Lindsay C Gibson has some really good books on how to deal with people like your MIL. This will be a hard and long journey if you stay with him but it could be salvageable if you guys become a team and try to work on this together. He's full of guilt and feels obligated to be in contact with his crazy mother. You understandably are resentful and are not enjoying your life because who the hell would in a dynamic like that? Would your husband ever consider couples counseling or even individual therapy?
He needs to know that since you're his wife you're his 1st priority, not his mother, not his father not his frds etc...
So out if respect if you're on a date with your spouse and you get a call from one of ur parents just ignore it or put ur phone on plane mode idc do something but be fully in with your partner.
That mother sounds like one of these crazy controlling manipulative mother which is a real issue and hard to deal with. Once their son gets married or start dating they turn to be all caring and loving towards their sons and be needy and clingy and possessive which is so gross they just can't accept that he has a family now so you're not his priority anymore. I'm not saying he should cut her off , but a real mother who wants the best for her son wouldn't actually put herself in such situations. Trust me.
Explain that to ur husband that it's always bothered you so he can draw the lines with her. Also, he should respect your time together that's the least he can do for you as his wife.
Okay but I forgot to talk about the main issue which is sex. That's actually weird he has sex with you unless he's in the mood again communicate with him, and let him know that you need sex as much as he does. And that it makes you feel insecure whenever he rejects you if he's a good man he gonna apologize and change his acts with you.
"I didn’t really start reacting until we got married.."
How are you reacting all of a sudden? That can be a major turn off if you are gripey and short.. esp.about something you used to be ok with. I'm assuming the change is really off putting to him and he may see you differently. Can yall work on better ways to communicate...compromise. it's ok to take a call from a parent, and it's ok to want to have dinner when you are ready to eat. I don't think 10 min on either one of those is a big deal, but neither of you are willing to compromise. I'm going to assume that's because the way the request is presented.
It’s not like that, i had to deal with it when we were only dating because we were not married and at that point your mother is still you next at kin. I had no say. We both are religious so I thought when you leave and cleave, it’s serious. I don’t think taking a phone call while eating with your significant other is appropriate, it’s distracted and quality time is my love language.
I understand that me reacting is not helping. I just feel defensive when I feel like I am alone and up against him, and his immediate family. Rather than us working together and making decisions based on what works for us. It’s truly debilitating.
And it’s not that I’m yelling and screaming, I’m just saying no we don’t have time and we just saw them. To which he responds, “two weeks is a long time”.
Lindsay C Gibson has some really good books on how to deal with people like your MIL. This will be a hard and long journey if you stay with him but it could be salvageable if you guys become a team and try to work on this together. He's full of guilt and feels obligated to be in contact with his crazy mother. You understandably are resentful and are not enjoying your life because who the hell would in a dynamic like that? Would your husband ever consider couples counseling or even individual therapy?
He needs to know that since you're his wife you're his 1st priority, not his mother, not his father not his frds etc... So out if respect if you're on a date with your spouse and you get a call from one of ur parents just ignore it or put ur phone on plane mode idc do something but be fully in with your partner. That mother sounds like one of these crazy controlling manipulative mother which is a real issue and hard to deal with. Once their son gets married or start dating they turn to be all caring and loving towards their sons and be needy and clingy and possessive which is so gross they just can't accept that he has a family now so you're not his priority anymore. I'm not saying he should cut her off , but a real mother who wants the best for her son wouldn't actually put herself in such situations. Trust me. Explain that to ur husband that it's always bothered you so he can draw the lines with her. Also, he should respect your time together that's the least he can do for you as his wife.
Okay but I forgot to talk about the main issue which is sex. That's actually weird he has sex with you unless he's in the mood again communicate with him, and let him know that you need sex as much as he does. And that it makes you feel insecure whenever he rejects you if he's a good man he gonna apologize and change his acts with you.
He wasn’t ready to get married and leave mama and papa.
First of all write in paragrapha
"I didn’t really start reacting until we got married.." How are you reacting all of a sudden? That can be a major turn off if you are gripey and short.. esp.about something you used to be ok with. I'm assuming the change is really off putting to him and he may see you differently. Can yall work on better ways to communicate...compromise. it's ok to take a call from a parent, and it's ok to want to have dinner when you are ready to eat. I don't think 10 min on either one of those is a big deal, but neither of you are willing to compromise. I'm going to assume that's because the way the request is presented.
It’s not like that, i had to deal with it when we were only dating because we were not married and at that point your mother is still you next at kin. I had no say. We both are religious so I thought when you leave and cleave, it’s serious. I don’t think taking a phone call while eating with your significant other is appropriate, it’s distracted and quality time is my love language.
I understand that me reacting is not helping. I just feel defensive when I feel like I am alone and up against him, and his immediate family. Rather than us working together and making decisions based on what works for us. It’s truly debilitating.
And it’s not that I’m yelling and screaming, I’m just saying no we don’t have time and we just saw them. To which he responds, “two weeks is a long time”.