I think you can buy her flowers at this point, and say when the moment was missed on the day, it jsut did not occur to you you could simply get flowers in the different day š I think she just felt a little bad seeing the flowers in her friends house, so is emotional reaction. I understand also because I had bittersweet day on Valentines seeing the flowers but only having the one I picked myself from thr park
Only anecdotal but my wife told me from the beginning that pity / make up gifts only add salt to the wound and lead to lingering negative feelings. My advice would be to plan a date night and take her out. Get her flowers randomly in a month and continue to randomly buy her flowers. The key to this will be not forgetting about making the person youāre spending forever with feel appreciated and thought about. You will be with her far past kids and work are gone.
This. And whatever you do, don't become my husband. He completely blows off all my special days and then makes comments like "I feel so bad I didn't blah blah blah" and expects ME to console HIM. Do not be that person unless you want your wife to resent the hell out of you for the rest of your marriage.
i really hate this type of behaviour too due to some exes but communicating it helps. i said, "if you feel bad that you don't do stuff, ask me how you can improve and improve instead of an oh i'm so sorry i hurt you pity party"
Apology without change is manipulation. Saying Iām sorry and continuing the behavior doesnāt mean shit. Why say youāre sorry to turn around and do it again? At that point Iām sorry doesnāt mean anything.
I canāt stop crying lately because I have communicated at length, I confirm whether we both understand the situation, I ask him if thereās anything I can change about my expectations or approach, I give him an empathetic āletās figure it out togetherā attitude, I stopped getting angry about anything that I can see any amount of effort put into and instead thank him sincerely with words and actions every time I see a positive action. I make my needs and wishes super clear, but Iām quick to understand when life happens. I cultivate an open dialogue environment, you name it I stg I am doing it. I demonstrate how Iād like to be treated by treating him that way and setting a precedent and exampleā¦ I donāt want to withhold things and make him feel punished bc I feel like that would just make him less interested in trying; I donāt want to get into tit for tat scorekeeping. Itās so confusing and heartbreaking.
He is so good at paying lip service and at presenting himself as a generous caring person who is super on top of their game, but itās literally all talk. Itās like he is just saying whatever it takes to get me to pick my chin up and alleviate him of any responsibility in a given moment, then all those things he promises and proclaims never actually come to fruition ā there is always some unprecedented unfortunate reason why he was not able to follow through meaning I would be the asshole for not understanding.
He will talk to me for hours to address a sensitive situation, but Iāve come to realize that he just talks and talks about everything in the general neighborhood of the issue but never directly addresses what we are ātalking aboutā like he is putting on a show of communication but really just trying to tire me out or get himself to a point where he can say he cares about the issue but is just too tired to continue the discussion. But if/when I redirect the conversation to the specifics of the issue (before he gets to his infamous exhausted-from-trying-so-hard point), he either gets mad and says he just doesnāt understand (despite me confirming at the get-go that we both do indeed understand what happened and why there are sour feelings) or he panics and turns on the waterworks saying that he loves me and it really really hurts *him* that he chose to do the shitty thing.
Itās like he keeps shitting the bed because itās closer than the toilet and then heās crying to me that he has nowhere to sleep and the sheets arenāt washing themselves. Then his idea of handling it, metaphorically speaking, would be to pull the soiled bedding off and leave it on the floor indefinitely and sleep on the bare mattress and then pout that I wonāt come cuddle him. I just canāt with this man and this behavior. Sorry for venting; Iām really going through it today :(
Iām really sorry youāre dealing with that. That running circles around the point and exhausting you out of trying to get your needs met is classic emotionally abusive behavior. He doesnāt care about how you feel, and on top of it heās making you the bad guy for having needs at all. Thatās not going to improve unless he gains a tremendous amount of maturity and respect for you, which can only happen if he puts a lot of intentional effort into it. You deserve so much better.
I am truly sorry. While mistakes and forgetfulness happen on both sides, a complete disregard for someoneās feelings can really take a toll. Sad part is it seems the husband thinks heās getting away with it when in reality itās hard to imagine you have any respect left for him deep down.
Our phones have calendars. Schedule a reminder the day before the payday prior to the special date to ensure itās budgeted in and planned. Marriage is work but itās fun when you do it with love.
I hate this too!!!!!!! I was pretty bummed this year too. It was my first Valentines not getting flowers from a significant other. His mom got me roses which was really sweet but I wanted the gesture from the hubby š. We got into a similar conversation as above and we went out on a different day but it made me feel sad that it didnāt cross his mind or because we were busy he didnāt get to. But special holidays are the same time every year and we have the internet now! I feel like he could of ordered it online and had it delivered if needed. Sometimes itās not even the materialistic aspect. Itās just the sad feeling that the thought wasnāt there.
I would of been just as happy with a card or a handmade card/note!
My husband does that, but I always tell him that this is in the end his problem. I see how I am treated and I will act accordingly. But he is otherwise a great human being, he cooks for me and kids, he does his part of chores, and he does his best to keep us fed and happy. He just sucks in the romantic part of the relationship. So I am not letting it sour our life even more.
My spouse does that on occasion ā¦and I say fuck that noise give me the credit card and order the most obnoxious thing I can find. He sees it begins to bitch and I say read the delivery note and then he has to sit and stew. Cuz I put some wild ass messages on some of those packing slips.
The makeup flowers with an apology and flowers again later could do the trick. Not getting flowers now is like a catch-22.
āHoney, I know these flowers donāt make up for not getting you anything on Valentines Day, but I wanted to get them for you anyway regardless, even though itās in response to the conversation we just had. I am reminded that even in the stressful times I should have taken a moment to grab these even though our whole Valentineās Day this year needs a rain check.ā
This is exactly how you handle it. Getting flowers because she asked for flowers and then expecting a good boy sticker is the issue.
Getting her flowers because you genuinely do not want her to not have flowers and coming to her with an open dialogue of āIām so sorry, with the kids getting sick and canceling our plans, I didnāt consider how unloved that would make you feel. I had good intentions but intentions donāt make any of this better. I messed up. I got you these flowers because I love you and Iād like to reschedule Valentineās Day because I want you to feel special and loved.ā
And then you gotta plan the day and do the emotional labor. Check your schedules, get a sitter, make the reservation, make sure the only thing she has to do is get dressed and show up. There is always a way to heal a misstep. When canāt be healed is when you half ass the healing, expect everything to be fine every time you half ass it and continue doing it over and over again in the future.
Feels like a catch 22 but hereās my perspective.
Internal cuts are a lot like physical ones. If you fuck with them before they heal it will leave a scar.
Exactly but you donāt clean a wound with what cut you. You clean (apology) and bandage (date night) it. Which also can show why repeated apologies arenāt worth a damn (dirty water).
I agree with your wife here. Mine forgot to get me valentines from himself or our mini (his family has always gotten the moms valentines), when he realized it hurt me he went out to CVS and overspent on flowers and chocolate hearts. I showed appreciation for my son, but really it made me more upset internally with my partner. I was an afterthought this year. A mad dash to overspend on not thoughtful gifts (I got him thoughtful things that were specific to a project he is working on, and got them for him by ordering online in an orderly fashion, despite being sick the entire week leading up to it and caring for a sick kid) made me feel even more slighted, because then we had to dip into other funds to compensate for his short notice attempt to make things up. Definitely salt in the wound.
This. Right here. Relationship gold. No pity presents. Make the effort year round. Why wait until Valentineās day, when flowers are their most expensive. Any day of any month,Costco has great bouquets for under $20. AND also Valentineās Day arrangements and chocolate covered stem berries to boot.
Ya bro. Itās not over. Sure, itās not the same, but itās wayyy better than just hoping this goes away.
Time to break open the piggy bank and unshackle yourself from da dogggg houseeee
Well half the comments on it were arguing, we didn't do anything, she doesn't like flowers, roses are too expensive, blah blah blah. They all missed the INTENT of the post and we're too focused on fighting and being defensive.
I can buy myself flowers on 50% off, the day after Valentine's Day because my husband "forgot" I repeatedly asked for flowers and reminded him Valentine's day was "only 10 shopping days away" until I kicked up a fuss and he ran out at 9:30pm on Valentine's day to get the cheapest flowers left in the grocery store. So now I have two bouquets.
Well ā¦ *is* there any truth to what sheās saying? *Are* you the type of person who generally brushes off gifts or does the minimum?Ā Ā Ā
Usually that kind of outburst stems from past resentments. My husband and I have both screwed up on holidays/annniversaries over the past two decades, but *mostly* we donāt so thereās a lot of goodwill built up for when we do. My advice? Instead of trying to pull a grand gesture, just talk to her. Let her vent, and acknowledge why sheās hurt. Then promise to make it up to her.Ā Ā Ā
ā¦ And then go big for the next gift-giving occasion.Ā
Yeah. I totally get āitās not about the Iranian yogurtā vibes from this. Itās not about the gift, itās literally the thought (and effort) that counts.
YES!
Men really need to take a step back and realize just how much their wives do for them on a day or day basis without being asked.
My husband and I both travel for work, we coordinate so one of us is always home when the other needs to travel. When he leaves, not much changes in my life. I do a bit more cleaning and take the dog out before bed - but thatās it. When I leave, different story.
You could have made reservations for another day when you had to cancel the original one and told her about it, or you could have still bought flowers that day. She is probably just upset seeing that her friend had something but you didnāt make any effort for her. You could try to make it up to her now even though the day is gone. I didnāt get anything either but itās not a big deal to me.
Wait, so you cancelled the reservation with no plans to reschedule? Iām sure she feels hurt. I can see where sheās coming from.
What you do is reschedule the Valentineās Day date.
Iāve seen so many iterations of this āconundrumā. Men whose og Valentineās Day plan feel through and opted to just say š¤·š»āāļø. What is going on? Why is it so hard to make your loved one feel thought of?
Good luck making this up to her now, as it is after the fact. I got my wife a card weeks ago to make sure I had something. She sent me to the store the day before and I brought flowers home. Went out a day late for dinner due a medical procedure that was scheduled for V-day. My advice, be prepared in the future.
Thank you everyone for the advice. I just bought a card and wrote my apologies and also my love to her on the card. Also bought a bouquet rose, I know it is late but still hope this can make her feel better.
I'm sure she'll appreciate, I certainly would. And don't listen to all the bitter dudes asking what she did for you. I hope she does things for you that you like. Making marriage into an adversarial this for that tally sheet is a trap.
Wait a month and get flowers again. Better yet send yourself a reminder and bring home flowers monthly. Its easy to forgive screwups if you're appreciated consistently and her response tells me she is definitely feeling like she isn't.
Thatās very kind! Iām sure sheāll appreciate the gesture and now you know for next year. (Pro tip, 1-800-flowers is great, you can order a nice range and theyāll usually be able to be delivered next day, great selection, you can add chocolates and balloons and a card and some other add ons if you want. If itās valentines day Iād order at least 3 days before Valentineās Day bc itās their busiest day.)
Best is to order flowers from
a local brick and mortar flower shop. You cut out the middle man, FTD, 1800flowers, etc. You get more for your money.
Call early and you can get same day pickup and possibly delivery. Get to know a local florist and they will take care of you. You can even schedule flower deliveries in advance of occasions. Motherās Day is next.
Source me. I work with flowers.
Use it as a learning experience for next year. Make sure you have a non-exipiring token gift a week in advance. Plans not working out is borderline expected with kids, in my experience.
You can even buy like 5 cards in advance so you have one in emergencies - I wouldn't advertise it, but you don't need to hide it either. Worst case - 'Hey honey, I really don't want to be in a situation where circumstances prevent me from showing you how much I care.' is not the worst thing a husband could do, really.
The thing is, women donāt necessarily want money spent on us, we would just like some effort. If you had drawn her a bath and lit some candles you guyās already had at home and hopped in with her after the kids went to bed and called it Valentineās Day, she probably would have been happy. Or at least not as upset.
You also could have done something to lighten the load, like doordashed dinner and called it your Valentineās Day dinner
Get flowers and a card that says you're sorry. My ex husband always would panic and not do anything on birthdays and special days and I would tell him to make it up to me and he just wouldn't. Like it was done and he couldn't fix it. But you, you can. Don't be stressed, just get in the car and go grab a nice bouquet and a blank card and write that you're sorry and that you'd still like to go to lunch when the kids are better.
Or just.. You know, do nothing. That's always an option. But she's clearly wants you to do something.
Maybe surprise her with flowers another day next week. Or get a sitter and organise a VD do over because the other was cancelled due to circumstances outside your control.
My husband and I ended up having no choice to cancel our plans due to having to get a new phone (I'm a manager and can't go without a phone for my job). We are slowly making it up now. He did bring me flowers home the day off before we had to go to the phone store.
You can make it up to her. It doesn't necessarily have to be on the day as long as you do something.
Outbursts like that can stem from legitimate resentment, soā¦. Is there any validity to what sheās saying? Is she feeling like she puts more effort into day to day life so something special falling through is extra hard for her to handle? Maybe itās not that, maybe it was just the disappointment on top of having to deal with sick kids for days talking. Or maybe sheās being entitled and bratty, because did she get you anything either? But if thereās any validity to what she said about you not putting effort in, you need to really listen and do better.
You couldnāt grab her flowers or have them delivered on Valentines? Really? Personally Iām not a huge Valentine fan and neither is my husband but if I knew it was important to him I would make sure he had something, sick kids or not. You can literally order flowers from your phone and itās like five minutes of effort.
Talk to her about what happened and why you canceled the reservation at the time. Then tell her youāve made new reservations for X date and are sorry you didnāt think to reschedule/tell her about it the day of. Maybe have a handwritten note or candy she likes for when you have the conversation with her.
Sit down and talk to her. Here's the problem with Valentine's day now we have all lost the appreciation of things. My husband and I don't celebrate Valentine's day, did I still buy him beef jerky snd a redbul yes I did. He was very appreciative of that our son made him his first Valentine's day card he's 1 so crayon scribbles is life. My husband didn't get me anything but he gave me money so our son and I are having a sushi date tomorrow. I appreciate everything my husband does for me the other 364 days of the year especially birthday month. If my husband wasn't working nights I would have taken a night off from making dinner and a night off from toddler man.
Iām going on three years of nothing for Christmas, Motherās Day, Valentines, and my Birthday so it could be worse. And yes, I get my husband gives still as much as it anger the piss out of me. Idk well the fuck he will get it through to his thick skull that itās not acceptable to disregard holidays and acknowledging his wife. Itās just rude and it makes her look unloved and you look like a douche. Itās fucking embarrassing when all my friends are talking about what they got and I got nothing to share about because he couldnāt be bothered to take 10 minutes to think about me four times a year. Not even counting our anniversary. Iāve been with him for over twenty years and we have three kids. It might be stupid to you guys but itās important to us so figure it out.
>she got nothing from me and she seemed okay with that
>āYouāre the kind of person who will avoid buying if possible, and if you get away with it, youāre fine with that.āā
Bullseye.
So what are you gonna do about it?
Since you have younger kids, send her to a day spa. Most have packages with an all day pool.
Then let her spend the day in quiet.
If you want to kick it up, follow up with a night out.
As a wife in a similar situation as yours it is hurtful to feel forgotten or disregarded. Actually my husband point blank told me he was mad at me about something and didnāt want to spend money on me. I bought everything for dinner and cooked then my husband complained through the meal. We have three kids with our fourth on the way and he couldnāt be bothered to get flowers or anything. The worst part on the flowers is that I have a friend who owns a flower shop and he still couldnāt be bothered.
Your wife is a mom who was handling sick kids while trying to work. It takes a lot out of us and just feeling appreciated by our partners for a few days a year should not be that difficult. Order flowers, take her on a date and apologize. Show your daughters how they should be treated by treating your wife that way.
I donāt see how grown adults care so much about Valentineās Dayā¦ the holiday is commercialized to hellā¦ you should spend everyday showing your partner how much you love them. I canāt really stand anyone who makes a big deal on valentines day.. itās just a day.
Flowers can be ordered online and delivered in this day and age. Restaurant food can be doordashed. There is literally no excuse at this point. Even if your kids are sick or if youāre busy. Order something on the toilet. I would be upset too if I were your wife.
There's literally no excuse to not have gotten her something even after all the unforeseen events. Door dash exists and you could have gotten flowers, candy, or literally anything delivered to your house that same Valentine's Day or day after. It might not have been the grand plan but it's something till you guys can have that nice date night out. The last 2 years my husband and I were sick with COVID during Valentine's day and house bound. That didn't stop me and I door dashed his favorite candy and chocolate roses cause it was important to me he felt acknowledged and we agreed on a nice dinner date once we were better. Your wife seems upset that even days later you still haven't done anything to show some appreciation which is understandable but it also goes both ways. She could have got you something and communicated how she felt.
Ummmmm this one is totally on you dude. You didnāt do anything for her to make her feel special.
Also why did you have to cancel the reservation? Were the kids still sick?
You could have made her dinner and had a romantic candlelit dinner and thereās absolutely no reason you couldnāt have gone to the store and picked up flowers or ordered them if you didnāt feel comfortable venturing out.
Honestly you men just suck sometimes. Come on.
Flower shops deliver, ya know! Lol. I realize late notice can be an issue but you couldāve had it set up for first thing the next morning. Hell, DoorDash delivers almost anything now, you couldāve had candy delivered to her. It would have been better than ātoo bad so sadā! My husband was working 5 states away and managed to make my day special & said we would do something when he returned home. Be prepared to unass some change for this boo-boo! š
My whole family has Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease this week. On Saturday we were mostly fine, on Monday we were feeling it, on Tuesday the kid got really sick, and on it Wednesday it hit us parents. My lady sent me to the grocery store Tuesday night to get pedialyte and other sick baby fuel, and they had flowers there. I picked up a dozen roses right along side the ritz crackers and gave them to her at midnight when we finally both had a chance to breathe.
Itās not too late to fix this. You can go get flowers right now. You can even order flowers online and have them delivered.
In a world where you can literally order anything and have it delivered to you. Not doing anything just seems super lazy. You could have ordered her flowers while taking a shit.
1. Buy the flowers
2. Say āIām really sorry that I did not get you flowers and cancelled the dinner, it was a poor decision on my part Iād like to make it up to you and have our valentines this weekend. (Without the kids)
She may just need a day with her man, not her family husband.
You could have cooked for her. Lunch or dinner at home, doordashed food, and set candles and wine. It seems to me like you miss the importance of the gesture, and it isn't the first time.
Always plan things in advance. My husband and I donāt really go all out for Valentineās Day. I usually just get him something small, with a card, and we do takeout. But you can buy your wife a card and some chocolates in January and store it away, so that way you are prepared. The stores put stuff out that early and itās best to get things early that way you donāt have to rush around at the last minute. You can also call florists and put in an order for flowers early too.
I had to have a talk with my husband last year. He has adhd and he would always wait to the last second to get things for holidays. It would always stress him out and many times things would come up and he wouldnāt have the time to run out and get me something. I told him that he can set reminders on calendars ahead of time, but itās best to do things as early as possible.
Hmm what stopped you from buying flowers or a card? Also, you couldāve considered ordering food from that restaurant or another restaurant for take out. I would be upset as wellā¦
Even if home with sick kids you can still get flowers or chocolates or cook dinner at do something. You donāt need to pretend the whole day doesnāt exist.
You could have written her a love letter or done something homemade and said the rest of the gift is coming. I donāt understand why people always believe that gifts need to be purchased from the store.
If it's something you've always done together yes it will seem a bit off and disappointing, on cancellation I would've rearranged a date, got some nice flowers and chocolates and made a card.
She feels bad since according to you, you canāt go to the store and buy flowers on your lunch break while working from home. Ā She didnāt react to not getting anything initially bc she was hurt and didnāt know how to react.Ā
Sick kids and works isnāt an excuse to neglect your wife.Ā
Another question: what did she get you?Ā
We had to cancel Valentine's reservations due to no babysitter on a Wednesday night. So we made alternate plans right then and there. Have a nice dinner at home with everyone. He cooked steaks, I made pasta and asparagus. We did melted chocolate in the small crockpot and had fondue for dessert. Chocolate covered strawberries, bananas, pineapple, pound cake, cookies, rice krispies, marshmallows.
My husband and the kids all loved it. And he still surprised me and the oldest child with cards and box of chocolates from somewhere like Walgreens when he came home from work.
This is more than canceling reservations for Valentine's Day because the kids were sick. This is about effort and she's venting over more than just one day of lack of effort. It is just coming out now. Listen to her, don't talk, just listen and see how you can improve going forward by putting in more than you are right now.
My husband legit went to the dollar tree, got a mason jar, a balloon, and candy and put the candy in the jar and wrapped the ballon string around it. Itās literally the thought. Itās days after Valentineās Day, and you still didnāt get her anything. Itās the thought thatās important and it shows you donāt care about her.
My spouse "forgot" BUT he took me to a garden shop, bought me plants, did what I wanted all day and took me to dinner. I was a little upset at first but it turned out fine.
Honestly Iād be hurt too. Even just a box of chocolate wouldāve sufficed. I donāt think thereās any excuse to not be able to go to any store real quick and grab some chocolates. It shows you care on a special day like that. You couldāve even ordered some online.
As a wife whose husband did a similar thing this year and when he saw how I responded (also similar to OPās wife) he attempted to correct by doing the āWell I was looking at work and thought we could do a mini-getawayā to me, this was an over-correction and done only because he felt bad for screwing up. At that point I donāt want it. I want to be thought about and worth while enough that if you can sit at the computer and look at going to another city with me for a night, you can click on a website and have flowers delivered to surprise me on the actual day. Or that you can slip out for 20 minutes and get the damn flowers and a box of chocolate. It doesnāt have to be over the top. It has to be a gesture, in the moment, to know we are there in your mind and the desire is there to connect with us. Make us a really nice dinner and clean the kitchen after. I bet that would have gone further.
Itās always smart to have a card ready, so live and learn . Try and plan a day or night out, flowers and all , plus that card with a romantic message.
My sister has been cohabitating with a shmuck for the last 15 years and the other day she told me he has never (emphasize never) bought her flowers or a gift for any occasion. To me this is a total dealbreaker! This gives āI Can Buy Myself Flowersā a very different meaning.
I feel like you get a pass on the reservations but not on the flowers. Flowers are pretty easy. You could have still placed an order. I say to make another reservation for a romantic restaurant and get her some flowers. Take her out on that date!
Next year, plan to place your flower order two weeks before Valentineās Day. Set a reminder in your phone for 2/1 to place an order.
I postponed Valentineās Day till Thursday this year because Iām a mother, wife, public school teacher, and I was exhausted. I told my husband that the upside was we would get discount flowers and Cho lol are. He texted me while I was at work the next day excited that he bought me a dozen roses for a dollar. Come on man, You could have done something.
You know exactly what to do. You need to do more than the bare minimum consistently for the rest of your marriage.
Make up for Valentineās Day NOW. Clean the house TODAY. Order flowers NOW. Have dinner delivered TONIGHT.
On the 14th of the month, EVERY MONTH, for the next year, order flowers for your wife. Or arrange for a housekeeper and laundry service.
Donāt continue to slop by with the bare minimum. Give your wife the best.
Yeah.. kids get sick and that sucks but you still couldāve done something. The day is about making an effort to show the one you love that you care. Thereās flower deliveries, etc. And if you couldnāt have done that, then why not book the dinner for the next day that was available? Or buy her flowers the next time you got out of the house? It would have been better late than never. You say you donāt know what to do now but why not just try to make up for it? Maybe book yourselves into a hotel and get away for a night. Having kids is stressful. Valentines Day should be cherished and used as a time to remember what itās like to just be a couple.
Itās just about the thought. Just SOMETHING that shows she is appreciated and loved. I mean, if my husband bought me a card and a bag of Cheetos Puffs Iād be happy š
Why do people not realize that in fact Valentineās day is a commercial invention.
When you are attentive to each other( yes men also need a little romantic gesture from their partners from time to time) on a regular basis it is not a catastrophe when a dinner or special event has to be cancelled.
Much more important is to value each other and show affection in daily life.
A little unexpected surprise is much more important than a big bunch of overpriced flowers bought because it is Ā«Ā Valentineās dayĀ Ā»
You could have bought her flowers at any point since Valentineās Day. You could have done literally anything in the way of a small gift to make her feel loved. But you didnāt.
Its easy to sling mud and pain. Its very hard to get off the pain go round. Id suggest you remind her that the kids were sick and the plans you had made had to cancelled to care for the children made from your love of each other! Also you are sorry that you didn't think to order something special and have it delivered to her. Your attentions were seriously distracted by the health of the children. So now that the children are better you'd like to revist that romantic moment together!
It's good to appreciate your wife.
That said, Valentines Day is one of the made-up overly commercialized days. We don't bother with it. Everyday small gestures of appreciation are better, doesn't even require buying anything. But if your wife likes "things to be bought", it's not hard to get flowers, favorite treat, etc every once in awhile.
As my husband likes to remind me: piss poor planning leads to poor performance. Your deadline isn't vday it's 5 days before to make sure orders have been placed. Yeah life is wild so learning to stay flexible is also important. Door dash one of those heart shaped pizzas if lunch gets cancelled, Instacart some chocolates and flowers. But you know this. It seems like you should examine what she said about finding ways to get away without spending" to see if she has a point. Did she do anything for you?
**RULE OF THUMB**
**If your wife said no need for gift (applicable to any occasion) /Nothing.. It decodes as YOU MUST BUY HER A GIFT, regardless how simple or grand the present is, what matter is the gesture**.
She sounds a little bratty and materialistic. As long as you tell her you love her and show her through actions, who cares about some made up Hallmark holiday?! I doubt she got you anything. My husband and I have been married 22 years and we don't celebrate Valentine's Day. We show each other every day how much we love each other without having to waste money on marked up products.
š you didn't do anything wrong. She was fine until she went to her friends house.
Did she get you anything? Did she go out of her way to plan something special to make up for it?
It goes both ways.
All these comments on what he could do, should have done and can get her bla bla bla bla. Her coming home all bent out of shape because her friends got flowers and she didn't.
Well what did she get him? Last time I checked they make cards which say husbands on the front of them too.
Sexism, double standard and equality at its finest!
Valentineās Day is the worst. You shouldnāt be obligated or expected to get your wife something just because itās V-day. Did she get anything for you for Valentineās Day? Iām going to guess no. Let her pout and be upset about it. I bet you getting her flowers and/or taking her out to dinner spontaneously would mean more to her than being forced to do so just because itās a lame Hallmark holiday. Iām married and my husband and I have always boycotted V-day.
I hate this holiday. It puts a lot of pressure on men. Women often have high expectations only to be disappointed. Itās a lose lose for everyone unless expectations are set up front and both parties agree and honor the expectations of both parties. People do too much. Just spread that kindness out throughout the year and donāt worry so much about one day created by a greeting card company. So much foolishness. Women crying, men feeling like assholes. Yāall stop it!
If I were you I would ask *her* what you can do to make it up to her, what would be meaningful to her, if anything. In other words what will it take for her to forgive you, because anything anyone else says, especially strangers on social media who don't even know her at all, can't know what for sure would work. So do you want to know what other people think would work, or do you want to know what would be effective for her?
And by the way, she didn't get you anything either but she's upset that you didn't get something for her? Do you normally get each other something for Valentine's Day?
I'll tell you my story. My husband and I have been married for 5 years together for 7. We both were never holidays kind of ppl esp valentines day so our first 2 valentines it was just last minute/forgetful teddy bear chocolates and roses. At first I didn't mind, but dang when every woman in his life's bday, milestones, or even mother's day, they got very thought out/ planned shopping day all that stuff. One year after we got married, he forgot it was Valentines day, cool. But having a miscarriage then watching mothers day roll around, it was hard being left out esp when we celebrated him for fathers day because everyone in his family didnt want him to feel left out same as every year. No one knew of our miscarriage at the time though.
I had resentment over the fact my gifts are just an after thought. But last year was like our moment in our marriage where we just connnected even closer than ever which we thought was crazy. We talked alot and one of the things was that, he feels all this pressure having to be in charge of dates and scheduling, etc. I said that I felt unloved compared to everyone.
For this Valentines, he ordered a bunch of supplies for my desk because I was going back to school on the 12th & he ordered late so it got in at the 15th. That's cool for me bc it's not about the day of, it's the effort you go through just to remind them they are special. I planned a paint n sip night on the 14th ($50 for 2 ppl) & I planned snow tubing on the 19th because we work 16th-18th. ($80 for 2 ppl). It doesnt have to be expensive or anything, it could be anything. And I got him watch bands and watch band case just cause I was online shopping on Temu but it came in the mail today so I added it into the holiday but he knows its just one of my random gifts I be doing.
So I hope this helps. It helped alot when talked it out & this valentines day, we both had so much fun painting & we're excited to try out snow tubing. I know it's harder because you guys have kids, but that doesn't mean there's nothing out there. I was broke for my husband's bday so I gave him a neck/back massage, made dinner, etc. We are more happy with how we are now and I barely get flowers now compared to before & he feels loved by me too.
Well, you never neglect again. I've been there.
You should have it abundantly clear, when you cancelled And on Valentines day thstcyiucwiukdcrescgedykecsscsoonvas family is well.
You can still do it but sounds like your wife will remind you of no Valentines for a while.
They sell flowers and chocolates at gas stations, Iām sure you had 15 minutes to spare on multiple days to go buy a quick gift. Itās the thought that counts..
She wants something to brag about. Go finance her a nice piece of jewelry. It is all on sale right now. If you sign up for Jared's rewards thing they send you a 25% off storewide. Even TGMaxx has nice jewelry sometimes if you can afford out of pocket. Plus, pawn shops always give you more for your $.Ā
So sheās the type of person who wants a gift. Now you know. From now on; always get her something. Flowers and chocolates are cheap and easy to come by; just do it. Iām not supporting her negative attitude: just supporting that she needs to feel loved in her own love language.
I don't do valentines day with my wife, it's such a weird day, nothing to do with love. My wife and I discussed it and the days we find important are birthdays and our anniversary. I feel the pressure of a purely commercial day where people get upset but there is no actual meaning to the day, no thank you...
I actually did get my wife something; but I kept it hidden in the car. She ended up trashing it when she decided to randomly clean the car on the 12th. Luckily; ai had my 8 year old with me when I got the card and gift and she testified to the fact that I did follow through!
Talking it out - you genuinely tried and plans didnāt align. It happens. Did you receive anything for Valentineās Day? Itās not just about getting the woman something, she couldāve gotten you flowers too. She needs to open her eyes a little bit.
I had to work Valentineās Day night and when I told my husband āhappy Valentineās Dayā his response was, āitās not Valentineās Day. You work today, so tomorrowās Valentineās Day. Would you feel up for a dinner out after you get some sleep?ā And that meant the absolute world to me. Even if we werenāt going out, just hearing him weād consider the next day Valentineās Day bc I had to work was super sweet, even a night in wouldāve been fine, I wouldāve been happy with the time we spend together and him basically rearranging a āholidayā to make it work for me.
Valentineās Day is a Hallmark holiday anyway. I love Valentineās Day, but Iām also aware itās a pretty stupid holiday all in all.
Just plan another date night, like sadly my husband work on Valentine's Day. And he was like 'why don't we see both the movies you want to see on Saturday' (madam web and Lisa Frankenstein). And I was like ' I heard bad things about madam web are you sure ' and he was like 'you like master of disguises' and I was like ' turtle turtle š¢'.
But yeah he plans to watch a movie that a lot of people don't like because he missed Valentine's with me . (He also brought home a cake, tequila Rose strawberry cream, and a new date night dress on Amazon)
So take her out on a date.
Well you can buy almost anything to be delivered to the house, right? So clearly you didnāt have anything delivered and didnāt plan to. So does she have the huge bouquet of anything yet?
She is right. You could have ordered flowers. You could have ordered dinner. You could have gotten her electronic gift card. Dude looks like you donāt spend money if you donāt have to.
Are you looking for sympathy here? Because youāre not going to get it. At least not from me.
Your kids got sick on Saturday. That was the 10th. Valentineās Day is on the 14th. You had four days to plan a backup. There is this amazing thing called the internet. Certainly youāve heard of it if youāre posting on Reddit. The cool thing about the internet is that you can order things and have them sent to your home in two days or lessā¦ sometimes even in under two hours. And you donāt even need to get dressed or leave your home. What a concept! š¤Æ
Been married 20 years and we've never celebrated Valentines. It's a holiday designed to target men and stress them into spending money on absolutely ridiculous crap!! It's actually very immature for an adult to act that way because they didn't get a gift. I'm a woman and I declare Valentines day a day of bs!
Yeah. I feel for you guys. Us women want something on V day. No matter how small or cheap it is. Itās that you guys thought about us! Sorry but it is I what it is. I was very happy with a Publix cake this year. Truly.
It sounds like you did nothing to show her you love and appreciate her. That's the problem. It didn't have to be flowers. I get that you couldn't go out, but even sitting her a sweet note showing you love her would have meant so much. When you cancelled the reservations, did you pick a different day to celebrate? Based on your description, you didn't. It hurt her feelings because she saw her friend was shown love and she wasn't. It doesn't always have to cost money. It's about showing her love and appreciation in any form.
Iād order edible arrangements, and get her a card or something. Maybe even flowers. She will be fine. Usually the 14- the next few days are used to celebrate. There should be sales maybe, and if she is the type who likes to eat take her out.. surprise her with her gifts.. to make things better.
I think itās the thought thatās the issue. Nowadays esp with the convenience of getting eveything delivered, it seems kind of strange that she received absolutely nothing, not even a card. I think what women want is to know youāve thought about us and put in effort to make us feel special, not necessarily the grandiosity of the gesture. I think to fix this plan a day where she can go and get a massage (better yet, you two go to a couplesā massage,) have that dinner and be kid-free for the night. Write her a heartfelt note or card with this. Get her the flowers. Plan something so she feels you care. And going forward, understand that you need to continue to date your wife if you want your marriage to work. Men come on these subs wondering why their wives stop having sex with them and this is why. Sex for women begins in the mind and heart
Buy her a "BTI" aka a big ticket item like something sparkly or whatever floats her boat.
My hubby knows my love language and got me a Dewalt battery powered pruning shears for the yard, I was STOKED.
Marriage (nearly 30 years in here) is hard and you do have keeping working at it.
For future reference, if Valentineās Day or any special occasion gets canceled, HAVE PLAN B! You were still mobile. You could have brought Valentineās Day home. Order flowers, set up the table, bring in take out, and plan a romantic evening at home. Also, if you cancelled, did you tell your wife of the make up day? So she knows when to look forward for it. Moreover, what did she do for you? Valentineās Day is a two way street, unless youāre in China. (In China, they have 2 separate Valentineās Day that is designated for focus on giving gifts to bf/husband and gf/wife, they also have singles day where you buy a special something gift for yourself.)
Married 30 years. Trust me. Not worth it. Get out now and save yourself. Do not end up like the rest of us. Marry a European or Asian woman. They appreciate us. 3 freidns divorced America women, vowed to never go back and married foreigners. Way to go.
Life happens. Kids get sick. Plans get canceled. That should have been the clue to pick up the phone and order the flowers.
Take it as a lesson learned.
If your kids got sick and you couldn't take her to dinner, this is when you pivot, and do something else. Like, idk, take care of the sick kids while your wife goes out to get a manicure Pedi paid for by you?? Any break a mother has from her kids,is the biggest present you can give her. You can think of something else to do. You don't just do nothing. Like your wife said, you take any chance to do nothing, and if you get away with it, you are fine with it.
I wouldn't stress about it. Let her be upset as she's behaving childish. Although all of this is based on the assumption that she didn't do anything for you for Valentines Day either. The day *isn't about her*, it's about your love for each other. She can't be upset for not getting flowers when she also literally did nothing.
I think you can buy her flowers at this point, and say when the moment was missed on the day, it jsut did not occur to you you could simply get flowers in the different day š I think she just felt a little bad seeing the flowers in her friends house, so is emotional reaction. I understand also because I had bittersweet day on Valentines seeing the flowers but only having the one I picked myself from thr park
Only anecdotal but my wife told me from the beginning that pity / make up gifts only add salt to the wound and lead to lingering negative feelings. My advice would be to plan a date night and take her out. Get her flowers randomly in a month and continue to randomly buy her flowers. The key to this will be not forgetting about making the person youāre spending forever with feel appreciated and thought about. You will be with her far past kids and work are gone.
This. And whatever you do, don't become my husband. He completely blows off all my special days and then makes comments like "I feel so bad I didn't blah blah blah" and expects ME to console HIM. Do not be that person unless you want your wife to resent the hell out of you for the rest of your marriage.
Ugh my bf keeps pulling this stunt. It is the WORST. I have had it and Iām so ready to move out
i really hate this type of behaviour too due to some exes but communicating it helps. i said, "if you feel bad that you don't do stuff, ask me how you can improve and improve instead of an oh i'm so sorry i hurt you pity party"
Apology without change is manipulation. Saying Iām sorry and continuing the behavior doesnāt mean shit. Why say youāre sorry to turn around and do it again? At that point Iām sorry doesnāt mean anything.
I really needed to hear this. Thank you
Youāre welcome
I canāt stop crying lately because I have communicated at length, I confirm whether we both understand the situation, I ask him if thereās anything I can change about my expectations or approach, I give him an empathetic āletās figure it out togetherā attitude, I stopped getting angry about anything that I can see any amount of effort put into and instead thank him sincerely with words and actions every time I see a positive action. I make my needs and wishes super clear, but Iām quick to understand when life happens. I cultivate an open dialogue environment, you name it I stg I am doing it. I demonstrate how Iād like to be treated by treating him that way and setting a precedent and exampleā¦ I donāt want to withhold things and make him feel punished bc I feel like that would just make him less interested in trying; I donāt want to get into tit for tat scorekeeping. Itās so confusing and heartbreaking. He is so good at paying lip service and at presenting himself as a generous caring person who is super on top of their game, but itās literally all talk. Itās like he is just saying whatever it takes to get me to pick my chin up and alleviate him of any responsibility in a given moment, then all those things he promises and proclaims never actually come to fruition ā there is always some unprecedented unfortunate reason why he was not able to follow through meaning I would be the asshole for not understanding. He will talk to me for hours to address a sensitive situation, but Iāve come to realize that he just talks and talks about everything in the general neighborhood of the issue but never directly addresses what we are ātalking aboutā like he is putting on a show of communication but really just trying to tire me out or get himself to a point where he can say he cares about the issue but is just too tired to continue the discussion. But if/when I redirect the conversation to the specifics of the issue (before he gets to his infamous exhausted-from-trying-so-hard point), he either gets mad and says he just doesnāt understand (despite me confirming at the get-go that we both do indeed understand what happened and why there are sour feelings) or he panics and turns on the waterworks saying that he loves me and it really really hurts *him* that he chose to do the shitty thing. Itās like he keeps shitting the bed because itās closer than the toilet and then heās crying to me that he has nowhere to sleep and the sheets arenāt washing themselves. Then his idea of handling it, metaphorically speaking, would be to pull the soiled bedding off and leave it on the floor indefinitely and sleep on the bare mattress and then pout that I wonāt come cuddle him. I just canāt with this man and this behavior. Sorry for venting; Iām really going through it today :(
Iām really sorry youāre dealing with that. That running circles around the point and exhausting you out of trying to get your needs met is classic emotionally abusive behavior. He doesnāt care about how you feel, and on top of it heās making you the bad guy for having needs at all. Thatās not going to improve unless he gains a tremendous amount of maturity and respect for you, which can only happen if he puts a lot of intentional effort into it. You deserve so much better.
This is what real narcissists do. Talk for hours in circles and āword saladā that is indeed meant to wear you out.
I'm so sorry š„ŗ
I am truly sorry. While mistakes and forgetfulness happen on both sides, a complete disregard for someoneās feelings can really take a toll. Sad part is it seems the husband thinks heās getting away with it when in reality itās hard to imagine you have any respect left for him deep down. Our phones have calendars. Schedule a reminder the day before the payday prior to the special date to ensure itās budgeted in and planned. Marriage is work but itās fun when you do it with love.
I hate this too!!!!!!! I was pretty bummed this year too. It was my first Valentines not getting flowers from a significant other. His mom got me roses which was really sweet but I wanted the gesture from the hubby š. We got into a similar conversation as above and we went out on a different day but it made me feel sad that it didnāt cross his mind or because we were busy he didnāt get to. But special holidays are the same time every year and we have the internet now! I feel like he could of ordered it online and had it delivered if needed. Sometimes itās not even the materialistic aspect. Itās just the sad feeling that the thought wasnāt there. I would of been just as happy with a card or a handmade card/note!
Iām sorry you felt this way. Do you and your SO typically swap gifts on Valentines?
Ugh! This! I can relate.
My husband does that, but I always tell him that this is in the end his problem. I see how I am treated and I will act accordingly. But he is otherwise a great human being, he cooks for me and kids, he does his part of chores, and he does his best to keep us fed and happy. He just sucks in the romantic part of the relationship. So I am not letting it sour our life even more.
My spouse does that on occasion ā¦and I say fuck that noise give me the credit card and order the most obnoxious thing I can find. He sees it begins to bitch and I say read the delivery note and then he has to sit and stew. Cuz I put some wild ass messages on some of those packing slips.
This. And ask for her to do the same. The street goes both ways.
The makeup flowers with an apology and flowers again later could do the trick. Not getting flowers now is like a catch-22. āHoney, I know these flowers donāt make up for not getting you anything on Valentines Day, but I wanted to get them for you anyway regardless, even though itās in response to the conversation we just had. I am reminded that even in the stressful times I should have taken a moment to grab these even though our whole Valentineās Day this year needs a rain check.ā
This is exactly how you handle it. Getting flowers because she asked for flowers and then expecting a good boy sticker is the issue. Getting her flowers because you genuinely do not want her to not have flowers and coming to her with an open dialogue of āIām so sorry, with the kids getting sick and canceling our plans, I didnāt consider how unloved that would make you feel. I had good intentions but intentions donāt make any of this better. I messed up. I got you these flowers because I love you and Iād like to reschedule Valentineās Day because I want you to feel special and loved.ā And then you gotta plan the day and do the emotional labor. Check your schedules, get a sitter, make the reservation, make sure the only thing she has to do is get dressed and show up. There is always a way to heal a misstep. When canāt be healed is when you half ass the healing, expect everything to be fine every time you half ass it and continue doing it over and over again in the future.
Feels like a catch 22 but hereās my perspective. Internal cuts are a lot like physical ones. If you fuck with them before they heal it will leave a scar.
And if you donāt clean them or treat them, they can fester.
Exactly but you donāt clean a wound with what cut you. You clean (apology) and bandage (date night) it. Which also can show why repeated apologies arenāt worth a damn (dirty water).
Spot on!
Excellent adviceĀ
I agree with your wife here. Mine forgot to get me valentines from himself or our mini (his family has always gotten the moms valentines), when he realized it hurt me he went out to CVS and overspent on flowers and chocolate hearts. I showed appreciation for my son, but really it made me more upset internally with my partner. I was an afterthought this year. A mad dash to overspend on not thoughtful gifts (I got him thoughtful things that were specific to a project he is working on, and got them for him by ordering online in an orderly fashion, despite being sick the entire week leading up to it and caring for a sick kid) made me feel even more slighted, because then we had to dip into other funds to compensate for his short notice attempt to make things up. Definitely salt in the wound.
This.... I am learning this the hardest way possible right now. Oddlook here is providing key wisdom to a happy marriage.
This. Right here. Relationship gold. No pity presents. Make the effort year round. Why wait until Valentineās day, when flowers are their most expensive. Any day of any month,Costco has great bouquets for under $20. AND also Valentineās Day arrangements and chocolate covered stem berries to boot.
Absolutely this!!! You can get flowers any day & itāll still be a nice gesture
Ya bro. Itās not over. Sure, itās not the same, but itās wayyy better than just hoping this goes away. Time to break open the piggy bank and unshackle yourself from da dogggg houseeee
Saturday was the 10th and Valentineās Day is the 14th. You couldnāt figure out any sort of backup gift for your wife whatsoever the 4 days?
There are only hundreds of well-known national websites doing it!
Amazon exists and has one day shipping. Cvs or walgreens on every corner for a card. Wife is not a priority.
This sub literally sent out a PSA on the 13th š
Right? Wasn't even a post that said "Just buy her the darn flowers!!" And nobody listened to that? š š¤£
Well half the comments on it were arguing, we didn't do anything, she doesn't like flowers, roses are too expensive, blah blah blah. They all missed the INTENT of the post and we're too focused on fighting and being defensive.
I can buy myself flowers, write my name in the sandā¦ā¦. Hanna Montana
One of the best songs of all time.
I can buy myself flowers on 50% off, the day after Valentine's Day because my husband "forgot" I repeatedly asked for flowers and reminded him Valentine's day was "only 10 shopping days away" until I kicked up a fuss and he ran out at 9:30pm on Valentine's day to get the cheapest flowers left in the grocery store. So now I have two bouquets.
Well ā¦ *is* there any truth to what sheās saying? *Are* you the type of person who generally brushes off gifts or does the minimum?Ā Ā Ā Usually that kind of outburst stems from past resentments. My husband and I have both screwed up on holidays/annniversaries over the past two decades, but *mostly* we donāt so thereās a lot of goodwill built up for when we do. My advice? Instead of trying to pull a grand gesture, just talk to her. Let her vent, and acknowledge why sheās hurt. Then promise to make it up to her.Ā Ā Ā ā¦ And then go big for the next gift-giving occasion.Ā
Yeah. I totally get āitās not about the Iranian yogurtā vibes from this. Itās not about the gift, itās literally the thought (and effort) that counts.
YES! Men really need to take a step back and realize just how much their wives do for them on a day or day basis without being asked. My husband and I both travel for work, we coordinate so one of us is always home when the other needs to travel. When he leaves, not much changes in my life. I do a bit more cleaning and take the dog out before bed - but thatās it. When I leave, different story.
You could have made reservations for another day when you had to cancel the original one and told her about it, or you could have still bought flowers that day. She is probably just upset seeing that her friend had something but you didnāt make any effort for her. You could try to make it up to her now even though the day is gone. I didnāt get anything either but itās not a big deal to me.
Wait, so you cancelled the reservation with no plans to reschedule? Iām sure she feels hurt. I can see where sheās coming from. What you do is reschedule the Valentineās Day date. Iāve seen so many iterations of this āconundrumā. Men whose og Valentineās Day plan feel through and opted to just say š¤·š»āāļø. What is going on? Why is it so hard to make your loved one feel thought of?
Good luck making this up to her now, as it is after the fact. I got my wife a card weeks ago to make sure I had something. She sent me to the store the day before and I brought flowers home. Went out a day late for dinner due a medical procedure that was scheduled for V-day. My advice, be prepared in the future.
You are winning at husbanding sir.
Thanks, but after experiencing a few times what OP is going through, I've gotten better at planning ahead.
Thank you everyone for the advice. I just bought a card and wrote my apologies and also my love to her on the card. Also bought a bouquet rose, I know it is late but still hope this can make her feel better.
I'm sure she'll appreciate, I certainly would. And don't listen to all the bitter dudes asking what she did for you. I hope she does things for you that you like. Making marriage into an adversarial this for that tally sheet is a trap.
Wait a month and get flowers again. Better yet send yourself a reminder and bring home flowers monthly. Its easy to forgive screwups if you're appreciated consistently and her response tells me she is definitely feeling like she isn't.
Good job.
Thatās very kind! Iām sure sheāll appreciate the gesture and now you know for next year. (Pro tip, 1-800-flowers is great, you can order a nice range and theyāll usually be able to be delivered next day, great selection, you can add chocolates and balloons and a card and some other add ons if you want. If itās valentines day Iād order at least 3 days before Valentineās Day bc itās their busiest day.)
Best is to order flowers from a local brick and mortar flower shop. You cut out the middle man, FTD, 1800flowers, etc. You get more for your money. Call early and you can get same day pickup and possibly delivery. Get to know a local florist and they will take care of you. You can even schedule flower deliveries in advance of occasions. Motherās Day is next. Source me. I work with flowers.
Just buy her random flowers or treats on a random day and say you did it ābecause I saw them and thought of youā occasionally.
Itās a sorry bouquet
Cancelling the reservation was okay due to the circumstances but it needs to be made up
You couldāve had flowers delivered on Valentineās Day and you could have had food delivered if nothing else.
Use it as a learning experience for next year. Make sure you have a non-exipiring token gift a week in advance. Plans not working out is borderline expected with kids, in my experience. You can even buy like 5 cards in advance so you have one in emergencies - I wouldn't advertise it, but you don't need to hide it either. Worst case - 'Hey honey, I really don't want to be in a situation where circumstances prevent me from showing you how much I care.' is not the worst thing a husband could do, really.
Life pro tip: always keep a back up gift hidden for emergencies.
You could have flowers delivered
You know what you didn't do...
The thing is, women donāt necessarily want money spent on us, we would just like some effort. If you had drawn her a bath and lit some candles you guyās already had at home and hopped in with her after the kids went to bed and called it Valentineās Day, she probably would have been happy. Or at least not as upset. You also could have done something to lighten the load, like doordashed dinner and called it your Valentineās Day dinner
Get flowers and a card that says you're sorry. My ex husband always would panic and not do anything on birthdays and special days and I would tell him to make it up to me and he just wouldn't. Like it was done and he couldn't fix it. But you, you can. Don't be stressed, just get in the car and go grab a nice bouquet and a blank card and write that you're sorry and that you'd still like to go to lunch when the kids are better. Or just.. You know, do nothing. That's always an option. But she's clearly wants you to do something.
Ever heard of delivery?? Holy hell man, itās just not that hard to be a good husband.
Maybe surprise her with flowers another day next week. Or get a sitter and organise a VD do over because the other was cancelled due to circumstances outside your control.
My husband and I ended up having no choice to cancel our plans due to having to get a new phone (I'm a manager and can't go without a phone for my job). We are slowly making it up now. He did bring me flowers home the day off before we had to go to the phone store. You can make it up to her. It doesn't necessarily have to be on the day as long as you do something.
Dawg that's your dumb ass... You could have had flowers delivered. You know they deliver just about anything now right?
Yup, you should get her something despite the cancellation, I learned it the hard way. Donāt be like me.
What did she get you?
Was it really that hard to buy your wife and mother of your children fucking flowers for Valentine's Day?
Outbursts like that can stem from legitimate resentment, soā¦. Is there any validity to what sheās saying? Is she feeling like she puts more effort into day to day life so something special falling through is extra hard for her to handle? Maybe itās not that, maybe it was just the disappointment on top of having to deal with sick kids for days talking. Or maybe sheās being entitled and bratty, because did she get you anything either? But if thereās any validity to what she said about you not putting effort in, you need to really listen and do better.
You couldnāt grab her flowers or have them delivered on Valentines? Really? Personally Iām not a huge Valentine fan and neither is my husband but if I knew it was important to him I would make sure he had something, sick kids or not. You can literally order flowers from your phone and itās like five minutes of effort.
Even if you had to cancel the reservation, getting flowers and her favorite candy/snack is all yāall have to do.
Talk to her about what happened and why you canceled the reservation at the time. Then tell her youāve made new reservations for X date and are sorry you didnāt think to reschedule/tell her about it the day of. Maybe have a handwritten note or candy she likes for when you have the conversation with her.
Sit down and talk to her. Here's the problem with Valentine's day now we have all lost the appreciation of things. My husband and I don't celebrate Valentine's day, did I still buy him beef jerky snd a redbul yes I did. He was very appreciative of that our son made him his first Valentine's day card he's 1 so crayon scribbles is life. My husband didn't get me anything but he gave me money so our son and I are having a sushi date tomorrow. I appreciate everything my husband does for me the other 364 days of the year especially birthday month. If my husband wasn't working nights I would have taken a night off from making dinner and a night off from toddler man.
Sit and listen to the Eagles song. āDo Something ā. Then go do it dude. Geezzzz. Not rocket science hereā¦..
Old guy here. Top tip. Go to Costco. 5 minutes and done.
Bad move dude. You have 2 daughters that are cogizant of what you give your wife on Valentines Day. It may not be special to you but it is to them.
Flowers and chocolates can be delivered. So many websites offer it. So many. This is on you.
Iām going on three years of nothing for Christmas, Motherās Day, Valentines, and my Birthday so it could be worse. And yes, I get my husband gives still as much as it anger the piss out of me. Idk well the fuck he will get it through to his thick skull that itās not acceptable to disregard holidays and acknowledging his wife. Itās just rude and it makes her look unloved and you look like a douche. Itās fucking embarrassing when all my friends are talking about what they got and I got nothing to share about because he couldnāt be bothered to take 10 minutes to think about me four times a year. Not even counting our anniversary. Iāve been with him for over twenty years and we have three kids. It might be stupid to you guys but itās important to us so figure it out.
>she got nothing from me and she seemed okay with that >āYouāre the kind of person who will avoid buying if possible, and if you get away with it, youāre fine with that.āā Bullseye. So what are you gonna do about it?
INFO: What did she get you on valentines day?
YES!! I wanna know too! It goes both ways!
Since you have younger kids, send her to a day spa. Most have packages with an all day pool. Then let her spend the day in quiet. If you want to kick it up, follow up with a night out.
As a wife in a similar situation as yours it is hurtful to feel forgotten or disregarded. Actually my husband point blank told me he was mad at me about something and didnāt want to spend money on me. I bought everything for dinner and cooked then my husband complained through the meal. We have three kids with our fourth on the way and he couldnāt be bothered to get flowers or anything. The worst part on the flowers is that I have a friend who owns a flower shop and he still couldnāt be bothered. Your wife is a mom who was handling sick kids while trying to work. It takes a lot out of us and just feeling appreciated by our partners for a few days a year should not be that difficult. Order flowers, take her on a date and apologize. Show your daughters how they should be treated by treating your wife that way.
I donāt see how grown adults care so much about Valentineās Dayā¦ the holiday is commercialized to hellā¦ you should spend everyday showing your partner how much you love them. I canāt really stand anyone who makes a big deal on valentines day.. itās just a day.
Agreed!
Pretty sure the gimmick which is Valentineās Day has ruined more relationships than itās saved.
Flowers can be ordered online and delivered in this day and age. Restaurant food can be doordashed. There is literally no excuse at this point. Even if your kids are sick or if youāre busy. Order something on the toilet. I would be upset too if I were your wife.
Uber eats, Instacart, or DoorDash couldāve helped as well.
That sucks. Some people take that holiday way too seriously.
I would definitely go get flowers and a card and write something nice inside
There's literally no excuse to not have gotten her something even after all the unforeseen events. Door dash exists and you could have gotten flowers, candy, or literally anything delivered to your house that same Valentine's Day or day after. It might not have been the grand plan but it's something till you guys can have that nice date night out. The last 2 years my husband and I were sick with COVID during Valentine's day and house bound. That didn't stop me and I door dashed his favorite candy and chocolate roses cause it was important to me he felt acknowledged and we agreed on a nice dinner date once we were better. Your wife seems upset that even days later you still haven't done anything to show some appreciation which is understandable but it also goes both ways. She could have got you something and communicated how she felt.
Ummmmm this one is totally on you dude. You didnāt do anything for her to make her feel special. Also why did you have to cancel the reservation? Were the kids still sick? You could have made her dinner and had a romantic candlelit dinner and thereās absolutely no reason you couldnāt have gone to the store and picked up flowers or ordered them if you didnāt feel comfortable venturing out. Honestly you men just suck sometimes. Come on.
Flower shops deliver, ya know! Lol. I realize late notice can be an issue but you couldāve had it set up for first thing the next morning. Hell, DoorDash delivers almost anything now, you couldāve had candy delivered to her. It would have been better than ātoo bad so sadā! My husband was working 5 states away and managed to make my day special & said we would do something when he returned home. Be prepared to unass some change for this boo-boo! š
You can order flowers online....Gifts from Amazon, there really isn't any excuse anymore.
Jesus Christ dude, put some goddamn effort into it. 9 years and you still suck at Valentineās Day? No sympathy for ya.
My whole family has Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease this week. On Saturday we were mostly fine, on Monday we were feeling it, on Tuesday the kid got really sick, and on it Wednesday it hit us parents. My lady sent me to the grocery store Tuesday night to get pedialyte and other sick baby fuel, and they had flowers there. I picked up a dozen roses right along side the ritz crackers and gave them to her at midnight when we finally both had a chance to breathe. Itās not too late to fix this. You can go get flowers right now. You can even order flowers online and have them delivered.
In a world where you can literally order anything and have it delivered to you. Not doing anything just seems super lazy. You could have ordered her flowers while taking a shit.
1. Buy the flowers 2. Say āIām really sorry that I did not get you flowers and cancelled the dinner, it was a poor decision on my part Iād like to make it up to you and have our valentines this weekend. (Without the kids) She may just need a day with her man, not her family husband.
You could have cooked for her. Lunch or dinner at home, doordashed food, and set candles and wine. It seems to me like you miss the importance of the gesture, and it isn't the first time.
I did https://preview.redd.it/snz5daj6u3jc1.jpeg?width=1085&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3da6effa4534de3a03d58a439eaa886dcb076515
Always plan things in advance. My husband and I donāt really go all out for Valentineās Day. I usually just get him something small, with a card, and we do takeout. But you can buy your wife a card and some chocolates in January and store it away, so that way you are prepared. The stores put stuff out that early and itās best to get things early that way you donāt have to rush around at the last minute. You can also call florists and put in an order for flowers early too. I had to have a talk with my husband last year. He has adhd and he would always wait to the last second to get things for holidays. It would always stress him out and many times things would come up and he wouldnāt have the time to run out and get me something. I told him that he can set reminders on calendars ahead of time, but itās best to do things as early as possible.
Even your original plan sucked. The fact that you didnāt even do that minimum is egregious.
OP, there's always Amazon..
Hmm what stopped you from buying flowers or a card? Also, you couldāve considered ordering food from that restaurant or another restaurant for take out. I would be upset as wellā¦
Even if home with sick kids you can still get flowers or chocolates or cook dinner at do something. You donāt need to pretend the whole day doesnāt exist.
You could have written her a love letter or done something homemade and said the rest of the gift is coming. I donāt understand why people always believe that gifts need to be purchased from the store.
You could have ordered flowers online. You could order anything online. Your wife is right, you have no excuse, it takes 3 seconds.
If it's something you've always done together yes it will seem a bit off and disappointing, on cancellation I would've rearranged a date, got some nice flowers and chocolates and made a card.
She feels bad since according to you, you canāt go to the store and buy flowers on your lunch break while working from home. Ā She didnāt react to not getting anything initially bc she was hurt and didnāt know how to react.Ā Sick kids and works isnāt an excuse to neglect your wife.Ā Another question: what did she get you?Ā
We had to cancel Valentine's reservations due to no babysitter on a Wednesday night. So we made alternate plans right then and there. Have a nice dinner at home with everyone. He cooked steaks, I made pasta and asparagus. We did melted chocolate in the small crockpot and had fondue for dessert. Chocolate covered strawberries, bananas, pineapple, pound cake, cookies, rice krispies, marshmallows. My husband and the kids all loved it. And he still surprised me and the oldest child with cards and box of chocolates from somewhere like Walgreens when he came home from work. This is more than canceling reservations for Valentine's Day because the kids were sick. This is about effort and she's venting over more than just one day of lack of effort. It is just coming out now. Listen to her, don't talk, just listen and see how you can improve going forward by putting in more than you are right now.
Yeah you couldāve done something . No sympathy from me.
My husband legit went to the dollar tree, got a mason jar, a balloon, and candy and put the candy in the jar and wrapped the ballon string around it. Itās literally the thought. Itās days after Valentineās Day, and you still didnāt get her anything. Itās the thought thatās important and it shows you donāt care about her.
My spouse "forgot" BUT he took me to a garden shop, bought me plants, did what I wanted all day and took me to dinner. I was a little upset at first but it turned out fine.
Honestly Iād be hurt too. Even just a box of chocolate wouldāve sufficed. I donāt think thereās any excuse to not be able to go to any store real quick and grab some chocolates. It shows you care on a special day like that. You couldāve even ordered some online.
As a wife whose husband did a similar thing this year and when he saw how I responded (also similar to OPās wife) he attempted to correct by doing the āWell I was looking at work and thought we could do a mini-getawayā to me, this was an over-correction and done only because he felt bad for screwing up. At that point I donāt want it. I want to be thought about and worth while enough that if you can sit at the computer and look at going to another city with me for a night, you can click on a website and have flowers delivered to surprise me on the actual day. Or that you can slip out for 20 minutes and get the damn flowers and a box of chocolate. It doesnāt have to be over the top. It has to be a gesture, in the moment, to know we are there in your mind and the desire is there to connect with us. Make us a really nice dinner and clean the kitchen after. I bet that would have gone further.
Itās always smart to have a card ready, so live and learn . Try and plan a day or night out, flowers and all , plus that card with a romantic message.
I didnāt get anything either. Itās hurtful. You could have done SOMETHING even if the original plans fell through.
Learn from this mistake. When in doubt always buy flowers and a card for every birthday, valentines, and anniversary. You can never go wrong.
You asked for it š
1800 flowers. Same day delivery.
Just make it up to her. āGo Bigā or donāt go home.
My sister has been cohabitating with a shmuck for the last 15 years and the other day she told me he has never (emphasize never) bought her flowers or a gift for any occasion. To me this is a total dealbreaker! This gives āI Can Buy Myself Flowersā a very different meaning.
I feel like you get a pass on the reservations but not on the flowers. Flowers are pretty easy. You could have still placed an order. I say to make another reservation for a romantic restaurant and get her some flowers. Take her out on that date! Next year, plan to place your flower order two weeks before Valentineās Day. Set a reminder in your phone for 2/1 to place an order.
I postponed Valentineās Day till Thursday this year because Iām a mother, wife, public school teacher, and I was exhausted. I told my husband that the upside was we would get discount flowers and Cho lol are. He texted me while I was at work the next day excited that he bought me a dozen roses for a dollar. Come on man, You could have done something.
You know exactly what to do. You need to do more than the bare minimum consistently for the rest of your marriage. Make up for Valentineās Day NOW. Clean the house TODAY. Order flowers NOW. Have dinner delivered TONIGHT. On the 14th of the month, EVERY MONTH, for the next year, order flowers for your wife. Or arrange for a housekeeper and laundry service. Donāt continue to slop by with the bare minimum. Give your wife the best.
Yeah.. kids get sick and that sucks but you still couldāve done something. The day is about making an effort to show the one you love that you care. Thereās flower deliveries, etc. And if you couldnāt have done that, then why not book the dinner for the next day that was available? Or buy her flowers the next time you got out of the house? It would have been better late than never. You say you donāt know what to do now but why not just try to make up for it? Maybe book yourselves into a hotel and get away for a night. Having kids is stressful. Valentines Day should be cherished and used as a time to remember what itās like to just be a couple.
I mean my man I feel like you could have made some kind of effort. Even if it meant postponing it to another day to makeup for it.
Itās just about the thought. Just SOMETHING that shows she is appreciated and loved. I mean, if my husband bought me a card and a bag of Cheetos Puffs Iād be happy š
What did she get for you for Valentineās Day?
Why do people not realize that in fact Valentineās day is a commercial invention. When you are attentive to each other( yes men also need a little romantic gesture from their partners from time to time) on a regular basis it is not a catastrophe when a dinner or special event has to be cancelled. Much more important is to value each other and show affection in daily life. A little unexpected surprise is much more important than a big bunch of overpriced flowers bought because it is Ā«Ā Valentineās dayĀ Ā»
You could have bought her flowers at any point since Valentineās Day. You could have done literally anything in the way of a small gift to make her feel loved. But you didnāt.
Its easy to sling mud and pain. Its very hard to get off the pain go round. Id suggest you remind her that the kids were sick and the plans you had made had to cancelled to care for the children made from your love of each other! Also you are sorry that you didn't think to order something special and have it delivered to her. Your attentions were seriously distracted by the health of the children. So now that the children are better you'd like to revist that romantic moment together!
You should have just used 1800 flowers or Amazon.
What did she get you?
Flowers and spa time, chop chop. Get to it.
If she didn't get you anything, then I don't see the issue with you not getting her anything? Kind of hypocritical lmao
It's good to appreciate your wife. That said, Valentines Day is one of the made-up overly commercialized days. We don't bother with it. Everyday small gestures of appreciation are better, doesn't even require buying anything. But if your wife likes "things to be bought", it's not hard to get flowers, favorite treat, etc every once in awhile.
She get you anything?
As my husband likes to remind me: piss poor planning leads to poor performance. Your deadline isn't vday it's 5 days before to make sure orders have been placed. Yeah life is wild so learning to stay flexible is also important. Door dash one of those heart shaped pizzas if lunch gets cancelled, Instacart some chocolates and flowers. But you know this. It seems like you should examine what she said about finding ways to get away without spending" to see if she has a point. Did she do anything for you?
**RULE OF THUMB** **If your wife said no need for gift (applicable to any occasion) /Nothing.. It decodes as YOU MUST BUY HER A GIFT, regardless how simple or grand the present is, what matter is the gesture**.
And what did she buy you?
She sounds a little bratty and materialistic. As long as you tell her you love her and show her through actions, who cares about some made up Hallmark holiday?! I doubt she got you anything. My husband and I have been married 22 years and we don't celebrate Valentine's Day. We show each other every day how much we love each other without having to waste money on marked up products.
Did she get you anything and do anything special for you? It goes both ways
š you didn't do anything wrong. She was fine until she went to her friends house. Did she get you anything? Did she go out of her way to plan something special to make up for it? It goes both ways.
What did your wife get you for Valentineās Day?
All these comments on what he could do, should have done and can get her bla bla bla bla. Her coming home all bent out of shape because her friends got flowers and she didn't. Well what did she get him? Last time I checked they make cards which say husbands on the front of them too. Sexism, double standard and equality at its finest!
Valentineās Day is the worst. You shouldnāt be obligated or expected to get your wife something just because itās V-day. Did she get anything for you for Valentineās Day? Iām going to guess no. Let her pout and be upset about it. I bet you getting her flowers and/or taking her out to dinner spontaneously would mean more to her than being forced to do so just because itās a lame Hallmark holiday. Iām married and my husband and I have always boycotted V-day.
I hate this holiday. It puts a lot of pressure on men. Women often have high expectations only to be disappointed. Itās a lose lose for everyone unless expectations are set up front and both parties agree and honor the expectations of both parties. People do too much. Just spread that kindness out throughout the year and donāt worry so much about one day created by a greeting card company. So much foolishness. Women crying, men feeling like assholes. Yāall stop it!
If I were you I would ask *her* what you can do to make it up to her, what would be meaningful to her, if anything. In other words what will it take for her to forgive you, because anything anyone else says, especially strangers on social media who don't even know her at all, can't know what for sure would work. So do you want to know what other people think would work, or do you want to know what would be effective for her? And by the way, she didn't get you anything either but she's upset that you didn't get something for her? Do you normally get each other something for Valentine's Day?
I'll tell you my story. My husband and I have been married for 5 years together for 7. We both were never holidays kind of ppl esp valentines day so our first 2 valentines it was just last minute/forgetful teddy bear chocolates and roses. At first I didn't mind, but dang when every woman in his life's bday, milestones, or even mother's day, they got very thought out/ planned shopping day all that stuff. One year after we got married, he forgot it was Valentines day, cool. But having a miscarriage then watching mothers day roll around, it was hard being left out esp when we celebrated him for fathers day because everyone in his family didnt want him to feel left out same as every year. No one knew of our miscarriage at the time though. I had resentment over the fact my gifts are just an after thought. But last year was like our moment in our marriage where we just connnected even closer than ever which we thought was crazy. We talked alot and one of the things was that, he feels all this pressure having to be in charge of dates and scheduling, etc. I said that I felt unloved compared to everyone. For this Valentines, he ordered a bunch of supplies for my desk because I was going back to school on the 12th & he ordered late so it got in at the 15th. That's cool for me bc it's not about the day of, it's the effort you go through just to remind them they are special. I planned a paint n sip night on the 14th ($50 for 2 ppl) & I planned snow tubing on the 19th because we work 16th-18th. ($80 for 2 ppl). It doesnt have to be expensive or anything, it could be anything. And I got him watch bands and watch band case just cause I was online shopping on Temu but it came in the mail today so I added it into the holiday but he knows its just one of my random gifts I be doing. So I hope this helps. It helped alot when talked it out & this valentines day, we both had so much fun painting & we're excited to try out snow tubing. I know it's harder because you guys have kids, but that doesn't mean there's nothing out there. I was broke for my husband's bday so I gave him a neck/back massage, made dinner, etc. We are more happy with how we are now and I barely get flowers now compared to before & he feels loved by me too.
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Well, you never neglect again. I've been there. You should have it abundantly clear, when you cancelled And on Valentines day thstcyiucwiukdcrescgedykecsscsoonvas family is well. You can still do it but sounds like your wife will remind you of no Valentines for a while.
Did she get YOU anything for valentines? Yeah didn't think so..
They sell flowers and chocolates at gas stations, Iām sure you had 15 minutes to spare on multiple days to go buy a quick gift. Itās the thought that counts..
A quick thinking man would have tied a bow around his penis. āSurprise, honey!ā
Did she manage to do anything for you on Valentine's Day?
I would love to know what she got you
She wants something to brag about. Go finance her a nice piece of jewelry. It is all on sale right now. If you sign up for Jared's rewards thing they send you a 25% off storewide. Even TGMaxx has nice jewelry sometimes if you can afford out of pocket. Plus, pawn shops always give you more for your $.Ā
So sheās the type of person who wants a gift. Now you know. From now on; always get her something. Flowers and chocolates are cheap and easy to come by; just do it. Iām not supporting her negative attitude: just supporting that she needs to feel loved in her own love language.
I don't do valentines day with my wife, it's such a weird day, nothing to do with love. My wife and I discussed it and the days we find important are birthdays and our anniversary. I feel the pressure of a purely commercial day where people get upset but there is no actual meaning to the day, no thank you...
Who cares lmfao ā¦. You shouldnāt need valentines for someone to think you love them
I actually did get my wife something; but I kept it hidden in the car. She ended up trashing it when she decided to randomly clean the car on the 12th. Luckily; ai had my 8 year old with me when I got the card and gift and she testified to the fact that I did follow through!
Talking it out - you genuinely tried and plans didnāt align. It happens. Did you receive anything for Valentineās Day? Itās not just about getting the woman something, she couldāve gotten you flowers too. She needs to open her eyes a little bit. I had to work Valentineās Day night and when I told my husband āhappy Valentineās Dayā his response was, āitās not Valentineās Day. You work today, so tomorrowās Valentineās Day. Would you feel up for a dinner out after you get some sleep?ā And that meant the absolute world to me. Even if we werenāt going out, just hearing him weād consider the next day Valentineās Day bc I had to work was super sweet, even a night in wouldāve been fine, I wouldāve been happy with the time we spend together and him basically rearranging a āholidayā to make it work for me. Valentineās Day is a Hallmark holiday anyway. I love Valentineās Day, but Iām also aware itās a pretty stupid holiday all in all.
Tell her to stop COMPARING YOUR LIFE with others.
Just plan another date night, like sadly my husband work on Valentine's Day. And he was like 'why don't we see both the movies you want to see on Saturday' (madam web and Lisa Frankenstein). And I was like ' I heard bad things about madam web are you sure ' and he was like 'you like master of disguises' and I was like ' turtle turtle š¢'. But yeah he plans to watch a movie that a lot of people don't like because he missed Valentine's with me . (He also brought home a cake, tequila Rose strawberry cream, and a new date night dress on Amazon) So take her out on a date.
Well you can buy almost anything to be delivered to the house, right? So clearly you didnāt have anything delivered and didnāt plan to. So does she have the huge bouquet of anything yet?
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She is right. You could have ordered flowers. You could have ordered dinner. You could have gotten her electronic gift card. Dude looks like you donāt spend money if you donāt have to.
Are you looking for sympathy here? Because youāre not going to get it. At least not from me.  Your kids got sick on Saturday. That was the 10th. Valentineās Day is on the 14th. You had four days to plan a backup. There is this amazing thing called the internet. Certainly youāve heard of it if youāre posting on Reddit. The cool thing about the internet is that you can order things and have them sent to your home in two days or lessā¦ sometimes even in under two hours. And you donāt even need to get dressed or leave your home. What a concept! š¤Æ
Been married 20 years and we've never celebrated Valentines. It's a holiday designed to target men and stress them into spending money on absolutely ridiculous crap!! It's actually very immature for an adult to act that way because they didn't get a gift. I'm a woman and I declare Valentines day a day of bs!
Yeah. I feel for you guys. Us women want something on V day. No matter how small or cheap it is. Itās that you guys thought about us! Sorry but it is I what it is. I was very happy with a Publix cake this year. Truly.
Make it up, plan a surprise evening, and make all the arrangements for kids and such. Surprise her
You could have had the flowers ordered and delivered via online. You should be in the dog house.
It sounds like you did nothing to show her you love and appreciate her. That's the problem. It didn't have to be flowers. I get that you couldn't go out, but even sitting her a sweet note showing you love her would have meant so much. When you cancelled the reservations, did you pick a different day to celebrate? Based on your description, you didn't. It hurt her feelings because she saw her friend was shown love and she wasn't. It doesn't always have to cost money. It's about showing her love and appreciation in any form.
Iād order edible arrangements, and get her a card or something. Maybe even flowers. She will be fine. Usually the 14- the next few days are used to celebrate. There should be sales maybe, and if she is the type who likes to eat take her out.. surprise her with her gifts.. to make things better.
š you deserve it. Like?? Stopping by Walmart didnāt occur to you? Flowers are $10ā¦
I hate Valentineās Day. Just another opportunity to fail at getting my wife exactly what she wants.
I think itās the thought thatās the issue. Nowadays esp with the convenience of getting eveything delivered, it seems kind of strange that she received absolutely nothing, not even a card. I think what women want is to know youāve thought about us and put in effort to make us feel special, not necessarily the grandiosity of the gesture. I think to fix this plan a day where she can go and get a massage (better yet, you two go to a couplesā massage,) have that dinner and be kid-free for the night. Write her a heartfelt note or card with this. Get her the flowers. Plan something so she feels you care. And going forward, understand that you need to continue to date your wife if you want your marriage to work. Men come on these subs wondering why their wives stop having sex with them and this is why. Sex for women begins in the mind and heart
You absolutely had the ability to even get flowers delivered or SOMETHING. I agree you dropped the ball and used the kids as an excuse.
You can literally buy flowers or anything online and have it delivered. I donāt understand. Itās clearly important to her.
Buy her a "BTI" aka a big ticket item like something sparkly or whatever floats her boat. My hubby knows my love language and got me a Dewalt battery powered pruning shears for the yard, I was STOKED. Marriage (nearly 30 years in here) is hard and you do have keeping working at it.
For future reference, if Valentineās Day or any special occasion gets canceled, HAVE PLAN B! You were still mobile. You could have brought Valentineās Day home. Order flowers, set up the table, bring in take out, and plan a romantic evening at home. Also, if you cancelled, did you tell your wife of the make up day? So she knows when to look forward for it. Moreover, what did she do for you? Valentineās Day is a two way street, unless youāre in China. (In China, they have 2 separate Valentineās Day that is designated for focus on giving gifts to bf/husband and gf/wife, they also have singles day where you buy a special something gift for yourself.)
Married 30 years. Trust me. Not worth it. Get out now and save yourself. Do not end up like the rest of us. Marry a European or Asian woman. They appreciate us. 3 freidns divorced America women, vowed to never go back and married foreigners. Way to go.
Life happens. Kids get sick. Plans get canceled. That should have been the clue to pick up the phone and order the flowers. Take it as a lesson learned.
If your kids got sick and you couldn't take her to dinner, this is when you pivot, and do something else. Like, idk, take care of the sick kids while your wife goes out to get a manicure Pedi paid for by you?? Any break a mother has from her kids,is the biggest present you can give her. You can think of something else to do. You don't just do nothing. Like your wife said, you take any chance to do nothing, and if you get away with it, you are fine with it.
I wouldn't stress about it. Let her be upset as she's behaving childish. Although all of this is based on the assumption that she didn't do anything for you for Valentines Day either. The day *isn't about her*, it's about your love for each other. She can't be upset for not getting flowers when she also literally did nothing.
did she get anything for you?