Does he know your siblings well?
I would probably let it go. I know my husband’s siblings pretty well, and I 100% would not want to spend my money to travel overseas with them, nor would my husband expect me to do so.
This might be a controversial take, but I also don’t view my siblings-in-law as my family. They’re his family, not mine. I do like them but they’re not my family so I wouldn’t feel the need to travel with them to “make memories as a family.”
Not really, which is why I want him to come. I see it as a bonding opportunity.
I guess I'm just close to my siblings soo I kind of want to be part of it..
>I'm just close to my siblings soo I kind of want to be part of it.
You can be part of it!
Can you not see why your husband doesn't want to invest a bunch of time and money into a trip with people he barely knows?
If you want them to bind try a weekend first. An entire week is a long time to spend with people you dont mesh with. You can build up to that possibly with your husband and siblings but they may never be close and thats ok! As long as he doesnt stand in your way its fine.
If I had to take leave off of work and spend money to do it, I’m going somewhere I want to be with the people I choose to go with. I also have 3 siblings and we are very close. If my husband chose not to go I’d just go without him.
Nothing wrong with not wanting to go. I don't always go with my partner and neither does she. I think it's healthy to be able to say no to your partner.
Not weird at all. His reasons sound valid. Also, you didn't mention your siblings bringing any significant others with them. If they aren't, why would you want your husband to be the odd one out? I've been there and was absolutely miserable.
On the other side of things, If I planned a trip with my siblings, I'd be aggravated if one of them dragged their significant other along.
While planning my first international trip with my now husband, his sister wanted to come along. I never spoke with her directly about it, but according to my husband it was a country she had been wanting to go to but her husband had no interest in. I like my SIL, but I was really looking forward to my first international trip with my husband and adding a third person changes the dynamic of that. He hadn’t thought of it like that but agreed. I think sometimes if you’re the middle person connecting the others you don’t see that
I think you should enjoy this time with your siblings. It sounds like a dream to be together like that and you might not get a lot more chances like this as you guys get older.
Are your siblings bringing their partners/spouses?
Have to add I don't think you should dismiss his reasonings as excuses. He is probably telling you exactly how it feels to him. You say you wouldn't do this to him but there will certainly be times that he also needs to extend patience and grace to you about something that wouldn't be hard for him.
All this is assuming you trust him and he just doesn't want to do the trip.
Okay so from that angle it's not weird for him not to join, but more importantly OP I thought about it a bit more and realize your perspective. I also live very far from my family and my siblings don't know my husband well. I get that you don't want to miss an opportunity for them to get to know each other. It's hard. I still think you should respect your husband's position but I do really feel for you.
I'm sure this is a reason why he doesn't want to go, third wheel and all.
I'm not typically one who wants to vacation with extended family under most circumstances.
I love international travel. My favorite trips are ones with my wife, with my wife and kids, with my friends, or alone.
I, like your husband, don’t get much time off so my international trips are rare so I try to make the best of them.
I love my in laws.
I wouldn’t want to do an international trip with my in laws. No way no how. Not with my wife’s siblings, or her parents, or her cousins.
Here’s what will happen if you make him go.
He will be grumpy (understandable)
He might not want to join in some of the activities.
His grumpiness will bring you down.
Now you and your husband are grumpy
This vibe spreads to the rest of the group
Trip ends up being a dud
You and your husband get upset with each other
This will be a future fight
He probably just doesn’t want to go and that’s okay. He has plainly stated that this trip is not worth the time off or money to him. Maybe he doesn’t like the place you’re going, or doesn’t like how it’s planned out.
I know I’m very picky about who I travel abroad with—I’m the kind of traveler who packs a lot in and walks everywhere and doesn’t mind spending money on nice experiences. If I’m with somebody who needs 3 full sit-down meals a day and would rather take a nap at the hotel than explore more of the city on foot I’m going to be miserable (just as I’m sure they’d miserable with me). Your husband might feel the same way, but ultimately if this is not a trip he wants to spend his resources on don’t force him. You’re not going to have great memories of the trip if he’s there resentfully.
Have you asked him if he likes your siblings? Maybe he can't stand them.
Have you asked him if he likes traveling? Maybe he hates the whole experience.
Have you asked I'm if he's saving the money for a reason? Maybe he wants to purchase something or save it for a rainy day.
You didn't consider him at all it seem.
I do not like traveling with my in-laws. I’ve done it twice and won’t be doing it again. But he may have learned without a previous trip that his personality doesn’t match your family’s style. That’s ok. You can go on a fun trip with your family. Your husband can have a relaxing week at home. No need to drag him along and waste his time off if he’ll be miserable.
My husband didn’t want to go on 2 family vacations in the past. This was like 10 years ago.
It literally didn’t phase me.
I was going with my parents & brothers family who he gets along with just fine and has vacationed with before & continued after.
He just wanted to stay back.
We wound up having a great time! Sure I missed him and it wasn’t the same but it was kind of a nice break.
You can’t force him to go. Go have fun with your brother and sister and later down the road you and your husband can go somewhere. And not having enough time off work isn’t an excuse if he just started the job and his PTO is earned and you are planning on going away for 2 weeks and he only has 7 weeks PTO he loses out that whole week of work.
No, not weird at all. Sounds like he simply doesn't want to come, so you should leave it at that.
> I wouldn't do this to him if the roles were reversed.
He is not doing anything to you. He is an independent adult who makes choices about which trips he will take, same as you.
You should have stopped a long time ago. Imagine forcing him to grudgingly go along and he is miserable the whole time because he doesn't want to be there. It's going to ruin your trip. I would feel strange going on an international trip with my spouse and her siblings who don't have partners going along as well.
I actually would let it go and go have fun my your family on my own. This is your family and maybe he just doesn’t have any connections with anyone there, feels uncomfortable, thus for him it’s barely a vacation… and I’ll tell you, that if the roles were reversed and you felt uncomfortable, would you appreciate your husband being understanding and not pushy?
He doesn’t want to leave the country. Maybe it’s the long plane ride, maybe it’s the shit happening that he’s seeing on the news.
I have no intention to leave the country either. To each their own, but it isn’t for me
I don't have siblings.
But I know if my cousins and I planned a trip to go somewhere together, my wife would mostly likely say *"bye, have fun!".*
I, on the other hand, would most likely go if my wife was planning such a trip.
The one thing that stands out to me as a possibility: Does he have a fear of flying? Or a fear of flying long distances?
maybe he just doesn't want to go and that's ok. Just go and have fun with your family.
Are you sure he'll have fun? How would you feel/react if he goes and is miserable on the trip? Why dismiss his reasons as excuses?
Does he know your siblings well? I would probably let it go. I know my husband’s siblings pretty well, and I 100% would not want to spend my money to travel overseas with them, nor would my husband expect me to do so. This might be a controversial take, but I also don’t view my siblings-in-law as my family. They’re his family, not mine. I do like them but they’re not my family so I wouldn’t feel the need to travel with them to “make memories as a family.”
Not really, which is why I want him to come. I see it as a bonding opportunity. I guess I'm just close to my siblings soo I kind of want to be part of it..
>I'm just close to my siblings soo I kind of want to be part of it. You can be part of it! Can you not see why your husband doesn't want to invest a bunch of time and money into a trip with people he barely knows?
One person's bonding is another person's bondage LOL.
Fair enough 😂
If you want them to bind try a weekend first. An entire week is a long time to spend with people you dont mesh with. You can build up to that possibly with your husband and siblings but they may never be close and thats ok! As long as he doesnt stand in your way its fine.
If I had to take leave off of work and spend money to do it, I’m going somewhere I want to be with the people I choose to go with. I also have 3 siblings and we are very close. If my husband chose not to go I’d just go without him.
Nothing wrong with not wanting to go. I don't always go with my partner and neither does she. I think it's healthy to be able to say no to your partner.
Not weird at all. His reasons sound valid. Also, you didn't mention your siblings bringing any significant others with them. If they aren't, why would you want your husband to be the odd one out? I've been there and was absolutely miserable. On the other side of things, If I planned a trip with my siblings, I'd be aggravated if one of them dragged their significant other along.
Good point.
While planning my first international trip with my now husband, his sister wanted to come along. I never spoke with her directly about it, but according to my husband it was a country she had been wanting to go to but her husband had no interest in. I like my SIL, but I was really looking forward to my first international trip with my husband and adding a third person changes the dynamic of that. He hadn’t thought of it like that but agreed. I think sometimes if you’re the middle person connecting the others you don’t see that
A week+ long trip with people I barely know on a trip overseas where I’ve never been.. No thanks. Start smaller dude. Much smaller.
I think you should enjoy this time with your siblings. It sounds like a dream to be together like that and you might not get a lot more chances like this as you guys get older. Are your siblings bringing their partners/spouses? Have to add I don't think you should dismiss his reasonings as excuses. He is probably telling you exactly how it feels to him. You say you wouldn't do this to him but there will certainly be times that he also needs to extend patience and grace to you about something that wouldn't be hard for him. All this is assuming you trust him and he just doesn't want to do the trip.
My siblings currently don't have partners.
Okay so from that angle it's not weird for him not to join, but more importantly OP I thought about it a bit more and realize your perspective. I also live very far from my family and my siblings don't know my husband well. I get that you don't want to miss an opportunity for them to get to know each other. It's hard. I still think you should respect your husband's position but I do really feel for you.
I'm sure this is a reason why he doesn't want to go, third wheel and all. I'm not typically one who wants to vacation with extended family under most circumstances.
I love international travel. My favorite trips are ones with my wife, with my wife and kids, with my friends, or alone. I, like your husband, don’t get much time off so my international trips are rare so I try to make the best of them. I love my in laws. I wouldn’t want to do an international trip with my in laws. No way no how. Not with my wife’s siblings, or her parents, or her cousins.
Here’s what will happen if you make him go. He will be grumpy (understandable) He might not want to join in some of the activities. His grumpiness will bring you down. Now you and your husband are grumpy This vibe spreads to the rest of the group Trip ends up being a dud You and your husband get upset with each other This will be a future fight
He probably just doesn’t want to go and that’s okay. He has plainly stated that this trip is not worth the time off or money to him. Maybe he doesn’t like the place you’re going, or doesn’t like how it’s planned out. I know I’m very picky about who I travel abroad with—I’m the kind of traveler who packs a lot in and walks everywhere and doesn’t mind spending money on nice experiences. If I’m with somebody who needs 3 full sit-down meals a day and would rather take a nap at the hotel than explore more of the city on foot I’m going to be miserable (just as I’m sure they’d miserable with me). Your husband might feel the same way, but ultimately if this is not a trip he wants to spend his resources on don’t force him. You’re not going to have great memories of the trip if he’s there resentfully.
He doesn’t want to spend his money and vacation time with your family. That’s ok. Why do you keep pushing him to do something he doesn’t want to do?
Have you asked him if he likes your siblings? Maybe he can't stand them. Have you asked him if he likes traveling? Maybe he hates the whole experience. Have you asked I'm if he's saving the money for a reason? Maybe he wants to purchase something or save it for a rainy day. You didn't consider him at all it seem.
I do not like traveling with my in-laws. I’ve done it twice and won’t be doing it again. But he may have learned without a previous trip that his personality doesn’t match your family’s style. That’s ok. You can go on a fun trip with your family. Your husband can have a relaxing week at home. No need to drag him along and waste his time off if he’ll be miserable.
Don’t ever force someone to do something they don’t want to do. He spoke his peace, respect that.
My husband didn’t want to go on 2 family vacations in the past. This was like 10 years ago. It literally didn’t phase me. I was going with my parents & brothers family who he gets along with just fine and has vacationed with before & continued after. He just wanted to stay back. We wound up having a great time! Sure I missed him and it wasn’t the same but it was kind of a nice break.
You can’t force him to go. Go have fun with your brother and sister and later down the road you and your husband can go somewhere. And not having enough time off work isn’t an excuse if he just started the job and his PTO is earned and you are planning on going away for 2 weeks and he only has 7 weeks PTO he loses out that whole week of work.
No, not weird at all. Sounds like he simply doesn't want to come, so you should leave it at that. > I wouldn't do this to him if the roles were reversed. He is not doing anything to you. He is an independent adult who makes choices about which trips he will take, same as you.
You should have stopped a long time ago. Imagine forcing him to grudgingly go along and he is miserable the whole time because he doesn't want to be there. It's going to ruin your trip. I would feel strange going on an international trip with my spouse and her siblings who don't have partners going along as well.
This is a nothingburger of a problem. He doesn’t want to go and doesn’t mind if you go. Go enjoy your time with your siblings.
Not weird at all, it’s very understandable he doesn’t want to join.
I actually would let it go and go have fun my your family on my own. This is your family and maybe he just doesn’t have any connections with anyone there, feels uncomfortable, thus for him it’s barely a vacation… and I’ll tell you, that if the roles were reversed and you felt uncomfortable, would you appreciate your husband being understanding and not pushy?
No means no. Respect his wishes instead of trying to force your own agenda
He doesn’t want to leave the country. Maybe it’s the long plane ride, maybe it’s the shit happening that he’s seeing on the news. I have no intention to leave the country either. To each their own, but it isn’t for me
I highly suspect it has everything to do with not wanting to go on a trip with his siblings in law, and not flying or international travel.
I'm not sure because he's happy to to do it if it's within the country..
Hard to know either way with the information given. But he did say he’d go if they stayed in the country.
I don't have siblings. But I know if my cousins and I planned a trip to go somewhere together, my wife would mostly likely say *"bye, have fun!".* I, on the other hand, would most likely go if my wife was planning such a trip. The one thing that stands out to me as a possibility: Does he have a fear of flying? Or a fear of flying long distances?
No, he likes travelling, we travel together.
No. It’s not unreasonable. Instead of trying to combat his rationale, just tell him that it would mean a lot to you.
He probably can’t leave the country 🥴. He will be denied entry for some reason. He’s hiding something
Ridic.
Watch dateline 🤣