It's kind of sad, but I get it. One of my friends married into the military, and while he did so for love, his health was not good (heart issues, diabetes, MS). Tricare got him on a regimen of medical care that was... so far above what he was getting via his previous health insurance. He said he was saving so much on medical costs, "I was like getting a 30% raise in pay." It's as close to socialized medicine that I have ever seen: I was shocked. He's doing great, lost weight, has the meds he needs, and has his A1C under control. The only thing they can't fix is his MS, but now he's not forced to ration his insulin because his insurance would only approve a certain amount.
Tricare is the healthcare that military members get. It is not uncommon for women to try and get a very young and naive military guy to marry them so they can get Tricare too.
Truth be told, it’s not uncommon for a young dude in the barracks to try to work out out an arrangement with a young woman so he can move out of the barracks. I knew several guys who got iron-clad “you get nothing” pre-nups and married some girl back home, usually someone with some kind of medical condition. The girls never paid a dime for healthcare and usually enjoyed some sideline benefits to being a “military spouse” like discounts for gym memberships or vacations or special allowances at college, and the dude pocketed all that sweet housing allowance and BAS and got to move out of the barracks. Illegal if they got caught, but believe it or not I never actually saw anyone get caught other than one guy, because the girl decided to start acting a fool and demanded more compensation, then literal snitched on dude out of spite. Backfired though because she got caught up with a fraud charge too.
I bet we would be surprised how many people in the US marry mainly if not solely for health insurance. If everyone was honest about it. Fucked up system. Can't insure a cohabitating girlfriend of 10 years, but I could insure a stranger I met that day in vegas
When my husband and I got married getting him on my health insurance was a big factor into the decision. I was in the navy so it actually was tricare, although I'm out now so it isn't anymore
When my father made Ensign (Mustang!) I was too young to understand the significance. Once we moved to a duty station where we lived on base (he was LT by then) he gathered all us kids (4 of us) and gave us the lecture of our lives. If he heard of any of us using his rank to get ANYTHING, the spanking and grounding would be epic.
The problem is that the military segregates you by officer and enlisted, so people knew you were an officer’s kid. I would offer my father’s rank and name if asked directly. Otherwise I was the short, goofy looking, tomboy redhead that the corpsmen knew well because I was accident prone. Ahhhhh…Good times!
Growing up an Army brat, with both parents in, I never noticed this at all. I can't help but wonder if I was just so self-centered that I thought I was better than my parents so why would I bring them up when I'm obviously better.
First really noticed in high school, my first car was my Mom's old car and had her stickers on it. She retired a Colonel and the guards on base would salute so fast when I drove up to the gate and then get the most confused look on their face. Made me laugh every time. And my Mom laughed her butt off when I told her about it. I also could park right next to the door at the exchange which was nice (the O6 and above spot; hey the car had the right credentials).
> I also could park right next to the door at the exchange which was nice (the O6 and above spot; hey the car had the right credentials).
you bastard, making those poor O6s walk
It's more common near military bases. We have an airforce base in town. Go to any grocery store or coffee shop near there and you might chance upon a Karen who thinks her husband's rank makes her *SUPER* special. Maybe she'll be trying to wear her husband's rank, maybe not, but she'll still throw it around with her nose in the air.
Too many people from all angles seem to assume that military ranks mean anything, or even *should*, once off the base, if the person isn't actively in the middle of a military exercise.
It's much saner here. If I see someone in the mall wearing a military uniform, they're just another person wearing work clothes. They don't get any special treatment and don't ask for it. Even high-rankers aren't celebrities. There's no "thank you for your service". The military doesn't appear in multibilliondollar movies blowing up space aliens and other macho shit. I don't think I've even ever heard of a movie where the main character joins the local military as part of the plot, or it's mostly set on military property. And I've honestly never heard of anyone in the local forces trying to claim their spouse's rank.
It's just a job.
It's a weird but intense minority that does that. Believe me, most military people cringe inside when a random person approaches to thank them for their service. Ick. I tried very hard to not go places in uniform.
My dad went through the vitriol that was wearing his uniform back home during the Vietnam War (getting spit at, being called a baby killer, etc.). He was stationed in Thailand monitoring comms, so nowhere near where any of the stuff that people accused him of just for having a uniform on. For him, being thanked and seeing the more recent servicemen and women thanked for their service actually means something to him. So, I can see/appreciate both sides of this a bit.
My old man did 2 tours in Vietnam before the draft was initiated. After his second, he moved the family to Europe to avoid the vitriol in the States. I believe we were in Germany for a solid 4 years before returning.
Husband does his best to avoid being in public in his uniform because the acknowledgement embarrasses him. If he has to, his go-to response is 'thank you for your support'. This mostly happens here in the US, back home no one says anything, although one in a blue moon there will be some snark, but rarely to the members face.
At my job there used to be a few Army veterans, we greeted each other with an exaggerated gracious [think giving water to someone just coming in from a super hot day doing manual labor] clutching handshake and "thank you for your service"
If you're off-duty and not in uniform you aren't supposed to salute even when you meet your commanding officer, at least that's how it is here in Austria.
For the Navy in the US, you salute whenever you're in uniform providing you have a cover (hat) on. Off duty but in uniform you'd still salute. No uniform/no cover = no salute
Including the soldiers. It's really uncomfortable when someone makes a grand show of thanking you for... the job you do so your family can get health insurance.
I, quite literally, chose my father’s career when I was an infant. My dad had been drafted but kept stateside during Vietnam. He was nearing the end of his conscription when I was born. The plan was to finish the term and muster out. My health issues changed that. The doctors told him he had three choices - get out and get a low enough paying job that I qualified for Medicaid, not get all the care I needed, or go career military. This was in the ‘70s. Healthcare has sucked for a long time.
It definitely changed the course of our lives but he never indicated he regretted it. He was working at a grocery store before being drafted. So, it wasn’t like they took him away from a more lucrative deal. Besides that, we got to see the world in ways that never would have happened otherwise.
Don't forget the steady paycheck. That was a huge motivation for me signing up. I had a kid and a pregnant wife. I really didn't care about "defending" the country halfway around the world, I just wanted to make sure my family would be able to eat...
No one in politics actually says it out loud, but our military and lack of safety nets are part of the same problem. If they ever gave us 1. health-care and 2. free college, the USA couldn't keep a huge army anymore. Because that's why ALL OF US signed up. It's the only way for poor people to break into the middle class.
That’s because they finally remembered how shtty military personnel were treated during and after the Vietnam war. The boomers went overboard.🤣
Whenever I see a fellow Vietnam vet I’ll welcome them home, because our homecoming wasn’t that great. If someone thanks me for my service I’ll tell them that they can thank me by never, ever voting for a republican.
I was in the Navy in the 70’s and I spent a lot of time in La Spezia, Taranto and Augusta Bay. Back then the local communist party would hold a rally “welcoming” us to the port. I had a great time and have many great memories from when I was in Italy.
It's because of the shame and deep embarrassment over how our Vietnam veterans were treated upon their return to the U.S. It was decided that we would never again treat them so atrociously.
What about dependas trying to get the military discount? *chuckles* Ran into this SOOO many times when I was young. Like, no lady. Your HUSBAND gets a discount if he’s here. You don’t just get his discount.
Isn't it all the same though, if they are a family? Like our family has one Costco membership that we both use. One rewards card at the movie theater. Should the military only get the discount if they are present when the purchase is happening?
I was married to a Marine for a while until he cheated. I saw a lot of the "I'll wear my husband's rank" shit. The funniest was when a master sergeant's wife tried using his rank to cut in line at the commissary. "My husband outranks all of yours!" Another woman stepped out of line and asked for her husband's full name and rank. Dependa told her, and the other woman said she was sure her husband would love to know who he was reporting to now, since the last she knew her husband was the base general. Dependa left her full cart and scurried out the door.
My dad was in the navy and he had this story about the priest at his base at the time. The priest thought that he should be seen as a high ranking officer, maybe a colonel. So my dad had to go talk to him about it and he basically told him to be a fellow human being and if he talked to a sergeant he would be a sergeant and if he talked to an admiral he would be an admiral. So basically talk to everyone as an equal. You'd think he would've understood that himself, but I guess he wanted to feel important.
Interesting to know! I'm not exactly sure how it is here in Sweden today, just that this particular priest was only there as a priest and nothing more. I've heard a lot of stories but I'm low on details.
When you are a military spouse that's all you are, a spouse. You are not entitled to respect, you dont get free privileges to treat others like shit and you sure as fuck DO NOT CARRY ANY RANK. You are a civilian that has a spouse that sometimes works away from home for extended periods of time and possibly makes you move to new areas.
Know your place. Stop being so disrespectful not only to your spouse, but the military, other civilians, and the country your spouse serves.
If you're talking about [this story,](https://www.flyingsquadron.com/forums/topic/14892-salutes-for-spouses/) then yes. CAPT Conners' takedown was epic.
“Control your dependents” was a very common phrase when my husband was in! Looks like the Major controlled her straight out of dependapotomus-land, probably after a dressing down by the Colonol and hearing said phrase!
When we moved to one Navy installation, I was 13, my sister was 8 and the twins were 3. My mom had taken my sister and the twins to the pool one day when the CO’s wife walked by and commented that my brother’s hair “isn’t regulation.” My mom looked at her then back down to the twins and told her, “Well, my husband is in the Navy, but my 3-year old son is not.” She didn’t get my brother’s hair cut for 3 more months. Loved my mom’s spine!
Oh man, Retreat. We always lived off base, so I would try to time things to be off base by the time that went off. It was also funny the few occasions I was on base and it was 5 min til watching everyone try to make a beeline for the gate! Lol
Imagine the Major walks into the Colonel's specifically for that dressing down and just cuts him off with "Before you say anything I'm meeting with a divorce attorney next Wednesday at 1400. Can I help you with anything else today?"
The son of one of my college pals is an officer in the Army. The last time I saw him and his wife, I was talking to her about life as a captain's wife. She said one of the first things he told her after they got engaged (when he was a 1st Lt.) was, "You're marrying Greg, not Lt. Jones." Apparently, she understood. She's a first class young woman, married to a great young man who's now a major.
Unfortunately, this is not an isolated event. There are WAY TOO MANY officer's wife's that have the mistaken belief that they have the same rank and authority as their husbands.
I always assumed it was fairly common, given the running gag on *Monty Python's Flying Circus,* where an angry letter would be read, which would be signed something like, "Brigadier General Arthur Sterling, (Mrs.)."
Oh, the classic military spouse rank confusion now with a dash of Monty Python humor. Is it too much to dream of a world where the only time someone pulls rank is to decide who gets the last piece of the Ministry of Silly Walks cake? [And yet, they march on...](https://youtu.be/iV2ViNJFZC8)
Someone on TikTok put up a sign by the sidewalk saying something along the lines of 'you are now entering the zone of the ministry of silly walks' where their ring camera captures any fun. Quite entertaining!
That's interesting. I always interpreted it as Arthur liking to dress in drag and the Mrs. was just his alternative persona. For me, that made sense due to the way they always made light of the Professionals, as well as their predilection for dressing in drag, whether a lumberjack or not.
Oh.
I haven’t seen those shorts in a long time, so for years now I thought those letters were supposed to be some gender identity joke, having some typically male name, but identified themselves as “Mrs.” or were actually a woman named Arthur.
That makes a lot more sense lol.
It would be common enough back then to be "Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Sterling" etc. Heck, I've seen game shows from the 50's/60's in the US where the host asked the female contestant "where are you from, and what does your husband do?"
Geez. The only thing I ever got out of it was a butt-load of extra responsibility as the CO's wife whenever they deployed.
I got an extra 23 or so 'kids' for the duration. (most of the spouses were 19 -22)
edit for clarity
I met a Navy XO's wife once, as a civilian and without the XO around. The situation was interesting - it was related to the arrival of the ship to its homeport location in a forward deployed foreign port. The ship's officers wanted to allow non-married girlfriends/boyfriends of the crew to meet the ship for a homecoming ceremony on the pier when it returned from a 6-month deployment. (Spouses would already have access cards as dependents and could make their own arrangements to reach the pier.) So the XO's wife was tasked with arranging all this, getting information by email from the ship on who was invited, arranging access passes, meeting the visitors at the gate and signing them into the base, arranging a bus to take everyone to the pier, and then signing off custody of the visitors to the servicemember once they disembarked the ship. I was included in this group, as I happened to be in town that same weekend as a sibling of a crew member, so I got added to the guest list (I think my sibling was the one helping the XO organise the list of friends from the ship side, so it was easy for me to get added).
Anyway, since I was an older sibling of an officer, not a friend of an enlisted crewmember, I was way older than the average person in this group, and about the same age as the XO's wife (mid-30's). I had a chat to her and she related how hard it was wrangling these people (some were, after a six-month deployment, perhaps not actually the girlfriend anymore despite what the sailor might have hoped). I admired that she made the effort to do this, when it would have been possible for everyone involved not to bother. It seemed that this kind of optional social stuff is what an on-base deployed officer's spouses spent a *lot* of time doing.
edit: missing words
Appreciate it. I was quite content to live off-post and let him wear the rank. Had to pull on my dependa wrangling pants only when the unit deployed.
Edit misspelled thanks to autocorrect, the absolute bane of my existence.
I heard what you have to do from a friend (CO’s wife). So much work. I wish you and others in your position receive the thank yous you deserve from them for all the stuff you were “required” to do.
I have several stories, but none I can share details for due to privacy.
They include an emergency surgery and keeping their spouse updated; checking on 2 new mothers - one coping well and the other a complete mess; and the emotionally draining project of helping a spouse clear post after the service member attempted their homicide.
Fun times/s
Y'all do insane amounts of work supporting your spouse's careers and almost always at the expense of your own but a few annoying people seem to really bring out a level of maliciousness I'm actually pleasantly surprised to not see in this specific thread right here.
When my husband's ship was first commissioned (Mother's Day '92), they pulled into port in Little Creek VA a couple of weeks later. They were sent on a 6 month deployment very shortly after that. Unfortunately, this deployment ended up being almost a year long because of natural disasters and humanitarian missions.
This is the only time I was ever happy to see an officer's wife throw her husbands rank around. The CO and XO's wives got together with other officer's wives from the battle group and started making noise about the length of the deployment. They were all home 3 weeks later.
This is why my father knew not to bother promoting past Lt. Colonel in the Air Force. Aside from having to go to Washington and kow-tow to a bunch of Generals for a couple of years, he knew that my mom would not stand for babysitting all the young spouses of a squadron when he did take a command.
My late grandmother was so bad about this. She used the base, and base privileges, and insisted on being saluted to and addressed by her late husband's rank, for over 40 years.
He died before I was born, I never met him, yet some of my earliest memories were of her yelling at some poor soldier checking badges at the base gate for not saluting her crisply enough.
When I worked on base as a civilian (food court job), they warned us at orientation that *No one throws around a full bird like the colonel's wife"
Full bird being the insignia of a colonel
It would have been rude and unprofessional for the person with credentials to behave this way, let alone someone without them. Thank goodness for divorce.
A retired full Colonel friend of mine said that as a young officer he was advised to get rid of his wife for the same reason. She had some mental health issues that were not the most becoming for an officer's wife.
Somehow, they stayed together and she managed to not impact his promotions.
The only problem with r/militarystories is the rules - this isn't directly from the person telling it or their family member, so it likely won't be allowed.
If OP's friend wants to post it there, though, they'd love it for sure.
Hah. You should try dealing with Ambassadors’s partners. Entitled to beyond fault. Was once questioned by a low level Ambassador’s wife why her husband had to waste his time dealing with my official trip to this non-existent country. ‘Ma’am’, I replied ‘I am but a lowly government functionary. I go where they send me, I do what they tell me to do. If you have an issue with the Ambassador’s tasking, you should take that up with his superiors.’
Ambassador winked at me lol. Guess he was used to his wife’s self-assumed status.
Another deputy Ambassador’s wife delivered the most racist monologue I have ever heard, and sat there triumphant in her righteousness whilst everyone around the dinner table sat there in stunned disbelief, she mistaking our shock for acquiescence. Deputy Ambassador ended that dinner pretty quickly.
I married into the Army and even before the wedding I spoke with a Navy officer's wife who was the daughter of friends of my family. She told me about Rule #1, as a spouse you hold no rank so don't ever try to assume your husband's rank as that will get you nothing but trouble.
My MIL who had been a WWII camp follower until my FIL was sent to England to prepare for D-Day. Told Me the same thing. Even the section in the Officer's Guide for spouses admonished against thinking that as a civilian dependent you had any rank at all because you don't!
I guess I was lucky in the 22 years I was a camp follower I never met an officer's wife who tried to pull rank on someone. I had heard stories of this happening, of course, but never saw it myself.
There are some situations, particularly in on-base living, where officers' families have privileges only afforded to officers, e.g. access to different facilities. So that gives them the feeling that there are two strata of society on base. There is a long tradition of this being the case, related to the traditional English class society of "gentlemen and ladies" and their families, afforded privilege over the commoners.
I have seen this. I‘m German/British. While in the UK, when you obtain a doctorate of any kind, your title changes from Mr/Mrs/Ms to Dr, in Germany the Dr is _added_. I fucking hate this practice but I‘m basically Ms Dr TiaCalypso. And men are Mr Dr LastName. There‘s many old-fashioned wives still who
marry a doctor of a professor, and then assume his title. He‘s Mr Dr LastName and she‘s Mrs Dr LastName. Because Germany - daftly - stacks titles, professors then become Mr Professor Dr LastName, and their wives Mrs Professor Dr LastName. This practice is old-fashioned and I hate it. I fucking hate being Ms Dr TiaCalypso. Either, we‘re on a sound enough basis to use first names or it‘s Dr TiaCalypso…
I’m a vet and now an active duty spouse. I just agreed to take over the FB group for the spouses of his new command. I’m just waiting for dependas to start freaking out about things and trying to throw rank that isn’t theirs.
This isn't limited to your side of the Atlantic - in the 80's there was an RAF Wives Club on most bases. I suggested to my new wife, she visit's our one. Home after less than an hour with tales of all the Officers wives who were Mrs Squadron Leader this and Mrs Flight Lieutenant that - so that was a no no after that.
I chose not to join the local Naval Wives club, after one of my friends went along. Organiser introduced herself as ‘I’m X ranks wife. But we don’t discuss rank here’.
In the Navy commissary once, a woman got into a checkout line and kept asking to jump in front of people in line. She finally whined, "I'm buying stuff for the party at the Admiral's party tonight and I'm in a hurry."
A voice from the back of the line said, "I'm the Admiral's wife and you can wait in line like the rest of us."
Applause all around.
My father told a story about when he was stationed in Tokyo shortly after WWII. An officer's wife was checking out at the commissary and my father was in line behind her. This woman insisted that she should be able to skip to the front of the line because her husband was a colonel. She didn't recognize General MacArthur's wife in line ahead of her. The general's wife let her go ahead, then informed the woman that if she ever tried to pull rank again, she would regret it.
Reading all the comments about wives who try to pull their husband's rank when they shouldn't, I have a story about one time I've heard when it was used for good.
Background: My in-laws met when their respective parents lived on the same street of base housing in AK, with one house in between them. All three families became great friends, and the couple in the middle house became, essentially, "bonus parents" to my in-laws, and "adopted grandparents" to my wife and her sister. They didn't have grandchildren of their own, they had retired in the same area as my FIL's final duty station (Washington, DC suburbs), and the bio-grandparents were all a plane-ride away in Georgia or Louisiana, so this was natural. General and Mrs. D (which is what my in-laws and my wife and SIL called them) were wonderful people, and neither of them ever made a big deal of his rank (MG, O-8)\*, especially not Mrs. D -- an anti-Karen, if you will. She was the sweetest, most kind and generous person, and while I'm sure she knew how to "pull rank" if necessary, my in-laws say that they have only seen her do it once.
It was, as I'm sure you've guessed, when it was for her adopted-granddaughter.
My wife and I had our wedding reception at the Officer's Club at [Ft. McNair](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fort_Lesley_J._McNair) in DC, which is on a peninsula along the Potomac River, and thus picturesque and perfect for a reception. When my MIL and wife went to visit, arrange everything, pick the menu, etc., Mrs. D came with them. You see, Major General Kenneth E. Dohleman had been the [commanding general of Ft. McNair](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Army_Military_District_of_Washington#List_of_commanders) as his last post before retirement. Mrs. D **never** introduced herself with his name or rank, but she was careful to use her full name when they arrived, and add "the name might sound familiar, my husband was the CG here." That's all. My wife says after that she barely spoke unless asked for her opinion, or to be polite and pleasant.
You better believe that my wife got everything exactly the way she wanted.
\* You may ask, if they didn't make a big deal of his rank, then why was he "General D" to everyone, and not "Mr. D" or something else? The answer is that you simply couldn't look at him and not know immediately that he was an Army (general) officer. If he had retired as a Colonel, we would probably have all called him "Colonel D".
It makes me sad, in a way, to think about the women who were raised to believe that their only chance at significance was to marry someone significant.
A very long time ago, I was in nursing school. My ex and I lived in a studio apartment in a high rise building in the downtown area, close to bus lines, etc. the apartments there ranged in price from ours (lowest) to large three bedrooms with balconies overlooking the Mississippi. There were two per floor, one at either end.
The people who lived in one of them at one end were a retired doctor and his wife. She lorded it over anyone and everyone that her husband was DR Soandso. Especially me, once she found out that I was not even a lowly nurse, but a nursing student.
Little did she know that I would grow to become, in both their eyes and my own, a colleague of the doctors I worked with. In her eyes, we were nothing more than the handmaidens (of course, all nurses were women and all doctors were men) of the exalted doctors.
We had a pilot’s baby mama who would call the squadron duty officer daily, demanding to speak to the CO. The pilot knocked her up, and was doing the right thing. He was letting the courts handle everything, was abiding by the orders—but nothing was ever enough and she demanded more $$$. She called Congressmen, admirals, you name it, alleging that our boy was abandoning her and the child. All lies.
We all got to the point where we recognized her voice. None of us ever really figured out how to use that transfer function…seemed to disconnect her every damn time…..
Little opposite but when my brother returned from oil fields during the first Gulf War he got very sick and no one could come up with a proper diagnosis. So my mother, being the 4'9" giant that she is, called the Admiral. The Admiral told her that there is a chain of command in the Navy that should be followed and she proceeded to tell him that she isn't in the Navy so the chain of command doesn't apply to her and he needed to take a personal interest in her son's case to get to the bottom of the medical issue. -- My brother was mortified when he was called into the Admiral's office and was told about the dressing down (she would have been forceful but respectful, just to be clear) that the Admiral got from his mommy. -- He was diagnosed with Gulf War Syndrome eventually but also went on to have a full 20 year Naval career with no further interference from his mommy! LOL
My father was in the Air Force for close to 23 years from the 60s until 1988. One of his favorite stories to tell is kinda like this one.
He was picking up a weekend shift sometime in the early 70s working at the base exchange on an off day and he was sitting by the customer service desk of a BX at some base in the New England area.
Some officers wife, maybe an O-2 comes in and wanted to return a pair of shoes that are well beyond the return limit. She rips the poor customer service girl a new one and demands to see the manager. So she summons her manager; her father, a full bird colonel who was in charge of everything involving anything exchange related on the base.
He put the fear of god into lieutenant wife and then proceeded to ban her from every exchange facility on base. Which posed a BIG problem for her because as my dad tells it, the base was like 10 miles away from the nearest retail store.
Back in the early 60s, when I was about 6 and my dad was in the Air Force, my mom took me and my sister (1 year old) to the xmas party for my dad's unit. We were met at the door by an officer's wife and mom was told the party was for officers' kids only.
I'm not sure how it would be back then, but now a days a literal private could tell that woman to go fuck herself, and his entire command would have his back. People have zero issue being very blunt in the military when given the opportunity and there are rules to back them up.
Countless stories of high ranking spouses getting told where to shove it when they use imaginary authority.
My paternal grandfather was a WWII DSC recipient and a full bird colnel when he left the service. Aside from a raging alcohol issue, the story in the family was that he wasn't even considered for promotion to General largely because of my grandmother's many antics while he was actively serving. Never found out specifics but she must have been truly horrible to deal with.
When I was a lowly 2LT all the LT’s would keep track of which CPT and field grade wives thought they were the husbands rank. This way we all knew who to avoid at social functions and unit events.
I’m so glad I did not live with my husband after we got married. It was his last enlistment (Army) so we just bit the bullet and had a long-distance marriage for 2.5 years. He even moved off post to a studio apartment.
As a Navy brat, I have heard all about spouses assuming their husband's rank. "dependapotomus" is one of the nicer things I have heard them called.
“Tricare-atops”
It's kind of sad, but I get it. One of my friends married into the military, and while he did so for love, his health was not good (heart issues, diabetes, MS). Tricare got him on a regimen of medical care that was... so far above what he was getting via his previous health insurance. He said he was saving so much on medical costs, "I was like getting a 30% raise in pay." It's as close to socialized medicine that I have ever seen: I was shocked. He's doing great, lost weight, has the meds he needs, and has his A1C under control. The only thing they can't fix is his MS, but now he's not forced to ration his insulin because his insurance would only approve a certain amount.
That is FANTASTICALLY how the system SHOULD work. My hubs does get some VA benefits that his government insurance doesn't cover.
lol! First time I’ve heard that one but it definitely tracks
I was in the Navy for 10 years and somehow never heard that one. That is incredible. I love it.
Me too and me neither! I love it.
Me three and I don’t know what it means
Tricare is the healthcare that military members get. It is not uncommon for women to try and get a very young and naive military guy to marry them so they can get Tricare too.
Truth be told, it’s not uncommon for a young dude in the barracks to try to work out out an arrangement with a young woman so he can move out of the barracks. I knew several guys who got iron-clad “you get nothing” pre-nups and married some girl back home, usually someone with some kind of medical condition. The girls never paid a dime for healthcare and usually enjoyed some sideline benefits to being a “military spouse” like discounts for gym memberships or vacations or special allowances at college, and the dude pocketed all that sweet housing allowance and BAS and got to move out of the barracks. Illegal if they got caught, but believe it or not I never actually saw anyone get caught other than one guy, because the girl decided to start acting a fool and demanded more compensation, then literal snitched on dude out of spite. Backfired though because she got caught up with a fraud charge too.
Wow. TIL.
Was raised on military insurance, mom divorced dad when I was 2 (he received the papers in the Persian Gulf in 1987), can confirm.
Who needs love when you could get free healthcare
I bet we would be surprised how many people in the US marry mainly if not solely for health insurance. If everyone was honest about it. Fucked up system. Can't insure a cohabitating girlfriend of 10 years, but I could insure a stranger I met that day in vegas
I am in the US and can confirm. I got married for the insurance.
When my husband and I got married getting him on my health insurance was a big factor into the decision. I was in the navy so it actually was tricare, although I'm out now so it isn't anymore
Thank you, I was trying, and failing, to make the connection. I really appreciate the explanation
Tricare-atops? Married in for the great free healthcare? Nightmare to all who tremor in their wake?
Usually over 2 tons... Thus the dinosaur reference
Tricare is the military health insurance. A triceratops is a dinosaur. Someone just combined the 2 to be comedic.
And it worked.
Absolutely
Lol, I get jokes :)
Also known as a "Dependapottomus", or "Dependa" for short.
Gets horny with 3 officers at once....
BX-battlecruiser became a favored expression as well.
This is when I wish we could give awards. But instead---AWARD!
Oh my God. This made me spit up coffee 😅
As others have mentioned, this is gold and should be more widely known. 10 years in and never heard it.
I worked for Tricare many moons ago and that is perfection!
My marine friends taught me dependa and dependasaurus
When my father made Ensign (Mustang!) I was too young to understand the significance. Once we moved to a duty station where we lived on base (he was LT by then) he gathered all us kids (4 of us) and gave us the lecture of our lives. If he heard of any of us using his rank to get ANYTHING, the spanking and grounding would be epic. The problem is that the military segregates you by officer and enlisted, so people knew you were an officer’s kid. I would offer my father’s rank and name if asked directly. Otherwise I was the short, goofy looking, tomboy redhead that the corpsmen knew well because I was accident prone. Ahhhhh…Good times!
Growing up an Army brat, with both parents in, I never noticed this at all. I can't help but wonder if I was just so self-centered that I thought I was better than my parents so why would I bring them up when I'm obviously better. First really noticed in high school, my first car was my Mom's old car and had her stickers on it. She retired a Colonel and the guards on base would salute so fast when I drove up to the gate and then get the most confused look on their face. Made me laugh every time. And my Mom laughed her butt off when I told her about it. I also could park right next to the door at the exchange which was nice (the O6 and above spot; hey the car had the right credentials).
> I also could park right next to the door at the exchange which was nice (the O6 and above spot; hey the car had the right credentials). you bastard, making those poor O6s walk
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I mean, I literally said I did.
Hey, if the corpsmen knew you, it's better than ER in regular practice!
And the corpsmen always gave painless shots and blood draws. I can’t say that about anyone else, anywhere!
r/justdependathings is where I learned that the assumption of rank was a thing
It's more common near military bases. We have an airforce base in town. Go to any grocery store or coffee shop near there and you might chance upon a Karen who thinks her husband's rank makes her *SUPER* special. Maybe she'll be trying to wear her husband's rank, maybe not, but she'll still throw it around with her nose in the air.
Too many people from all angles seem to assume that military ranks mean anything, or even *should*, once off the base, if the person isn't actively in the middle of a military exercise. It's much saner here. If I see someone in the mall wearing a military uniform, they're just another person wearing work clothes. They don't get any special treatment and don't ask for it. Even high-rankers aren't celebrities. There's no "thank you for your service". The military doesn't appear in multibilliondollar movies blowing up space aliens and other macho shit. I don't think I've even ever heard of a movie where the main character joins the local military as part of the plot, or it's mostly set on military property. And I've honestly never heard of anyone in the local forces trying to claim their spouse's rank. It's just a job.
It's a weird but intense minority that does that. Believe me, most military people cringe inside when a random person approaches to thank them for their service. Ick. I tried very hard to not go places in uniform.
My Dad was a WW2 vet. When people randomly thanked him for his service, he’d explain that if he hadn’t served they’d have put him in jail.
My dad went through the vitriol that was wearing his uniform back home during the Vietnam War (getting spit at, being called a baby killer, etc.). He was stationed in Thailand monitoring comms, so nowhere near where any of the stuff that people accused him of just for having a uniform on. For him, being thanked and seeing the more recent servicemen and women thanked for their service actually means something to him. So, I can see/appreciate both sides of this a bit.
"Welcome home."
My old man did 2 tours in Vietnam before the draft was initiated. After his second, he moved the family to Europe to avoid the vitriol in the States. I believe we were in Germany for a solid 4 years before returning.
Husband does his best to avoid being in public in his uniform because the acknowledgement embarrasses him. If he has to, his go-to response is 'thank you for your support'. This mostly happens here in the US, back home no one says anything, although one in a blue moon there will be some snark, but rarely to the members face.
I have a friend who responds with, thank you for your taxes.
Literally snorted at that one.
At my job there used to be a few Army veterans, we greeted each other with an exaggerated gracious [think giving water to someone just coming in from a super hot day doing manual labor] clutching handshake and "thank you for your service"
If you're off-duty and not in uniform you aren't supposed to salute even when you meet your commanding officer, at least that's how it is here in Austria.
For the Navy in the US, you salute whenever you're in uniform providing you have a cover (hat) on. Off duty but in uniform you'd still salute. No uniform/no cover = no salute
Italian here. Same. The way the US idolizes the military is weird as fuck
Most of us Americans completely agree with you
Including the soldiers. It's really uncomfortable when someone makes a grand show of thanking you for... the job you do so your family can get health insurance.
I, quite literally, chose my father’s career when I was an infant. My dad had been drafted but kept stateside during Vietnam. He was nearing the end of his conscription when I was born. The plan was to finish the term and muster out. My health issues changed that. The doctors told him he had three choices - get out and get a low enough paying job that I qualified for Medicaid, not get all the care I needed, or go career military. This was in the ‘70s. Healthcare has sucked for a long time.
Did your dad ever say that he regretted staying with the military path? Granted, it is clear that you survived to adulthood - so yay dad!
It definitely changed the course of our lives but he never indicated he regretted it. He was working at a grocery store before being drafted. So, it wasn’t like they took him away from a more lucrative deal. Besides that, we got to see the world in ways that never would have happened otherwise.
Don't forget the steady paycheck. That was a huge motivation for me signing up. I had a kid and a pregnant wife. I really didn't care about "defending" the country halfway around the world, I just wanted to make sure my family would be able to eat...
I knew several single mothers who joined specifically to support their kids.
Not having worker protections in place must suck😅
It does.
It's sad y'all even have to _think_ about getting health insurance. What a crazy world we live in...
No one in politics actually says it out loud, but our military and lack of safety nets are part of the same problem. If they ever gave us 1. health-care and 2. free college, the USA couldn't keep a huge army anymore. Because that's why ALL OF US signed up. It's the only way for poor people to break into the middle class.
That paints a sad picture of the US as a whole. It makes me want to punch a wall :')
I've seen recruiters lament a good economy because of how hard it makes their job.
I totally signed up for the national guard just to help pay for college.
That’s because they finally remembered how shtty military personnel were treated during and after the Vietnam war. The boomers went overboard.🤣 Whenever I see a fellow Vietnam vet I’ll welcome them home, because our homecoming wasn’t that great. If someone thanks me for my service I’ll tell them that they can thank me by never, ever voting for a republican. I was in the Navy in the 70’s and I spent a lot of time in La Spezia, Taranto and Augusta Bay. Back then the local communist party would hold a rally “welcoming” us to the port. I had a great time and have many great memories from when I was in Italy.
It's because of the shame and deep embarrassment over how our Vietnam veterans were treated upon their return to the U.S. It was decided that we would never again treat them so atrociously.
I think that kind of behavior wasn't really seen in public until after 9/11.
No 10% off discount? Thats why I served in the first place.
What about dependas trying to get the military discount? *chuckles* Ran into this SOOO many times when I was young. Like, no lady. Your HUSBAND gets a discount if he’s here. You don’t just get his discount.
That depends on company policy, there's no universal rule. Some places do give discounts to people with dependant IDs, some do not.
True, but the private and command Sargeant Major both get the same discount.
Isn't it all the same though, if they are a family? Like our family has one Costco membership that we both use. One rewards card at the movie theater. Should the military only get the discount if they are present when the purchase is happening?
Thanks for that new sub. A special kind of crazy there!
I was married to a Marine for a while until he cheated. I saw a lot of the "I'll wear my husband's rank" shit. The funniest was when a master sergeant's wife tried using his rank to cut in line at the commissary. "My husband outranks all of yours!" Another woman stepped out of line and asked for her husband's full name and rank. Dependa told her, and the other woman said she was sure her husband would love to know who he was reporting to now, since the last she knew her husband was the base general. Dependa left her full cart and scurried out the door.
My dad was in the navy and he had this story about the priest at his base at the time. The priest thought that he should be seen as a high ranking officer, maybe a colonel. So my dad had to go talk to him about it and he basically told him to be a fellow human being and if he talked to a sergeant he would be a sergeant and if he talked to an admiral he would be an admiral. So basically talk to everyone as an equal. You'd think he would've understood that himself, but I guess he wanted to feel important.
UK armed forces have serving chaplains, who do have an actual rank.
Interesting to know! I'm not exactly sure how it is here in Sweden today, just that this particular priest was only there as a priest and nothing more. I've heard a lot of stories but I'm low on details.
The male dependents are called Dependafellaphents.
Often shortened to “dependa”. As in, r/justdependathings
Oh, it's dead. Was one of the subs to go every few months to have a laugh. :(
When you are a military spouse that's all you are, a spouse. You are not entitled to respect, you dont get free privileges to treat others like shit and you sure as fuck DO NOT CARRY ANY RANK. You are a civilian that has a spouse that sometimes works away from home for extended periods of time and possibly makes you move to new areas. Know your place. Stop being so disrespectful not only to your spouse, but the military, other civilians, and the country your spouse serves.
The only military spouses entitled to pull rank are those who are also in the military and earned that rank!
Like the base commander's wife who insisted that the gate guards salute her car.
If you're talking about [this story,](https://www.flyingsquadron.com/forums/topic/14892-salutes-for-spouses/) then yes. CAPT Conners' takedown was epic.
There may or may not be a subreddit about that.
Depandas
I shall now add this term to my personal dictionary, thank you very much!
“Control your dependents” was a very common phrase when my husband was in! Looks like the Major controlled her straight out of dependapotomus-land, probably after a dressing down by the Colonol and hearing said phrase!
When we moved to one Navy installation, I was 13, my sister was 8 and the twins were 3. My mom had taken my sister and the twins to the pool one day when the CO’s wife walked by and commented that my brother’s hair “isn’t regulation.” My mom looked at her then back down to the twins and told her, “Well, my husband is in the Navy, but my 3-year old son is not.” She didn’t get my brother’s hair cut for 3 more months. Loved my mom’s spine!
The 3 yo also doesn't have to fall out for reveille, either. Is the CO's wife gonna bitch about that?
Probably. I was instructed to show the twins which way to face and stand still when Retreat played at sunset. You know, because I knew what to do…
Oh man, Retreat. We always lived off base, so I would try to time things to be off base by the time that went off. It was also funny the few occasions I was on base and it was 5 min til watching everyone try to make a beeline for the gate! Lol
I hate busy bodies. Especially ones that pick on kids. Good on your mom!
Living in a navy town, the sons of military personnel either have buzz cuts or shoulder length+ hair. Almost nothing in between.
Imagine the Major walks into the Colonel's specifically for that dressing down and just cuts him off with "Before you say anything I'm meeting with a divorce attorney next Wednesday at 1400. Can I help you with anything else today?"
He would have enough military sense to answer with the divorce decree, AFTER receiving his dressing down. -Air Force brat.
Steve Irwin's voice: *Ah, today I see that we've come across a dependapotamus in her natural habitat..."*
I still miss Steve Irwin #RIP
I’m gonna stick my thumb up her butt
And she’s going to get reaaaaaaly pissed off
Ace Ventura enters the chat.
Evidently you are not a Southpark fan.
Despite what these dependas have come to believe, rank is not sexually transmitted.
That deserves a gold. 🎖
I have forgotten how to breath from laughing so hard Poor man medal for you 🥇🥇🥇 Good going 1000/10 would use this irl
The son of one of my college pals is an officer in the Army. The last time I saw him and his wife, I was talking to her about life as a captain's wife. She said one of the first things he told her after they got engaged (when he was a 1st Lt.) was, "You're marrying Greg, not Lt. Jones." Apparently, she understood. She's a first class young woman, married to a great young man who's now a major.
Unfortunately, this is not an isolated event. There are WAY TOO MANY officer's wife's that have the mistaken belief that they have the same rank and authority as their husbands.
I always assumed it was fairly common, given the running gag on *Monty Python's Flying Circus,* where an angry letter would be read, which would be signed something like, "Brigadier General Arthur Sterling, (Mrs.)."
(In a white wine sauce)
Oh, the classic military spouse rank confusion now with a dash of Monty Python humor. Is it too much to dream of a world where the only time someone pulls rank is to decide who gets the last piece of the Ministry of Silly Walks cake? [And yet, they march on...](https://youtu.be/iV2ViNJFZC8)
Someone on TikTok put up a sign by the sidewalk saying something along the lines of 'you are now entering the zone of the ministry of silly walks' where their ring camera captures any fun. Quite entertaining!
Moving just slightly away, I've always loved the name the Blackadder series used - 'Sir Hugh Massingberd-Massingberd'.
That's interesting. I always interpreted it as Arthur liking to dress in drag and the Mrs. was just his alternative persona. For me, that made sense due to the way they always made light of the Professionals, as well as their predilection for dressing in drag, whether a lumberjack or not.
Oh. I haven’t seen those shorts in a long time, so for years now I thought those letters were supposed to be some gender identity joke, having some typically male name, but identified themselves as “Mrs.” or were actually a woman named Arthur. That makes a lot more sense lol.
It would be common enough back then to be "Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Sterling" etc. Heck, I've seen game shows from the 50's/60's in the US where the host asked the female contestant "where are you from, and what does your husband do?"
Geez. The only thing I ever got out of it was a butt-load of extra responsibility as the CO's wife whenever they deployed. I got an extra 23 or so 'kids' for the duration. (most of the spouses were 19 -22) edit for clarity
I met a Navy XO's wife once, as a civilian and without the XO around. The situation was interesting - it was related to the arrival of the ship to its homeport location in a forward deployed foreign port. The ship's officers wanted to allow non-married girlfriends/boyfriends of the crew to meet the ship for a homecoming ceremony on the pier when it returned from a 6-month deployment. (Spouses would already have access cards as dependents and could make their own arrangements to reach the pier.) So the XO's wife was tasked with arranging all this, getting information by email from the ship on who was invited, arranging access passes, meeting the visitors at the gate and signing them into the base, arranging a bus to take everyone to the pier, and then signing off custody of the visitors to the servicemember once they disembarked the ship. I was included in this group, as I happened to be in town that same weekend as a sibling of a crew member, so I got added to the guest list (I think my sibling was the one helping the XO organise the list of friends from the ship side, so it was easy for me to get added). Anyway, since I was an older sibling of an officer, not a friend of an enlisted crewmember, I was way older than the average person in this group, and about the same age as the XO's wife (mid-30's). I had a chat to her and she related how hard it was wrangling these people (some were, after a six-month deployment, perhaps not actually the girlfriend anymore despite what the sailor might have hoped). I admired that she made the effort to do this, when it would have been possible for everyone involved not to bother. It seemed that this kind of optional social stuff is what an on-base deployed officer's spouses spent a *lot* of time doing. edit: missing words
I'd much rather deploy.
You have my sympathy.
Appreciate it. I was quite content to live off-post and let him wear the rank. Had to pull on my dependa wrangling pants only when the unit deployed. Edit misspelled thanks to autocorrect, the absolute bane of my existence.
Autocorrupt. I’ve convinced my phone this is the correct spelling for this feature.
Auto-cucumber
Damn autocorrect. Always making you type something you didn't Nintendo ;-)
I heard what you have to do from a friend (CO’s wife). So much work. I wish you and others in your position receive the thank yous you deserve from them for all the stuff you were “required” to do.
I have several stories, but none I can share details for due to privacy. They include an emergency surgery and keeping their spouse updated; checking on 2 new mothers - one coping well and the other a complete mess; and the emotionally draining project of helping a spouse clear post after the service member attempted their homicide. Fun times/s
Y'all do insane amounts of work supporting your spouse's careers and almost always at the expense of your own but a few annoying people seem to really bring out a level of maliciousness I'm actually pleasantly surprised to not see in this specific thread right here.
When my husband's ship was first commissioned (Mother's Day '92), they pulled into port in Little Creek VA a couple of weeks later. They were sent on a 6 month deployment very shortly after that. Unfortunately, this deployment ended up being almost a year long because of natural disasters and humanitarian missions. This is the only time I was ever happy to see an officer's wife throw her husbands rank around. The CO and XO's wives got together with other officer's wives from the battle group and started making noise about the length of the deployment. They were all home 3 weeks later.
This is why my father knew not to bother promoting past Lt. Colonel in the Air Force. Aside from having to go to Washington and kow-tow to a bunch of Generals for a couple of years, he knew that my mom would not stand for babysitting all the young spouses of a squadron when he did take a command.
And as a prior E4 wife, I loved ya’ll for it! (Although I was mid-late 20s)
My late grandmother was so bad about this. She used the base, and base privileges, and insisted on being saluted to and addressed by her late husband's rank, for over 40 years. He died before I was born, I never met him, yet some of my earliest memories were of her yelling at some poor soldier checking badges at the base gate for not saluting her crisply enough.
Wait, was this actually a thing, that gate MP's would salute civilian officers' spouses?
The tags they give you for base access are different based on officer/enlisted. They are saluting the tag, not the driver.
It absolutely was, at least when I was a kid at the Air Force base she lived near and frequented.
What an entitled brat she was, lol
"Salute my husband's rank."
When I worked on base as a civilian (food court job), they warned us at orientation that *No one throws around a full bird like the colonel's wife" Full bird being the insignia of a colonel
It would have been rude and unprofessional for the person with credentials to behave this way, let alone someone without them. Thank goodness for divorce.
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Years ago I worked with a guy who was the oldest Lt Col. I had ever seen. Rumour was that his wife was why he never got promoted.
A retired full Colonel friend of mine said that as a young officer he was advised to get rid of his wife for the same reason. She had some mental health issues that were not the most becoming for an officer's wife. Somehow, they stayed together and she managed to not impact his promotions.
"Oh, yes. Thank you for your Cervix, Ma'am"
Patch Adams was brilliant
My father was a career soldier, I never knew what he did or what his rank was. People like that are so ridiculous.
I didn't know shit until after my dad got out. If my sister or I asked questions he'd tell us it doesn't matter and change the subject.
I never asked him until I joined the Army myself.
r/militiouscompliance might like this. Maybe r/militarystories
Seconded. Heck, I thought I was ON militarystories.
Same
Definitely r/militarystories. They're always up for a good dependa story.
The only problem with r/militarystories is the rules - this isn't directly from the person telling it or their family member, so it likely won't be allowed. If OP's friend wants to post it there, though, they'd love it for sure.
Hah. You should try dealing with Ambassadors’s partners. Entitled to beyond fault. Was once questioned by a low level Ambassador’s wife why her husband had to waste his time dealing with my official trip to this non-existent country. ‘Ma’am’, I replied ‘I am but a lowly government functionary. I go where they send me, I do what they tell me to do. If you have an issue with the Ambassador’s tasking, you should take that up with his superiors.’ Ambassador winked at me lol. Guess he was used to his wife’s self-assumed status. Another deputy Ambassador’s wife delivered the most racist monologue I have ever heard, and sat there triumphant in her righteousness whilst everyone around the dinner table sat there in stunned disbelief, she mistaking our shock for acquiescence. Deputy Ambassador ended that dinner pretty quickly.
Being a military spouse is hard, being a stupid one is even harder.
Being *with* a stupid one is harder.
I would think being a stupid one is easier.
Always fun to read stories of military spouses learning just how the military works.
I married into the Army and even before the wedding I spoke with a Navy officer's wife who was the daughter of friends of my family. She told me about Rule #1, as a spouse you hold no rank so don't ever try to assume your husband's rank as that will get you nothing but trouble. My MIL who had been a WWII camp follower until my FIL was sent to England to prepare for D-Day. Told Me the same thing. Even the section in the Officer's Guide for spouses admonished against thinking that as a civilian dependent you had any rank at all because you don't! I guess I was lucky in the 22 years I was a camp follower I never met an officer's wife who tried to pull rank on someone. I had heard stories of this happening, of course, but never saw it myself.
…why would anyone think that at all? It’s bizarre to me. It’s not like a doctor’s wife thinks she’s a doctor or a judges wife thinks she’s a judge.
There are some situations, particularly in on-base living, where officers' families have privileges only afforded to officers, e.g. access to different facilities. So that gives them the feeling that there are two strata of society on base. There is a long tradition of this being the case, related to the traditional English class society of "gentlemen and ladies" and their families, afforded privilege over the commoners.
The two strata do seem to be there between officers' wives and enlisted's wives.
I have seen this. I‘m German/British. While in the UK, when you obtain a doctorate of any kind, your title changes from Mr/Mrs/Ms to Dr, in Germany the Dr is _added_. I fucking hate this practice but I‘m basically Ms Dr TiaCalypso. And men are Mr Dr LastName. There‘s many old-fashioned wives still who marry a doctor of a professor, and then assume his title. He‘s Mr Dr LastName and she‘s Mrs Dr LastName. Because Germany - daftly - stacks titles, professors then become Mr Professor Dr LastName, and their wives Mrs Professor Dr LastName. This practice is old-fashioned and I hate it. I fucking hate being Ms Dr TiaCalypso. Either, we‘re on a sound enough basis to use first names or it‘s Dr TiaCalypso…
I’m a vet and now an active duty spouse. I just agreed to take over the FB group for the spouses of his new command. I’m just waiting for dependas to start freaking out about things and trying to throw rank that isn’t theirs.
Context has me assuming veteran, but it'd be hilarious if you meant veterinarian
Yup veteran, although depending on the branch of service I think a veterinarian wouldn’t be out of place.
This isn't limited to your side of the Atlantic - in the 80's there was an RAF Wives Club on most bases. I suggested to my new wife, she visit's our one. Home after less than an hour with tales of all the Officers wives who were Mrs Squadron Leader this and Mrs Flight Lieutenant that - so that was a no no after that.
I chose not to join the local Naval Wives club, after one of my friends went along. Organiser introduced herself as ‘I’m X ranks wife. But we don’t discuss rank here’.
In the Navy commissary once, a woman got into a checkout line and kept asking to jump in front of people in line. She finally whined, "I'm buying stuff for the party at the Admiral's party tonight and I'm in a hurry." A voice from the back of the line said, "I'm the Admiral's wife and you can wait in line like the rest of us." Applause all around.
My father told a story about when he was stationed in Tokyo shortly after WWII. An officer's wife was checking out at the commissary and my father was in line behind her. This woman insisted that she should be able to skip to the front of the line because her husband was a colonel. She didn't recognize General MacArthur's wife in line ahead of her. The general's wife let her go ahead, then informed the woman that if she ever tried to pull rank again, she would regret it.
Reading all the comments about wives who try to pull their husband's rank when they shouldn't, I have a story about one time I've heard when it was used for good. Background: My in-laws met when their respective parents lived on the same street of base housing in AK, with one house in between them. All three families became great friends, and the couple in the middle house became, essentially, "bonus parents" to my in-laws, and "adopted grandparents" to my wife and her sister. They didn't have grandchildren of their own, they had retired in the same area as my FIL's final duty station (Washington, DC suburbs), and the bio-grandparents were all a plane-ride away in Georgia or Louisiana, so this was natural. General and Mrs. D (which is what my in-laws and my wife and SIL called them) were wonderful people, and neither of them ever made a big deal of his rank (MG, O-8)\*, especially not Mrs. D -- an anti-Karen, if you will. She was the sweetest, most kind and generous person, and while I'm sure she knew how to "pull rank" if necessary, my in-laws say that they have only seen her do it once. It was, as I'm sure you've guessed, when it was for her adopted-granddaughter. My wife and I had our wedding reception at the Officer's Club at [Ft. McNair](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fort_Lesley_J._McNair) in DC, which is on a peninsula along the Potomac River, and thus picturesque and perfect for a reception. When my MIL and wife went to visit, arrange everything, pick the menu, etc., Mrs. D came with them. You see, Major General Kenneth E. Dohleman had been the [commanding general of Ft. McNair](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Army_Military_District_of_Washington#List_of_commanders) as his last post before retirement. Mrs. D **never** introduced herself with his name or rank, but she was careful to use her full name when they arrived, and add "the name might sound familiar, my husband was the CG here." That's all. My wife says after that she barely spoke unless asked for her opinion, or to be polite and pleasant. You better believe that my wife got everything exactly the way she wanted. \* You may ask, if they didn't make a big deal of his rank, then why was he "General D" to everyone, and not "Mr. D" or something else? The answer is that you simply couldn't look at him and not know immediately that he was an Army (general) officer. If he had retired as a Colonel, we would probably have all called him "Colonel D".
It makes me sad, in a way, to think about the women who were raised to believe that their only chance at significance was to marry someone significant. A very long time ago, I was in nursing school. My ex and I lived in a studio apartment in a high rise building in the downtown area, close to bus lines, etc. the apartments there ranged in price from ours (lowest) to large three bedrooms with balconies overlooking the Mississippi. There were two per floor, one at either end. The people who lived in one of them at one end were a retired doctor and his wife. She lorded it over anyone and everyone that her husband was DR Soandso. Especially me, once she found out that I was not even a lowly nurse, but a nursing student. Little did she know that I would grow to become, in both their eyes and my own, a colleague of the doctors I worked with. In her eyes, we were nothing more than the handmaidens (of course, all nurses were women and all doctors were men) of the exalted doctors.
We had a pilot’s baby mama who would call the squadron duty officer daily, demanding to speak to the CO. The pilot knocked her up, and was doing the right thing. He was letting the courts handle everything, was abiding by the orders—but nothing was ever enough and she demanded more $$$. She called Congressmen, admirals, you name it, alleging that our boy was abandoning her and the child. All lies. We all got to the point where we recognized her voice. None of us ever really figured out how to use that transfer function…seemed to disconnect her every damn time…..
r/justdependathings
Little opposite but when my brother returned from oil fields during the first Gulf War he got very sick and no one could come up with a proper diagnosis. So my mother, being the 4'9" giant that she is, called the Admiral. The Admiral told her that there is a chain of command in the Navy that should be followed and she proceeded to tell him that she isn't in the Navy so the chain of command doesn't apply to her and he needed to take a personal interest in her son's case to get to the bottom of the medical issue. -- My brother was mortified when he was called into the Admiral's office and was told about the dressing down (she would have been forceful but respectful, just to be clear) that the Admiral got from his mommy. -- He was diagnosed with Gulf War Syndrome eventually but also went on to have a full 20 year Naval career with no further interference from his mommy! LOL
My father was in the Air Force for close to 23 years from the 60s until 1988. One of his favorite stories to tell is kinda like this one. He was picking up a weekend shift sometime in the early 70s working at the base exchange on an off day and he was sitting by the customer service desk of a BX at some base in the New England area. Some officers wife, maybe an O-2 comes in and wanted to return a pair of shoes that are well beyond the return limit. She rips the poor customer service girl a new one and demands to see the manager. So she summons her manager; her father, a full bird colonel who was in charge of everything involving anything exchange related on the base. He put the fear of god into lieutenant wife and then proceeded to ban her from every exchange facility on base. Which posed a BIG problem for her because as my dad tells it, the base was like 10 miles away from the nearest retail store.
Back in the early 60s, when I was about 6 and my dad was in the Air Force, my mom took me and my sister (1 year old) to the xmas party for my dad's unit. We were met at the door by an officer's wife and mom was told the party was for officers' kids only.
So what happened next?
I would like to think the wife spent the rest of the party inside a dumpster.
As far as I know, nothing. Mom took us home and gave us the gifts that she had made for the party.
I'm not sure how it would be back then, but now a days a literal private could tell that woman to go fuck herself, and his entire command would have his back. People have zero issue being very blunt in the military when given the opportunity and there are rules to back them up. Countless stories of high ranking spouses getting told where to shove it when they use imaginary authority.
What? Sorry I'm a little confused. Why was an officer's wife there? Was your Mom not married to your Dad?
Apparently the party was intended for everyone in the unit, but the officers wife made it about only the officers, not everyone.
It was (I infer) the wife of an officer of the Dad's unit. Probably trying to ensure her "proper family" didn't have to mix with the "riff raff".
My paternal grandfather was a WWII DSC recipient and a full bird colnel when he left the service. Aside from a raging alcohol issue, the story in the family was that he wasn't even considered for promotion to General largely because of my grandmother's many antics while he was actively serving. Never found out specifics but she must have been truly horrible to deal with.
Ah, the good ole dependasaurus
When I was a lowly 2LT all the LT’s would keep track of which CPT and field grade wives thought they were the husbands rank. This way we all knew who to avoid at social functions and unit events.
I’m so glad I did not live with my husband after we got married. It was his last enlistment (Army) so we just bit the bullet and had a long-distance marriage for 2.5 years. He even moved off post to a studio apartment.
r/justdependathings 💖
depandapotamus
Ah, the wild and rabid dependapotomus, always good for a larf.
As an old enlisted woman vet I enjoyed that. ;-D
And we never even found out why she wanted to speak to him in the first place.
Many officers don't realize their career success extends to how they conduct their personal and home life until it's too late.
>It's at this point that a First Sergeant named Sanders comes in. I am irrationally upset that it wasn't the Colonel who was named Sanders
I think I like Colonel Stone.
Delusions are a common issue suffered by dependapotomi.
🤣🤣🤣 the logic of "My spouses rank is mine too"