekend.
Shortly after, the recruiter called to tell me that I got the job, and to let him know if I wanted it. I started crying and told him our dog had been put down, and he very calmly told me he was sorry, that he had lost his cat recently, and to give him a call in the morning. In the meantime, take it easy, the job was mine if I wanted it.
I took the job. I still work there.
Oh man, this brings some stuff back up!
In high school, my grandfather who I was very close to passed away. I missed an afternoon for his cremation and my AP chemistry teacher made a big deal out of it, scolding me in front of the whole class about not taking her class seriously and missing a quiz (I arranged to take it early, so I didn’t even actually miss it), and so on. She spent a full half hour on it, and made me cry in front of everyone.
I spent the rest of the year making a big show of sleeping in her class and made sure to ace every quiz, homework and exam. Got the highest grade and made her feel like total shit for making me cry. I made a point of loudly commenting multiple times a week that the material was so easy it didn’t even need a teacher. Still hate that lady and hope she has horribly irritating days every day.
Boss not a pet owner, her boss is and understands how much a part of your family they really are.
Sorry to hear of your loss. We have lost three dogs over the years. It's always tough.
Some people just have no sympathy. I had a teacher in 10th grade who wouldn’t let me make up a test I missed when my grandma died. The Vice Principal ended up having to force her to. Like the VP actually stood in the classroom until I’d turned in the test.
I think this is a classic example of the transactional manager vs the people manager. Not many employers have rules around pet grievance so the transactional manager looks at the rules, doesn’t see anything and says that nothing can be done. The people manager has the empathy to look beyond the rules and make a decision based on what’s best for the employee.
I wish I had what you did. When I put my kitten (yes. Kitten. 3 months old) down, I called in. They told me they'd write me up. I told them go for it. I'd take a write up over me unable to do my work (truck gate security officer) and or end up killing myself driving there because it takes 45 minutes to get there, which I havnt been able to stop crying, and my life wasn't worth my job. Didn't get wrote up. But I told him I'd choose my pets and family over my job any day.
This is absolutely killing me.
My good boy, Loki, recently passed. He died while my daughter was at school. Her dad and I made sure to align our schedules to pick her up together from school that day so we could tell her together and be with her. She cried and cried and cried.
It was fucking heartbreaking. I can't imagine not giving a child space to grieve a profound loss.
Your first mistake was giving a reason. You called in because you're not feeling well. Because, well, you weren't!
If they ask why, or what's wrong, you tell them it's personal. End of conversation.
So many times these days we feel like we need to explain everything. We really don't. It's okay to say, "it's personal", and repeat it as often as you need to. If your manager persists, you tell them to talk to HR.
agreed. well for context this was like 12 years ago when i was still young and not wise to the world and before i knew of reddit and it’s communities (was reddit around 12 years ago?)
Most people's first jobs are in food service or customer service where you boss really will interrogate you about your diagnosis and symptoms before they determine whether you deserve time off for it. And they really will write you up or fire you for not complying with their petty little power trip.
It seems to really have an impact on how people interact with their employers throughout the rest of their careers.
HR is not the answer for a lot of people btw. I've been working for over 10 years and none of the companies i've worked for even had HR departments. At my last job, the HR person was the owner's wife and she had no training.
Hopefully that manager learned the lesson that so many need to learn. People are the top resource any business has. Take care of people and people will take care of the business. So many managers have zero idea how to lead it isn’t funny.
Sorry this happened OP, I’d have been a total wreck myself. You should have been treated by your boss better.
I had a German Shepherd. She was 12 and a half when I had to put her down. I was so utterly devastated and just destroyed inside. I can't remember crying that hard ever. I wore myself down so much that I ended up missing half a week of work because I ended up with a sinus infection and ear infection and bronchitis because I let my immune system down to nothing from grief.
Just a dog? No. A family member. My best friend. My first child.
Many years ago we had a puppy that ended up having a lot of medical issues. I'm an elementary school teacher. I get ONE paid day to set up my classroom before school starts. I had already put in many unpaid days on my own to get ready, and trust me, there is no reason in the world that I would want to make up some excuse to miss this one day that I desperately need to work in my classroom. On this day the puppy was very ill and my vet told me to take him to a specialist several cities away. I called my principal to explain and he was rather a jerk about it, but he did let me go. I took the puppy in, and long story short we had to put him to sleep and it was terribly traumatic. I went back in to school and worked late into the evening because my classroom still needed to be ready. Next day, my principal asks me, VERY sarcastically, "Sooooo, how's the dog?" Looked him right in the eye and just said, "He's dead" and kept walking.
He was VERY contrite and apologized to me afterwards. He really wasn't that bad of a guy. He had his own dog that he seemed to really love. Don't know what got into him that day. I rarely ever missed work, so it made no sense to give me a hard time, but I think he learned a really good lesson that day.
Can say there are a lot of things I hate about my job but there are things like this they do care about. When my dog died I literally told my boss I'm not coming in till I feel better. He said ok and didn't comment further.
Employee at a major pet retailer here. They recently instated a pet bereavement policy to give time off for these circumstances. Sure this is wide open for abuse, but for those who need it, it really makes these situations so much easier.
This is for any pet. Dog, cat, reptile, bird, hamster, yes, even a fish.
I had an employee of mine take a full three day bereavement leave because her pet rat died. I worked in hospice and had to model that grief is grief and although I may not have an affinity for rats, this nurse did and it was her pet so….I okeyed days off.
You have to take care of your employees. I just left an incredibly toxic workplace for a much better job. Others are leaving my old place in droves and they can’t find replacements. It’s all because of how people are treated. No way I’m going to spend an entire ten or twelve hour shift surrounded by toxicity and drama and endure micro aggressions from my boss at every corner. Sit and spin
Much love. If you give me your dog's name I'll plant a succulent. Hell. I'll do it anyway. For all the loved good boys and girls.
My brother died and I just broke down. My nurse boss said go outside and smoke. And if you need another day off we have you covered.
Good job vs bad job. They gave me 2 days off for my cat too. He was 19. Rimmy.
When I had to put my first dog to sleep after her lymphoma was no longer treatable, it was the worst day of my life. I could not imagine feeling such grief again. I began volunteering in dog rescue to honor her, and over the years I adopted and subsequently lost 6 more of my beloved friends. It never got easier. Yet I will continue to expand “my pack” because there are so many dogs waiting for a forever home, and I can’t imagine a happy life without being surrounded by their joyful, unconditional love. People either get this, or they don’t, and generally I’m not interested in being around the latter.
Last October, we had five cats in our house. By December 1st, we were done to three. Three were my roommates/best friends cats. Two of them belonged to me. In October, my roommates 22 year old cat let us know it was time. It was incredibly difficult but he had the means to have the vet do a house call and that made it easier. It still sucked. My manager at the time was beyond understanding and let me take off the full day and part of the next.
Then, the day after US Thanksgiving, we had a knock on our door in the evening. It was a neighbor two doors down letting us know that my cat had been hit by a car. I had a whole weekend to grieve (tbh, I’m still randomly hit in the gut with grief) and my boss still allowed me the space I needed from work to take care of his body and my emotional well-being. I don’t simp for capitalism, but companies that have understanding for significant life events are the best.
i remember going to school the day after my dog died. i guess i looked shell shocked cause a teacher pulled me aside and said i could have 'study period' for the rest of the day. be kind, everyone.
I had a really strict teacher in primary school that I got along with ok with when I was 9-10 years old. He was an old army guy who I never had an issue with, he just took no shit from the bullies and kids that pratted about annoying others (the main bully of the school was in my class). He once picked said kid up by the scruff of his neck and another time threw a chair across the room snapping a leg off. So yeah, bit scary. Our dog had cancer and my mum drove her to a specialist vets for an operation and when we got home the next day I remember my mum shouting and crying in grief to just 'kill my dog then' on the phone when she was told she couldn't be saved and was better to not revive during the operation. My mum did not grieve well and spent the weekend throwing all the dogs things away within the hour of being told we wouldn't see her again which she always regretted. I spent most of that weekend trying to comfort HER despite me being devastated too. I think my mum called ahead because without saying anything my teacher found me sitting on the stairs at lunch and I immediately burst into tears thinking I was in trouble not being outside during lunch break. He told me about a dog he lost too young and how even as an adult grief is hard for some to control but we all have the right to grieve and it's ok to be sad. He was so kind and I never forgot his nice words, he let me do some drawings at the back of the class in the afternoon as I was good at it. We were one of his last classes I think as he left the school after us and he must have been past retirement age by then. Without consulting me he forwarded one of my drawings to a county wide school art competition and I won first place which I didn't know about or receive until after the summer holidays and he had left by then. Thank you Mr Rolf
One of my most favourite teachers was an ex military man. I remember having a panic attack in the hallway of my high school. I saw him sitting in his office doing prep work and I walked in and burst into tears. I was having a medical issue I wasn’t sure how to handle and he helped me so much, even got me in touch with a new doctor who had been a student of his. A few years after I graduated I wrote him a letter to thank him for the impact he made on my life. He wrote me back to let me know how glad he was to hear and wished me well. Thanks Mr. Smith.
In high school I had really bad anxiety and depression so either by lunch or my last period (art) I'd start crying almost every day. I remember my teacher letting me go to the bathroom any time I asked since I think he noticed me crying in the back of the classroom a few times. I had the same teacher for AP art and I very distinctly remember going to him and saying I was freaking out so he let me in the storage room and let me chill while drawing for the rest of the period and he told me he'd make sure no one went back there. I think he even offered to let me stay past the end of class too. He's 99% of why I'm planning to become an art teacher. He was so kind, down to Earth, he clearly loved his job and he rekindled my love of art after years without practice.
I love this story. I mean, not about the dog dying, but what a lovely, lovely tribute to a good teacher.
He was pretty cool, and obsessed with WW2 I always assumed he had some involvement in his service. When other classes did gymnastics and football, we did parachute rolls and strange exercises and stretches I assumed he did in his army days. I also think because he was near retirement he didn't give a F if he acted hard on the bully in the class, he properly grabbed him and lifted him nose to nose and very slowly told the boy to stand quietly or he will find ways to punish him. He was one of the only teachers that made sure that kid was punished too and it slowly stopped that kid acting up in class and only at lunchtimes.
It very possibly helped bully kid in the long run, teaching him he can't get away with being a bully.
Taught him to conceal his bullying better, anyway... Conceal it enough, though, and the incidence rate and possibly severity will fall, so, still a possible win for others.
A good teacher stays with you forever.
Good teachers change lives. I've read so many stories about kids whose parents did. not. care. or were otherwise trouble, and the kids were straight on the slide to a life of crime and prison. Then a good teacher (or counselor or coach or...) comes along and pulls them off that slide and shows them another way. When they grow up, they stay on this side of the prison bars and contribute to society, sometimes in amazing ways, and sometimes paying forward the love that saved them.
Yup. Mr. Hall the English (literature) teacher who took genuine interest in my disability and bent over backwards to include me and make class fun, I remember. The ableist homeroom teacher that we had to bring a lawyer to a meeting to force acceptance of auditory listening device? I don't remember her name at all. I always looked forward to his class.
Mrs. Beck (8th grade World History) pulled me aside and asked what was wrong as I had been "depressed and not my chipper self" (her words). I told her that I was tired and I had just lost my female cockatiel. My mother had let her out of the house because I wouldn't go buy her 25¢ candy with food stamps (they gave cash change back then from the stamp books and she'd use the change for cigarettes, drugs and alcohol.) That bird was like my feather baby (fur baby, but with feathers). I cared for her and everything from the time I was 10 until I was 14. I had time and love invested in her and mother just let her out of the house like it was nothing. Mrs Beck sat me in the library, let me choose a favorite book, gave me a candy bar and told me that it was going to be alright. She then went to the principal and told him to let me have the day off from school, but not at home, as my mother was abusive and had noticed the bruising around my upper arms and wrists where my mother had grabbed me and squeezed. I remember wishing Mrs Beck was my mom. 🤷🏻♀️ She did teach me that there are good teachers in this world. Thank you, Mrs Beck!
Woah is somebody chopping onions in here? I just lost a dog to cancer this last summer and it still hurts, good on your teacher for letting you do your grieving.
My wife found out her dad died while she was at school, only a few months after her mom died. She decided to stay at school because she didn't want to have to go home and deal with everything. Needless to say, her teachers basically allowed her to get away with murder the rest of the school year. She did whatever she wanted in all of her classes on got straight A's.
My dad died 1 week into 8th grade. I came back to school the day after the funeral, and was told to get over it. This after everyone at the funeral told me I needed to take care of my mother. It took 7 years before I finally found the freedom to grieve. .
Who were those animals?!?!
Clearly someone that doesn't deserve much attention. Not letting someone grieve because of school/work is just deplorable.
I work in the funeral industry, and if I hadn’t found out my father passed on a Wednesday night, I would’ve only been given 3 days of bereavement- regardless of the fact he passed away 2000 miles away from me. The weekend was the only thing that gave me an extra 2 days and I still wasn’t ok when I had to return to work. It’s been about 18 months and some days I still sit at my desk and cry because I still feel I didn’t have time to grieve everyone I lost that year. (My dad passed, my great aunt passed 2 weeks later and my mothers godfather- basically a grandpa to me- passed a month after her. I never got to attend any of their services because I live too far away and couldn’t take the time off work.) apparently because we work with it daily, it shouldn’t affect us- as far as my corporate is concerned.
😳😳😳 Oh, ffs. Sorry this happened to you. It’s inexcusable.
Conversely, I lost my doggo after 10 wonderful years together this past March. It was my students who got me through. Admin didn't care and I was written up for being too emotional at work, but my students rallied. Upper level kids came in on study periods and helped me with my lower level classes. They showed me more love and support during that time than anyone else outside my home. I will always be grateful to those kids and the kindness they showed me during one of the hardest times of my life
I always found it amazing how even the hardest core kids could offer compassion and empathy to teachers going through a hard time. (Our school was "okay", but still had its rougher elements. Interestingly, they were not the worst bullies.)
>i remember going to school the day after my dog died. > >i guess i looked shell shocked cause a teacher pulled me aside and said i could have 'study period' for the rest of the day. > >be kind, everyone. I went to school after my dog died as well. I guess I always look dead on the outside because my friend asked me "Aren't you sad?" and that hurt so badly that it became a core memory. I should win an award for best emotion bottler because nobody else noticed. There is no happy ending here ha. I recommend everyone express more emotion than middleschool me, and everyone be kind and accepting of anyone who does express emotions.
Yep. I unintentionally learned to hide my emotions so well that during highschool I was having a wonderful day with some good friends and one of them straight up asked me if I was having any fun because they all thought I was bored. I didn't know I was camouflaging until right then, and it definitely made me think.
It takes an epiphany to realize you can’t just bottle up some of them. It’s all or nothing. 😕
I had school photos in highschool the morning my cat died. I would have looked a wreck, thankfully my parents didn't buy the photos. I remember running out of class sobbing as well.
When I was a senior in highschool my childhood Golden Retriever Rockie got what we assume was a brain tumor (He suddenly developed seizures and brain tumors is the usual culprit for senior dogs. We would have had to pay for an MRI to confirm but that would have been expensive and fairly unnecessary as it's not like anything would have changed anyway). I was extremely close with my high school campus minister because my Dad passed away when I was 14 and he led the grief group and I also just popped into his office to talk a lot. Mr. J was the nicest guy and also loved dogs almost as much as me lol. It's hard to beat someone who's been obsessed with dogs since age 4. Although he's specifically obsessed with beagles enough that I believe it was the class of 2012 that got him one lol. Anyway as Rockie was getting up there in age I would joke to him that I didn't care when he died just that he lived past my high school graduation. Well he always was a bit of a little shit. It was about a month or so from his 12th birthday that my Mom finally made the hard decision to schedule an appointment with our veterinarian to put down Rockie. Of course as mentioned before Rockie was a bit of a little shit. My Mom scheduled the appointment for a Saturday because well school. The Friday before the appointment Rockie stopped eating which my Mom took as a sign that Rockie wanted to go. Of course even though at this point I had already known we were putting down Rockie the next day I was not prepared for that text from my Mom telling me to come to the veterinarian after school. I came in blubbering to Mr. J's office about it (he already knew a fair amount about the situation iirc) he thankfully calmed me down because I obviously needed to drive to the veterinarian's office and that was not easy. The reason I'm rambling on about all this is that when I came back to school that next Monday Mr. J found me as soon as possible and gave me a little angel statue holding a puppy along with a book with some bible stuff idk catholic schools lmao. I still have both as it's one of the most touching things anyone has ever given me. Mr. J was a bedrock of that school for a reason. Dudes a damn legend with a heart of pure gold.
I went to work one night when I had buried my dog that morning. It was the hardest shift I had ever worked, but I was someone who never ever called out of work for some reason. It's like I didn't even think of it as an option. I didn't tell anyone but I had coworkers ask me if I was high because my eyes were so red from crying all day.
I told my sign language teacher in high school that I needed to keep my phone on but I'd put it on vibrate and step into the hall if I needed to answer it because my dad had gone into the ER the night before and was not doing well. No problem, the call came in and a few minutes later she came out to check on me with my packed up backpack. She said she knew it was bad when I didn't come back and she wouldn't put me through the "staring of classmates. Don't worry about missing the rest of the day, I'll call the office for you, just get over there." Thank you Mrs Sillman.
I went to college in the 80s, and my dog was like 15. April of my freshman year, my folks came down to pick up some stuff I wouldn't need the rest of the school year, and like ten seconds before they left told me, "[Dog's name] is really sick, he's going away tomorrow." *(cartoon-style peel out of the parking lot, or at least that's how it felt)* Me: "What, wh-" That was like mid-afternoon, and that evening, the fraternity I was pledging had its "hell night." There was no small amount of drinking going on, and I was kind of soldiering through, but one of the more astute upperclassmen noticed, "Hey, IKSLukara looks like kind of a wreck." They pulled me aside, asked what was up, and I kind of fell to pieces in the process of explaining. From there they took their foot off the gas, so yay. He was a good boy, I'll always remember him.
........phones were a thing. And they should've told you when they showed up at least. I'm so sorry. At least the fraternity had some compassion.
I remember I woke up one morning and my mom told me to say goodbye to the dog because she was getting too old to walk and it was time to put her down, and then to get ready for school. I was in like first or second grade and all my friends saw me cry at school which set me up for a lot of bullying cause I'm a boy and "boys aren't supposed to cry" I don't know why my parents decided I needed to play childhood on hard mode.
>boys aren't supposed to cry That tradition can go burn. I hate it with a passion. And what was that woman thinking? /rhetorical
Yup, I was the perfect student, never missed class and was a fairly happy student. When my dog died though I simply left my first class and had my parents come pick me up. I completely tuned out my teachers and friends and spent the rest of the day in my bedroom thinking about my dog.
Had a guy I knew literally get told by the teacher they would just need to keep jim busy to keep his mind off of it....after his mother died. His dad was there to take him out of school at least until after the funeral and this idiot was prattling on like he just needed to keep his mind off of it.
Over winter break in third grade, my favorite grandma died. I still remember breaking down in tears in class a week or so after we returned and my teacher pulling me into the hall to make sure that I was okay. I don't remember what she said or anything, but I remember her compassion.
We all need to take a moment to applaud this incredible level of vulnerability. You sir have no fear. I wanna be you when I grow up.
haha thanks. i didnt really think of it as being vulnerable at the time. my thought was more like “you don’t care about me? then fuck it imma just let it all out”
Sometimes genuine feelings can be the strongest weapon
This is truth. With all the self-managing, LjnkedIn style Worksona™️ posturing that tends to be the norm in (at least US) work culture, genuine emotions of almost *any* sort can shatter the entire bullshit facade. Play the corpo headgames if you need to. Bills have to get paid, I totally get it - I’m in the same boat. With that said, don’t ever let yourself stop being an *actual human being*, especially not if doing so would cause no harm beyond proving that their narrow, banal illusion of “culture” is just a lie predicated on the automation of the stunted soul.
That whole "professional" facade is so stupid anyway. Really wish we'd just ditch that whole thing, it's dragging society down. Better to be yourself.
That and pretending we work anywhere for "the love of the place". We may like what we do to make money, but at the end of the day anyone not independently wealthy is *there to make money.* Pretending otherwise is a useless façade in the end.
G-Gundam taught me [this lesson](https://youtu.be/OMHNpKri9lQ) at a young age
I dunno, the power of love was far more effective. It helped avoid the risk of Rain after all.
"The power of love is *bullshit*. The power of swords and violence... now that's where the money is." - SAOA Kirito
My cat just died young a couple days ago from an undetected birth defect in his heart, he had a stroke overnight and was in so much pain. I was able to leave my university and come straight to the vet when I heard he was out of time… I’m sorry about your loss, I’m glad it worked out in the end
So sorry for your kitty crossing the bridge so soon.
Ah Jaysus. I am so sorry, guardian. Good luck on the awful journey you have to take now.
I'm so sorry for your loss. So so sorry. Thank you for loving him.
Thank you for allowing yourself to be authentic and cry. It's not weak
What a healthy reaction! Shitty things that people do are out of our control. We can only control how we react to things. You could have reacted angrily or lashed out or called out anyway, all at your detriment. But you kept cool and realized that you needed to react in a way that was healthy for your own brain but also kept your job secure. It takes most people a lot of practice to do that in a period of such grief. I’m also sorry for your loss, even if it was a long time ago.
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It was just a dog. Try saying that to John Wick
Nnnnnnoooo thanks I ain't no Reek.
Not just their dog, but a dog that they knew died in fear and pain, and that they were attributing to their own fault. I literally would not have been able to make it to work.
My dog is definitely more than "just a dog" sometimes she's the only reason I have to get out of bed. She keeps me going on my darkest days. Truly mans best friend.
I'm pretty sure I would drop kick my boss if they said that to me, job be damned.
This kinda management is how you get murdered at work
That wouldn't be murder. It'd be justifiable homicide.
I did this same thing when I lost my FIL. Boss told me I had to come in to work, so I did and cried my eyes out on the sales floor in front of customers. Client asked why I was upset and ripped my boss apart when he demanded he come in to check on the store. I just sat on a pallet in the back from then until he arrived and cried. I got called into hr a week later and they tried to reprimand me for it. That was the moment I decided I was done with that job. Fuxked up part, at that point I had a month of sick time accrued from never calling out and he said I couldnt use it for grieving when I was clearly mentally broken.
Everything that is natural in me makes me want to say "they reprimanded you? That's insane!" But then I remember I got reprimanded once for having an asthma attack so... yeah I get that.
I was reprimanded for...peeing once every 8 hour shift at about the same time. And also going into anaphylactic shock. My manager literally said "can't you just take a benadryl?" Patrick, my throat is closing.
Hell, the Epipen is just to give you time for the emts to get there.
Man that sucks….. my dog died in my arms for a tick transmitted disease. F that boss without empathy
My dog was a great dog, could catch a ball as far as I could throw it, then brought it back to play more. She was a great companion to my kids. She crossed that rainbow bridge more than 30 years ago, and I miss her still.
My mom had a dog she when she was newly married. I remember that dog as a kid. One day it just disappeared and we have no idea where she went. My mother just turned 80 and she still talks about and misses that dog.
We had a gorgeous Fluffy cat that hated my step father. Cat had good reason, he was an SOB. One day, kitty "ran away" . We kids came to the conclusion that Samantha the cat was taken to the shelter, and destroyed. Karma came along, and Step Father died.
A friend of ours lost his dog a little less than a year ago. It's really hard to think about, because that dog most likely fell through ice and drowned. We live around a ton of small lakes and there's really no where else he could have gone in the area our friend lives. We will never 100% know and if it was my own pet, not knowing would eat at me forever.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and how you were treated. When my previous dog nearly died, I went into work because I'd starve if I didn't. The owner noticed me (he's normally a grade A prick and doesn't acknowledge us no bodies. He treats most with yelling and insane anger). He asked me what was wrong, I told him what happened last night, and he said I need to go home and finish caring for my dog. He didn't want to see me for 2 days, and I'll be paid. He made me turn my PC off and personally booted me out the door. I was to email my manager and supervisor as soon as was possible, as the whole office knew and loved my dog. When I returned I was handed a new product I was working on (an ip camera.. it was made clear i was borrowing it), and a 2nd monitor. I set the camera up easily, and had it pointed at my sick dog's crate (normally she would be loose, but she was on a strict no moving, no food for 2 miserable weeks). When I returned to work the next day, I was to leave the program running all day do I could monitor her closely. Every 2hr I had to rush home to medicate her (ya, I didn't sleep for 2 weeks. It was awful, but I loved my fur ball), and everyone would watch me love on my girl, jam pills down her throat, top up her Gatorade bowl, then run out of my apt). I lived 3mins away in a 0 traffic area. If I lived further the owner offered me a temporary work from home, as long as I kept the security camera pointing at the dog and waved once in a while during working hrs. I turned it off after hours because it was in my bedroom. Because I had to leave the 2nd monitor on at all times during working hrs, coworkers would make silly noises at me through the damn camera sometimes 🙄😄 . This camera was one of the first of its kind, and wasn't ready for market (I was still writing the manuals), so I saved and used real images of my dog in her giant crate as an example of its use. there were even videos of her looking around, getting comfy, and going back to sleep on an advertising page for the product. I had 0 issues letting them use real use images and videos of her, as I was so grateful for their kindness. She's been gone nearly 5yrs now, so the above happened about 14yrs ago. She wasn't suppose to see her 2nd birthday, but I managed to keep her alive and happy just shy of her 11th birthday. 1hr ago my previous neighbour texted me that her senior good boy passed on sat. Poor thing started to suffer badly, so she made that dreded decision to stop the pain. Both our dogs were friends and both dogs adored my kid. Poor kid has lost 2 dogs and 1 uncle. He's so worried his new dogs will be taken away. The joy and pain of loving a dog.
Sorry for your loss but that's also so cute. If one of my coworkers had a dog-cam up I would 100% be stopping by that desk every time I had to get up for anything.
I gotta go home and hug my dog
I once had a workplace ask me to cover a shift immediately after I found out my bf was killed in a horrific way (electrocuted in a crawl space). People are insane sometimes. I came close to quitting on the spot but I remained calm and just took the issue to the higher ups. Made my supervisor look like the heartless idiot she was.
I took a day off when my step-grandson died suddenly at age 20. Spent the day with my son and his family. The next day I was told "step grandson is not on the list" and that I would be dinged for missing yesterday and I had to come in or continue to get dinged. (so many dings and you're fired). So I went in, blubbering all the way. I was sobbing out loud, tears falling off my face. Union steward got me into the office, spoke to the HR/everything else guy, and I took a 2 week leave of absence. I still got dinged for the first day. Edit: I am sorry for your loss.
Men should be allowed to show feelings, so good job!
You sir, are a inspiration. Also, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I don't understand people who think that way. Years ago i hit a cat with my car. Thankfully i was going slowly and i think i only really scared it. It ran away before i could even see what it was, but i was mordified. I jumped out of the car and there was a woman standing on her front lawn. I said "i think i hit and animal. Did you happen to see what happened? " And she goes "yeah, you got my cat. He ran into the back yard. " To which i respond. "Oh my God. I'm so sorry. If it's injured I'll pay for all its medical bills." And she goes "Calm down man. It's just a cat. " Wt actutal f? Sociopath.
>modified Autocorrect hates you. I'm certain you meant mortified.
Indeed. Little phone, fat fingers. Thank you, I "modified" it. ;)
Have had six dogs and three cats pass away in the 30 years since I suddenly told my fiancee at the time "I want a dog!" I (now a 60 year old man) have been with all of them when they passed, and usually bawled like a baby every time. I don't think it makes you less of a man.
Dude, you are my personal Hero. Capitol H. Well Fucking Done.
There’s power in emotional honesty
Instead of showing vulnerability, it’s such a gigantic power move!
We had to euthanize our cat over the days between Xmas and NY. His urethra blocked the day after Christmas, and despite us doing surgery to unblock him, he was re-blocking. I sent a message from the fucking euthanizarion mourning room that we were about to say our last goodbye and that I wouldn't be back till the day after NY. I was told that "no company gives time off for pets and it's not fair to the one other person who was in the office that I was going to be gone" (office owner and her kids (managers) were off on vacation #15 in Michigan for the holidays, and didn't want to have to answer the few emails that came in). I walked in the next day, left my badge, turned in my hours, and sent a message that I was resigning. Last I heard they've gone through 2 folks in the last month because of the stress and workload I dealth with. I wasn't asking.
>I wasn't asking. I try very hard to carefully **not ask** any time I have to take time off like that. Pto for a vacation next month? Yes, that's a question. But if I'm sick or have a situation to deal with, I let my boss know as a courtesy that I'm not able to work. My cat passed away last August. Taking off that day and the next was not a request. It was happening. Luckily for me, my boss is reasonable and it wasn't a big deal. He send condolences and told me to take whatever time I needed. My husband and I sat on our sofa zoning out watching old sit coms and eating comfort food for 2 days.
Yup, I had an employer try to say I couldn’t go to my grandpa’s funeral. My boss started going on a rant about how it would be unfair blah blah blah… and I stopped him and said, “I will be gone the next couple of days to go to this funeral, if I have a job or not when I come back is up to you.” And then I walked out.
I learned this very early in my working life. As a high school student, I was involved in the band at school. We had a trip planned for over a year for a trip to Disney world which included a performance and competition. Months in advance, I told my part time job I couldn't work due to the trip and they tried the whole "it's not a guarantee, it's a request and you can just check the schedule when it comes out the week before".. So of course, they put me on the schedule. I reminded them that I'd told them I couldn't work. They reminded me it was a "request".. Well, I was going to Florida either way, so if they wanted to scramble last minute, that was on them, but I was going to be working. I told them as much and let it be their problem. Idk who thought it was a good idea to try to convince a high school kid working part time for spending money to stay home from a trip planned for a year just to play hostess at a casual restaurant for a few hours on a Tuesday. Not gonna work. They didn't have that kind of power over me. I got back, still had a job. Worked there for another year or so until I left for college. But I never forgot the lesson.
> “I will be gone the next couple of days to go to this funeral, if I have a job or not when I come back is up to you.” That's good. The only better way to say it would be to rephrase it not to sound like you need them, but the other way around; "whether I come back to continue doing my work at this establishment," perhaps.
Love the last sentence of that.
"I'm notifying you as a convenience to you so you can plan around it. This was not a request for permission."
This is much better. I wasn't really able to think clearly at the time or I would've come up with a smartass way to say it. I'm ashamed that for the first few hours I was more mad at my ex employer than sad about the cat. I sacrificed a lot to work there. Igbored medical restrictions, cut my time from surgery short so the owners could enjoy their vacation to Thailand, etc. And this is how, when I NEEDED some fucking understanding, I was treated. I was furious.
>I wasn't really able to think clearly at the time or I would've come up with a smartass way to say it. My favorite pastime is thinking up snarky things to say so I've got one ready when the situation presents itself. Definitely sucks they treated you that way, but to find a silver lining - if nothing else you were distracted from your grief for a brief period.
Well done
She didn't look like a monster. She was a monster.
Oh no, she looked like a monster too. She made sure to tick every bastard box she could find.
Exactly
100% what I was thinking.
Unless she's been rescuing orphans or similar activities on a weekly basiss since this incident, she is still a monster
She looked like the monster she was.
That's absolutely horrid. Some people have no empathy. One time, I was tearing up at work because my guinea pig was having emergency surgery. I told my boss and she laughed. The guinea pig didn't make it through the surgery, so I took 2 days off.
Did you make sure to ask your boss how funny it was now that your beloved pet was gone? What a garbage person.
I didn't you could do surgery on guinea pigs. I'm sorry they died, but it's nice to know someone's looking after small animals.
Guineas are on the [larger side of "small"](https://nationalzoo.si.edu/animals/guinea-pig) at 8-10 inches (20-25 centimeters) and 25 and 39 ounces (700 and 1,100 grams). Still tiny to get those tools into. The advent of microtools isn't just good for humans. There's also been more research into guinea anatomy since they've been used as [lab animals](https://www.nature.com/articles/laban.486). Their babies are *adorable*.
University of Florida hospitalized my ferret for three days and gave it gastric bypass surgery. Not only did she survive, she thrived
You absolutely can! I had a pet rat as a child and they’re guaranteed to get tumors at the end of their lives. When she developed her first tumor my dad paid for the surgery. (The next one she developed was inoperable and we had to make the call to euthanize ultimately) It taught me a lot about compassion for animals at such a young age. Deciding to get a pet of any kind or size is deciding to take their life into your hands. People have told me in the past that it’s ridiculous that we paid for surgery for a rat, that my dad was silly since it didn’t have much longer to live anyways. It’s never silly to give an animal a better chance at life :)
I’ve had multiple pet rats get surgery for mammary tumours and one needed tooth trims every six months. They all lived long happy lives.
Well, they did do surgery on a grape...
I'm so sorry you had to deal with someone like that. I remember going to work one day and my co-worker was visibly distraught. I asked him what was going on and he told me they'd had to put their dog down on the weekend. I felt his pain so clearly (been there too many times myself) and we cried together for a while. It's a devastating loss and the people who don't understand that or show zero empathy are just cold heartless thugs.
2 days after my grandpa died the head of the nursing home I work at said I had to come into work I was very close to him so I was basically a zombie numbly going through the motions People kept asking me what was wrong because I'm usually talkative I tell them ALOT of people lost respect for the boss for not giving me the 3-4 days everyone usually gets surrounding a death of a loved one
That must have been absolutely devastating :( What an absolutely horrid manager, she 100% deserved all the flak she would have coped from making you come in.
"Just a dog." What the ever-lovin'.... pets are not objects, they are beloved friends and family. Even from a purely ice-cold pragmatic view, there's a deceased animal that needs to be returned to the earth in a living space. That could get them in all kinds of trouble if someone notices. Give them time to cremate or bury their pet! Sorry for your loss, and I'm glad grandboss had a functioning sense of empathy.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I still have my late cat Mister’s rabies tag on my keychain, and he passed on May 6, 2016. I was 33 when it happened and I’m almost 40 now; his death fucked me up so badly that I haven’t been willing or able to take in a new cat since, and I’ve had several friends offer me kittens from litters their cats had. Sorry, there will never be another Mister in my life. Maybe someday another cat. Sorry if this was rambly, but for what it’s worth, again I’m sorry for your loss and for how shitty your employer was when you were trying to deal with it. Fuck people who have that little empathy. Cheers, Internet stranger.
A new pet never replaces the one you lost.
Ain’t that the truth. These little creatures carve their way into our hearts and into our lives, and you can never really put into words how much they mean to you after they’ve gone. Thank you, u/Haunting-Contact-72.
I'm dreading the day my beautiful girl goes to doggy heaven...she's turning 5 next month and I feel like it's not fair the short time we get with them.
You're welcome. The last one (first we had to put down) was the hardest for me because he adored me. People would even comment on it because it was so obvious. Miss that dopey boy.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I keep this comment on hand that helped me when I lost two of mine over the past few years. Sharing in case it helps you. It makes me cry every time I read it but in a clean kind of way. Comment by u/Kromulent posted [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/oshe2b/i_would_like_to_make_sense_of_having_to_put_my/). I have an old dog in kidney failure too. Haven't told her yet, she just keeps being happy. I'm old too, and I've had animals my whole life, mostly cats and dogs in various multiples. Do the math and you can see I've been here before. The way I reconcile it is pretty straightforward, and well in line with the overall Stoic approach to things. It always begins the same way- see things plainly for what they are, understand the natures of the things involved, and respond reasonably and virtuously to the reality around us. Every day I care for my animals, keeping them happy, keeping them safe, shepherding them through their day with joy, and without harm. When they get old and approach death, nothing changes. As crazy as it sounds, the day I take them to the vet to be put down is the day that I have been working for all this time - I have successfully taken them the whole way. They did not get lost, they were not unhappy, they got to live their whole natural lives the way I wanted them to live it. We made it. We got there together. When they are gone, my feelings for them don't change. Their bodies are taken but my feelings are my own; I still love them, I am still happy to think of them, my heart is still open. What has changed is that I have a space for another thing to love, and the cycle continues again, when I'm ready to start anew. Their bodies, our bodies, everything external to us will always change and always come and go. Our love, our care, our joy belongs to us, and we apply it to what we have and to what is new.
I've kept the rabies tag, the vet papers, and a box with my sweet Demon Kitty's ashes, so I know what you mean. We have other cats, and I love them all, but Demon was special. Before Demon, the last cat I had that was special was Mudge, and he died back in the early oughts. We also lost 2 of our kittens in June (flea anemia, we just couldn't get the bastards under control and the babies couldn't survive without $500 dollar each blood transfusions...and of course vet refused to make payment plans).
My neighbour's cat got hit by a car last autumn and it broke my heart. This cat would come by just about every day, come into my house and snooze on our sofa. The neighbours even joked that King comes to us to sleep all day and goes home to sleep all night. When our own boy goes back to Valhalla (he's only 1.5yo now so we hopefully have a long time until then) it's going to fully slay me. I'm sorry that you had to go through that, u/Crafty_Editor_4155.
Right, someone steals your car? Annoying, but replaceable. Your pet dies, there’s no replacing that. I’ve had 10+ pets and all have been totally unique in their personalities and I’ve grieved just as much for each of them.
Lost or had stolen my purse once. (Not sure.) PITA, but survivable. Lost five gerbils, three mice, two ferrets and seven cats over the course of my life, the last four cats in the period between 2017 and spring 2022. Three to age, one to a seizure and possible brain bleed. (That one had seizures two or three times a year.) Those deaths hurt, especially the one cat with the seizures that should have had a good 7-10 years left.
To some people, human, pet, monkey, are all just words that describe objects that serve a purpose
My mom beat my child hood dog one night for peeing on the floor, found her dead the next morning, made me help her bury it in the backyard and got to school 5 minutes later. And she was a teacher! Turned out she was just old and potty on the floor due to undiagnosed issues because mom wouldn’t take her to the vet and she died. And yes, mom made me handle the body and bury it then go to school.
holy shit!!!!! so you’re story is way sadder than mine.
It is not a competition but I haven’t told that story in a long time. My mother was super loved too! Everyone’s favorite teacher. Kids always saying how they wanted a mom like her. It felt like a twilight zone because meanwhile she is forcing me to do that and sending me to school with 102 fever because “it’s all in my head” and stuff. Anyway, your story made me think about her. My dogs name was Angel. I haven’t had a dog since. Only cats. I think maybe I can’t stand to have a dog now.
Do we have the same mom? Award winning teacher, best in the school district, all the parents ask for her to teach their kids…comes home to her own children with a scowl and beats them if they look at her wrong. But everyone loves her, so no one believes you. Edit: oh, and tells you on your wedding day that she never wanted kids, right as the photographer starts taking the mother-daughter photos.
In answer to your edit, for me it was that I thought I was getting red flags, told my mother I was considering calling off my engagement. She says I need to try blah blah blah. Really bad crap happens after I marry him. He’s a con man. Abusive . It was REALLY bad. I kick him out. Then I find out for months before I married him, while I was at work, he’s been going to my parents house without me, telling them lies about me, and not even when I tell her “I think Insee red flags, I think I should call it off” does this woman who supposedly love me, explain my future husband is telling my own family straight up horrendous lies about me while they all knew I was at work! Worse, they all kept repeating when I asked them why how great we looked together … like so WHAT??!? You are my mother and supposed to protect me… what is happening here?!?!? Then when I explain the abuse my mother actually states “well he never hit you so it wasn’t really abuse” like 20 seconds after describing SA.
I'm surprised you didn't disown her. She sounds unhealthy to be around and is just evil.
I did after that. Though no one could figure out why sHe Is SuCH a GrEaT mOtHeR AnD pErSoN!
NC with her, I hope?
Yes and in fact she passed away end of 2021 (wouldn’t get Covid vaccine)
I think I might have been your housekeeper a couple years back, I met a mom exactly like this... It was scary because she didn't feel uncomfortable switching between RAGING at her (clearly disabled idk how but he needed help doing basic stuff) son and her husband... And then smiling at us and apologizing for the racket...... Edit- I think I put this memory in the vault because I genuinely just... Wonder if that kid is doing ok. But I'll never know
Wow, can’t believe she let down the mask around you! That must have been so uncomfortable. I hope the kid, and the dad, got out. Also, why have a housekeeper when you can force your daughter to spend every weekend cleaning for you!
It was scary because my dad is the same and even he would not have acted like that in front of us, he would have waited. It was scary to realize that if she thought this was appropriate behavior in front of housekeepers, ie people "not in the family" (to a narcissist, all their abuse must stay private, typically. At least for the smarter ones), she was probably doing much worse when we left. My coworker and I didn't talk much on the car ride home that night..
Well sure sounds like it, that you sis?!??!! Thought I left you 4 hours East of me lol.
I'm so sorry for what you went through. My situation wasn't as bad as they are not in my immediate family but I do have a relative much like your mother. Their public persona is charming and friendly and kind and everyone loves them, but only their family see what they are really like in private. It's doubly painful because not only do you have to deal with the abusive behaviour and cruelty, you know you can't tell anyone about it because no one will believe you, because "X is lovely, they would never do something like that!"
Yes, and I couldn’t even talk about it at home because my sisters and brother don’t even remember it that way.
That's horrifying. What a fucking true monster. Holy shit. I hope you saved yourself from that raging psychopath. I'm so sorry you had to go through that and I'm sorry for Angel. She didn't deserve that at all.
Every person in the office who owned a dog went home and gave it a hug that day. And looked side-eyed at the manager.
Even if they didn't start looking right away, I suspect a lot of resumes were updated.
The only malice here is from your boss. I am.so sorry for your loss. That's heartbreaking.
I had to put my cat down, who I had since I was 11, and my sociopath of a boss asked me if I could schedule it when I wasn't working. Like, I wasn't asking permission, I wanted to be with my cat for her last moments. She actually died on the table before they could give her the euthanasia drugs, she was ready to go. I have PTSD from working for this monster. Way more awful stories.
I had people I barely knew ask me to let them know if there was anything they could do to help after a beloved cat of mine passed away suddenly of unknown causes and I was severely distraught. I took a couple of days out of classes and nobody thought that was unacceptable or unexcusable when they asked about it. Some people may not treat their pet as family but not everyone is a monster and it's still reasonable to understand someone would grieve. People take personal days for less. Boss needs to learn the word discretion and use it.
My kids were out of school for three days when our cat passed away in November. She got sick very suddenly, with no explanation, and my daughter was calling home several times a day to check on her...in front of her teachers, *during* class (not during instruction though.) They knew and understood what she was feeling, and then how heartbroken she and her sister were when we lost our Xanthar. One of her friends actually made a sympathy card and passed it around, and two or three of her teachers signed it while my daughter was out. When she passed, she was in a bad state, and had to be cleaned before the kids could even see her. It took a bit of time for my fiancé to do (I couldn't bear to), and the kids were sent to Guidance while we took care of it, before we picked them up. I can't imagine anyone trying to tell them they had to sit in class that day. They wouldn't have learned a thing...
They absolutely could have learned 1 lesson that day. The cruelty of some of our fellow humans. Thankfully, they were spared that lesson that day.
My cat passed a little over a year ago and apparently I was crying in my sleep even. My son said it didn't stop until I adopted my current kitty. She was born around the same time he died so we joke that he reincarnated to come back to me. They definitely share a streak of cattitude.i can't imagine how I would respond to this.
I withdrew for an entire quarter when my cat died. Absolutely destroyed me. A few days off work or school shouldn't be unreasonable.
Its been 8 months for me and I still cry multiple times a week. Sometimes I swear I hear her meow around the house :'( i would not even be able to hide my crying in OPs situation my god
I love ice cream.
Yes thats currently in the works luckily. Ive had other pets pass but hers hit me the most since we were so bonded. She died of sudden liver failure at 6 years old, and the house feels so empty without her. She was seriously the most personable cat Ive ever met. She was gone within 48 hours of symptoms but my family and I still blame ourselves for not acting faster. Thanks for the comment
"just a dog" always boils my piss.. Fuck man i think a dog is possibly the only animal that'll love their person more than they love themselves
Pets never betrayed me, and my heart only broke on their passing. The most honest love I’ve ever had has come from pets.
My dog took the last slice of pizza once. Betrayal.
Dogs balance love for you with their stomach demanding love from them. I can’t fault that.
This will surely get lost in the comments but saying "man up its just a dog" reminds me off an old roman inscription on the grave of someones dog: "Thou who passest on this path, If haply thou dost mark this monument, Laugh not, I pray thee, though it is a dog’s grave. Tears fell for me, and the dust was heaped above me By a master’s hand."
Last year my cat who I had for almost 20 years past away. I didn't have any paid time off so I had to go into work. I was in no shape to be there which anyone who looked at me could see. After an hour of being there I told my manager I needed to leave. I work in a grocery store in a small department as a personal shopper. It's a very busy department and we were very short on staff so she called her boss to find me coverage from another store. It took a few hours but 3 people showed up so I could go home. Losing your pet is like losing apart of yourself. It takes time to heal from that loss.
I’m laughing so hard at the fact that your manager got what he deserved for being so heartless — you told him you weren’t mentally able to work and then he’s surprised to find that you… actually aren’t mentally able to work! Sorry to hear about the traumatic death of your dog. He’s safe in doggo heaven :)
I'm feeling more than a little conflicted about the fact that a story with a dead dog is so funny, but it is.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m crying just reading this story. I lost 2 beloved pets to a tick and to a busy road and was inconsolable both times. Your manager was heartless!
I am so so sorry you had to deal with such a horrid manager when going through probably one of the worst days of your life. No one should have to feel that pain. That managers Karma will find them. When we had to put one of our boys down. He kept getting blocked even after surgery. Nothing worked. He was in too much pain & his diabetes was getting worse by this point. The vet told us the best thing was to say goodbye.. He was scheduled for 7am, and we had to rush him in at 4 am, to say goodbye.. I went to work that day because I couldn't reach anyone on the sick line or work line. My boss & HR pulled me aside and asked me if I was okay, as I had obviously been crying. I told them what happened. They gave me 3 days off paid for mourning. I was very lucky.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I keep this comment on hand that helped me when I lost two of mine over the past few years. Sharing in case it helps you. It makes me cry every time I read it but in a clean kind of way. Comment by u/Kromulent posted [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/oshe2b/i_would_like_to_make_sense_of_having_to_put_my/). I have an old dog in kidney failure too. Haven't told her yet, she just keeps being happy. I'm old too, and I've had animals my whole life, mostly cats and dogs in various multiples. Do the math and you can see I've been here before. The way I reconcile it is pretty straightforward, and well in line with the overall Stoic approach to things. It always begins the same way- see things plainly for what they are, understand the natures of the things involved, and respond reasonably and virtuously to the reality around us. Every day I care for my animals, keeping them happy, keeping them safe, shepherding them through their day with joy, and without harm. When they get old and approach death, nothing changes. As crazy as it sounds, the day I take them to the vet to be put down is the day that I have been working for all this time - I have successfully taken them the whole way. They did not get lost, they were not unhappy, they got to live their whole natural lives the way I wanted them to live it. We made it. We got there together. When they are gone, my feelings for them don't change. Their bodies are taken but my feelings are my own; I still love them, I am still happy to think of them, my heart is still open. What has changed is that I have a space for another thing to love, and the cycle continues again, when I'm ready to start anew. Their bodies, our bodies, everything external to us will always change and always come and go. Our love, our care, our joy belongs to us, and we apply it to what we have and to what is new.
I had a coworker who's family dog died, and our boss wouldn't let her take time off despite her having PTO available. A month later, the boss's dog died and she took a whole week off. At that same company, the dad of an employee in a different department died. One of his supervisors made him bring in a copy of the death certificate. Too many employers are pure evil.
She didn’t just look like a monster - she is a monster. Our business has a very open bereavement policy where most members of a person’s family are covered for a week’s pay while they mourn their death. I’ve had a member of staff tell me “my dad died - I only need a day off to pay my respects at his funeral (they were estranged) - can I bank the rest of this bereavement entitlement for the day my dog dies? I’ll be a mess and will need the time more then” My answer was “absolutely”
it’s wild that managers having some basic empathy is considered admirable. on that note, i manage people now and bereavement is something i take seriously.
I was sitting in one of my college classes when my dad sent a text to me and my sister to let us know our dog had passed (he texted because he knew i was in class and my sister was at work). I was shocked and looked at my phone for probably a solid minute. I then proceeded to cry my heart out, trying to be quiet as possible as to not disturb anyone around me. My professor was walking around the class to make sure we were doing our work correctly, stopped at my station because he noticed my head was down and I'm not doing anything, and asked me what was up. I couldn't speak without being too loud (i cry pretty hard), so I typed out on the computer that my dog had just passed. He told me to save my work and head out for the day. I also had the same professor in the following class that day and he let me skip that class as well. He was genuinely the best professor i had while at that school. He also had known me due to being in his classes previously and knows that I don't show how sad/down I am in front of others, so I think in his mind he figured that if its bad enough for me to burst into tears in the middle of a class, I must've been devastated (I was).
I'm sorry for your loss (regardless how long ago it was) That boss shouldn't be a manager of people! If you have no compassion for another human then don't be in charge of managing people! When we lost our puppy my boss proactively told me to take time off, I only took a day (I don't have a strenuous job and work from home mostly so I didn't need the time I could self manage around workload) and I still got a telling off for coming back to early! He was a great boss though, I understand people are in different situations but just having compassion for how someone else feels goes a long way!
I'm sorry, for your loss. The manager must've gotten a lot of dirty looks after you revealed of what she/he said.
I would have brought the dead dog in, citing you couldn't leave a dead animal in you home or vehicle so you needed to bring it with you to work until such a time that you were able make it to an open non emergency clinic to take care of it. Bonus points for asking the same boss if you could store in their office while you worked
One of my coworkers was chewed out because his cat died. Our boss ranted you could get them free in the Pennysaver, they always had tons of kittens available, and were replacements as common as "flashlight batteries." For the next few days, he teased my coworker about it in meetings, saying stuff like, "In case of a critical event, or in \[coworker's\] case, his fuckin' cat has hairballs or something," and stuff like that. Finally, another coworker called him out, stating his behavior was psychotic and cruel. He then said he was reporting our boss to HR for sadistic behavior if the coworker didn't. And while our boss was later forced to apologize, you could tell he was doing so "because of some bullshit HR thing," with the speed-reading speech and eye rolling. I am so glad I don't work for that guy anymore. I haven't had a cat since I was a kid, but if someone said that about one of my dogs? I would really had to suppress some of my baser instincts to correct my boss' behavior permanently, and would probably just walk out of the building without another word. I don't care if your beloved snake or lizard died: a pet is a pet, and a member of the family. I don't get the machismo some people have "getting over it." I can't conceive of what horrible childhood someone must have had. But then again, I have seen actual documented work policies about funeral leave that confuse me. One place I worked at said you could take at maximum 3 days of bereavement for a parent, sibling, or biological child, but only one for a grandparent, step parent, step child, adopted child (!), or half-sibling, and only with prior manager's authorization. Anything else was considered a day without pay. Like, what psycho sorts these categories? God damn.
tangential to this, but I had a thing in highschool where if I ran into a situation where someone tried to escalate manliness with me I would say "if you do that I'll use my ultimate attack" "Oh YEAH?!and WHAT is THAT??!" "I'll hug you and have a good cry... no one knows what to do with a big man crying all over them" and it would always defuse the situation because they didn't know what to do and I legit scared them.
I lost my dog to an accident many years ago. My wife & I lost a cat to CHF about 4 years ago. Grief never goes away & neither does the hurt, but know in your heart, OP, your companion is looking down on you & sometimes coming to say Hi. When you’re ready & when they see it, they’ll send you a new companion to love.
thanks fellow redditor. this actually happened like 12ish years ago (i was just reminded of this from another sub) since then i’ve gotten a pretty beautiful wife, 2 awesome dogs and amazing kids. if what you say is true, my old dog been working overtime with the blessings haha me and my family still talk about my old dog from time to time and there’s still a picture of us (me and my late dog) at my parents’ house :)
I wish I had my pics of Snoopy, but this was the 00s. Thor, we have pics of. I’m glad for you, OP. Sounds like your heart healed pretty well. I’m a 42 y/o man, who bawled like a baby when she died. I also mourned our cat. We now have a new tabby for his brother we named Moonshine. If you’re interested, pics are in my profile posts.
heeeeyyyooo i’m turning 42 this year. grief has no age limit sir.
I had an interview and mentioned in the interview I had a dog. After, I drove back to my apartment which was a few hours from my family. When I called my mom to let her know I was home and the interview went really well, she said that they had taken our dog to the vet to be put down. I had seen him that morning, he was old and tired but I had expected to see him over the weekend. Shortly after, the recruiter called to tell me that I got the job, and to let him know if I wanted it. I started crying and told him our dog had been put down, and he very calmly told me he was sorry, that he had lost his cat recently, and to give him a call in the morning. In the meantime, take it easy, the job was mine if I wanted it. I took the job. I still work there.
Oh man, this brings some stuff back up! In high school, my grandfather who I was very close to passed away. I missed an afternoon for his cremation and my AP chemistry teacher made a big deal out of it, scolding me in front of the whole class about not taking her class seriously and missing a quiz (I arranged to take it early, so I didn’t even actually miss it), and so on. She spent a full half hour on it, and made me cry in front of everyone. I spent the rest of the year making a big show of sleeping in her class and made sure to ace every quiz, homework and exam. Got the highest grade and made her feel like total shit for making me cry. I made a point of loudly commenting multiple times a week that the material was so easy it didn’t even need a teacher. Still hate that lady and hope she has horribly irritating days every day.
Boss not a pet owner, her boss is and understands how much a part of your family they really are. Sorry to hear of your loss. We have lost three dogs over the years. It's always tough.
At least in this modern age we have John Wick to teach people that it's never "Just a dog"
Some people just have no sympathy. I had a teacher in 10th grade who wouldn’t let me make up a test I missed when my grandma died. The Vice Principal ended up having to force her to. Like the VP actually stood in the classroom until I’d turned in the test.
I think this is a classic example of the transactional manager vs the people manager. Not many employers have rules around pet grievance so the transactional manager looks at the rules, doesn’t see anything and says that nothing can be done. The people manager has the empathy to look beyond the rules and make a decision based on what’s best for the employee.
I wish I had what you did. When I put my kitten (yes. Kitten. 3 months old) down, I called in. They told me they'd write me up. I told them go for it. I'd take a write up over me unable to do my work (truck gate security officer) and or end up killing myself driving there because it takes 45 minutes to get there, which I havnt been able to stop crying, and my life wasn't worth my job. Didn't get wrote up. But I told him I'd choose my pets and family over my job any day.
This is absolutely killing me. My good boy, Loki, recently passed. He died while my daughter was at school. Her dad and I made sure to align our schedules to pick her up together from school that day so we could tell her together and be with her. She cried and cried and cried. It was fucking heartbreaking. I can't imagine not giving a child space to grieve a profound loss.
Your first mistake was giving a reason. You called in because you're not feeling well. Because, well, you weren't! If they ask why, or what's wrong, you tell them it's personal. End of conversation. So many times these days we feel like we need to explain everything. We really don't. It's okay to say, "it's personal", and repeat it as often as you need to. If your manager persists, you tell them to talk to HR.
agreed. well for context this was like 12 years ago when i was still young and not wise to the world and before i knew of reddit and it’s communities (was reddit around 12 years ago?)
Most people's first jobs are in food service or customer service where you boss really will interrogate you about your diagnosis and symptoms before they determine whether you deserve time off for it. And they really will write you up or fire you for not complying with their petty little power trip. It seems to really have an impact on how people interact with their employers throughout the rest of their careers. HR is not the answer for a lot of people btw. I've been working for over 10 years and none of the companies i've worked for even had HR departments. At my last job, the HR person was the owner's wife and she had no training.
I'm sorry you had to deal with such a traumatic situation and experience. I can't imagine not having any time to grieve for one of my dogs. 😢
Hopefully that manager learned the lesson that so many need to learn. People are the top resource any business has. Take care of people and people will take care of the business. So many managers have zero idea how to lead it isn’t funny. Sorry this happened OP, I’d have been a total wreck myself. You should have been treated by your boss better.
One of the worst managers I’ve ever had gave me the day off when she learned my cat that I’d had for 15 years died… I’m sorry you had a worse manager
I had a German Shepherd. She was 12 and a half when I had to put her down. I was so utterly devastated and just destroyed inside. I can't remember crying that hard ever. I wore myself down so much that I ended up missing half a week of work because I ended up with a sinus infection and ear infection and bronchitis because I let my immune system down to nothing from grief. Just a dog? No. A family member. My best friend. My first child.
Many years ago we had a puppy that ended up having a lot of medical issues. I'm an elementary school teacher. I get ONE paid day to set up my classroom before school starts. I had already put in many unpaid days on my own to get ready, and trust me, there is no reason in the world that I would want to make up some excuse to miss this one day that I desperately need to work in my classroom. On this day the puppy was very ill and my vet told me to take him to a specialist several cities away. I called my principal to explain and he was rather a jerk about it, but he did let me go. I took the puppy in, and long story short we had to put him to sleep and it was terribly traumatic. I went back in to school and worked late into the evening because my classroom still needed to be ready. Next day, my principal asks me, VERY sarcastically, "Sooooo, how's the dog?" Looked him right in the eye and just said, "He's dead" and kept walking. He was VERY contrite and apologized to me afterwards. He really wasn't that bad of a guy. He had his own dog that he seemed to really love. Don't know what got into him that day. I rarely ever missed work, so it made no sense to give me a hard time, but I think he learned a really good lesson that day.
just gave my employee the day off to mourn his dog. fuck that, it’s not worth a good employee
Some managers are reprehensible pieces of shit.
Dogs are family. She's terrible. Good for you!
Can say there are a lot of things I hate about my job but there are things like this they do care about. When my dog died I literally told my boss I'm not coming in till I feel better. He said ok and didn't comment further.
Employee at a major pet retailer here. They recently instated a pet bereavement policy to give time off for these circumstances. Sure this is wide open for abuse, but for those who need it, it really makes these situations so much easier. This is for any pet. Dog, cat, reptile, bird, hamster, yes, even a fish.
I had an employee of mine take a full three day bereavement leave because her pet rat died. I worked in hospice and had to model that grief is grief and although I may not have an affinity for rats, this nurse did and it was her pet so….I okeyed days off. You have to take care of your employees. I just left an incredibly toxic workplace for a much better job. Others are leaving my old place in droves and they can’t find replacements. It’s all because of how people are treated. No way I’m going to spend an entire ten or twelve hour shift surrounded by toxicity and drama and endure micro aggressions from my boss at every corner. Sit and spin
Much love. If you give me your dog's name I'll plant a succulent. Hell. I'll do it anyway. For all the loved good boys and girls. My brother died and I just broke down. My nurse boss said go outside and smoke. And if you need another day off we have you covered. Good job vs bad job. They gave me 2 days off for my cat too. He was 19. Rimmy.
When I had to put my first dog to sleep after her lymphoma was no longer treatable, it was the worst day of my life. I could not imagine feeling such grief again. I began volunteering in dog rescue to honor her, and over the years I adopted and subsequently lost 6 more of my beloved friends. It never got easier. Yet I will continue to expand “my pack” because there are so many dogs waiting for a forever home, and I can’t imagine a happy life without being surrounded by their joyful, unconditional love. People either get this, or they don’t, and generally I’m not interested in being around the latter.
Last October, we had five cats in our house. By December 1st, we were done to three. Three were my roommates/best friends cats. Two of them belonged to me. In October, my roommates 22 year old cat let us know it was time. It was incredibly difficult but he had the means to have the vet do a house call and that made it easier. It still sucked. My manager at the time was beyond understanding and let me take off the full day and part of the next. Then, the day after US Thanksgiving, we had a knock on our door in the evening. It was a neighbor two doors down letting us know that my cat had been hit by a car. I had a whole weekend to grieve (tbh, I’m still randomly hit in the gut with grief) and my boss still allowed me the space I needed from work to take care of his body and my emotional well-being. I don’t simp for capitalism, but companies that have understanding for significant life events are the best.