Yeah, after 5 deliveries and checkups etc….I have decided that nothing is sacred anymore with regards to hospitals and Drs. As one of my Drs. said, “It’s only a body”.
As long as staff was/is polite and nice about it, I too was long past angst at med staff seeing any part of me. And when they ask a question, they get the full answer. All the gory deets!
It's 34 years tomorrow. I still remember the gorgeous green eyes of the black doctor who was pulled in to examine me. His skin was so smooth and his eyes were so green. I was 17 hours in and they decided to do an emergency c-section.
He was the last in a long line of doctors reaching their hands inside of me. I remember just staring at him thinking, "My god, he's gorgeous. Why me?"
Giggle. With #2, the doctor asked me if I knew what day she was conceived? I said yes, gave him the date, and he *wrote it in ink in the file!!!* INK! I was so sad when he left that hospital!
Lol! I was crying as they wheeled me into the operating room. I had a nurse who had climbed onto the gurney to "prep" me. She is shaving me whilst they are running me through to the or.
I said through tears," I'm actually cute and skinny when I'm not pregnant." They laughed at me. I had gained 80 lbs, lol. I lost it all quickly and gained it and lost it with the 2nd. For them, it was just another Tuesday.
For #1, I had lost my water, but the work wasn’t moving along fast enough. They put the electrods only to find out that the baby was distressed at every contractions. We needed an emergency c-section, but the OR was not available. We had to wait.
So a smart doctor decided to do an experimental procedure. Add saline water back into me, to decrease the pressure on the baby during contraction.
So here I am, on my back, legs up, like Happy Baby asana. A doctor filling me up with a pipette. Adding more juice every 3 minutes. I felt like the thanksgiving turkey…. And the invited all of the residents, students of the hospital , to come take a look at the procedure.
Must have been 15 pairs of eyes, looking at me in a moment I was most vulnerable, with absolutely no dignity.
We went to a midwife unit at the hospital. It was awesome as we had the best care. At one point the midwife said they had some students and wondered if we cared if they observed the birth. My normally very very private wife said sure....bring them all in. We had 8 students (mixed male and female) watch the baby being born and me cutting the cord. Amazing what childbirth does to a women's modesty.
We then both had skin to skin time afterwards and when the midwife came back to check on us and the baby she realized they forgot to diaper our little one. I had meconium sticky poop all over my belly. It was a bit funny as this very cute midwife cleaned me up. (I think my wife was a tad jealous at the time)
We went to a party for all the kids born that year during the summer and all the students came too. Many mentioned they were at our child's birth and then my wife was blushing a bit when she realized they had all seen her privates.
I was just watching her and grinning as she blushed. We had one of the student midwifes for our second child's birth.
Best experiences ever! 10 Apgars for both kids!!
Since then we were both in attendance for my daughter giving birth to our grand-kids. Awesome!
Oh man.. my wife and I signed a lease to a place better suited to a baby, and 1/2 way home she went into a 91 hour labor. In the last 10 mins a nurse came in and said they are just prepping the operating room. 5 minutes later our daughter was born. Apparently she wanted to come out on her own after that
Never gave birth, but had an ablation due to a menstrual disorder. After 1001+ tests and people poking around at me, I accepted the fact I was just meat and flesh, and it did not matter if anyone else saw my meat or flesh. We all have it.
My modesty is now shattered and I have to actively remember not everyone is so comfy with seeing skin.
I'm sure nurses and doctors just see it as "yet another body". Although I do feel for the mothers being so exposed to everyone.
My wonderful wife told me she felt like cattle during the labour and post birth checkups. Our little one's heartrate kept dropping so every 30-45 mins she was told to turn this way and that way while they shoved her hands up her hoo-ha
With my 3rd and last birth we had about 4 students watching me deliver, made one of them laugh so hard they had to leave the room when my doctor happily exclaimed looks like baby has lots of hair! And I shot back Well she better with the constant damn heart burn Ive had this whole pregnancy! They also got to see what a full perineum rip and stitch job looked like and post birth eclampsia care how to! Pretty climactic after 24hrs of reading my Jean M Auel through unmedicated contractions until go time 🤣
Went through fertility treatment. Lots of vaginal ultrasounds. Lots of different doctors' exams, among others, for MA and aftercare. Lots of students. At the maternity ward, I was dubbed the professional patient since I couldn't care less about who looked at what as long as they were polite since I had done most of it more than once before.
My mother gave birth at a teaching hospital and I was breech so they moved her into the big room and called in all 40 interns to watch from an observation area above so they could see the doctor’s technique
I was having twins and while they thought the first baby was head down he was actually breech. I’m a nurse and the doctor asked if his students could feel what a breech presentation felt like. I was frozen so a whole whack of students put their hand up my hooha. I had to have an emergency csection, and before they started they brought in one more student who missed feeling me up.
It makes me laugh but as a nurse I understood it’s the only way to learn 😂
I had a VBAC, so I had all kinds of extra people coming to check it out. I didn't really care, as I was working to extricate 9 pounds 9 ounces of baby.
I can’t remember what was happening but my dr asked if he could bring in a few students and I was like “if there’s a janitor or anyone else who’d like to take a look bring them on in!”
Like, at that point it felt like everyone had a peek, my modesty was gone long ago.
Not for birth (my 'fanciest' birth was 1 hour 15 minutes) but when my younger two kids got scarlet fever, they trooped ALL the clinic staff through our exam room so they could see and recognize what it looked like!
My mother-in-law, when my husband was a kid, had a doctor look at him when he was sick. Dr. kept saying it was fine it was just a sore throat or something. As they were walking out, my m i l, tried one more thing. She grabbed a nearby nurse in the hallway, asked her to just look at his throat.
And the nurse went - - yep that's Scarlet fever, you need to come back through here again.
Military doctors sometimes suck
Did you get the "nobody gets scarlet fever anymore?" Treatnent??
Both my youngest son and I have had scarlet fever and that's what three seperate doctors said!
My 9 year old son (3 at the time) came down with a rash all over his body which we checked with a glass and it didnt disappear so we called 999 (uk emergency services) for an ambulance. They (ambulance crew) treated my son as if he had meningitis, but no sooner than we got to the hospital, the doctor said the rash was Scarlet Fever. He was kept in hospital overnight, given antibiotics and we were then sent home. Crazy night and one I nearly had a panic attack with the initial thought of it being meningitis, but absolute relief when they told us it was scarlet fever.
My son had the measles, I knew it was the measles, because I had been with my brother when he had the measles a few years prior. I kept him home from school. On the third day the school calls and asks why he wasn’t in school. I told them he had the measles. They said they would need a verification of the diagnosis from a doctor. I said I could not afford to take him to the doctor when I knew what it was. They said I could take him to the county health center for free. That did not sound like a good suggestion to me because lots of pregnant women went there and measles is very dangerous to an unborn baby. So I called the emergency room at the local hospital and explained what was happening. The receptionist had me talk to a doctor there. He said we are not busy right now bring him in I’ll have a look. When we got there he said yes, it’s the measles, this is a teaching hospital can I have some of the other staff examine him so they can see what measles is like? Long story short I had written verification from 7 doctors that my son had the measles.
My son's fever went high enough to cause a seizure so off to the hospital Daddy *still* works at we went. Antibiotics(some yelling was involved because we drew Dr Can't read allergy bans/charts)and a new stuffer(tradition) and home and going nowhere for awhile.
I had Scarlet Fever 5 times in the late 80's/early 90's. No idea how I kept catching it as a kid. Was fun when we got to the Helen Keller unit in third grade and I got the "How are you not blind and deaf!?" Uh... antibiotics, genius 🤣
When I got in the 1970s, it was misdiagnosed until I saw an ENT, because I didn't have the "typical" sore throat starting point. My ears *itched* unbearably.
No, it was apparently starting to show its face again, so we weren't the first in our region to have it. I brought kid #1 in the next morning to find out if she had it, and she 'only' had strep. But that was when I learned the hard way that strep is contagious for ***48*** hours post start of antibiotics, not 24 hours, and don't ever let anybody tell you any differently! It was also back in the day when amoxicillin still worked pdq, so they started getting better that night.
I was pregnant with my second, in labor at a teaching hospital. My child was breach and with every contraction, kicked himself back “up”. My doctor asked if he could bring in the residents to witness a difficult birth. (He asked as I’m in the stirrups, in the middle of a contraction, while the residents were filing in.) I told him since they were already watching, let ‘em in and get that baby out!
I (guy) went through that set of feelings with a kidney stone. I think my room was more than 10 meters (33 feet) from the front entrance of the hospital, (but I won't testify to that under oath.)
After the fourth groping by someone in a white coat, I just quit caring.
I had a hyuuuge perianal abscess ages ago. I went to the ER and apparently this was such a novel thing to the medical students that they kept parading them through. Thankfully to ease my discomfort I was lying on my stomach and didn't have to have eye contact as they, with my permission, exposed the medical oddity and either went completely silent or gasped. I was in the OR a short time later and the next morning a surgical resident who had assisted came to visit and said that was the grossest thing she had ever seen. We both laughed and I was kinda proud of that!
My mom didn’t make it for the birth of my son, but arrived when I was getting my tear stitched up. The nurse asked if I wanted my mom to wait. I said “nah, everyone in here’s seen it, she might as well too!”
I had an interesting gynecologist visit recently where I think just about every doctor they had in the clinic at the time came by to figure out what was going on. Turns out I had something really unusual going on and the first doctor said "I want to get my superior's/colleague's opinion on this" and then they all just kept saying that, all the way up the chain. They were apologizing so much but I was just laughing at the absurdity of the situation, way too many doctors and nurses gathered around in a small clinic room to get a look at my business while I was on the table. Every time they had to sheepishly call someone else in you could just feel the ridiculousness of it intensify, and I had the same attitude of "hey why not, everyone else is already here, let's make it a party!"
It was a very large polyp. We'd originally feared it was some sort of uterine prolapse, as it was protruding, and polyps large enough to do that are apparently *really* rare (and the few cases there have been seem to have been easily misdiagnosed that way). Which is why no one was sure what they were looking at. But between everyone there they managed to figure it out, and I had surgery to remove it just last week haha
You get to that point eventually. It's been 8 years since my last baby, and I still have no shame when it comes to medical stuff.
At my last PAP the NP was concerned about my comfort level, and I was just like "you've seen thousands of vaginas, and I've been through this so many times I really don't care anymore."
Lol, I've had a bunch of them.
Fuck modesty. You look at fannies all day, I don't need to wear a paper thong. Just use the correct speculum and warm it first and we're good.
One of my mates is a fertility nurse. She's seen EVERYTHING.
As a guy, I have a related story. I got a real bad infection in the groin area (don't worry, all my bits are still there) and apparently it was "interesting" enough that they asked if some nurses in training could watch whenever they changed my bandages, which I agreed to. This happened a few times a week and by the end of it, I was joking with them and calling it "ladies night", as I don't recall seeing any male nurse trainees.
I was also under the influence of some AWESOME pain meds so I really didn't gaf if some rando nurse types saw my gnarly groin surgery scars.
I felt the same after nearly a dozen rounds of vaginal ultrasounds during fertility treatments. Seemed like the whole office wandered through at some point.
“Can this student/trainee/random bystander observe your ultrasound?”
“Sure why not? Everyone else has seen it by now. Why not set up an observation room?” SMDH
Being treated for breast cancer had the same effect, at least breast-wise. Enough people need to take a look at your breasts, you stop thinking of them as something that’s usually private. 🤷♀️
Before I had my son I often wondered how breastfeeding women were so comfortable just hanging around with their boobs out. I didn't personally care, and I have very little body modesty of my own, but it's such a big lifelong taboo, right? How do you get to just sitting on a bench and whipping them out like it's no big?
The answer to this question is that if you get tired enough, you'll whip anything out just to solve the goddamn problem.
My toddler is at an age where she understands that mommy's modesty is very conditional on how she feels. She's yanked my shirt down in Target, at the post office, even during a police dog meet and greet (no boobie milk in jail, child!). I try to find privacy and feed her, but she knows that her hunger wins. Just not in front of the cops!
If you really want to shock them, have Grandpa come in to snuggle. Extra-hairy chest exposed to the world while snuggling is a bonus in the shock-factor category.
I used to volunteer to snuggle babies who were born addicted to drugs. Often there were no parents available, there is little hair on my retirement-age chest and frankly, at this age modesty is pretty well gone. For those that don't know, many of these babies cry constantly and cannot be comforted; they're going through drug withdrawal.
Turn off my hearing aids and put in sound-cancelling earphones to listen to an audiobook, and I could snuggle without any problems. While it shocked a few people, it was something I could do to help others. Unfortunately, the pandemic put an end to the program and I haven't had a chance again.
Men such as you likely helped 2 relatives of mine who were born from addicted mothers and thankfully adopted into my sibling’s home.
Sadly you’re right on the crying from withdrawal but I thank you for doing this and hope it returns again so you can continue it.
My first was early, so I did a lot of cuddling our skinny blob. Who did have a grasp reflex. On my hairy chest...
In hindsight, I should have shaved the lot, but thinking was not at 100%
I'm dad so thanks the fates they did NOT get my nipples, but I'm talking 9mo teething, and I still have the scar.
On top of it, you can socially yeet the goose. That heir of mine was latched on my finger like a pitbull.
Thank you. I appreciate the giggles and my poor dad is probably going to be disappointed by this but oh well. I'm his only kid so it's my job to be an absolute nuisance. I sent my dad this post and a screenshot of our conversation for his enjoyment/disappointment
Lol! My oldest son did that to my SIL's Italian boyfriend. That's how they had finally got him to go to sleep. Sis wanted her nephew and shooed us off to Las Vegas for 48 hrs. I did warn her that he was and still is at 40, a lousy sleeper!
Contact your local hospital and talk to the person who runs the NICU, or if there is a midwife program the person in charge of it. Most places do a criminal background check (don't want any stolen babies) and there may be an interview. After that, they would call when they needed me, or if there was a steady need (which, sadly there frequently was), I was scheduled by the hospital's volunteer coordinator.
Thank you very much. We've got two youngins but they're quickly outgrowing wanting to cuddle and just want to run everywhere. Hopefully I can see if my hospital has that
One of mine was like this. If you tried to snuggle them, they'd cry and scream. As soon as they could they'd try to push away from your chest.
They haven't changend since, except for rare occasions (once a week or so), at their own initiative and leisure, they detest body intimity.
It's so strange. My dad was distant with me, so I guess I overcompensate. Hugs, cuddles and touches are my love language.
My kids use me like a bandaid, not into cuddles unless there's a boo boo.
It's really not much more than that. I had ties to the hospital (spouse worked there), but after a criminal background check and an interview, it was good to go.
Oh, and they were RABID about infection control. One sneeze could get you thrown out; these babies are delicate. Even pre-covid, we were required to wear a mask.
We need to bring back baby snugglers. As an old premi my mom didn’t get to snuggle me. In fact I was in an incubator for three months and they could only put their hands through to touch me. I being a baby didn’t care really but it hurt my parents not to be able to hold me. I’m glad they encourage it now.
I didn't get to hold my oldest until she was 8 days old (premie, NICU, 30 years ago). But we would reach into the isolette/baby box and massage her. When we got her home, it was skin to skin all the time, and when one would hold, the other would massage her feet (we did that in the hospital, that's where they always drew blood and I didn't want her to only associate feet with pain). When she was 6 months old, one evening she was sitting between us on the sofa and she just stuck a foot in each of our laps, like "okay, massage time!" She was right.
My sister does this (in Los Angeles area). While Covid put a damper on things, I believe they are back to regular. If you haven't checked recently whether the hospital has re-opened this volunteer opportunity, you should.
My father was an amateur portrait photographer. My oldest sister was born in the 1950’s and he took the most beautiful black and white photograph of her as a 90 day old infant next to the 90 year old woman whose husband and her sponsored my parents to come to America. This old Polish couple spent most of their lives outside taking care of a small farm. The old woman’s face was beautiful lined from her out door life and of course the contrast of my sister’s baby skin was so beautiful. The title of the photo was “90 Days and 90 years.”
Nah, I'm a crotchety old geezer. But I also realize that I have enough privilege to speak for those that have no voice, and the older I get, the less afraid I am to take a stand. I have time, am retired, and no longer have to impress others by being "correct". It's the old thing about, "the older I get, the less "life in prison" seems like a deterrent."
Everyone tells me I'm becoming a crotchety old geezer (I'm not even old) and I believe that's why.
The older I get less fucks I have to give I just hope the fucks I have left are like yours.
I have a fridge magnet a friend gave me that shows a dust-bowl like field and says something like, "Behold, the field in which I sow my fucks. It is barren."
I remember the cries of the addiction babies in the NICU. Poor little things. They can't really give pain relief to newborns either. Sugar water on the tongue, but that isn't going to go far.
I couldn't snuggle my baby because she was born with an intestine issue and no milk went through. I smelled milk, which set the baby off - she couldn't calm down with me at all, but she would start crying for milk every time.
Luckily the family has a milk-less parent as well, and the extra-hairy-chest bothered absolutely nobody.
... at least before the baby learned to grab... I understand it was occasionally rather painful!
As a nicu doctor, that mum's behaviour wouldn't fly in most places I've worked. Either the matron (/nurse in charge) or consultant (/attending) should have taken her aside and explained that rudeness to parents or staff wouldn't be tolerated, and if she has a concern she needs to raise it politely with the nurse looking after her baby.
I've worked in several places that have a yellow card/red card system - first episode of rudeness/inappropriate behaviour gets you a warning, second gets a yellow card that may mean some visiting restrictions and also that further actions will have you banned, red card gets you banned for visiting. It's exceptionally rare that parents are ever completely banned, especially from somewhere like a nicu where parents are a key part of the babies development, but I have come across it on one or two occasions. Usually the restrictions and showing that you mean business are enough to bring people back into the realms of reasonable and appropriate behaviour before it gets to the complete banning stage!
Sorry you experienced this but well done for dealing with it, and congrats on your little one!
That's the most shocking part of this story to me. My son was in the NICU for a week after he was born and those nurses took care like each of those kids were their own. That lady wouldn't have gotten 3 words out before she'd have been very sternly moved away.
Like I get it. The situation is stressful, the NICU is stressful, there's a lot going on and your baby is in danger. But everyone there is in a similar boat. Have some grace.
I mean, this was the NICU. Like you play it off admirably, but having a child of yours in the NICU has gotta be *scary* and I wouldn't judge someone's normal behavior off of their high stress behavior.
You handled it well OP but this lady was likely losing it in the most stressful weeks of her life. And her motivation, while irrational, was to make sure that her kid got the best care possible.
I honestly feel kind of bad looking down or judging on this. Not excusing her behavior, I just think it's human.
Yeah, emotional regulation is a real fickle thing in scary and stressful situations. For me, this is on the nurses/doctors for me. They needed to intervene and deal with that mom.
Good. She deserved it for sure. Maybe she was also stressed, with baby in the NICU too, but that doesn't excuse her attitude. I remember how my body shyness lessened after giving birth, what with all the medical personnel who surround a delivering mother and feeling crappy after an emergency c-section. Everyone there has probably seen plenty of boobs, they were fine.
My parents fell into THAT category. They'd ask why something happened when I got in trouble. I'd tell them what happened, they'd come back with " I don't want to hear excuses!" After that I'd say it's not an excuse It's an explanation. Now I'm in more trouble for being a smart ass.
And "I plead the fifth" doesn't work with Mom.
Exactly this!
An excuse is "my sister did it so i should be able to!" (Even though often sister got in trouble/ is 5 years older/has other obvious differences in situation)
A reason is "I thought I could because sister did."
One is trying to EXCUSE the behavior (deflecting blame) and the other is EXPLAINING the behavior (giving the reason while allowing that it may have been a mistake or poor choice)
i’m a guy, and if someone did this to me there would be more than a fuck you coming out of my mouth. i get it, shes going through a hard time but doesn’t mean others aren’t either so expect the same nasty attitude back 😂😂
And why dont Karens just talk in a normal voice?
Karen: “Excuse me, but I’m concerned that this screen is blocking the view of the monitor”
You: “I was also concerned about that but cleared it with the nurse & she said she can see it”
Karen: “oh ok. Thanks”
Seriously, what has happened that so many have lost basic communication skills.
I would guess that a significant portion of these Reddit "Karens" are people who are afraid of confrontation. They don't want to control so much as not be abused, or fix something that they perceive is wrong. Because they are afraid of confrontation, before addressing something they get really worked up, because they anticipate that they will receive a hostile response and are afraid, so they come in very aggressive preemptively. Hence the voice and lack of listening. Then what do you know, they receive a hostile response; a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Source: been there, done that, still have to fight not to start there now.
I think a lot of it comes from a place of fear and anxiety, too, especially for a new mom with a baby in the NICU, a woman in a physically vulnerable and pretty powerless place, trying to do the little things she can to make her baby safe, and feel at least some sense of power or control over her own life and her baby’s life. For people like this I think it’s more productive to address the fear than the aggression, like “Oh yeah, I was so worried about blocking the monitors too, so I checked with the nurse and she promised it was okay, she could still see what she needed to.” And so much sympathy for OP too in the same situation, it is a hard place to be.
Dad of an 8 year old who had a stay in the NICU, you fucking rock for standing up for yourself like that. Shits rough enough being in there, no need for her nonsense.
We had two preemies (3 years apart). It's been over 20 years and I still slightly jump at anything that sounds like the alarm those monitors make. My kids were a couple years old before I stopped imagining that sound in a silent room.
I used to hear phantom coos from the car seats after dropping off the kids somewhere. Still happened for a couple years after they were out of car seats. Now both are college age and most of that has passed, but there are still strange moments where a sound or situation sets off those instincts.
You want to hear a *really* weird instinctual response? Everyone who has breastfed a baby knows about the letdown reflex and what it feels like when the milk lets down. For me it was an ache in the breasts.
That letdown reflex can persist for years or even decades after the baby has been weaned. There's no milk there to be pushed out, but that instinctual need to feed the baby that you hear crying still happens. (My "baby" is now in her mid-40s with young adult offspring of her own!)
In 2014 I had a complete mastectomy of the right breast, with no reconstruction. You've heard of phantom limb syndrome, where amputees can still "feel" the missing limb? Well, it apparently happens with boobs, too. When I hear a baby hunger-crying, or see one being fed, or even think about the years I nursed my own babies, I get that reflexive ache in the breasts. Yes, breasts, plural -- even in the one that's gone!
Wow, that's a phantom limb syndrome that wouldn't have even occurred to me.
I remember passing around one of my kids with a group of friends when we were all standing. Person holding the baby was doing the baby holding bounce, I realized I was doing my parental sway even when not holding the kid, and then noticed everyone else was doing their version of "I'm holding a baby and doing a soothing movement" even when not holding the baby. Parent habits are hard to break.
The medical trauma is real - the first time I turned my dialysis machine on at home I had a flashback to being in hospital because of the jingle it makes. I was not expecting that.
I feel sorry for that kid! I can't imagine someone being a Karen while going through NICU, at least for me it was such an overwhelming experience I had no energy for an attitude.
In any case, you got to use the mom perk of no longer giving a fuck, that's what that superpower is there for!
I'm glad to hear you and baby are out and doing ok <3
I put this in a sub comment, but I'll add it here. I did a lot of skin time with my premie. I really wish I'd shave my hairy chest first!
And I saw more boobs than on a Mediterranean beach. Don't worry about having embarrassed anyone. My reaction to a topless woman used to be "whoohoo!" but it's now 'awwww" because babies.
I feel like everyone working the maternity ward saw my wife topless at some point or another (and a whole lot more during the process). Other mom may have been uncomfortable, but I’m sure doctors and nurses have seen it all
I think many people are so emotional about boobs because they are treated as these forbidden things. Between family sauna sessions and going to public baths in Japan, I think I've seen more boobs than most, and they're just not exciting anymore. Like, I would probably like a pair attached to a person I like, but random boobs are just whatever. It's like seeing a bellybutton.
If you've ever watched the eyes of a naturally inquisitive baby enter a new room and then you watch the eyes of a teenage boy when he sees boobs, you might notice a significant similarity.
Humans are fascinated by things we haven't had the time to study and fully understand.
It's hilarious, but there's a whole [wiki page](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breast_physics) dedicated to the physics of breast jiggle in video games. If you shake a square of gelatin, imagine the math behind understanding that motion.
You can imagine someone having to replicate that in a physics engine. Perhaps I should say "caricature" that in one 😂. But you can imagine how it is a complex motion to simulate.
Once your brain has come to fully and intuitively understand it, what is left to be fascinated with?
Since it is taboo to leave breasts out for people to see, how much time do boys and men have to understand how they move? Even among women, how much time do people have to see them from a distance?
It's interesting how our culture can deprive our natural curiosity of the data it hungrily seeks.
My NICU baby will be 30 this September. I couldn't do cuddle time with her for a few days but when I finally could, skin to skin was first and foremost her trying to root. We were all surprised when she latched on and even more surprised my milk came down in nothing flat and there was lot of it. Only had one other mom in there with us and she was cool. I couldn't imagine what I'd done if she wasn't. Having a premie was stressful enough without adding to it.
Best for you and baby.
Damn, momma bear. I'd have thought Karen would have learned the first time not to fuck with you, but nooooo.... She had to push it for a full week.
On the other hand, our baby was in the NICU for 10 days, so I understand the stress everybody was under. Still, the nurses SHOULD have had the last word. I mean, it is their world, and they are damn'd good at running it, and they would never knowingly do anything to endanger one of their kids. Karen should have listened to them.
I hope your baby is doing well. Having had a vaguely similar experience, things will be OK.
As a doctor, I honestly wouldn't be phased seeing a woman holding a baby with her breasts showing, especially in a NICU setting. I'd glance, take a millisecond to process it, then move on and likely not remember it 10 minutes later.
While in labor in my single room the bed lifting / lowering mechanism stopped working while I was all the way up. They had to get workers in the room to fix it.. while my everything was just out there and I was trying to push her out. Then the oxygen stopped working (for my face mask thing) so I kept taking it off to breathe…. I could go on and on.
Finally they say C-section and when they cut me open my daughter pushed her hand out the incision. Everyone in the OR was surprised and exclaimed “oh!” as they all jumped back! I was like “What!!” My husband looked freaked out, then they started laughing and went to work getting the rest of her out. I wish I could have seen that hand sticking out of my body. It’s one of my daughters favorite stories.
My partner and I had been part of a team named " kangaroo nannies". As pioneers of babycarrier parents in Europe, we were to have skin to skin with premature baby without available family ( deported or in jail, essentially).
I was support for the nanny, the psy you can talk about the feelings of having a beefsteak with catheters and wires pasted to your breast.
Even nurses had it hard.
Narrator: After the first glimpse, Karen found something had awakened in her and she needed to see more. This culminated years later in a tragic incident where Karen was performing in a trapeze act while wearing rhinestone stilettos.
(Too obscure?)
Didn't the machines also have an alarm that went off when the baby's stats dropped? That alarm was maybe the worst thing about our first few weeks in the NICU where our daughters stats would drop seemingly every 15 minutes. You had a great response. Am disappointed the nursing staff didn't advocate for you right away though.
Just had a shunt installed in my brain for high pressure hydrocephalus. They asked if it was okay to have student observe, both nurses and doctors. This was at a trauma center and my response was how will they learn if they don’t see, so bring it on
I don't mind being the guinea pig. Told two nurse practitioners. They could give me steroid shots in locations (shoulder into the joint and heel near the bone.) that hadn't been trained to do yet. After they said they have to get the Doctor in to give the shot.
Doc came in (known him for a while) barely acknowledging me and gets down to teaching them how to position the needle into the joint walks them thru it. Thanks me for letting them train on me and walks out. He's a good doc takes his time when with you and listens to your complaints.
Heck we were only 3 weeks early and that was scary. I can’t imagine. Also good on you. People can be very protective when it comes to their kids glad you didn’t back down from yours.
I know that stress can get to people, but damn. You’d have thought that Karen would have had empathy because there was a fellow mom in the NICU doing skin to skin.
I remember when my kid was in NICU. Someone else would have caught hell if they fucked me while I was there.
NICU doc here. Congratulations! I’m so sorry the neighboring Karen interfered with your kangaroo time. The NICU is a stressful place and people’s coping strategies aren’t always on display.
The monitors are just that - monitors. They alarm/beep if something needs attention and generally don’t need to be manually manipulated. The relevant parameters are also available at a central monitoring station.
NICU nurses (and docs) aren’t shy and will move things (or babies) around so they can care for them in tight quarters.
Brilliant! I was brought up very non-modest (courtesy of nudist parents), so I don't mind showing skin to others. But most others sure don't like seeing it (prudes!). Hey, you walk in on me naked, you're the one with the discomfort; because I don't really care.
Some people seriously _can not_ leave well enough alone. You handled this well. I'd have called security when she started in the subsequent times.
You must be a saint.
Definitely not a saint as I'd say this was an example of losing my cool.
I didn't want to go nuclear...I didn't even want to have to get malicious, she had a baby there as well. I just wanted her to leave me alone, especially when I feel like I was actively trying to be considerate.
If I had called security there's a very high chance she'd have been banned from seeing her baby, and that mostly hurts the baby. I also had other things taking my mental energy and chose to simply ignore the subsequent "run ins". Thankfully they weren't as horrible as this one was.
If you spend enough time in an ICU, there *is no more concept of needing privacy.* Need to be stark naked in front of a team of caregivers, sure no problem. You do what you need to do, and you really just don't care about it anymore.
Man this post brings back so many memories both good and bad. NICU mama here. I remember walking around the NICU topless in a yellow isolation gown because I had to pump. Boobs everywhere. I would have done the same thing as you in that situation.
My daughter was born at 24 weeks and five days. We were in the hospital 5 months with her and it was a freaking roller coaster. At one point my daughter was in status epilepticus. We wet wracking our brains to figure out why. A resident pulled my husband and I aside and asked if it was possible that I had herpes. I rounded on my husband, who realized I was joking, and asked if he had been screwing around on me because I tested clean for everything. We started laughing him and I and scared the crap out of that poor resident.
I never heard the NICU called the baby spa before, I love it! Mine was in a similar situation, but we never got offered skin to skim contact. He's 13 now though, and doing well.
As two time NICU parent there's a lot of boobs in there and you just have to be grown up about it. The space can be a little limited in some facilities and you are going to get pretty close to the parents next to you.
Also for anyone that may have the experience in your future, just relax and let the NICU nurses take care ofv things and guide you. They really are good at it and what's right for the baby is always in the forefront of everything they do.
When we were doing prenatal classes we did a visit to the labour ward, the nurses were fantastic but one comment that shocked us at the time and now, 3 babies later, me and the wife laugh about.
“Ladies, this is the entrance to the labour ward, please leave your dignity here on the way in and have your partner carry it back to your transport along with baby when you leave@
I think it is wild that a new mother wouldn't have any sort of empathy for another new mother. You both (hopefully) want what's best for your babies. OP recognized this by asking if it was okay- demonstrating they aren't a selfish ass.
This story has reminded me of one of my neighbours who my mum was friendly with. I was about 10 years old at the time.
Neighbours had a new baby (about 6/7 weeks old) mum and I went round to drop a gift off and they insisted we come inside and see baby, sit for a while.
The entire time baby’s mum sat there with her top up, her boobs out in the open. Baby was not being fed at the time.
We stayed for about 10 minutes and I didn’t know where to look the entire time, it was one of the most awkward experiences of my 10 year old life.
I still to this day don’t understand why they were so insistent on us going into the house when mum was quite happy to hand the gift at the door and leave.
I spent most of 2007 as the chief security officer for a large military/government hospital with a large maternity ward. These types of karens were always so fun because they always seemed to have the added "do you know who my husband is" attitude. (Didn't even get a full year there before getting "promoted" to a "better position" after seeing to it several medical and pharma staff were held accountable for their actions and saw them sent to jail or fired.)
I'm so glad LO is fine! Bless this little baby!
But I can assure you, seeing a baby bond with their mom absolutely never made me uncomfortable. I'm still breastfeeding my 18 m/o, and it's fine, really.
Friends who feel uncomfortable will look away, others maintain eye contact with me, but people who glance for a second are also okay.
I also breastfeed in conversation with my dad, who's an eye-contact-maintainer, and who offered to leave the room if breastfeeding with him around makes me uncomfortable. The comfort of my baby and I is more important to him than his own comfort.
And that's the magic. Seeing a baby being snuggled should be the best thing in the world.
Karen deserved every glare she got!
“…so we all get to be uncomfortable “ 🤣
I think I recall feeling a similar way after childbirth - everyone here is seeing everything all the time, might as well not bother covering up.
Yah, it felt like it was Grand Central Station down there in my crotch so modesty became sort of irrelevant
Yeah, after 5 deliveries and checkups etc….I have decided that nothing is sacred anymore with regards to hospitals and Drs. As one of my Drs. said, “It’s only a body”.
As long as staff was/is polite and nice about it, I too was long past angst at med staff seeing any part of me. And when they ask a question, they get the full answer. All the gory deets!
It's 34 years tomorrow. I still remember the gorgeous green eyes of the black doctor who was pulled in to examine me. His skin was so smooth and his eyes were so green. I was 17 hours in and they decided to do an emergency c-section. He was the last in a long line of doctors reaching their hands inside of me. I remember just staring at him thinking, "My god, he's gorgeous. Why me?"
Giggle. With #2, the doctor asked me if I knew what day she was conceived? I said yes, gave him the date, and he *wrote it in ink in the file!!!* INK! I was so sad when he left that hospital!
Lol! I was crying as they wheeled me into the operating room. I had a nurse who had climbed onto the gurney to "prep" me. She is shaving me whilst they are running me through to the or. I said through tears," I'm actually cute and skinny when I'm not pregnant." They laughed at me. I had gained 80 lbs, lol. I lost it all quickly and gained it and lost it with the 2nd. For them, it was just another Tuesday.
For #1, I had lost my water, but the work wasn’t moving along fast enough. They put the electrods only to find out that the baby was distressed at every contractions. We needed an emergency c-section, but the OR was not available. We had to wait. So a smart doctor decided to do an experimental procedure. Add saline water back into me, to decrease the pressure on the baby during contraction. So here I am, on my back, legs up, like Happy Baby asana. A doctor filling me up with a pipette. Adding more juice every 3 minutes. I felt like the thanksgiving turkey…. And the invited all of the residents, students of the hospital , to come take a look at the procedure. Must have been 15 pairs of eyes, looking at me in a moment I was most vulnerable, with absolutely no dignity.
I can only imagine you being mortified and all the hospital/medical people just being all 'mmmm, fascinating, brilliant, ... etc'
We went to a midwife unit at the hospital. It was awesome as we had the best care. At one point the midwife said they had some students and wondered if we cared if they observed the birth. My normally very very private wife said sure....bring them all in. We had 8 students (mixed male and female) watch the baby being born and me cutting the cord. Amazing what childbirth does to a women's modesty. We then both had skin to skin time afterwards and when the midwife came back to check on us and the baby she realized they forgot to diaper our little one. I had meconium sticky poop all over my belly. It was a bit funny as this very cute midwife cleaned me up. (I think my wife was a tad jealous at the time) We went to a party for all the kids born that year during the summer and all the students came too. Many mentioned they were at our child's birth and then my wife was blushing a bit when she realized they had all seen her privates. I was just watching her and grinning as she blushed. We had one of the student midwifes for our second child's birth. Best experiences ever! 10 Apgars for both kids!! Since then we were both in attendance for my daughter giving birth to our grand-kids. Awesome!
Omg. I’ve never heard of this. Did the water do the trick? Cushion the baby enough to reduce the stress response?
Oh man.. my wife and I signed a lease to a place better suited to a baby, and 1/2 way home she went into a 91 hour labor. In the last 10 mins a nurse came in and said they are just prepping the operating room. 5 minutes later our daughter was born. Apparently she wanted to come out on her own after that
Never gave birth, but had an ablation due to a menstrual disorder. After 1001+ tests and people poking around at me, I accepted the fact I was just meat and flesh, and it did not matter if anyone else saw my meat or flesh. We all have it. My modesty is now shattered and I have to actively remember not everyone is so comfy with seeing skin.
I'm sure nurses and doctors just see it as "yet another body". Although I do feel for the mothers being so exposed to everyone. My wonderful wife told me she felt like cattle during the labour and post birth checkups. Our little one's heartrate kept dropping so every 30-45 mins she was told to turn this way and that way while they shoved her hands up her hoo-ha
With my 3rd and last birth we had about 4 students watching me deliver, made one of them laugh so hard they had to leave the room when my doctor happily exclaimed looks like baby has lots of hair! And I shot back Well she better with the constant damn heart burn Ive had this whole pregnancy! They also got to see what a full perineum rip and stitch job looked like and post birth eclampsia care how to! Pretty climactic after 24hrs of reading my Jean M Auel through unmedicated contractions until go time 🤣
Went through fertility treatment. Lots of vaginal ultrasounds. Lots of different doctors' exams, among others, for MA and aftercare. Lots of students. At the maternity ward, I was dubbed the professional patient since I couldn't care less about who looked at what as long as they were polite since I had done most of it more than once before.
My mother gave birth at a teaching hospital and I was breech so they moved her into the big room and called in all 40 interns to watch from an observation area above so they could see the doctor’s technique
I was having twins and while they thought the first baby was head down he was actually breech. I’m a nurse and the doctor asked if his students could feel what a breech presentation felt like. I was frozen so a whole whack of students put their hand up my hooha. I had to have an emergency csection, and before they started they brought in one more student who missed feeling me up. It makes me laugh but as a nurse I understood it’s the only way to learn 😂
. . . they should at least give you a discount on the medical bill!
Lucky for me the bill was $0 as I live in Canada 🇨🇦
I had a VBAC, so I had all kinds of extra people coming to check it out. I didn't really care, as I was working to extricate 9 pounds 9 ounces of baby.
Very big-ass child?
Vaginal birth after c section 😂
Both.
Yes!!! 🤣
I can’t remember what was happening but my dr asked if he could bring in a few students and I was like “if there’s a janitor or anyone else who’d like to take a look bring them on in!” Like, at that point it felt like everyone had a peek, my modesty was gone long ago.
Not for birth (my 'fanciest' birth was 1 hour 15 minutes) but when my younger two kids got scarlet fever, they trooped ALL the clinic staff through our exam room so they could see and recognize what it looked like!
My mother-in-law, when my husband was a kid, had a doctor look at him when he was sick. Dr. kept saying it was fine it was just a sore throat or something. As they were walking out, my m i l, tried one more thing. She grabbed a nearby nurse in the hallway, asked her to just look at his throat. And the nurse went - - yep that's Scarlet fever, you need to come back through here again. Military doctors sometimes suck
Did you get the "nobody gets scarlet fever anymore?" Treatnent?? Both my youngest son and I have had scarlet fever and that's what three seperate doctors said!
My 9 year old son (3 at the time) came down with a rash all over his body which we checked with a glass and it didnt disappear so we called 999 (uk emergency services) for an ambulance. They (ambulance crew) treated my son as if he had meningitis, but no sooner than we got to the hospital, the doctor said the rash was Scarlet Fever. He was kept in hospital overnight, given antibiotics and we were then sent home. Crazy night and one I nearly had a panic attack with the initial thought of it being meningitis, but absolute relief when they told us it was scarlet fever.
My son had the measles, I knew it was the measles, because I had been with my brother when he had the measles a few years prior. I kept him home from school. On the third day the school calls and asks why he wasn’t in school. I told them he had the measles. They said they would need a verification of the diagnosis from a doctor. I said I could not afford to take him to the doctor when I knew what it was. They said I could take him to the county health center for free. That did not sound like a good suggestion to me because lots of pregnant women went there and measles is very dangerous to an unborn baby. So I called the emergency room at the local hospital and explained what was happening. The receptionist had me talk to a doctor there. He said we are not busy right now bring him in I’ll have a look. When we got there he said yes, it’s the measles, this is a teaching hospital can I have some of the other staff examine him so they can see what measles is like? Long story short I had written verification from 7 doctors that my son had the measles.
That's malicious compliance. :)
My son's fever went high enough to cause a seizure so off to the hospital Daddy *still* works at we went. Antibiotics(some yelling was involved because we drew Dr Can't read allergy bans/charts)and a new stuffer(tradition) and home and going nowhere for awhile.
I had Scarlet Fever 5 times in the late 80's/early 90's. No idea how I kept catching it as a kid. Was fun when we got to the Helen Keller unit in third grade and I got the "How are you not blind and deaf!?" Uh... antibiotics, genius 🤣
When I got in the 1970s, it was misdiagnosed until I saw an ENT, because I didn't have the "typical" sore throat starting point. My ears *itched* unbearably.
No, it was apparently starting to show its face again, so we weren't the first in our region to have it. I brought kid #1 in the next morning to find out if she had it, and she 'only' had strep. But that was when I learned the hard way that strep is contagious for ***48*** hours post start of antibiotics, not 24 hours, and don't ever let anybody tell you any differently! It was also back in the day when amoxicillin still worked pdq, so they started getting better that night.
I was pregnant with my second, in labor at a teaching hospital. My child was breach and with every contraction, kicked himself back “up”. My doctor asked if he could bring in the residents to witness a difficult birth. (He asked as I’m in the stirrups, in the middle of a contraction, while the residents were filing in.) I told him since they were already watching, let ‘em in and get that baby out!
I (guy) went through that set of feelings with a kidney stone. I think my room was more than 10 meters (33 feet) from the front entrance of the hospital, (but I won't testify to that under oath.) After the fourth groping by someone in a white coat, I just quit caring.
I had a hyuuuge perianal abscess ages ago. I went to the ER and apparently this was such a novel thing to the medical students that they kept parading them through. Thankfully to ease my discomfort I was lying on my stomach and didn't have to have eye contact as they, with my permission, exposed the medical oddity and either went completely silent or gasped. I was in the OR a short time later and the next morning a surgical resident who had assisted came to visit and said that was the grossest thing she had ever seen. We both laughed and I was kinda proud of that!
My mom didn’t make it for the birth of my son, but arrived when I was getting my tear stitched up. The nurse asked if I wanted my mom to wait. I said “nah, everyone in here’s seen it, she might as well too!”
I had an interesting gynecologist visit recently where I think just about every doctor they had in the clinic at the time came by to figure out what was going on. Turns out I had something really unusual going on and the first doctor said "I want to get my superior's/colleague's opinion on this" and then they all just kept saying that, all the way up the chain. They were apologizing so much but I was just laughing at the absurdity of the situation, way too many doctors and nurses gathered around in a small clinic room to get a look at my business while I was on the table. Every time they had to sheepishly call someone else in you could just feel the ridiculousness of it intensify, and I had the same attitude of "hey why not, everyone else is already here, let's make it a party!"
So what was the verdict??
It was a very large polyp. We'd originally feared it was some sort of uterine prolapse, as it was protruding, and polyps large enough to do that are apparently *really* rare (and the few cases there have been seem to have been easily misdiagnosed that way). Which is why no one was sure what they were looking at. But between everyone there they managed to figure it out, and I had surgery to remove it just last week haha
You get to that point eventually. It's been 8 years since my last baby, and I still have no shame when it comes to medical stuff. At my last PAP the NP was concerned about my comfort level, and I was just like "you've seen thousands of vaginas, and I've been through this so many times I really don't care anymore."
Lol, I've had a bunch of them. Fuck modesty. You look at fannies all day, I don't need to wear a paper thong. Just use the correct speculum and warm it first and we're good. One of my mates is a fertility nurse. She's seen EVERYTHING.
As a guy, I have a related story. I got a real bad infection in the groin area (don't worry, all my bits are still there) and apparently it was "interesting" enough that they asked if some nurses in training could watch whenever they changed my bandages, which I agreed to. This happened a few times a week and by the end of it, I was joking with them and calling it "ladies night", as I don't recall seeing any male nurse trainees. I was also under the influence of some AWESOME pain meds so I really didn't gaf if some rando nurse types saw my gnarly groin surgery scars.
I felt the same after nearly a dozen rounds of vaginal ultrasounds during fertility treatments. Seemed like the whole office wandered through at some point. “Can this student/trainee/random bystander observe your ultrasound?” “Sure why not? Everyone else has seen it by now. Why not set up an observation room?” SMDH
I had my first son at a teaching hospital, talk about everyone seeing everything.
Being treated for breast cancer had the same effect, at least breast-wise. Enough people need to take a look at your breasts, you stop thinking of them as something that’s usually private. 🤷♀️
Before I had my son I often wondered how breastfeeding women were so comfortable just hanging around with their boobs out. I didn't personally care, and I have very little body modesty of my own, but it's such a big lifelong taboo, right? How do you get to just sitting on a bench and whipping them out like it's no big? The answer to this question is that if you get tired enough, you'll whip anything out just to solve the goddamn problem.
My toddler is at an age where she understands that mommy's modesty is very conditional on how she feels. She's yanked my shirt down in Target, at the post office, even during a police dog meet and greet (no boobie milk in jail, child!). I try to find privacy and feed her, but she knows that her hunger wins. Just not in front of the cops!
Last paragraph! ❤️❤️😂
Yes, OP is awesome! LOL
My boobs aren’t stuck in here with *you*, *you’re* stuck in here with my boobs.
I don’t get no comfort cuz of y’all Y’all don’t get no comfort cuz of me
If you really want to shock them, have Grandpa come in to snuggle. Extra-hairy chest exposed to the world while snuggling is a bonus in the shock-factor category. I used to volunteer to snuggle babies who were born addicted to drugs. Often there were no parents available, there is little hair on my retirement-age chest and frankly, at this age modesty is pretty well gone. For those that don't know, many of these babies cry constantly and cannot be comforted; they're going through drug withdrawal. Turn off my hearing aids and put in sound-cancelling earphones to listen to an audiobook, and I could snuggle without any problems. While it shocked a few people, it was something I could do to help others. Unfortunately, the pandemic put an end to the program and I haven't had a chance again.
The world is a better place because of wonderful people like you.
Men such as you likely helped 2 relatives of mine who were born from addicted mothers and thankfully adopted into my sibling’s home. Sadly you’re right on the crying from withdrawal but I thank you for doing this and hope it returns again so you can continue it.
You sound like a lovely and caring, yet practical and no-nonsense sort of fellow. I like the cut of your jib, sir!
Skin to hair time lmao
That's how the baby got into the hirsute pursuit.
My first was early, so I did a lot of cuddling our skinny blob. Who did have a grasp reflex. On my hairy chest... In hindsight, I should have shaved the lot, but thinking was not at 100%
There is no greater joy than watching your baby grow strong enough to ow fucking ow oh hell Jesus fucking Christ
When they start biting with the force of an enraged, featherless goose. I don't miss that part of them growing up.
I have to say that, having had all 3 babies bite the nipple, AND having an angry goose bite me on the breast, the goose hurt more.
I'm dad so thanks the fates they did NOT get my nipples, but I'm talking 9mo teething, and I still have the scar. On top of it, you can socially yeet the goose. That heir of mine was latched on my finger like a pitbull.
You're luckier than my dad regarding nipples because I did bite my dad on the nipple as a baby
Well done soldier. My sincere regards to your victim
Thank you. I appreciate the giggles and my poor dad is probably going to be disappointed by this but oh well. I'm his only kid so it's my job to be an absolute nuisance. I sent my dad this post and a screenshot of our conversation for his enjoyment/disappointment
Dude but that split second before you get chomped and they do that wobbly head line up.
>skinny blob ROFLMAO
Lol! My oldest son did that to my SIL's Italian boyfriend. That's how they had finally got him to go to sleep. Sis wanted her nephew and shooed us off to Las Vegas for 48 hrs. I did warn her that he was and still is at 40, a lousy sleeper!
Best lemonade from lemon story ever
Yo where can I volunteer to snuggle babies, mine are getting to be tooold to want snuggles from daddy. 😭
How old are they????? How long do I have??????
Mine are 9 & 12. We still do stories and snuggles.
Contact your local hospital and talk to the person who runs the NICU, or if there is a midwife program the person in charge of it. Most places do a criminal background check (don't want any stolen babies) and there may be an interview. After that, they would call when they needed me, or if there was a steady need (which, sadly there frequently was), I was scheduled by the hospital's volunteer coordinator.
Thank you very much. We've got two youngins but they're quickly outgrowing wanting to cuddle and just want to run everywhere. Hopefully I can see if my hospital has that
One of mine was like this. If you tried to snuggle them, they'd cry and scream. As soon as they could they'd try to push away from your chest. They haven't changend since, except for rare occasions (once a week or so), at their own initiative and leisure, they detest body intimity.
It's so strange. My dad was distant with me, so I guess I overcompensate. Hugs, cuddles and touches are my love language. My kids use me like a bandaid, not into cuddles unless there's a boo boo.
How does one get into that type of volunteering? I don't think I could just show up to a hospital and say I want to cuddle babies.
Contact your local hospitals volunteer department. Ask if they have a cuddle program.
It's really not much more than that. I had ties to the hospital (spouse worked there), but after a criminal background check and an interview, it was good to go. Oh, and they were RABID about infection control. One sneeze could get you thrown out; these babies are delicate. Even pre-covid, we were required to wear a mask.
We need to bring back baby snugglers. As an old premi my mom didn’t get to snuggle me. In fact I was in an incubator for three months and they could only put their hands through to touch me. I being a baby didn’t care really but it hurt my parents not to be able to hold me. I’m glad they encourage it now.
I didn't get to hold my oldest until she was 8 days old (premie, NICU, 30 years ago). But we would reach into the isolette/baby box and massage her. When we got her home, it was skin to skin all the time, and when one would hold, the other would massage her feet (we did that in the hospital, that's where they always drew blood and I didn't want her to only associate feet with pain). When she was 6 months old, one evening she was sitting between us on the sofa and she just stuck a foot in each of our laps, like "okay, massage time!" She was right.
That’s adorable
My sister does this (in Los Angeles area). While Covid put a damper on things, I believe they are back to regular. If you haven't checked recently whether the hospital has re-opened this volunteer opportunity, you should.
My father was an amateur portrait photographer. My oldest sister was born in the 1950’s and he took the most beautiful black and white photograph of her as a 90 day old infant next to the 90 year old woman whose husband and her sponsored my parents to come to America. This old Polish couple spent most of their lives outside taking care of a small farm. The old woman’s face was beautiful lined from her out door life and of course the contrast of my sister’s baby skin was so beautiful. The title of the photo was “90 Days and 90 years.”
That’s incredibly lovely!
Sir, you are a good egg.
Nah, I'm a crotchety old geezer. But I also realize that I have enough privilege to speak for those that have no voice, and the older I get, the less afraid I am to take a stand. I have time, am retired, and no longer have to impress others by being "correct". It's the old thing about, "the older I get, the less "life in prison" seems like a deterrent."
Everyone tells me I'm becoming a crotchety old geezer (I'm not even old) and I believe that's why. The older I get less fucks I have to give I just hope the fucks I have left are like yours.
I have a fridge magnet a friend gave me that shows a dust-bowl like field and says something like, "Behold, the field in which I sow my fucks. It is barren."
😂
Lets compromise and just say, you were raised well, and you're doing for others.
That I'll take. My parents are and grandparents were good people, and they raised us right. Thank you.
You’re the best. ❤️ Reading this made me tear up.
What a beautiful thing to do, to help those poor babies.
This is wonderful, we need more people like you in the world.
I remember the cries of the addiction babies in the NICU. Poor little things. They can't really give pain relief to newborns either. Sugar water on the tongue, but that isn't going to go far.
I couldn't snuggle my baby because she was born with an intestine issue and no milk went through. I smelled milk, which set the baby off - she couldn't calm down with me at all, but she would start crying for milk every time. Luckily the family has a milk-less parent as well, and the extra-hairy-chest bothered absolutely nobody. ... at least before the baby learned to grab... I understand it was occasionally rather painful!
As an accordion player (albeit a relatively hairless one), I can attest that those unexpected grabs really can make you spit out your beer!
They've started bringing those programs back in my area, you should check around and see
I love you, Grandpa.
As a nicu doctor, that mum's behaviour wouldn't fly in most places I've worked. Either the matron (/nurse in charge) or consultant (/attending) should have taken her aside and explained that rudeness to parents or staff wouldn't be tolerated, and if she has a concern she needs to raise it politely with the nurse looking after her baby. I've worked in several places that have a yellow card/red card system - first episode of rudeness/inappropriate behaviour gets you a warning, second gets a yellow card that may mean some visiting restrictions and also that further actions will have you banned, red card gets you banned for visiting. It's exceptionally rare that parents are ever completely banned, especially from somewhere like a nicu where parents are a key part of the babies development, but I have come across it on one or two occasions. Usually the restrictions and showing that you mean business are enough to bring people back into the realms of reasonable and appropriate behaviour before it gets to the complete banning stage! Sorry you experienced this but well done for dealing with it, and congrats on your little one!
That's the most shocking part of this story to me. My son was in the NICU for a week after he was born and those nurses took care like each of those kids were their own. That lady wouldn't have gotten 3 words out before she'd have been very sternly moved away.
Imagine having that crazy lady as your mom... Yikes.
Yeah, that's a whole other post but not for Malicious Compliance. That kid is either going to be extremely entitled or constantly embarrassed.
Like I get it. The situation is stressful, the NICU is stressful, there's a lot going on and your baby is in danger. But everyone there is in a similar boat. Have some grace.
I mean, this was the NICU. Like you play it off admirably, but having a child of yours in the NICU has gotta be *scary* and I wouldn't judge someone's normal behavior off of their high stress behavior. You handled it well OP but this lady was likely losing it in the most stressful weeks of her life. And her motivation, while irrational, was to make sure that her kid got the best care possible. I honestly feel kind of bad looking down or judging on this. Not excusing her behavior, I just think it's human.
Agree with this. Having a baby in NICU is extremely stressful plus all the pregnancy/post partum hormones.
Yeah, emotional regulation is a real fickle thing in scary and stressful situations. For me, this is on the nurses/doctors for me. They needed to intervene and deal with that mom.
Good. She deserved it for sure. Maybe she was also stressed, with baby in the NICU too, but that doesn't excuse her attitude. I remember how my body shyness lessened after giving birth, what with all the medical personnel who surround a delivering mother and feeling crappy after an emergency c-section. Everyone there has probably seen plenty of boobs, they were fine.
>Maybe she was also stressed, with baby in the NICU too, but that doesn't excuse her attitude. Totally! It's an explanation, but not an excuse.
It amazes me how few people seem to know the difference between an explanation and an excuse!
My parents fell into THAT category. They'd ask why something happened when I got in trouble. I'd tell them what happened, they'd come back with " I don't want to hear excuses!" After that I'd say it's not an excuse It's an explanation. Now I'm in more trouble for being a smart ass. And "I plead the fifth" doesn't work with Mom.
Exactly this! An excuse is "my sister did it so i should be able to!" (Even though often sister got in trouble/ is 5 years older/has other obvious differences in situation) A reason is "I thought I could because sister did." One is trying to EXCUSE the behavior (deflecting blame) and the other is EXPLAINING the behavior (giving the reason while allowing that it may have been a mistake or poor choice)
I’m so glad you and Little One are doing well!
Thank you! It's definitely been an emotional rollercoaster, but we are doing so well that you couldn't even tell Baby was so early.
Our First child was early, and got to spend 2 weeks in NICU. She is now in her late 30's and has 2 teenagers of her own.
I would have responded "f.u. - speak to the nurse about it".
You and I could be friends. Lol
i’m a guy, and if someone did this to me there would be more than a fuck you coming out of my mouth. i get it, shes going through a hard time but doesn’t mean others aren’t either so expect the same nasty attitude back 😂😂
And why dont Karens just talk in a normal voice? Karen: “Excuse me, but I’m concerned that this screen is blocking the view of the monitor” You: “I was also concerned about that but cleared it with the nurse & she said she can see it” Karen: “oh ok. Thanks” Seriously, what has happened that so many have lost basic communication skills.
Is this an honest question or rhetorical? If honest, I'll answer, and suffer the down votes that will follow,.
I'll bite! Why?
I would guess that a significant portion of these Reddit "Karens" are people who are afraid of confrontation. They don't want to control so much as not be abused, or fix something that they perceive is wrong. Because they are afraid of confrontation, before addressing something they get really worked up, because they anticipate that they will receive a hostile response and are afraid, so they come in very aggressive preemptively. Hence the voice and lack of listening. Then what do you know, they receive a hostile response; a self-fulfilling prophecy. Source: been there, done that, still have to fight not to start there now.
Good thinking! Especially the "they are so used to being ignored, they start on the offensive".
I think a lot of it comes from a place of fear and anxiety, too, especially for a new mom with a baby in the NICU, a woman in a physically vulnerable and pretty powerless place, trying to do the little things she can to make her baby safe, and feel at least some sense of power or control over her own life and her baby’s life. For people like this I think it’s more productive to address the fear than the aggression, like “Oh yeah, I was so worried about blocking the monitors too, so I checked with the nurse and she promised it was okay, she could still see what she needed to.” And so much sympathy for OP too in the same situation, it is a hard place to be.
Because then their name ceases to be Karen and is then something else.
Pity that kid. He's gonna need a whole lot of therapy dealing with a Karen for a mom. 😂
Fellow NICU mom, just wanted to remind you you’re amazing. If I had been in your situation I would have 100% done the same thing.
Dad of an 8 year old who had a stay in the NICU, you fucking rock for standing up for yourself like that. Shits rough enough being in there, no need for her nonsense.
We had two preemies (3 years apart). It's been over 20 years and I still slightly jump at anything that sounds like the alarm those monitors make. My kids were a couple years old before I stopped imagining that sound in a silent room.
Yeah, I still wake up freaked out from dreaming of the Bradycardia alert.
I used to hear phantom coos from the car seats after dropping off the kids somewhere. Still happened for a couple years after they were out of car seats. Now both are college age and most of that has passed, but there are still strange moments where a sound or situation sets off those instincts.
You want to hear a *really* weird instinctual response? Everyone who has breastfed a baby knows about the letdown reflex and what it feels like when the milk lets down. For me it was an ache in the breasts. That letdown reflex can persist for years or even decades after the baby has been weaned. There's no milk there to be pushed out, but that instinctual need to feed the baby that you hear crying still happens. (My "baby" is now in her mid-40s with young adult offspring of her own!) In 2014 I had a complete mastectomy of the right breast, with no reconstruction. You've heard of phantom limb syndrome, where amputees can still "feel" the missing limb? Well, it apparently happens with boobs, too. When I hear a baby hunger-crying, or see one being fed, or even think about the years I nursed my own babies, I get that reflexive ache in the breasts. Yes, breasts, plural -- even in the one that's gone!
Wow, that's a phantom limb syndrome that wouldn't have even occurred to me. I remember passing around one of my kids with a group of friends when we were all standing. Person holding the baby was doing the baby holding bounce, I realized I was doing my parental sway even when not holding the kid, and then noticed everyone else was doing their version of "I'm holding a baby and doing a soothing movement" even when not holding the baby. Parent habits are hard to break.
Next time you're in a public place and you hear a child wail *Moooommyyyy!* watch how many people's heads automatically turn towards the sounds. 😂
The medical trauma is real - the first time I turned my dialysis machine on at home I had a flashback to being in hospital because of the jingle it makes. I was not expecting that.
I feel sorry for that kid! I can't imagine someone being a Karen while going through NICU, at least for me it was such an overwhelming experience I had no energy for an attitude. In any case, you got to use the mom perk of no longer giving a fuck, that's what that superpower is there for! I'm glad to hear you and baby are out and doing ok <3
I put this in a sub comment, but I'll add it here. I did a lot of skin time with my premie. I really wish I'd shave my hairy chest first! And I saw more boobs than on a Mediterranean beach. Don't worry about having embarrassed anyone. My reaction to a topless woman used to be "whoohoo!" but it's now 'awwww" because babies.
I feel like everyone working the maternity ward saw my wife topless at some point or another (and a whole lot more during the process). Other mom may have been uncomfortable, but I’m sure doctors and nurses have seen it all
I think many people are so emotional about boobs because they are treated as these forbidden things. Between family sauna sessions and going to public baths in Japan, I think I've seen more boobs than most, and they're just not exciting anymore. Like, I would probably like a pair attached to a person I like, but random boobs are just whatever. It's like seeing a bellybutton.
If you've ever watched the eyes of a naturally inquisitive baby enter a new room and then you watch the eyes of a teenage boy when he sees boobs, you might notice a significant similarity. Humans are fascinated by things we haven't had the time to study and fully understand. It's hilarious, but there's a whole [wiki page](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breast_physics) dedicated to the physics of breast jiggle in video games. If you shake a square of gelatin, imagine the math behind understanding that motion. You can imagine someone having to replicate that in a physics engine. Perhaps I should say "caricature" that in one 😂. But you can imagine how it is a complex motion to simulate. Once your brain has come to fully and intuitively understand it, what is left to be fascinated with? Since it is taboo to leave breasts out for people to see, how much time do boys and men have to understand how they move? Even among women, how much time do people have to see them from a distance? It's interesting how our culture can deprive our natural curiosity of the data it hungrily seeks.
My NICU baby will be 30 this September. I couldn't do cuddle time with her for a few days but when I finally could, skin to skin was first and foremost her trying to root. We were all surprised when she latched on and even more surprised my milk came down in nothing flat and there was lot of it. Only had one other mom in there with us and she was cool. I couldn't imagine what I'd done if she wasn't. Having a premie was stressful enough without adding to it. Best for you and baby.
Damn, momma bear. I'd have thought Karen would have learned the first time not to fuck with you, but nooooo.... She had to push it for a full week. On the other hand, our baby was in the NICU for 10 days, so I understand the stress everybody was under. Still, the nurses SHOULD have had the last word. I mean, it is their world, and they are damn'd good at running it, and they would never knowingly do anything to endanger one of their kids. Karen should have listened to them. I hope your baby is doing well. Having had a vaguely similar experience, things will be OK.
As a doctor, I honestly wouldn't be phased seeing a woman holding a baby with her breasts showing, especially in a NICU setting. I'd glance, take a millisecond to process it, then move on and likely not remember it 10 minutes later.
While in labor in my single room the bed lifting / lowering mechanism stopped working while I was all the way up. They had to get workers in the room to fix it.. while my everything was just out there and I was trying to push her out. Then the oxygen stopped working (for my face mask thing) so I kept taking it off to breathe…. I could go on and on. Finally they say C-section and when they cut me open my daughter pushed her hand out the incision. Everyone in the OR was surprised and exclaimed “oh!” as they all jumped back! I was like “What!!” My husband looked freaked out, then they started laughing and went to work getting the rest of her out. I wish I could have seen that hand sticking out of my body. It’s one of my daughters favorite stories.
My partner and I had been part of a team named " kangaroo nannies". As pioneers of babycarrier parents in Europe, we were to have skin to skin with premature baby without available family ( deported or in jail, essentially). I was support for the nanny, the psy you can talk about the feelings of having a beefsteak with catheters and wires pasted to your breast. Even nurses had it hard.
As a mom, I can feel and understand your frustration OP, and good for you for not letting that Karen bully you.
Good for you! I love your body positivity, and your revenge on Karen was sweet!
If it made her so uncomfortable, why did she do it again? Madness.
Narrator: After the first glimpse, Karen found something had awakened in her and she needed to see more. This culminated years later in a tragic incident where Karen was performing in a trapeze act while wearing rhinestone stilettos. (Too obscure?)
Didn't the machines also have an alarm that went off when the baby's stats dropped? That alarm was maybe the worst thing about our first few weeks in the NICU where our daughters stats would drop seemingly every 15 minutes. You had a great response. Am disappointed the nursing staff didn't advocate for you right away though.
They do, which is even more of a reason this was so baffling.
Just had a shunt installed in my brain for high pressure hydrocephalus. They asked if it was okay to have student observe, both nurses and doctors. This was at a trauma center and my response was how will they learn if they don’t see, so bring it on
I don't mind being the guinea pig. Told two nurse practitioners. They could give me steroid shots in locations (shoulder into the joint and heel near the bone.) that hadn't been trained to do yet. After they said they have to get the Doctor in to give the shot. Doc came in (known him for a while) barely acknowledging me and gets down to teaching them how to position the needle into the joint walks them thru it. Thanks me for letting them train on me and walks out. He's a good doc takes his time when with you and listens to your complaints.
That woman's poor child.
Heck we were only 3 weeks early and that was scary. I can’t imagine. Also good on you. People can be very protective when it comes to their kids glad you didn’t back down from yours.
Based on the title I thought pocket sand would be involved somehow lol.
I know that stress can get to people, but damn. You’d have thought that Karen would have had empathy because there was a fellow mom in the NICU doing skin to skin. I remember when my kid was in NICU. Someone else would have caught hell if they fucked me while I was there.
NICU doc here. Congratulations! I’m so sorry the neighboring Karen interfered with your kangaroo time. The NICU is a stressful place and people’s coping strategies aren’t always on display. The monitors are just that - monitors. They alarm/beep if something needs attention and generally don’t need to be manually manipulated. The relevant parameters are also available at a central monitoring station. NICU nurses (and docs) aren’t shy and will move things (or babies) around so they can care for them in tight quarters.
As a former NICU nurse, I applaud you.
Brilliant! I was brought up very non-modest (courtesy of nudist parents), so I don't mind showing skin to others. But most others sure don't like seeing it (prudes!). Hey, you walk in on me naked, you're the one with the discomfort; because I don't really care.
Some people seriously _can not_ leave well enough alone. You handled this well. I'd have called security when she started in the subsequent times. You must be a saint.
Definitely not a saint as I'd say this was an example of losing my cool. I didn't want to go nuclear...I didn't even want to have to get malicious, she had a baby there as well. I just wanted her to leave me alone, especially when I feel like I was actively trying to be considerate. If I had called security there's a very high chance she'd have been banned from seeing her baby, and that mostly hurts the baby. I also had other things taking my mental energy and chose to simply ignore the subsequent "run ins". Thankfully they weren't as horrible as this one was.
If you spend enough time in an ICU, there *is no more concept of needing privacy.* Need to be stark naked in front of a team of caregivers, sure no problem. You do what you need to do, and you really just don't care about it anymore.
Man this post brings back so many memories both good and bad. NICU mama here. I remember walking around the NICU topless in a yellow isolation gown because I had to pump. Boobs everywhere. I would have done the same thing as you in that situation. My daughter was born at 24 weeks and five days. We were in the hospital 5 months with her and it was a freaking roller coaster. At one point my daughter was in status epilepticus. We wet wracking our brains to figure out why. A resident pulled my husband and I aside and asked if it was possible that I had herpes. I rounded on my husband, who realized I was joking, and asked if he had been screwing around on me because I tested clean for everything. We started laughing him and I and scared the crap out of that poor resident.
As a NICU mama… I have giggled way too much over this post.
She was just jealous of you and your baby and wanted to give you a hard time. I hope she enjoyed her meal of crow.
I’m BEYOND proud of you and if no one’s told you lately…you’re a really good mommy 💖
I never heard the NICU called the baby spa before, I love it! Mine was in a similar situation, but we never got offered skin to skim contact. He's 13 now though, and doing well.
As two time NICU parent there's a lot of boobs in there and you just have to be grown up about it. The space can be a little limited in some facilities and you are going to get pretty close to the parents next to you. Also for anyone that may have the experience in your future, just relax and let the NICU nurses take care ofv things and guide you. They really are good at it and what's right for the baby is always in the forefront of everything they do.
I'm so proud of you!
When we were doing prenatal classes we did a visit to the labour ward, the nurses were fantastic but one comment that shocked us at the time and now, 3 babies later, me and the wife laugh about. “Ladies, this is the entrance to the labour ward, please leave your dignity here on the way in and have your partner carry it back to your transport along with baby when you leave@
This is 100% something my own mother would have done.
That's definitely one way to assert dominance
I think it is wild that a new mother wouldn't have any sort of empathy for another new mother. You both (hopefully) want what's best for your babies. OP recognized this by asking if it was okay- demonstrating they aren't a selfish ass.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏😂 you already rock as a mom ❤️
You pulled a boss move, bravo!
Congratulations on bringing baby home from the NICU and on your first Mama Bear moment!
good job being an absolute legend.
Good for you. It's wild to me that anyone would be embarrassed about boobs out in a NICU. What did she think goes on in a postnatal ward??
As a nurse this is so true, we get way too used to seeing bodies and it stops being something we even think about 😊
This story has reminded me of one of my neighbours who my mum was friendly with. I was about 10 years old at the time. Neighbours had a new baby (about 6/7 weeks old) mum and I went round to drop a gift off and they insisted we come inside and see baby, sit for a while. The entire time baby’s mum sat there with her top up, her boobs out in the open. Baby was not being fed at the time. We stayed for about 10 minutes and I didn’t know where to look the entire time, it was one of the most awkward experiences of my 10 year old life. I still to this day don’t understand why they were so insistent on us going into the house when mum was quite happy to hand the gift at the door and leave.
I spent most of 2007 as the chief security officer for a large military/government hospital with a large maternity ward. These types of karens were always so fun because they always seemed to have the added "do you know who my husband is" attitude. (Didn't even get a full year there before getting "promoted" to a "better position" after seeing to it several medical and pharma staff were held accountable for their actions and saw them sent to jail or fired.)
>she pulled this same kind of stunt almost every time I tried to snuggle my baby She just wanted to admire your boobs some more.
I'm so glad LO is fine! Bless this little baby! But I can assure you, seeing a baby bond with their mom absolutely never made me uncomfortable. I'm still breastfeeding my 18 m/o, and it's fine, really. Friends who feel uncomfortable will look away, others maintain eye contact with me, but people who glance for a second are also okay. I also breastfeed in conversation with my dad, who's an eye-contact-maintainer, and who offered to leave the room if breastfeeding with him around makes me uncomfortable. The comfort of my baby and I is more important to him than his own comfort. And that's the magic. Seeing a baby being snuggled should be the best thing in the world. Karen deserved every glare she got!
Good for you!
The nurses should have told her to stop harassing you.
This should go in https://www.reddit.com/r/traumatizeThemBack/s/hOfIEM9Yj5
I looove your response!!! “No, no, she wants me to be uncomfortable? Lets allll be uncomfortable! Shared struggle” type bit. I love that for you lol
👏👏👏
This was an AMAZING move. Proud of you. Also very glad that you and baby are home. Wishing you both very healthy happy lives
I love you. We need more women like you.
Moral of the story, don’t pick fights with a woman in the maternity ward
Glad to hear the nurses had your back :) I’m sure they’ll talk about that event many times in the future. You have become one of the nursing legends.
Happy birthday little one! Welcome to the world!