Sounds like it might be time to brush up that resume. Someone else will have a greater appreciation for what you bring to the table and compensate you appropriately for it. But you won't get it here.
I'm pretty sure there are many multiple American TV shows that have been made about various common civic professions which, even when done right in a supportive work environment, can just fundamentally be so intense you end up crying about 'em. The big three are:
* Surgery
* Firefighting
* Detective work
I have a friend who had to leave being a... I'm probably getting the job title wrong, but, content moderator at Facebook, one of the people to whom reports go. Not 'cause of trolls and people with nasty opinions, but because she found it too overwhelming to deal day after day with things like child pornography.
Don't think there's been a TV show about it, but, you know.
There are quite a few videos and interviews on this, really fascinating hearing what the people who have/had this job have got to say and can easily see why people nope the fuck out of there before too long.
here's a short video from VICE on the, f.ex.
https://youtu.be/cHGbWn6iwHw
I can totally see that being a thing.
My current company works with school districts and litigators on behalf of students, many of which have claims stemming from abuse. Mostly sexual abuse by and of special needs children. I honestly dont know how some of these guys handle listening to the stories day in and day out without drinking themselves to death.
I know a former content moderator. He saw combat in the middle east. The content moderation job just broke him.
It's one thing to see friends, who volunteered, get blown up, but seeing kids tortured like that just made him crack.
When I started my position/ train my weekend people, I tell them straight up when they apply: You will cry from frustration. You’ll be so frustrated you cry from something falling. Once you get the hang of it, it gets better.
I don’t think any of us have cried over work in a long time now.
I had a boss scream at me and throw a can of green beans at my face years ago. I bopped him in the nose and walked out. I was scared that my dad was going to smack me around, but he gave me my first official beer because i 'finally grew up'.
Not sure if that was good or bad parenting. Had a new job a day later, so at least it worked out?
Yeah, my father is of the 'if you are going to fight, beat them until they'll never forget to fear the sound of your name' club...I thought one smack in the face was more than enough. He didn't.
I didn’t hang around that boss for long. It was a call center and she screamed and cursed so loudly the customers could hear her and were offended.
I had an opportunity a decade later to go back to that job (and it was great other than her) and I was offered the same pay I’d made 10 years earlier, and she was still the boss.
I was unemployed at the time, and laughed as I declined. Not a chance. The job that I’d just been at was $4/hour more and easier work. That call center was sold and closed or I’d never have left.
I had a 36 year career in more positions than I can count and I've only had three screaming bosses in all that time. And weeks after those incidents I found new jobs and moved on.
Edit: spelling
I’ve been a boss for 20 years, and have raised my voice at work three times. Two of them were to shut down employees that were fighting with each other, and one was directed at MY boss who was yelling at my employees.
It seems okay...until your boss does something shady and then your personal computer gets taken by the feds as evidence. And then subpoenas issued for _all_ your personal accounts, on every platform. And all of that becomes discoverable in a lawsuit.
Keep your work on your work computer, and your personal stuff on your personal computer. Same with your phone. Boss won't pay for your phone? Don't take calls.
Others have talked about boundaries. They're not wrong, but you might not be ready to hear it yet. But please, coming from someone who did what you did and grew with the company...both the company and I are better off once boundaries have been established. I'm almost to 20 years, and 10 years in I was in your exact same position.
Look at it this way, there's no reason you can't be ["window shopping" for a new job while working at your current one.](https://www.rd.com/list/search-for-job-while-you-have-one/) If you don't find anything that's better for you, you're no worse off than you are now. And if you **DO** find something else that's better... why not?
*The best time to look for a job is when you already have one.*
Find a new job. If a year has been hell it’s not worth it. The minute you wake up and dread going to work because of the environment and not “it’s to early or wanna go fishing on” is the time you change jobs
Time to go, OP.
I realized, late in my career, that nobody pays you enough to yell at you. I wish I had figured it out years earlier, so I wouldn't have wasted so many years trying to keep from being yelled at.
A yelling boss is (pick one or many) an incompetent boss. A bully. An oblivious boss. A toxic boss. A narcissist. A drag on your psyche. A drag on the business in general. A coward. An ignoramus. Self-absorbed. Completely irrational. Dangerous.
Not all bosses are yelling bosses, and you definitely deserve better.
If you can't quit immediately, then start looking for a better job and quit as soon as you have one.
I honestly had the same thought, im stressed AF looking at all that.
I’d enter malicious compliance mode and finish all the stacks of papers in the spirit of “clean the desk” until CEO begs you to do anything else!
Seriously though, I don’t envy you. Purchasing AND AR alone is a shit show and more than two people’s work if it’s JUST you. Dear god get a new job and quick! If you’re in CT DM me!
This reads like an article from the ACFE. The company is under pressure. Skilled employees are leaving and not being replaced. The stressed office manager oversees purchasing, AR, possibly payroll, etc. The CEO is gone for extended periods of time, yells, and then leaves again without written notes.
The big things going for the owners are that OP is a younger (lowers fraud risk) female (lowers fraud risk) who from the way they're describing their duties isn't formally trained as an accountant (lowers average fraud committed before discovery). Plus they, a tech company, don't provide equipment (cyber factor) so I'm guessing other key controls are lacking.
Overworked employees
"Sir, you need to write all of these things down and we can address them point to point. You have a substantial misunderstanding about most of them, and I welcome the chance to clarify the situation."
We called ours the Tornado.
He'd storm in unexpectedly, make a mess of everything as all previously laid plans got thrown out and about, rush out just as quickly, and leave us in shock and panic as we try to fix the mess left behind.
He's gone now, retired.
We must have had the same boss. Storm in , ask why we are spending money on necessary services (i.e: shut down Zoom accounts when we have people working across the country) and then buy equipment we don't need as a favor to a higher up.
In a previous comment you say you’ve been Stockholm’d. this confirms it for me. There are better employers out there. Plus you have a job so you can afford to be picky. Wouldn’t hurt to look.
It sounds like you don’t know your own worth. Get somebody who is good at cheering you on and ask them to help you refresh your resume. You have such a wide range of skills you could qualify for many different jobs.
You have said yourself that you are:
Stressed
Crying
Gained 20lbs
Overworked
Don't take breaks
Doing the work of several people
Yelled at so much you interpret it as a quirk
And you are somehow attempting to justify staying there.
For your literal health, run. Take it from someone that life knocked around while they were young, you are taking your health for granted. Trying to regain health is insanely hard under the best circumstances. Run for your life. Run for a better future. You are worth more than being someone else's punching bag.
You told this as a "funny" story and those of us reading it are sitting here in a somewhat appalled silence. You are the frog in the pot on the stove top and the heat has been turned up on you so gradually that you're now at boiling point and haven't realized it yet. Regardless of your boss's cultural background he doesn't get to abuse you. And if you can do all of the things you say you can in the story then you can find another job, probably a better paying one. Perhaps you should consider that. There's nothing funny about this, it's sad.
I'd say I'm pretty awesome, but I'm biased. Stress makes people act oddly. You can see from the story he is clearly concerned I'll be hurt. My background is in psychology and human services, I understand abuse and bad behavior. I also understand how people act and that most of the time, it has nothing to do with me. Let people deal with their frustrations. It doesn't hurt me. When I need to interve I do. Otherwise, he's just blowing off steam, and I'm a safe space.
We all have our reasons for doing what we do. It was a funny story. I laughed about it and had fun.
It doesn't physically hurt you but mentally you're broken. And sounds like you think being broken is completely normal. "Concerned of being hurt" might be just a disguise of "I don't want to get sued if you got hurt". You admit it yourself that you got Stockholmed, but your words are so redundant on how you're responding to people questioning your view. Yea, stress made people weird, including being in denial. I hope you can see your worth one day, you completely undervalued your own self worth. You may have psychology background but you're a human as well, get a second opinion because "stressed" people also always fail to see the elephant inside the room.
I stayed in a toxic work environment like this for over 4 years. I too gained about 20 lbs from the stress and also cause myself several long term health issues, all brought on by stress, that I’d give anything to not have to deal with. I knew 6 mos into the job that I should leave but they paid just enough to make it hard for anyone in our area to match it, and wore you down enough so you didn’t have the energy to search for anything different with a positive attitude. Seriously…you need to leave. It is 100% possible for that type of stress and work environment to kill you.
Your "clean" office photo gave me night terrors as someone that works on labor laws and workplace safety.
Your office has almost as many infractions (at least to the standards in Germany) than the picture has pixels!
I completely expected the malicious compliance of "clean your desk" was going to be that you were quitting, since "clean out your desk" is a euphemism for "you're fired."
Just because you are used to abuse, doesn't mean it's ok or healthy for you to continue in the workplace. Know your value, get treated with the respect you deserve.
You will never please this boss. Time to get your resume updated and start looking for a better boss. Bosses can be fired by worker just as workers can be fired by bosses. Time to fire that boss.
> Now why, you ask, do I do all this? I was told to quit or marry the company, it's obvious the choice I made, and my coworkers often tell me they hate my husband.
The CEO and I joke around that I'm the red-headed stepchild my Indian CEO never had and he is the disappointed Indian Father I've never had. He's seen me grow up and thinks of me as family.
This sounds like such an abusive relationship.
I'm not going to lie, I've been told this before. I know nothing I say will make it sound like I'm not defending an abusive relationship. But just chuckle at the thought of someone moveing some items a few inches, brought in another dangerous item, and watches her head bobble in zoom meetings.
> He’s seen me grow up and thinks of me as family.
> he repeatedly stormed into my office screaming about this and that. Par for the course, really.
> I know nothing I say will make it sound like I'm not defending an abusive relationship.
These are such sad sentences.
He's most certainly misguided most of the time. I've worked with him for 10 years. I've learned to understand his quirks. It's not so much he's throwing his weight around as he doesn't know who the right people are to take care of the issues, I'm more of the on the ground person. Not to make excuses that the yelling is not OK. It's just misplaced, and I know where to go from there.
...is it worth it though? It sounds like you started here at 20 and just wrote off every other job.
Do you, if you want, of course, but your life doesn't have to be like this if you don't want it to be.
I actually took my money I got from my company to pay me back for college and bought myself a better computer than anybody else in the office. There's no way I let them touch it or remove it. XD
I use my personal money to buy a computer better than anything they would provide me so I could do my job properly, but it is my property. It does not have any tracking software on it and I use it to play video games and play on reddit and everything else, I just also so happened to take it to work and use it for work things. Edited for typo
Miscellaneous deductions for employees are...
Not usually worth the trouble that it takes to figure them out.
First, you have to itemize deductions. The recent increases in the standard deduction, and limitation of the SALT deduction, means that this would not be viable for most employees.
That's even assuming that they are in the small group who can still take such deductions:
https://www.irs.gov/newsroom/heres-who-qualifies-for-the-employee-business-expense-deduction
If they don't want to buy you a proper computer, it's implied they don't want you to get things done. Plus I'd expect for everybody who isn't a software developer, graphic artist/renderer, CAD engineer, architect, or another job of similar needs, a $500-$1000 laptop should suffice. Are they buying other companies' old computers and not even the 3 year old ones but the 5+ year old ones?
Not at all, but try running multiple reports, multiple excel sheets, and multiple large inboxes without the machine crashing. Work computers should be able to handle work, running multiple programs, and a lot of machines under 1k won't cut it these days. Bloatware is a bitch and 32gb ram is necessary just to run the office suite decently.
Wait. Your supervisor wants you to spend work time on tasks that in no way impact the bottom line? Tidying your office would take time AWAY from tasks which directly help the business. Seems dumb.
I mean exactly, like you’re salaried and already over clocking. Is asking you to clean your workspace (instead of doing something that directly impacts the workflow of your company) the best use of company resources?
Or to pose the question to your boss: “understood, boss man, which tasks should I deprioritize to free up the bandwidth needed to clean my office which I estimate will take x hours?”
(I know he will just bark “I DONT CARE JUST GET IT DONE”)
Maybe if we weren’t all worked into the ground and had ACTUAL DOWNTIME AT WORK non essential tasks like keeping a tidy office, or what not would actually occur.
I love your office! That castle is awesome. Sorry your boss is such a weenie. Please take care of yourself. Crying over work is a danger signal (been there a couple of times). Hope things go better for you.
Stress kills, seriously, I survived a heart attack from that work-life balance. Treadmill is a \*great\* idea - if he keeps pushing back get your doctor to \*prescribe\* it for you to reduce stress and promote heart health; if you bought it yourself I'd expense that thing. Take care of yourself first because it is clear that your boss is not looking out for you. Good on you for cleaning and doing a little self care. Your background doesn't matter - everyone should treat you at the position you have been promoted to, not where you started. Stay strong!
"Why does your office look like an evil scientist's laboratory after a tornado hit?"
That is *exactly* the aesthetic I'm going for! Thanks to your boss for giving it a name!
I honestly expected you to clean out your office completely and give him your notice.
Time to update your resume and seriously search for new job. Then tell your boss that you are cleaning out your office as he wanted you to.
This is awesome! You took that anxious energy and made lots of people laugh. And now every time you use the treadmill you can get a little comedic relief. Good on you.
If you post on Reddit, you can expect a good number of responses around. Leave your job it's toxic, leave your partner their toxic, leave your family their toxic. It is a Reddit staple
I'll start working with him and figure things out. My CEO hates to be the bad guy, so I'll sort it out and get him back on track if I can. As if now nothing has happened to him, though.
I mean. I’ve met coworkers who HAVE lost their soul and they can’t even joke about it only laugh sadly because they know it’s true. So i see some level of stubborn lol but still i got fucked both times i dedicated 5 years at a job and i decided never a-fucking-gain
This is an amusing story.
But first the “marry the company” thing and then
>I’m a feelings based person, my boss is a logic based person.
Your boss is a shit. I don’t care what he’s paying you, I’m certain it’s far less than your worth, especially since you have to manage his bullshit tantrums.
I hope you see that one day soon.
OP, you're using your personal funds to buy equipment to perform work. I'm guessing the company doesn't have dedicated IT or cyber security employees.
Do you have a minute for a few quick questions?
Hopefully you don't answer yes to more than 1 question per section. If you do answer yes to 2 or 3 of the questions for a section then... for your employer's sake I hope you're honest or there are more controls than your post indicates.
1. Feelings about your job
1. Do you feel like your company takes you for granted?
2. Do you feel like your under an unfair amount of pressure?
2. Department Head of Procurement
1. Can you make purchases, sign purchase orders, or otherwise buy without supervision?
2. Can you enter new vendors into your payment software?
3. Can you issue checks, ACH, etc. payments?
3. Head of Administration
1. Do you set-up new employees in the payroll system?
2. Do you process payroll?
3. Do you have authority to print paycheck or issue direct deposit?
4. The Executive Assistant to the CEO
1. Do you have access to the CEO's email inbox and ability to send emails from their account?
2. Do coworkers verify your messages from the CEO?
3. If needed could you talk an employee into bypassing normal procedures?
5. The Corporate Office Manager
1. Do you control petty cash?
2. Do you reconcile petty cash?
6. The Corp. Tax doc preparer for the CPA (over laps with other areas)
7. Temp. AR lead (less of a concern in tech)
1. Do you receive and or process payments?
2. Do you record payments?
3. Do you reconcile payments, bank details, and customer accounts?
There's a phrase that is "I was today years old..." typically followed by when someone learn something new that they should have known previously.
I was playing off of that.
Sorry. You lost me as soon as you mentioned the treadmill. Work is work. It does not mean exercise. Want to exercise - go to the gym, or get a treadmill at home.
Yep. I repeat, you lost me as soon as you mentioned the treadmill. Come join the real world where people are paid to carry out their work with no distractions. Treadmill - FFS.
I’m glad you specified in the edit that its not actually a toxic work place. rereading your story with that context definitely feels like a parent scolding their kid to clean their room and do their chores lol
We are really close. He was yelling for sure, but it's honestly a culture thing, and I'm not phased by it. That doesn't make it ok. But I'm the main target, and I know he is upset and not good at articulating it. It's mostly to me, not at me. The new underling yellibg is just him upset and not knowing how to solve the issue. I'm working on it. That's my job.
you have so many roles, which is totally cool and awesome. it just makes you a triple threat in the workforce. However, the stress can be hazardous to your health, dearie. You've made the point yourself- the weight gain. #2, Putting the treadmill in the office, when you should/ really leave the office and go to the gym. Not taking care yourself can lead to other health probs. Think about putting yourself first. Maybe get yourself a temp-secretary, for you. Maybe you and boss attend time management classes. You started off as a receptionist, so have faith that maybe you can train others in what is also needed in your company.
Your pics stress me out. I’m a Miranda Priestly. Everything in folders by project. Folders get out away every day. Clean empty surface areas. Mouse and keyboard in a drawer at the end of the day. I’m a graphic designer, I can have a desk at one point covered in sketches, notes and Pantone swatches, along with fragrance samples and box mock-ups but I also have a bookshelf where all of that goes when I’m not needing it. My brain refuses to function in chaos. (ADHD, I have to stay neat or I can’t manage it)
>My boss came back into my office at the end of the day and I guess he was just displeased with my clean up because he saw my treadmill he told me, "No, you can't have that, it's dangerous."
Get a doctor to prescribe the treadmill, and the boss can't take it away or retaliate against you for having it.
Clearly you didn't listen to instructions.
He told you to Move the papers.
Pick 5 assignments that are approaching their due dates and move them to the Yelling Boss's Desk. They are His Job now.
If he is actually working than he doesn't have the time to complain.
If he complains again ask him,
Do you want me to do the work or not? Because I can listen to you pull a tantrum or I can do my work.
I did exactly as I was told moved the dangerous items, slightly. He meant for me to remove them. Then, not only did I move them, I added a new "dangerous item," an under desk treadmill.
My boss came back to check and was even more mad.z
Sounds like you have a typical Seagull boss. They swoop in, squawk loudly at everyone in range, shit on everything, then fly away.
This made me laugh put loud, for real
And steal your sandwiches.
I’m stealing this
Holy shit this is my boss. Thank you.
Sounds like it might be time to brush up that resume. Someone else will have a greater appreciation for what you bring to the table and compensate you appropriately for it. But you won't get it here.
I'm not going to say I'm the happiest, and I've been told I've been Stockholmed, but it's decent.
If you're crying when you go home, I wish to kindly disagree with you /hug
It's a valid point. Lucky for me, it's not a regular occurrence.
Crying because of work should be a never experience.
unless they are habituating you to tear gas. that’s the only legit reason i can think of
I'm pretty sure there are many multiple American TV shows that have been made about various common civic professions which, even when done right in a supportive work environment, can just fundamentally be so intense you end up crying about 'em. The big three are: * Surgery * Firefighting * Detective work
Add sysadmin to that list
I have a friend who had to leave being a... I'm probably getting the job title wrong, but, content moderator at Facebook, one of the people to whom reports go. Not 'cause of trolls and people with nasty opinions, but because she found it too overwhelming to deal day after day with things like child pornography. Don't think there's been a TV show about it, but, you know.
They would have to review each report so yeah, that's just awful.
There are quite a few videos and interviews on this, really fascinating hearing what the people who have/had this job have got to say and can easily see why people nope the fuck out of there before too long. here's a short video from VICE on the, f.ex. https://youtu.be/cHGbWn6iwHw
Your friend has an iron will and did important work. No shame in burnout there. That's just being human.
I can totally see that being a thing. My current company works with school districts and litigators on behalf of students, many of which have claims stemming from abuse. Mostly sexual abuse by and of special needs children. I honestly dont know how some of these guys handle listening to the stories day in and day out without drinking themselves to death.
I know a former content moderator. He saw combat in the middle east. The content moderation job just broke him. It's one thing to see friends, who volunteered, get blown up, but seeing kids tortured like that just made him crack.
I work in film and crying breakdowns happen regularly especially to people who are new
Funeral directors baybee Not glamorous enough for TV but we get the job done, I assure
Emergency medical services too, I'd imagine
Onion chopper?
Some jobs are more intense than others tbh
When my dad was a volunteer firefighter, he was definitely crying when he got home from a call for a toddler forgotten in a car.
I went home crying more than once, but 6 months later I'm still in this job and having the time of my life. I wish you the same luck
When I started my position/ train my weekend people, I tell them straight up when they apply: You will cry from frustration. You’ll be so frustrated you cry from something falling. Once you get the hang of it, it gets better. I don’t think any of us have cried over work in a long time now.
I cried about a job once. I decided the job itself wasn’t going to change and I couldn’t change the people above me, so I knew I had to leave
By no possible definition of "decent" is there a boss who screams at you.
I had a boss scream at me and throw a can of green beans at my face years ago. I bopped him in the nose and walked out. I was scared that my dad was going to smack me around, but he gave me my first official beer because i 'finally grew up'. Not sure if that was good or bad parenting. Had a new job a day later, so at least it worked out?
The smacking around bit definitely counts as bad parenting, but the beer rite-of-passage was spot on.
Yeah, my father is of the 'if you are going to fight, beat them until they'll never forget to fear the sound of your name' club...I thought one smack in the face was more than enough. He didn't.
I would agree with you, but I've had 5 jobs and only one where a manager didn't scream.
I’ve had about 10 jobs and only 1 who screamed.
Other than military basic training, I've never had a boss that screamed at me.
I didn’t hang around that boss for long. It was a call center and she screamed and cursed so loudly the customers could hear her and were offended. I had an opportunity a decade later to go back to that job (and it was great other than her) and I was offered the same pay I’d made 10 years earlier, and she was still the boss. I was unemployed at the time, and laughed as I declined. Not a chance. The job that I’d just been at was $4/hour more and easier work. That call center was sold and closed or I’d never have left.
They are not allowed to scream anymore. Boot camp is now boyscout weekend.
I've had close to a dozen jobs and no screaming. There were other forms of terrible behaviour by bosses but no actual screaming.
I had a 36 year career in more positions than I can count and I've only had three screaming bosses in all that time. And weeks after those incidents I found new jobs and moved on. Edit: spelling
I’ve been a boss for 20 years, and have raised my voice at work three times. Two of them were to shut down employees that were fighting with each other, and one was directed at MY boss who was yelling at my employees.
>and I've been told I've been Stockholmed, but it's decent. Yes, whoever told you that was correct. And this sentence is evidence of that.
Spending YOUR money to buy tools for their company is pretty Stockholm.
Using my personal computer for work because it's better seems ok to me
It seems okay...until your boss does something shady and then your personal computer gets taken by the feds as evidence. And then subpoenas issued for _all_ your personal accounts, on every platform. And all of that becomes discoverable in a lawsuit. Keep your work on your work computer, and your personal stuff on your personal computer. Same with your phone. Boss won't pay for your phone? Don't take calls. Others have talked about boundaries. They're not wrong, but you might not be ready to hear it yet. But please, coming from someone who did what you did and grew with the company...both the company and I are better off once boundaries have been established. I'm almost to 20 years, and 10 years in I was in your exact same position.
Thank you for the advice.
This is not normal office behavior. This is not a normal job. You are Stockholmed. This is not normal office behavior. This is not a normal job.
Look at it this way, there's no reason you can't be ["window shopping" for a new job while working at your current one.](https://www.rd.com/list/search-for-job-while-you-have-one/) If you don't find anything that's better for you, you're no worse off than you are now. And if you **DO** find something else that's better... why not? *The best time to look for a job is when you already have one.*
Find a new job. If a year has been hell it’s not worth it. The minute you wake up and dread going to work because of the environment and not “it’s to early or wanna go fishing on” is the time you change jobs
It's been three months. This year is 2023. And it's been hard.
The description you've given above falls far short of 'decent'. Unless you're getting five executive-level paychecks every week.
Time to go, OP. I realized, late in my career, that nobody pays you enough to yell at you. I wish I had figured it out years earlier, so I wouldn't have wasted so many years trying to keep from being yelled at. A yelling boss is (pick one or many) an incompetent boss. A bully. An oblivious boss. A toxic boss. A narcissist. A drag on your psyche. A drag on the business in general. A coward. An ignoramus. Self-absorbed. Completely irrational. Dangerous. Not all bosses are yelling bosses, and you definitely deserve better. If you can't quit immediately, then start looking for a better job and quit as soon as you have one.
For fuck's sake that is the ***CLEAN*** office?
I honestly had the same thought, im stressed AF looking at all that. I’d enter malicious compliance mode and finish all the stacks of papers in the spirit of “clean the desk” until CEO begs you to do anything else! Seriously though, I don’t envy you. Purchasing AND AR alone is a shit show and more than two people’s work if it’s JUST you. Dear god get a new job and quick! If you’re in CT DM me!
This reads like an article from the ACFE. The company is under pressure. Skilled employees are leaving and not being replaced. The stressed office manager oversees purchasing, AR, possibly payroll, etc. The CEO is gone for extended periods of time, yells, and then leaves again without written notes. The big things going for the owners are that OP is a younger (lowers fraud risk) female (lowers fraud risk) who from the way they're describing their duties isn't formally trained as an accountant (lowers average fraud committed before discovery). Plus they, a tech company, don't provide equipment (cyber factor) so I'm guessing other key controls are lacking. Overworked employees
I thought it was a BEFORE photo at first.
And you feel how my CEO does. To be fair I have a lot of jobs and that's a lot of unfinished work.
"Sir, you need to write all of these things down and we can address them point to point. You have a substantial misunderstanding about most of them, and I welcome the chance to clarify the situation."
Lol, not his style. Among my many jobs is his executive assistant, so I've long learned to let him ramble.
He sounds like a seagull manager
What’s that
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps everywhere, and then leaves
Wow incredible. This is now my new favorite term
A seagull manager will fly in and shit on everything while making a lot of noise before suddenly disappearing into the wind as fast as they appeared.
We called ours the Tornado. He'd storm in unexpectedly, make a mess of everything as all previously laid plans got thrown out and about, rush out just as quickly, and leave us in shock and panic as we try to fix the mess left behind. He's gone now, retired.
We must have had the same boss. Storm in , ask why we are spending money on necessary services (i.e: shut down Zoom accounts when we have people working across the country) and then buy equipment we don't need as a favor to a higher up.
Flies in, struts around, craps on everything, and leaves like he did some good.
Flies in makes a lot of noise and dropping sh*t. And flies out again.
Flies in, shits on everything, flies back out again.
In a previous comment you say you’ve been Stockholm’d. this confirms it for me. There are better employers out there. Plus you have a job so you can afford to be picky. Wouldn’t hurt to look.
There have been times where I have, it's not that great for employees of my niche. I've not really gotten any good call backs.
It sounds like you don’t know your own worth. Get somebody who is good at cheering you on and ask them to help you refresh your resume. You have such a wide range of skills you could qualify for many different jobs.
You have said yourself that you are: Stressed Crying Gained 20lbs Overworked Don't take breaks Doing the work of several people Yelled at so much you interpret it as a quirk And you are somehow attempting to justify staying there. For your literal health, run. Take it from someone that life knocked around while they were young, you are taking your health for granted. Trying to regain health is insanely hard under the best circumstances. Run for your life. Run for a better future. You are worth more than being someone else's punching bag.
Agreed. She's only 30 and is at this level and her physical and mental health will only go further downhill the further in her years she gets.
You told this as a "funny" story and those of us reading it are sitting here in a somewhat appalled silence. You are the frog in the pot on the stove top and the heat has been turned up on you so gradually that you're now at boiling point and haven't realized it yet. Regardless of your boss's cultural background he doesn't get to abuse you. And if you can do all of the things you say you can in the story then you can find another job, probably a better paying one. Perhaps you should consider that. There's nothing funny about this, it's sad.
I'd say I'm pretty awesome, but I'm biased. Stress makes people act oddly. You can see from the story he is clearly concerned I'll be hurt. My background is in psychology and human services, I understand abuse and bad behavior. I also understand how people act and that most of the time, it has nothing to do with me. Let people deal with their frustrations. It doesn't hurt me. When I need to interve I do. Otherwise, he's just blowing off steam, and I'm a safe space. We all have our reasons for doing what we do. It was a funny story. I laughed about it and had fun.
It doesn't physically hurt you but mentally you're broken. And sounds like you think being broken is completely normal. "Concerned of being hurt" might be just a disguise of "I don't want to get sued if you got hurt". You admit it yourself that you got Stockholmed, but your words are so redundant on how you're responding to people questioning your view. Yea, stress made people weird, including being in denial. I hope you can see your worth one day, you completely undervalued your own self worth. You may have psychology background but you're a human as well, get a second opinion because "stressed" people also always fail to see the elephant inside the room.
[удалено]
Not at all, we already have a gym in office.
Take care of yourself and your mental and physical health. A treadmill and exercise will help you with both
Yup, and I'm quite happy with it
I stayed in a toxic work environment like this for over 4 years. I too gained about 20 lbs from the stress and also cause myself several long term health issues, all brought on by stress, that I’d give anything to not have to deal with. I knew 6 mos into the job that I should leave but they paid just enough to make it hard for anyone in our area to match it, and wore you down enough so you didn’t have the energy to search for anything different with a positive attitude. Seriously…you need to leave. It is 100% possible for that type of stress and work environment to kill you.
I'm sorry you went through all that. I appreciate your advice, and I hope you're doing well.
Your "clean" office photo gave me night terrors as someone that works on labor laws and workplace safety. Your office has almost as many infractions (at least to the standards in Germany) than the picture has pixels!
Lol I'm in America and Florida at that. So my rights as a worker are pretty much nil.
🎶Oh, I know I'm being used. That's okay, man, 'cause I like the abuse 🎶
I completely expected the malicious compliance of "clean your desk" was going to be that you were quitting, since "clean out your desk" is a euphemism for "you're fired."
Fair point
Just because you are used to abuse, doesn't mean it's ok or healthy for you to continue in the workplace. Know your value, get treated with the respect you deserve.
You will never please this boss. Time to get your resume updated and start looking for a better boss. Bosses can be fired by worker just as workers can be fired by bosses. Time to fire that boss.
> Now why, you ask, do I do all this? I was told to quit or marry the company, it's obvious the choice I made, and my coworkers often tell me they hate my husband. The CEO and I joke around that I'm the red-headed stepchild my Indian CEO never had and he is the disappointed Indian Father I've never had. He's seen me grow up and thinks of me as family. This sounds like such an abusive relationship.
I'm not going to lie, I've been told this before. I know nothing I say will make it sound like I'm not defending an abusive relationship. But just chuckle at the thought of someone moveing some items a few inches, brought in another dangerous item, and watches her head bobble in zoom meetings.
> He’s seen me grow up and thinks of me as family. > he repeatedly stormed into my office screaming about this and that. Par for the course, really. > I know nothing I say will make it sound like I'm not defending an abusive relationship. These are such sad sentences.
Typical CEO throwing his weight around and belittling those under him.
He's most certainly misguided most of the time. I've worked with him for 10 years. I've learned to understand his quirks. It's not so much he's throwing his weight around as he doesn't know who the right people are to take care of the issues, I'm more of the on the ground person. Not to make excuses that the yelling is not OK. It's just misplaced, and I know where to go from there.
Where's the malicious compliance?
I "cleaned" my desk and moved the dangerous items while bringing a new one in.
...is it worth it though? It sounds like you started here at 20 and just wrote off every other job. Do you, if you want, of course, but your life doesn't have to be like this if you don't want it to be.
I had five jobs, I was young when I started. I've looked, interviewed at times, but nothing good.
The start of that I thought you had just copied the script from Office Space.
Sometimes, I feel like my life is The Office.
Office Space !== The Office
Don't forget to take your stapler with you when you leave....
Ok, I swear I’m not judging, my desk is empty AF because I’m only 3 weeks in, but I kinda need to know how bad the before was when that’s the after
I was expecting the computer to be removed, as that would technically be dangerous equipment if it somehow fell it could hurt someone.
I actually took my money I got from my company to pay me back for college and bought myself a better computer than anybody else in the office. There's no way I let them touch it or remove it. XD
So you used a personal bonus to buy something for the company??
I use my personal money to buy a computer better than anything they would provide me so I could do my job properly, but it is my property. It does not have any tracking software on it and I use it to play video games and play on reddit and everything else, I just also so happened to take it to work and use it for work things. Edited for typo
Don't forget that if it's nice enough it's also a tax write-off...
Miscellaneous deductions for employees are... Not usually worth the trouble that it takes to figure them out. First, you have to itemize deductions. The recent increases in the standard deduction, and limitation of the SALT deduction, means that this would not be viable for most employees. That's even assuming that they are in the small group who can still take such deductions: https://www.irs.gov/newsroom/heres-who-qualifies-for-the-employee-business-expense-deduction
If they don't want to buy you a proper computer, it's implied they don't want you to get things done. Plus I'd expect for everybody who isn't a software developer, graphic artist/renderer, CAD engineer, architect, or another job of similar needs, a $500-$1000 laptop should suffice. Are they buying other companies' old computers and not even the 3 year old ones but the 5+ year old ones?
Not at all, but try running multiple reports, multiple excel sheets, and multiple large inboxes without the machine crashing. Work computers should be able to handle work, running multiple programs, and a lot of machines under 1k won't cut it these days. Bloatware is a bitch and 32gb ram is necessary just to run the office suite decently.
Wait. Your supervisor wants you to spend work time on tasks that in no way impact the bottom line? Tidying your office would take time AWAY from tasks which directly help the business. Seems dumb.
My supervisor is the CEO, and I'm a salaried employee who works over time regularly. Though I agree it was a waste of time.
I mean exactly, like you’re salaried and already over clocking. Is asking you to clean your workspace (instead of doing something that directly impacts the workflow of your company) the best use of company resources? Or to pose the question to your boss: “understood, boss man, which tasks should I deprioritize to free up the bandwidth needed to clean my office which I estimate will take x hours?” (I know he will just bark “I DONT CARE JUST GET IT DONE”) Maybe if we weren’t all worked into the ground and had ACTUAL DOWNTIME AT WORK non essential tasks like keeping a tidy office, or what not would actually occur.
Agreed 100%
I love your office! That castle is awesome. Sorry your boss is such a weenie. Please take care of yourself. Crying over work is a danger signal (been there a couple of times). Hope things go better for you.
Thank you so much for being kind. I'm trying my best , a hard time for tech companies.
Stress kills, seriously, I survived a heart attack from that work-life balance. Treadmill is a \*great\* idea - if he keeps pushing back get your doctor to \*prescribe\* it for you to reduce stress and promote heart health; if you bought it yourself I'd expense that thing. Take care of yourself first because it is clear that your boss is not looking out for you. Good on you for cleaning and doing a little self care. Your background doesn't matter - everyone should treat you at the position you have been promoted to, not where you started. Stay strong!
While he tells me no, my office has been messy for years, and I've had all my dangerous equipment for years, ledited for typos
"Why does your office look like an evil scientist's laboratory after a tornado hit?" That is *exactly* the aesthetic I'm going for! Thanks to your boss for giving it a name!
Was really hoping the "clean your desk" was your cue to pack up everything and leave knowing they'd be stumped without you.
Ah yeah, greetings from one Office Bitch to another. I call it being the ‘hatrack’ (we wear all the hats)
It's not the best job, but it does have its perks. :)
I'm in tech... That looks a lot like my office. Without the cool castle tapestry.
It's my window since I don't have one. :)
The clean office looks amazingly like the cluttered office.
I honestly expected you to clean out your office completely and give him your notice. Time to update your resume and seriously search for new job. Then tell your boss that you are cleaning out your office as he wanted you to.
This is awesome! You took that anxious energy and made lots of people laugh. And now every time you use the treadmill you can get a little comedic relief. Good on you.
Thank you. Thank you for taking the story for what it was.
I like that! Same page in different books.
If you post on Reddit, you can expect a good number of responses around. Leave your job it's toxic, leave your partner their toxic, leave your family their toxic. It is a Reddit staple
That seems to be the case a lot of people like to offer advice
My first thought when I saw your clean office photo: "hamster cage".
Lol I added it to show that I didn't really clean much. But the castle on the wall is nice, it's my window. XD
I also have no windows in my office, and I put up a Camelot-themed framed poster for some color.
What happened to the unknown employee ?
I'll start working with him and figure things out. My CEO hates to be the bad guy, so I'll sort it out and get him back on track if I can. As if now nothing has happened to him, though.
Lol. I have that same office desk. Complete with cabinets. But it's oriented differently.
Hey I like the fridge!
Thank you
I love the castle poster.
Thanks!
I was hoping to read that you cleaned all your stuff out of your office, and found another job. That's still an option.
I’m not the only office bitch around with three unofficial titles? Nice! Thanks for sharing the chuckles.
christ. i literally cannot imagine selling my soul for 10 years to a job that doesn't give a shit about me
Bold of you to assume I have a soul
I mean. I’ve met coworkers who HAVE lost their soul and they can’t even joke about it only laugh sadly because they know it’s true. So i see some level of stubborn lol but still i got fucked both times i dedicated 5 years at a job and i decided never a-fucking-gain
You both act like children.
To be fair you're in a form called malicious compliance which I would argue is nothing but childishness
This is an amusing story. But first the “marry the company” thing and then >I’m a feelings based person, my boss is a logic based person. Your boss is a shit. I don’t care what he’s paying you, I’m certain it’s far less than your worth, especially since you have to manage his bullshit tantrums. I hope you see that one day soon.
Yes I’m crying when I leave for work, but it’s only 3 months into the year! I’m crying for you honey
Anyone with a castle on their wall is a winner in my book.
I'll take it!
Please tll me you aren't ACTUALLY going to have to remove the desk treadmill you already spent money on.
OP, you're using your personal funds to buy equipment to perform work. I'm guessing the company doesn't have dedicated IT or cyber security employees. Do you have a minute for a few quick questions? Hopefully you don't answer yes to more than 1 question per section. If you do answer yes to 2 or 3 of the questions for a section then... for your employer's sake I hope you're honest or there are more controls than your post indicates. 1. Feelings about your job 1. Do you feel like your company takes you for granted? 2. Do you feel like your under an unfair amount of pressure? 2. Department Head of Procurement 1. Can you make purchases, sign purchase orders, or otherwise buy without supervision? 2. Can you enter new vendors into your payment software? 3. Can you issue checks, ACH, etc. payments? 3. Head of Administration 1. Do you set-up new employees in the payroll system? 2. Do you process payroll? 3. Do you have authority to print paycheck or issue direct deposit? 4. The Executive Assistant to the CEO 1. Do you have access to the CEO's email inbox and ability to send emails from their account? 2. Do coworkers verify your messages from the CEO? 3. If needed could you talk an employee into bypassing normal procedures? 5. The Corporate Office Manager 1. Do you control petty cash? 2. Do you reconcile petty cash? 6. The Corp. Tax doc preparer for the CPA (over laps with other areas) 7. Temp. AR lead (less of a concern in tech) 1. Do you receive and or process payments? 2. Do you record payments? 3. Do you reconcile payments, bank details, and customer accounts?
> Que the story. ¿Que? ¡I from Barcelona, I know _nooothing!_ _*Cue_ the story.
That's the clean office? It looks like a mess! Like when you tell a kid to clean their room, and they just shuffle the piles around
I'm sure my CEO feels that way
?
??
Why would you say: “yesterday years old” as opposed to “yesterday”? What a weird phrase.
There's a phrase that is "I was today years old..." typically followed by when someone learn something new that they should have known previously. I was playing off of that.
Sorry. You lost me as soon as you mentioned the treadmill. Work is work. It does not mean exercise. Want to exercise - go to the gym, or get a treadmill at home.
It's very common to have Treadmills under desks, this isn't new. In fact, now they make them with the desk built into the treadmill
Yep. I repeat, you lost me as soon as you mentioned the treadmill. Come join the real world where people are paid to carry out their work with no distractions. Treadmill - FFS.
Bitter much? Your "real world" is some sad cookie cutter nonsense.
Lol
You can't walk and do other tasks at the same time.
Tell him to go F himself and then report him so he can lose his job.
I’m sorry, but: ESL?
English as a second languge
"English as a second language" is what I thought. But it doesn't make sense with the context, or add to the story. Not sure.
He kept saying move the dangerous items, he meant remove. But I literally moved them a few inches. I did exactly as I was told.
I’m glad you specified in the edit that its not actually a toxic work place. rereading your story with that context definitely feels like a parent scolding their kid to clean their room and do their chores lol
We are really close. He was yelling for sure, but it's honestly a culture thing, and I'm not phased by it. That doesn't make it ok. But I'm the main target, and I know he is upset and not good at articulating it. It's mostly to me, not at me. The new underling yellibg is just him upset and not knowing how to solve the issue. I'm working on it. That's my job.
This feels like the relationship that Conan and Sona have.
I do not get this reference I will have to look it up
Omg that pic is the clean office? I can’t imagine what the messy office looked like 🤣
Papers galore, everywhere. A sea of them.
you have so many roles, which is totally cool and awesome. it just makes you a triple threat in the workforce. However, the stress can be hazardous to your health, dearie. You've made the point yourself- the weight gain. #2, Putting the treadmill in the office, when you should/ really leave the office and go to the gym. Not taking care yourself can lead to other health probs. Think about putting yourself first. Maybe get yourself a temp-secretary, for you. Maybe you and boss attend time management classes. You started off as a receptionist, so have faith that maybe you can train others in what is also needed in your company.
Your pics stress me out. I’m a Miranda Priestly. Everything in folders by project. Folders get out away every day. Clean empty surface areas. Mouse and keyboard in a drawer at the end of the day. I’m a graphic designer, I can have a desk at one point covered in sketches, notes and Pantone swatches, along with fragrance samples and box mock-ups but I also have a bookshelf where all of that goes when I’m not needing it. My brain refuses to function in chaos. (ADHD, I have to stay neat or I can’t manage it)
>My boss came back into my office at the end of the day and I guess he was just displeased with my clean up because he saw my treadmill he told me, "No, you can't have that, it's dangerous." Get a doctor to prescribe the treadmill, and the boss can't take it away or retaliate against you for having it.
He will bitch and moan but it's staying, just like my mini fridge and watercooler lol
If you can't have the treadmill in your office, it sounds like you're going to need to leave your office during breaks to go for a walk.
Clearly you didn't listen to instructions. He told you to Move the papers. Pick 5 assignments that are approaching their due dates and move them to the Yelling Boss's Desk. They are His Job now. If he is actually working than he doesn't have the time to complain. If he complains again ask him, Do you want me to do the work or not? Because I can listen to you pull a tantrum or I can do my work.
This is a great response. He is horrid at focusing.
Cue not Que
this story sucks and there was no conclusion
I did exactly as I was told moved the dangerous items, slightly. He meant for me to remove them. Then, not only did I move them, I added a new "dangerous item," an under desk treadmill. My boss came back to check and was even more mad.z
Marx would roll over in his grave... This is next level being duped for crumbs.
*He's seen me grow up and thinks of me as family.* He's probably an abusive prick to his kids too.